#might as well just make them have a queerplatonic relationship god knows that would save the future of this fic

[rai-jin-andro-jin]

Intimacy: An Aromantic, Queer, Storyteller's Perspective on Raya and Namaari's Relationship in RatLD

Ok, I know people have lots of opinions about Raya and the Last Dragon. (Please go watch it if you're able to, it's fantastic.) I'm not here to step on any toes, nor am I here to deny that Disney has work to do on openly queer representation. But I wanted to give my opinion on the subject because I've already seen some thoughts flying, and I've got my own too.

Note: potential Raya and the Last Dragon spoilers ahead!

Now, I'm here for queer women. (I'm so here for queer women that I'm queer for them.) I love Raya's depth, design, and arc. I love Namaari's depth, design, and arc (and oh my god, her face shape). I love the way the narrative treated these warriors: like warriors! I could talk all day about how this movie is such a brilliant step toward treating women as people on screen.

But I'm here to talk about the queer aspects.

Any queer person watching that movie saw a couple of baby gays. Anyone saw the tension between Raya and Namaari as adults, their distrust for one another, but also their recollection of how close they once were, how close they could have been, how similar they actually are, but they both don't want to admit it for one reason or another. I think that tension is done beautifully.

I also want to take a second to remind everyone that romantic attraction is not necessary to make something queer.

Sure, maybe you could view their interactions as having romantic undertones. I don't think that's necessarily wrong, but I also don't think that the movie needed a romantic subplot to work. The subplot was platonic, even queerplatonic. The subplot was about Raya learning to realize how similar Namaari was to her, in all the uncomfortable ways Raya wasn't ready to admit. Raya wanted to remain focused inward; she wanted to protect her goal from destruction, she wanted to bring her Ba back. And she didn't want to trust anyone again. She didn't feel like she could, and she didn't want to try, especially not with Namaari.

And yet, during their interactions, there is a sense of intimacy. No doubt, over the six (6) years after the gem broke, Raya and Namaari have run into each other on several occasions. It seems like they still know each other well enough to banter mid battle. Raya knows Namaari well enough to be able to easily "push her buttons" and distract her. There is an intimacy here that strays easily into frienemy territory. It has the potential of being romantic. It also has the potential of not being romantic at all.

And, as someone on the aromantic spectrum, I want to reiterate that romantic queerness is not the only queerness. Aromantic affection, queerplatonic affection, allosexual aromantic affection — all of these are valid and real queer identities and queer expressions.

So, while I agree that "Disney is a coward" and that queer people deserve genuine, wholesome, and healthy representation in movies — I also want to emphasize that you can remove romanticism from the equation and still retain the queer narrative (or, what we the audience read as a queer narrative).

(I personally think there is nothing straight about these two characters, but I also respect the possibility that cultural norms and expectations can change how queerness manifests, or what is even considered queer. I'm a white person from the USA; the way I read or express queerness may not be the same as the way someone of Southeast Asian descent would read or express queerness. That topic in itself is worthy of an entirely different mega post. But that is very important to note.)

Furthermore, I want to add that while, again, seeing Disney explicitly tackle a queer relationship on screen would be so amazing, I also don't think this particular narrative had room for it.

Raya and the Last Dragon has a beautiful story filled with strong cultural tradition and Southeast Asian communal values. Love for one's community and family is especially important, as the writers have expressed, and this value was purposely woven into the narrative as a centerpiece.

Disney has a long history of making that centerpiece romantic love. Movies in general, Disney included, have a very long history of using romantic love as an easy subplot. It is such a common thing to do in the industry.

Stepping away from that norm is a breath of fresh air, in my opinion. And I'm not saying that because I'm aromantic and I "hate romance"—I don't, by the way, and I'll show you why.

I have written romance in fiction for a long-ass time. I love writing it. And in my (self-proclaimed) professional opinion, adding romance into Raya and the Last Dragon would have been really forced. I don't think the movie needed it. It would have been narratively unnecessary, and the catharsis we received regarding the mending of Raya and Namaari's relationship was more than enough. Any romance would have been extra, and, more importantly, would have been distracting from the actual main theme of the movie. Remember, the takeaway from this movie is communal trust: building bridges to unite families and communities of people. This narrative values familial and communal love first and foremost. (This is not to say that romantic love can't intersect with familial, communal, and platonic love, but I'm making the distinction here because the story writers intended to make this distinction, too.) Putting communal love first also does not devalue any romantic or queerplatonic love that might exist under that umbrella — but that's just it; communal love is the focus here, and I'm glad the writers made the decision to keep the focus of the narrative grounded and organized. It keeps the story from wandering off in too many directions and becoming confusing. It keeps us from having too many loose ends. And it keeps the runtime from being too long — or worse, it saves the narrative and all it's subplots from feeling cut short.

And here's where I jump into my main gripe. Yes, Raya and Namaari have chemistry. At the very least, when they met as kids, they formed a nice first bond: they had a lot in common, they related to each other on several things, and they had empathy for each other. That's a good foundation for a lot of things: friendship, queerplatonic relationships, romantic relationships, business partnerships... What I'm saying is, they had a good beginning. But it was just one day. And they were kids.

They were both kids who were vulnerable to the opinions and desires of the adults around them.

Namaari was influenced by her mother to betray Raya in order to gain the Dragon Gem (ultimately to give her people the prosperity they lacked). Before coming to Heart, Namaari likely saw Raya and the people of Heart like her mother/chief did: Heart was rich solely because they hoarded the magic of the Dragon Gem, and they would lie and say the Gem didn't give them prosperity only so they could continue to hoard the gem.

Raya was influenced by people in her village too, though we don't explicitly see those influences. When her father mentions that the other lands are on their way to Heart, Raya immediately believes they are coming with evil intent. When her father asks her what she knows about the other lands, Raya lists qualities about each land that portray them in a dangerous light. She views them explicitly as enemies and outsiders, people to fear and distrust in order to maintain her and Heart's safety and prosperity. Namaari included.

When Raya and Namaari meet, there is a lot going on under the surface of their interaction. Certainly, they are both kids; part of them likely has a natural urge to trust and connect with each other, as they eventually did that day! But clearly, especially for Namaari, there still exists a level of distrust and divide. Perhaps because Raya had the influence of her father, who encouraged her to see the other lands as friends rather than enemies, Raya's guard was lower than Namaari's. It's doubtful Namaari had that kind of influence, as her mother consistently displayed distrust for other lands, and focused more on the protection of Fang's people. Namaari clearly experienced quite a bit of internal conflict during the time before her betrayal of Raya, trying to balance her own desires for connection and friendship with her desire to please and protect Fang. Having a connection with Raya at all, especially a deeper connection (rather than a false pretense of connection), was likely not the intention of this subterfuge plan. Connecting with Raya likely felt good, but it also felt like a betrayal of Fang; a betrayal of Fang felt like a death sentence, especially since not obtaining the Gem would mean that Fang (according to Namaari's mother and the people of Fang) would likely perish. Namaari chose to resolve the conflict by returning to what was most familiar and comfortable: distrusting Heart for the good of Fang. For Namaari, it likely didn't dispel the discomfort of knowing that she betrayed a friend, someone who felt so close and genuine, someone who was just as obsessed with dragons as she was (which seems like it was rare for Namaari, and thus valuable). But her choice to betray Raya did, in Namaari's mind, save Fang, a strong value instilled in her from birth.

The betrayal hurts Raya a lot more openly. She sees Namaari firstly as a potential friend, a connection. Raya was taught by her father to value connection with others more than preemptively distrusting them in order to protect herself. This is likely why we see their interactions mostly from Raya's perspective. Namaari's behavior is very conflicted in intention, bouncing back and forth between deception and genuine connection, and trying to balance those two in a way that remains faithful to Fang and herself. Raya, on the other hand, is fully genuine for this interaction, save for maybe a couple moments of brief, minor hesitation. But, that hesitation is short-lived and the desire for friendship ultimately wins over for Raya. She fully trusts Namaari (to the level that she is able to, given that they just met that day), up to the moment the betrayal occurs. She is blindsided, and in response, she also returns to the comfort of her original views (before her father tried to teach her to trust the other lands). This decision to abandon the friendship is not comfortable at all for Raya; it is forced. She must do it to protect not only her land, but ostensibly the world. She is fighting between protecting her "clan" and protecting outsiders. She is struggling to view other lands as part of her clan/community, and Namaari's betrayal only solidifies Raya's eventual choice to mistrust others completely. Once her father dies, so does Raya's trust. To her, (misplaced) trust caused the downfall of the world, and more importantly, the death of her Ba. And to her, that betrayal is embodied and personified by Namaari. Namaari becomes a scapegoat and a punching bag for all that went wrong with the world, and this is a consistent mindset Raya has throughout the movie, until it is openly challenged by Namaari during the climax. Raya is comfortable in an "us versus them" mindset; it rids her of blame and responsibility for her actions, her role in problems. She, like Namaari, chooses to believe that everyone else is to blame for her downfall, while excluding herself entirely from that equation.

It goes without saying that these characters are well-written. Their emotions, motivations, and actions are complex and whole. I could (clearly) write analysis for days about these two. But here's my point.

Romance is only a potential part of their relationship at the start, no more. It is budding at best, and not fully realized or invoked. It is not ever made explicit or agreed upon. And the foundations of trust between these two, for a massive portion of the movie, are severely damaged. Any intimacy they had as children is put on hold, if not destroyed. They only trust each other as far as their blades reach, and as much as they've crossed paths during the six (6) year time-jump (enough to banter, manipulate each other, and predict each other's strategies to a degree), and and no further than that. Where they left off, they still have a connection, even while they don't trust each other with their deepest values. This foundation is clearly not enough for either of them to warrant a more intimate relationship, be it in the shade of romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, sensual, or otherwise. If it was enough, they would have done so already. Their closest intimacy is for the purpose of evading each other's attacks and maneuvers in order to get the upperhand. Their main goals are not each other, even though they both likely desire deeper connection, like they once had as kids. That childhood connection was genuine; no one is arguing otherwise.

But, by the climax of the movie, these two are not in a position of full, deep trust and connection. At the climax of the movie, when the Gem has finally been restored, their relationship is effectively back at the beginning, right where they left off as kids: budding and new, unsure yet hopeful, and with initial chemistry. That may read as potential romance, potential queerplatonics, potential you-name-it. But it is still potential, not active, not existent in the moment. They still have work to do in terms of building a deep relationship. Trust is a first step — one of many, many more steps. They're still working on the friendship and trust by the end — they just reunited as peoples from different lands, and as old ex-friends. They're relearning to see other lands as friends and not enemies, and that includes the way they see each other. They've come a long way, no doubt, and they still have a long way to go before they're remotely deep friends with established trust. They're effectively rebuilding that damaged trust by the end of the movie.

I mean, seriously. Expecting a full on romantic relationship, or even the explicit beginning of one is a massive stretch. Like, did you watch the movie? They have a lot of things to work through and talk about together! I don't care that they worked together and sacrificed themselves to save the world together. That's step one. Step one going well does not equal the kind of deep intimacy seen in romantic, queerplatonic, or deep platonic relationships, especially not the kind of romance that some audience members expressed they wanted to see from the movie. Did we forget that a genuine, hurtful betrayal happened? Did we forget that a betrayal happened very early on in the relationship? That sort of behavior doesn't scream "healthy relationship," and Raya and Namaari's subsequent reactions to said betrayal and following said event don't scream "consent to intimacy." Like, sure, they were both kids when it happened, especially Namaari, who was partially manipulated into that betrayal. But being young doesn't dilute or negate any of the very real trauma and pain felt by either of them, nor does it take away autonomy and responsibility for actions. She may have been manipulated and taught an incomplete view of the world, but Namaari also made that choice to betray Raya herself, no matter how mis- or un-informed she was about the world at the time. She still made a decision that hurt Raya, and in the process a lot of others. That can't be glossed over if we're talking about the formation of genuinely deep bonds. If the movie had made Raya and Namaari explicitly a couple of any kind, I strongly believe that any romantic, queerplatonic, or any other type of intimate social behavior would have made their relationship and conflict-resolution come across as forced, rushed, inauthentic, and unearned. Gestures of romantic intimacy especially tend to imply (in narratives that want to portray a healthy romantic relationship) a sense of depth, bond, and trust that is developed over long periods of time, marked by continuous and explicit efforts toward mutual trust. Raya and Namaari might have cultivated genuine trust for each other, but they lack a history of that trust that would realistically allow for a believable and genuine romantic/queerplatonic relationship at the level of harmony most "romance-lacking" audience-complaints demand. Raya and Namaari are not at that point yet. Rushing them there doesn't make that bond authentic, nor does it create healthy and realistic queer representation, much less healthy romantic/queerplatonic/intimate representation in general. Furthermore, rushing that sort of thing on-screen and portraying it as perfectly healthy perpetuates pre-existing, unrealistic, and unhealthy ideals of romance, human intimacy in general, and amatonormativity. Preliminary trust is not enough to give someone access to you in totality. We shouldn't portray that idea to kids, and this movie is careful not to. Trust is an ongoing process, and teaching kids that intimacy is developed over time and through consistent respect and communication is paramount. I seriously wish this movie had existed when I was a kid. I wish I had learned what this movie teaches. Romance isn't the answer to everything; it's not the highest form of love; and it's not the highest form of queer representation either. The highest form of love is the kind that is genuine and realistic and respectful.

Plus, on the subject of amatonormativity, I want to restress that queerness is not defined by romance. No one is made queer by their queer relationships, or even their visibly queer relationships. No one is suddenly not queer when they're single. Raya and Namaari can still be queer representation without ever having a romantic, sexual, or even queerplatonic relationship. Does Disney still have a record of cisheteronormative-flavored cowardice towards positively portraying explicitly queer people on screen? Absolutely. But I also don't think the answer to cisheteronormative amatonormativity is queer amatonormativity. Queer people are still queer, regardless of their relationship status, and especially regardless of their romantic orientation. Queer people are queer by virtue of existing.

TL;DR:

This should be more than clear: I'm of the strong opinion that both Raya and Namaari are queer. I don't think any of my regular readership will disagree. But forcing a romance (or any sort of deeper, unearned intimacy) onto this particular relationship and narrative only has the capacity to muddy and ruin this valuable and beautiful storyline and it's themes. Such a careless choice perpetuates some very harmful and prejudiced cultural norms regarding love and it's expression, and such a choice runs the risk of directly teaching children to view the world — to view their relationships — in a limiting, destructive, and isolating way.

I wouldn't change any part of the way this movie portrays Raya and Namaari's relationship. Every ounce of their interactions: from their words to their body language, facial expressions to actions, motivations to desires, conflict to resolution — they all make sense and are fully earned in this movie.

Yes, they'd look super cute together. Yes, it would likely be super cathartic for my gay little heart to see them kiss. Yes, they have the chemistry and potential for really meaningful and fulfilling growth and intimacy down the line. That is kind of the entire message of of the movie: potential; growth seen as a process made up of steps, the first being the catalyst towards making that potential a reality.

Raya and Namaari are a queer-coded microcosm for the rest of their world. They are one of many microcosms teaching a lesson about the importance of valuing and developing communal, cross-border trust.

Please stop yelling at Disney to make them kiss. They're together in a way that matters just as much, and they're together in a way that, for once, doesn't make romance the highest and truest form of intimacy. Write your fanfiction, enjoy them as a pairing, write letters to Disney and tell them we deserve explicit and normalized queer representation (because we do). Do what you wish, and do what makes you happy! Enjoy your queer pairings! I encourage you! I implore you!

But please, please, please don't discount the importance, validity, and power of the connection they do have. This connection is no less intimate and no less important than romance, sex, or anything else. They don't need romance to be queer, and they don't need any label at all to be a beautiful, realistic, and healthy portrayal of human relationships, queer or not.

And for the record, they are very, very gay, and nobody, not even Disney, can change my mind.

#ratld #namaari and raya #raya and the last dragon #queer coding #fiction #movies #storytelling #love #platonic #queerplatonic #aromantic #amatanormativity #amatonormativity #lesbian #afab #nonbinary #agender #gynephile #trixic #neptunic #queer #women in fiction #southeast asian culture #sea #relationships #familial #communal #themes #multiplicity #cultural relativism

[entity9silvergen]

Mosaic (Disenchantment Fanfiction)

Summary: We are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Bean doesn’t think she can love like everyone else but maybe that’s okay.

Fandom: Disenchantment 

Word Count: 2K

Characters: Bean

Relationships: Bean/ Mora, Mentioned Bean & Everyone, Mentioned Odval/ Sorcerio, Mentioned Zog/ Oona, Mentioned Zog/ Dagmar

Warnings: Internalized arophobia, first person pov, some self-deprecation, sex mention, drug mention, mention of interspecies relationships in fantasy setting 

Other Tags: F/F, Mentioned F/F QPR, Reflection/ Self-Reflection/ Internal Thoughts, No Dialogue, Queerplatonic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Homosexual Character, Arospec Character, Queer Themes, Unreliable Narrarator, S3E6, Oneshot, AroWriMo 2021

Author’s Note: My friend sent me the line “I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved” about twenty minutes after I watched “Final Splash.” I’m working on the prompt for Week 2 of AroWriMo rn but I had to drop everything and write a short fic about this. Again, I didn’t really use the prompt but it kind of fits with week 1’s prompt romo/loveless & future. 

I’m headcanonnoning Bean as aro or demiro/ greyro. I think in the show it was implied she never experienced romantic attraction prior to meeting Mora because she likes women and I don’t want to erase that in any way but Bean still gives off a big aromantic bisexual homo(queer)platonic vibe.

_____________________

My name is Princess Tiabeanie of Dreamland and I’ve never loved anyone.

I mean, I love my dad and my friends and all that but I’ve never loved loved anyone. Is that weird to say? That makes it sound like I don’t really love my dad and Elfo and Luci and everyone. I probably shouldn’t say that then because I actually love them a lot. They’re my everything. 

One time, I was walking down Elf-Ally and this elf was sitting on the side of the road with some chalk. I feel like elves would really like chalk but I’ve never seen any of them use it, not even Arto, except this guy. I’d never seen anything like it before so I asked what he was doing and he said he was making this mosaic to show his love for this other elf he liked. I didn’t really understand it so he explained it to me like this: we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are.

I still didn’t get it so I just laughed at him and he got kind of upset and threw a piece of chalk at me. It didn’t really hurt but Luci was with me and the elf started throwing stuff at him and you know how Luci gets when he hits his nose so we left. I couldn’t really forget what that elf said though. 

You see, a mosaic is a mix of a bunch of little pieces taken from different things that all come together to make one thing. There’s this mosaic at the church and it��s pretty freaking ugly but the mosaic this elf was making was just so beautiful. He used so many colors and he drew all these little pictures and hid these words I didn’t understand in them. I’d expect it to be all crude and gross like those scribbly pictures Derek would draw when he was younger that Oona pretended to love but it all came together so well. It didn’t even look like separate pieces. It was just one.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The influences of countless parts of my life, weaving together into an insanely complex mesh- That felt like me. I always felt like something was broken in me but maybe I’m just a mosaic. 

I think my dad made me who I am the most. Even if he wasn’t really present most of my life. Sure, we don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I think we’re better because of that. He made me strong. His actions guided me into becoming the woman I am today. He taught me how to keep fighting. Literally and figuratively. He taught me to keep my head up and he taught me how to stab people. It’s pretty cool. I remember this one time as a kid he took me out to the courtyard, stole this guy’s knife, and taught me how to use it. I think I still have the knife actually. I don’t stab people with it anymore though.

(I hope he’s okay. He hasn’t been the same in awhile.)

My mom… Well, I don’t really love her anymore but I did for a long time. She was… How do I put it? A constant in my life. Even though she wasn’t there. What I felt towards her, it kept me together for a long time. When I had nothing to fall back on, I always had her memory. Until she tried to take over Dreamland, obviously. Now I just say she gave me my love for alcohol and that’s pretty sweet too. 

(I still miss her. I bet she’s dead.)

You know those pictures where the guy has an angel and demon on his shoulders telling him what to do? That’s Elfo and Luci, and it’s literal for Luci. And maybe for Elfo? He did go to heaven that one time. It can be kind of annoying to hear them bickering all the time, especially since they almost never want the same thing, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Elfo keeps me safe and Luci pushes me to be more than I am. They make life fun. Fuller. Less lonely.

(I’m scared they might leave someday. I wouldn’t blame them.)

I don’t really like Derek but I still love him. Maybe a little less since he tried to burn me at the stake. Maybe a little more since he chickened out at the last second. And a little less because he still went through with it. And maybe a little more since it was an accident. We have a complicated relationship but he’s still my little brother, as weird as he is. He reminds me of what I have to fight for, if that makes sense. I don’t really see him as the future of Dreamland or anything but he’s still a little kid and I can’t really help but have a soft spot for him. Don’t tell him I said that.

(I wonder if he’ll keep me around when he’s king. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised.)

The same goes for Oona. I never liked her but I think I love her. Especially after she tried to save me from my mom. And since she became an epic pirate. She’s awesome. She’s the mom I always wished I had except she was actually there the whole time and I didn’t realize it. I’m happy with how things turned out though. I don’t regret it. Plus she’s got great taste in drugs. I still steal them sometimes.

(I don’t know if she loves me. Maybe she did once but not anymore.)

I kind of hate Odval and Sorcerio in a weird way where I like them at the same time. They’re not really family but always been there. Like they’re kind of like second dads to me. Second dads whose the sex lives I know way too much about. My gay polyamorous uncles? But they kind of care under all that court properness and tradition nonsense so they’ve kind of wormed their way into my heart. They’ve always made my life difficult but I don’t think I would be myself if I wasn’t challenged so much.

(I think they’d rather have me gone. They don’t hide it every well but I can pretend.)

I’m going to be honest, I was really bummed when Pendergast died. We were kind of the same age and he hung around the castle for most of my life. And my dad trusted him so we actually did stuff together sometimes. A lot of adventures that never really went anywhere. He could be kind of a stick in the mud but he never really minded that I’m a girl and let me tag along on crusades and helped me get better with weapons and stuff. And Pendergast was weirdly loyal to Dreamland, even after Dad forked his eye out. Or was it spooned? I don’t remember. Some kind of eating utensil. I wasn’t there when it happened. But it was nice knowing I could trust him. He could be kind of fun though when he was off-duty. Total lightweight though. He threw up on one of those little guys who carries dad’s cape once. 

(I wish I’d known him better. I really miss him but I can’t tell anyone since Dad gets set off by anything that even reminds him of the guy.)

Who else is there? That’s right, Mertz and Turbish. Turbish and Mertz. Two peas in a pod. Plus Mrs. Mertz. Don’t get me wrong, they are idiots. Totally incompentant. It’s a wonder they’re still alive. But they’re sweet. And they try. They’re not good at anything but they try. Sometimes I don’t want to try but they tell me I always can.

(I’m waiting for the day they realize they could have a better life. It’ll be weird not having them around the palace.)

I even kind of like Merkimer. As a pig, not a human. God, he was an awful human but he’s a funny little pig. He lets Luci ride on his back sometimes. Both of them like it way more than either of them will ever admit. It’s cute. I think they’re friends. If they’re not, Elfo and I will start plotting until they are. Or maybe not. A Luci-Merkimer friendship might be too much for Dreamland to handle. They’re kind of a lot, even on their own. Merkimer always kind of had a big head and it only got bigger when he accepted his new life. It’s actually kind of inspiring how happy he is now. 

(I don’t want him to change but he already has. It makes me sad sometimes.)

And Bunty. Oh, Bunty. And Stan! The world doesn’t really deserve Bunty. Stan does though. I think they’re the ones who taught me what real love is. Bunty always showed me love as a kid, she was like the second mom I never had but actually did have because Oona was there. But she gave me something neither Oona or Dagmar could. I didn’t really understand it until I saw her and Stan and their family together. I still don’t. They’re really sweet.

(I’d give them everything. I know they just see me as some spoiled princess though.)

I want what those two have. Or what Odval and Sorcerio have. What my dad had with Dagmar or Oona. What Elfo’s had, and Luci’s had, and Derek’s had, and the knights have had. It feels like everyone’s had that kind of deep love at some point except me. I didn’t even realize until I was talking to Mora. 

I’ve had the chance to have it. Merkimer, that brother of his I accidentally killed, that one time Pendergast made a pass at me, that Steamland guy… I don’t think any of it really would’ve worked out though. I’ve had a lot of things with guys and there’s been kissing and touching and I’ve always enjoyed it but I think I always knew it would never go anywhere. That it will never go anywhere. And I can’t even blame my dad because it’s all me. It’s always been me. And I’m okay with that? Maybe? I don’t think so but I’m not really good at understanding my feelings. It’s just another thing on the pile of things I won’t work through.

I think I understood what I had with Mora though. It wasn’t… romantic but it felt like it almost was. We just… clicked. It felt right. She was tough and funny and she didn’t hold anything back. She followed her dreams and didn’t let the world get her down. That one night we had together, I felt like we were alone in the world.

Mora gave me the ocean and the stars.

She was beautiful. Maybe that’s what was missing? None of the guys I ever screwed around with were beautiful. Not like Mora was. Not like a woman can be. I really felt like this was it but there was still that disconnect. Like something was there but not quite. Like something was missing. I don’t know what it was.

But then she just left. I had that dream and I just felt so happy. I’d never felt happiness like that. And I never felt pain like the pain I felt when I woke up and the necklace was gone. I definitely would’ve cried if Elfo wasn’t there. I might’ve actually cried a little bit. It’s kind of hard to hear anything when Elfo’s sobbing. Some of those tears might have been mine.

Did I love her? I don’t think so. Not like Elfo loved that boat. It wasn’t romantic. But it was real. It gives me hope. I don’t think I’m capable of the same kind of love everyone else seems capable of and that’s not even a slight at me. It’s just reality. But what I had with Mora, however brief and imagined it was, tells me that’s okay. I don’t need the kind of love everyone else has. Not when I have so many others in my life.

Still, I hope I see her again, even for a second, just to feel that kind of happiness again.

I think that’s what that elf meant when he said we are just mosaics of everyone we love and that mosaic shows everyone we love how beautiful they are. Mora was beautiful and she didn’t see it but maybe she would if she saw how I looked at her. 

Stars and the ocean, I’ll never forget them. They’ll be a part of my mosaic forever.

Other AroWriMo Fics By Me, Posted on Ao3, Posted on FFN

#fanfiction #fanfic #arowrimo #aromantic writing month #week 1 #i am doing another one #oneshot #disenchantment #disenchanted season 3 #disenchanted netflix #disenchanted bean #disenchanted mora #i don't know why the tags are wrong #aromantic #aspec #aromantic allosexual character #queer themes

[sage-nebula]

Have you fallen down the Keith/Lotor hole as well? I'm shipping it myself and I'm so excited to see other people interested in it. The both of them are so complex! (Also I hope you had a good day.)

Listen, Iwane Masaaki-san (one of the animators on the PokéAni) created and posted this gorgeous animation of Alan today, so regardless of anything else that happened, my day was #blessed from the moment I laid eyes on that. Hardly anything could bring my day down after something so glorious and beautiful.

But that aside—YEAH, MAN!

I’ve been interested in the two of them interacting since S3, admittedly—and really, since even before S3. Ever since I saw the teaser trailers for Lotor (and in particular the one where he gave his rousing speech in the arena) I was interested in the two of them meeting, because I had a feeling that they would have a dynamic similar to one of my all-time favorite foetps, and let me tell you something: I love a good foetp.

… Though, I guess I should take a moment to explain that, shouldn’t I? Okay, brief pause: You’ve probably noticed, but I used four different ship tags on my blog depeding on how I ship the characters in question. The intensity of the ship doesn’t matter; it’s all about the type of relationship I see them having. Those tags are:

otp: romantic

qpp: queerplatonic

brotp: platonic

foetp: enemy

These are all distinct things. Sometimes they can overlap, and in those cases I’ll include both (e.g. “otp or brotp: [phrase]”), but each type of relationship here is different. So when I say “foetp”, a term I came up with years, and years, and years ago because I wanted a tag for enemy ships and felt like I was being clever with the rhyme, I’m talking about hateships. These characters hate each other, and not only do they hate each other, but they have a specific, targeted hatred for each other. They are archenemies. And their relationship might be a little more complicated than that, maybe there was some twisted, complicated form of “friendship” somewhere along the line in there, but at the end of the day, the reason why I am invested in this relationship is because I want to throw these two against each other again, and again, and again. I’m invested in the angst and the enmity. There may be obsession, but it is not healthy, nor is it positive. We go darker yet darker, and potentially more and more vicious.

So to that end, throughout season three I was mostly interested in seeing how Keith and Lotor’s relationship could devleop along foetp lines. Even back in S3 they already had a lot of interesting parallels between them, and in my mind there was so much potential for them to be like another beloved foetp of mine (as mentioned) due to some personality similarities, as well as strong likelihood of Lotor wanting Keith to join the ranks of his generals. (The other foetp I mentioned involves the villain of the pair dearly wanting to make the hero of the pair his right-hand.) Unfortunately, the two didn’t directly interact at all in S3, so I was left without any real basis to call them a foetp just yet. I could enjoy speculative fanart, but that was it.

However …

We’ve still yet to see them directly interact in S4, since although I’d love to say otherwise, I don’t think Lotor knew who he was saving when he saved Keith’s life. I mean, it’s possible he did, but I don’t see how he could have known. (Then again, how did he know that Team Voltron was changing their plan in 3x06? I mean, he could have been spying through Shireplica then, but there is no proof of that yet, so …) But although we’ve yet to see them interact, not only have we stacked on more parallels, but we’re in a position right now where I think that there is a real likelihood that they’re going to become allies. Maybe it’s a false allyship and Lotor will betray them in the future (likely), maybe it’ll be tense, maybe it’ll be unwilling, maybe they won’t even interact directly with each other—who knows. But right now there is potential, there is real potential for the two of them to team up, and god, that’s exciting.

Because there really are a lot of parallels between them at the moment. There were already some given their backgrounds alone, but this season in particular really made it a point to drive Lotor and Keith into the same exact position. To list:

They’re both part-Galra (Lotor is specifically half, and we don’t know how much Galra Keith has in him)

They were both forsaken by their parents (willingly or otherwise)

They were both ostracized by most everyone for most of their lives (Lotor was in exile; Keith only had Shiro)

They are both extremely skilled swordsman

They are both ambidextrous (I think—I’ll need to double-check for Lotor)

They are both extremely skilled pilots

They are both very decisive, and also determined as all hell; neither likes to give up once they’ve decided on something, no matter the risks

They are both natural leaders who usually don’t have trouble getting others to follow them, particularly in the midst of battle (no one better “but Team Voltron” me, that’s a whole separate issue that a.) didn’t exist in seasons one or two, and b.) isn’t Keith’s fault, as shown with Matt and the other rebels in 4x06)

Points seven and eight point to the fact that the Black Lion would likely favor both of them, which could very well be why Lotor was exiled in the first place (because we all know how Zarkon feels about sharing his Lion)

Both were given leadership at the behest of others (Haggar summoned Lotor; Shiro named Keith as his successor and the Black Lion was like “fuckin’ finally”), yet were doubted and criticized almost relentlessly the moment they took up the mantle

Both see through their own projects and goals, even if those goals seemingly run off the course of the main team’s goals (Lotor with his quintessence / other reality experiments, Keith with his very important Marmora missions), and this ends up turning their respective teams (Galra Empire and Team Voltron) against them

Both have those they hoped / believed would never turn against them do just that (Keith says, “Shiro is the only one who never gave up on me …” in S3, only for Shireplica to have his back to him and be glaring at him in 4x01, and not even try to argue against him leaving when he said he had to; Lotor was shot at point blank range by Acxa, and both Zethrid and Ezor tried to help her turn him over to the Empire)

Both were eventually ousted from the leadership positions they were given because the person they took up the mantle from (seemingly) returned (Shireplica came back and took the Black Lion back from Keith, and Zarkon returned to take the Empire back from Lotor, and while I’d have to double-check, iirc the language used when Zarkon declares he’s taking charge again mirrors what was used when Shireplica took control from Keith once and for all, so it was a deliberate parallel)

Neither wants to die, but both are extraordinarily reckless with their own lives (Lotor flying into the sun, Keith flying to crash his ship into the barrier)

And so on and so forth, I could go on and on. Both Keith and Lotor have been isolated from their closest companions as a result of their actions not being understood, accepted, or both. While Keith does have the Blade of Marmora (bless the Blade of Marmora), I still feel that he’s in a position right now where he could end up working with Lotor. Lotor has information about the Galra Empire that is valuable. Given Team Voltron’s reputation, it’s highly unlikely that they will want to listen to him (the real Shiro would, but Shireplica? Hmmm, #doubt). Keith, however, has not only been trying to track Lotor down for ages, but he has shown in the past that he is willing to listen to Galra who are willing to help them. All of his work with the Blade of Marmora aside, remember that he is the reason why Acxa is out of the Weblum right now. He consistently readjusted his judgment of her based on her actions, because that is how he is: He judges people based on what they do, not who they are. Lotor saved his life, and on top of that, he’s Public Enemy #1 of the Galra Empire right now. That would give Keith pause, and give him cause to listen, particularly since (again) Lotor has valuable information (and a comet ship) and Keith knows it. The fact that he is not a Paladin of Voltron at the moment means that he wouldn’t have to “get permission” from Shireplica or anyone else to give Lotor a shot and a listening ear, and while he would probably need to talk things over with Kolivan, we know Keith well enough to know that he will leave the Blades if he feels that doing so is the right thing to do, and it’s possible that Kolivan might suggest that Lotor take the Trials of Marmora to prove his loyalty (which Keith, I feel, would agree with). The Blade of Marmora doesn’t take chances, but it isn’t as if the Trials are easy. Keith nearly died. If nothing else, kicking the shit out of Zarkon’s son for a while might give some of them a catharsis.

But all of that aside, Keith is in a position right now where he would have not only the willingness to listen to Lotor if Lotor has informatoin that can help them fight Zarkon, but the opportunity given that he’s not a Paladin of Voltron. (But make no mistake, he has the same sense of honor that he had when he told Hunk, “We’re Paladins of Voltron. We can’t leave people to die, even if they’re Galra.” Even though he’s not a Paladin anymore, that sense of honor is still deeply ingrained in him. It’s a moral code he lives by.) Given all of that, and the fact that I think it’s extremely doubtful Team Voltron will want to even listen to Lotor, much less team up with him, I think there’s a high probability for a Lotor and Keith team up.

And I’m so, so excited for it, because as I outlined above they already have so much in common, and I feel that their personalities could potentially jive as well. Lotor is more cunning than Keith, absolutely; he has more of a silver tongue, he’s more manipulative. He’s not really trustworthy, but then, Keith is not trusting. Even if Keith is willing to listen to Lotor, that doesn’t mean he will drop his guards around him, that doesn’t mean he necessarily trusts him. He was a Paladin of Voltron for three seasons before he left, and his relationships with everyone except for the real Shiro are still terrible (and make no mistake, that is not entirely his fault considering that certain members of Team Voltron never even tried to bond with him, either, but that’s an argument for another time). So I’m not saying they’d be best buddies right away, but I think they’d work very well together if they had the same goal. They’re both smart, skilled, quick on their feet, and determined as all hell. That combination of traits makes for a force to be reckoned with in one person, much less two. And if … well, actually, I want to write a canon divergence from the end of 4x06 that goes down this path, so I can’t say too much more on that particular train of thought. All I can say is that I see a lot of potential in a partnership, and, well … Lotor’s ship has space for a copilot. He’s all out of generals, and Keith has no confidence in his leadership ability right now (but he wants to help defend and save the universe in any way that he can). Might Lotor find a new general in Keith? Hmm … it’s possible. It’s possible. And I hope we get something good out of it in season five.

#starlightprincess17 #// #/// #//// #////// #voltron spoilers #vld4 spoilers #voltron #keith kogane #prince lotor #keitor

[sableaire]

that platonic date you described? still friendship lmao. friends are allowed to pamper each other and do outlandish things for each other. i'm so sad that you think that's somehow "more than" friendship as if "quasiplatonic" and "romantic" things are "more than" friendship. friends live and die for each other. can live with each other. can spend money and tiem and effort for each other. god, you're pretentious.

Your comment on that post about ‘queerplatonic’ relationships was confusing to me. What you are describing to me is an intense method of expressing companionship and admiration towards someone. I have a friend like this, and I’ve called her my platonic soulmate, but saying anything other than the fact that we are very close friends with deep and meaningful relationship would fee very disingenuous.

Furthermore, you describe yourself as aromantic and asexual, so it’s confusing to me that you seem so intent on labeling yourself as part of a relationship that to me would categorically make you alloromamtic and now aromantic. Just because you put in lots of effort and love into a friendship doesn’t mean you are anything more than deeply bonded to that person. To me it seems that you want to identify as aromantic while finding a semantic loophole to engage in romantic relationship.

Hello, hello! This is long, so if you’re interested in engaging me, read below the cut!

I’ll be frank with you, I don’t exactly remember what I wrote in the post you’re mentioning - I’ve been in poor spirits lately, and responded to that post in a mood, so my memory of its contents are a little hazy? But let me give it a go.

Of course friends are still allowed to pamper each other and do outlandish things for each other - that’s pretty much my entire life. And of course romance isn’t “more than” friendship - that’s the kind of phrasing aromantics hate the most. Romance is just different and a different set of feelings than friendship, but that doesn’t mean that society won’t stop treating it as more important than friendship or stop using the phrasing “more than friends” (ugh). 

However, as for quasiplatonic not being ‘more than’ friendship, well, it depends on individual definitions of friendship.

Honestly, in the end it sounds like what we just want different labels for the same thing. If ‘platonic soulmate’ works for you, that’s great - that’s what, to a lot of people, a queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relationship is. I’m pretty sure in the post I defined a potential QPR partner as “my closest and most emotionally intimate friend” or something, so I’m not fighting you here that a QPR can be interpreted as an intense friendship. 

However, I think a lot of people feel that, in general society, the word ‘friendship’ has been watered down through frivolous usage, so socially, the word doesn’t carry as much weight as one might want a relationship to have. Does that make sense?

For example, I call many people ‘acquaintances,’ even though I might regularly meet them, hang out with them, hear out their problems, etc. and they consider me their friend. I do this because I want the word ‘friend’ to have more weight and be more meaningful, so in a sense I ‘save’ it for the people I genuinely care about. However, I also know people who call everyone their friend - their classmate, the person they just met, the kid from nine years ago they lost contact with, etc. and then they call the kind of people I call my ‘friends’ their ‘close friends.’ I certainly think a QPR is more than that level of friendship.

Perhaps some people can call a QPR partner their ‘best friend’ and be content with that. I am not one of them, as I currently have a best friend, and relationship I would like to maintain within QPR is different. I personally need to make this distinction particularly because I love each of my friends in different but equally important ways, but I can’t take them all out on platonic dates regularly. As it stands, if I took one of them out on a platonic date as described in the post you reference, I would feel bad about it and feel obligated to take each of my other friends out on a highly planned, fine-tailored platonic date as well - that would be exhausting and unsustainable

As such, to me, a QPR is a matter of practicality more than anything. I can’t express my affections so outlandishly with all my friends - for one thing, we all live in different states or countries, and bustling lives mean that any grand display of affection would probably just be me intruding on their lifestyle more than anything else. So, out of care and respect for them, I won’t do it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. So, to me - and this is just for me, not broadly applicable to everyone who wants a QPR - a QPR partner would be someone whose lifestyle is compatible with me, whom I feel emotionally intimate enough with to devote the time and energy into making happy.

As for your confusion and me seeming alloromantic, aha, well that’s partially what a QPR is meant to be. To some people, such as myself, a QPR is a romantic relationship without the romantic attraction. Is that difficult to imagine?

Let me ask, anon - what is a romantic relationship to you? How would you define romantic attraction? My understanding of it is butterflies in the stomach, a tingling warmth when you think of them, a rush of happiness and excitement; a period of infatuation followed by a desire to be socially recognized as a unit. Two people coming together to become a set, in summary. You call each other ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘significant other,’ let people know that you’re dating, and most of the time the end goal is marriage. 

The thought of all of the above makes my skin crawl. The thought of experiencing those kind of emotions and being in that kind of relationship where people look at me and another person and think of us as a ‘couple’ heavily disturbs me. This is why I identify as romance-repulsed, and this is why I identify as aromantic. If a lot of the goals I have for a QPR sounds to you like a romantic relationship, so be it. I just ask that you acknowledge that my desires are absent of the above feelings. (For benefit of readers who don’t know me, I am also touch-repulsed, so my idea of a QPR is also absent kissing or cuddling.)

However, feelings are subjective. They’re difficult to articulate in words, even though individuals can feel them so clearly. As such, my personal belief is that everyone should take the time to define sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and platonic attraction for themselves. 

Feelings are difficult and subjective, so perhaps my definitions aren’t what would work for you, but I would still be interested in hearing how you would define the above.

#qpr #aromanticism #relationships #articulating feelings are hard anon aha #aromantic #romance #long #Anonymous