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thewritetofreespeech · 3 years

Note

hello!! i've made a request before but this idea came in my brain and i heard your requests were open. So ive seen a lot of fics of the brothers saving mc, but what about mc kinda of saving the brothers, i mean like badass sword fighting style. Just like a stereotypical disney prince saves a princess mc kinda saves the brothers from getting killed by a lesser demon with a sword and just being badass (and sword) and the bros find it hot (weak humans? never heard of them)

*spongebob narrator voice* 400 years lat’er..... So sorry this took so long! I genuinely don’t know why I couldn’t get it done. When I actually tried, I got it done in like 2 days. My only excuse is that I’m a horrible trash munny >.<

Obey me Boys + Power Princess MC

Lucifer

It offends him that this creature, this being not fit to lick the soles of his boots, would raise their hand to him. The attack was not even what upset him, but just the gall. The utter stupidity of this decision to throw one’s life away. The fact that they had attacked with you around only made him wish to end that pathetic life that much sooner.

“Step back [Y/N]. I’ll deal with this quic—” Lucifer cut himself off when you rushed forward. A bright shining sword in your hand as you lunged. Slashing through the demon, who wailed and instantly turned to dust & ash. “What on Earth was that?”

“Oh. It’s my sword.” You reply nonchalantly. Turning around to show it to him. “It’s a holy arc sword, or something. I can summon it from my bracelet whenever I need it. Cool to know it actually works in a pinch.”

“And where did you get such a magical artifact?” Lucifer asked. Perplexed beyond reason, but trying not to show it.

“Lord Diavolo gave it to me when I first got here.” The demon arched a brow. Lord Diavolo? “It would be really irresponsible of him to just let a human wander around hell without some kind of weapon.”

He paused for a moment. Trying to piece all of what you had just said together. Then he just chuckled. “Yes, I suppose it would be.” And here he thought that he had been the only one protecting you. When all along you could do it yourself.

His hand reached out to pat your head fondly. His breast swelling with pride. “I’ll have to thank him for giving you such a thoughtful, practical gift. We’ll also have to add sword play to your lesson plans. I’d be more than happy to be your tutor.

Mammon

‘Shit!’ Mammon mentally cursed as he was hit again.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been rough up outside a club. Given his lifestyle, and his gambling track record, he’d been pummeled by a few bouncers in his life. With his immense power, he could easily take them; if he tried. But then he would be banned from the club, and ever other, and that was something he couldn’t handle over the humiliation of being beat up by these clowns. He needed this. It was all he had.

So, he took his beatings from lesser demons when they came around. He’d only wished they’d picked a different night to get their ‘payment’ back since you were supposed to be here soon.

“Come on guys. Don’t ya think you’ve had enough?”

“We’ll tell you when we’ve had enough!” One demon sneered at him, before kicking a man while he was down. Classy. “You owe us. And we’re gonna get back every cent you owe out of your hide!”

The demon reared his foot back to kick him again, and Mammon mentally sighed. Preparing himself for the kick and really being over this since it began. But….no kick came.

The demon let out a loud grunt over the sound of a metal ‘wack’ before the two, even lesser goons beside him suffer the same fate and they all slump to the ground. “Mammon! Are you ok?!”

The silver haired demon looked up at you in shock. The light from the street lamp causing a halo to form around you, highlighting your worried face as you brandished a rusty pipe like some great sword. “Yeah…I’m fine….”

“You don’t look fine! You’re all beat up!” He just sat there as you dropped the pipe and dropped down to him. Fretting over him as you looked him over. He couldn’t hear what you were saying over the beating sound of his heart in his ears.

No one had ever tried to help him before.

Mammon lifted his arms and wrapped them around you. “Mammon? What—“Let’s get out of here.” He interrupted as he hugged you. Standing up, and helping you to your feet, after a moment to walk out of the alley. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I wanna go somewhere with you.”

“But….I thought you wanted to go out tonight. Play cards. You said you were feeling lucky?”

He couldn’t tell if that was a jab or not, but replied, “well clearly I was wrong.” Though despite his bumps and bruises, he did still feel pretty lucky right not. “I just want to get out of here. I don’t need this anymore.” You both decide to head home to help Mammon nurse his wounds. He never went back to that club, or really any club, after that night.

Levi

“Levi….I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

“Nonsense!” Levi quipped in response to your perfectly reasonable, concerned feelings. “It’s just a little further. Besides, I want to see Henry 1! I’ve missed him a ton recently, and want to make sure he remembers me.” It had broken his heart to discover his poor, lost serpent had been down here, all alone, this whole time. So he made an effort to see him every now and then.

“Yeah but…isn’t this still like super-secret for Lord Diavolo’s family and stuff? What if there’s like booby traps and stuff?”

“Come on! There weren’t any booby traps or anything before. Why would he when he has Henry to keep it…..” Levi trailed off as both of you were ingulfed by a long, dark shadow. A low hissing sound growing louder as a gold, stripped serpent towered over you with a menacing glare. “That’s not Henry.”

The snake hissed loudly with bared fangs and an open mouth, and you both scream and run to get away from it.

The serpent of course chased you. Easily able to keep up, and only loosing you when the two of you duck into a narrow corridor. Levi turned around to say something to you, but you were gone. His immediate thought was that the stranger snake had gotten you, and it was all his fault, and he would never see you again!

When he came to the end of the corridor, walking out like a man on death row instead of running, he looked up to see the snake in front of him. Clearly angered by having to chase him. Levi didn’t care. He wanted to die if anything happened to you. He’d rather die than live one moment without you.

Prepared to accept his fate, the demon didn’t move when the snake unhinged his jaw to eat him in one gulp. Only for a sharp spike to thrust out from his mouth a moment later. A strange, hissing gasp escaping it before it slumped down in a lifeless heap on the floor. “[Y/N]!”

“Jesus! Not to put too fine a pin on it, but this place is literally a maze. One minute I’m next to you, and the next I’m in some armory on the other side of the hall 50 feet away. Are you alright Levi?”

The demon scrambled up the snake corpse to stand next to you and wrapped his arms tight around your being. “[Y/N]! I was so scared! I thought this Henry imposter got you, and you were dead, and I couldn’t think of anything!”

“I’m really ok Levi.” You assure him, as he wept into your shoulder. “Do you still want to see the real Henry? I think I spotted where he actually is when I was running back with the spear?” Levi nodded into your shoulder. Still not prepared to let you go.

Satan

Satan always tried to be a reasonable man.

He hated being referred to as ‘The Demon of Wrath’. It wasn’t his wrath that had caused him to be born. And he wasn’t any angrier than his brothers, so why did he have to be labeled the ‘bad seed’? So he always tried to be level headed. Calm. Patient. But there were somethings he just could not abide. Like the boorish behavior of someone talking loudly in the library.

“Excuse me,” the blonde said, attempting to remain calm, as he came over to the rude demon two tables over, “could you please keep it down? This is a library.”

“Yeah. I know what it is.” He quipped back rather snippily. “What are you? The librarian?”

“No. Just a fellow book lover.” Satan replied. Grinding his teeth now. “And one who can follow the rules and basic social decorum of keeping my conversations to myself in a place like this.”

“Are you calling me stupid?!”

“No. I’m calling you uncouth. A word meaning undignified, and without manners.”

“Why you!”

The demon rose to his feet, towering over Satan now that he was standing. Not that it mattered. Height was not an immediate representation of strength. Look at Belphie. His younger, shorter brother could level a whole city with a flick of his wrist. Satan could easily dispatch of his imbecile without even breaking a sweat.

He never got the chance though, as just after he stood the demon let out a grunt and slumped to the floor; with you standing behind him on his depleted chair with a book in your hand like you had just pulled it from The Stone. “Bet you’re glad I think Kindles are dumb now.”

Satan had to right himself on what he was seeing, and then frowned at you. “I never said that, and get down.” He insisted. Offering you his hand to get down. You hop down with ease and set your weapon book on the table. “Honestly, I could have handled him without resorting to violence or cheap theatrics.”

“Cheap?? This book was very expensive.” You insist, and Satan had to scoff.

“Be that as it may, please do not use books for more than their intended purpose. I appreciate the assist, but I can’t have you hurting yourself or fine literature in the future.”

“You’re such a buzz kill sometimes Satan…..”

Asmo

Asmo always loved going to the club. The dancing. The energy. The pulsing music. The people.

Well…usually the people. Some people, usually bro-dude demons, just couldn’t take a hint that ‘no’ meant ‘no’.

“Come on Asmo! Why are you being so stingy?!”

“I’m not being ‘stingy’,” Asmo replied with a frown marring his beautiful face. “I’m just not interested.”

“You were interested last time.” His pursuer replied. Like that somehow gave automatic permission that things would happen again.

“That was a long time ago.” The dusk haired blonde replied. Sipping his cocktail and looking thoughtful across the spacious VIP lounge over to you.

Yes, things had certainly changed. Once where it would take a whole room of people and attention to make him content, these days all he wanted was you. Just you sparing a moment to look at him made his heart feel incredibly full. He had come here to have a fun night out with you, but it seemed no matter where he went his beauty was always causing problems.

The lesser demon frowned, then looked towards the direction Asmo was looking to land on you. “Shoot, just bring them along with us.”

“Excuse me?” Asmo asked. Beautiful expression turning Ignatius as he sat down his drink.

“Bring them along. I’ve never had sex with a human. But there must be something to it if you’re willing to do them. Not that I suppose that takes much….”

At that, Asmo leapt from his chair and grabbing the brute by the collar. He wasn’t normally one for violence. He wasn’t like his dull brothers. But he couldn’t let a slight like that against you slide. “Take it back!”

The two demon’s scuffle. Clearing out the VIP lounge as everyone ran. Scared that they might transform at any moment and literally tear each other apart. Asmo somehow ended up on his back, a position that usually didn’t bother him, as the other reared back to punch him in the face.

Or, at least he would have if he didn’t start convulsing and fall on the ground a moment later.

“Asmo! Are you ok?!”

The Lust Demon looked at you for a moment. Then delicately covered his mouth with both hands. Returning to normal. “[Y/N]! You saved me!!”

“Yeah. This little thing packs a punch.” You replied. Holding out your little pink taser from She-Sword from your clutch. “I couldn’t let this jerk hurt your beautiful face.”

“No one is more beautiful than you my fierce warrior queen!” He praised. Basking in the moment for only a second before you both scamper off before security came.

You both might be beautiful, but you didn’t want to end up on the evening news.

Beel

“I want to take up kendo.” Beel announced to you one day. Out of the blue. “I’ve been looking for ways to add variety to my workout. I came across this video on kendo and thought it would be fun.”

Of course, Beel knew you had practiced kendo in the past at school. So he might have also been looking for fitness activities for you to do together. In any case, he really liked seeing you in your little workout outfit. It was super cute.

He also liked you showing him the basics of kendo; stance, footing, basic strike movement. When he felt he had gotten the hang of it, Beel jovially asked for a sparring match with you.

“I don’t know….”

“Come on [Y/N], sparring with someone is the best way to learn fighting.” He reasoned. “Besides, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“I’m not worried about that….” He heard you mutter under your breath, but thought that he must have imagined it as you squared off.

Standing across from you in the arena, something changed. The hair on the back of Beel’s neck stood up. Not in the excited way that it normally did when he saw you. But something more….primal. His grip tightened a little more as he realized he might have to get a little serious with you.

It was all for nothing though as the match was over just as soon as it started.

The shinai went flying out of his hands, landing across the room just as Beel landed on his butt. His backside throbbing as his bell was rung clear as day. He rubbed his head as he looked up at you. “I may have forgotten to mention that I was three-time national kendo champ all through school.”

The demon looked up at you with a shiny, sparkly gaze only until now reserved for delicious food. “Teach me sensei!”

Belphie

He hated being out. He wanted to go home.

Being outside in the sun, with all these…..people was hell to him. Belphie would rather be home, in actual hell, with his blanket and pillow and quiet, rather than ‘top side’ with you for the whole afternoon. Not that it was you or anything. You were the only bright star on this miserable day. He’d be damned if he’d let one of his brothers spend the day with you when he could.

“Belphie, do you want an ice cream? Maybe that will help with the heat?”

He wanted to say that the only thing that would help him was getting the hell out of here. But, he bit his tongue. The demon knew how important this was to you to come ‘home’ now & then and he didn’t want to ruin it for you. So he just nodded and asked, “strawberry please.”

He sat in the shade as he watched you go over to the ice cream truck alone. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he was just a hopeless shut in. Like Levi, only worse. He just wanted humans so much that being around them was making him crankier than normal today.

“Geez, get a look at that side show over there.”

Belphie looked up from his daze at the human who was a few yards away from him. Snickering and staring with his friends in a voice that a regular human wouldn’t be able to hear. “If you have something to say, then say it, you chicken shit fuck.” Again, he was very cranky.

The human was obviously taken aback at being heard and then called out like that. “What did you say to me?!” He yelled, once he got his bearings on the situation, and took a ‘threatening’ step forward to see if he would repeat it.

“I said ‘If you have something to say, then say it, you chicken shit fuck’.” Of course he repeated it. “Don’t mutter something under your breath like a coward. Say it like a man, or keep your gross mouth shut.” This was why he hated humans. No spine.

Well, metaphorical spine. If he kept this up, Belphie was gonna prove that he had a spine when he ripped it out and made him wear it as a neck tie.

“You little fuck--!” Belphie, of course, didn’t move when he stomped closer. Not that he needed to, because he was stopped in his tracks rather abruptly when you stepped between then. Holding a knife from your pocket.

“I suggest you get out of here, before the only ‘side show’ around here is your knife swallowing act pal.” The man seemed to frozen for a moment as he tried to process if you were serious. Then his flight instincts kicked in and he took off running with his friends across the park. “Gosh, I think I’ve been spending to much time with you guys. I never would have done anything like this before.” You said after a sigh, then turned back to Belphie.

“My hero.” He cheered softly, in his typical tired voice but still with a soft smile. Seeming extremely proud of the bad influence he was on you.

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seungcheolsthighsss · 6 years

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Hey! can i request a fight imagine with DK where he thinks your cheating on him or he things he’s losing feelings ????? ILY

helllooo ILY2 AND THANK YOU SM FOR REQUESTINGG i really hope you enjoy this and yeahhh lets just dive right into it ( i apologize in advance if there are any grammar mistakes that’s something i got to work on lol)

Genre: fluff, sad-ish

Member: Dokyeom

Summary: Dk and you have been dating for around 2 years and suddenly Dk starts to question the feelings he has for you. Wanna know what happens, keep readinggg…..

Today was a pretty normal day for you. Get up walk to work, finish your shift, walk home and then clean the house. While you were cleaning you realized you haven’t seen or even talked to Dk since last night. At first you kind of brushed it off. You knew he was an extremely busy guy, I mean with practice and recordings you understood he would not have time to always talk to you. But he would however usually send you cute little texts saying he was okay.

But today he didn’t send anything and you kind of worried that something had happened to him. So you decided to text him first. “hey babe, hope your okay i love you text me when ever you can” Once you sent the text you just laid down scrolling through instagram and ended up falling asleep. You however were suddenly woken up by the sound of someone dropping something followed with a “oh no”. You sat up and were happy to see your boyfriend dk standing in the

door way. You got up and laughed at how clumsy your boyfriend was. But when you looked up at him he did not look too happy. “Dokyeom baby whats wrong”. He looked at you almost with a confused face when you called him baby “nothing I am just exhausted from practice today can we just go to bed”. You nodded your head understanding that practice required tons of energy and could drain you super fast. And Dk was a very hard worker so you both went upstairs.

Dk said he was going to go for a shower which left you laying in bed waiting. You were starting to question why dk had been so distant and dry to you lately but you once again brushed it off as him just being tired and grouchy from practice. As you were still in the mist of your thinking Dk walked out and sat on the bed with you. You laid beside him and he rested his arms around your waist and you noticed how he was suddenly so hesitant to put his arms around you.

When you woke up in the morning you had noticed that dk was already gone. You wouldn’t normally expect this because he would text you or even leave a note, but what made it even worse was that today he was off. you decided to call him and talk with him about why hes been so distant. At firs you were hesitant scared he would get mad at you and walk out but at the same time you wanted to know what was going on with him. So you got out of bed and grabbed your

phone. You pressed his contact and waited and waited as the phone just keep buzzing. When you heard music planning you mentally cursed at dk for leaving his phone at the house

So all you could do now was wait till he got home. You were spending a lot of time thinking about what to say and how to bring it up without offending him or making him mad because that’s the last thing you wanted to do. As you spent all this time thinking you didn’t even notice dk

“oh hi dokyeom” you knew that there was a nervous tone in your voice you just hoped that he wouldn’t pick up on it. “ yeah sorry we ended practice really early today so i’m home” you immediately had a frown on your face. “babe why are you lying to me” and now dk’s face had mirrored your’s with confusion. “what are you talking about” and you could hear how scared he sounded. “dk you told me last week that you would have today of i remember cause i marked it down i

wanted to do something with you” your voice had turned into a whisper near the end scared of dk’s reaction. But to your surprise he didn’t have much of a reaction he just looked down. You weren’t going to live to yourself and say that him looking down didn’t hit you with a wave of fear because it did and the next sentence you said you made sure to chose your words carefully. “ um, dokyeom.. i um why have you been avoid- i mean you have not seem like

yourself are you okay babe?. You were staring at your hands and fiddling with your fingers scared to look up and see his angry face but when you looked up your heart stopped dk was in tears trying to hide his face with his hands. you immediately rushed to him “baby whats wrong?” he looked at you “that… when you call me baby(i didn’t mean to make this pun but now that its here whopps) it just doesn’t have the same affect as before”. you were confused and now very

very worried. “dokyeom come sit down please and try to explain this to me please” he looked at you again and he gave in to sitting and talking “listen Y/N Ive been feeling this way for a while now, certain things we do like hug and kiss i don’t feel the fireworks and butterflies” dk kept rambling but you were in a daze had he lost feelings for you? was it something you did? maybe it was the way you’ve been treating him? you could not help but let warm tears fall down.

When dk had seen your tears he felt guilty he wanted to hug you but at the same time he felt it would make it worse he wanted to hold you but he knew he would feel nothing he wanted to kiss you but knew it would not be like the first time you kissed “dk how long have you felt like this i know you probably remember” he looked at you and didn’t want to hurt you more but figured you deserved to know. “since our 2 year anniversary” he looked down nfeeling ashamed for not

telling you right away. you just kept crying this was all hitting you so hard. especially because he was a boyfriend of two years and this was the most stable and loving relationship you have had. “so this would explain why you have been so distant and haven’t been the same around me why you haven’t held me or even kissed me” you weren’t trying to make him feel guilty you were more saying this aloud so you yourself could take in what was actually going on around you.

“yes, and I know i should not have waited this long but i did not want to hurt you and i realize now that this probably hurts way more” you knew dk felt bad and you felt like shit feeling like somehow it was your fault for keeping him in a relationship when he wasn’t happy. By now both of your eyes were red from crying “ so now what babe i mean dk” he looked at you and the words he never thought would leave his mouth finally did “i think we should take a break maybe

see new people?” this absolutely shattered your heart but somehow you kept it together “um yeah okay” your voice broke but you still held your tears in not allowing yourself to brake fully down in front of him. dk walked towards the door and you wished you could grab his hand tell him not to go but you knew this would make him happier and if he was happy then you would be happy so you let him go he gave you one last stare before the door was shut and dk was gone

And in that moment you broke down completely let everything go, you collapsed against the door crying mixed with screaming. You had never experienced this much pain in your life and you now knew what people meant by your heart literally breaks you could feel your chest hurting and you felt your heart clench. It hurt so bad and you just wanted all the pain to be gone but you knew that heartbreak is not only something that can be fixed with medicine but it was also

something that doesn’t just fade in a few days. that night you had stayed in your room crying your self to sleep hugging dks pillow which still had his scent on it which only made things worse for you. it had been the same cycle for you everyday for around a month maybe more you didnt even know what day it was anymore but you would wake up attempt to get up but couldn’t and would end up just laying in bed all day you got up once or twice to get food but that wasn’t very often as you didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. Today however was the

rare day where you had gotten out of bed and decided to go for a walk outside however you didn’t bother brushing your hair or putting an effort into your appearance. You threw a coat on grabbed some money and decided to walk to the store. You had managed to get there fine and you were actually enjoying the fresh air until u had walked into the store and bumped into someone and there food had spilled all over the floor and what a big mistake it was a tall muscular guy “oh um i-im sorry” you tried to walk past

but the man had a grip on your arm and a harsh grip may i mention “oh what a pretty lady you knoiw maybe you should repay me since you bumped into me and spilled my food. he brought you closer into him his hands trailing down your body making you feel both disgusted and uncomfortable “please just let me be” he only smirked “that’s not how i work” you tried to push him off you but your body was so weak from no sleep and not eating “hey get off her you asshole”

That was the last thing you remember before passing out. You woke up in your house not remembering how u had gotten here or why you had such a bad headache “oh um hi your up” you recognized the voice “dokyeom?” you said not believing what you were hearing “uh yes its me” he said with a nervous laugh he walked towards you with water painkillers. “thank you” you gave him a shy smile. “so um Y/N” you looked up while swallowing the pain killers “yes dk”

“i still love you and when i saw that guy touching u i felt something in my chest and i think it was jealously but then when i realized he was hurting you my heart dropped and i knew i had to do something about it and when you passed out my heart stopped and all the feelings came back the fireworks were back, and when i saw how weak your body was and how light you were when i picked you up i started to cry knowing that i could have that effect on you i knew in that moment that

my feelings were still there for you in fact they never left i was just over thinking to many things because of work and my family and i guess i did so much thinking that i even over thought my feelings for you but i know they are here and always will be im sorry baby i was dumb but i love you and i know that for a fact” by the end of his little speach you were in tears as was he “dk i love you too and you do need to say sorry i understand we took a break that’s all” you looked

at him and saw the hope in his eyes “so you mean you don’t hate me your not gonna yell at me curse at me or kick me out... you still want to me with me?” you could only laugh at how cute and shy this bean was “dk if i didn’t want to be with you still do u think i would be in this kind of state right now” he let a small smile appear on his lips. “ i love you Y/N” “i love you to dokyeom” he had leaned in and kissed you this one being passionate and long you missed his kisses

Hell you missed him but now he was back and you had nothing to worry about “ now Y/N lets go out to eat and get some meat back on those bones” you laughed and nodded your head you washed up and heading out with dokyeom holding hands. you finally had your baby back

and thats it so i hope u liked it and i hope it was along the lines of what you were looking for anyone who has requested i am currently working on all of them so make sure to be readyyy lmao love you guys xoxoxox

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erenbun · 4 years

Text

disorganized personal rant under the cut

ive always seen myself as someone who’s kind to a fault, who is always ride or die for my friends no matter how i feel. but recently things have just felt off, if that makes sense. like, all of a sudden i’m realizing that i really don’t have friends anymore. and the few that i do have, i feel like i’m drifting away from them and it’s honestly so lonely and i know it’s all my fault but i dont have the energy to try and fix things

in high school i had tons of friends. like i was the life of the party, always outgoing, always making other people’s days. even when i didn’t see them often, i was always keeping in touch with everyone, whether it was through social media or text message or snap or whatever. was i annoying as hell? probably. but at least they knew i cared, and in return they cared for me when i was down, too. i felt good about myself.

that kinda started to change when i first got to college and experienced my first, my longest, and my most serious depressive episode. i was still the same caring person, who would do anything for a friend, but i stopped caring about myself. i didn’t think i was worth caring for, so i just kept trying to please everyone in any way that i could - even the people that abused and bullied me. as long as they were happy because of me, i was at least doing something right.

even then, i stayed in contact with all of my friends! i have no idea how. probably to keep up appearances? idk. people still liked me because i put in so much effort to make them happy. thats all i know

i came back home after freshman year to try and recover from depression. this time i was in a good, positive environment. but i was still obsessed with how people saw me. so obviously i was still always outwardly happy, positive, doing everything in my power to make those around me like me. i was still semi-active on social media and talked with people then. over the years i became less active, though. and because of that, people stopped talking to me

like, i get that people drift apart and relationships fade away over time, but i realize that in this past year ive lost almost everyone. all of a sudden i just, gave up on communicating. probably because i didn’t talk with them for awhile, and they just never cared enough to initiate the conversation since i’m always the one to do so. and because i still try to seem positive on the outside, i guess the people i see every day just think they dont need to check in on me since i always seem okay? hell, even my therapist started to ignore my appointment requests since i was “mentally stable” for awhile, even when i just went through another serious depressive episode a couple weeks ago. probably one of my worst ones since freshman year.

and honestly i feel like this is all my fault. i know that over the past year i’ve been distancing myself from everything and everyone. and i dont mean to - i’m just. tired. i have no idea how i managed to stay in contact with so many people for so long because it takes all of my energy to attempt to talk with my very few close friends now. and when i do talk, it just feels forced. like instead of being myself im just trying to say whatever will make them happy. and i just cant do it anymore. all i know is that if i say whatever is actually on my mind people wont like me at all. i’m too negative and lazy and i just dont like doing anything. i’m a huge drag and i hate it and my mom taught me that people dont like negativity so i gotta keep it to myself lol

like, i guess its a good thing that i want to give up on pleasing everyone, but in turn i feel lonely as hell because i realize that when i’m not doting on everyone, nobody really cares about me? i guess i just cant win because when i’m trying to please people i’m seen as annoying, but when i dont, im not worth talking to

#TLDR ive been distant af from everyone and its probably because im depressed but i dont have the energy to have friends like i used to #because i feel like most of the time its me taking initiative but now that i cant i dont talk to anyone and im sorry #and there are a select few that are exceptions and im very very grateful but. i still cant shake this lonely and sad feeling

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