#like do you NEED to be spoonfed EVERY FUCKING THING??

[patrocles]

the thing about the hotd fandom (at least on twt) is i’ve never in my life seen a group of people so committed to being absolutely miserable and hateful for absolutely no reason. it’s almost a little beyond needless discourse, but that the response to any sort of analysis or observation can be met with active discouragement and hatred for doing just that.

i was literally getting called the R slur and told to kill myself at the mere suggestion that baela and rhaena’s storyline (and the dragonstone dynamics as a whole) could have had way more depth than it got? and people got so mad at me for writing a thread on the dynamic between rhaenyra and jace, for suggesting that anything could be less that perfect between them..

and it’s just so mad to me bc regardless of any drama and discourse on asoiafblr, analysis and nit-picking think pieces are our strong suit and its actively encouraged to talk about the thing, expand upon the thing, pore over every detail of the thing.

so to have the series that has kept so much traction because of this type of fan-engagement be met with vitriol when those fans do that and not accept everything surface value and accept being spoonfed Rhaenyra is Good, the blacks are the Goods, you cant like anything else and if you do, you need to die, is INSANE to me. bc it rly reads like yall just dont want a good show. you truly enjoy being angry and pissy about everything.

like you’re always at risk of having someone jump in your shit and throw a temper tantrum in your mentions bc you said something positive about your fave… like it’s so fucking bleak.

anyways, today they’re mad bc someone said they hoped ramin would make a theme for helaena and i guess thats against the law or something

#like they hate the show when its not actively shitting on characters they hate #they love it when it suits them #but you are not allowed to like anything #like just watch a different show im so serious

[deliciouskeys]

@cozycornerkinktober prompt #20: Food

Spoonfed (Butchlander)

Warnings/notes: ZM-verse, post-main-fic. Rated uh... M at most. Domestic "bliss" & fucked up stockholm syndrome headspace

“Sorry. I can’t cook for shit,” Billy says. “But I’m not forcing you to eat it, am I.”

Homelander shrugs. “I like the way you cook.” He says it so matter-of-factly that Billy just stares at him.

“Come off it,” he finally says, mouth spreading in a grin.

Homelander turns his fork, trying to get more spaghetti to wrap around it. “What. What’s wrong with your cooking?”

“It’s fucking bland is what’s wrong. I swear I add spices, but it’s never enough. It’s like my English roots just prevent me from making a nice spicy Asian dish, or anything I’d actually enjoy putting in me mouth.”

Homelander chews, thinking. “Maybe I happen to like bland,” he says once he finally swallows his mouthful of spaghetti. And then he can’t believe his own shamelessness when he mumbles something else.

“Whadja just say?” 

Homelander sighs and repeats what he said, even though it was hard enough to say the first time. “I liked it when you used to feed me.” 

“You mean— spoonfed you when you couldn’t use your arms or see?”

Homelander nods and maintains eye contact despite wanting to look away with every fiber of his being.

“You fuckin’ serious?” Billy laughs and shakes his head in disbelief. 

Homelander doesn’t deign to repeat himself yet again, and turns his gaze down to his plate to pick at it with his fork. 

Billy stands up to put his own empty plate in the sink. He usually finishes faster than Homelander, because he tends to talk less. “You are serious. Damn.”

“Laugh all you want.”

“I ain’t laughing. I’m wondering how many other things have gone awry in your brain from being here.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. Not everything ‘awry’ in my brain is your doing.”

Billy sits back down at the table and raises his eyebrows, probably expecting him to elaborate, but Homelander won’t. There are limits to how much he’ll nakedly reveal about himself and his past when it comes to needs that he knows are deplorable— not just because a grown man wanting to be coddled is a perversion of the natural order everyone seems to agree on, but because he knows his problem is very deep-rooted, stretching back to his very early days in the lab, when being spoonfed and having his chin wiped by nurses all came to a stop, when Vogelbaum deemed him old enough to fend for himself, to take his meals alone in his room, no one sitting with him and smiling at him, or tousling his hair, sometimes no one even bothering to come in to serve it to him, just sliding the tray through an opening at the bottom of the door.

This sense of loss bled into the rest of his life. Homelander caught himself being jealous of lovey dovey couples who’d hand feed each other morsels of anything, and was quite obsessively taken with the tradition of a newly married couple feeding each other a slice of cake. But if he was honest, it was being fed and being helpless— without any expectations of reciprocation whatsoever— that really got him going. It formed the basis of his fantasy around Madelyn allowing him to suckle at her breast. In a twisted way he doesn’t like dwelling on, it probably makes him good at blowjobs and always eager to swallow every drop.

This captivity did nothing to diminish his oral fixation. The irregular feeding schedule Billy often subjected him to made meals that much more of an acute relief from his long stretches of lonely suffering. The occasions when he was allowed to sit at the table and be handfed instead of being served on the floor were a special kind of relief. In some sick way Homelander felt really privileged and loved, waited on hand and foot, despite being kept blind and tied up. It was one of the aspects of his ordeal that probably made him start to feel so much fondness for his imprisoner. But he can’t tell Billy any of this, not when the man’s sniggering about the honest thing he blurted out.

“How am I supposed to deliver you to Ryan, with all of these bonkers fetishes and phobias you have now?” Billy asks. 

Homelander finally feels a flareup of anger. “You went to see him just fine, despite all your fetishes. So I don’t see the problem.”

“What’re my fetishes?” Billy asks with a chuckle and Homelander wants to wipe that smug expression off his face, even though he doesn’t want to have a fight over this. He doesn’t want to have a fight over anything– he just wants to be deemed ‘normal enough’ to be allowed to see Ryan already. 

“You liked to watch me eat off the floor.”

“Well, yeah, it was quite a sight to see America’s favorite son be brought so low.”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Homelander says, sighing in exasperation. “I’m talking about the way your pulse would speed up every time I bent over and contorted myself over a bowl of whatever you gave me. I know it was part of the fun for you.”

Billy sighs, but he’s smiling. “Alright, you got me there. I won’t say I could watch you do that naked, ass up, and not feel something. But it ain’t bonkers to get a little stupid from seeing you naked.”

Homelander grins before he can catch himself. He’ll never be immune to flattery from people he admires, even when he’s irritated with them.

Billy moves his chair closer in, and drags Homelander’s plate towards himself and reaches for the fork. Homelander watches him silently, not daring to hope it means what he thinks it means.

“Alright, I’ll spoonfeed ya the rest of what you have on your plate if you really want it so much.”

Homelander can’t even answer, his mouth feeling glued together, a lump in his throat. Even he’s a little horrified by how his hands almost automatically pull back behind him, as if really trying to relive his ordeal again. At least he doesn’t feel compelled to shut his eyes.

Billy stares at him, seems to see right through him to his sick need to be serviced and just taken care of. But as naked as Homelander feels admitting to all this, being seen like this, not another word is said to belittle him. Billy gathers up some spaghetti by twirling the fork and has to scoot even closer, knees now pressing into the edge of Homelander’s chair, before bringing the fork over, his left hand hovering under it to catch any dripping sauce, all the way to his mouth. Homelander’s doesn’t anticipate the emotional little sigh of contentment that esacpes when he opens his mouth. It’s close to a moan. He wraps his lips around the tines, chews with his mouth closed. He doesn’t really care what it is or how it tastes, although the fact that Billy cooked it for the two of them makes it that much better than some sad excuse for a meal from a microwaveable tray. With his eyes open, he meets Billy’s gaze and tries to read it. Billy’s watching him with some curiosity and maybe apprehension.

“I don’t need this all the time. Ryan’s not going to see this,” Homelander suddenly finds himself saying, ostensibly to reassure Billy but maybe himself as well. “But I just want to enjoy this.”

Billy’s hazel eyes soften. He spears a meatball off the plate and feeds it to him, while his free hand strokes his cheek as he chews and even travels down to the front of his throat, so that Homelander can feel the swallow press up against Billy’s palm.

He doesn’t ask if Billy likes watching him eat. He doesn’t press about whether him asking to be taken care of stirs something in Billy, because he’s pretty sure he knows the answer. As another forkful of spaghetti approaches his lips, Homelander’s mind drifts back to that first time he was fed in the basement, the first time he gained a sense that Billy Butcher could be diverted off of his mission of trying to kill him outright. He couldn’t have guessed how long it would take to get free, but it was a relief at the time.

“You closed them.” 

Billy’s surprised tone interrupts Homelander’s thoughts, and he realizes he’s sunk so deep into the memory that he closed his eyes, and they fly open in a panic. 

“Well I didn’t mean to scare you off of it! Sorry.” Billy chuckles, even as he nudges the fork past his lips and Homelander dutifully slides the spaghetti off the fork, even though he can hear his pulse in his ears and there’s a strange agitation somewhere in the pit of his stomach.

There’s only a little bit left on the plate at this point. Another three forkfuls and it’s over.

“Thank you for indulging me,” Homelander says after the last one, even as Billy wipes his mouth off with a paper towel.

Billy doesn’t say anything. It’s as if he’s grown a little bit entranced by their strange mutual pretense too. He cups Homelander’s jaw, but doesn’t bring him closer for a kiss, only runs his thumb back and forth along his cheek. Homelander closes his eyes and sighs happily through his nose, feeling fulfilled on a level he didn’t think was possible without an orgasm. Although the craving for that was also starting to coil inside him and build up.

“Do you still wanna rail me on the floor from behind?” he asks, smiling when he hears Billy’s pulse speed up at his words.

“You don’t have to make everything tit for tat.”

Homelander looks down at the floor, smiling, faux demure. “Who said it was for you?”

#cozy corner kinktober #butchlander #homelander #billy butcher #the boys #the boys tv #zinc molybdate #mystuff #fic

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[strawglicks]

thinking abt how every spamvil hater ive seen villainizes jevil and victimizes spamton to the moon and back. like their argument against spamvil is ALWAYS, without fail, "it would hurt spamton :(" and then they have nothing to say about jevil or talk abt how jevil would hurt him somehow.

First of all idk where this weirdass villainization of jevil is coming from. People seem to think hes this irredeemable soulless clown who feels nothing and doesnt care abt anyone. Meanwhile, ingame, he literally admits he is lonely and was close to Seam in the past. Yes he needs to learn how to be serious and has a cynical view of the world, but for some reason the fandom doesnt see him as a complex and flawed character. they just decide hes too far gone and would hurt anyone he has a relationship with, including spamton.

And then theres spamton, everyone's favorite innocent angel never did anything wrong bbg apparently!! The fandom doesnt treat spamton anything like they do Jevil. They actually want good things for him, a better future, and feel sorry for him. That's not a bad thing, I feel the same, but these same people will ignore all his flaws and how literally evil he was in the snowgrave route. Spamton is not a good person. I thought this was explicitly clear in the game, but apparently bc he has sad lore spoonfed to the audience this is ignored.

In regards to Jevil, Spamton is extremely bitter and jealous of him. The only things spamton himself has said about jevil is that he wishes to "surpass" him, and that he lost to jevil's games in the past. He even admits he cheated in many of these games. Spamton is not a trustworthy person. if you havent noticed his character is literally based on scam emails. Spamton is just jealous of Jevil's happiness despite the situation theyre both in, which is understandable in a way. Still, it doesnt mean spamton is in the right for being bitter and resentful. There's no real evidence Jevil has actively hurt spamton in any way, esp not on purpose. He literally just beat him at games and is way happier than he is and he's angry about it.

People consume all this shit at SURFACE LEVEL- reminder that this is an unfinished game MADE TO BE ANALYZED- and dont look any deeper into these very complex and interesting characters. All these spamvil haters assume Jevil is just irredeemable and too far gone and find spamtons backstory depressing but dont think about what these two NEED to heal from their experiences. Having gone through similar shit, they're really the only people who could understand each other to such an extent. They both need to let their guard down and listen to each other because they can offer each other a different point of view on a similar situation, which is what the both of them NEED more than anything. Yes it would take a lot of time; these are very flawed people. But you cant just. leave them where they are right now and expect either of them to heal completely on their own. Being alone is the LAST thing either of them needs. Jevil literally admits to being lonely and spamton ACTIVELY gets worse the longer he is alone. Yes he has trust issues, but he needs to be able to open up if he ever wants to get better.

Theres also the argument of "spamton is afraid of clowns" which isnt valid anyway because i just got done explaining how even if hes afraid of opening up and being close to people, spamton NEEDS it if he wants any chance at getting better. Sometimes you have to face your fears to make any progress. Plus spamton himself has never shown any sign of fearing jevil. He's only ever regarded him with bitterness and jealousy.

idk how to conclude this fuck you

#imagine consuming an UNFINISHED GAME at surface level #look deeper ffs #spamvil #spamvil analysis #spamton #jevil #deltarune #deltarune analysis

[mewmedic]

A Deal with the Devil

Someone on the Lolita fashion subreddit asked what we can do about newbies who do not know how to find clothes outside of (the well documented scam site) Devil Inspired. I wrote the following in response and thought it was worth cross posting here.

To be very blunt: most people are too illiterate to read pinned posts (even though that should just be basic reddit etiquette) and too lazy to move their eyes to the area of their screen where there is a link to a guide that answers their questions. You can't fix stupid at a certain point, once people get stuck in their ways.

Really, the only action we could do would be to change the subreddit banner image at the top to say "PLEASE DON'T BUY FROM DEVIL INSPIRED. READ A GUIDE ON HOW TO BUY FROM TAOBAO." We probably need a pinned post saying the same thing in the title, with an explanation of taobao in the body and links to some guides. That may be absurd, but I truly think its the only bullet we have left in the chamber. Even then, most people will ignore it. It really sucks that this subreddit has become the Devil Inspired Customer Service Hotline.

There are just too many people (some millennials but especially zoomers) who lack the ability to use the internet properly. With the "enshittification" of google, people now expect human beings on reddit to answer every single one of their lingering thoughts. But let's be real, the "let me google that for you" situation existed for a decade before google started to suck. Devil Inspired is the first result when googling lolita fashion because they pay to have good SEO and be at the top. Most people are not internet savvy enough to google "[store name] scam" or "[storename] alternatives" when they encounter a new store online. That's not even getting into Devil Inspired shoving sponsor bucks down influencer's throats so they can vomit advertisements back out onto their naive audience.

I understand why a normal western person would know nothing about taobao. However, anyone with intermediate internet experience should be able to tell that Devil Inspired does not manufacture the clothes they sell. No one makes that wide of a variety of styles that quickly, plus the wide variety in photography styles (and they sometimes forget to hide the original store's watermark.) Next, they should know to reverse google image search photos from Devil Inspired's catalogue. Their last resort should be to go to the "find this dress" pinned post on this subreddit. Then, if they discover there that the dress is from a taobao store they could just google "how to buy from taobao." But they don't do any of these things because the average internet user does not know they can.

Just a few days ago we had some one here ask to be spoonfed information about gothic lolita, something they could easily find themselves. When some one kindly gave them a link to the lolita wiki, the OP had the nerve to complain because they don't like Fandom wikis. I fucking hate Fandom and have a personal beef with them, but I wouldn't complain being spoonfed information for free from there. That person will never comprehend why people created fandom wikis in the past and they definitely won't understand why it's very hard to leave Fandom wikis. I am including this recent experience to illustrate why Devil Inspired is not the only problem here, people's attitudes just plain suck some times.

TLDR: We are fighting an unwinnable battle against people's illiteracy, refusal to learn, and Devil Inspired's fat stacks of marketing cash.

#Lolita #Lolita Fashion #EGL #jfashion #Devil Inspired #Elegant Gothic Lolita

[ae-neon]

Finished Gardens of the Moon at 1am and immediately fell asleep so it's only really hitting me now and I need to ramble

Non-Spoiler

If you haven't read it it's a High and Epic Fantasy that follows a cast of characters during several conflicts. There's a dark elf demi god, a puppet that wants to kill people, undead neanderthal things, a girl possessed by the god of assassins and a man whose dreams are alt dimensions. That might seem like a lot of spoilers but I promise it's barely scratched the surface.

The biggest complaint you might hear is that it's confusing but I say don't worry about being confused, or not picking up on every name, event etc. Look up a map and just go with the story. The story isn't confused or confusing, you just aren't spoonfed or given all the information at once. It makes sense not to know or understand something since half the characters you're viewing the story through, don't either

It's genuinely so much fun, so fresh and by the end even a little profound.

The worldbuilding is so rich and deep and unabashedly fantastical - a floating city! Mages! Ancient immortals! - without being nonsensical, how refreshing.

The storyline was like a river, a main body fed from the past and flowing to the future while having streams here and there that all connected to the main body or branched off from it. And all the while this undercurrent about action, hope and compassion in the face of inevitable loss, violence and dominance.

For me there's genuinely only two problems with this whole book. The Non-Spoiler problem is that I wish the author described the characters in a little more detail.

4/5 stars 🌷🌷��

Spoilers, Avert Your Gaze

Where do I start??!

That false climax is so iconic, drama at the fête > the potential end of the world hahaha

Kruppe. Truly, he falls in his own category. What a character in both the story and narrative.

While Tool, Lorn and Rake are maybe my favourite characters, there isn't a character I disliked, honestly

Lorn 💔 why couldn't you just go with Tool

Tool 💚 I hope we see you again

I think I might be alone in not being the biggest Bridgeburner fan - they're literally introduced as an invading imperial force so maybe I wasn't supposed to like them.

Or maybe it's that I'm not as much of a Whiskeyjack fan as I thought I'd be given his reputation amongst fans, in this book at least, I preferred Dujeck Onearm (+Toc, we better see him again!!!) - though Ben + Kalam and later, Hedge + Fiddler were definitely some of my faves.

Tattersail! 😭 What a bold narrative decision, holy fuck, but ultimately so so so interesting and I can't wait to read from that character's perspective in the future

One gripe I do have is that the writing didn't work to make the connection between Tattersail and Paran believable let alone deep enough to warrant something that crosses her lifetime.

Individually they're both great, but the idea that what happened between them had any real weight to it was not conveyed well in the narrative. It was said but not shown.

In contrast, the relationship between Apsalar and Crokus, my sweet children, is done sooo much better. Even Crokus' misunderstanding of Challice, and the realistic portrayal of her pov, had more depth than Paran/Tattersail

I literally pulled a face at the end when Paran sensed and "spoke" to adolescent 'Sail. Like whyyyy, took a lot of my enjoyment out of Paran's pov, which was perfect except for this aspect.

Coll, Rallick Nom and Murillo - the three musketeers. Rallick just sitting on the Azath was hilarious, I predicted Coll's story but his time and bond with Paran was unexpected and very enjoyable, and Murillio... Those few lines about how vengeance and justice had twisted him, that hollowness in the 'victory' after he left Simtal with the dagger... That really left a deep impression on me especially as I wasn't too into Simtal being this one note sex symbol villainess.

All the gods are interesting but I think Cotillion might have been my favourite. Hope his ambitions bring him back into the fray. Sorry was Iconic. Also definitely wanna see what happens with the two hounds who escaped Dragnipur

And Anomander Rake... How beautiful was the unveiling of this character's story and motivations?? The conversations between Baruk and Rake were some of my favourite moments and I can't wait to reread them.

I cannot wait to see more from his side of the board, including Caladan, Prince K'azz, Crone and Silanah

I also hope K'rul has a good day and gets some devout followers.

4/5 stars. Literally the only thing stopping it from being perfect was the lack of Paran/Sail depth and that I wish Erikson would add a little more description of the characters besides the broad strokes of body shape and age

#gardens of the moon #malazan #book rambles

[chim-chim1310]

I think JK is probably still not a bad guy to hang out with one to one. I'm sure on a personal level he's still funny and nice. I wouldn't even say JK betrayed Jimin or anything. While JK knows he's being pushed more than the others, he probably has no idea Jimin was actively sabotaged by his new besties either. I'm not absolving him, I'm just saying I get why someone wouldn't throw away a 10 year relationship on this.

My disappointment in him is not because of those things but as his (former) fan. While he wasn't my ult, he was my bias wrecker and not because he's handsome or has tattoos or because he was the golden maknae. I liked him because he wrote songs like Still With You and Stay and because he talked about how much he loved music. So when he put out his music during solo era (that's 3 singles now), I've been waiting for him to exhibit any signs of this but I can't see any contributions of his. It really just seems like he goes to the office, gets songs, sings them, does everything they need him to do and goes home. I know he's a singer but top artists don't only contribute their vocals to songs. They provide concepts, vision, they put parts of themselves into their art. That is what is sorely missing. How is he different from the BP girls?

So when he gets cocky about his instincts about how good the song is, even though he's contributed hardly anything but his name and even then had to be boosted by a payola campaign thats unprecedented for any kpop act, I feel a sense of derision. Especially since his songs have come after his other members who in spite of other misgivings I have with them, did actually pour their heart and souls into their work.

Every new piece of info he puts out is not helping. It's disappointing to hear his goal is to become more famous, not mentioning anything extra like because you want more people to hear your music, or I don't not know - just say anything that doesn't sound horribly shallow. When he says he doesn't plan to continue any concept or he doesn't think hard about what's next, I don't understand why he says this as if it's a good thing.

Anyway if anyone liked him because he's cute or hot or has tattoos or is popular or does well on the charts, or if their expectations from their artists are just that they need to be charming like BP then I'm sure they're all ok with this. It's only people like us who looked for something deeper who feel resentful.

That's exactly my thoughts. He's talking like 'I don't usually write lyrics', 'when I'm given a good song I take it' 'I want to be a giant pop star' 'I don't know how my album is working' 'I had a gut feeling you will like the song'

He's saying all this as if he's proud of being a nepobaby. Dude you're getting spoonfed like a 26 year old manchild, the least you could do is be humble.

It's fucking irritating.

[sydmarch]

people love to criticize brandon's work by being like "it introduces ideas that it doesn't 100% bring to a conclusion" "it asks all these questions that it doesn't answer" "things are left vague and not fully explored" OK?? AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM SO BRILLIANT. matter of taste i suppose but if these are qualities you can't appreciate in a film then imo you have no taste.

do you think antiviral would still have such a hold over me after almost 8 years that i could still write thousands of words on it at the drop of a hat if it just answered every question it posed and explored every weird little aspect to the world of the movie that it introduced. NO!!! so many antiviral reviews were like "underdeveloped characters this underdeveloped characters that" they are NOT underdeveloped they just have more depth and layers to them than can be 100% spelled out over the runtime of a film. the characters are fascinating because there's so much below the surface. sorry if you don't get it.

i remember having this gripe even reading possessor reviews one in particular i remember was like "what does it say about race and violence and our expectations of who commits violence to have a waifish white woman use a black woman's body to commit a murder? the film doesn't answer this for us" OK?? FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT THEN?? isn't enough to have the question asked? don't you WANT to chew on it. don't you WANT to use your brains??? what the fuck is the point of watching a movie if it doesn't leave you thinking about it for the rest of your life and finding new things to ponder even the 50th time you've watched it. like i often doubt the hell out of my media analysis skills & feel like i'm not very smart when it comes to interpreting films but then i read shit like that & i'm like oh ok nvm. i do have brains.

i'm getting too fucking impassioned about this LOL i just can't stand to see people dismiss brandon because they refuse to fucking THINK about things & to sit with their unanswered questions. i think growing up reading kevin brooks probably influenced me to be Like This with stories or maybe i started reading him because i've always just liked that sort of thing but his work definitely did teach me to be more open to uncertainty because i remember with Being and Kissing the Rain in particular ending up PISSED OFF by how much was left unanswered at first. but that's what draws you back in. you don't need to be spoonfed everything. good media leaves space for your interpretations.

#ANYWAYSSSSSSSS not to sound like im actually angry i'm not angry i'm just passionate #texticles

[florenceisfalling]

ur making sense but can u still elaborate

hi sorry i went to get food

but Basically if you go into the comment section of any post where there's discourse about polarizing topics, a display of something "weird" or "cringe" but ultimately harmless (or even something that is NOT that weird!!!!!), or even just a joke that is going over peoples' heads, you tend to see comments where people will act confused, shocked, or suspicious in a way that is just. playing stupid.

it's comments that are just "bro..." or "huh" or "🤨" or "😨" for no fucking reason. you see "umm..." commented under tiktoks of fat or disabled people showing off their outfits. you see "huh" commented under things where someone's talking about politics in more complicated terms. you see a bunch of "😨😨" commented under tumblr posts where someone makes a joke and then even EXPLAINS the joke in the notes or tags, but people dont look at it bc they just wanna act scandalized instead.

those are the ones that piss me off the most because they're so stupid!!! so useless!!! they're so vague because the person either doesnt know enough with substance to actually argue about anything, or is too much of a coward to make a direct insult, but they still gotta take up space Somehow. the most infuriating shit is when people comment that stuff on a video of an autistic person being ~weird~ and, when asked what they mean by it, just respond with more "😶" or whatever. its such a weird form of cyberbullying! how did the internet find a way to emulate getting stared at in the middle school hallway via comment sections!!

the judgment also comes in the form of suspicion made from Nothing. like back when i used tiktok (why did i do that to myself) i had people who were mad about me calling myself a lesbian go back to year-old posts where i made shipping jokes to comment "🤨" and shit like that. not even abt "problematic" ships or anything, just whatever they could possibly imply a problem into.

its like!! what do you want??? every time i see ppl say that shit i wanna just go "use your words :)" and often "use your Eyes :)))))" because they will freak out over stuff that they literally did not bother to look into for an explanation. they just wanna be spoonfed! its so stupid! instead of just scrolling or at least Arguing a Point they just decide "yknow how should i approach this thing i dont like or dont understand? imply like the subject is deranged/suspicious/creepy/weird in the most childish way possible!" and i cannot stress how banal some of the stuff is that gets FLOODED with comments like that. fat person in a swimsuit! adult woman in pastels! drawing with blood in it! art sculpture that doesn't look cutesy or minimalist! people dating with a 4 year age gap! politics that use big words!

and when they are using a comment that (miraculously) goes over 8 characters, its the kind of thing like "the way i almost had a heart attack 😰😰" like what do they want me to say!! ohhh are you a baby? are you a little baby?? did it scare you that bad??? do you need me to call an ambulance because you had to see a cringe person???? god forbid a cringe and maybe kinda horny or gay person???? maybe even one with unpopular opinions?????

#and its often people on the internet who claim to be progressive who do this!!!! #discourse #fatphobia mention #ableism mention

[lonesomedotmp3]

I honestly don't know how I haven't made a post like this by now who knows maybe I already have and forgot but I fucking HATEEE assholes who are like yeah bbc merlin fucking sucked because morgana was RIGHT but they made her out to be the villain when merlin was WORSE what it's ok to do war crimes but killing the tyrannous king is irredeemable??? do you REALLY. GENUINELY. Believe the writers were pro merlin throughout the entirety of the show. do u really think they presented every terrible thing he did in a heroic light. is that the case or do YOU just not have any critical thinking skills and need to be spoonfed. merlin was WRONG. he FAILED. yes you can say whatever about them making morgana the villain that's all true but saying that they did that while lifting merlin as a hero is just blatantly textually untrue at least by the end of the show. this show is literally so so bad as well like find any other cogent criticism to make I'm begging

#and SECOND OF ALL. merlin's atrocities were FUNNY. god forbid women DO ANYTHING! #merlinposting

[ursbearhug]

THAT ONE MOTHERFUCKING TIME I *DON'T* NEED TO GO INTO THE OFFICE NUMBER 7 THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING QUEUE TO IT! Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Also I want to somehow ramble about that stupid clown class we have, for some godsforsaken reason, on classical studies of all places; social campaigns.

To pass the class we have to prepare an entire campaign, down to a t, with all the stupid ass details, like cost, where, when, what form et cetera. So in the fit of rage, since this class is blatant and outrageous waste of my time and braincells, I made almost finished plan (without the cringe details, because literally nobody gives a shit) about teaching boys how to sew. This alluding to this one tweet where a guy jokes about girls learning how to do make up rather than cook - since he can't or won't eat foundation - and getting clapped by a girlie wishing death upon mankind when they die out of starvation because they refuse to use their own two hands to prepare their own meal. Though the focus was on boys mainly, I wouldn't turn down other interested. As this thing is also a group project that part of it has been lost in the translation.

I personally think her social justice warrior brain would overheat, combust and explode if I as much as suggest that men are fucking stupid and treated like children, no matter their age, status or occupation; and should not be spoonfed and treated extra nicely till the heat death of the universe. Sitting through most if not all of her lectures truly feels like Virtue Signaling up to whazoo. I don't know. I don't feel the need to brag about how good of a person I am if it brings nothing to the conversation. I fail to see these as example either, since example is meant to show correlation or similarity between situations.

But she also called this project 'repetetive' because somebody else in other group had similar one. Okay, and? Ever heard about panantropolic ideas? And even if, I was on this turf first because these kids are 18. So if somebody's supposed to adapt to others, then it's not going to be me. I will be cringe boomer in this case. And also also literally who the fuck cares? I'm trying to pass this class in as little effort and as quickly as humanly possible. Miss me with your originality complex, I'm classical student, I've never heard of it. Take your cringe ass romantic (the period, not the quality) ideas out of my face, you fucking cringe normie.

Cringe ass subject for cringe people. You can't change my mind.

One hour update;

You'd think, or at least assume, that with how 'progressive' today's society is, talking to children wouldn't be such a forgein concept and "ugh so 2016". But it seems like talking to children is still as unattainable and unfathomable as it used to. Maybe instead of forcing your child off of the door frame and have them screem their lungs off in horror, sit down with them and talk about their feelings and fears. Hospital can be scary but doesn't have to be. Talk with them about the procedure. A lot of our fears are really blown out by unknowable and inexperience. For instance; needles don't hurt nearly as much as people make it out to hurt, but that doesn't make them painless either. Yes doing certain thing hurts or is really uncomfortable, but it can get worse untreated. Children are really smart and they can understand human speech, so maybe utilize it and talk with your kids about whatever and everything. Hospital visit really doesn't have to be nightmare fuel.

I don't know the time update:

I think more people, who are not cis men, could use some of the delusion and audacity of most generic white man. "Oh nobody would date me". Believe im yourself sweetcakes. There are like at least 10 alpha males for every shy beans like you, that never have and never will satisfy a woman, let alone be able to form normal, healthy and flourishing relationship with anybody. And also remember that endgame is either; crush your enemies, watch them tremble and hear the lamentations of their widows or having a family. It's pretty much the same.

I have finished my healing process. With the stamp and all. I guess I just have to learn to live with the massive scar it has left.

#will delete later #percy does things

[saltypiss]

Like understand that the reason republicans are losing all favor is because they do not know their enemy or their beliefs at all. If they did, they wouldn't be republican.

That's just a fact. Sorry, but anti-humanity isn't acceptable. And the fact ya'll don't listen, don't care, and don't put the effort in, is why you'll be remember as embarrassments.

Make claims all you want, you project yourselves upon others believing they'd stoop to your level. Fact is this: People are Leftist because they care about themselves and others. They listened, they learned, they grew.

Your entire ideology is stagnation and not recovery. 'Make america great again" what a sad, sad perspective to have. You know what's divisive? That's fucking motto of yours. You know what is divisive? Not being able to just say "Fuck Joe Biden" like any leftist can and will.

Ya'll live in a Larp. Leftists can't work with children imagining a reality that distances them from their family and friends. Nobody can. And it's not Leftist's fault they don't want to play the game with you anymore. It's your fault for not being mature or rational, for choosing selfish beliefs you were told to have but not formed yourself, for denying anything but your perspective.

Humanity, life, technology and creation, it all moves on, it all adapts, it all grows.

Conservatism means to stay stagnant. To remain as is. It's beyond childish, it's selfish, it's time to grow up, move on, adapt to change, and recognize that you're not confident in your beliefs.

To be confident in your beliefs means to change it when proven wrong. Because only then, through failure or error, do you grow, adapt, and mature. Only then can you be confident in your opinion and beliefs, When you Challenge them.

Republicans aren't challenging in any area but patience. Congrats, you're not even cool in your shitty Larp, in fact you're worse because of it. You're constantly angry and depressed and you don't even know why, it's because you were spoonfed bullshit that doesn't make any sense, and only when you GOD DAMN RESEARCH any fucking thing does the anger and depression ever ease up. Because you Know the Truth then. Not whatever Talking Head told you to believe without having anything to substantiate it but out of context clips or entirely personal anecdotes only children use as justifications.

If you're scared, you're scared of a bee sting, research, trust in people, you're being told to avoid people because of completely arbitrary reasonings you yourself didn't even consider before they introduced it to you.

You're isolating with a bad crowd, a bad crowd that tells you you're right, and you don't need to challenge your beliefs, because you did it, you found the youtube video, and that means you're smart. Everyone is an asshole who's angry and vindictive, and nobody is successful for long.

That's if they even really talk to each other, for the most part, it's people leaving shitty memes and quips, or basically talking to themselves using someone else's beliefs as an excuse to discuss it. Or discussing something violent, bitter, and entirely insane sounding to anyone normal.

Leftist's would love to work with another party, our's is too big having Every Other Mode of Thought Possible under our Umbrella. Unfortunately, ya'll decided to have One Mode of thought, and it involves everyone but ya'll to suffer and die. For nothing.

#republicans #democrats #us politics

[sakebytheriver]

Why the heck do video essayists even hate debate bros so much???

Like I get that most debate bros have been on the right in the past and so now you're just hardwired to see them all as the enemy, but like this new wave of leftist debate bros have probably done so much to bring people to the left and deprogram brainwashed rightwingers by the simple virtue of the fact that they go straight to the source and debate the rightwing debate bros who have entire audiences of people happily being spoonfed their rightwing ideology and when a leftwing debate bro can come in and expertly tear down all of their points and arguments and embarass them in front of their audience that's going to at the very least make some people in that audience think twice about the person they support. It's the same kind of philosophy of when that bystander punched out the nazi Richard Spencer and made him look like a weak little baby so he lost his audience almost over night

Like I just don't get why as a video essayist doing your own part to deprogram and educate people you wouldn't want as much diversity of tactics to bring people over to the left. Not every person in the world is going to like watching your half hour to two and a half hour video essays about leftist theory/history, not every person in the world who could be brought over to the left is going to be interested in your content, that's just a fact of life, people like different things, people like different content and sometimes the content they like won't be yours, so wouldn't you rather they go to someone on your side of the aisle for the content they want instead of going to the rightwing for it? Why would you want to create a blackhole of missing content that would just alienate an entire group of people who could be your allies when you could just accept the fact that debate is literally an integral part of politics and debate bros whether you like their tactics or not are literally necessary in this day and age on the internet in bringing people to your side, there is a reason there's like a million right wing debate bros with giant fucking audiences, people like watching debate bro content, just because you don't doesn't mean a leftist debate bro isn't necessary and a beyond useful tool when the debate bro scene is filled with rightwingers, having a leftist debate bro to steal those rightwing viewers and deprogram them away from the right is only going to help us in the end and I think it's absolutely so stupidly ignorant to think the left doesn't need a diverse group of content creators to reach as many different people as possible and that your video essays should be the only content made by leftists

Personally I don't like watching debate bro debates, but I do watch a lot of content from debate bros on the left and I also watch lots of video essayists on the left too, it's all about diversity of tactics even in your own life and education. It's all about getting as many sources for your opinions and views as you can and to just say that an entire subsection of tactics that have been proven to help deprogram people shouldn't exist and is inherently bad for our cause is fucking stupid. Like shut the fuck up. I hate this dumb leftist infighting, the right isn't canabalizing itself at every turn or saying that their allies are actually a problem. Being a debate bro is not like an inherently evil thing and I do not understand what has infected video essayists brains recently that makes them think that

And like I would happily take this section of this post to call out some debate bros shitting on video essayists and saying they don't have a place on the left, but like there really isn't a lot of that going on from the other side, it's mostly just debate bros defending their existence on the left after video essayists tell them they don't belong here. Do you guys not realize when you say that, that you're also telling their entire audiences they don't belong on the left and if we actually do eradicate all leftist debate bros the people who enjoy that content will be hand delivered on a silver platter to rightwingers instead? Or are you just doing the dumb leftist thing of not caring about the bigger picture of what exactly we're fighting for and just want your Twitter clout?

#ignore me #i just do not get why we gotta keep doing this bullshit #why do video essayists hate debate bros so much #like sure hate the rightwing debate bros they are The Enemy #but youre going after leftist debate bros who are literally Your Ally #like whats your problem with them? theyre loud? theyre annoying? theyre content is not as polished as your content? #whats the big issue

[lonespektr]

Sept 25th Day 9 The Forever Purge

The underlying line the purge has been saying from...film 2?

Pure violence isn't an outlet. It doesn't get out of your system, this aligns with basic therapeutic practices "getting out your aggression" exacerbates it without addressing the root cause.

Additionally a governance strategy of violence bleeds into every day life. In the same way cops and military have higher rates of domestic violence.

The other two things ongoing of course is POVERTY POVERTY POVERTY with racial overtones.

The first one - The purge (2013) started with rich whites attacking a Black housing insecure man. And The first purge (2018) revealed they used a poor Black inner city as a testing ground for this violent experiment. The Purge series depicted violence against Latinx people undocumented or citizen.

The forever purge continues anti immigrant sentiment. In an ironic twist Americans must flee purge violence to Mexico including folks that crossed illegally must return.

I will say after some pretty serious white people be racist in all their films/series they make sure to add a legit good white who is down for the cause and some regular degular white folk that are looking at the neo nazis like these guys are fucking crackpots.

The main cast is a classic racist who pretends not to be and just thinks everyone should "stick to their kind" plus a refreshing Latino lead (soon to be marvel leading man) who is demonstrably annoyed by white antics instead of yes sir no sir shit.

There is also - i think most importantly a poor white character who is purging his ass off (not like the entitled asshole in the tv series) but a legit broke ass man who thinks the solution is to murder upper middle class (read working - anybody who works for their money instead of the other way around is working class, anybody who if they got sick and couldn't work lose their house -no matter how big it is- within a few months is working class real rich people make money off their investments and don't do shit) white people.

Like most of the purge the lessons are spoonfed. But in the best way possible. Like ice cream. The good white literally says my dude you are working for the man by killing other working class people instead of being in solidarity with them against the rich that started this in the first place.

The premise is simple after years of purging and increasing nationalism it spreads through social media and organizing that this year they just keep on purging until they kill everybody they don't like. (Think jan 6th) loose organization over social media with core groups of actual militias who have been planning this probably all year. And law enforcement most def probably knew about it but didn't take it seriously until it was too late.

Special guest star fucking legend Zahn McClarnon to add even more irony to the shit show.

Fucking Hawkeye here? Oh it's a compound bow. That explains it.

The end also had a very clear America is going to destroy itself, we are literally headed for a civil war good versus evil, hate or unity and they aren't sure how it will turn out.

Classic Purge.

It was the last but frankly I could have ten more. The country needs ten more.

#spooky 22 watch #day 9 #the forever purge

[rainbowloliofjustice]

I hate how so many people just... lack any kind of critical media literacy across so many different genres and how just about every genre and common tropes, issues, etc. within them just get boiled down to "Oh this is bad because ableism/racism/homophobia" even though the tropes largely have nothing to do with that. It's like they have such a surface-level understanding of something and then proceeds to read into said surface-level understanding in a contest to see who can come up with the most disingenuous, bad faith, uncharitable and just all-around god an awful interpretation of it.

"Characters having prosthetics as an allegory for losing their humanity is ablest because it is saying that if you got into an accident you are a monster." No, you absolute peanut. Robotic parts specifically are an allegory for the loss of humanity in characters that just get rid of their human body because they were being reckless, stupid, thought that it was not perfect enough, too weak, etc. Oftentimes, this is juxtaposed with a character that is a robot but is more human than the cyborg or person that just gets another piece of them replaced with a machine.

Ironwood getting increasingly mechanical parts as he is making increasingly inhumane choices in regards to himself and others is not saying he's a monster because he had an oops boo boo and had to replace his arm. ESPECIALLY when his character is juxtaposed by a character who has a robotic arm (Yang) and a character who is a created robot (Penny). The reason why Yang said that her robotic arm (and even taking pride in it at that) is "just extra" because it is just an extra asset to who she is as a person, but not her whole person. In terms of Penny, she is entirely made of machines but has what amounts to a human heart and compassion because she makes a choice to be kind to people. The allegory here (that y'all failed to understand) is that it is not whether or not someone has prosthetic or robotic parts that determine their humanity, but rather their choices and how they treat others.

It is often also the same in stories where it has characters who have robotic parts such as Alita Battle Angel or anything that genuinely comes from cyberpunk dystopia. Alita (Who is completely robot mind you) is often more kind, compassionate, etc. than characters who are fully human. Hugo and his crew regularly steal parts from cyborgs who've done nothing to him and this is juxtaposed by characters like Grewishka and Zipan who are mechanical and monstrous but not because of their parts but because of their choices. Which is a strong contrast to Alita who is fully kindhearted and has a strong sense of justice and doing what is right regardless of whether there is a price tag on it.

In more dystopian stories wherein no short words, the corrupt government controls technology and spies on its people using it, it can be a question of how much of your humanity (in this instance, privacy and agency over oneself) you're willing to sacrifice for comfort or just because you had to. But of course, rather than looking at these stories as a potential warning that we should make laws that would prevent the government from using technology against its people under the guise of safety, convenience, etc. Or even having people question wtf do they do should the government get so corrupt that it can just hijack someone's arm or even just stop someone's pacemaker because lol why not.

Yeah I get it, it's uncomfortable but unfortunately, the people who need it the most are going to be the people most at risk to a corrupt government which is like... kinda the point.

But anyways moving on

The same can go for when stories use animals as a means of telling stories revolving around discrimination. But ofc people can only see it as a surface-level "racism" and then do their damnest to force characters into being black/poc or white (and for some reason, only those two races) while failing to realize that the reason it was done is that discrimination has more than one axis. I swear this logic is what has convinced me all the talk of intersectionality in activism is just a joke they say to get other people to just shut up and let them speak over them and ignore problems/issues they don't want to focus on. It's like the only thing they can understand is racism and even that racism is only if it is hatred and black people vs white people. And somehow even that is on its most basic level.

The reason stories like Zootopia and Beastars work when it comes to discrimination because it doesn't solely focus on the narrative of race and allows it to explore the implicit and explicit biases of every character that doesn't exclusively revolve around racism. It allows characters to be on the axis of sexism, racism, class, etc. and explore various -isms that are not always "negative" in the sense that it is just hatred, racial slurs, etc. and that it can be the "positive" racism like saying "you're one of the good ones" or that "they're a token to xyz for not being as bad as everyone else."

It allows characters to fall on multiple axes without people arguing whether they have it "too good to complain" because of just one axis of discrimination that they give more weight to than others for some arbitrary reason.

Even when it comes to things like nudity being a symbol of being true to oneself or purity (such as Sailor Moon or Kill La Kill) people manage to, unironically boil it down to just the writers feeling horny and therefore ignore any other kind of lore, storytelling, etc. that revolves around it. They took one thing, scrubbed, bleached, and then nuked it of any kind of context/meta just to say lol writers horny this bad it literally means nothing else even though there are whole ass plot lines revolving around it. Like do you just pick and choose what kind of plot or storytelling is Valid (TM)?

And this extends to things beyond that and I just don't understand how people can lack such media literacy when you can literally go and read anything you want online. Is it because of people being willfully ignorant? Just lacking media literacy for some reason? Only consuming and understanding media that has to have every meaning shoved down their throat like the tentacle down an anime girl's throat in a hentai??? Like there are so many questions as to how people can come up with so many dumbass takes.

#rainbow things #as you can tell i am like mad #like mad mad #ive seen one to many bad media takes today and yall i cant #i cant fucking do this i can't handle this shit how are some of yall this DUMB #its like you have to intentionally scrub and remove it of any context to come up with some of these takes #like all of it and put it in some vaccum and say #yup the writers did this cause they were misogynistic/horny/racist/ableist #and im just like bruuuuuhhhh #context matters #context clues matter #like holy fuck how did some of you bypass 5th grade media literacy with these god awful takes #or are you just willfully dumb for social media??? #like do you NEED to be spoonfed EVERY FUCKING THING?? #do they have to shove it THAT far down your god damn throat??? #insert rainbow and eldritch screaming cause holy fuck #like i feel like that one woman whose power ring melted and she screeched like a pterodactyle #thats me thats my fucking mood rn

[thethiefandtheairbender]

i know that this is a big ask and you definitely don’t have to do it, but i was wondering what your thoughts were on some of the points regarding kataang made in this video (on youtube as https://youtu.be/eRxtWMODfAc if the link doesn’t work). i know you’ve addressed some of them before but the “tsr opened up a new conflict between kataang that was never resolved” one is something i haven’t seen before. again you don’t have to do this, i just figured i might as well reach out because i’m genuinely curious about your opinion

i've seen the op on tumblr with all of the worst typical ZK takes, and any sort of conflict between katara and aang in TSR is resolved. "thanks for understanding, aang" and "you were right about what katara needed." TSR is fundamentally about katara learning to forgive herself with zuko acting as a vessel for her anger and grief at herself and the fire nation, culminating in her choice to spare yon rha. if the "conflict" is that aang and katara don't agree in that episode, they don't have to agree. if it's that he idealizes her or doesn't understand her, both of those things are subjective readings and more blatantly untrue.

furthermore, the fact op says "they were cute but didn't have any sparks" and that "earning katara's love" (rather than aang's actual goal, which is expressing his feelings for her) is one of his primary motivations is just... such a bad faith misread i don't even know where to start, and basing ships on things like 'chemistry' as an Important Component will just always fucking rub me the wrong way as an ace, aro-spec individual. it's almost always an amatanormative, if not also cisheteronormative argument, and it drives me bonkers

as well as the sort of strawman argument of "if zk happened, it would break aang's heart [...] i never hear anyone say that if kataang didn't happen it would break katara's heart" well yeah, maybe because you're fucking putting another ship for her right there in the sentence?? if you were shipping zuko with aang (as i do half the time), people would say it would break katara's heart. i also can't help it that op seems to struggle with understanding how katara's romantic feelings consistently manifest for aang in almost every single episode of the show - apparently, it needs to be Symbolism (zk) or spoonfed or they don't know how to interpret it. nor does op know how to argue without leaning on already extremely subjective interpretations and 'understandings' of canon, and i've blocked them exactly for that

#anti zutara #'the attachment problem' just say you don't understand buddhist beliefs and Go #thanks for asking #fandom nonsense #anonymous #deep sigh

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Nice to Meet You

For @boxboysandotherwhump - Theo chose soft!Jameson, so here he is! @wildfaewhump gave me the three-word prompt “Space, shell, fair” for Jameson.

CW: Recovering pet whumpees, referenced past torture, scars, referenced dubcon/noncon, briefly referenced past dehumanization, consensual angst, fluff

When he opens the closet door, intending to press himself into his safe spot with his back to the corner, blocked by the boxes, he discovers Allyn is already there.

For a moment, his mind goes blank.

They look up at him and wince as the light cuts into the warm, velvet dark they were hiding in. Their long wavy hair hangs over their eyes, impossibly long legs bent until their knees are under their chin in the oversized sweatpants, gray eyes looking up at him, startled.

They’re more afraid of you than you are of them, whispers Nanda’s voice in his mind, soft and sweet as custard, the first owner, the one who took him on hunting trips where he had him sleep with the dogs and cut a line into the back of his thigh for every animal he slaughtered. All his memories of Nanda are grays tinged in blood - the gray of the sky, of Nanda’s eyes, the red of the bloodhounds, the drips that followed him across the floor. 

Nanda also taught him about bears, while they moved through the woods. They’re more afraid of you than you are of them, boy. Vanilla custard, but held on the edge of a sharp knife, metallic under pillowy cloying sweetness. Nanda’s words always felt like blood in his mouth, spoonfed.

Allyn isn’t a bear - but they are definitely afraid.

“Why-” His voice cracks, shock of earthquake through ice on his tongue, and he considers simply closing the door and walking away. Allyn is his roommate, not his friend. He doesn’t have friends, none of them have real friends. Just other people also suffering nearby. Finally, though, he opens the door just a little wider. “Why are you in here?”

Allyn shakes their head, and it’s only then Jameson realizes their hair is uncombed, hanging lank and limp and lifeless, which Allyn’s hair never does. Their lips tremble, no perfect fucking party smile in place like usual, as they cringe back from him. No pretty blouse, no pretty anything. Just pale and shadowed, freckles standing out like someone stuck them on. “I-I’m sorry, I just… just needed-... a, a minute t-to breathe, I’m sorry-”

“This is my fucking space, Allyn. Yours is under the bed, so… go be under the bed.” His voice isn’t as rough and mean as he wants it to be, but it’s maybe mean enough - they sniff, and he sees their eyes glitter with tears.

His anger melts under something he tells himself isn’t guilt, and he exhales, slowly, before he moves to a crouch. He doesn’t like being loomed over, so they probably hate it, too, right? He’s had too many motherfuckers stare down at him in his cages. He stays that way in silence, right at their eye level, cocking his head as they breathe, wondering what color their eyes really are.

“I’m sorry,” They whisper, and he can see the shift of their oversized sweatshirt, three days past needing a wash. This isn’t like Allyn at all. Have they been like this for days, and he didn’t notice?

Well, why he fuck should he notice, they’re not friends, and Allyn is in his space, the only space in his entire life that’s all his and isn’t ringed in bars to put him on display-

No. 

It’s not their fault, they’re upset, and the darkness of the closet is safer than anywhere else. You can hide in closets, he understands why they’re here. He forces down his irritation, and takes in the miserable worry in their eyes.

“Shit. Allyn, it’s... I don’t mean to be an ass, I just-... uh, what made you… need a minute? Exactly?” He should call for the big guy who runs this place, it’s his whole job to handle moments like this, but he can’t quite make it happen. Instead, he finds the voice he wants to be sharp is softer, his words feel like the heat of a kiss he actually wants, taste sweeter than any kiss he’s ever actually had. 

They’re more scared of you than you are of them.

“Um, I-I was-... I was thinking… about… him.” The poison in the love in their voice is all in Jameson’s head, but he feels it seep into all his scars anyway. Acid, that him. Too much pineapple burning his tongue. They’re lucky to have had an owner they could love. Luckier still, to have one who loved them back.

Luckiest of all, to have an owner who wanted them to be happy.

Unluckiest, though, to get chucked out with the fucking garbage when the asshole died and they weren’t in his will. It’s not fair, but it’s fucking life, isn’t it? And in the end, which one of them is luckier? Him, for knowing it was suffering the whole time - or them, for having the chance to believe it was anything else?

“You miss him.” Flat, crash of knives on the ground, the clink and rattle and smack of their handles. Allyn only hears the words. He is starting to realize words feel inside him differently than they do to others. 

Allyn nods, and the glitter of tears spills finally out. 

He wants to touch their face - he doesn’t.

“I-I do,” They whisper. “I know I sh-sh-shouldn’t, but I… I do. I’m sorry, I know that you don’t-... that you weren’t-”

“Yeah, well.” He waves a hand, dismissive. The scars on his back and legs feel stretched, when he crouches like this, balances on the balls of his feet. He can feel the skin pull at itself, numbed but still here. Couldn’t kill me, motherfuckers, how about that? I’m still here, and three of you are gone. You’re just fucking corpses and your little blow-up doll with a heartbeat is still here. “You’re hurting worse than I am now, so I guess we’re sort of even.”

“I just… I can’t-...” Allyn’s voice buckles under the weight of their emotions, it shatters. Jameson tastes blood from the glass and watches Allyn lift their hands to hide behind them. Long fingers, delicate and graceful, even in this. Nails filed to perfect roundness. His own fingers are nothing special, two of them on his right hand broken until they don’t bend quite right anymore. He didn’t have to have perfect hands. He barely escaped Robert getting to keep his hands at all, and that was only because he was pretty fucking good at using them. 

“I can’t live without him,” Allyn whimpers, muffled and thick. “I feel like… like I was made empty for him to fill up, and h-he’s gone, I can’t-... live without him, I can’t-”

He swallows the glass of their grief, buries it inside him. Wonders if he’ll ever know how it feels to give a shit what happened to the assholes who hurt him. What would it be like, to actually feel bad about the deaths? 

“You can,” He says, low-voiced, and shifts forward into the closet, settling himself down and closing the door until only the thinnest crack of light can break up their safer darkness. Barely the width of a wire, the light illuminates nothing, only reminds them it’s there. He listens to the soft inhale, slower exhale, of the person beside him. Their presence is a weight, in his safest places, and his nerves are alight with how fragile it is, to have anywhere at all, how easily ruined by someone intruding. He clears his throat, uncertain, unused to being one to give comfort. More used to ignoring its existence. “You, um. You can live without them, I fucking swear it, Allyn. I lived without all of mine, for a while, ‘fore the next one caught me, or bought me.”

He hears rustling, and tilts his head just slightly to see them looking at him. They’re pale, but he is, too, a duller washed-out color from lack of sunlight for so long. Their freckles look like constellations, the stars he would stare at through Robert’s window in the dark. He notes, absently, that they damn near have a Little Dipper along their left cheekbone. “But-... but you didn’t love them… did you?”

He decides he sort of likes their voice. It slips into his mind, subtle sweetness, maple syrup but thinner. Weaker, but maybe it could be strong. 

With time.

He swallows, speaking gruffly to cover up the strange twist of emotion. “No, I-... no. I didn’t love ‘em, but… but you keep going, you know? You’ll do it, too. I’m not… fuck, I’m not good for this. I wasn’t ever supposed to talk, so I’m not… super good at it now. Being, um. Like, helping… with words.” His voice is thick tar on his tongue, colored by his embarrassment. 

But he tries.

There’s a silence, and he leans over, until his shoulder just touches theirs. Allyn tenses and then relaxes, and they sit like that for a while, listening to each other breathe.

Allyn’s head comes to rest on his shoulder, and he finds he doesn’t mind the weight.

“I’m so tired of being sad,” They whisper. 

“Yeah, I’m-... sorta tired of being pissed off, myself.” He huffs a laugh. Then he feels Allyn’s hand - cold, slender, long-fingered - find his own, warmer and scarred. “Feels like we’re just empty seashells that get filled up with whatever the water brings, huh?”

“That… that sounds really pretty,” Allyn says softly. “Do you think pretty things a lot?”

“No. Most of my thoughts are really fucking ugly.” He manages another humorless laugh. “I guess I can surprise you, huh.”

“In more ways than one.”

“What?”

“I saw what you wrote on the wall,” Allyn murmurs, and they shift their head, breath warm on the side of his neck, where his collar is. Or isn’t. For a second, he can’t remember if he’s wearing it or not. He takes his off, sometimes. When he can. More and more often, as the days turns into weeks here.

“You did?” He closes his eyes, not that it makes much difference. They don’t let go of his hand. There is movement, out in the hall, in the rest of the house, but for the second, he and Allyn are alone. 

“Mmhmm. You can read and write? Did your owner let you?”

It’s a secret he’s kept inside him for so long. It’s so hard to give it away, now. “I… no, none of them knew I could. When they took it from me, it… didn’t work. I never lost it.”

“Oh.” They’re silent for a moment. Their breath is warm, and despite himself, he feels a nervous flip of his stomach, his hair standing on end. It’s something trapped between fear and want, and it’s unlike any fear or want he’s ever felt before. “What did you write, on the wall?”

He could tell them anything. He could lie.

He tells the truth. “I wrote out our names. All of us. Um. The, Jake, and… his people. Eli, Nova, Sarita, um, Allyn…”

“Did you write yours?”

He lets his head gently fall back to rest against the wall. His heart might break out of him, bleed all over the floor. A different kind of bleeding, a kind that he sort of wants, even though he doesn’t. “Um. Yeah, I… yeah.”

“What is it?” They don’t move their head, they don’t let go of his hand. “What’s your name?”

He shouldn’t tell them.

It’s been his secret for so, so long. But… fuck, he’s so tired of secrets.

“Jameson,” He says, and it’s the taste of air just before rain, a chill breeze on a blistering day. His name, the one he gave himself. “I’m-... my name is Jameson.”

They’re quiet for a second, and then say, softly, “Nice to meet you, Jameson.”

It sounds better, in Allyn’s voice.

Everything does.

---

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary @raigash @moose-teeth @orchidscript @astrobly @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @endless-whump

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