ON MY MIND — J. Baker
Synopsis: in which you’re Damon’s cousin and run into some old friends at Bringston University!
A/N: @theshyprincess I had this idea for a little bit but I also noticed the tag so here ya go! Inspired by one of my fav queen’s Snoh Aalegra’s, “On my mind” if you want to listen while you read, listen before you read, or after, or whatever floats your boat! Basically where I borrowed the title from and how to write this.
Warnings: language ofc and mentions of suicide
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You were born in Chicago, moved to Ohio when you were three, and then moved to California when you were ten; up until you were fourteen-fifteen and currently resided in the A. Your father was a veteran who unfortunately committed suicide in Ohio…so moving around became the norm for your family.
Everything was always temporary for you, your home life, your relationships/friendships, that’s just the way things were…so you knew it was in your best interest to never get attached. However you allowed yourself to get stupid, foolish even, and befriend some twins named Jordan and Olivia Baker. Once your mother received more money after her second husband mysteriously died, you became loaded when you didn’t come from shit to begin with. It was one of the reasons why it always made you laugh to hear your grandmother tell your mother off, she became uppity. Forgot where she came from and moved you to Beverly Hills.
The one place you didn’t want to be.
That was until you met two curly headed twins who lived across the street from you. They had a strawberry lemonade stand, the wide-eyed girl shouting out for people to get their lemonade while the boy with lanky legs and big teeth road around in circles on his scooter.
He was clearly getting on her nerves.
“Mom said you have to help me, dummy!” The girl hissed at the boy who just laughed.
“I am helping!”
“Yeah! by your head blocking the sun and your teeth blinding in with it.” She muttered.
You hadn’t realized you made your way across the street. You liked to wander and being a only child you had to find some way to find some entertainment whenever your mother wasn’t home. Out shopping was one of her favorite things to do and with you throwing a tantrum, since you did not enjoy spending hours in a store where they watched you from the moment you set foot in, or her hanging out with some new friends she met for brunch or her going on some new dates. Those were not your interests, those were her’s and that’s where you differed.
You found curiosity in other forms of the world and knew from a young age that money was the root to all evil.
“Oh shut up, fathead!”
“Booger eater!”
“That’s why your farts smell like dad’s burnt baked beans and you don’t like to take baths.”
“You’re scaring my customers away, shut up for once!” The wide eyed girl caught sight of you now but boy was determined to win this battle.
He huffed, “you must need glasses too because I don’t see anyone here.”
“Oh yeah, then who’s that?!” She pointed.
The boy glanced over his shoulder, a little surprised, “looks like it’s your only customer.”
“Our, never mind I’m the only one who does anything around here! And I’m telling mom that you suck.” She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at the tall boy who roughly wiped at his chin.
“Ew, Livvy. You spit on me!”
She quickly turned back to you waving her hands at the paper cups filled with pink and yellow ombré liquid, “Hi, customer! Want to try some special baker lemonade?”
“What makes it special?” You inquired, moving closer to the stand.
The boy snorted, “you really don’t want to know.”
“Jordan! Oh my gosh, shut up!” She screamed, making sure her voice echoed down the street, “ignore my idiot twin, but the special is a family secret. You can test it out for only $1.25!”
You searched your pockets, “I have a nickel.”
“Sold!”
“Are you kidding me?!” Jordan screeched his scooter to frown at the sudden discount.
You placed the nickel into “Livvy’s” hand who grinned, mouth full of braces as she tossed it into a open box to her left. “Pick a cup, any cup.”
And that you did.
“This…doesn’t taste like lemonade.” You answered after swallowing a couple of times, “it’s sweet.”
“Ah, you didn’t make a icky face so that means you got my serving and not Jordan’s.” Livvy stated as she leaned close to shield her mouth from Jordan who was still annoyed at the fact that they only made a nickel, “He mixed the salt and sugar together for his batch…so some of these cups taste a little different than others.”
You were thankful that you picked the good cup.
“It was a accident!”
“Was it? I think that’s why we haven’t gotten any customers since the last four because they had your stupid juice instead of my spectacular one.” Livvy rolled her eyes which made you smile, “anyways, take another if you like for free! My treat. Plus you look like you need a burst of happiness in your life.”
“The only thing you can give…”
“Y/N.”
“Y/N? Y/N here is upset stomach and diarrhea.” Jordan threw his head back in laughter as Livvy rolled up her sleeves and scrapped her metal chair back. She was ready to tussle as you grabbed another cup and took a seat in the grass, knowing this was the norm for them.
It didn’t seem to bother you as you enjoyed their strawberry lemonade. You weren’t sure how long the two twins went at it but once they settled down they ended up sitting in the grass beside you underneath the sun. They seemed a little surprised that you didn’t leave but fully introduced themselves to you with their hands out for you to shake, which you took.
They felt like the friends that you’d keep for a long time. And part of you hoped they would be. So when you first saw them at the fair at Bringston University, you couldn’t believe your eyes. It was odd to find them here, it’s just not something you ever thought about since The Baker twins became temporary to you the moment you boarded another plane across the world.
It began to feel that way once you started to drift from Jordan first. Olivia on the other hand was someone you still talked to often, over FaceTime and lots of texts. You knew what was going on in her life most of the time and what she was willing to share with you, since Olivia was all about getting the tea from your life now that you managed to get away from Beverly. However once Olivia started dating Asher, your talks became twice maybe three times a month more than multiple times a week.
It was bound to happen. You often told yourself this but this did sting a little bit since The Baker twins mattered to you. You were bound to grow apart. Plus this was the norm for you, you had to engage in new people just to pass the time. Now that you were a senior and heading to college, you were able to have some hold on your life now. You were eighteen, had a job, a car that you wanted and did pay for, and made a friend out here, and were more than ready to get out of your home and move onto campus away from your mom.
It was all a plan set into motion. You would not be living your life on the account of anyone else anymore. Your life was now in your hands. You were here with your cousin Damon and since you were still a wanderer, the two of you lost track of yourself. You were browsing the stands to get information and keeping a close eye out for the food stands for later. When you glanced over your shoulder you spotted Jordan strolling by with Spencer and some other girl who had her arms linked with both of their’s.
You had to do a double take to make sure that it wasn’t your mind playing tricks on you. He was focused on what she was saying but the moment he stopped walking to glance back over his shoulder, you already whipped back around thanking the person at the stand for the brochures and moved through the sea of people with ease. As you circled around to calm the racing in your chest, you had a view of Olivia and the unknown girl doing the wobble with a group of students. Not too far from them you noticed your popcorn headed cousin engaged in a conversation with a much shorter girl, who you recognized as Simone?
Jordan’s girlfriend? Who he liked to call his wifey a lot on Instagram, which was a little cringe to you but whenever Jordan was being too much you found yourself leaving his page. The only reason you browsed his feed was you allowed your mind to miss him when you shouldn’t. He didn’t give a shit about you anymore so why did you still? Plus he seemed to be in a new light now that he was with this girl and unblocked you from Instagram. You were sure he had Simone to thank for that, maybe?
“Hey,” you were zoned out not realizing Damon and his friend were now standing in front of you, “Cuz, you okay?”
“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine. You?”
“He looked like he was just getting his ass handed to him from little mama over there.” His friend laughed while Damon kissed his teeth.
“Yeah, whatever. She was something tho, anyways! let’s roll before I get recognized.” Damon tightened his hood over the frame of his face while you snorted and held your hands out.
“Sorry, after you, Diddy.”
“Oh haha, you real funny.”
You winked nudging the light skinned boy who tossed his arm over your shoulder as the three of you began to leave the campus. However you did not go as unnoticed as you thought with Jordan and Spencer burning holes not only into Damon’s frame but yours as well.
Since you got called in to do a four hour shift, you were unable to attend the fashion show event that was going on at the university, which was fine by you. You were more than ready to go back home, take your knee brace off, ice your leg and relax but that wasn’t happening when you pulled up to your house to not only find Coach Turner there but your best friend, Terrence holding a styrofoam box out to you as you limped up the steps to the wrap around porch.
“Y/N!” Terrence shouted as he cupped his mouth.
You dragged yourself to face the only guy here that kept you sane, “Terrence, what do you want?”
“Is that anyway to treat the dude that brought you wingstop after your shift?” Terrence held his chest in mock offense.
You took the box from him and peeled inside to see your favorite, “the only time you bring me anything is when you want me to do something or you know I’m having a shitty day.”
“Well are you?” Terrence blinked.
You thought about it.
“No.”
Terrence opened his mouth to reply but you cut him off, “but I have a feeling that I’m about to.”
“See that negativity has got to go! Which is why I’m bringing you to a function tonight, it’s already started but I know you need a little time to get yourself together. Damon is already over there and he also said that you needed to be there.” Terrence said as if this would persuade you further.
It was your turn to show the expression on your face, “what does Damon have to do with me?”
“That’s your family, c’mon! Y/N. Don’t you want to spend time with him, he came all the way out here from Chitown—
“Damon and his mom didn’t come down here for me or my mom so let’s not go there. Plus he’s been here for a couple days already, we’ve spent enough time together. I’m not mad if he wants to enjoy a party. Or you either, you can go. You’re always at a party one way or another.” You fanned your hand at Terrence who held his head back annoyed.
“All I’m hearing is back talk from you when I brought you food.”
“Thanks by the way,” you smiled sarcastically, “I don’t like being bribed but I am going to eat this.”
“Can you think about it?”
And you did.
It only took a minute for you to realize that coach turner’s car was parked out from still. And to see him through the curtains was enough motivation for you to decide.
“Give me thirty.” You muttered which made Terrence grin.
You entered the house with Terrence following you. He took the food from you and went to the kitchen to reheat it for you, you passed by the sitting room and greeted your mom and coach turner with forced smiles and small talk before you were able to make your way to your room to get ready.
Damon was of course being annoying texting to make sure that you were coming, which you found unnecessary really before you hoped in the shower. It was a no brainer to grab the clothes you had yet to wear and keeping everything else simple since the fit spoke for itself. Back downstairs you met Terrence who blew out a whistle as you did a spin with a roll of your eyes taking the box from him.
“Mom, we’re going out! I’ll be back around midnight, have fun with coach turner!” You yelled grabbing your keys and leaving out the side door before the woman could say a thing, with Terrence laughing in tow.
The car ride was filled with Terrence playing Pop Smoke and you having your dinner. Once you pulled up to the house you reapplied what was needed and popped some gum into your mouth.
Terrence rubbed his hands together in excitement while you shook your head. It was always the same thing with Terrence, going to functions was what he did often. He always knew where the parties were at since one of his other best friends was a party promoter. He was also well known around school, a year older than you, and at first you couldn’t grasp why he was trying to talk to you. He wasn’t “popular popular” but he knew a lot of people and people knew him. Besides you, he had a solid group of friends that he considered his real and close friends. You’ve met them and hung out with them a couple of times but he knew you were different. That you didn’t mind solitude so whenever you were together it was usually always just the two of you. It wasn’t ever enforced but it became natural for your friendship and that’s how it normally stayed. Private but not too private.
“Terrence!” A girl squealed running up to the boy in a silk top.
You didn’t catch her name as you left the two, heading up the steps.
“Ayo, Y/N! 10/5?” He called out, which was your thing you said to each other when you were going your separate ways.
That was your way of checking in on each other within ten to five minutes if you didn’t find each other by then. You wiggled your phone glancing at the time and repeated it before leaving Terrence to get wrapped up in some girl who always commented on his pictures.
There were a lot of people here at this party and that it was way too hot. You scoped the area half of the people were on the dance floor and the other half were leaned in close talking with friends or their interests of the night. You glanced to your left spying what appeared to be Olivia Baker and Spencer James locked in a heated kiss.
“About time.” You smirked, folding your arms as you watched them for a moment longer before moving your eyes elsewhere—and almost immediately you found Jordan’s.
One thing Jordan Baker always knew how to do was find your eyes in a crowded room. Almost always this seemed to be the case back in Beverly. He had a red cup in his hand and kept his gaze on you as he leaned back to say something to the guy with inches beside him, who peeked over at you before leaving the scene himself.
You did not move as Jordan came over to you. His scent engulfed you as much as his eyes did, he had to lean towards you to make sure that you heard him well.
“I knew that was you, back on campus. I knew that walk anywhere.” Was what he started with.
Of course he did. Jordan said there were three things he could tell about you if he wasn’t sure, the number one was always your walk and partly that had to do with your injury that you endured months before you moved to Beverly. It left you with a permanent limp and was one of the reasons why your track career was over before it even begin.
You tightened your arms closer to your chest, “yeah, I noticed you earlier too.”
“Why didn’t you say anything then?” Jordan furrowed his brows.
“You were busy with everyone else and I was with Damon—
“Damon? How do you know Damon?” Jordan sipped at his drink.
You sighed, already hearing this multiple times already from others since he arrived into town, “He’s my cousin. My grandma and his grandfather are siblings.”
“Wow…kinda sorry about that.” Jordan sniffed, breaking eye contact for a split second.
It was your turn to frown now, “why’s that?”
“He’s been pushing up on Simone since we got here and it’s safe to say for that reason I don’t personally care for him.” Jordan replied.
You nodded, not finding that hard to believe. It wasn’t your issue so you didn’t feel the need to further comment on it.
“So…how’ve you been?” Jordan flicked your forearm to get your attention again.
You sent a two finger wave at Olivia and Spencer who now had their cheeks pressed together peering in your direction. Olivia held her mouth open which turned into a grin as she waved her fingers back at you and Spencer sent a smile your way. Olivia appeared as if she was going to make her way over to you but Spencer held her back and whispered something in your ear which she nodded glancing back at you and Jordan.
“Later.” She mouthed to you, which you found interesting.
Blinking up at Jordan you let out a breathy laugh, “Just living my normal teenage life. Things have slowed down completely compared to the fast life in California.”
Jordan hummed at that, “yeah?”
“Oh yeah, my stress level’s down a good 40-50%.” You told Jordan who chuckled.
Jordan added, “also it’s probably because I’m not adding to that stress right?”
You closed your eyes at that.
“Oh yeah because it’s always all about you.”
Jordan began talking with his hands, which is something he did when he wanted to prove his point. Sure he had a smug smile by his lips but you knew where this conversation was going. “I mean isn’t it? You were more than happy to leave California and get away from me.”
“Uh…I didn’t have a choice?”
“But you didn’t fight as hard as you did with the other places?” He sipped at his drink again.
You rested your hands on your hips turning your body fully to face him now, “what exactly was I supposed to fight for? You said you needed time but I didn’t have time, Jordan. I had days and we both know distance isn’t what you wanted.”
“We we’re friends, Y/N. That had to count for something right?” Jordan tried to keep his voice leveled but you can sense the distress behind it.
Your eyes turned into slits, “we stopped being friends the moment you stuck your tongue down my throat. You came to me after things went to shit with Ripley just to fuck it up with me too.”
“So I see I’m entirely to blame for this?” Jordan pointed at his chest with heated eyes.
You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t say that. But I can say that I’ve missed you and that I’m not afraid to say that. But I think you stopped caring the moment you moved on with your new girl—
“Simone,” Jordan informed, “Simone is her name and she’s my w—
You held up your hand, “it’s not my business who you decide to fuck with but I wish you could have told me before I left the state and to my face that you no longer cared instead of icing me out of your life and letting me know you moved on through social media.”
Jordan deeply inhaled, opening and closing his mouth to find what he wanted to say next.
“Look, y/n,” Jordan scratched at his brow, “I know the way things ended…should have went different. I wish it would have been different and I’m sorry that you had to find out yourself with me moving on with Simone instead of me telling you. There were so many times where I wanted to reach out to you but I let my pride get the best of me. When I found out Liv was still talking to you, that pissed me off so much so I felt like blocking you was best. But I realize that it wasn’t, that just made things ten times worse but that doesn’t mean you were never on my mind.”
It was two ways with Jordan. Either ignoring you was what you would get when things didn’t go his way or out of impulse he’d say some hurtful things. He did both to you and it wasn’t something you could forget. It was always harder to forget the things that people who mattered said to you.
“I’m with Simone now,” Jordan told you, “And if I’m being completely honest with you it didn’t take me long to get wrapped up in someone else. She became more than just someone I laid with.”
It wasn’t something you wanted to hear but here you were.
“Good for you but was it that easy for you?” You questioned making Jordan chew down on his bottom lip.
“Easy?”
“Yeah, you said it. I was barely in the air before you found yourself off in between some other bitches legs right?” You were calm but your words held power.
Jordan glared at you now, “I’d appreciate it, Y/N if you refrain from talking about my wife like that. Show some damn respect.”
You scoffed, “and I’d like if you keep the pet names to when you’re actually talking to her and not me.”
“It’s not a pet name, it’s legit. I’m married to Simone.” It came out on impulse which caused Jordan to widened his eyes as you stepped back from him.
He forgot that you’ve been out of the loop for a year or two now. You weren’t around when he began sleeping around to fill the pain of your absence. You weren’t around when Simone chased him down to tell him she was pregnant. You weren’t around while he began falling for her. Normally Jordan baker was proud to tell anyone that would listen that he was married to Simone hicks but he found himself holding back with you. When it slipped out and he saw the expression on your face, he wished he could have taken it back. And that was questionable in many ways.
“…wooow. Not only did you push me to the side without a thought you went and married her? Really?” You were not going to cry. For what? This was not over. It’s been a minute since your last encounter and you were going to say whatever needed to be said and you had a feeling Jordan would too.
Jordan hissed, “you know, I’d wish you stopped saying that. You don’t know what was going on in my mind when you just up and left, okay?”
“No, I think it was pretty clear,” you argued with a humorless laugh, “you gave me the excuse that you wanted time to think us over. I let you know the minute I touched down in ATL and you gave me one worded answers. I tried everything to figure out what you wanted this to be but you ended up ghosting me like it was nothing.”
“Don’t you think i thought it was better that way? I was in denial that we even had sex in the back of my car that night.”
“Because you regretted it?”
“No, of course not! With you it actually meant something and that scared the shit out of me! I didn’t know what to do. You were the first person that really made me feel something, all those other girls you keep mentioning mean nothing. When we did what we did it just made everything way more complicated for me.” Jordan explained which you were silent, taking all that information in as the music filled the pause between you two.
“don’t you think I deserved that conversation with you instead of you cutting me off?” You breathed making Jordan close his eyes, “And not all of them meant nothing because one of them is your wife now.”
Jordan winced noticing the crack in your voice at the mention of the word that partly described his significant other.
“We both deserve to be happy, Y/N. I can’t apologize for that. And I want you to find that too even if pains me to say not with me.” Jordan admitted, reaching out to place a hand against your cheek.
Exhaling you tried your hardest not to lean into the warmth of his hand. You didn’t want to be selfish, you didn’t know Simone or her relationship with Jordan but you had him first—you hated how immature that made you sound but it was a fact. So you found yourself placing a kiss against the inside of his wrist making Jordan inhale.
You wanted to kiss his lips but you were not all that impulsive. He let your lips linger there before he removed his arm from your proximity. However you did step into his presence and notice that he was holding his breath as he watched you, anticipating your actions as you brought your arms up and over his shoulders pulling him into his frame.
He finally breathed before locking his hands around your waist squeezing before sliding them up your back and rub the spot. You both melted into each other’s embrace for seconds and it almost felt like everything was okay between the two of you.
Until you said into his ear, “just know that I feel a way, ‘cause I know you still feel it.”
And with that you let go, not bothering to catch his eyes again as you noticed Damon and Simone watching you two. Once Simone caught your eye, you could tell she knew who you were just as you now knew her. She was the first to move before you did, leaving Damon to wave after her and stare at you in confusion. Simone approached you two just as you were also leaving, her arms protectively holding onto Jordan.
It was instinct for Jordan to place a kiss against Simone’s temple, which you could see her smile sweetly up at him from your peripheral before setting her eyes back on you.
“It was good to see you, Y/N.” Jordan called out to you as it seemed you still felt like you were waiting for something.
Standing up straight you faced the couple and sent a award-winning smile their way, “likewise. Congratulations on your marriage, I hope it lasts and that it’s everything you could ever want.”
Simone picked up on the shade, her head tilting to the side. “Oh it will and it is, and you are?”
“Y/N, Y/LN. but let’s not act like you didn’t already know that, you were just coming in with my cousin, Damon over there. You two have a nice conversation outside?” You quipped.
Simone jerked her head back. She knew what this was and was ready to let Jordan’s old childhood friend have it. That was until the music was cut off and the entire house went dark, followed by a shoot out.
The house was filled with screams and people began to shove. It wasn’t wise running in the dark but when you’re in a panic sometimes you’re not thinking straight.
“Y/N!” You heard your name being yelled over the other screams but felt your wrist being yanked on.
You pulled back.
“It’s me.” You heard Jordan’s voice from above as he pulled you up to your feet, noticing that you were in a squatting position.
The back of generator inside the house illuminated the house in the shade of green, making it a little easier to see as Simone led the way with Jordan still holding onto your hand as he was in the middle.
“Damon!” You yelled, eyes searching behind you in search of your cousin but could not see as you were pulled away from the other round of shots that rung out.
Jordan squeezed your hand in response as a source of comfort while also continuing to pull you along. Sure it was nice but there was one other thing left on your mind, fucking ATL parties always knew how to leave their mark.
END
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