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starwikia · 3 months

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suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

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b3achysurfer · 7 months

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I really wanna talk about this scene where “Logan saves Ashlyn” because I really believe it’s more than just that

I’m gonna be referencing mostly episodes 34, 35, 43, and 44 just in case you want to do your own digging 😋!

for starters I kinda bugs me when people brush this whole scene off as ‘Logan saving ash’ because 3 things:

1.) Logan saving Ashlyn didn’t really feel natural! mans was allllll the way in the graveyard, he was scared, it was dark, and he didn’t have any prior experience with using guns. but he still somehow did it in 1 shot. I honestly feel like that bit was so that he can’t be excluded from the later celebration and so that him being left behind had a purpose.

2.) ASHLYN WOULDVE SURVIVED WHETHER OR NOT HE MADE THE SHOT!!!!! if anything we’d probably learn a lot more about the phantoms if Logan had never shot his gun.

3.) I feel like Logan making the shot was suppose to distract us from the important lore aspect we see during the scene. we already know red loves throwing in foreshadowing and small hints for us. Especially when these hints get covered by other scenes so that we only notice them after we get the new information and we re-read old chapters. We can see an example of this in the same episode when Taylor offers to go see why Aiden was screaming and Tyler quickly takes action instead and sends her upstairs. it’s obvious that going back outside was the more dangerous option which is why Tyler told her she shouldn’t do it. But at the time many people brushed this off as Tyler caring about his sister as much as any brother would, and a part of his ‘jock/I’m bigger and better than everyone’ attuide seeping through. then later on in chapter 49, we learn about Tyler’s promise to always take care of Taylor and their mom, and we see how their safety is always his priority even if it’s to much for him. Taylor’s frown makes a lot more sense after we get this context.

Anyways what I’m trying to say is that I think Logan saving ash was suppose to draw away our attention to the whole reason he was even able to get the shot in the first place.

Ashlyn is convinced she’s gonna die here and this is her last effort to live. So very strong emotion. But pay attention to her voice box thing. It’s black and has the red streaks around it.

The phantom immediately pauses, as if it understands her. Also, it’s aggression vanished as soon as she spoke. This being LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL HER pauses and starts to question her!! In some twisted way Ashlyn can communicate with phantoms, or at the very least they can tell there is also a connection between her and them. This is literally so important and it’s not talking about enough. Even though no one has ever tried speaking directly to the phantoms before this, I do think this trait only belongs to ashlyn. For starters we already know that she has the strongest connection to the phantom world, and she’s the only one who can actually hear them. Her parents also said that they saw the phantoms after ashlyn was born. This is important for later on.

The only other time we ever see the black text bubble is here when Logan is mad (chapter 42) his shadow has also changed to his phantom world-self. Notice that even though his actions are connected to the phantom there is no red streaks next to his text box?

The fight obviously shows again that they affect the real world because their emotions and phantom and blah blah. This is all stuff we know. But hear me out! View their actions as if they are part phantom.

Ashlyn’s commanding them to do something while feeling strong emotions. Her text box is black with the red streaks again. Just like it was during the scene that ‘Logan saves her’.

And just like the phantom, all of them freeze and their violent behavior disappears. The fact that it’s all in sync and they all stop immediately shows that they didn’t just stop because their friend told them to. They stopped because Ashlyn’s commands have some strength to them. And remember earlier when I said think of them as part phantom? It makes sense why her commands would work, because it’s frozen a phantom before.

AND LOOK!!!! THEY SOUND JUST LIKE THE PHANTOMS! The fact that this guy doesn’t react to that statement means that his organization already knows this. They already know that the kids are partly related to the phantoms. Ashlyn’s especially.

I guess this can split into two ideas:

1.) Ashlyn’s becoming part phantom the fastest. And I don’t mean that she’ll eventually become a full phantom but idk how else to phrase it. Her words can already be understood by phantoms and they have enough impact to confuse and stop phantoms in place. The phantom tilting their head at Ashlyn was kinda like ‘how did you do that?’ .

2.) Ashlyn’s connection gives her semi-control over phantoms. This could be a skill she has to develop over time but the fact that her words were able to break that main cast out of their anger and brought them back into reality shows that they CAN listen to her commands. Either she’s not strong enough yet to control real phantoms or she can only stun them, ash was still able to communicate with the phantom.

That scene is such an important building block that people just brush over. I just don’t see a lot of people talking about the fact that Ashlyn can talk/control phantoms in a way. Or maybe she can’t and all of this means smth else but it’s still so important.

Also before ppl jump on me for saying Ash would’ve lived w/ or w/o logan:

Aiden was literally two seconds away from getting to ash. Plus the phantom was stunned. We don’t know if this hesitation would’ve lasted long or not, but it would’ve been enough time for Aiden to crawl to the top of the roof or for Ashlyn to kick it away. Ashyln was also in shock though so I’m not sure she would’ve been able to do much. But if Aiden saw the phantom on her he would’ve went crazy bro. Do not touch his girl ❌🙅‍♀️❌ All jokes aside though, we definitely would’ve learn more about the connection between Ashlyn and phantoms if Logan didn’t shoot. Not blaming him or anything but I’m just saying.

ANYWAYS THATS ALL THANKS FOR READING!!

#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #sbg #sbg theories #sbg posts

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inahallucination · 10 months

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famous au but um dumb

@cowboylexapro

if the poets were on social media and famous this is what they'd be known for

(age somewhere between 19-21)

todd

tumblr blog name: toad.anderson

ao3 name: toad.writes

he's technically anon but not rlly

sexiest tumblr account known to man - he's a fanfic writer and an au poster with some occasional og stuff that floods his inbox with asks begging him to publish his og work too - what fandom does he write for? all of them.

his bf proof reads them all even if he's never been in the fandom

he writes fics for his friends when they get famous

in between his novel worthy fanfics are shitty fics of his friends

his followers get rlly confused

he wrote a neil x reader fic until straight girls started claiming it and he took it down becuz the reader was him

todd on his blog: guyss… im so sorry but im taking the neil x reader fic down… im sorry if i offend anyone but the reader was me ❤️ not you - i don't like you all claiming it

after taking down the x reader, he does a neil x oc but the oc is him but with green eyes

neil, after the oc gets described: todd the only person im seeing is u tho 😦 and u have blue eyes

eventually his relationship with famous tiktoker neil perry gets revealed and ppl realize he's not just an obsessed fan

after neil says the thing blog: toad.anderson: guys my real name is todd anderson everyone: omg we wouldve never guessed

after neil and him go public and ppl dont believe that neil is gay he alternates between seething and writing neil fics and taking joy from neil's confusion

todd points out comments that are obviously thirsting over neil and neil still doesn't realize he's being thirsted over

"neil be the father of my children!" "oh i think they meant that in a godfather type way"

todd, at a breaking point, suggests that neil and him post a kissing video but neil doesnt wanna be one of those shawn camilla couples - respect

what if he posted them kissing but he made a historians will call them bestfriends joke but then ppl did🧍‍♂️

"my bestie and I 🤩 " "NEIL PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK UR SERIOUS"

neil

tiktok name: neilliard.at.julliard

accidentally tiktok famous for pretty face, charming personality, acting abilities - the theater kids had a claim over him orignially but he's pretty mainstream now

comment section full of old grandmas trying to set him up with their granddaughters

everyones dream bf until he posted about his own bf

neil: my boyfie has a big tumblr and he writes a lot and he really likes frogs and he is also blond and heres his address

hes kinda oblivious about everything

"you want a close up of my collar bones? why ?"

reading comment "'show your abs?' its nice you think i have abs! only my boyfriend can see those tho 😉 "

the comments go wild

people are stitching it screaming for different reasons

all his fans r screaming into pillows bc HES TAKEN NOOO

people are trying to figure out who this mans boyfie is

"he has a boyfriend??" "he's been straightbaiting us!" "NOO HE'S TAKEN" "IS UR BF AS HOT AS U" "look at the way his eyes lit up when he said bf i love love" "this video shows an aspect of society that-"

"tell us about ur bf" and he makes a week worth of videos but its all random stuff

"my bf looks pretty in blue" "my bf likes to put salt and pepper on his fries" "my bf has hair"

the straightbaiting comments come after him posting about pride and having a pride flag in the background of his videos <- they say things like "he's such a good ally"

people attack others in the comments who ask him if hes queer "NO NEIL ISNT GAY NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE GAY HE COULD JUST BE A REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FRUITY STRAIGHT GUY WHO LIKES GIRLS"

"are you gay neil???" -> "not everything has to be gay ppl can just be allys and btw by assuming every ally is gay, ur actually hurting the movement!!!" -> "i asked becuz he said he wanted to kiss his boy best friend on the lips in highschool" -> "he meant it heterosexual-ly"

someone asks him what his type is and he describes todd to the t and they think he likes a short haired blonde

"he likes girls in sweat pants not skirts" "his type isnt ppl in skirts" -- neil would love todd in a skirt but thats not the point

his type: "he's really shy, gorgeous, short dirty blonde hair, uhhhh, really smart, and So much more :))"

he could say my boyfriend is a man who i am dating because i am gay and they would still try to straight-ify him

a grainy video gets leaked of a short haired blond guy jumping into his arms and ppl say things like "its just a girl with short hair"

todd hate writes a neil x male reader fic

he asks his friends for help and they post todd's face everywhere on his recording set

he makes a video like "meet my toddy"

in the video todd says he's a boy and he's todd and he's neil boyfriend 3485757 times and neil is like "omg babe i love u too <33" becuz he doesnt Understand

some ppl r still in denial or think he's bi w/ a preference for girls

straight girls like him becuz he has a pretty face and a general respect for women

during prom season, he gets dmed a lot of websites for buying prom tickets

"don't worry guys! i know i said my high school time was rough, but i actually did go to prom with my bf!!"

charlie

twitter name: therealalpha

most popular podcast name: daltons intercourse

joke/bait account ppl took seriously

The Alpha that other alpha posters bow to

says stuff like "SIGMA MALES KISS ALPHAS ON THE MOUTH TO ASSURT DOMINANCE"

the twitter alphas buy into him so bad he's making podcasts and doign interviews and he has no clue how tf he got here but he's riding the high

he advocates for being alpha via kissing ur homies

when he gets famous he begs todd to write a fic about him

todd agrees pretty easily tbh

"ARE YOU EVEN AN ALPHA MALE IF PPL AREN'T WRITING GAY FICS ABOUT YOU"

charlie posts things like "no homo" "only the real make out with their homies" over those black and white pics of muscle-y dudes w/ no context after the neil video he posts "he homo" over one of them w/ no context

at first ppl try to attack him but then theyre like wtf is going on here and realize he's trolling the alpha community

when no one realizes neil is actually gay he makes a podcast episode talking about how he thinks neil is gay gay homosexual gay - he's holding a cigar and wearing a tight hawaiian unbuttoned shirt like "lets talk about this gay gay theater gay boykisser man"

made by @cowboylexapro

pitts

youtube name: gerdoesstuff

joint youtube name: idkman

homework help and crafts videos youtuber - relaxed vibes only here to be calm

he gives study and concentration tips and encourages ppl to seek help and companionship and not suffer alone

he paints mugs and looks for bugs

he was on charlie's podcast and they discussed the alpha-ness of making pottery

todd wrote a pitts x reader fic becuz ppl begged him to

pitts printed it out and framed it and put it in his filming set up

he's a regular on meeks podcast too btw and meeks is a regular on his

but when meeks is around things explode so

he has a second channel with meeks where they do silly experiments

theyre posting schedule is non-existent and they also do streams but they never tell you so their viewers just have to hope and find out

knox and him are planning on making a movie review channel but its still not fully thought out so

he makes couple mugs for todd and neil when neil asks for help

he wakes up at 2 am and sends todd prompts

anytime he learns a fun fact he sends it to todd on the off chance todd may need it for a story at some point in his life

anytime he reads anything he's like damn neil will love to act like this character and lets him know about it

he sends charlie alpha podcasters to make fun of

at some point he exposes cam's shitty handwriting for the giggles

knox

instagram name: knoxious.ur.mom.ious

he posted a short on his instagram talking about how he just learned hair grows from the head and not the bottom and blew up for being a dummy - he doesn't know whats going on but he's having a blast

he stirs up drama but on accident

he was on pitts youtube before

out of everyone here he's the only one not making content he's just vibing

eventually he ends up posting background footage of everyone doing dumb shit

when it comes out theyre friends ppl stalk his instagram to find more proof

after that he starts to stir drama but more consciously

hmm what else - idk he's just chilling, getting called out for being dumb and watching his friends do dumb stuff

oh wait when he makes that short about the hair a bunch of commentary channels post about it and he takes it like a badge of honor

cameron

instagram name: cam.studies

pinterest name: cam.studies

one of those aesthetic studying accounts on insta and pinterest - takes nice shots of his homework and his pen collections and his study desk

except its only for the pics his handwriting is atrocious - he has like one page or paragraph of pretty handwriting to post and the rest is scribbled chaos - his pens are never organized by color, theyre just thrown in a box, and his desk is filled with papers and books and never looks clean but its fine he's just here for clout

he ends up sponsoring and reviewing businesses that make those cute study supplies so now he has a hoard - or at least he did until his friends started taking them

he groaned about the cam.studies x {random ass ppl} fics todd wrote but he thinks theyre funny and has them bookmarked

he went on charlie's podcast and the two argued for half of it and then explained how as two alphas they would settle their differences by kissing

his friends help him angle his aesthetic shots at cafes and shit

he got exposed eventually as a fake becuz ppl (cough) posted his real notes which were messy and disorganized

but he played it off as a commentary about how the internet is fake and got more sponsorships

he judges todd and neil but is eating popcorn at the front seat of the drama

meeks

podcast name: chameleon hotel

youtube channel name: idkman

meeks makes a podcast for very stupid intricate crimes. he has a cult following of bisexuals

its stuff like drama over a tree being taken down

"the locals even called their beloved tree 'ole alvin'"

charlie: todd write a meeks x ole alvin fic

he has standards, so he does

he went on charlie's podcast and convinced ppl that being with other men allowed u to suck in their alpha-ness and become the ultimate alpha

but generally he just makes his little silly videos and makes cryptic posts about the neil todd drama

has a joint channel w/ pitts

is up to date with the neil thing and is the one to send neil updates

he tries to convince neil to act out his podcasts (with a lot of success lmao)

he tries to convince todd to write fics based on his podcasts (also with a lot of success)

as payback for the ole alvin x meeks fic he convinces todd (very easily) to write a bunch of dumb charlie fics and todd agrees becuz he has standards

no one actually knows that the poets know each other

they eventually post a group photo

"we need to cancel neil perry for being friends with an alpha podcast guy" "nah thats just charlie"

"yall know hes bi, right?"

"he literally has a podcast about how sucking dick as a man makes u the ultimate alpha male"

it does explain why charlie's alpha podcast go from tiktok actor, tumblr fanfic writer, instagram study blog, fellow podcaster, hw help tiktoker in between his satire of normal alpha tiktokers

half of these things are like copy and pasted from our conversation btw so dont blame me for them

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spotsupstuff · 11 months

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What is your take on how The Cycle works in Rain World?

Because I was reading the most recent post of Sparrow and it said that she died and came back, but then in other post it said she reincarnated as someone else??? It left me a little bit confused

i gotchu, good fellow, doncha worry (reminder to the lore nerds out there that this is Specifically my take on this with which i am Not tryin to stick to the canon lore with teeth n nails. this is my very own bog to trudge through)

SO in my for-the-serotonin take that we constantly poke at here, there are Actual Gods present (based off of the existence of the Void Worms, spun a lil more wildly outwards into world-building). they had been forgotten or forsaken by a lot of the population in favor of their little man-made gods aka the Iterators

the only places where the faith in them survives are the ones where the folk culture persists still. so Sparrows is technically a pagan! this whole eradication of the original local believes happened as a result of religious colonization of the whole world by a culture originating in The Wellspring. think what happened in Europe with pagan believes and christianity

this came to me when i realized how fuckin weird it is that the ENTIRE planet went through with the Mass Ascension. where's the cultural variety? Somebody would have resisted, somebody would have stayed- some branch of culture and belief would have looked at that n wouldve gone "are you stupid what the fuck, that's not how That spiritual aspect Works. get lost with that" because the religions just wouldn't match

either way- the existence of the Folk OG Gods is important to know, because this whole "die, but come back to life again the next day" kush was a gift from one of the Gods!!! one of them thought that it is unfair that a life should be cut so early, that an individual should lose all that they've developed in this life spontaneously, often because of things they couldn't even control. it was meant to be a mercy. a near bottomless bucket of second chances to pull from and keep trying living the best and happiest life one could possibly lead

The Wellspring Ancients with the belief that took gloobal control and then the Extremist of that religion however started propagating this blessing as a curse. so little haters syndrome

reincarnation as a different person happens when one is too young or too old

when kids die they don't come back as the same people because their etheric and astral bodies haven't been developed fully yet and are therefore not rooted in the smaller cycle of Respawning since they aren't whole yet when elders die they don't come back as the same people because their energy for life at that point is largely depleted and they cannot hold on to the Respawn cycle, so to speak. so granda can bitch about the younglings on his lawn as much as he wants but he better fuckin stay indoors if he wants to stay past the Respawn expiration date

that's how reincarnation that we are familiar with in real life happens in RW! some things from past life still stay with them even into the next life. Sparrows' past life consisted of studying and fucking around with technology a lot, so when she was born as the person we know her as now, she was a techie prodigy

just like in actual Buddhism, person's karma at the end of their life determines where and as what they will be born. Sparrows sucked at the religion shit in the past life as well so she was born into lower, less comfy life than her previous one. and just like in actual Buddhism, an Ancient can be reborn as an animal or a plant if they sucked with their karma REALLY badly across multiple lives

#Spot says stuff #rw #rain world #sure ill throw it into the main tag for the fun #oc tag #stating again!!! this isnt meant to be canon lore complimenting!!!! dont lecture me on this im doin my own thing #i THINK that is all the thoughts i have to it currently -squints- if anythin u can ask for more clarification as always we might end up-#-developin smth neat together at the end of it who knows #my inspirations for this are ofc buddhism and then theosophy

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rexam6er · 1 year

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Kiss me!

Pairings: pablo gavi x messi!reader

Warnings: google translate spanish

Summary: y/n messi is the only woman in the men's football team and she decides to kiss gavi infront of everyone

A/n: i'm thinking of making this a series, also, request are open :>

Things weren't exactly easy for y/n messi when she signed the contract to be the first woman in the bacelona men's team. Everybody doubted her, she got a massive amount of hate and death threats, but that didn't stop y/n from becoming like her father.

She proved every one of those comments wrong. Just from her first match in the field againts sevilla she scored two out of the 4 goals barcelona scored, and she assisted every one of those goals.

She was now on the way to camp nou with her new secret boyfriend (pablo gavi) in the passenger seat, ready to go againts real madrid.

"Are you nervous?" Gavi asked looking at you, he and you had been in a relationship for almost two months, he insisted on keeping it a secret since he didnt want you getting any more hate even though you told him a million times you were okay with it.

"A little bit, but its only because of one reason" you answered not looking at him since you were driving

"And what is that reason?"

"Well you know how i told you that you are the first man that i ever dated?"

"Mhm" pablo nodded his head

"Thats doesn't specificly mean that you were the first that i went out with." You winced finally looking at him and stopping at a red light

"And what does this have anything to do with the match?" Gavi questioned

"I went out with vini jr." You stated

"WHAT!?" Gavi shouted with his eyes widening, gavi's emotions start feeling like confusion and jelousy at the same time, how could a guy like vini jr almost pull of a girl like y/n.

"Why didnt you tell me?! I wouldve kicked his ass a long time ago if you told me!" He exclaimed

"That's the exact reason why I didn't tell you, and calm down you have nothing to worry about, I'll always be yours" y/n looked at his eyes and leaned in for a kiss

Gavi smiled and kissed her back.

y/n went in line and made it out to the pitch, people were screaming, chanting, and holding posters to support both Barcelona and Madrid.

y/n went into position and started.

Pedri has the ball and passed it down to y/n, as soon as she got it she immediately ran as fast as she could to score a goal

as just when y/n shot the goal someone jumped in front of the ball and blocked the shot.

and do you wanna know who blocked that goal? VINI FUCKING JUNIOR!!!

y/n was so frustrated that she was almost ganna throw hand, but then she remembered that a yellow or red card isn't on the agenda today.

Vini got up and winked at her "hola mi princesa" he teased "¡No soy tu princesa!" she shouted at her "whatever you say mi princesa" y/n just rolled her eyes and ran off trying to find the ball

gavi of course saw that scene, he felt like he wanted to just punch vini jr in the face or just tell him that y/n is his and that he should back off, but he couldn't do any of that so he had other things in mind

it was now the 86th minute, none of the teams had scored making y/n more and more stressed

but just then Lewandowsky passed the ball down to y/n and she ran with it, Gavi following her on her left side

just as she was near the goal, it wasn't possible for her to score since there were at least three real Madrid players in front of her, so she did the most smartest thing ever and passed the ball right over to gavi making him score against real Madrid

Gavi immediately ran celebrating his goal and all of barca players ran to him to hug him

y/n ran to him and hugged him in the front, her hands around his neck god he was so sweaty but he still managed to look good smiling down to her "KISS ME!" Gavi shouted because the crowd was screaming so hard "WHAT?" y/n asked thinking she misheard him

"I SAID KISS ME!" he shouted harder "ARE YOU SURE? IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE?" she assured

"YES, I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT YOURE MINE!" all y/n could do was smile, got on her tippy toes and throw herself at him kissing him as hard as she could, popping out one of her legs

Gavi smiling in the kiss because the crowd was getting louder and louder "LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A KISS RIGHT HERE FOLKS" the commentator shouted as the camera zoomed in on them

Gavi opened his eyes for a second in the kiss to take a quick glance at vini's face, and he was very satisfied with the look on his face making him kiss her even harder

just as she pulled away, she looked him in the eye and kissed him again but only for 5 seconds since the game needed to actually start

and after the game, lets just say the couple got too comfortable at his apartment

#pablo gavi #pablo gavi x reader #fc barcelona #barca #vamos #pedri #lewandowski #messi #messi!reader

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heyyallitsbeth · 2 months

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so i let the hyperfixation win.

over the past several hours i rewatched Sword Art Online and SAO 2.

(this time dubbed, last time i watched it subbed)

here are my thoughts:

-anyone who said the dub was bad is just wrong. Kirito's VA really shines in the more comedic or sweet moments (like when first meeting Yui), he reminds me of like a Peter Parker. and oh my lord, the breakdown by Suguha's VA was just a masterpiece. Still have chills from watching it.

-i have such a big appreciation for every character. This time it really shined through how good of characters Kirito, Asuna, and Suguha actually are.

Kirito's internal conflict throughout SAO2 is so good, grappling with their actions they needed to take in SAO to survive. and throughout all of it you can tell how much they truly loves their friends and family, and how kind hearted they really are. Asuna definitely fits into that role as well, being so ready to take care of Yui and so desperately wanting her to be safe and loved and cared for.

And oh my gosh Suguha. I remember people absolutely hated her arc because it is problematic, but the fact is, it's played entirely serious, her feelings arent taken as a joke. She has a genuine and real internal struggle for feeling things she feels she shouldnt, and how she feels those feelings arent reciprocated or cant be reciprocated, and having her heart broken twice by someone who she loves and someone who also does still genuinely love her. Its absolutely heartbreaking to watch.

Man, Sinon is still fantastic. She's still my absolute favorite, and I think she is one of the best characters in the show, and pretty much steals the show from her introduction. Her arc ties in so seamlessly with Kirito's and how they help eachother heal and grow is fantastic. Only complaint is we never got a scene of the rest of the Gals being jealous about the grenade hug she gave Kirito. After Kirito and Sinon nearly died, wouldve been some nice relief so you didnt feel like you yourself were dying.

-Speaking of, while there was definitely a ton of fanservice, the pseudo-harem aspect with the jokes were kinda cute, between characters seeing flirting happen around them, getting embarassed over it, its fun. Especially when people got jealous of Sinon flirting with Kirito over Excalibur. That part was very fun, since they did that infront of everyone else, almost like they were trying to get a rise out of them. Theyre not exactly the pinnacle of comedy, its definitely a trope, but theres something nostalgic about it that makes it kinda enjoyable.

-Speaking of the psuedo-harem, guys if all of you are constantly flirting with eachother (not just Kirito surprisingly, happens between the other girls frequently) and jealous of any affection with that, just start a polycule. You're a group of gamer girls playing MMOs together and all of you have slept in the same bed with eachother. Stop snipping at eachother and start dating eachother. Polyamory is pretty cool. Kirito and Asuna can still be the main duo and be the parents to Yui and Strea; but yall gotta work on the jealousy or just do what every other group of girl gamers does, polyamory. Lisbeth you should not be angrily drinking while watching Kirito and Asuna talk. (this is mostly a joke, im not actually saying they *have* to do a polycule, its more of a joke because of how tropey a lot of the flirting and jealousy is, and yknow, gay girls do polyamory, so dont take this part toooooo seriously.)

-Speaking of girls dating girls, the LGBT rep aint half bad. Argo canonically using both male and female pronouns is really cool! Most of the girls flirt with eachother a lot too, which is nice. Between the female avatar, the willingness to pretend to be a girl, the introversion, the desire to be an avatar in a virtual world more than irl, Kirito might be transgender. All good stuff here.

Overall, SAO is honestly way better than I remembered, even if some parts definitely show its age. You gotta piece it together a little bit with headcanons, but i do that with every show, nothing is perfect. Except Sinon. And a world where trans Kirito is canon. Those are perfect.

#sao #sword art online

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kingcunny · 7 months

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What's your opinion on Viserys and Otto after the Episode 4 confrontation? There's such a difference between what Viserys says and implies to his face and what he says to Rhaenyra.

When Otto makes his report to Viserys, he immediately clocks what Otto is trying to do. (And makes a clear distinction between Aegon as Otto's blood and Rhaenyra as "mine own." OOP.) And then as he's scolding Rhaenyra, he acts entirely oblivious. "What vulture?" Is he putting on act for Rhaenyra? To counter her trying to put blame on someone other than herself? Is it more conflict avoidance?

And THEN he fires Otto, and he's like, "I think you killed my dad. Or at least you were gleeful at the opportunity his death provided you." There's some deep suspicion and resentment going back yearsss in that conversation that had nothing to do with why Rhaenyra wanted him gone.

oh my god viserys accusing otto of killing his dad makes me INSANE. cause no one wouldve told him that? the fact that we never hear daemon or any other character accuse otto of the same thing means this is a theory viserys came up with on his own, and has been just quietly holding onto all these years. and that theory sounds like the paranoid jealous ramblings of a kid on some “youre not my REAL dad” type shit. like Obviously the man who came in to take his fathers place MUST have killed him to steal his position and power. but viserys was like 24 at the time.

about viserys theory, i believe the unknown is the scariest thing of all. humans have a need to try and make sense of the unsensable. i think viserys theory about baelons death comes from that same place. viserys not understanding how his father could go from “a hale and healthy warrior and dragonrider at the peak of his ability” to so feverish and racked with pain that he cant even get out of bed and finally dying, all in the span of 5 days, is terrifying. he doesnt know what an appendix is, a ‘burst belly’ doesnt mean anything to him (just like his own illness, appendicitis would be both undiagnosable and untreatable in their time) . but poison? treachery? thats simple. thats understandable. he can point at someone and its *their fault* his father is dead.

this doesnt take away from anything ive said about viserys and otto before either. even with the belief that otto mightve killed his dad, what other father figure does he have? baelon is dead, aemon is dead, vaegon doesnt want anything to do with him. jaehaerys is so ill at this point hes calling viserys by the wrong name half the time. otto is the only one he has to cling too, to seek that parental affection and approval from. and after seeing how he takes care of jaehaerys during his final years, and prepares himself for being king, viserys starts to put his resentment on the back burner. otto is just a faithful and loyal servant, he has to be. jaehaerys trusted him after all. viserys was just blinded by grief.

when otto comes to viserys to report what rhaenyra is doing the first thing viserys does is almost engage in a strange game of chicken? like he refuses to accept ottos implications of what rhaenyra and daemon were doing, makes him "speak it, plainly" almost either *daring* him to say it or maybe giving him a chance to back down. and i think this is a part of his conflict aversion, if he can pretend its not real then it isnt. but otto doesnt back down, even when viserys tries to offer the out of "youve been lied too", either because he *is* trying to ruin rhaenyras reputation or because he believes viserys should know the truth. (theres that scene right before this were otto looks very upset. either debating whether or not he should tell viserys or trying to mentally prepare himself for what he knows will be a very difficult conversation? considering ottos conversation with his brother in ep 3, im leaning toward the latter, hes just been given a very real reason to discredit rhaenyra. aside- i would KILL for the rest of the hotd script to be released) its the confirmation that his daughter and brother have betrayed his love and confidence, and ottos refusal to let viserys remain delusional, to speak it into being almost, that upsets him so much. because now he *has* to accept that this is the truth, to deal with each of them, and the knowledge that Someone Else Knows. (both otto AND alicent now) and im wondering if the distinction between "your blood" and "mine own" isnt a freudian slip at this moment, both revealing that he does not view alicents and his children as 'his' and a resurfacing of those old paranoias about ottos ambitions with the new knowledge that otto has been spying on his daughter.

speaking of daemon actually, something interesting when viserys confronts him, he doesnt directly accuse him either. ("my daughter. wont you even deny it?") he tries to offer daemon an out too, for him to offer up some other explanation for what happened last night. but daemon is all too happy to take credit for taking his nieces virginity.

so when viserys finally confronts rhaenyra about it, he doesnt ask her what happened. just implies that he knows. where she challenges him that he hasnt asked her the truth of it, and he replies it doesnt matter what the truth is, only perception, HIS perception. it doesnt matter what really happened now, just what *he* believes is/isnt true. and both otto and daemon have forced him to accept that the truth is that rhaenyra slept with daemon. but he still doesnt directly accuse rhaenyra of this, because even though hes been forced to accept it, hes moved on to the 'covering it up' phase. if he can pretend it didnt happen, then it didnt. daemon is gone, rhaenyra will be married, it didnt happen and even if it did it wont happen again.

i think when rhaenyra calls otto a vulture it takes him aback a bit. cause how many times in those early days, when viserys believed otto was responsible for his fathers death, or at the very least jumped at the opportunity his death provided him, must viserys have thought of otto in the same way? i think he is feigning ignorance here, for two reasons. the first as a way to shift the blame, but not rhaenyras- his own. his own guilt of letting a man who he does not trust to become so close to him. to have allowed himself to become so reliant on someone who does not have his familys best interests at heart. the fact that otto is using him for his own gain, and viserys even suspected him of this and yet let it happen anyway. the second as a similar sort of game he was playing with otto, to see if rhaenyra will confirm his suspicions about otto. to make her 'speak it into being' so to speak. unlike otto however, rhaenyra does not hesitate to accuse him.

and thats why when viserys fires otto, he does not bring up rhaenyra, but instead the thing that originally made him suspicious of otto - his fathers death.

#i did NOT mean to write this much #turns out i had more to say about this than i thought #viserys i targaryen #otto hightower #asoiaf #hotd #asks #my posts

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elffees · 2 years

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probably one of my favorite aspects about The Quarry are how the “villains” are handled. even saying “villains” feels ill fitting, they all just feel like separate factions with different (but similar) goals.

THE COUNSELORS

“how are the counselors villains” you ask? ill tell you. theyre not villains in that theyre purposely antagonizing the Hacketts, but they are obstacles. the Hacketts have had a solid routine for about 6 years. go out to look for Silas in the desperate hope to cure their family members. and on the one night they decide to take a risk and let their werewolf relatives loose, hoping theyd lead the human Hacketts to Silas, these young clueless teens not only stay seated right in the line of fire, but proceed to have a very loud party in the middle of the damn woods.

they are obstacles in that now instead of aimlessly scouring through the woods, the werewolf Hacketts have just been handed a campfire-shaped-coupon to an all-you-can-eat-buffet. not only is this fucking up the entire plan, but now theres the danger of these counselors possibly getting infected and creating even more werewolves!

with this said, The Counselors arent only obstacles tho. theyre just unaware! Jacob had no idea about the werewolves when he sabotaged the car, nor did Dylan when he suggested a party, and neither did Laura and Max when they kept going to the quarry in the prologue. this group is not outwardly malicious or purposely trying to be obnoxious. they just dont know theres real actual monsters out there. who would?!

THE WEREWOLVES

how the werewolves are antagonists is pretty obvious i think.

but how they arent, isnt! even tho im neutral on their design, the writing behind the werewolves is amongst my favorite out of all the creatures Supermassive has written about so far. theyre mindless creatures with no recollection of their human selves. Nick could damn well be in love with Abi, doesnt matter bc if you miss that shot, hes going to rip her head off. the wolves are a legitimate danger, one you have no control over, but despite that, you dont want to kill them bc fuck theyre your FRIENDS and you know theres a way to change them back!

i dont want to compare but for example, in Until Dawn, there is no way to save Hannah, girl has just got to go. in Man of Medan, 90% of your attackers are the other playable characters, so just choose to chill out and youll be fine. in The Quarry, neither apply to the werewolves. your loved ones will attack you and you must defend yourself, but how far will you go to do so? will you kill them with silver to permanently end the threat? even tho they wouldve been back to normal by morning and couldve even been cured? or will you go easy on them, but risk getting infected yourself, or even worse, eaten alive?

its just so COMPLEX! you want to protect your loved ones, but the “loved one in danger” is constantly changing depending on which person a wolf is hunting down and which wolf is being hunted down. god, its one of my favorite things about the game!!

THE HACKETTS

how the Hacketts are antagonists is pretty simple. theyre trying to attack your ass. Bobby stabs Ryan and he must become infected to survive. Travis can murder Laura out of revenge, and Constance can shoot Laura out of annoyance. Chris and Caleb are werewolves who if you dont kill, will kill you (or just die in Caleb’s case). and this family has a bizarre tendency to just kidnap ppl without a word! Travis kept Laura and Max locked up for two months and barely told them anything! not until Laura “proved” her loyalty and intelligence. Bobby and Jed kidnap Jacob also without a word, not giving a shit about his pleas.

i mean ffs its their fault werewolves are even a danger in the first place. they burned down the Harum Scarum Traveling Show and let Silas loose. the Hacketts are major assholes.

how the Hacketts arent just antagonists are where things get complicated. for starters, yes the Traveling Show burning down is their fault. but if you have Laura and Travis survive to the end, you learn that it was done out of child-like ignorance. Kaylee and Caleb were young and didnt approve of Silas’ treatment, so they came up with the well intended plan to start a fire and help him escape. unaware of how quickly a fire spreads or that a bite from Silas would ruin their fucking lives.

in the present day, the Hacketts kidnap the counselors to either protect them or just get them out of the way (or both). they go about it in a really fucked up way, but theyre not trying to hurt them, quite the opposite, they just have the worst social skills in the gotdamn world. the Hacketts only turn outwardly aggressive after Laura kills Kaylee. the family feels immense grief and officially stops giving a shit, wanting to make Laura suffer as much as possible, especially as shes infected and trying to kill Chris.

the Hacketts are assholes, but they werent always like this and dont want to be like this.

everyone in the game just wants to move on with their lives, but they all have different ways of going about it and a lot of them directly conflict with one another. “whos the villain” changes depending on which pov youre looking through. its so interesting and so well done, and i love it a lot.

#the quarry #the quarry spoilers //#supermassive games #lexi plays the quarry #babbles

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sixosix · 5 months

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IM HERE. IVE ARRIVED. I HAVE THOUGHTS. when i said i might not come back here cuz i was busy? yeah, FUCK THAT. only divine intervention can keep me away from ur account. THE NEW THAWED PART?? WHAT THE FUCK. i wake up this morning expecting a chapter like, late afternoon but i forgot TIMEZONES EXIST . so u can imagine my absolute shock when i check my notifications bar and hit tumblr writer user sixosix posted new thawed part?? dude. the scream i scrumpt when lyney recognized the reader OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. i knew it was over when the flower landed by her feet but him saying her name had me DSINFIDSJFJDS?!?!!??! DURING THE SHOW TOO. HE DIDNT WAIT UNTIL IT WAS OVERIJ DSJUFUDJSFIJDSAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! even rereading that part now as i write has me going crazy like i cant even put my excitement into words its SO?!?!?w??VFDXJDVNDSFNC god. okay. the scene where he grabs THE READER BY THE WAIST. 'CAUGHT YOU' ????? YEAH AND I CAUGHT FEELINGS YOURE NOT SPECIAL LYNEY?? THE GRIP ON THE WAIST. AUUUUUUUGH. ARUEGJHHH. ARHGHHRJGFDKD... IM ON MY DEATH BED!! TAKE ME TO THE BEACH SO I MAY GAZE UPON THE SEA ONCE MORE!!!! the mr lyney. miss lynette. falls to my knees. dies. dies. dies. BUT GOD THE FACT THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD TOO? no wonder lyney chased after her !!!! if my girlfriend (one-sided (?)) turned up alive out of no where i would do the same fr. a real man would drop to one knee and propose right there (grow some balls lyney) LYNETTE!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA BITE HER SOKFDOSAKDASIJD THE SLOW APPROACH LIKE A TIMID CAT AND THEN THE SMIEL AUHGHDJFSKJFD?!w?FDDJNFODSJKFND!!!!! i cant imagine how she felt finding her bff again im so AUUURHGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i know she knocked some sense into lyney afterwards LMAOO also reader pretending to be working under tart... ohh i know thats gonna backfire on her later in the story. ALSO CHILDE MENTION YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i have my doubts about lyney and lynette believing readers lie? absolutely. you dont grow up with someone and not know when theyre lying.. especially lyney. have u ever watched barbie in the dreamhouse?? theres this episode where ken tries to get a job but he doesnt bc each time barbie has an emergency, so he just becomes a (barbie)house-husband.. thats the vibe im getting from lyney and reader the 'i'm happy to see you' from lyney, and reader (kinda?) dismissing it with the 'goodbye miss lynette and mr lyney' ????? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ??????? sending u the number and email to my therapist rn ure paying for my next session. also i love aether, paimons and readers friendship, especially their little banter at the end. ALSO. SIGH. reader calling rosalie maman. when i tell u i screamed i MEAN IT. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I LOVE THEM SO BAD IM GONNA SOB!!!! ............im gonna say, im a bit paranoid though.. youre not gonna hurt rosalie right. righ.t Right. blinking at u. blinking at u. blink blink blink . BLINK. BLIIINK !!!!!!!!!! ok sorry for clogging up ur asks with this . i have no idea how to end this its so long LMAOO. there are so many other parts i loved (brief melusine scene, audience reactions, etc) but i just didnt know how to convey my feelings into words ifgjdifjdji. i love thawed and ur writing SOSOSOSO much and im so excited for future updates!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL I GOT TO SAY!!!!!!! ramble mode OFF!!!!!!!! BYEBYE AND TAKE CARE MUAAAAAAAAAH

HIII LIS!!!!! ohh seeing your asks rlly brighten my day. LMFAOOO your comment actually had me laughing out loud “I JUZT WOKR UP WHAT RHE DICK” HAHSA

YES. DURING THE SHOW!!! i want to emphasize that lyney did not care about the audience or the weeks of practice for this very moment if he sees the reader !!!! HELPPP nooooo dont lie on your death bed yet we still have a few more chapters to go through 💔💔

ONE SIDED GF 😭😭😭 IJBOL he definitely wouldve proposed if it wasnt for aether im telling u. YESSS LYNETTE APPRECIATION i love her so much i try to add her as much as i can bc her interactions w lyney are so fun. Theyre literally siblings 😭❤️❤️

CHILDE MENTION !! this is definitely gonna bite her in the ass later but hey thats for another chapter

YES I E WATCHED BARBIE DREAMHOUSE IMQHAHSHEH thats so funny that you said that im saving that as a screwnshot LMFAOOO

Yes i want to up the angst and pain. reader my self destructive thawed!reader … ❤️ but i also need the therapy please do send my number

Rosalie. rosalie, rosalie, rosalie. our maman. reader’s maman especially. Anyway.

AWW its okay!!! dont ever worry about your asks being too long !! i meant it when i said i love reading through them. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT ❤️❤️❤️❤️ TAKE CARE TOO LIS MWA MWA

#606:inbox #606: plasmacan #<3

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hellfireconfessions · 5 months

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You say that you’re not okay with doxing, yet I have had people call my work, call me, and call the police in my area. You have multiple posts in here making completly false allegations, and still keep up a page made purely to harrass people. Staff wasn’t perfect, but members weren’t either. We were all trying our best to make hellfire a fun place to be. For some people it was, for others is wasn’t, that is clear due to how it all fell down. However, the doxing needs to stop.The false allegations need to stop. At the end of the day, Hellfire was just a server for playing an online dino game. It’s gone. It’s over. Hellfire is dead and it’s not coming back. If you have evidence of something serious, go to the police. Go to discord to get their discord banned. Don’t call someone’s work or the police just to spread lies. Have some humanity for 5 goddamn seconds and realize that what you are doing can ruin lives. I don’t expect everyone to like me. I expect to get hate for this post. I made mistakes as staff and I made mistakes when playing in hellifire, because I’m human. I just wanted to make a place I loved a better place. The only thing I ask for now is that people leave my personal life alone. I’m sorry to anyone I hurt or upset while I was Staff in hellfire, however this has gone WAY too far. I’m a real person. Not just a name on a screen.

mod edit: Doxxing DOES need to stop. HOWEVER Im not the one sending people to call your work, call you, or call the police in the area. You can blame me or the blog for it, but end of day that is purely on the people who did it and not me as a person. It takes a certain level of crazy to even want to dox and im sure if not the blog something else wouldve made the individual(s) do it with how the server was going pre-blog. I have always said i do not condone doxxing and all my individual actions support that. You always do this shit man you blame the collective for individuals behaviors you literally always have done that. This page was made because yall as staff constantly failed to listen to the community every time. Yall chose to both make announcements to everyone informing people who had no idea of the situation, and then act like they should make a ticket when the wrong move was first making the announcement (multiple times for different situations Guri just the latest). Reports were handled bad, yall wanted people to make a ticket and for what? is there any player here who has a good experience with tickets? players dont trust the staff because you dont let them speak, and when they go to yall directly through tickets its just oppression tactics. This blog was made because yall gave us no other place to be heard. We didn’t delete Hellfire, Ladyk did when staff finally couldnt time out the backlash. Its crazy that this blog wouldve never happened if people felt comfortable talking in HF. If its in my power to stop a dox, i have and will, and will continue to do so.

#submission #alula

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afaramir · 3 months

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I love your posts about Denethor and Faramir. I'm always glad to see someone who loves both him and Faramir and gets that Denethor being this hugely impressive tragic figure makes Faramir so much better and more interesting. The relationship between them is so complex and I love it so much. The film versions make me angry as well.

oh man thank you so much...i find it kinda crazy that you're saying this to me bc im pretty sure i have a bunch of posts from your denethor tag sitting around in my drafts so i can look back at them later. many days i feel very much like an Amateur Denethor Enjoyer but i am thrilled that me just kind of being unhinged on the dash has brought you joy. and get ready bc here i go again LOL

yeah exactly what you said...denethor's tragedy informs and is informed by faramir so so so much and it's just kind of wild to me that on the tragedy enjoyers website so many people refuse to see it. on the second-best enjoyers website...the guilt-and-despair enjoyers website...the "the unimaginable has happened and i AM going to kill people and then myself" enjoyers website...i could go on! he is literally doomed by the narrative and just goes well ok fuck you i WILL die at the end but it will NOT be in the way the narrative wants me to.

it is truly the relationship of all time. faramir does love his father and yet because of the strength of his principles he is genuinely incapable of showing it in a way that denethor can understand. and denethor loves him too but after a certain point just cannot show it anymore because duty has to take precedence. he's not allowed to give faramir any quarter even in private. and YES that includes anything that would resemble a normal emotion. ngl i wouldn't be surprised if that's the only way faramir is like. LETTING him communicate with him. like i feel like the final assault on osgiliath is not the first time faramir's taken the "if you want to get me to do something you ARE going to have to order me to do it" stance. and yet denethor tries. at the end he takes trying to an unhinged level. idk it often feels like even in the general fandom insistance on one-dimensionally dickish denethor there's somehow also a lack of understanding that it IS a toxic expression of love but that doesn't make it not love. like He's Not Winning Dad Of The Year that is not what we're saying at all. we're saying is "it was born of love. it was a terrible thing yet born of love." thats all! that's why it's so tragic because it's all about love!!! augh...

ok i don't typically put quotations from my own writing in like real posts but also ive been thinking about the faramir goes to rivendell au 24/7 and i just. HAVE to pull this line bc it kind of captures exactly how i feel about the denethor-and-faramir mutual Character Honing.

Yet he [Faramir] cannot deny that each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other, and it is a debt he loathes to owe and yet cannot hope to repay.

i mean.......like are you picking up what im putting down! like! AAA! both in-narrative and out of it they are always ALWAYS making each other better (or worse. but worse in a More Interesting Way) but AT WHAT COST!!! he loves his father he would not be the man he is today without his father both in a good and bad way he HATES that these two things are true. faramir and denethor are not foils they're parallels they build each other's characters up when you put them next to each other!! faramir is who denethor wouldve couldve been without the war!! hey hang on a second is denethor who faramir would've become if he were the lord steward during the war of the ring? (this is a little reductive i think faramir's susceptibility to despair is quite different to his father's. and i wonder how long his gentleness would've prevailed / worked side by side with his duty instead of being diametrically opposed to it. but anyway. well i'll be thinking about THAT for the rest of the night. i cannot start another au i cannot i cannot i cannot). anyway you can't get one of them without getting the other and that is all...

man i always say like oh don't get me started on movie faramir and denethor and then the don't think of an elephant effect GETS me and it gets me started. last night i genuinely said like "well i won't get into it" and then three hours later it was 2am and it was so very clear that i had Gotten Into It. i had to tell our other roommate like "tell me when ur going to bed i am talking about denethor and i will be yelling." my roommate just came home and i told her about this post and then i had to explain a detail and she SET ME A THREE MINUTE TIMER bc she was like i have to go study. and that's fair

anyway i hope you are having a good night/day/whatever time it is for you. thank you for this ask it is always fun to see you pop up in my notifs whenever im denethorposting lol

#from the inbox #bretwalda-lamnguin #i always get so bitchy when im talking about the popular interpretation LOL #i had to like take some deep breaths and remove The Tone from this post. if its still there thats on me #i feel like you get it #Another 800+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly. when u become a denethor girl (gnc) there is truly no going back...#denethorposting

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fairykazu · 11 months

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operation: is wanname real? ft. scaramouche x fem! reader

notes: this was my yoiscara fic on ao3 but i replaced every yoimiya part with reader stuff

it wasn’t odd that wanderer has a significant other. yeah, he was a fatui harbinger but he said that’s all behind him now. lumine wouldve believed it couldve been childe or hell, even mona. but name? now that’s suspicious. she has discussed it with paimon and honestly, they had different theories. paimon said that wanderer might have been harassing name into dates. but lumine pointed out that scaramouche might have done it but not wanderer and name would never let that slide. two solutions: they’re actually just friends or they’re actually together.

“paimon hopes it’s just friends.” paimon said. lumine doesn’t really care if they’re together or not. she just wants to make sure they’re both safe and if it’s real. paimon agreed. so it’s time for their super secret top mission: operation: is scaramiya real?

the travelers split up into spying the pairs. lumine took up the job for wanderer and paimon asked name upfront. “psst, officer pie nom nom?” lumine asked into her walkie-talkie, an invention she recently got from fontaine. her walkie-talkie picked up paimon’s voice,

“copy that, ying! tcch!” lumine lowered the walkie-talkie as it no longer detects the frequencies. she spotted wanderer’s indigo hair as lumine tried to walk up to him casually. but already, the older male turned around and met eyes with lumine.

he furrowed his brows, already suspicious of lumine’s next moves. lumine nervously laughed as she rethought the process of paimon calling dibs for name and it all made sense. well, wanderer isn’t hard to tolerate, right? just a simple question. “what do you want?” wanderer asked, sternly. she crossed her arms. lumine mockingly mimics wanderer’s crossed arms,

“can i ask you a question?” lumine asked as wanderer’s brows seemed to furrow even more. so scary! she might even leave a permanent dent in her face. almost as if wanderer knew what lumine was thinking– what if he developed mind reading like nahida??? he changed his expression to be more neutral. well, whatever the definition of neutral is to lumine.

“you already did.” lumine rolled her eyes as wanderer still stared daggers into her skin. lumine wondered how paimon’s mission is with name.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

paimon managed to find name nearby komore teahouse. the girl was preparing teabags and packaging up some orders. she looked giddy but more than usual. paimon assumed it could be about anything but it was most likely about wanderer. but not wanting to jump into conclusions, she floated her way to name.

name looked up to paimon as she smiled and waved. she removed one earbud from her ear and asked, “hey, paimon! what’s up?” paimon smiled back. name is outgoing and the total opposite of wanderer. archons, she’s even compared to taroumaru.

“hi name! i have a question,” paimon asked as the taller woman nodded as a signal to say more. she was tweaking on whatever tea recipe she had. “are you seeing anyone?”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

“what?” wanderer said, his face dropping into disbelief. lumine could joke right now that wanderer’s puppet joints were creaking from the shock. the traveler tried to stifle a laugh before saying again, “are you seeing anyone?”

wanderer pinched his porcelain skin, “no, i’m not. why are you asking that?” lumine squinted at wanderer’s body language to see if he still had the tell from his harbinger's days. wanderer scoffed but the little bit of his lips curled up. there it is. he’s lying. but lumine knew that she couldn’t push the anemo wielder a bit more.

“okay okay, just asking because i know you got those admirers!” lumine teased as wanderer cringed. “they were asking.”

“again?” wanderer asked even though he already knew the answer. lumine was in relief that the azure haired man didn’t catch up to her lie. she nodded to wanderer’s question,

“again.” lumine watched the indigo eyed man trying to gain back her composure.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

you were absorbed in your thoughts though your red tipped ears gave it away. paimon waited patiently for your response despite being super impatient the whole time. it was clear that name was fighting herself for how to reply but paimon accidentally cleared her throat. not in a “hurry up and answer way but more like in a “this is awkward but i have no clue how to leave '' way.

“ah sorry, paimon,” as paimon tried to reassure you that it was completely fine and she could be misunderstanding paimon. but you gestured paimon to come closer, “i can tell you anything and you won’t tell anyone, right?” paimon nodded despite crossing her fingers behind her back.

“yes, paimon promises.” you gleamed as paimon had to squint a little because of how much you were glowing.

“okay, between you and me, im seeing this guy and he’s a bit cold at first. but he’s so adorable and our tenth date together is being under the stars in the chinju forest. i think, around 12pm? well, it’s always night there but shhh, he’s so cute.” you overshared as paimon kept a mental note of what you were saying to recount to lumine. although, you were obvious of who it was… kind of. paimon got the memo.

“woah, that’s so cool, nickname! but lumine is calling paimon,” paimon pretended to get a call from lumine. “bye-bye, name!” she nodded as paimon waved goodbye. paimon flew away enough further where you were. she opened the mini map in her tiny backpack, gifted from aether, and teleported to lumine.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

once lumine and paimon were together, they conspired with each other on the next move of the operation. paimon summarized what she heard from yoimiya as lumine recounted her visit to wanderer. “okay, what now?” the pixie asked as lumine tried to make up the next step.

operation: is wanname real? (pt 2. the tenth date)

“you said that the date started around 12pm?” lumine asked, holding a white chalk. paimon nodded as lumine wrote “date: chinju forest, 12pm, go a bit earlier than the pair.” on the board. on the left of the chalkboard, there was a key for colors. pink being name, teal for wanderer, blue for paimon and yellow being lumine. “so the game plan is to find a hiding spot in chinju forest and i think i remember some because of windtrace. do you know where they’ll be?”

paimon raised her hand as lumine stifled a laugh. “yes paimon?” paimon cleared her throat as she floated to the board.

“no, but name said that they’re going to watch the stars.” paimon answered, picking up another white chalk and writing it on the board. it was sprawled next to lumine’s neater handwriting.

“hmm, that could be a cliff-ish area. okay, that’s the plan? any objections?” paimon raised her hand again as lumine gestured her to continue. paimon was still thinking of what to say, scripting it in her head.

“no but what about disguises? do we wear the leaves on our head or wear camouflage?” paimon asked as lumine took out her wallet.

“hm, do you think anything is cheap for–” she dug around the light blue pouch. “– four pieces of mora?” paimon winced,

“no… but do you think we could ask childe for help?” lumine raised a brow,

“we’re not going to use childe as a personal bank, paimon.” paimon’s slight smile of mischief slowly turned into a frown, “you know he would let us!”

“it’s game plan, paimon.” lumine replied as she opened her map. she selected a waypoint near chinju forest. paimon flinched at the map,

“can we not teleport? it makes me feel sluggish.” lumine looked as if she was debating between walking there or teleporting. she left the opened map on the table and came back with a treat for paimon. “here, have this.”

paimon quirked a brow, “what?”

“it’s a dessert with slime. eat it, pie.” lumine replied. paimon took it and ate it hesitantly. paimon usually has naps after food and she is similar to a dog. kind of. eats, sleeps and doesn’t pay rent. anyway, paimon may seem like she’s brave but she still hates the taste of medicine. after paimon was finished, she was in a food coma. lumine scooped her sister into her arm and the other held the map. she selected the waypoint.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

wanderer feels like something’s off and it irritates him. today was the day to stargaze and make flower crowns with name. clenching his fist while the other handheld a basket with various flowers from their respective nations and foods. he already cleared the surrounding area from the monsters or fatui members, which some recognized him. but he swirled them away before they could question his actions.

taking the blanket from the basket, he laid it down on the lush grass. each time he walked on the grass, it lit up just a little. something with a bioluminescent plant or something. nahida told him before but he doesn’t remember. he placed down the plates of shimi chazuke and– he winced– dango. not like he hates name's favorite food. just not his type or it reminded him of someone else.

nevermind, he took out his k-phone to call name. the phone buzzed with an outgoing call sound while he waited. “hi babe,” wanderer flushed at the nickname and thanked god for name not being here yet. “im on my way! don’t wait up!”

wanderer laughed, “i won’t.” he could hear name's giggle in the call. rustles of leaves coming from the call or was it in the forest? “wait, nickname, ill put you on mute for a bit. i think there’s a hillichurl camp nearby.”

“okay!”

wanderer knew by his heart that there wasn’t any hillichurls or whatever since he cleared it the moment he got there. the bushes were rustling and as wanderer creeped closer, it was only a bake dankui. the little animal danced a little, playing a little charm. wanderer rolled his eyes as it did its disappearing act. he called back name, “nevermind, i was just paranoid. where are you right now?”

“near the gate!”

“okay i’ll walk to you.” wanderer replied as she marked the location on the map. namehummed in response and the call ended. she followed the stone scattered path down the hill until he saw the top of name's head. name was dressed in a tank with a tiny bow in the middle with jorts. wanderer remembered when name insisted that jorts were a statement in which wanderer replied, “you mean, a fashion question?”

when name's eyes met wanderer’s indigo ones, her face lit up and she waved frantically. her pace up the stairs went faster as wanderer was about to warn her to go slower. his girlfriend managed to fall on her face. wanderer stifled a laugh since he was always prone to laugh at people falling.

the indigo haired boy walked down the cobblestones stairs. although there were lanterns dimly lighting the path, it was clear the what or who was glowing the brightness was name. “give me your hand,” wanderer said. maybe a bit too sternly but name ignored the cold facade, knowing that her boyfriend meant it in a good way. “hurry up or else, the food will get cold.”

name's softer and was in wanderer’s calloused hands as he led his girlfriend up the stairs. the night in the forest is everlasting but never too cold. maybe too spooky for the average person but wanderer enjoyed that fact. it meant no one would bother his date with name. wanderer’s smile curled a bit at the thought. the two lovebirds were at the date location, and it was decked out with more decorations than before. strange.

well, wanderer can ignore how strange it is right now since name looked mesmerized. “how is it? the scenery here should be quite breathtaking.” name laughed, “it’s… amazing. how did you find this place?”

name sat next to wanderer as she took out the flowers from the picnic basket. there were flowers all around the world. from sweet flowers to qingxins to even sumeru roses?? she inspected them a bit, swirling the stems around her fingertips. it looked as if they were recently ordered too? how long was wanderer planning this?

“well, when i was younger, i found it when i was wandering around. ironic since–” he rolled his wrists a little, ball joints moving. “your name?”

“yes. anyway, do you want to make the crowns now or watch the stars even–”

“— even though they’re fake.” name finished. wanderer’s smile curled up again. she was listening to his mindless rants about tevyat despite maybe not agreeing to them. cute.

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dinosaurzzz · 7 months

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my thoughts about underverse .7pt2 :0 most of this is xvials adjacent. but its also... not? i try not to let my romanticizing of them get in my way but its mostly analysis of their friendship and minor jokes strewn in.

OKAY FIRST THINGS FIRST. 'welcome home, pink.' /ref (thats it JDVSKABDKWM)

okay, really tho??

loosing my mind. cross and ink fighting ??? geno and sans literally watched a son punch his dad okay??? embarassing. HAHAHA.

but oh my god. idk where to start so i guess it might be a bit sporadic.

i honestly thought ink was going to start crying in the forest when they were talking about xgaster. "hes hiding somethinf from everyone." I HONESTLY THOUGHT THEY WOULD CRY BUT THEY DIDNT. I THINK IF THEY TOOK THE BLUE VIAL THEY WOULDVE.???? BUT MAYBE THEYRE SAVING IT FOR XG (AS MY FRIEND POINTED OUT) AND IM INCLINED TO BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT SOUNDS... RIGHT???

how do you,,, how do you experience *pain* for the first time EVER, from your best friend!???? and not react at all. ink has to be feeling *SOMETHING* in that moment. or maybe theyre running on empty and trying to hold themself together after experiencing xg's pain. :'( i mean. THEY EVEN SAID THAT THEY *THINK* FATAL'S STRINGS HURT BUT THEY WOULDN'T KNOW BUT . U JUST EXPERIENCED IT LIKE. TEN MINUTES AGO WITH FRESH GOD DAMN IT SOBS!??????

"i just want to know what it is." U GOOBER. u fucking goober,,, u love him so dearly you can't understand the idea of him being in pain.... you need him to be alright. ,,, theyre so fucking romantic./j

lays down. honestly the fight was okay n i liekd the music (nyx always make bangers man???) but i don't really have much. xgaster fears making mistakes and the uncertainty of it all, whatever his grand plan is. he still keeps his favorite people close however, xfrisk, xchara, cross, xpapyrus, and ink. i do think gaster and fatal were working somewhat together, tbh that scene is working too fast for my brain to handle and really read in depth, but also. its kinda irrelevant to me but ill analyze it later like i always do.

the thing with cross tho. thats what gets me. i know that xgaster hadnt intended to kill cross, but the opportunity seemed to present itself in that moment. destroying cross would stop gaster and/or fatal and would allow cross to return to his 'owner' xgaster.

but theres also the uncertainty. that that was the end of cross- and yet; ink never lost that. they were SO certain xgaster would bring cross back, so sure cross would wake up with xg again... (lays down. try not to cry. cry a lot.) its not ideal, but xg wanted him back, and by any means hell have it.

the last bit of thought i have is the... "dont be stupid." i cant read that as condescending or anything, its simply a warning to ink, and it doesnt make it right how he says it, but it just. "ink. dont be stupid." he referred to them by name. he knows that ink is starting to go against him and yet... he doesnt want ink to.

"dont be stupid." it ironically makes me rlly happy. maybe im reading too much into it but.

his last stance. his last reminder. he doesnt want to loose ink, but if ink is 'stupid', he *will* shove them away. ink needs to save xgaster. that is what is important. im so sure of it. yes the multiverse and everything is at stake but. the core of it *all* is xgaster. and if xgaster isnt stopped, by ink themself, by frisk n xchara... im so sure of there ability ot help xg. im so sure that ink will put aside everything to help their friend.

okay the real last bit i have; and its related to cross and chara. i feel like this might lead to some sort of apology between chara and cross and that makes me want to yell with happiness !!!,,, they shared a soul, they shared a scar,,, i wonder if chara and cross ever shared thoughts or feelings like they did with xgaster's soul half. "its a painful and lonely past." they both suffered. they both survive... i think cross misses chara.. just a little.

idk, the way he looks tonthe side, like... hes not proud of using chara for world hopping, but chara used him too. they werent healthy but they were together,, chara owes him an apology, just as much as cross does too.

okay i think thats all. my nonsense is unstoppable.

#underverse .7pt2 god damn ir #underverse spoilers #dinosaurzzz rambles #dino goes ill over xvials again

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kissesandsuch · 8 months

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It just doesn’t make ANY SENSE. NONE AT ALL. Gojo was absolutely slaughtering Sukuna. There is absolutely no reason why Sukuna would still be “underestimating him” and “holding back” like 20 chapters into the Damn fight. SUKUNA pulled out his entire fucking catalog he was throwing Pokémon at my king and was STILL LOSING. There is genuinely no way this fucking happened. Not only did Gege ruin the most hyped up fight in the show with only like 5 panels, but he ruined Gojos arc and story. This genuinely RUINS the story. I’m saying this as a JJK fan, not a Gojo fan. He couldn’t even have the decency to think of a way for SUKUNA to have a comeback, HE LITERALLY JUST APPARENTLY HEALED EVERYTHING AND BECAME A POWERHOUSE OFF SCREEN AND CUT GOJO IN HALF?? Now that I’ve seen the whole chapter I see how fucking terrible and rushed it is. He said that he learned to cut through space and time so infinity doesn’t matter???? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???? And Gojo could’ve def beaten him without infinity too. My gears are actually fucking grinding rn. They gave my king a fucking off screen death and HUMILIATED HIM by making him say sukuna was always stronger than him. Idk what Gege is on but I need some of it because no fucking way he actually thought this was a good idea. Gojo and Getos reunion was BARELT ANYTHING. Are you meaning to tell me after Gojo spent his whole life loving him got betrayed by him killed hik had to bury him had his body used against him to seal him in another dimension he would’ve just been like “oh hey Geto” NOOOOOO!!!!! He literally fucking started to smile when he saw Kenjaku using Getos body for a second because he thought it was Geto. You’re meaning to tell me his team reaction to seeing Geto again was just FUCKING NOTHING???? GOJO WOULDVE LITERALLY BROKEN DOWN AND AFTER THAT LONG HARD ASS FIGHT WE DONT WVEN GET TO SEE GOJO CRY???? FOR ALL HES BEEN THROUGH????? HE COULDNT JUST SAY HE LOVED GETO AND HE WISHED HE COULD TAKE IT ALL BACK??? He said he didn’t have any regrets. ITS SO FUCKING OUT OF CHARACTER??????? He regretted EVERRYYYTTHHIIINNGGG!!!!! His life was literally ass. It’s been confirmed like 20 times over that Gojos biggest regret was not following Geto when he left. Did he not regret having to hurt Megumi? Did he not regret not saving Riko? Did he not regret not being able to save Itadori? Did he not regret having to die infront of all his students? Does he not regret not being there to save Nanami? He doesn’t regret not trying to live his life for himself? HE DOESNT REGRET ANYTHHIIINNNGGG?????? Oh so we’re lying now. I’m so fucking mad I’m FUMING. And now we have Kamishido fighting SUKUNA??? IF THE STRONGEST CANR BEAT HIM WHO THE FUCK CAN???? It’s not even a situation where it’s like it was neck and neck the whole time but Gojo eventually lost barely so now someone else has to finish Sukuna off. Because now apparently Sukuna is FUCKING ALL POWERFUL????? His death was barely even focused on HIS FEELINGS. All we got was that he regrets nothing (wrong) and that Highschool was the best part of his life (which we already knew). I’m not over his lack luster reaction to seeing Geto. Gojo literally froze for a full fucking minute when he saw Kenjaku, so when he sees the real Geto he’s just like “aw man this sucks!!😝😝” SHUT THE FUCK UP I HSTE YOU GEGE I HATE YOU. I’ve been genuinely mourning him. I can’t even look at his sexy edits anymore without wanting to bawl my eyes out again. I’ve never felt so much sadness for the death of a character. Fuck you Sukuna fuck you Toji fuck you Kenjaku and fuck anyone who’s not dick riding my king. I refuse to see him off like this. FUCK YOU GEGE WHEN I FIND YOU DONT JUST LOCK YOUR DOORS BLOCK ALL YOUR PIPES BECAUSE I WILL PULL AN OCTOPUS AND CRAWL THROUGH YOUR PIPES LIKE A LIQIUD

#gojo satoru

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midnightmisadventures · 1 year

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The good news and bad news about love

Alright kid you want me to talk to you?

I used to love feeling your emotions. I used to love sitting next to you and reading you like a book and getting anxiety whenever you felt like you said the wrong thing. Whenever i made a connection to a childhood story you mentioned, to a teeny tiny behavior I noticed. I loved it. I had never felt closer to anyone in my life. I had never felt more compatible and related to anyone and I adored you, so exploring your psyche felt like the best part of the job.

It made me so happy to know you and to have the ability to try and change your thoughts about yourself and about life in general. Felt so privleged. I learned something new everyday, and you were like a shiny new puzzle that never ran out of pieces and i could put them together for hours because I knew you were never NOT gonna be apart of my story.

You....are essentially my favorite character from any book, movie or show. Because I created you and met you in my dreams. "Babe" this everlasting figment of my imagination was my dream man. "Babe" was my prophecy. He was everything i've ever been told i've ever wanted and was also told to find him.

You were an art piece and thats why it was so easy to adore and admire you. Appreciate your colors and all your fires as opposed to critiquing them. Instead of seeing you as a wounded person I saw you as a magnificent statue.

My favorite character, art piece, statue so I just wanted to be close to you. There were several points in time where i would have just been okay with having you near me. I wouldve kept accepting your flaws even though they made you a person that hurt me, over and over again. I didn't care, I just wanted to admire you. I wouldve given anything to keep you safe, polished, and in my museum until the end of time.

I would have kept giving to you if you let me. Without anything in return. I was in love. I thought that's what love was.... Giving and giving and giving and never getting anything back. Although I did love you. Experiencing unrequited love....isnt the same as being in love.

And if you asked me a year ago I wouldve sworn to you that it was the same thing.

I'm sorry I made you so uncomfortable treating you like a story book character that you had to break the version of you that i saw you as, just to make me realize you were human.

Theres no way being oggled at as prince charming feels the same as being seen. Seen as a human, with flaws, capable of mistakes. Especially when you didn't see yourself in that way?

I'm so sorry I put that pressure on you. That it made you feel like I only accepted you at the highest standard. If I made you feel like you had to upkeep that. And that if everytime I gave you encouraging advice to see your own power, you interpreted it as not being good enough and me judging you for the type of person you were just being you.

I truly did want what was best for you. But I'm so sorry I couldnt see it from your perspective and insisted on being so overbearing. It was so invasive and it really does haunt me the most about everything that happened with us.

I feel greatly responsible for those last texts you sent me. It feels like you felt like you had to break this image I had of you. And to do that you had to be incredibly harsh because I kept it so fucking sturdy.

But youre not a statue, or my very own storybook character, youre a real person. And I think i just had a hard time coming to terms with fumbling a guy I had literally met in my dreams and have been prophetically told is my perfect match.

It was embarrassing. I felt such immense pressure to make a relationship work with you because I felt it was my responsibility. I was given the handbook, "I had all this prerequisite information that you didn't!" So i thought i "lose" if I don't accomplish this.

I based my entire relationship with spirituality on if i could get you to admit me you loved me or not? That put so much pressure on you....and me. And that was awful. I wish I just enjoyed loving you without needing to hit a goal.

I wish I was just focusing on being honest, and genuine and not molding myself in those moments. But of course.....it was still the most fun ive ever had.

Unrequited love. And to me at the time? It was simply the best thing that ever happened to me lmao. I didnt need more. I was content with being your doormat as long as it meant I got to play footsies with you when we were high. Or ask would you rathers in the car running errands. Or watch movies, make dinners and spend sunsets with you.

But god was that my issue. I needed to learn to want more for myself. All that time i thought i was teaching you to want more for your self. I desperately needed to learn to stop accepting the bare minium in romantic relationships.....and platonic ones and familial ones.....

Being in love isnt giving and giving and giving with nothing in return.

Being in love is......something i'll hopefully experience when someone deserves and emits the love I show for them back.

(and if you ever want that to be you lmk)

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