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#its my family’s first time watching
adhd-shaiapouf · a month ago
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I uh. think I might get the 2nd vaccine dose today
#i am tearing myself to pieces over this :////#i KNOW its safe and i KNOW my right wing family is wrong i know i know i know but my anxiety wont let it go#i didnt really react at all to the first one and i know I'll be okay with the 2nd one; i know so many ppl who got it and are okay#and im really beginning to realize how much my parents' opinions dont matter.. they wont like my adhd or my being trans either#and those 2 are fundamental to who i am... this is such a huge psychological upheaval for me and im gonna need so much help after this#im so nervous but know getting the 2nd dose is good; also i may not be so lucky if i get covid again#my anxiety about coming out is making all my nerve stuff just a little worse too; im taking stock of all my symptoms right now#like. growing up while watching the radicalization happen is like. you grow up with your family saying the sky is red and you KNOW#you KNOW that it's blue! ppl you trust tell you it's blue! but you're so so afraid of what will happen if you try to counter it#the idea of being able to leave is something i never could've considered until recently.. i have an apartment deposit down and everything#i know I'll be okay after the shot. i know i know. my family doesnt have a right to know and it's not like they'll believe me anyways#it's all gonna come to a head next week but i really wanna assert myself as a person who makes independent choices#i dont wanna live like this anymore and i think I'll be able to get out soon.. so uh. wish me luck i guess#but yeah.. vaccine......... i want to try and we're gonna have to keep me calm the whole wait time afterwards#im gonna have to talk to all the medical staff to feel okay too#aaaaaa i hate my anxiety i hate hate hate hate hate this; it's gonna all reach fever pitch and fall apart from there#i do think they've earned a wake up call; i want them to have no choice but to LOOK#anyways here's a monologue in the tags i guess; i have a lot on my mind of course U_U#hoatm rants
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god-is-a-dyke · 3 months ago
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i was tagged by @ptera-novaeangliae :))
home screen // last song // last pic taken
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the art on the homescreen is from this lovely post that I have not stopped thinking about for months. it just brings me so much joy.
idk if it counts to put an entire soundtrack as your last song, but the ianowt soundtrack is a bop and I was listening to it on repeat yesterday sooo
just for funsies (no pressure at all) I'll tag some of my mutuals that I don't really talk to but i see you and I appreciate you :)) @zukkacore @lemoncakedesign @ogwheelersimmer @ungodlyobsessions @aracniadragon
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disneydreamlights · 4 months ago
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I’ve been thinking back throughout January 2021 and it’s lowkey absurd just how much of a comfort media SW has become for me.
Not because it is because in hindsight it’s stupidly obvious. We have one of the only fully fleshed out corruption arcs, the ultimate Heather(tm) type of character at least twice over to the point that the idea of one of them not resonating with me would’ve been a joke, a romance that embodies too many of my tropes, and a storyline that feels so in line with the messages that brought me into KH in the first place it was really only inevitable I’d be at least invested in this series.
But sometimes I really think about how much I went off about hating Star Wars since 2010 all over my different internet profiles and its just wild how I could go from hating SW on principle to being like “Hey um actually this wasn’t half bad like it’s not my favorite thing ever but I am getting some enjoyment” to “Well I guess this is where my brain latched onto we’re going to be in this for a month” to “ANAKIN” over the course of probably six or so months is so funny to me since I think I knew right from the start I actually liked this series (even the bad ones, for the most part) I just absolutely refused to admit it. Like is anything here high quality for modern standards? No probably not but I like them and that’s what matters.
#personal stuff#This feels very random but I've been thinking about the three panic attacks I've had in the last month#And how all three times after the initial attack subsided and I could think again it's been writing Anakin that's grounded me and brought me#back to the point where I didn't feel like I was going to spiral again into another one#It's funny because I'd normally haha how the mighty have fallen but I'm just glad it happened#Also while I'm in the tags I sometimes think about how I'd almost watched SW in high school#It was probably a little after the first thing that actually made me think about SW as something that could be interesting#(Some post a mututal reblogged back in like 2012 I don't remember it now)#And my dad and I were spending the afternoon at home while my sister and mom were doing something they needed to do#And my dad was going through Netflix to try to find something for us to watch since that was the point TV and modern pop culture started to#lose their appeal to me completely because I was getting more gratification from fanfiction and/or writing so my dad trying to find#something that I wanted to watch was just immensely difficult (as hard as it is now honestly but we spend less time alone at home now)#And he asked me if I was interested in Star Wars and despite having had my curiosity in the series briefly piqued because of that post I#said no I wasn't because he doesn't like SW at all and I didn't want to like the series because my family didn't and we moved on and put on#something else or we played Halo or something that I don't really remember now#And I just think about that interaction sometimes like...what would have happened differently had I gotten into the series then#Had I said ''Okay let's watch the first Star Wars it might be fun''#Would I have celebrated Galaxy's Edge or would the parks fan in me still been pissed at its existence in Disneyland proper#Perhaps I'd be a lot more open with my family of what I like in SW and less conscious of my interest in the prequel era#Would I even be a prequel stan? Or would I be one of those ''OT only'' people with no regard for Padme or Anakin#Like maybe I would've just watched the movies and called it a night#It's like when I think about how I could've gotten into KH at age eight with CoM I don't regret the timing of when I got into it#But a part of me can't help but wonder ''What if?''#Sometimes I go off in the tags as much as I go off in the main post and you know what? It's fine
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kyunsies · 4 months ago
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why do we make people feel ashamed for not going out and partying ADKFJSD like why is that a thing 
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arnold-layne · 6 months ago
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every time someone reblogs my "the dirt + tumblr text posts" post, I know a new cruehead is born
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thebuttsmcgee · 7 months ago
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anyways howdy gang I am once again making ideas for my webcomic and I am losing my mind at how much I am content with a lot of it
#FOUND FAMILY! REDEMPTION ARCS! REWORKING OLD CHARACTERS INTO NOT AS BAD ONES! GAY!!!!!!!!!#the butts chronicles#it can be fun at times but other times as Ive said can make me feel hopeless becuz I am not too good at all even a bit at drawing.#also this is kiiiiinda my first project? kinda. technically. hrm.#honestly its kinda a good thing the series Im rewriting is super simple with barely any hidden meanings lol.#but like I am also trying to make it so the fans of the original source AND people who were never into it can maybe somehow enjoy this??#I feel like at times Im a bit too ambitious for all of this. Like Im in over my head. I dunno. its funny tho#cuz this all started with 'what if I made character gay' and then 'what if other character wasnt shit' then more and more. hrm.#man. this is a lot. I would absolutely love love LOOOVE to talk about it but ya know. I wont cuz for one I am annoying#for two I kinda wanna keep it a secret cuz if someone who watched the original source knew about it Id feel :^(#for three I havent really gotten to writing a lot of it. I have ideas how each scene will go and how some key moments will be different#but I havent actually gotten to writing and ESPECIALLY not drawing.#for four I have a big big big big big big big big big big big BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG expectation to work up to. like holy shit. how am I gunna#so yea. oof hrm.#anyways today was eh. I did eat spaghetti tho! and bought milk chips eggs and new headphones! so not the worst methinks.#it did start off with seeing a wild snake in my room tho. very big downside. I didnt kill it but I hit it with a stick so hopefully its out#really hoping so.#hope yall had a great day tho!!!
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cosmic-connor · 8 months ago
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i dont like the way the fanbase harps on it and makes it this big hastag edgy thing but i really like that suf straight up was like steven has ptsd... like ive always projected my symptoms onto protagonists like that, because it just makes sense to me. Like, having gone through something dramatic, unbelievable and terrifying that other people would never believe? Being triggered by things that don’t make any sense to people who weren’t there? Like, with so many things from that show the fanbase has twisted it into something unrecognizable and unrelatable at least for me personally but i really deeply admire the original source material for doing that. Also basically this is a long winded way of saying that all the protagonists from sci-fi/fantasy stuff that i kin i also strongly headcanon as having ptsd for the same reason steven has it
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thetinsoldier1992 · 8 months ago
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I think ambiguously brown dude characters named Zero should unionize
#wait is this incomprehensible#am i crazy or is this a thing i swear to god its a thing i mean i can only think of 2 examples rn but i SWEAR its a thing#and i mean zero moustafa aint too ambiguous at least he has a last name#but i mean as someone who had an argument with a friend in highschool about whether or not the brown side of my family was sikh or hindu#(they were hindu and i know this cause i asked and also my auntie still practices it sorta lol) last names can be a little confusing#(it wasnt a mean argument or anything its just she was sikh and i didnt know enough about colonialism to explain#the history of indo-guyanese people to her in order to explain my background's whole deal sjfkdanhbskdfmnfds)#also wait this has bothered me for the past six years but was anyone else thrown off super hard by the skin tone differences between#young zero's and old zero's actors? when i first saw it i didnt realise they were supposed to be the same person...... like i mean#like i was like... is this supposed to be a twist? that zero survived and runs the hotel now? whats going on#it bothered me when i first saw it when i was 16 and it bothered me when i watched it for a film studies class when i was 20 and like#no one else noticed i was the only one who ever brought it up..........what was the deal with that#and i mean old and young versions of characters dont have to have identical actors or anything its just yknow...it was very jarring.....#I DIGRESS from grand budapest hotel back to vaguely brown guy named zero tropes#this sounds like im roasting everything that does this trope and i mean i am goofin on it a little#(and i mean dont get me wrong there are problems with darker skin being shorthand for 'mysterious' which im not smart enough to get into rn)#but also not to be mixed race on main again#but as a vaguely brown-ish king every time i see a vaguely brown king in my fiction i zero in (heh) on em like the terminator#so i can gently take their hand into my own and look deep into their eyes and whisper 'brother..............'#so theres some nuance here#anyway what im trying to say is im redownloading ikerev rn (once i find my transfer code its been 2 years since i wrote it down pray for me)#because i think i accidentally became a zero super fan despite knowing literally nothing about him hfdjdskanfskjdfmkdfksfnm#WHAT im trying to say is i think characters in this trope (that i SWEAR is a thing!!!) should unionize and also i care them....i care them..
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