#love how happy he is with 118
(Hhhssssst what are Martin’s pride colors in that last comic you drew?)
(On his one hand they’re the rainbow and on the other they’re the trans flag 😊)
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Thinking about….how Buck describes the 118 after Chimney leaves. How there’s this big thing nobody is talking about even though they all miss him and it feels awkward and he feels like it’s his fault, that he failed somehow and that if he had done something sooner he could have changed things and kept his 118 family happy.
Thinking about how that’s exactly how the Buckleys made him feel growing up. How he didn’t realize it until recently but that there was a big Daniel sized hole that everyone was skirting around and refusing to acknowledge, and how he was a constant reminder of the failure to keep Daniel alive.
Thinking about how part of Buck must be thinking about it, even subconsciously, that there’s another brother who he’s “failed” and his solution to that is to turn around and accept Ravi into the family and then say that he’s going to let him replace him. How part of Buck always feels like he’s the replacement and his job is to make everyone else happy and keep them together. Thinking about how much Buck loves his family, all of them, and how much that shines through.
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Buddie 501 meta
Welcome season 5, what a great kick off we got with ep 501!
Now, the first personal scene we have ends with Chim telling Maddie, “it’s gonna get better,” and her agreeing, but it makes it clear things at present aren’t good. We know this, that’s where we left Madney off last season. But then this scene transitions into Eddie being teased by the 118 about this step forward he’s taking with Anna. He looks very uncomfortable, just like we last saw him with her in 413. So even the way that it works, this transition between the introductory personal scenes for the season, tells us where Eddie is right now isn’t good, but it will get better.
And the 118 teasing Eddie scene is such Buddie fodder! First, we have Buck looking jealous and not the least bit happy for his best friend, like he should be when said friend seems to have found a love good enough to commit to. Then Eddie is SO highly uncomfortable (it’s even reflected in his physical expressions and tone) and very insistent this step he’s taking with Anna doesn’t mean anything. On top of all that, this type of scene is very common. Someone’s getting serious with a partner and gets teased by friends who are genuinely happy about this turn of events. The person brushes the teasing off, but secretly is really pleased and happy, as is revealed by hardly contained smiles and later scenes. That’s not the case here, and comparing this scene with how it would usually play out if this relationship was one Eddie and Buck are both content with is what highlights their reactions and just how unhappy both men are with Eddie becoming more committed to Anna. Almost like they’re secretly in love with each other? At the very least this suggests they both know Anna and Eddie are not the right fit. To make that really obvious, the scene mentions Shannon’s funeral when it didn’t have to in order to explain why Chris is getting a new suit, but it serves as a subtle reminder for the void that Eddie is trying to fill for his son by staying with Anna.
Okay, this is small, but I love it so much: Buck and Eddie work together underwater, which means they have to communicate wordlessly in how they operate to get the trapped vic out. I wrote a very similar scene in my Buddie AU, Blue Against Blue, because I felt it reflected a part of who Buddie are, which is essential to why we love them so much: they complement each other naturally. They get and sense each other even underwater, when they have no words and their senses are overloaded. And they can still work together so well, that they manage to save a life. These battlefield boyfriends ride again and I missed that hardcore!
That unhappiness we saw in Buck when Eddie talks about Anna, I find it interesting that we witness that before we’re shown his intimate scene with Taylor. The scene appears to present them really happy and fulfilled spending their night together, but because of the scene order, we already know that in the background, there’s what looks like Buck’s jealous reaction to Eddie and Anna. So are things as good with Buck and Taylor as they seem? The scene starts with Taylor more focused on a possible news story (not even a sure one, Buck makes that clear) than on him and it ends with her cutting off the whole make-out session for the sake of the same maybe-story. She doesn’t have to, there’s no emergency even if there is a story. Nothing wrong with that, she’s passionate about her work, but in a scene that is supposed to be about passion in the bedroom, it shows what gets her going more. (On a side note, she also taps into his private phone without asking for permission first, which is something that probably bothers me more because the show has a tendency to have women overstep boundaries with Buck, like the therapist in ep 102 or Abby getting Buck’s phone number from the incident report, and then not acknowledge that. This phone thing is obviously not as big, but I just really wish the show would address this repeated pattern at some point). It’s a small crack that we see through this scene. Taylor obviously cares about Buck. But her job does come first, even over Buck, which suggests that despite appearances, just like with Eddie and Anna, these two are together, but it’s partly because there are matters they’re not addressing. What’s interesting is that this brings us back to a theme from earlier seasons, of Buck and Eddie’s dating life paralleling each other. Not only does the theme continue, in a sense, this episode’s similarities of their love life make it run even deeper.
I have to give a small shout out to the scene with Bathena, Henren and Mavid. I love that these three couples, straight, gay and lesbian, are all treated equally and as a part of one extended family. Beautiful! And I think that in an ep co-written by the show-runner, it’s also a part of why we have faith that 911 can be courageous enough to give us Buddie as well, eventually.
The dressing room scene at the store truly vibrates with awkwardness. Everything about it is off, even the way Eddie reacts to Anna suggestively flirting with him, at best he’s humoring her (down to his “sure” at her wanting to add in a tie) and not very pleased about it. As we know, they’re there with Chris (why is she talking dirty when Eddie’s son there? So weird, especially as she’s an educator), the whole dynamic of these three together, I can’t help comparing it to Buddifer since we’ve seen that trio together more than once. Buddifer are so good together, happy, domestic, Buddie are co-parents effortlessly, Chris is beaming and enjoying himself, it’s all such a screaming contrast to how uncomfortable Eddie looks throughout the scene with Anna at the store, and how even Chris is highly unhappy. Anna isn’t directly interacting with Chris either (seriously, Buck is more Eddie’s co-parent than his own gf) nor is she that comfortable in this situation, since the second the shop worker calls her mom, she looks uneasy and denies both being Chris’ mom and even that she’s Eddie’s gf, calling herself “a friend” instead. Seriously, how have Anna and Eddie lasted together as long as they have?
Then we get the panic attack. Let’s take a second to appreciate that in 413, Carla told Eddie to ‘follow his heart’. Eddie the dumb denial boy still chose to stay with Anna, then lo and behold, he thinks he’s having a heart attack... But what stands out to me about this scene? Well, most (not all, but most) panic attacks don’t result in people physically falling down. The fact that Eddie did makes it visually similar to his fall after he was shot. But is his panic attack just about being shot? What triggers it is Anna being referred to as Christopher’s mom, not anything remotely similar to the shot, and as Anna comes closer to Eddie to check up on him, we actually hear his heartbeat going further up, not starting to slow down. Anna is the main issue. And how hilarious is that, given how quickly Eddie let Buck into Christopher’s life, made him a co-parent and even made sure Buck had a legal standing in Chris’ life? But then, this is even further emphasized by the specific way the panic attack echoes Eddie’s fall during the shooting. Being shot can be a contributing factor, of course, but there’s also the fact that when Eddie was shot, Buck was there, a steadying presence, maintaining eye contact with Eddie, watching him the entire time until Buck could save him. Once again, this is a choice. Because Eddie realizing he shouldn’t be with Anna could have unfolded in so many different ways, but the show chose one where it’s really emphasized how things are with Anna compared to what they’re like between Buddie…
The scene at the doctor’s is even more awkward than the one in the store, which has to be some kind of a new world record. “Any new stressors?” the doc asks and the camera shows us Anna. In addition to Eddie being highly in denial (even ending the scene with “I don’t panic”), we also get him saying “it’s been great,” to the doc. But he doesn’t stop there, he then asks Anna for reassurance, “Right?” while sounding like the least convincing human on earth. Interestingly, she looks back at him, also awkwardly, and doesn’t reply. Coupled with her earlier denying being his gf, this makes me think she’s not as in the dark about things not being right between them as she might have seemed at the end of s4.
I just have to stan Chris being a tiny, precious king, calling his dad out. “You got shot!” You go baby, show your dad what you’ve learned from your Bucky (as demonstrated later in the ep) about not taking any of Eddie’s BS…
I was sure the air traffic control scene would reflect Eddie’s panic attack back to him and it did. What I did not anticipate was Eddie, when noticing the second controller going into a panic attack, touching Buck’s shoulder on his way over. We have a long list of unnecessary touches and almost touches between these two on the job, the likes of which I can’t remember between any two other members of the team. HOW am I expected to think that this is all purely platonic? Please, they need each other’s presence and comfort on a physical level. The stuff of fanfic legend.
Of course Buck would notice that something’s off with Eddie. He always does, they both do, they’re so in tune with each other, always have been!
And of course he next gets the truth out of Eddie (which is significant, remember that at the end of the doc scene, Eddie was still in denial, but at the sight of Buck worrying so much about him, he has to admit the truth, that he didn’t have a heart attack), which is such life partners material right there. But what I love even more is Buck’s surprise that there could be something going on with Eddie that he’s not informed of. Literally, his indignant face screams, “Love of my life, you’ve been keeping stuff from me, your husband?” And then of course he proceeds to call Eddie out on his BS, demonstrating where Chris got this ability from (check out the gorgeous gifset that the amazingly talented @judsonryder made for this “like father, like son” take).
More than that, after the store scene proved how much better Buck is at being Christopher’s other parent, at the hospital he’s also acting like more of Eddie’s romantic partner than Eddie’s own gf did, even though she was actually present when the panic attack happened and Buck wasn’t. I’m done, I can’t with all of this obviousness! I swear to God, if Buddie never get together romantically, they will still canonically be the most married couple ever on 911. And that’s despite the fact that they have some serious competition from every other established couple on the show!
~~~ Thank you so much to the incredible sweetheart that is @evaneddie for the meta gifs! If you like my perspective on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics here. Thank you for reading and for any like, comment and of course reblog! These posts are never a sure thing and it makes me so happy whenever I see people enjoy them. xoxox
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prompt: “I’m already home.” <3
It felt like the world had righted itself, when Eddie opened the door to find Buck standing there. Before, Eddie would have panicked at the feeling of utter peace that settled in his chest at the sight of his best friend – but if he’d managed to come to terms with anything, in the last few months, it was that he was completely, profoundly, absolutely in love with Evan Buckley, and so of course his presence brought peace to Eddie’s life. He figured, sometimes, that Buck was maybe one of the only things that brought real, genuine peace and calmness to Eddie – and even if he didn’t get to have the younger man in all the ways he wanted, Eddie could have him like this.
“I thought you were going home,” Eddie said softly, keeping his voice low as to not wake Christopher. Buck was holding a grocery bag, the brown paper crinkling as the other man shifted his position, slightly, from where he’d been leaning against the doorframe. Getting a text from Buck asking to be let into the Diaz household was unusual in of itself – Buck had a key, and he’d never been afraid to use it whenever he wanted – and what was more unusual was the fact that Buck was standing on Eddie’s doorstep, still, looking thoughtful and making no move to come inside.
“What – what does home mean to you, Eddie?” Buck asked, his expression curious.
“I – I mean, it’s this,” Eddie gestured vaguely around himself. He’d lived in a few places, in his life – his parents house, for one, a crappy apartment in downtown Dallas with Shannon, and then on-base military housing, but this, the house he rented in Los Angeles, it was the place that felt the most like home. It was the first place Eddie had ever really chosen for himself, and for Christopher, and he’d bought the furniture – an eclectic mix of IKEA furniture and things he’d found at second-hand markets, over the years – and he’d picked out the decorations and he’d hung the pictures, and it was home. It was the place where Christopher had done so much growing up, and it was the place where Eddie himself had done so much growing up. The house was always full of noise, and laughter, and people, Eddie’s door a revolving one – his family, his friends, the 118, always welcome.
Buck nodded, as though he’d been expecting that to be Eddie’s answer. “I’ve spent a really long time looking for home,” he admitted, still standing on Eddie’s doorstep. “My parents house never felt like a home – and I understand why, now, because I lived with a ghost I didn’t know existed for my entire childhood – and when I left, I so desperately wanted to find a real home, one that made me feel the way homes looked in movies – happy, and full of noise, and people.”
Eddie stayed quiet.
“I thought I’d found that with Abby,” Buck admitted, and Eddie knew his best friend well enough to know that he was thinking about the apartment he’d shared with Abby; the one that had been so un-Buck, the few times Eddie had been there, all tasteful furniture and creams and beiges, nothing like the bright, brilliant man who was standing in front of Eddie, there and then. Buck was all personality, and Abby’s apartment had never seemed to fit the person Buck really was. “But it turns out I was living with a ghost then too.”
Eddie really wasn’t sure what was happening – he was just very aware it was cold, October bleeding into November and a chill beginning to linger in the evening air, the sun long-since set, Buck illuminated by the yellow brightness of Eddie’s porch light. Even against the harsh yellow, Buck looked good – he always looked good.
“I thought I’d finally found a home, in the loft,” Buck continued. “It was a space that was mine – finally. I picked out the furniture, and I decided how to decorate it, and it was mine, and I figured that was what a home was, you know? A place of your own,” he paused, shifting the grocery bag to his opposite hip. “But then I realised I had to come back to an empty apartment every single day of my life – and that can’t be a home, can it? There was never anyone there to ask me how my day was, or if I wanted dinner, or to watch a movie, and I wanted that, Eddie – I want that,” Buck’s eyes were wide, and sincere, and Eddie couldn’t help but think of his breakup with Taylor; how Buck had explained he’d ended things because their lives were never going to be intertwined, in the way he wanted from a partner, how Taylor was rarely home and how she didn’t want a family, or a white picket fence. Buck had been so sure of finding a home with Taylor – Buck didn’t need to say that part out loud for Eddie to know that was what he was thinking, there and then.
“I was driving back to my apartment,” Buck continued, careful not to use the word home, Eddie realised. “And I thought about here,” he paused, for a second, his eyes bright. “How I follow you here, after a long shift, and we pick up Christopher from school together, and we make dinner, and we watch movies. How – how you let me talk complete nonsense at you, while you do the laundry, and we make plans for your garden, together, and you let me convince you to buy new cushion covers, for your sofa, and you let me pick the colours.”
Eddie glanced over his shoulder, admiring the orange colour of the cushions scattered haphazardly across his sofa. That had been a good day, he remembered – he’d dragged Buck to IKEA, because Christopher needed more bookshelves, and they’d left with a shopping cart full of silly gadgets and new lunchboxes and the kind of things you went to IKEA for with your partner, kitting out your shared home with everything you needed, and –
Buck’s smile was soft, and Eddie figured it was obvious, to the younger man, that Eddie had figured out where this conversation was going, now. “I was stuck in traffic,” Buck continued. “And I was thinking about how you needed eggs, and milk, and how Christopher wouldn’t be happy, if he had to have toast for breakfast, tomorrow, and I was in the parking lot at the grocery store before I even realised what I was doing,” he finally explained the brown paper bag.
“I didn’t know we were out of eggs,” Eddie managed to say something, finally – because of course Buck had taken the time to look inside Eddie’s fridge, and see if he had everything they needed; because Eddie only remembered to do it at mealtimes, and ended up cobbering together a random assortment of foods to make sure Christopher was well-fed before school (the reheated pizza for breakfast had been a particular low moment, for Eddie), and he’d eat, while Eddie scribbled a list to go and get after school drop-off.
Buck shrugged, gesturing vaguely at the paper bag. “I sat in my car, after getting this – and I realised something, Eddie.”
This was the out, Eddie realised – if he didn’t ask, now, Buck might not tell him. Buck was giving Eddie a final opportunity to shut this conversation down, and as much as Eddie appreciated his thoughtfulness, he wanted to hear what Buck had to say – he was ready to hear what Buck had to say. He’d been ready for months, now, and he’d just been waiting, wishing that Buck would feel the same, that they’d be on the same page, at the same time, finally, after all these years of their friendship teetering on the edge of something more, but neither of them ever being brave enough to give them both that final push.
“What did you realise?” Eddie asked, keeping his voice quiet – as though talking too loudly would break the magic of the moment the two of them found themselves in, the sound of the continual LA traffic a distant buzz, as Eddie stared at his best friend.
“I realised,” Buck took a deep breath. “I’m already home.”
His words hit Eddie like a freight train – they were simple, sure, but the weight of what they carried was anything but. Buck – Buck considered Eddie’s house, chipped paint, cheap IKEA prints and all, home, and Eddie wasn’t sure was to do with that information.
“Yeah?” Eddie managed to breathe the word out.
Buck nodded. “I’ve been home for a long time,” he admitted. “I just – I needed time, to realise it, and tonight, it hit me – that this is home, Eddie. You’re home. I don’t need to look for it, because I already have it – and it’s better, than the homes you see in movies, because it’s you, and Christopher, and I could never dream up anything better than this, us.”
Eddie was pretty sure he was crying – his vision blurred, for a second, and he blinked quickly, not wanting to miss out on a second of what was happening, not wanting to miss out on a single second of the soft, loving expression on Buck’s face. “You’ve always had a home with us,” he reassured, because Buck has – long before Eddie had realised the depth and reality of his feelings for the other man, Buck had a home with them. Buck had been a friend, a confidant, a co-parent for Eddie, a partner, long before Eddie had been able to accept that what he felt for the other man was so beyond platonic, that they’d left friendship behind in another realm entirely.
“Yeah?” and the tiny hitch in Buck’s breath was the only give away that he wanted reassurance, from Eddie – that he needed to hear the words.
Eddie had never been very good with words. He’d recited the classic Catholic wedding vows to Shannon, and he’d meant them, but they hadn’t been his own words – no, he’d never been very good at the soppy speeches, the beautiful words.
But he could try – for Buck.
“I love you,” Eddie decided on simplicity, to start with. “I love you so much it just – it overwhelms me, sometimes,” he admitted. “Because I look at you, Buck, and all I can see is the rest of my life – you, and me, and Christopher, and whoever else and whatever else comes our way. I look at you, and I – I see the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The only person I want to share my life with. Of course you’ve always had a home with us, Buck.”
Buck’s own eyes looked glassy, now, the younger man giving Eddie a wet smile. “Do you want to know why I wanted to have this conversation, here, on your doorstep?” he asked, and Eddie shook his head – that was definitely the part he didn’t understand. “Because if I had come inside, and told you all of this, and you’d told me you didn’t feel the same way, and I had to walk out this door again, I don’t think I’d have survived it, Eddie.”
And God, if Eddie didn’t already love the very bones of Buck, he did now – how did anyone ever let him go, he couldn’t help but wonder? How was anyone ever loved this sincerely, this absolutely, by Evan Buckley, and walked away from it?
Reaching for Buck’s free hand, Eddie pulled on it – probably a little too roughly, Buck stumbling slightly as Eddie pulled him over the threshold, and into the apartment. The silence between them was agonising, for a second, the only sounds the vague buzz of the television in the background, the channel still set to the food network, Eddie vaguely browsing, before Buck had arrived, Buck’s breathing heavy, as he stood, two feet inside Eddie’s house, finally.
“If I had my way,” Eddie said. “I would never let you walk out that door again, Buck.”
Buck was impossibly quiet, for a second, easing his wrist out of Eddie’s grasp, setting the paper bag of groceries down on Eddie’s hall table. “I can be annoying, sometimes,” he offered, taking both of Eddie’s hands in his own. Eddie was conscious of how sweaty his hands probably were, for a second, before he squeezed Buck’s back gently.
“I know,” Eddie grinned. “But I can be grumpy.”
“I know,” Buck echoed. “I still love you, though.”
“Yeah,” Buck reassured. “I – I look at you, and I see the rest of my life, too, Eddie,” he said, and before Eddie could say anything else, Buck was kissing him, his mouth soft against Eddie’s own, but insistent, all the same, eager in a way that made Eddie realise that Buck had wanted this, had wanted them, for as long as Eddie himself had.
Buck didn’t go far, when they broke apart, his lips shiny and red and so deliciously kissable that Eddie had to press another, to Buck’s lips, before he spoke. “Welcome home, Evan.”
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Something else to think about.
The season 2 Christmas episode was called “Merry Ex-mas” and it dealt with the reappearance of Shannon in Eddie’s life. We had Eddie discussing his options on what he should do about her reappearance to Buck. We also had the Christmas elf assume Buck and Eddie were a family along with their son Christopher. The title was directly related to Buck and Eddie.
The season 3 Christmas episode was called “Christmas Spirit” and it followed the entire 118 being upset that they couldn’t spend Christmas with their loved ones. The one in particular was Eddie who mentioned how Christopher was upset that he has to work. We also got Christopher asking Buck if he could spend Christmas with him, almost like a child asking his second parent when the other is unable to. And what do we get? Buck helping orchestrate a Christmas party with everyone’s families just so Christopher and Eddie could spend it together and be happy. We also see them as a family unit once more with them being together while Buck gifts Chris a gift and we have Chris seated right between Buck and Eddie. Once more the title related to Buck and Eddie in some significant way.
So this seasons Christmas episode being called “Wrapped in Red” can totally mean that it’s going to once again be related to Buck and Eddie in a significant way. Just some things to think about friends ☺️
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my best friend’s brother (is the one for me). | evan buckley
paring: fem!reader x evan buckley
summary: reader has been seeing Buck in secret for a while, and Maddie and the 118 have no idea
warnings: fluffy content ahead. proceed with caution, brother / sister banter
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author’s note: i was listening to the victorious soundtrack and thought of this. it’s probably definitely been written before but i felt inspired
“It’s been months, Buck,” you tell him. “Don’t you think it’s time to tell your sister at least?”
Buck looks at you and says, “I don’t think she would be very happy to know that I’ve been seeing her best friend behind her back for the past few months.”
You groan in frustration, saying, “The longer we hide it, the more upset Maddie will be. Or, maybe she’ll even be happy for us. We won’t know though unless we tell her.”
Your boyfriend of eight months blinks at you. He’s quiet. Too quiet. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Buck be this quiet for this long. It’s like he’s contemplating something. Maybe he’s contemplating your proposition. You stand in front of him in your apartment.
After a few years of silence, Buck sighs in defeat. “You won’t let this go until we tell her, will you?” he asks.
“Nope,” you say, popping the ‘P’. “It’s either we tell or I tell her. Either way, she’s finding out. Whether it’s from just me or both of us, she’ll know by the end of the week.”
Buck smiles at you and says, “Okay, but if she’s upset then you can’t blame me because you’re the only that wanted to tell her in the first place.”
You smile back at Buck, saying, “Thank you.”
“Mhm,” he says, taking a few steps toward you. “In the meantime, can we please watch something other than the news? Maybe a movie?”
With a hint of excitement in your voice, you ask, “Can we please watch The Karate Kid on Netflix?”
Buck presses a kiss to your forehead and says, “Whatever you’d like to watch.”
You get excited when Buck doesn’t automatically say no to your choice of movie. You make popcorn and put it in a bowl. The bowl sits on Buck’s stomach while you lay snuggled into his side with one of his arms around you. Both of you snack on the popcorn while watching the movie.
Three days later, it’s ‘Friendsgiving’. Friendsgiving for the 118 is celebrated the weekend before Thanksgiving. The station gets together with their closest friends and family and hold their own little ‘mini’ Thanksgiving.
That’s when you and Buck have decided to go public with your relationship. He asked you to come to the fire house for dinner, but Maddie also asked you to come. You said yes to both invitations.
Deciding to look casual, but with a little bit of flare, you wear a leopard pint tube top and pair that with a leather skirt. You wear a pair of black heels to compliment the dark outfit. You wear the leather jacket Buck owns but let you borrow. Your hair goes up in a ponytail on top of your head and you do a natural makeup look, just covering some blemishes and pimples that dot your face. There’s a knock at your apartment door and you go to answer it.
On the other side of the door stands Buck. He’s in a white v-neck t-shirt and black jeans with sneakers. You notice he’s wearing the silver chain you got him for his birthday a few months ago. “I feel underdressed,” Buck admits, looking you up and down.
“Hush,” you tell him. “You look very handsome. That shirt hugs you in all the right places.” You didn’t lie. It shows off his muscles, and you love his muscles. Perks of dating a firefighter.
Buck laughs and you see his cheeks get a little red. “Ready to go?” he asks. “My car is waiting downstairs for us.”
You nod, grabbing your cellphone, wallet, and keys. You lock the door before taking Buck’s hand and taking the elevator down to the first floor.
In the car, you can’t help but notice how tense Buck is. You say, “It’s not like you’re introducing me to your sister for the first time. Or the 118, for that matter. Relax, Buck.”
He makes a turn and says, “I’m telling all my closest friends at the same time that I’m in a relationship, and that I’ve been in a relationship for almost nine months. I don’t know if they’re going to be thrilled or upset that I didn’t tell them. Especially Eddie and Maddie.”
“They already love me,” you say as Buck pulls into a parking spot near the 118. “I’m sure they’ll be happy for you since they are your closest friends, Buck.”
Both of you get out of the car and head into the fire house. Eddie and Christopher are the first ones to greet you and Buck. “Buck!” Christopher says. “Y/N! You came.”
Buck crouches down and gives Christopher a hug. “We wouldn’t miss Friendsgiving with you, Christopher.”
Eddie looks at you with raised eyebrows. His eyes ask the question that you’ve been avoiding for months. Are you and Buck together? Why did you show up together?
“Bobby made cake,” Christopher says before Eddie can get a word out. “He let me try the batter. It was good.”
Your boyfriend stands back up and says, “Well, I’ll have to take your word on it until I can try some.” Christopher laughs and walks off. Eddie shoots another look at you and Buck before following his son.
You look up at Buck and say, “Whenever you’re ready, Buckaroo.”
“Haha,” Buck says, faking a laugh.
Bobby yells, “Dinner is ready!” Everyone that was staggered around the house walks up the stairs to the table.
Maddie sits next to Chimney, Buck sits next to Maddie, and you sit next to Buck. May Grant sits next to you, Harry beside her, Athena beside him, and Bobby at the head of the table. Eddie and Christopher sit across from Athena and Harry. Hen, Karen, and Denny sit across from you, May, and Buck. Albert, Chimney’s brother, sits at the other end of the table across from Bobby.
Dinner starts quietly. Forks and knives clanging against the plates as everyone digs in. Then Eddie clears his throat and says, “So, Buck, how’s that woman that you’ve been seeing? Sad she couldn’t come to Friendsgiving with us.”
Maddie jumps into the conversation, saying, “Wait, my little brother is seeing someone? And I didn’t know about it?”
Buck looks panicked for a second before saying, “I have been seeing someone, and she’s okay, Eddie. Just busy today.”
Your best friend says, “I want to know more about this mystery woman you’ve been seeing, Evan. Tell us about her. When did you meet her?”
“I met her about a year ago,” Buck says. “Beginning of December, actually. I ran into her at the movie theater while she was about to see some movie for her birthday with her friends. Accidentally spilled her popcorn, so I brought her a new bag. She offered me a seat with her and her friends and it’s basically been me and her ever since.”
It takes everything in you not to look at Buck, pretending it’s none of your business. You dig into the stuffing.
Maddie says, “That’s cute. What’s her name?”
“I don’t think that we’re ready to, you know, come out as a couple yet,” Buck says. “She’s kind of shy.” That’s when you look at Buck, blinking at him. “Or maybe not?”
Your best friend laughs and says, “Well, Y/N has been telling me all about this guy she’s been dating for a few months. He sounds like he’s perfect for her, but she won’t tell me anything other than the fact that he’s a first responder and that she’s completely fallen for him.”
You choke on the water that you were sipping when Maddie was talking. You never told Buck that you’ve fallen in love with him. Neither of you have said the scary ‘L’ word to each other after almost nine months together.
Buck looks down at you and asks, “You said that?”
Hesitantly, you say, “I said that.”
A small smile lights up Buck’s face as he says, “Well, since we’re on this topic, I’d like to say that I’ve fallen for the woman I’ve been seeing recently. She’s like the perfect woman and she’s everything to me. I’ve been a pain in her ass recently but she means the world to me.”
You blink at Buck. He’s really confessing how he feels about you to everyone.
Chimney hops into the conversation and asks, “Then why is Y/N wearing your lucky leather jacket if you’ve fallen for a woman none of us have met?”
Both you and Buck look at each other before Buck says, “Because she’s my perfect woman.”
A smile paints your face and all movement stops at the table as Buck makes that five word announcement.
“You know, Buck,” you say. “You pick the weirdest times to make confessions.”
He shrugs and says, “I figured now was a good time to tell you how I felt about you since you already told my sister that you fell for me.”
Maddie’s jaw drops. “Hold up,” she says. “Hold the damn door. My brother and my best friend are dating? When did this happen and why?”
“I don’t think you wanna know why, Maddie,” Buck says. “As for when, almost nine months ago.”
Eddie says, “I didn’t think you’d wait forever to tell everyone. I figured it out four months ago when I saw Y/N’s clothes on Buck’s bedroom floor.”
Almost everyone at the table laughs and you say, “Yeah, that wasn’t my best moment.”
Maddie says, “You’ve been dating my brother for almost a year and that wasn’t your best moment? I mean, when were you going to tell me you’ve been seeing, and sleeping with, my brother? You’re my best friend, Y/N. Why would you hide something like this from me?”
Reality slaps you across the face and you say, “We didn’t think you’d approve, Maddie.”
“Nine months,” she mumbles to herself. “I mean, the way you’ve talked about him to me means he’s been treating you right. Buck somehow hasn’t managed to screw up your relationship with him yet so I guess I approve. It doesn’t mean I’m happy that you lied to me and kept this from me.”
Buck looks at his sister. “We never lied to you, Maddie,” he says. “We’ve just been withholding information.”
Eddie says, “Well, Buck’s definitely changed since he and Y/N started dating. As Buck’s best friend, I approve too.”
Most of the people at the table laugh and move on to the next conversation. You look up at your boyfriend and say, “That wasn’t the worst thing ever, was it?”
“Well, it could’ve been,” he sighs. “But I guess you’re right. We’ll celebrate later.” Buck sends you a little wink so you get the hint. Your cheeks heat up and your boyfriend presses a lingering kiss to your cheek.
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One second Eddie was watching his son and Ana pick out a suit for Christopher’s upcoming graduation ceremony at school, the next he was falling backwards, his heart racing as he fell to the floor, grasping his chest.
His heart was beating out of his chest and Eddie could feel panic starting to claw at his chest. His breathing quickened and over his shallow breathes he heard both Chris and Ana yell out for him.
Hearing Christopher’s worried shout of “Dad!” made Eddie’s heart clench. His poor boy. Eddie was pretty sure that he was having a panic attack— why though, that he didn’t know. But he hated that Christopher was there, that he was witnessing it.
“Dad! Daddy, what’s wrong?” Christopher exclaimed, making it to Eddie’s side. Eddie felt his son’s small, gentle hand on his cheek and he tried to focus on it, use it to ground himself.
Eddie could hear Ana asking him if he was alright in the background but he couldn’t make himself answer her. His only thought right now was Christopher.
“C-Chris,” Eddie tried to choke out, his voice coming out strangled and hoarse.
“Daddy,” Christopher sobbed, looking frightened as Eddie fought to catch his breath.
“Someone call 911!” Ana called to the sales staff, who were watching in concern. Eddie caught a glimpse of someone dialling and he hoped that the 118 would be the one to answer the call.
Buck was supposed to come with them suit shopping, Christopher had been so excited to have his Buck come and help him pick out the right suit, it had been all he had talked about since Buck agreed to come. Buck and Eddie had both requested the day off but when their cover had called in sick, Buck had offered to go in so Eddie could still take Chris.
Christopher had tried to hide it but Eddie could tell he was disappointed. It broke his heart to see his little boy sad, but there was nothing he could do. So he had vowed to try and make it as fun as possible for Chris and Buck had promised to come over in the morning after his shift to make them pancakes.
Christopher wasn’t the only one disappointed— Eddie was too. He wasn’t going to lie, he had been looking forward to sharing this moment with Buck. He thought he would be happy with Ana there but he was a bit startled to find that he wasn’t. Eddie couldn’t help but feel like something— someone— was missing.
Eddie was brought back to the present— back to the tightening in his chest— as Ana touched his cheek, “Help is on the way, Eddie.”
If Eddie could breathe properly he would have let out a sigh of relief. He just concentrated on the feeling of Christopher’s hand in his, using that to ground himself as he waited for what was hopefully going to be his team.
Eddie wasn’t sure how much time passed but it couldn’t have been too long until he was hearing, “Eddie?!” shouted across the store, as the 118 approached.
This time Eddie really did let out a sigh of relief, as choked as it was. That was Buck. Buck was here. He was here. It was going to be okay.
“Bu—,” Eddie tried to get out, catching Buck’s concerned eyes. Eddie felt his heart skip a beat— something that felt even weirder given how fast his heart was still racing— and all he could think was oh.
In the middle of a public panic attack was probably not the best time to realize that he was in love with his best friend.
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Buck and Taylor "love" each other, okay, sure, then why haven't we seen her with the firefam? IDK I'm just thinking about that this morning and when you think about what the 118 means to Buck... He found his brother there, a sister, a father figure, an almost mother figure (Athena). He found Christopher (easily the love of his life) through the 118, through his family. And yet. None of them have seen Taylor and Buck together since the treasure hunt.
And when you think about the reasons why people keep their significant other from their family, it's because either A) they don't want to face disapproval from their loved ones, and/or B) They don't want people looking too closely at the unit. Because someone who looks to closely, someone who loves you enough to look closely is going to see that things aren't right there. That you're not right in that relationship. It was fine (ish) having Taylor around in 4x12 because they were just friends, and when you're 30, no one can really tell you who to be friends with. But it's different when you're dating someone, and your family gets to look and see what kind of situation you've gotten yourself in, good or bad.
The 118 didn't even know Taylor had moved in because Buck had to tell them. Which means no one's come by to see him, and I'm willing to bet he's not gone to see anyone else. So he keeps this protective bubble around his relationship, only to puncture it when he's certain the relationship is over. And why? Why then? I'll tell you why: because then, when it's over, it doesn't matter what anyone has to say. Then, you just have to sit there and listen to them talk about how they knew she wasn't right, knowing they were right, knowing they were ALWAYS right, which is why you kept that preservative bubble around your relationship anyway.
Except it didn't end, and now people know that things between Taylor and Buck are a little... complicated.
So now in 5x10, we have Taylor with the Firefam for the first time in six or seven months, and I don't want to be too hasty and assume, but I wouldn't be surprised if we got something of a parallel with Eddie, this time, observing Buck with his girlfriend and calling him on his shit. Only he wouldn't call him on "sticking things out" because Buck would talk about Taylor like he loves her because he wants to believe he does. Instead, Eddie would cut right to the root, right to the "Hasn't it occurred to you that you keep making the same mistakes, chasing people instead of allowing yourself to be chased?"
Eddie broke up with Ana the very next opportunity he got the chance (coming off of an intense, weeklong blackout shift and a hunt for a kidnapper/killer, which, when you look at it that way, speaks to a certain desperation to be over and done with that relationship) because he knew, at his core, that Buck was right. But I don't see Buck breaking up with Taylor instantly because he wants to be loved, yes, but he also wants to know that he always will be loved. In essence, he wants to know that she's not it for him, that she's not his one chance at love and happiness. He wants to know that he has options. Otherwise, he's going to be right back where he started: lonely, and desperate, and full of unspent affection.
So no, I don't think we're getting a BT breakup until 5B (at best, around 5x11, 5x12, but most likely the end of the season), or even an Eddie confession until probably the season finale, but if we got Eddie implying feelings that Buck doesn't know how to respond to in 5x10? Only to come back in 5B and have to watch them try to work together and interact (especially for Christopher's sake, who also has not seen Buck in months) with yet another monstrous thing sitting between? Oh man...
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Not only would I never to stop you from talking about "home" metaphors and Buck and Eddie, this is me straight up instigating. So, please, keep going!
okay okay okay it took a while but here we go xD (thank you for your enabling friend <3) also this is probably gonna get LONG so buckle in everyone <3
alright so we are starting with a disclaimer that some of this has probably - to some extent at least - been said before in bits and pieces in various posts (some by me and some by others and I'll try to find and link them but I probs won’t find most of them!) so yeah this is not just on me, but instead is a wild mix of ideas put into my head by other people's brilliance and my own rambling connections and theories in between xD
first off, I can’t take credit for the realization that how buck is not feeling at home and safe at his own place has been an ongoing thing that they keep building onto, that one is solely on @extasiswings and her response to this post here (and on this note I will not be talking about the frankly INSANE relation between the ending scenes in 5x03 and 5x06, because I have this whole linked post about it and this one here is already getting too long anyways, but yeah I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about those two episodes and the scenes relating to the theme of home there!)
the post that started all this (and has the above tags on it) is this one right here by @bestbuckleys and yeah that post is about 3x03 and we’ll get back to that in a second, but I think she said it very correctly in her tags on the reblog, that’s not quite where it started, it started with ‘you don’t find it son, you make it’, because at the heart of it, all of this is about found family/the family you choose and the fact that you don’t find a home, you build it, ya know?
but yes, 3x03, absolutely insane for how they line up ‘wait for me to come home’ with eddie and chris knocking on buck’s door, BUT that scene also has the voice over, which, guess what, has another mention of home ‘sometimes, being lost is not knowing how we get from where we are to where we wanna be, where we need to be. A few choice words can sometimes be the life raft that gets you home. To be seen, to be found, isn’t that what we’re all searching for?’ and they are INSANE for that voice over in general and the mention of HOME in relation to what eddie says to buck about christopher AND I mean at the end of the day this voice over is still where buck is at I think, even though it has been two years? and I cannot wait what the ‘choice words’ being the lift raft getting him home this time are gonna be, but I’m sure we all agree who is gonna say them <3
then we have the gift that is 3x11 (fascinatingly also the episode where buck lets albert move in and starts this journey of never really being on his own at the loft for long but also getting progressively less happy/at home there) where we get eddie saying ‘that’s what the 118 is, the family we chose’ to chimney AND then we have ‘home’ by phillip phillips playing and we get the line ‘I’m gonna make this place your home’ right as the scene switches to the kitchen and we get buck’s ‘this is eddie’s house, I’m not really a guest’ to maddie, like?????!!!!!!!!! that is so loud? gonna be thinking about that one for a while!
and okay we also have 4x08 and eddie being the one to come home to buck and buck feeling at home there and looking so cozy there and while taking care of chris and you know what? this makes me think about how we might have it wrong just a little bit, you know? we always talk about buck wanting to come home to someone, but I think it might be more him wanting to be the kind of person someone else looks fowards to coming home to? to be so loved that they look forward to seeing him at the end of the day and to have this space he belongs to and people he belongs to and who chose him to come home to because he is their safe space and oh no, I made myself sad about buck here xD
also on the note of 4x08 I have to agree with what chapel said in the tags of that first post I linked up there because yeah, it seems like the last time buck was really 100% comfortable in a space was eddie’s home in future tense, because he IS at home in 4x08 when eddie arrives, but then the topic of the date comes up and he kinda stumbles over his words and it introduces an air of discomfort for buck both in this home and in his relationship with eddie/chris and he leaves pretty quickly and doesn’t get to stay and I think that is also extremely fascinating (and then we have 4x14 where again buck is very at home in the diaz’ house but eddie’s absence is VERY felt and it hurts and ‘your dad’s not coming home tonight’ how is it supposed to be a home without eddie? ._. and of course the way he stays just a little on the outside looking in during that ending scene once again, foreshadowing to how he is feeling that veeeeery much again this season and that scene itself was foreshadowed in future tense when they had a cute family scene but ended the episode with buck on the outside only connected via the phone - PARALLELS my beloved <3)
and okay so out of all the tags up there, the two things that I literally only noticed today as I was writing them, are the ‘it’s not like we are going home anytime soon’ at the end of the ana-talk in episode 2 and I have been losing my mind over that one all day actually? it feels kind of as pointed as ‘you’re late’ - ‘there was a construction on sunset, had to take a detour!’ because like? buck keeps on not going home to the diaz’ house? and it is driving me up a wall??!!!
and then of course the whole mitchell threatening eddie’s home (both the literal place which is supposed to be a safe space and more methaphorically christopher as eddie’s home) and it hitting so so so hard for buck, it just makes me want to scream and cry! and then he keeps not getting to go home to see chris and I’M!!!!!!! THIS HURTS, but I can’t wait for the pay-off <3
okay also something I am also absolutely fascinated by is how buck’s living situation is SO SO SO caught up in his love life? and therefore probably never manages to feel more permanent than his love life does? (the ever revolving hook-ups paired up with a roommate situation that in my experience is also an always revolving situation, then abby’s flat but abby leaves and the flat feels about as empty as that relationship, then we have the loft which he gets with ali, who breaks up with him and he is left with the loft and I wonder if it ever really had a chance to feel like just his and like a full home after that? (I feel like there is a metaphor in there somewhere between the loft and ali and their relationship, but I can’t quite make it out xD something about the loft being as much for her as it is for him, but then it is also reminiscent of the firehouse loft, because that is really the only home he knows, but then everything related to that and him being a firefighter is why ali breaks up with him and I feel like there is a connections somewhere in there that I just can’t quite grasp, so if someone else can crack it, please let me know) and then of course we had a large amount of the bucktaylor scenes taking place at the loft in s4 and now s5 it’s been even more and none of those scenes have felt homey in any way shape or form!)
and there is something about how he is looking for a home in a person and that is why he was so desperately looking for a connection and relationship like that in the hopes of it giving him this elusive feeling of home and safety and being sure of something he has been chasing (because he never really got that growing up, even tho I’m sure maddie tried, but it was pretty much impossible against the backdrop of the buckley parents and buck never feeling like he was enough for them or fully belonged there, like they were each other’s home for so long but I think both of them deserve more home than that and have both been looking for that? and maddie did build it with chim and jee-yun and buck is still a part of that but it is not his home in the way it is maddie’s now, you know?) and the fact that he now also has a home (the loft) and a girlfriend (taylor) with whom he technically should fit and still doesn’t get that reassuring feeling of home? yeaaaaah I am in love with how they are doing that and are paralleling it with how AT HOME he has felt at the diaz’ home and with eddie and chris already all the way back in s3 and it has only grown since then, but he is now kind of isolated from that and it is absolutely throwing him back into a very bad head space!
alright so this was a lot more about buck and I think it is suuuper interesting that partially that is because home gets mentioned more often in relation to buck specifically (but then also often in relation to eddie/christopher and his relationship with them) and less often in relation to eddie (for eddie it is more often a mention of family I think)!
but we do have eddie coming from a home where he too never felt like he was good enough and how he he and shannon probably never quite got around to building a home with each other/being each other’s home, with him being gone so much and how after that his parents kept him from ever feeling at home in el paso, so he was looking for a home for himself (and moreso for christopher) just as much as buck was, but I do think eddie is more settled about it now, than buck is and that probably partially stems from christopher being such a big part of what eddie sees as his home, but probably also how sure he is of buck’s place in their lives? I mean he did make buck christopher’s legal guardian and like he said, he was 100% sure that buck would never say no, would never leave them behind and the fact that he made that decision AFTER the well, where so many of the scenes he thought of had buck in them and the whole ‘I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family’? yeah, buck is absolutely included in that for eddie and I’m not sure how aware he is of that, but he is so fucking sure of Buck and he is so sure of always being there for Christopher himself, so of course he is sure of his own home and belonging!
and what we also have is eddie trying to conform to the very traditional (and outdated) idea of home, with ana there taking care of chris and him coming home to them, and then him OUTRIGHT REJECTING that in favor of the less traditional option of being a single dad for a little longer, but I mean we all know that it was also him rejecting all the expectations people/society have of him and his home and instead building what he wants for his home and his happiness (which has always included buck and being a family with buck)
there is just something about the interconnectedness of people as home and the family you choose and the fact that for buck it is about building a home with someone and being someone’s home and for eddie it is choosing the family he wants and not the family he is expected to have and at the end of the day those two things are so closely related and are all about each other 💕 💕
(anyways yeah this is not very coherent and I probably missed a lot of things, so if any of you think of any mentions of ‘home’ that I missed, please come tell me about them so I can yell some more <3 but yeah I have to cut myself off here because this is already way too long, mad respect to anyone who made it through reading all of that xD)
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Hope and Love
Can you write an eddie / reader story where the reader is pregnant and in the end the doctors tell her her life is in danger that she has to take the baby away? She and Eddie fight about it. She wants to keep him, and he doesn't want her to die. In short, around her 8th month, she goes to see the 118 team to have dinner with them, they are called on a mission so she remains alone in the barracks until they come back. When the team returns they find traces of blood and the reader on the ground unconscious ... Chim and Hen take her to the hospital ... There the baby (it's a boy) must be taken out urgently and the doctors tell eddie that the reader is in a coma ... she stays asleep for 2 weeks and when Buck (who is her brother) comes to see her she makes a stop! He calls Eddie to come asap. They wait together and when the doctors arrive they announce that she is awake! She finally meets her baby and Eddie proposes to her.
I'd love to read a story like this too muchI'd love to read a story like this too much 😊
“I’m sorry I wish I had better news for you Miss (Your last Name). But this is where we are and the two choices you have are to either accept the risk and continue with the pregnancy or terminate.” the doctor said
When he said those words to you it felt like knives being stabbed in your heart and your whole stomach just felt so sick. In your mind there wasn’t another option you were going to keep this baby. You had to at least try.
“Thank you doctor well talk about it.” Your boyfriend Eddie said
The doctor got up and left the room and Eddie turned to you and grabbed your hand and looked at you in the eyes with such a sad broken look.
You know this was hard on him to because he was so happy when you told him you were pregnant he was such a good dad. And he was hurting just like you.
“Look Y/N when it comes down to it I need you here with me and Chris he needs you were a family we can try again.” eddie said
“This isn’t a discussion Eddie. This is our child and I have to at least try. I can’t do what your asking me to do.” you said with tears in your eyes.
“What about me don’t I get a say Y/N come on just take some time a think even if the baby is okay I don’t want them to grow up without a mom like Chris just think about that.” Eddie said pleading with you.
“ I love you Eddie so much and you know how much I want this and even If I do die I know they're going to have a big and happy family to grow up with like Chris they would be okay but my body is my decision.” you said
“Fine” Eddie said you could tell he was mad because that's all he said
You two left the doctors office feeling defeated that day. It was supposed to be a happy day not such a sad one
Eight Months Later..
Everything was going as best they could. We found out we were having a little boy. Eddie invited me to come to dinner at the 118 that day. I think because I was so close to my due date that he was worried about me.
So instead of causing him more anxiety I went and brought some food along with me.
The moment Eddie saw my car pulling in he ran down and opened up the car and helped me get out
“Mi amor are you okay you should have called an uber are you okay.” he asked rubbing his hand all over your belly and back.
He took your hand and walked you in the firehouse and sat you down at the kitchen table. Everyone walked over to you and greeted you and asked a million questions if you were okay.
“I’m fine everyone no pain or nothing i’m doing good I appreciate the concern I really do.” you said
Buck was worse though I mean he basically had a whole emergency room on stand by and you know he was worried with you being his sister but between him and Eddie it sometimes stressed you more.
You tried to understand be grateful for the help but it was sometimes overwhelming for you.
Bobby brought over dinner and yelled at everyone to stop hovering over you and let you breathe. Which you are grateful for. Just as dinner ended the bell rang and everyone had to go.
Buck and Eddie looked over at you with sad and worried eyes.
“Are you gonna be okay here by yourself sitting here alone.” Buck said
“I’m fine and it’s not like anyone has a choice so you both go and be careful. “ you said
They knew you were right and left to go be heroes.
A little bit went by and next thing you know you felt this pain in your stomach that you never felt before. It scared the hell out of you.
You got up and saw some blood coming from your legs and you tried to get up to the walk to the bathroom but you felt your legs give out and everything went black.
Eddie and Buck were basically jumping out of there skin when they pulled up to the firehouse.
They didn’t even let the trucks come to a stop before they ran out and went upstairs to find you.
There worst fear came true when they saw you laying on the floor with blood around you.
“Omg what the hell Y/N” eddie yelled
Buck ran over to you and tried to shake you but nothing.
They picked you up and gently carried you and Hen and Chim ran over and saw what was going on.
They pulled the stretcher out and began to asses you. Bobby had to pull the both of them off you to let them do their job.
“It looks like it might be her uterus repurting but were not sure were taking her to st marks there best equit to handle her.” Hen said
Eddie hopped in the back with Chim and Bobby and Buck got into the captain's car and followed behind you.
“It’s going to be okay, you and our son are both going to be okay. You hear me stay strong mi amor.” Eddie said, holding your hand the whole way there.
Doctors and nurses were waiting for you and pulled you into the room. Eddie had to stay behind and chim and hen sat with him with Buck and Bobby came in a few minutes later.
“What’s the news anything” Buck said
“No Nothing were all waiting.” Chim said
Time felt like it was going by so slow and the fear and anxiety just took over. The waiting room was so silent and Eddie tried keeping it together even though he was dying inside.
Then the doctor came out and Eddie and Buck both jumped out of their seats so fast.
“Her placenta ruptured and she lost a lot of blood and we did have to preform a crash c-section. The baby is fine and he’s in the NICU for pre cautions. Unfortunately Y/N had to be put into a medically induced coma to let her body heal.” the doctor said
Eddie felt his heart plummet into his stomach. In one way he was so happy his son was here and he was okay but then on the other hand he was so worried about you.
“Can I see my son.” eddie asked
“Of course one of the nurses will take you up.” the doctor said.
Buck and the rest of the 118 went to see you. And sat by you.
Eddie went down to the NICU and was able to hold your son.
“Hello I’m so happy your here I love you and I can’t believe your here. And I know your mom can’t wait to see you either.” he said to his son.
Two Weeks had passed and Eddie was at the hospital every day with your son and Chris. When he wasn’t there Buck was there or someone from the 118 was there.
Finally one day your came and the doctors were able to wake you up.
Buck was sitting by your side that day. Holding your hand and talking to you. When suddenly the tube you had helping you breathe started to resit.
Which was a good thing. The doctors told Buck that you looked like you were finally waking up and He called Eddie to hurry up down with Chris and The baby
Your head felt heavy and your eyes slowly opened up. With Eddie, Chris and your son by your side.
Your first thought was your baby.
“My baby is he okay.” you asked looking over at Eddie. Who was crying happy tears.
“Yeah Mi Amor he’s okay he’s right here.” he said putting the baby in your arms.
You started crying and it was a feeling you never felt before holding your child you were so happy.
“He needs a name, we waited for you.” Eddie said
“ How about Lucas.” Chris yelled out
And you and Eddie both laughed and thought it was a good name.
“Yeah I like it.” you said and Eddie agreed.
Buck had called the rest of the 118 and they all gathered by your bedside happy to see you.
Eddie said he had an Important question to ask while everyone was here and you and everyone else was so confused.
“Y/N I Love you so much and these past two weeks and even eight months had only made me realize that through every hard moment and every good moment I want you by my side so please do my the honor of marrying me.” Eddie said pulling out a ring
“Yes of course I love you.” you said and Eddie leaned down to kiss you.
The rest of the 118 Cheered. And congratulated you guys. But Buck Pulled Eddie aside
“You hurt my sister and I will end you.” Buck said
“Don’t worry I won’t.” eddie said
A while later everyone headed out and Eddie sat next to you Chris and the Baby both sleeping in the room.
“ I love you so much I love our family thanks for saying no 9 months ago.” Eddie said
“I Love you so much I’ll do anything for my family.” you said.
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Dating Eddie Would Include
Warnings: Mentions of Smut
Masterlist//Dusk Till Dawn Masterlist//Agape Masterlist
First of all your relationship will start of slow and in secret due to him having a kid and being cautious of who he’s bringing into his and Christopher’s life
However it’s different with you as you’re one of Eddie’s best friends from the 118, and Christopher already loves you
But this is different as you’re not just his best friend anymore you’re his lover...after ages from just loving you from the distance
You two got together due to Eddie being scared that he nearly lost you on a call, and he was scared he never got to tell you how he felt so when you got back he blew up on you whilst confessing his love for you, resulting in you kissing him to shut him up and the relationship went from there
Christopher was over the moon when he found out you and his dad was dating, he knew about Eddie’s love for you - hell everyone did but you, but it doesn’t matter now as you two were finally very happy to be together
Eddie loves speaking Spanish to you and teaching it to you if you don’t know much
And when he first heard you speak full on Spanish to you he felt like he was going to die from happiness and love, knowing that you took your time to learn it for him
Mi Amor is a popular nickname he says to you along with darling, baby, sweetheart, Carino, Gorgeous, my girl and some teasing nicknames whether their in the moment of making love or to annoy you with weird nicknames
But you call him weird nicknames too, so it evens out.
You love calling him babe, baby, my love and handsome also with the occasionally Eds...but you adore his name so much that you call him by that a lot too...but you’re used to it as you both have to use formal names when working together.
Loads of family trips together, any breaks is spent together with Christopher
Carla adores you and you love her just as much, always grateful for what she does for the Diaz’s and she is glad that Eddie finally confessed his love for you
Loads of hugs and cuddles along with kisses, you two are obsessed with one another, and work it’s kind of hard to have any alone time together
Eddie loves teasing you at work, knowing that you two can’t do anything there but he loves seeing you blush and whine for him to come to the bathrooms with you...(or just steal a fire truck like Buck did)...he laughed and told you no for that one not wanting to risk both of you loosing the jobs you love so much
Sex is amazing with the pair of you, constant loving and teasing with each other, just pleasuring each other
Eddie loves patting your arse whenever he can, love the small glares you give him whenever he does it, just grinning and winking back at you
Many deep conversations with you laying on his chest, fingers running up and down his chest as you talk about your future
Eddie defiantly wants to make you Mrs Diaz and have some kids of your own, he knows it every time he sees your sweet interactions with Christopher, constantly making sure he was cared and loved for, treating him as if he was your own
Going to many school events with Eddie, Buck (sometimes 118) and Carla to support Christopher in whatever he does
Christopher loves making pictures for you
Hand holding is a must, along with him swinging them and bringing them up to his lips to kiss the knuckles.
Always wanting Eddie to grow his hair longer like you first met him because you want to actually tug and play with it “Maybe sweets.” was always his response with a small smile
A playful relationship because you were still best friends rolled into lovers
Many movies night
Never caring when Buck was round (after Eddie asked you to move in with him) as Buck was both of you’re best friends, yours first though...
When Eddie wasn’t on a call once, you accidently wore his fire jacket causing a lot of mistakes of the team calling you Diaz when they caught sight with the jacket quickly correcting themselves with L/n, but you loved it when they said Diaz, winking at Bobby when he told you off saying “I’m just getting you all used to it as I’ll be Mrs Diaz soon enough.”
Eddie was grinning like a little boy when he found out
Helping Eddie out with anything to do with Christopher even before you and him got together
Before you dated, when you two accidently ate brownies that had drugs in it along with Hen and Buck, you both just constantly flirted with each other, but you both kind of forgot that it happened as it was all a blur to each other
Loving to wear his clothes
Giving each other massages after a tough call, always being each other support system
Cooking together, learning to be better at it together with the help of Bobby, Buck (who was learning from the Captain), Carla.
Dancing in the kitchen
Playing video games with Christopher
Both finding it sort of funny when Eddie turns into dad mode...but it really turns you on when you see him like that
Eddie and your relationship is just full of love as you both be a power couple and power parents whilst falling more in love with one another each day
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you know what makes me so happy?? evan buckley spent so much time wandering around, lost and feeling like he didn't have any place to call home, he didn't have his sister and he didn't have people to be there for him.
but then he found a family, he found love and happiness and something worth fighting for. he found his purpose in life within the 118, chris, the love of his life and he reunited with his sister. he didn't just found a job, but something so much more. buck found everything he ever wanted and that makes me want to cry because it's so beautiful 🥺🥺🥺
like after the episode tonight, that was a lot but how we now know that he goes to the zoo with the diaz boys all the time and the way he hugged christopher and was so happy to see him like???? that's how a dad hugs his son. and the share smiles and laughs with eddie???? buck is where he belongs and that makes me so happy.
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Tips and Tricks
|| GIF ||
Requested: yes [x]
Prompts: none [my prompt list]
Warning(s): angst in the beginning, ends very adorably
Word count: 2.6k
Author's note: Eddie my man! Hopefully you guys will like it!
"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
"Y/N what happened? Why are you calling 9-1-1?"
"Because I need you..."
She sighed, preparing herself to hear a teasing remark on her account. "What happened?"
You didn't know what to tell her because you didn't know what happened. One minute, you were sitting on the train, listening to music while gazing out to the city of Los Angeles when another, you had been thrown out of your seat and all hell broke loose. Your head was buzzing, and you had no feeling in your body save for your bloody fingers with which you had typed in 911.
Back at the call center, Maddie turned her head ever so slightly and saw that several dispatchers had huddled in front of the TV, looking pale and shaky as they saw what had happened only minutes ago.
Mentally, they were all preparing themselves to receive calls from all sides. Some a dead end and other simply full of pain and anxiety. Maddie had received one without even realizing - from her sister of all people.
"Y/N are you on the train?"
Tears gathered in your eyes, "I was late for work…"
Realization washed over your sister's face, "Where are you hurt?"
"Everywhere," you croaked out, glancing at your broken leg from which scarlet blood seemed so flow out without a mean to stop. You laid weirdly on your back and hip, holding a bloody palm to the gash and controlling your cracked phone with the other. Having heard the sadness in her voice brought out an onset of tears, though the real cause of them were the bodies sprawled all around you. Some didn't move, but other twitched ever so slightly. "I-"
"Y/N?" Maddie whispered, sobs threatening to shake her body. "Where does it hurt?"
And that's when you lost the battle of consciousness and the line went dead.
Maddie cried right after.
Through the whole ride Evan kept tapping his foot against the floor of the vehicle, constantly doing something with his body in a nervous fidget like matter.
"What's up with him?" Asked Eddie, stealing a glance at his friend who looked like he could snap at any minute.
"His sister's in there," replied Hen, feeling as anxious as Buck.
She shook her head, "Y/N."
"How come I never met her?" Eddie wondered out loud, remembering all the times he and Maddie had encountered before.
"She just moved here," she explained, brushing a rogue tear with the side of her index finger, sniffling. "Buck was late for work so she couldn't catch a ride."
"And so, she took the train…"
Hen nodded, "Look after him, okay?"
"Cap I can't get through to her!" His voice was distant, but so full of worry. You couldn't bare to open your eyes no matter how much you wanted.
You couldn't see it, but his eyes widened in alarm, "No, no, no, no! Y/N stay awake!"
"Cap I need the jaws now!"
"There's no time!" A voice interrupted; one you didn't recognize. "I can get her out. I'm closer to her."
"I don't think-"
"She'll lose her leg otherwise."
No one said anything for a while, your rigid breathing being the only sound that followed the metallic thuds of the crooked train. "Hi Y/N. Didn't know Buck had a sister."
You opened your eyes to look at a man you never saw in your life, "Who are you?"
A brow lifted at your words, "I see he didn't tell you much about me."
"He didn't tell me anything," you mumbled quietly, wincing when you felt the firefighter plot around your leg. He was devilishly handsome, and incredibly strong too. The seat that had infiltrated your leg was pushed away with raw strength you didn't have.
"Well, I'm Eddie," he continued, his dark eyes glancing at you, "I'll get you out in no time. Can you keep your eyes open for me?"
For him I'd do anything, you thought.
"I'm here too you know?"
Unshed tears escaped at the sound of your brother's voice, "Buck?"
"I'm here Y/N," he reassured you. "I'm right here."
You blacked out after that, only this time you weren't alone.
You had made quite the ordeal in order to get to Station 118. Having been dropped off by Maddie on her way to work, you had a plan and agenda to fulfill. Only you didn't realize how many stairs it would take for it to be done.
The whole station seemed empty as you looked around, save for a few buzzing staff that had politely informed you of your brother's absence even though you realized that by just seeing the missing fire trucks. Instead of sending you off they directed you upstairs with their extended arms as if you'd have no problem in getting there. Perhaps they didn't see the cast.
You stopped in your tracks and narrowed your eyes at the space. "Who said that?"
A childlike giggle entered your ears, sending cheerful echoes throughout the empty station. Your eyes swept across the railing until they fell on a small boy that was leaning against it, watching you struggle up the stairs. Noticing a pair of crutches next to his body had your face twist in confusion, "How did you get up there?"
"My dad helped me," he stated proudly.
"Who's your dad?" You wondered, continuing to trek up toward him.
"My…dad," he replied, undertone of confusion behind the words.
You chuckled, jumping on the next step with your healthy leg. "I mean… What's his name?"
By the time the question left your mouth, you were officially on the top. "Edmundo, but his friends call him Eddie."
Nodding in understatement, you continued to walk toward the couch, gripping your crutches until your upper body started to hurt horribly. "Yeah, well…My brother's name is Evan, but everyone calls him Buck."
The boy's face lit up, "Buck is your brother?"
"I'm sorry too."
His laugh was so innocent and carefree it deleted all the week's tragedies from your mind, allowing you to mimic it with the same joy. You hadn't smiled in days.
It felt good to smile.
You watched as he took his own crutches, and with incredible speed marched to the couch to join you. "Wow. You're fast. What's your name?"
"Well Christopher," you started, on instinct leaning toward the armchair to grab the crutches he handed to you and place them next to your much bigger ones. "Are you by any chance named after saint Christopher?"
The boy nodded eagerly, "I am. What's your name?"
"It's prettier than Buck's." Christopher said, a massive bubble of laughter escaping his lips right after.
You laughed with him, ignoring the slight throbbing in your chest the actions gave you. "Tell me Christopher…Do you have any funny stories about Buck?"
Christopher was more of a helper than you were.
He was quick on his supports, and far more active on them than you were.
The angel was curious and polite, and he kept you busy while you waited for the firefighters to come back.
"They're here!" Said Christopher, reaching for his crutches immediately. "Dad! Buck!"
You giggled at the boy, watching him fight balance on his crutches, his excitement overpowering. A glance at your useless leg had your face falling into a frown.
"Buck, your sister is here!" The boy yelled from where he stood, tipping his head over the railing to look down on the firefighters.
You rolled your eyes dramatically when Christopher turned to look at you, laughing like a mad man.
"Chris be careful!"
You dared yourself to say that your heart jumped a little at his voice. Too sad to even let your siblings visit you, the man to whom you owe your life didn't even see you since the crash. The only way he could learn about your condition was through your brother.
That is, if he even wondered how you were.
2 HOURS AGO
"Have you heard from your sister?" Asked Eddie after he made himself comfortable in the truck. "How's she doing?"
Buck gave him an odd look, "Why?"
Eddie rolled his eyes, "The last I remember her life was on the line. I just wanna know how she's doing."
"That's all?" Your brother asked, looking at his friend as if he was lying.
"What's more to it?"
"I don't know," Buck admitted, regret jumping into his body at the question. He shouldn't have listened to Hen; she said something along the lines of love at first sight. Maybe Eddie was invested into your condition because you were purely his best friend's sister.
"How is she Buck?"
"Oh, right," he laughed, forgetting what he had been asked in the first place. "She's fine. Her leg is in a cast, but I don't think she's there yet if you know what I mean?"
"Trauma," Eddie agreed with a cool nod, remembering the state they had found you in.
"Yeah," Buck mumbled, "She won't talk to us."
"Give her some time."
Your brother nodded lightly, shoulders slumping at the thought of you and what you went through because he couldn't give you a ride.
"She's going to be fine Buck."
Eddie believed his words wholeheartedly, despite having never officially met you. There was something in your eyes that made him so sure in himself. That made Eddie feel like he had known you for years.
Maybe Hen was right after all.
"No Buck! Y/N's here!"
You watched as your brother ran up the stairs with ease, feeling jealousy creep into your veins. Moving your crutches out of the way, you allowed his muscular body to leap into your arms on the couch.
"What are you doing here?" Buck asked you, pulling away and sitting on the edge of the coffee table.
"I thought I'd surprise you," You said with a smile, your words sounding light and cheerful for the first time in weeks.
"You look…" He started.
"I was going to say happy," Buck laughed.
"That's because of him," you pointed to Christopher who was currently being spung around in his father's arms, giggling all over.
"He tends to have that effect on people."
"He's just so," you found yourself struggling for words. "Innocent."
Smiling, Buck swooped in and kissed your cheek swiftly. You swatted him away with your hand when he pressed his knuckles against your cast in a knock-knock matter. He disappeared into the kitchen right after.
"Bobby's going to make sandwiches," Christopher tells you smiling, making you turn your head to look at him. He held his crutches tightly while looking back and forth between the kitchen and you, his handsome father right behind him. "You want some?"
You pretended to think for a moment before a matching smile drew on your face, "You think he'll make me some?"
"He has to!" The boy exclaimed, "He's Bobby!"
Christopher was gone by the time he finished his sentence, leaving both you and Eddie laughing after him.
It died down after a while, your laughter, and not knowing what to do and how to react you did what you would've done if your brother decided to stick around.
You moved your leg off the pillows Christopher had helped you stack underneath. "Oh, no you don't have to."
He wasn't quick, "It's too late now."
You patted the free space next to you.
"Let's give them some space to talk," Hen could be heard behind you. Both you and Eddie furrowed your brows, tilting your heads until you had a clear view into who was behind you.
"No buts Buck let's go." She dragged a whiny Buck from the table, away from both of you with a smirk that could reach the sky if physically possible.
Eddie sat down next to you, eyes more focused on your face than your leg. You were appreciative, to say the least. The only side effect was your red neck and the heat that threatened to invade your cheeks.
You placed your hand on your mouth, ignoring the fact that both of you spoke at the same time the best in your ability.
Eddie chuckled, watching you carefully from the corner of his eye. "So… How are you feeling?"
His attractive features were what made you forget about the fact that he was your firefighter savior. "Good."
You stole a glance at Christopher, "I'll be great when I master crutches."
He listened to you, smiling when you continued to praise his boy, "He's a great kid. You're doing a great job with him."
Eddie smiled in gratitude, "Thanks."
"He told me about your wife," you mentioned quietly. "I'm sorry."
You watched as he brushed it off, almost as if it were a casual thing. You both knew it wasn't. "He's been giving tips?"
"Oh yes," you replied dramatically, "Loads of tips… And tricks."
The two of you continued to converse lightly, finding loads of subjects to talk about while waiting for the food. Christopher's name was mentioned quite a lot, and Eddie loved the fact that his son had left such an impression on you.
He found quite a lot of himself in you too, and after a while he realized that Buck had been keeping you from meeting him for that exact reason.
"Dad, Y/N food's ready!" Christopher voiced from the kitchen, eyes wide with admiration for the food Bobby decided to cook up.
Eddie clasped his hands against his thighs, standing up energetically and extending his hands toward you. "You're not serious right?"
He chuckled, making grabby hands. "It's not like I do it every day."
"Yeah but," you fought, "He's your 8-year-old son. I'm a grown woman!"
"You're younger than Buck."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
From the kitchen, Hen and Buck watched you carefully. "They're perfect."
Buck's eyes narrowed, "Wha—? How?"
Chimney chuckled beside him, slapping his back teasingly. "You'll see."
Christopher soon occupied the older Buckley, and while your brother wasn't looking, Chimney and Hen exchanged glances.
"I want to change my bet." Chimney mouthed.
Hen shook her head as a no in return.
You allowed Eddie to grab your hands and raise you up from the couch. He was incredibly careful, you noted, acting as if you were the most precious thing on earth.
Your heart skipped a beat.
"You ready?" Eddie asked, sounding excited.
You felt dread consume you, "One…Two…Three."
Yelping, you prepared yourself for pain but found yourself against something else entirely. Looking up, your eyes widened upon meeting a dark brown pair. Eddie's cologne was still very much present on his body despite having just returned from an hour long call.
That's how close you were.
"Just a heads up," You whispered, daring yourself to not glance at his lips. "The cast is very heavy."
"I do lifts," he informed you, his voice a mere whisper too. "I think I'll manage."
And he did, manage.
Leaning down, he placed an arm under your thighs, and the other one behind your back, scooping you up into an easy princess-carry.
Carrying you to the table wasn't hard either, though you dreaded moving while Eddie walked with you in his arms in the fear of brushing against him in a way that would flush you in embarrassment. Placing you in a chair he pulled out with his own foot, Eddie's hand stayed on your back a moment longer than it was originally supposed to.
The lack of his body against yours had you feeling rather cold.
"See Y/N? My dad's so strong he can carry you too!"
"Hey! What about me?"
"Not everything is about you Buckaroo."
Note: If you enjoyed reading this fic do check out my other work by clicking on one of my masterlist links. If it’s not a bother leave a like, comment and/or reblog. It gives me motivation and lets me know that you liked what I wrote. <3
If you would perhaps want to read some of my work earlier, you can check out my AO3 profile, I’ll always make sure to tell you guys when a fic is posted on there in advance!
Here is the link to my tag list masterpost! If you want to be added to one of my existing tag lists (or perhaps new ones) let me know! :)
✭ GENERAL (all WIPs):
@fofisstilinski @short-potato @miranda0102 @httphiddlestan @caromichaela @xx-missunicorn-xx @jemmakates @theravenclawmarauder @tclaerh @chefdoeuvre @just-arather-veryconfused-being @crazy0lu @thirstykpophoe @abimoon @sofiasamps @princxss-fia @theletterhart @nocturnalherb16 @sj-thefan @bittytish
My love for Christopher is infinite!
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Buddie 408 meta
In the first call of the ep, Buck and Eddie were paired up as partners and with the jumper call, we see them having parallel conversations about the problems that dating has introduced into their lives. That’s on top of the parallel dating timelines that I mentioned in my 407 meta and continues in this ep. Basically, no matter where the show takes them, it also links them together, even through the small things. Always.
* * *
During Ana and Eddie’s ‘big date’, we learn that he spends his time solving math problems, which… what kind of a date even is that? And the flirting in the scene doesn’t quite work for me personally, because not only do we not know Ana as a character, we also don’t know them as a couple. ALL we’ve had so far is flirting, but where are the bits where they connect, where you can see how they fit as people in real situations? When a show is invested in a Love Interest, it gives us those scenes. Not just heavy handed flirting. Same goes for Ana meeting Chris at the end of the ep, we don’t know what she’s like with him, only that he loves her because she used to be his teacher, which is a very lazy way of establishing their bond. And the most meaningful scene in the ep? Didn’t involve Ana or Chris with her. She’s still not being invested in. So yeah, she’s around, but she still doesn’t feel like she’s meant to be long term.
I found it jarring (in a good way!) that right after his date, not only does Eddie come home to Buck (let’s not talk about how Buck walks into the scene a bit like a revealed love interest would, for example like Athena’s walk into the restaurant revealing her as Bobby’s date in ep 110) and it then plays as such a domestic scene (given the bit of teasing with “you’re late!”, and how Buck is shown to be so great with Chris, as well as being there for Eddie), the fact that this happens right after the almost completely contentless date is a contrast that emphasizes just how much more meaningful this relationship is. It also served as a reminder that while Eddie hesitated in re-introducing Chris to his own mother, while Eddie was now unsure and uncomfortable telling his son about the woman he’s dating, when he met Buck, there was no hesitation. Just like Eddie instinctively knew he and Buck would have each other’s back, he knew he could trust Buck when introducing him to his son. Again, the comparison screams how meaningful the Buddie bond is and has been since day one! This is not how you sell a new Love Interest to the audience. Or get shippers to stop shipping.
And I couldn’t help but notice that Eddie’s date gives us a scene of both Buck and Eddie returning home. Eddie is completely comfortable and happy when he returns to his house, because he’s in his element, seeing Buck and Chris (other than the moment when he doesn’t feel comfortable telling Chris about Ana). Buck in comparison is highly uncomfortable returning to his loft, due to Veronica being there and his sense of Albert’s betrayal. This continues the theme of showing that really, Buck’s home is with the Diaz boys.
* * *
In contrast with Ana, Taylor has been back for only one ep and already has been shown more as a character on her own, getting a mini redemption arc, as well as having a more developed and multi-faceted history with the guy she’s been brought back for. Taylor will clearly continue to show up, and I think a friendship between her and Buck could be interesting. At the end of the day, I can’t ignore that the biggest thing she said to show she does know Buck isn’t what she spewed in a moment of anger. It’s that he already has meaningful relationships - with the 118. Which of course includes, as this ep highlights, Eddie and Chris. Who knows? Maybe at some point, she’ll get to say something about this to Buck.
* * *
Speaking of friendships, I love so many of the platonic ones on this show. Athena and Hen’s just rules, Bobby and Michael’s is so freaking pure, and now I’m also adoring Buck and Albert’s. I LOVE that Al chose friendship over romance. That we got the show saying good friendships matter more. I love that Buck got to see his friend putting him first. I wanna take a sec to applaud this! (that Al and Buck are roommates as well and still less domestic and each other’s partner than Buck and Eddie are is just a bonus)
* * *
The date scene’s only meaty part is establishing the problem Eddie has: he’s not comfortable yet with telling his son about Ana. Normally, him resolving that would have been the climax of his story arc in this ep. Instead, his coming to terms with having to tell his son about his dating is played semi-comically, against the backdrop of the guy whose jumping from the roof the team is betting on. His scene of talking about it to Chris isn't the climax either, since it isn’t the one where Chris gets to open up and share his feelings, allowing emotional progress. Instead, that climax scene happens between Buck and Chris. And why would Eddie’s dating dilemma climax happen with a scene between his son and his best friend? Showing us how deeply they’re tied together? That’s not how these stories usually unfold... (another symbol of that is that dating stories with an interrupted kiss are usually resolved by seeing the couple getting to kiss after all before the end of that storyline, but Eddie and Ana don’t get that)
Not to mention that when Buck talks to Chris, he already knew about Christopher’s outburst, meaning he was updated about this right away, despite this being the night of his weird double date (not for example the next day), and Eddie had to have told him before he told Ana. Buck is SO Eddie’s real partner. I also found it interesting that what Chris confesses is his fear of more people he loves leaving. But who is he scared will leave? Eddie dating doesn’t mean he’s going anywhere. And Chris can’t be that afraid of losing at some point this new person that he doesn’t even yet know if he’ll like. So who might drift away if Eddie starts dating? It’s “Dad’s friend”, whose house is the place Chris chose to run away to. The guy whose reassurance - that he will always be in Christopher’s life - is what calms down this confessed fear.
And if that doesn’t say everything about how central Buck is to Chris as more than just his dad’s friend, consider the fact that Chris’ fear of being abandoned parallels Buck’s as he had expressed it to Maddie in 316. This scene might have used the word ‘friends’ for Buck and Chris, but in every other way, it presented them as a family (and by extension, Eddie too). And this is a show that repeatedly points out how real family matters more than anything else, in whatever form it may come. That it’s a bond that cannot be broken. And that’s what these three have.
Thank you endlessly to my amazing friend @bicepsie for making her incredible gifs for this meta post! xoxox Also, if you like my takes on Buddie, you can find more of my meta and fics for them here. Thank you in advance for any like, comment and of course reblog, they all help so much! As we go into this break in eps, I’ll still be here, making content and answering questions for anyone interested. Have a pleasant hiatus everyone and be well! xoxoxox
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Gimme a moment of your time, if you would, to talk about Maddie Buckley (and, indirectly, her brothers, both of whom she loved so much, but only one she could save).
Maddie Buckley loves her baby brother more than anything- more than her parents and certainly more than Doug and there is nothing she wouldn't do for Buck, and that's where Philip and Margaret and Doug all miscalculated.
(They also underestimated Maddie in her entirety. She is kind and loving and fierce and stubborn and so much stronger than anyone ever believed, except maybe Buck, because he thought Maddie could do anything. And we don't know about Daniel, not really, only that he was there, so briefly, and the only evidence left is his sister's smothered grief and his brother's existence).
Maddie is nine when she looses her brother, and she doesn't just loose him to death, but also to their parents' grief as they make every piece of Daniel's very existence disappear.
(Except, they can't make Evan disappear and Maddie refuses to let their grief bury the brother she has left).
And maybe Philip and Margaret were different when Daniel was alive, but if they were it just meant Maddie lost them to their grief too.
So Maddie, no longer allowed to talk about Daniel (her brother), and not allowed to really process that grief, that loss that's almost impossible to understand that young, pours everything she has into herself and into Evan.
She holds him close and makes pinky promises and patches up his hurts (both physical and emotional because he doesn't know and can't understand why their parents are like that and it makes her so mad because she and Evan are right there. Don't they matter too?
And the answer, is, of course. Of course they matter, but it'll take over twenty years and running across the country for them to find the people that will love them as fiercely as they love they each other. To find a family).
And then she meets Doug who is sweet and charming and makes her feel wanted and valued. Who listens and adores her and supports her.
Who wants to know everything she does and every where she goes and after a life time of indifference from the two people who should have cared unconditionally it feels like freedom.
It feels like love.
She doesn't ever want Evan to know any different.
And then she goes with him to Boston and leaves behind her brother, and it breaks her heart but she always plans to come back.
(There is nothing in the world that will keep her from Evan)
But then she's married and her parents cut her off completely and Doug and her parents make it difficult for Evan to come see her or for her to see him and she can feel it in her soul that everything is wrong wrong wrong
And then she's back in Hershey and she sees how her parents are suffocating Evan - her baby brother who's heart is so big and so fragile and she loves more than anything. Who is bright and kind and just wants to matter.
(He matters. He matters to her so much more than he knows and her heart breaks everytime she sees the doubt in his eyes)
She knows if he stays with their parents, or even here in Hershey, he'll be suffocated by the ghost of their family's grief and he won't even know it.
She gives him her jeep and the money she'd been hiding and sends him away
(Oh, how she wanted to go with him but Doug was so mad when he found out and she never wants him near her brother again and she knows, she knows, he'd hunt them down if she went.
She won't ever let this monster have her brother.
She couldn't save Daniel, but she can save Evan.)
Evan wanders from place to place and state to state and Maddie treasures every postcard, talking about his adventures and the life he's living. He sounds like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Carefree and happy the way young boys in their early twenties should.
And then he's in Los Angeles and Evan becomes Buck and he finds a family in the 118 and she's so so happy when she reads his post cards. He's loved and cherished and she knows it.
And then things with Doug get worse and she clings to his Christmas card and wishes -
Then she's in L.A. and Buck has grown so much and she's so proud and she gets to meet the family he's built and -
She finds love - real love, the kind that props you up and makes you happy and feel safe. She gets folded into this makeshift family of first responders and gets to watch her brother grow more into himself and into this family he's found. She finds her own place in it and is so unbelievably happy.
(She couldn't save Daniel, but she saved Buck and got to see him thrive, and she hopes that, in whatever comes after death, Daniel can see them - and know that they're both happy and loved).
She didn't know this life was possible for her and Buck but she's so, so glad they've found it.
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I do think they’re going canon - I really do. At the same time, I’m managing my expectations a bit for the finale. As many people have already pointed out, this isn’t fanfic (as much as that last scene felt like it...) and the show HAS to make things clear to viewers outside the fandom that the dynamic is changing. I’m talking about casual viewers like my 65 year old straight mother who watches the show with me and wouldn’t be seeing ANY of the subtext I’m seeing - and of course, her default is to see these two strapping hot young guys as hetero.
So I’m not expecting a love confession while Eddie lays half dead in hospital. But there’s a couple of things I DO hope to see which could signal a romantic direction for the relationship in the future:
- The EddieAna breakup. I think this is crucial. He has to acknowledge that it’s not working, that he rushed into it because it seemed perfect on the surface, and that he really only stayed for Christopher’s sake.
- An outsider (like Taylor or Carla) reacting to Buck’s complete devastation. This doesn’t have to be verbal but needs to give the impression that they think Buck must have strong feelings for Eddie in order to react this way. This could also work with Bobby/Hen/Chim saying something like “I know you love him/how you feel about him”
- Showing Buck in a partner/step-parent role to Christopher. It looks like this is already going to happen - BUCK is the one to break the news to Chris, even though Carla, Abuela, Ana and Pepa were all options to do it. It’s Buck who takes on this painful responsibility, Buck who steps in, Buck who (presumably) will be comforting Chris as well. If this stretches to the doctors calling on Buck as a next of kin for Eddie, that’s just a bonus imo.
- Eddie worrying about/asking for Buck when he wakes up. I assume he will ask for Christopher first, but just think - the last thing he probably clearly remembers is Buck being covered in blood, it would only be natural for him to check that he’s okay.
- A heartfelt feelings talk between Buck and Eddie. NOT a romantic confession - they’re not there yet - but an honest acknowledgement of what they mean to each other. I’m hoping this is going to take place in the scene with Buck in the orange shirt and Eddie in the sling and that it will parellel Buck’s “you’re one of the most important people in my life” line to Bobby in S3. Eddie thanking Buck for everything he does for him and Christopher and RECIPROCATING the “important” line would be massive here - Eddie SHOWS Buck he cares but Buck deserves to hear it loud and clear, especially with how insecure he can be about his relationships and the shit he’s been put through by others.
- Further to this, an acknowledgement of their shared trauma and what each of them felt/heard/saw/thought in the moments of the shooting. It was an obvious moment of clarity and I’m dying to hear what Eddie was thinking as he reached out for Buck. I’m guessing Buck also feels like he should have done more and hopefully Eddie will be able to reassure him and make sure Buck realises that he SAVED HIS LIFE.
- A clear difference between Ana’s place in the Diaz family and her interactions with Carla, Abuela, Christopher, as well as with Eddie’s space and his home - and Buck’s.
- An indication that they are facing the future together. Y’all know the episode is going to end with the obligatory happy families montage with cheesy music and a voiceover - it’s what they do. I expect to see Buck and Eddie and Chris characterised as one of the 118′s family units. Buck physically helping Eddie do something bc his mobility is affected would be great. I’m guessing this MIGHT be the Diaz Family scene that Cocoa hinted about on IG so I won’t even be mad if Taylor and/or Ana is in it, as long as the focus is still on buddie and how relieved they are to both be okay. A suggestion:
Carla and Eddie chatting over lunch in the Diaz yard.
Carla: And how’s this ‘following your heart’ business going, hmm?
Eddie: *watching Buck and Chris playing, eyes and smile all soft* I’m working on it.
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I Bought A Ring (e.b.)
Summary: Abby’s back and Buck doesn’t know how to handle the news. And neither do you.
AN: i’m still PISSED that abby came back even if only for an episode, my poor buck was so hurt ): this was something i had deep in my drafts and now that buck is blowing up it seemed like a good time to post it!
there is a buck fic similar to this and i just wanna say that i did not copy or steal the idea. i’ve had this in my drafts for months since season 3 ended so no one stole anyone’s idea! if you wanna check out their fic their username is @lotsoflovefromlea and the fic is titled ‘Second Best’ it’s really really good
You didn’t think you’d have to face the day when Buck’s past came back to haunt him. You were hoping it would stay in the past and you would be his future. But life has a funny way of putting us to the test.
After the train crash, and Buck saw Abby again, he had been acting distant. Distant enough for you to notice that something was wrong. It wasn’t hard to notice, especially when the two of you live together.
He would rarely talk when you had the same shift at the 118, there was no conversation during dinner and he’d come to bed long after you had already fallen asleep.
It had gotten to the point where you didn’t even remember the last time he kissed you or touched you. And you had enough of the maltreatment.
You exited the shower and saw him standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. You walked down the stairs and stood across from him, the tension between the two of you painfully obvious.
“What’s been going on with you?” You asked, breaking the ice. “What do you mean?” He asked, not meeting your gaze. “Seriously? Buck, you’ve been acting like I killed your dog for three weeks since the train crash. What the hell is going on?” You explained.
Buck sighed before looking up at you. He knew he couldn’t keep secrets from you. Including ones that could possibly change your relationship.
“Abby reached out to me. She wanted to meet up to talk.” He said. Buck could tell by the way your right eyebrow was raised and your eyes narrowed that you were not happy. “Really? And you went?” You asked. “Yeah.” Buck answered quietly.
You laughed bitterly before walking around the counter back towards the stairs. “God, you just can’t seem to let her go, can you?” You started. “It’s been, what? Two years? Two years since she left you for her ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ experience and got engaged? And who was the one who never left your side? Me. It was me, Evan and even now, you can’t seem to realize how terrible she was to you. Face it, you were her midlife crisis and you fell in love with her and never fell back out. All while making me fall in love with you.” You finished.
Sure you were a tad bit cruel, but it was what he needed to hear. No one wanting to be the one who had to pop his perfect bubble when it came to Abby.
“I stayed with you when you were suing the department for christ sake! And I can’t do it anymore, Evan.” You added. There it was again. His dreaded first name. The name you never used unless you were beyond angry with him. And he hated hearing it come from your lips. “Y/N, what do you mean?” He asked.
Fear was coursing through his body as he waited for you to finally leave him. After everything he put you through, Abby was the last straw.
“I mean, maybe we should take a break. Until you figure out what it is you really want.” You answered. It wasn’t something you wanted nor did you think it would ever happen. “No. No, no, Y/N, don’t do this.” He begged, walking towards you. “I have too. Since she came back, this relationship has been one sided and I don’t deserve that.” You said.
“Please, Y/N, I love you.” Buck told you. “Do you? Because you have a funny way of showing it.” You replied. You swiftly grabbed your keys and your purse and made a path towards the exit. “So this is it? You’re breaking up with me?” Buck asked, causing you to stop.
“I don’t want to. But you seem to have unresolved feelings for Abby and you can’t claim to love one person wholeheartedly when you clearly don’t. Figure it out, Buck. But remember who was here when no one else was.” You answered before leaving the house.
You didn’t know where else to go after you left. So you decided to go to Bobby and Athena’s. Bobby was like a father to you when you joined the 118 and you trusted him more than you trusted most people.
After trying to straighten yourself up and wipe the tears from your face, you got out of the car and headed to the front door. You knocked a couple of times and waited for the door to open.
When it did, Athena’s face softened when she saw you and instantly knew something was wrong. “Y/N? What’s wrong? What happened?” She asked, ushering you inside. “I didn’t know where else to go.” You answered.
Bobby, wondering who was at the door, turned the corner and saw you standing in the entryway. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Buck and I got into a fight. He went to meet up with Abby and he didn’t tell meand I just, I just don’t understand why he won’t let her go. Am I not enough?” You explained.
Athena shushed you and pulled you into a hug to comfort you. She knew Buck was stubborn but not so much that you felt you had to leave. Bobby was furious. He hated seeing you so upset and he was frustrated with the young man for making you think you weren’t enough for him.
After a few minutes, Athena made up the guest bedroom for you and said you could stay as long as you needed. But you hoped it wouldn’t have to be for long.
Bobby arrived at the station in search for Buck and found him sulking while Hen and Chimney were grilling him about his mood. “What’s wrong with you today?” Chimney asked. “Him and Y/N got in a fight last night and she walked out on him.” Bobby answered for him.
Buck looked up at his captain with wide eyes, wondering how he knew about the prior events. “She stayed at mine and Athena’s last night.” He added. Buck let out a sigh of relief, mainly because he was worried sick about you. You didn’t answer a single one of his calls or texts and he didn’t know where you went off to.
“Why did she walk out on you?” Hen asked. “Because I may have went to meet up with Abby the other day. And apparently I had been acting distant towards Y/N and she confronted me.” Buck explained. “Seriously? You still have feelings for Abby?” Hen asked. “No, Hen-” Buck tried to explain but was interrupted by his coworkers.
“Y/N is the perfect girl for you and you’re throwing her away for someone who left you?” She continued. “Hen,” Buck started. “You’re stupid but not this stupid.” She said. “Hen! I don’t have feelings for Abby anymore. I wanted to give her a chance to explain why she left and to thank her. Because if she wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have met Y/N.” Buck interrupted.
“And I,” He started before he stopped himself, not sure if he wanted to tell everyone his secret. “You what?” Eddie asked. Buck looked up at his friends before sighing. “I bought a ring.” He answered. “Wait, what?” Chimney asked. “I bought a ring. I was going to propose but then I got all in my head after Abby showed up. I thought Y/N would say no and she’d leave me just like Abby did.” Buck explained.
The rest of the 118 crew was silent as they looked down at Buck. Hen sat down across from him before speaking. “That girl is head over heels in love with you, Buck. She has been since the first time she met you and the last thing she would do is leave you like Abby did. Though, because of Abby, she felt she had no choice.” She said.
“I need to get her back. I didn’t even know what to do this morning without her.” Buck said. “When does she come in for her shift?” He asked Bobby. “She was supposed to be here by now. She left before me.” The man answered.
Before anyone could form a theory about your whereabouts, the bell went off signaling they had a call.
They soon arrived to the scene of a car accident, one car completely flipped upside down.
The 118 stopped short, however, when they noticed who’s car was upside down. It was yours that was hit by a guy texting and driving and ran a red light.
“Y/N?” Buck called, running to the driver side door. “Buck, you’re too close to this.” Bobby stopped him. “We’re all too close to this, Bobby.” Buck rebutted. Bobby looked at Athena and gestured for her to keep Buck away from the scene. “Keep him away from her.” He instructed his. wife.
Eddie began trying to get the door off and Hen and Chimney noticed you were still conscious, struggling to get out and stay awake.
“Y/N, can you hear me?” Hen asked. “Yeah. I-I can hear you.” You stammered. “I have a piece of shrapnel between the third and fourth intercostal space. Mild to severe concussion and around three broken ribs, and a possible pulmonary contusion.” You told them.
Both EMTs were surprised that you could still diagnose and recognize your symptoms while having a concussion and actively bleeding.
Once the door was off the car, Hen and Chimney set down the backboard and Eddie began cutting your seatbelt.
“Where’s Buck?” You asked him. “Bobby won’t let him help. He’s too close to this one.” Eddie answered. “Aren’t you all though?” You joked. Eddie laughed dryly as the seatbelt was cut free. “Can you move?” He asked.
You looked down at the piece of metal from the seat and back up at him. “You have to pull it out.” You told him. “Y/N,” Eddie started. “Eddie, you have to pull it out or I won’t be able to move. I have a concussion, I’m already bleeding and in about five minutes I’m going to pass out. I will slowly bleed out from the inside if I don’t move. Pull the damn thing out.” You snapped.
Eddie looked at you for a moment before glancing over at Buck, arguing with Athena. As Eddie pulled the piece of metal out of your side, Buck broke free of Athena’s grasp and fell to his friend’s side.
“Y/N, baby, are you okay?” He asked frantically. “I’m going to pass out in a couple of seconds so I’m sorry, Buck. For what happened last night.” You spoke, your breathing becoming shallower. “Buck we gotta move her.” Eddie told him.
Your eyes fell closed slowly and the heart rate monitor attached to you started beeping rapidly. “We gotta get her out now.” Hen instructed. Bobby pulled Buck back as he watched in horror while his friends began giving you CPR once they pulled you from the car.
Your heart beat thankfully went back to normal and Chimney and Hen loaded you into the back of the ambulance.
Buck took the liberty of joining you considering he was your emergency contact, having no other family in LA.
Once the ambulance arrived at the hospital, Buck, Chimney and Hen were forced to stay at the ER bay, not being allowed to go with you.
Buck watched as the doctors took you away and this quickly became his worst nightmare. What if you didn’t make it? What if the last conversation you had was a fight?
Bobby’s hand rested on Buck’s shoulder as they all watched you disappear down the hallway.
It had been hours. Hours of the 118 sitting in the waiting room for you to come out of surgery. Buck was a nervous wreck and no amount of consoling from Maddie or Eddie made it any better. He knew she should have told you about meeting with Abby but he was afraid of ruining everything. But not telling you made it ten times worse.
“Evan Buckley?” A doctor called, alerting the entire crew. “Th-That’s me. I’m Evan Buckley.” Buck replied. “Y/N is going to be okay. We repaired the damage to her lung as well as the other internal damage she received from the car crash. She still had a major concussion and she’ll be out of commission for a while, but she got incredibly lucky.” The doctor explained.
Buck let out a very visible sigh of relief, as did everyone else. “Can I see her?” Buck asked. “She’s in the ICU so only a couple of people at a time.” The doctor said. “You go, Buck. We’ll see her when she’s moved to a normal room.” Bobby told him.
He nodded his head and followed the doctor to your room. He saw you lying in the hospital bed, multiple IVs in your hands and arms and an oxygen tube in your nose.
Your eyes were still closed but he could tell you were awake, though hearing the doctor’s voice alerted you.
“Y/N, someone’s here to see you.” You turned your head slightly and saw Buck standing in the doorway. “Hi.” You said quietly, your voice still hoarse from the breathing tube in surgery.
Buck sat in the chair next to you, his eyes red and watering. “I am so sorry, Y/N,” He whispered. “I should have told you about Abby but I met with her to get closure. And to thank her because if she wouldn’t have left me, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.” He added.
“It’s okay. I should have let you explained.” You replied. “I have something else to tell you.” Buck said. “Oh no, now what?” You joked. “I bought a ring.” He said. “Like, a ring ring?” You questioned. “Yes, a ring ring.” Buck laughed. “Where is it?” You asked.
Buck let go of your hand for a moment and fished the piece of jewelry out of his pocket.
“You have to put it on for me.” You said. Buck looked at you in disbelief as he smiled, sliding the ring on your left finger. “I’m assuming that’s a yes.” He said. “Of course it is. I’d be stupid to say no to you.” You told him with a smile.
Buck squeezed your hand gently as he looked at the ring on your finger. “I never want to come that close to losing you ever again.” He muttered. “You won’t. I don’t plan on leaving you for a long time.” You said. “Good. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Buck said.
He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your forehead as you looked down at the ring. “You did a good job.” You commented. Buck laughed at your comment, causing a smile to grace your face. “Hen and Maddie helped.” He said. “I figured as much.” You replied.
The rest of the evening, or whatever time of day you thought it was, Buck stayed by your side. Even when the doctors were running their tests and looking over your condition. After almost losing you, there was no way you were going to get rid of Buck even for a moment.
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“ i’m gonna marry you one day. ”
Eddie was well aware he was a pretty terrible patient. He was grumpy, and irritable, and never wanted to accept help. He knows himself - he’s insufferable to be around, when he’s sick, but Eddie never thought he’d meet a worse patient than himself until he saw Evan Buckley come down with a cold. Buck was one of the strongest people Eddie knew - kind, and caring, and an absolute lionheart of a man, and nothing defeated him more than a cold did.
Eddie had spotted it a mile off. Buck had woken up, all heavy-eyed and sniffly, and he’d point blank refused to listen to Eddie when Eddie suggested he might be better off staying home, rather than pulling a 24-hour shift, like they were scheduled to.
At about hour ten, Buck’s nose had started to run uncontrollably, and he’d spent the rest of the shift, utterly miserable, Vicks slathered around his nose, his boyfriend looking like an adorable, utterly miserable Rudolph. Around hour fifteen, Buck had developed a splitting headache, and when his fever spiked around hour twenty-one, Bobby had pulled the 118 off rotation and sent Buck and Eddie home early.
Buck, in true Buck spirit, had complained the entire time, protesting that he wasn’t actually sick, and really, he was fine, even though Eddie could barely understand him through the snot that was clogging his nose.
Buck was a miserable patient - but that didn’t put Eddie off. He had a kid, for crying out loud - Eddie Diaz knew every trick in the book to get a sick child to cooperate with him, he could handle a thirty year old man. He’d unceremoniously stripped a grumbling Buck out of his clothes, forcing him into a hot shower, listening with a raised eyebrow as Buck hacked up half a lung's worth of phlegm into their shower drain.
Not sick, my ass.
And listen - Eddie didn’t claim to be the world’s greatest boyfriend, but he figured he earned himself some brownie points when he presented Buck with a hot towel, and fresh pyjamas (because they were a pyjama family now, apparently, dressed in matching flannel on a Saturday morning, watching cartoons), sitting his forlorn looking boyfriend down on the edge of the bath while Eddie toweled his hair dry, and slathered vapour rub all over Buck’s shivering chest.
Eddie had all but wrestled Buck into bed after forcing him to take some cold and flu medicine, and his big, bad, firefighter boyfriend had looked up at Eddie with eyes as wide as saucers, tissue stuck up his nose to try and stem the outrageous flow of snot, Buck paler than ever, and he’d pleaded with Eddie to stay with him - and sue him, Eddie loved the man more than life itself and if Buck wanted a cuddle, Eddie was happy to give it.
Which led them to now.
Buck was fast asleep, curled up in Eddie’s lap, his breathing wet, and sticky, but not enough that Eddie was too concerned, yet - it was a bad cold, and if it went into Buck’s chest, he’d get worried, but for now, it was okay. Buck was sleeping, and if Eddie had learned anything in his life, it was that sleep healed - it healed your physical pain, it healed your emotional hurt, and he was of the firm belief that sleeping with someone you love close by, healed it all the faster.
Buck let out a snotty snore that frankly, shouldn’t have been adorable, but somehow was, Eddie’s giant, 6’2 beefcake of a life partner curled up as small as he could make himself in Eddie’s lap, sleeping as peacefully as his head cold could allow - and suddenly, Eddie was hit with the sort of life-changing realisation you should probably get at more romantic moments, but nevertheless - it was a realisation he had there and then.
He loved Buck. Everyone knew how much he loved Buck - Eddie knew, even without words, it showed in how he treated Buck, with genuine affection and love, it showed in the way Eddie paid attention to Buck like he was the only person in the room. It showed, in how Eddie trusted Buck, infinitely and completely and without question or doubt. It showed, Eddie knew, in the way Eddie looked at Buck, as though he couldn’t help how his love for the other man shone through his every expression - happy, sad, worried, exasperated, Eddie was in love, at the heart of it all.
And he wanted this forever. Silly Saturday mornings spent watching cartoons with their son, date nights and grocery shopping and snoring, snotty or not - Eddie wanted this forever. He wanted Buck forever.
Running a hand through Buck’s already sweaty curls, Eddie pressed a kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head, Buck sleeping peacefully enough that he didn’t stir.
“I’m going to marry you one day,” Eddie promised - to himself, to Buck, to the universe. “And we’re going to be so happy, Buck.”
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cheating pt. 2
part 1 here
Ft: Suna Rintarou x !gn reader, a little bit of atsumu miya x !gn reader
Genre/warnings: hurt/comfort, brief mention of fighting, panic attack, angst to fluff
The morning after you broke up with Suna, you wake up with a sour taste in your mouth, hugging a pillow. Momentarily disoriented, you look around your room until you spot your phone, and it all comes crashing down.
Oh no. Your chest tightens when you see 41 missed calls from Suna and 118 unread text messages over the course of the night. You'd fallen asleep with your phone set to silent, crying into your pillow at the immense betrayal.
Slowly, you unlock your phone to see increasingly frantic messages from Suna, begging you to forgive him and take him back. Ten new voicemails. You shouldn't press it, shouldn't listen to his voice. But you do.
"Y/N," immediately, your heart cracks at the sound of his voice. He sounds so desperate, so frantic, tears clinging to the words. "I'm so, so, sorry. You have every right to be mad at me, every right to hate me. I hate myself too, and I'll never forgive myself for doing that. I-I just wanted you to know that I-" the recording becomes quieter, only the faint sniffles picked up on it. "I love you."
It ends there, and you freeze. He'd never told you he loved you before, skipping over it whenever you jokingly mentioned the future. You knew he was scared of commitment, but it still hurt whenever he ignored it. A particular memory from two weeks ago floods your mind, no matter how hard you try to push it away.
You were lying on Suna's bed, resting your head against his chest as he scrolled through the videos he wanted to upload to Worldstar. His arm was slung around you, his lips pulled up in a smirk, his green eyes flicking from the phone to you and back again. It was comfortable, a lazy Sunday with the sun just beginning to set behind his curtains. You nestled further into his chest, his heartbeat regular and reassuring. You let your eyes drift closed, basking in the warmth of his affection.
Almost too soft for him to hear, half hoping he wasn't listening, you whisper "I love you." He stiffens, and you know you messed up. His heart skips a beat, and he pretends like he didn't hear you. You swallow, embarrassed that he didn't say it back, but neither of you moves until Suna gets up, saying he has to use the restroom. He doesn't come back for a while, and when he does, he mutters something about it getting late (it was barely 6 pm) and how he'd forgotten that he had to do something today. Taking the cue, you took your stuff and left, silently cursing yourself for saying it before he was ready. Things had been awkward the next few days, with him responding less and less frequently and seeming more distant and cold.
Come to think of it, it was right before he started acting strange.
Pressing a shaking hand to your mouth, you squeezed your eyes shut. Was that why?
Before you could sink deeper into your thoughts, you heard a knock at the door of your bedroom. The door opens to reveal Atsumu, standing awkwardly in your door frame. Yelping, you bring the bedcovers up to cover yourself, forgetting that you’re still wearing your clothes from last night. “How did you get in here?!”
He blushes, eyes flickering around your room and refusing to land on you. “Yer mom told me where the spare key was.”
You sighed, and he came over and sat on your bed, looking at his feet placed on the floor. “Ya okay?” he asked, voice low. That wasn’t what you’d expected. It was rare for Atsumu to be serious, rare for his brow to be furrowed so severely.
“Well, that’s debatable,” you said, scoffing a little. He nodded, eyes still fixed on the floor.
“I saw Suna last night,” he blurted out.
“You did?” Your eyebrows lift, surprised at his uncharacteristic behavior.
“I punched him,” he admits, lifting his head. “I was just too angry at him for hurting ya.”
Then it was your turn to look at the floor, not responding to this statement. What were you supposed to say, anyway? You sit in awkward silence, waiting for Atsumu to gather his thoughts and speak again.
“He’s in love with ya, ya know,” he says quietly. “That’s why it doesn’t make sense.”
“Why would he cheat on me if he loves me?” you ask, lip quivering slightly. You noticed the tense of the word; is. Not was. He sighs in frustration, shoulders slumping.
“I don’t know.” Seemingly debating on whether to say something, he decided to anyways, “He just let me hit him.”
“He just stood there when I punched him, didn’t even punch back or anything. He just looked so sad, ya know?”
“Sad?” you scoff. “He was the one who decided to do it.” He nodded, knowing you’re right.
“I don’t really know why I came here,” he admitted. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Aren’t ya missing class right now?”
“I’m not going today,” you mutter. He understood. Silently, he got up and left the room, and you heard the door shut short afterward, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
It wasn’t raining anymore, but the clouds still clung dark and heavy, low to the mountains and shrouding the distant buildings. Puddles shone on the ground, the leaves outside your window glistening with raindrops.
It hurt. It hurt so badly, the confusion and anger and sadness all combined. The truth was, you still loved Suna, and apparently, he loved you. Falling back onto your pillow, you felt like crying, but the tears wouldn’t come. Your eyes were dry, the pain finally internalized. The good memories of your time with Suna came then, flooding your mind and squeezing your heart.
The first time you two kissed, in a parking lot of a 7/11 at two in the morning. His lips tasted like soda, the sweet fizz almost intoxicating. It was a quick kiss, feeling him smile against your lips and seeing the smirk on his face when he pulled away.
Watching the stars together from the roof of a building on a moonless night, offering you his jacket when he noticed you were cold. You fell asleep in his arms that night, the cool winter air brushing your cheeks and inciting him to hold you just a little bit closer.
The playful insults exchanged, the banter slowly turning into backhanded compliments, and then sweet nothings whispered in your ear.
The warm, enveloping hugs, although somewhat rare- he would hold you, one arm on the small of your back and the other caressing the back of your neck.
The skeptical look on his face when you took him to the grocery store, fully intending to make a new dish you’d seen on TV with him. Not noticing the softness in his eyes as he watched you, your excitement contagious in his smile.
The teasing he endured because of you. The day you walked into the gym, bringing him a homemade bento, the boys had teased him relentlessly. He didn’t mind, because it made you happy.
All of that was gone now, and the miserable aching in your heart was a constant reminder of it. You let sleep take you away again, the pain in your expression being smoothed away by the gentle lull. When Suna slipped into your room using the same key Atsumu had failed to properly hide, he saw you curled up, hugging a pillow in your sleep, a small crease marking your forehead. He always said you looked angelic in your sleep.
“Suna…” you murmured, shifting slightly, and his eyes grew sad at how you grimaced slightly at his name.
He made his way to your desk chair, sitting down silently and grabbing a piece of paper from the desk along with a pencil, beginning to write.
When you awoke to the sound of a pencil scratching paper, it took you a second to register that there was someone else in your room. You screamed, clutching your pillow until you recognized Suna.
His eyes found yours, and the guilt and shame in them were almost overwhelming. You looked away, clenching your jaw. The pencil fell from his hand, seeming to fall in slow motion until it hit and bounced off of the floor, clattering once, twice, and then three times before rolling away from his foot.
“Get out,” you whisper.
“Can we just talk about this-” he rushes, standing up and impulsively moving closer to you.
“I said get out!” You yell, flinching away from his touch as if it’s some sort of deadly disease. His face falls, and he withdraws his hand, swallowing hard. “What is there to talk about? You cheated. It’s not a mistake. It’s a choice, and you chose to break my heart!” You look at him, anger and pain mixing in your eyes, and he finally gets it. You’re not coming back. He ruined it with an impulse decision, a reckless choice in the face of his fear of commitment and the overwhelming feelings that he didn’t know how to deal with.
The day you told him you loved him, he froze only because he didn’t know what to do. He’d gotten up, gone to the bathroom, and sunk down the door, back straight and head tilted towards his knees. This had never happened to him before- every time he’d been with a girl, he’d never felt like this. Was it love? He already knew he messed up by not saying it back, but his emotions were confusing, distracting, almost frightening. He’s taken his mind off of it by falling into a stranger’s arms that night, reassuring himself that he was still the same old Suna, the one who didn’t need anyone.
God, how he hated himself for that. Tears welled up in his eyes against his will, and he stared down at the floor.
“Why are you still here?” You spoke, back turned to him, “I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk to you.” Your words stung, you knew they did, but you didn’t really care. The paper in his hand fluttered to the floor, almost inaudibly brushing across the wood. His bottom lip quivered, and the tear that clung to his eyelash slipped silently down his face, making his green eyes appear even brighter than normal.
Thunder crashed outside your window, and Suna froze, his sharp intake of breath making you turn. He looked petrified- his entire body seemed to be shrinking into itself, his hands trembling and clenched, his eyes wide with unmistakable fear in them.
“Suna?” You got up from your place on the bed, curious as to what was happening, then remembered. Suna had a crippling fear of thunderstorms. “Suna. Suna, hey, look at me.” You waved a hand in front of his face, but he just started shaking harder, his breathing getting faster. Gripping him by the shoulders, you gently pushed him towards your bed and helped him sit down, your brow furrowing. “Can I touch you?” you asked gently, receiving the smallest of nods in return. You sat beside him and started rubbing his back, gently holding him closer to you. Thunder triggering a panic attack had only happened twice before, but you were familiar with how to help him through it. “I’m going to go close the curtains now.” Almost methodically talking him through your movements in an attempt to distract him from the thunder growing louder outside, you went to close the curtains and turned on your bedside lamp. “Tell me how I can help.”
He struggled to speak, his breath turning into short hyperventilations until you sat down next to him and started breathing loudly and evenly, hoping he would hear you and try to match his breathing. To your surprise, he turned to you and hugged you, burying his face in your chest and huddling close to your body. Stiff at first, you slowly wrapped your arms around him and rocked back and forth, whispering into his ear that it was almost over and he would get through it. You could feel his back shuddering, trying to maintain control of his breathing and failing. Out of instinct, you rested your cheek on his shoulder, staring at the picture of you two that still rested on your nightstand, and you felt his breathing gradually slow. Soon, he stopped shaking, but he still clung to you as if you were his life raft in a tumultuous storm.
It wasn’t until you felt wetness on your shirt that you pulled back, concerned, only to see tears dripping down Suna’s face. He instantly missed your warmth, your smell, the feeling of you holding him, but he knew it would be selfish of him to try to pull you back in.
You didn’t speak, eyes flickering from him down to the blanket underneath you. Your anger was gone now, and as hard as you tried to hate him, looking at the vulnerability displayed on his face melted the resolve you had.
“You look terrible,” you say, eyes wandering over his disheveled hair and puffy eyes.
“I didn’t sleep last night,” he responds, and you instantly feel awkward.
“I-I’m sorry,” you mumble, unsure of what to say. He just shrugs, gazing downwards.
“About what I said in the voicemail.” At these words, you freeze. “I meant it, and I’m so sorry for not saying it earlier.”
You turn away from him, eyes burning, as you feel a lump in your throat. “If you love me, why did you do it?”
His words die in his throat because that’s what he’s been wondering this whole time. If he loved you, why did he do it? “I-I did it because I was scared.”
“Scared?” you spit, pain lacing your words, “Scared? Do you know how terrified I was to tell you? I know that you’re scared of commitment, I know that it’s hard for you to express your feelings, but do you have any idea how many hours I spent wondering if you even liked me anymore? If you even cared at all?” Hot tears spill down your face, your lips quivering as you tip your head back and stare at the ceiling. Quieter, you say, “Do you know how many times I cried myself to sleep because of you? No, you don’t. But I still believed in us, I really thought it could work, and you threw it all away because you were scared?”
You shook your head, and he stared at you, hating that he made you feel like this. “I had no idea,” he rasps, voice husky from the breath caught in his throat. “When you told me you loved me, I realized I loved you too. I’d never felt like that before, and I was scared of my own feelings, so I wanted-” He stopped, unsure of how to continue. “I needed to distract myself.”
Each word stings, a knife stabbing into your back, as the tears fall harder and faster. You look up at him and see there are tears streaming down his face too, the shame too much for him to bear.
“I would do anything for you to come back.” His voice breaks, becoming breathier as his shoulders begin to shake again. “Please.”
In one swift movement, you pulled him close to you, and it was your turn to huddle into his chest as you sobbed. Just for a second, just for a moment, just to feel his touch again, but he wrapped his arms around you tightly and didn’t let you go. Clinging to each other, you shared the pain.
“If we can move past this,” you mumbled, face pressed against his shirt, breathing in his scent, “you can’t ever do something like that again.”
“No, no, of course not,” he assured you, voice thick with emotion, “I promise I’ll be so much better. I’ll try to give you everything you deserve.”
He pulls away and looks at you, drinking in your face, before pressing a soft, hesitant kiss to your lips. When you reciprocate, he kisses you harder, with more passion, holding you as if he can’t let you go. “Thank you,” he mumbles against your lips, and you feel the pain and anger and worry seep out of him.
It was going to be okay.
a/n: i’m not really sure about this one, but i hope you guys enjoyed! sorry for the major angst, lmao
also tiny reminder my requests are open even tho i kinda suck at them
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5x09 - Past Is Prologue - basically 4x06's mirror & it's obvious there's a Buck and Eddie flip around in the story
So, interesting episode.
First of all, I love the title. "Past Is Prologue" indeed. This episode was all about moving on and change from what has come before.
We get Bobby and Athena moving into the next phase of their married life with May out of the house and Harry out with friends consistently. (that first scene was so freaking hilarious, give me that "sexual situations" warning for Bobby and Athena anytime LOL)
May has to fill out a change of address form after having what she most likely dubbed a very scarring experience.
Toni is hesitant to let Clive back into her life but after talking things out with Hen, she decides to give him another chance.
Ravi is becoming more and more a solid member of the 118. Even though he's not replacing Buck per se, they do keep comparing him to Buck. In this one, he cuts down on the coffee order time. (and this is interesting to me, too, because it makes me think back to that scene from 3x15 where Hen was bringing in coffee and Chim didn't get the right order "there's no cinnamon" vs "there better be oat milk in here")
The driving student is getting over a breakup and looking for a fresh start, something that is implied that she is starting to possibly find in the driving instructor. (something that is doubly implied by the oil leak, like "striking oil" which is supposed to be lucky)
Taylor decides to leave the past in the past, and not tell the parole board that her father deserves a second chance. After her father's brutal response (what a dick btw), she leaves well enough alone and opens up to Buck emotionally, resulting in her telling him that she loves him, being the one to say it first. It's obvious that their relationship has entered into a new phase.
Buck follows Bobby's advice and shows up in Oklahoma to be there for Taylor in case she needed him which results in everything mentioned above. This time, the person he's in a relationship with isn't jetting off or leaving him. And on top of it, they're telling him that they love him first.
So all seems good, right? Buck and Taylor are happy and moving into the next phase of their relationship. Buck finally has someone that isn't running or keeping him at arms' length. Taylor feels that she can truly open up to Buck and not be judged for it. Bobby and Athena make a great crime-solving team (probably to help ease the sting slightly from Michael and David being written out, reminding us of the dynamic Bathena also had back in 4x12, it's no coincidence to me that this episode was put in this order of the lineup after Michael's last episode). May will no longer be scarred for life and Toni possibly gets a second chance at love, as does the driving student. And Ravi is doing well. So everything is good.
A couple of things.
1) Bobby Advice On A Relationship...Again - Buck took Bobby's advice on his relationship, which tbf is excellent advice and I loved seeing that happen the way that it did, in the oh-firedad-has-had-enough-of-your-shit kind of way. Pure no nonsense, blunt and giving it to Buck straight. But notice the wording of this advice. While Bobby is right, that a breakup may not be on the horizon if Buck just talks to Taylor, notice how Bobby says that Buck goes with the flow and ends up in these relationships without knowing how he got into them. There is absolutely no need for that particular piece of dialogue to be in that scene unless it's important and the writers/show wants the audience to pay attention to it. Which is also reiterated by Hen's weird line of "Abby, Ali, at least Taylor doesn't rhyme, right?" Granted, due to the theme of the episode, naturally Buck's past relationships would be brought up because if 'past is prologue' and he's going to do something different, this needs to be mentioned, including his already past attempts at hooking up with Taylor. But it's the fact that they mention it in this very blase way that doesn't fit and keys us in to the fact that everything may not be what it's cracked up to be.
And of course, we've seen the 118 and then Bobby giving advice on relationships before, haven't we?
"But you're happy now? With Athena and the kids?"
And we all know how this went. Not to mention, I find this parallel even more interesting when you realize that Bobby's advice comes from yes, the firedad perspective, but also from where he's currently at in his life and marriage/relationship with Athena. In tonight's episode, we get Bobby giving a Buck a verbal slap to the head and right after it, Hen mentions May's ordeal on walking in on Bobby and Athena.
And while Chim may have been there in season 4, Ravi being there in season 5 is no coincidence either. Eddie may be stepping in to replace Chim temporarily on the medical side of things, but it's Ravi that Hen seems to be connecting with more (which is why the coffee order scene *cough cough*)
And my favorite parallel to the 'book club' scene from above? The 'telenovela' comment Buck makes to Eddie. Notice how it's Buck teasing Eddie this time, and how instead of Buck and Hen reading books, they're currently experiencing 'telenovela' levels of romantic drama (according to Eddie).
But yes, we've seen this all before except this time, we're seeing it happening with Buck.
Which brings me to my next point:
2) Eddie's story flip around - What we saw Eddie go through from 5x01 to 5x03 is what we're seeing now but for Buck. Notice how we don't get a whole lot of insight into what Eddie is thinking now. We get bits and pieces here and there, sure, like tonight, but ultimately we're not getting a whole lot of Eddie like we were in the beginning of the season. Which is ironic considering we didn't get a whole lot of insight into Buck in the beginning of the season. They literally have taken Eddie's story (concerning Ana and his future) and flipped it around to show us Buck's side of the story now (concerning Taylor and his future). They purposely only showed us a little Buck during Eddie's story, and now only a little Eddie during Buck's. That doesn't mean that they aren't involved in each other's stories still, as we saw from tonight, from the moment outside the hospital, from the balcony scene, etc. And they're doing this because they're doing the same thing to Buck that they did to Eddie. They're making Buck go through it and choose what he really wants. At the moment, the audience is expected to think that it's Taylor and their relationship. However, I would beg to disagree and here's why.
Taylor was the first one to say "I love you" and does it in such a way that Buck almost misses it. Granted, it might make sense for her to say so first, especially given Buck's romantic history and maybe his reluctance to be the first to say it especially given how Taylor had been trying to push him away initially. But instead of seeing a big bright smile when Taylor confesses this to him, we see more a confused smile than anything. This could be him just being surprised, not expecting it, but I tend to doubt it. Because after that scene, we get Buck telling Taylor "So now I know all of your secrets" and Taylor saying "My middle name is Kelly" (which basically implies that no, Buck still doesn't know all of her secrets, which again makes me think of this supposed 'ethical conflict' but okay) and then she runs up the stairs, Buck then gets the big smile on his face, and runs up after her. Which naturally brings their relationship back to "sexual".
I sincerely don't think Buck is in love with her. I think Taylor has been trying at their relationship (as we've seen from the breakfast attempt, the trying to be there emotionally for Buck, etc) but I think he's still a little guarded when it comes to her. I think he enjoys their relationship and he obviously does care about her, but I don't think he's in love with her. I also think the song that they chose for the ending montage is very purposeful. The "Last chance, last dance, last chance for love" lyrics (specifically playing over the kissing scene between BT). They chose for Taylor's "I Love You" to happen while the song is playing, for her to say it while Buck has his back to her and he's pouring wine. And once again, look at Taylor's smile compared to Buck's. Buck is surprised, then confused. The very next scene we see is of them kissing and then the whole "no more secrets" convo which is then followed by the stair climb. We've seen Buck when he loves someone (which is funny considering the talk he gave Eddie in 5x02, again, the flip around), and this isn't it. We saw him smiling way more with Ali and even Abby. And he smiled way more with Taylor before they went all domestic this season.
3) This episode is also mirroring things from season 4, specifically "Jinx" - While this isn't Buck and Taylor meeting for the first time or deciding to date in this episode, it does mirror Eddie seeing Ana again and deciding to take the next step, asking her out, which then leads to a relationship. This is literally BT taking the next step in theirs. This was a big moment for them, with Taylor deciding to confide in Buck after he makes it clear that they need to talk about things right then (which, seriously, good for Buck, he truly is evolving, I just wish it hadn't come on the heels of Taylor saying she had a flight planned, because hello Abby my old friend basically, no wonder Buck "bucked up" and put his foot down, but still great show of character growth on the writers' part). But just because things seem rosy right now (for Taylor at least, like I said, I have yet to see Buck just as happy as she is) and yes, Taylor is being given more character development than Ana was, doesn't mean it will continue to look this way in 5B. I really do believe they're doing to Buck what they did to Eddie. Buck has to learn how to "follow his heart".
And funnily enough, in 4x06 we saw Buck get his "upgrade" to Buck 3.0. Here I believe we are seeing Taylor getting an upgrade to either Buckette 3.0 or Buckette 2.0 at the very least. She's taking a major step by being vulnerable enough to tell Buck she loves him and staying in the relationship after revealing what she did about her past. I personally think they do plan to keep Taylor around as long as they can and that's why she's getting a lot of development as a side character, but not because she and Buck will be getting married and having tons of babies. I think it all goes back to what Tim said about wanting to keep that reporter perspective for the show's story. But I don't think it will either extend past the expiration date on the BT relationship or it will but Taylor will be solo. Because here's the thing.
While they ended Eddie's relationship with Ana 7 episodes ago, that doesn't mean that if they wanted, they couldn't push Eddie in a new romantic direction. It doesn't necessarily mean that he has to get into a serious relationship all of a sudden (we know he's not ready for that) but he could date or just have fun, even a harmless flirtation at work or something like that. Something Christopher absolutely doesn't have to know about or Buck or the 118 even but we as the audience could. But instead, we're not being shown that. At all. Like I said above, they're keeping Eddie mostly muted, just like they did with Buck during the Eddie and Ana arc this season.
And the wording in this scene is familiar wording we've seen before:
Buck: "We've reached the point in our relationship where the woman flees."
Ravi: "Women flee you?"
And then this little gem...
"A little? When was the last time a woman told you she had to go home to wash her hair? 1952?"
Buck's reaction to Hen's "Okay, Buck, you're being a little too Buck about this":
And this is Buck's reaction to Eddie's teasing him with the line above:
That's twice now that they've shown us how Eddie makes Buck feel better, and it's in a series of moments they've been showing us how Buck also makes Eddie feel better. In an episode where the BT relationship starts attempting to build an emotional foundation, this scene, this little interaction here is absolutely key.
And then of course a minute later, after Buck reveals he thinks he and Taylor are living together, Bobby jumps in with "I'm going to tell you why this keeps happening to you. Because you don't talk to the women you're dating. You just go with the flow and find yourself in a relationship with no idea how you got there and what to do when things start to go wrong."
And right after he finishes, Eddie says "Yeah, who does that?" in a very sarcastic way. And why? Because of this little scene right here:
Where Eddie mentions Ana being the first "woman" he's wanted to spend time with since Shannon, where Buck tells him to "buck up" basically and face his relationship head on, and where the beginning line is "Hey, are you really trying to sleep or just pretending?"
Which is why we also get Buck's reaction to Eddie's sarcastic line and then Eddie's reaction to Buck:
Because Buck is currently going through his own version of what Eddie had to go through. Buck may not be getting panic attacks or getting asked to a Christening but it literally is a mirror. The "woman" is in love with them and their relationship is at a crucial point where they need to make a decision. Buck running up the stairs after Taylor isn't the decision, despite them entering the next phase of their relationship emotionally. Because if it was, and BT was going to be the it couple or even endgame, the show had an opportunity to end Buddie once and for all right here. Instead, they chose for Buck to have his back turned to Taylor, to be helpful and assist her by getting the bowl for her from the cabinet while she's preparing food aka cooking (Eddie and Ana breakup dialogue taking place in a messy kitchen parallel, anyone?), and for him to have a somewhat lackluster response to her love declaration. And then of course, the little mirrors/parallels back to Eddie, Eddie/Ana, and of course 4x06 and that whole dynamic. And the fact that in 5x03 we saw Eddie decide to end things with Ana after talking to Buck but he doesn't have a talk with Bobby like the latter does here with Buck in this episode about making a "breakup inevitable". Even though talking to Bobby talked to Eddie in 4x06 and Eddie/Ana started after, Bobby didn't talk to Buck about entering into a relationship with Taylor. They really are lining up every single detail from a two-sides-of-the-coin perspective and melting it all down to create one thing: Buddie. I'm telling you. It's all right there.
And of course the whole 118 firetruck scene ends with Hen revealing what happened to May walking in on Bobby and Athena in the kitchen. Hen: "I just wasn't aware we could bring our gear home for recreational purposes." Ravi: "You playing sexy firefighter, Cap?" Bobby: "What makes you think I was the firefighter?"
It's coming, folks. Hang in there. I know it's tough, especially with all of the angst and what feels like disconnected-ness this current season but it'll all be worth it in the end. And when we look back and see where they connected all the dots on the Buddie roadmap.
Let's see what the Christmas episode will bring next week. <3
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