#just way less active

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[filmnoirsbian]

#i love that they used daryl dixon as the bg lmao #anyways! this has been a long time coming. the positives abt social media have been starting to stop outweighing the negatives for me #and rather than offering the connection to others it once did it has begun to feel very disconnecting to me in a way i do not like #i will still pop in occasionally i think if only just to post poetry or answer asks. but i will no longer be opening this app daily or #uploading my queue so when whatever's in there now runs out that's it! #I'll still be active on patreon. slightly less active on substack and medium. and wolfgang and i will still be doing the podcast. #but i need to take my time back tbh and this will help me do that hopefully. hope ur all as well as can be <3 #tcp

[battlesluts]

You can keep your "discourse", I'll be down at the river !

#my butch taught me how to fish today and it was genuinely very fun and peaceful. #feels connecting to nature in a way that just like hiking doesn't. less touristy. #especially for us since like we're actively partaking in the ecosystem tryin' to find guys that might be big enough to get food from #I dunno feels connected to the reality of the world in a way that is very lost in the modern day. i can get why people love it.

[bonefall]

Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("

Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(

And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.

And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.

What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.

And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.

But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.

#I just wish people could be more critical of this #And im not entirely anti-retcon. Mind you #But I am here because i think these retcons make them WORSE characters. It's BAD for a character to GET a book with a redemption arc and-- #Then they don't change at all and act like totally different people later in the timeline #And Leopardstar is the worse one between her and Blackstar BECAUSE she has sooo many active choices here #Im confident in my choice for BB the more I think about it. Leopardstar's dismantling of the bonehill was good #But it works better as a tragedy imo with the rest of the series in mind #That for a brief moment. A fleeting whim. She could have changed. #But she never did. #And Blackstar who was FAR less repentant at the time DID eventually turn around. #At the end of the day one of them appointed Hawkfrost as codebreaking deputy. #And the other did not. #And I think it's fucking bullshit the way that Leopardstar's retcondemption implies that Hawkfrost was just so tricky he mislead her #The old and experienced leader who had been fooled by a tiger before and was soso sorry for it. Just got tricked. #Like fuck off. She never had a redemption. Stop trying to tell me she did 15 years later #She's a girlboss who empires too close to the sun in pursuit of power and drags everyone down with her #Not a sad weepy smolbean #Bone babble #Warrior cats analysis

[cherrycoloredphoenix]

... just as Mother once said farewell to me, all children must grow up and leave their parents.

#genshin impact #elynas #mamere #you gotta wonder how much neuvillette knows about the nonsense going down over there in the village #n e ways I am very normal about the melusines #i wonder if elynas knows that mamere has left #his “life” from the revival is over but he was around and active before then too so #maybe it just means he's less lucid now? #my art #i hope we meet them again. all of them

[sweatermuppet]

transsexuals AND transgenders. kissing

#people rlly think i have smthng against the transgender label just because i don't use it personally 😭 #girl i still use it!! just way less. & my most popular shirt is promote transgenderism. which was an active word choice #cuz i used to have a encourage transsexuality one too

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

Due to this being the strike week for Palestine, I wont be posting any quotes for the whole week & instead reblogging any helpful posts that support Palestine that I see. [This includes the Headcanons blog as well.]

Please help out in anyway you can!!! Even if you cant donate, spread the word. A free easy thing you can do daily is even to just click a button.

Twitter seemed more active and posted more information & aid last time so please look there as well!

#again twitter is more active so i suggest you go there however please spread & help out as much as you can here as well #one person or post makes all the difference!!! #this account & my main will have the most reblogged things since thats the best way i can spread info #as for the less important things: #Due to tumblr having a shit way to edit posts in the queue some posts will still get through [hell you cant even edit/delete certain posts] #The lyric blog especially won't let me change anything so its just stuck posting daily #again please reblog & do as much as you can this stuff really helps #not a quote but still important

[tereferka]

Worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps you occupied, but it gets you nowhere

I am very happy to present to you all my fanart I made for @vashwoodbigbang event! Made in collaboration with @snowpoet123 - author of the absolutely amazing bittersweet fanfiction that you will be able to read on her AO3 account! And here is a direct link to her work❤

Thank you @snowpoet123 for everything, it was fun to illustrate your work 🧡

#vashwood big bang #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicolas d wolfwood #kuroneko #trigun #trigun art #its been a while since i last drew anything #i just had definitely less time and inspiration for drawing lately or even visiting tumblr really #and i guess now i won't be as active as i was few months ago but im gonna do something from time to time #but still i see almost every time i am here some likes and reblogs. its so nice of you guys thank you #im really glad i decided to participate in this event. otherwise I wouldn't have drawn anything during this time i guess #and the opportunity to draw them in this peaceful way was also the best thing i could have got

[cozy-the-overlord]

Catching up on the whole watcher situation because I ironically stopped watching their channel regularly because I didn’t like how expensively produced their shows were compared to Buzzfeed Unsolved’s simplicity

#i didn’t have a problem with them changing the way they did things or anything #like it made sense that they would want to have a significant departure from their Buzzfeed style after leaving Buzzfeed #i just didn’t like it as much #so i would only watch occasionally if i needed something to listen to in the background #the fact that they are now trying to put their content behind a paywall #because production is so expensive #is wild to me #like imo the production actively made the show less enjoyable #why are you spending money you don’t have on it??? #idk it just makes me sad #like i know the YouTube documentarians i watch are probably going to end up doing videos on this #usually with those videos i’m the one from the outside looking in on some drama around a person i’ve never heard about before #but i was a fan of ryan and shane since high school #I have some of their Buzzfeed unsolved merch #it’s sad that people i looked up to turned out to be so out of touch on so many levels #watcher

[invinciblerodent]

So, uh.... my boy has finally got a boyfriend, I finally got Gale's second romance scene, and... man. I have a LOT of thoughts and feelings, and woefully few words to describe them. (But I'll try to keep it vague, lol.)

I honestly love how the writers didn't shy away from writing this to be something so earnestly, unapologetically STRANGE, but so heartfelt and romantic. That Weave scene, while it sounds weird on paper, I honestly don't think I've seen a romance scene that was more representative of a character before. I already felt like I related to Gale quite a bit, but now, I feel like I see him on almost a whole new level. Now, he showed just how deeply INTENSE a man he is.

Yeah, there is a bit of showboating in him (though I've always kinda seen that as less of a "look how awesome I am" and more a "look how useful I can be, please like me"), and overall he presented a pretty restrained image- but now, with that recolored by this, I feel like it all goes to show how he really just YEARNS for someone to know him. It most shows in how after telling him that you love him too, he immediately throws all his doors open, invites you in, whisks you away to the part of the world that feels most meaningful to him, shows you all that he feels important- the Weave included.

He wants to show you everything, to share all that he feels is himself with you, be DEEPLY, INTIMATELY KNOWN by you... and he just wants to GIVE you so much, show you so much love, so much pleasure, so much OF HIMSELF, that just one set of limbs, just one of him isn't even enough! He wants to melt into you, hold you with more limbs than a human could ever possess, become one with you and give you all that he is while taking in all that you are...!!!!

And all he wants in return is that you accept him, with a his... unusual, eager, awkward, kind, smart-mouthed, somewhat melodramatic, loving, silly, deeply DEVOTED self, and his love that feels so vast, he wouldn't be able to fully express it even if there were three of him. This man is so full of love for you, he's all but bursting at the seams.

I feel... emotional. I don't think I've ever been THIS moved by a video game love scene (I can't even bring myself to call it a sex scene, these mfs didn't just have sex, they made love), like I know that feeling!!!! I've FELT that before!!!!! And I, as myself, a person, not as someone roleplaying a character, felt weirdly SEEN just now!!!!

I'm just overall very impressed.

.... Oh, and the way he drops on one knee to kiss his new, dwarfy boyfriend? Just adorable. I know all companions do that when they touch a shorter player character (I still love the way Karlach crumpled into my boy's arms in the hug scene), but it still feels kinda special.

(You just know these two assholes are going to be so deeply OBNOXIOUS about being in love. Like yes, they already were, but now that they know their feelings are mutual, they'll be like... fkin holding hands while traveling, and cuddling by the fire, and all that cutesy shit. God, I'm so endeared.)

#squirrel plays bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 gale #bg3 gale romance #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #what a way for Arvid to end his 35 years of celibacy #he won't be able to wipe that dopey look off his face for at least the next day #I'm sure there'll be some... less esoteric and more MORTAL activities too but.... yeah this had to be their first time #it set the bar very high though for sure #i also instantly got why his romance is strictly monogamous #yeah that felt less like sex and more like trading parts of their fkin souls #i fully get it now #that was the perfect first time for them #(i also just went for a long rest because I wanted to swap Gale's spells out whoops)

[the---hermit]

28|04|2024

I rarely journal on Sundays because it's my rest day of the week so I don't get much done. Today I didn't get much done either but my head is full of thoughts and this is a good way to let them out, as well as to remind myself that bad days happen and it's okay. To be fair the whole week was bad, and I am still in a ill mood. The weather is not helping at all, it feels like it's November with so much rain and cold, and I have no energy whatsoever. I did take the day to rest, I finished the book I was reading, read some comics, listened to comforting podcasts. I did everything that usually makes me happy but my mood didn't improve, it just got worse as the day went by. I have been feeling nauseous and sick all day and anxious and I don't know if my bad mood comes from my body being unwell or if it's the other way around. I decided to give myself the freedom to decide last minute if this week I want to atten to lectures. It would be a short week made of only two lectures overall, and I decided to skip them I am just going to sens an email to the professor asking her if there's materials I can read to fill in what I miss in class. Part of me wants to force me going no matter what, but I am trying to learn how to listen to my body and look for alternatives when I can. We'll see what tomorrow me will feel and what I'll decide to do.

#was this just a way to put out my thoughts and feel less guilty about feeling tired and bad? #totally but it worked a bit so fuck it #watch me actively fighting my guilt response and try to listen to myself and take care of myself #studyblr #studyinspo #uniblr #university #student life #journal #journaling #studying #knife gang #mine #the---hermit

[doctorwhoisadhd]

one thing about me is that i am aroace. please take everything i ever say as the opinion of an aroace person who will relationship anarchy everything on the earth. do not forget this

#ari opinion hour #any time i talk about any kind of sex it is in an entirely aroace relationship anarchy way. there is no such thing as romance also #romance is in fact less real than sex imo #at least sex is an activity. romance just straight up does not exist To me

[melrosing]

poll bc im curious.

#this doesn’t refer to when you joined a specific fandom but literally whenever you first explored online fan activity #how you define ‘online fab activity’ is up to u I guess #anyway I am for some reason super intrigued by fandom dynamics…. #like sometimes I think the way you act in fan spaces has much less to do w your age and more when you first entered these spaces #so whatever I’m just wondering about the split at least in my more immediate orbit…..

[unopenablebox]

my mom recently reminded me that when i was in 5th grade my teacher would periodically report to her that i was "sneaky" because i would ask to use the bathroom during class and instead go retrieve things from my locker that i had forgotten to bring with me

and even at the time she thought this was ridiculous and obviously not representative of an intrinsically deceitful nature, fortunately for me. but it's really extra ridiculous looking back on it now as a 28-year-old research professional who has to double back into the room i just left for some combination of gloves, tube rack, ice bucket, or samples at least once a day, a quality absolutely no one cares about or would ever make me justify to another person and which i therefore don't have to tell contrived lies about

#i did eventually develop more capacity to check for an essential list of items before going somewhere less accessible #e.g. if i am going to teach or to a meeting across campus i don't like. forget my laptop #but something that's down the hallway??? for a non-time-bounded activity? #i am probably never going to develop the capacity to have 100% of those things every time i go somewhere and it just. doesn't matter. #my school was less weird about this stuff than a lot of places i hear about and most teachers would e.g. enter negotiations about a way #for me to hand things in that i would actually consistently remember was happening and could show up to. so usually i was fine. #but it just made it more notable that this person thought i was like. an inveterate liar. because i wanted to go get the 1 notebook i forgo #out of the six books and notebooks i was supposed to be carrying around that day #without getting publicly scolded for being too disorganized to adapt to future life stages. #box opener

[waterberry-strawmelon]

just gonna go ahead and say this in advance—

if Riz does indeed come out in junior year, and he says, “I’m ace” or “I’m asexual” when referring specifically to his lack of romantic attraction, aromantic people are allowed to be upset about it.

#because yes of course some people irl say ace to mean both bc that’s how they personally identify #but in fictional media the distinction is necessary. especially with how few canonically aromantic characters even exist in ANY mainstream/ #popular media. #I assure you I’m not invalidating anyone who is ace and they mean that to include lack of romantic attraction. #But to look at this from a MEDIA PERSPECTIVE its irresponsible to do this w/out clarification that they also know the word aromantic exists #because otherwise that’s just a conflation of asexual and aromantic without any nuance #and an erasure of aromantic people who are not asexual. #Plus—name a single fucking time a character in mainstream/popular media has said the word aromantic. #Because I can name several instances where they say asexual. But I can’t think of ONE where they say aro or aromantic. #(Maybe that Isaac kid does in season 2 of Heartstopper? But I haven’t seen it so I’m not 100% sure.) #anyways. #the way this fucking fandom—and ANY fandom with a canon aro character—discusses the aromantic spectrum #is blatantly just to remove their own personal guilt for shipping that character with other characters and erasing their orientation. #because yes aromanticism IS a spectrum!! But when people talk about fabriz and say ‘he can still be ace!’ (Which is aro erasure) or #‘he can still be aro!’ They never SHOW riz still being aro or having any kind of complex relationship with romance. #I’m angry and I’m allowed to be. #I get that a ship you liked may be hard to let go of or something #But I’d be much less mad if all the fabriz fans said ‘yeah I know Riz is aro in canon and he and Fabian would never get together. #I just like to imagine it sometimes in fiction/fanon!’ Then that would be a WHOLE different conversation #Because then they’d at least be acknowledging that riz doesn’t feel romance in canon. That fabriz is something that actively #Goes against the canon characterization of one of those characters—and that’s fine. Just fucking ACKNOWLEDGE IT. #But most of these people either WANT fabriz to be canon/believe it WILL BE canon #OR I guess feel uncomfortable confronting the fact that they ARE erasing riz’s aromanticism so they don’t even acknowledge it at all. #fhjy #fantasy high #d20 #dimension 20 #riz gukgak #aromantic riz gukgak #fhsy

[novantinuum]

going apeshit rn

i'm working on a short SU fic that i had at one point labeled as abandoned, i have two other SU one-shots i am plotting out as we speak, one of those one-shots is going to have a comic intro,,,

we are well and Truly back in it gang

#jen's SU phase 2!! now with WAY less self loathing and absolutely NO fandom discords! #(the fandom discords cause the self loathing) #i'm gonna crush this so hard and have so much fun this time #jen rambles #mind you at this point i'm just following my muse wherever it leads #i still have tons of loz stuff i am in the active process of working on too and that makes things even better #i don't have to 'marry' myself to any one fandom i can just drift between what makes me happy in the moment