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#like she absolutely would
thinkingwithportalz · 29 days
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going bananas
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artkaninchenbau · 3 months
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Crocodile finds a strange stray cat an 11-year old Nico Robin (AU where they met 13 years earlier. Robin's been on the run from the World Government for 3 years. Crocodile's 27 and has not set up base in Alabasta yet)
It seems like I have become possessed. By some sort of demon.
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Bonus:
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hailsatanacab · 6 months
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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc
"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.
"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.
"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"
"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.
"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."
"This is where I live."
"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"
"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"
"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."
"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."
"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."
"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"
"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"
"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"
"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"
"Please, call me Bruce."
"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."
Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.
"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."
#dpxdc#batpham#i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e#immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot#after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along#my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom#and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan#(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets#dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp#they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny#duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone#everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him#damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but#2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers#(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha#spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha#anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun#i wanna make these slides so bad
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potassiumprincess · 12 days
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i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes
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pirateprincessjess · 23 days
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One time I walked into a bar and the bartender looked at me and said “Hey! I am ready for more train facts!”
I had never seen this person in my life, but apparently another woman, who also happened to be a transwoman, and who looked a lot like me sat at the bar and told her a bunch of facts about trains.
I really want to meet the train fact lady
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thedreadvampy · 1 year
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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.
"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."
translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"
It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!
very this
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#red said#it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong#this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT#because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION#i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered#but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances#then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING#i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened#because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman#b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening#c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much#it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'
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I absolutely ADORE the way you draw game Vanessa she looks so mother 🙏
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I’m actually so glad people like how Vanny looks!
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The Thomas Thorne Affair
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haljathefangirlcat · 2 months
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Charlie + picking up and twirling her badass spear-wielding former Exorcist gf
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elitadream · 5 months
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I'll be honest: I've got no excuse for that one. This is just pure and unfiltered silliness. 😂
The idea that Peach finds Mario very handsome is one that I absolutely adore, and I love imagining that her friends would often catch her staring while he works around the castle. The man would never notice; too absorbed by the task at hand to remotely consider that his visible strain and skillful moves might be closely observed. But little does he know, those seemingly mundane displays of strength and deftness would have the Princess pining even harder for him! xD 💘
What can I say? It's been forever since the last time I drew her looking properly flustered in his presence. I just had to! 😏🤭
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homkamiro · 7 months
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can you draw fem scout and dad spy pls?? I think it's going to be fun 🤣
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That's a really nice thought!!! And a funny dynamic
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taxinealkaloids · 1 year
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horrible children who are. so so mean to each other
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raiii-bee · 8 months
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Wanted to mess with charcoals again, so here's a little Hal and Sunny based on a memory I have of my own dad.
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gunstellations · 3 months
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gentle mornings
#alternatively titled - when your papas have the audacity to cuddle without you#kazurei#buddy daddies#i like to think they didnt really do cuddles much except when rei has a rough night and kazukis warmth and safety is the only thing that#can let him get rid of the anxiety and nightmares#he wouldnt ask for it#it would be kazuki dragging him to bed at first#rei reluctantly but in his weakened will the times hes slept together with miri and kazuki has been the times hes somehow always#managed to go out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow#even he himself doesnt understand and he doesnt attempt to and he doesnt realise#that its safety and warmth and protection and peace#and thats the only reason he would let himself be dragged to bed#but#eventually when you have had the taste of something so good in the place of chilling nightmares and restless darkness that feels no less#safer than the light#your heart becomes indulgent#and rei will gently and wordlessly ask for an invite to the warmth again#its fulfilling and blissful when the three of them are together#but with just kazukis body enveloping him against the night its a different kind of comfort. even in his sleep he would clutch onto it#thats a tangent right there huh.....anyway. miri would be absolutely betrayed in the morning when she finds them snuggled up#she gets her cuddle time with her papas too then#one big pile of a warm and happy family#yes this is pre relationship yes they would do that yes it is possible#if you got this far thanks i guess jajdjfjs ill hopefully colour this soon but i dont know really so im putting it up here#my art
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shima-draws · 3 months
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Ghost Cora AU where he’s actually been following Law around ever since he died but nobody has been able to see him, so all he’s able to do is watch Law get hurt and suffer in silence. UNTIL, miraculously, the battle of Dressrosa ends, and for some strange reason—through some supernatural bullshit or maybe just fate—one person is finally able to see him.
Law is sitting on the deck of the Yonta Maria watching everyone party when Luffy comes trotting over to him. And Luffy plops down beside him and says, “I’ve been meaning to ask, Torao, but who’s that really tall blonde guy with the funny makeup that’s been following you around?”
And Law’s just like
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angeldahlias · 6 months
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i’ve seen multiple times people writing smut fics about mike and putting shit about them like almost getting caught by abby and like… don’t do that? thrill of getting caught i totally get, but like why would it be exciting for you to possibly be caught by a CHILD? an adult yeah understandable that’s fine. but a fucking child? a young girl that doesn’t understand what sex is or what’s happening, you find it hot that she might catch you? it’s just so gross, i know it’s fiction but like the second i see a mention of abby in a smut fic i’m so wary. do better guys, stop writing gross creepy scenarios where abby almost catches you and mike.
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