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ccbunnv · 3 months

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we have the same name!! 🫶🏻 but like.. imagine 2010 tom as your best friend, and he comes home drunk then starts randomly crying telling you he loves you so much omg ><

we have the same name !!!!!!!!!!! >.<

˖°🦇ִ ࣪𖤐 tom x fem! reader fluff

as the moon hung proudly in the pitch black sky, my eyes were fixated on my television screen that was playing the recording of an MTV show where they asked certain bands about things, like recent dramas, rumours, and leaks on their new songs.

the band that was being questioned in this recording was the band my best friend, Tom Kaulitz, was in, named Tokio Hotel. their songs were hella good, and they garnered multiple fans that ranged from pre-teens to young adults.

my eyes landed on Tom, who was playing with his lip ring while responding to the female host's question. my heart wrenched with jealousy, and my brain told me that it was wrong for me to like this man. he saw me as no more than a friend, after all.

I had a crush on Tom since we were kids. I didn't even know how, I just wound up liking him after a few months of being his friend. maybe it was because of his guitar skills, how caring he was under the mask of a womaniser.

I kept this crush a secret for years now, and it's been eating my insides out. I watched as he made girlfriends and dumped them, slept with groupies and shamelessly admitted it. and everytime, I wished that was me instead.

the day he got his cornrows, I remembered he had locked himself in the bathroom and cried until he was shaking. and I remembered him being in my arms, asking me if he truly looked good. and without even hesitating, I said yes.

because he did look good.

he looked great.

maybe I was just biased, but he looked so good with the new do.

I breathed in shakily and exhaled, my irises returning to face the tv screen. Tom was eyeing the show host up and down, checking out her body while still playing with his lip ring.

a pang of jealousy hit me again. god, I hated this, so much.

then, the show host asked, "so, Tom, fans want to know if you're still single after being seen with a mystery girl on the streets."

Tom brought the mic to his lips and laughed a little before saying, "no, I'm not. sorry,"

my heart dropped to my stomach as he said such a thing. he wasn't single anymore? and he didn't tell me? he would've told me almost everything. was he losing trust in me? was it something I did?

I couldn't handle it anymore. I quickly turned the tv on, got off the couch and entered my room. I rushed into the bathroom, turned the tap on and splashed my face with the cold running water.

I tried my best to hold back tears, and it proved to be successful after a couple of breathing exercises. I sighed quietly, thinking I should try and get over him again for the nth time in my entire life.

but then, the door suddenly slammed open and I craned my head to look over at the front door of my apartment. I slowly treaded over, to find a drunken Tom by the doorway, his head hung low.

he then tilted his head up at me and all of a sudden, he exclaimed happily, "y/n!!"

he threw his arms around my neck and held my tight, placing his weight on me. I put a foot back to stabilise myself, while holding him in my arms as well. he reeked of whiskey and cigarette smoke.

"Tom!? what---are you drunk!?" I asked, confused.

"listen, n/n..." he suddenly got on his knees, tugging on my (band) shirt and weeping into it, "I said something so, so stupid..."

"what?" I asked, sighing quietly as I patted his cornrows.

"I told the damn tv show, 'I'm not single'! how will my crush react to this?!" he bawled.

"you can clear it up, Tom, I know you can." I comforted.

"no! I can't! because she's right in front of me and she looks pissed!" he sobbed.

"...er..." I turned around to look behind me but there was no-one. I looked down at him, "okay, I think you're too drunk--"

"I love you, n/n!" he wept, "I always have! I'm just too much of a pussy to say it!"

that shut me up pretty quickly.

"and--and, you gotta believe me, I'm single! I'm hella single!" he said amidst drunk tears, "I love you, n/n!"

"y-yeah, alright, let's get you in bed. you can continue this in the morning," I murmured, dragging him over to my bedroom.

part of me wanting to actually believe this, but he was drunk, and I couldn't trust anyone who was drunk. he flopped into my bed and as I was about to leave, he pulled on my shirt and said softly, "I'm hella single, n/n..."

"I know, you're hella single." I repeated with a soft laughter, "go to sleep."

"g'night, cutie..." he mumbled, before dozing off almost immediately. god, this man...

𓆩♱𓆪

the next morning, I got up and off my couch, stretching my back. I didn't get much sleep because the couch wasn't as comfortable as it seemed. the cushions were too soft and didn't provide suffecient support for my back.

but then I smelled something good coming from my kitchen. I turned around to see Tom, dressed in a fresh pair of (MY) clothes, and an apron tied at his back. he was making pancakes.

"...morning," I murmured sleepily.

"morning!" he responded happily, "want pancakes?"

"yeah." I nodded, sitting at the dining table.

it felt awkward between us now. his drunken confession, and the sudden declaration of him being 'hella single'.

when he put my plate of pancakes in front of me, he sat right next to me and began eating his. the food tasted real good.

"you know, n/n." he suddenly said.

"yeah?" I looked over at him.

"I meant it," he turned to look at me, his brown eyes gazing intensely into mine, "every word from last night. I'm in love with you."

I stopped chewing my pancakes, staring at him, trying to decipher the prank this time. but he simply said, "I'm not joking, I'm not pranking. I love you."

"since when?" I asked him softly.

"since forever." he smiled, reaching in to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, "I was just a stupid kid who didn't wanna realise it."

"...so you..." I trailed off.

"and I'm not so much of a kid anymore, and I just realised it." he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek, "will you do the honours and be my girlfriend?"

the silverware clattered on the porcelain plate as I rushed forward and held him tight, "yes!"

𓆩♱𓆪

#tokio hotel #y2k #tom kaulitz #fluff #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x you

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evangelinesbible · 11 months

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THE ASTROLOGICAL FAME OF …

MICHAEL JACKSON

SAGITTARIUS MC

No matter your 10H sign, the 10H still rules Fame. And the most success you’ll find in career is when you embrace your 10H. Having a Sagittarius 10H makes you a person who wants a career that involves expansion and change. You’ll want to do something in this life that opens up not only your mind but others. That’s why most prefer jobs that involve teaching or philosophy. Sagittarius rules over travel as well so these people make their abundant income best when they get to travel the world. Even though Michael didn’t like to tour much he made millions off of touring alone. He was a world wide phenomenon and he used his music to spread messages to the whole world. For example, “Black and White” or “They don’t really care about us”. Michael was also known for his generosity and huge charitable donations. Donating over 500 million dollars to charities.

SATURN CONJ. MC

Michael has been famous since he was a child. Saturn rules longevity and even after death Michael is still extremely well liked and a famous name known worldwide. This placement also explains the amount of work his father put in him to be famous. This placement also explains all the very public challenges and hardships he faced.

MC RULER 8H JUPITER

Having his MC ruler in the 8H also gives him a long lasting career since the 8H also rules longevity. Michael was also very controversial whilst also being extremely liked at the same time. He was known in the public eye embrace and insist change. He was a pioneer, Being the first black man to have his video Billie Jean play on MTV, having an MTV award named after him,having a statue built in his honor, winning multiple Grammies, and being named the king of pop whilst also inspiring artists we know today like Beyoncé. He was also known for his wealth and investments. Having some of the most expensive music videos ever, a theme park in his backyard, and a very expensive wardrobe.

JUPITER CONJ. NEPTUNE

This is a great aspect for music fame. Neptune rules over glamor and melodies whilst Jupiter rules over abundance and popularity. Having them be aspected gives Michael a lot of luck and popularity in the Music Industry. He also made a fortune off of music as well.

LEO, PISCES AND SAGITTARIUS PLACEMENTS

I have two posts about underrated fame indicators and basically Neptune/ Jupiter influence is very important for fame. Michael not only has a Leo stellium but he also has Neptune (Pisces Rising and Moon) and Jupiter influence (Sagittarius MC, and Jupiter conj. Neptune) with this ultimate combo he was destined to not only be popular but an enigma as well.

SUN CONJ. PLUTO

Aspects to sun are import when looking at fame. Michael has his Sun conj. Pluto which makes so much sense when you look at how much power he had in the music industry. He was extremely magnetic, has sexual charm, and gained a lot of attention for not only being mysterious but very powerful as well.

LEO FAMA

Naturally having Fama in Leo can make someone gain fame at little easer than others. Since Leo can rule over entertainment naturally having Fama in the sign can make someone especially famous in any form of entertainment. Also Michael has it at 8 degrees. Typically if you have Fama in a Scorpio degree your fame might come with a lot of intense obsession and you’ll be extremely controversial. People might hate you because they believe you’re evil, taboo or think you’re a dark and messed up person.

GEMINI STARR

Michael was a Star known for speaking up about anything and everything that was on his mind. He wasn’t just a singer but also a writer. He was known to put his personal beliefs in not only his music but his music videos as well. Michael was also talked about and gossiped about ALOT. Whether truthful or not he was in multiple headlines in magazines and newspapers everywhere. It’s also apparent that his Starr is at 28°, which is the household name degree.

LEO APOLLO CONJ. SUN/ PLUTO

People with Apollo prominent have natural talents and gifts that give them a special type of attention/spotlight and praise Having Apollo in Leo can make someone extremely magnetic, popular, and even worshiped in the field of entertainment. Apollo conj. Sun makes someone extremely popular no matter what they do. Especially when it comes to whatever talent they might hone into. It always seems like the attention gravitates towards them because of how much they shine. Having it conjunct Pluto will make someone naturally shine in powerful and mysterious ways. It’ll also amp up the obsession people will have over you. Pluto also rules transformation and to say Michael had a few would be an understatement. Music wise and physically he transformed. He also transformed the industry. These placements help explain why he was deemed the King of Pop. And he still is.

That was the astrological fame of Michael Jackson 💋

- ⚜️💫⚜️

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astrology notes #pisces #aries #capricorn #taurus #cancer #fama asteroid #fame astrology #Starr asteroid #apollo asteroid #fama #michael jackson #king of pop

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buckybarnesss · 6 months

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on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 1-3

on fire was published on july 17, 2012. the day after raving had aired during the show's second season.

it was written by nancy holder who has written many, many tie-in books for multiple franchises but most notably she wrote novels for the buffyverse.

by tapping nancy holder to write the novel confirms to me that mtv was trying to do what teen wolf's spiritual predecessors did and create tie-in novels with the show and on fire was testing the waters for that.

it did not succeed because teen wolf doesn't have the kind of space for that. the timeline is too tight. teen wolf was part of the new netflix binge era. it had a seasons of 12 episodes that were wall-to-wall plot. there weren't silly filler episodes and they didn't do monster of the week plots.

on fire assumes that you have seen episodes 1-5 of the show but it is also an AU of season 1 post-the tell.

i get the vibe that the author was given notes, some information or like an outline that she used to build a plot so it's interesting to see what tid-bits holder uses and refers to that still gel with canon or is consistent with what we know.

this isn't a novelization of season 1 that's for sure but, hey, i took notes.

i'm going to break the novel up into 3 chapter chunks.

so without further ado let's get into it. on fire: a teen wolf novel or as i've been thinkin of it as.

the novel starts right at the very end of the tell after the parent teacher conferences.

the way it's described when argent shoots the mountain lion brings to mind the scene in to kill a mockingbird when atticus shoots the rabid dog. chris argent is no atticus finch but he sure does learn to walk a mile in someone else's shoes doesn't he?

i somehow always manage to forget that the tell is the episode where allison turns 17. she doesn’t live to see her 18th birthday. shot through the heart man.

oh my fucking god scott. the way this is written i imagine holder is trying to invoke derek and kate as if there’s some wild age gap between him and allison when they're like 9 months apart in age. allison is not kate jesus chris. look at this shit:

“scott hadn’t known allison was seventeen, a year older than the other kids in their class -- older than him -- and didn’t want anyone to know.”

Fuck Rafael McCall. Meet me outside and catch these hands.

“he knew his dad wasn’t keeping up with child support payments. not that his mom had ever mentioned it.”

this is where the transition into heart monitor would be. it is a pretty terrifying dream scott has. peter’s such a dramatic bitch. scott’s dreaming of being in the woods with everything on fire and then he’s being compelled by peter to come kill with him. which just reinforces my whole thing about peter and scott being psychically connected. we don’t see this with any other alpha-beta connection to this degree. derek senses victoria killing scott in raving but we really do not get this in the show very much as it seems to be a Dark Sided power. but we do see peter use it again in season 6a with the whole “you were my beta first” scene.

scott mentions stiles’s having ADHD so to me that means that nancy holder was definitely working with the idea that stiles does have it. stiles having ADHD seems like a plot thread that got dropped really quickly by the show but remained in dylan’s acting choices and in fandom’s mind.

scott is the only beta we see experience sleepwalking episodes. it seems tied to the compulsion and mental link he shares with feral alpha peter.

the entire paragraph is something. firstly, it wasn't until night school, the episode after this one, that peter tried to push scott into killing his “pack”. but lol melissa called stiles scott’s “litter mate” and stiles wearing his target shirt that he wore in wolf moon and the one that subtextually could reference the nemeton and eventually scott's pack symbol. i don't believe we ever actually saw that shirt again. the tragedy.

“stiles had on his bullseye t-shirt, and it kind of freaked scott out when he wore it. as if it meant that stiles were a target. They both knew the Alpha wanted Scott to kill him to cement Scott’s acceptance that he was a member of the Alpha’s pack. Who better to take down than the guy Scott’s mom had once referred to as his “litter mate”?”

this is where it's starting to get kind of weird because the plot of this book takes place during season 1 but it’s not strictly following the plot. it feels like an alternate season 1.

jackson has gone missing. when is he not missing is the more appropriate question?

so chapter 2 starts with scott and stiles joining lydia and allison at The Popular Kids Table to discuss jackson being missing. this wouldn’t have happened in season 1. this dynamic didn’t exist until at minimum season 3. lydia didn’t even acknowledge stiles’s existence until the winter formal at the end of the season.

jackson’s parents apparently went to paris right after the parent-teacher conference, leaving their high school age child alone for an extended period of time in the middle of the school year? what? no wonder jackson’s fucked up. why didn’t they just go around christmas and instead they waited another three weeks or some shit. that is weird.

jackson’s been left a note from a supposed private investigator about his birth parents while his parents are out of town, which is totally not sus at all. 🙄🙄 lydia's concerned about him looking stupid so she won’t go to the sheriff and she doesn’t even approach jackson’s best friend danny. like, danny would know a lot more about jackson than scott or stiles would. lydia, i know allison is the one who involved scott but for fuck’s sake.

look even a page later lydia says “he and jackson barely know each other.” then why are you involving scott in what you seem to believe is a personal matter?

do people just generally know jackson was adopted? i can see lydia knowing but scott and stiles? allison just fucking moved there so she doesn’t know anything about anyone. this is quite the personal piece of information i doubt he’d want others to know lydia.

this is such an AU because after the parent-teacher conference stiles was giving scott the cold shoulder due to his dad being hurt.

also stiles is supposedly sitting at this table the entire time lydia, allison and scott are talking and has not given his opinion on the matter yet. very unlike him. if there's one thing stiles has it's opinions on jackson and his father's job. stiles would be all over this.

this fucking line is brutal man -- “stiles was the only person on the planet who knew he had become a werewolf. well, derek knew, too, but derek hardly counted as a person.” that said, i do think it’s accurate to scott’s headspace at this point regarding derek. avoiding seeing derek as a person is a way of detaching himself from the situation he’s found himself in.

alright so we’ve got a POV change to allison --a nd it’s all about how cute acott is. allison I love you but chill please.

okay so this is interesting. “her mom had been angry, too. allison could tell that if had been left up to her, she wouldn’t have been so harsh about having to stay all weekend. her mom liked scott.” are we sure we’re talking about the same victoria argent? granted this is pre-werewolf reveal so as far as victoria knows allison is just mooning over a nice normal human boy but i have a hard time imagining this being the same victoria who gave us the crazy eyes and the sharpening your dick metaphor.

this still haunts me.

"except i won’t get to spend time with scott except at school until i’m, oh, 112.” oh right in the feels

this book really assumes you’ve seen episodes 1-5 of the first season. allison’s mentioning aunt kate and the necklace in a way that makes the assumption the reader knows who and what they are.

jackson’s password for his tracking app is “captain”. that is worse than the password being lydia or like scott famously having allison as his password. y’all suck and have shitty computer security.

these kids are sophomores in high school and lydia and allison are really having a discussion about jackson going to a pay by the hour motel as if that’s a thing 15-16 year olds do in the california subburbs on a regular basis. as if jackson would lower himself in such a way to begin with. he’s snobby as fuck. it’s such a weird conversation.

i am page 20 and i feel like so far this author hasn’t been very nice to stiles. not having him say a word in the lunch conversation about jackson despite not only being very opinionated about jackson whittermore’s general existence he’d also have thoughts on a missing person. like, he didn’t even speak when his dad was brought up as a possible avenue of help which is odd. then about a page later there’s this sort of tone used around stiles that feels condescending about him being hyperactive.

this paragraph is, uh, something that could’ve only been written in 2012 because it feels gross:

“lydia shrugged. then she turned to allison. “tell you what. if the boys are willing to the motel for us ---” “to a motel. to look for a guy,” stiles said. ”maybe you should ask danny?” danny, their lacrosse team goalie, was gay, out and proud. “he could act, you know, more casual about it.”

that said, it does track with stiles being overly occupied with the perception of his sexuality and that danny does shit he’s way too young to be doing which is written around his sexuality. remember the whole older boyfriend and going to the jungle thing is season 2?

it has been like 23 pages and allison’s got this subplot where she wants to have sex with scott. like girlie you’ve known scott for 2 days, keep your pants on. (it keeps coming up with scott too and it's annoying, okay).

it took stiles barely a paragraph to mention derek hale when the point of view switched to him. sir.

i’m laughing at how derek’s point of view is paired with stiles in the way that scott and allison’s are. even in the non-canon book the Sterek Agenda is there.

“a prankster with a wicked sense of humor.” is what derek refers to peter as before the fire. is that what we are calling it derek because i would disagree.

“i dreamed of other alphas coming after me. why? it’s not a crime to kill an alpha. i’m a werewolf. the way we progress in status is through challenge.” now this is an interesting perspective. werewolves progress via challenges. that's still sort of in-line with what we see in canon.

allison and scott are driving into the seedier side of town. AKA what seems to be where the poors live. scott describes seeing boarded up buildings, pawn shops and “some kind of clinic where you could sell your blood.” which I assume is a plasma center where people donate and get paid in return and this little classist shit says “remind me to never get a blood transfusion.” god he’s such a 16 year old..

i saw kate's name on the next page where chapter 4 is

#my blog #thoughts on teen wolf #teen wolf #heather reads #on fire: a teen wolf novel #or teen wolf the AU

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triskhellion · 9 months

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Awoo for You

@flashfictionfridayofficial

Rated T | ~1k | Teen Wolf | Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Eurodance

@hargrove-taylorsversion and @dear-massacre are to blame for this. Inspired by this post and various groups from the 90s and early aughts.

Derek was walking down Galvanic Ave when an all too familiar beat tugged at the edge of his awareness. His fingers tapped against the side of his thigh before he realized what he was doing, the sound of synthesizers growing steadily louder. Clearer.

Wait, is that...?

A white car turned the corner several blocks away and was now coming towards him. He groaned.

Derek tried to tune it out, but the closer it got the more impossible it became to ignore his cousin’s voice coming out of its crackling speakers.

My heart is rabbit for your fang My feelings sparkle boomerang I chase you in my head at night Your voice a music dynamite

He cringed waiting for what came next, his own gravely voice snarling through the open windows.

Boom! Want run with me? Woods! So wild and free

Howl! I jump for you Awoo! Big fool at zoo

Kiss! No need to flee Gingivitis? Not with me!

Growl! Free me my dove Cuz grr Ulv equals luv!

Luv luv luv luv Dance dance dance dance Run run run run RAAAWWRRR!

Ten years later and that damn song still followed him everywhere. Online. In stores. His teasing packmates. It haunted his very dreams. Nowhere was safe it seemed.

The chorus trailed after the ancient Yugo as it finally passed by, Malia’s howling interspersed with more of what was once described as his “horny wolf pseudo-rapping.”

Awoooo! I do for you Awoooo! Special and true

Awoooo! Want to make sex? Awoooo! I bite you next

(Necks necks necks necks) Everybody full shift!

———

It was 1997 and the Hales were in Burgdorf, Idaho for that year’s gathering of the packs west of the Rocky Mountains. While the adults were hammering out alliances, mediating conflicts, and commenting on the weather or swapping venison recipes or whatever, he and half a dozen other teen wolves (and one 10 year old little sister) were goofing around with some audio equipment they found in one of the unoccupied cabins.

First came make-shift karaoke and then they started coming up with their own songs. Derek had beta-shifted and was growling nonsense into the microphone over some instrumental Eurodance single out of a huge cd case. Cora was literally rolling on the floor and laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face as the rest of the group busted exaggerated dance moves. Then all of a sudden the others grew quiet and stilled, standing up straight.

When he looked behind him his uncle Peter was leaning in the doorway with a calculating expression on his face.

A few months later Derek’s hair was styled into thick blue spikes and he had a Danish persona: Anders GRR. Malia, or Meta Clawz, had the misfortune of being able to sing and got roped into it too, sporting natural brown pigtails in back, but bright red and platinum blonde bangs in front. Together they were Beast of Beats.

They never actually toured and only released the one self-titled album with 9 tracks — Best Beta, Another Moon, Blue Eyed Joe, Be My Mate, ‘Mega Girl, Better Off a Lone, Super-Louper-Man, Rhythm Is an Alpha, and the inescapable Awoo for You — but the music video of the latter was a hit on MTV. Then came the flash animation that some fan made a few years after, which became one of the first viral clips. There were T-shirts and covers by award-winning musicians. Memes and references in popular tv shows over the years and…It. Just. Never. Went. Away.

Thankfully, both he and Malia had their faces obscured by masks, swirls of paint, or “special effects” in the video so they weren’t recognizable by the general public. There was that much at least.

———

Derek trudged into the apartment and grabbed some water from the fridge, snorting at a note asking him to circle which movie he wanted to see that weekend: Hot Rod, Sunshine or The Bourne Ultimatum. He circled #2, but had a feeling he’d end up watching number #1 anyway.

He sank down onto the ugly orange couch with a sigh. Footsteps soon approached from the bedroom.

“Hey babe, how was—hey, what’s wrong?”

Derek shook his head, not sure how to start or if he even wanted to. He'd never mentioned the whole Beast of Beats thing to his boyfriend and as much as he wanted to vent he also liked having one person in his life that didn’t know, for however long that could last. It was only a matter of time before Stiles was fully introduced to his pack and then someone would let it slip.

The human walked over and flopped down sideways beside him, stretching his legs over Derek’s thighs and taking his right hand, caressing the back with his thumb. Warm, dark caramel eyes watched him closely.

“Hmm…you’re wearing your grumpy Anders face.”

Derek froze and then turned slowly to stare at him.

“You know?”

Stiles raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Dude, I’d recognize that growl anywhere.”

He blushed and looked away, mortified.

“Derek, it’s okay. You know how much I like it. I like the song too, but I noticed that it bothered you about the same time I figured out who you were so I left it alone. I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff, though.”

He smiled at and squeezed Stiles’ hand. “Thanks.”

“But now that the wolf’s out of the bag…”

Derek narrowed his eyes as the grinning young man leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Want to make sex?”

He groaned and knocked his head against the back of the couch. Kisses peppered his face between peals of laughter.

“Sorry, I'm sorry babe. I’ve been holding that in for so long, you have no idea.”

Shaking his head, he pulled Stiles into his lap and kissed him back, nipping at his bottom lip. Grasping under a thigh and putting an arm around his back he then stood up, the human flailing briefly before wrapping legs around his waist and holding onto his shoulders.

Nuzzling into that lovely dotted throat, Derek inhaled the increasing earthy-sweetness of arousal.

“I bite you next,” he muttered against soft, flushed skin.

“Necks necks necks necks!” chanted Stiles.

“Everybody full shift!” he growled, setting his beautiful, happy and amused boyfriend down on the bed and climbing on top of him.

Well, maybe the song wasn’t completely terrible after all.

#flash fiction friday #sterek #sterek fanfic #crack fic #fff213

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warningsine · 15 days

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Now that we’ve gotten to the end of Girls5eva season three, there’s just 6 much we’ve seen the girl group sing about: the hotness of boys in space, UTIs, knee surgery. But in the quest to be famous 5eva, one song has to be No. 1. Using a highly scientific process known as “listening to my own taste,” I ranked the output of Girls5eva thus far, focusing both on whether the songs are good as stand-alone songs and whether they are actually funny. For the sake of clarity, I stuck to the music available on the show’s official cast recordings, which does leave off several gems we only hear for a few seconds onscreen. (Why didn’t we get a studio version of Dawn’s song where she uses every possible definition of the word “set”? This is a question I can only yell fruitlessly at the screen and hope for a response.) Until then, we will make do with this list of the excellent Girls5eva material that is available on a music-streaming service near you.

32) “U Ready?” A filler song that is itself a joke about filler songs, you have to admire the number of ways the Girls5eva writers have the group stall for time. The delivery is very funny, and we get all the girls (including Ashley Park) doing their best ready-for-MTV voices to confirm they are, indeed, “in the house” and “ready.” However, the concept is better as an elaborate joke than a song, per se. Best line: “If you’re ready, could you say ‘ready’? Because you could be ‘in the house’ and not ‘ready.’”

31) “Home Alone Doorknob” This is barely a song, but man, it’s a funny metaphor for what happens to your clitoris when you get horny. Best line: “It’s gonna get sexy, so watch out, Joe Pesci!”

30) “The Splingee” Another exercise in specific girl-group humor, Girls5eva describes how to do a “dope” dance move that is supposedly taking the world by storm. It involves whipping your hair, doing figure eights with your waist, blinking with two eyes, and getting all shy like you want to cry. The instructions end with the note that “the only thing left to do is repeat it two more times to make one complete splingee.” Honestly, it sounds like a home workout I should try. Best line: “Grind up on a ghost, then shake it out.”

29) “Who U Know” A solo performance by Jeremiah Craft’s Lil Stinker (who later gets canceled and rebrands as a country act), this is a send-up of name-dropping rap singles, with Stinker just listing everyone he knows, from his mom to his friend’s mom to Alfre Woodard. Best line: “From Zendaya to Zen-die-a!”

28) “No Strings” Gloria spends season three trying to hook up with every type of woman, but realizes that she’s a romantic after all. Here, she’s trying to embrace a no-strings-attached dynamic through a nonsensical folk tune that’s about a couple chasing the moon in an airplane powered by love. Best line: “A morning that never came until the coroner said to the wizard ‘time of death,’ the same.”

27) “Line Up” ”This is the song that launches Girls5eva’s comeback, since Lil Stinker samples “Famous 5eva” on it. We’ll get to their original hit later on, but the Stinker side of it is pretty generic as a placeholder for the kind of song that might sample something from the early 2000s. Best line: “I know you wanna light up, forever 5eva enough.”

26) “Thinking About Myself” One of Dawn’s stabs at songwriting early in season two, this is a fairly direct ballad about self-involvement. It does have some great zealous grandstanding vocals from Renée Elise Goldsberry, though. Best line: “Crying harder than anyone at a funeral for a great-uncle I barely knew.”

25) “Space Boys” In the chronicles of Girls5eva’s adventures in dating, here we have them going on an interstellar boy-kissing mission. Sadly they don’t have a TARS to keep them company, but after checking every planet they can (including “the stars”) they find some space boys (“more exotic than a waiter from France!”). On the show, the song accompanies some flashbacks to a young Gloria trying to avoid making out with actual boys, but solely as music, it’s just a low-key sci-fi jam. Best line: “We found a planet full of girls, but we left!”

24) “Later” An empowerment song in the genre of “Brave,” sung of course by Sara Bareilles, but about procrastination. The drum and piano orchestrations are so inspiring it’s easy to ignore that the message is that you really don’t need to do anything right now. Best line: “Now’s the not the right time, let’s aim for next year when we’ll have no fear, maybe by then the problems got solved by themselves all on their own.”

23) “Boyz Next Door (Puber-Dude)” To match the queasy sexualization of the Girls5eva, this number offers up the chance to objectify the just-recently pubescent members of Boyz Next Door, who have become the “hottest boys in the cul-de-sac” with a “Backstreet’s Back”–style anthem of their own. Who could resist their thin little mustaches, awkward growth spurts, and bland conversation? Best line: “Floppy hair, greasy brow, Adam’s apple going pow-pow-pow.”

22) “Sweet’N Low Daddy” Another vault track: In season three, the adult members of Girls5eva are pretty embarrassed by the message of their old hit about the benefits of dating an older man, but man, it’s pretty catchy, so you can understand why Cat Cohen’s character took it as gospel. Their ideal daddy has parents you never need to meet because they died during Nixon, and, of course, the song ends with the crucial question: “Real talk, when are you going to die?” Best line: “Don’t need to graduate, because we’re elder bait!”

21) “Can’t Wait 2 Wait” Back in the day, Busy Phillips’s Summer and Andrew Rannells’s Kev collabed on this break-out Christian-pop single about the joys of not having sex yet. Its fun hook and a peppy atmosphere bely the sheer grossness of the overall message. Best line: “Premarital urges aren’t itches to be scratched, so look up medical oddities until those feelings pass.”

20) “Daughter Hero” Renée Elise Goldsberry gets to do a groovy ’90s ballad with Wickie in celebration of her own generosity to her mother, never mind the fact that she comes from a solidly upper-middle-class family. She buys her mom a house, a house that’s significantly less nice than the one she already has! Best line: “Daughter hero, like if Jesus had a sister!”

19) “New York City Moms” An obvious sequel to “New York Lonely Boy” (more on that below), this song brings on Ingrid Michaelson(!) to perform an ode to the women of the city who have chosen to wait to have kids. A celebration of the moms who have “bumps poking out of Eileen Fisher” and are “judged by their husband’s out-of-town sister,” the Girls5eva writers can riff endlessly on very niche New York micro-communities, and bless them for that. Best line: “Spent their 20s in a disco, still younger than moms in San Francisco.”

18) “Summer Brings the Fall” Kev’s best attempt at a torch song involves an increasingly convoluted series of attempts at wordplay that I can’t help but respect. It starts out with “thought you were for ev, thought you were for Kev, you were like whatev, now I pray to heav … for strength” and just gets more forced from there. Best line: “Thought I was your male, cause you’re my holy grail.”

17) “Is There a Me?” Season three brought Busy Philipps a short but sweet bit of soul-searching in which Summer questions if she has any identity of her own, or if her personality has just been a series of attempts to please guys. Points for Philipps showing off some vocal training, deductions for the amount of Netflix cross-marketing involved. Best line: “Do I even like The Witcher, or is it just to please a mister? And what is The Witcher? I watched 40 minutes and I’m still not sure!”

16) “Inside My Sweater” Girls5eva’s music industry gets awfully specific with its parody of a Harry Styles–type sensitive boy hounded by mobs of fans named Gray Holland, played by Gossip Girl alum Thomas Doherty (he also played a similar role on the late, lamented High Fidelity Hulu reboot). As far as sound-alikes go, this Harry–slash–Shawn Mendes low-key bob is eerily accurate but also somehow a successful earworm, especially in the way Doherty refuses to ever pronounce the “r” in “sweater.” Best line: “Come dance and cook and make sweet love with me, inside my sweater!”

15) “Welcome to Now” Doherty’s soft-boy star Gray Holland returns, against his own will, in a pop hit constructed by his label “because Clause 46B, Paragraph Q of the artist’s contract grants the company use of postmortem generative voice cloning.” It’s the funnier of the two Gray Holland songs, and the beat’s so sensual you may miss that it quickly becomes an ad for the deals available at Best Buy. Best line: “Best Buy, Best Buy, Gray Holland loves Best Buy. Tablets, projectors, and more. You’re the best, bye!”

14) “Larry’s Song” The girls get their Taylor’s Version moment with this kiss off to their former manager that references many of the show’s recurring jokes about the indignities of early aughts fame, including him promising a steak knife to whoever seduces Carson Daly. The twist by the end is that they’ve finally gotten some financial and personal control, and thus, “everything we do belongs to us.” Best line: “Only let us eat crab, cause you can’t get fat from food that’s so damn hard to get at.”

13) “At the Beep” No, you’re tearing up thinking about a fictional character who died in an infinity-pool accident. In this episode, Gloria finally gives up on her conspiracy theories about Ashley’s death and accepts that she might really be gone. (I do wonder if Ashley Park would’ve been available for a longer run in season two if Emily in Paris hadn’t gotten so big.) This results in a somber number where girls say good-bye to Ashley through her still-active (because Gloria has been paying) answering-machine service. Best line: “It should have been me.” “I did a lot of cocaine, so much cocaine.”

12) “Get It Off Your Chest” In a moment of confession and healing in season three, the women of Girls5eva share their darker secrets with each other and their audience. The result is a series of tightly written jokes from the show’s writing staff: Wickie only likes people who “like me,” “but be careful, if you like me too much, it has the opposite effect and I find you desperate,” Gloria doesn’t trust stand-up comics who are too in shape, Summer hasn’t listened to a voice-mail since 2015, and finally, Dawn delivers my favorite … Best line: “Every year when my son’s school sends out the class list with parents’ names, the first thing I do is Google them to see what they paid for their apartments.”

11) “Momentum” Starting off season two, the girls have got momentum, yeah, um, it’s their moment (bless you, Jeff Richmond) with a song that’s relatively straightforward within the Girls5eva canon but is also a solid earworm. I have to respect that groovy baseline, too. Best line: “Unstoppable, this unst-unst ain’t toppable.”

10) “Tap Into Your (Fort) Worth” A canny marketing move: The girls of 5Eva plot a way to secure a captive audience by writing a song about an American city nobody else has written a song about. The result is a clever ode to Dallas’s overlooked sister, declaring that “cow town is a wild town with a walkable downtown” and trumpeting the fact that the Trinity River is, in some places, now actually swimmable. It’s enough to make you want to consider booking a flight to DFW, maybe just as a connection, but still. Best line: “Some say Omaha Zoo is second-best, but that’s a lie because their red panda is always inside. It’s never out on the tree, yeah!”

9) “I’m Afraid (Dawn’s Song of Fears)” Sometimes you just have to let Sara Bareilles loose with a piano and sing like she’s performing “Gravity.” Here, Dawn’s attempt to write a song on her own ends with her just listing things she’s afraid of, from the fact that she might thrive under Scientology to her fear that she’ll text a pic of her vagina to her dad. There’s something very funny to me about the way Bareilles says “my hummus is fungus” and I have to own that. Best line: “I’m afraid that the second I leave town I’ll get a UTI. Why can’t they sell those pills over the counter? I don’t need a doctor, I know exactly what it is.”

8) “Yesternights” Finally, a full taste of Wickie’s solo album, a work absolutely choked by melisma and sung impeccably by Renée Elise Goldsberry. It’s, as she sings, “gorgeous and sensual” and also “life fancy,” and also “dancing, yearning.” You could probably slip it on a sex playlist and nobody would notice, and frankly, we need an eight-minute version. Best line: “But tonight, there is no night or tomorrow night / Or any future night / ’Cause you’re only in my yesternight of nights.”

7) “The Medium Time” Sara Bareilles wrote the Girls5eva’s season-three finale hit song, which is about being inspired not to aim for immense fame, but a reasonable, medium level of attention. Bareilles is so good at selling the earnest, heartfelt feeling behind the song that you may forget that the wise man who told her this advice, in the universe of the show, was actually Richard Kind. Best line: “The middle is the riddle of it all, and the medium time is just fine for now.”

6) “Dream Girlfriends” The satire of Girls5eva cuts deepest here, in this song from their original run about all the ways they’d be willing to debase themselves to appeal to men. The list includes the fact that their dads are dead, that their moms are overtired so there’ll be no pushback, that they want to watch you play darts and love watching stand-up (but not by women). “Dream Girlfriends” cuts both ways, managing to make the men it’s supposed to appeal to sound pathetic as well. The girls are short so they don’t know you’re bald! Best line: “Tell me again why Tarantino’s a genius.”

5) “Bend Not Break” Near the end of season two, the women of Girls5eva realize their best song is actually about Gloria’s knee surgery. Metaphorically, it’s really about how they have to learn to compromise and acknowledge each other’s weaknesses to support their success, but there is also literally a joke about how she uses a cane. Anyway, it’s got a groove that’s hard to shake and does really make you want to dance (carefully, in a way that doesn’t risk further knee injury). Best line: “We got our secret weapon already, and it’s got eight legs, four smiles, and a cane.”

4) “Famous 5eva” Perhaps the best theme song in the vast universe of television today, here Girls5eva embraces the joys of counting by promising they’ll be famous 5eva — ’cuz 4eva’s too short. Those synths have an addictive crunch, and there’s something about the way they describe the series of cars they’re driving in (first a Lexus, then a Mercedes and then a Maserati) that’s gleefully ridiculous. The show has to make you believe the girls really are talented, and that there’s something joyful about watching them perform. This does both. Best line: “We’re Girls5eva, could we get a high SIX?”

3) “B.P.E.” Put your hands together for a “We Are the Champions”–style celebration of big pussy energy. Girl5eva’s absurdist answer to “WAP” celebrates their “Vitamin P” with some gospel-choir-esque harmonies. And the remix, which outdoes the original, adds in some church bells to heighten the energy. It will make you tap into whatever B.P.E. you have of your own. Best line: “Square feet, I’m going for miles, upgrade, taking up the aisles, open up those classified files from the Department of Treasury.”

2) “New York Lonely Boy” The best of the Girls5eva songs in terms of straight joke-writing, “New York Lonely Boy” applies a Simon and Garfunkel sensibility to the tales of hyperarticulate soft boys who know too much about mixing plaids and the dangers of restaurants on the corner (they just try too hard). Its comedy is sort of tangential from Girls5eva’s overall focus on the music industry, but it’s so perfectly realized that it doesn’t matter. Any show that can deliver such a specific encapsulation of a type — to the extent that I now think of various former St. Anne’s students who’ve became indie celebrities (okay, just Lucas Hedges) as New York Lonely Boys — deserves to run forever. Best line: “His playground is the lobby, has a palate for wasabi.”

1) “Four Stars” If “Famous 5eva” had to establish Girls5eva as it was, then “Four Stars” has to do the work of making you believe the second iteration of the group has come into its own. It does this delightfully well, with an anthem about embracing your imperfections that includes plenty of tossed-off jokes from each of the band members. (I’m particularly fond of “women are an ocean of secrets!”) Plus there’s something great about the harmonies of everyone singing “four stars” together. I have put this on exercise playlists, and it works! Best line: “The best things in life are free, that’s why rich people never carry wallets.”

#girls5eva

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childhood90snostalgia · 6 months

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90s/00s TV (Personal Memories)

Kids Cartoons

6teen 101 Dalmatians Aaaah!!! Real Monsters Ace Ventura Pet Detective Aladdin TAS All Grown Up Angela Anaconda Angry Beavers Animal Crackers (Telethon) Animaniacs Arthur Babar The Batman (The WB) Batman Beyond (The WB) Batman TAS Beast Wars/Beast Machines Beetlejuice Big Teeth, Bad Breath (YTV) Birdz Bobby’s World (Fox) Bonkers Braceface The Bugs Bunny & Tweety Show Butt-Ugly Martians Bump in the Night CatDog (Nickelodeon) Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers Cow and Chicken Danny Phantom Darkwing Duck Dexter’s Laboratory Dog City Donkey Kong Country Doug DuckTales Earthworm Jim Fairly Odd Parents Fly Tales (Teletoon) For Better or For Worse (Telethon) Freakazoid (The WB) Freaky Stories Free Willy (ABC) Garfield and Friends Gargoyles Goof Troop Hey Arnold I Am Weasel Johnny Bravo Katie and Orbie (CTV) Kim Possible The Legend of White Fang Life with Louie Little Lulu (HBO) The Little Mermaid TAS The Mask TAS Mega Babies Mona the Vampire (YTV) Monster By Mistake (YTV) Neds Newt The New Addams Family The New Batman Adventures (The WB) The New Woody Woodpecker Show PB&J Otter (Disney Channel) Pepper Ann The Pink Panther Pinky and the Brain Pippi Longstocking Powerpuff Girls The Proud Family The Raccoons (CBC) Recess Reboot The Ripping Friends Rocko’s Modern Life Rugrats Rupert (CBS) Sabrina TAS (ABC) Samurai Jack Short Circutz (YTV) Silverling (Teletoon) Sonic (Adventures of) Sonic SATAM Sonic Underground Stickin’ Around Tales From the Cryptkeeper TaleSpin Taz-Mania Teen Titans Timon & Pumba Tiny Toon Adventures (Fox) Tom and Jerry Kids Total Drama Island Totally Spies Voltron the Third Dimension The Weekenders What’s With Andy The Wild Thornberrys (Nickelodeon) The World of Peter Rabbit and Friends X-Men Evolution (The WB) X-Men TAS Yvon of the Yukon (YTV)

Retro

Batman Fireball XL5 The Flintstones The Incredible Hulk Looney Toons Spiderman Tom and Jerry Yogi Bear

Adult Cartoons

Aeon Flux Beavis and Butthead Captain Star Celebrity Death Match Clone High The Critic Cybersix Daria Delta State Futurama The Head (MTV) John Callahan’s Quads (Teletoon) King of the Hill Mission Hill The Oblongs The Simpsons Space Ghost Coast to Coast (Cartoon Network) Spawn Spider-Man the New Animated Series South Park The Tick Undergrads

Anime

Beyblade Digimon Adventures 01 & 02 Cardcaptors Gundam SEED InuYasha Mon Colle Knights Monster Rancher Pokemon Sailor Moon Samurai Pizza Cats Shaman King Sonic X YuGiOh Zoids New Century

Television Series

7th Heaven (The WB) Alf (NBC) Animorphs (Nickelodeon) Are you Afraid of the Dark? Baywatch (NBC) Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction (Fox) Big Wolf on Campus Boy Meets World Breaker High (YTV) Buffy the Vampire Slayer Canded Camera (CBS) Charmed (The WB) Clueless (ABC) Dawson’s Creek (The WB) Degrassi Junior High (CBC) Degrassi High (CBC) Degrassi the Next Generation (CTV) Dinosaurs The Drew Carey Show (ABC) ER (NBC) Even Stevens Family Matters (ABC) Fresh Prince of Bel Air Full House Gilmore Girls (The WB) The Golden Girls (CBC) Goosebumps Home Improvement Lassie (1997) Little House on the Prairie (NBC) Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Nanny (CBC) The OC (Fox) Radio Active Sabrina the Teenage Witch Saved by the Bell (NBC) Sex and the City (HBO) Sister, Sister (ABC) Smallville (The WB) Smart Guy Student Bodies System Crash (YTV) Teen Angel (ABC) That’s so Raven The Twilight Zone (CBS) White Fang (1993) (CTV) You Wish (ABC)

Educational Programming / Children’s shows

Adventures in Wonderland Art Attack Babar (CBC) Banana’s in Pajama’s Barney and Friends Between the Lions The Big Comfy Couch The Big Friendly Giant Bill Nye the Science Guy Blue’s Clues Caillou (PBS) Camp Caribou Captain Planet Care Bears (ABC) Franklin (CBS) The Friendly Giant (CBC) Hammy the Hamster Iris the Happy Professor Kratt’s Creatures (PBS) Lamb Chop’s Play Along The Magic School Bus Mister Roger’s Neighbourhood (PBS) Mr Dressup (CBC) PJ Katie’s Farm (YTV) Reading Rainbow (PBS) Sesame Street School House Rock Sharon, Lois & Bram’s Elephant Show (CBC) Telefrancais Teletubbies Theodore Tugboat Thomas the Tank Engine Under the Umbrella Tree (CBC) Welcome to Pooh Corner Wishbone (PBS) Zaboomafoo (PBS)

Game Shows/Sketch Comedies

All That America’s Funniest Home Videos (With Bob Saget) American Idol The Amanda Show Battlebots (Comedy Central) Canadian Idol (CTV) Crank Yankers (Comedy Central) The Crocodile Hunter Fear Factor (NBC) The Hit List Jackass (MTV) Just For Laughs Gags (Comedy Central) Kids in the Hall Making the Band (MTV) Much Countdown (Much Music) Much in your Space (Much Music) MuchOnDemand (Much Music) Much Mega Hits (Much Music) Much Spotlight (Much Music) Much Top Tens (Much Music) Newlyweds Nick and Jessica (MTV) Playlist (Much Music) Pop-Up Video (Much Music) Price is Right Punk’d (MTV) The Simple Life (Fox) Supermarket Sweep Uh Oh Unsolved Mysteries (NBC) Video and Arcade top 10 (YTV) Video On Trial (Much Music) Where in the world/time is Carmen Sandiego Whose Line is it Anyway? Win Ben Stein’s Money (Comedy Central)

Television Networks/Programming

Fox Kids Much Music One Saturday Morning PSA’s Teletoon TGIF YTV - The Zone / Snit Station / Short Circuitz

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dollarbin · 8 months

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Dollar Bin #9:

World Party's Goodbye Jumbo

In the Spring of 1990 I became momentary friends with the edgy older dude next door.

I was 14 and in 8th grade, emerging from a month of missed school due to an epic case of poison oak followed by an even more epic bout with the chicken pox. I looked like the Elephant Man, one eye blistered entirely shut. Edgy Older Dude was in his mid-twenties and was definitely on drugs.

How do I know he was on drugs, you ask? Don't worry, I still know little to nothing about drugs. But a year after our moment of friendship Edgy Guy moved out and my dad, who owned the guy's apartment, sent me over to clean out his kitchen. In the frig I found, swear to God, at least 7 open bottles of identical BBQ sauce. Now my frig today can get a bit chaotic; sometimes I discover we're working on two competing jars of mayo simultaneously. But only a 20-something white dude on drugs is capable of racking up 7+ squirt jars of Kraft's Slow Simmered Original.

Anyway, this guy and I conducted our friendship entirely through his bedroom window. You see, at that point in 8th grade I was searching for The Answer. So were you. A calendar year earlier I Won't Back Down had fundamentally changed my life. Tom Petty's full moon masterpiece disinterested me in baseball cards and comic books forever and set me firmly on the path that led straight to the Dollar Bin.

Petty led me to the Wilburys; the Wilburys led me to the Beatles; the Beatles led me to insist on getting a pair of Lennon's circular granny frames at the optometrist. But then I hit a roadblock. MTV was all Aerosmith and Janet Jackson and I never could work up the energy to try and understand Janie's Got a Gun or what had happened in 1814. So what was next? My 8th grade self had no idea.

Then World Party's Put the Message in the Box glided out the window next door: a warm, earnest cloud of harmony and comfort set to a white guy beat.

And if you listen now, you might hear, a new sound coming in, as an old one disappears...

Him: "Hey kid, what's up?"

(It was a reasonable question. I was standing directly outside his bedroom window, staring in, transfixed.)

Me: "Oh, hey. Sorry. I like that song, sir."

Him: "Yeah. Just came out. World Party. Totally sweet."

Me: "Wow. Yeah. I like the Beatles."

Him: "Right on kid. Want me to tape this for you?"

Me: "Wow. Yeah. Like, totally."

A day later the guy's arm stuck out the window and passed me a Maxell tape (remember the guy sitting in profile in his armchair, getting blown away by the audio quality one experienced from a Maxell tape?) of World Party's Goodbye Jumbo, an album I will now argue belongs in the pantheon of still extremely worthwhile 80's White Guy Rock.

Ah, the category known as Worthwhile 80's White Guy Rock. Stephen Stills appears in it not. Little did you know that what started with Armed Forces and found prestige pinnacles with The Joshua Tree, Disintegration, Graceland, So and Synchronicity, and classic oddball variations with Shooting Rubber Bands at the Stars and Petty, Dylan and Co's various resuscitations, all finds its righteous conclusion in Goodbye Jumbo, Karl Wallinger's fantastic double to The White Album.

Of course Goodbye Jumbo remains a very minor record in comparison to the others I mention above. If there's a signature sound from the album left in the memory of anyone other than me it's likely the brief, squirming riff that opens the first single, Way Down Now. Wallingher squeezes his guitar like a full tube of toothpaste, spiraling out a strangled surge of joy. Take a listen.

youtube

At the close of the 80's my father seemed like the person least likely to help me on my quest to find awesome popular music. My siblings and I grew up without a working stereo in the house and when I insisted we listen to Running Down a Dream in the car the only vaguely relevant comment my mercurial and forever overworked dad could summon up was that I should really listen to Toad, Cream's 8 minute drum solo song from Wheels of Fire. Somehow that track, and that track alone, had lodged in his memory. Was his recommendation earnest or mischievous? Definitely both. That's my dad.

Anyway, my father's sole moment of brilliance when it comes to talking to me about music in the last 35 years came when he first overheard me listening to Way Down Now. As the song began to climax and soar he stepped over the Millennium Falcon that still cluttered up my bedroom floor and started singing along!

Woo-Woo! Woo-Woo!

Somewhere in his brain, otherwise crammed with Reganomics, house paint color wheels and bidding estimates, there was still room left for Toad and the background vocal line from Sympathy for the Devil.

"Your band is stealing from the Stones, son," he said as the song ended. Then he wandered off, continuing to sing it, without further explanation, leaving me totally flummoxed: who were "the Stones" and what did they have to do with the fantastic music coming from the homemade tape I had on repeat? Furthermore, did my father have a secret life?

I once again sought out the dude next door, standing at his window, oblivious to all social mores, until he reappeared.

"What's up kid? Like the tape?"

"Oh yes, sir. But my dad says they're stealing from the Stones."

"The Rolling Stones? Damn, he's right. Sympathy for the Devil. They're stealing from everyone. It's genius. The fifth track is my favorite. Pure Prince."

At that point I was even more confused. I knew about The Rolling Stones. My friends Matt and Eric, who had cool dads, had gone to see Keith and Mick at the LA Colosseum the year before; Guns and Roses, whose fold-out naked lady tape cover for Lies scared the living crap out of me, had opened for them. But how could a band copy the senior citizens behind Mixed Emotions and the Bat Dance guy at the same time?

I went, like a good little boy, and listened to my tape again, counting down to the fifth track, Ain't Gonna Come Till I'm Ready, and I instantly discovered it was the only song I couldn't stand on the album. Maybe Neighbor Dude and I were not destined to be best friends after all. World Party sang like a girl in that song! The word "falsetto" was definitely not in my vocabulary and it would take another year or so before I heard Crazy Love and began to understand white people soul music.

Another word that was not in my vocabulary was "genre", but my self-education took a step forward when I realized that every song on Goodbye Jumbo had a different mood, a different sound.

Listen to the album today and all this stuff is obvious. The album opens with a handmade gesture; Is It Too Late? is Eno sitting in on the Let It Be sessions, with Wallinger turning on an amateur drum machine and then asking an engineer to start recording even though, obviously, he's already rolling. Does this band know what they are doing, we wonder? Of course they do; by the middle of the track things are on fire.

youtube

Every song that follows after in Goodbye Jumbo unfurls its own unique sonic banner. Check out the clouded rainbow dream pop of When the Dream Comes, or the Plastic Ono beautiful death march of God On My Side, or the Dylan/Simon breakfast cereal mashup on Take It Up.

In the decade that followed, Yo La Tengo took Goodbye Jumbo's mixtape, honor-thy-many-masters, approach and perfected it. They rocked; they crooned; they raged; they droned. But Ira, Georgia and James were three (ridiculously talented) people. Wallinger built Goodbye Jumbo alone. That's right; don't be fooled by the full band, cheesy music videos: like the aforementioned Plastic Ono Band, World Party was basically just one guy playing every instrument.

The lyrics on the record are tough for me to measure with any real objectivity. Love Street and Put the Message in the Box sounded to me, at age 14, like sister tracks to Let it Be and Imagine. Wallinger isn't humble on this record; he's out to change the world with a way early environmentalist focus and all kinds of Pleas For Understanding that probably sound pretentious to modern ears. But I still hear those songs like I'm back in Algebra 1, teaching myself how to draw peace signs.

By one measure Goodbye Jumbo is the last record I own that should be considered for the Dollar Bin. Last Spring, after 30 years of looking, I found a pristine vinyl copy and bought it for $40, making it the most expensive individual record I've ever bought. Vinyl records were barely made between 89 and the 00's, so records from that era are always priced at a steep premium.

But don't lose faith in me because of that sticker price, my fellow Dollar Bin Dwellers: I guarantee that you can pick up a CD copy of Goodbye Jumbo for a buck without too much hard looking, and, who am I kidding, all this stuff is available on Spotify anyway.

So I'm putting this message in the box and I'm sending it around the world in a car: Goodbye Jumbo is the late 80's Dollar Bin treasure.

#world party #stephen stills still sucks #the 80s #Youtube

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bebx · 2 years

Note

Depp is a winner 🎉🥰 Look at everyone's reaction to the VMAs ❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰❤️😍😍😍😍😍😍

❤️

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laresearchette · 4 months

Text

Friday, December 22, 2023 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: SAGO MINI FRIENDS: NEW YEAR'S STEVE (Apple TV +) WOULD I LIE TO YOU? (BritBox) THE SECRET GIFT OF CHRISTMAS (W Network) 8:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT? 25TH ANNUAL A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS (CBS Feed)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

AMAZON PRIME CANADA AFTER WE FELL

CRAVE TV ACTING GOOD (Season 2) THE BLACKENING A CHRISTMAS FOR THE AGES A CHRISTMAS STAR CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON FEAR THY NEIGHBOUR (Season 9A) IT’S ALL GONE PETE TONG JACKIE BROWN JERSEY SHORE: FAMILY VACATION (Season 6) THE JINGLE BELL JUBILEE LISTING LARGE (Season 1) LONG LIFE, HAPPINESS AND PROSPERITY MTV CRIBS (Season 19) NESTING (Season 1) ONE YEAR OFF RIDICULOUSNESS (Season 35) SCORE: A HOCKEY MUSICAL SOMEWHERE IN QUEENS SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE TEEN MOM OG (Season 9) TEEN MOM 2 (Season 11A) TEEN MOM: THE NEXT CHAPTER (Season 1B) WATERMARK THE WEAPON

DISNEY + STAR WHAT IF…? (Season 2 Premiere)

NETFLIX CANADA GYEONGSEONG CREATURE (Season 1 Part 1) (KR) REBEL MOON — PART ONE: A CHILD OF FIRE SING 2

2024 IIHF WORLD JUNIOR PRE-COMPETITION (TSN/TSN4) 9:00am: Canada vs. Switzerland

MEET ME UNDER THE MISTLETOE (CTV Life) 6:00pm: Rival real estate agents both make the same wish during the first snow of the winter: to win the most coveted listing in town. As the business competitors begrudgingly work together, they learn the house comes with a special commission: love.

NHL HOCKEY (SNOntario) 7:00pm: Leafs vs. Sabres (SN1/SNEast) 7:00pm: Hurricanes vs. Penguins (SNWest) 7:30pm: Oilers vs. Devils (SNPacific) 8:00pm: Canucks vs. Stars (TSN3) 8:00pm: Bruins vs. Jets (TSN2) 8:30pm: Habs vs. Chicago (SN/SN1) 10:00pm: Flames vs. Ducks

WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS 2023 (HGTV Canada) 7:00pm: It's the most wonderful time of the year to get inspired by the stunning holiday decorations at America's most iconic home: the White House.

NBA BASKETBALL (TSN4) 7:30pm: Nuggets vs. Nets (SN360) 8:00pm: Clippers vs. Thunder (SN Now) 9:00pm: Lakers vs. Timberwolves

THE HOLIDAY (CBC) 8:00pm: Two women, one (Cameron Diaz) from America and one (Kate Winslet) from England, swap homes at Christmastime after bad breakups with their boyfriends.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951) (CTV2) 8:00pm: Dickens' London miser Ebenezer Scrooge (Alastair Sim) meets the spirits of Christmases past, present and yet to come.

AN ICE PALACE ROMANCE (CTV Life) 8:00pm: A journalist faces old fears when she returns to her hometown ice rink to cover a story. With the help of the owner and his young daughter, she begins to reevaluate her life's purpose.

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF JERSEY (Slice) 8:00pm: Baby Steps and Battle Lines

BRINGING CHRISTMAS HOME (Super Channel Heart & Home) 8:00pm: A professor of military history teams with an antique store owner to help track down the original owner of a historic World War II uniform and the love letters in its pockets.

MURDER AT CARTER COUNTY MINES (Investigation Discovery) 9:00pm: A beloved couple go missing from their rural Kentucky home, leaving behind a mysterious crime scene; clues emerge across state lines, sending investigators on a wild chase until an unlikely source reveals the shocking truth.

SOMEWHERE IN QUEENS (Crave) 9:00pm: Leo and Angela Russo live a blue-collar life, surrounded by the big personalities of their overbearing Italian-American family. When their son's chance at a life-changing basketball scholarship is jeopardized, Leo risks everything to help him.

#cdntv #cancon #canadian tv #canadian tv listings #the real housewives of jersey #iihf world juniors hockey #nhl hockey #nba basketball

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elbienamado · 9 months

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Is that BIBIANO DE LA CRUZ? A JUNIOR originally from MANHATTAN, NY, they decided to come to Ogden College to study PRE-MED. They’re THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance.

updated 8/17/2023

tw: implied death of sibling(s), child/infant death, implied parental neglect, references to religion (Catholicism)

The Basics:

Full Name: Bibiano Yasiel De La Cruz-Aguilera

Nick Names: Bibi, B, {Big Man,B-Man, Mr. President, Biber, Beebs} (by Hyatt but they're (mostly)free game), BB (Dartboard only, negative connotations so don't call him this haha)

Pronouns: He/him

Ethnicity: Afro-Cubano

Sexuality: Straight

Gender: Cismale

Age: 22

Birthday: December 28, 2000

Zodiac: Capricorn Sun, Aquarius Moon, Libra Rising

MBTI: INFJ-T

Enneagram: 2w1

Religion: Roman Catholic

Family: Abraham De La Cruz - Father, 55 (Andre Royo), Consuelo De La Cruz-Aguilera - Mother, 54 (Gina Torres), Maricruz Acosta - Au pair, 45 (Rosario Dawson), Sibling(s) † TBD (his parents had 5 failed pregnancies before Bibi was born)

Language: English, Spanish, can understand spoken and written Portuguese (doesn't actually know the language but because of the similarities to Spanish he is able to gage what is being said), very basic conversational spoken Japanese

Appearance:

Face Claim: Rome Flynn

Height: 5'11"

Eye Color: Dark Brown

Hair Color: Black

Hair Style: Close skin fade with roughly 2 inches of longer curls at the top front of his head

Tattoos: None (if you see one of Rome Flynn's tattoos in a pic I used, no you didn't 🤫)

Style: Cocktail Attire to Business Formal during school hours, Athleisure to Soft Boy Aesthetic on off hours

Piercings: Single piercings on both ears

How he embodies THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS:

The son of a prosecutor turned senate hopeful and a brain surgeon, Bibiano has always been destined for success. And he’s done a good job so far, if you ask him. As Ogden’s football team Captain, the President of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, and a member of the Junior Class Board, he’s got a lot on his plate besides his studies. But if there’s one thing his parents instilled in him since childhood, it’s that good things come to those who work hard. So work hard he does. It’s fine. After all, what more could he ask when his entire life had been preordained?

Extracurriculars: President of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, Football team Captain (Quarterback), Junior Class Board, Pre-Med Society, Ultimate Frisbee, Squash

Relationship to Greer:

If you had asked Bibiano last year how his relationship with Greer was going, he would have smiled brightly and answered, ‘Never better!’ while brushing a stray curl away from his face, letting his promise ring catch the light in the down stroke. Saddest thing was that he would have meant it. Wholeheartedly. Things were going great between him and Greer. Fantastic even. Despite the fact that they were talking and seeing each other less and less every year. It’s not like he hadn’t noticed, but with the MCAT looming over the horizon, he couldn’t afford to slack off. He thought she would understand, but once he had ‘stopped being fun’, she had stopped telling him whenever she’d go out and blocked his number. He’d only learn about what she was up to because she hadn’t bothered to block him on Snapchat. But all couples have their ups and downs, and he wouldn’t be the first boyfriend to get blocked during a fight. It was fine though, because Bibiano knew that they would make up eventually and everything would go back to how it’d always been. Greer and him were an inevitability. They were destined to get married and start a family. 2.5 kids, the picket fence, all of it. They were the New American Dream. Idyllic, yet achievable if you just put in the work. It was as true as the celestial bodies in the sky that circled the Earth. As true as the love of the Lord. A year later and his promise ring was tucked neatly into the black velvet box that had originally held Greer’s.

Character Inspirations:

Scott McCall (MTV's Teen Wolf), Wolfgang Grimmer (Naoki Urasawa's Monster), Shima Sousuke (Skip and Loafer), Finn Hudson (Glee), Aaron Samuels (Mean Girls), James Wilson, M.D (House MD), Ann Perkins (Parks and Recreation), Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney), Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Laios Touden (Dungeon Meshi), Papyrus (Undertale), Noelle (Deltarune), Kota Ibushi (DDT/NJPW/AEW - Wrestling, Seiya Sanada [j5g era] (NJPW - Wrestling) (i'm being so real rn wrestling is just professional sports larping where the audience is also part of the collaborative story telling and the wrestlers are constantly rping in real life i cannot stress enough that i am being so so real rn))

Character Tropes:

Lovable Jock, Captain Oblivious, The Unwitting Comedian, The McCoy, Mr. Nice Guy, Extreme Doormat, The Cutie, Horrible Judge Of Character, Perpetual Smiler, Only Sane Man, Beware the Nice Ones, Reluctant Fanservice Guy, Adorkable, I Just Want to Be Normal, Creature of Habit, Token Good Teammate, Super Gullible, The Teetotaler, Crisis of Faith

Vibes:

a puppy with paws still too large for their body ; awkward and sweet he stumbles over his own two feet / a single deer fawn in the middle of a forest clearing, their round eyes sparkle with curiosity, not yet knowing the cruelty of the world they clumsily walk towards you ; far too trusting for his own good, that naivety will only cause him more pain / what if we erased all of our mistakes? i want to be nice to you ; a man who doesn't guard his own heart, he says he won't trust like that again but makes the same mistake over and over again / i wanna be a fool, but you're not making it easy for me ; it's in his nature to forgive far to easily, he'll almost always bend first, but be careful, even a perpetual doormat can grow a spine if pushed too far /

Expanded Personality:

Bibiano's father has been trying to run for the senate for as long as Bibi can remember. However, as an Afro-Latino immigrant, securing the conservative vote has been quite the challenge, to say the least. To that end, Bibiano is under unending pressure to be the perfect All American Boy.

This upbringing has forced him to be more down to earth than most of the other affluent kids in Greer’s circle and thus allows him to make fast friends with people way out of his parent’s tax bracket.

Tw: references to religion, death of a child/ death of siblings (brief references to miscarriages, still born children): Bibi comes from a conservative Roman Catholic Afro-Cuban family. According to his parents, his conception was a miracle from God, a gift to reward them for their years of faith despite the siblings he had lost before they could be born. So, no, he’s not an only child, he’s the youngest of six. They’re his guardian angels, taken far too soon by their God so they could watch over him. Bibiano lives for them. To make them and their parents proud.

more to come 🕺

Connections: { here }

Playlist, Pinterest

Sample RP:

“You wouldn’t have wanted Greer to disappear, would you?”

“Excuse me?” The words were spat out of Bibiano's mouth with far more venom than he had intended. He realized his mistake when he turned his head and matched gazes with a pair of detectives in neat business casual. All in all, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. The ex is always one of the first people they looked at, especially when they hadn't exactly broken up in amicable terms. And despite Greer's valiant attempt at astroturfing the reason for their split, no one had really bought the lies. (At least Bibiano sure hadn’t.) So of course Bibi knew this was coming. From the instant he had heard that she was officially a missing person he knew. He wasn’t stupid. He just, somehow, hadn’t expected this moment to come so soon. Call it naivety. It was fine. He had learned how to handle these types of situations after he hit his first major growth spurt and was 5’8” at 14. Pursing his lips, Bibiano regarded the detectives for a moment before cocking his head slightly and giving them an exasperated smile. “I’d really love to answer any question you have, detectives, but it’ll have to go through my father first. You two know how he is; a real by-the-book type of guy," Bibiano chuckled softly, scratching lightly at the side of his neck. “You have Prosecutor De La Cruz’s number, right?” Bibi then pressed his lips together in a tight lipped smile, eyebrows rising good naturedly. The challenge had been clear. They should have known better. “I’m sure the guys back in the office can help you find it if you don’t.”

Does it ever bother you, how small of a school Ogden is? And how everyone is everyone else’s business?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective.” Bibiano answered, turning away from the computer screen to look at his lab partner from over his shoulder. “Personally, I like to think of it more as… ‘cozy’. Like, yeah, people know way more about my business than I’d like them to but the benefits outweigh the cons by a long shot.” Bibi laughed when he heard multiple grumbles in response. He hadn’t realized he had an audience. “I’m serious! Just think about it, college is half studying half networking. Where else would you have a chance to meet and make connections with all these rich kids?” Bibi asked, pushing away from the desk so he could spin his chair in a lazy circle to get a better look at the others. “Aren’t you one of the rich kids, too?” Someone said. Bibiano quirked an eyebrow at that, his lips pushed forward in an annoyed pout. “I mean, yeah, technically. But they’re old money; my family is what they call ‘new money’. Big difference,” Bibi said, tapping the side of his forehead. “Even though I grew up with the Morrisons, I don’t think they ever really thought of me as an equal. I mean, look at how fast Greer dropped me when–” Bibiano snapped his mouth shut as he noticed eyes light up with interest. He had almost said too much. “Y’know what, that’s not important. Stop distracting me, cuz if we turn in a half finished assignment I got no problem throwing you under the bus to save myself.” Bibi snarked, pointing at his lab partner. His laughter bounced off the walls when he was forced to dodge a quickly formed paper ball thrown his way. “Let’s just get back to work, okay?”

“Popularity isn’t supposed to matter past high school, but do you think Ogden has a popular crowd? Like…Greer was popular, wasn’t she?”

“Why the fuck are you talking about her in the past tense?” Bibiano snarled, glaring daggers down at the party goer that had pulled him into a private room. “Cuz last time I checked, Greer’s still marked as a missing person. Unless there’s something you know that I don’t?” Bibiano took two steps forward, closing the distance between them. “Well?” He lifted his eyebrows, his smile warped into something unfamiliar and dangerous. The usually gentle warmth in his eyes burned hotter, fueled by indignant rage. “If you got any new information, I’m dying to hear it.” It was silent in the room except for the muffled sounds of music and chatter coming from the frat party on the other side of the door. “Nothing to say now? Figures.” Bibiano sneered, pushing past them to walk towards the door. He reached for the handle and paused before turning back. “Y’know what? Do me a favor and don’t speak to me again. Matter of fact, stay away from the Morrison twins, too. God knows they have way more important things to worry about than another know-nothing clout chaser looking for the next juicy piece of gossip.” With that, Bibi stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. A few heads turned towards the noise, but he didn’t wait to see if anyone called out. Taking long strides, he made it to a familiar gaudily furnished bathroom, stepped in, and locked the door behind him with trembling hands. Dropping clumsily onto the sink countertop he gripped it like a lifeline as the adrenaline slowly drained out of him. His mind was a jumbled mess, the thoughts racing far too quickly for him to make sense of anything. Bloodshot eyes flickered up to the antique gold mirror hung in front of him. He looked awful. There’s no way he could face the rest of the party looking like this. Not after the scene he had just made. They probably were already whispering among themselves, chomping at the bit to watch another star ignite into flames on their fall from grace. Well, too bad for them. They’d have to wait a little longer before he’d let himself burn up into ash and dust.

#ogdenintro #i will add more later 😖

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popculturebuffet · 1 year

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Clone High President's Day Special Review: (Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand and Episode 2: Election Blu-Galoo) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27... wesley)

Tonight, on a special presidents day review of clone high

(Clears throat)

WAY WAY BACK IN THE 2000'S TWO FUTURE SUCCESFUL COMEDIANS TOOK SOME FAMOUS GUYS AND LADIES AND MADE THEM INTO A CULT CLASSIC COMEDY

NOW THE SHOWS GETTING A REBOOT NOW IT'S GONNA MAKE IT IF IT TRIES BUT UNTIL IT GETS RELEASED IT'S TIME TO LAUGH SHIVER AND CRY WITH THE ORIGNIAL CLONNNE HIGGGHHH YEAHHHH…

Honestly i'm suprised it took me this long to clone high, nor that I did our presidents say special last year and never even thought of this as an option.

In case the intro wasn't clear enough, for presidents day we're looking at one of the best shows MTV ever made, Clone High, a 2002 animated comedy about a bunch of clones of famous historical figures made into clones back in the 80s who are now teens living through a giant parody of teen dramas both at the time and in the past, with most of the episodes modeled after your various teen drama tropes which having watched a few (Degrassi, 90210 (both versions), Secret LIfe of An American Teenager) made it hilarious to me, as it matches the genre point for point while also adding in it's own zany looney tunes humor.

Naturally such a wholly weird premise.. didn't really take off and MTV canceled it the first excuse they got, but it's spot on humor, great voice acting, fun animation and brilliant premise and satire meant the show got the cult following it desreved.. and eventually came back by popular demand as it's creators ended up becoming two of the biggest names in animation, making the lego movie, the lego batman movie and Spider-man INto The Spider Verse into massive hits. While it's return is still cooking, and sadly coming to HBO Max, which at the time was a big HELL YES from me, now has me worreid they may prevent us from getting more than two seasons.. though given Paramount is both behind the series and could easily bring it to plus if it's popular enough, i'm not too worried. So while we wait , we can celebrate with the clones of two dead presidents mr. b, as we dive into the first two episodes of the show: Escape To Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand and Episode 2: Election Blu-Galoo. So come under the cut with me for some angst that's entertaning.

Escape To Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand

From the outset what the series is is clear.. not just from the throughly kickass themesong that perfectly fits the ti me, but from it's characters, who are easily recognizable both to anyone even casually aware of history.. and anyone whose seen at least one teen drama or movie: You have Abe Lincoln (Will Forte who would show up in pretty much everything this duo made after this), as our bland protaganist who wants to get with the popular girl Cleopatra (Christa Miller), your standard rich bitch popular girl and his only friends: Joan (Of Arc) (VA Legend Nicole Sullivan) , a moody goth who hides her fairly obvious crush on him, and Ghandi (Micheal McDonald), a wannabe party animal whose desperate to fit in. Basically the David Silver of the group. Rounding them out is macho jock rival JFK (Chris MIller himself doi) who genuinely thinks his clone dad was "a super macho stud who conquered the moon".

To get the elephants out of the room quick.. yes casting the white Miller and McDonald was a mistake and one the reboot hopefully avoids, though I would like to see much like say central park or x-men 95, the two actors get other parts in the series. They just don't need to play these two. I accept it to a point as of the time and the industry, as we're only three years out from it being standard to match a characters race to their va every time, but it's still something to not dance around either: They screwed up, their not doing it again in the reboot decades later, so I won't be that hard ont hem.

Speaking of the reboot while it has leaked.. I haven't watched it. I saw a screencap or too because people reblogged it without being considrate that you know.. not everyone WANTS to steal from creators who have waited for this a long ass time, and woudl rather wait. I'm fine if say HBO Max fucks up and puts it on the platform itself early (as it did iwth the first ep of close enough ) or the creators air the episode at a public event for consumption (As seen with owl house and again close enough), but I won't cover something nor talk about it till offical release and won't watch it unless it has been released in some offical capacity.

Now that's out of the way, the episode is dammingly spot on and it's telling teen dramas haven't changed THAT much. I mean I still hope for that degrassi reboot but this show shows the only real change would be diffrent music, though the use of music of the time, while likely why it took till this year to finally stream on paramount+, really helps sell it. It had been a while since I watched these two eps, having not watched the series since breaking out my dvds a few years back. And yes I got that lucky as I found it at fye for only 15 or 20 bucks nearly a decade ago and have held tight to those two discs ever since. It's even the canadian dvd complete with teletoon ads. It's glorious.

But from the "sexy teens' moniker flaunting sexualizing teens despite the characters being underage (though most teen shows sidestep this by hiring older actors and actresses it's still weird and creepy), to the music, the delviery is spot on, with most of the deliveirs sounding just like a teen drama's overdramatic yet whispery way of doing things.. yet saying rediculous shit. It's essentailly the animted euqilveant of airplane, taking a dramatic overblown genre and throwing all sorts of weird shit in, in this case from the premise down. While the plot of Abe and Ghandi trying to get beer for a party so Abe can take his shot with Cleo is pretty stock the fact it's abe and the party dude clone of Ghandi of all people trying to have genghis kahn fake his way into buying beer… and failing horribly that nails it, or having JFK Boiled down to his most embarassing and sexist traits, being mad at cleo for kissing abe later.. while making out with someone else. The cast is all time greats, so it's no shock they pull it off great.

The plot itself is again pretty stock and by the num bers teen pilot: Abe and Ghandi try to get beer but end up getting nonalcholic, Joan tears up at Abe kissing cleo but ultimately tries to push her towards him, Cleo ends up with JFK but hints she still clearly likes abe, and now you know the plot. Oh and Joan tasers Ghandi for ignoring the teen ine she set up. It's just mixed up with various clones from two elvises one pre addiction and svengaling by col parker, one post, a teacher whose half sheep and voiced by a literal and figurative dick, and the local nerd being george washington carver who made his own little peanut sidekick, along with just general madness such as the principal sending Cleo to the maze of death, Ghandi going out a 30 story window and the two best characters in the show.

They are Principal Cinnamon Scudworth, voiced by Lord and his best friend/possible husband and robot butler Mr. Butlertron, played by Miller, and while everyone else does well, Lord and Miller steal their own show as these two are essentailly the Perry the Platapus and Dr. Doofensmirtz of the early 2000s': two scene stealing characters squared away int heir own wacky subplots that rarely seriously impact the main plot, or more Doofenschmirtz and Norm but semantics.

Scudworth is the principal employed by the board of shadowy figures to make these clones into super soldiers… a plan that dosen't quite work as each clone has baggage from their original, a nicely implimented bit that adds some depth: Abe feels stuck in the shadow of his far more confident clone father, Joan became a goth entirely because she isn't sure she can be hers, Ghandi became a party animal because he's entirely sure he can't, and JFK and CLeo are stuck on the suprfical beauty of their selves. i'ts nicely done. Scudworth meanwhile plans to make a theme park.

Really though Scudworth's just there to be thrust by the board or his own stupidity into various shenanigans while Mr. B helps him out and it is glroious. I could watch a whole show of these two alone but honestly they fit perfectly here, their weird over the top antics perfectly fitting the world and contrasting how straight everyone else plays this very stupid world. Scudworth is a cartoon villian in a teen drama high school and his out of placeness just makes him that much more delightful.

For this episode Scudworth has to write a report on being a teen and after a failed interview with joan and sending her to the maze of death, which again everyone is so used to Joan getting dropped in from it dosen't even faze Ghandi, inflitrates the party.. and ends up beaten as a pinata as "Cloney Student'. It's just a taste of what he'll get into, but it's one of the best parts of an already stellar pilot. Escape to Beer MOutnain is hilarious, nicely paced and just PACKED with jokes with most having aged well. Only one or two didn't really work like Joan calling a masculine elanor rosevelt "him" and her oggling joan as she walks away, which is just.. eugh…. but overall the episode is fantastic and if you haven't watched the show, go check it out.

Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo

And the second episode.. is even better as with the premise out of the way, the comedy ramps up further. It also gives JFK more to do. He was funny enough in the first episode, coming back to wash his hands, grappling with gay dads, and after Cleo leaves to decide who she wants he offers Abe a nacho for no real reason. But this episode really lets him shine as the oversexed idiot we know and love.

In this case Cleo wants to still be Student Body President, but for some reason Clone High has term limits, so she enlists JFK as her maleable pawn to shadow govern the school. Abe runs because he thinks Cleo is into JFK because he's a good leader, and runs on the issues before that sputters out entirely in the face of JFK campaniging soley on his abs.

This one has a scudworth plot impact the main plot a bit more than usual, as Scudworth , hard up for cash for his evil plan since the board outright refuses to give him money( Just for fun i'm going to keep saying no until you hang up…" ). Enter the X-Treme Blu Trio, three totally rad execs who spend the episode screaming nonsense..e xcept for their third and best member X-Treme Bob who instead says things like "I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM!" and "MY SON WON'T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE ANYMORE!". Their played by the Scrubs trio of Zack Braff, Donald Faison and Sarah Chalke, who all did this for a free as a favor to producer Bill Lawrence of Spin City, Scrubs and Cougar Town fame. And as a fan of Spin City and Cougar Town I love his involvment and most of these actors. Faison in paticular did a LOT of rolls for the show, including George Washington Carver.

At any rate Scudworth gladly sells out and naturally blows it all having only seen 2/3 of MC Hammer's behind the music and concluded money is endless, while the three sellout goons approach abe to do stunts and promote their brand. He and joan fall out, he eventually comes around after extreme blu (just blue housepaint and pancake batter) nearly kilsl Ghandi, it's all pretty great.

Naturally what makes the episode are the jokes, with some all timers. Some I can't really recitie here but one that really gets the teen drama and is clearly parodying dawsons creek has Abe and Joan on seperate docks starring compelatively.. only for it to reveal their on docks right next to each other, with Abe leaving with an utterly nonsense speech on their friendship ending that Will Forte somehow gives as if he were a teen hearthrob "You know what hurts the most? This nail I stepped on". It's pure poetry and if you want to get someone into the show, this is the easiest way.. that or showing them any second of scudworth, but this gets the point across more.

We also.. get a song from Marilyn Manson which at the time was a funny way to bend his image.. but now comes off as "Yikes we accidently had a sexual preadator on our show! ", ditto for Andy Dick but he mostly plays smaller characters while Marilyn Manson's role is a pretty big cameo and thus sticks out more and is harder to overlook. It makes the once utterly hiarious gag of JFK calling him "Scary Andgogyns White Guy" far less funny.

Even with this unfortunate cameo that is no way the shows fault, this episode is still spectacular and that goes for the series as a whole. If your remotely intrestd in this series go watch it, it's on paramount+ and if you don't have that i'ts on mtv.com for free. So check it out before the revival, the series is well worth it and is easily one of the funniest shows i've seen. I forgot just how constant and excellent the jokes were since i'd seen the series last but it's comic genius and was a sign of things to come from this duo. Thanks for reading.

#clone high #chris miller #phil lord #abraham lincoln #jfk #ghandi #joan of arc #cleopatra #principal sucdworth #mr butlertron #mtv

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