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themoonitselff · 10 months

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Love Letters | Kurapika x Gender Neutral! Reader

Warnings: Slightly mentions of depression, just angst and fluff. THIS WAS MADE WITH TRANSLATOR, BE GENTLE. Any suggest is fine💖

Summary: You always send poems to Leorio, but they arrived to his best friend.

You lived on the other side of the world, you were a writer known for your novels who worked in a bookstore to support your few earnings in your works, you had several friends, among them, Leorio Paradiknight, you knew him for a long time, since you were teenagers, but you took different paths, he was a doctor who helped those who could not afford his treatments, and a hunter who survived the dark continent, while you went for the artistic faculties side and a more peaceful life, but what could never be erased since you met him were your feelings for him. You usually write to each other from time to time, he tells you about his adventures with his friends and the reckless things he usually does with his money, and you respond by telling him about your new ideas for new stories, you were so close but yet so far ....

This time, you found yourself determined to write him poems anonymously, with your writer name, because he thinks you put your real name on your books, but you didn't. You took a pen and started writing, every word was aligned with your heartbeat, every sentence seemed to be taken out of a fairy tale, and the way you expressed yourself was different from how you used to talk to him, you were cordial, polite, kind, and flattering, you finished the letter and when you read it, you were surprised with your own words.

"My dear, your beauty resembles the luster of a pearl.

Delicate, brilliant, unique.

Let me be the golden chain that complements you, because from me you will never fall, golden prince."

Short, but ethereal.

You put it in a beige envelope, and sealed it with red wax, next to a daisy, finally you added perfume as a detail, and wrote his address, your heart almost coming out of your throat. The days passed, and became weeks, and the weeks became 2 months, and he still didn't answer, but he kept writing you normally and he didn't answer your anonymous letter... Did he get it? Did he like it? Did he know it was you? Does he like you?

2 months before

He was in his room, a depressing room with four walls and little light, next to the mess that all his discomfort was causing, he was rotting in the agony of revenge, the thirst for power and seeing the face of those who took his family away from him in silence. Suddenly, a ding dong chimed at the front door, Kurapika felt a strange feeling in his stomach, since no one knew where hr was staying, not even his friends.

He got up from his dying bed and opened the door.

"Good afternoon, this letter has been sent to you a few weeks ago, from [Your continent]." mused the delivery man, he seemed rushed by his tone of voice.

"A letter? "Kurapika took it, it had a postcard and it smelled quite nice, you could say the scent made him wake up.

"That's right... Well, I have to go, I have more things to deliver!" and he ran off, leaving the young blond behind him at the door.

"Wait! ... Damn!" Kurapika exclaimed, he went inside his apartment and closed the door, looking carefully at the letter.

It had vintage details, and it was in perfect condition, it had no Nen on it, it was a harmless letter and not a trap from any of his enemies looking for him: The Chain User.

He sat on the couch in front of a short legged table, and opened this letter carefully, unfolded the sheet and read the text carefully, it was very short, but the words embodied provoked a different feeling in him.

Warmth in his chest, tickles in his ribs, butterflies in his stomach. He was enraptured. He saw the author's note and his eyebrows went up, his favorite author of novels was writing to him. To him!? It couldn't be, because they didn't know each other.

"I have to return this letter, this is a mistake" He muttered, he was about to leave his place when, again, that feeling in his chest attacked him, it's like when fire embraces you with its burning embers, but it didn't burn, not at all. His intrusive thoughts wouldn't let him give it back, even if his morals attacked him, an internal struggle with himself not to be nosy and steal something that isn't his, use the identity of the author's lover, maybe.

But how bad could it be?

His feelings and illusions ended up winning over his brain, and he went to a table to write in response to that beautiful poem that caught his attention.

It sparked an interest in them.

You didn't think he was going to answer you, but he did, week after week waiting at the letter carrier's office for his message, and viceverse, both were in love with each other, but without knowing each other yet, you thought he was Leorio, and Kurapika didn't know who you were. But what you both knew is that soon, that was going to change, you were planning a flight to Japan just to see him and reveal him your identity, who you were, you never thought that Leorio could be so serious, mysterious and charming, you could say that even the writing was different(MAYBE BC HE'S NOT LEORIO👹), but it doesn't matter, you fell harder for him, you were going to meet in Yorkshin specifically, on an iconic bridge of the place, you couldn't wait to meet his lips with yours, his eyes pierce your soul and connect both of your bodies.

The day came, you got your bags off the plane and went to your reservation at a luxurious hotel, at this point you were already loaded with money from your excellent sales, it was no problem where to stay, you dressed up as best you could and 10 minutes before you were already on site.

When you arrived, no one was there yet, you sighed with relief, you didn't want Leorio to notice yet, you ran the risk of losing the relationship you had with him for a long time, but a part of your heart said it didn't matter, we were all born to die.

Minutes passed and, he still didn't arrive, you stared at the lake below the bridge until the Sun set and you gave up, your crystal clear eyes ruined your facial routine and your feet were tired of waiting, telling yourself what a fool you are for believing that someone like him would set his eyes on you.

Then, a tall, blond, pale-skinned man stood next to you, you didn't notice him, it was as if he had appeared out of nowhere, you jumped in fright and then realizing you were crying, you wiped your tears and looked away.

"Excuse me, do you know where [xxx] is? "You asked him to leave at once, your foreign accent was noticeable for miles.

"It's six blocks from here." He answered dryly, without looking you in the face, his eyes were droopy, empty, they didn't shine despite the evening illumination, his aura was mysterious, dim, interesting.... But you already loved someone else.

"Thank you." You thanked before you left.

Before you turned around, the stranger turned to see you, your appearance looked similar to him, he searched in his memories who you looked like until he realized that you were that famous writer, he didn't hesitate to go behind you to take your arm and stop you.

"Excuse me." He said, you turned to look at him confused, tilting your head slightly waiting for him to explain himself. "I... I know you."

"I don't know who you are.." You said, still dumbfounded.

The stranger looked lost, as if he was searching for an excellent answer, he was silent for a while, you just rolled your eyes and disengaged from his grip, going on your way.

Then, you heard his voice again behind you.

"Wait!" You saw him again. His eyes unlike the first time you saw them, they were bright, flashing red pigments, you could feel a good feeling from him, from his very formal dress, his long straight hair, his style so.... Hungry for life.

"Yes?"

...

"I'm your prince... Your golden prince."

THIS WQS MESSY I KNOW I MEAN I DIDN'T EVEN MADE A MASTERLIST HAAHHAJA IDK HOW TO MAKE ONEZ ANYWAYS

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sailorsenshishitposter · 2 months

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Until it finds my dreams have disappeared

I've been debating about whether or not to post this for a while. Mostly because I use my tumblr to post dumb stuff or act as a distraction from stress. I'm getting kind of tired with people though. This isn't something exclusive to the Metal Gear franchise (far from it) but it's something I've noticed happening quite frequently. Metal Gear has many characters with horrible backgrounds that suffer from PTSD/CPTSD and many mental health issues. I can't help but notice that there's a trend in the younger crowd (isn't mgs exclusive) that whenever there's a heavily traumatized character (I've only seen it happen with male characters but I assume the opposite does happen) that they considere attractive, they will simp for them and post things unironically.

It's like they see someone who they think is attractive and start actually going "NO I CAN FIX THEM! THEY'RE JUST SAD LITTLE MEOW MEOWS". Like it's fine to make jokes but when you see posts that resemble those weird celebrity fan pages bordering on obsession I think it's time to take a step back. I get some people identify with characters which is fine but they'll completely ignore said characters actions and be like "sure they killed all those people but I'd totally let them cut me up if I had the chance to smash" when the person in question isn't even real. Or there will be a character that's traumatized so badly that they think that if you just cuddle a person like that and baby them then you can fix them. I guess I'm mostly just mad because I feel like usually these are young kids who still have a chance for a good life but they're very ignorant about how people affected by trauma can be.

It's not some cute, quirky thing. It changes your whole world and your beliefs, especially when it starts in childhood. You can technically put this for any character that meets the criteria but personally for me I would have to choose Monsoon from Metal Gear Rising. He grew up with no choice but to kill to survive and witnessed the Cambodian genocide along with working for the mafia and nearly dying from that. I don't really care if someone has a crush on a fictional character, personally that's none of my business. What I'm tired of is seeing frequent posts that range from "uwu my soft cinnamon roll baby" to all the graphic smut on here depicting tortue.

I can't speak for everyone but personally I find it demeaning when being coddled by others. Yes, I went through things but please don't treat me like a child. It feels insulting. I also have no problems with BDSM but I can only take seeing so many posts that basically allude to someone drawing a character about to be raped for their own personal enjoyment. It's especially bad when people make stuff of that for characters who have already been held hostage or enslaved (I'm looking at Vergil x Mundus shippers specifically).

Trauma is not something that you can help someone overcome. It consumes them and becomes your entire world regardless of how it came to be. In fact trauma is often passed down through genes. Though you may not have someone else's memories you will have the same reactions to traumatic situations that those before you did or your body will adapt to that kind of environment. Hypervigilance can be passed down through epigenic changes in DNA.

This is where things get personal for me. Though I've never met them, I know I come down from genocide survivors. I'm either third or fourth generation. I'm not exactly sure what they saw but from what I've read it was common to see various forms of torture. One method was to stick babies in the sand and then trample over their heads with horses... Based on the family I could find and knowing their location, they must have survived the death marches and I'm unsure if they were at the final killing fields or not. That's not even mentioning everything they had being taken away from them and seeing everyone they knew suffer horrible fates. To this day bone fragments will still rise from the ground, the bodies of the dead never having been put properly to rest.

I'm unable to travel there but if I could, I couldn't help but feel like I'm being swallowed by death. Why am I here but so many perished. Then on to my father. I don't know much about him and he passed away when I was a child. All I really know about his background was that he came from a wealthy family. It was common for his friends families to have guards outside their children's bedroom doors. We lived in a western country where it was "safe" (he wasnt originally from where I Iive) but I remember he wouldn't sleep at night and would seem like he was looking for something during the day. Sometimes he just stared like he was waiting for something to happen but nothing ever came. I don't want to say that he was an intentionally cruel person, just that I don't think he had the capabilities to act like a normal human being. I was raised with a mindset of being better than others. That is to say that I wasn't supposed to have weakness. It makes sense looking back. He survived having his body messed up and I was told he survived assisnation attemps (corruption is huge down there so it's not like police could do anything). Nothing was said after so I assumed he killed whoever was after him before they could kill him. Pretty much a kill or be killed mindset.

Growing up I realized he was hard on us not to hurt us but because he thought it would make things easier for us in the future. I know it must have been even worse for him if he thought that this was being kind. Anyway he passed away when I was a child and long story short but for whatever reason my family couldn't get in contact with us so I never received my inheritance but that's for the best. I don't know how well I would have handled it at nine if I knew there was a possibility of being kidnapped or killed for the money or because someone had a grudge against my father.

I guess I always knew I was different but his death really solidified that. I was used to having to be tougher but it seems like my older sister and mother couldn't handle it. They already cried one time when we couldn't see him (which was often) and once the news broke I just remember everyone sobbing and screaming in agony. I didn't feel anything though. I realize now that it was dissociation but no tears would fall and I understood what was happening but it felt like I couldn't emotionally process it. At some point I have no memories up until a certain point. Whenever I have some sort of traumatic situation happen I suffer from dissociative amnesia. I'm not sure for how long, I just know that there are large gaps in my memory.

Right before my memories vanished I can remember not wanting to exist anymore. The day after I was surrounded by all the sobbing and knew that I couldn't let myself die. If I did I would just be trying to escape from my pain and would place it on my family. So for the last two decades I haven't really had a dream or anything to look forward to. I've just had a goal of trying not to die. There are many more traumatic things that followed which I won't get into but I dislike telling people my life story since they just give me looks of pity or seem like they want to ask how I haven't killed myself yet.

Unfortunately the kill or be killed mindset has been passed on. While I've never harmed anyone, I have recovered memories involving someone I trusted keeping me against my will and unspeakable things happening many times. I've had frequent nightmares since then and didn't know that my situation wasn't normal. By the time I was a teenager I found out that I didnt have to live my life in fear and allow abuse to keep happening. I've decided since then that I'll do whatever I can should I be faced with a similar situation in the future. I can only fight back to stop such a thing from happening again. It will most likely never occur again but it still affects my life everyday. I can't go out in public without someone I trust and even then I still scan the whole area and look for an escape route. I shouldn't have to feel like everyone around me is a possible threat to my safety and freedom.

I don't think people realize just how calming the rain can actually be. Not just the light stuff but heavy rain. It acts as a soothing white noise that drowns out your thoughts and feeling it hit your body also distracts you. I won't say when since it could reveal my location but within the last few years I was outside during a very bad storm that had frequent wet microbursts. It destroyed all the trees in the area and I almost died but I felt oddly calm. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. There was so much wind and rain that it resembled blowing snow and there was so much water hitting the ground that it would form waves that would zoom so fast and then crash only to repeat the process over and over.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm annoyed by all the sexualization of people with mental health issues. With the way some people act towards characters that don't exist, it worries me how they could treat real people going through similar situations. And on the other hand please see trauma survivors as real people. Many of us had to survive on our own and you thinking someone being terrified is just a shy/cute trait that makes them adorable is infuriating. I can't tell you how much I hate the latter. I'm so sick of people thinking that I need someone to spoil me with affection and protect me to the point where I feel like I'm being treated as a baby. It just makes me feel more weak and pathetic.

#kurapika #kurapica #nelo angelo #monsoon mgr #vent #tw genocide #tw trauma #metal gear solid #mgs #metal gear rising #metal gear rising revengeance #I feel like some of you didn't listen to the lyrics of the stains of time #ptsd #complex ptsd #tw ptsd #childhood trauma #abuse survivor #mgrr #mgr

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