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telomeke-bbs · 7 months

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On my third re-watch of Bad Buddy, I've been doing a bit more reading of the comments on YouTube, which I presume will disappear if the series is removed now that it's going to Viki.

I notice from the YouTube comments at least some people think PatPran were having sex at least as early as episode 8, while I took the start of their sex life as episode 11 which was when they made it clear.

Given the lack of R scenes in the series (no complaints, if it's a great series I'm happy either way) it's hard to say for sure. I tend to be on the literal side so need more direct indications that a sex scene is about to occur or has just occurred. I'm wondering where the clues might be that others are tuning into and I've missed.

If you've already written about this please feel free to link.

SEX??? IN MY BBS???!!! 👀

Hi dear friend @pandasmagorica! 😍 You're so right that Bad Buddy doesn't show us any of PatPran's lovemaking directly, and like you I didn't miss it at all…

But before I go any further, I should insert a trigger warning here for the sex-averse among anybody else who might be reading this – sex talk incoming! (I'll be avoiding some of the coarser language as that's not my style, but I will be mentioning some details of man-on-man sex if I have to…) So minors please stay away!

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Like so much of BBS (e.g., the actual relationship between Ming and Dissaya in high school, Ming's relationship with his father, Pat's descent into his gangster era after his high school rupture with Pran, the foundations of Wai and Pran's friendship), Pat and Pran having sex is one aspect of their relationship that was alluded to but not shown to us graphically onscreen.

For me this was in keeping with the narrative style of Bad Buddy as a whole (in which we the viewers had to fill in some gaps ourselves), as well as its preference to focus on the emotional dynamics of their love story, rather than showing us every physical manifestation of their liaison.

On my initial watch I too thought that PatPran's first physical coupling only happened in Ep.11, during their honeymoon at the Zero Waste Village. I settled into this conclusion primarily because we weren't shown any overt depiction of the boys hooking up physically – and also because of one moment at Ep.9 [3‌/4]:

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.9 [3‌/4] 5.38 – Pat and Pran chorus "Not yet" at Korn, when asked if they'd been having sex

When Korn is made to wait before being admitted into Pran's apartment by a nearly-naked Pat – only to see a disheveled Pran in bed, and the bedclothes all awry – he assumes (at Ep.9 [3‌/4] 5.36) that Pat and Pran's sexy time was the reason for the delay. But his assumption is met with an indignant "Not yet" chorused by both Pat and Pran in unison, and this to me (at the time of my first watch) was telegraphing the message that the boys were resolutely putting off sex until they were both ready for it later.

But there's really nothing to suggest why they should be doing this (other than maybe Pran getting a case of the ick whenever Pat gets too sappily romantic and/or touchy-feely – understandable, and certainly not insurmountable for one so much in love).

And for me this view of a sexless, virginal Pat and Pran pre-Ep.11 didn't gel with the other details that became apparent on subsequent re-watches. It's possible the "yang" that Pat and Pran chorused (at Ep.9 [3‌/4] 5.38) may have an affective sense of negation that is somewhat different from the plain "no" or "not yet" suggested by the subtitles (though I haven't been able to find any confirmation of it online). But anyway I now think that they were just telling Korn that he'd caught them right before the main event (which is supported by Korn's embarrassment, and also Pat saying he wouldn't mind being late for dinner with the guys if he could just get a "reward" from Pran, at Ep.9 [3‌/4] 4.11 and 4.27). 😂

There are also some other clues pointing to the likelihood that Pat and Pran were not waiting to indulge in the physical side of their love, well before the clearly pre- and post-coital scenes that we see onscreen later in Episodes 11 and 12.

The Sexual Tension: From early on Pat and Pran had a track record of getting right up in each other's personal space, in tableaux of their own making absolutely saturated with sexual tension. These two, but especially Pat, demonstrated time and again that not only were they comfortable getting physically close to each other, there seemed to be an unspoken need to do so as well.

Pran deep in his crush was fighting it all the way (witness him pushing Pat away all the time), while Pat's motivations were a bit less clear (and yet he was almost always the one to initiate close encounters of the physical kind).

Some examples of this–

Ep.1 [3‌/4] 1.13 (when they were hiding from Korn, Mo and Chang in the side alley of the faculty Chemical Room):

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Ep.2 [1‌/4] 6.23 (in the toilet cubicle, when Pat "forgot" he'd not washed his hands before clamping it on Pran's mouth in some kind of an unconscious sublimation – Pran wasn't making any sound and his mouth was closed, but Pat couldn't help himself anyway 😂):

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Ep.2 [4/4] 11.21 (when they both realized, however subconsciously, that their competitive grappling at the apartment viewing had begun to take on strangely erotic overtones – patently obvious to all, even the hapless real estate agent who inadvertently burst in on them):

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Ep.4 [4/4] 3.41 (the rugby clinch, leading to Pat's line "If you hug me this tight, you might as well take me as your boyfriend" – sexual and other significance explained here):

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And of course Ep.5 [4/4] 11.53 (The Kiss, that literally and figuratively sucked away all oxygen from people on either side of the screen – their yearning, physical hunger for each other was already so evident each time it bubbled to the surface, but of course its explosive climax was when they both admitted it overtly to each other, during this Epic Rooftop Kiss at the end of Ep.5):

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BBS actually shows us Pat staying over at Pran's apartment and sharing the one bed in Ep.8 (at Ep.8 [1‌/4] 1.28. Nong Nao's presence in Pran's bed means that Pat must have been there before he got up to make breakfast; at Ep.8 [1‌/4] 5.34 Pat himself confirms that he spends nights at Pran's, "rehearsing" certain aspects of the Kwan and Riam play, in its BL reincarnation).

Given how much sexual tension is on display from early on, it seems only logical to me that there must have been some rumpy-pumpy hanky-panky going on below the waist, even though we don't get to see it onscreen. Indeed, Pa tells us as much with her observation on the morning after another such "rehearsal": 😂

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.8 [1‌/4] 5.46

Nong Nao as Agent of (Sexual) Subterfuge: In my opinion, another big tell that Pat and Pran were already doin' the deed (or at least going beyond second base) is even earlier, at Ep.7 [2/4] 5.36, when we learn that Pat had left Nong Nao behind in Pran's apartment.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.10 [1‌/4] 8.53

We know that Pat hugs Nong Nao to fall asleep (he says so at Ep.4 [4/4] 11.30 and Ep.7 [2/4] 5.46). But the reason behind this is that Pat needs Nong Nao – his Linus blanket – to calm his fears when he's psychologically vulnerable, alone with his own thoughts and dreams (analyzed here). It doesn't make sense that he would be carrying Nong Nao around with him outside and away from his own bed, unless it was for sleepy-time comfort – so how did Rotten Little One end up in Pran's apartment?

Pat wouldn't have brought Nong Nao over to Pran's unless he knew he'd be staying the night. For example, we see this when he sneaks over to spend the night with Pran at Ep.12 [3‌/4] 4.37 – though why he'd need to kimono-cloak himself with the bedclothes like that is a little beyond me:

Maybe this is BBS emphasizing Nong Nao's role as Pat's security blanket, swaddling him in protection from his night-time fears? 🤷‍♂️ (Or is Pat naked under those bedcovers? His lust for Pran is so great he doesn't want to waste even the few seconds it would take to strip once he's with his beloved? 🤣)

Anyway, Nong Nao left behind in Pran's apartment suggests that Pat was already sleeping there as early as Ep.7. It could be possible that it was for other reasons, but I refuse to kid myself – we're talking about two young men deep in the heady flush of hormonal (and fully reciprocated) teenage love here. Given their pre-existing propensity for physical closeness (that mirrored their emotional intimacy), I can't imagine Pat and Pran would be keeping their hands off each other in private for long.

So when Pat left Nong Nao behind in Ep.7 (a ploy of course, to get Pran over for more), I really don't think he had been spending time in Pran's apartment just so they could study building construction together… any more than they would be chastely reading scriptures or practicing quilting. 😂

And of course when Pran went over to Pat's apartment to return Nong Nao, the situation soon devolved into a mutual seduction exercise that even referenced the passionate Ep.5 Rooftop Kiss (Pran's "Do you still want us to be friends?" at Ep.7 [2/4] 9.59).

‌On my re-watch, I think the competitive roughhousing we witness in Ep.7 [2/4] is actually Pat and Pran's own version of foreplay prior to actual intercourse – and they most certainly would have gone there had they not been interrupted by Pa and her wayward bladder (hence their guilty looks when she bursts in on them; they definitely had almost been caught in flagrante delicto, which Pat then has to sublimate away with bare-bodied crunches while Pran abandons the food he'd brought – and we know food is also often a stand-in for sex in Thai BL, referenced for example at Ep.12 [2/4] 11.54).

Food and Sex: Another scene where food was used as a metaphor for sex, that also suggests Pat and Pran had already been gettin' it on well before we see them in the afterglow of their Ep.11 honeymoon passions, took place during their cookout with Junior by the beach (scene starting at Ep.11 [2/4] 2.43):

Laced with lots of meaningful glances between Pat and Pran, the dialogue was peppered with several suggestive lines (mostly from Pat, but also acknowledged with knowing – if rueful – smiles from Pran) hinting at more adult meanings within the word play (all thankfully opaque to young Junior):

"All I do is eat" – the verb "to eat" in Thai (กิน/gin) is also slang for "to consume (someone) sexually";

"…I do many things for my lover too" – suggesting that Pat and Pran were already having sex;

"Like what?"… "Wait until you're older" – Pat shut down Junior's line of questioning, because the subject was unmissably adult (to the adults in the room).

And Junior's innocent comment "You don't have to pound it so hard. Cover it with your hand – it's spattering" also got Pran chuckling silently, because it coincidentally fit with his and Pat's subtextual zingers about their sex life even while all of that hidden discourse was flying above Junior's head (and rightly so too).

Pat also points a cucumber at Pran while admonishing Junior, further upping the innuendo quotient – basically his answer to "Tell me you're talking about sex without telling me you're talking about sex" 😂. (The Thai word for cucumber – แตงกวา/dtaaeng gwaa – is also slang for penis; see this Wiktionary entry linked here: ภาษาปาก, สแลง – อวัยวะเพศชาย.)

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.11 [2/4] 3.49

It could be possible that Pat and Pran had sex the night before, but I think that's highly unlikely given how exhausted they were after their bus journey to the beach. (Plus they were expected to be up early enough to earn their keep helping the fishermen.) I suppose you could read Pat's hijinks at the cookout as him setting the scene for their nuptial relations to come, i.e., that they hadn't done it before but were heading to it now, which was my asexual take on it the first time around watching this. But this doesn't align with what Pat and Pran tell us on the beach later, and I changed my mind on subsequent re-watches. 😉

Beer and "Kisses" on the Rocks: When Pat and Pran have their heartfelt tête-à-tête on the rocky breakwater at Khao Tao Beach (scene starting at Ep.11 [3‌/4] 9.50), there is a line of questioning that confirms (for me at least) they not only had been intimate before, but that they'd also been alternating their roles in bed.

What they say is perhaps open to some degree of interpretation, but I can't see how it could mean anything else…

When Pat says at Ep.11 [3‌‌/4] 12.50 "Here comes the last question. Can I kiss you?" it seemed straightforward enough at first viewing – another of BBS's nods at consent perhaps, with the boys turning quaintly Victorian about physical contact. But it's discordant with the energies we've seen them display before – at the Chem. Room alleyway, in the toilet cubicle, and on the rooftop in Ep.5. It's true the first two times Pat invaded Pran's personal space because he was trying to save him; and the third time he gave ample notice of his intentions. But the boys had never been coy with each other, so Pat suddenly turning into a bashful knight wordily asking for permission to kiss really makes no sense.

Then, however, Pran's response of "Isn't it my turn?" really puts Pat's question into context, and I think it qualifies as a lightbulb moment that illuminates an aspect of their hitherto mostly hidden sex life.

Yes, it is possible to read Pran's insistence ("No. It's my turn") as the boys simply taking turns at being the first to initiate lip-to-lip action, but even my ever-forgiving fan theorist's brain finds that too contrived an explanation. Plus PatPran's kisses are hardly about energy in one direction only – since each gives as good as he receives (e.g., at Ep.5 [4/4] 11.53 and Ep.11 [3‌/4] 13.27).

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.11 [3‌/4] 13.33 – is it really possible to take turns when doing this?

All this talk about taking turns really makes no sense – unless it's not actually about kisses.

My read is that the word จูบ/juup (whose dictionary definition is to kiss) is really PatPran's codeword for whoever gets to top the other during sex (like the verb baiser in French, which does similar semantic double duty). This also tells us that our two versatile scamps, both alike in dignity, had been alternating roles in bed like two gentlemen Romeos indeed… and trust our pernickety Pran to be keeping a record of who did what the last time! 😂

The fact that they have a working system in place with the rules of engagement already defined (and that Pat is seeking to deviate from) suggests that this isn't something novel that they just came up with in the days before.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.11 [3‌/4] 14.00 – prelude to a "juup"

And getting graphical in an aside here for a moment – since prostate orgasms are typically far more intense than the other kinds men can experience, what we're also seeing here is Pat and Pran jostling to see who can give the other the gift of greater pleasure (and in doing so deriving a substantial measure of it for themselves too). It's consistent with the competitive drumbeat to which their couplehood thrums and marches, and is also a microcosm of their relationship as a whole – that whenever one of them lets his lover win, he gets to win as well too. 🤩

Anyway, Pran flat-out refuses to give up his turn (Ep.11 [3‌/4] 13.15), and the idea that kiss = top is borne out by his questions as the big spoon later – "Was I good?... How much do I get, out of ten?" (Ep.11 [3‌/4] 14.55 and 15.07).

I have more information about this exchange in my write-up linked here – Pat's sign language response really also points very strongly to the conclusion that Pran did top Pat on their honeymoon night. 🥰

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.11 [3‌/4] 15.25 – a satisfied Pat uses wordless symbolism to tell expert sign-reader Pran that his performance the night before deserves a top score of 10

So based on this record of alternating bedroom roles, I now truly do believe Pat and Pran had been having sex from way before (maybe even as early as Ep.7), not only going the whole distance but also taking turns equally at giving and receiving. Pran's insistence on his "turn" wouldn't have made much sense otherwise. And this was BBS also putting paid to the fascination some fans have for the formulaic stereotyping about seme/uke and top/bottom roles in BL.

P.S. Now in spite of all that I've written above, I do concede that a lot of it is based on inference and clue-reading, and that it's still possible to read Pat and Pran as doing nothing more than making out and heavy petting, right up until Ep.11. A possible reason might be a reluctance on Pran's part to go all the way (perhaps BBS playing with the blushing maiden trope?), given how much exasperation he shows whenever Pat turns clingy (e.g., at Ep.9 [2/4] 5.21, Ep.9 [3‌/4] 4.29 and Ep.11 [1‌/4] 15.19, though it's also evident he's always charmed by Pat's antics despite himself). The boys also could have begun taking turns in their matrimonial bed only after they got to the Zero Waste Village, though I don't see how they could have had the time for more than a single go (especially since they were all tired out by the family drama of Ep.10 and their journey to get to the beach). And this would make Pran's "Isn't it my turn?" a little odd, since phrasing it as a question implies enough rounds for them to be unclear on whose turn it should be. Plus (as previously mentioned) the use of the codeword kiss implies it's already an established system (i.e., not created in the previous few days) that they both understand. Like I said, it's possible – but given the ensemble of clues and signs pointing at PatPran's sex life, I really do not think it is likely. It could be that Director Aof and team were skirting the sexual dimension in order to tone BBS down enough to make it past the censors for more general viewing (and in this way allow its message to reach the younger generation as well). Thus the greater reliance on innuendo and inference to suggest rather than show outright that there was more going on between the lines (behind the curtain? Noting that the novel on which BBS is based is titled Behind the Scenes 🤩) with regard to physical love between Pat and Pran (and is an apt metaphor for the storytelling of BBS as a whole, where nothing is as it seems at first glance – discussed more in detail in my write-up linked here). And this is possibly the meaning underlying the innuendo-laden cookout with Junior – the scene is a capsule summary of BBS where the surface theatrics are inoffensive enough for viewing by the younger set, while the more adult themes embedded in the narrative will become visible only if you look at them with more experienced eyes, and thus will satisfy more mature audiences as well. The end result isn't as anodyne as My School President (nor could it have been, given the weightiness of the encoded themes) but BBS still managed to land the 13+ age rating, which isn't at all bad if they were wanting to get its important messaging about LGBTQ+ positivity out to younger teens. And that messaging would be further reinforced, and with even less sexual content – zero in my book – when MSP hit the screens later of course. 💖

‌ P.P.S. This is not 100% related, but I have to put in a little side-note here about Pran's comfort object (his PP hobo bag). In my head I'm convinced part of why that bag works for Pran as his security blanket is not just because it's a physical shield or something to hold on to when out and about.

(above) Bad Buddy Ep.11 [1‌/4] 4.24 – Pat and Pran arrive once more at the Zero Waste Village, but this time around they're a confirmed couple seeking refuge for their forbidden love

I think Pran's comfort object also functions like a Mary Poppins Bag of Requirement, allowing him to carry all sorts of stuff to counter any eventuality life might throw his way, and thus also bestowing on him a sense of control in the outside world. Now gay sex can sometimes be a messy affair – but knowing canon OCD Pran, I'm pretty sure that bag held all the necessary accoutrements for our boys to have a smooth, muss-free and fuss-free ride on their honeymoon romps, and with easy clean-up assured afterwards as well… 😉

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#bad buddy #patpran #bad buddy sex #patpran sex #bad buddy analysis #tw: sex

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chronotsr · 4 days

Text

No. 5 - D2, Shrine of the Kuo-Toa (August 1978)

Author(s): Gary Gygax Artist(s): David C. Sutherland III (Cover), David A. Trampier Level range: Average of 10, preferrably party size 7+ players Theme: Underground exploration Major re-releases: D1-2 Descent into the Depths of the Earth, GDQ1-7 Queen of the Spiders

I'm almost speechless. This is the most 1e module cover to ever have 1e'd. It is perfection. The way the combat is perfectly perpendicular to the step pyramid. The bondage gear fishman who has a complete fishhead so you 100% understand he's a fishman. Lobster mommy saluting the troops. It's just….it's what dreams are made of.

So I'm already in love with this module, deeply and irrationally in love with it, before breaking the cover. If you're BORING you might prefer the later Jim Roslof cover art that's got lame things like technical proficiency. Ugh. The shit I have to put up with.

Anyway, there's a lot to talk about with D2! It's a lot of firsts for an official TSR product, and critically it's a lot of GOOD firsts.

It's the debut of the Kuo-Toa, one of the most fun groups of people in D&D! It's the first module that doesn't presume the enemy will be inherently aggressive! It's got a lot of negotiation and learning! The only good type of gnomes debuts with the Svirfneblin! This model of "alien settlement where you are not instantly attacked but you gotta learn the social rules and play along" is just the best. This will be done again in U2 and I adore U2. Yeah it's how it feels to go to a different country, especially one that doesn't speak your language, and just have everything be a little "off" compared to what you're used to, but. To me, it will always be The Autistic Experience. How well and quickly can you learn these bizarro social rules you can't intuit and what's the fewest number of whacks to the head it takes to get there? How long can you swallow your complaints when you see stuff that's obviously cruel, but the people around you don't perceive it as cruel anymore because it's The Way Things Are and they will actively defend the cruelty of it?

Ok, ok, back to your regularly scheduled program.

Gary starts off this week's festivities by telling you to be toxic to your players:

Sometimes it feels like there's three Garys in a trenchcoat and they take turns writing the modules.

So D2 starts in the cave at the immediate end of D1 and, let me derail already by saying that I really, really hate old-style hex maps. I cannot follow them -- I don't mean I don't understand how you're supposed to follow them, I mean it's nearly impossible for me to follow the diagonal to the destination. Your coordinate here is R20. Here is your map. Follow the 20 axis diagonally upward and rightward until you intersect with the R row. Can you do it?

Personally, I can't. My eye cannot follow that straight line, it will get lost in the mix of blank identical hexes and occasional interest objects. I sat here trying to follow it for 5 minutes and I couldn't do it. I need a straightedge to do it. The correct answer is that if you follow the light blue area from the bottom right towards the top left, it's the hex up and left of the fourth fully black hex you run into -- the leftmost of the two touching black hexes. I tested this against a few guinea pigs and no-one else could mange it either. Later we will admit defeat and that this axial coordinate system for hexmaps is, uh, really fucking bad, and replace it with offset coordinates (or even better, double coordinates) which more closely resemble normal cartesian coordinates, and by extension are not Eye Strain Central. They have the downside of different eyestrain (tiny font) and that you literally cannot fit as many hexes on the page, but the point of a graphic is to communicate information and the axial coordinate hexmap is bad at that unless you're playing on a huge table with like, two DM screens.

Yes this rant should've gone in D1, mea culpa. In my defense, D1-2 is, basically one module in two parts, they're not really separable.

Here's the coordinate lined out for you, since I imagine many of you have the same issue:

So, now that I have a headache trying to read, we can get to the actual text of the adventure again. Now keep in mind that max movement rate is 1 hex per 1 inch of movement for the slowest member of the party (so like, your guy wearing platemail has 60ft of movement, 10ft to the inch: 6 hexes per day). This means you could hypothetically arrive at the final location as quickly as 22/6=4 days of gameplay, 3 if no one including hirelings wore plate. That is, if you beelined to D2 by sheer luck, never got lost, never got distracted, never got slowed down, never had to take a rest day. Which is good because the food in The Depths seems questionable.

The first segment of the adventure is mostly reprinted from D1 -- random tables and maps and the like. We do get the addition of everyone's favorite early DND trope: a slavery table! And also happilly we get some goopy guys to move your eyes away from that shit:

Which, is a lot more my speed. More goopy guys. It's a roper, actually, although I frankly didn't recognize it. It looks more like the monster from Dexter's Lab? Apparently Ropers have changed a lot in the last 50 years.

So it's all random tables teasing that we're going to end up arriving at a shrine soon. There is a special entry in the back for the new Kuo-Toa and Svirfneblin, and oddly the Svirfneblin don't get a header? We don't learn much. We know that they're natural elemental summoners, that they're "natural fighters", and that they live at some unstated cave somewhere. They like their stun gas darts, they "communicate with racial empathy" (which I guess means body language?) outside their own domains, deep gnomish at home, and underworld cant when they're trading, plus earth elemental-ese. So they learn a lot as kids. They love them some traps, too, basically they're the gnomish Rambos and I love them for it.

Meanwhile, our titular Kuo-Toa get a pretty standard write-up. Driven underground, human sacrifice, raiders, like their war parties. Their priests like their mancatchers, which are based on lobster claws, they spawn in pools, they can spontaneously generate lightning by holding hands (???), are too slippery to grab, can see both infrared AND ultraviolent, can see you moving through basically any magical means, immune to poison, paralysis, charming, sleep, and are resistant to magic missile and lightning. This is, very very weird. They are wildly powerful compared to their later versions, and the only upshot is that they're readily blinded by light spells. Apparently they go insane with such regularity that they have a dedicated social role to controlling or killing the crazed? Yeah these people are a piece of work.

We get a little setpiece moment here where, essentially, there's a rogue kuo-toa who will offer you a trip across the river for 10g. He only speaks kuo-toa and he'll sicc his giant fish on you if you don't say yes fast enough. In fact, a lot of ink is spilled on this little moment, which in all likelihood will be a brief conversation and some passing of money.

Before you get into the shrine proper, some svirfneblin offer to help you in the shrine if you go halfsies on treasure (with almost that exact wordchoice).

Finally, we end up in the shrine proper, which is keyed so let us enter Keyed Mode ™️

The whole area is lit by glow-in-the-dark lichens, which is a spooky way to reveal the lobster lady idol up on the pyramid

While the party can choose to politely integrate into the crowd and play along, there's lots of little things to harass them into nonconformity. Leeches, horrifying offerings, offerings of increasing amount, having to correctly pronounce nonsense names (Blibdoolpoolp????????), holding a live lobster, it's a good bit.

You can, in fact, visit the goddess, who will give you a boon (if you give an offering) or a geas (if you don't), which also grants you kuo-toa speech and also a mark of loyalty, which is neat. You can also encounter her if you fuck around in the prince's treasure room, so the odds of meeting her are actually pretty good! Note that this is pre-"Kuo-Toa believe their gods into existence" so in this case they are worshipping a (hypothetically) permanent, naturally-occurring deity. Being that this is 1e and she is a she, she is Extremely Naked. She is later called The Mother of Lusts, which is one hell of a title.

If you fail to get the priest-prince when you meet him, he actually has a pretty rock-solid escape plan and will come back with an army. So, probably whack him if possible. I really like when antagonists have the sense to piss off and come back armed, rather than pridefully stand and die. You get the sense that Va-Guulgh is priest-prince because he plans contingencies like this, whereas other Kuo-Toa simply vibe. That being said, the Kuo-Toa are apparently not equipped for a search, so it's pretty easy to ditch them.

Sigh.

We do not have a dramatic declaration of THE END anymore, which is a terrible shame. We instead get a more reasonable "This is the end of the section."

The magic of D2 is more in the play and less in the overview. Like, look at this map:

This is a pretty naturalistic map. This is just how you'd arrange a major structure, rather than the kind of nonsense layouts you see in a lot of early dungeons. I don't put much stock in "Gygaxian Naturalism", I think Gary presented pretty intensely game-y spaces and they only seemed naturalistic by 1970s published product standards, but nonetheless he was paving the way compared to some of the silliness you got in pre-G1 modules. This map is good, I think, in that it becomes super extremely obvious to the players from the moment you enter that they extremely do not want to provoke a full alarm -- this is a shrine where you want to kill as few Kuo-Toa as you can, and as many of those as you can behind closed-doors -- it's time to straight up bail if the alarm goes off because you are not beating the hundreds of guys here if you you provoke them up front.

We end with some rust monster art, my favorite monster that I never use because I think I'd get shanked if I did. See you next time in D3!

#1e #chronotsr #dnd #dungeons and dragons #tsr #ttrpg #adnd

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poisonousquinzel · 3 years

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plz do let us all know if you think tss is good to harley or not. need to know if it’s more like ss or bop before i give it money in theaters so i’m honestly waiting on ur opinion sjfjsndjsjdj

:') ❤️ SKNDKSKS

lucky for you bestie I just finished it dskjsdksksk

No Spoilers

I thought it was a really good mix of both tbh.

ofc don't go in expecting Harley to be the main character and to have as much screen time as she did during BoP, this movie has a lot of characters and pieces similar to SS and she's already an established character. They don't need to really introduce her, ya know ? we all know who Harley is dksskskks

She's one of the only og X-Force members left, so there's definitely a "messing with the newbies" type vibe, she's a pro, she knows how this goes.

But it also didn't have the same "camera angle" issue that SS had. With no detail, but there was one scene I remember distinctly thinking "wow, they could have just completely made that an extended eye candy shot" and I'm really glad it didn't have that issue.

I don't know if I'd say it was better than BoP when it comes to Harley, just because I honestly think every movie is pretty good with her character and the arc she's going through in each.

BoP's Harley had different things she was dealing with and there was a different type of pressure there, while here she's more confident in her independence and in herself. (In fact, I don't remember a single time Joker was even mildly referenced)

All in all, I really enjoyed her character tbh, I think it's another well executed stepping stone for her.

gonna give a lil trigger warning for the movie for my followers ❤️

♦️♠️♦️♠️♦️

TW: Blood and gore, rated R for a reason, torture, mentions of abuse, two scenes involving the death of animals (one more graphic right off the bat and the other is more implied so be warned)

♦️♠️♦️♠️♦️

Spoiler Review

I also really loved the "romance" thing tbh, I was worried it was gonna be messy, but she ends up shooting the guy after he admits to killing children and stuff in his quest to make the rest of the world fear them.

and she has a lil speech while he's like bleeding to death, crawling away from her, about how she's grown since her past relationship and she's learned to pay attention to red flags and murder them <3 "and killing kids is a red flag" dkjssdkjksks

and she did hook up with him first and stuff but idc really ksksksks let her get some sometimes <3

Margot’s acting was also really good during the entire thing, but especially during the speech / fight scene afterwards.

Ik one of the complaints people are probably gonna have is her kinda random weird statements she was making after being rescued.

Like from the scene that's in the trailer where she's like "if you have a customized lisence plate, you die.", there's a moment a bit later where she's pacing behind the dude while they're talking and she's like

"I'm pacing back and fourth!" or when she says they had a long conversation about Bloodshot's name being something else.

I do not think this was a "haha dizzy blonde" she was literally Just tortured for hours with a cattle prod. Her brain would be fried at least for a while after wards

Not to mention the trauma she's got around it (from Joker and from the guards during SS).

Her big action scene was gorgeous, but it was mostly all spoiled, which kinda sucks. But it was still great.

The moment that James Gunn had mentioned where she unlocks her chained up hands that are above her head with her feet was the scene I was happily surprised at the lack of sexualized angles.

There's a full part where it would have been easy to film her like that as her dress falls over her while she's got her feet over her head, but it doesn't and I did like that sksjdsjkks

Most of her scenes we saw bits of in the trailers and stuff, but I'm not like really surprised since she's Harley Quinn and she's the biggest character in the movie sjkdjkdsjsks good for her :')

I really loved her and Flag’s relationship / friendship and am depression over his death :(((

OMG also Rat-Catcher and King Shark are fucking babey i love them both <33333

#Suicide Squad Spoilers #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #the suicide squad #me? rambling in detail about Harley? yup yup

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mrslittletall · 2 years

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I will now review Metroid Dread. As always, this is my own subjective view of the game. Let's start. Graphics These are excellent. It's a 2D game of course, but Samus and the enemies look fantastic and colourful and they move very fluidly. The EMMIs are particularly impressive, because have you seen how they move? The way they just shift their limbs around and can change going from four legged to two legged or the way they squeeze themselves into the vent? It's fantastic. The backgrounds are so good as well! You can see so much life in the background of ZDR. Machines are working, corpses of creatures are laying around, there are TONS of environmental storytelling to see which probably would be fun to find out in a second playthrough. Music and Sound Well... the sound effects are fine and solid, but... the music is forgettable. Sorry, Metroid Dread, your ambience music is fine, it isn't grating or anything, but it doesn't get stuck in my ear like Torvus Bog or Lower Brinstar or Norfair or Tallon Overworld. Even the final boss theme I can't remember and I literally just beat him yesterday... Gameplay That is where the game shines and not shines at the same time. Overall, the game has more good than bad! It's very fun to play. Metroid Dread uses the established formula and leaves you on a planet with next to no hints (only Samus' AI Adam gives rudimentary hints) and then lets you explore. We have a large interconnected world with several areas to go through. Still, I feel like the interconnected world fell a bit flat thanks to too many zone transmissions. Evelators or teleporters. In the end, the whole world was still interconnected, but I got ripped out of the immersion, I really prefer it when I enter another screen and am suddenly into another zone and go like "Oooh!", like in Super Metroid, when I got back to Lower Brinstar from the water area (what was it name again?). The game also felt a bit linear thanks to the habit of the game blocking paths back off and practically forcing you on the right path. While that prevents frustratrion of getting lost, maybe in Metroidvanias I want to get lost? It was a bit sad that this option often was taken away from you. Okay, so then, the way Samus plays. She gets all her known upgrades and a few news one as well as a few new moves like the slide. The slide is a really good addition and makes the game more fluid, but it also made it so that the morph ball was gotten really late and I was getting furious because I saw a million areas where I needed the morph ball and I couldn't get through them! ARGH! While Samus was mostly controlled very well, one thing did upset me... Why is there no toggle button? You had to hold down buttons ALL the time. Holding down the control stick to speed boost, holding down R to missile, holding down ZR to grapple beam. I would have preferred it to just press R once and now I have missiles. Like this, it was a cramp for the hands. At least an option to toggle the controls would have been nice. In the final boss I pretty much held down R ALL the time and my finger was really hurting at the end... And last, the EMMIs! Sadly, I have to admit... they aren't really giving you a sense of dread. They are confined to their own zones and you are completely safe outside of these zones. Yeah, the zones are massive, but the game is so nice to show you where the exits are, so it is just a matter of opening up your map and find the exit. In the end, going through an EMMI zone was more annoying than dreadful and you beat them one by one anyway. I know letting them free roam in the whole map would have been a massive thing to do, but even in their own zones the dread wasn't really there. That could have done a bit better. That felt like a lot of complaints, but overall, I enjoyed the game a lot. It plays very well and Samus' new abilities are definitely a bonus. Overall It isn't a perfect game, but it is a damn good game and totally worth the price. I played around 14 hours on it (100 % the items). There are a lot of puzzles to solve for

you (some of them I solved on my own, some of them my husband helped me figure out and one of them I had to hand him the controller) and after beating the game I got a hard mode unlocked, for anyone who seeks for a challenge. And the challenge will be there, because the game was pretty hard already on normal mode! But it is mostly a trial and error with the bosses, you just need to learn their patterns and the check points are so fair, they literally drop you off in the room right before the boss. When I would give the game a number out of ten, I would give it an 8/10. Extremely polished, but has a few things that prevent a higher number, like the boring music, the hand cramps in controlling Samus and that the EMMIs aren't dread inducing.

#metroid dread #metroid dread spoilers #metroid dread review

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zobe70 · 3 years

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F@#% Yo Feelings Review: Monster Hunter Rise

Monster Hunter Rise (Nintendo Switch)

PROS

Gameplay: Combat is fast, fun and extremely addictive! Never gets boring or repetitive. The Monster Hunter combat system is easy to pick up but hard to master. Every weapon has its own style that can best fit your playing style. You can hunt a Monster over 100 times and it never gets old.

Co-op Multiplayer: The best online experience I've ever had in my life! Hunting with the three of the best hunters you know, taking down some of the most evil and demonic monsters in the game is the greatest high in gaming. Also no lag, no dropouts, and running at a smooth 30fps! Nintendo and Capcom did an outstanding job with the online in this game.

New Monsters: The new monsters in this game are awesome! Some of the most deadliest and demonic monsters ever! The fangs on some of these demons are downright terrifying! My first time fighting Magnamalo with friends still haunts me.

The new Palamute (Dogs) companion: I love the new Palamute companion! The dogs are so incredibly useful. Not only can you ride them to get around the large maps fast but the dogs are also great in combat! I still have a soft spot for the Palico cats but the palamute is a welcomed addition.

Graphics: This game looks amazing! At times while playing I am impressed at how incredible this game looks! This is for sure one of the best looking games on the Switch. Monthly updates: Monster Hunter Rise will be updated monthly with New Monsters! Older monsters in the series and Apex monsters. Rampage Mode: Such a welcomed addition to Monster Hunter! A tower defence mode where you fight off hordes of monsters! I was worried about this mode at first but playing Rampage mode with friends is the most stressful and satisfying feeling in the world. I love Rampage mode so much! Also the Rampage theme song is incredible! The Grind: The main appeal for me in this game is the grind. I love fighting a monster over and over and OVER again to get the materials needed to build my armor sets, weapons and Palico gear. Incredibly addictive for me. I wanted the Magnamalo armor set and I had mostly all the parts but I needed a Magnamalo gem to complete the set. I hunted Magnamalo for hours and I still didn't get the gem. ( I was told there was a 1% chance to get the gem) I continued the hunt for the gem then after literally hours of grinding the gem finally showed up sparkling at the end of my hunt rewards. One of the best feelings in gaming. Turf Battles: I loved the turf wars in Monster Hunter World (Monster vs monster) and I was extremely excited to see it return in Monster Hunter Rise.

CONS

MORE ACCESSIBLE: I am concerned. I know at the end of the day it is all about money, selling games, and bringing in new hunters but I personally feel like the Monster Hunter franchise is starting to get extremely casual. I first started to notice this with Monster Hunter World but this game has been casualised even more than World. I feel like my attacks are magnetizing to the monsters compared to when I first played Monster Hunter back on the PSP you had to line up your attacks right on the monsters head in order to hit the monster. If you missed the attack there were extreme consequences . Now I’m able to throw out my wire bug, charge up my attack and let it fly! I fly in the air spinning my hammer and I will easily get about 6 to 7 critical hits. Removing features is also concerning for me. In previous Monster Hunter games before the hunt you could make materials that will benefit you in the hunt. Whetstones to sharpen your weapon, Cool drinks/ Hot drinks that can protect you from the elements and tags to mark the monster to help find them on the map just in case they Run/fly away. Now all that is gone. Whetstones are unlimited, You no longer need cold or hot drinks, and you no longer need to tag monsters because the game tells you where the monster is when the hunt starts. It's definitely not a game breaker but I'm concerned that in future installments of Monster Hunter more and more important features will be removed for new players to make more money.

My final thoughts: At the point of this review the best game to come out this year. I only have a few complaints with the game but nothing that ruins the experience. Capcom did an outstanding job with this game. Not the best Monster Hunter gamer ever made (That would be Monster Hunter 4U) but one of the best games on the Switch! If you have a Switch, buy this game! 7.5/10 Great

#Monster Hunter Rise #review #nintendo #nintendo switch

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 6 years

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18 for the fantasy writing prompts? :D

Prompt: “This dagger right here? Yeah? You see this? You see this right here?Guess what? I murdered your family with it.”

Summary: Virgil is a Guardian--those chosen by the Traveler to protect the remaining strands of humanity from the Darkness. Or rather, the numerous alien races running around hellbent on destroying what's left of Earth. Together with Remy--he runs recon missions for the Vanguard, the governing body of the Guardians.

His latest mission goes smoothly until a swarm of Vex shows up. So many blinking red lights headed straight towards him. Somehow, they know. The Vex know a lot of things. They were a ruthless hive mind with the access of time manipulation the likes of which the galaxy has never seen.

It isn’t too far-fetched to assume they know where he is based on the thousand other timelines they’ve already experienced. A thousand other timelines where they’ve already analyzed his fighting style and know what to expect. He is screwed.

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy Sanders

Word Count: 4481

Triggers: Non-graphic violence, vague descriptions of robot genocide, mentions of death

Apologies for the late prompt fill! I had to modify the prompt a bit for it to work, but trust me it’s in there!

This is set in my Destiny AU, where you can find more details here. It’s essentially based off Destiny, the game created by Bungie but trust me you don’t need any prior knowledge to the game coming into this–I promise!

“C’mon, c’mon, pick up,” A man hisses.

He’s alone in hisapartment, as the streets below swarmed with chaos. Even in such a civilizedage, humans are easily reduced to savage beasts. There is not a shred ofkindness to be found as humans fight tooth and nail to escape the coffin thatearth will become.

Oh, Earth is still humming with life. But there is a shadowovercoming her—and it is certain to bring an everlasting darkness with it.Death, to put it more bluntly. There’s nothing anyone can do about it—not eventhat damn alien sphere that brought in the Golden Age. Already this Darknesshas taken over the colonies on Mars.

The man is not on the streets. He knows it’s pointless totry and fight for a place on a spaceship. He’s accepted death. He just can’taccept death without knowing the fate of his baby brother. Eighteen years oldand halfway across the country at an university. He curses himself for allowinghim to move so far away. The thought of his brother being swept up with in themass panic terrifies him.

Finally, the phone stops ringing and he’s expecting to getthe voicemail for the hundredth time, when his brother yells out his name. Healmost weeps out of joy.

“Patton, are you okay? Oh my god, please tell me you’reokay.” The words spit out of his mouth immediately.

“Yes, I—I’m alright,” There’s a crack in theeighteen-year-old’s voice and the man inwardly curses because dammit legaladult or not he’s still just a kid. He shouldn’t have to be dealing with thisalone. The man should be there with him. He promised he’d keep Patton safe allthose years ago, and today he’s finally broken that promise.

“That’s good,” The man laughs in relief, slumping againsthis bed frame, “I am so glad to hear that.”

“What about you, are you safe?”

The man takes a sweep over the contents of his messyapartment. Safe is a relative term. He is safe from the chaos of the streets—heis not safe from the impending world doom.

“I’m okay now that I know you’re okay.” He instead tells hisbrother.

“I’m—I’m scared,” His brother finally admits, “It’s awfulwhat’s happening, and I just feel so guilty getting on a ship because there’sso many others who won’t—”

“You’re on a spaceship?” The man asks, incredulously.

“Yeah, aren’t you on a ship too?”

The man leans his head back, reeling from the information.His baby brother’s on a ship. His baby brother is safe. His baby brother’sgoing to live.

“il—you said you were okay—you got on a ship, right? Pleasetell me you got on a ship!” His brother’s voice takes on a hysterical pitch.

“Patton,” He says, asthe clouds outside grow dark, as his apartment shakes, “I love you.”

His brother’s pleas are the last thing he hears before hisworld is swept up by darkness.

He awakes, immediately shielding his eyes from thebrightness of his surroundings. He groans, stretching. He had that dream again.It is the only dream he ever has—and just like all the other times, his memoryof the dream is muddled.

He shakes his head as he rose to his feet.

“Rem, how are we doing?” He whispers.

His ghost materializes in front of him. Well, not an actualghost ghost. He’s not certain why they’re called that. Perhaps it had somethingto do with them being the last remnants of the Traveler’s entity. A big whiteglobe that had been the cause of Earth’s Golden Age.

Or maybe it had to do with the fact that they were eachtasked to literally raise dead people as a last resort to protect humanity.

Now, normally dead people weren’t notorious for beingdeadly. Sure, there are zombies in horror fiction—but zombies are only reallythreatening in large packs. But apparently, the Traveler thought it’d be agreat idea to infuse dead people with Light and make them nearly immortalwarriors. Guardians.

Personally, he didn’t understand why it was usually only deadpeople who became guardians. It made more sense to give that power to those whowere already living. Not to a being that has been dead for nearly severalcenturies. He’d been quite comfortable sleeping in his grave, thank you verymuch.

He didn’t remember being dead, of course. But he also didn’treally remember anything before being resurrected. Being dead for around twohundred years really messed with one’s memory.

“Atrocious. Can you believe that there isn’t a coffee shopfor miles around here?” The ghost whirrs. He’s unsure how to describe it’s appearance,except that it’s white and has a bunch of triangular sides. It floats at hiseye-level, barely the size of his palm.

He rolls his eyes at the ghost’s complaint, “You can’t evendrink coffee.”

“Physically? No. But I can live vicariously through you.”

Which he meant in a literal sense. Ghosts didn’t pick a deadperson willy-nilly and then moved on with their day. Ghosts spend literaldecades upon decades to searching for the right soul to become their guardian.Once they chose, ghost and guardian remained bonded for life. As such, theghost was pervious to all of his senses through their bond. Something the ghosttook full advantage of, constantly pestering him to venture into The City andvisit the coffee shops.

Although, personally, he thought it was a ploy by the ghostfor him to go out and socialize more. Something that he isn’t fond of doing. He’sa hunter—he doesn’t trust easily.

Hunters are about as feral as the wild lands they roam. Theyare always vigilant and suspicious of others’ motives. They prefer the companyof the wilds compared to the company of others. To be in the company of ahunter is a honor—for it is a sign of how much the hunter places their trust inyou.

It is better for him to be alone than to be withcomrades-in-arms. He doesn’t want another Moon Mission on his hands.

He rolled his eyes, picking up his knife to twirl around inhis fingers. Having something to keep his fingers occupied kept his nervesdown.

“Well, considering the Vex are sentient murderbots, I doubtthey have much need for coffee shops, so I’m afraid that’s off the agenda fortoday,” He says.

The ghost hums indignantly, about to reply, when it freezessuddenly. Immediately he grabs the Ghost and clutches it close to his chest toprotect it.

“What is it?” He whispers, his eyes scanning theirsurroundings. They are in the heart of Vex territory—Venus. He is on a scoutingmission to scope out the recent Vex activity on this particular sector ofVenus. He’s been at this for days, and still he hasn’t figured out why such alarge contingent of Vex split off from their stronghold at the Citadel.

Remy blinks out of existence, returning to the void orwherever they went when they aren’t in the physical plane. He breathes a silentbreath. Good. Nothing can harm the Ghost when it’s in the void.

All enemies of the Light know that to kill a guardian, onemust kill its’ ghost. Without Remy, he’d become mortal and lose his connectionto the Light. But it’s more than that—Remy is his friend, his confident. Thebond between ghost and guardian are so intertwined that to lose a ghost, islike losing a part of himself.

“Don’t freak out toomuch, but you might wanna take a look at your radar.” Its voice echoes inhis head.

As soon as the ghost utters that, the edges of his radarimmediately lit up like a Christmas tree. So many blinking red lights headedstraight towards him. Somehow, they know. The Vex know a lot of things. Theywere a ruthless hive mind with the access of time manipulation the likes ofwhich the galaxy has never seen.

It isn’t too farfetched to assume they know where he isbased on the thousand other timelines they’ve already experienced. A thousandother timelines where they’ve already analyzed his fighting style and know whatto expect. He is screwed.

“Oh my god, oh my god—”

“Hey, what did I sayabout freaking about?” Remy chastises, “Eyesup, guardian. We’ll get out of this—we always do.”

“R-right,” He swallows. He puts his knife away, pulling outthe scout rifle on his back, “Okay—can you beam us up, scotty?”

He doesn’t know why he says that. The phrase comes out ofhis mouth before he comprehends. It feels like a reference to something—perhapshis past self knew the origins of it.

“On it.” The ghostreplies, “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh, what’s uh-oh?” He asks, scaling up a building togain a better vantage point. A storm forms about hundred feet away from him,fake and artificial. As energy arcs from its’ smoky haze, metallic figuresmaterialize in front of his eyes. The Vex.

“The Vex arescrambling signals—I can’t connect with the ship or your sparrow.”

“Fuck.” He mutters, heart pounding, “I guess we’re doing this the hard way then.”

He is going to die. He doesn’t even need the ghost’s inputto realize that—but Remy gives it to him regardless.

“Just so you know, ifyou die—I’m not sure if I can resurrect you here—the darkness is suffocating,”Remy shudders.

He peers over the ledge and sees the horde ofenemies—there’s Vex of every kind. Goblins, Hob-goblins, Harpies andMinotaurs—all here with the intent to kill him. Whether by the sniper fire of ahob-goblin or by the pounding of minotaur. It doesn’t matter—either way he’sgoing to die.

He had a few options. One, he could attempt fleeing. Withouthis sparrow—a speedy hoverbike that covers land distance at immensespeeds—that’d be difficult. Two, he could just stay up on this building andwait until they located him. Or three, he could fight.

He chose the third option.

The hunter summons his rocket-launcher and looks at thecluster of the Vex through its’ scope. He literally has one shot at this. Therocket-launcher will take too long for him to load it again and by that point,he’d lose his element of surprise.

“Here goes nothing,” He mutters to himself, his fingercurling around the trigger.

The rocket flies out with an alarming rate. The Vex catchsight of it and start to scatter from the blast zone. Unfortunately for them,it was a tracker rocket and it locked onto their location. Machine parts flyeverywhere—and the Vex that are hit are either dead or close to it.

Instantly, the Vex starts shooting over at the ledge wherethe Hunter had been standing. But he isn’t there anymore. As soon as he shotthe rocket, he starts his descent down the building away from the Vex.

His boots hit the ground, and he crouches—his blades inhand.

“C’mon, c’mon—” He whispers to himself, as he triesconcentrating.

There are three forms that Light manifests as; solar, voidand arc. It takes an extremely disciplined guardian to be a master of allthree. His specialty lies in the void—they call hunters like him Nightstalkers.

However, he can still pull from the other two forms, andthat’s what he intends on doing. At last, the arc energy ripples over him—cloakinghim from the visible world.

“What are you planningon doing?” Remy asks.

“Something either incredibly stupid or incredibly smart,” Heresponds.

With that, he rushes towards the Vex—his doom. He waitsuntil he’s in the middle of the Vex before he channels all the arc energy intohis blades, revealing his presence to the Vex. He immediately plunges a bladeinto of that a goblin—the foot soldiers of the Vex. As he pulls it out, he swervesaround its’ dying body and moves onto the other.

He is not a Titan. He doesn’t plow through his enemies withbrute force. Hunters are clever and crafty. They’re light on their toes andstrike when least expected. There is a reason why Hunters with an affinity forarc are referred by others as Blade-dancers.

His movements are fluid and graceful—the dance of death is somethinghe knows too well. He makes quick work of the goblins and harpies. The latterof which fly about and attempt lasering him. It’s the Minotaurs and Hobgoblinshe needs to fear most.

He hears the shot of Hobgoblin’s sniper knife a second toolate. The blast hits him point plank in the chest—causing his already weakenedshields to flicker.

“Gurl, get out ofthere!” Remy screams inside hishead.

The hunter grits his teeth, allowing the arc energy to fadefrom his body and pulls from the Void. A ball of void energy starts to appearin his right palm. The second he feels it forming, he throws it onto theground. A grey smoky mist swarms the area blanketing the Vex in a momentarystate of confusion. The Hunter takes advantage of this, running as far as hislegs could carry him.

He ducks inside a building and breathes. He needs only a fewminutes for his shields to return back to full-strength. A few minutes seemsshort, until you’re thrown into a life-or-death scenario where every secondcounts.

Remy materializes in front of him. The Ghost scanned him afew times, fussing over the dents in his armor and the damage to his cloak.

“Good news, you managed to kill around thirty of them. Badnews, there’s still a like two hundred of them out there.”

The Hunter cusses.

“Remy, please tell me you’ve figured out how they’redisrupting the signals.” He says, desperately. If they can restore the signalsto their ship—they can make it.

“I think I’ve identified the source of the disruption butuh,” The Ghost hesitates, “you’re not gonna like it.”

“What is it?”

“They got a Hydra with them.”

He cusses for the second time within five minutes.

Hydras are big bulky super-computers of death equipped withan impenetrable shield. The latter of which rotates around it, but there isonly a five second window for him to get a few shots in. Add the fact thatthere is about several hundred other Vex intent on killing him and he isdoomed.

Once his shields fully recover, he slips out of thebuilding. He can hear clanking nearby—indicating that they broke free ofconfusion and now they are heading straight towards him.

“What’s the plan?”Remy asks, resuming their role as the Hunter’s Jiminy Cricket.

“Don’t get killed.” The Hunter mutters.

“A solid plan!”Remy enthusiastically agrees, although the Hunter can pick out the nervousundertones in its’ voice.

He calls upon the arc energy once more—letting form a cloakof invisibility once more. He’ll be hidden from their radars, but he can’t domuch but sneak about in this state. The instant he starts shooting, he’ll loseconcentration.

Not to mention keeping it up for long periods of time isincredibly taxing on his Light reserves. It’s a good thing the Hunter specializedin speed, in both his training and armor enhancements. However, the invisibilitydoesn’t cloak his noise. He’ll have to be careful or the Vex will pick up onhis footfalls.

“I programmed thelocation of the Hydra in your radar—just follow the arrow and you’ll find it.”Remy informs him.

“Okay.” He mutters underneath his breath, glancing down atthe arrow that points northwest. They are in the ruins of what once had been acolony. During the Golden Age, colonies were planted all over the Moon, Venusand Mars. But they all fell, just like Earth, during the Collapse when theDarkness struck.

The colony is small, meaning the Hydra is only fifty metersaway from his present location. It just so happens that there are dozens of Vexstanding between it and him.

“Gee, wouldn’t it begreat to be on a fireteam just right about now?” A snarky voice taunts himfrom the back of his head.

He growls, and thankfully Remy keeps silent. The Ghost likelyheard the negative thought, but he knows better than to discuss it with theHunter. Especially not in the middle of a situation like this.

To be perfectly honest, he doesn’t have a clue of what to doonce he reaches the Hydra’s location. The concentration of Vex is probably thehighest around the Hydra. Meaning he would be walking right into the thick ofthings. Great.

When he catches sight of it, he almost drops hisinvisibility. The Hydra is much bigger than the other Hydras he’s encounteredpreviously. Just as he predicted, there is a ton of Vex guarding the Hydra. Hestands there, thinking for a long moment

“Not to sound like a Titan, but I have a strong urge topunch it to death.” He finally mutters, earning a chuckle from Remy.

“You need to have more confidence in yourself, I think yourfirst plan is flawless!”

“Really?” He asks.

“Hun, do I ever lie to you?”

“No,” The Hunter says without a beat of hesitation, “I just—I’llprobably die if this doesn’t work. But then again, I’m dead either way, aren’tI?”

He shakes his head, before focusing on reforming the arcenergy into something new entirely. As the energy reshapes to his will, his invisibilitydrops. He only has a few seconds until the Vex picks him up on their radar forthis to work.

Something tangible appears in his hands. A grenade made ofarc energy. He raises his arm and tosses it as far as he could away from hisdirection. The resulting sound of the nearby blast catches the Vex’s attention.A large portion breaks off to investigate—larger than he had anticipated.

With the Vex distracted, he pulls out his knives—prepared todo a repeat performance as a blade-dancer. He’s finding hard to get a firm graspon the power, as it flickers in and out like a dying lightbulb. He has reliedtoo much on his light already—it isn’t wise to use so much Light in such ashort amount of time. Especially in a dark zone like this.

He is close to burning through his reserves, and the only wayto restore them is to rest or take the lives of enemies. Neither of which areoptions he has. His body could burn up into pure light if he pushes too hard.In a safer place, his ghost could simply revive him. But he doesn’t have thatluxury here.

He continues to call out at the Light until the arc energy pulsesthrough his vein. In that moment, he is ethereal—he is a being of pure light. Witha simple flick of his knives, the arc ripples over him—rendering him invisibleonce more.

He dashes towards his target, sidestepping goblins and harpieson the way. They can sense him run past—but the time they start shooting, theyonly hit empty air. At last, he reaches the Hydra, hovering in ignorance. He slips through the discrepancy in the shieldand jabs his knives into its’ interface. It lets out a pixelated scream. Ittries shooting him down, but its’ weapons are not made for short-distance combat.The other Vex attempt coming to its’ aid, but their blasts bounce off the Hydra’sshield.

He continues stabbing the arc infused blades into the Hydra,frantically. The Hydra drops its’ shield, but it’s already too late. The Hunterhits something vital and the giant machine starts to brightly as its’ systems overheat—

“Guardian get out of there!” The Ghost screeches.

He jumps off of the Hydra, but he only gets two feet awaybefore the Hydra explodes—knocking him off his feet. His ears are ringing, andhis vision is blurry, and he feels a lot less tangible than he should. Now thatthe Hydra is gone, he hears the whispers of the Light clearly. The Light is alwaysspeaking—not in words, no. But in feelings and images. It is usually a distant humin the back of his head. But now—now it is a roar.

The Light is calling at him, demanding he rise up and getrid of the Vex scouring the area.

The Hunter attempts to ignore it—all he wants at this pointis to lay down and accept his fate which is death. But a calling from the Lightisn’t easily ignored as an alarm clock that was shut off rather than put onsnooze. He does not own his soul—the moment he was resurrected it belonged tothe Light. He is a servant of the Light and he must stay bound to its wishes.

(There are guardians who denounce the offerings of theLight. There are guardians who say that the Light can’t be trusted as much asthe Darkness. There are guardians whose light are tainted by the Darkness, bothwillingly and unwillingly. But he is not any of those guardians in that moment)

Finally, at last he gives in, letting the Light consume him—andhe rises to his feet not out of his own vocation. Remy is saying something, butthe words are unintelligible to his ears. The arc energy crackles around himonly this time he is practically a storm system of his own. The abundance inlight heals his wounds and restores his stamina.

It is dangerous to channel this much Light—he can feel himselfon the edge of slipping away. But the Light has made it clear—he willannihilate all remnants of the Vex or face death.

So, he descends on the Vex, a maelstrom of doom anddestruction. It is the stuff of legends—unparalleled to all except the mightyIron Lords of old. He slashes and cuts and stabs, leaving nothing alive in hiswake. He continues to fight and fight until there only a single solitary dot onhis radar.

It is a goblin lying on the ground—its’ mechanical limbstwitching as it clings onto life. The secret about the Vex is that they’re notpurely robotic—they are a meld of mechanical and organic. It is likely thatalthough its’ circuits have shut down, the organic part is still living and breathinginside its’ husk.

It is hard to say how the goblin reacts to the Hunter’s presence.Its’ robotic face is incapable of expression and it does not speak the Guardian’slanguage though it can understand it.

The Hunter bends down and waves a knife tauntingly in frontof its’ head.

“Thisdagger right here? Yeah? You see this? You see this right here? Guess what? Imurdered the others of your kind with it.”

Withoutwaiting for a response, he plunges the knife into its’ stomach and the red dotdisappears from his radar. He is alone again in the abandoned colony. He attemptsstanding up, his strength has left him. Thenat last the guardian’s world is swept up by darkness.

“andso, I failed because I couldn’t find the cause of their activity at Aenea.” TheHunter reports, avoiding eye contact with his superior, the Hunter Vanguard.

Heshould not be alive—he should have died out there. It is only by the will of theLight that he is still alive. Remy bumps into his chest, it’s silent way ofreassuring him. He clasps his hand around the Ghost, gently cradling them—his wayof acknowledging them.

Heis relieved that his actions hadn’t resulted in his death. Though it is rarefor guardians to die before their ghosts—there have been a few recorded cases.When it happens, the ghost’s grief is inconsolable.

“Failed?Guardian, you killed several hundred Vex—including a Hydra! That’s the oppositeof failure!” The Hunter Vanguard exclaims,raising his arms to the side widely, “Dead Vex is always better than no dead Vexin my book.”

TheHunter Vanguard, Cayde-6, is one of the friendlier Hunters around. He is charismaticand witty, which plays well into deceiving others of his hidden depth and intellect.He is an Exo—a creation of the Golden Age. Exos are different than Frames—theyare androids who can think and feel and dream just as any human or awoken. Thus,the Light also recognizes them as also being eligible candidates to its’blessings.

“So,you think this mission was a success?” The Hunter eventually asks, his eyebrowsfurrowing.

“Ifyou asked either Ikora or Zavala, they’d say it wasn’t, buuut!” He puts up afinger, “I’m the Hunter Vanguard, not them. It sounds to me like you might’vewiped their operations entirely—or at least disrupted their plans. And whateverit was—we can know for sure it wasn’t good!”

“See,I told you.” Remy says, flying out of the Hunter’s loose grasp, “now we can wego to a coffee shop?”

TheHunter looks expectantly at Cayde-6, who laughs as he waves a hand.

“Goon, you deserve it! Personally, I’d go out for Ramen, but you do you!”

Henods his thanks and turns to leave when the Exo calls out,

“What’syour name by the way, Guardian?”

TheHunter freezes, the question triggering something from the recesses of hismind.

“Virgil! Pick me up, pick me up!”A child demands, making grabby hands.

“Now, what’s the magic word?” TheHunter’s own voice responds teasingly. It sounds so foreign and distant to himnow—as if it belongs to a different person entirely.

“Pleeeease on a cherry on topwill you pick me up?” The child asks.

“Okay, Pat.” He says, picking upthe child and securing him in his arms, “can you see better now?”

“Yup!” The child chirps, wrappinghis arms around the man’s neck, “You’re the best brother ever, Virgil!”

He doesn’tknow why he remembers that out of everything from his past life. But he doesknow he had a little brother once, and his brother called him Virgil. It is theonly thing he has left that is his and his alone, and he’s not going to give upit up frivolously.

“Idon’t have a name.” He tells the hunter vanguard, “You can call me whatever youlike.”

Withthat, he strolls out of the dimly lit meeting room of the vanguard and into theshining light of the outside world.

General Tag List: @karebearmay @punsterterry@cryingtitan@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @usothemarshmallow@madly-handsome @i-just-wanna-be-alone-blog @remy-alagaesias-dragon-queen @ashrain5 @otaku-marijane @pathos-logical @moonstone-fox @fandergecko @themarijuanamason @impromptu-sanity @a-pastel-pan @cyberchick56 @evilmuffin

#thomas sanders #sander sides #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #destiny au #kat talks

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marshmalleaux-queen · 2 years

Text

WARNING FOR NS.F/W TEXT and long post

no but like. I have had posts from before the infamous ban get flagged after the ban was implemented. So I'm surprised that more of my art hasn't gotten flagged yet, 'cause... let's see... I have drawn and posted:

• a human girl getting railed from behind by a demon-like abomination

• a small half-clothed forest girl getting full-frontal fingerblasted by a sorcerer

• another girl getting the same full-frontal treatment by a ghost calculator

• a THIRD girl getting the same exact treatment by her commander

• graphic decapitation

• graphic disembowelment

• a bloodied kidnapping victim, clad only in underwear, being felt up by her captor

• whole-ass B/D$.M + oral with two non-humans

• whole-ass B/D$.M with one human and one LITERAL SEX DEMON

• spanking, complete with tiddy out and ahegao face

• literal 100%, all parts fully-exposed intercourse with a biblical creature (an affront to both tumblr and god - easily the most egregious on this list)

and NONE of these - absolutely N O N E - have been hit with the ban-hammer. I mean at this point it doesn't really matter if they get taken down or not, they're all kind of old anyway, but it's really a testament to the faults in this whole flagging system.

I know for a fact that most of the drawings on this list, despite very clearly being explicit in nature, evaded a flag by not having the "skin-colored pixels" threshold met - either by being completely uncolored, by the lighting changing the colors (not red/orange lighting tho - that makes it easier to get flagged, it seems), or by the characters having non-human skin colors. Others evade it by not actually showing the entirety of the damning body parts, therefore adhering to the "no ladies nipnops" rule (still quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard).

This is sort of a complaint, but more than anything I'm just baffled at the absolute hit-and-miss that the flagging system has. Not even gonna open the can of worms that is p0.r/n bots still running rampant while having blatantly explicit sexual words in their URL

#long post #3am cici

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daisychainblogs · 6 years

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the shape of water - a review ***

Toro is the child on the playground gleefully screeching “fight, fight, FIGHT”. The twist? It’s only you in the boxing rink.

The opening few minutes of Guillermo del Toro’s latest flick showcase its most powerful personality traits. Its immediately gorgeous cinematography, paired with Elisa’s exact (and somewhat x-rated) morning routine reassures us that Toro is once again out to play the twisted matchmaker between a world of fantasy, and one of legitimate human unpleasantness.

There are only a handful of straightforward points to make about TSOW. First, the acting: which is straight up fantastic. Sally Hawkins’ Elisa is truly electric; silent only its most literal sense, Hawkins’ portrayal of Toro’s central character screams its emotion from start to finish. The actress’ panic stricken attempts to persuade friend Giles – Richard Jenkins’ own charming triumph - to aid her in the film’s pivotal prison-break sequence should be used as her emotional portfolio henceforth. Any actress with the ability to present such a variety of cutting feeling – and without the use of a single spoken word - is going to make any audience sit up and pay attention. Goodbye Paddington Bear.

Equally straightforward in its success is the TSOW’s use of CGI. As a die hard anti-computer generated anything kind of girl, my strong reservations concerning Toro’s approach were proved wholly unnecessary. The aquatic man is truly a marvel, and I happily toss my hands up in submission to this particular use of computer generated effect. Zero complaints here.

But now is when things begin to get a little complicated. To begin with, there is the issue with TSOW’s very narrative: the immediate subject matter of this Oscar Winner being inherently tricky. A woman falls in love, and subsequently conducts an explicitly sexual relationship with, an aquatic creature. Granted, said creature is - for all extensive purposes- human shaped. Human shaped - with fins and scales to boot. But the viewer (or this viewer at least) still can’t help but wonder - would a woman, no matter how alternative in lifestyle, no matter how isolated from society, really feel attracted to an animal? Fondness – absolutely. But attraction?

Of course I know that I am missing the point. The Beauty and the Beast narrative always was, and always is, one grand metaphor. Love has no boundaries; those who don’t fit into society are never truly alone. But somehow this particular retelling proved somewhat hard to swallow. I wish I didn’t have a problem with this element of the film – it makes me feel entirely ignorant - and to criticize a film for fulfilling its ultimate narrative objective should not, and can not be done. We wouldn’t condemn Star Wars for including too many outer-space scenes. And we shouldn’t even begin to critisize Guillermo del Toro’s work for its very essence.

In a way, I applaud the film’s cultivation of confusion. Because isn’t this the whole point of the original fable? To teach us to re-examine our selves – to recognize our prejudices and tackle them head on. And perhaps the director would smile and pat himself on the back if he heard of the confusion – the self analysis – that his piece had stimulated. TSOW certainly gives us a peculiar sense that Guillermo del Toro might back the child on the sidelines of the playground gleefully screeching “fight, fight, FIGHT”. But this time it’s only you in the boxing rink.

The second, equally perplexing issue I had with this film, was its hard-to-put-your-finger-on-quite-what-it-is sense of over generous ‘glossiness’. Anybody familiar with Toro’s early work , most notably his deliciously violent fairy- tale-slash-horror, Pan’s Labyrinth, will remember the ravishing rawness inherent to Del Toro’s early steps. The violence was truly repulsive; the fantasy elements possessed a sense of strange authenticity . Toro was like the Angela Carter of foreign film, and gave us Magic Realism at its absolute best (hint – it’s not really interested in the fairies).

Its now been 12 years since Toro graced our screens with his wide eyed fawn and pink skinned devil complete with fully detachable peepers. The biggest, most peculiar problem with TSOW is it’s new Hollywood sheen. The violence, despite being graphic in content, seems somehow more rehearsed; the fabulous apartments in which Elisa carries out her everyday routines are just a bit too enviable. It seems a strange thing to criticize a film for somehow looking too good. But when one recalls the sense of razor sharp brutality found within the Labyrinth walls all those years ago, perhaps it can make just a small amount of sense. Guillermo del Toro delivers an accomplished piece of cinema once again– it’s just a shame, somehow, that he is responsible for it.

It would be wrong to begrudge Toro’s latest work its recognition and award season success. it is certainly a handsome film; the cinematography is top notch, the CGI surprisingly inoffensive, and the cast entertaining and accomplished in equal measure. The only catch is that you are left wondering if,perhaps ,TSOW may have been a better film had it been made ten years ago.

#film review #guillermo del toro #the shape of water #pans labyrinth #Oscars

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physticuffs · 7 years

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Thoughts on Male Fantasy Authors Writing Female Characters*

*(mostly. it digresses. this is specifically a comparison among Neil Gaiman, Jim Butcher, George R. R. Martin, and Guy Gavriel Kay--possibility of minor spoilers, although I’ve tried to avoid them. any plot details given should be unspoilery.)

You know, because this wasn’t already written about enough, or something.

I’ll start by saying this: I actually don’t care very much when male authors don’t write women the way I prefer to see women portrayed. Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors ever, due to his word-smithing and world-building, and I haven’t found his match for evoking a feeling of eeriness like he’s writing about a world more true than our own. On the other hand, he definitely is a little weird in his descriptions of female characters. I particularly noticed this with the way the witches in Stardust swear by their sexual organs and the attention Shadow pays to Zorya Polunochnaya’s breasts in American Gods. (Shadow. Chill. FFS.) I’m probably forgetting other instances, because I’ve felt this way multiple times in Gaiman’s writing--it makes me go why the fuck is this relevant? and jolts me out of the story. (Some of his short stories get even more bizarrely sexual; there’s one about an STD that changes your personality. It was pretty uncomfortable, but it was probably supposed to be.) Another complaint I’ve seen is that his female characters aren’t that well fleshed-out, but honestly, neither are his male characters. And Gaiman is aware he’s doing it. I’ve read interviews and essays where he clearly states his love for established bodies of myth and stock characters. That’s fine; it’s the way he prefers to write, and in my eyes he’s a damn fine writer. (I love his poetry too.) Heck, the fact that I love it so much despite my preference for non-stock characters (and fewer interjections about breasts) says a lot. Gaiman, good job for doing exactly what you were trying to do.

Also, I felt more able to forgive Gaiman for the female character sexualization after a discussion with a friend of mine who introduced me to Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. I like the speculative nature of urban fantasy but Harry describes the sex appeal of literally every woman he encounters. And in the first few books, there’s a lot of ~sexy evil~ going on. I was telling my friend how uncomfortable it made me and how I thought it was a major flaw, taking me out of the story, and essentially my friend’s response was “I’m sorry it makes you feel that way, but Butcher isn’t writing these books specifically for you. And remember, Harry’s a straight guy and you’re not. I can see why it would take you out of the story, but these books are from Harry’s perspective, and that seems pretty realistic and in-character to me.” (The conversation was a lot longer than that, but that was the main point.) And you know...yeah. I do have to remember when critiquing any author that, whatever my opinion, they’re not writing specifically for me. (Except my queen Shannon Hale, who probably couldn’t have written better books for my 12-year-old self if she tried.) The continual rehashing of sexiness in Butcher’s books is boring and uncomfortable for me personally, and feels kind of lazy. But Jim Butcher isn’t trying to be a Great Author writing the deepest and cleverest books in the world--he’s trying to write somewhat pulpy genre fiction, and that’s fine. The man turned out one 300-page book a year for 14 years straight. He has his thing and he sticks to it. Butcher, good job for doing exactly what you were trying to do.

What I find way, way more annoying is when an author thinks they’re doing a great job and they’re...not. George R. R. Martin, I’m looking at you. Actually, this isn’t just about women, it’s everything you do to make your books so lurid and gratuitous. But women come into it, because sexual violence is good for shock. I remember that interview a while back when the interviewer told Martin he wrote women “really well and really different” and Martin said, “I’ve always considered women to be people.” Everyone loved it and was like “Tell ‘em!” and I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen, because everything in Martin’s writing is about trauma and shock value. To be fair, my problem with Martin’s writing is sort of beyond the women alone. His characterization, the way he writes their personalities, I’m fine with that. I don’t think Martin would be any worse than most authors about writing women if he didn’t go for the cheap shock, but he does. Here’s the question I asked myself when I started thinking about why Daenerys’s storyline bothered me (since she’s a major favorite with fans): why is she thirteen? No, really, why does she have to be thirteen? It changes nothing important about the story if she’s aged a few years, except that the reader doesn’t go “Oh my god she’s having sex with Khal Drogo!” Viserys groping his own sister and telling her he’d let an army rape her, just to be a jerk? Shock value. Yeah, Martin is trying to show us how evil Viserys is, but it’s pretty lazy writing. I do believe that Martin considers women to be people--it’s just that his desire to make everything worse overrides that.

None of this stood out in such sharp relief to me until I read Under Heaven by Guy Gavriel Kay. Halfway in, I knew I was going to devour every other book by Kay that had a similar style, the same way I felt after first reading a Gaiman novel. Like Martin, Kay writes fantasy stories based on real historical places/events, albeit a little more on the history side than Martin does. (I haven’t read any of his other books yet, but Under Heaven is much closer to the An Lushan Rebellion than ASOIAF is to the War of the Roses.) Like Martin, Kay loves political details and visual descriptions, both things that I love to read. Like Martin, Kay writes about violent events and characters going through incredibly hard journeys. And Kay is far more subtle than Martin. Kay doesn’t need Martin’s almost fetishistic details of violence. Kay sketches it for you, but the focus is on the characters’ reactions. Kay has bad things happen to female characters without making me feel like the bad thing is The Whole Point. One of the things that particularly struck me was when a young woman is sent by her family to marry a foreign stranger, whom her people consider grassland barbarians, in order to secure a political alliance. So basically, the way her story starts is very similar to Daenerys’s, and you feel very sympathetic for her on her journey. But she’s twenty-two. Oh, and the family member who arranges the marriage for her is a lot more complex than Viserys and, y’know, doesn’t violently grope anyone. In another scene, a city is attacked and overrun by enemy soldiers. The reader learns that women are raped and send as slaves to the army, and characters react to that knowledge, but it’s not portrayed firsthand or given graphic details. It’s just enough to know that it happened. Then the focus is on the characters. People excuse Martin because he’s trying to portray a realistically harsh world, but Kay is writing about a world just as harsh and difficult to navigate as the world of Westeros, and he does it without the gratuitous violence, both sexual and otherwise, that Martin uses. I think Martin really does just enjoy writing about violence, and making his characters very young, and it’s disingenuous to pretend that it has to be that way in order to make you understand. We don’t need to see all that.

I think in a way, it’s also telling how Kay reacted when asked a very similar question to Martin, about how he wrote female characters so well. In an interview I read, Kay said he was uncomfortable with the question, because it implied that everyone should only be expected to write people who matched their demographics, and that was going above and beyond by writing interesting female characters. But Kay didn’t want to pat himself on the back, he wanted other authors to demonstrate a similar level of empathy toward characters. Martin...Martin’s work I wouldn’t struggle with quite as much if he were as up-front as Gaiman and Butcher about the way he writes. But when his answer to “how do you write women so well?” is “I think women are people,” it gives me the sense that he thinks he has the focus just right no matter the audience. The way Butcher writes about women frustrates me because I don’t like hearing the character describe how sexy women are before I know anything else about them, but there’s still a level of self-awareness about it that enables me to take a step back. But the way Martin writes about women frustrates me because he thinks it has to be that way. He writes women just fine! They’ve got personalities and everything! Depicting that level of rape is just necessary for the world-building, okay?

Kay has lots of female characters that are cool and interesting and complex and occupy different roles in the story, and when they undergo pain and trauma directly on the page, it truly is necessary. It’s genuinely part of the story. (As is true for the pain of all the characters, to be clear.) One of the most touching and well-written scenes in Under Heaven contains the death of a major female character. She dies because she has to. It is what the story requires, and it is better for being as understated as it is.

#random thoughts #books #george r r martin #guy gavriel kay #neil gaiman #jim butcher

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warninggraphiccontent · 4 years

Text

15 May 2020

Losing the plot

When it comes to data visualisation, we all make mistakes. We all need to make mistakes. And the recent revolution in data visualisation is still new enough that it's wonderful to see people trying to use and visualise data. There's a balance to be struck between perfectionist pedantry (I'm still often guilty) and encouraging people to have a go. Therefore, I try not to criticise people for slightly substandard charts.

I made an exception this week. We should expect better from government. And poor visualisation is just one aspect of the government's muddled communication of the numbers.

Elsewhere:

The government's coronavirus recovery strategy had (only) a couple of interesting references to data: a vague reference to 'robust safety measures' when it came to contact tracing - we should expect more, quickly, especially since (as Peter points out) the reference to Asian countries raises more questions than it answers - and a vague reference to rewiring the state. Much more from the IfG on the coronavirus crisis and lifting lockdown restrictions here.

People are still updating our collaborative spreadsheet on data-related developments, transparency things and mortality stats (thank you!). Find it here - further additions always welcome.

My former colleague Nicole is now at the Royal College of Nursing, and she's recruiting - take a look at the ads for Digital Content Officer and Senior Media Officer.

On the subject of nursing... it was Florence Nightingale's birthday this week, the Lady with the Lamp also being a pioneer in the use and visualisation of data. Some bonus links below.

And another anniversary - it was International Dylan Thomas Day yesterday, marking the premiere of Under Milk Wood. Which is as good an excuse as any to revisit the West Glamorgan Youth Theatre Company's lockdown production of the opening scene, starring various people who can actually act, and me.

Have a lovely weekend

Gavin

Today's links:

Flo charts

Happy 200th birthday #FlorenceNightingale! (Royal Society)

Florence Nightingale is a Design Hero (Nightingale)

Florence Nightingale the Angel of the Crimea (British Library)

International Nurses Day: what would Florence do on the COVID-19 front line? (Nursing Standard)

Special issue: Florence Nightingale (Significance)

Tips, tech, etc

The new rules to living in lockdown (The Observer)

Presentations post-Covid? (Matt Jukes)

Free-Range Working (Convivio)

In cycling there’s a thing called a “false flat” (@Lesley_NOPE)

Easing physical and mental strain in the workplace (Open Access Government)

Keeping our employees and partners safe during #coronavirus (Twitter)

What we’ve learned about mental health during lockdown (Prospect)

Graphic content

Viral content: cases

Coronavirus tracked: the latest figures as countries fight to contain the pandemic (FT)

NHK conducted an experiment to see how germs spread at a cruise buffet (via Spoon & Tamago)

Where U.S. coronavirus cases are on the rise (Reuters)

Without A Vaccine, Herd Immunity Won’t Save Us (FiveThirtyEight)

Majority black counties see triple the Covid death rate* (Bloomberg)

Coronavirus Australia data update: Covid-19 active and new cases, numbers, map and statistics (The Guardian)

Coronavirus (COVID-19) related deaths by occupation, England and Wales: deaths registered up to and including 20 April 2020 (ONS)

Russia’s Covid death toll could be 70 per cent higher than official figure* (FT)

Nowcasting and Forecasting of COVID-19 (MRC Biostatistics Unit, University of Cambridge)

Viral content: the economy

How bad is unemployment? Literally off the charts* (New York Times)

Invidious choices await Sunak in tackling cost of virus crisis* (FT)

One month, 20.5 million jobs lost (Reuters)

Why 1.4 Million Health Jobs Have Been Lost During a Huge Health Crisis* (The Upshot)

Viral content: lifting lockdown

Disease modelers are wary of reopening the country. Here’s how they arrive at their verdict.* (Washington Post)

Americans’ Commitment to Social Distancing Is Eroding* (Bloomberg)

Lifting lockdown: what Britain can learn from the rest of the world* (The Times, via Cath)

London is most vulnerable to coronavirus outbreak in the UK* (FT)

Phone data identify travel hubs at risk of a second wave of infections* (The Economist)

Britain on the move even before Johnson eased lockdown, data show* (FT)

Getting Britain working (safely) again (Resolution Foundation)

What would happen if Londoners tried to go back to normal on a socially-distanced Underground? (The Guardian)

Viral content: everything else

This is live @CitizensAdvice web traffic from 7- 7:35 pm (i.e. #borisspeech) (Gemma)

A Study Said Covid Wasn’t That Deadly. The Right Seized It.* (New York Times)

COVID19 Grants Tracker (360Giving)

A Pandemic That Cleared Skies and Halted Cities Isn’t Slowing Global Warming* (Bloomberg)

Facemasks: would you wear one? (Behavioural Insights Team)

Anti-viral content

GDP first quarterly estimate, UK: January to March 2020 (ONS)

Freedom of information (Oliver for IfG)

The civil service after Brexit: lessons from the Article 50 period (Maddy, Haydon and Joe for IfG - charts here)

What Does Opportunity Look Like Where You Live?* (New York Times)

What's at stake in Britain's post-Brexit trade talks? (The Guardian)

#dataviz

Poor chart rating for the government’s coronavirus communications strategy (me for IfG)

The dataviz in the PM's statement... (Mark Edwards)

Someone who is good at equations please help me (Policy Sketchbook)

Counting the human cost of Covid-19: 'Numbers tell a story words can't' (The Guardian)

Visualising Odds Ratio (Henry Lau)

A plan for accessible charts (Benjy Stanton)

How data journalists became the rock stars of news (BBC Sounds)

EXPLORE EXPLAIN S1 E3: JOHN BURN-MURDOCH (Visualising Data)

Meta data

Viral content: contact details (UK)

The code behind the NHS Covid-19 App (NHSX)

Also FAQs, DPIA (via Jim Killock)

UK starts to build second contact tracing app* (FT)

UK could switch to a different contact tracing app, says minister* (FT)

NHS coronavirus advisory board split over ditching government app (The Guardian)

Just how anonymous is the NHS Covid-19 contact tracing app?* (Wired)

Secret NHS files reveal plans for coronavirus contact tracing app* (Wired)

To trust the contact tracing app, we need safeguards* (Harriet Harman for The Times)

Harman seeks to bring private member’s bill over contact tracing* (Computer Weekly)

Analysis of the NHSX Contact Tracing App ‘Isle of Wight’ Data Protection Impact Assessment (Michael Veale)

Who governs? Platform privilege, contact tracing and APIs. (Richard Pope)

The tech firms getting their hands on NHS patient data to fight coronavirus (The Bureau of Investigative Journalism)

Coronavirus: Send virus alerts within 24 hours or risk second wave, scientist warns (Sky News)

Coronavirus contact tracing at risk unless vital info shared with councils (Local Government Association)

Only 50% of Britons would download NHS tracing app – poll (The Observer)

Workplace testing – guidance for employers (ICO)

Viral content: contact details (international)

How Europe splintered over contact tracing apps* (FT)

A flood of coronavirus apps are tracking us. Now it’s time to keep track of them.* (MIT Technology Review, via Alice)

India made its contact tracing app mandatory. Now people are angry* (Wired)

Nearly 40% of Icelanders are using a covid app—and it hasn’t helped much* (MIT Technology Review)

How Google and Apple outflanked governments in the race to build coronavirus apps (Politico)

Viral content: lies, damn lies, and...

The government’s daily briefings on #Covid_19 are "not trustworthy communication of statistics" says Professor Sir David Spiegelhalter (Andrew Marr Show)

Boris Johnson’s Covid-19 threat alert system is a parody of mathematical precision* (New Statesman)

Sir David Norgrove letter to Matt Hancock regarding COVID-19 testing (UKSA)

There’s always a “but”: why Covid-19 statistics never tell the whole story* (Prospect)

The armchair epidemiologists (Office for Statistics Regulation)

Viral content: what's a pirate's favourite epidemiological number?

R: A thread on real-time estimation and false precision... (Adam Kucharski)

The R-number – and the danger of false certainty* (The Spectator)

We should be very wary of the R value (UnHerd)

Viral content: everything else

Understanding the impact of coronavirus on the workforce (ONS)

Coronavirus: record ethnicity on all death certificates to start building a clearer picture (The Conversation)

Want to know how relevant the new government guidance on walking and cycling is to your area? I've got census data and ranked local authorities by public transport to work mode share (Jack Maizels, via Lee)

UK Data for Assessing COVID-19 Activity (CEBM, University of Oxford)

Why we cannot afford to leave technology to the experts – the case for public engagement at times of crisis (Ada Lovelace Institute)

Exclusive: Test data from commercial labs going into ‘black hole’ (HSJ)

Goodhart’s law comes back to haunt the UK’s Covid strategy* (FT)

The pandemic has spawned a new way to study medical records* (The Economist)

Viral misinformation

This Woman Says Her Photos Were Stolen In A Viral Post About The COVID-19 Death Of Her Uncle David. She Doesn’t Have An Uncle David. (BuzzFeed)

‘Conspiracy bingo’: Trans-Atlantic extremists seize on the pandemic (Politico)

Platform announcements

How Government as a Platform is meeting challenges posed by coronavirus (GDS)

Scaling up GOV.UK Verify to help during coronavirus (GDS)

DWP takes centre stage in future of Gov.uk Verify (Computer Weekly)

HM Treasury tells GDS: No further online services can use Gov.uk Verify (Computer Weekly)

Anti-viral content

People, Power and Technology 2020 (Doteveryone)

Launch event video (Doteveryone)

Better Redress for the Digital Age (Doteveryone)

The Online Resolution Service: a prototype of a shared platform for online complaints (Doteveryone)

UK police adopting facial recognition, predictive policing without public consultation (Verdict)

Machine Intelligence Garage Ethics Framework (Digital Catapult)

Facebook is quietly helping to set up a new pro-tech advocacy group to battle Washington* (Washington Post)

Rest of World: Reporting Global Tech Stories

Smart Cities in a time of crisis - London calling with an open data focus (diginomica)

Alphabet Spinoff SIP Aims To ‘Future Proof’ Infrastructure With Tech & $400M Series A (Crunchbase)

Don’t Regulate Artificial Intelligence: Starve It (Scientific American)

Digital transformation in the NHS (NAO)

Using FOI to protect social housing and council property (mySociety)

Opportunities

JOB: Data Journalist (DfT, via Quantum of Sollazzo)

JOB: Beneficial Technology, Analyst (Omidyar Network)

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JOB: Lead User Researcher (Parliamentary Digital Service)

Call for IRM Local and National Researchers (Open Government Partnership)

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EVENTS: REIMAGINING GOVERNMENT: AN ANZSOG AND CENTRE FOR PUBLIC IMPACT SERIES

EVENT: Public Health Interventions, Data, and Privacy: Countering COVID-19 with Technology and Trust. (The Alan Turing Institute)

And finally...

Viral content

School teacher hilariously marks government’s lockdown chart (The London Economic, via Pritesh)

Things to do while #StayingHome... (Microsoft 365)

DIY hairdressers under covid-19 lockdown tend it like Beckham* (The Economist)

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Global population density (Alasdair Rae)

State topographic maps (via Randy Olson)

I was bored. (Stephen Bush, via Alice)

Enormouse data (Martin Lewis)

colors.lol

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Text

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre[note 1] is a 1974 American slasher film directed by Tobe Hooper and written and co-produced by Hooper and Kim Henkel. It stars Marilyn Burns, Paul A. Partain, Edwin Neal, Jim Siedow and Gunnar Hansen, who respectively portray Sally Hardesty, Franklin Hardesty, the hitchhiker, the proprietor, and Leatherface. The film follows a group of friends who fall victim to a family of cannibals while on their way to visit an old homestead. The film was marketed as being based on true events to attract a wider audience and to act as a subtle commentary on the era's political climate; although the character of Leatherface and minor story details were inspired by the crimes of murderer Ed Gein, its plot is largely fictional.

Hooper produced the film for less than $140,000 ($700,000 adjusted for inflation)[3] and used a cast of relatively unknown actors drawn mainly from central Texas, where the film was shot. The limited budget forced Hooper to film for long hours seven days a week, so that he could finish as quickly as possible and reduce equipment rental costs. Due to the film's violent content, Hooper struggled to find a distributor. Louis Perano of Bryanston Pictures eventually purchased the distribution rights. Hooper limited the quantity of onscreen gore in hopes of securing a PG rating, but the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) rated it R. The film faced similar difficulties internationally.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was banned in several countries, and numerous theaters stopped showing the film in response to complaints about its violence. While it initially drew a mixed reception from critics, it was highly profitable, grossing over $30 million at the domestic box office, equivalent with roughly over $150.8 million as of 2018, selling over 16.5 million tickets in 1974. It has since gained a reputation as one of the best and most influential horror films. It is credited with originating several elements common in the slasher genre, including the use of power tools as murder weapons, the characterization of the killer as a large, hulking, faceless figure, and the killing of victims. It led to a franchise that continued the story of Leatherface and his family through sequels, prequels, a remake, comic books and video games.

Sally Hardesty, her paraplegic brother Franklin, and their friends, Jerry, Kirk, and Pam visit the grave of the Hardestys' grandfather to investigate reports of vandalism and grave robbing. Afterwards, they decide to visit the old Hardesty family homestead. Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker, who talks about his family who worked at the old slaughterhouse. He borrows Franklin's pocket knife and cuts himself, then takes a single Polaroid picture of Franklin, for which he demands money. When they refuse to pay, he burns the photo, and slashes Franklin's left arm with a straight razor. The group forces him out of the van and drive on. They stop at a gas station to refill their vehicle, but the proprietor tells them that the pumps are empty.

They continue toward the homestead, intending to return to the gas station once it has received a fuel delivery. When they arrive, Franklin tells Kirk and Pam about a local swimming-hole, and the couple go to find it. They stumble upon a nearby house, and Kirk calls out for gas, entering through the unlocked door, while Pam waits outside. Leatherface, a large mute man wearing a mask made from human skin, suddenly appears and kills Kirk with a hammer. Pam enters soon after, and trips into a room filled with furniture made from human bones. She attempts to flee, but Leatherface catches her, and impales her on a meathook, making her watch as he butchers Kirk with a chainsaw. Jerry heads out to look for Pam and Kirk at sunset. He sees the house and finds Pam, still alive, inside a freezer. Before he can react, Leatherface kills him.

With darkness falling, Sally and Franklin set out to find their friends. As they near the neighboring house and call out, Leatherface lunges from the darkness and kills Franklin with a chainsaw. Sally runs toward the house, and finds the desiccated remains of an elderly couple upstairs. She escapes from Leatherface by jumping through a second-floor window, and flees to the gas station. The proprietor calms her with offers of help, but then ties her up, gags her, and forces her into his truck. He drives to the house, arriving at the same time as the hitchhiker, now revealed as Leatherface's brother. The hitchhiker recognizes Sally, and taunts her.

The men torment the bound and gagged Sally while Leatherface, now dressed as a woman, serves dinner. Leatherface and the hitchhiker bring down one of the desiccated bodies from upstairs, that of their Grandpa. He is revealed to be alive when he sucks blood from a cut on Sally's finger. They decide that Grandpa, the best killer in the old slaughterhouse, should kill Sally. He tries to hit her with a hammer, but he is too weak. In the ensuing struggle, she breaks free, leaps through a window, and flees to the road. Leatherface and the hitchhiker give chase, but the latter is run over and killed by a passing truck. Leatherface attacks the truck with his chainsaw, and when the driver stops to help he knocks Leatherface down with a pipe wrench, causing the chainsaw to cut his leg. The driver flees, and Sally escapes in the back of a passing pickup truck as Leatherface maniacally flails his chainsaw in the air.

Production

Development

The concept for The Texas Chain Saw Massacre arose in the early 1970s while Tobe Hooper was working as an assistant film director at the University of Texas at Austin and as a documentary cameraman.[6] He had already developed a story involving the elements of isolation, the woods, and darkness.[7] He credited the graphic coverage of violence by San Antonio news outlets as one inspiration for the film[8] and based elements of the plot on murderer Ed Gein, who committed his crimes in 1950s Wisconsin;[9] Gein inspired other horror films such as Psycho (1960) and The Silence of the Lambs (1991).[10][11][12][13] During development, Hooper used the working titles of Headcheese and Leatherface.[14][15]

I definitely studied Gein ... but I also noticed a murder case in

Houston

at the time, a serial murderer you probably remember named

Elmer Wayne Henley

. He was a young man who recruited victims for

an older homosexual man

. I saw some news report where Elmer Wayne ... said, "I did these crimes, and I'm gonna stand up and take it like a man." Well, that struck me as interesting, that he had this conventional morality at that point. He wanted it known that, now that he was caught, he would do the right thing. So this kind of moral schizophrenia is something I tried to build into the characters.

— Kim Henkel[16][17]

Hooper has cited changes in the cultural and political landscape as central influences on the film. His intentional misinformation, that the "film you are about to see is true", was a response to being "lied to by the government about things that were going on all over the world", including Watergate, the 1973 oil crisis, and "the massacres and atrocities in the Vietnam War".[8] The "lack of sentimentality and the brutality of things" that Hooper noticed while watching the local news, whose graphic coverage was epitomized by "showing brains spilled all over the road", led to his belief that "man was the real monster here, just wearing a different face, so I put a literal mask on the monster in my film".[11] The idea of using a chainsaw as the murder weapon came to Hooper while he was in the hardware section of a busy store, contemplating how to speed his way through the crowd.[12]

Hooper and Kim Henkel cowrote the screenplay and formed Vortex, Inc.[18] with Henkel as president and Hooper as vice president.[19] They asked Bill Parsley, a friend of Hooper, to provide funding. Parsley formed a company named MAB, Inc. through which he invested $60,000 in the production. In return, MAB owned 50% of the film and its profits.[20] Production manager Ron Bozman told most of the cast and crew that he would have to defer part of their salaries until after it was sold to a distributor. Vortex made the idea more attractive by awarding them a share of its potential profits, ranging from 0.25 to 6%, similar to mortgage points. The cast and crew were not informed that Vortex owned only 50%, which meant their points were worth half of the assumed value.[19][21]

CastingMain article:

List of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre characters

ActorRole

Marilyn Burns

Sally Hardesty

Allen Danziger

Jerry

Paul A. Partain

Franklin Hardesty

William VailKirk

Teri McMinn

Pam

Edwin Neal

"The Hitchhiker" Nubbins Sawyer

Jim Siedow

"The Proprietor" Drayton Sawyer

Gunnar Hansen

Leatherface

John Dugan

Grandpa Sawyer

John Larroquette

Narrator

Many of the cast members at the time were relatively unknown actors—Texans who had played roles in commercials, television, and stage shows, as well as performers whom Hooper knew personally, such as Allen Danziger and Jim Siedow.[22][23][24] Involvement in the film propelled some of them into the motion picture industry. The lead role of Sally was given to Marilyn Burns, who had appeared previously on stage and served on the film commission board at UT Austin while studying there.[23] Teri McMinn was a student who worked with local theater companies, including the Dallas Theater Center.[23] Henkel called McMinn to come in for a reading after he spotted her picture in the Austin American-Statesman.[25] For her last call-back he requested that she wear short shorts, which proved to be the most comfortable of all the cast members' costumes.[23]

Icelandic-American actor Gunnar Hansen was selected for the role of Leatherface.[26] He regarded Leatherface as being mentally retarded and having never learned to speak properly. To research his character in preparation for his role, Hansen visited a special needs school and watched how the students moved and spoke.[12][27] John Larroquette performed the narration in the opening credits.[28]

Filming

The farmhouse used for

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

was moved from

La Frontera

Kingsland, Texas

, and restored as a restaurant.

[29]

The primary filming location was an early 1900s farmhouse located on Quick Hill Road near Round Rock, Texas, where the La Frontera development is now located.[29] The small budget and concerns over high-cost equipment rentals meant the crew filmed seven days a week, up to 16 hours a day. The environment was humid[21][30] and the cast and crew found conditions tough; temperatures peaked at 110°F (43 °C) on July 26.[31] Hansen later recalled, "It was 95, 100 degrees every day during filming. They wouldn't wash my costume because they were worried that the laundry might lose it, or that it would change color. They didn't have enough money for a second costume. So I wore that [mask] 12 to 16 hours a day, seven days a week, for a month."[32]

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was mainly shot using an Eclair NPR 16mm camera[14][33] with fine-grain, low-speed film that required four times more light than modern digital cameras.[34] Most of the filming took place in the farmhouse, which was filled with furniture constructed from animal bones and a latex material used as upholstery to give the appearance of human skin.[35] The house was not cooled, and there was little ventilation. The crew covered its walls with drops of animal blood obtained from a local slaughterhouse.[8] Art director Robert A. Burns drove around the countryside and collected the remains of cattle and other animals in various stages of decomposition, with which he littered the floors of the house.[35]

The special effects were simple and limited by the budget.[36] The on-screen blood was real in some cases,[37] such as the scene in which Leatherface feeds "Grandpa". The crew had difficulty getting the stage blood to come out of its tube, so instead Burns's index finger was cut with a razor.[38] Burns's costume was so drenched with stage blood that it was "virtually solid" by the last day of shooting.[23] The scene in which Leatherface kills Kirk with a chainsaw worried actor William Vail (Kirk). After telling Vail to stay still lest he really be killed, Hansen brought the running chainsaw to within 3 inches (8 cm) of Vail's face.[33] A real hammer was used for the climactic scene at the end, with some takes also featuring a mock-up. However, the actor playing Grandpa was aiming for the floor rather than his victim's head.[39] Still, the shoot was somewhat dangerous, with Hooper noting at the wrap party that all cast members had obtained some level of injury. He stated that "everyone hated me by the end of the production" and that "it just took years for them to kind of cool off."[39][40]

Post-production

The production exceeded its original $60,000 (about $305,000 adjusted for inflation) budget during editing.[41] Sources differ on the film's final cost, offering figures between $93,000 (about $472,000 inflation-adjusted) and $300,000 (about $1,500,000 inflation-adjusted).[26][42][43][44] A film production group, Pie in the Sky, provided $23,532 (about $120,000 inflation-adjusted) in exchange for 19% of Vortex.[45] This left Henkel, Hooper and the rest of the cast and crew with a 40.5% stake.[19] Warren Skaaren, then head of the Texas Film Commission, helped secure the distribution deal with Bryanston Pictures.[20] David Foster, producer of the 1982 horror film The Thing, arranged for a private screening for some of Bryanston Pictures' West Coast executives, and received 1.5% of Vortex's profits and a deferred fee of $500 (about $2,500 inflation-adjusted).[19]

On August 28, 1974, Louis Peraino of Bryanston agreed to distribute the film worldwide, from which Bozman and Skaaren would receive $225,000 (about $1,100,000 inflation-adjusted) and 35% of the profits. Years later Bozman stated, "We made a deal with the devil, [sigh], and I guess that, in a way, we got what we deserved."[19] They signed the contract with Bryanston and, after the investors recouped their money (with interest),—and after Skaaren, the lawyers, and the accountants were paid—only $8,100 (about $41,200 inflation-adjusted) was left to be divided among the 20 cast and crew members.[19] Eventually the producers sued Bryanston for failing to pay them their full percentage of the box office profits. A court judgment instructed Bryanston to pay the filmmakers $500,000 (about $2,500,000 inflation-adjusted), but by then the company had declared bankruptcy. In 1983 New Line Cinema acquired the distribution rights from Bryanston and gave the producers a larger share of the profits.[46]

Release

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre premiered in Austin, Texas, on October 1, 1974, almost a year after filming concluded. It screened nationally in the United States as a Saturday afternoon matinée and its false marketing as a "true story" helped it attract a broad audience.[47][48] For eight years after 1976, it was annually reissued to first-run theaters, promoted by full-page ads.[49] The film eventually grossed more than $30 million in the United States and Canada[50] ($14.4 million in rentals), making it the 12th highest-grossing film initially released in 1974, despite its minuscule budget.[51] Among independent films, it was overtaken in 1978 by John Carpenter's Halloween, which grossed $47 million.[52]

The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. [...]

— The opening crawl falsely suggests that the film is based on true events, a conceit that contributed to its success.

Hooper reportedly hoped that the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) would give the complete, uncut release print a "PG" rating due to its minimal amount of visible gore.[53][54][55] Instead, it was originally rated "X". After several minutes were cut, it was resubmitted to the MPAA and received an "R" rating. A distributor apparently restored the offending material, and at least one theater presented the full version under an "R".[56] In San Francisco, cinema-goers walked out of theaters in disgust[57] and in February 1976, two theaters in Ottawa, Canada, were advised by local police to withdraw the film lest they face morality charges.[58]

After its initial British release, including a one-year theatrical run in London,[59] The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was initially banned on the advice of British Board of Film Censors (BBFC) Secretary Stephen Murphy, and subsequently by his successor, James Ferman.[60][61] While the British ban was in force the word "chainsaw" itself was barred from movie titles, forcing imitators to rename their films.[62] In 1998, despite the BBFC ban, Camden London Borough Council granted the film a license.[63] The following year the BBFC passed The Texas Chain Saw Massacre for release with an 18 certificate (indicating that it should not be seen or purchased by a person under 18),[64] and it was broadcast a year later on Channel 4.[65][66]

The Australian censors refused to classify the 83-minute version of the film in June 1975;[67] the board similarly refused classification of a 77-minute print in December that year.[68] In 1981, an 83-minute version submitted by Greater Union Organization Film Distributors was again refused registration.[69] It was later submitted by Filmways Australia and approved for an "R" rating in 1984.[70][71] It was banned for periods in many other countries, including Brazil, Chile, Finland, France, Iceland, Ireland, Norway, Singapore, Sweden and West Germany.[72][73][74] In Sweden, it would also symbolize a video nasty, a discussed topic at the time.[75]

Reception

Critical response

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre received a mixed reaction upon its initial release. Linda Gross of the Los Angeles Times called it "despicable" and described Henkel and Hooper as more concerned with creating a realistic atmosphere than with its "plastic script".[76] Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times said it was "as violent and gruesome and blood-soaked as the title promises", yet praised its acting and technical execution.[77][78] Donald B. Berrigan of The Cincinnati Enquirer praised the lead performance of Burns: "Marilyn Burns, as Sally, deserves a special Academy Award for one of the most sustained and believable acting achievements in movie history."[79] Patrick Taggart of the Austin American-Statesman hailed it as the most important horror film since George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead (1968).[80] Variety found the picture to be well-made, despite what it called the "heavy doses of gore".[81] John McCarty of Cinefantastique stated that the house featured in the film made the Bates motel "look positively pleasant by comparison".[82] Revisiting the film in his 1976 article "Fashions in Pornography" for Harper's Magazine, Stephen Koch found its sadistic violence to be extreme and unimaginative.[83]

Horror and exploitation films almost always turn a profit if they're brought in at the right price. So they provide a good starting place for ambitious would-be filmmakers who can't get more conventional projects off the ground.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

belongs in a select company (with

Night of the Living Dead

and

Last House on the Left

) of films that are really a lot better than the genre requires. Not, however, that you'd necessarily enjoy seeing it.

— Roger Ebert, writing for the Chicago Sun-Times[77]

Critics later frequently praised both the film's aesthetic quality and its power. Observing that it managed to be "horrifying without being a bloodbath (you'll see more gore in a Steven Seagal film)", Bruce Westbrook of the Houston Chronicle called it "a backwoods masterpiece of fear and loathing".[84] TV Guide thought it was "intelligent" in its "bloodless depiction of violence",[85] while Anton Bitel felt the fact that it was banned in the United Kingdom was a tribute to its artistry. He pointed out how the quiet sense of foreboding at the beginning of the film grows, until the viewer experiences "a punishing assault on the senses".[86] In Hick Flicks: The Rise and Fall of Redneck Cinema, Scott Von Doviak commended its effective use of daylight shots, unusual among horror films, such as the sight of a corpse draped over a tombstone in the opening sequence.[87] Mike Emery of The Austin Chronicle praised the film's "subtle touches"—such as radio broadcasts heard in the background describing grisly murders around Texas—and said that what made it so dreadful was that it never strayed too far from potential reality.[88]

It has often been described as one of the scariest films of all time.[89] Rex Reed called it the most terrifying film he had ever seen.[90] Empire described it as "the most purely horrifying horror movie ever made" and called it "never less than totally committed to scaring you witless".[91] Reminiscing about his first viewing of the film, horror director Wes Craven recalled wondering "what kind of Mansonite crazoid" could have created such a thing.[92] It is a work of "cataclysmic terror", in the words of horror novelist Stephen King, who declared, "I would happily testify to its redeeming social merit in any court in the country."[93] Critic Robin Wood found it one of the few horror films to possess "the authentic quality of nightmare".[94] Based on 58 reviews published since 2000, the review aggregate website Rotten Tomatoes reports that 88% of critics gave it a positive review, with an average score of 7.9/10. The site's critical consensus states, "Thanks to a smart script and documentary-style camerawork, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre achieves start-to-finish suspense, making it a classic in low-budget exploitation cinema."[95]

Cultural impact

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre is considered one of the greatest—and most controversial—of horror films,[96][97] and a major influence on the genre.[44][98] In 1999 Richard Zoglin of Time commented that it had "set a new standard for slasher films".[99] The Times listed it as one of the 50 most controversial films of all time.[100] Tony Magistrale believes the film paved the way for horror to be used as a vehicle for social commentary.[101] Describing it as "cheap, grubby and out of control", Mark Olsen of the Los Angeles Times declared that it "both defines and entirely supersedes the very notion of the exploitation picture".[102] In his book Dark Romance: Sexuality in the Horror Film, David Hogan called it "the most affecting gore thriller of all and, in a broader view, among the most effective horror films ever made ... the driving force of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is something far more horrible than aberrant sexuality: total insanity."[103][104] According to Bill Nichols, it "achieves the force of authentic art, profoundly disturbing, intensely personal, yet at the same time far more than personal".[105] Leonard Wolf praised the film as "an exquisite work of art" and compared it to a Greek tragedy, noting the lack of onscreen violence.[106]

Leatherface has gained a reputation as a significant character in the horror genre,[107][108] responsible for establishing the use of conventional tools as murder weapons and the image of a large, silent killer devoid of personality.[109][110] Christopher Null of Filmcritic.com said, "In our collective consciousness, Leatherface and his chainsaw have become as iconic as Freddy and his razors or Jason and his hockey mask."[111] Don Sumner called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre a classic that not only introduced a new villain to the horror pantheon but also influenced an entire generation of filmmakers.[112] According to Rebecca Ascher-Walsh of Entertainment Weekly, it laid the foundations for the Halloween, Evil Dead, and Blair Witch horror franchises.[113] Wes Craven crafted his 1977 film The Hills Have Eyes as an homage to Massacre,[114] while Ridley Scott cited Hooper's film as an inspiration for his 1979 film Alien.[115][116] French director Alexandre Aja credited it as an early influence on his career.[117] Horror filmmaker and heavy metal musician Rob Zombie sees it as a major influence on his work, including his films House of 1000 Corpses (2003) and The Devil's Rejects (2005).[118][119]

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was selected for the 1975 Cannes Film Festival Directors' Fortnight[59] and London Film Festival.[51] In 1976, it won the Special Jury Prize at the Avoriaz Fantastic Film Festival in France.[120] Entertainment Weekly ranked the film sixth on its 2003 list of "The Top 50 Cult Films".[121] In a 2005 Total Film poll, it was selected as the greatest horror film of all time.[96][122] It was named among Time's top 25 horror films in 2007.[123] In 2008 the film ranked number 199 on Empire magazine's list of "The 500 Greatest Movies of All Time".[124] Empire also ranked it 46th in its list of the 50 greatest independent films.[125] In a 2010 Total Film poll, it was again selected as the greatest horror film; the judging panel included veteran horror directors such as John Carpenter, Wes Craven, and George A. Romero.[126] In 2010, as well, The Guardian ranked it number 14 on its list of the top 25 horror films.[127] It was also voted the greatest horror film of all time in Slant Magazine's 2013 list of the greatest horror films of all time.[128] It was also voted the scariest movie of all time in a 2017 list by Complex[129] and voted the best horror movie of all time in a 2017 list by Thrillist.[130] It was also voted the scariest movie of all time in a 2018 list by Consequence of Sound[131] and voted the best horror movie of all time in a 2018 list by Esquire.[132]

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was inducted into the Horror Hall of Fame in 1990, with director Hooper accepting the award,[133] and it is part of the permanent collection of New York City's Museum of Modern Art.[44] In 2012, the film was named by critics in the British Film Institute's Sight & Sound magazine as one of the 250 greatest films.[134] The Academy Film Archive houses the Texas Chain Saw Massacre collection, which contains over 50 items in a collection representing many original elements of the film.[135]

Themes and analysis

Contemporary American lifeHooper's apocalyptic landscape is ... a desert wasteland of dissolution where once vibrant myth is desiccated. The ideas and iconography of

Cooper

Bret Harte

and

Francis Parkman

are now transmogrified into yards of dying cattle, abandoned gasoline stations, defiled graveyards, crumbling mansions, and a ramshackle farmhouse of psychotic killers.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[is] ... recognizable as a statement about the dead end of American experience.

— Christopher Sharrett[136]

Critic Christopher Sharrett argues that since Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho (1960) and The Birds (1963), the American horror film has been defined by the questions it poses "about the fundamental validity of the American civilizing process",[137] concerns amplified during the 1970s by the "delegitimation of authority in the wake of Vietnam and Watergate".[138] "If Psycho began an exploration of a new sense of absurdity in contemporary life, of the collapse of causality and the diseased underbelly of American Gothic", he writes, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre "carries this exploration to a logical conclusion, addressing many of the issues of Hitchcock's film while refusing comforting closure".[139]

Robin Wood characterizes Leatherface and his family as victims of industrial capitalism, their jobs as slaughterhouse workers having been rendered obsolete by technological advances.[140] He states that the picture "brings to focus a spirit of negativity ... that seems to lie not far below the surface of the modern collective consciousness".[141] Naomi Merritt explores the film's representation of "cannibalistic capitalism" in relation to Georges Bataille's theory of taboo and transgression.[142] She elaborates on Wood's analysis, stating that the Sawyer family's values "reflect, or correspond to, established and interdependent American institutions ... but their embodiment of these social units is perverted and transgressive."[143]

In Kim Newman's view, Hooper's presentation of the Sawyer family during the dinner scene parodies a typical American sitcom family: the gas station owner is the bread-winning father figure; the killer Leatherface is depicted as a bourgeois housewife; the hitchhiker acts as the rebellious teenager.[144] Isabel Cristina Pinedo, author of Recreational Terror: Women and the Pleasures of Horror Film Viewing, states, "The horror genre must keep terror and comedy in tension if it is to successfully tread the thin line that separates it from terrorism and parody ... this delicate balance is struck in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in which the decaying corpse of Grandpa not only incorporates horrific and humorous effects, but actually uses one to exacerbate the other."[145]

Violence against women

The underlying themes of the film have been the subject of extensive critical discussion; critics and scholars have interpreted it as a paradigmatic exploitation film in which female protagonists are subjected to brutal, sadistic violence.[146][147] Stephen Prince comments that the horror is "born of the torment of the young woman subjected to imprisonment and abuse amid decaying arms... and mobiles made of human bones and teeth."[148] As with many horror films, it focuses on the "final girl" trope—the heroine and inevitable lone survivor who somehow escapes the horror that befalls the other characters:[149][150] Sally Hardesty is wounded and tortured, yet manages to survive with the help of a male truck driver.[151] Critics argue that even in exploitation films in which the ratio of male and female deaths is roughly equal, the images that linger will be of the violence committed against the female characters.[149][152][153] The specific case of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre provides support for this argument: three men are killed in quick fashion, but one woman is brutally slaughtered—hung on a meathook—and the surviving woman endures physical and mental torture.[154] In 1977, critic Mary Mackey described the meathook scene as probably the most brutal onscreen female death in any commercially distributed film.[155] She placed it in a lineage of violent films that depict women as weak and incapable of protecting themselves.[155]

In one study, a group of men were shown five films depicting differing levels of violence against women.[156] On first viewing The Texas Chain Saw Massacre they experienced symptoms of depression and anxiety; however, upon subsequent viewing they found the violence against women less offensive and more enjoyable.[154] Another study, investigating gender-specific perceptions of slasher films, involved 30 male and 30 female university students.[157] One male participant described the screaming, especially Sally's, as the "most freaky thing" in the film.[157]

According to Jesse Stommel of Bright Lights Film Journal, the lack of explicit violence in the film forces viewers to question their own fascination with violence that they play a central role in imagining.[158] Nonetheless—citing its feverish camera moves, repeated bursts of light, and auditory pandemonium—Stommel asserts that it involves the audience primarily on a sensory rather than an intellectual level.[158]

Vegetarianism

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre has been described as "the ultimate pro-vegetarian film" due to its animal rights themes. In a video essay, film critic Rob Ager describes the irony in humans being slaughtered for meat, putting humans in the position of being slaughtered like farm animals. Director Tobe Hooper has confirmed that "it's a film about meat"[159] and even gave up meat while making the film, saying, "In a way I thought the heart of the film was about meat; it’s about the chain of life and killing sentient beings."[160][161] Writer-director Guillermo Del Toro became a vegetarian for a time after seeing the film.[162]

Post-release

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

screening at the

Hollywood Theatre

Portland, Oregon

, in July 2014.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre has appeared on various home video formats. In the US, it was first released on videotape and CED in the early 1980s by Wizard Video and Vestron Video.[163][164] The British Board of Film Classification had long since refused a certification for the uncut theatrical version and in 1984 they also refused to certify it for home video, amid a moral panic surrounding "video nasties".[165] After the retirement of BBFC Director James Ferman in 1999, the board passed the film uncut for theatrical and video distribution with an 18 certificate, almost 25 years after the original release.[166] The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was initially released on DVD in October 1998 in the United States,[167] May 2000 in the United Kingdom[168] and 2001 in Australia.

In 2005 the film received a 2K scan and full restoration from the original 16mm A/B rolls,[169] which was subsequently released on DVD and Blu-ray. In 2014 a more extensive 4K restoration, supervised by Hooper, using the original 16mm A/B reversal rolls, was carried out.[170] After a screening in the Directors' Fortnight section of the 2014 Cannes Film Festival,[171] this was also released on DVD and Blu-ray worldwide. Dark Sky Films' US 40th Anniversary Edition was nominated for Best DVD/BD Special Edition Release at the 2015 Saturn Awards.[172]

In 1982, shortly after The Texas Chain Saw Massacre established itself as a success on US home video, Wizard Video released a mass-market video game adaptation for the Atari 2600.[173] In the game, the player assumes the role of Leatherface and attempts to murder trespassers while avoiding obstacles such as fences and cow skulls.[173] As one of the first horror-themed video games, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre caused controversy when it was first released due to its violent nature; it sold poorly as a result, because many game stores refused to stock it.[174][175]

The film has been followed by seven other films to date, including sequels, prequels and remakes. The first sequel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), was considerably more graphic and violent than the original and was banned in Australia for 20 years before it was released on DVD in a revised special edition in October 2006.[176] Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) was the second sequel to appear, though Hooper did not return to direct due to scheduling conflicts with another film, Spontaneous Combustion.[177] Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, starring Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, was released in 1995. While briefly acknowledging the events of the preceding two sequels, its plot makes it a virtual remake of the 1974 original.[178] A straight remake, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, was released by Platinum Dunes and New Line Cinema in 2003.[179] It was followed by a prequel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, in 2006. A seventh film, Texas Chainsaw 3D, was released on January 4, 2013.[179] It is a direct sequel to the original 1974 film, with no relation to the previous sequels, or the 2003 remake.[180][181] Another prequel, Leatherface, was released exclusively to DirecTV on September 21, 2017, before receiving a wider release on video on demand and in limited theaters, simultaneously, in North America on October 20, 2017.[1

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smoothshift · 5 years

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I bought a base, entry level Mercedes C300, and here's what I think of it via /r/cars

I bought a base, entry level Mercedes C300, and here's what I think of it

Pros;

-quiet, comfortable, surprisingly fun handling, moderately quick, can easily do donuts

Cons;

-some creaky trim, factory runflats are loud and hard, not as well featured as comparably priced Toyota's or Kia's

After the first couple months of ownership, I feel I can give a real report of my experience with the car. I did swap out the factory runflats for Continental DWS 6 all season tires, and they are much quieter and ride better than the factory ones. The 9-speed automatic has paddle shifters, but you'll never need them, the car selects cogs better than you can in sport plus, and is smart enough to hold lower gears during spirited driving. The engine feels stronger than its 241hp rating, providing excellent throttle response and plenty of low end grunt to make any normal maneuvering feel effortless and a run through twisty mountain roads fun. At full bore, you feel the power drop off above 4500rpm, a drag racer this is not, although it does pull well until it runs face first into the 130mph limiter. The fuel economy has been a reasonable 26mpg combined for me, but isn't particularly good for the class.

The seats are very comfortable for longer drives, but a bit firmer than you would expect for a Mercedes. They do have good support and adequate bolstering. All of the controls are easy to reach and read, the infotainment system intuitive enough for anyone used to modern units, with clear graphics and quick response. Ergonomically, my only complaint is how many times I have hit the cruise control instead of the blinker stalk, they put them right next to each other and you can't see them behind the wheel from normal driving positions. The tech in the car is not dazzling, brands without the prestige offer more at this pricepoint, but what it has works well. Bluetooth is crisp and clear, Android Auto/Apple Carplay work seamlessly, heated seats heat, and the automatic emergency braking gives false positives as often as literally any other car with the system I have driven.

Steering is electrical, but well weighted and precise, it feels good, better than any other like it, and I even prefer it to the hydraulic unit in the 3-series. Taken through the Malibu canyons, the car surprises. It's actually a delightful car, gripping to the road very well and responding predictably to input. The pedal feel is good and linear, brakes strong, and the chassis feels solid. The car does exhibit a certain amount of body roll, but it feels playful. The car is light and nimble, an eager partner through the twists and abrupt elevation changes, even on the non-sport suspension it has. The only thing to unsettle the car seems to be high speed sweepers with undulating bumps, you can feel the car squat to the rear outside corner a bit, and could get the inexperienced driver in trouble.

Once you settle down, the car is happy to quietly and comfortably waft you and 3 passengers. There is a 5th seat, but it's tight enough to be better reserved for emergencies and short trips only. The rear seats have a 60/40 split and a ski passthrough, which helps offset the relatively shallow trunk. The seats fold down with pulls from the front or two very conveniently placed levers in the trunk, and lay flush with the trunk floor. The HVAC works well, with surprisingly well thought out aviation inspired vents directing the flow. One thing I noticed on hot days is there are some serious creaks coming from the dash speaker grill, screen, and center console as the a/c cools everything down. Mercedes should have used rubber pads on the backs of the offending trim to prevent the plastic on plastic noises from expansion and contraction as the temperature changes(or if you push on any of these things.) At least none of these noises are present over bumps! This is a minor complaint, the car is so quiet the rest of the time, these things stand out when they happen.

One thing I will say is I think it is a classically beautiful car, dripping with class and style. It looks like a baby S-class, with many of the same lines and cues. Every detail on this car looks and feels nice and substantial, from the aluminum window switches to the solid thoomp of the door closing. On cruising, the hum of the engine is barely perceptible, with nearly no wind noise at freeway speeds. The stereo provides decent sound quality, but you need to adjust it from factory defaults to get the most out of it. Even then, it still lacks that theater surround you get with the premium systems.

Anyway, that's my take. Overall, I think I made the right choice, having test drive a lot of the competition. I enjoy it, it does everything I want, and does it without protest. Rear wheel drive sedans are getting rarer, but there are still some good ones left.

Required pictures! One Two Three Four

#reddit #autonews #auto #cars

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robertkstone · 5 years

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2019 Honda Pilot Elite First Test: Still in the Game

With nearly 144,000 units sold through November, the Pilot is Honda’s second best-selling crossover behind the CR-V and even tops the Odyssey minivan by roughly 48,000 units. The multi-passenger sport ute continues to be popular three years after this generation was introduced, but with three-row competitors like the Volkswagen Atlas, Subaru Ascent, Hyundai Palisade, Kia Telluride, and soon a new Toyota Highlander arriving to challenge the Pilot for those sales, Honda gave the refreshed 2019 Pilot a number of meaningful updates to keep it competitive.

I had the opportunity to drive the updated Pilot in two distinctly different areas: in my hometown of Los Angeles and on the streets of Atlanta, Georgia. You see, back in October I flew with my family to Atlanta for my sister-in-law’s wedding. Like us, many of the guests were from out of town and needed rides to and from the venue. Honda was nice enough to loan me a refreshed 2019 Pilot for exactly that purpose, and later sent one to our office so we could test it.

Both testers were identically equipped 2019 Honda Pilot Elite AWD models, loaded with such standard features as a leather interior, heated front and second-row seats, premium 10-speaker audio system, updated touchscreen infotainment system with navigation and Apple CarPlay and Android Auto integration, Wi-Fi hotspot capability, a Blu-ray rear-seat entertainment system, wireless phone charger, and more. For 2019, the Honda Sensing suite of advanced safety features, including forward collision warning with automatic emergency braking, lane keep assist, and adaptive cruise control, has been made standard on all Pilots. The Elite trim additionally comes standard with a blind spot warning system, rear cross-traffic alert, and automatic high-beams.

The Pilot’s 3.5-liter V-6 continues to make 280 hp and 262 lb-ft of torque, but the big news is that the nine-speed automatic that comes on Touring and Elite models has been reprogrammed and upgraded in response to customer complaints—not to mention our own well-documented troubles with our long-term 2016 Honda Pilot. We’ll come back to how the revised transmission performs in a bit, but first let’s travel back in time to the warm and muggy days of early October in Atlanta.

When I first picked up the car, I honestly wasn’t sure that four adults, my then-four-month-old son, his car seat, a stroller, and all of our luggage would fit. The valet proved me wrong, however. We had to drop one of the 60/40 split-folding third-row seats, but once we did we had enough room to stack the bags and still clear the liftgate. Granted, my mother-in-law had to keep our carry-ons from toppling over the entire drive into the city, and I couldn’t see anything out the back window, but in a pinch the Pilot can fit a family of overpackers and their stuff.

The Pilot also worked well as a wedding shuttle. The second-row captain’s chairs slide forward with a single pull of the lever on the back, providing a reasonably wide path to the third row. Children and average-height adults (including a few senior citizens) were able to squeeze back there without complaint, though taller adults had a harder time entering and exiting the rearmost portion of the cabin. The captain’s chairs themselves were plenty comfortable for adults and roomy enough for a baby seat, though those sitting in front and behind sometimes had to sacrifice a bit of legroom for it to fit.

Since this was only my second time visiting Atlanta, I relied heavily on the infotainment system to tell me where to go. Google Maps had just become available for Apple CarPlay, so I mostly used that to get around. As long as I had a cell signal, the app worked like a charm. The integration wasn’t perfect, however. At one point, I was unable to exit the app to get to the main infotainment menu, even after repeatedly pressing the Home and Back buttons. Also, I found the turn-by-turn voice levels to be inconsistent: The directions would be normal volume for one turn, then inexplicably loud the next. In those moments, I was happy the system had a physical volume knob. It’s possible those issues were bugs in the app itself and may be fixed by the developers at some point.

If you prefer not to deal with third-party software, the onboard navigation is a reliable, if less slick-looking, alternative. The system never steered me wrong on Atlanta’s unfamiliar streets, though the voice recognition is hit or miss as I tried to speak my destination. It usually took more than two clearly enunciated tries before it finally got the address right.

The white 2019 Pilot shown here (and above) has a red graphics package and black grille trim.

Back in L.A., we put the refreshed crossover through our usual battery of tests. In every one of them, the 2019 Honda Pilot posted numbers nearly identical to our 2016 long-termer. Acceleration, handling, and braking performance is virtually unchanged, at least on paper. Road test editor Chris Walton had this to say in his acceleration testing notes:

“There’s an ‘almost-launch mode’ in a Pilot?! After generous pedal overlap, revs settle at 2,000 rpm. Lifting off the brake, they shoot up to 3,000, and it really goes! The otherwise smooth, normal shifts become much quicker and sharper. Then at about 5,400 rpm, there’s the ‘VTEC, yo!’ You can really hear the changeover. This whole experience was unexpected. Hat tip to the powertrain folks at Honda.”

Driving the Pilot on the street wasn’t quite that exciting but still enjoyable. For being such a large crossover, the Pilot is easy to maneuver and park. Visibility is mostly good save for thick B-pillars that create a blind spot over the left shoulder. And just as before, the Pilot remains a comfortable highway cruiser thanks to a smooth-riding suspension and buttery V-6. Honda also improved its stop/start system for 2019, and the restarts are quicker and less jarring than before.

Getting back to the nine-speed automatic, I thought the updated transmission performed well for the most part. Occasionally I would get a harsh shift when slowing to a stop, but beyond that driving in traffic and at slow speeds around town felt pretty normal. One staffer who spent more time in our old long-termer than me said the transmission felt about the same as before, however, and that it could still use some refinement.

The improvements may not please all, but I could probably live with the Pilot’s transmission. It’s far smoother than the nine-speed I’m used to in my long-term Chrysler Pacifica, though I think I’d still choose a minivan for its more usable third row and cargo area. I realize I’m in the minority, however, and that three-row crossovers still reign supreme in this market—one reason why automakers keep churning out new ones. Even amongst this latest batch of three-rows, the Honda Pilot should continue to be a solid choice.

2019 Honda Pilot Elite AWD BASE PRICE $49,015 PRICE AS TESTED $49,015 VEHICLE LAYOUT Front-engine, AWD, 7-pass, 4-door SUV ENGINE 3.5L/280-hp/262-lb-ft SOHC 24-valve V-6 TRANSMISSION 9-speed automatic CURB WEIGHT (F/R DIST) 4,337 lb (57/43%) WHEELBASE 111.0 in LENGTH x WIDTH x HEIGHT 196.5 x 78.6 x 70.6 in 0-60 MPH 6.3 sec QUARTER MILE 14.8 sec @ 93.7 mph BRAKING, 60-0 MPH 120 ft LATERAL ACCELERATION 0.80 g (avg) MT FIGURE EIGHT 27.6 sec @ 0.62 g (avg) REAL MPG, CITY/HWY/COMB 19.1/28.2/22.3 mpg EPA CITY/HWY/COMB FUEL ECON 19/26/22 mpg ENERGY CONS, CITY/HWY 177/130 kW-hrs/100 miles CO2 EMISSIONS, COMB 0.90 lb/mile

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jonathanbelloblog · 6 years

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Unabashedly Silly, Sensationally Fast: 2019 Lamborghini Urus Prototype Drive

NARDO, Italy — The visit to the famed Nardo test track is marked red in the diary inside our heads. We’re here for our first taste of Lamborghini’s new high-flyer, to find out if it has what it takes to rocket straight to the top of the high-performance SUV charts. So come join us for some hot laps in a prototype of the all-new 2019 Lamborghini Urus, which turns the laws of physics upside down while keeping all four wheels firmly on the ground.

Wrapped in annoying swirl-foil botox camouflage, the general proportions of the Urus nonetheless eventually form a whole at third sight, though its details blur beneath the false cheeks and fake eyebrows. By 8 a.m. sharp, the three Urus prototypes and drivers have gathered here at Nardo, which was bought by Porsche in 2012. Early morning will be spent on the handling course, followed by a wild off-road loop surfaced with gravel and sand. After lunch, the team departs for the skidpad, nudging cones and putting the launch control to the test.

A Lambo must look, feel, and sound like a Lambo, even if it is the belated successor to the brick-shaped LM002 pseudo-pickup that could be had with a gun rack and falcon cage. In order for it to fly underneath the wind tunnel radar, the Urus has been draped in more drag-cutting and downforce-increasing addenda than a NASCAR racer. But instead of opting for active aerodynamics, the R & D team under Lamborghini chief engineer Maurizio Reggiani saved weight by fitting a battery of spoilers, splitters, and diffusers in fixed positions—an attack stance that also reduces rear visibility to a narrow observation slit.

The starting procedure is business as usual for a Lamborghini. Lift the red cage door, hit the growler button, lock the transmission in manual, and wait for the vehicle in front to take off. The first lap is provocatively slow. Everyone warms up the tires, the engine, and their self-confidence. Then the flag drops and it’s push-push-push. But not too much, too soon. After all, impatience is instantly penalized by soaring front tire temperatures, which provoke early understeer and frustration. So it’s wait-wait-wait until way past the apex before you can give it stick again, and there’s a lot of that. Namely some 650 hp and 627 lb-ft of torque, enough punch to drift through the fast fourth-gear right-hander and barrel down the long straight, where the digital speedo briefly touches 155 mph just before the braking zone begins. Although it’s eager to rev, the 4.0-liter twin-turbo V-8 powering the Urus cuts out a nanosecond before the analog readout in the head-up display hits the rev limiter.

While its eight-speed automatic is correctly spaced, it shifts up more leisurely and smoothly than most sequential wham-bang boxes. To give the Urus a distinct Italian flair, Reggiani invented the so-called tamburo ergonomics. Tamburo means drum, and this accurately describes the shape of the two semi-circular drive mode selectors positioned on either side of the starter button. On the left, there is Anima (soul), which lets you choose from six settings labeled strada, sport, corsa, sabbia (sand), terra (gravel) and neve (snow). To the right, the drum named Ego invites you to personalize the driveline, steering response, and suspension setting. It’s a neat arrangement, offbeat yet logical, a welcome complement to the notoriously smudged touchscreen.

The dashboard is a busy blend of trademark hexagonal air vents, the usual overkill carbon-fiber and leather treatment, and loud instrument graphics that glow pachinko red in Corsa mode. The remaining switchgear is arranged in a pattern similar to the Audi Q7 and Porsche Cayenne, with which the Urus shares some componentry—and most importantly, its MLB evo architecture, developed by its Volkswagen Group overlords.

The most obvious difference between the Lamborghini and its German siblings is the extended wheelbase it shares with the Bentayga. But while Bentley’s goal was to create more cabin space, the Italians used the extra inches to further enhance directional stability at speed, be it on a long straight or through fast sweepers. Despite the sloping coupe-like roof made of carbon-fiber at extra cost, there are oodles of head- and legroom in the Urus, though its standard front seats lack support in just about every direction.

Time for the first rotation: Three hot laps, one cooldown lap, back to the pits, change of cars, go for it. The tires need deflating three times. Regular adjustments are also advised to hone the driving style, define braking points, find the quickest line through corners, and trigger spot-on up- and downshifts. Since the Urus weighs more than 4,400 pounds, you’re better off in a taller gear more often than not. Why? Because every gear change costs time, and because riding the crest of the Urus’ mighty torque wave maintains the flow. Late braking is okay, but brake much too late and the car in front will rip open a depressing gap. One ill-timed mid-corner upshift invariably dents the flight path; one missed apex is all it takes to make it run ludicrously wide. But despite its intentions and dimensions, there is no doubt about it: this Lamborghini is a high-roof sports car with four doors and four seats. A look at the official Nardo lap times proves the point: on the handling circuit the Urus is every bit as fast as the Huracán.

This remarkable achievement required plenty of extra work by Reggiani’s team, especially in the chassis department. The Urus’ all-wheel drive system utilizes a Torsen center differential, enabling a wide front-to-rear torque split range, and a mechanical rear diff lock for a subtle left-right distribution. In other words, there is no brake-induced torque vectoring and no conventional self-locking center diff. Part of the package is a 48-volt system which powers the fully adjustable sway bars along with the air conditioning. Another item included in the list price that reportedly starts somewhere south of $200,000 are huge, 17-inch carbon-ceramic brake discs. Completing the high-tech DNA is an adaptive air suspension and rear-wheel steering. At this point, Urus customers have no choice in terms of engine or equipment pack, but there is a plug-in hybrid V-6 in the works for China and possibly the rest of the world later. We also expect a lighter Performante version rated at 700-plus horsepower.

Discover the #Urus Corsa driving mode: true #Lamborghini racetrack performance, for the world’s first Super SUV. https://t.co/jDqkOCxPvf #SinceWeMadeItPossible http://pic.twitter.com/ZuGWzRg6jW

— Lamborghini (@Lamborghini) November 21, 2017

Complaints? I already mentioned the seats and leisurely eight-speed autobox, and I’m going to add to the list the mildly irritating front end pitch through very fast corners, the not exactly superfast tip-in, the generous measure of brake dive and acceleration squat, the somewhat messy ergonomics, and the puerile exhaust note in Corsa mode. And its brawny twin-turbo V-8 is in no way as special as Lamborghini’s charismatic, naturally-aspirated V-10. That said the Urus has many talents, with its key assets being totally involving handling and raw, sports car-like performance all the way to the limit. Despite its genetic detriments—considerable dimensions, high center of gravity, substantial weight—the Urus hugs the road like a salamander climbing up a sheet of glass, it juggles power and torque like an orangutan brachiating between trees, its responses are as sharp as a chameleon’s tongue, and it decelerates like a serpent recoiling from an attack. In the exercise of these talents, it downs fuel at the rate of a Hummer H2 or a stretched black Escalade.

Said Hummer should do well on Nardo’s off-road setup, but it wouldn’t do as well as the Urus, and that’s a promise. After all, there are no serious climbs and descents, deep ruts, grooves or potholes. The surface is a mix of sand and sealed gravel, more high-speed turf than rugged surf. Riding shotgun with me is a former racing driver named Silvio who now oversees suspension development. Since the left-right-left labyrinth is lined on both sides with tall shrubs that block the view through corners, novices need directions. We’re still on road tires, ESC is fully active, and I’m advised to use only the bottom three gears. It’s a narrow track and the grip level is deteriorating lap by lap as sand starts piling up alongside the polished loam-and-pebble racing line. Once more through the mulberry bushes in an effort to memorize the hairpin and a couple of double-apex left-handers, then the fearless Silvio gives me the final thumbs up. “Fasta! Fasta!”

Silvio’s a quick-thinking, rapid-talking co-pilot. “Sharp left, first gear, grip improves two-thirds through the corner.” (Too timid, too slow, too rough.) “Third-gear right, slow in, fast out. Lots of grip.” (Better, but still way off the pace.) “You should deactivate ESC. It helps, trust me. This car has got talent. It will be putty in your palms,” Silvio urges. I wish—but for a change, the wish comes true. There’s more wheelspin now, a more pronounced rear bias, a more blunt invitation to kick out the tail and keep it there. Bingo! I tasted blood. I want more. I want fasta.

“First, you must develop a rhythm. The rest falls into place almost by itself,” Silvio says, which means tap-dancing on the pedals, twirling the wheel, and clicking through the ratios—up and down, down and up. I’m a hero, but also a fool who forgot that pride comes before the fall. In my case, the fall is a dramatic 180-degree slide that hits the greenery side on and rips off a strip camo in the process. “No big deal. No big deal at all,” Silvio says. If it wasn’t for the ears, my grin would go full circle.

As for how fast the Urus goes in a straight line on the skidpad’s clean tarmac, less than 3.7 seconds to 62 mph is the official word, but 3.35 seconds is what the digital in-dash readout says on location. Yes, that’s with launch control on duty, live from the grippiest piece of tarmac in the Roman Empire, and in perfect weather. If the readout is to be believed, that’s a hair quicker than the Huracán and only half a second slower than the Aventador. Maximum speed? In excess of 188 mph is the answer, which would make it the fastest SUV on earth, a mark that speaks volumes for the aerodynamic efficiency of this thunderbolt designed by Filippo Perini, who has since moved on to Italdesign. Needless to say the ground-effect body is virtually immune to axle lift at any speed except through the cones, when it’s wheel up and nose down, when the steering could be a touch more direct, when ESC should be off for improved waltz-ability.

The Urus is the answer to the question that about 3,500 customers are expected to ask annually once production ramps up following its launch next year, which would roughly double the marque’s production output — a vehicle that opens the door for Lamborghini to the most profitable segment of a booming market. It’s clear after our day at Nardo that those who can afford to buy this 650-hp SUV will be getting a splendid vehicle with rare pace and agility, one that can do things no other SUV can.

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jesusvasser · 6 years

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Unabashedly Silly, Sensationally Fast: 2019 Lamborghini Urus Prototype Drive

Discover the #Urus Corsa driving mode: true #Lamborghini racetrack performance, for the world’s first Super SUV. https://t.co/jDqkOCxPvf #SinceWeMadeItPossible http://pic.twitter.com/ZuGWzRg6jW

— Lamborghini (@Lamborghini) November 21, 2017

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