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#jacob says that he has a phd in sad boi
machonnes · 1 year
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JACOB ANDERSON Young Hollywood Interview (x)
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fanficparker · 3 years
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Small No-things | Tom x Haz one-shot
Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Tom Holland
Word count: 2.8k words
Warnings: I am leaving this fic open-ended, Fluff and angst sprinkled here and there
Summary: Tom was bothered for not putting in as much efforts as Harrison into their friendship. But when Harrison reminds him of how he's all for him by being his assistant on the set of Spider-man Homecoming, Tom realises he wanted even more from his best-friend.
A/N: Hope this ends my writer slump.
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Tom didn't like lying, however, he did lie a lot. In his defence— he just happens to struggle with expressing his feelings because how does anyone do that shit without feeling as vulnerable as a tortoise devoid of its shell?
"Tom, love, are you feeling well?" His mum asked from the other side of the phone.
"Very," He told her, smiling lightly though the words which may seem strange as she cannot see him. But the smile was not for her in the first place, it was for him. He liked telling himself that he was fine and it was almost working.
He hung up when the conversation got too forced, wishing her good night. And as soon as the beeping of the disconnecting tone fell into his ears, he kept the phone down and shoved the plastic wall aside, almost taking Harrison by surprise.
Harrison and Tom were sitting (half-lying down) in the luxury area of an already luxurious London to Atlanta flight. The interior was greyish and the furniture was brownish with cream-coloured curtains. Both of them were sitting beside each other but a removable opaque plastic wall standing between was separating them, which Tom just removed (sixth time in the seven hours, considering they didn't even set it up in the first three hours of the flight).
"Jesus, Tom! Learn to knock!" Harrison jolted, keeping a hand over his heart.
"Sorry!" Tom uttered, not feeling it though (Harrison was a drama queen anyway), "Just a matter of two hours." He gritted his teeth in excitement and nervousness (at least, he wasn't jumping on his seat).
Harrison chuckled, putting down the magazine he was holding. He kept his elbow on the make-shift table, squeezing his legs in his seat and leaning towards the brunette.
"I know. Exciting isn't it?" He said softly, looking up at the ceiling.
"And terrifying," Tom added quickly.
Harrison chuckled, again.
"It's going to be fine..." The blonde produced a full mouth yawn at the end part, removing his glasses and tossing them over the magazine.
Sleepyhead. Seeing that Tom turned the lamp off, sinking into his own seat, shutting his tired eyes.
He knows it's going to be fine. It... It's just that it doesn't feel fine. How does he even explain this?
...
"We can eat a burger. If it will make you feel better..." Harrison offered as the two boys dragged their luggage trolley across the airport.
Definitely, a burger can't make him feel better.
"I said I am fine," Tom repeated, sounding almost frustrated. Because wasn't this the thirteenth time, Harrison was asking him this question?
"You don't look fine though..." He defended in a soft voice.
But it just added to Tom's bubbling irritation.
First, the man who was supposed to pick them up at the airport hasn't arrived yet. Second, that person was telling him how he was just a few miles away for the last two hours and now he wasn't even picking up the call (if things couldn't get any worse). Third, Tom's feet were aching. Fourth, he wanted to sleep in a comfortable bed. Fifth, he didn't like people trying to pursue him into changing his mind and Harrison was doing exactly the same.
"Okay... But can you eat for me? I am really starving."
Tom stopped at his friend's words, leaving the trolley as his hands rest over his hips.
"Mate you got a completely different abdomen. You can eat for yourself!"
"Please..." Harrison did his stupid little pout, making Tom roll his eyes but it was all for vain. He knew well that his friend won't take no for an answer.
With a final huff, Tom relaxed his tensed shoulders, giving in.
"OK."
Soon, he found himself sitting at the counter of an open Burger joint inside the airport itself as he watched Harrison eat.
"Now why are you stealing my chips?"
Well, he wasn't just watching...
"Doesn't your stomach fill up when I eat?" Tom mocked, throwing another finger chip into his mouth and licking the salt off his fingertip.
"And I thought, my best mate wasn't any regular creep..." Harrison produced a gagging noise but then instantly stuffed his mouth with a big bite of the burger.
"Yeah, he is a PhD scholar." Tom rolled his eyes again, chewing on the chip.
That made Harrison laugh. He tried shutting his mouth tight, pressing a hand over his lips as his cheeks swelled, struggling to stop the food from falling out of his mouth.
Tom failed to contain his own grin that split his face. He joined Harrison in the meal as his own order arrived. He watched his phone ring off and away. For once he didn't care about reaching the hotel any earlier. They were fine here. He felt fine here. Didn't he?
...
"Whoa, this is huge!" Harrison dropped the bag on the floor with a thud, instantly rushing to take a look at the bathroom. He checked the other room and then the spare bathroom... Then the kitchen, the balcony and then rushed back to the living room which also served as the outer, larger bedroom, where Tom was still standing unmoved, arms folded across his chest.
"It's huge..." He repeated, letting the adjective trail off his lips.
Tom opened his mouth to say something but Harrison was quick to cut him off—
"Which room should I take? The inner one or the outer one?"
The brunette scrubbed a hand down his face, "The inner one because I seriously don't want your hundreds of shoe pairs invading our living area."
Harrison's brows quirked, "How-how do you know?"
"You posted it on Twitter." Tom shrugged.
"You don't even use Twitter!"
"Yes, and your fans did repost the video on Instagram tagging me."
"Well, then they are your fans. Traitors!" This time Harrison had his hands folded across his chest, dramatically swaying his head to the other side.
There was a pause.
"... Did you actually bring them all?" An amused smile formed on the corner of Tom's face as Harrison licked his lips.
Unnecessary drama... If it was something, the boys would have called it their personal quirk.
"All for you..." Harrison replied, smirking, maintaining the eye-contact with the other boy.
But it was too fatal. He gave up.
"Actually, no I didn't." He rolled his eyes this time.
The victorious smile reached Tom's ears but he was too tired to care. He could kill to sleep on that soft bed. So, he jumped up on the mattress, discarding his shoes and pressing his face against the silky fabric of the pillow.
"I am taking the outer room anyway." His voice came out muffled, not that it was unintelligible.
"Twat." Harrison whispered, twisting his mouth. He was anyway going to invade Tom's space and Tom knew it.
...
Tom won't call himself sad or melancholic. It was just that Harrison had so many... friends.
He had always been great at maintaining relationships even with the people he met in Year Five. But Tom really only had Harrison, despite all the enormous extra amount of people he knew because of Billy Eliot or The Impossible and now even the Marvel Universe. Even when Tom was meeting Jacob Batalon for the third time, it was Harrison who could crack up the conversation. And they were meeting for the first time!
Tom was visibly jealous of this. It wasn't the angry or hateful kind of jealous. It was a sad one. It made him feel as if he was putting in less amount of effort than Harrison. It made him feel as if he was not doing enough— dishonest, insecure and what not...
He felt stupid for feeling this. Yet, it didn't stop him from feeling it more than often. Not that Harrison would ever make him feel this way. He felt worse for knowing and yet feeling all the same.
"Hey, Holland?"
It was Jacob's voice that brought him back to reality.
"Mind if I steal your boyfriend? We are liking each other way too much." Jacob winked, looking at Tom and then at Harrison.
They were inside Jacob's trailer where Jacob was sitting on his chair and Harrison was standing beside him, leaning over his shoulder on his elbow. While Tom was standing opposite to them, basically out of the conversation. Jacob's statement did only one job— make him more anxious than before. Dread settled at the bottom of his stomach, his breathing got laboured and his heart almost stopped.
"We--we aren't boyfriends."
That made the two boys laugh more but Tom only got more confused and felt more left out. Harrison must have noticed because—
"Tis' just a joke. Relax." Harrison shook his head, looking directly at Tom.
Tom could best produce a spluttered laughter, ready to leave for the set.
"Jacob likes teasing. Which means we are gonna be shipped a lot from now on." Harrison giggled as they waited for Tom to be called for the scene. He was wearing that overly tight Spider-man suit, way too uncomfortable.
"... And that doesn't bother you?" He swirled his neck to look at his best-friend, wondering...
"Why would it bother me? It's just a joke. Normal between friends." Harrison shrugged his shoulders like it was...
Normal...
If Harrison is saying then it must be normal.
It has to be...
...
"That was sick! I totally didn't assume Laura to be 'the' prankster. Z was so not ready!" Harrison laughed as he emerged from his room, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Tom hummed in response busy scrolling through his phone. Harrison tried to ignore it, not caring about whatever Tom was busy gazing into his phone but he could read the uncomfortable longing in his friend's brown eyes. His own laughter died in his throat as he sat beside Tom, giving him a side glare.
Three weeks they were together in this hotel suite which made Harrison more aware of Tom's expressions than any other time. And today, all he noticed was Tom's eyebrows furrowing more and more as he looked into the device. Harrison snatched it off his hands when he suspected him of—
"Hey what?!" Tom yelled, trying to take it away but Harrison was quick to raise it up in the air, using his height advantage. He looked into the screen.
— stalking Henry. He was scrolling through Henry's Instagram profile. Tom sunk into the cushions realising that he was caught red-handed. He watched the softness of Harrison's eyes vanishing replaced by something close to anger as he scrolled through his phone.
"We talked about this, right?" His voice came low as his line of sight shifted from the device to its owner. Tom didn't reply, rather looked to the other side, at the empty wall.
Harrison's nostrils flared. He tossed the iPhone to the side and stood up, pushing his glasses that had fallen to his nose tip back to his eyes.
"He's a piece of shit and you are still clinging onto him?" It was a statement disguised like a question to cloud the fact that Tom didn't have a choice than to accept that his ex-boyfriend was in fact a piece of shit. He was supposed to move on.
But does Harrison have any idea how difficult it was to move on? Does he has any idea how many times he looked at people, thinking he would fall in love with them but in a few days the truth would hit him hard on the chest?
He couldn't.
He can't.
At least, things with Henry were so much better. They lasted the longest. Two years were the longest he had been with someone and not felt drifting apart. Until...
Tom started, voice higher than it should be: "Just because you don't like him, that doesn't mean I---" But he was interrupted by a voice even louder.
"Of course I don't like him. I don't like arseholes!" There were mixed lines of anger and worry on Harrison's forehead. He paused, breathed from his mouth and added in a lot softer voice: "Don't you remember how it was with him?"
Until, he saw himself in the mirror. Until, he noticed the dullness in his eyes that used to glint with enthusiasm. He saw those dark circles, the loss of sleep, the loss of self-esteem.
He even stopped dancing, the thing that once meant everything to him. The thing that paved the way to everything he loves now. And he left it because Henry didn't like seeing him dance. Wear skirts and perform ballets. And he loved Henry so much that he stopped doing it.
No, he never loved Henry.
Henry was his weakness manifesting as a person, taking form in flesh and blood.
"I... I am just seeing his pictures, not that I am going back to him." Tom stated, his pride trying to overshadow his vulnerabilities.
Harrison again exhaled, sitting back on the sofa beside him.
"It's not just about physical things. It's also mental. We talked about it. You deserve so much better Tom and no one even close to Henry." He kept his palm over Tom's knee, looking him into his eyes, "Henry is your past. Gone. He doesn't even deserve a space in your memories."
Tom would have argued but he remembered that they have had this conversation in the past and that Harrison was right.
Henry told him what was good and bad for him. He decided everything for Tom and that's what Tom loved. He loved that he will no longer be responsible for any wrong decisions he ever made. That he would have someone else to blame for all his failures but he was so wrong.
It was his mistake. Considering the possibility was his mistake. Accepting Henry in his life was his mistake. Letting Henry make decisions for him was his mistake.
Henry tried to push his friends away from him. He did push all his friends away. But Harrison was the only one to push back. Push back even harder.
Harrison stayed with Tom no matter how much he pushed him away because Henry said Harrison was not right for him. Still, Harrison knocked at his door, asked about his day, told about his day, wished him New Year before anyone else.
Harrison even knocked at his door when Tom had completely given up, accepted that the gear of his life was no longer in his control. Harrison gave him his chest to keep his head on and cry. Harrison listened to him patiently and understood everything even when Tom was sure his words were just sobs, completely unintelligible.
And right now, he was again pushing Harrison away and Harrison was pushing back with a stronger force. Something hot and wet flashed through his eyes, collecting at the bottom of his eyelids. He wiped it off before it could fall down or before Harrison could notice.
His chest constricted imagining what if that tear had dropped. That it's been so many years after Harrison had those steel braces over his teeth removed or when Tom was no longer afraid of never growing taller and reaching Hollywood... And yet, Harrison would still give his chest for him to lay his head over and patiently hear his sobs and understand his distorted speech.
"Sorry. I shouldn't be so harsh on you..." Harrison apologised removing his hand from Tom's knee but the touch still lingered. He could still feel the warmth of the touch on his skin.
But Harrison was not harsh at all...
Tom smiled this time, looking into his best mate's blue eyes. "No, you are right. Henry is shit."
Harrison smiled too and got up again, stretching his arm is Tom's direction with his palm facing up. His hair fell on his forehead when he looked down at him, exactly like a bungee jumping rope.
"We should go out then. Refill that brain of yours with memories that will be worth memorising." He cheered.
But Tom knew there were moments worth memorising even in those times with Henry. All those moments he had his friend with him. The one who wore those metallic braces, complained about those acne on his forehead or how thin he was and joined gym at fifteen but then never went there the next day.
"Yes." Tom placed his hand above Harrison's. Harrison who no longer had those braces or those teen acne neither he chickens out of the gym training...
Tom did skip over a small detail. That little itch in his fingers when he noticed Harrison's curls falling over his forehead. The desire to touch them and push them back. He had clenched his fists momentarily until he unclenched them back to put his hand over Harrison's bigger ones. He pretended that that itch didn't exist.
Or that he liked holding his hand...
.
.
.
TAGLIST: @hazmyheart // @justasmisunderstoodasloki // @tommysparker // @just-a-littlebit-of-everything // @thenoddingbunny-blog // @calltothewild // @viagracex // @httplayer // @slytherin-chaser // @perspectiveparker // @catkeeperthetall // @god-knows-what-am-i-doing // @its-a-leap-of-faith-kid // @emmaloo21​ // @tomxhazarchive​
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morelike-bi-light · 5 years
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As much as I love our meme culture where we romanticize or slam our favs, I do genuinely think there's really interesting flaws to explore with all of the Twilight vampires. It's not developed super well in the series, not front and center since whether we see main characters make mistakes with consequences largely depends on how Meyers personally feels about them and what they represent to her, but the complexity exists and there's a whole heap of potential to explore.
Like Carlisle's need to 'save' and how it conflicts with itself. There's that post that points out exactly how selfish his decision was, seeing as how he views vampirism as damnation, and yes! That makes it so much more interesting. What would he be without this conflict? A pretty one dimensional saint figure with a million PhDs. I love that Carlisle spent hundreds of years denying himself company and then crumbled beneath a single Chicago mother's plea to save her son, in my mind as an excuse to soothe his own crippling loneliness. And then when he had someone to exist beside, he just... he did it again, ostensibly because Esme deserved better. And again, this time for Edward. Then he did it for Rose. And then they picked up Alice and Jasper, and I wonder if he felt that much more guilty knowing that if he'd just waited a decade or so more, he might've found family anyways without having to 'damn' the others. Exploring how that interacts with his religious beliefs? Sign me up.
Then there's Rosalie's resentment. It's been covered in much better depth by other users, and I think I've reblogged those posts, but the validity of her anger and fear of losing the only things that give her comfort in a life she never chose bears repeating. Not to mention how this possibly affects her relationship with her coven - it's like when your child or spouse or sibling or best friend who has depression. How do you interact with a loved one who wishes they were dead? Who thinks life, even with you, whom they claim to love, is a prison? How do you interact with the man you believe to be your soulmate when you genuinely believe that you would be better off having died before meeting him? What does it say about her sense of self prior to death versus as an immortal?
Which leads perfectly into Edward's self-flagellation. He murders and feeds, because he's a monster who deserves to feel like one - but he's not the only one who suffers from that (though we give him some points for understanding that from the get-go and targeting people he thinks deserve it). But then he feels bad for acting like a monster and he has another reason to punish himself. He deprives himself of joy and distances himself from his family because how dare a monster like he ever find comfort in others like him, and how dare he enjoy a life that's so unnatural - but his family suffers alongside him. But then he feels guilty for being a dick to them, which gives him another reason to punish himself. He sends Bella mixed signals by alternating between caring, coldness, and cruelty, because he wants her to be happy but he also doesn't want himself to be happy - but Bella suffers because of this. Then he feels guilty about putting her safety at risk, which gives him another reason to punish himself. It goes on and on, and this line of thinking hinders his growth as a character through the entire series without being properly addressed.
Bella's bull-headedness. Jasper's survivalism. There is so, so much to be said here. Even with the three least developed of the coven, Alice has her impulsivity, Esme has her passivity, Emmett has his impatience.
On the flip side, we have the native characters, who are all either poorly developed or most characterized through off hand, arm's-length negativity, so as to make the vamps look better, and all I want for them is more content exploring all the good they have to offer.
Like, Jake's defining quality is his loyalty - Smeyer may have butchered his character, but I'm not talking about the bullshit she had him do in the last two books. I want to see more exploring how warm and good and patient and generous he is with his friends, no matter what it is he's up against, be it social conflict or an emotional crisis. I mean, in the books, we only ever get to see him really care about Bella. What about Embry and Quil? There's an entire foundation to their friendship that's hardly brushed by canon. I want to see his loyalty to his father and sisters and the memory of his mother. IT is interesting when loyalties conflict, preferably with greater nuance and weight than the Uley vs Cullen dilemma, but what's more satisfying is getting to see Jacob act in his element. I wanna see his other good traits explored too, the ones that exist outside of the necessity that he be a good friend/alternate LI for Bella - like the passion he has and his down to earth attitude.
And don't get me started on the Uley pack. Sam himself had so much potential to be a nuanced foil to Carlisle - I'm going to need to make an entire other post on it, it gets me so worked up, so keep an eye out for that! But also there's Paul, who is literally just an angry caricature version of Emmett, Emily whose entire characterization is built on a mess of racist and sexist tropes, and how many of the others even get characterized at all?
And Leah. Was she done the dirtiest of not only all the native characters, but also all the females? Arguably, yeah. I'd say so. Again, there was so, so much potential to explore her even in subtle ways through the later narrative and literally next to none of it was fulfilled. By the end of Breaking Dawn I was genuinely irritated, even as a kid, because it felt like Leah had been pointed out time and time again as being so special - only important native woman, only pack member to have been ostracized through the entire series, and the only female werewolf, hello - only for none of it to be relevant literally at all to the major plot. There wasn't even any follow up. Why is she the first female wolf? What does that mean for the future of the shapeshifters? (I'm absolutely thinking about this for my - probably shorter than planned - fic, jsyk.)
Thank God for Seth, I guess. We all love Seth, but still I think even he is basically just a puppy's personality given human form. It's as if Smeyer thinks that complexity is counter blank to goodness, friendliness, and openness. (And I think this is an issue with Emmett, Alice, Esme, and Angela, too, to be fair. It's just that where those four are just Defined by a trait - boisterous, fun, gentle, and nice in turn - Seth's behavior specifically plays into a... cutesy... paternalism? That makes me narrow my eyes a bit.) Anyways, I wouldve liked to see his feelings about Charlie and Sue, or about his sister's transformation and his father's death, or uh, any of the violence against the newborns many of whom were literally his age from Eclipse? And not just in an, oh, sad boy is sad kind of way. He's not a care bear - there's gotta be some conflict about what he's been through seeing as it's a LOT.
To be real, though? In some ways, I'm actually okay with it that Smeyer dropped the ball on so many of her characters, while still giving us what we have to work with - largely because it's actually so cool to think about all the potential buried in the content we have, waiting to be unearthed. It's why, regardless of when or why it started and how long it should've lasted, I don't see myself exiting the Twilight fandom for a long time. There's so much work to be done, you know, stuff to be said, and I think it's been and is and will be a beautiful conversation. This was just meant to be a long meta, but really, I have to take a moment and celebrate everyone in the fandom who has kept it alive and funny and interesting, whether you're a staple like @howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen and @shittytwilightaus or you're just here to reblog and enjoy. We all sort of rediscovered this thing we liked in our childhood and just collectively decided to fix it and make it something worth loving as the people we are, and it makes me proud to be here!
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ao3feed-tomarrymort · 4 years
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by ThatChaoticQueerGirl
Edward Cullen has given up hope of ever finding his mate. He goes through his days with barely any energy, except for talking to his best friend Bella Swan. So when Hadrian Minamoto, his mate, shows up looking even more beautiful than he could ever imagine, you could understand his sadness at being rejected. This leads to Edward deciding to try everything to win over his mate while helping him get over his previous boyfriend. It's safe to say that Edward Cullen would do anything for his little mate. Even if that means he has to put up with his mate's army of followers. Because apparently Hadrian Minamoto is a certified bad ass, with a phd in being terrifyingly beautiful.
 “And those slanted wide eyes, that swirled with pain and wisdom, like he had seen hundreds of horrors. Those emerald eyes glowed with hidden meaning; he could write a whole book of poems about those eyes. Oh god he really was turning into an e-boy, Bella was right. But he couldn’t help it. He was perfect, and he looked so tempting.“~Ch. 2
Words: 3561, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M
Characters: Harry Potter, Addicus Potter, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Blaise Zabini, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Daphne Greengrass, Astoria Greengrass, Past Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Jacob Black, Paul Lahote, Embry Call, Jessica Stanley, Eric Yorkie, Mike Newton, Angela Weber, Ginny Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Harry Potter, Bella Swan/Blaise Zabini, Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood, Jacob Black/Daphne Greengrass, Past Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Theodore Nott/Pansy Parkinson, Astoria Greengrass/Ginny Weasley, Fred/?, George/?, Paul Lahote/Draco Malfoy
Additional Tags: Potter Twins, Half Korean Harry Potter, Lily Evans is Korean, Lilian Minamoto, Lily was adopted into the Evans famliy, Slytherin Harry Potter, Dark Harry, Grey Harry Potter, Grey Lord Harry Potter, Lord Harry Potter, Tom Riddle is dead, Edward Cullen is constantly flustered, Harry Potter is a Good Boyfriend, Harry Potter is the Heir to the House of Black, Harry Potter loves music, Mentions of K-Pop, Smart Harry, Edward Cullen is a bit possessive (in a cute way), Edward Cullen is protective, Powerful Harry Potter, Master of Death Harry Potter, Master of Death (Harry Potter), Good Death Eaters, Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Harry Potter is sentimental, Ron Weasley Bashing, Hermione Granger Bashing, Molly Weasley Bashing, Luna Lovegood is a Good Friend, Vampires, Gay Edward Cullen, Gay Harry Potter, Fashionable Harry Potter, Order of the Phoenix Bashing (Harry Potter), Post Hogwarts, Forks Washington, Addicus Potter Bashing, Bella Swan with a Backbone, BAMF Bella Swan, Bella Swan is a Good Friend, BAMF Harry Potter, BAMF Blaise Zabini, BAMF Luna Lovegood, BAMF Daphne Greengrass, BAMF Neville Longbottom, Harry Potter is depressed sometimes, Harry Potter is Lord to many houses, soul mates, Dark Magic, Dark Creatures, Werewolves, Mates, Metamorphmagus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Eventual Smut
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