#kinda thinking i'll delete it later?

[ghost-proofbaby]

I Am Once Again Asking For You To Share Your NonFandom Writings

(No but in all seriousness, I think we'd all love to see your stuff! I'm curious about the eye poem now haha. No pressure, obviously!)

please nonnie i love you but i truly think you're the only one 😭😭😭 i'll share the eye poem though beneath the cut to satiate your curiosity and prove to you that my nonfandom/personal writing is terribly boring! go crazy (i had to screenshot and break it up into two photos my bad)

#thank u ily #please be gentle if you read this it isn't just some silly funness about fictional characters 😭 #it is my actual real life writing ya know #not to say my fics aren't also that! #also i'm not good with poetry #i wrote it to challenge myself #idk #it can kinda fit to eddie though if i squint #the difference in fonts will drive me crazy because screenshots but oh well #kinda scared to share this haha #kinda thinking i'll delete it later?

[yandere-daydreams]

i think twisted wonderland might actually be my favorite game,,, ever, ig. not even vn game just game. absolutely adore the new update. "do you want a little room to keep your guys in" ofc i want a little fucking room. i'm gonna put so many guys in there you don't even know.

#the controls are kinda tough but i'll get the hang of it #i think i will make them a lamp today:) #personal #delete later #twisted wonderland

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

this is mostly in jest but heads up i might not post official art besides small doodles for a while because my drafts ran out and these past two weeks have genuinely been destroying my mental health so I don't have the capacity to do anything seriously art-related right now

#personal #random #blog stuff #might join a magma but i think that might be it #i have one small witch eclipse doodle but after that i'm gonna have to restock #and i unfortunately can't cuz my brain went kaput after a 17-page essay and too much stress on top of fasting #i'm a little under the weather as a result cuz my immune system took a hit from lack of sleep and sudden decrease of food #and also the idiots i'm forced to interact with have been stressing me out so #that combined just kinda ruined my ability to draw #i have a break coming up soon so i should be able to come up with something by then but #if i don't here's why #that's why i opened up art requests for whoever wants to do that #cuz i don't really have the ability to come up with stuff rn #i'll still be on tumblr cuz i like it here but #no non-doodle art this week and prob none next week too #so uh yea sorry bout that #anyways #will prob delete this later #(also sue and salty i absolutely love your aus they are very dear to me)

[pekoeboo]

feeling Emotional tonight and i ended up crying ugly tears thinking about Khalan again. it's always the songs from my character playlist that get me good, man 😭

#if i knew how to do animatics. BOI #y'all would be in for a treat #but alas i cannot ;n; #so it's just something that will forever stay in my head and only i will cry about because idk how to share what i see with the world #i just. ugh. i love khalan so much #the thing that was getting me specifically tho was like. #thinking about how much Aya changes him when they first meet #how she encourages him to be brave. to go beyond his comfort zone and be More than what he believes he can be #idk maybe i'll share the specific song if anyone's interested #putting this on my art blog tho because it's about my oc #i'm kinda trying to get over my strictness of how i manage this blog #and sometimes let myself post things that aren't always Just Art #anyway sorry for all the tags #might delete later idk #my ramblings #text post #oc #khalan al shariq #primordial smp

[vocaloid-song-showdown]

the poll for how to arrange the brackets just finished with proceeding as originally planned winning!

so, without further ado, here are the lineups ^^

note :: songs with a * next to them may require a content warning. i'll provide specific warnings as soon as i have the time, but as of now please proceed with caution

main matchup bracket ::

alice of human sacrifice* by yugami p / fear garden* by chaa

magnet by minato p / romeo and cinderella by doriko

world is mine by ryo / world's end dancehall by wowaka

triple baka by lamaze p / the disappearance of hatsune miku by cosmo p

meltdown by iroha(sasaki) / luka luka★night fever by samfree

fire◎flower by halyosy / trick and treat by oster project

daughter of evil by mothy / dancing★samurai by kanimiso p

rolling girl by wowaka / matryoshka by hachi

madness of duke venomania* by mothy / alluring secret ~black vow~ by hitoshizuku x yama

senbonzakura by kurousa / outer science by jin

doubleganger by kulfiq / mikusabbath by utsu p

jinsei reset button by kemu / common world domination by pinnochio p

the fox's wedding* by masa works design / tokio funka by takamatt

heat haze days by jin / patchwork staccato by toa

six trillion years and an overnight story by kemu / lost one's weeping by neru

aishite aishite aishite by kikuo / echo by crusher p

setsuna drive by taki yoshimitsu / yoake to hotatu by n buna

a fake fake psychotropic by kairiki bear / therefore you and me by tadanoco

my r* by kurage p / i'm glad youre evil too by pinnochio p

chururira chururira dadada by kurage p / mkdr by deco*27

blessed messiah and the tower of ai by hitoshizuku x yama / 86 by dasu

law evading rock by neru / nakakapagpabagabag by dasu

sand planet by hachi / ghost rule by deco*27

monster by kira / hated by life itself by iori kanzaki

cause i'm a liar by mcki robyns p / honey i'm home by ghost

hole dwelling by kikuo / bring it on by giga

meteor by divela / seraphim on the ring by mitchie m

the court jester by thquib / casino by azari

king by kanaria / villain by teniwoha

lower by lanndo / phony by tsumiki

higanbana milk tea by vane / scapegoat by ghost

queen by kanaria / bug by kairiki bear

honorable mention bracket ::

electric angel by yasuo p (original), giga (giga arrange) / freely tomorrow by mitchie m

po pi po by lamaze p / go google it by wintermint p

black★rock shooter by ryo / bacterial contamination by kanimiso p

i like you, i love you by gevanni p / first love academy • school of true love by nem

(also a quick general note ! i don't have everything ready for a formal polished reveal at the time of posting this. i plan on updating this post with links to the songs and also a visual bracket when i have the time. they'll definitely be up soon, so make sure to check back in a bit for them ^^

i'll also make sure that reblogs are turned on for the final version!)

#vocaloid song showdown #sorry it's just a list for now i promise i'll update it and make it look nicer as soon as i get the chance :'D #i'll also add the playlists to the final post so those will finally be out soon too ! #but for now it's just a quick little post to get the matchups out sooner rather than later since this is already kinda behind schedule :') #anyway it's still kinda bonkers to me that only one person nominated po pi po and electric angel #those songs used to be Everywhere it felt like #and unless i continually missed it no one sent in llevan polka :( #(to be fair itnisn't originally a vocaloid song. idk if i could fully qualify it bc of that but still shocked that it got no nominations) #oh also ! until i have the image finalized if anyone thinks any matchups should be tweaked at all feel free to lmk ! #i was mostly judging popularity based on nominations and view count (reprints included) but it was hard to tell for some ??? #like i remember a whole bunch of reprint channels getting deleted or privating all their videos and i'm sure that impacted some view counts #and rolling girl in particular has a lot less views than i thought it would ??? #it's not a small amount by any means but it also seems to be on the higher side of the average for the final bracket songs #it was also unsurprisingly the most nominated song #so some of the matchups were a bit weird and wonky to put together fhdkfh #(especially echo actually too ? it got 2 nominations and barely made it but has the highest view count out of all the songs last i checked) #anyway all that to say if anyone wants to give feedback on the bracket pairings i'm open to it until i get the formal version up ( ^^)b #additionally if i missed any songs that should have some sort of warning please let me know fhdkdh #i added them only off the top of my head so i might've missed one #(the final version of this will have more specific warnings too. potential flash warnings as well) #EDIT :: changed up within 24 hours to up soon #i wish i could've had everything together within 24 hours but things came up and i need just a little more time :( #but i wanna get started on voting monday (february 27) for real this time ! no more putting it off :'D

[syncrovoid-presents]

I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies

Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now #graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated) #now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups) #a Task Manager/Planner #Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect #plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes #our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people?? #crunch time is.. so rough.. #its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before #i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate?? #did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it #could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat #im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha #anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst) #it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room #(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons) #<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday #i just kinda. exist. @:P #i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me) #but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity! #anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh #wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this #i promise im normal #@:|

[thethingything]

I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #emetophobia tw #vent post #<- I guess? I mean it kinda sucks but I'm not that upset about it right now #anyway this is partly from the Cotard's delusion and partly because we also get delusions involving being parasitised #I think they're kind of linked together for us. like there's a similar vibe to them somehow #anyway the Cotard's delusion is like... it flares up every so often and gets really intense #but otherwise it's mostly just there in the background as like ''yeah that's a thing we experience'' but not affecting us that much #it's hard to explain how we usually feel about it when it's not flaring up really intensely #but at the moment it is flaring up so it's like... okay I guess this is what we're doing for the foreseeable future #idk we might just wake up later and be like ''oh never mind'' or it might flare up for a few weeks or whatever #also talking about this is wild because like I've definitely mentioned us having it but I'm still aware that everything says it's super rar #even though we've met multiple other people who have it and we had it for years without knowing it had a name or anything #but I'm still paranoid about getting fakeclaimed because people like to be like ''that's so rare. there's no way you can have that'' #like idk what to tell you buddy my brain is convinced that I'm dead and that my organs are decomposing. I'm not happy about it either #being able to double-bookkeep and know we're experiencing a delusion also makes it weirder #because it's like yeah I know it sounds ridiculous and is technically impossible but my brain has decided that none of that matters #and me being like ''well that can't be true'' feels like being in denial so even though I know it's a delusion #a lot of the time it's easier to just lean into it and go ''okay sure I guess I'm dead. who gives a shit'' #anyway let's see how I end up feeling after talking about this because either I'll post it and be like ''yeah this is fine'' #or I'll get paranoid about being fakeclaimed or people being like ''what the actual fuck'' and end up deleting it

[sureuncertainty]

i’m trying so hard to just rip the bandaid off and come out as trans to my family but IDK HOW TO PHRASE IT AND I CAN’T CALL THEM AND TELL THEM i’ve been trying to come out for literally years now and i never know how but they’re coming to visit next month and i have to tell them by then bc everyone here calls me percy and it’s kinda dumb that I haven’t told them yet at this point, like they probably KNOW ALREADY but I just can’t seem to do it I just freeze up I just can’t oh my god, at this point it’s hardly even anxiety (although that is part of it) it’s also just... FRUSTRATION at not being out and not being able to be, like I wanna change my name on social media and get my personal instagram account back, I wanna just be open, i just literally don’t know how. 

it’s been like 5 years since I realized I was nonbinary, I’ve been using the name Percy irl for like 2 years now, I’ve been not using my birth name for even longer, I live on my own away from my family and my entire community knows me as trans and I’ve put this off long enough but at this point it’s not going away and my parents probably KNOW already I just need to tell them so I can change my name on social media and not have them be like what. i just literally genuinely do not know fucking HOW like do I be casual about it? do i send them a text? Email them? I cannot do it over video chat or over phone, like I literally just Won’t if i try to, I have so much trauma from the last time i came out but THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS AT THIS POINT I GOTTA TELL THEM HOW DO I DO THAT I’M A FUCKING ADULT AAAAAAAAA

if anyone who is an adult trans person who came out to their family late (as in after they moved out of the house completely) has any advice for me please please please help me I am begging (but only if you fit those criteria, otherwise I don’t want any advice you have i’m sorry) 

(and if anyone tries to tell me “you don’t have to come out!” or whatever, save your breath PLEASE that’s not what i’m asking at this point it’s fucking STUPID that i’m not out to them as trans and I’m TIRED OF IT I’m tired of living a stupid double life i just want to be able to be myself fully and then if people don’t like it they can get out of my life but i’m tired of not telling people)

#win rambles #this is incoherent i'm sorry #i just.... need need need need to tell them it's like..... burning inside me it's so frustrating #i know i need to i just don't know how #and i don't even know what i'm scared of!!! of them being disappointed in me? they already are they've been since i came out as bi forever #ago and moved across the country with my partner!!! #i think i'm mostly just worried they're gonna be offended that I dont' use the name they gave me #and also there's the whole they still kinda think i'm christian thing #which idk how to even APPROACH that whole discussion #i think maybe also part of it is that when i'm not out to them it's fine if they misgender me but then once i come out to them then they'll #be misgendering me on PURPOSE and i don't want to have to deal with that #anyway i'll probably delete this later it's super personal but if anyone has advice please

[aureliawisenri]

cloud datacenter stress test more like queue simulator player patience test

#text post #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #i'm not sure what i expected. #i wonder if it would have been better or worse if i'd started an hourish ago when it opened but i was busy then lmao. #cloud servers often have poorer performance than physical servers #so honestly i think it'll be a miracle if these don't shatter apart under the strain. #i was kinda surprised they're even considering it because i'd swear i recall them previously talking about it not being an option. #anyway i guess i'll see what the queue times are like while i eat dinner (so far they're ugly) #and then my ass is back to doing other shit again. i thought it would be fun to participate but #i'm not wasting hours in queues for a character that gets deleted in a week. maybe later if it gets better.

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then...... #...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it? #cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a- #anyway #now it's midnight. #and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I...... #i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now. #....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted. #.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work

[recklessmoss]

it’s kinda funny of me to quit a job after just a week but oh my fucking god this was the most miserable work experience of my life

#it was from SO many aspects good lord #not bc the job itself was that bad or anything but tldr #I got publicly humiliated for other people's mistakes. I had to take a bigass fall for THEIR shitty job and also the boss was just a dick #spent thursday and friday coming home sobbing bc of it all #so yeah i'm fuckin out good riddance ✌ holy hell. #i'll probably delete this later cause i dont like getting too personal on social media but i'm just baffled about this whole thing #like i think the way the bossman kinda slammed the phone in my face at end today when i called to quit is like. a little telling.

[bednbunfast]

eepy

#☕️ | chatter #im so !! tired #i wanna go to bed but the lack of sleep makes me less hesitant to do things so... #anyway shoutout to that one memory of an security guard accidentally calling me sir instead of ma'am i think about you a lot #like...that one memoery make me think so hard harder than me solving math problems #LIKE THE MOMENT MY MOTHER TOLD ME THE GUARD PROBABLY MISTOOK ME FOR MY DAD WHO WAS WALKING BEHIND ME I GOT KINDA DISAPPOINTED? #brain. brain you fuck what does this mean. BRAIN. WHY WOULD YOU KEEP THAT MEMORY. #anyway its engraved within me now i keep remembering it every now and again and it makes me afraid #i'm happy with myself!! really!! maybe... #i dont know im comfortable in my own body so i dont know where that came from #i'll probably delete this...later

[arcadequeerz]

Posts I scroll by because I dont care.

#Cade.Txts #im sorry some people r rly just uppity n pretentious about the backrooms n its annoying but also equally funny 2 me #like idk man. write the kinda shit u want then. instead of complaining and saying other peoples content is bad. just cus its #something u dont like....just a thought... #'massacred' god. who cares. #i'll delete this later i just think this is rly funnie n annoying.

[elf-bot]

the only thing i was (and still am) concerned about is all the nonsense negativity, fanwars and h*te former twt users might bring here, it gives me a little bit of ~anxiety~

#i'll try to get over it though #i just get surprised seeing people following me a lot #i know this applies to every active elf user in tumblr too #still is kinda weird and i'm a bit scared #also i was used to the fact elf tumblr was almost dead lol #i hope is just me thinking the worst case scenarios #trying not to burn out again #might delete this post later #don't make h*ting someone a personality trait here pls #sun.txt

[vesuviu]

every time i stop taking my meds i hate my mom with such intensity i think i might kill her

#like this isn't even a joke #how can someone that sacrifice so much to me and always put my life before hers drive me insane like this #our codependency is so intense i don't think i'll be free while she lives? it's THAT nuts #this is kinda venty i'll delete later but yeah #to be the daughter of a mother is a never-ending curse #personal

[analyticallymindedaa]

thinking about jemma, how she's very much not into the whole one night stand/hookup thing, very rarely ever does it, except in the ~year(-ish) after she first leaves shield. she's never been particularly great at dealing with things like emotions and trauma, so she looks for distraction, anything to keep her mind off of what she's seen, been through, what she's left, especially as it all comes crashing onto her after she left and she doesn't have all of shield to keep her busy.

so sometimes she goes to a bar, goes on dates that she doesn't plan on turning into anything serious, and will end up going to a hotel with some guy. sometimes it will turn into a recurring thing, but she only ever plans for it to purely be a distraction, something that will get her out of her own head for a little while.

she's entirely aware it's an unhealthy coping mechanism (especially given it isn't even something she particularly likes to do), but for a while it's the only thing that she can think to do that isn't even more self destructive. however, with the biggest things she's looking for in these interactions being the distraction that it provides, the way it can silence her brain for a while, and the validation it can bring, it can lead to less than healthy dynamics, since she's not great at looking for red flags in the first place, and even more so when she doesn't intend on it becoming anything being serious.

by the time she starts settling into a more permanent place, is no longer so transient (roughly around a year after she's left shield), she's largely left this behavior behind as she is actually attempting to more actively deal with everything.

#this is not at all where i planned on this going #this is kind of a mess and a wordvomit and i'll probably reread this later and hate it and delete it and rewrite it but #long story short jemma deals w shit bad and wants to turn off her brain #you were made of galaxies with nebulae coursing through your blood and meteors in your eyes – headcanon. #this ofc doesn't apply in verses where she's in a relationship w someone when she leaves #(or leaves shield w someone in general; not even necessarily a partner) #idk i've just been thinking abt this a lot lately #they also tend to not last very long bc uhh if it does she gets Attached #which is why she doesn't usually do this type of casual thing in the first place #so ig if anyone wanted to meet her that way and see her being a bit of a Disaster #who gets attached to people entirely too quickly and then becomes genuinely attracted to them #ngl tho i do kinda want smth like that #let her have sb she hooks up with several times and then ends up getting Attached