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crushedsweets · 8 months

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Do you have any headcanons of Lyra and Toby’s relationship?

this has been in my inbox for like over a week by now because this is a big task in my head. i will focus more on the family itself, but obviously the siblings r there.

ROGERS FAMILY HCS UNDER THE CUT... tw for abuse and addiction, of course

ok. WE'RE GETTING PERSONAL HERE. im the eldest daughter of 3 so the way in which i project into older siblings is insane. ive also had an addict father(no where near like frank though let me clarify) so in general . . the story.. makes me feel very...... basically their relationship is very personal to me.

lyra is about 2-3 years older than toby.

frank's dad was in the vietnam war, his grandparents were in wwii, his grandparents in wwi, etc. so he went into military service right after marrying connie. for a long while, he was SUPER military strict. those kids were up, made their bed, and down for chores by 6am everyday. he made them do military time rather than civilian time. he was incredibly traditional, expected a perfectly clean household, a polite soft daughter, a strong bold son, perfect wife. he wanted the 1950s nuclear family model. so toby and lyra grew up in a very clean, strict, traditional household.

in my au, frank wasnt outright abusive until the kids were around 8-11. it was after he developed his addictions and lost his job. the kids really didnt understand what was changing at first, and legitimately were like 'omg dad isnt making us wake up at 5am everyday..... this is so cool'.

theyd start having sleepovers in eachothers room, slacking a bit on chores, going to sleep late, sleeping in. toby didnt develop his tourettes until he was around 7, so lyra and toby would walk home from their elementary school together. sometimes, theyd walk another friend home first, stop at convenience stores to get candy, pet a cat, etc. frank didnt say a thing for the first few months, just drunken grumbles along connies worried 'WHERE HAVE U BEEN'. if they weren't walking around the area, they were in the backyard playing soccer.

eventually the abuse began, and all of those little freedoms were quickly stripped from the kids.

toby developing tourrettes around this time was a painful coincidence, because not only did he experience abuse at home, but awful bullying at school. he was promptly pulled out after completing 3rd grade. he was only 8.

lyra would practically run home from school everyday, as fast as a 12 year old girl with a backpack could manage, just because she spent all 7 hours in school worrying about toby at home. connie had to start working to pay bills, so..

when toby was around 11 and lyra was around 13, toby started kinda just. being more distant. he was kind of a dick to lyra for a period of time, half because of everything he was going through, half because puberty is rough. his room started getting messy, lyra had to start picking up chores he was slacking on , etc. lyra isnt perfect and began to resent toby for this, and eventually, the two were kinda at eachothers throats for like 6 months. which isnt a lot, but for kids, its an eternity.

when franks abuse evolved from ''just'' verbal abuse, to shoves, to slaps, to full on beatings, toby started egging frank on. just to get him off of lyra and connie. obviously he couldnt feel it, and while it sure took a fucking mental toll, it was so much easier to just wait it out rather than listen to the girls cry.

lyra didnt even realize toby was doing this for a while, she just thought it was all part of him going through his little hormonal asshole phase, until one day frank made a fucked up comment about 'youre lucky that boy is always causing trouble. was supposed to be you'. then it kinda clicked and she very quickly tried to fix their relationship back to what it was.

frank eventually scared connie so badly that there'd be periods of time where she'd take the kids in the middle of the night, and run off to either her parents place, or even a random hotel in another city. she'd use cash, force the kids to keep their phones at home, leave literally everything behind and often make the kids pick out new toothbrushes at a random walmart. etc. it would only last a few days each time, and lyra fought so hard to stay strong while her mom cried and toby closed himself off.

she'd try to get toby to come to the hotel pools with her, try to get him to watch tv with her, try to get him to just fucking talk to her. he was often catatonic during these little runaways, once the confusion adrenaline and fear wore off

it wasnt until they went around a month without seeing their father, and frank had some weird fucking. 'those are MY kids too' thing and went to connie's parents house while all the adults were out, and forced the kids back home. this was the first time lyra was full on sobbing and begging and pleading in years. that was what shifted something in toby, too.

now tobys 13, lyras 15, and theyre on better footing. theyre starting to understand eachother. tobys back on keeping up with chores, knowing that either him lyra or connie was going to get beat if they were missed. sometimes he'd just silently come into lyras room and lay down and watch tv with her. they'd talk about books, about school, their trust was built right back up and toby ended up being the first to know about lyras school drama, gossip, boys, etc.

toby wasn't really socialized properly, since he's been homeschooled for 6 years by now. all the time, he'd hear lyras stories, and wish he could go to school. his mom would be horrified anytime toby asked, because all she could remember was her sweet boy coming home and crying into her arms after a day of being mocked and pushed around by peers.

so he began to live through lyra, in a sense ? he almost became a diary for lyra, and he kinda loved it. she was like a sitcom to him.

frank wasnt a good father by any means during this period, he was still awful, but he wasn't constantly looking for trouble. the kids kept to themselves, connie did everything she was expected to, he didnt give a shit about their grades or social lives. he couldn't even recgonize when lyra was coming home late.

lyra got her license the second she turned 16. the house had two cars, and its not like frank was ever going anywhere, so she was always going everywhere. she adored the freedom, and took toby wherever he'd let her. he only really left the house if he was going grocery shopping with his mom or something, so it was kinda weird now that he was just. going to malls. going to restaurants. going to parks. just Hanging Out. every now and again he'd stick around when Lyra was with her friends, but he didn't like them so it was rare.

sometimes theyd just drive together for a long time. at night, she was the one to take him to every hospital visit, she even got him to volunteer at a pet shelter she worked at for a bit. 3 years and they become so close again, and lyra is tobys best friend. she's his entire world because who else does he have ? he loves his mom, but she's married to the man he hates more than anything

toby was 16 and lyra was 18 when frank strangled toby till he passed out. thats finally when connie kicked frank out, forcing frank to go live on his moms couch. lyra was mortified and started spending an absurd amount of time with toby. she took online community college courses just so she could spend even more time with toby, and it didnt hurt to do so since frank wasnt there anymore. things were getting better for the family, frank was gone, lyra was in college, connie was working, toby was volunteering at shelters and even had a few acquaintances he'd talk to now and again.

lyra picked toby up from the shelter he volunteered at when the accident happened.

lyra and connie had matching silver necklaces with a circle pendant that had their initials. toby didnt cuz frank would get pissed if toby tried wearing jewelry, but when lyra died, toby immediately clung to it. he wears it religiously. the only time he takes it off is if he knows he's going to kill someone that day. otherwise, its always on him.

lyra died and was buried in colorado. toby lives in alabama now. so he really doesnt visit her grave often. only on her birthday, he'll scramble together some money and get brian, tim, and kate to agree to cover his uh. 'shifts' with slenderman, and take a few loooonnnggg train rides over to colorado.

he'll leave two bouquets of flowers. one for lyra, one for connie.

connie just feels in her heart that its toby. she has no reason to believe it, they've never bumped into eachother (toby's visiting at like 2am and falls asleep near the grave for a few hours), but she knows nobody else whos visiting lyras grave and leaving two sets of the same flowers.

toby and lyras childhood home was put on sale shortly after it was reconstructed from the fire, and connie moved in with her sister. lyras bedroom door was the only one that was shut and left unscathed after the fire (legitimately keep your doors shut if you ever have a housefire it can save entire bedrooms and even lives). the rest of the house was ruined, but not lyras room. connie kept every single one of her belongings, but she's put some photos out on the grave. tobys taken them, and connie believes it was him. again, she has no reason to believe it other than the flowers and 'why would someone take a photo of my dead daughter.'

anyway hi. in tears. i love them. sorry. i just retell their story over and over and get sad everytime

#asks #chatterbox #creeped #hcs #ticci toby #toby rogers #connie rogers #lyra rogers #creepypasta fanart #creepypasta art #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #ticci toby headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #tw abuse #tw addiction #ty if u read everything

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bloozers · 3 months

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hiiii! can you write a fluffy cute smut with early 80s james? maybe like a brother’s best friend trope or friend to lovers?

Ofc pookie 🫶

The sister of the Dane

Warnings: james Hetfield x fem!reader , smut obvi , unprotected piv (wrap it before you tap it) , fluff , reader is Lars’s sister , use of y/n , oral fem receiving , hair pulling kinda? , fingering , soft 80s James bcos omg yes

Summer of 1984 , y/n was in the kitchen cooking breakfast for the boys she could hear Lars’s snoring from his room down the hall and it made her roll her eyes , cliff was always the first of the boys to wake up so he tried to help with breakfast but gave up when the toast started burning. Next down the hall came Kirk in his Batman pjs and a very sleepy face “morning” he mumbled and sat at the counter and y/n handed him some apple juice to help him wake up “thanks” he mumbled again this time with a sleepy smile , soon a loud yawn moved its way down the hallway and the tall blonde curly haired boy appeared “good morning everyone , well almost everyone” James said happily then pointed down the hallway “is he still asleep? Jesus Christ someone’s gotta wake him up before he misses breakfast” he chuckled and cliff shrugged “I’ll do it” he smiled and walked down the hall within 30 seconds cliff was running out of the room as pillows were thrown at him and loud angry danish words could be heard from Lars.

“Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed” y/n smiled placing bacon and eggs on cliff , Lars and James’s plates and toast with peanut butter and some fruit for Kirk “shut up” Lars mumbled and then stuffed his face full of bacon. “So what’s the plan for today people?” Y/n asked and the guys all looked at each other and shrugged “day off I guess” James chuckled then looked at her “Y’know what y/n you sure know how to make a good breakfast” he said with a sheepish smile “thank you James , you know you make a good burnt steak” she giggled “oh cmon one time!” He said with a fake offended tone “well me and Kirk were going to guitar centre later and I think cliff was going to the store?” Lars chimed in with a mouth full of food “so it’ll just be me and James then?” Y/n asked trying to hide any excitement, she’s had a crush on James since they met and today is her chance to tell him the truth. “Yes just you and James , we’ll be back around 5” Kirk smiled knowing he meant 5am not pm.

Once everyone had left James sat on the couch and flicked on MTV , y/n sat next to him and let out a little ahem , James looks at her slightly confused “yeah?” He asked and she took a deep but subtle breath “James we gotta talk” she said trying her best to be confident “ok what’s up?” He smiled turning his whole body to face her on the couch so she knew he was listening “I umm I like you , like yknow….like like you….a lot” she confessed and he smiled “is that so? Oh well I guess you’re in luck then pretty girl because I have not been able to get you out of my mind” he said with a flirty smile causing her eyes to widen “what? Not what you were expecting? Thought I’d turn you down? You gotta be crazy , look at you princess your funny and kind and incredibly beautiful anyone would be clinically insane to turn you down” he said and placed his hand on her thigh causing a shiver to run up her spine , they looked into each other’s eyes for a bit before James leaned in and kissed her slowly but passionately. It didn’t take long before James’s hands were on the back of her thighs holding her up and walking to his room their lips still very much attached to each other.

James gently placed y/n on the bed and moved on top of her to kiss her again “your so pretty baby , I knew I loved you” he smiled and kissed her neck , he took off her top and bra and attached his lips to her chest , leaving a trail of kisses until he reached the hem of her skirt “im gonna take this off is that okay princess?” James said looking up at her she nodded and James took her skirt and panties off with a whistle “spread those legs pretty girl I wanna taste you” he smirked and once her legs were spread he kissed up her thighs and then dove straight into her wet cunt , licking sucking and kissing her clit. “Fuck baby you taste like heaven” he moaned on her folds the vibration causing her to buck her hips into his face. James stuck two fingers inside her and curled them hitting her spot over and over until she was a writhing mess under him “J-James! Fuck! I’m gonna-” y/n moaned digging her hands into his curly blonde hair “that’s it baby cum for me , you can do it let go” he moved his tongue and fingers faster and she came hard on them moaning loudly “good girl , that’s it” he praised and slowed down then pulled out “you did so good baby , c’mere” James smiled and brought her to him for a slow gentle kiss “you want my cock baby? Hmm?” He whispered in her ear and she nodded eagerly causing him to chuckle “desperate girl hmm? That’s okay , I’ll take care of you” he smirked and undid his jeans pulling them and his boxers off and throwing them on the ground , his shirt was already off so there they were , both naked and desperate for each other’s love. “You ready baby?” He asked again and she nodded “ok sweetheart I’ll go slow at first” he smiled then lined himself up with her entrance before slowly pushing inside her tight cunt “oh fuck baby your fucking tight holy shit” James groaned trying not to cum right there and then “c-can I move baby?” He asked his voice almost whiny “yes please fuck me!” She moaned and James started to thrust in and out of her with a moan , soon the room was filled with the wet slapping sounds of where there bodies connected and their moans , grunts and whines of pure pleasure. James started thrusting harder and faster pounding her into the mattress “fuck baby your doing so well for me” he moaned as she felt her coil tighten up ready to snap “James! I’m gonna cum again!” Y/n moaned “yes! Fuck! Please baby please cum for me cum on my cock pretty girl” he groaned as his thrusts sped up but became less coordinated and more sloppy. Y/n came hard , she thought she saw stars as she moaned loudly as slightly screamed his name “F-fuck! M’gonna cum baby” James whined as sped up “I’m cumming! Fuck holy shit!” He moaned as his body shook while he filled her completely. “Holy shit baby that was fucking amazing…you did so good for me sweetheart” James praised then kissed her forehead , he got up and went to his bathroom to grab a warm wet towel to clean them both up then layed down next to her pulling her close and snuggling his head into the crook of her neck as he traced slow gentle circles on her back until they fell asleep in each others arms

This took like an hour but it was so worth it 🫶

#metallica #james hetfield #80s james #he’s so perfect #james hetfield smut #james hetfield fluff #fanfic #i need him #going feral

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bizlybebo · 1 month

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Because its on my mind Im sending this as a "Ramble about it here when you get to X episode" ask. When you finish the episodes titled black, white and grey please rant about them here. They are great and I want to see your opinions

hahaha. hi endy.

the staring at the wall evolved into falling asleep and randomly waking up at 4am, still processing these episodes.

i wrote down. some of my thoughts now having experienced the full thing and got kind of carried away with um. 1.4k words of rambling :3

it’s not even all i want to say but i. ough. fuck these episodes were so good but so. auugggh.

it’s like 5am now im posting this and gonna try to go back to sleep but. holy fucking SHIT when i get you bizly.

(i don’t at all expect you to read this behemoth of a ramble!! just. need to put this somewhere as well because my brain’s still exploding after these episodes)

When season two started I thought it marked a lot of stuff for, y’know, how the show was gonna get darker. I mean, episode one, people were getting killed by a chaos demon in that prison.

I was entirely expecting all the ugly, gory bits of season two to be… external shit. Stuff that other guys, the actual antagonists, did.

But William felt pressured in Black. And suddenly it sets off this chain reaction, and suddenly one of our protagonists is no longer doing heroic things. Suddenly William is effectively torturing a guy psychologically in an attempt to save thousands more with David’s medical research.

He fell into the crux of a lot of villains: “It’s for the greater good”.

There was no going back after he stabbed Tide with the syringe. Tide, who never even had his guard up around William because despite everything, he trusted him and had immeasurable faith in his boys.

White is probably my favorite and least favorite episode, simultaneously, to ever come out of jrwi. The emotional, symbolic, and hell, even cinematic effect it has is insane.

I could fucking scream forever about Willian’s actions in White. About Vyncent’s inactions and the way he was torn about everything— about the fact that in season one, Vyncent was the “violent” one.

But Mark and Dakota fucking hit me in the heart to an insane amount.

Dakota. MOTHERFUCKING. Cole.

I said this before, but:

It’s the fact that Dakota still has optimism. He still has hope, at the very least, that Mark can change; turn over a new leaf for his kid.

“I think he should turn over a new leaf, like, with a new hero name, like— Soundwave, or something.”

He still thinks, or at least thought, that Mark can change. This was after he saw what he did to Lightspeed. He saw the worst of Mark’s actions but he still had faith and hope that there was a good person in there.

This shows so much fucking growth for Dakota’s character. The entire development of his morals, especially over season 2, is insane.

But Mark tries to kill Dakota. Several times.

He shoots at him, unleashes hundreds of bullets, and even tries to stab him. He couldn’t predict that Dakota would be incorporeal, and yeah, sure, you could say that he didn’t know Dakota forfeited his powers (and even without him he’s still significantly stronger than other kids his age). But even with his powers, Dakota would still have taken significant damage from the attacks.

Dakota and Mark’s rivalry is something I could pick apart and think about every little piece of forever.

They both have overwhelming love for Ashe, but it manifests in different ways.

Mark says it himself, “I am what I have to be.” He’s bringing home his kid by any means necessary. Ashe doesn’t have to like him, she just has to be safe and alive.

Dakota’s entire screaming match with Mark is engraved into my brain forever. It felt so real to witness, and the emotion in it was insane.

Dakota’s entire proclamation gets me. He’s so well spoken throughout despite shaking with how angry he is.

“I have been killing myself trying to train hard enough to save her.”

“If you were doing this for Ashe you wouldn’t do things that she’d hate you for.” But Mark is what he has to be.

Dakota never stands down. He keeps getting back up, and back up, and back. Up. Okehrjwjr I’m actually going to start crying thinking about this again.

When he was searching for Lightspeed and following Wavelength’s tracks, he kept asking himself: What would William do? Because he had faith in William’s decision making and investigation.

But at the very same time, William was wondering what Dakota would think about what he’s done.

And GOD don’t get me started on William and his brother.

In a sick, twisted way, I loved their dynamic. I loved what it meant for William narratively when David congratulated his work of defeating Xavier, even calling him “little brother” as a term of endearment. I was on the edge of my seat for their entire conversation in the meeting room.

David gave William his first drink, like older brothers do. William tortured a man because of his brother. David had apple juice sitting on hand because their mother told him to, just in case William ever showed up. William wanted apple juice. He killed somebody.

Cantrip’s been FUCKING me up. I couldn’t even write the word “death” after her name. It doesn’t feel real.

This can’t be the same show in which Jade was sitting on Xavier’s shoulders during mario kart, nonchalantly offering no help as he fought for his life to win like. Second place.

I mean, Jade was such a candid and real character. She was a teenager, just like the rest of the Prime Defenders, and she tried to take a turn for better things after leaving the fighting ring. She went from villainy to vigilantism, and sure, her morals were kind of skewed with how she seemed pretty okay with Alan killing the Bell Tech employees, but her motives were good, in a sense.

(“It’s all for the greater good”. It’s the same thing William was thinking, except William was directly dirtying his hands by torturing Xavier, while Cantrip was just accepting that Alan killed some people.)

I think there’s something to say for how William creates a vision of Cantrip out of smoke, distorting her into some monster, and how that’s the last time we see her image at all before learning of the fact that she’s. Gone.

The last time we see the real Jade, she’s just trying to escape. She doesn’t even talk, if I remember correctly. She just tries to get out. She gets shot in the arm but still persists.

And William ends up being the one who pulls the trigger; who injects the memory loss shit into her blood.

He’s the one who kills her, despite not knowing it at the time.

And David still masquerades as an innocent man, going as far as to relax at his apartment with him and William’s parents as though the events of the previous night never happened.

It fucks me up how the last words that Will and David exchanged before the confrontation in the apartment was:

“Don’t turn into a supervillain while I’m gone.”

“You either.”

William was starting to believe that David was a guy with awful methods, but good intentions— and William felt as though he was the same way. He saw himself becoming David, but David manipulated him into thinking that, hey, it’s awful, but at least he wouldn’t be… alone, I guess, in being a horrible person.

William and David finally saw eye to eye on the worst thing.

And David. Still. Lied.

Lied by omission.

And Jade was the one who took the fall for William’s actions. Jade, the girl who made fun of William for his crush on Vyncent. Jade, who had a sister she cared about, even if she scoffed about her love of heroes— despite the implication that their parents died because of them (likely caught in crossfire or casualties of battle). Jade, who painted her nails and placed bets on William kissing Vyncent, saying he’d be too pussy to do so. Jade, who found herself in a fucking fighting arena of all places but still found friends through it.

Jade, who was the first one to trust William with her actual name instead of Cantrip.

William, who killed her.

And. Fucking Christ.

Vyncent’s monologue at the end of episode 33 just. Fucks me up.

For the entire greyscale series, he finds himself suspended in inaction, too scared to do the right thing and too scared to stop the wrong thing.

But he finally faces it. He looks at William, certainly with fear after knowing all that he’s done, and even still, Vyncent dances around the morality of the subject. He accepts if William wants to flat-out lie to Dakota’s face about what happened at Bell Tech, though he does warn him of the significant damage it’ll do to their friendship.

And when William asks Vyncent to leave the room at the end of the episode, Vyncent finally takes a leap and becomes no longer caught by his indecision between apathy and guilt.

He looks at William, thinking he’s on the edge of something he won’t come back from, and he takes his hand, and pulls Wlliam back from the metaphorical cliff’s edge. If William does fall, then they’re falling together.

His entire proclamation, starting with “I’ve had so many opportunities to do the right thing”, fucking guts me.

God I’ve been typing for like. An hour now but the greyscale series really fucked me up holy shit.

tldr: AAAAUUUUIGGHHHHKEKGKKSKVMEMGOOCU:$)&2’ynkejvjk4&3&582$2!:$?82&;&/&(929@,@2&(&2&&?EVIL EVIL EVIL GOD IS DEADDDDJGKRMHKSKKKKLLEKCKSJGJKSICIWKFMSKGIWIIIAI&383&5&?&?@39(92@?&&/8:7;&,£,]*+\+<*]¥<**]+<+¥sfkwkfkkwjfkI HATE EVERYTHING AOUUGGGHHHHHH OUUUUUUEHEHRHRHRJKGHRHRHRRRRRRR

i am emotionally attached to this media a normal amount

#vixen rambles #vixen answers #jrwi pd #jrwi pd spoilers #jrwi spoilers #jrwi #analysis #< yeah you could say that

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the-sun-is-also-a-star · 6 months

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hi love!! how r u, what have u been up to??

i was wondering what ur favourite books are?? that is if u have any, i know picking favourites is hard, but maybeeee there r some u could share hehe, i've been looking for some recs lately <33

hi dear :) I've had a bit of a difficult day but im okay now.

now this is a question i like to see

so here's a few i really like :

The Green Creek Series by TJ Klune - now when I tell people that my favourite book series is about gay werewolves. they presumably judge me. but this series is one of the most well written things i have ever read. It doesn't follow typical A/B/O dynamics AT ALL which makes it really interesting and is written by a queer author also. everytime i thought the last book i read would be my favourite, i was mistaken. there's such a sense of brotherhood, family and community in it. its one of my all time favourites.

All For The Game by Nora Sakavic - this series is absolutely insane. it is one book series that i absolutely LOVE but rarely reccomend to anyone. its somwhow about a made up sport, a mafia organization and also is somehow gay. its also so good. i read this when i was about 15 and it has had me in a grip ever since.

Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi - I read the first shatter me book when i was in the 8th grade and i borrowed it from my best friend. I got in trouble that day for staying up till 5am to finish it. i will admit, I have not read all the books, but i have read most of them and i love them. Aaron Warner is the ONLY blond man i will ever love and i mean that.

The Lightning Struck Heart by TJ Klune - there's a gay unicorn. that's all i have to say

This Savage Song by V.E. Schwab - I analyzed this book for a book report and then presented it to department officials at an English moderation. when i tell you i could tell you VERY DETAIL of this duology (the duology is called Monsters Of Verity). I absolutely loved the characters. there were some weak points but just. overall. I really like this book.

The Mark by Edyth Bulbring - I wasn't going to include this book on this list initially, but this book was my setwork in the 10th grade and I absolutely loved it. it was the first and only time in my life that i throughly enjoyed a setwork.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins - yes i know this is a popular book. yes you've probably read it but this book means so much to me. the hunger games is the first book i bought with my own money. I bought it from a little second-hand bookshelf in a vintage shop and it's one of my most treasured possessions. the books themselves were absolutely brilliant and i adore them. katniss everdeen will ALWAYS be that girl btw.

I hope this gave you an insight into my very chaotic mind lmao

#this was honestly very hard for me #green creek is my favourite book series and always will be #the rest are just books that made an impact on me #be it small or large #green creek series #tj klune #the lightning-struck heart #aftg #all for the game #shatter me #this savage song #the mark #the hunger games #book recommendations #reading #reader #booklr #sheba asks

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manicpixiefelix · 3 months

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I LOVE the short drabble TO full on one-shot TO possible epilogue (wouldn’t be surprised)pipeline on this blog

And another chapter of h,h,h…you’re insane and I love it, no complaints from me

awww bless, i'm glad. im really fond of this one for a lot of reasons. the prompt was simply that felix should absolutely beat someone up on reader's behalf, and it really spiralled out from there.

there are a few heavy themes in this, and there will be warnings, but there's also a lot of sweetness.

it's set at Edinburgh Fringe Festival right before they head to their first year of Oxford. fun fact, i chose this setting because I worked at Edinburgh Fringe Festival for the 6 weeks out of the year that it's on, and its going to be a yearly thing for me. try and guess my day job lmfao.

also also, there is an OC that features heavily, his name is Magnus, he is THE BEST. i personally think Felix Catton should kiss more boys, and should have a short fling with a punk rock acrobat who has the strength and stamina to throw his 6'5 ass around. do not test acrobats, ESPECIALLY if they base tricks, those fuckers got arms for the gods.

also yeah, hhh14 should be out tonight. i consider the night to be young, it's almost 9pm. what you people may not realise is that when i say i have the worst sleep schedule, i mean it. most of my work is written in one sitting, barring the opening paragraph (btw that is a hack of mine that many other author's follow, once you've finished a chapter or a piece, start the next one IMMEDIATELY, even if you don't intend to follow through. that way when you come back, even if you just have a paragraph, a few lines, you're not staring at a daunting blank document). there's a few exceptions, sometimes i will riff on different scenes from around teh story on my phone while out or in bed before sleep, but usually it's mostly in one go.

i also START at 11pm most nights. or even 12. not kidding, most of my posts are around the 3-5am mark EVERY TIME.

so yeah, the night is young, im almost done here with the one shot, i love yuou so so so much, im so sorry i was so rambly, im on my meds and im hype for these fics.

#head heart hand fic #felix catton x reader x oliver quick #it shouts back

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squeakadeeks · 1 year

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TW: eating disorder stuff (sort of an update?? good and bad but mostly just me being a clown)

I talk pretty openly about how i’ve struggled with a severe ED for most of my life, and in the past two years its just gone absolutely off the rails insane. Case in point for the past uuuhhhhhhh 4-5 months ive developed an eating pattern where i stop eating for the day at 10:30 am- (which has been a nightmare because most of the people i socialize do so in the evenings and then i get the compounding “i’ve been up since 5am and i havent eaten in 10 hours” but i cant exactly explain the situation nor would i feel comfortable asking them to accommodate my cringe fail idiot disease)

but because im also heavily restricting on top of that it means in the evenings i feel like absolute ass; lightheaded, delirious, vision problems, numbness, etc. like yall its bad. but its been especially bad with how demanding the strike/marching has been physically and we have a big week ahead which lead me to go “hey the past few nights have been scary with how intense the symptoms were- i get that we’re playing chicken with our health right now but maybe just for today we shouldnt” and i had an evening snack and my CHRISGHT ?? ??? ??? i felt so much better, it was like night and day- I actually got work done and was able to be active past 5 pm. LIKE HAVE YALL BEEN LIVING LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TIME ?? D:

i still got lightheaded which i feel like is coming more from heart issues/general restricting but overall it was incredibly eye-opening and sort of a grim reminder. ive been insanely high functioning considering how little im taking in, my comorbid heart issues, and a demanding work schedule that can kind of lull me into a false sense of security like “being alive is just always this bad. its not the ED, its inherent to life” and through the power of cheerios i was reminded that “life may not be a peach but it doesnt have to be as bad as its been”

#emotional support cheerios

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