#just for my own fucking sanity

[pinsupansu]

you will NOT believe who they are looking at in these pictures.

#can they look at each other normally please #just for my own fucking sanity #dan and phil #amazingphil #dan howell #daniel howell #danisnotonfire #phil lester

[thewanderingace]

I'm watching season 5 and 6b of 9-1-1 for the first time (I fell way behind) and it's very....interesting to see what I've already seen on tumblr, what I remember the fandom hating, and what's going on that I had no idea even happened because it never talked about in the tags at all.

Taylor is so not as bad as the fandom makes her out to be. I don't agree with all of her decisions (especially with the Jonah storyline) and her and Buck maybe don't make the best pairing but I like her. And she really was just doing her job with the Jonah thing. Nothing inherently bad about that at all. She reports the news and she never named a source or anything. Just means her and Buck don't make the best match. But Taylor as a character is cool and I like her.

Same with Lucy. She's pretty cool actually. I like her a lot. Why the hell did the fandom hate Lucy so much? I was expecting the bitch from hell based on posts I saw but she did nothing wrong the whole season. She was really great and I hope we see her again. She made good rescues, fit in with the group, wasn't pushy or arrogant, followed Bobby's orders but still voiced her knowledge when necessary. She showed emotions and was humble and fun and kind. Why do you all hate her!? Is it because she and Buck kissed? Once? Mutually? But because she's not Eddie that makes her evil or something? She did nothing like that every again nor did she make Buck feel bad or pressured at all so why do we hate Lucy???? I'm so confused about that.

I'm also seeing that tons of people hate Josh now!?!! HOW!? WHY!? Josh is the best! I love Josh! Is it really for the ONE line he said to Eddie in which he was correct? Eddie was a guest. He's not a dispatcher. And besides it acts as a way to get Eddie to realize he's a firefighter. Josh is amazing and I love him.

And how has this whole ass Jonah storyline just never talked about at all?! He kidnapped Hen and Chim and killed Chimney several times just to bring him back!! He nearly drove Bobby to drink again (I love that scene between Bobby and Eddie when Eddie shows up just as Bobby was thinking about drinking again)!!!! And I saw nothing about it!!!

And how about the surprise Karen/Hen vow renewal! That was beautiful! Saw nothing about it on here.

It's just so very telling of the fandom of what I see on screen versus what the fandom fixates on and how they view things. It just serves as a reminder as to why I need to continue to avoid the 911 tag as much as possible if I want to enjoy the show as much as I do because we are so not on the same page here.

#steph stuff #911 fox #911 #fandom wank #anti buddie #some fandoms i just need to stay out of for my own sanity #cause it's that ship that makes the fandom so fucking toxic and twists everything that goes on #why theres so much hate for the female characters #or any character that 'gets in the way' of the ship #im so fucking tired #when the new season starts ill be completely caught up #and im going to block tags and avoid the main tag as much as possible

[bonefall]

Did you man beam Drizzle? If so, why not just pair up Rustle with Cranberry instead? I get for the amazing ship name but I'm curious about the choice /gen

I totally forgot Drizzle's original gender, but also, I really don't want to overthink it. I'm so tired of overthinking it. I wanted CranberryDrizzle funny ship name and it was getting exhausting to plan out where every pairing in several hundred cats would be getting their kits from

Rustle is going to die at some point after having two QR kittens, and Cranberrydrizzle is going to have 2 important litters (Sunstrike and Emberfoot in the first, Fernstripe in the second). I have done an exhausting amount of work (weeks of planning and hours of work at a time, scouring the wiki and facebook screenshots, redrawing tangles, reading through suggestions, writing out full posts of changes and creating new groups with their own histories) untangling broken fragments of family trees and like... I'm tired. No more shuffling. I deserve Funny Ship Name. is this too much to ask

Boy Drizzle is just the easiest answer. I'd like for Drizzle to just be transfem but I was also told to avoid cats being trans just to have kits, which is ALSO frustrating me at this point, I don't like this weight of "perfect representation" that's being put on me when I'M not even perfect representation as a living human queer.

Do I let Drizzle be transfem and "break a rule," or change them to a boy and "lose" a lesbian pairing? It feels gross to me to have fallen into a mindset where I'm treating queer relationships like quotas or rigid rulesets

I feel like if I 'get something wrong' (like forget the gender of a Missing Kit or a side character, or handwave 'where did these kits come from' with 'trans/queen's rights' without considering a real secret surrogate) I'm going to get smacked upside the head and be forced to hyperfocus on one small part of a massive project when I already have a million other things to work on.

So unfortunately the most honest answer I can probably give is that im tired. I'm really tired. Overthinking minor details before making every single tumblr post is draining me. I forgot the missing kit's original author-assigned gender and didn't scroll to the bottom of Onestar's wiki page to check it before posting. I like the ship name. Cranberrysplash somehow gets pregnant twice, but I was told to avoid trans bioparents, yet doing that is making things even harder after I had to do weeks of work to make a good tree in the first place

I'll figure out Drizzlefall's gender when they become relevant in some context

#i dont want cranberryrustle i want cranberrydrizzle #for my own sanity I am probably going to start straightup deleting asks and replies about accidental misgenderings of missing kits #i cannot keep the gender and names of 600+ characters straight 100% of the time #Especially when they were only named in authorial statements #i deserve funny ship name. i just. i deserve funny ship name #do i not bleed enough to deserve funny ship name #i don't think I can work with this ''minimize trans bioparents'' rule. It's done nothing but cause me frustration and make burnout set in #redtail is a man and he gave birth. get over it. im sick of feeling guilty over my own hobby project #for characters like sedge where it's a plot point it will stay but I CANT keep working with it in mind #Hazeltail is unkilled. She is trans. She is taking Mousewhisker's place in ThunderClan so he can go to riverclan #If canon gives mouse kittens then they will be hazeltail's. trans people fuck and have kids. deal with it #and you know what? in a world with countries that will fucking sterilize you if you want to legally transition #maybe it *should* be more normalized. #tw transphobia #btw anon it's clear you're being genuine so im not mad at you #vent a long time coming I think #bone babble

[1101200905]

reparenting Can't be the solution to parentalization. like. i had to parent myself so the only solution is??? i have to parent myself again????????

no offense but I'm actually fucking tired of doing that?

(i also get pissed at the idea that the correct response to loneliness is learning to be alone. that's in direct opposition to how Human Beings Work).

#just shit that frustrates me #part of it is me based #like I'm aware that i have to do work here #but i get so pissed when ppl try to wedge their bootstrap up my ass like. please #the PROBLEM is that i cant rely on anyone! or open up! you think the solution is to MAKE IT WORSE????? #i DID the self sufficiency thing!!! #that's kinda the fucking problem! #and yes yes absolutely inner child shit HELPS #i simply and absolutely resent the notion that health and sanity looks like doing it all on your own #that's puritan ass colonizer mentality please get away from me with it #interdependence is not codependence #interdependence is the fucking point #anti colonialism #rad #bpd #borderline #inner child #reparenting #parentalization #abandonment trauma #yeehaw #my life improved once i realized i could just reject that tho #inclusivetherapists.com is the foreal #unfortunately ppl ain't taking my insurance much but we getting there #therapy #rest is radical #self preservation is a revolutionary act

[hella1975]

ive got an essay due at 3pm tomorrow and ive not even looked at it i am so so unserious about my degree and by the grace of some higher being i somehow keep managing to crawl through it's actually getting a bit funny

#me and an old friend of mine used to have a running joke during a-levels that im just one of those people where shit Works Out #and it started bc we shared two a-levels (english and economics) and in BOTH classes i regularly didn't do the homework #or the reading etc and yet it would ALWAYS work out for me #like we'd walk into a class neither of us having done the homework and they'd get yelled at while i went under the radar somehow #or that one english essay i got the highest score in the class when i literally hadn't even read the fucking book it was on #and when we pointed the theory out it started just becoming really prevalent #like no matter how late i am for things i'll arrive and by some miracle the thing im late for is also late (e.g a train or teacher) #like im just one of those people that has very very mundane luck #and low and behold i am fighting this degree with bloody fists putting the absolute bare minimum in for my own sanity's sake #and i SOMEHOW keep pulling through. literally failed two modules last year and STILL got a 2:1 average #and the last essay i wrote was the worst essay id ever done in my life and i get my standards are higher bc ik im good at essays #but the point still stands and you know what? i got a FIRST #literally was pure waffle i have never blagged it so hard and i got a FIRST #and all this shit just makes me cockier and cockier and go even more by the skin of my teeth and it ALWAYS WORKS OUT #it's soooo silly but im not complaining. anyway ill keep u posted about this essay <3 it's econ history so is actually interesting #but the most ive done for it is ask the sc ai lmao and for context degree-level essays usually require a good few days of graft #live love laziness #hella goes to uni

[angstydiaz]

depression room cleaning begins tomorrow lowkey terrified but we shall do it lads

#ive been good mentally for a while #but the fucking drain of cleaning while in pain was so daunting and it just never got done #so fun stuff #but i know for my own sanity it needs to be done #plus then i can get some cute stuff for it lol

[procrastiel]

can we take just a sec to talk about how weird Nina & Maggie are

they literally saw Aziraphale take off his fucking halo and throw it at some horribly deformed kidnappers (which made them explode and disappear) and the next morning they decide to give his goth lover a talking to and call him "Mister Fell"

what does it take for you to understand that he is not human

reminds me of that moment in s1 where Crowley drives up to a man in his burning car to ask for directions and the man just pretends it's not real or a practical joke, like ??? are we humans really that daft

#this show #I'm starting to question my own sanity #nina and maggie #wtf is up with these two #I get that Nina doesn't give a rat's ass because she's seen some crazy shit #but calling Nina #ANGEL #and then just 100% ignoring that they just saw a #literal angel #take off his fucking #halo #like #what the actual fuck #good omens #gomens #meta post #of sorts #crowley #aziraphale #mr fell #send help

[thewhizzyhead]

anyways now that I'm back on this site, let it be well fucking known that this filipino musical theatre rambler absolutely abhors the Here Lies Love musical and I am absolutely ashamed that it is gonna be known as the first Broadway musical with an all-filipino/fil-am cast BECAUSE GLORIFYING A PERSON (imelda marcos) INVOLVED IN A CONJUGAL DICTATORSHIP (wife of ferdinand marcos) THAT CAUSED HUNDREDS OF DEATHS AND AN ECONOMIC CRISIS DUE TO ILLEGALLY ACCUMULATED WEALTH FROM PHILIPPINE TAXES ESPECIALLY WHILE SAID PERSON IS STILL ALIVE WITH HER SON (ferdinand "bongbong" marcos jr) BACK IN POWER IS ALL SORTS OF WRONG

#fjdjfjsjjds #aNYWAYS FOR THE BENEFIT OF EVERYONE AND FOR MY OWN SANITY WE ARE GONNA HOLD HISTORY NIGHTS ON THIS BLOG #sOON #WHERE I WILL PERSONALLY DISCUSS ALL THE SHITTY THINGS THE MARCOSES HAVE DONE #aND YES HERE LIES LOVE SAYS ITS AN ANTI-MARCOS SHOW #bUT IT ROMANTICIZES IMELDA MARCOS' ROLE IN THE FUCKING DICTATORSHIP!! SHE IS JUST AS FUCKING GUILTY AS HER HUSBAND!! #AND IN THE PRESENT CONTEXT OF MARCOS JR BEING ABLE TO SWEET HIS WAY BACK INTO PRESIDENCY #tHROUGH A MASS DISINFORMATIKN CAMPAIGN #THIS COMES ACROSS AS FUCKING PROPAGANDA AND I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH WHAT THE FUCK #anyways i will be side eyeing all filipino actors that will involve themselves with here lies love because come on #know your damn history #philippines #here lies love #fuck the marcoses

[abelas]

got 30cm of snow twice in one week. lads, i think ive got to move somewhere warm year round

#i say as i just got a job 1 hr north of here HA. #northern canadian winters babes. miss toronto but cant afford it anymore. too many people now too.. the traffic drove me BONKERS the last #time i drove through there. like how did i ever live around so many people #anyway. have to tell myself this isnt forever for my own fucking sanity #ITS FOR THE JOB!!!! i need to remind myself of that ahhaah #personal

[gay-jesus-probably]

it would be really funny in hywar for ruto and darunia to recognize the "hero of termina" but probably be confused because why is he tiny. wait there's more of them. okay i guess this isn't the guy we know (it is)

Oh yeah, I'm thinking Ruto and Darunia are 100% onto him, BUT they're the adult timeline versions, so they haven't seen the baby Hero of Time in years, so they're not 100% sure if that's actually him, or if the kid just happens to look like him. Besides, the kid says he's just the Hero of Termina, and the Hero of Time definitely didn't scowl that much when he was younger so... they're suspicious, but not confident enough to try and address it. And since all the sages except Sheik ascended into non-existence or something after sealing Ganon, Ruto and Darunia must have been pulled from somewhere in the middle of OOT, so they're used to the teenage Link, and unlike Sheik they have no reason to think he's going to return to being a kid. So as far as they know, it makes perfect sense for the Hero of Termina to just have a strong resemblance to how the Hero of Time looked when he was younger... but man are they ever identical.

Mask avoids them like the plague, because he knows they could bust him... and he also knows they're basically going to die shortly after they go home. He really doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to try and deal with that, so he just keeps his distance. But Ruto and Darunia are having many quiet debates in the background about "is that our Link or not". They are constantly pressing X to Doubt.

(Marin is also a solid member of the Press X To Doubt club, because she's like 90% certain that Ravio guy's voice is identical to her Link's, and even though she can't be sure with all the robes she thinks they might also have the same build, and the few glimpses she gets of the bottom of his face looks like Link... but also he doesn't seem to know her at all, and is just generally acting kind of off, so she's just... not sure what's going on there, but it bothers her. And she doesn't even have anyone to compare notes with.)

Also, please consider for a moment that Ganondorf knows basically nothing about the whole Majora's Mask debacle, so he only knows Mask as being the Hero of Time, and could out him literally by accident. I have this mental image of Ganon attempting to do a big dramatic showdown, only for the mood to thoroughly ruined by Mask frantically cutting him off mid-sentence, because if he gives any details right now, Mask is fucked. The exchange is something like "We meet again, it's been awhile, Hero of T-" "TERMINA, YES, that's me, how about we stop talking right now and try to kill each other instead". Ganon then delays the boss battle to try and work out what the fuck is going on, and also because Mask's obvious panic is hilarious to him.

(Meanwhile Captain Link knows that something is up, but he is literally always having a minimum of three simultaneous mental breakdowns at any given moment, so he's pretty happy just not acknowledging his suspicions that Mask's real hero title is very well known, he really doesn't need more stress in his life. He's trying so hard not to hear the extremely incriminating argument Mask and Ganon are having, and trying even harder not to connect the dots and realize what Mask's real title is. He's not succeeding. After that particular battle, he goes back to his tent and spends a solid ten minutes screaming into his pillow before he can successfully repress the knowledge that he's been fighting alongside the literal Hero of Time and affectionately referring to him as a demonic little gremlin. As long as Mask doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't have to either, so it's fine. Everything is totally fine.)

#hyrule warriors #poor captain link is just having the worst time ever #also my take on him is he grew up rough and lied about his age to get out by joining the army #so he is ALSO hiding his real identity. except for him it's just the fact that the supposedly 20 year old hero is actually like 17 #considerably less dramatic than what everyone else has going on. but he's an honorary member of the 'nobody says shit' gang #honorary bcause for the sake of his own sanity he is not acknowledging that anyone is hiding their identities in the first place #but like. he knows. and he wants the others to keep their secrets cause if they dont he's the one that has to deal with it #he's already so stressed he doesn't need more problems in his life so they can keep their fucking secrets thank you very much #this poor bastard joined the army for a steady job and somehow became Helen of Troy he's got enough on his plate already

[possession1981]

#no one fucking gets the pain i go through. i might actually finally give in and make gifs from this ugly video just for my own sanity #i watched it 50-something times on yt last year what is wrong w me #p

[tendebill]

[wip]

school's been killing me so i've been inactive and will continue to be inactive in the nearest future. i can barely find the energy/motivation/time to draw for myself, but here's a little seph wip ive started today out of sheer desperation to draw SOMETHING lol

#anyway to draw this i had to ignore working on both of my diplomas #+preparing for next week overall and an animation assignment :3 #gonna lump all of my responsibilities on tomorrow and hope i can do it all in 1 day #also i hope im not sick #would suck if i was sick #i might be getting sick #the only thing ive been capable of is playing ow2 and writing gay fanfiction for it in my spare time #cuz even if i have a less intense school day im still exhausted cuz of the public transit #not to mention SHOUT OUT TO WEDNESDAY I LOVE WEDNESDAY #I LOVE HAVING A 1O HOUR SCHOOL DAY MHM #7am to 4pm that shit must be violating some regulations or rights idk #but the people in charge of our schedule are basically like lmao cant do anythin about that sorry #deal with it #and also this is the lite version of my schedule #cuz i have 3 hrs less than im technically supposed to have cuz the fucking photography teacher wont show up for work #and im lowkey hoping they cancel photography altogether this year for my sanity #also ive been kinda artblocked since the beginning of september #also also im lowkey hating my own art again #im just unhappy with my art #i wanna enjoy drawing and i wanna draw a lot but i just cant #plus ive been having trouble with drawing anything besides faces #like my anatomy is outta wack and its messing with me #i cant even draw characters without getting frustrated that its either just their face or a shitty attempt at a cool pose #everything i draw feels bad or uninspired #anyway #wip #tendebill ocs #tendebill art #personal #life update

[laurenkmyers]

…and welcome to another episode of Charlie disregarding every single boundary Babe tries to put up whilst single-handedly becoming the most annoying character I have ever had the displeasure of watching

#pit babe liveblog #it’s unbearable #truly #I’m waiting for this show to do more #get good #I don’t think even pavel can save this show for me #it’s such a cop out #omegaverse? WHERE #just say you want a show with super powers and move on #didn’t even commit to the most basic bit #your main couple have zero fucking chemistry #one of your main actors is painful to watch #for my own sanity I need to stop watching #but some part of me is still waiting for it to turn itself around #but we’re 6 episodes in #I think I’m kidding myself here #not gonna tag this because I don’t wanna fill it with negativity #but I’m struggling lads

[xfindingtrouble]

uhhh inbox call?

#ooc. #tbd. #i am about to go to bed but i will be lurking for a moment #i wrote a little bit last night but didn't finish much #but i would like to send memes & i am always afraid to do this nowadays #i dont know why my brain just needs permission or it inverts entirely #i will probably do a permanent interaction call sometime soon for my own sanity #socially i don't do well in knowing when is good to reach out or if i am being Stinky #and i think i would just be more comfortable #knowing who is comfortable with me going insane to them on a whim #idk i am a virgo i overthink things #not only am i a virgo but i am a triple virgo #what the fuck is up

[bare1ythere]

do you know what its like being so absolutely crushed by everything but everyone around you is doing 10x more? And better? to have to constantly try to make yourself more marketable for a job or grad school? I just can't keep up I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to be left behind

#I have friends doing so much #and some want to do competitive grad school programs #they tell me theyre worried about getting in. but they have 100x more life experience than me #ive never had a job! Ive tried! ive really tried! #I cant stick to an extracurricular because the ones that look good drain the life out of me #and the ones I actually enjoy are solo. fandom related. and completely worthless on a resume #I just fucking wish I had the passion for science that i do for my hobbies #No matter how much I believe that someone isnt worth less because they cant do as much #everyone else doesnt give a shit. and if i dont do it all i wont be able to do the things I want #what if i just died instead.what then #shut up me #cant even draw for my own sanity. how the fuck am i supposed to have time to do everything they want me to

[grishaverse-chaos]

LMAO OH MY GOD THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME

that one darkl!ng stan I'm currently trying to argue politics with is VAGUEING ME ON THEIR BLOG

like, why are you so obsessed with me?

#they're literally posting ANONS about me lmaooooo #and the worst thing is i would love to engage with some of the points they're making in these posts BUT #for my own sanity i choose not to start fights on other people's posts unless they directly ask for input or an opposing viewpoint #so im just. laughing so much because this is HILARIOUS #@ anybody who is so fucking cowardly that they have to send other people anons about me: just come and talk to me!!! #if you think im insane or naive...... come and talk to me instead of sending other people anons about me....... #at LEAST talk shit about me off anon lmao #but UGH i want to reply to those vagueposts so badly lmao #mayhem.txt #mayhem rambles