#like i’m just trying to have fun why am i hating everything rn

[muddi-gutz]

ughhh i hate it when my love for anything goes away it’s been happening more often 😭😭

#muddi thoughts #like i’m just trying to have fun why am i hating everything rn #i start doing something and five minutes/seconds later i’m bored/don’t want to do it

[lunas-side-anime-blog]

AOT Icks (Eren, Armin and Mikasa)

one thing about me: i am a hater

Eren

def has mommy issues and no woman could ever compare to her like good luck to any of his girlfriends lmao

^^ that being said, as a roommate he’s a nightmare like you can tell his mom cleaned up after him all the time because it doesn’t even occur to him to do so now

toxic gym bro who says shit like “we all have the same 24 hours”

def has the the 3 in 1 bottle in his shower, I just know it

prob calls women “females” 

the cringiest instagram captions like I know he will post sum: “I think my closet bi-polar, it keeps throwing fits💯”  like dude, get a grip

attempts thirst traps, he has a ripped body so it kinda works but the content is so transparent you can’t help but roll your eyes

go out to a bar with him or something and he’s the type to try to make everything a fight

like if someone bumps into you, he's quickly in their face like "what's good bro😡” and you know its not actually about you so much as eren tryna beat someone up

i think he’ll use spit as lube thinking he’s so bad boy and lewd when it’s actually just so bad for your PH like ewwww (if u have a vag ofc)

i feel like his hair would get so greasy, mikasa and armin have had to force him down with shampoo in hand before 

so gross but you came here for icks and I don’t believe Eren believes in holding back his farts for anyone

it can be the most intense and serious event like a funeral and he’ll rip a loud one and be like “what? it’s not good to hold it in??”

Armin

nail biter who will chew on them till the bone and you hear that loud ass “crONCh"

says he hates drama but that’s just something he says to not seem petty bc at the first sight of a fight best believe he’s sitting there, watching it all go down, wine glass in hand like "🍷🤨👂" 

lil shit will even add lil comments to keep the beef alive, like i can see him loudly asking “okay but jean didn't you say her outfit made her look fat though?”

if you're in a debate with him, he’s the type to say something like “you're so uneducated about the subject, I’m actually pretty well versed in it” and your like "okay so what's all ur research then?" and he'll just quickly change the subject bc he didn’t actually have sources to cite lmao

is one of those bfs who would make fun of you for liking trashy tv but guess who eats that shit up everytime? armin.

he does that dad thing where he walks around in the living room and acts uninterested with what’s happening on the screen but he’s actually so invested and would be fuming if you dared watched an episode without him 

i think he’d also be the type to try to be friends with his ex even if they obviously still have feelings for him, but if you dared even talk to yours he’d get all huffy and puffy like “go be with him then🙄” 

got obsessed with skincare after watching your routine but u kinda created a monster bc now he’s critiquing your products and techniques? “Babe you should really consider a gel moisturizer, it’s better for your pores'' and you're like, “boy you used neutrogena when I met you???” 

is that bf who will shower at your place and use up all your expensive washes and scrubs 

not the best gift giver tbh, I think he’s a firm believer that all gifts should be practical so even if it’s a romantic anniversary date and he slides over a lil present, it’s probably just gonna be socks or something, srry

Mikasa

applies her chapstick like a man (iykyk)

“he know where home is” bitch, I hate to say it

i think she’s a girl’s girl until her man cheats on her, then she’d be the type to fight the girl and not really address her man…which is just… 😣

as a friend I think she’s sadly the type to unintentionally embarrass you bc she doesn’t get some social cues.

like you can miss a hang and ppl ask where you are and she’d just say matter of factly “oh they’re fine, they just have diarrhea rn!” and she won’t understand why you’d be mad?

outfit repeater to the max, she has like three tops that she likes and all pics of her are with her wearing one of those three tops

a lil delulu and prob genuinely believes all the tiktok pick a card vids on her feed

likes her coffee black and somehow thinks she’s better than everyone for that???

as a gf she checks your snap score and location regularly and has no shame in it 🙂

fights in her sleep like you will just be sleeping next to her all soundly and next thing you know you get punched in the face? she refuses to apologize in the morning bc she “has a right to defend myself in a nightmare” or whatever

when shes mad at someone she’ll post like ultra specific lyrics or captions and it’s so obviously targeted at one person everyone else is like "girl go to bed, don’t even post the quote…"

#aot headcannons #eren x reader #eren headcanons #armin headcanons #armin x reader #mikasa headcanons #mikasa x reader #modern aot #modern attack on titan #modern mikasa #modern eren #modern armin

[phantomram-b00]

So I saw this post and I just wanna talk about it, specifically the last two,

The fact people think Crowley hates Aziraphale over the finale is kinda baffling and unserious to me. Like I’m not saying Crowley isn’t going to be mad at him, but hate is very much a strong word considering everything they’ve been through together. Because if that was the cast, shit Crowley could’ve hated him a long as time ago, even from a beginning since they’re suppose to be enemies, they drill it in Aziraphale and I don’t doubt hell drill it in Crowley’s head too about this but he doesn’t (and I highly doubt Aziraphale hated Crowley) or even during the holy water situation or any moment when they had a spat or disagreement. Did this finale gave him a wound, yes, (like I may be a Aziraphale kin but that shit hurt my feelings) am I saying Crowley is incapable of hate? No I’m sure he hates a lot of things (*cough cough*, metatron rn) but I don’t see him bringing himself to hate Aziraphale over this nor do I think he’ll try to, it be out of character for him to even try to. This is the same character that brought down London are mobile phone network and called that his sinful deed, so are we really expecting more out of that?

And no, Crowley not gonna become Duke of Hell to spite him, that’s also an out of character thing, just because he said no and Aziraphale said yes with his promotion, doesn’t mean he going to just waltz back to hell and tell Shax “hey I wanna be Duke of Hell role since my non-official spouse left me for his job”, he not petty like Aziraphale; he going to stay in earth since that’s his home. That’s his space, why else do you think we hardly see scene of him in hell, because he never considered hell home/his side (and let not kid ourself, who would if you have people like Furfur who most likely lick the walls and how claustrophobic that place is, so I feel Crowley). I’m not trying to bring back the job episode since everyone talk about it, (I love the episode as much as the next person) I do think that is a prime example of him saying he doesn’t even on hell’s side. So imma just bring up the other minisode where after the magic show, they celebrate it and also comment on how they both are in shades of grey in some way, Crowley being the darker grey whilst Aziraphale being the lighter shade (which I’m surprised no one talked about, someone probably did an I missed it but I’m just surprised no one is talking about that conversation but I digress.) so the whole “Duke of hell Crowley” is nonsense, could be a fun au for fanfic but on paper it doesn’t fit really.

Okay now to the whole “they’re going to be turn into mortals”, I was gonna make a post about this but I didn’t want to come off as someone who disagree with all the theories, but this one, I really can’t stand, (if you believe it, cool that’s valid.) and imma just talk about it. While sure, it can be they have no side anymore, but why would you want them to be separated again, especially since we don’t know where they’ll even go if they do die. But also, just because they love humanity doesn’t mean they want to be mortal, like I get the romantic implication of this theory/prediction, but I honestly don’t think turning them human is romantic nor is it a good thing, it feels more like a punishment all over again because they love each other. Look even if they do the whole reincarnation thing which fine, book of life did this. Well done, good writing all around, but it still another form of punishment because they going to be separated all the damn time. Like especially since they didn’t turn ineffable bureaucracy into humans (not to being the ship into it since I do love this ship.) so why would they make ineffable spouse/husband/wives into humans? Why should they be punish for simply loving each other? Why can’t they enjoy eternity loving each other as demon and angel, or just immortal beings since at the end of the day, they wouldn’t want a side, they are their own side.

Now look, I’m all for angst, I feel season 3 might have some with how season 2 ended, but sometimes, some angst idea like the one I just talk about or what the op posted just doesn’t make sense/out of character. And I just had to talk about it even thought I really am not suppose to be up. (I only am because I toke what felt like a century nap Crowley gets.) I know season 2 left us with mixed emotions, like I haven’t felt that way since Arcane. And you know, if you do believe in the Theory mention in the post or what I said, cool, that’s valid, don’t let me tell you otherwise. Just I don’t find myself agreeing with these, if you do tell me why, anyway, I just needed to say this, here another Crowley gif since I love this character and I do find myself in him. (Maybe not as much as I find myself in Aziraphale but close enough, I kin them both)

#good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #ineffable spouses #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #i shouldn’t be awake but here I am #aziracrow #good omens discussion #good omens fandom #im just rambling again #hyperfixation am I right?

[realreulbbrband]

About the character ask, you reblogged! What about Macavity?

Yay one of the characters I’m scared to talk about!! This won’t be hard!!

tw: mentions of slow death?

Why I like them

I like how his entire gimmick is just that he's evil and “not there” It really feeds into the fact he's a mystery cat and leads to a lot of fun speculation

Why I don’t

Besides the obvious things he probably put Demeter and Bombalurina through

These nasty Dumbo Ears, “I hear everything” looking aaaaa

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Ngl his fight with Munk, I feel like it's where we get to see him at his most raw if that makes sense

Favorite season/movie

Love him in 2019 since he seems to be more of a character there if that makes sense, and I really like his motivations there.

Favorite line

“I'll be back for you Demeter” (I think that's what it was) it's technically his only line on stage so

Favorite outfit

I'm especially fond of the Broadway revival look because of course I am look at him

OTP

I don't want to be harassed 😀

Uhh but from like a purely “canon” standpoint I really only see him as being in love with Demeter rn so let's go with that.

Brotp

While I don't play around with it too often I like the idea that he keeps Mungojereie around begrudgingly, he hates his guts but he's useful and Mungo often teeters the line of co-workers as pals and refers to Macavity as such which he happens to do on the occasions that Macavity isn't in the mood to stifle someone.

I don't know I haven't thought about him having friends a lot so that's the closest thing 🧍

Head Canon

his magic is slowly killing him; as a punishment courtesy of the everlasting cat. She gifted him with a power that was intended for the use of protection, and defense because in her eyes he was destined to be a tribe protector, never the leader despite his age.

and that made Macavity lose it, to be fair most jellicles assumed he’d take over after Deuteronomy strictly because of age and inheritance of magic but fate said otherwise and when his father told him he snapped. he grew disdainful, and easily tempered, and aggravated which led to him neglecting his duties completely and eventually boiling into him leaving the tribe.

but his powers only started to sting years later, when he’d hypnotize strays, attack the innocent etc. He was using a gift for harm and the everlasting cat didn’t like that. Soon his magic would take a lot more force to control, he grew tired more easily, his fur was thinning and even falling out daily, he got thinner and his mind was eating away at him. It was torture, just like the torture he had put so many others through.

Unpopular opinion

His portrayal in 98 is one of the weakest for me, his makeup was so overdone that he didn’t even look like a cat and the ways his scenes were edited were hard to follow in general.

A wish

I think it was Il sistina that did this but they had Macavity sort of spying or watching Demeter as she was singing his song (might have been Bomba’s part too) but I thought that was cool and you know more stage time for him so might as well. I just think it’s neat.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Idk a reboot happens and they try to give him so redemption arc would be pretty ehhhh and questionable for me

5 words to best describe them

Callous, Feral, Vicious (that’s at least what I think an alternate three words for him would be ) and then of course his regular three words Jealous, dangerous and hypnotic

My nickname for them

Dumbo ears Mac is like the only one I use to describe *that* design but I do like the “his ears are so big cause they’re full of secrets”

#Thank you for the ask! #macavitys really one of the characters who intimidate me cause I feel like there’s always that stronger “you get him or you don’t” emphasis #In the fandom That makes me avoid talking about him at all #But this was really so fun so I might talk about him more in the future #macavity the mystery cat

[taylortruther]

sorry to vent but i honestly am just so damn tired atp of having to desperately cover everything in disclaimers and constantly perform outrage just to be allowed to exist in fandom spaces now as a black fan. like my original mindset was just that it’s disappointing but i don’t and can’t expect celebrities to perfectly mirror my values, and with all the actual problems in my life and the world - including racism that actually affects my real life AND things i have the ability to potentially do something about - i wasn’t going to spend my time and energy being furious that a pop star i’ll never meet is fucking an edgelord i’ll never meet either. like i’m sorry but i already compartmentalized all this YEARS ago and have zero expectations of celebrities so it’s just whatever to me. if taylor herself was spewing racist comments or if matty was actually some white supremacist nazi and not just an intentionally provocative edgy douchebag it would be different, but TO ME PERSONALLY the actual situation as it is is just not that serious and not worth my outrage.

but am i, one of those ‘poc fans’ everyone is constantly falling all over themselves to declare themselves supportive of and ‘safe’ for, allowed to feel that way as one of the people actually targeted by that idiot’s dumbass comments? NOPE! you best believe people were FURIOUS that i thought i could get away with not performing Angry Black Woman Rage for them every single time i want to simply engage in my hobby and discuss fun things, or analyze surprise songs, or express empathy for taylor in any circumstance, or just do anything that isn’t ranting 24/7 that she’s terrible and racist and irredeemable. so now every time i want to do any of those things i have to write 6000 disclaimers that yes taylor is awful and no i don’t like matty just so overwhelmingly white fans won’t yell at me that i’m not really black (an accusation i’ve now gotten three separate times), or that i’m hurting other poc by “condoning racism” (which i have not done), or that i’m so far up taylor’s ass i would still stan her even if she personally called me the n-word (the final straw that made me turn anon off probably for good) and idk it’s just…not fun being here anymore now that everyone is just going to treat me like a doll who’s only here for them to virtue signal with (and ‘virtue signaling’ is a terrible term but like that is truly, genuinely what a huge chunk of this fandom is doing rn), claiming to obsessively care about my feelings and fandom experience so they’ll look good but then berating and scolding me every single time i step a toe out of line and try to express my own opinion or commit the grave sin of Enjoying Taylor Swift On My Taylor Swift Blog. like sure taylor disappointed me but it’s other (again, overwhelmingly white) fans who have completely ruined being here and made it a miserable chore to be a black fan, not her. atp I just want her to drop him and everyone to forget not bc he sucks but bc i just want to be allowed to exist peacefully on my own blog again, without having to constantly walk on eggshells so the people who ~care about marginalized fans~ won’t come call me a stupid brainless bitch who lets taylor manipulate me because i’m a self-hating racist. i’m just so tired.

i am tired too and i am really grateful to you for writing all this out (i hope it felt a little cathartic) because i 100% AGREEEEEEEEEE. the way this fandom acts anytime they start talking about uplifting poc will never not be weird to me and i think you explained why perfectly.

#like maybe this will only make sense to you anon #but i'm always just thinking 'it's not that deep' fjadskl #of course racism is deep but we aren't being anti-racist if we're just being bitchy about fandom shit on here #hot taykes

[algolagniaa]

I am bored bored bored bored bored and I don’t want to write about the things actually on my mind or happening in my life so I’m just going to critique this chart reading someone did for me a couple days ago

according to this person I AM going to get married just late…. like I shouldn’t stress for about 4 more years. and tbh a part of me is like “nooooo I want to be a young and beautiful bride” but if I shut that part up that sounds p ideal.

also told me to avoid dating anyone with Gemini placements…… girl everyone I’ve ever so much as had a crush on has Gemini placements. with the exception of my ex fiancé. I vibe with Gemini moons almost exclusively. the girl I have a crush on rn has a Gemini moon and I think it was the same day I got this reading that she told me she wants to kill me over and over. literally HOW am I supposed to turn that down. I’m only human faerie after all

mentioned that I need to be careful who I let close to me because a lot of people over the course of my life are very jealous/envious of me, particularly those with strong Sagittarius placements (which I’ve def found to be true). this is literally WILD to me like ik I’m pretty great but what do I have (other than looks and brains and intrigue and force of personality, okay maybe I get it) that you actually want. actually being me isn’t that great most of the time.

spouse will be sociable and emotionally intelligent and intelligent in general and religious/spiritual and “quaint” and love travel. pretty standard 9th house themes. also said she will have an “underlying intensity” which, yeah I hope so otherwise what are we doing together.

apparently my Uranus/Neptune conjunction in 1st makes me come off as unreliable and my Pluto placement makes me seem controlling/manipulative and too intense for many people. and those two things combined are why people decide to write me off as a bad person. which I guess makes sense bc what happens is they like all of a sudden see something about me they don’t like and then act scared of me??? even when there is genuinely no reason to be????? anyway apparently one of the big things I’m supposed to learn that will help mitigate this is to treat friendships more causally and not expect everything to be a super deep connection. but I feel like I already DO THAT with a lot of people + also when I do that I end up playing with them like dolls or chess pieces. and it’s fun but not satisfying. well whatever I have astrological license to treat my friends worse I guess

ages 24-25 were supposedly years of great personal growth and healing for me but all I did in those years was get abused and lose all my friends and have everyone tell me that actually I was abusive and a narcissist with 17 personality disorders including one that is straight up not in the DSM. and go to a bunch of therapy that didn’t work. and get addicted to weed and gain 30lbs and have everyone in my life collaborate on a giant gaslighting effort to convince me I was dangerously obese and they were worried for my health. and obsessively read r/amitheasshole trying to figure out the rules for Correct behavior. and cut myself to win arguments. and get kicked out of thanksgiving drunk in the middle of the night. and move to Spokane and have my first great love vow to hate me forever. and continue to get abused in Spokane, and meet some friends, and lose those friends bc I pissed off a serial killer dude, oh also I pissed off someone in the mafia I forgot that part, and get abused more and have a dead bedroom in my relationship and lock my entire personality up in a box and put it in a deep dark corner of my mind and give up on ever being happy. also I cried on my birthday both years. where’s the growth and healing…. I guess I hiked a lot in that time? and went to the gym but my heart was NOT in it

apparently I am v talented at communicating, networking, and making connections and can use my gifts to acquire money and power if I so choose. girl I so wish that were true

was also told what themes I will focus on during the next couple years of my life and apparently this year my focuses are: relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners, equality, sharing, interpersonal style. and I can see a couple of these but for the most part….. can’t relate.

#you guys don’t get to know the overarching themes anymore now sorry #all you get to know is I burnt off the ends of my hair. again

[plasmasimagination]

Hi! I hope You’re doing well and I wanted to ask who you’d match me with from HSR, preferably the guys because ahhahdjsbdks my pfp, but ignore jingy rn I want your true and honest opinion. (I don’t mind a female suggestion either)

I’m going to really try and keep this short (I feel like I will fail this as I literally over-explain everything—) but don’t feel pressured at all to reply to this or anything! (I kinda feel i alr did this but im forgetful too help-)

A quick summary:

I’m afab, like 160cm(5’2? With chest which I hate because I want the dark academia dressing style (i dont have money)), she/they, libra, INFP, I’m sorry, I haven’t really had the hyperfixation on sun moon and rising and well astrology stuff tbh 😭

My personality (a mess im so sorry):

Well, I don’t think I could tell you. What I know of myself is that I try to be honest, I am loyal to my friends and probably obsessive when someone shows me interest and i dont know- (there’s some mental disorders going around, along a suspicion of autism) Personally I see myself as a shy annoying brat, while in reality I don’t ever initiate conversation and never know what to say unless it’s about a hyperfixation or something—AGAIN I OVEREXPLAIN EVERYTHING. My mouth doesn’t work as well as I’d like to, I cry too much (imo) I’m sensitive to well a lot, I get overstimulated quickly depending on the situation and um well I’m a picky eater I guess.

RAHHH I LOVE FOOD. And I’m chubby. I’m VERY self conscious and messy (which I’m sure you’ve noticed if you got this far)

Fun fact! If i were to live alone (still living with parents because house market is hell) I’d probably forget to eat a lot/overeat even more than I already do. Why? Because I don’t feel it. I don’t feel a limit to my ‘hunger’ and I don’t even really think I feel hungry at times.

Also, I hate to be perceived by people. It makes me feel like… too much alive. I don’t really feel a connection between my mind and my body, like someone sees my body and I’m just: THAT AINT ME YALL PLEASE IT AINT MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭 but id never say that bc again, my mouth doesn’t work.

I think I’m pretty useless at a lot too, but I don’t mean for this to be a traumadump thingy, which I also don’t realise when I should stop or not like RIGHT NOW I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP (the doubt is real, I’m so sorry—)

LAST THING!

I’m a Jing Yuan simp, obviously, name and all, but I also firmly believe we wouldn’t be good together? Like he’d be great for me. But what would I bring to him? Besides messy thoughts and nothing?… Which is literally nothing. I want to be someone he could properly rely on and not just a hopeless random girlypop who stops processing information after something becomes a bit too much mentally.

I have my serious moments, which will for most part go unnoticed online, but it’s not like I’m inherently useful or whatever. I feel like I’m really lacking in lots of aspects, and yes I’m aware I’m not ‘old’ yet, but my thoughts eat me alive and I won’t be surprised if I well blablah me me me I hate talking about me. Nothing bad even happened I’m just weird at this point, apologies! (Im a mess, my mind is still that 12 year old kid who just wanted a good hug from her mom and a good chat with her mom without all the school and later college problems aghh I wanna be 5 again.)

ANYWAYS if you made it this far, kudos to your determination anddd i hope you stay hydrated! And eat well. Health before anything.

I FAILED TO KEEP IT SHORT. Sorry I- AAAA that’s how my brain is.

Good god jingsnuggler you're Litteraly the best request I've had in my inbox- (IM SORRY MY OTHER CUTIEPIES DONT GET JEALOUS)

And I also was scrolling from like bottom to top to write some request and saw your pfp and was like "wait didn't I just recently get another one of them?" And I was right >:} You really did stay in my memory HSHSHS anyways anyways not tryna chit chat too long since we know why you're here, and I'll use both of your submits to give you the perfect match...

Drumrolls please....

🥁🥁🥁

.

.

.

JING YUAN!

WAIT ! LISTEN IM NOT BIASED.

I genuinely with all of my heart think that you guys would be perfect like no joke

He would balance you out, just fine.

He's a gentle soul, and would find you very amusing and enjoy being around you

Your talkative and bubbly nature would soothe his soul and calm him even.

Sensitive personality? Don't worry Jing yuan will pat your head and tell you it's fine

Forget to eat? Jing yuan will take note of it. And make sure you never forget. Ever

Okay enough of fluff you said you don't think you have anything to offer for him while I strongly disagree

I think Jing yuan needs someone who can keep him entertained, someone that can talk to him, he's a lonely man believe it or not, he doesn't really interact much with plp other than Yanqing, and between you and me Yanqing is boring af

So he'll greatly appreciate having a small birdie on his shoulder that will tell him all that they think , after hours of doing general work all he would need is to have someone talk to him about some casual stuff and random thoughts, yk?

I also think he would turn to you in case of a crisis, sometimes just come home to you and lay down to cuddle with you, it comforts him somewhat, youre like his stress reliever, hes usually very reserved and calm with other people, but with you..it's so different

To him you're like a fresh breath of air, like just a slap to the face to wake him up, you keep him from going freaking insane

I don't think Jing yuan is usually fit for people with a personality of like blade or Dan Heng (just an example of personality I am no shipper nor anti shipper don't shoot me)

Like ...yeah I guess they can be friends but like...Jing yuan wouldn't click with them? I don't know how to explain it but jing yuan needs someone lively and like all over the place, so he can take time to slowly organize you and your thoughts in his mind.

Phew that's all from me, sending lots of hugs and loves I hope to see you around on my blog since you're a small blessing on my acc (≧◡≦) ♡

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai x reader #jing yuan x you #jing yuan x y/n #honkai jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan

[arc-misadventures]

Envy: A Vile Enemy

Yin: When I was a kid, I often felt envious of a classmate with a cool bike, latest video games, stuff like that. Now that I look back on that, that was childish, and pathetic stuff to really feel envious about, but this… This is what pure, raw envy really feels like…

Blake: I have never felt such envy before… I often felt hate for others who denied us, us faunas things… Opportunities, luxuries, even basic goods! But, I can only envy this. I cannot feel any form of hatred for this. Only envy.

William: I could buy a mansion, fully staffed, and top of the line cars at the snap of my fingers. Yet with all that wealth. I would never get this… Not even close!…

Pyrros: I could take all of you, all at once, and absolutely kick your ass. But, no matter how many foes, no matter how strong they are, how many I must defeat, I will never be able to win what ever battles I need to get that…

Ruben: I’d give up one years worth of cookies, just to be in their place for five minutes…

Rin: …

Nora: …

Rin: …

Nora: SIMPS!!!

William: Excuse me?

Pyrros: I beg your pardon?!

Yang: I am not!

Blake: Neither am I!

Ruben: What’s a simp?

Nora: You heard me! All of you! Lustfully gazing at our friends in such a depraved manner, have you no shame?!

Ruben: Hey! We’re not doing anything bad! R-Right…?

William: What are you so upset about, we’re just a little jealous okay?

Rin: A little? You practically said you’d buy a mansion to be in their place.

Pyrros: We’re really jealous, okay?

Nora: ‘Really jealous?’

Yin: Rahhh!!! Okay! We’re seething with envy, but can you blame us?!!

Blake: I mean, just look at them?!!

~~~

Jeanne: Something wrong, May?

May: Everything is fine, Jeanne~! Honestly, my life has gotten so much better since I met you.

Jeanne: Oh you’re just saying that!

May: I’m serious! You found out about my problem, but unlike everyone else who would make fun of me, insult me, or… or try to do something, you gave me a means to fix my problem once and for all! I can never thank you enough for this my, Guardian Angel~’

Jeanne: I’m not your guardian angel, May. I’m just your friend.

May: The first girl friend I ever had…

Jeanne: Really?

May: Well, no… But, you’re definitely my best friend… Haa… I gonna miss you… As soon as the tournament is over, I have to go back to Vacuo, and back to my all boy team… I don’t want to!

Jeanne: If you want… Y-You could join me, and my team…?

May: You’d do that for me?!

Jeanne: Anything for you, May~!

May: Oh, Jeanne~! I wish I had an older sister like you when I was growing up!

Jeanne: …

Jeanne: Would you like to become my younger sister then…?

May: Eh?

~~~

Yin: Oh gods! That’s so pure!

William: Why can that be me!

Blake: I want a, Onii-Sama too…

Ruben: I would forgo cookies for the rest of my life to be in her place?!!

Pyrros: Anyone have something awaken in them too…?

Rin: …

Nora: …

Rin: …

Nora: …

Rin: You know, since we’re girls there’s nothing stopping us from joining them. So…?

Nora: …

Nora: JEANNE!!! I want sisterly love, and affection too!

Jeanne: Hmm? What was that, Nor-Ahhhh?!!

Rin: Don’t forget about me~!

May: Ahh?! Why me?!

RN: Sisterly love, and affection, Ya!!!

~~~

Ruben: …

Yin: …

William: …

Pyrros: …

Blake: …

Yin: I’m gonna have a cold shower…

Pyrros: I think I need one to…

William: Me too…

Blake: Just chuck me into the freezer it will work just as well…

Ruben: Yeah, me too…

#rwby #jaune arc #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #pyrrha nikos #weiss schnee #nora valkyrie #ruby rose #lie ren #may zedong #fem jaune

[ladyelain]

lucien stans made a lot of us dislike him because a lot of his stans with well known accounts talk sh*t about feyre frequently because of their distraught friendship and history. i loved lucien until i read what his stans (who some also stan tamlin) had to say about feyre due to their issues in acowar and acofas. lucien is quite babied in this fandom and constantly victimize him when it comes to his friendship with feyre and how it’s always “she could’ve” instead of “he should’ve” they both made mistakes but out of the two if i’m really going to judge lucien disappointed me more in their friendship and then he was surprised she didn’t favor him the way she used to when he already proved that he’s rarely put her first. he even feels worse about spring falling than about what happened to both of them when they were there. they were having growth after acowar and he took 10 steps back by throwing her taking down spring in her face after she’s already expressed remorse for what happened to the people there when hybern ruined their homes.

First off, I’m not a fan of using Eluciens/Elriels/Gwynriels or even Lucien stans as generic terms for everybody and their mother when it comes to explicit, opinionated discourses around one character or ship.

It’s exactly what made the fandom so overly sensitive about everything in the first place. We keep blaming individuals for things they’ve literally never said, sometimes not even heard of. I mean, imagine being called an Elain stan because you like Elain… It’s the last group I’d want to be associated with in this fandom lol.

Just like I don’t identify at all with the whole pinning Feyre up against Lucien. Especially not Feyre and Lucien. They’re my babies and if I am babying them rn, then so be it. Not to defend myself here, I just feel like pointing out I’ve made posts trying to explain Feyre’s perspective and why she’s totally right having negative associations connected to Lucien. Though I am aware people are throwing shade at Feyre, using the points you made above.

Lucien and Feyre’s friendship failed for several reasons, the main thing being miscommunication which lead to mistrust. Not because they had nothing to address to the other, but because the circumstances didn’t allow for them to open up. It’s debatable whether they just gave up on each other after the war because they both found their people, or whether they need time and space still. Either way is totally valid.

I always try to put everything in perspective and context, and to me, Feyre and Lucien’s outfall in acofas seemed absolutely realistic. Their awkward behaviour also feels reasonable after everything they’ve been through. It’s nothing that couldn’t ever be fixed though. When Elucien happens, there will also be a Feycien comeback, I’m convinced. Their dialogues are just too iconic to not bring them back.

Feyre receives so much hate that isn’t even about Lucien because she seems to be in a better place than everybody else and that’s usually something people get bored of and eventually mad about. Honestly, in acofas she could have been the bigger person. Bringing up the Band of Exiles was a low blow. She made fun of them because she obviously feels betrayed and doesn’t quite understand where their friendship came from. Feyre wants everyone around her happy, yet there’s only so much she can do. Sometimes she’s just too much of a busybody.

#asks #lucien vanserra #feyre archeron #i swear someone will come @me again for the tags #can we be chill about this pls #i am literally defending feyre here

[pearblossommina]

ToG Read-a-Long, Queen of Shadows, Day 1

GUYS when I bought these books i mistakenly received TWO copies of Queen of Shadows so I mailed one to my friend! They SAID they’d read along, because they still haven’t finished the series either, but also idk if they’re gonna read along.

Books are hard

(But no one can stop me I’m a huge fan of Celaena and this series sooooo)(shirking literally all other responsibilities)(and reading books instead) (HERE WE GO)

Ch 1

LET’S GO

hi Dorian i’m sorry you’re sad

Listen

I’m sad too but also I am excited to be reading this book

(I keep forgetting that the tone has RAPIDLY shifted and we are in the worst timeline rn) (everything sucks and nothing is fun)

Ch 2

I wanna know what color she dyed her hair

(This is so awesome!!!!!!!!) (I can’t wait for her to start exacting revenge)

(Kill baby kill)(slaaaaay queen!)

Ch 3

I have so much rage in me for Arobynn it’s not even funny

(God he’s so disgusting.)

GET AWAY FROM HER GROOMER.

I have no idea what Chaol is doing but my thought is that maybe he’s here trying to hire someone to help him rescue Aedion?

Ch 4

AEDION, don’t give up. Chaol is planning a daring rescue (I think)

Ch 5

So - who is this lady

I can’t think of any ladies actually.

Does she have a name and have we met her before?

Ch 6

I think maybe we’ve never met her before. She says her name is not important. Well lady, I’m still gonna root for you, even if you don’t feel important.

(Go, weird sewer lady, go!)

Hi Chaol

I missed you

Are you planning a daring rescue? What are you up to?

Ch 7

Oh Nesryn! Hi!

Ooh boy this is rough

I thought maybe they could… be friends… even after the breakup

Guys, guys. You should try and work togetherrrrr

This is heartbreaking, I hate when mom and dad fight.

“Dorian is my king” Chaol, you’re precious and I fucking love you. LMAO you loyal piece of shit. You absolute madman.

“She knew herself well enough to admit that the relief was partially that of a coward- that she didn't have to face Ren and see how he might react to who she was, what she'd done with Marion's sacrifice.” Ugh why is she being so hard on herself????????

GIRL GO TO THERAPY

Ren and Aedion do not hate you, no one hates you, I promise. Not even CHAOL hates you. I think he’s just upset about Dorian and misses getting snuggles. Deep down that’s what every man wants… snuggles. It’s not your fault you guys aren’t in love anymore. Please, please, please stop being so hard on yourself.

I’m just ready to devour this book at this moment.

My hope is that our good guys can conquer and kill some of our villains, but also, I know this is book 5 of 8 and I might have to waiiiiit a little bit before. Ya know. The defeat of evil and the saving of the day.

A girl can dream.

I’d also LIKE TO SEE SOME ROMANCE SJM please my crops are dying

I know it’s hard to work in when everything’s intense intense intense like this but

Can we get some soft moments please

I NEED IT

#tog read along 2023 #queen of shadows #let’s gooooo

[hunters-hairnoodle]

Hey

This is my first post ever and ig technically a rant post but idrc. None of you know who I am and that’s okay. I just occasionally have these days where my mind breaks. I survive each day and then it builds up until eventually there’s a night where I just burst. Tonight’s that night. I have no one to talk to this about. If I talk to my friends they won’t understand or won’t know what to do. My sister, maybe but unlikely. My mom is part of the issue and my dad would never understand. He’d just console me and act like that’s that, problem solved. Or he’d bring up fucking Jesus and make me pray over it, when I’m honestly fucking done with religion. 

The days themselves are fine, they’re fine ig. I mean little issues here and there but overall it’s fine. But i get to these nights and realize that it’s not all fine and that there’s a lot of fucking problems, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m a teenager, I don’t have money or can legally drive. Besides running away or suicide my options are limited. 

This is gonna sound so stupid to some people, and people will make fun of me for it cuz teenagers are demons who harvest on despair and anguish, but I’m just so worried that I can never be myself ever. At school it’s a facade. At home it’s a facade on who my mom wants me to be. I try to fit into it, but ik I’m fucking miserable. But whenever I am myself no one likes it. I become to weird or nerdy or annoying. And my mom hates it when I actually act like myself. I’ve broken free a little bit over the years, but overall I keep everything restrained. And she’s not a bad person, my mother, she’s just complicated. I can’t tell if she’s the issue or if I am. If I’m actually the bratty kid who’s complaining for no reason or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset. I can’t tell and I don’t know if I ever will be. 

On nights like these I go unnoticed by my family so I can wallow in pity alone. For some reason I can’t explain whenever anyone sees me crying or upset or having a panic attack or needing to rant I stop immediately. I listen through the walls as I cry to hear any movement. As soon as I hear any and hear my mother open her bedroom door to go to the bathroom i immediately stop and quiet myself. Just tonight while I was crying and breathing heavily and having a hard time thinking straight and acting normally I heard my mom talking to my sister. I stopped immediately and hid my phone since i knew she wouldn’t want me up. Just as I thought she walked into my room to say goodnight. I hid the crying sound from my voice as well as I could. For once she actually seemed concerned and asked if something was wrong. I was so tempted to tell her to be able to rant and cry to her, but I couldn’t. Because the problems are either her or me being gay and non-binary or just people at school. And whenever I share I’m always bad at it and don’t know how to describe it and get frustrated with myself. Guess I’m better at typing it all out then saying it. Then she always ends up getting mad at me for extending her help and I hate myself more. 

It’s not she’s a bad person she’s just hard. She yells curses in the car all the time at other drivers, which Ik isn’t a big deal but when you’ve been at school all day and just want some peace you’re hearing yelling. She’s also very judgemental of other people. She judged everyone by class and looks and their behavior. And it’s to an excessive degree. I think this may have caused me to feel the way I do about myself rn. She never says anything to me specially, but that’s when I act the right way. When I actually act like myself and wear what I want and look how I wish she judges me. Even if she doesn’t say anything directly I can tell by the way she looks and the way she responds with a tight voice. And the issue is whenever I vocalize any of these either what happens is above or she levels it down to me being a teenager and acting like a teen, therefore making my feelings not matter. That’s probably why I’m questioning if I have the right to be upset rn.

She’s also like a feminist which is a bad thing but it’s in a toxic way. Like every single man is bad boo. And then she’s hypocritical in the sense because she’ll hold men by the stereotypes but then changing her mind when it doesn’t benefit her. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. For example we watched Hamilton together and she was complaining that there were no women in it (we hadn’t gotten to Schuyler sisters yet) she complained about how they have color blind casting and all that but why women couldn’t play these roles. I explained that it has to do with voice parts since usually AFAB and AMAB people have different sounding voices. She huffed and puffed at this. Throughout the thing she would make me stop so she could learn about the women involved in it and then would just kinda talk shit about the dudes the whole time and making it this whole thing when it’s just a fucking musical about a founding father. And I just have a complicated relationship with it since I’m AFAB and non-binary it’s just hard. Cuz I’m a feminist just not in my moms sense of it. And she’s hypocritical with it. Like when we watched the Oscar’s this lady won for this feminist movie and she did a whole feminism speech thing and my mom was all here for it. But later on when black Panther won something and the lady made a speech about black power she changes the channel! And Ik she would do the same shit if it was a speech about LGBTQ stuff.

With LGBTQ it’s so fucking hard being a gay non-binary teen. I live in the south and everyone here is fucking toxic christian who just say they don’t support it and move on. Or if they accept me they don’t really. Or they just tolerate it. Ig you would call it lesbian non-binary technically. That’s what I am. I have a they/them pin on my backpack and beanie. But no one calls me the right shit. I can’t correct them cuz then they’ll look at me and we’ll talk and they’ll just think it’s weird and not care enough. And being gay is the fucking worse. I’m the odd one out and yeah I can joke about it but it gets hard. I take a lot of shit letting people joke about it. Even with the f slur. But I can’t say anything. I’m still seen as weird for it, tho I am one of the more accepted ones for it probably cuz I don’t make a big deal about it. I haven’t really dated anyone. Ik if I did or actually talked about how I liked girl I’d be see as weird and looked at funny. Even with girls I’m friends with theyll just single me out for it. Like when we’re joking around and their being silly straight girls, and I’m not even trying to join in, they’ll be like “well not you cuz you’re gay and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.” And then whenever I actually try to share my opinion on gay shit and how it makes me feel it doesn’t even matter. What’s worst of all is one of my best friends doesn’t fucking accept me cuz she’s super Christian. I want to talk to her about it but I can’t I fucking can’t cuz she doesn’t agree. I get asked weird questions or I get asked why im like this. I just wanna be myself for fucks sake. Why can’t anyone get that?

Im out to the whole grade and im really starting to regret it. 

I forgot to mention that my parents are divorced. My dads basically a sex addict but pretends he’s not. He’s just weird with everything, I never know what to do around him. I don’t know exactly what happened to make me get where I am with him, but yeah. Oh and my parents hate each other and don’t hide it. I don’t mind it too much but I bet it has some affect on me. 

Ik if ever told my mom I was gay it wouldn’t go great. There are several possibilities for it. She would either tell me I’m not, tell me I don’t know yet, or pretend to accept me but not really and judge me for it. And the non-binary thing she would hate. She’d wonder why I don’t want to be a woman. She’d say I’m just a masculine girl. But Ik I’m not. I’ve thought for fucking months about that shit and being called a girl and SHE sounds weird and wrong and not me. If I told her my new name too she’d flip. She’d wonder what was wrong with the name she chose and why I don’t like it anymore. She’d take it as a personal offense. 

This just adds to the fact that I can never be myself. But I don’t even know if that’s a good thing. No one at school ever likes when I am. They talk down about the few times I was myself. But I don’t even know wtf that is. I think it’s a little bit of what I am now, but not fully. My mom doesn’t like when I act how I want to at all. And just so you know I’m not some rebellious teen trying to do drugs or something. I just want to vibe as myself fully and without bounds. Do the things I want to do and not hold back. Wear what I want, get my hair how I want. But I can’t. It’s not just them. I’m scared to. I’ve been told my whole life that this is what good successful people do and looking this way or that will get judged and people will think this about you (aka when my mom judges everyone on every little thing). And then if I can be myself maybe I’ll finally be happy. But Ik it won’t work cuz people at school will make fun of me behind my back. I don’t know why I have all these issues or if they’re even issues at all. Maybe I am just a bratty teen complaining about nothing. I feel as tho I should be happy cuz on the surface that’s what it should be. But I’m not. Cuz if this is what happiness is it’s shit. But I don’t even know what that feels like and idk if I ever will.

If you’ve come this far thanks for reading all this. You’ve indulged me for one of my annual “nights” where I break. Thanks. I hope you’re happy. 

#i don’t even know why tf I did this #here you go ig thanks for listening to me #Ill see you some other time ig #i fucking hate myself and will probably regret this

[kneeslapworthy]

this is just going to be a very silly goofy tiny little vent post (fr this time lmao)

i think i just really need to realize that i don’t have to be great at everything i do. and this is what has been causing me to struggle so much when writing my fics, just this internal pressure to create some sort of masterpiece when i originally started writing fic just because it was fun. and it is fun, but somewhere down the line i always end up placing these expectations on myself on what “good writing” is and what a “good fic” is. and that shouldn’t really matter because who cares if what i write is good or bad? sure, it’s good to set up goals for yourself and to try to improve by challenging yourself and whatnot, but with my fics i always see it as just pure creative expression. i get to write what i want to write, free from judgement. and idk i just get so frustrated by how it always starts that way but then i never end up finishing anything because i start critiquing it until i hate it. i mean. that’s not fun. 

and THEN i start comparing my work with other writers who are more experienced than i am, who actually have english as their first language or who are just better than i am for various reasons and it just makes me want to scrap everything i’ve ever created and start over. and once again, that’s not very fun now is it? literally no one cares if what i write is shit or not. i have no one to please. so why is the people pleaser in me going batshit crazy rn?? and people tell me they like what i write!! like. holy shit!! shouldn’t that be a good thing?? apparently not because then i start feeling like i’m lying to people by only showing the small part of my work that is decent!! all im saying is i hate hating myself lmao.

i think i just need to be able to let go and just write. whether or not i finish it is entirely up to me. whether or not it’s “good” is subjective and does not matter. COME ONE FRIDA HAVE FUN IT’S NOT THAT HARD. 

anyway rant over xx

#personal life rants #writing rants #vent post

[one-abuse-survivor]

i really need to vent im so sorry. my sister is driving me to literal insanity. i dont know if im a manipulator or shes truly being a horrible person to me. i talk to my bf a lot. facetime pretty much all day every day, and she can hear me talking through the wall, mostly mumbles no words, but still noise, and she doesnt say anything. she games at the WORST times, honestly, at least we stop talking at 8/9pm, but thats when she starts gaming with her friends, screaming (yes. literal ear piercing screams from horror games) shouting and overall joyous loudness from her room. i put my headphones on and try to block it out, knowing shes just having fun and i need to put up with it. its been like this the whole year practically. the past week shes been getting closer to dad again. dad. the guy who hates me with a passion and mentally abused me for 2 years straight and never got a consequence for it. every. single. time. she hangs out with him, or games with him, she turns into this horribly mean snarky person who is so so rude. and ik im sounding dramatic but shes literally the opposite otherwise. but other than dad shes also got a new friend whos very judgemental and snarky so ig shes impressionable. but anyway the past week shes been very rude and mean to both me and my mum. mums a huge pushover so being mean to her is like kicking a dog, and i truly hate it when shes mean to her. cos mum loves her more than she loves me (its evident and shes told me multiple times i promise im not inferring it) so shes much more of a pushover with my sister 'everything has to be perfect for her'. i hate it. ik ik its jealousy but im dealing with it or at least trying to. so tonight she was singing horribly and ive not had a good day, im stressed, tired, and trying to sleep and here she is humming away purposefully sounding awful. i ask her to be quiet, continues, tell her to shut up, she continues, so i bang on the wall and i kid you not she slowly gets wuieter and quieter til its barely a mumble i can hear from her room and it makes me so unfathomably angry and i truly have no idea why. its like she knows every single button of mine and pushes them at will. so i texted her saying, why are you being such a dick lately its so annoying, to which she was like "i put up iwith you blah blah you cant put up with me blah' i told her to stop playing victim so she told me i need to learn to shut up and put up. a phrase straight from dads book. she knows it is and it throws me into a spiral ehenever i hear it and she knows!! so here i am angry af trying to calm down and not do something ill regret tomorrow, whilst shes happily downstairs making light conversation with dad. i hate it so so much. i did respond back, are you being sarcastic rn?? if not i dont want to speak to you ever again. and she said ok. ik ik its dramatic af but i just cant with her anymore she makes me feel how dad made me feel and i then react like a child, to a child. ik my responses are in the wrong, i really am sorry if i sound really childish or just plain stupid and im truly in the wrong, pls pls tell me if i am. i just cannot handle her at all lately shes literally been a demon lmao (jkjk) thank you for letting me vent to you, the safe space youve created really means a lot <3

hi im the anon whos mad at my sister, uhm - im very close to starting my period and have come to the conclusion that its the reason for the anger lol. Ik i do have some issues but i think it was mostly irrational anger when i wrote the vent, and not an acc issue, or at least thats what im really hoping is the answer lol. im super sorry about it, and i hope youre having an awesome day 💕

Hey, nonnie. I'm glad you could let out some of your frustration and anger here ❤️ I didn’t see your second ask until after writing the reply below, but I think all of it applies anyway, becuase we’re allowed to have days where we’re more irritable. I’m having a good day today, I hope you are too!

I don't think you sound childish or stupid, nonnie. It sounds to me like you might have had a trauma reaction toward her because of the abuse your dad put you through. Trauma reactions (ie. having flashbacks, going into fight/flight, becoming hypervigilant...) don't just appear when we're interacting with the people who abused us; they often also appear when other people do or say something that reminds us of the abuse. Your sister knowingly used a line your dad has used to hurt you before, so I think it is completely understandable that you had an emotional reaction that seems "dramatic" in retrospect. I can only talk from personal experience, but I've also done the same over text in the past, and it was always after something/someone sent me into a fight response.

And, nonnie, even if trauma responses don't justify our actions (they only explain them), I think it's fair to say that this situation with your sister escalated from both sides, not just yours. It wasn't you exploding at her out of nowhere. As you said, she was pushing your buttons, and she knew she was upsetting you, because you'd asked her to be quiet several times.

So yeah, if she makes you feel like your dad made you feel, I think it's understandable that you're having these big emotional reactions toward her when she oversteps your boundaries and purposefully pushes your buttons. You said you react "like a child" toward her, and I think it might be helpful to think about why your reactions feel like those of a child. Children—especially abused children—feel small and defenceless, and sometimes they lash out to protect themselves when this fear and defencelessness become overwhelming. So "reacting like a child" doesn't have to necessarily mean "oh I'm being so immature and stupid". It can mean "I feel threatened and helpless, so my body is having an instinctive reaction to protect me".

What I'm trying to get that is I think you ought to be a little bit kinder to yourself, nonnie. You're allowed to be affected by her attitude toward you. You're allowed to acknowledge that these reactions you're having aren't a flaw on your part, but a sign you're going through a lot of distress and your body is protecting you in any way it can.

I also think you need to be kinder to yourself about feeling jealous that your mum loves your sister more than you. Your jealousy isn't the thing that needs to be fixed in this situation. Your jealousy is a very appropriate reaction to a very unfair situation to you. You deserve to be loved and cared for and protected from harm as much as your sister. You never deserved to hear that your mum loves her more than you. You're not being selfish or childish by feeling jealous; you're just acknowledging your unmet emotional needs and acknowledging that you deserve better than this. And you really do. You deserve so, so much better than this.

Your emotions are allowed, nonnie. Your anger and your jealousy and your defensiveness when she's mean to you and your mum are all allowed. Please don't forget that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Vent #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive father tw #Toxic sister #Trauma tw

[crowhyun]

actually y’all i need to rant and i’m going to sound like a pathetic loser but i’ll wait until shame comes in so i can delete this later but rn it’s night time and it’s the right time

so like, idk abt yall, but during the late hours of the night, my emotions are heightened unlike during the day. Like if I’m happy, i’m all smiley and giggly and i’m never like that during the day. I’m a night person yeah. But i get sad easier at night. And tonight i am sad boohoo

what am i sad about? IM LONELY AS FUCK 😭

the thing is, i’ve been single my whole life. i’ve been told and convinced that i wasn’t beautiful or worthy of love, and no one has ever shown interest in me. Boys would bully me the most over my looks. And i’m not going to lie and say “but i was beautiful all along” bcs i wasnt. I was a lol scrawny nerd who wore glasses and the same hoodie everyday. I didn’t care abt my looks at all, but it’s a bit diff bcs i’ve grown up in places where there weren’t ppl like me. So in either predominantly white or asian schools. I was never beautiful to them.

but it’s not just that. I’m convinced there is something wrong with me, bcs when I see my sister, I see everything that i want to be. She’s feminine, pretty, confident, strong etc etc. Ever since she was little, she’s had everyone all over her and people would always compliment her and overlook me.

i remember when my grandpa straight up called me ugly and then said that my sisters were like “pretty princess” to my face. I’ve always hated him. This might sound morbid, but i’m glad he’s dead. He was never a good person anyways.

my sister used to make fun of me for my looks as well bcs i was never as pretty as her. Everyday, I nitpick at every little thing because of her. My shoulders are too wide, i’m not feminine enough, my skin is too dark, i look like a child etc etc etc like WHYYYYY can’t i stop????? ARGHHH

and WHY does it seem like everyone has had love in their lives but me???? no one has ever been interested in me, and i feel like i’m going to be alone forever. I keep trying to convince myself that someone would come along one day, but i continue to lose hope. I’m so scared to get close to people, and im not good at making conversation, i can’t even make friends, how do i expect to one day get married?

i have a skin condition that makes my skin rough and bumpy, and people have always commented about it, and i don’t even want people to get physically close to me bcs of it. i hate when people touch me, and im always so hyper aware of someone’s proximity.

like what happened to the little girl that loved hugs and holding hands? i hate that i’ve changed. i used to be so extroverted and happy and social, but i’ve gotten shut down and hurt so many times and now im a fkn recluse like ew i hate myself

sometimes i get the urge to drink myself drunk so i would stop thinking and so that i’d be free from shame and embarrassment and anxiety, but i don’t do that bcs 1. alcohol tastes disgusting and 2. i feel like if i give in, i’d develop an addiction.

i feel so sorry for all of the friends that i do have and for the future boyfriend that i may or may not have. i’m so insecure that it ruins everything. I think that no one rlly likes me and they’ll all leave me one day just like my friends have done in the past, just bcs i wasn’t pretty enough or cool enough.

#what i would give to just be a normal girl #with a normal life #i always thought that i’d be like the girls in the movies as a teen #but instead i’m like this lol #that fucking sucks

[whatswrongwithmeh]

04/18/2024

I‘m so lonely and bitter again. It just creeped up on me and it stuck for days. I’m not able to cry about missing him and life being terribly unfair but it just hollows me out. It’s like breathing is bothersome and heavy. I have no tears left to cry. I’ve digested all the emotions I feel towards this situation. But now I’m bound to feeling these feelings with no way around. I wish I could distract myself so my thoughts just vanish. I’m just sad and empty again. I just crave to be loved and touched. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m angry that I’ll have to feel this unsettling sadness and emptiness for the rest of my life when I think about him. Heck everytime I drive to my university I pass the exit to where she lives and I just think about them hanging out rn. Snuggled up with no care in the world. Mentally ill but happy with each other. And I just hate that. Places becoming attached to the people that live there is very disgusting. It takes away space from my world.

Other than that I’m sitting in a puddle of delusion currently. I’m not getting anything that reads genuine interest in me. Maybe that’s fine. I don’t know. Feeling annoying doesn’t feel fine but I just have to take like 50 steps back. I’m already adjusting my expectations to rejection and I‘m just trying to make the current wave last as long as possible. Right now the best time of the day is waiting for him to call me and just chill. I wake up for that. I keep sticking to my unhealthy ways with this though. I should clear up my intentions so I can properly step back instead of holding my breath and seeing how long I can drag this on for. This sounds like my 6 year relationship sadly. Terrified of change and rejection. I’m feeling pathetic I have no one I can truly confide in.. everything is shallow and superficial. It’s fun and nice but that’s all it is. Just gaming, telling you about my day sometimes I even get that back. Being so genuine interaction starved that I’m living through a high just from hearing you tell me about your day enthusiastically. When there’s a day you frequently text me after one week of nothing I become ecstatic. What is that? Attention starved behavior.

Can I higher my standards please? Why am I pleased easily like that and also so upset when I get treated like a normal acquaintance. Shit like I know this has no way of working out but I need the illusion of it doing so. Wish he could at least act the part.

Im sad. I wanna be held and kissed.

[1d1195]

STOMACH ISSUES?! bestie WE ARE THE SAME! I sadly have stomach problems too lol But Im glad that it wasn't anything too serious and that you feel better! Let's hope you won't get sick because it's already a bit tragic with the period lol oh don't even get me started on allergies!

I may have a controversial opinion but I feel like we should bring back skinny jeans!! of course people are allowed to wear whatever they want and it shouldn't matter if it's it trendy but I kinda miss seeing it more lol What sports did you play? I don't think you've mentioned that before but if you did im sorry! But it sucks that you did have some form of damage :( But wedges are cute! they are definitely more comfortable! I feel the same way about platform shoes/heels like idk something about it makes me feel so GOOD! If i could even wear a cute little mary jane heel everyday I would be happy lol But i can't do that due to walking way too much and I REFUSE to use an electric scooter on campus lol

Being a dentist is wild bc i could not do what they do 😭

My TA is still hot lol Didn't see him as much this week because our classes were cancelled due to the professor being out of town :( But ugh Sam he's so attractive like he's just existing and walking around lecture when we have to talk in groups and he just looks so 😵‍💫 My friend in that class pointed out that he has a nice nose which i once again DIDNT EVEN NOTICE 😭 so theres more evidence for my nose thing apparently 😔

YES TO SHOPPING!!!! Enjoy your weekend my love, you deserve it and more💗 I love you!-💜

SO I spent $180 and saved $130 which is honestly not that great in my opinion but could have been worse. I once got a pair of American Eagle jeans for $0.01 and I’ve been trying to achieve that high ever since.

I don’t have horrible stomach issues fortunately (my sister took that on for me thankfully 😅) I’m more of a headache girly lol. Every day at 3pm like clockwork. Is it head trauma or from teaching teens all day?? We’ll never know (it’s teaching). But my stomach is very sensitive sometimes (I think it’s hormones). Speaking of, no illness it’s just my period rn right on cue, first day of break ✌🏻

Omg please I hope they come back around I’m not exactly a petite lady so I can’t with the flare/boot cut jeans. They make me look so rectangular (more than I already am), short, and frumpy that’s why I like skinny jeans so much 😂

I love shoes I don’t even care what kind they’re so fun and I think they can pull a whole outfit together. It’s def wedge season now so I’m very excited about that. When I was a child I rocked a tutu and patent leather and Mary Jane’s for about a whole year of my life. It was the last time I wore them and I think cute little Mary Jane’s would be so fun for me now (but seem a little wintry so I’ll wait till the fall) ☺️ I love that for you and don’t blame you at all. There will be time when you get your career and you can wear Mary Jane’s everyday! I can’t imagine the electric scooter I would cry 🤣 I miss that most about college: all the walking. It was so nice (except in the snow/rain) but when it was nice it was cool everything was close by and walkable (I grew up in a rural-ish area so you had to drive to get anywhere).

I wasn’t full blown tomboy but my dad instilled Boston sports in my blood. I played soccer, softball, and volleyball for major periods of time in my life. Soccer was my favorite but ruined my ankles :( I loved fielding but hated batting in softball. Volleyball was by far the most fun but I wasn’t very good. I enjoyed back row. I love watching most sports 💕 I can cheer on any team the bar has a consensus of rooting for when I go out 🤣

I’m dying about the nose. But I love that for you 💕 I hope you get to see him more in the coming week. I think I would swoon if he walked by me during class being attractive AND smart. I used to be a TA actually. I don’t think any of them thought I was hot but to be fair who would ever like the weird math nerd 😂 I used to make them review sheets with math puns (Sum-things to Know was how I reviewed the chapter on summations)

I LOVE YOU

Xoxo

#💜