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jasntodds · 11 months

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Lost In The Bitterness | J.T.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Request: @just-lost-inbetween-worlds : I was wondering if you could write a fic where reader kind of works for the titans helping with their medical stuff as she has her EMT certificate or something similar, and one late night she patches up Jason/red hood or Robin, who’ve had a crush on each other secretly but are also sort of enemies? And then when she patches a fairly hurt Jason like the feelings come out and they kiss and confess and such.

Summary: Patching up Jason Todd, Red Hood, at two in the morning on a Tuesday night was not exactly on your agenda. Especially given the history between the two of you.

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, enemies to lovers, mentions of previous homelessness, bit of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Words: 3,323

A/n: Photo credit goes to the amazing @just-lost-inbetween-worlds !! Hello, I love injury tropes, especially this one lmao If you wanna be added to my tag list, click the link below, send me an ask, or comment!! You can also follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary !! If you like this, please reblog it and/or talk to me about it!!

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You and Jason were friends previously, before Red Hood, before he died, before Robin. Jason and you were two street kids, just trying to make it to the next day. You'd met at one of the shelters, clicked almost instantly. Even then he was charming and funny, hot-headed as hell. A true menace to society. He got you into so much trouble and you lived for it. It was fun and he was your best friend. You were his. But he decided to try and rob the Batmobile and Bruce Wayne picked him. You haven't been friends since. Unfortunately, for you though, the Titans and Red Hood have managed to patch things up between them and Red Hood is in San Francisco helping with a case.

When you decided to get your EMT certification, you didn't think you'd be using it to work with the Titans. You got it so you could help people, sure, but you thought you'd be helping people who did not always put themselves, intentionally, in the line of fire. But, life is funny that way. It rarely ever goes the way you think will. And now you're here, working for the Titans because of one really random and chance encounter with an injured Nightwing a few years ago. You helped him and the rest, should have been history. But, your life can't possibly be that simple because then you found out the one and only Jason Todd was actually Red Hood.

"Did you wanna tell me what happened?" Your voice holds a harshness to it that makes Jason groan as you get your supplies ready to patch him up.

"Like you fucking care." Jason quips back, stripping his top half of the suit.

"That's true. I do not fucking care. This is a favor to Dick." Your words are harsh and it hurts.

Jason isn't sure exactly what he did to you to make you hate him so much. Jason isn't oblivious and he's far from stupid. It's not a coincidence that your friendship ended the day he went to live with Bruce. But, he can't figure out why you're so mad about that. Why you don't want him to be taken care of? It didn't pan out exactly how he thought it would with Bruce with the whole Batman and Robin thing, then the dying thing. But, it was good and safe for a while and he was happy being Robin and with Bruce. He doesn't understand why you would hate him for that. So, he's mad at you because you're mad at him. And hearing this is a favor to Dick, now that stings like a hundred hornets.

"Don't fucking help then. Give me the shit and I'll do it my-damn-self. I don't need you." Jason snarls, sticking out his hand for you to hand him whatever you're willing and for a second, you think about it.

Being around him is just difficult and it hurts. All you two do is fight which is partially because you start it a good portion of the time. But, he keeps it going and he hits low blows. Tonight, you're taking the first strike, before he even has a chance. And you think about letting him patch himself up because he's done it before and it would be easier for you. You wouldn't have to be around him and technically, that's still fulfilling the favor to Dick. You made sure Jason didn't die...again. But, you signed an oath and you don't hate him that much. Hate might even be the wrong word.

"No, I'll do it." You mutter, grabbing a pack of gauze pads, knowing you'll be needing to clean something.

"I'm not some dirty fucking favor to anyone." Jason grumbles and his words are hot, boiling in the air.

"You're so insufferable." You groan, tossing your head back in frustration. "Just shut the fuck up and let me help you so you can leave." You turn around and now you're getting a look at the damage.

The anger and annoyance you just had vanished in an instant. His abdomen is bloody, what looks to be a large gash is near his right rib cage. There's a spot below it that looks like a bullet grazed the spot. Shades of purples, blues, and maroons litter the rest of his abdomen. There are a few scars across his chest, on his arms, one up near his neck and you wonder how the hell that even happened. His armor is supposed to protect him. And it stings looking at him like this.

"I'm fucking fine." Jason spits, his eyes narrowed at you and he sees the worry start to stretch across your face. "Don't suddenly act like you give a shit now. I'm bleeding out, you wanna do something or let me do it?"

You suck in a deep breath and move forward. He knows exactly which buttons to press and just how to press them. And yet, you find yourself, not growing mad at the interaction. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him with plenty of bruises and cuts. Jason being a hothead, he's been in his fair share of fistfights but nothing like this. This is different, it's more dangerous. He's putting himself in the line of bullets and knives and fists on purpose. The thought of him dying, again, crosses your mind and you feel your heart skip and then thunder as if it's going to burst right out from your chest.

You weren’t friends when he died but you remember seeing it on the news. Jason Todd had been killed. And you remember how it hurt anyway. Your breath had been sucked from your lungs and every piece of you regretted ever being mad at him in the first place. But, then he came back to life as Red Hood and you fight with him anyway because maybe a part of you thought he was indestructible after dying. He seemed that way and believing that lie you told yourself was easier than facing him. Clearly, you’re very wrong.

"Just stay still." You drop the venom in your voice, kneeling down so you can see the wound.

Jason holds your phone's flashlight in your direction so you can see better. It's not a super deep wound luckily and he doesn't seem to be in too much pain meaning it likely didn't hit anything important. So, you get to work cleaning the wound with water, holding a rag under it to catch the falling water.

"What the hell happened?" You ask, glancing up at him and Jason's eyes are boring into you.

Dick called and gave you the heads up you'd need to help Jason. Jason is staying at the tower but you both have been actively avoiding each other. So, Dick calling you to give you the heads up for your own sake, to prepare yourself for the encounter. And you figured it would be bad for Dick even ask. You always patch them up, even when they can do it themselves. But you didn't think you'd be dealing with Jason. Dick knows you never want to. But, of course you do it anyway. And now you're stuck worried about him.

"A few lucky shots, I guess." Jason looks away from you, not wanting to give you any detail. You already said you don't care, he's not gonna waste his breath.

"Yeah, okay." You roll your eyes. "Former Robin, current Red Hood, just people getting lucky shots in. Sure."

"You don't fucking care." Jason's voice almost cracks with his words. "Just do whatever the hell you need to and I'll leave, alright?"

Hate is not the word for Jason. It was never the right word. Because he's mad at you for being mad at him. When you were kids, there were always those bubbling feelings in the pit of his stomach. He always brushed them away because who has time for that when you're just trying to survive? And the feelings went away because you weren't around anymore. But, then he saw you again and they flooded right back. Even with you being mad at him. There is still something stirring in his stomach when he's around you. Hate isn't the right word.

You let out a sigh. "I'm just mad." You shake your head, swapping the water out for a gauze pad to dry some of the water so you can start stitching it.

It's not the right word for you either. He left you and that hurt a lot. But, it also hurt because you did really like him. Jason Todd has always been charming and charismatic, funny. He's always had a way to get you to laugh or smile either with something that was actually funny or some type of innuendo that also made you cringe. He's always been very good at it and there was a reason he was your best friend. It was never out of a convenience or necessity. There is always something a little bit more to it. And then he left and it hurt a lot. Being mad at him for it was a lot easier than facing any other type of feeling you had toward him.

He knows you're mad. That's kind of the whole issue. Maybe a part of him doesn't want to know. He thinks maybe you'll tell him it's him. There's something he specifically did. He's done it to everyone else, done something to piss them off and make them hate him. The Titans hated him for long enough, Bruce wasn't thrilled with him. Bruce still isn't happy with him given their opposing morals. Everyone gives up on him eventually and he doesn't want to hear that. Not tonight.

Not from you.

You get up and grab the needle and thread, threading the needle before moving back to your spot. Jason is still watching you intently and it makes you feel a little uneasy. You're not really sure why he's watching you so carefully. He has a thing about him that always makes you squirm, he's always been good at it. And maybe you're a little tired of being mad at him. Especially right now because he's injured.

"You left." Your voice is so small, Jason barely hears you.

"You're mad because I left?" Jason questions, his brows pulling together.

"Mhm." You hum. "Stay still. It'll probably hurt." You state before you start the stitching with no warning and Jason flitches. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Jason says through gritted teeth.

You start adding several stitches up the wound. "You went to live with Bruce and you left me alone."

It's not that he left you alone on purpose. He didn't have a choice. He went with Bruce, to a home, or go to juvie again. The choice was pretty easy and simple. He also did go looking for you but you conveniently, forget that part of the story.

"I looked for you. You fucking avoided me. I checked all of our spots and you were never fucking there. What the hell did you expect me to do?" Jason questions and it’s so frustrating. And you can hear the hurt in his voice which makes you feel worse for being mad in the first place.

"I don't know." You groan back, pausing your stitching. "But it hurt, okay? You left me alone and it hurt. And I'm mad because you were my best friend and you got to be safe. I got the shit end of the stick." You shake your head and that’s first time you’re saying it out loud, realizing how horrible it sounds. “It’s...it’s not your fault. It just sucked.”

That's not his fault. It's not his fault you weren’t caught by Bruce. It was a chance encounter. A fluke. Jason was just ballsy to try and steal from Batman. That's all it was. It's not his fault but he feels bad about it anyway because he doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't think he ever deserved the kindness that Bruce offered that day or deserved the chance to be Robin. Look at what he's become, Jason doesn't think he deserves it.

"I'm sorry." Jason states, his voice broken. "You should have gotten better, alright? You should have."

You shake your head and you know this whole thing is dumb and selfish. "No," You shrug your shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Jay. I’m sorry for being mad. You deserved better and it was selfish of me to be mad. I was mad at the world and I took it out on you because it was easier, I guess. I’m really sorry.” You wish you could take it all back. Every single part of it. It’s not fair to him and you know he always deserved the best.

Jason is someone who doesn’t hold many grudges. He can let stuff go and it’s pretty simple. Apologize and he can move past it. And he always had a hard time staying mad at you for anything.

“I was only mad at you because you were mad at me.” Jason lets out a soft chuckle.

A faint smile pulls at your lips. “That’s a very you thing to do.” You lets out a soft laugh.

You continue to patch Jason up as the silence of the room consumes the two of you. You meant a lot to him. Jason's always been a rebel with a cause, causing trouble for the fun of it. Just trying to survive and you got that. You always did and you helped him get in and out of trouble more times than he count. You were his best friend and he's missed you, even if he doesn't show it and he's been mean to you. He's missed you and he hates being mad at you. Jason doesn't hold very many grudges.

And in this moment, you're finding it hard to hold onto the grudge. He's riddled with scars and he's actively doing what no one else is willing to do. Baring the weight so other people don't have to. He never meant to hurt you and you know he didn't. You wonder if anyone has ever helped him, after Robin. Probably not. Jason doesn't let many people in to begin with and you find yourself feeling sad for him. He didn’t deserve any of the bad things that have happened to him. And all of those feelings you had for him, bubble back up to the surface.

"I did miss you, for the record." You state, letting out a breath.

Jason's abdomen flexes as a chuckle falls from his lips. "Bull fucking shit."

"I did." You defend. "You were my best friend, of course, I missed you."

"Sure as shit never acted like it." Jason spits but there’s almost an airy sarcasm to his words.

"Because of the anger I had covered it up." You glance up at him as you finish placing some gauze on one of the cuts.

"You gonna stay mad at me forever?" Jason offers you the smirk that used to get you into trouble and he’s so tired of being mad at you. It’s pointless. It never got either of you anywhere.

"No." You flash him a gentle smile.

"Good, holding grudges doesn't look good on you." Jason quips, a cheeky smirk on his lips.

You roll your eyes, getting to your feet. "Oh, and now you know what looks good on me?"

"I've got some ideas."

"Right." You nod your head. "Be careful next time." You look him up and down and you can feel your stomach turn with nerves as you watch the smirk turn into something cocky.

"So now you care, huh?"

"Just don't want you to die again." You state.

"Yeah." Jason scoffs, looking down to his lap.

"Mad doesn't mean I actually didn't care."

"Sorry for everything anyway."

"It's alright, I forgive you." Your eyes widen at him as a smile pulls at your lips. "Always had a hard time staying mad you, especially when you manage to apologize."

"Yeah?" Jason gets a sinister glint in his eyes. "And why's that?" A part of him is messing with you, just like he used to when you were kids. The other part though, is curious if your reasoning is the same as his.

Your eyes narrow slightly. "Because..." You shrug and decide you have nothing to lose at this point. You’re not kids on the streets anymore. And you’re done holding onto bitterness and grudges. There’s no harm in telling him now. "Had a little hit of a thing for you then."

Jason's heart thunders with your words and he can feel heat rush to his cheeks. "Not now though?" He tries to brush it off, admitting the same thing. "Had a thing for you, too.... back then."

"Not now though?" You repeat his words and Jason has a cheeky grin as his eyes look to the ceiling and back to you. Jason shrugs right back. "Oh, well, too bad.” Sarcasm drips from your words. “Could've seen where it would go now but if—"

Jason grabs the back of your thighs, pulling you closer to him. Your hands catch yourself on his shoulders, your eyes wide. And you feel your heart jump to your throat.

"You saying you still do?" Jason asks, his eyes hopeful and you always liked the color of his eyes.

"Is that going to be an issue?"

Jason can't help the genuine smile that comes to his face. He always felt the most comfortable with you, even when you were being mean to him. "Nope, not an issue." Jason's voice drops as he eyes your lips.

"Yeah, still have a thing for you now." You dip your head lower, resting your forehead against his.

"So, do something about it." His voice is low but taunting and you take him up on it, bringing his lips to yours.

The kiss is soft at first but then Jason's grip tightens on your thighs, pulling you closer and your hands tangle in his hair, pulling his mouth harsher against yours. The kiss turns hungry and desperate, his hands sliding up to your ass and then your hips. His mind pays no attention to the pain of the injuries from tonight and he focused solely on you. He's always wanted to be with you, since those days on the streets. It's complicated now, too but not like that.

You pull away first. Your breathing is quickened and an uncontrollable smile pulls at the corners of your lips. "Didn't know you felt that way, Jay." And truly, you never did. The jokes always seemed like jokes but the idea of him and you makes your heart nearly burst.

"Yeah," Jason chuckles softly. And he never thought you liked him, not like that. You always liked to mess with him and played the same jokes. He thought that’s all it ever was. Why wouldn’t it be? But, that never stopped him from wanting something more with you. So, now with confirmation, he takes his shot at it. "You wanna try this out? See where it goes?"

You nod your head, lowering your voice to just above a whisper. "Yeah, I'd like that." You close the distance again, kissing him deeply.

Tag list: @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @dgraysonss // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @vivian-555 // @kebonita // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover

#jason todd x reader #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #red hood fanfic #red hood fanfiction #red hood x reader #requests

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saellefanwork · 2 months

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𝐄𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐬

Kamado Tanjiro x DemonSlayer!F!Reader x (Past) Rengoku Kyojuro

Reminder: This Demon Slayer fic is rated Explicit (adults only) for canon-typical violence and, disturbing and explicit sexual content

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Chapter 3: Closure

After a prolonged coma, Tanjiro wakes up, finding you by his side. Will you be able to start anew?

Author Note: A sweet chapter for a change lmao (I think so?). But still very NSFW.

TAGS applying to this chapter: Healing, still some slight depression and delusions, Healthy/Healthier relationship, Oral sex, Vaginal sex, soft dom Tanjiro, Top Tanjiro, Bottom reader. Slight manga spoilers about the Demon Slayer Mark!

Tanjiro blacked out once more closely after the end of the Red Light District's battle and remained in coma for the subsequent two months. You anxiously stood by his bedside every day, leaving only when a mission required your presence. His friends also visited him, concerned about his slow recovery.

Despite the complex history between you, Tanjiro had valiantly shielded you during the confrontation with Upper Moon 6. You felt responsible of his current condition, haunted by agonizing guilt when reflecting on your tumultuous relationship. Since Kyojuro's death, you acknowledged lacking self-control and realized the extent to which you had leaned on the kindness, compassion, and devotion of his tsuguko. Contemplating your abusive behavior filled you with deep shame.

During Tanjiro's recovery, you finally embraced the therapy recommended by Shinobu. It comprised a combination of medication, psychological counseling, and soon included meditation sessions and mantras under Gyomei's guidance. Although the weight of your fiancé's demise and your ex-lover's coma still pressed heavily on you, these treatments significantly improved your emotional stability.

Eventually, Kanao witnessed Tanjiro's awakening while you were at the temple with Gyomei and Genya. When you returned, you found him once again unconscious among his friends, a soft smile on his lips. The second time he stirred, you were the sole presence in the room, as the others had left to rest.

"Hey...," he murmured weakly, lightly touching your arm as you dozed on your chair nearby.

"Tanjiro!" you exclaimed, startled. You immediately clasped his uninjured hand, tears of relief shimmering in your eyes.

"It's so good to see you awake again... Are you hungry? There are some leftovers I can get for you."

He nodded feebly, and you sprang into action. Returning with rice porridge and miso soup, you assisted him with his meal. The situation brought back memories of the times following the Flame Hashira's death, when your friend had similarly encouraged you to eat, staying by your side whenever possible. Now, it was your turn to reciprocate and care for him.

In the ensuing days, you dedicated yourself tirelessly to Tanjiro in-between your therapy sessions and a few brief missions. The Sun Breathing user made a surprisingly swift recovery, initiating his rehabilitation training within a week of waking up. Despite his impressive spirit and health recovery, an akward atmosphere persisted between you two, as if neither of you knew how to act around the other.

You desired a fresh start with him, yet you hesitated to voice this sentiment. He had already endured so much for you, and you psyche wasn't fully healed either. As a proof, there were moments when you came perilously close to calling him by your dead fiancé's name, barely managing to stop yourself. More often than you wished, the overlapping images of the two men often left you in a state of confusion for hours.

In the end, it was Tanjiro who initiated a private conversation with you, extending an invitation to his room within the Butterfly Estate. Accepting with a heavy heart, you found your former suitor sitting on his bed, engrossed in the Rengokus kata manuals. Your vision blurred slightly at the sight, reminiscent of Kyojiro, who used to study the same books to hone his skills. Shaking off the memories, you took a deep breath and approached your host. Tanjiro, setting aside his reading, greeted you with a warm smile.

"Thank you for coming! Feel free to sit here if you'd like," he offered, patting the empty spot next to him.

You complied, your eyes fixed on your nervously twisting fingers. Tanjiro could scent the depth of your anxiety. He reassured you with a calming touch, placing a hand on yours.

"I'm not sure what's causing you so much concern, but I just wanted to congratulate you," he explained kindly. "I noticed that you're doing much better. Kocho-san informed me about your therapy with her and Himejima-san. I'm happy for you."

"Oh... it's the least I could do... and I don't really feel like I'm progressing. It's reassuring to know that you think it's working," you admitted.

"Of course! I watched you train yesterday, and you looked radiant. Here, it's not much, but Nezuko and I prepared this to congratulate you."

He handed you a bowl of small caramels. You hadn't noticed them earlier; your attention had been completely focused on him.

Accepting the sweets onto your lap, you expressed gratitude with a somber expression. There was so much you wanted to convey to him (I'm sorry), so many questions (Can we start anew?), and you felt heavily indebted to him (Thank you for everything)... you didn't know where to begin. You expected him to resent you, but he continued to act like a caring friend, and that realization only added fire to the infernal conflict within you.

Your scent now exuded profound sadness, so potent that it caught him by the throat. He was about to inquire what was wrong, or if the caramels had triggered a painful memory, when you interrupted him by speaking again.

"I can’t apologize enough for everything I've put you through, Tanjiro... For starters, I’m sorry for calling you 'Kyojuro', especially during intimate moments... It's a pitiful excuse, but one of the reason was that you resemble him so much. Not physically, of course, but in your kindness, your cheerfulness and your selflessness... even your Breathing styles are close. You could have been brothers... It's only natural that he wanted you as his successor. What I loved and admired so much about him, I find in you, and... and because I couldn't accept his... his death," the word almost strangled you with a sob. "Because I couldn't accept it, I projected him onto you. It was so easy, with your personalities... I did that instead of simply enjoying the company of a man as good as you, Tanjiro... I'm sorry. I know you've suffered immensely; I must have made you feel like you were nothing, while you had to endure both the loss of your Aniki my poor condition. You deserve better. I just... hope you'll forgive me one day."

Your control shattered, and to your shame, you started shaking and crying. Tanjiro held you tightly, providing a comforting embrace, shedding years with you. There was no word to describe how it felt to see you finally acknowledged his efforts and pain.

"I was willing to do anything for you, you know... I would have continued to play that role if I believed I could, but I can't be Kyojuro... I will never be like him. I made a mistake by trying; it ended up hurting both of us. And, honestly, I... I wish for you to love me for who I am," he confessed, looking vulnerable. "Because I love you desperately on my side. I've loved you dearly since the first day we met."

His sobs intensified, and you wailed together, finding comfort in each other's broken hearts. One aspect of Tanjiro that differed from your fiancé was his expressivity. Kyojuro never cried, even in the depths of his sorrow. His family environment had forbidden it from a tender age. Although it also contributed to his reassuring charisma and resilience, you genuinely cherished the sensibility of your current companion. If anything, it was a proof of his charming sincerity and his purity, and a part of his gentle strength.

"I love you, Tanjiro," you whispered.

Releasing his embrace, the young man's teary eyes held a fragile hope as he gazed at you. This marked the first time you expressed your love for him while using his name, an awareness that filled you with guilt.

"... Really? Even if... even if I can't be Kyojuro?"

He looked so vulnerable in that moment, it struck an emotional chord within you. Your fingers tenderly traced his cheek as you dreamily studied each of his beautiful features.

"You are perfect just the way you are, Tanjiro... In some aspects, you surpass him; in others, you are equals, and there are areas where he will remain unmatched. It doesn't matter. You are you, and... I love you from the bottom of my heart. I truly do. If you can forgive me for everything I've put you through, I'd like to try starting anew, to be with you for who you really are, and not as... a replacement. I can't promise I won't make mistakes or experience nightmares again, but I'll continue with the therapy prescribed by Shinobu... I'll do my best to heal. To become completely yours. Would you wait for me, Tanjiro?"

Tanjiro wiped his face with his sleeve, offering you a smile. His eyes still glistened with tears, love, and hope.

"Of course. I'd wait for you for years if needed."

Days turned into weeks, and gradually, you and Tanjiro settled into the rhythm of young lovers once more. He brought you souvenirs from his missions, and you returned tokens of affection whenever you could. Tentatively, you began holding hands, cuddling, and eventually, sharing kisses.

After a few months, you started sleeping the same bed again. It was a long-anticipated dream coming true once more, especially since your nights alone were filled with painful nocturnal anxieties. Despite the joy of this reconnection, you understood how challenging this step was for Tanjiro, considering your last intimate experience. This time, you had patiently waited for him to suggest it, prioritizing his feelings over yours.

The first night together carried a hint of awkwardness, maintaining a chaste and somewhat distant atmosphere as you both adjusted. However, Tanjiro gradually relaxed, pulling you closer during sleep, noting that your nightmares had less grip on you. You found contentment in this renewed intimacy, though the growing desire for your partner became increasingly difficult to conceal. Despite this, you refrained from rushing things, mindful of your past traumas and his. Unbeknownst to you, Tanjiro was also holding back with similar considerations.

One evening, despite your progress, you had a nightmare—specifically, the one involving the Mugen train tragedy. You jerked up trembling, your face drenched in sweat and tears. You remained silent, but the scent of your distress roused your companion, prompting him to pull you into a comforting hug.

The kindness and warmth of the eldest Kamado enveloped you. If Kyojuro embodied an all-consuming summer sunshine, Tanjiro manifested as a gentle spring ray of light, holding you with tenderness. His kisses landed everywhere on your face and hair, wiping your tears as he whispered sweet words of love and reassurance.

Gradually, your initial sadness faded away, replaced by a yearning for more affection and closeness.

"Tanjiro...," you murmured, your voice hoarse with longing.

The way you pronounced his name made his breath hitch. In response, he emitted a soft hum, nuzzling your neck. Although you were trying to restrain yourself, he could sense your inner desires in your intonation and scent. He could tell already that your core was dripping, craving for attention. Though he remained still, his grip around you tightened slightly, which subtly encouraged you to speak again.

"Tanjiro... I love you... my sweet Tanjiro..." The words flowed effortlessly from your lips in a sultry whisper. You could tell he liked the way you moaned his name.

Lifting his face, Tanjiro met your gaze. His mouth hesitated before finding yours, initiating a tender kiss. You relished on the feel of his warm breath on your lips. You revelled in the warmth of his breath on your lips. Unlike your previous encounters, this kiss lacked the desperate passion, allowing both of you to taste, explore, and rediscover each other slowly.

You guided his hand to your chest. Leaning back slightly, Tanjiro studied you carefully, ensuring that you were present in the moment, and not lost into some delusion. His touch on your covered breast was delicate, as though you were made of glass.

"You don't want to?" you murmured, trying to hide the regret in your tone.

"Of course, I want you...," he reassured with a sweet smile. "But I would like to take it slow this time. I've dreamed of sharing this moment with you for so long, you know?"

Blushing, you closed your eyes, allowing him to explore your jaw and throat with his lips as he gradually undid your nightshirt and chest binder. A soft moan escaped you as you felt his hot breath brushing your breasts, covering it with light kisses. His tongue teased your nipples, before the warmth of his mouth locked around them, sucking them alternately.

Your pleasure-filled sounds seemed to delight him, and he began to toy with the hem of your pajama bottoms, slipping his fingers inside but refraining from reaching between your legs just yet. Your hips bucked slightly, yearning to meet his hand, a silent plea to quench the growing fire in your core. He chuckled softly, amused by your eagerness. Succumbing to the allure, he finally brushed his digits against your moist cunt.

A quiet exclamation escaped him when he realized the extent of your arousal—you were absolutely drenched down there. He looked both surprised and genuinely flattered. Despite feeling somewhat embarrassed by your evident eagerness, you pressed his hand against your wetness.

"It's for you, Tanjiro. I am yours now."

He blushed intensely in response and resumed your fervent kiss, stealing your breath away. His fingers ventured into your depths, and his thumb delicately massaged your clit.

"I'm yours too," he whispered, lightly grazing your earshell with his teeth. "I'll take care of you." Unbeknownst to him, it was a phrase that Kyojuro used to say in similar situations. The kinship between them struck you once more like thunder. You moaned instinctively as you felt him suck your earlobe, but your mind started to wander frantically, leaving you petrified and as your lover's lips traced a path down your bust. Sensing your distraction, your partner gently prompted you:

"Baby, look at me."

You obeyed, your gaze clouded.

"You're with me," he continued in his kind and steady voice. "It's me, Tanjiro. Everything is fine. Don't take your eyes off me, okay?"

With a less confused expression, you nodded. With that, he began to breathe slowly and steadily, his tongue exploring your lower lips. You instantly relaxed under his oral caresses, allowing the gradual warmth to build within you as he feasted on you.

Though Tanjiro was relatively inexperienced, he paid close attention to each of your reactions to his touch. Quickly discerning what pleased you the most, he continued to reverently lap at your delicate bud while gently inserting one, then two fingers deep inside you. His rough swordsman's digits skillfully massaged your tender and responsive walls.

Sensing your proximity to climax, he sucked harder your sensitive pearl while rubbing a particular spot inside you. You succumbed under the pleasurable sensations, trembling in the wake of overstimulation. As he straightened up, he looked at your dishevelled state with his adoring purple eyes. He held your legs apart with his calloused palms and started to slide his length languidly against your throbbing clit, still coated with saliva.

"Say my name, love," he demanded in his soft, almost hypnotic voice.

As thrilling as his command was, you understood that it was also a way to ensure your presence in the moment with him. The sultry way he rubbed himself close to your entrance was a promise – he would reward you if you complied correctly, and postpone the pleasure as a ‘punishment’ if you couldn't.

"Hmm... Tanjiro...," you called out obediently, your gaze fixed on him through lust-veiled eyes. "I love you... Please... take me..."

A warm smile graced Tanjiro's lips as he leaned down to kiss you. "Anything you want, my love."

He captured your sighs between his lips as you felt his hardened member slowly entering you. A long groan escaped him as you sensed him splitting your walls slowly, until he was fully sheathed. Watching you tremble and mewl beneath him, the spark in his eyes intensified. It was a struggle for him to grasp that one of his dearest dreams was finally coming to reality, and that he was becoming one with you. The previous time didn't count. Tonight, your moans of love, desire, and pleasure were truly for him. It was his name that you were crying with delight, the sound of your voice resonating all the way down his lower belly, making it throb. Inhaling deeply, he commenced deliberate and rhythmic thrusts, and you clung to his shoulders, breathless. The sensations overwhelmed you; the feeling of fullness was intense. Tanjiro revelled in the way your muscles clenched around him as his tip kissed your cervix. You were taking him so well... as if you were custom-made for each other. He sought your gaze but found your eyes closed, lost in pleasure. He cradled your chin with one hand, the other subtly lifting your hips to refine the angle of his movements.

"Look at me," he requested again, his tone devoid of any force, yet you complied instinctively. Your gaze briefly slid from his face to your belly, where you noticed a slight bulge forming with each deep thrust he bestowed upon you. Sensing his eyes on you, you compelled yourself to shift your attention back to him.

"You're with me, aren't you, darling?"

You folded your arms behind his neck and pulled him towards you, kissing him tenderly and gently sucking his tongue. "Yes, Tanjiro... I'm with you. I'm yours."

He smiled and traced his hand down to your belly, rubbing the area where the slight bulge appeared with this thumb while he teasingly stilled himself deep inside you. You whined and he could feel you tighten around him.

"Good girl," he praised as you waited patiently for him to move again, breathless.

You didn't know whether he was acknowledging your resilience to your usual delusions, or appreciating your obedience — perhaps both. His palm moved lower, the rough pad of his thumb grazing your bud, heightening the sensations of his fervent thrusts. Dizziness began to set in, your senses overwhelmed.

"Come for me?" he asked in his gentle voice, tentatively pinching your clit.

It was more of a question than an order, yet, as if under a spell, your body responded instantly with the onset of a powerful climax. A shaky cry and tears of pleasure escaped you. Leaning over to suck your pulse, he sustained his intense and frenzied movements throughout your orgasm, extending it to its fullest. With the final contractions of your walls, he sensed his own release approaching, pulling you sharply against him and delivering his seed deep inside you. You shivered as you felt the hot streams of his semen spread within.

"I love you, Tanjiro," you whispered into his burgundy hair.

Still catching his breath, he closed his eyes, pressing his face against your neck, savoring your cherished scent. He was grateful to the gods for your presence, tenderness, and words of affection. He knew he would never get tired of them.

"I love you too. I want to spend the remaining of my life with you."

Soon after that night, Tanjiro officially sought your hand, and you gladly accepted, signing the papers only a few weeks later. The wedding ceremony was humble, just an intimate affairwith your close friends, yet it was one of the happiest day of your life.

Time marched forward. As promised, you diligently committed to the therapy regimen prescribed by Shinobu. Although occasional slips still occurred, like calling Tanjiro by his predecessor's name— especially in the aftermath of disquieting dreams or particularly taxing missions— such instances gradually waned. The journey toward complete recovery might span years, if it could be achieved at all. However, Tanjiro was a patient and understanding husband. He loved you, and now that he was certain of your reciprocation, he could face any challenge by your side.

Kyojuro's memory persisted as well. His tsuguko continued to carry his flame tsuba on his katana, ensuring his legacy accompanied you in every battle and beyond. Tanjiro let his hair grow back again, not to please you this time, but as a tribute to his late mentor. Regular visits to the Flame Hashira's grave and his family were also a part of your routine, woven into the gaps between missions. You and Tanjiro solemnly pledged to fight for a world where your descendants and the Rengokus could thrive in peace. Perhaps, in a brighter future, you would all be reunited...

Despite the relentless battles and the looming curse of the Demon Slayer Mark, one day, your dream will come true.

@gyusimp @kimiwotabenakatta-blog

Here it is! The final chapter of "Echoes of Loss". Hope it gave you multiple feels :') ;) My god the previous version was so full of typos, I'm glad I rewrote it lol (and ashamed to think that some people had read the beta, sorry sorry). Thank you for reading to the end! If you liked this fic, consider liking it, commenting, reblogging it and/or subscribing to my page! It always set the flame in my heart ablaze ❤️‍🔥 There will be a polyamory (Kyojuro x Tanjiro x Reader) reincarnation Sequel, though, called "Chocolate Lips" (which can be read as a separate one-shot). As usual, tell me in the comments if you want to be tagged!

Check my masterlist for other works and commissions info.

#tanjiro x reader #rengoku x reader #demon slayer fanfic #rengoku kyojuro x reader #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader #rengoku kyojuro #kamado tanjiro #character development #toxic relationship #healing journey

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bedknees · 8 months

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You always leave your cool headcanons in the tags! If you're up to it, do you have some for Simon and Betty your up for sharing? I'd love to hear them 🥺

lol sorry ha ha! I like whispering in the tags a lot lmao. And sure! I don't think I ever really gave headcanons on these two disasters but I have a ton so buckle up, and thanks for the ask. ^^

Betty

She was born to Russian Jewish first-gen immigrants somewhere in New England. They were medical doctors by trade, running a practice together and everything. She is an only child. Her parents worked a lot so she was often alone at home when she got old enough.

Due to relative solitude at home, Betty became an avid reader and allowed it to occupy her time when she was lonely. She has a particular penchant for mystery novels that persisted into adulthood. Her general love of the unknown led her into being interested in real world mysteries.

Her birthday is April 11, 1966 - making her an elder Gen X and an Aries.

Has always been very smart, especially in regards to mathematics and has a minor in it. It's definitely her forte, if not made obvious by Temple of Mars.

She is bipolar II and has learned to manage it well over years, as long as no major stressors enter her life she is pretty good to go [crying cat giving thumbs up image]

Loves plants and mushrooms! She's especially fond of succulents. Very adept at fungi identification and foraging properly.

When she's not deep into her work, she likes taking nature hikes either on foot or on her bike. She's always loved the outdoors.

Betty loves all genres of music, but is particularly partial to Depeche Mode and Journey.

She also loves all animals, but really enjoys alligators and crocodilians. The first time she went down South and saw an American Alligator just casually hanging out near a river, she nearly burst into tears.

Simon

His birthday is August 25th, 1965. He is a Virgo because of course he is. Just misses Boomer status, as Gen X began in '65 lmao.

His father was a first-generation Russian/Yakut immigrant, while his mother was a second generation Filipina American. They were borderline hippies that met at a music festival, but break the (objectively flawed) stereotype by being very well educated with successful careers in teaching.

Simon had a younger sister and developed Older Sibling Syndrome that defines part of his personality to this day.

Stemming from his parents, Simon has always had a thirst for adventure. In addition to being exposed to camping at young age due to his family taking him to festivals in his youth, he also has always had a general inclination to explore the unknown.

Loves 60s-70s rock and roll a la Mountain and Jimi Hendrix, but just prefers the genre in general. This manifests later a bit in Ice King's love for Marceline's music, which is of course rock-centric.

He is autistic; his first special interest was cryptids, something that never really left him. He eventually developed one for playing the drums (also seen in IK later) and Cheers obv. His main interest is by far ancient artifacts. He was the kid that checked out books on Ancient Egypt every week.

Got his PHD in Archaeology by 27 due to being wicked smart and starting intro college classes all the way back in his Junior/Senior years of high school.

Unironically tuned into Art Bell's radio show because of his cryptid and conspiracy fascination. He never actually bought into any of it (mostly), but it was fun for him!

Is a cat person full stop. He will sometimes take walks in his neighborhood and be greeted by all the outside cats that he has made a point to get to know!

Simon and Betty

Met at a University-held science and sci-fi convention right before Betty was to leave for Australia. Simon held a small panel on the Enchiridion, talking about its history and his search for it. Betty fell fast and hard. They both did. After the panel they talked for hours about it.

Their shared love for mysteries and adventure made them a perfect match. They shared a ton in common and became inseparable almost instantly.

Were the couple that rarely ever fought, but they also possessed a level of obvious codependency. Betty was the first person to ever make Simon feel so seen and he loved her wit and eccentricity, and Simon proved so smart and sweet and genuinely interesting that their pull was magnetic.

#ask #anon #long post #headcanons #mymeta #betty grof #simon petrikov #petrigrof #atimers #adventure time

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cosmereplay · 20 days

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thanks jupes! @windrunnered tagged me in a game :] rules: (make a new post) and list 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

in no particular order:

The Stormlight Archive. Although that's maybe a bit of a cheat because just explaining what the story is about could easily take an hour

Peer support. The history, the philosophy, the practice, the stories. It's wonderful stuff and I could talk about it all day.

Intersections of physical and mental health. Based on my personal experience of mental health being caused by a physical illness, I have done a lot of research and now I have a lot to say about the intersections among mental illness, physical illness, medical gaslighting, axes of oppression, how the body works, etc etc.

Myself. I love telling stories about myself. It helps my memories stay more alive, even if it doesn't keep them sharp lmao! Look I'm middle aged and I've been through a few things 😅

The Canadian physical and mental health care systems. I have to be restrained once I get going on that topic!

tagging: @truthwatcher-vez @knight-of-skyloft @might-be-a-lynx @priscellie @wanderingchanneler

and anyone else! just tagged people who would think this is fun. please, if you do it, tag me!

#tag games #I can also talk about the good bad and ugly of how suicide is treated in the mental health system but idk if that would put people off #I have lost track of what normal people talk about anymore

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tiredassmage · 7 months

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giggling and kicking my feet. oh i lOVE THESE!! thamk you for the tag @eorzeashan! <3

BOLD the FACTS

bothering the man, the myth, the legend, the og~ this will not stop me from wanting to do more blorbo. nor verses of blorbo.

PERSONAL

Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable

Twenty-some years (and counting) of intelligence work has its moments. While largely still ready for field work at a moment's notice, history with the Castellans and then Valkorian's influence don't play well with his habit of being a workaholic, nor his... equally bad habit of trying to work through headaches and occasional bouts of insomnia.

Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other

Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other

Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

Nebulously, 'Cipher Nine' may or may not be connected to some of his work, but the fact that he's still among the Republic's 'most wanted' does imply a slight lack of proof. Or ability to actually bring him in. (And maybe there's still a part of him that's amused by it and maybe just a smidgen proud about it, okay?) We're also not talking about the implied treason. If the Empire ever caught his, ah. Affiliations. :))

FAMILY

Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children

The slightly shorter answer is he hasn't. thought about it a lot, but he'd like to, when it crosses his mind. It's the Shelter Dog Rizz (TM) and also that this man has a mentor streak a country mile wide and just doesn't have a lot of opportunities to realize it. Ough, which version of events? xD When this idiot finally retires, there are two daughters whom he will definitely build blanket forts with and "accidentally" teach Huttese swears and insults to because they argued Hyroh didn't know, etc. etc. [Sunasa grows up too fast and will always be his baby girl and Kas is going to be taller than him and completely capable of breaking arms by herself and he's going to worry about both of them. Forever.]

Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

Tyr, your complicated family ties. Tyr has no biological siblings, but his adopted sister, Mavis, and him haven't spoken since before his time in the Academy and they were almost always more antagonistic than not. I wouldn't be surprised if they never referred to each other as siblings. They more so just. happened to grow up in the same household.

Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable

Again, complicated, lmao. The official story is orphaned and adopted. The actual story is... given up in an effort to protect him from the trappings of life as an intelligence operative. [Sorry, Keeper. You tried.]

TRAITS & TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between

♦ disorganized / organized / in-between

♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between

♦ calm / anxious / in-between / highly contextual

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between

Tyr has. always flirted with the line between respectful and 'with all due respect, which is none' blatancy. He knows he can't outright bite the hands on the leash. Doesn't usually mean he's entirely pleased with complacency.

♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual

I was going to give him cautious, but this man is incredibly ride or die. When he says, I'll do anything for you, try not to test. how far he'll go about that. It's damn pretty far.

♦ patient / impatient / in-between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between / highly contextual

Again, he. flirts with the edge. Depends on who he's around.

♦ leader / follower / in-between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between

♦ traditional / modern / in-between

His taste on how intelligence work should be handled - with field operatives trusted to do their job has historically gotten him in, ah. arguments. He's of an older guard in that way and he knows it and he's not keen to let anyone forget it. But as far as Imperial policy is concerned... Well, that's what a little treason can be good for the soul for. Maybe. You didn't hear that from him.

♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / in-between / unknown

Loyal like a fucking dog - to actual ride or die levels. To people more than anything else. And, yes, to that... slightly more idealistic streak in him that's there no matter how much he tries to mask it in realism.

♦ faithful / unfaithful / in-between / unknown

In the spiritual sense? Not particularly. Again, loyal like a dog. Faithful to his found family pack His People to the bitter end.

BELIEFS

Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking

(Unfortunately, verified by experience.)

Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking

Something about the persistence of spirits would suggest it, but he's got plenty enough to wrangle with the living. That bridge can be crossed when or if they arrive upon it.

Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking

Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

free giggle in star wars here

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual

In a manner of speaking? While perhaps not a readily apparent trait, Tyr tends to enjoy learning. It's a heart or core of what he'd describe of his work as an intelligence operative: learning about people, places, beliefs as big as how to organize society and as small as that merchant is a rip-off. Ideals are far more important to him than I believe he realizes.

SEXUALITY & ROMANCE

Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless

Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

A skill in an intelligence toolkit has offered him experience, but he's a bit less experienced in pinpointing exactly what he genuinely likes - experiments he is... rather favorable to exploring.

Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / rarely / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic

Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker

Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict / former addict

Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / rarely / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gamble

I will. almost certainly return to do more blorbos. I love these things kdfnlsadfn

No pressure tags as always/I am so sorry if you have already gotten one and I have not seen it/open invitation to join in if you like etc etc thank you for coming to my TED talk @captainderyn @commander-krios @fatewalker-phoenix

#tag games #ch: tyr #dot talk #swtor ocs #bold the facts series

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loopspoop · 5 months

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Figured I would give some general headcanons for the AU besides just physical appearances because I’m bored and also feel like I need to contribute more lmao

Lupin

* has some phantom pains from having his organic limbs removed

* autism and adhd! Our boy is sensory seeking and has a fair few thievery and history based hyperfixations. Ask him about the Jean de la Motte!

* Did have top surgery but he’s Genderfluid! Usually presents as male but we love and respect Miss Marie in this household damnit! (He/She) pronouns but isn’t picky about it

*bisexual and polyamorous! She’s dating everyone in the gang and pops!

*panics over power tools, needles, and loud sounds post cybernetics. It gets a bit better with time but trying to do repairs initially was hell

* started working with the stuff he uses for disguises to cover her cybernetics so she can seem like she’s fully human

*got super depressed once he realized he had cybernetics and had a whole crisis over not being entirely Lupin III anymore

*had a lot of issues with his cybernetics early on with malfunctions and small parts breaking off because the parts were just early installments placed there to hold space before upgrades could be made

* had the sensitivity turned up pretty damn high early on so Mad could keep him captive since it’s hard to move when everything hurts and you’re trying to recover from surgeries

* had pretty severe panic attacks early on that the gang had to learn to help her through

Goemon

* had top surgery but is non-binary! (He/they) respect pronouns or he will slice you in half!

* did everyone’s top surgeries actually (except Fujiko, she did hers medically)

*asexual and panromatic! (In a queer platonic relationship with Pops and Fuji, dating Lup and Jigen)

*will chop bigots in half

*autistic! This is basically canon anyways though. They literally always wear the same outfit and eat specific foods or won’t eat at all I mean come on!

* they take every chance to pick everyone up

* when having a hard time he seeks physical comfort by laying with Jigen and Lup (usually has them act as weighted blankets for him)

* is definitely a mother hen but less of one than Jigen. They usually tag team mother Lup and then get on to each other when they aren’t doing enough self care

* guess what…they know how to drive and use a phone in this AU! They just don’t rely on these things as much as the others so it makes him seem like he can’t

* knows the most medically out of everyone which is good because the others are always getting hurt somehow

* very good at deep breathing as a way of self regulation which helps when things are stressful! They all take some time to do group breathing together

* they know sign language! They try their best to teach the others too

* collected a lot of books on robotics and swiped a lot of Mad’s notes and parts to keep up with Lup

*also emotional support for repairs and checkups. He had to hold Lup down the first few times (they all do not regard these memories fondly at all but it had to be done)

*has a sweet tooth and actually eats properly in this AU!

* has visual snow syndrome (look it up I also have it)

Jigen

* he has anxiety! He just usually forces himself to not panic about stuff until the danger has passed. He shoves it deep down inside (not healthy at all sir)

* mother hen along with Goe. He’s a tightass about self care except for with himself which is when Goemon gets involved

* resident weighted blanket for the others (he’s very warm)

* gives the others ice to keep them calm in stressful situations (saves sour candies for Lup too)

* he puts his hair up a lot and usually puts up Goe and Fuji’s too

* when he gets stressed he closes himself off from everyone so he doesn’t blow up

* doesn’t like wide open spaces from his days in service because he feels too exposed

* wears his hat because his eyes are sensitive

* he’s secretly a good poet (he will never let the others know this)

* he turns on the live cam wildlife videos for everyone to watch to relax

* autistic? Who knows. Not Jigen

* he is gay. He is demisexual and he is trans 😌 (he/him) pronouns. Goemon did his top surgery! (He’s dating Lupin and Goemon, queer platonic with Pops, situationship with Fuji)

* he has OCD (wow he’s just like me!)

* had a hard time being overly protective of everyone after what happened to Lupin but had to learn to reign it in when everyone got too tired of him being that way

* does repairs on Lupin’s cybernetics because his hands are so steady

* knits and sews for everyone and because the repetitive motion calms him down

* when they first got out of Mad’s lab and Lup was not doing so great in recovery, Jigen would sing to him when the others weren’t around. Goemon would catch him and listen from time to time and take up the same practice when they forced Jigen to take breaks

Fujiko

* does everyone’s nails (she’s spectacular at getting their colors perfect)

* helps Lup with his cosmetics to cover his cybernetics to make them more realistic

* gets everyone comfort clothing (they’re stylish and comfortable obviously)

* takes care of the boys hair because they deserve soft clean hair

* helps Goemon get Japanese food wherever they are in the world

* Aromantic! Queer platonic polyamorous with everyone (idk what to label her and Lup, she loves him just not in the conventional way yknow? They have s3x and love each other just.. not conventionally!)

* gives great advice honestly

* gives a lot of her comfort through gift giving and general acts of kindness

* does the heists when Lup is in recovery so that they have money to fall back on

*doesn’t double cross everyone like in canon because they love each other damnit

* steals parts from leading robotics scientists for Lupin to use

Zenigata

* bisexual! He’s dating Lupin and queer platonic with everyone else

* insomniac central get this man some weed or something so he can sleep

* knows sign language as well!

* bites stuff when he’s frustrated (a lot)

* did a LOT of research and safeguarding for Lupin (and for future chases obviously but let’s not get ahead of ourselves)

* surprisingly good at getting Lupin and the others through panic attacks and the like

* gives Lupin chocolate coins when he’s down (idk why it’s just cute and I like it)

* helps Jigen with doing Lupin’s repairs

* he’s actually staying with them once he figures out Lup is down for the count for a while because he feels guilty. He’ll act like he’s keeping tabs for ICPO but he’s actually just doing gay shit

#goemon ishikawa xiii #lupin iii #lupin the 3rd #goemon #jigen daisuke #lupin the third #fujiko mine #zenigata #jigen #jigen lupin the third #Midnight Jacket AU #Cyborg!Lupin #ot5

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loserdiaz · 9 months

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9 people you want to get to know better!

tagged by @cowboy-buddie @monsterrae1 @thespermdonorstorylineisstupid @spotsandsocks @thewolvesof1998 @ronordmann

Favorite color: lavender or like a soft purple

Currently reading: so idk why i'm getting really into stucky?? so im reading a stucky fic ksjdj "astronomy in reverse" it's kinda long and i might leave it unfinished idk.

Last song: history of man by maisie peters ( this song is masterpiece. the lyrics are so!!!!!! when maisie sings women's hearts are lethal weapons did you hold mine and felt threatened i literally get CHILLS. CHILLS EVERYTIME. ugh sorry im rambling but i could talk about that song for AGES)

Last series: a few days ago i was watching the resident but one of my favorite characters left and then another one die so im kinda reluctant to keep watching and then i went back to rewatching grey's jdjd (ill probably rewatch 911 soon) (can u tell my frustrated dream is working on the medical field?? 💀 lmao)

Last movie: Mamma Mia (for like, the hundredth time bc that movie has such a chokehold on me and also bc i love love love musicals in general. also i watched hamilton before that skjs)

Currently working on: a few wips. the teacher buck and nurse eddie au, the rockband au and the natalia finds out about the will fic. i also got a few translation works to save some money!! so things are kinda good rn ngl.

tagging (no pressure): @buddierights @prettyboybuckley @prince-buck-diaz @trashbaget @honestlydarkprincess @heartshapedvows @eddieisthecouch @alyxmastershipper and idk who else to tag skjsj im sleepy and my brain is still fuzzy from pain meds sooo yeah!

#tag games #me tag #personal #april rambles

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madstronaut · 1 month

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guess wot my fellow hoes (fellhoes?) you’re getting a two-fer-one deal

obligatory alpha post link below:

because I have been deep in my werewolf/hybrid!CODmen fixation while I was drunk off reading moondrunk I decided to take a break...

....by reading johnny boy and i dont want to even look at that ao3 history stat that tells you how many times you've visited this story IT IS A LOT

my record for one of my comfort stories is 79 times and that was back in january last i looked, and it doesn't count the copypaste backup i have in my notes in case of airplane mode. don't look at me rn (cough obligatory @the-californicationist G&G reference/tag here)

ANYWAY MOVING ON 🐺🐺🐺

Reading: Moondrunk Monster by @ghostgorlsworld

so I went to watch the Love Death Robots episode referred to here and UNFFFF forgot how good that whole series was! wolflovers, go watch the Shape-Shifters episode from S1

once again i love a good fleshed-out reader backstory and this one is no exception

also as a certified graves simp the spittake I had to clean up at reading the phrase “Captain Graves”

also wolf-friendly pain medication? please i would happily read an appendix or endnotes/footnotes about the lore/worldbuilding here <3

"They weren’t used to humans being kind to them."🥺🥺🥺🥺

me to myself: tbh in many ways this is the world we are living in rn

that line about reader sleeping in the back of the med bay reminded me of this famous pic I saw way back when:

U.S. Army nurse Amy Stuart of the 5th MASH unit deployed in Saudi Arabia naps on a cot while hugging a teddy bear sent by her family during Operation Desert Storm (February 22, 1991)

getting a little too real but at my age, always hurts my heart and deeply disturbs me to see people younger than me who i consider children going off to/waging war COUGH ANYWAY SRY ESCAPING REALITY BACK TO FANFIC-

piney has such a succinct, tight way of writing to set the scene and story premise up so well - fucking salivating at ghost taking reader to their tent and him getting miffed at her sitting on soap’s bunk until she sits on his <3 LMAO I SEE YOU GHOSTY YOU LITTLE LOVESICK PUPPY YOU~

You glanced down, seeing the Scottish flag on the wall, the photos of a couple that looked exactly like Johnny. “Oh, sorry.”

ok but also johnny WOULD have selfies of himself up on his own bunk

“ahm easy on the eyes, aint i LT”

“shut it”

You were American, so you didn’t have much taste for tea unless it was iced and sweet.

me, a rabid tea swiller, raising my hand: UM NOT ALL AMERICANS HATE “TREE PISS” AS TED LASSO CALLS IT OKAY (okay but I love that show so much)

unfff wolf!ghost crowding reader into his own bed forcing her to sleep in it is just *so many chef’s kisses*

Gaz was healed within a day, coming to visit you with a Snickers bar as thanks. “I’ve been saving it for an occasion,” he said. “Wolves…well, we can’t really have chocolate without quite a bit of pain so I thought I would give it to you instead. As thanks.”

ok this was the most adorable loredrop ever also literally heartbroken at the idea they can’t enjoy chocolate!!!!

The adjustments were freezing slabs of raw beef and plating it up still half-frozen. this reminded me of this frozen organic dog chow i kept getting insta ads for after dogsitting for a friend (if u can hear this siri/insta ad algorithms, FUCK YOU RESPECT MY PRIVACY) anyway in the ad the way the person plated it for their dog and the way their dog ate it with such gusto made me, a human, want to try the dog food lol

“Not everyone in America lives in Texas, Soap.”

👏thank👏 you👏facts👏

You smiled. “A small town in Oklahoma.”

“Bloody hell, that’s just Texas.”

👏also👏 facts👏 (don’t come for me texans this new yorker will (lovingly) fuck you up; god bless amurica)

He was wearing gloves, as always, but they were warm when he pressed them against the scars, fitting his fingers into the obvious claw marks.

The 141 was silent, watching Ghost with a mixture of surprise and horror. Price looked as if he were about to intervene, his knuckles white around his fork.

i fucking l o v e this entire scene

They were still strangers to you, but the base felt too quiet without them, and your skin felt bare without Ghost’s stare upon it.

i am shivering at how good this sentence is

ghost: has a record for being more wolf than human and acts of aggression against humans

also ghost: makes tea for reader regularly when she can’t sleep

also reader if you’re having a eat-three-powdered-donuts-in-one-sitting kind of day, you eat that whole box girl no one will fault you for it <3

Ghost hummed, then came the unmistakable sound of licking the sugar off his fingers. There had also been blood on his fingertips, from the night’s previous activities.

You don’t want to think about why that makes your belly clench.

😏😏😏we love the feral ones

also unexpected gifts are some of the best ones

i felt the adrenaline of the humvee ambush like i was watching a live action movie - i could picture the entire scenes very easily in my head <3

and ghost taking off her boots >>>>>>>>

A man in a skull mask was asleep in the chair in front of you, his head tipped back against the wall, his legs relaxed and spread wide.

ah yes, classic submission position~

The meek little nurse that had put a Colonel’s son in the ER.

meek is one of my favorite words. i have heard an alternate definition for this as “meekness is great power under control” and it stuck in my head ever since; pls bow before medic reader my meek badass queen

Your heart raced. It was such a human instinct, to see a predator and want to either kiss it or run from it.

ah yes imho the heart of why wolf/hybrid and enemies-to-lovers etc. etc. etc. tropes and fics are so popular~

Ghost seemed to like your attention, his ears perked at the top of his head. It was oddly endearing, and you normally considered yourself a cat person.

hehe big ghost wolf, smol floppy ears - i will not let this image leave my head

ok and the wolflore about the recessive genes!! eating it all up <3

also i know this is a ghostfic but soap blushing and mumbling bout his coffeeshop crush is soo <333333333

"you’re too young to feel old and miserable like me.” Soap smiled, a bit of cheer back in his eye. “You’re only three years older’n me, lass, I wouldn’t call ye old.”

literally me to anyone <30/even a year younger than me

"ALSO, yes i'm setting up for a future soap/cafe!reader fic"

okay the unholy screech that erupted from me at reading this author’s note i’m-

Graves sat in a simple metal chair, cool, calm and collected without a single blonde hair out of place.

me fully knowing graves isnt even doing anything here, just sitting: go off, king

“I wasn’t going to let that boy take my soul, sir,” you said calmly. “Not for something as worthless as a career.”

well said indeed <3

You wondered if he would come visit you, if you asked. If he would sit in your dusty, frilly living room and drink from your pumpkin shaped mugs.

PUMPKIN-SHAPED MUGS <3 <3 <3

Price looked up from a paperback, a twitch in his brow. He preferred to keep out of conflicts between the pack, only interfering when blood was spilled.

oh please my headcanon for price is that he inhales gossip like oxygen and keeps it filed and sorted alphabetically and chronologically in his mind palace to pull up as needed

They were on active duty, for Christ’s sake, it wasn’t like he could bend her over against one of those cots and stake his claim, COUGHOMGWHYTHEEVERLOVINGFUCKNOTCOUGH no matter how badly he wanted to.

The 141 hunted at night, so during the day Gaz and Soap would occasionally bring you a muffin for breakfast or a stray cup of coffee. Even Price, the fatherly man he was, brought you one of his extra novels to read while you were awake during the night shift, one of those cheesy detective thrillers that helped you get through the night without passing out on a patient.

who doesn’t love familial!141 🥰🥰

it’s nice to remind yourself that you’re still a simple woman that appreciates a nice mani-pedi and a good hair day.

this is so real - taking care of yourelf/reminding urself to feel human is so important <3

You had the rank and the experience, so of course, you got the lion’s share of reports. ahem this a small almost throwaway line but much appreciated - LEADERSHIP IS FOR SERVICE. TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN FOR THOSE UNDER YOU, AND LIFT THEM UP. TAKE THE HITS SO THEY DON’T HAVE TO - ONES THEY AREN’T EVEN AWARE OF IF YOU’RE GOOD AT IT. anyway stepping down once again from my soapbox-

ah reader i can think of many MANY MANY spicy ways to motivate ghosty to do his patriotic duty~

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

AND ALSO Reading: Johnny Boy by @ghostgorlsworld

first off being thrown into the deep end of the incredible lorebuilding had me ready to swim and dive deep without even taking a breath of reality because the story!!!! the worldbuilding!!!! absolutely immaculate

a recurring daydream/brainrot scenario ive gone back to time and again with my blorbos through the years is getting knocked up with their spawn and having to escape and go on the run and hide the child then have an implausibly wild reunion, often with some physically impossible makeup sex and then birth my own private sports team's worth of children to build our world empire (drama, romance, intrigue, adventure - i would buy out opening night tickets to the movieplots my brain spits out, anyway ty for coming to my BedTedTalk) anyway this has such a unique niche in the CODfics ive read with the almost enemies-to-lovers-back-to-enemies flavoring with brother’s best friend trope in play

on that note, shaking tom’s hand vigorously for sneaking johnny back into reader’s life, then backhanding him with my other hand - also for sneaking johnny back into reader’s life

cute-ass mactavish sire emma needs to eat raw meat to survive? her supernatural senses make her an old soul in a child’s body? no further comments, absolute perfection. i love the explorations of “hey scenting/being a hybrid, ESPECIALLY growing up as one, ain’t all its cracked up to be and is not just all 100% sexy times and funsies” and her picking up on mom being sad all the time a certain someone is near and declaring “if mommy doesn’t like him, I don’t either” just UGGHHHH i just want to give her a hug and tell her it will all work out, shes is in good hands (including but not limited to her own!) also tear the throat out of anyone who would dare steal her childhood (fistbumping my fellow immigrant first gen firstborns&eldest daughters who had to grow up too fast/take care of adults)

also one of the reasons i love this fic is the very fierce and protective love reader has for her emma and their really beautiful bond <3 fanfic can be so healing and tender in very unexpected ways and their relationship slipped past all my walls and armor and just stuck me right in the feels <3

the conversation about grandpa jack haunting them and turning the book pages for him was so sweet i think my molars rotted away on the spot, 🥺🥺🥺 piney i will be billing you for my dental visit expenses; be prepared to pay cos ive always wanted to secretly try out grillz as a new yorker girlie

also random brainrot but 1000% positive grandpa jack was a fucking hottie in his glory days (underground fighting rings? picturing tyler durden rn)

also please give mama reader a fucking medal, cutting up raw meats and organs first thing in the morning (EVERY morning) is a feat indeed

also johnny/reader’s first meeting at the funeral home is absolutely exquisite, the perfect amount of drama and angst!!! raaaaaa biting my pillow and tearing it to pieces

- reader’s physical reaction to the “he’s behind me, isn’t he” revelation

- johnny’s physical glow-up described through reader’s eyes is just UNFFFF *chef’s kiss*

- reader going straight into panic/mama bear mode re: emma

- “it could have been longer, john” HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY ICE COLD QUEEN PLEASE I CANNOT KNEEL BEFORE YOU FASTER OR I’LL BREAK MY KNEECAPS

- “your voice so cold it stung your tongue as you spoke. The ache in your chest was overtaken by rage, pure and hot. “Excuse me.” i am f e r a l for this line, this is PERFECTION i can taste the emotions here like viscerally on my tongue

- honestly kudos to reader for not punching tom’s lights out when she’s running to get emma from him

“I don’t care.” You wanted to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to dig your nails into his skin and hurt him like he hurt you. “We don’t need you, we never needed you. I loved you, and you left for years . Deal with the consequences.”

Johnny Mctavish, a wolf, a soldier, flinched from you.

It wasn’t the victory you thought it would be.

AAAAAAAA YES THIS IS ME AS I READ THIS REVELING IN THE ANGST

also the last line of ch1 being “Forget him. John always runs.” and summary of Ch2 being “Johnny comes home.” ????? gonna run out of my lipstick giving chef’s kisses to piney here

the way piney fleshes out reader and her story and history with johnny just makes me want to give her a ginormous hug, also like an all-expenses paid weeklong vacation to the maldives or something for the absolute bullshit she’s endured (might have to join you on this though dear reader my salary/responsibilities working in [redacted] means i also need an all-expense paid weeklong vacation to the maldives)

also I FUCKING SUSPECTED JOHNNY WAS SECRETLY TRYING TO SCENT READER WHEN HE SNUCK UP ON HER TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO SURPRISE HER BY PUTTING HIS MITTS ON HER SHOULDER; i love that emma picked up on this through her nose

“Because you still smell like me, kitty.” brain going brrrr being overloaded with conspiracy theories about teh many layers what this may mean

wolves were different from normal men. Territorial.

me, reading about fictional territorial wolfmen on tumblr: 🥰🥰🥰

me, reading about IRL men being ‘territorial’: 🤢🤢🤢

“Grandpa was like me,” she said, loyal as always.

i’ll be totally honest the character i fell head over heels with in this story was not johnny taking first place no - EMMA MACTAVISH MY HEART <3 i hope my future children will be brave, kind, wise, funny and compassionate like you <3

It seemed that the only person suffering in this situation was you.

this line + the short almost throwaway line of reader “laughing wetly” just before it just ughhh my heartache! shoutout to all the hardworking parents/caregivers simply Trying Their Best And Getting No Recognition™️ (madstronaut sees you and applauds you, great is your reward in heaven and or the pits of tumblrhell, dealer’s choice)

“It wasn’t your decision to make, Tom,” you said, your voice reaching that pitch that made you feel like your mother. god this got too real, when i hear myself sound like my mother sometimes (esp. when im mad) i literally narrow my eyes at my own reflection and have to check myself before i wreck myself iykyk

also freaking love the lore about hybrids/wolves being discriminated against in society and johnny’s own experience and pitfalls navigating the world! lorebuilding>>>>>>>>>>>>

You were dressed more appropriately this time, a Black Sabbath tee and sweats, your work clothes of pencil skirts, trousers, and wool sweaters currently drying on the laundry lines in the backyard.

ok reader i see you my little rocker <3 you would love saint vitus bar in brooklyn; make tom or johnny watch emma so we can headbang to our heart’s content and you can enjoy a well-deserved night out <3 (on that note #REOPENVITUSYOUCOWARDS)

Emma two-handed it, just like you tell her to. It seemed she was trying to be on her best behavior, the little traitor.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH EMMA YOU LITTLE DEVIOUS ADORABLE SHIT (said goodnaturedly) I LOVE THIS LINE SO MUCH

Something in your chest squeezed when Johnny tucked the blanket around Emma’s skinny arms, more gentle than you had ever seen him.

ok though real talk men being gentle and tender, esp. around kiddos - hi, yes please sirs you can indeed help me mop my panties off the floor

Susan didn’t know what to do with a little boy that chewed on the furniture and got sick when she didn’t let him eat raw meat.

i physically need to see fanart of young wolf!soap gnawing on an armchair leg

This was why you liked Charlie, he was so, so reasonable.

hello charlie or as i like to call you “walking beige flag” the way i would roast him if i was bffs with reader..

also emma drawing that wolf catcher memory and waiting until soap was there to show it to both him and reader - AAGGGGH I freaking loved this and how clever this is i can do an entire pepe silvia conspiracy board meme breakdown of why and how much i loved this whole interaction

emma knowing it is a tough memory for her mama but choosing to draw and show it specifically to johnny - and waiting til they are all in each other’s presences (presence? idk)

i can see reader fighting (a losing battle lets be honest this is johnny fucking mactavish) tooth and nail so far to maintain the armor of assumptions and explanations she’s told herself to deal with the pain of being in love then (from her pov) rejected and how this has bled into how she paints johnny to emma despite her best efforts

and yet as they say sometimes the body says and knows what the mind/heart cannot say yet and 1000% sure that little miss wolf emma mactavish loves her mom but is also sure that momma isn’t sure on where she stands with johnny

also ALSO the fact that jack raised both johnny and emma HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING RIGHT - even though they’ve just met i love the little tidbits of the special wolf-to-wolf and father/daughter connection they have

AND AND AND so my grand theory here is that i believe emma made and showed this drawing to johnny because from what she knows - she perceives mama reader to despise johnny on the surface, yet still wants him - but based on what she’s told her about johnny, thinks johnny may not want mama - and drew this to prove mama is still worthy and a great protector - “You haven’t got any teeth or claws but it didn’t matter.” - and “showing her off” to johnny COUGH ANYWAY THAT’S WHERE I’LL END MY THESIS TYVM

also i love the bits sprinkled around the fic about johnny’s eyes sparkling eerie/brighter when he gets worked up

Perhaps all the war and killing really was good for his temperament.

HAHAHAHA OKAY SHIT, MAMA, WHO IS THE DELULU ONE NOW????????? (tbh it’s me, hi im the probl-)

johnny trying to find excuses to spend his PMC savings & money on reader + emma - IRL me and my bills & student loans crying laughing hysterically at reader turning this down

“Shut up!” Tommy said, frowning at you from the couch. “Fuck, lovie, he’s a friend from work.”

The man in the mask raised a hand in an awkward wave.

HAHAHAHHA SIMON!!! his entrance totally threw me off but ofc tom’s SHUT UP (true sibling energy right here, no greeting, just yells) and simon’s lil wave just UGGGGGGGHHHH such a nice palate cleanser from the intense but delicious angst - also tipping my hat at the subtle way to introduce Bi!Tommy with the “he’s not company he’s a guest” line 😏

You felt Simon’s eyes on you, judging, appraising. You were sure Johnny probably didn’t have the nicest things to say about you–most likely that you were an irritating little girl that followed him around for twenty years then proceeded to get pregnant and raise the child without him knowing,

would love to know what and how TF141 thinks of mama reader from how johnny has described her…despite her own misgivings <3

Johnny was an unsuspecting kind of violent, always smiling and laughing until he wasn’t, until it was serious.

Simon was different. He felt older.

aaaaaa this is SUCH a good characterisation of them both

You had missed him like a lost limb-

ooh i absolutely love this phrase! I have one person in my life i went through a friend breakup with (iykyk - these are more painful than romantic breakups imho) and we mended things and discovered afterwards we both referred to our break in our friendship as ‘having lost a limb’ to other folks (!) sometimes birds of a feather really do flock together

“It’s just…we’re adults, and adults have tricky feelings. preach mama 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

but also pls mama i know you have a kiddo but putting on nail polish right before a date? nooooooooooooooooo though chanel polishes ARE superior cos of that fat brush so all is forgiven <3

also obligatory FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK to charlie for forgetting the date, do you EVEN KNOW THE SUFFERING WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH TO GET READY FOR A DATE? TO GET READY TO FACE THE WORLD OUTSIDE OUR DOOR, PERIODT?

IF SOMEONE DID THIS TO ONE OF MY GIRLIES I WILL BE READY TO FUCKING SHOW SOMEONE’S BITCH ASS THAT YOU DO NOT NEED TEETH AND CLAWS INDEED TO GET RIGHT FUCKED UP

anyway climbing down from my soapbox on behalf of women everywhere, back to the fic

as a tiny tiny redeemable bit - charlie having weekly dinners with his gran is a huge green flag trait

He stilled, looking at you. His hand came up, pinching your chin like he used to. “You havnae called me Johnny in a very long time.” The rawness of his voice broke you down into someone you used to be, someone that loved him.

me, extremely pleased, reading this: ah yes, in vino veritas~

The alcohol had dampened the anger in your chest, you felt…open. Open to talking about it. Bleeding the poison from the wound.

<3 <3 <3 this line <3 <3 <3

irl sidenote: u can also do this without alcohol my friends <3 trusted friends, therapy, long retreats into nature, safe places, safe people all very effective and cutting right to the heart in the gentlest ways possible, painful but highly recommend over the alternative (and lesser) options of keeping the poison inside <3

Within a blink, Johnny was kneeling before you, his hands on your knees as his eyes bored into yours. You felt a chill, a whisper of fight or flight pricking your neck at his predatory stare.

ahem hello this is it

this is what does it for me

kneelng for your prey <3

also i love that their first real physical intimate contact after reuniting, beyond that hug after the wolf catcher story, is johnny LICKING reader’s tears off her face

“All I had was a picture and letters, but I could get off just from you writing that you missed me, just from your smell lingering on the fucking paper.” whats that phrase? marines make do? 🥰🥰🥰

me, reading about lacy underwear getting shredded: mmmmf yes sexxxxxyyyy

also me: ok i just know that was expensive, cringing inside at having to replace it

also fics that have men talking to ur pussy as they take care of it >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I CANNOT WAIT FOR READER TO WAKE UP AND SCREAM AT HERSELF

#madstrothought #FaFiCoWriMo #fanfiction #call of duty #simon ghost riley #moondrunk monster #johnny soap mactavish #johnny boy #ghostgorlsworld #BlackPinecreations #werewolf au

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crestfallercanyon · 3 months

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WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY

Thank you Evie!! These are always delightful to do (even if I am usually late/forget — oops) @energievie ❤️❤️

—

name: crest

age: mid-to-late-20s

star sign: Pisces

your first language: English

second language: I used to be conversational in Spanish, now I get by.

favourite lip product: medicated chapstick and a mauve lipstick I’ve had for forever

the best food dish you can make without a recipe:Jambalaya, probably. Or chicken and green bean casserole.

If you drink tea, what kind? Tea both iced and hot are my drinks of choice, I drink black tea, and I mainly stick to earl greys, bergamots, kind of floral ish (I do not like fruit flavored for hot teas at all).

If you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? Medium roast. I put half and half in my coffee and I like the richness — if I get light it tastes too much like milk.

favourite thing to watch on youtube right now: I’ve been watching Fantasy High Dimension 20 and I’m dying over it (you’ve probably been seeing me reblog fandom stuff from it if you follow me lmao) — and I’d be remiss not to talk about the video I watch probably once a week, which is a very specific games done quick of a nostalgic Nintendo game. It’s my cozy comfort video.

favourite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: oh god — I was a nerd-fighter for sure (vlogbrothers), I also watched Meekakitty (Tessa Violet) and Charlieissocoollike (that may have even pre-dated 2012, that might have been like 08 lmao) and likely many more.

favourite item of clothing right now: a brown and gray plaid short coat.

favourite item of clothing in 2012: i had a pair of corduroy rocket dog sneakers that I still own because I do love them, they’ve just been stitched back together so many times lol

fandom

three movies you recommend: Steel Magnolias, Life as a House, The Birdcage

your favourite concert: oh so many good ones, but watching Kevin Garrett respond to a fan who asked “do you have any happy songs?” with, “you walked into the wrong concert, brother, but I’ll try — this one’s kind of happy” and proceed to play a song about desperate heartache and heartbreak and fragility of youth was the funniest thing I’d ever seen and was also beautiful.

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? Not really — I’ve only really unfollowed people for a) being rude to other people’s fandom preferences and b) being endlessly and needlessly negative.

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? No, but I do kind of stick to smaller fandoms.

the best tv show you watched last year: The Bear. It was phenomenal and I’m scared and excited for S3.

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? Not really the same but I want Will Poulter to take over Armie Hammer’s role in The Man From UNCLE because that movie was great and I wish it had a sequel but it never will because AH is a fucking creep, but, unlike Armie Hammer, Will Poulter seems like a great guy and he’d do the role so fucking well, I just want it.

a ship you’ve abandoned: I’m sure I have one? But I can’t think of it.

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? Maybe a 5? I don’t actually read much these days, I’ve been kind of busy. If you ask me what I’ve liked though I’m not shy about telling you.

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?) no and the only one I would consider getting is from a book I know I will always love, like Piranesi or This is How You Lose the Time War, and I have no idea what I’d get from those.

what fandom do you wish was bigger? I actually kind of like my fandoms small, the video game Transistor by Supergiant Games is beautiful and I want to talk about it with people dammit.

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? Yes. Game of Thrones for sure. Dexter (though I don’t think I could rewatch it anyway). I agree with you Evie, That 70s Show’s ending was horrid! How I Met Your Mother, as well.

have you…

swam in an ocean? Yes, got absolutely wrecked once.

ever been vegan/vegetarian? no

gone skinny dipping? Nope.

gone skiing? Yes! Both water and snow.

been to a convention? Yes, in high school I was vice president of my library’s teen reading club (I was also in band and a theater kid so nice to meetcha I am a super nerd) and because of this our club got to go with my librarians to the fanciest hotel I’ve ever stayed in which hosted the most amazing convention ever of Indie Booksellers and I met Maggie Stiefvater and got Rainbow Rowell’s advanced reader’s copy of Eleanor and Park (think I’m dating myself here lol) and a couple of other amazing authors and talked poets and librarians and publishers and booksellers and I don’t think any convention will EVER surpass that experience.

—

Tagging: @mybrainismelted , @callivich , @gallawitchxx , @michellemisfit , @whatthebodygraspsnot , @sam-loves-seb , and ANYONE else who’d like to play!!!

#weekly tag Wednesday #nostalgia time i see!#tag games

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demcnsinmymind · 8 months

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psychology + mental health : deep dive!

tagged by : @greatwrath tagging : @badassxbirdy @kxllerblond @walriding @mslangermann and anyone else who wants to!

general mental health related trigger warnings apply. feel free to include more or exclude those facts / test results that take too much time or don’t apply, you can check out this list for more personality-related quizzes to include!

quick facts.

canon details a hugely traumatic event in his life which is the main root of the majority of mental health related issues he has now. prior to canon, he didn't really have any mental health issues whatsoever. Post canon, it's an entirely different story obv., as the sole survivor of said traumatic event.

diagnoses. ptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, major depression & stockholm syndrome

triggers. hospitals, doctors, sharp objects, darkness

positive coping skills. very good and quick at adapting, generally very optimistic and hardworking, tries his best to keep in shape both physically and mentally, always keeps himself busy, tries to be kind and a good person

negative coping skills. very avoidant and dismissive, bottles everything up, doesn't accept help / doesn't want to acknowledge that he needs help, stockholm syndrome and unhealthy attachment to a certain demonic outer god, constant flipflopping between survivor's guilt/shame and illusions of grandeur and self importance, lies and fakes his way through his problems

attachment style. :

Avoidant / Dismissive - The avoidant attachment style is characterized by disconnecting from negative emotions and minimizing the importance of relationships. Avoidant attachers also tend to hold themselves in high regard while maintaining a distrust of others’ intentions. For these reasons, people with this attachment style often avoid emotional closeness and intimacy in romantic relationships.

This information isn’t to suggest that people with avoidant attachment don’t seek out relationships, or that they don’t enjoy spending time with their partners – instead, they may become uncomfortable when they perceive that their partners are crossing boundaries or trying to get “too close.”

love language. :

tie between acts of service and words of affirmation

myers-briggs / mbti. :

ENTJ. The Commander

Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves.

are their diagnoses formal (via a doctor or therapist) or informal (self-diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized)?

very much formal and in a way informal, too. he was wrongly 'diagnosed' at first - by the place/'doctor' who held him captive, and given the place's nature and everything it put him through, those 'diagnosed' mental health issues were in return actually triggered and realized in him because of it. after he got out of Collingwood and landed back in his correct timeline/ Danvers' psychiatric facility, he was diagnosed by proper mental health professionals and actually declared a case with severe issues that will have to spend the rest of his life institutionalized, but of course, he ran away.

have they ever been treated / medicated?

yes, and it's exactly that treatment and forced medication that gave him all of those mental health issues in the first place. In canon, Lance was lobotomized and went through your regular 1940s psychiatric treatment plan, which hasn't exactly been much of a rosy ride. In the 2010s he was also medicated to try and help with several after effects of the lobotomy, but of course, he ran away form that, too.

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis?

I mean....see canon for that lmao

do they have a family history of mental illness?

No. Not at all. This guy and his family were cookie cutter vanilla and happy.

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms?

35.

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family / community?

It wasn't ever really discussed much, given how healthy and happy his family was. In the filmmaking business burnout was common but not really talked about, and though everything was a bit hush hush, it wasn't exactly frowned upon or a bad thing. Truth be told, mental health was just a none issue in his life before canon. Had there ever been a scenario though, then his family would've been supportive hand trying to be helpful.

what are their thoughts on their mental health / their diagnosis?

That is a very complicated thing to talk about actually. Lance is perfectly aware of the fact that he's not doing good. In a way he knows that Friedkin and his cult have achieved what he'd been so desperate to deny. He was driven crazy by what happened in canon and there was no way for him not to go insane given the circumstances. But he's not one to admit defeat so easily. And he fought very very very hard to get out of the situation and he did get out of it. It's a victory of sorts but what came out of it with him jeopardizes that big time, so it's a very harsh topic for him to think about. Especially since all his trauma stems from a mental hospital and health 'professionals', and thus, it's almost impossible for him to go to some of them to get the help he needs. So for the most part, he tries his best to just ignore the fact that he has all those severe problems, tries not to think about them at all basically. Hoping that this way, they'll just go away. But of course, they don't. On the rare occasion where he does think about it...honestly, it leaves him just utterly devastated. His life was basically destroyed by this cult. He mourns that deeply. The fact that he was healthy and at the very top of his own game.

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences?

It pretty much dominates his life now. He needs a literal demonic outer god in his brain just to function normally. Without it in his mind, he would need to be institutionalized for life. His sleeping and eating habits are just a complete mess, he's always on edge and doesn't trust anyone, he won't ever be able to have a normal life ever again if we're honest. On the bright side, he's learned to appreciate just being alive and very basic things more. It's also made him kinder and a much better person, honestly.

symptoms.

bold all that are present, italicize those that are resolved, or in the past.

depression.anxiety. panic attacks. disassociation. derealization. depersonalization. suicidal ideation. self harm. homicidal ideation. psychosis. auditory hallucinations. visual hallucinations. delusions. mania. hypomania. racing thoughts. hyperactivity. attention difficulty.flashbacks. nightmares. hyperarousal. hypoarousal. hypersexuality. hyposexuality. psychopathy. risky behavior.catatonia. somatic / bodily concerns. mutism. phobia. agoraphobia. hoarding. obsessions. compulsions. body dysmorphia. hair picking. skin picking. amnesia. illness anxiety / hypochondria. sensory loss. speech difficulty. comprehension difficulty. communication difficulty. tics. defiant behavior. irritable mood. vindictiveness. aggression. pyromania. kleptomania. paranoia. attention seeking. narcissism. avoidance. dependency. pica. rumination. food restriction. food binging. purging. soiling the bed. insomnia. fatigue. sexual dysfunction. delirium. developmental delays.

explorations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms:

The one flashback and nightmare he continues to have is of being back down in that basement on Friedkin's operating table, seconds before the lobotomy. The only difference being that unlike in reality where the hammer struck down just once, in his dream, they keep hammering and kill him, and that he's awake and aware of it all and doesn't pass out from shock. He goes through that one over and over again and not even Azathoth can stop that from happening almost every night.

Other than that, he has lots of trouble with sleeping and eating, because Collingwood obv kept him awake and on the brink of starvation for so long. The hallucinations are also a big thing, though they've been way more severe inside the building and in the 40s and have calmed down significantly ever since he got back to his own time. But whenever they happen he sees and hears his dead crew, asking him over and over again why he locked the door, telling him that they want to go home, and blaming him for their deaths.

If he sees a doctor or a hospital and if anyone as much as just mentions getting him anywhere close to either of those he -will- freak out and have a fullblown panic attack.

#headcanons #hc : psyche #do you have any idea what ten years in here can do to a person? : character study #thanks for tagging me in this!#I love talking about this stuff since it's so important and elaborate in canon

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vacantgodling · 1 year

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@magic-is-something-we-create actually wait i’m gonna talk about your tags for a second on my tcol writing post also bc it’s an excuse to ramble about my favorite boy

because 1. thank uuuuu i tried really hard on that description haha

BUT 2, THE PART I WANNA TALK ABOUT

you are 100% correct and that’s exactly what i’m going for

i’m gonna ramble a lot about clear and the ✨themes✨ associated with him so buckle up + spoilers ahead (again):

so, it’s not incorrect to say that clear was a child soldier; the dark hunting tradition in eros goes all the way back to The Day of Fissures in 478 (and, for context, the main tcol plot takes place some 2000 years after this so uh, it’s been a BIT since then cough). but a very large tl;dr—the original capital of terrae was the city of argos, which was overrun by beasts and monsters because it was unknowingly built on a hotbed of chaos. some 2/3 of the population were killed during this siege, and what remained ended up splitting into two groups: what would eventually become the lathsburians or those who took the heed of the goddess MUINENS and fled the city for good, and those who turned their back on her and wanted to stay and fight for their home: the aegeans. and essentially from day one, their entire purpose was to take the city back. no one was allowed to stray from this purpose, not even the children. and with the discovery of tenom this meant that not only would adults stand a chance, but even children could hold their own. yes, many would die—but it was for a “glorious cause.”

people like san and another character that will appear in part 2 (clear’s younger brother, pure) represent that belief in this aegean tradition—that the only goal should be to continue to fight for this essentially impossible goal. dark hunting is revered! it’s essentially a godly occupation to them and those like, and especially clear are praised for it. clear is literally the strongest dark hunter to ever live on record (sans the first dark hunter but she’s another story and much of her history was actually purposefully removed from textbooks so not many know about her but ANYWAY)

clear is the longest living dark hunter. he was a dark hunter from age 7 to age 17, and then he essentially ran away from home because he was reaching his limit with The Horrors and he couldn’t stand it anymore, he wanted to heal and do something good with his hands.

all his life he was only told that by killing was he worth anything.

and killing beasts and monsters is one can of worms—but what about the comrades clear has had to kill because they went mad from using tenom too much? what about those he killed because they were going to die anyway and the best he could do was offer them a quick, painless death. what about his own mental state? it’s shit LMAO. he’s never been shown kindness. he was only a weapon to eros—to his father especially, who literally disowned him when clear expressed a desire to do something different, something more than just dark hunting.

BUT!!! through all of that, kindness is what truly shapes him, and saves him. kindness and compassion and understanding.

the first person he meets after his father disowns him, is an old guild adventurer in her 60s named efelia dobos (and her name is kind of deliberate but that’s a whole other post to delve into which goddess she’s named after lol) who has a farm and 8 children. but she didn’t hesitate when she saw clear wandering on his own, to take him in and help him heal, emotionally and physically. hell, she was the one who suggested that he go to the guilds and find purpose in that and so, he goes. sure, he lies and gets in falsely but he was doing what he had to do tm.

then, karenza—who in an opposite way is literally the strongest medic that has ever lived with like MASSIVE amounts of sana. she can literally revive the dead!! but she’s so kind, and when clear asks her for honest advice, she becomes kind of a mentor to him. he confides in her (eventually) that he can’t really use sana and she looks at him and says, “i know. but just because i have a natural gift and you don’t doesn’t mean that you can’t become a great healer.” and having someone believe in HIM, in his own hard work and merit, in his good intentions despite everything it really means something to him. he even tries to convince himself that maybe he’s in love with her but that’s a different can of worms.

and finally, forte. forte is clear’s rock and always has been from day one. he never questioned his ability, and even when everything in that excerpt happened there’s technically already been a huge scene where because of some shit that happens in the labyrinth, both karenza AND forte were left disabled by it. not sure how renza was (yet) but one of forte’s eyes gets fucked up beyond saving. at the scene clear was the only medic on duty but because their injuries technically required sana to save and clear doesn’t have that he really beats himself up. he kept them alive in time to get help, but he had to use drastic measures, his tenom, to keep them alive. and it’s something clear has done before—on himself. but his body can handle tenom’s ferocity, he was terrified that he killed them and when they were both fucked up afterwards he really wanted to die. but something forte tells him and is the TRUE KEY to using tenom that most don’t know—is that when forte was on the brink, sinking into oblivion as he was dying, he felt something like two hands grab him, shake him, and scream at him to live. to fight. to keep going. and it sounded like clear.

the best way to think about is this: when used correctly tenom is like a drastic form of adrenaline. you ever hear those stories about people in crazy situations where they shouldn’t be alive? who break bones or are lost at sea or whatever but through sheer will and luck they lived? tenom is like harnessing THAT energy, since it’s still an offshoot of vis (the force of will magic tm).

so forte’s logic is, how can he be upset with someone who fought so hard to keep him alive on nothing but his own raw power? it’s the same thing with renza. neither of them blame him, even if others like deux or moira or san look at him some type of way there are people who see him for who he is and trying to become. and it heals him, as he starts to open himself up to it.

clear doesn’t want to just be a killer he wants to be a healer and just someone helpful. he doesn’t want others to hurt and he wants to stop hurting himself but he doesn’t know where to start until people who are kind show him how to.

#that was a lot but i’m always ready to scream about clear he is Everything to me #s: tcol #ren analysis #spoilers ig

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raid3r-r4bbit · 7 months

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THE OC LONG LIST THAT MADE ME WANT TO CRY THINGIE!!!!!

@fuzzydreamin this was so much worse than i anticipated. IM TAGGING NOBODY BECAUSE I HAD TO GO OUTSIDE AND SIT ON MY PORCH FOR 15 WHOLE MINUTES AFTER MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND I LOST THE WHOLE THING :D!!!!!)

HOWDY! AS of posting, I'm on my way to the airport and going to be traveling to wasteland weekend, and while my posting's already been a little erratic in the last few days its about to do that again lol. I might have time to do some stuff while hanging out at the airport and while in air, not sure about actually at the air bnb and shit, but whatever. so no promises, no guarantees, treat it like a Wishlist, drop an ask or two (fr idc) and i might draw something. I will even make memes. OK Das it for announcements

(Lmao i typed this whole thing up and then my computer fucking crashed, saving none of it, so take two ig.

Fair warning, I make more drug references than probably needed in this, and made a fun little list at the end for you all. There's def a bunch of spelling errors, sorry I dont have the time to fix it all. I've also jumbled details about all of them together because of overlap, so if you really want to know you have to read the whole goddamn thing) Ok have fun reading.

JOLT ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed ( The four of them aren't nessiciarily impoverished, or living in poverty, but it's hard to expand when you're either living in a small city or traveling in a small trailer, life isn't the worst, nobody's strugling to make ends meet (not that anyones charging them rent, though.) but at the same time, they arent living in some kind of mansion. Jolt mostly manages money in the group, and all together they do pretty well.

Jolt is muscular, but he tends to over do it with training and fighting, occasionally skipping meals, definitly fit though. there isn't much of a caste system within the story, you've either got someplace to stay or you dont.

Jolt, like the rest of them, hasnt had a "proper formal education", but he's the most well written of the group, able to read and write in both spanish and english, as well as being fluent in both. His mathmatical skills are enough to get by with, simple maths. He's also read a lot of history books in his free time, so he knows a suprising amount of US history, not that most of it matters anymore.

Most of the time, the crimes he's commited have been done in places where it doesnt really matter- around other raiders, killing people in arena style fights, ect. He's not got the stickiest hands, but he's swiped a few things in his life. Over all, he's intimidating and skilled enough to swipe stuff without gettign caught.)

✧˖°. FAMILY ◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased/?????? ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Jolt is worried about the idea of raising children in the wasteland without a solid comunity or stable way of life, and he's also concerned about his own addiction and behavior affecting them, but he enjoy the idea of being a parent and raising kids.

Before everythign happened, his family was a very close unit, definitly closer to his mother than his father, though. His father rough around the edges, but overall a good man. His mother wanted to make sure her kids were intelligent and capable, and enjoyed passing on information from her life, and her family, history, to them. His siblings and him were also quite close, often depeneding on him when his mother passed away.

Jolt's mother died when he was around 14-15, and his father passed away a few weeks before he turned 19, after which he left his siblings. Over time he eventually found himself tangled with a few people and groups but never really found a home until he was tangled with Bux, Keres, and Rikki. The four of them make up a somewhat weird but very close family.)

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES ♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between ♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between ♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual ♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between ♦ leader / follower / in-between ♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between ♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual ♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown ((yea im not explaining all of that))

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual ((spoilers?) Jolt's belief's are similar to Kere's somewhat pagan in nature, but also a bit alternative. One of his major beliefs is that most people are inherently evil, and people who claim they aren't are often far worse.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all (Jolt is demi Romantic and Pansexual, He doesnt really have a prefrence sexually, but romantically he isnt really insterested in dating women, (on top of not already being interested in dating.) He's previously been promiscuis, having hooks up and one night stands but mostly as a result of need or drunken mistakes. He's pretty tied to keres, however.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (Jolt has pretty extensive training and combat experience, and is likely not someone you want to pick a fight with, he does loose advantage in ranged combat, not being skilled with guns, and not being very fast and flexible, but he's pretty much gaurenteed to at least break limbs (at least ) in hand to hand combat.

There a few things he forgets how to spell, and occasionally forgets words in english/spanish, but nothing outside the normal relm of someone who's bilingul. He's decently literate though, and enjoys reading and writting.

Jolt paints fequently and paints things like aniamls and plants to catolauge them, writing down information as he learns about them, either for saftey, hunting, or foraging, sometimes even receipes. He's not super skilled at it, and struggles to draw people, but it's still a hobby of his.

He's skilled with things like cooking, construction, and he's pretty good at taking care of weapons/ maintaining them. he's not great with machinery, things like cars and what not, he is decent at wiring though, and can hot wire cars in case of emergency. )

✧˖°. HABITS �� Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Jolt isnt an alcholic in the same what your mom isnt an alcholic but drinks 2-3 glasses of wine every night, except it's whiskey or burbon. He doenst really drink to get drunk, maybe a little bit buzzed, tipsy at most, but over all just enjoys the warmth from alcohol.

Jolt smokes pretty regularly, often smelling like it too. Nicotine is one of the only things that helps his hands from trembling, but also makes it worse in the long run.

He's got pretty hardcore psycho addiction. while using he's either highly aggressive and manic, but often is subject to bad trips becoming emotional and mostly inconsolable. He also uses day tripper and marijuana, but less recreational and more medicinal, using them to manage his psycho addiction and mental health issues.

stimpacks, med x, rad away, rad x for all of them, jolt also uses buffout but like a pre-workout/training situation, often only taking half a dose. He also uses Calmex but as directed.

Jolt dies most of the cooking, cooking a lot of mexican and native dishes (or as close as he can get) so mostly things fluctiate from extremely healthy to very deep fried. He really enjoys spicy food more then sweet food, and his favorite foods are often served over rice, or fried. Some of his favorites are Pemmican (my mom made this a lot as a kid and its like a larabar with meat. highly reccomend), Tamales, and menudo (personally, i hate tripe, it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die, but my mom loves and says its very good for you.)

He's pretty stingy with money, budgeting everything, drugs, drinks, cigarettes, food, everything is included. Every so often he'll splurge on new spices or food, paint suplies, or on something as a surprise for Keres (which is usually new herbs or candles.) He also enjoys buying and trying unique cuts of food or veggies or meats he's never tried before.

as for gambling:

gambled once, and vowed to never do it again. He does do betted fights, but he's rarely lost a fight, picking his opponents carefully.)

KERES (im switchin up the placement bite my ass i dont care) ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Keres is a little chubby, but not really over weight, just kinda thicc, but over all they are healthy.

Keres has proably had the best education of the group, learning both "traditional" subjects and also more alternative once (natrual medicines, and other things)

Surprisingly, Keres isnt really into the whole stealing things thing, and will pretty much only use violence as a means to protect themselves or their friends.)

✧˖°. FAMILY ◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Keres isn't sure if they want kids, or can even have them. Keres is intersex, and with their specific condition it isnt impossible, just highly unlikely. As for wanting kids, keres hasn't really been around enough children to know if that's what they want, basically raising Rikki and taking care of Bux pretty much fufills that need for them.

Keres had a close but strained relationship with their family, their parents being strict, but not rough or hateful. They chose to leave after taking in Rikki, seeing that their family wasnt really capable of feeding more people. Keres has five other siblings, none of which they're particularly close with. Over all like the rest of the group, its mostly a found family type situation.)

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (again, very pagan like, but keres holds more beliefs than Jolt, believing things like almost anything pre war, with some exceptions (mostly the trailer and shoes if needed, other vehicles, and some simple things like abandoned tins, jars ,mugs ect.) are inherently evil and useless, and that items that are prewar are not to be used.

They spend a lot of time meditating, or crafting spells for the others, things like talismans and pocket spells.

Their over all belief is a bit similar to traditional Native American beliefs, celtic and/or norse paganism, and a few other things that have, like everything else in the wasteland, evolved or changed over time.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual/Other ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

(Keres is androsexual, preferring men/masculine individuals.)

Keres is mostly blind, having severe cataracts in both eyes. they could read previously, and with some aid still can. Jolt and Rikki often sit down and rewrite books using extra pressure so that keres can read the indents (like braille but none of them know it.) have several books they can use. Other wise, they are literate. they also know some spanish, not enough to be considered fluent, but enough to hold private conversations with Jolt right in fron to rikki and Bux.

Keres isnt the most technically skilled, they can sew decently well, can crochet and knit at alarming speed for someone with little to no vision, and again, despite being blind, makes a decent medic.)

✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Keres drinks occasionally with the others, but otherwise rarely drinks. they enjoy the taste of alcohol, but they dont enjoy the feeling of being drunk, or getting disoriented. On occasion, they may get a little tipsy, provided someone is there to help them get back home.

They enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke on other people, but not the taste of inhaling smoke. they've smoked before, but never really enjoyed it.

Keres smokes a lot of weed, but also has a decently high tolerance to it, rarely actually getting high. They dont have a lot of anxiety but they seem to be a bit inattentive without it. They also use Jet, a lot, it helps again from being disassociated, or over stimulated, using it to regulate themselves.

Most medicinal medicines keres uses are once they've made themselves, and are usually tinctures, teas or topical ointments. Keres loves anything Jolt cooks, being unable to cook themselves, rikki being unable to handle spices very well and Bux incinerating everything he "cooks". His style of cooking is nearly identical to their families' and Jolt's curiosity for trying new receipies is exciting to keres, as it mean flavor and textural variety. They enjoy savory and bitter foods, and also fermented dishes. Keres doesn't really have any particularly favorite dishes, but anything with seafood, jerky, or fried is likely to be enjoyed. All that being said, they won't eat anythign pre-war. Probably for the best.

Keres is not allowed to buy things. They will spend all their money on candles or yarn.

Keres has never had in interest in gambling, but is inexplicably good at dominoes.)

RIKKI ✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Rikki in on the underweight side of things, being incredibly thin. her anxiety makes it oftenndifficult to eat of keep food down. She's had no education, and Keres and Jolt have attempted to teach her how to read and write, with very little success. Jolt often sits down with her, making little work sheets for her. She picked up math pretty quickly however, and enjoys doing the various math problems the pair have her work out. Rikki is a little bit of a kelpto, and her small size and bubbly personality make it easy for her to get away with taking things, caught or not.)

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased/unknown ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (Rikki is scared at the thought of having children. It's not that she doesnt enjoy children, it's just the idea of the entire proccess is traumatic for her.

Rikki doesn't know if she has siblings, She thinks she has a brother or a cousin. She knows she has a father, but she knows very little about him. the relationship between them is nonexsistent.)

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (Rikki doesnt hold an particular beliefs, but enjoys watching/listeing to Keres and Jolt talk about things, and occasioanlly participates, enjoying having her palms read, or using tarot cards with keres, or listening to jolt ramble about nature while they forage together.)

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all (Rikki is Aceflux, she fluctates through various states, but over all reamains asexual, and is sexually replused. She isnt oppsed to the idea of being romantic with someone, but is often to anxious to persue a relationship.)

Rikki is surprisngly good at math, but also not very great at reading.

She can maybe draw some stick figures, but enjoys doodling with Bux.

Rikki is great at sewing, and also extremely talented at maintaining and fixing guns, and other mechanical weapons.)

✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (Over all, most subsance use on her end is pretty casual, rikki basically enjoying her freinds being around her and partaking a little bit here and there, or enjoying a drink on a nice after noon. She's the "designated driver" who cant actually drive.

Rikki is a very picky eater, typically subsiding off of simple sandwiches, or soups that are made specifically because of her squeamish nature to texturally adventurous foods, and she cant handle spicy foods to save her life.

Rikki likes to buy herself nice things sometimes, occasionally going overboard and buying mostly uselss trinkets.

She's a pretty decent gambler, and most of her money is made gambling people who clearly aren't great at what they're trying to do.)

BUX

✧˖°. PERSONAL $ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed (Other than the excessive drug use and munchies, Bux's pretty active, and stays pretty thin. He's got a good bit of muscle, and he sometimes has a little chub, but he's definitley not as fit as he could be.

He was in school for a bit before his parents divorced, he father then pulling him out of school to work on the farm. Bux has probably the stickiest fingers of the group, he could steal an entire cart of stuff and not only would you not see him do it, youd have no idea where any of it went. )

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable (He's not keen on the idea of having kids. he'd rather avoid them entierly.

He's got a complex relationship with most family members. He doesnt resent his mother, but he's upset with her for not taking him with her when she and walter divorced. Then she married Perry. Perry's great, super nice, and seems like he actually enjoy's Bux's enjoyment of machines and tattoos. But he still had two kids with his mom and didnt think to invite him over even once.

His two sisters adore him, having an older brother who got in trouble for sneeking out and hanging out with a bunch of raiders seems cool to them. He however, does not want to spend time with them. He doesnt hate them, but he feels a twang of envy and sometimes guilt everytime he sees them.)

✧˖°. BELIEFS ★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don’t care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual (jesus himself could decend from heaven and bless this boy personally and he still wouldnt believe, but he swears up an down he's seen mothman.)

✧˖°. ABILITIES ☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (Bux is not well trained in combat (despite Jolt's attempts.) but is still pretty skilled. Mostly melee, and using his terain to his benefit, prefering to ambush or corner people.

Bux can read, just not well or quickly; on top of needing to focus to read, he has no ability to focus, so he often seems illierate, but he's just a little stupid. He (and Rikki) only speak english, so hearing jolt constant swearing in spanish, or jolt and keres talking "serect older adult stuff" right in front of them is frustrating. Rikki's tried to pick up spanish, but picking it up from two affulent people (who aren't trying to teaching you) is harder then it looks (sounds?); Bux on the other hand, has chosen to ignore it.

Jolt is normally the one considered the artist of the group, and sure, when it comes to drawing plants and animals, he's better than Bux, but when drawing people Bux is usually better. Bux likes making more abstract desgins, anyways. He's maybe not the best with paint and paper, but he can tattoo something else.

On a technically level (on all levels except physical) Bux is pretty impressive. with machines, anyways. He seems to speak to the hardware, and know where it goes. software is a little trickier for him, which isnt saying much cause you could probably hand him a peice of technology he's never seen or heard of and be able to fix it after about five minutes of inspecting. ✧˖°. HABITS ☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler (When it comes to drinking, smoking, and drugs, Bux makes the others look like they only rarely or barely use. He's so constantly high or drunk that the few times Jolt has seen him sober he's been genuinely worried. If he's able to come down from it all gracefully, he hits a major low pretty easily. Often mopey, quiet, avoidant, and typically irratable. If not, He's more likely to have a shakey, screaming meltdown. Keres and Rikki cant handle the meltdowns, and Jolt is freaked out by the mellow (even if his highs can be annoying) so the group does not prevent him from indulging in his habits. He'll pretty much drink whatever, smoke whatever, but in general, Jet is his drug of choice. Jet, weed, and maybe a little calmex (generously spared by Jolt at the request of Keres when they travel.) other than the occaisonally calmex, he's taking mostly uppers.

Bux enjoys a good bit of Jolt's cooking, but he's not a fan of the more 'explorative' dishes, and isn't quite accustomed to other culture's foods, so he can be rather picky. He however, will devour anything prewar, very happily. His favorite are the yum yum deviled eggs. Jolt has attempted to make him fresh, homemade, non irradiated, likely moldy, and properly seasoned deviled eggs, but Bux still prefers the stuff out of the box. He does think Jolt's pork n' beans is better, though.

While not quite as bad as Keres, Bux is also not allowed to spend his own money. He gets an allowance though. He enjoys gambling, too, so that adds on to the "List of Reasons Why." posted on the fridge by Jolt. He mostly spends on drugs or food, but will also spend on tattoo and pericing supplies, or bust it all gambling. He likes dice games, and betting games. He's not great at it. )

(fun fact about the various drugs of fallout; they're inspired by real world drugs/medications, and when writing stories you can apply the real world affects and repercussions :D I've seen a few different interpretations, but here are mine personally (having worked in (and currently working for) various biomedical pharmaceutical distributions or management companies, and while not being a doctor, I know more than the average person about these drugs. (I've mostly included the ones that are important story wise.) Psycho: Methamphetamine Jet: Jenkem (I've seen some people say its an amphetamine, and i think the effects of jet are pretty similar canonically, but it's definetly jekem.) Med-x: Morphine Buffout: roids. Calmex: Ketamine. Daddy-o: Xanax or adderall. (Or something similar.) Day Tripper: LSD or shrooms but bottled for your conveinence. (some people say that day tripper is weed, going off the effects it could be, but i'd rather just have my characters smoking weed. )

#fallout #fallout raider #fallout oc #RR OC STUFF #HV comic stuff #oc jolt #oc keres #oc rikki #oc bux

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