#my skin picking has been bad lately probably because both that my acne has been bad larely and because ive been depressed

[whumpmatsus]

28 Kara is cute, one would say too cute to suffer. Not me. Maybe fic where he is feeling really sick, but being the quiet one he is forgotten for a while? Or something. Pls and thanks.

haha, nobody is EVER too cute to suffer here! including precious baby 18!Kara~ <3

I had fun with this, I hope you like it! c:

-

It’s pouring rain when the rest of the sextuplets come to walk Karamatsu home from the train station, and he doesn’t want to go out in it.

Today’s drama club meeting wasn’t a very good one. The teacher leading it got focused on the two lead actors for the play which the club is showing tomorrow night, because they were both fighting and at each other’s throats. Most of the others ignored Karamatsu in favor of being on their phones or reading magazines or running lines while the teacher was busy with the leads.

Finally, in a twist that puts the cherry on the horrible meeting sundae, despite the fact that he’s playing a small part, Karamatsu messed up his own lines every single time. The others were so irritated with him, he wished the floor would just swallow him up.

Usually he’s so good with acting. It’s something he’s passionate about and enjoys and takes pride in. Today… it’s not that he’s nervous about the production. It’s that he just feels awful.

He’s been tired since he woke up, he’s warm and clammy at the same time, his throat is scratchy, he keeps coughing and sneezing, and any part of his body that doesn’t have a specific complaint is simply achy. Mommy noticed that he wasn’t feeling well when she sent them all to school, but he begged her not to keep him home, and since he didn’t have a fever this morning, she let him go.

There’s… definitely a fever running through him now, though. He thought for sure his brothers would notice and maybe ask him if there was anything they could do; instead, he’s been behaving so normally as far as they’re concerned, with his quiet nature and tendency to cry over small things, that not a single one of them has picked up on it.

On top of everything else, he forgot his umbrella. It was supposed to be sunny today, so he had to walk from school to the train without one, and now when he gets out of the station, he has to go out into the rain with barely any protection.

Although he’s crying by the time he reaches his brothers, it blends in pretty well with the rain.

Thankfully, all his brothers are carrying umbrellas, so he huddles under Osomatsu’s and presses himself against his older brother’s side. Osomatsu immediately accommodates him, pulling Karamatsu in to get dry. “Hey, bro! Geez, you’re shaking like a leaf. Sorry you didn’t have your umbrella!” He chuckles and tousles Karamatsu’s hair. “That’s what you get for picking a nerd hobby that’s right after school so you don’t have time to go home and get anything.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kara ― your hobby is just fine,” Choromatsu hums. He’s busy trying to entertain Totty, who’s doing his damnedest to attach himself to Choromatsu’s hip. “Now, guys, it’s raining out here, so can we please go home and get some tea? If we stay out here much longer, we’re gonna catch colds, and I do not want to be sick for graduation.”

Jyushimatsu scoffs. “That’s still two weeks away. We’d be fine, dumbass.”

Choromatsu’s face turns bright red. “W-well, if you’re fine getting sick regardless, you can go jump in the puddles for all I care!”

A smile briefly flashes across the second youngest’s face. “Really??” And just like that, he’s back to looking constantly angry. “Naaah… that shit’s for babies!”

They all begin to walk, and Ichimatsu shakes his head. “Ah, Karamatsu-nii-san… some of my friends wanted to come see that play tomorrow. What time does it start, again?”

“U-uh.” Karamatsu sniffles a few times, nuzzling against Osomatsu’s shoulder. “7 P.M. for the first one. Then there’s another showing at… at 8:30. I… don’t know if I’m… going to go, though.”

“What??” Choromatsu frowns as the six of them stop for the crosswalk. “You’ve never had stage fright before. You’ll be fine once you get up on the stage.”

“I don’t know, Choro…”

“Oh, come on, Kara-nii-san. Don’t cry like that… you made a commitment! You don’t wanna let your club down, right?”

Karamatsu reaches up to try and wipe the tears away. Not only is it kind of ineffective because his rain-soaked bangs keep dripping down his face, his hand keeps brushing against parts of his acne as he tries, which is painful. “Y-yeah, but…”

Osomatsu gives his little brother a squeeze that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring. It’s a bit rough, though. “No ‘but’s unless you’re grabbing a girl’s butt, Kara! You got this! You’ve done this shit before and totally nailed it. You usually don’t have too many lines, anyway, so it’s not that bad, is it?”

God, he should have a little more backbone. He should be able to say things decisively and not just fall silent when his brothers push him like this. Actually, if he just managed to say outright that he’s sick, they wouldn’t even be saying anything like this stuff. Right now they just think it’s pre-curtain jitters, which happens, which they can usually shake him out of because they know he loves acting.

Funnily enough, even though he doesn’t have much of a spine himself, this crappy cold of his evidently thinks this is the perfect time to speak up. The congestion he’s been fighting blossoms into something insistent that he can’t ignore, and he quickly ducks his face down between his hands.

“― Hh’DSHH! Hah’DTchh! Hd’TCHHuu! Ahh’DTSCHhhoo!”

A volley of coughs rides on the tail end of the last sneeze, so much that he can barely get a breath in. Each one makes his all-over soreness sharpen for a second, unbearable pinpricks of pain across his whole body. The coughs make something in his chest crackle and it hurtsand suddenly he’d pulled into a protective hug.

Part of him wishes he could just pull away. The part of him that wants to lean into the contact wins out, allowing him to nestle into his older brother’s chest as he continues to cough.

“Shit, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu starts rubbing his little brother’s back in an attempt to help break up the fit. “The fuck, man? That sounds nasty. You coming down with something?”

Karamatsu can feel the others hovering closer, murmuring in concern among themselves. The coughs finally taper off and he scrubs at his eyes, no matter how much it hurts, even as more tears start to bubble up. “Y-yeah… I woke up sick…”

“What??” Choromatsu sounds almost like he’s been betrayed or something. “You should have stayed home! Ah… wait… wait, you walked all the way to the station from school in the rain when you already have a cold? That’s a great way to end up with a sinus infection or pneumonia! Shit, we gotta get you home…”

“Sorry…” Karamatsu manages to croak out, followed by more sniffles. Thanks to the cold air and the sneezing, his nose has started running again. “U-uh… does anyone have tissues…? I used all mine already…”

Ichimatsu starts to dig around in his pockets. “Yeah, I think I have some.”

As he hands over a small pack to his older brother, Osomatsu gives a protective squeeze. “Hey, Choro, don’t blame Karamatsu for all this. He should have said something, sure, but it’s not all on him here. We should have noticed something was up. Right? We’re his brothers.”

Karamatsu lets out a small whine of protest, pressing a tissue over his nose. It would have been nice for them to notice, but… it’s not like it’s their job. They don’t owe it to him to pay attention to him. “I-it’s not your fault…”

Before anyone else can say a word, Totty lets go of Choromatsu and darts over to circle his arms around Karamatsu’s waist. He’s sort of wedging himself between Karamatsu and Osomatsu, pretty clearly wanting to be with both of them. “Ah! We love you, Karamatsu-nii-chan!! We’ll take good care of you!”

“… Yeah,” Choromatsu chuckles. He reaches over to pat Karamatsu’s back. “I’m sorry we weren’t paying enough attention to notice you weren’t feeling well. But we’re gonna get you home and tucked into bed. And I’m sure Mom will call the drama club teacher to tell her you can’t perform tomorrow night.”

Jyushimatsu hums, and he appears to be trying very hard not to smile wide like he wants to do. “We’re probably all gonna catch it, right?”

Ichimatsu chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s what usually happens.”

“So… we can go stomp in puddles, right? Since we’re gonna get sick anyway?”

“No, no, no,” Choromatsu immediately speaks up, “no stomping in puddles! We have to get Kara home!”

Of course, it’s too late. Jyushimatsu has run off ahead of them all, launching himself into every puddle he can find, his face switching between an irritated scowl and a borderline maniacal grin.

Totty’s still clinging to Karamatsu, snuggling against his shoulder. “We’ll all get to be sick together! That means we get to stay home from school for a couple days. We can sleep and watch movies and have a big cuddle puddle.”

Choromatsu sighs. “As long as we don’t miss the commencement ceremony, that’s okay. I guess the last few weeks of our senior year don’t matter too much with regard to schoolwork, anyway. Especially since we’re already adults.”

Another few coughs are muffled against Osomatsu’s chest, prompting everyone to give a brief stroke to Karamatsu’s back or hair. “Well, before we catch it,” Osomatsu says, “we’ve gotta get this geek home and throw his ass in bed. He’s really warm… feels like his skin’s gonna burn his clothes up. C’mon, Kara. We’ll get you wrapped up in a blanket, then maybe I can help Mom make some kayu to make you feel better.”

“Mm…” Well. That does sound pretty good. “… W-with umeboshi on top?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want! And Choro can make some tea, Totty can pick out a movie, Ichi can get a cold cloth for your forehead, and Jyushi…” Osomatsu blinks and peers out where their fifth eldest is… way ahead of them. “What can Jyushi do?”

Choromatsu blows out a slow, frustrated breath. “… Stay out of the way??”

Totty giggles. “He can be the bodyguard! We’ll station him outside the room, and if any of Ichimatsu-nii-chan’s friends come by to try and take Ichimatsu-nii-chan away, Jyushi-nii-chan will scare them off!”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea, Totty!”

“What? Why do you want to scare my friends away?”

“Because Karamatsu-nii-chan’s sick! They can’t drag you off somewhere when your big brother needs you! That’d be mean.”

“A-ah, hahahah… he’d be fine without me, but… I can just say no! We don’t need Jyushi to scare them away.”

“We miiiiiiight! At least, it would be funny!”

Karamatsu offers a tiny laugh, which quickly turns into another couple of coughs. He puts a weak arm around Totty and wonders how he’s going to keep his eyes open for the rest of the walk home. He thinks they’re not too far away, though.

“Thanks, guys… this… this might not be such a bad day after all…”

#Osomatsu san #whump #Karamatsu #18!Matsus #18!Karamatsu #illness #cold #fever #hurt/comfort #Osomatsu #Choromatsu #Ichimatsu #Jyushimatsu #Totty #aaaaaa look at these good boys all taking care of their brother once they realize he's sick #that's the pain of being quiet and shy! poor Kara #but at least he's getting taken care of now!! <3

[365days365movies]

April 12, 2021: Mrs. Doubtfire (1992) (Recap)

Hey, Robin Williams. Been a while.

I’m sorry that I haven’t watched your movies for a while, and that I always skip your comedy stand-up when my phone’s on shuffle. I just...let me explain. Since I was a kid, you were one of my favorite entertainers. That might as well have started the day I was born, because...well, we share a birthday, fun fact. But it definitely continued with the first movie I ever saw in theatres.

While I don’t quite remember the first time I saw it, Aladdin was one of my favorite childhood movies, and I knew that you were the voice of the Genie from an early age. You might have actually been the first actor I ever knew by name. Which makes sense, because your stardom during the ‘90s was nearly unparalleled.

The next film I remember seeing (and hearing) you in was Ferngully: The Last Rainforest. That also starred Tim Curry, who would also be a major figure of my childhood. It also wasn’t the best movie, in hindsight, but it is the only time I’ve heard you rap since.

But eventually, I watched your forays into live-action, too. Jumanji, Hook, even the objectively bad Flubber, are all movies that I vividly remember watching during childhood. I was really excited for Flubber, even, and I LOVED Jumanji growing up. I liked Hook, too, but I appreciated that more as I got older.

Of course, during this time period, you also made less family-friendly films. The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam, and What Dreams May Come were all very successful, and cemented your reputation as an actor. I also haven’t seen any of them. In fact...I don’t think I’ve seen any of your dramatic roles, and that’s something that I’ll fix this year. Hell, in a few days, I’ll watch The Birdcage, another of your big hits of the ‘90s.

But why haven’t I seen them up to now? Well...I was going to watch these films, about seven years ago. But...I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Because it hurts. A lot.

I know that this is a downer, but my relationship with Robin Williams today is tainted by his tragic death. I was fucking BROKEN when his death was announced, and I really haven’t been able to watch him since. I’ve seen Aladdin recently, but that’s about all I could stand to watch. I mean, the guy shares a birthday with me! I’ve always loved his comedy stylings, and his improvisational skills are something I’ve internalized to a certain degree.

So, yeah. This one’s tough. But, it’s about time I moved on, and celebrated the man’s career for what it was: stellar. And that also brings up an important question, that some of you have probably asked by now:

HOW HAVE I MISSED MRS. DOUBTFIRE, WHAT THE FUCK

I KNOW I KNOW OK?

Look, I’m not entirely sure how I haven’t seen this movie, because I’m MORE than aware of it! I remember it airing during the ‘90s, my Dad AND girlfriend love this movie, and I know FOR A FACT that my family owned both the DVD AND THE VHS of this movie! So, how? HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN IT BY NOW?

I honestly have no idea, but let’s fix it now, huh? Yet one more man-dresses-as-woman movie this month! And no, I am not watching White Chicks...because I’ve already seen White Chicks. Also, it’s...problematic.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

 Recap

Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) is a voice-actor, and a good one. Which, given that it’s Robin Williams, isn’t entirely inaccurate. He’s also a voice actor with a spine, as he morally objects to a scene in the cartoon that he’s performing for, in which the main character smokes. By the way, I’m 99% sure that this cartoon is animated by Chuck Jones, and it looks well-made.

Anyway, this leads to him quitting the cartoon altogether, and allows him to pick up his kids early from school. These kids are Lydia (Lisa Hykub), Chris (Matthew Lawrence), and Natalie (Mara Wilson), and it’s Chris’ 12th birthday. Daniel arranges a...surprisingly large party, given that it’s completely impromptu, and it comes with a petting zoo and complete trappings. However, it’s not a party of which his wife will approve.

This wife is Miranda (Sally Field), a successful architect and the breadwinner of the family. After getting a call from the neighbor about the party, she comes home and busts the outrageous party. And for the record, I’m entirely on Miranda’s side here. This party is INSANE, and very irresponsible, given the fact that Daniel currently has no job. And yeah, he’s a very loving father, and a good person, but...it’s too much.

Miranda feels the same, and after 14 years of frustration, she realizes that she no longer loves Daniel. In a genuinely sad scene, she tells him that she wants a divorce. And she goes through with it MUCH to Daniel’s detriment. He has no home, as he’s staying with his brother, Frank (Harvey Fierstein) and his partner Jack (Scott Capurro). He also still has no job, meaning that he has no way to provide for his children. This means that he has no ability to provide, and the judge awards Miranda full custody. Oof.

However, this is a conditional arrangement, as another hearing for joint custody will be held in 3 months, and if Daniel can get a home and job in that time, he has a chance. He performs a litany of voices and impressions with his court liason, Mrs. Sellner (Anne Haney), which amuses me, but not her, and he gets a job in order to be with his kids for more than one day a week.

Meanwhile, Miranda IMMEDIATELY starts dating fellow designer and old flame Stuart Dunmeyer (Pierce Brosnan), like, almost before Daniel leaves the house. He bids a heartfelt goodbye to his kids, with the promise that he’ll see them on Saturdays. And now begins the absolute hatred and petty bitchiness of Daniel and Miranda! Seriously, it’s...it’s fucking terrible, and it takes away from my sympathy from either side. I get that divorce is rough and ugly, but GODDAMN, neither of them perform the act with any form of tact or grace.

This is put on display during the kids’ visitation to Daniel’s semi-crappy new apartment, which doesn’t even seem that bad, to be honest. Miranda dropped them off late and picked them up early, as if to slowly starve Daniel of time with his kids, which is extraordinarily shitty of her, fuck me. Daniel’s not taking it well, understandably, but then does something...really dumb, when you think about it.

See, Miranda’s looking for a nanny, to help watch the kids and clean the house during the week. Daniel volunteers his services, which is actually a good idea, but Miranda says she’ll think about it, which we ALL know means no. I DO NOT like Miranda, even if I understand the initial reasons for the divorce. She’s being especially spiteful, and it’s not a good look.

Daniel’s stupid idea, though, is to change the phone number on the ad for the nanny, which Miranda shows him before she takes the kids. Instead, he calls her number, and pretends to be various terrible applicants, until finally supplying his own applicant: the completely fictional Euphegenia Doubtfire (Daniel Hillard).

Daniel plays Mrs. Doubtfire as an elderly British woman, and a seasoned nanny in her day. Which is why it’s weird to me that, when he does to Frank and Jack to help him make an elaborate disguise as Mrs. Doubtfire, that they go through various other impressions and get-ups. Which, yes, is goddamn hilarious, but also makes NO SENSE, given that they’ve already established her character to Miranda. Funny, but nonsensical.

But, regardless, Euphegenis Doubtfire comes into being, and introduces herself to Miranda and the kids. Mrs. Doubtfire is exactly what Miranda’s looking for, although the kids aren’t exactly overjoyed, ESPECIALLY the oldest, Lydia. Also, during this first meeting, Miranda openly bad-mouths Daniel in front of the kids, in just the WORST fuckin’ way. I genuinely dislike Miranda A LOT. Again, the divorce was certainly justified, but I REALLY don’t like her. Daniel loves his kids, and they’re HIS kids, TOO. Stop using them as weapons against him, OOOOOOOOOOOH I DON’T LIKE MIRANDA

Anyway, that evening, after she’s officially been hired by Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire heads home, only to find court liason Mrs. Sellner waiting to speak with Daniel. After a litany of puns, and a humorous changing scene, Daniel accidentally throws the Mrs. Doubtfire mask out of the window, and is forced to improvise through equally humorous circumstances. Hence, the above meringue mask scene. Has anybody tried that, by the way? Could that work as a groundbreaking beauty technique? Or would the sugar just feed the skin bacteria and give you acne? Genuinely curious.

Now going between his job as Daniel and the nanny job as Doubtfire, Daniel’s not doing too badly for himself. The nanny job begins, and Mrs. Doubtfire IMMEDIATELY contrasts with Daniel, creating a disciplinarian atmosphere in place of Daniel’s formerly loosey-goosey attitude. Which is interesting, and it works! I mean, it’s not how I would parent, but it does work. Doubtfire makes the kids to their homework, rather than watch TV, and then attempts to make dinner. Instead, though, the dinner’s ruined, and Daniel orders takeout and makes it LOOK like homemade food. And it looks good, too! Daniel’s full of hidden talents.

After dinner, as Mrs. Doubtfire’s leaving, Lydia apologizes for backtalking her earlier, and thanks her for making her mom happy with everything she did that evening. he also says that she’s still a bit messed up about her dad being gone. And yeah, it’s sweet-but-sad. 

Going forward (and in a montage set to Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady), Mrs. Doubtfire takes care of the family, and Daniel even betters himself to become a better Mrs. Doubtfire. Which...to be honest, Daniel REALLY should’ve done this before. I get that he needed the pressure of losing the kids to do this, but...look, Daniel really wasn’t that responsible of a parent, and the fact that THIS is how he learns to be so is...not great. Like, here’s an example, OK: take Donald Trump.

Yeah, I know, what’s this politics doing in my peanut butter? And WOW, that reference is older than me, but anyway. Let’s say that, in two years, a new politician comes on the scene, and her name is Karyn Walldottir. She has somewhat centrist views, and behaves in a way that’s inclusive to the majority, and backs up her claims and promises with evidence (at least true enough for us to suspend our disbelief). This is, of course, Donald Trump disguised as a woman in order to gain custody of the United States of America again. Naturally.

Karyn Walldottir gets elected in 2024, and all of her policies are markedly different from Trump’s and Biden’s, but leaning closer to Biden in progressive standpoints (assuming that that worked for him come 2024). While Trump is doing this specifically to be president again, he ends up revising his personal policies, and being a better person and president for the country. A literal impossibility, I know. But suspend your disbelief to ask this question:

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

OK, now that that dumbass (and mildly horrifying) thought process is concluded, let’s get back to Mrs. Doubtfire. In the process of Mrs. Doubtfire’s ingratiation with the family, Miranda’s been dating Stu, whom Mrs. Doubtfire subtly insults when they meet. And yeah, Daniel’s being a little petty here, but it makes a bit of sense at least.

That night, after an accidental intrusion by Chris when Mrs. Doubtfire is going to the bathroom, Daniel’s basically forced to tell Chris and Lydia his little secret, which Lydia’s happy about, but Chris is understandably weirded out about. But, they agree to keep the secret from their mom and younger sister.

At his OTHER job, delivering film reels from a TV station, he witnesses the filming of an extremely boring kids educational TV show, and comments as such to another man watching. As he quickly learns, this is the owner of the station, Jonathan Lundy (Robert Prosky), on whom Daniel makes a good impression.

In the meantime, Mrs. Doubtfire has a talk with Miranda about their love lives, real and fictional. Daniel realizes how badly Miranda had been suffering in their marriage, which she never told him because...well, he never seemed to take anything seriously. Which is entirely fair...but this is why Miranda’s a tricky-ass character. She’s got two sides: there’s the justified caring mother and strong woman, and there’s the PETTY ASSHOLE who genuinely doesn’t care about Daniel or his feelings AT ALL. Jesus.

And Stu...look, Stu is LITERALLY a Gary Stu, who’s mostly perfect. Sure, he’s not always been that way, but he definitely is now! He’s responsible, wealthy, in love with Miranda AND her kids. And yeah, at a country club that he’s a member of (OF COURSE he is), he privately badmouth Daniel in front of Mrs. Doubtfire, calling him a loser, and...yeah, he’s not really unjustified in that statement. Fact of the matter is, Stu is barely even a plot device.

Meanwhile, in Daniel’s day job, he finds himself alone in the studio, where the toy dinosaurs from the TV show are still sitting on the table. He plays with them, gives them voices, sings some songs, and impresses Mr. Lundy, who’s there in the shadows after all that. He’s impressed, and invites Daniel to dinner to talk about a potential future show at the network.

But then, it’s also Miranda’s birthday coming up, and Stu’s holding a dinner for her, to which Mrs. Doubtfire is invited. Trouble is, it’s at the OH FUCK IT. YOU know what this is. It’s at the same time and place as the Mr. Lund meeting yaddayaddayadda LOOK. We ALL know how this is going to end. It’s the GODDAMN LIAR REVEALED TROPE AGAIN. And here’s the thing:

I FUGGIN’ HAAAAAATE THE LIAR REVEALED TROPE

You know, that thing in movies (especially family movies of the ‘90s) where somebody starts off a situation with a lie, they get deeper and deeper into that lie, grow close to people under false pretenses, and then OH NO! THE LIAR IS REVEALED! And everybody’s angry and/or sad, the liar slumps off, defeated and broken, but then realizes the error of his ways, while everybody else realizes the same thing, and he comes back to vindicate himself, and is welcomed back with open arms. And it introduces unneeded tension AND I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED IT.

Let’s list the examples, shall we? A Bug’s Life, Aladdin, Mulan, The Road to El Dorado, Chicken Run, How to Train Your Dragon, Klaus, Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, Megamind (SUBVERSIVE MY ASS), Over the Hedge, Rango, Toy Story, Steven Universe (the whole Pearl/Sardonyx arc, which went on for WAY too long), the list goes on and fucking on. And I GODDAMN HATE IT. Not to say it can’t be done well. Disney actually usually does a pretty good job with it, and Dreamworks uses it A LOT, but almost always pretty well. But sometimes...GOD. Either way, it’s still used FAR too fucking much. And look. Here’s another one. Joy.

Look, at this point...I will freely admit that I'm biased against this trope, but it’s also obvious where this is headed. Basically, Daniel switches back and forth between the dinner with the family, and the dinner with Mr. Lundy. With Mr. Lundy, he gets absolutely SMASHED. Great. Great decision, Daniel.

So, yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire’s also smashed, which is pretty goddamn apparent to them all. At this point, I’m wondering why Daniel, as Mrs. Doubtfire, didn’t just say she was sick as hell, and had to go home. Or, considering the fact that Daniel proposes her as a show idea regardless, the switch wasn’t even necessary! And that means that none of what’s about to happen, happens. Or, here’s a crazy thought, maybe Daniel shouldn’t have POISONED STU’S FOOD WITH CAYENNE PEPPER THAT HE’S ALLERGIC TO! 

YEAH! Because that causes Stu to go into anaphylactic shock for a hot sec, causing him to choke. Mrs. Doubtfire does the right thing and gives him the Heimlich maneuver, and in the process, SURPRISE! IT’S BEEN DANIEL ALL ALONG! BUH BUH BUHHHHH DA DA DA DAAAAA DA

Yeah, so Miranda is understandably ENRAGED by this revelation, and it’s all over. Daniel represents himself in court at the custody hearing, but the judge deems his “lifestyle” dangerous for children. Which...yikes, Judge, that statement didn’t age well AT FUCKING ALL. But, given Daniel’s admitted stupidity with this whole idea, he’s not wrong about the dangerous part. But, I have to say, Daniel’s speech in his own defense is nice...although he also says he’s addicted to his children, so let’s throw a second yikes on there for good measure.

The speech moves Miranda...but not enough to prevent Daniel has his custody stripped away from him! GOD THEY BOTH SUUUUUUUUCK. Daniel’s a broken man, and Miranda and the kids are similarly broken without him and Mrs. Doubtfire. However...Daniel’s career isn’t broken AT ALL, as Mrs. Doubtfire is now a kid’s show host! Yeah! And she’s a hit! And again, it brings me to wonder why Daniel DIDN’T APPLY HIS OBVIOUS TALENTS LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE

Realizing that she made a mistake, she goes to the set during the filming of a show. She congratulates him on the show, and he replies by stating how broken he is now! Thanks, Miranda! Well, after an argument, and after Miranda sees how badly she’s messed up someone she used to care for, they come to an agreement: joint custody. FINALLY GODDAMN IT

And good, because I don’t want them back together. I have to give this film props for that: they acknowledge that these two are NOT good for each other, and they deliver a message in the end: families are families, no matter how they’re shaped. One mom, one dad, uncle or aunt, grandparents, adoption, two separated or divorced parents...oh, also, two dads or two moms. Yeah, that isn’t said in Mrs. Doubtfire’s final monologue, which is odd considering Daniel’s brother and his life partner...but it’s also kid’s TV in the ‘90s, so I guess that sadly makes sense. And with that, and their new family arrangement, Daniel takes his kids on an afternoon out, as himself.

...Look. That’s Mrs. Doubtfire, yaddayaddayadda LOOK. I don’t dislike this movie. In fact, here: have this mini-Review:

Cast and Acting - 9/10: Good, although Brosnan was a little stiff.

Plot and Writing - 5/10: It’s an idiot plot, what can I say? It’s actually based off of a book, which was a surprise to me, but it was adapted by Randi Mayem Singer and Leslie Dixon, and...eh. Still an idiot plot.

Directing and Cinematography - 8/10: It’s Chris Columbus, you get what you get. Definitely has that Home Alone flair to it.

Production and Art Design - 8/10: I mean, yeah, the Doubtfire disguise was good most of the time, but...I dunno, I could still tell it was Robin. But, still, it was good. Took 4 hours of makeup, fun fact.

Music and Editing - 8/10: Music by Howard Shore (ooh, Howard Shore!) was pretty nice, especially the ending theme. Editing by Raja Gosnell was...RAJA GOSNELL???

OH GOD. Yeah, OK, I see what happened here. Also, I didn’t know he was an editor! I just know him as the director of the Scooby-Doo films, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, The Smurfs films, Big Momma’s...

...OK, no, I am not doing Big Momma’s House OR the Madea movies. THE TROPE-BUCK STOPS HERE! I am moving on to something else! But, of course, I have to sum this up in a Review. See you there!

#mrs. doubtfire #mrs doubtfire #chris columbus #robin williams #sally field #pierce brosnan #harvey fierstein #robert prosky #mara wilson #comedy april #user365 #365days365movies #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year #moviegifs

[purplesurveys]

1045

surveys by lets-make-surveys 1 - What did you do to celebrate your last birthday? Did you get any decent gifts? Guh I honestly barely want to recognize my birthday this year because 2020 has been a huge waste of my time...but fine, I guess I’m 22. It had been during the peak of the quarantine/pandemic, so we had no choice but to stay home. I just played the Switch all morning, then I think I watched my dad play video games, and then Angela and Hans sent over a box of sushi to our place. Real chill day.

2 - What was the last “random act of kindness” you experienced? It was my first day at the office today and I had to go up and down the stairs several times to bring packages to delivery riders, since I had to send those out to certain people. A member of the maintenance staff in the area was super nice and offered to carry some of the boxes for me, since he saw how much I was struggling with the boxes.

3 - Have you ever “paid it forward” by putting money behind the counter somewhere so the next person can get a free coffee or similar? Not yet. I’d love to be able to do that soon.

4 - What caused the last injury that made you bleed? Was it a serious injury? I was trying to open a bottle of soju last night but the cap just would not budge. Next thing I knew my finger was already bleeding. Never got to drink my soju :(

5 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Are you close to that person at all? One of the delivery riders who took my package earlier. Bless his soul, he was very new to the delivering thing and I think I was his first-ever customer, and he kept asking for my help. I did my best for a while but eventually I had to tell him I genuinely did not know how to answer some of his questions as I wasn’t a driver myself.

6 - What was the last item you received in the mail? Something I had ordered online. It was the gift I’m planning to give my grandma for Christmas.

7 - When was the last time you received flowers? What kind were they? A year ago, I think. It was a single stem of a rose. We were saving up last year hahaha so I had gotten her a single stem as well.

8 - Are you a fan of salted caramel? What about other “odd” combinations like sea salt and chocolate or chilli and chocolate? Ooh, I didn’t know salted caramel was considered odd; it’s a pretty common flavor here and has even gotten more popular in the last few years. I like it as a flavor in desserts, like cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. When it comes to food, I’m generally open-minded and will try any combination that exists at least once; that said, chili and chocolate sound especially intriguing haha. I’ve only ever tried chili ice cream, which was delicious.

9 - Do you enjoy watching bloopers or outtakes from TV shows? If so, which series do you think has the funniest ones? Yes. Bloopers in general are great but it’s best when they come from shows that have a reputation for being more drama-heavy and serious - that said, Breaking Bad bloopers are the fucking best. ‘Bloopers’ from animated movies are hilarious too; they were always made so well too that as a kid, I legit thought the characters were actual actors as it never crossed my mind that animators would take the extra effort and time to make bloopers out of fictional characters and that they had to be real actors in some way lol.

10 - What’s your favourite dessert food? OMG macarons for the win. I’ve been craving them so much. Cheesecake is great too, and also cupcakes.

11 - Do you have any really dangerous wild animals where you live? Have you ever encountered any of them? Nope only stray dogs and cats, and probably some chickens somewhere.

12 - Have you ever dreamed of owning your own shop? What kind of thing would you like to sell? I’ve never dreamed of this; it’s never been a goal of mine and running a business doesn’t sound like my kind of thing.

13 - Are you a twin? If not, would you ever want to be a twin? If you are a twin, do you ever wish you weren’t? No. I’ve never really found myself wishing for it, either.

14 - Do you prefer wearing your hair straight or curly? Maybe just a little wavy. Definitely not in the extreme of either side of the spectrum.

15 - Would you ever want to go and visit the moon? If I had the chance and everything was paid for and stuff, hell yeah. It’d be cool to get to cross out one of my childhood bucket list items.

16 - What was the last hot drink you had? What about cold drink? Or alcoholic drink? My last hot drink was...probably the coffee I asked my mom to make last Friday, but I did wait it out until it was considerably cooler as I didn’t want to drink it hot. My last cold drink is the iced caramel macchiato I ordered tonight and still have with me at the moment. Then for alcoholic drink, I had soju mixed with Yakult about two weeks ago.

17 - Does anything on your body hurt or ache right now? My lower back, unsurprisingly. I also cut my right middle finger trying to open a soju bottle last week, andddd I gained a blister on my right foot today because of the shoes I picked to wear for work.

18 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? Was there was a specific reason for that? I can’t remember exactly when, but it happened within the last week or the last two weeks. Sometimes I just drink too much coffee during the day that it affects how sleepy I’d ultimately feel at night.

19 - What three countries would you most like to visit? Morocco, India, and Thailand.

20 - Who’s your closest friend from another country? How did you come to meet this person? I don’t really have one anymore...I’ve grown apart from my internet friends from different countries a long time ago, and I also don’t tend to keep up friendships with my friends who’ve since migrated from the Philippines to another country. I suppose the one I’m on best terms with is Angel who migrated to Toronto around a decade ago; but I use ‘best’ very loosely as the most we do is comment on one another’s posts whenever we reach like a life accomplishment, like when we graduated college.

21 - When was the last time you had a cold? With everything going on in the news, did you worry that it was COVID? It’s been a while. I can’t remember; it was definitely pre-Covid.

22 - As of today (10th December, 2020) the COVID vaccine is being rolled out in the UK. Are you going to have it once it’s available to you (if it ever is)? A part of me is a little concerned because I know vaccines take years and sometimes even decades to be fully developed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust doctors and science. I very much do, of course. It’s just that I’d personally prefer to wait it out first to see if it’ll have any negative effects once rolled out on a massive scale.

23 - What are your favourite websites to browse when you’re bored? Wikipedia black holes are the way to go.

24 - Do you think people should have to pass a test in order to own pets? A local animal welfare NGO already does that; Nina had to go through several tests before she was allowed to adopt Arlee. There was a verbal interview, a written form she had to fill out, and a representative from the organization even visited our house to see if it was a suitable environment for Arlee; I’m sure there was a few more steps she was required to undergo. I certainly think it’s a good and responsible process. 

25 - When was the last time you fell asleep/had a nap during the day? Is this something that happens often? It’s been monthssssssssss. I don’t really take naps during the day anymore.

26 - Do you suffer/have you ever suffered with bad acne? What kind of things did you do to try and improve it? I’ve never had issues with acne and was always rather fortunate when it comes to my skin. I’ll have a pimple or two show up once or twice a year, but they go away within a week or so. Since I don’t want to jinx it, I just wash my face with water and I’ve never experimented with any skincare products ever.

27 - When you think about it, do you think it’s odd that we stop drinking human milk at a young age, but we happily drink milk from other species instead? Not really.

28 - How’s the weather where you are? Is this a good or a bad thing for you? These days it’s humid and hot during the day (as always), but now that it’s Christmas season the weather tends to plunge to like 24-26C during nighttime. I’d say the night part is good for me as I prefer being cold than hot, so I’m glad we’ll be having this weather until March at most.

29 - When was the last time you ate a pizza? What toppings did you get? Tuesday. Relatives came over then and my cousin got us pizzas. I don’t remember what toppings he got but both pizzas had stuffed crust in it.

30 - How often do you wear make-up? What kind of make-up do you wear? Wow, almost never. Gab used to put makeup on me but now that she’s gone, I don’t really see myself wearing makeup for the meantime as I definitely wouldn’t apply them onto myself. 

--

1 - If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Eh, sometimes. Sometimes it’ll do what it’s supposed to and make me stay up for a while, but other times it doesn’t work and I’ll end up getting sleepy the same time I usually start feeling so.

2 - When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Watching videos has eternally worked for me.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? Hmm I met my co-workers Ysa and Bea for the first time today, if it counts. I’ve only ever talked to them through Viber since we’re on a WFH set-up, but we had to go to the office today to fix up some boxes that we needed to get delivered. But the last person that I really hadn’t met nor spoken to before was Jhomar, the company messenger who takes care of pickups for the day. 

4 - If you have a pet, have they ever embarrassed you in public or in front of friends or family members? What happened? Kimi is typically unfriendly towards strangers, so as cute and cuddly as he looks he would probably bite your finger off. I’ve had to explain that to guests who’ve felt puzzled about his demeanor. He’s my little baby though and I wouldn’t say he’s embarrassed me because of it. Cooper on the other hand is hyper-friendly to the point that he looks aggressive and it has scared some people away; in reality, he’s always SO pumped to meet anyone and everyone and can never contain his excitement haha. He’s literally the nicest dog.

5 - Do you leave the house every single day? I never leave the house, except if it’s to withdraw cash or go to the Starbucks drive through to pick up a coffee.

6 - Would you rather spend the day at the beach, or a day in the snow in the mountains? I would normally pick beach, but I think the mountains would be best for me at the moment.

7 - Do you prefer tops that are plain, or ones with patterns/logos/slogans? Plain.

8 - Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I’ll watch Spongebob every now and then. When I’m bored and have enough time on my hands I’ll sometimes watch other shows from my childhood just for that nostalgia wave, like Barney or Hannah Montana.

9 - How many texts would you say you send on an average day? Used to be hundreds, but now it’s probably like...5, on average. Sometimes I’ll need to text media for work and that’ll come up to around 15-20 texts but that happens only occasionally, like once every two weeks.

10 - Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? I never know what to buy for people. I like buying gifts for a significant other, though. I tend to spoil one to no end.

11 - Girls - if you get periods, do you suffer from period pain or any other horrible symptoms? I get the hormonal symptoms, but the physical symptoms are almost never there. My stomach will usually contract in a way that tells me it’s coming soon, but it never really aches. Most of the time, I just cry and mope a lot and that’s how I know it’s on its way, ha.

12 - The last time you were in a car, where you were travelling to? Were you the driver or a passenger? I was headed back home. but I came from the office. I was the driver as always.

13 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? I took myself out on a date.

14 - What book do you wish they’d make into a film or TV series? The Septimus fucking Heap series, please. They’ve been trying to get it made into a movie series for years but as far as I know the talks have always fallen through.

15 - The age old question - do you prefer coke or pepsi? That’s a big ‘or’ for me. I don’t drink soda.

16 - What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? Bea took over the office TV earlier and she had it set to a BTS + Taylor Swift music video playlist so that we had background music while working. No, neither are my artists of choice, really.

17 - Do you have a favourite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Pro wrestling (a seriously underrated documentary subject) and crime. Documentaries on anthropological issues or discoveries are great as well. I do love history, but I prefer to absorb it in text/museum form.

18 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury snacks? What snack would you say is your overall favourite? Savoryyy. I get tired of sweet snacks pretty quickly. My current favorites to munch on are any salted egg flavored chips.

19 - Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? It can be harder to breathe and I get exhausted a lot faster with a mask on, but I keep it on because I would want to keep other people safe and because it’s so easy to keep a damn mask on.

20 - Do you prefer zip-up or overheard hoodies? Either is fine.

21 - If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? I prefer the rooftop, and if I do go there I usually stay for a few hours during the evening just to have some time to myself. Being in a house with four adults can get pretty overwhelming and taxing sometimes.

22 - When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was for Valentine’s Day last year. If not, it was for the anniversary which was a week after Valentine’s Day.

23 - How often do you get takeaway? What’s your favourite thing to order? I don’t really do takeout. I usually dine-in or have food delivered to my place.

24 - Do you own a lot of clothing items in your favourite colour? What is your favourite colour, anyway? I don’t have a lot of clothes in pink. It’s not my best color, but I like it in everything else hahaha.

25 - When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Idk probably a sleepover at Gab’s place early this year.

26 - Would you ever be interested in seeing a live magic show? Sure. Magic shows are already a staple at kids’ birthday parties here, and I’ve always enjoyed them especially since magicians are quite the comedians too.

27 - What’s your favourite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? I don’t have a favorite period per se but I’ve always had an affinity for the royalty. I like reading all about them, no matter what period they reigned or what house/country they’re from. Historians have kept impressive and super detailed accounts or records for most of them, so reading about their lives has also allowed me to learn more about the culture they lived through.

28 - Do you still use or carry cash, or do you pay for everything via card? I heavily rely on cash and I actually realized how behind I am just today, when Bea ordered lunch for the office. I paid her with cash and she looked at me all puzzled and was like, “Can you do bank transfer instead?” another big girl stuff I had to learn lol. Everyone in college used cash pls forgive me

29 - Are there any TV shows that remind you of your grandparents for some reason? Not really.

30 - Have you ever had to wear a tie for school or work? If not, do you know how to tie a tie without looking it up? I had a necktie as part of my uniform in my old school. I never knew how to tie it and always asked someone else to do it for me whenever it came loose.

#survey #surveys #multiple surveys

[delcat177]

Text in captions, if that won’t read on text to voice please let me know <3

This is a half-year old, but I only paid Blobs Magician to help me out once and I’m fresh out of delicately painted acorns and he gave me commission rights so I’ll be tipping him a ziploc bag of goldfish later

I feel awkward writing about all of this--there was a bit of jealousy when I got my hyst (not projecting, I was told flat by a trans friend), and I worry that I may be making other people feel alone, anxious, or less-than in their gender by talking about it.  If you feel that at all, please, stop right now.  Don’t look in the mirror, because mirrors are scary. Like, really scary, they have ghosts or stuff probably, but also in the genders sense, so instead, look in your head.   Look at your self.  It’s in there, because it is you.  What is happening to me now is a shell upgrade, a hermit crab moving domiciles.  I was a boy once, then a young man, then a oldman, and now I’m a oldman with a society man shell.  Never mistake the shell for the crab, go “hey crab, I like your shell, I hope you find the perfect shell, because you are the perfect inhabitant” and celebrate that crab.  Because we are all crabs, and we are all beautiful, and we all deserve the shells that reflect us as individuals, and anyone who says otherwise can fuck off into a spiny urchin bush and not have a shell.  Or.  Something.  Did I say I felt awkward?  I AM awkward.  But anyway, drive-in movie totals and such after cut, potential TMI, and protect yourself love yourself, you lovely crabs <333

 (with cut ‘cause longtext is looong)

(ORIGINAL POST)

Alt-text: I'm always the last one to know

so uh

I'm a blithe idiot and somehow never processed or dared to dream that this was possible

which makes the timeline look SPECTACULARLY dumb but I was going through SO MANY LIFESTYLE CHANGES

HYST DATE: SEPTEMBER 28, 2016

2017: Me: Man, living in the townhouse has really amped up my leg game, all that up and down stairs.

Me: I'm down ten pounds since the hyst! Megan: That's probably your natural weight. Me: That or getting there.  Not surprising, I'm not feeding the beast constantly.

Me: *punches Megan playfully in the arm* Megan: OW goddammit Del that hurt like SHIT! Me: oh my God I'm sorry I didn't mean to! Megan: It's okay, just be careful! Me: That's so weird I'm sorry D8

Me: man is it just me or am I good in bed lately? oh right I'm the only one here...I guess it's because I'm more confident?

Me: ghghjh my hair's thinning out at the temples, well been expecting that one for awhile, at least it waited for 30

2018:

Me: Holy shit, the stairs plus the shopping is paying off!  My thighs are HUGE!  I wonder if cracking a watermelon with these bad boys is hyperbole.  I bet I could though.  I BET.

Me: Down to 162 and holding, fuck you past doctors!  I just needed ENERGY goddammit!

Me: Wow, I've lost a lot of weight from my face especially.  That makes me super happy.  Anyway better pluck these stray hairs.  ...have I been yanking these more lately?  Getting old is weird.

Me: (struggling with shorts) Megan: Do you need a belt? Me: I'M WEARING A BELT (lifts shirt to reveal belt double wrapped around hips) Megan: Well then Me: I just need to buy new shorts, my ass is just GONE Megan: In the meantime maybe pay attention to what underwear you have on Me: yeah thank God for boxers

Me: My acne scars are heck of acting up.  I wish I hadn't picked at my face so much as a kid, I guess the pores are just kinda fucked, I've read about that happening.

2019:

Megan: New shorts look good Me: I am so bad at shopping Megan: At least you have them now Me: I'm an assless chap is all Megan: Go to bed Del Me: It's four in the afternoon

Me: My throat feels so *thick* lately.  I haven't been hitting the vape that often, why does it feel weird?  And why am I noticing my own voice more?  I NEVER notice my own voice, I make a point of it.  Am I subconsciously pitching it lower like I used to do talking on Skype because I'm more socially active?  What is my brain I'm so AWKWARD Me: UGH I'm falling back into derma habits, I haven't picked in my face in years, I think I need to change cleansers.  But...my face looks...good?  I guess I had this hiding under that baby fat all these years.  ...I guess? Me: Am I getting a hump from my bad computer posture?  Shit. Me: Oh no, it's not a hump, my shoulders are starting to put on muscle!  That's a relief.  That must be from the...laundry?  Carrying...laundry?

AUGUST 5, 2019: Me: (lying in bed) 2 + 2

Me: wait why am I putting on shoulder muscle now?  I've been doing laundry for years, and it's never done that.  And my legs didn't get this buff with a routine job where I was walking three hours a d--

Me:

AUGUST 14, 2019:

New Endocrinologist: We'll test your levels to make sure it isn't a pituitary gland issue or (some syndrome I've already forgotten the name of), and it could be because there's some small element of testosterone in the estrogen replacement, but the brain does produce androgens.  We can definitely look into switching you to T if you want, but if it's facial hair you're worried about...well, once the follicle is there, it's there.  These are irreversible changes.

Me: No on that then but irreversible,, like,, what I have now,, is forever,,,,,,,?

New Endocrinologist: Forever, and I would expect to continue to see muscle gains if you work out.

Me:

welcome to my second puberty please be aware it apparently involves as many mood swings as the first one but i'm tryin'

Since then, it’s been continuing confirm, confirm, confirm. 

My acne turned out to be little follicles growing in odd places--not fullblown hair, just enough to irritate the skin while it was developing. Tiny tufts of 1-3 entirely white, downy hairs have popped up in a few places on my breasts.  The real fuzz proliferation has been in the southern quarters--with all delicacy, there is no itch like the itch of hair beginning to grow anywhere sweat can proliferate, and I now understand why cis men scratch privates in public.  Having NOT gone through a unified social experience with a peer group accepting of such measures, I am sure there is footage on grocery store cams of someone with an agonized expression walking like he has a weasel down his pants and worrying that 30 is early for hemorrhoids.  Both have settled in for the most part, leaving me with a very fluffy, barely-there peach fuzz mustache that’s only noticeable in the right light, some spare hairs across my chin and neck that I keep in order, and a profound relief that I prefer boy shorts and swim trunks.

I went through a few weeks of being especially rank despite all the showering and was worried that was my new normal, but apparently T sweats be like that, and I’m back to smelling like...whatever I smell like, probably lavender with our fabric softener.  I experienced what I believed was a relapse a month later that turned out to be a false positive--specifically, our thermostat was slowly dying and frog-boiling us until it got hot enough that my sister also went “dear God it is a sauna in here”, leading to replacement of the faulty element and another notch in the “my life is dumb” bedpost.

My face bonebs, which I frankly expected the least out of (when I wasn’t expecting at all), have slowly but surely been rearranging, a visual effect doubled by the much faster redistribution of fat.  I honestly have no idea how this one works.  I know more about dead bonebs than live ones.  I would doubt it if I didn’t have pictures to back it up.  I would say it’s easier to look in the mirror now, but I already stated my opinion on mirrors, do it too much and a skeleton will pop out.  It WILL.  My brain tells me this and it is never wrong about fears and or phobias.  Don’t do it kids.

If there’s been a single most beautiful moment so far, it’s been getting back into Steven Universe after a long hiatus, opening my mouth to sing the opening like I did years ago, and realizing all at once that I was singing falsetto.  I ran it back, dropped a register, and the first names I sang became those who would believe in me most.  There were tears, and later, showing it off, there were fierce hugs.  (Yes, the first ep I watched once I realized was Stevonnie, and YES GARNET GOING “GO HAVE FUN” wah)

I can’t begin to express the validation--I am no gender essentialist’s data point, this is MY experience and no one else’s, but I keep going “my aunt had a hyst and didn’t transition and I had one and I am because my brain makes androgens my brain makes androgens MY BRAIN MAKES ANDROGENS IT HAS BEEN MAKING ANDROGENS ALL THIS TIME IT HAS BEEN TRYING” and living in that, living in “not even SCIENCE is against me”, which is a tremendous thing as a scientist.  (As a scientist, I would be a blithering dullard to claim this is the only thing that affects or proves my gender, and I do not.  Again, TERFs fuck off.  This is simply a very validating thing to me, personally, in my experience.  I’m not thrilled that I have to underline that this hard dammit internet.)

What lies ahead is...I don’t know!  I thought I was done changing, but the post I saw that nudged me to finally do this on here went “you may stop being able to cry for awhile” and this is Important because I have been trying to figure out if I have Sjogren’s but apparently I have androgens which is slightly easier to pronounce.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, because transitioning is a lot of “I’m not sure how I feel about this” and then things being okay.  I would definitely say that the more I learn, the easier it is to feel steady and normal, which is important because the mood swings have been REAL.  This is more than I asked for or bargained for, but I still only have one regret, and that’s that my hyst scars are just slightly asymmetrical and it Bothers Me, but even that is growing on me.

I don’t know how to end this post.  I love you all to death, and I hope if you’re seeking transition, you find it and twenty dollars, and if you’re not seeking transition, you still find twenty dollars.  Thank you so much for you and all you do and are.  Remember--you are great!

Unless you’re truscum.  Then this post isn’t for you (dammit Internet) and you can fall off a boardwalk onto a dead fish.  Have fun with that!

hekk

#trans #trans mtf #trans timeline #del is a trans guy #gender #gender* #blobs magician #i'm sorry this wasn't sooner i was shy aaaaa #you are all tock to me #and you are all wonderful crabs #let us go for a scuttle #longpost #long post #scrolling

[dc41896]

Nighttime Mukbang

So this is my first imagine, well first on here and that I’ve written in a long time so yea I’m a bit nervous but hopefully you like it! Also I’m not sure if I’ll do this consistently so I’m just gonna let you know now if this is the only story you see then *Kanye shrug* I’m sorry! (I’ve been getting ideas lately though so who knows what’ll happen!)

Warnings: None (unless you’re allergic to/can’t stand fluff because that’s all this is lol)

“Hey guys! For my regular degulars thanks for coming back and for the new people out there, I’m Y/N and welcome to my channel of literally any and everything!” You greet with a smile and wave while looking at the camera.

“Now I know some of y’all may be wondering who this is beside me, so- actually you know what? Would you like to introduce yourself or do you want me to do it?” You ask directing your attention to your guest for today’s video, locking eyes with his green ones.

“Nah I can do it” he smiles, sitting up a bit from his relaxed position on your couch. “What’s up guys, my name is Florian Munteanu aka Big Nasty and I’m an actor. You guys probably saw me in Creed 2 as Viktor Drago, Ivan Drago’s son. For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, go and buy it now because it’s amazing and Y/N agrees with me so if you don’t take my word for it take hers!” Florian laughs a bit as he leans on you, which in turn makes you laugh. Not only at his adorableness but also the fact that you know his big body leaning on yours probably looks hilarious.

“Yes it’s really good and I’m not saying that because I’m his friend, you guys know I would never lie to you. As I say here every week, y’all are my family and family keeps it real no matter what! Alright so now that we got intros out of the way, let’s get into today’s video which even Flo doesn’t know about but I feel like he’s gonna enjoy” you wink in the camera, making Florian a bit nervous even though he would never admit it.

“Alright so today we’re doing a mukbang/nighttime routine BUT there’s a twist...” you pause to look at the amused look on his face. “The twist is we’re switching routines so what you do as a nighttime routine I’m gonna do and vice versa” you explain. As you finish Florian laughs in his signature boisterous style, “This is gonna be something, but I’m excited to see how this goes.”

“Alright then lets go to the bathroom and get started!” As you get up to leave, you see Florian throw a punch towards the camera as he makes a “pop” sound with his mouth making you laugh and shake your head at the belief that this was your friend who you had to deal with for the remainder of the day.

“As you see we’re in the bathroom so we’re gonna go ahead and get started! I went ahead and bought a small little face brush since you can’t use mine due to sanitary reasons” you smile as you slide the small container of facial products towards his side of the sink. “Oh! And for those of you who judged my decision to get his and hers sinks even though I’m by myself, jokes on you because they came in handy so HA!” Seeing you point a finger to the camera and smile in a matter of fact way, Florian laughs before countering with “So what happens when I’m not here or you don’t have a guest using your bathroom?” draping his log of an arm over your shoulders and leaning down so your faces were somewhat at an equal level.

“....extra counter space” you answer causing an eruption of laughter from the both of you.

Shortly after, you both began to start your new nighttime routines. Well you started while he looked at all your products wondering where to start.

“Ok you have all this stuff you use so you know I’m gonna need help” he says as he tries to read what everything is and the directions as to not make any mistakes.

“First wash your face with this cleanser and then I’ll help you put on the mask so don’t do anything else” you reply as you dry your face pretty much already done with your routine since all Florian does at night is wash his face, put on moisturizer, then fall asleep. Gotta love men gifted with good skin.

After washing his face, you sit him down in a chair you brought in the bathroom just in case you would have to help him with something. “It never ceases to amaze me how women go through all these steps every day” he admits while you paint the warming mask on his face with a brush. “Well not all girls use this many products. Some use more and some use less, it just varies. Plus if some guys and people weren’t such jerks then maybe we would feel comfortable with going out with pimples and acne scars” you answer looking in the camera while saying your last sentence as if you were reading someone on sight.

“Easy, easy Y/N” Florian laughs while getting up to wash the mask off of his face after you finished, “Sounds like you’re talking from experience. We need to go beat up somebody?”

“No but I’ve seen people talk about others with acne and stuff and I just think it’s wrong. Like I’m sure that person is already insecure about that so why rub it in their face more? Also I now know you’re down if I ever have to jump someone though so thank you for that” you laugh while nudging his arm as he dried off his face.

“No problem, you know I got your back just like you got mine,” he replies leaning on the sink “Now what’s next?” “Next is a pore strip!” you answer while doing a little dance as you remove the black material from the sleeve making Florian let out a small groan but laugh after since he voluntarily signed up for this.

“Now is the mukbang part of the video where we’re gonna answer some of the questions you guys sent me via Instagram! For those of you who saw my story today, which will be a different day than when this video comes out, you guys already got a sneak peak as to who my mystery guest was while we were picking up our food and that’s also when I asked you guys to send in questions that we could answer while we eat” you explain while sitting on the couch with your legs placed under you, pad thai in hand. Sat next to you with legs spread wide open and his knee slightly brushing your legs, Florian had his usual personal box of pizza and was already going to town on it while you were giving the small details on what you guys were doing next.

“Ok first question, how did you guys meet?” you read off your phone before putting it down in the small space that was between the two of you. “Yea how did we meet Y/N?” he repeated with a smirk on his face. In his 28 years of life, you could imagine the amount of stories that he had and while you didn’t know all of them, you were sure how you guys met was one of his favorites. “Oh gosh here we go,” you laugh before taking a sip of the water you had on the table in front of you. “So picture it. Sicily. 1950. I’m kidding I’m kidding, if you know that reference you a real one!” you say making Florian laugh. “But really though, as you guys know, I’m cool with Steelo and did an episode of the Wine and Weed podcast, which is amazing and all of you guys should check it out and support him! Anyway, on said podcast, celeb crushes were mentioned and I said how Flo was my crush and Steelo being the mess he is told Mike who told Flo and yea now we’re friends” you quickly finish hoping that your slight embarrassment doesn’t show too bad. However from the rumbles of his belly laugh, you knew Florian was about to fill in the small details you thought best to leave out.

“Yea that’s the summary, but she didn’t tell you guys how it was a surprise meeting and the look on her face when she walked in the room and saw I was there was priceless! She couldn’t stop smiling either which was adorable-“ “OK! Ok! They get it, I fangirled hard over you. Moving on!” you laugh cutting him off by covering his mouth with your hand. “Next question please!” you say while picking up your phone to choose which one you wanted to answer.

“OMG I didn’t know you guys were friends!! How long has this been for and why you aint tell us?!?!?!” you read while laughing, “I’m gonna let you answer this one and see if you’ve been paying attention to this friendship” you smirk while looking at Florian and picking up your chopsticks to get a few more bites of your food.

“We’ve been friends going on 3 months now, which is crazy because we’re really comfortable with each other as if we’ve been friends for years,” he answers sitting up and looking in the camera then at you as he finished. He wasn’t only right about the time you guys were friends but his statement on how comfortable you guys were around each other was undeniable and definitely didn’t help the fact that you were trying to erase him as your crush. Like he said you guys were great friends. FRIENDS. That’s all that it should and would be; there was no changing your mind about it.

“Woowww he got it rightttt! 4 for you Flo, you go Flo!!!” you clap and laugh as he places his hand on his heart and slightly bends down as to do a bow while seated. “He’s right though on both accounts. We’re both big into vibes and energies and the second time we hung out he said he didn’t want to sound weird but that he could tell I was a good person from the vibe I gave off, which is probably the best compliment I’ve ever received,” you explained trying to avoid looking at him, but feeling that he was staring at you the whole time you spoke, you couldn’t help but look up and see his seemingly soul catching eyes and beautiful smile. Dangit! Why did he have to be like this?! Why couldn’t he be a F boy and make it easy for me to get over by just playing some Cardi B or Megan thee Stallion?! He really had some nerve being this amazing.

“Ok guys, this is gonna be the last question for now because this part paired with the nighttime routine is gonna make the video super long and while I know you guys would love that, you know I have a time limit with my videos that I have to live by or else my account decides it wants to freak out,” you explain while sitting up to pick a question, Florian following right behind you with your movement. “What I think I’m gonna do is have us answer some of the questions on my story on insta so for you guys that follow me, you’re basically gonna see the second part of this Q&A in a few minutes when we switch over! So last question, are you guys dating/would you ever date? Sorry if it’s too invasive, I’m just excited for you girl on behalf of all the fangirls out here!” you read as both you and Florian give a small laugh.

“No we’re not dating, we’re just friends,” you begin answering before you feel a lump in your throat from your nerves. You were sure he’d say the same thing you were about to say, but something inside of you wondered how he would feel when you gave your answer. “Honestly, I don’t think we would ever date.” “Why?” Florian asked as soon as your answer left your lips. “I mean it’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I just think since we’re friends if we dated that would ruin the friendship. Like you said earlier we act like we’ve been friends for years when that’s not the case and that’s really telling I feel like. Plus not to put myself down but we’re a bit on two different spectrums,” you say as you let out a small laugh and move a strand of hair out of your face.

“Oh,” he replied slightly nodding his head, “Well my answer is that I would be open to it. Like you said we’re close friends but also no one knows what the future holds.”

“Ummm, excuse me? Did he just say that? SIR!! Thank you for ruining ANY chance I had at getting over you!” you thought as you just looked at him taking in everything that he said. And trying not to freak out. “And we’re not on different spectrums,” he added as he sat back into his usual relaxed position.

“Yea maybe after my usual nighttime routine! Look at your face right now, that’s your spectrum but I have to go through all those steps while you only have like 2” you laugh trying to be funny but see Florian shake his head as he sits up to be closer to you again. He wipes his hands on a napkin before gently grabbing your chin and turning to look at the monitor set up in front of you guys. “Now look at your face. You did my usual routine and you still glow like the adorable fangirl I met 3 months ago,” he counters looking at you through the monitor. You were honestly stunned at what just happened. “He just said that because we’re friends, not like anything is meant by it,” you told yourself as your face was still in his hands only not looking at the monitor now but him as he looked back at you, adorable smile plastered on his cherub face.

“Just so you know that night I met you, I was wearing makeup so….” “OH MY GOSH Y/N you know what I was trying to say!” he laughs letting go of your face to lay his forehead on your shoulder exasperatedly from you ignoring what he just said and trying to brush off his compliment. “I know what you were trying to say and thank you it means a lot,” you smile as you place your arm around his back (well tried to, it only reached to his shoulder blade because mans is so massive) to give him a hug. Florian responded to your gesture by wrapping both his arms around your waist to pull you in for a bear hug, which caused you to burst out into a fit of giggles since he was also causing you to fall down in the process. “Ok guys! That’s the video! Hope you enjoyed it and decide to come back! Thanks Flo for being in this video and hopefully we can do another one,” you smile angelically and bat your eyes hoping that he’ll say yes. “No problem and of course I’ll be back! Maybe one day you can come out to Germany and then we can do a vlog or something there” he suggested moving his arms from around your waist to one over your shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” you beam praying that he’s being honest about his suggestion. “Do you want to close out the video?” you ask knowing that he’ll say he doesn’t know your outro or what to do. However, as you’ve come to find out about Mr. Munteanu, he can be full of surprises.

“Yea! Ok guys what’ll happen next time in this place? I don’t know, but tune in to find out and remember everyone’s regular is unique so being regular is anything but plain!” he smiles while performing your infamous peace sign and salute as a goodbye to all of your followers. “What? I did it right didn’t I?” he asks while looking at your awestruck face at the fact that he perfectly did your outro. “Yea you did it right, which amazes me but also makes me wonder if we might be hanging out too much. Or you watch too many of my videos” you replied making both of you laugh as you turned off your camera.

Tags: @honeychicana @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @crushed-pink-petals if anyone else wants to be tagged if I do this again in the future just let me know! 

#florian munteanu #florian big nasty munteanu #florianxreader

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: NMNL May 19

I know it’s only been a week since I did the previous NMNL, but I had been hoping to have this done a few days ago. But I just wasn’t really in a hurry to use the items like I usually do. The box wasn’t the problem though, I just lost a little momentum again. But I’m feeling better again and I’m ready to do this!

“May’s box is all about embracing your natural beauty! Whether you want to do that by taking care of your skin or enhancing your features wih a little makeup, we’ve included the perfect products for you because we want you to feel beautiful this month!“

Prize

For winning the contest this month, first prize could win a set of the Missa Time Revolution Vitality Set of curated products, while runner-ups got a Missa dual blending eyeshadow in Rose Crown.

Glam Gift

Meanwhile, the glam gift includes a whole set of Etude House goods :D I love Etude House, and I was very excited to recognize the Missing U lotion, it’s the exact one I have. I meant to buy the whole set, but I kinda forgot to get the others...

I’ve also been planning on buying the soft drink lip products because of how cute they are, so I found that to be kinda funny too.

Meanwhile, the months horoscope is What cocktail should you try? with mine, Libra, being a Mai Tai. I’ve heard of it, but I never tried it. I’d love to try a strawberry daiquiri though, or maybe a Cosmopolitan- I’m only into fruity, colorful drinks.

Okay, well with that let’s get started!

Patting Panda Tool

Our first item is a unique beauty tool meant to emulate an important part of the Japanese skin care routine. This is basically applying a lotion product by gently patting the skin until its absorbed in the skin, so this adorable panda wand will help with that. I assume you can also use it with other various skin products.

All you do is apply a cotton pad or paper or tissue or something, then apply a lotion (from the images I assume liquid works better, or something thin and runny), then you tap it against the skin about 30 times. I think you can do more than that though because I noticed mine was fine after that, so I think I was closer to 50 or 60 when I noticed mine was dirty and thinned out/no longer usable.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I mean, in all honesty it’s probably more work just putting this thing together than it is actually applying/patting the product on yourself. BUT, it’s nice if you don’t want it all over your hands or touch your face, and I can’t say it doesn’t work. I used it and noticed that the product seemed to absorb quicker and my skin felt really nice. I also love pandas, so it’s pretty cute in that regard; and it was actually fun to use.

The only thing I dislike is that the loop piece won’t stay on unless you have something for it to connect to on the head piece, the cotton pad/tissue/paper. So until I decide where to put it, I’ll be leaving it in the box, which takes up a lot of space if you ask me...

Speed Off Brush Cleaning Sheets

Our next item is for cleaning makeup brushes, with each wipe infused with Alkaline electrolyte water to remove built up dirt, sebum, oil, foundation, and whatever else might be on the brushes. There is 12 in a set, and let me tell you, I used 3 of them cleaning all of my brushes.

That is because in all honesty, I actually was never told about the importance of cleaning your makeup brushes. I would clean them as I used them, but I never gave them a real, wet cleaning. Not cleaning your makeup tools can lead to bacteria that can lead to acne and other skin conditions- that never happened to me as of yet, but that isn’t to say it never wouldn’t have.

They have a scent, but I’m not sure what it is. It isn’t really a pleasant scent like flowers or fruit, but it’s not bad either, it’s really light. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

To be fair you probably could have got the same effect just wetting the brushes and cleaning them manually, but this saves you effort; it’s like the opposite of the panda, but like the Panda, I actually really liked these. Not only did they make everything look brand new and tidy again, but it also did an awesome job removing the built up mascara on my favorite eyelash curler I really need to throw away but won’t because it’s my favorite.

As I said above, I did go through 3 of them, but rest assure that I used each one to its fullest and they were covered. But to be fair, one of my palettes got smeared with another makeup and I had a hard time removing it, and my foundation brush was loaded with product <3< it’s seen a lot...

Fragrance Body Sheets

By Fiancee (a brand we’ve seen before but not recently~) we have these fun looking body wipes in a grapefruit scent. They have a cooling menthol effect and will keep one moisturized and refreshed whether it be in the morning while getting ready or while outside enjoying the weather.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I love these! I’ve always ♥ grapefruit scents or anything citrus-based because to me they’re very refreshing and great pick-me-ups on those lazy mornings you can’t wake up fast enough. They smell amazing and the scent is long-lasting!

The only reason I marked them down is because you’re told not to use these on your face or clothing... I mostly use wipes for my face, and if necessary my clothes too, like if I spilled something while I’m out. I don’t know why they can’t be used on these 2 places, but I don’t plan to test my luck either and I really hope I remember not to use them on my face <3<

I assume it’ll burn...

Japanese Bath Powder & Fluffy Cleansing Pad

First up is an item I’ve had before, but it’s been so long I don’t remember if I had it in this specific version. These are adorable bath powders based on the daruma doll, lucky cat, or a dog, each with their own beneficial ingredients; like the daruma I have contains Japanese snake gourd plant extract, the cat has orange blossom oil, and the dog contains chrysanthemum extract.

As you can see I got the daruma doll, and he smells really good. I can’t tell if its cranberry or lychee or what, but it smells good and has a pretty matching color. I did use it, but because I didn’t feel like taking a bath I soaked my feet in again, but because there’s so much powder I only used a portion of it. The rest will be saved for a bath... or more feet soaks cause lately that’s what I’m into.

Since I’m pretty sure I already had this one, or one exactly like it. I’m not going to rate it, I’ll just say that my feet/skin felt no difference after I used it. All it really did was color the water (no staining btw) and release a strong, pleasant scent.

-----

Our next item is a cleansing facial pad, available in 2 colors/designs, and I was very happy I got the pink one~ But they’re both cute colors. Like the panda, this is another product by Beauty World.

These are for exfoliating and cleansing the skin while removing makeup, instead of using a cotton pad or wipes that might strip the skin of beneficial nutrients. They also brighten the skin. 

I decided not to rate this one either, but only because I didn’t really have much to say about it. It feels really soft and fluffy like the name implies, and it does its job.

Berrisom Horror Mask

Our next item is another Berrisom mask, this time part of their Horror line. We could either get a skeleton version made from Black Rice, which focuses on clearing up dry skin and improving the elasticity and moisturization, or the Pierrot/clown version, made from green tea and bamboo water to deeply moisturize and prevent wrinkles.

In knowing that, either one would have worked for me... but I don’t remember i I mentioned this before or not (I probably did), I’m terrified of skeletons DX I know it’s silly, but I’ve always been; the only exception is that I think skull designs are cute, and cutesy skeletons I can endure, I used to love the Skelanimal series.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It smells good, it has that Target scent I mention some times. I really like it, but I did not like the skull design on this mask DX it was scary. For me to use this, I had put it on and hurried up and put one of my other masks on top of it because I could see myself wearing it. 

Again, I know its weird but it’s what I had to do okay.

Its quality was great though, plenty moist and it stuck very good. It was very soothing, and my face felt really nice after I used it~

Oh My Lash Mascara

Our next item is by Etude House, the Oh My Lash Mascara available in 2 formats; either #3 which focuses on volume or #4 for curling. I got 3, which you can kinda see in the pic on both the tube and lid.

This is a basic black mascara. There’s a little bit of a scent but it doesn’t smell like typical mascara.

Rating: ♥ ♥

I was really disappointed with last months Kira Kira Crate metallic pink let-down, so this one, which wasn’t nearly as cute didn’t give discourage me. As soon as I smoothly pulled out the wand and observed the bristles, I had high hopes this one would be pretty good.

But despite how good it looks, it’s a typical mascara. It’s not the worst and I can see a difference, but my lashes insta-clumped and stuck together. That usually doesn’t happen until like my third or fourth swipe (if I really have to do that many that is...). This won’t be in my top 3 mascara anytime soon.

Lip Tint Jam

Our last item is by Canmake. This lip tint jam is available in No.4 Expresso Jam, but don’t let the name fool you, it has a scent but its not a delicious one. This specific product features a jam-like jelly texture that easily spreads on the lips for a smooth, semi-matte finish. It comes in a brownish-orange shade... A shade I can’t say I was ever considering for myself.

Rating: ♥ ♥ 

The product isn’t bad, I kind of like how it feels on my lips. It went on smoothly as promised, but I did have to apply it a couple times to evenly spread out, because each time i brought my lips together it seemed to pull it away from certain spots. I wasn’t crazy about the color, but after dabbing it, it left a lighter, but still-noticeable tint on my lips that I approve of a lot more.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 3.5 out of 5. I liked the items, but I felt like some of them were lacking in quality.

Theme: 1.5 out of 5. Honestly, I think only a couple items really enhance ones natural beauty. I never really consider makeup to be Natural, but if you do I’d bump it up to a 2. 

Total Rank: 6 out of 10. The products are fine and they do work,but in comparison to the past two that I really liked, I felt like this one didn’t measure up. It had a handful of nice qualities too though, so I can’t say it was a bad box, it’s just my personal opinion that it could have been better.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Body Sheets - Besides the fun, colorful packaging, these smell deliciously wonderful! I’ll be bringing these with me and using them on those sleepy mornings for sure.

2. Patting Panda - It’s so sweet, I can’t help but smile looking at it~

3. Japanese Bath Powder - Smells and looks really pretty. I didn’t feel any different but it was still a pleasant experience. 

4. Berrisom Face Mask - the prior ones weren’t too impressive but they smelled good, and this one smelled good too- plus the quality actually impressed me. These ones would be fun to use at a slumber party or friendly get-together.

5. Speed Off Cleaner - I love its pink and black color scheme on the packaging x3 I was also very impressed by these. I wish we got more, but I can see why we didn’t, since you don’t need to clean your makeup tools all the time. They could end up drying up before you use them all DX

6. Lip Tint Jam - Felt nice but it left my lips uneven and patchy until like the 3rd application. I didn’t like the color until I wiped off a portion of it after a few minutes. The bottle is really cute though and I think it’ll be a nice shade for fall/autumn.

7. Cleansing Pad - The packaging is really cute but the sponge itself is plain; the polar bear face isn’t really even on it, which disappointed me a bit. It feels really nice on the skin though, so I think I’ll still use it. When I remember that is...

8. Oh My Lash Mascara - I think this was the biggest disappointment in the box. It worked but I wasn’t impressed by it. It’s also pretty plain, which is so not the image of Etude House I get. 

#cutie reviews #nmnl #nomakenolife #fiancee #canmake #etude house #berrisom

[lemon-writings]

Playlist: Zamsel

This playlist is for my son character Zach Amsel (Zamsel) from my book WADAA. He’s one of the few characters that gets their own playlist, especially in WADAA. It’s difficult to give characters like Kam playlists, but it’s easy to curate a collection of songs for Zamsel. 

He’s a relatively sad guy, but it’s fair, all things considered. Poor guy has some severe anxiety and a toxic relationship with his girlfriend, Chai. A lot of the songs are New Medicine, which I think of as Chai’s band. It’s also one of the gosh dang saddest playlists I’ve made within the past couple years. Like, wow, buddy. You’re really sad. I wonder who did that to you.

This playlist is continuously growing, so I’ll probably update it from time to time. 

Bad Habit - Ben Platt

You always said that I'd come back to you again / 'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true / Someone to quiet the voices in my head / Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you

Hate to say that I love you / Hate to say that I need you / Hate to say that I want you / But I do

You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground / Above this little town, you do / Look at me smile with tears in my eyes / I love the way you lie, I do

Like A Rose - New Medicine

You better pray she took her morning medication / Or you might have to pick her up at the police station / 'Cause if there's trouble in this town, you know she's gonna find it / She's like the devil in a short skirt but I don't mind it / Everybody thinks I'm crazy, but they don't even know

She got jagged edges and a dirty mouth, what a lady / And she got everything that I don't wanna live without / She's kinda like a rose / She's kinda like a rose / She's kinda like a rose and you might wanna run / 'Cuz even when she's cold, she's burnin' like the sun / The bitch is rock n roll, and let me tell you, son / Don't care if you don't like her / I love her, I love her

Broken Girl - New Medicine

I wish I didn't know you, I wish I didn't care / I shoulda known that we were never going anywhere / I shoulda lied a little, I shoulda cheated too / I guess you only want to love someone who hurts you

Yeah, you're always calling me at 3:00 A.M / Drunk and lonely, here we go again

Hey, you're begging me to stay / And know just what to say / I gotta get away, you're just a broken girl / Oh, your body's saying "go", you're naked on the floor / Don't love me anymore, you're just another broken girl

I wish that I could fix you, I know I never could / Maybe you're just afraid of anything that's any good / You say you think about me, but you see other guys / Sometimes I guess I feel like loving you is suicide / Still there's somethin' I just can't resist / I guess that's how it always comes to this

Dead Love Song - New Medicine

I didn't wanna break you down / I sacrificed myself, my conscious wouldn't let me out / Oh, there's the cage I'm in / Poison dropping on my skin / Goodbye's hanging on my tongue / And I know I'll die if I don't run

I only got one thing on my mind / Nothing's gonna stop me, not this time / Wasted way too long, living in the lines of a dead love song / I've been afraid to let you know / I've been afraid to let you go, I've been afraid 

Heart With Your Name On It - New Medicine

Goddamn, you treat me like shit / But I keep coming back for more / I'm so over it, but I just can't run / 'Cause just when I think I've had enough of your suicidal love / Well, you always suck me in

It's like the more fucked up shit you do, the more I'm into you / And I just can't say goodbye

Breaking up was my idea, so why do I feel so low? / You know that I tried like hell to forget you / I'm lying in someone else's bed, but you're all up in my head / Like there's no escaping you 

Boy Like Me - New Medicine 

She's the only girl I see / She don't wanna be with a boy like me 

She's the kinda girl that you can never please / She don't even really wanna talk to me 

I don't wanna live another day like this / In a world where she don't even know that I exist 

Self Esteem - The Offspring

But she came over, I lost my nerve / I took her back and made her dessert / Now I know I'm being used / That's okay, man, 'cause I like the abuse / I know she's playing with me / That's okay 'cause I've got no self-esteem

When she's saying, oh, that I'm like a disease / Then I wonder how much more I can spend / Well, I guess I should stick up for myself / But I really think it's better this way / The more you suffer / The more it shows you really care / Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Late at night, she knocks on my door / She's drunk again and looking to score / Now I know I should say no / But it's kind of hard when she's ready to go / I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb / I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem 

Sex in the City - Hobo Johnson

Sex in the city / Probably feels really really nice / With hands placed on faces and twinkles in their eyes / Sex in the city / Probably looks really really great with / A girl that's like a ten and a guy that's 'bout an eight / Sex in the city / Sounds like it takes place on stage / Both moaning in key while Marvin Gaye sings / Sex in the city / Candles smell like great jobs and promising careers / My candles smell like fear my roommates may hear

I have really bad b-acne / It looks like the gosh-dang night sky / And I promise I'm gonna get it taken care of

Peach Scone - Hobo Johnson

And I love the thought of being with you / Or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone! / Hey, the second one’s way sadder than the first one / But I don’t know

Shit, I love being—I love being loved, but / Don't like crying on the phone

And if you find someone who loves you for who you are / Keep loving 'em, man / 'Cause that shit happens like, once in a lifetime, y'know? / And who am I to get in the way of someone living their lifetime, Y'know?

House of Gold - Twenty One Pilots

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old / Will you buy me a house of gold / And when your father turns to stone / Will you take care of me?" / I will make you queen of everything you see / I'll put you on the map / I'll cure you of disease

Let's say we up and left this town  / And turned our future upside down / We'll make pretend that you and me / Lived ever after happily

And since we know that dreams are dead / And life turns plans up on their head / I will plan to be a bum / So I just might become someone

Twin Size Mattress - The Front Bottoms

It’s no big surprise you turned out this way / When they closed their eyes and prayed you would change / And they cut your hair, and sent you away / You stopped by my house the night you escaped / With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay / You said “Hey man, I love you, but no fucking way”

This is for the lake that me and my friends swim in / Naked and dumb on a drunken night / And it should've felt good, but I could hear the Jaws theme song / On repeat in the back of my mind / Make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face / There are lessons to be learned / Consequences for all the stupid things I say / And it is no big surprise you turned out this way / The spark in your eyes, the look on your face, I will not be brave

She hopes I’m cursed forever / To sleep on a twin-sized mattress / In somebody’s attic or basement my whole life / Never graduating up in size to add another / And my nightmares will have nightmares every night / Oh, every night, every night

Relapse - Divided By Friday 

I don’t wanna be somebody falling into relapse / Every time I see that smile again / I just think of when you said “I love you / But I don’t think I can be the one.” 

Did you forget that we said “I’m never gonna leave you / Always gonna keep you right here next to me?” / So why am I the only one; the lonely part of “we?”

Colors - Halsey

You were red, and you liked me because I was blue / But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky / Then you decided purple just wasn't for you

Ease My Mind - Ben Platt

Most days, I wake up with a pit in my chest / There are thoughts that I can't put to rest / There's a worry that I can't place / Most nights, I am restless and quiet won't come / So I lay there and wait for the sun / There's a trouble that won't show its face

Darling, only you can ease my mind / Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind / When they pull me under, and I can feel my sanity start to unwind / Darling, only you can ease my mind

Peach - The Front Bottoms

One day, you will find someone / Who will love you like you deserve / But tonight, I'm the only one left / And I'm betting it's a fact that you will never learn

You say I'm gonna miss you when you leave / And you are probably right

You say I should think before I talk / You say I shouldn't think about my life

Archive - Mal Blum

And so I spent the winter bundled up / Pretending I was sane / And giving up / The things I love the most / Because they felt like pain

And I lied to all my friends, said I was happy when I wasn't / And you lied to all yourselves / Said I could give you what you wanted / But it all feels so much bigger than / Some blame-filled, lonely break up 

#playlist #spotify playlist #noveling playlist #zamsel #tw: abusive relationships #tw: drug use

[cynicallystiles]

Beach Sunrises: Ruin

 Author: @cynicallystiles

Warning: Mostly angst, but hey there’s slight fluff at the end. Cursing, embarrassment, yadda yadda.

Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader

Summary: While on tour one day, Shawn sees a woman watching the sunrise by herself. Thinking that he’ll never see her again, he tries to forget as he goes on with the rest of his day. But, serendipity seems to have other ideas…

Notes: Yo, this is hella late. But, like I’ve been so busy adjusting to college and I’ve already had a minor emotional breakdown this week! But, I persevered (for now)! But, this is hella long and I actually maybe like it? ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT AFTER THIS FOR THE SERIES. PLEASE REBLOG OR COMMENT if you like it! I always welcome messages and asks about my work! Enjoy!

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 10 Part 12

Words: 10,435

First P.O.V.

You know, I wasn't all that sure at first about Nick letting me use him as a distraction. It felt wrong...like, really wrong because I didn't know where it was gonna go or if I was ever gonna get over Shawn. And Nick is the sweetest guy I've ever met. So that made it feel triply wrong. But, he insisted and I'll admit that it didn't take me much convincing.

I mean, how often do incredibly sweet, funny, smart, and attractive guys give you permission to use them as a distraction? And without expecting it to become more than that once you've healed up some. Not a lot, that's how many.

It's true, he didn't push me to make it a real relationship. He lets me set the pace and respects my decisions. When you're with a guy that amazing...it's hard to set boundaries for yourself on whether or not you're really ready to start a new relationship. Which is why I didn't mean to elevate us to a couple...it just happened.

I can't say that I mind because I love being with him. It was easy to become close to him and forget about Shawn. But, people finding out about us was kind of my fault. I've been so out of my shell lately and more confident that I don't really keep all my secrets that guarded. If someone wants to know something, I'll happily tell them if I feel like it.

So while we were in New Zealand, I had been asked to go on the radio show The Edge NZ and I asked if Nick could come along. At the beginning, it was more about the documentary and when it'd be coming out and what everyone could expect. Stuff like that. Then, they wanted to play a question game that I, unfortunately, agreed to.

It was a game they invented for Shawn a few years ago called Please, Have Mercy on Me. In his version, they attached electric clamps to a shirtless guy and every time Shawn refused to answer a question, the guy got shocked. Well, I just felt really bad about getting someone else shocked so I insisted that the clamps go on my index fingers. I'm not scared of a little electricity.

The questions are a mixed bag of random facts about me that people want to know and more personal and intimate questions that they thought I would be reluctant to answer. I was in such a carefree mood that I slipped up toward the middle of the interview.

"Alright! We'll start out with an easy one...what is your worst habit?"

I clear my throat and lean closer to the microphone. "Ummm...I pick and scratch a lot."

"What do you mean by that?" He inquires.

I shrug. "Like...I pick at acne a lot, which is why I have scars. And my legs itch a lot after hair removal so sometimes I'll literally scratch until I break skin...it's really bad," I chuckle.

"Sounds like it! Onto the next one...how old were you when you lost your v-plates?" He questions.

"Oh, man. Straight for the dirty details," I laugh. "Okay. Um...seventeen," I admit.

He chuckles, "Late bloomer are ya?"

"Just really picky. Should've been pickier, to be honest," I confess.

He ponders my answer before moving on. "That seems like a good segway into...what is the number of sexual partners you've had?"

"Three," I say simply.

His eyebrows shoot up. "Just three? You're twenty-two, correct?" I nod and remember that it's a radio show so I say yes. "You've only been with three people. Wow, that's just hard to believe," he rambles.

"Why's that?" I quirk my eyebrows at the comment.

He shrugs. "Nothing, it's just that there are people younger than you who probably have a really high number and don't answer the question," he informs me.

I nod my head slowly. "People with high numbers at young ages are usually serial hook uppers. Not that I'm judging...I'm just saying that my number is low because despite what some people say," I take a deep breath, "I am serious about that part of my life."

"Roger that," he says clearly uncomfortable at my icy statement. I look at Nick who is trying to contain his amusement at me snapping on the guy. I shoot him a playful glare as the guy continues. "I gotta say, this game isn't very interesting if you don't get shocked."

I shrug as a confident smile comes to my lips. "I'm an open book," I challenge.

"Maybe this one will get you...who is the rudest celebrity you've ever met?" He leans forward in anticipation.

I relax further into my chair as I look at Nick. "I dunno...that one over there could definitely use some manners," I giggle. He chuckles at my antics. "But, in all seriousness...I've only met like a handful of celebs and no one's really been rude to me, per se. If I had to pick someone that was the least nice, I would probably pick Camila Cabello."

"Ooo, juicy. Do tell why," he insists.

I roll my eyes. "There's not much I can say. I met her once for like three seconds and she barely acknowledged my existence," I inform him. "She was a little preoccupied so I can't blame her."

"I think you're the first person to answer that question."

"I'm not looking for drama but I'm not backing out and getting shocked by a fetish toy," I laugh.

He nods appreciatively. "Fair enough. This one might get you shocked," he giggles excitedly. "What's the oldest lover you've had?"

"Twenty...four?" I say with a look of concentration as I do the math. "No! Babe, you turned twenty-five in March right? Yeah? Okay, twenty-five. Final answer," I chuckle.

The room falls silent as everyone has surprised and amused looks on their faces. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"Twenty-five...why?" I ask as I look at Nick, genuinely not knowing what everyone was gawking at. But when I see a look of nervousness on his face it hits me.

"You just asked Nick to confirm his age...which means you've hooked up with him recently!" He laughs and my face turns red.

I swallow and lean closer to the mic again. "Next question, please," I say lowly before bursting into laughter.

"I think we all know the answer to this next one...who was the last celebrity you kissed?" He smirks.

Too late to go back now. "Obviously that snack sitting over there," I chuckle.

"Alright and last question coming up...what celeb would you love to hook up with?"

I scoff. "Easy one...Ni-"

"Ah! Besides your boyfriend over there," he challenges.

My eyes flick from the interviewer to Nick. They both look genuinely curious. I swallow the lump in my throat as I take a deep breath and release it. "I'm gonna have to plead the fifth on that one...so go on and shock me," I say as I close my eyes and wait for the pain.

It actually didn't hurt that bad because it was the first one I didn't answer. So the voltage was on low and it felt more like a tiny little zap. Anyway, news of my interview slip up spread like wildfire throughout both of our fanbases and I didn't mind at all.

There's no reason to be ashamed of the fact that we're together in whatever way. We're both adults and we can do as we please. When we all got back to the states, it was really interesting. Like, I was surprised by the fact that people were actually not prying that much into our relationship or the nature of it.

I have to say we did have one weird experience while we were in Seattle, Nick's hometown. On a day off from Hailee's shows, he took me to the Space Needle since I'd never been. While we were waiting in line, a fan literally started yelling across the distance something about 'mom and dad'. I turned to Nick with a bewildered look and we both couldn't contain our laughter. Fans are super weird, but also super awesome.

August came quicker than I expected. It's hard to keep track of time when I'm so busy with work. But, also because I'm enjoying all my time with Nick. Sometime in April, he had gotten an offer for an amazing movie role. They shot some of the scenes before he left with us on tour, but he has to go back at the end of August to finish it.

At the end of July, I was contacted about doing another interview. This time, it was for The Late Late Show. And I have to say I'm pretty freaking excited about it. James is hilarious and I wouldn't want to do my American interview debut with anyone else. I was supposed to go in on some day during the first week or so of August. I'm not really keeping track of specific dates.

So, I get there sometime in the morning to shoot the interview. Which I was really shocked for some reason to find out that it wasn't actually filmed at night. Like, I just could not wrap my head around it. I arrived in a car with Nick and Hailee. As I got out, I moved to kiss Nick goodbye.

"I guess I'll see you later," I grin at him.

He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Um, no. We're staying," he chuckles. "Didn't anyone tell you that I'm the second guest and Hailee is performing?"

"I guess not...this is even more exciting then!" I squeal as they get out of the car and I walk hand in hand with Nick to the lot.

Once we checked in, they separated us all to get our hair and makeup done. The nice people did my makeup simply and put beach waves in my hair. We got to wear our own outfits so Nick wore something chill like he always does. Basic jeans rolled up at the bottom to show off his boots and a plain tee under an unbuttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up. There's something sexy about how down to earth he is.

I'm kind of the same as him in that way. I like dressing up when the occasion calls for it, but most of the time I just want to be comfortable. So I wore light blue, high-waisted ankle skinny jeans and some simple black and white sneakers. I also chose a loose, white, and hardly see-through tank top that barely outlined my black push-up bra. My shirt has a cool watercolor painting of a mom and baby gorilla and the front is tucked into my jeans.

I wasn't told about anything special happening besides an interview and maybe participating in one of his games. But, I was still on edge because James is notorious for bringing up embarrassing things.

They've already put us all in our own dressing rooms which is driving up my anxiety. Nick is to be announced first in the Orange Room, then me in the Blue, and lastly, Hailee in the Red as the musical guest. I'm pacing around, unable to relax when I get a text.

Nick: Quite pacing! You're gonna make a rut in the floor lol

I quickly respond.

Me: How do you know I'm pacing?

Nick: Because you're you😜

Me: Ugh, you're annoying...

This is taking too long. I open my door and check the hallway to see if it's clear. When I find that it is, I sneakily run down the hallway and lightly knock on his dressing room door. He opens it, full celebrity smile on and then sees me.

"Y/n, I didn't know you got a job with The Late Late Show," he teases.

I roll my eyes at him. "Har, har," I mock him before quickly looking around. "Are you gonna let me in or not?"

He squints at the ceiling in concentration as if he's thinking really hard about it. I scoff, turning around to leave when he grabs my hand and pulls me inside. Once the door is closed, his hands find a home just below my ears as he leans down for a lingering kiss.

All of my jitters melted away right into that kiss as my hands grab fistfuls of his shirt and he backs me up into the door. It amazes me how he can always make a kiss feel both electric and soothing at the same time. One of his hands finds the small of my back and applies pressure.

I hum into the kiss as we make our way further into the dressing room and fall onto the couch. My hands pull him back to me by the nape of his neck before gripping the roots of his hair. His hands wander under my shirt and his fingers make my skin burn everywhere they graze. We both completely forget about everything else but each other.

Until a knock sounds at the door.

We break apart and look at the door. The knock happens again, this time louder. Shit. We both look back at each other and burst into laughter as he gets up quickly and we move to the door. I stand behind it as he cracks it open, a shy and mischievous smile on his face.

"Nick! What's up, buddy? Took a minute to answer...we thought you might've been kidnapped," James jokes from his place on stage.

I hear Nick laugh nervously. I can't help but mess with him as I quietly lean up and place a kiss on the fingers that are on this side of the door. He wiggles them before moving them higher on the door where I can't reach.

"Uh," he chuckles, "yeah, sorry about that I was just doing some relaxation techniques to get rid of some nerves."

There's a pause and a little laughter from the crowd so I can assume that James is making a funny face. "Relaxation techniques, huh? Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"What, uh...what do you mean?" He asks, clearly guilty.

"You've got a bit of lipgloss smudged on your lip, mate," James points out.

I don't have to see his face to know that he's gone beet red. Biting my lip to contain my laughter, I let my head fall forward and it bumps the door. I lift it back up quickly, my laughter just barely being contained.

Nick clears his throat. "Oh, really? Man must've gotten messed up when I was eating that sandwich a minute ago. I'll have to go redo it now...see ya later," he laughs as he slowly closes the door.

As soon as the door is closed, I take the opportunity of James introducing me to open the door and run down the hallway at full speed. Just as I can hear him finishing up my intro, I can see the assistant about to knock on my door. I skid to a stop right in front of her and rush inside.

Not a second later, there's a knock. I open it up and rest against the doorframe nonchalantly. Although, I'm panting like crazy from the sprint. "Oh...hey James! How's it goin'?" I begin the little rehearsed spiel, but James has other ideas.

"Y/n! You, uh...you seem a little out of breath there," he snickers.

I clear my throat and take a final deep breath to subdue the panting. "Nah, I'm good. Just doing some jumping jacks to work out my extra energy," I explain falsely.

He eyes me suspiciously. "Y/n, you are aware that we all just saw you run into your room before we knocked? Yes?"

"Oh, um," my eyes widen and then I scoff playfully. "You caught me! I had to go to the bathroom since my dressing room doesn't have one...I'm a little offended, James."

He doesn't take my bait to change the subject. "You've got a little..." James says as he touches his upper lip with his finger. I brush my thumb over where he's indicating and feel the smudged lip gloss. "Anything you want to tell us?" He raises an eyebrow comically.

I make an over-exaggerated thinking face before looking back at the camera innocently. "Not that I can think of...I really should do some of those jumping jacks though! I'll see you out there," I wave as I close the door slowly while he tries to continue talking.

A short time later we come out to the stage for the game that we're supposed to be participating in. "Alright, ladies and gentleman! Tonight's game was a bit of a challenge to figure out because we seem to have a diva among us," James teases as he unsubtly nods his head to me.

I mock being offended as Nick chuckles beside me. "I'm sorry that you have such a limited selection, James," I joke back. Nick 'ooo's' beside me and it's James' turn to mock being offended.

"Well, we can't do a riff-off..."

"Because neither I nor Nick are singers," I point out.

"And we can't do Nuzzle Whaaa?..."

"Because I know you're gonna make me stick my face into something that I'm scared of! The last one I watched had snakes!! Nuhhuh," I shake my head as a shiver runs through me at the thought.

He chuckles and continues, "So that leaves...Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts!"

"I have a really weak stomach, but it's a good thing I'm honest," I laugh.

"But there's a twist! We're doing a couples' edition just for the two of you," he announces.

My mouth falls open in shock and amusement. "Ohh," I chuckle. "I can't wait to hear the rules," I say sarcastically.

The crowd roars and we go sit around the table.

Third P.O.V.

Ever since Shawn saw the photos of y/n and Nick together, he's been a moping mess. He's been obsessively following everything he can about her for the past few weeks. And to make matters worse it's his 22nd birthday, which he thought he was going to be able to spend with her.

So, when Shawn read the tweet about her and Nick and Hailee all being on The Late Late Show...of course he stayed up to watch it. James started out by introducing them as this summer's hottest trio and then singularly introduced them. Shawn knew it wouldn't be easy to watch them even be next to each other. But to have them be so blatant about their relationship threw him off.

She was obviously in his dressing room and they were doing god only knows what before the introduction. What makes Shawn's teeth grit and his skin hot is that she doesn't seem to even be remotely hurting anymore. How could that be? She told him that he was only the second serious relationship she'd been in and yet he was the one devastated.

They dated for six months, they were intimate, and the second Shawn fucks up...she jumps into bed with Nick. He just can't fathom it. As he continued watching the show, they got to the game segment of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts. But, it's a couples' edition so the rules are a little different.

As they settled into their seats and took in the items in front of them, James explained the rules. "So, how it works is I'll ask each of you a question about the other and if you can't answer it you have to eat what I've chosen...you'll get to ask me questions about my wife and my family in return..."

"Sounds easy enough," she speaks enthusiastically as she shimmies her shoulders excitedly. She looks at Nick adoringly and he returns it. Shawn's stomach twists in its place.

James interrupts their loving gazes. "But! All of the foods have an aphrodisiac spin...and if either of you doesn't want the other to answer...you can eat the food for them! But you only get to save them once."

Both of their faces contort in a strange mix of disgust and intrigue as they chuckle. With one final look at each other, they turn back to James. "Bring it on, man," Nick challenges.

The questions start out sort of easy, but both y/n and Nick are determined to beat James at his own game so they're being pretty honest. "Guys! This game is no fun if you don't eat something gross!" James whines.

"Well," she quirks an eyebrow up sassily. "I guess you'll have to ask harder questions.

James nods approvingly. "Well, alright then..."

He spins the table, trying to choose what to give Nick to eat. He positions the oyster juice in front of him and he scrunches his nose as the smell hits him. Shawn smirks to himself. He hopes he has to drink it.

"So, Nick...out of these animals, which is y/n not afraid of: crickets, turtles, frogs, or spiders?" James asks.

Nick starts laughing nervously. And y/n looks down at her lap as she laughs uncontrollably. Her animal fears are the strangest ones Shawn has ever heard of, but he knows the correct answer. James notices her wheezing in laughter and he begins to do it as well.

"Uh..." Nick says, "I'm gonna have to go with turtles. Who's afraid of turtles right?" He asks jokingly as he looks at James. She slowly raises her hand and James points to her. "Really?" He shakes his head as he picks up the cup and takes a disgusting sip. He shakes his head at the taste as he sets it back down. "Please get her back for that."

She giggles as James turns the table to have the strawberry and salmon ice cream in front of her. Her smile fades and she visibly gags. "Oh! This is gonna be worse than Charlie's reaction if I have to eat that!"

"This one might get you in some hot water if you answer...how many of Nick's movies have you actually seen?" He giggles maniacally.

She blinks for a moment before answering. "I believe I've seen five," she admits. James' face goes still.

"I can't believe you answered that," he says in awe.

She shrugs. "If you think that's gonna get me in some hot water then I'd hate to hear what you think will start a fight," she chuckles.

The game continues and she still hasn't eaten anything. Nick and James have had their fair share. All Shawn can think about is how he wouldn't have to eat anything because he knows everything about her. "Nick, I think it's time to get her don't you think?"

"Yeah, I agree," he nods with a silly smile. Together they agree to set the honey covered crickets in front of her.

She frowns in distaste. "Ugh, two things I hate."

"You what?? You hate honey?" She nods at the same time Shawn does from his living room. "You are weird! This next one will get you, I know it will...is Nick the first celebrity you've hooked up with?"

She takes a deep breath. Looking between the crickets and Nick. Although, Nick already knows the answer. It's a matter of whether or not she wants the world to know. She shakes her head at the crickets and opens her mouth to answer. Shawn and James are on the edge of their seats.

"Well-"

She's interrupted by Nick reaching over and grabbing a cricket and throwing it in his mouth. He grimaces as he chews. "Nick! What the hell was that?? We were finally gonna get her!" James exclaims.

"Actually," he says as he swallows, "she was gonna answer and I don't think she should have to. So now I can say that I've eaten a cricket covered in honey!"

James frowns. "I have one last question for her...and you just used your only save. She'll have to eat or tell the truth," he rubs his hands together excitedly.

"Go for it..." she says nervously.

He has the evilest smirk on his face and she knows he has a question that will get her. James turns the chocolate covered chili peppers in front of her. She frowns as she lets out a little whimper.

"So, y/n...back at the Grammy awards over a year and a half ago when you attended with Shawn, he kissed you when he won his category..."

Her eyes widen and her nervous demeanor turns into uneasiness for a whole different reason. "Oh, god," she mumbles before covering her face, clearly knowing where this is going. Shawn almost chokes on his water at the mention of his name.

"...who...between Shawn and Nick is the better kisser?" He finishes and throws the card in the air in triumph. She's still as a rock as she contemplates her choice. In her mind, they're so different but are equally good. That might be a little lie...

She swallows hard. "Am I allowed to say neither?" She asks shyly.

"Depends on your reasoning..."

She picks at her nails in her lap as she avoids everyone's eyes. Nick's, James', the audience, hell even the camera. "Um...because I feel like they were the same on the level of good, even though they're so different..." she says quietly.

"That's bulls**t. I don't believe it one bit...one of them has to be just a smidge higher than the other," James challenges, an amused smirk on his face.

She clenches her jaw, clearly not happy about the question. Steeling herself, she quickly reaches up and takes a bite of the pepper and chews quickly. The crowd bursts into chaos as she chews and James is losing his shit.

"Oh my god!!! YOU ATE THE F*****G PEPPER!!" He wheezes in between laughs. When she swallows, she chugs her milk with a pained expression. Nick claps beside her, clearly not phased by her not wanting to answer. He knows deep down that she's still not over Shawn, and he's okay with that. He can't blame her for not moving on quickly from her first real love.

The segment cuts out for a commercial. Shawn leans back in his seat. So, Nick knows about them. He didn't think y/n was the type to disclose that if it wasn't important. As Shawn thinks about that, the show comes back on and they come down the stairs to the couch.

Nick sits closest to James and y/n sits on his left where his arm is slung around her. His thumb is lightly tracing patterns on her exposed shoulder. First, they talk about the new movie Nick is working on and then they throw in some questions about Hailee's documentary.

Of course, the questions shift back to their relationship. "So...when did the two of you actually first meet?"

"It was at a, uh...a birthday party," Nick answers and y/n nods with a smile.

James furrows his eyebrows. "Might I ask, whose birthday party?" Shawn has a feeling that James already knew the answer, he just wants to see them squirm.

"It was Shawn's," she says plainly, no emotion in her voice. Either she really had moved on or she was covering up something. Shawn couldn't tell which. But as he watches the screen, he finally gets a good look at her shirt. He couldn't see it before because of how high the table seemed next to her, but he could see it now. It was the tank top he bought her from their trip to the Toronto Zoo. His heart aches at remembering that amazing day.

James nods thoughtfully. "Ah, Shawn. He's a favorite here on The Late Late Show...and if I'm not mistaken...it's his twenty-second birthday today," he says theatrically. She bites on her bottom lip hard and briefly, looks down at her lap before pursing her lips together. "Do the two of you want to give a quick shoutout in case he's watching?"

Nick says a polite 'Happy Birthday' and then all eyes turn to y/n. She closes her eyes momentarily and she opens them as she lifts her head up and smiles politely. "Happy Birthday, Shawn! I hope you actually remember this one," she says that line with biting sarcasm and a hint of shade.

There's a twinge of old guilt that flares up in his heart at her words. He's apologized for that and she accepted it. She's clearly just upset that everyone keeps bringing him up. James notices the ice in her remark.

"I would say that it's getting hot in here but clearly you have enough shade to keep us all cool," he jokes and she laughs at her own pettiness. "I have been meaning to ask...what happened between the two of you? You haven't been seen together since the week the music videos released and your interaction on Insta has been nothing but crickets...pun intended, y/n," he chuckles. "Did you have a falling out or?"

She flips some hair off of her shoulder and slightly leans into Nick for support. He tightens his hand around her shoulder and it makes Shawn sick. He's supposed to be the one giving her support in interviews, not be the reason that she needs it from another guy.

"No...we didn't have a falling out," she lies. "I know that comment might have seemed like we're on the outs but the truth is..." she shrugs dismissively and if you look closely you can see the sadness in her eyes. Her eyes flicker to the camera momentarily as her fingers play with the word on her necklace anxiously.

"People get careers and they don't always have time for each other and they grow apart. With both of us having time-consuming ones like being a rock star...” she smiles wistfully to herself as she continues, “or following celebrities around the globe...it's doubly hard to make time for each other. It's sad but it happens," she explains. "But, I still love him and I'll always be his biggest fan no matter where either of us is. Shawn, I wish you all the best and know that I'm always rooting for you," she finishes as she looks at the camera.

Shawn smiles sadly as he listens to her words. Her words sounded practiced at the beginning. But as they progressed, he could see the struggle in her eyes under the shine of the tears that want to drip. She blinks to conceal them but that doesn't stop Shawn from seeing how much pain she's really in. The softest quiver in her voice when she said she still loves him struck something inside of him.

He wants to hope that she was trying to say that she wants him back. But, she has Nick. So, Shawn turns the TV off and goes to his room. He takes his ring off and tosses it on the dresser as he always does before going to bed. But, this time it bounced too far and slid between the wall and the dresser.

Sighing, he walks over and pulls it away from the wall slightly. When he reaches down to feel for his ring, he also finds a hard plastic case. He retrieves them both and looks at the cracked case under his lamp. His heart begins pounding in his chest as he sees the familiar handwriting on the CD inside.

For Shawn,

With Love, Your Muse

He immediately grabs his laptop and puts it in before waiting anxiously as it loads. After a few agonizing minutes, the window pops up and he clicks play while turning up the volume all the way. Within the first two strums of the guitar, he knows exactly what song it is. Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur. She always joked that that could be their song because of how he took care of her the night they met.

Shawn's heart beats heavily as he watches the video. It's clearly her handiwork. The pictures and small clips tell a story. Their story. Or more of her perspective of the relationship. What Shawn could tell from the way she edited it was that she was in awe of him. And also that she was insecure at first before he opened her up.

From that very first night all the way up to including some from her last week in Toronto. It started out mostly of just pictures she took of him when he was asleep or not looking or screenshots of his snaps. Then as they got closer, there were video messages from Shawn, clips of him talking about her...the works. Then when the summer festivals came there were more pics and vids of the two of them having fun. Falling in love.

He felt the tears form in his eyes and he didn't try to stop them as they rolled down his cheeks. How could he have been so blind? She loved him back the whole time. She was just afraid that something exactly like what he did would happen. The last few videos and pictures were from the music videos and her week with him and his family. Some of the pictures were when they both weren't looking and he knows that Aaliyah took them. She looked so happy and at home with him.

The video began to fade to black. As the last ten seconds of the song played, a small note from her was displayed. He paused it so he could read it.

No more hiding. Not from you, not from the world, and not from myself. I am completely and stupidly in love with you, Shawn Mendes. Please, don't make me regret it.

His heart literally stopped in his chest for a few seconds. She must've been working on this before the interview happened. The case is cracked and was behind his dresser. He assumes she threw it and forgot about it.

His mind races as it tries to put together the puzzle pieces that are her. The video...the Euterpe necklace...the questions she wouldn't answer in interviews...the shirt from one of their dates...Nick letting her not answer that question...what she said for his birthday just now...click.

She hasn't moved on. She's still in love with him! Which means that there's a chance he can still get her back. He just has to act quickly before she and Nick become permanent. He already has the perfect plan forming in his head and he'll be sure to work out the exact details on his flight.

Within a few days, he arrives at the Sunset Hotel. He walks up to the front desk to find Xander scrutinizing a log book. Shawn clears his throat and he looks up as his shoulders jump.

"God! You have to stop showing up unannounced like this," he says. Though he clutches his heart in surprise, his tone doesn't suggest any actual contempt for Shawn.

Shawn shrugs as he moves closer and leans his elbows on the desk. "I can still get her back," he announces with determination.

"Wow, straight to the point. No small talk...no 'hi, Xander. How have you been?'...nothing," Xander teases.

He sighs in return. "I'm on a schedule. I can only get her back if I move fast. So are you gonna help me or not? Your input is vital," he reiterates.

"Shawn," he sighs, "I told you I'm not playing wingman for you anymore..."

Shawn is about to argue when a voice catches both of their attention. "I'll help." They both turn to find Anna standing there shyly.

"Really?" Shawn's eyebrows shoot up and she nods. "You hate me, though. You never wanted me to be with her," he reminds her.

She shrugs with a look of shame. "Yeah, but I hurt her far more than you did. I know that she still loves you so I want to help. I want her to be happy," she says quietly.

"Okay, thank you," he answered. "Xander, if Anna is on board then surely you can help too?"

Anna nods and they both look at him with pleading eyes. "Don't make me regret this, Mendes," he conceded. "You either, Anna."

They both cheer silently as they all lean in together for the details of his plan. "Okay, so first things first...I need all the footage and photos of y/n that you can find. I'm talking baby photos and home videos straight up until as recent as you can get...steal them from her Insta page if you have to," he instructs.

"What are you gonna do?" Anna asks curiously.

He takes a deep breath as he runs his hand through his curls anxiously. "I have to make a couple calls to get a few more people on board...hopefully they say yes."

"And if they don't?" Xander ponders out loud.

Shawn shrugs as a look of urgency crosses his face. "They have to. The plan doesn't work without them," he admits.

As they break to do their respective tasks, Xander lets Shawn stay in y/n's room to make the calls. A few hours later, he has everyone on board except for one. The phone rings as Shawn paces her room waiting for the last piece of the puzzle to pick up.

It finally stops ringing as someone answers, "Hello, this is Hailee's phone." Shawn's breath catches at the voice he hasn't heard in person for months. "Hello?" She asks again as if maybe he couldn't hear her.

"Uh...yes, is Hailee available?" He asks, slightly lowering his voice in an attempt to disguise it.

There's a pause. "No...she's doing a soundcheck right now. Who is this?"

He clears his throat before sighing. "It's...Shawn..."

"Why didn't you just say so," she responds, her voice less enthusiastic than before.

"I didn't want to upset you...I didn't think you'd answer Hailee's phone," he says honestly.

Silence fills the line. "Y/n? Listen, I can call back-"

Something shifts around the microphone as if the phone is being moved and then it clears up with a new out of breath voice. "Hey, Shawn. It's Hailee, what's up?"

“Hailee? Is that you?” He double-checks.

She lets out a small laugh. “Yes...y/n said you were on the phone so I took a five. This is Shawn...right?” She giggles nonchalantly.

“Yes! Sorry, I’m just a little caught off guard...” he explains.

“Why would you be caught off-guard? You called me, remember?”

He sighs. “Right. I did do that. I just wasn’t expecting y/n to pick up your phone-“

“Did you need something or not?” She asks slightly irritated that he interrupted soundcheck to ask about her.

He clears his throat. “I did. I need your help to get y/n back,” he says determinately.

She scoffs. “Why the hell would I help you do that? I saw what you said in that interview...plus she’s happy now! Why on this Earth would I help you rip her away from that?”

“Because you know just as well as I do that she may be happy with Nick, but she doesn’t love him,” he answers. There’s a long pause on her end so Shawn continues. “You and I both know the brave and strong front she puts up. She looks happy and together...but she’s not. Nick is nothing but a distraction-“

She interrupts him frustratedly, “Enough, Shawn! Jeez...you’re wrong. She is happy with him. Maybe even precisely for the fact that he isn’t you. And you just can’t stand that you’re not the one who does it anymore-“

“Hailee, I would bet you everything I have including my life that if you look at her closely...you’ll see it. Pay attention to what she wears, what she says...what she does. Because I saw her interview a few days ago. She’s miserable. And so am I...so just...watch her and if you don’t see it then fine. But the plan doesn’t work without you,” he pleads.

She swallows the lump in her throat from his words. Was she really so willing to believe that her best friend was magically okay overnight? And that she had gotten over Shawn that quickly? It’s naive but she’s unwilling to admit that he deserves her back.

“My five minutes are up...see you around, Shawn,” she sighs as she hangs up the phone.

Shawn’s grip tightens on the phone but he wills himself to have hope. Hailee loves her. She will look out for the signs and when she sees them...it’s only a matter of time.

First P.O.V.

In the blink of an eye, the end of August finally arrives and Nick has to go back to LA to finish the movie he started. It’s our last day together, which Hailee gave me permission to take the day off of work for. So, we decided to walk around Las Vegas and be silly tourists together.

The whole day was amazing and it couldn’t have been more perfect. As the hours ticked closer to the time that he’d have to leave, I could feel myself dragging my feet. At the hotel, I watched as he rounded up all of his stuff that was intermingled with mine.

“Do you have to go right now?” I whine like a child.

He chuckles as he walks over and pulls me off the bed into one of his amazing hugs. “Sorry, babe. But, yes. If we want the movie to premiere next year, we gotta finish it by Christmas,” he mumbles into my hair.

“I know. I know. But, I’ll see you in LA for my birthday right?” I say as I nuzzle my head further into his chest and smell his intoxicating cologne.

He pulls away and retrieves something from his bag as he replies, “Actually...I wanted to give you your present early. That way you can wear it on the occasion.” He smiles that goofy lopsided smile that makes me melt.

My eyes widen as he holds out a velvet rectangular box. As my fingers click the lid open, my mouth parts in awe. “Nick...it’s beautiful...” I whisper.

The inside of the box displays a dainty silver chain that is home to a small ruby heart. “Please tell me this wasn’t expensive...” I warn him.

“Well, I can’t lie to you so I won’t say anything...” he teases. I playfully push at his chest before my awed expression dulls. “What’s wrong?” He says, the small smile never leaving his features.

I try to find the words, but I can’t. Or I can. I just don’t want to. I look at my feet in guilt as my fingers do what they always do when I’m nervous. They trace the letters on my necklace that hasn’t left my neck for any longer than a shower.

“Oh,” I can hear the slight disappointment in his voice. “It’s a good thing I kept the receipt...” he tries to joke.

I look up at him with eyes glistening. “I’m so sorry, Nick...” I begin but he shakes he shrugs his shoulder as he waves his hand dismissively.

“It’s fine, y/n. It really is,” he tries to downplay the hurt in his voice.

Grabbing his hand, I squeeze it and his puppy dog eyes meet mine. “It’s not fine. I tried to let go...I really did. You make me so so happy, but-“

“But, you don’t love me. You love him,” he finishes.

I nod as a tear escapes and leaves a warm trail down my cheek. “I really wanted to be with you...because you are the most amazing guy I’ve ever known...there’s just...something about being with Shawn that’s...different,” I explain with a wavering voice. “And I wish I didn’t...” I shake my head as more tears flow, “but, I love him. And I never stopped.”

Guilt and shame wash over me. I should’ve never agreed to use him. He deserves more than that. I let my gaze fall to the floor as I cry. I expect him to just walk out the door. But, he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head soothingly.

“I knew when we started this that there was a possibility you’d go back to him. I don’t blame you for anything,” he assures me. “But, I’m glad I got to be with you for the time that I did. I don’t regret it and neither should you.”

I look up at him as I sniffle. How can he be so gracious about this? Before I can say anything else, he delicately places his lips on mine. They linger, just barely pressing against mine as I feel the warmth from him. As he parts from me, my breath staggers just a moment. Then, he places an even longer kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes and try to contain my sadness, replacing it with all the happiness I had because of him.

His lips leave my skin and I keep my eyes closed as I hear him gather his things. My breathing picks up in a jagged pace and soon I hear the door close. I clamp my hand over my mouth as I open my eyes and find him gone. It was the right thing to do. That’s what I keep telling myself as I make my way back to the tour bus.

As soon as I enter, Hailee takes notice of my state. “Aw honey. It’s okay...you’ll see him in October...” she soothes as she hugs me.

“No,” I shake my head as I wipe at my eyes. “We broke up...”

She audibly gasps as she looks at me with worried eyes. “Why?? You guys were so happy!”

I flop down on the bed and hug a pillow. “Because I’m still in love with Shawn, and it’s wrong to keep using Nick like that,” I confess.

“Bu...” She silences herself as her brows knit together. “I have to go make a call real quick...will you be okay for like five minutes?”

I nod silently and she leaves. I’m so lost in my own despair that my brain didn’t register her strange behavior. In the following months, I still didn’t pick up on all her sketchy mannerisms. Making secret phone calls, not letting me answer her phone anymore...October rolled around and it got even worse.

We were trying to prepare for her LA show and she just kept being more and more secretive. Disappearing and acting jumpy. I chalked it up to the fact that my birthday coincided with her show and maybe she was planning a surprise for it. Someone should have told her that I usually hate them.

It’s the day of the LA show (also my 23rd birthday) and I’m running around making sure all of the photographers and camera crew have their assignments. This show is an important one because it’s the last one of the tour, so the show is going to be next level amazing.

Hailee bumps into me as I round a corner. “Oh!  Hey, I was just looking for you!” She exclaims. I barely look up from my clipboard as I hum in acknowledgment. She snatches it from my grasp.

“Hey! I was just finishing that list for the show!”

She gives me a knowing smirk. “Delegation is a thing that’s allowed, ya know,” she informs me. I open my mouth to counter but she continues. “And before you argue, that’s not a request. Let someone else finish the list while you get changed and relax a little,” she demands politely.

“Why would I need to change?” I quirk my eyebrows in suspicion.

She looks up innocently. “No reason...just put on something nice! Now, hurry!!”

Groaning, I turn around and walk to the dressing room to do as she says. I find a black satin dress with a light purple flower print on it. The thin straps create an apron neckline and it’s backless, while the hem goes to my mid-thigh. I match it with a pair of black heels that have straps that criss-cross around my calves.

I do simple makeup and my hair is still wavy from earlier today when I curled it. Annoyed, I walk back out to the side of the stage where Hailee has begun her introduction. I try to grab the clipboard from someone but they tell me Hailee said I’m not allowed to have it.

I cross my arms as I watch her pump up the crowd. “I’m glad y’all are having a great time!! Before we get started...” I hear her say and my attention snaps toward the stage. She looks at me and I shake my head vigorously. “It’s someone’s birthday!! Let’s all welcome her out onto the stage for her surprise!”

With no other choice because of how loud the crowd has gotten, I stride over to Hailee. “This better not be anything extravagant,” I warn under my breath before smiling and waving to the crowd.

“So some of us, her friends, have put together a birthday video for you! You’re gonna sit here and watch the screen and we have a special guest coming in to perform a couple of songs to open for my show!” She cheers.

I roll my eyes and press two fingers to my temple. She holds the mic in front of me and I take it. “Well, then. Let’s get started! We’re on a tight schedule,” I chuckle.

“Roll the clip!” She shouts as she takes the mic away from me and stands offstage. Someone brings out a chair for me to sit on to watch the screen that comes down at the back of the stage.

Everyone goes quiet in anticipation as the lights dim so the screen can be seen more clearly. I twiddle my thumbs in an anxious manner as the screen finally lights up. A smile comes to my lips as a picture of me as a newborn in the hospital comes up. In the background, I can hear someone playing a very slow rendition of Happy Birthday on the piano.

The picture glides away and is replaced with a collage of baby photos and home videos that keep progressing in age. I giggle at some silly ones and my eyes start to water from nostalgia. The song begins coming to an end as the pictures shift into me at age 20. I clap and stand up as I think the video is over because the song is. But, Hailee points at the seat as an indication that it’s not.

My brows knit together as a guitar starts playing while the video leads up to me turning 21. The song sounds extremely familiar but I can’t place it. Not to mention it sounds way clearer than if it were on the screen. After about 25 seconds of strumming, a voice begins to accompany the guitar and the screen displays pictures and clips from my 21st birthday on. Starting with the Insta vid that Shawn took of me that morning.

Oh my god. My worried eyes flash to Hailee and I can see her holding her clasped hands in front of her lips in anticipation. I knew that I knew the song. Of course, it was one of Shawn’s. It was hard to place because it’s never been on an album. He only plays it live: She’ll Be the One. My heart is having trouble beating as I watch the screen.

All the photos and videos from the karaoke bar, the selfies we took later that night...the ones from the diner and so on. The lyrics of the song get to, “But, how can I not try...” and my muffled ears hear the crowd go nuts. I turn to the other side of the stage. Oh my god.

Shawn slowly walks out, playing the guitar and singing into a mic hooked around his ear. Immediately, my breathing flutters irregularly and my skin shivers. I turn back to the screen, trying to find a normal breathing rate, but he walks until he’s right next to me and gets on his knees in front of me. The crowd is going wild as he continues the song but I focus my stare on the video.

It was getting into pictures that he took of me, ones I usually didn’t notice. At the Grammys...his album release party...the summer festivals...and all the snaps in between that he saved. I clench my jaw and press my lips in a hard line in an attempt to not react, but he’s right in front of me.

This isn’t what I was expecting. Yeah, I’m still in love with him. But, who the hell is he to come out here and make a public spectacle of his apology? I’m not ready for this. I can’t even react right now. The drums and electric guitar kick in and I get the same quake in my heart that I always do when I hear it. He stands up and moves to a mic stand as the song ends. Oh, but he’s not finished yet.

I send a hard glare toward Hailee, but she doesn’t seem to mind. He begins playing an electric guitar and I have to fight the smirk that wants to appear. I shake my head and pointedly look at the screen because I can feel his eyes watching me as he begins singing. This fucker thinks he’s clever. What song did he pick to win me back? Ruin.

It fits perfectly with the video as it goes into all of our secret coupley photos and videos...and then behind the scenes footage of the music vids...the weekend of the Grammys when I was sick...our week in Toronto with his family. The middle of the song hits and it’s accompanied by a silent clip of the interview that made me leave. I hear the slight waver in his voice as my time with Nick comes onscreen.

I venture a small glance in his direction. Sure enough, his eyes have never left me. I feel the hard lump forming in my throat and it’s as if I’m reliving losing him all over again. I’m not the only one. His eyes are shining as the light hits the tears in them. The bridge begins and the crowd is chanting the lyrics with him. It’s a haunting experience.

As I continue watching him instead of the screen, I see the seriousness and passion in his eyes. The veins in his neck and arms protrude as he literally sings his heart out to me. I slowly stand up and take a few small steps toward him as the song winds down. His eyebrows furrow curiously at me and I swallow as I take a steadying breath.

“Not tryna ruin your happiness at all...” he beautifully sings the last lyric and the venue goes deadly silent. He hands the guitar to someone and takes the mic off the stand, making his way to stand a foot away from me.

My lip trembles as I breathe unsteadily. I can feel my eyes glossing with warm tears that want to drip. He slowly brings the mic to his lips as he holds my gaze. His breath is heavy from singing and he swallows dryly. Just when I thought he couldn’t surprise me more...

“I’m done hiding you from the world. I am completely and stupidly in love with you, y/n y/l/n. Please, take me back...” he begs. His deep brown eyes search mine intensely. I haven’t seen them up close in so long.

My mouth falls open as I choke on the breath I was holding. The entire venue loses their minds. I can’t believe he just confessed his love for me in front of everyone here. This will definitely end up on YouTube, so probably the entire world will see it.

I stutter as I try to respond with something. Anything. But, I feel the speed of my breathing accelerate while my heart pounds furiously. I don’t know what else to do, so I turn around and run. Running certainly isn’t going to help my breathing but it’ll help me get away from that situation.

I can hear Hailee awkwardly take over the stage and begin her set. I’m not even sure where I’m running to. At some point, I shed my shoes and grab my purse as I call an Uber quickly. It arrives as soon as I’m out on the street and I slide in, slamming the door quickly.

Everything is just too much, so I tell the driver to take me to the one place where I know my mind can slow down.

Third P.O.V.

Shawn hurries after her offstage, but she’s quicker than he thought she could be in heels. He finally finds them discarded in the dressing room and her purse is gone. His hand grips the roots of his chocolate curls worriedly. It’s late and she shouldn’t be out on the streets by herself.

He can’t do anything but think about the look on her face when she saw him. Surprise mostly. A little bit of pain. But, the rest was confusion. He knows he has a lot to explain and apologize for. Maybe he should’ve thought through the public romantic gesture a little more, but his heart was in the right place.

Hours go by as he looks for her everywhere he can think of. The entire night has past and he’s exhausted. Not from the lack of sleep, but the lack of not knowing if she’s okay. She’s not from here, so there’re only so many places she can go...and then it dawns on him.

It doesn’t take long for him to get an Uber to the last resort guess at where she would be. As he gets out and makes his way down toward the waves, he releases a breath. The small silhouette of her hugging her knees to her chest is illuminated by the tip of light from the rising sun.

Shawn takes off his shoes and slowly walks toward her, feeling the sand in between his toes. Before he reaches her, she stands up and stretches her arms out by her sides. Her fingers dance through the wind as she tilts her head back and soaks in her surroundings. He can’t help but take a picture.

He speaks softly as he approaches her, “I’m glad this part of you hasn’t changed.”

“I knew you’d find me,” she states simply as she lowers her arms and sneaks a glance at him.

He comes to a stop facing her at a respectful distance. “Is that so?” She nods, a tiny glimmer of a smile on the corner of her lip. “I can leave you alone if you’d like,” he offers.

“I think I’ve been alone enough already,” she sighs as she turns and looks up at him. He admires the way the rising sun shimmers off her skin. She admires the way the shadows of the previous night outline his statuesque features.

They stand like that a moment, gauging each other. And then Shawn breaks the silence, “I’m sorry. For everything. For the interview...for not coming after you immediately...for putting you on the spot like that...especially when I know you’re with Nick and I don’t want to be a bad-“

“I’m not,” she corrects him.

He stares at her with a quizzical look. “Not what?”

She releases a puff of air from her nose in a silent scoff. “I’m not with Nick. We broke up in August,” she informs him.

“You...I mean...why?” He stammers.

She closes the distance a bit before replying, “Why do you think?” She asks rhetorically. Shawn dares to let his features light up the tiniest bit. “You’re really gonna make me say it?”

“Mhm,” he hums as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. He gazes intently into her eyes. There’s so much she can see in them. The hope, the adoration, the love, but also a tiny bit of fear. Like if he didn’t make her say it then she would slip through his fingers again.

She notices how his eyes try their hardest to not look at her lips, but she has no qualms about her gaze flicking to his as she licks hers. “Shawn Mendes,” she begins teasingly, “I am in love wi-“

That’s all she can manage to say before Shawn is grabbing her by the small of her back with one hand and pulling her flush against him as his other hand finds its home just past her jaw and under her ear. His lips connect with hers and she’d expected it to be fervent after so long apart but it wasn’t.

It was the opposite. It was tender and slow. Almost as if he pressed too much that her delicate lips would shatter beneath him. It filled her up with warmth nonetheless. The kind of warmth that spread to her toes on that chilly October morning with the wind nipping their noses.

But neither of them moved. Her hands had reacquainted themselves with his neck and the roots of his hair easily. He didn’t want to break her, but she had been hollow these past few months. While he tried, Nick couldn’t fill the hole that was meant for Shawn’s touch. And now that she finally has the smallest taste of him, it isn’t enough.

She pulls him against her further, as if it were possible. And each tug of his curls tightens his grip on her skin. She deepens the kiss by swiping her tongue along his delicious lips and he eagerly responds. Soft moans and slight giggles escape their mouths and dance in the air between them as they continue to act as if they’re the only ones in the world.

And so they stood like that, drinking each other in after months of being in the desert while the sun finally rose over the horizon.

Tag List: @imagine-that-100 @hufflepuffshawn @luke2k18 @thewhinersoldier

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[healthierlife4u]

Healthy gut tips and recommendations

I,hope you’re doing really well today,we’re gonna talk all about having a,really healthy gut I think this is one,of the most important things when it,comes to having a healthy happy,well-functioning body your gut is almost,like your second brain and actually 95%,of your serotonin which is the happy,chemical hormone that makes you feel,really good that is mostly produced in,your gut so not in your brain but in,your gut so we want to make sure that,our gut is happy so that it can share,that beautiful serotonin with our brain,plus your skin is so affected by the,health of your guts if you suffer from,acne or oily skin or you merely want to,improve the appearance and like the glow on your skin having a good digestion is key for that so I want to share my tips,with you guys these are the things that,work really well for me when I’m,consistent with these things I do see it,in my body my stomach stays nice and,flat I don’t have like digestive issues,and I just feel better.

 So let’s get,started with the first tip now this,might be a little TMI but I want to go,there today with this video I think it’s,really important to talk about this and,it’s such a key and having healthy,digestion and that is elimination it’s,kind of funny how like eating and,socializing around food and like,consuming food is such a normal and like,socially acceptable thing to talk about,but like you know the other end like,where does that food go that end of the,process is something that’s not really,talked about and I do understand why but,I want to go there today because I think,it’s so important so my first tip for,healthy digestion is to visit the,bathroom,first thing in the morning this is,actually something which’s commonly,practiced in the IU Vedic tradition of,medicine the way that I do this and a,lot of you guys may already know this if,you’ve seen my other articles maybe what I,ate today’s I drink water the first,thing when I wake up I have,room-temperature water that’s really,important you don’t want to have cold,water first thing in the morning and I,would just recommend not having cold,water at all because it’s really not,that good for your gut so,room-temperature water or sometimes I,do warm water it’s a boil some water and,I’ll have like half boiled water and,half regular water so that it’s a nice,kind of like warmer temperature and I,will drink that and you guys it sets off,my digestion when you drink water first,thing in the morning it creates like a,natural kind of like flow in your,digestive system and it starts to become,like a little signal and a little,trigger to your body so drinking water,first thing in the morning is so so so,important and also you have just woken,up from a really long fast so when,you’re sleeping you’re not eating or,drinking anything and the first thing,that you want to do is rehydrate your,body.

 We’re made of almost eighty percent,water and all of our selves all of our,tissues and organs they need water,especially our digestive system and also,if you just think about it from your,body’s perspective what would you want,to get first thing in the morning,you would want something natural,something that you can use and you know,things like coffee and and food that’s,fine but I think first thing is really,important to have water when you,eliminate first thing in the morning you,are freeing up all of that space in your,stomach and you just feel so clean and,like tight and light weight you know you,don’t feel like heavy or bogged down I,usually wake up pretty early but if we,have like a flight or something that’s,maybe at 6:00 in the morning and I still,want to do like my little routine and,things I will factor in the time that I,need to have my water in the morning and,go to the bathroom I will not start my,day before I go to the bathroom I,actually used to struggle a lot with,this a few years ago before I got into,this really good rhythm I would get,ready super fast and I would go and then,I would just kind of like wait but,sometimes if I was stressed or I had,people over or I don’t know like I was,on vacation or something I just felt so,awful in my stomach and I remember it,cost me a lot of stress as well plus if,you think about it what you’re,eliminating is full of toxins and like,old stuff that your body doesn’t want,and if you just let it sit in there for,too long it’s also not good for your,body and you’re kind of like sitting in,your own toxins.

 You know so soon as you,you want to eliminate that stuff if you,start doing this regularly you will get,into a really good for them and a really,good habit of doing this and it will,become like second nature if I’m at home,if we’re traveling whatever the case is,I always make sure the night before that,I have at least like a liter to a liter,and a half of water and I will drink,that in the morning I’ll go to the,bathroom and then I’ll start my day I’ll,do my meditation after that I’ll do my,exercise I’ll do my journaling my work,or whatever it is but that is like the,number one thing that I do when I wake,up so now I think we know each other a,little bit better I hope you can,appreciate my honesty and my willingness,to provide value to you guys even though,it’s something that’s not really talked,about a lot but this is something that,is key for me with my digestion and that,allows my stomach to stay flat allows me,to feel really good and lightweight and,like not bogged down throughout the day,additional little tip as we’re already,on this topic when you do go to the,bathroom keep your knees up you wish to,be in the natural position for,elimination and that is with your knees,upwards also on the topic of water and,staying hydrated that is of course such,a key I’m personally not a huge fan of,drinking a lot of water with my meals I,prefer to have most of my water like,between them so either before or after I,will sometimes have a little bit of,water but too much water during your,meal can actually dilute the saliva and,the enzymes that it takes to break down,the food so you don’t want to be like,over diluting and overflowing your,system with water when you’re eating but,like an hour or 30 minutes before you,sit down to eat is an amazing time to,drink water because you’re loosening up,your digestive system you’re lubricating,it you’re waking up the cells with lots,of good hydration so that’s definitely a great plan and also very very important to know.

 My,second tip for a nice flat tummy and,good digestion is to feed the good,bacteria in your gut,there are prebiotics and probiotics,prebiotics are like a good fertilizer,for the good bacteria in your gut pretty,bad,come from pretty much all plant-based,food so sweet potato is a great source,of P biotics the greens are another,great source there are certain types of,fruits that are good like apples and,then there are probiotics which are live,bacteria that can be found in yogurts,and in like kefir and also in fermented,foods like kimchi sauerkraut and,kombucha and different things like that,so you need a good balance of both for,your gut. There are also certain,supplements which you may take that have,prebiotics and probiotics one that I,really like is called glow it’s the,inner beauty powder from the Beauty chef,I mentioned this in one of my recent posts and I,really really love this it’s got a blend,of over 20 natural ingredients and you,get a minimum of 500 million probiotics,per serving. There are lots of,supplements on the market so you can,definitely you  know pick and choose,which one suits you but this is one that,I have really been enjoying lately it’s,a with having a good balance of,prebiotics and probiotics it’s also,really important to eat,anti-inflammatory foods inflammation is,one of the biggest culprits when it,comes to imbalances in the body and most,inflammation stems from not having a,healthy gut so examples of,anti-inflammatory foods are for example,cruciferous vegetables which are,especially good for the gut so broccoli,cauliflower Brussels sprouts so many,doctors whom I read about and read books,from and just watch like videos and,documentaries on they all stress the,importance of cruciferous vegetables,sweet potatoes are also very,anti-inflammatory and it’s something,that the bacteria in your gut love and,of course most greens are,anti-inflammatory you can do some,research online and find like the best,anti-inflammatory foods and of course on,the opposite end of the spectrum you want,to avoid foods that cause inflammation,that caused this like disruption in your,gut and a lot of you guys probably know,about gluten that’s a huge sensitivity,for a whole lot of people for the most part I,do avoid gluten but there are certain,occasions where I’ll indulge in a nice,pasta or I’ll have some bread or I have,like you know a cake or something that,has gluten in it but I think it’s more,about what you do for most of,your diet so I don’t believe in a,completely restrictive 100%,100% of the time I would say like 80 to,90% of my diet is really good like I,just enjoy eating clean and healthy but,then I do have my moments when I’m not,so healthy we’re human we have cravings,we socialize we go places where it’s not,always easy to find you know super super,healthy things specifically if we’re,traveling if you know we’re in airports,or at hotels or we just want to enjoy a,life you know there are those moments I,don’t think you have to be so so strict,on yourself but in general I try to,avoid gluten something else that can,cause a lot of inflammation in your body,is dairy we’ve spoken about dairy at,tons and tons on my channel and you guys,know that’s something that I avoid for,my skin and there are so many,alternatives to dairy products these,days you can find milks cheese’s butters,yogurts ice creams pretty much,everything so for me it’s not something,that I even like I’m not even interested,in it I can’t find those other,alternatives if you know I am craving,something like that so Dairy is,something to definitely avoid or your,gut and of course you know highly,processed things,sugary things soda as things like that,and my third tip for healthy digestion,is intermittent fasting this is,something that I talked about briefly in,my last vlog and with intermittent,fasting you’re giving your digestion a,break from eating not necessarily about,cutting calories or eating less food but,you eat your food in a particular window of,time and then you let your digestive,system rest for the remainder of the time so,it works really well for me is I’ll have,my last meal at around 8 o clock in the,evening and then I’ll have breakfast the,next day but I’ll wait until around 12,o’clock to eat that gives my body around,a 16 hour and fasting period I’ve been,loving the benefits so far and there’s,so much information and research that,you can read about I think it’s also a,really great way to get to know your,body better and to start eating more,intuitively there are different ways of,doing an intermittent fast but I think,just like the principle of not,overloading your digestive system you,know for the whole day is really,important I will leave some interesting,resources down below in the description,box if you guys want to read more about,this run to my fourth tip for healthy,digestion and a flat,tell me that is exercise so exercise is,not only really good for just burning,excess calories and extra fat and,toning up your body from a physical,level but if you think about it when,you’re exercising you are literally,moving your body so you’re moving your,organs you’re moving your intestine and,it allows all of those tubes to move as,well and if you’ve ever seen what the,inside of our intestines look like it’s,like a very very long winding tube,that’s actually such a phenomenal thing,in our bodies I think if you stretch it,out like in the event that you stretch out the surface,of your intestine it’s almost the size,of a tennis court but anyway when you,are exercising you’re also moving at,that tube so you’re facilitating the,movement of the food through your,intestine and that’s why also doing yoga,and certain stretches can be really good,if you’re having some issues with your,digestive system specifically if you’re,just feeling like a little stuck and,constipated and that’s because you’re,literally moving and manipulating the,way that the tubes are moving and on the,opposite end of that you can imagine if,you are very stagnant throughout the,entire day if you’ve been sitting down,working at your desk or in school or for,me I spent a lot of hours on the,computer just sitting down editing,videos replying to emails working etc,sitting down too much can cause your,metabolism to really slow down and that,can also then have an effect on your,digestive tract so making sure you’re,getting in a good workout at least like,four times per week if you can do it,every single day it doesn’t need to be,something you know crazy and like a,crazy hit class or an intense spinning,class of something like that even just,going on a walk just to move your body,get the blood moving get your metabolism,fired up and just have like some,movement in your body can be really,really helpful less exercise will,release really good hormones and,endorphins in your body which make you,feel really good they make you happy,they reduce stress and all of that is,really important for you know a healthy,digestive system this brings me on to my,fifth tip which is to reduce stress in,your body basically when we feel,stressed our body is releasing,adrenaline and cortisol all over our,body,and when we’re in this day it puts our,body into fight-or-flight mode so it’s,literally diverts a lot of the blood,from my digestive system to our arms and,our legs to either run from that lion or,to fight  us it’s a pure self-defense,mechanism that’s deeply deeply engraved,in the ancient parts of our brain and it,used to be a really important response,system in our body it kept us alive and,you know away from danger but now our,bodies are producing this cortisol in,this adrenaline which is actually not,helping our body in fact it’s causing,stress and havoc on our body and can,actually cause you to store more fat,specifically around your waist area so,repeatedly diverting blood away from,your di tract can actually cause your,gut wall to break down and that can lead,to leaky gut syndrome can cause a host,of other digestive issues so it’s really,important to try to keep the cortisol,level as low as possible in your body,and there are certain things that I like,to do on a daily basis that just helped,me to kind of manage that something that,I love which I’ve talked about a lot and,you guys probably know is I like to,meditate I usually do this as part of my,morning routine I will take 10 to 15,minutes and I’ll open an app on my phone,it’ll either be headspace simple habit,is really good as well and there are,lots of great meditations for free that,you can find on YouTube it’s an amazing,thing to do in the mornings and it,really helps set the tone for the day it,is quite relaxing to sit there but it,also teaches you mindfulness thought,about just feeling good in the moment of,meditation but you know you can take,that lesson that you learned or those,skills that you’re learning through the,meditation and carry them with you,throughout the day and that has a huge,effect on your stress levels on your,happiness on how reactive you are to,certain things and also on your focus,and where you choose to place your,attention so meditation is amazing we,also spoke a little bit about exercising,which is of course so ideal for your,body and to keep the stress levels low,and just in general attempting to keep,yourself talk positive as well and not,being too like negative on yourself,because that can result in a lot of,and that’s all like self manufactured I,mean there’s things that have been,outside of us that we can’t always,control like you know if your client is,late or if the weather is horrible or,you know there’s traffic and things like,that those are usually out of our,control but what’s in our control are,our thoughts our environment will we,choose to listen to what we choose to,read and how we can like uplift and,motivate ourselves and also when I sit,down to eat I want to eat in a calm and,peaceful setting I don’t like to eat if,there’s like a big discussion or an,argument or something going on like I,just can’t my stomach is gonna be so,upset but I like to take my time when I,eat I don’t want to be stressed I will,usually sit down and I’ll listen to an,audiobook or I’ll watch something nice,on YouTube or you know be with a friend,I try to have a positive conversation I,don’t really like to talk about you know,negative things or upsetting things over,food because I feel like it has such a,huge effect on my digestive system and I,just feel like I can’t digest the food,properly and especially when I am alone,and I’m eating I also try to think about,how the food that I’m eating is really,going to nourish in my body and the time,just to be present and mindful of what,you’re eating and not be like in a whole,other world and like shoving food down,your throat that I think you also eat,more intuitively that way as well when,you are present and when you are more,mindful have you ever noticed if you’re,like watching TV or you know distracted,by something and you have like food or,sweets or whatever I anyway would eat,way more than if I was being present and,mindful when I’m eating so definitely,keep that in mind and what that said as,well if you are going to indulge in,something with like a cookie or a cake,or whatever have a good feeling when,you’re doing that if you are gonna,indulge in something that’s not that,healthy and then at the same time you’re,thinking about how bad it is for you,that also produces cortisol and that,like not such a good feeling in your,body so if you’re going to indulge in,something feel good about it I think,it’s so important to have a good balance,and not be like super super restrictive,and have like a negative,mindset around food so those aren’t my,top five tips for a really healthy gut,for healthy digestive system for a flat,tummy these are the things that work,really well for me and I would love to,hear from you guys let me know if you,also practice some of these things that,I talked about and which one works,really well for you or if you also have,some tips that I haven’t talked about in,this video please share them with me,down below in the comments it’s always,nice to hear from you

 The post  Healthy gut tips and recommendations  appeared first on  Technology Watchpost .

https://technologywatchpost.com/healthy-gut-tips-and-recommendations/

[theyarebangtan]

K-Pop Group BTS Reveals Its Biggest Beauty Secrets for Glowing Skin

Last month, BTS, a K-Pop group from Seoul, cemented itself in American pop culture by winning the Top Social Artist Award at the Billboard Music Awards. The second the boy band hit the magenta red carpet, thousands were exposed to the wonders of K-Pop. Since then, people have been quick to call BTS, which is short for Bangtan Sonyeondan (or Bulletproof Boy Scouts in English), the One Direction of South Korea. However, that's just an easy way to give them some context. In reality, BTS is actually completely different. Why? The seven-piece group's performances are complete with flawless choreography, expert rapping, high-fashion looks, and insanely catchy vocals. Oh yeah, and they look damn good while doing so.

No matter where BTS is, their skin is forever smooth and has an enviable glow to it. Their eyes are typically adorned with a subtle smoky eye look, which both Jin and Jimin told me is their favorite part of wearing makeup. Their lips always have that popsicle-stained look that everyone's been craving lately. Their hair colors are constantly changing, too. In 2017 alone, Jimin's hair has been bubblegum pink, platinum blonde, sandy blonde, and caramel brown. If they had to choose just one shade, though, Rap Monster tells Allure that he prefers "ash gray and ash blue because these complement my skin tone well." Agreed. Also, Suga added that his favorite hair color is blonde because "I just need to de-color and that’s it."

The beauty aspect of BTS's fame alone separates them from the likes of One Direction, the Jonas Brothers, and the Backstreet Boys. And their legions of fans, lovingly called A.R.M.Y., live for it. YouTube is filled with makeup tutorials inspired by looks from BTS's music videos. A whole Tumblr account called Dewy Bangtan is even devoted to tracking down the beauty products BTS uses based on screenshots from behind-the-scenes videos.

If the names I mentioned above didn't ring any bells, let me give you a quick summary of each of the seven members of BTS.

Jin

At 24, Jin is the oldest member of BTS, but he doesn't act like it. He has a very specific skin care-related reason for that. In a recent video, he said, "I have a motto of my life, 'If you behave young, your face becomes young, too.'" Noted. His good looks went viral after the Billboard Awards. On Twitter, he was called the "third one from the left", accompanied by dozens of heart-eye emojis. His response? He's "worldwide handsome."

Suga

Many will identify with Suga, one of the group's rappers, on a spiritual level, as I do. When he isn't working his ass off producing, writing, and composing songs, he just likes to lay. Same. Just as his hair color preference suggests, he's the most low-maintenance of the Bangtan Boys as far as beauty routines goes. He's basically a granddad trapped in a 24-year-old's body.

V

V's interests lie in the finer things in life like Gucci, Van Gogh, and photography. The 21-year-old also makes some of the most hilarious facial expressions and has the most velvety voice in BTS. Some consider him to be the most handsome in the group, but I'll let you decide.

Jimin

Jimin is the king of selfies. BTS's Twitter is filled with evidence of this statement. In their music videos, you can pick him out by his sharp dance moves. In a group photos, you can pick him out by his seriously adorable baby face. Don't let it fool you — he's not the youngest. He's 21. And if anyone was wondering, he's what K-Pop fans call my "bias," aka my favorite. His pink hair sealed the deal for me.

Jungkook

Ok, now it's time to talk about the youngest member of BTS. Jungkook, 19, is a classic, hard-working millennial. He can do everything, including sing (in English), dance, and rap, and do it all incredibly well. When not suited-up in a dress shirt or velvet bomber jacket on stage, you can catch him wearing a white T-shirt and Timberlands.

Rap Monster

Meet the leader of the group. BTS was literally built around the 22-year-old. As you probably could have guessed, Rap Monster, well, raps. He's also BTS's mouthpiece. Fluent in English, he usually takes the lead in stateside interviews. (Watching Friends helped him learn the language.)  He has a habit of winking in photo shoot and making people across the world melt. Cringe-worthy hairstyles from BTS's debut in 2013 aside, Rap Monster has some of the best looks of BTS.

J-Hope

I'm convinced J-Hope's ever-positive personality is the true secret behind his glowing skin. (More on his actual secrets later.) Also 22, he's like BTS's portable charger, giving them (and fans) energy and encouragement. Watching him dance will give you strength, too. Trust. He's s-o g-o-o-d.

Now that we're all on the same page, here's the best part: BTS took a break from their massive world tour, which has made stops in the US, Australia, and Brazil, to chat with me about their skin care routines. Yup, you're about to find out some of their secrets. 

Why is it important to you to take good care of your skin?

Jin: "Skin is what completes my appearance. I value my looks very much, so it’s equally important to take good care of my skin — that’s a pivotal part of my face."

J-Hope: "Taking good care of your skin is the No.1 rule for all celebs. I get to meet a lot of fans face-to-face at fan meetings and similar events, and I’d like to look my best for them."

What’s your biggest skin concern?

Rap Monster: "My skin is dry most of the time, and my biggest concern is keeping it [moisturized]. I get zits from time to time and that concerns me as well."

Jungkook: "I get pimples sometimes, and it’s very stressful."

You guys travel a lot. Do you do any skin-care treatments while you’re on the plane to keep your skin from freaking out?

V: "On the plane, I dampen cotton pads with toner and put on lotion twice as much."

Jimin: "I don’t really do anything extra special for my skin on the plane, but I try to drink as much water as possible."

What are some of your favorite beauty products?

V: "I’ve been looking for my absolute favorite beauty product for a long time because my skin becomes dry and oily relatively fast. I haven’t found the right one, but I’m not giving up! Any recommendations?"

What is your skin routine like?

J-Hope: "[In the morning, I use] toner and face cream. [At night, the steps are] toner, essence, acne care, lotion, cream."

Jungkook: "Toner and cream for night and morning routine."

A lot of people find skin care routines to be a form of self care. Do you agree?

Rap Monster: "I totally agree. My favorite brand is Mediheal, and it has a variety of sheet masks you can choose from after a long day of work."

Jimin: "I do agree because I try to clear my mind by cleansing my face after performances."

Do you have any bad skin care habits?

Suga: "My bad habit is that I don’t take care of my skin."

V: "I don’t particularly have a bad habit, but I’m worried about my skin having lack of elasticity. How can I prevent this?"

Are there any Korean beauty trends that you particularly love?

Jin: "I love sheet masks. I try to put them on whenever I feel my skin is dry and exposed too much to the sun. They help me make up for lost moisture and brighten my skin."

Do you have any go-to skin care tips for clear, glowing skin?

J-Hope: "I try to go to the dermatologist when I have some free time after work."

Jungkook: "I wish I had one! Let me know, and I’ll try."

Excuse me while I send Jungkook my list. If I learned anything from the Bangtan Boys, it's staying diligent with toner, using it day and night (and on the plane). If you need a recc or two, Allure editors are loving the Kopari Coconut Rose Toner and the Milk Makeup Matcha Toner right now.

cr: allure

#bts #bangtan #bangtan boys #interview #skin care #allure

[louisfeatharry]

* newly added fics to my fic rec page as of 08/18/17 (29 fics in total) all fics are larry unless specified otherwise • more recent recs

✨ indicates favorites of mine!

✨ Be Still by thisonegoes (150k) [zarry, au, detectives, angst, prose]

Zayn hears the telltale sound of stretcher wheels bouncing up over a weather strip. A tech backs out of the door first, as both Zayn and Harry turn to watch. They wheel the black body bag out and lift it down the stairs, to take her away. She's officially cleared for transport, no longer a resident of the household. She's now just a corpse wrapped in plastic.

When they finally turn back to one another, Harry blinks and then shatters into pieces.

Detective Zayn AU.

call me a safe bet (i’m betting i’m not) by mrsenjolras (29k) [lirry, au, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, angst, pining]

They agreed that it would be too hard for them to keep up their relationship long distance, that they didn’t want to risk losing their friendship. So it made sense that when Harry was away, they saw other people. They’re the same as they always are when they’re together--Harry guesses you could call them friends with benefits, but he doesn’t think that really encompasses what they mean to each other. Louis calls them idiots, which, well, probably isn’t all that inaccurate.

It’s not really that big of a deal. Harry is happy. Liam is happy--well, Harry’s pretty sure Liam is happy. So Louis can just shut it.

[Or: Liam and Harry have an arrangement, and it all goes great, until it doesn't.]

Can’t Fool Me by emma1234 (25k) [au, uni, secret relationship, fluff, smut]

“I hate frats,” Louis repeats for what feels like the millionth time.

“Yes, I’ve heard, once or twice or every day for the past three years,” Liam says. His careful tone reminds Louis of how his mom always sounds when one of his siblings is on the brink of a tantrum.

Louis glances speculatively at Liam’s frat brothers, who are still huddled together and chatting, with the exception of the one who’s looking in Louis’ direction. Maybe Louis shouldn’t rule out a tantrum. While making a scene wouldn’t actually free him from fraternity nonsense in the future, it would at least be entertaining.

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

Counting The Steps Between Us by zarah5 (24k) [au, pining, friends to lovers]

AU. So, yeah. That year abroad helped Harry establish that he is in love with his best friend. Now, if Louis would stop treating him like a little brother, that would be awesome. (Additional ingredients: a collapsing tree house, a lot of pining, the other three boys as Louis' new best mates from university, and a camping trip. Serve hot.)

End of the World Tonight by whoknows (12k) [ou, exes to lovers, coming out, angst]

“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.

“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.

feel so foolish by juliusschmidt (13k) [au, high school, pining, fluff]

Louis and his friends keep laughing at Harry; he's sure of it. But he's not sure why.

for now (and forever) by orphan_account (83k) [au, military/war, fake relationship, friends to lovers, slow burn]

"It's nice that you want to offer that, but I just can't do that. First of all, it's illegal."

Louis shakes his head vigorously. "No, no. It's not like one of us is gunning for a visa."

"Listen to yourself," Harry laughs, shaking Louis' shoulders. "Don't you think it's a bit weird to con the country you're supposed to be serving?"

Louis is going into the Army, Harry is going nowhere, and there's nothing like a little identity fraud between friends.

glimpse of the silhouettes by orphan_account (7k) [ou, pwp]

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

✨ Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds (88k) [au, historical/past setting, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, out, pining, angst, fluff, smut]

“If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat.

Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.”

-

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

If I Fall For You, Would You Fall Too? by slashter (29k) [zourry, au, fluff, famous/nonfamous, smut]

“Fuck, Louis, most of us can’t even find one person to date, and you go and land yourself two!”

Louis flips Niall off and closes his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the blond’s peals of laughter. It’s true what Niall says, he can’t have them both. And this is him imagining that either of them would even want to get with him, which he knows is pretty much ridiculous considering the fact that they’re obviously seeing each other and why the hell would you pick Louis Tomlinson over Harry Styles or Zayn Malik?

[Or the one where Louis is a uni dropout who's just managed to land a new job as a housemaid, and he ends up getting to clean the shared apartment of well-known socialites Harry and Zayn]

Infinity in Always by cumquat (22k) [au, hurt, angst]

A stranger greets Louis whenever he looks in a mirror—a stranger with sunken eyes, sharp cheekbones and hollow cheeks, whose strands of mousy hair tangle into intricate knots; curl into something akin to a broken halo.

Every morning he recites, speaks to no one but himself so he could try and remember that, “This is me. This is how I look like.” The simple act is done so often that it has become more like a ritual than a routine; and even then it’s only part of what he must do the second moonlight dies and day breathes again.

(In which Louis suffers from prosopagnosia; he can’t recognize faces, even familiar ones. He can’t remember his own face, let alone Harry’s, but he remembers the way his skin feels under his fingertips, how he trembles under his touch as if Louis is fire, and Harry is nothing but mere paper, disintegrating into ash)

✨ keep the light on by renlyne (43k) [gryles, ou, friends to lovers, slow burn, angst]

but·ter·fly ef·fect noun 1. (with reference to chaos theory) the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere. 2. a cumulatively large effect that a very small or seemingly insignificant natural force may produce over a period of time. In which Harry Styles tears up over glitter, and Nick Grimshaw’s life becomes immeasurably more complicated.

Or: it’s 2020, and really, better late than never.

✨ Like an Endless Summer by Anonymous (87k) [au, summer, slow burn, friends to lovers, pining, fluff]

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

✨ Lost for Words by AGreatPerhaps12 (102k) [ziam, au, summer, hurt/comfort, innocent/bad boy, fluff, angst, pining]

"Zayn was so stunning and so consistently kind to Liam that his stupid heart had the annoying habit of practically vibrating in his chest whenever they were together. Liam wasn’t deep enough in denial not to know what that meant anymore, but he was still forcing the feeling down as vehemently as possible. It was difficult, though, when Zayn turned to Liam with that smile and said his name like he was worth time and attention, and all the while in the back of his mind there was this chant of—

Get the fuck out of my house. I’m not having a fag for a son. I want you and your shit gone by the time I get back.

—Yeah. That."

Or: The one where Liam has a stutter and zero self confidence, and Zayn has a carefully controlled temper (also starring Louis and Harry as that disgustingly-in-love couple and Niall as the only straight guy around, apparently).

One of the Beautiful People by cantgetnoworse (24k) [au, fluff]

Louis is a sparkly go-go dancer on Saturdays. Zayn is his lifelong best friend with benefits. Zayn falls for someone new and Louis' world turns upside down.

✨ pray for some sweet simplicity by delsicle (237k) [au, a/b/o, enemies to lovers, sports, secret relationship, angst, smut]

Louis is the only omega to ever make it in the cut-throat world of competitive motorcycle racing—that is, he would be if anyone actually knew about his identity. Now, his sights are set towards competing in—and winning—the European Grand Prix, the biggest and most difficult race of the entire year, so he can disappear underground for good. He’s close enough, too, until an alpha sports journalist is assigned to follow Louis’s every move as he prepares for the event of his career.

Or, an AU where motorcycle racing is the biggest sport in a heavily divided world, Louis is trying to take control of his own destiny, and Harry is in for more than he bargained for.

Small Doses (Loving You It’s Explosive) by Anonymous (38k) [au, enemies to lovers, smut]

Louis Tomlinson finds himself at Vitality Fitness to try and turn his life around after having left his cheating boyfriend of four years. The gym's owner, Liam, quickly becomes a good friend, but his right hand man is rude and dismissive from the get-go. Louis and Harry continue to clash all while Harry is trying to move his way up the ranks in Manchester's amateur boxing circuit, but they can't seem to stay away from each other.

Something That Scares Me About Love by justyrae (51k) [lilo, ou, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, kid fic]

Louis has always been fairly good at hiding things he didn't want to share. If he doesn't learn to start sharing, pretty soon he won't have anyone left to hide things from.

Something to Be by aguantare (12k) [au, uni, sports, angst]

Louis plays football for UCLA; Harry used to love football.

Standing on the Edge of Forever by EllaO (55k) [au, kid fic, angst]

“So let me get this straight. You took Mr. Squiggles from the classroom habitat, took him with you on your fieldtrip to the zoo, and released him in the aviary?”

Harry Styles is a single father, just trying to keep his life organized after losing his husband four years earlier. Between his daughter, Liam's hellion twins, and Sophia throwing him into any romantic tangle she can think of, life gets a little crazy. Of course, everything changes the moment Lo and the twins get interested in their school musical, The Wizard of Oz. Because the new director, Louis Tomlinson, is just about the most attractive man that Harry has ever seen.

Featuring adorable Dad Harry, hotshot actor Louis, three sassy kids, a badass Sophia Smith, and a Liam who just wants all their kids to be well behaved.

Take Me Back to Where We Started by amory (27k) [au, exes to lovers, famous/nonfamous, angst]

Harry and Louis haven't spoken since they broke up four years ago. As boarding school sweethearts they once spent every waking moment together, but now they can hardly stand to be in the same room. When their five year class reunion comes around, both boys decide against their better judgement to return and (hopefully) have a good time.

The only problem is, they're both still hopelessly in love.

Starring Harry as the petty ex, Louis as the new James Bond, Niall as a boy genius and fake boyfriend extraordinaire, and Liam and Zayn as two friends just trying to make it out of this weekend alive.

✨ Tell Me How To Feel About You Now by justyrae (38k) [au, famous/nonfamous, friends to lovers, exes to lovers, smut]

Louis thought it would feel different once he got to LA. He knew it was best for him; a fresh start as far away as he could get. But when the plane touched down and he stepped out into the hot air around LAX, Louis felt exactly the same.

There's still a hole in his chest where his heart used to be; ripped away even after trying for so many years to keep it from happening. He knows it's not all his fault, not by a mile, but it doesn't stop him from blaming himself for it all going wrong.

If he'd just stayed strong, if he'd said no when he said yes, maybe everything would be different.

Or, Harry has been trying to convince Louis to date him for years, but Louis has always been wary of Harry’s fairly obvious commitment issues. Louis eventually gives him a chance, opening his heart up to the one thing he fears.

under me, you by hazzafrazza (12k) [ou, friends to lovers, pining]

You Won’t Believe Who Was Spotted Leaving Harry Styles’ Primrose Hill Pad!

If Harry was being completely honest, it probably wasn’t the best idea to be a world-renowned popstar and an infamous vigilante.

(Especially when all the comic books said never reveal your secret identity to keep your loved ones safe – which was all well and good, until Louis.)

Or: Harry wants a lot of things – fame, glory, Louis – but that last one is particularly hard to get when everyone thinks you’re dating your secret superhero alter-ego and suddenly you’ve become your own worst cockblock.

✨ we’ll play hide and seek to turn this around (give me love like never before) by Wankerville (19k) [au, uni, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst]

“So here's the thing,” he starts. “I didn't mean what I said a few weeks ago to like, hurt your feelings or anything. If you like painting your nails, then you should do that, and not like, care if anyone else doesn't like it because their opinions shouldn't matter, you know?” Louis takes a breath, finally glancing over to see the boy wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. On a whim, he adds, “And like, I noticed you scraping it off and you haven't been wearing any and I think you should because that's what you like.”

or an au where harry paints his nails and drinks strawberry milk and is too nervous for it to be nothing and louis' just trying to figure out whats wrong with him

We’re Like Bumper Cars by sincehewaseighteen (31k) [au, high school, sports, enemies to lovers, smut]

“I have won, I won the final cross country. I win, Harry--”

“Whoever gets to fucking nationals wins it, pretty boy,” Harry teases. “You haven’t won. Interhouse is nothing compared to nationals, or interstate. You haven’t even won interschool. You can dream all you fucking want that you’ve won.”

Louis becomes so ignorant he decides to no longer eye the boy taunting him. “Trophies prove it all, Styles.”

“Where’s your trophy for biggest asshole?”

“Where’s yours for winning cross country?”

Harry growls before hooking his fingers in Louis’ belt loops and bringing them together for a flat kiss.

Or the AU where Louis and Harry are rivals of the century and Cross Country competitors before things get complicated and they play pretend.

What’s Stopping You? by kikikryslee (14k) [au, neighbors/roommates, friends to lovers, online, pining]

That shirt was what held his attention again. How many other guys had the same shirt that H and Harry had, and – wait. H… Harry. Harry did yoga. So did H. They both had the same shirt, and had both gotten home ten minutes ago and were cooking dinner.

No way.

Louis looked at the picture again, and stared more closely at H’s lips. They were pink and pouty, with the lower lip a bit plumper than the top, just like Harry. And H had brown, curly hair that reached his shoulders, just like Harry.

Louis looked over at Harry, who was putting his hair back up into a bun as the kitchen was most likely getting warmer.

“Holy shit,” Louis whispered. Have I been flirting with my own roommate all this time? --- Or, the one where Harry wants to get over his crush on Louis, so he makes a Grindr account to find someone new. Of course, Louis messages him, not realizing H's real identity. It only takes a few days for them to figure it out.

✨ You’ll Be The Death of Me by YinAndYangOnIce (58k) [au, high school, pining, innocent/bad boy, slow burn]

Louis is a punk who is failing history and Harry is a nerd who's really good at surprising him.

You’re a Rabbit, Louis by sunsetmog (5k) [stylinshaw, ou, fluff]

"Maybe Louis turned into a rabbit," Nick suggests. They both laugh. Louis doesn't. Harry is an idiot and Nick is an even bigger one.

Louis stomps past both of them on four tiny, furry, baby rabbit paws, and into Nick's flat. "I hate you both," he says. He sits on the rug by the TV. "And you can stop following me around too," he says to Pig, who sits down next to him on the rug.

"But seriously," Harry says, from the door. "Where's Louis?"

Louis thumps his back leg on the floor. "I'm here, you idiot."

"I'm not really suggesting this could be true," Nick says carefully, "but are we sure he isn't a tiny baby rabbit?"

✨ You’re A Universe by Jiksa (15k) [au, angst, hurt/comfort, kid fic, established relationship]

Harry doesn’t ever mean to hurt him; Louis doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s the only thing he ever does anymore.

Or, Louis’s a stay-at-home dad in London and Harry’s a business expat in Qatar. Louis doesn’t know how much longer their marriage can survive the distance.

#fic rec list #recentrecs #i got larry and gryles and zarry and lirry and stylinshaw and ziam #the ziam's amazing #the zarry's amazing #the gryles ones is amazing #amazing amazing amazing #there's a lot of fics on this list lmfao

[flowerconcept-blog]

witch!taehyung

alright so witch kim taehyung!!! he lives in this little apartment in the same apartment building as the rest of the ~~bangtan coven~~ and they all work at warlock jin’s magic shop, which is 50% hoax magic and 50% real magic. magic is not known by the general public but the shop gets enough business to stay afloat and people would come to just see seokjin working at the counter anyways let’s be honest

taehyung’s apartment is full of random magic books and video games and ingredients like newt’s tongue and random printed out wikipedia pages that he wants to use for his new potions, it’s an organized mess but it’s cute n cozy

he wears loose cotton and silk shirts and fitted pants and these weird silk slippers that he got when he was visiting a coven in china to learn about their potions….. dream boy

jin always uses taehyung’s herbs for cooking and taehyung gets annoyed like hyung!!! thats for my potions!!! and jins like well this dinner is a potion that u aren’t getting if u don’t shut the hell up

taehyung isn’t super good with spells because they require a lot of concentration and something always goes slightly wrong with his spells, nothing major but enough to be bothersome, and his magic is the most volatile out of all the boys so when he gets super emotional or passionate or sick weird things happen

one time he had a really bad cold and accidentally made min holly squawk like a chicken. yoongi was like. thats enough.

what he is good at is potion making though! because he gets to mess around and create new formulas and he just has a knack for it

so jin just lets him mess around with a cauldron in the back room of the shop and come up with little potions to sell, some he makes are dumb like “your toenails will never grow long again!” and “make your landlady’s plants come back to life!” but also some are like real love potions and luck potions

the more intense ones are very diluted and everything but the store has a good reputation in seoul for cute trinket potions that help in everyday life and taehyung likes talking to the customers about what the best potion is for their problem

“your dog won’t stop puking??? well i have just the thing for you mrs lee”

anyways so u are the new owner of a little florist shop down the street from the magic shop, you grew up in a family of florists and used to be working in another part of seoul until your aunt retired and gave you ownership of her shop!

and you are aware of the magic shop because it has such a weird window display and every morning you pass it on your way from the subway stop and “hmm” to yourself, but you’ve never actually gone inside

but one day this cute guy comes in with his long hair getting in his eyes and he asks u for common toadflax, angel’s trumpets, and henbane………….

and naturally ur like. um those are poisonous and also who would want a bouquet of those plants….. would u be interested in some lilies???? they are much nicer ?????

“no it’s not a bouquet i need them for a potion, do you have any?????”

part of u is like. let him get the damn toadflax himself. but also part of u is just so damn smitten by his little nose mole and weird request that you don’t want to let him down, so u tell him you will get some at the flower market in the morning and deliver them to him

and when he gives you a HUGE smile that makes your heart jump in your chest you know this strange man could ask you for grass and u would go “sure let me get some for u.” u are already WEAK

he leaves so fast that you don’t even realize he pressed a wrinkled business card into your hand that has probably been through the wash 5 times

that is the day…. u meet kim taehyung, and the rest of the day you can’t stop thinking about how nicely his loose silk shirt accentuated his golden skin…… and even as u arrange a bouquet you can’t help but wonder what he is doing…..

little do you know that back at the shop taehyung keeps mucking up the acne prevention potion he is working on because he keeps thinking about how nice your smile was!!!!!jimin and jungkook keep bugging him because he’s so distracted and yoongi is like what’s up this is the fourth mini explosion in an hour i just want clear skin!!!! hehe u are both enamored with each other!!! cute

the next morning u go collect your normal flowers from your normal vendors, but you also pick up the flowers taehyung wants and the vendors give you odd looks but you wave them off and hope they are not too weirded out by your new interest in poisonous plants

and you deliver the ingredients to the shop and seokjin is like. “these are for taehyung hmmm? 1+1=???” *math meme*

taehyung has been checking every time the welcome bell rings in case it’s you, but when you come by jungkook had just turned jimin’s hand into a toy hammer and the back of the shop is chaos so he misses you and when he finds out he swears he will never ever ever forgive jeon jungkook

and now that u have established this mutual crush taehyung comes by like three/four times a week asking for the normal toadflax etc and sometimes the way more bizarre wolfsbane and “a single white rose picked from under an elm tree at midnight”

a lot of the ingredients he asks for he has at home but he doesn’t tell you that. jin is mad taehyung is spending all the shops damn money on random ingredients that are just drying out in the back room but also he doesn’t have the heart to tell him off when taehyung gets all moony every time you drop off his orders

it’s been like a month of this and you’ve gotten used to taehyung coming in every day and asking for this or that and then talking to him for half an hour before a new customer comes in or one of his coworkers comes to drag him back to the shop

he’ll tell u about the latest movie he watched or some weird story namjoon told him about the lady who runs the corner store and you tell him about the dog in your apartment building and show him pictures you’ve taken of the sunsets that week

and you get along really well, like really really really well, you can talk about pretty much anything comfortably and you don’t exchange numbers or anything but you know that he’ll drop by every day, or you’ll come to the magic shop with an order that took a few days

sometimes taehyung will invite you to the shop for tea and he and seokjin work together to brew this unreal tea that soothes ur muscles and cures your colds and ur like!!! “taehyung this tea is magical” and he just gives u a mysterious smile

and you still really like taehyung, more than you ever thought you would, but you’re worried about telling him and ruining this nice thing you have so you just hold onto your secret and hope that it passes

meanwhile taehyung will not stop talking about u and the other guys are like. please just ask them out and taehyung’s like “but how ?? how do i do that????? what would be good enough for them???!??!”

basically ur both big dummies

at this point u see each other every day until ………. hoseok accidentally gives taehyung a super strong honesty potion instead of the cold cure one he wanted (hoseok: “they are the same color!!!!” namjoon: “hoseok the honesty potion is BLOOD ORANGE and the cold cure is VERMILLION”)

and of course! taehyung is saying a bunch of dumb stuff but mostly he is blabbing about how much he likes you and jungkook is like haha let’s go make him confess and jimin is like hmm i’m interested but seokjin scolds them and is like i’m not letting him embarrass himself like that!!!!

but as the hours go by you’re worried when taehyung doesn’t show up!!!! what if he’s sick or something!!!! so you close up a little early and grab some leftover flowers for jin (he likes having flowers in the shop so u give him ones that weren’t bought) and head to the magic shop

and when u ask jin is like taehyung???? he’s uhhh……. he’s at home he’s sick! poor kid! i’m sure he’ll be fine tomorrow!!!!

“but……. i can hear his voice??? in the back????” “no that’s just. a recording. haha”

you’re suspicious but finally you’re like! well i’ll head out i guess make sure to put those lilies in water! except no taehyung has escaped the grasp of jungkook (as soon as he heard your voice he was like!!! ! i have to go talk to them they’re sooo pretty i want to see them wow!!!!!!) and he’s calling your name

long story short the honesty potion has made taehyung a mess the conversation goes something like:

“taehyung! i thought you were sick” “the only sickness i have is how…. u make me feel……” “??????????” “your hair looks so pretty today!! i mean it looks pretty everyday but it looks so pretty in the sun right now…………………….. your eyes are so sparkly……… you’re so beautiful…….. i like you so much” “????????!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?????”

jikook are losing it in the background until seokjin finally drags taehyung away from you (he is still staring at you moony eyed) and is like “haha see u tomorrow bye!!!!”

understandably you are a little confused

and the more you think about it the more you worry that taehyung found out about your crush and was making fun of you because? it was so surreal??? but ur like no no taehyung wouldn’t do that……. would he??? and you stay up really late worrying about it

so the next day when taehyung comes into the store you pretend not to notice him and sort of brace yourself in preparation for something bad………………….. especially cause he looks so worried too…………….. he stands there fidgeting for a good minute while you act like you’re organizing the bouquet you’re working on

finally he clears his throat and is like….. hey…… uh……. ,,, ,, i’m really sorry about yesterday…………. and ur like oh god he’s apologizing because he is about to tell me he doesn’t like me but u make yourself smile like “it’s okay don’t worry i understand”

and taehyung is like you do?!??!?!?!?!?! and you’re like i’m sorry ,,,,,, you had to find out like this! i’m sure it is awkward for you!!!!

of course he’s like. what

and u refuse to look at him just shrug and go…. well you found out…. i like you right? that’s why you were weird yesterday??

and taehyung is like “YOU LIKE ME?????????? but i like you!!! why do you think i order all those dumb ingredients would i really need a single petal from a cherry blossom tree?????”

“why do you think i would get you a single petal from a cherry blossom tree??!!!! i would only do that for someone i really like!!!!!”

the two of you just stare at each other in shock and then taehyung is like “well then if we both like each other let’s ….. go on a date!!!”

and u do!!! you go to a little coffee shop down the street after work and pet the owner’s cat and everything is back to normal except taehyung is holding your hand and you shyly brush crumbs from the corner of his mouth and then blush and everyone in the cafe is like wow. what a beautiful drama unfolding before our eyes

at the end of the date taehyung moves your hair from your eyes and does his big box grin and is like “i can’t believe you like me….. all this time i was afraid i would never be able to kiss you” and ur like !!!!!!!! how can u say something like this when ten minutes ago you were talking about the best episodes of naruto!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!! and he laughs big and loud and wow you’re really in deep what the hell

but you muster up all your courage and when he stops laughing you lean up and kiss him and it’s his turn to be flustered

he texts the groupchat immediately after with a million exclamation marks and emojis and everyone’s like. jesus christ it’s about TIME

taehyung still comes in every day to bother you and order weird plants but also he kisses you over the counter (“taehyung no!!!! there’s a customer!!!!” “i don’t care”) and picks you up for lunch and brings you his amazing tea in a thermos when he knows you’re feeling a little bit bad

and the two of you watch ghibli movies at his house and you hide your face in his shirt when you cry but he’s crying too and is like!! don’t worry about it you’re beautiful even when you’re crying~~ ~ ~ and ur like no my face is covered in SNOT

ur always like uhh…….. why does that jar over there look like it has eyeballs in it??????? and taehyung’s like don’t worry about it!!!!! here i’m gonna kiss you!!!!!!

taehyung: sends u approximately 10 dog photos a day

you: 💝💛💕💌🍯❣️♥️💐🌙💞💝💕💖🌷✨💗💕💛🍯💌❣️🌹🌟❤️💗💛🌟💐💓🌷💝🌟💕🍯♥️🌹🌟💐💓💗💝❤️💐🌟💘💖🌙🍯✨💘💗🌟🌷💛💓♥️💌🌟❣️🍯❤️💐✨💓💖♥️🌟💌💓💗🌙💛✨🌷💗💓💛🍯💌❣️🌹🌟❤️💗💛🌟💐💓🌷💝🌟💕🍯♥️🌹🌟💐💓💗💝❤️💐🌟💘💖🌙🍯✨💘💗🌟🌷💛💓♥️💌🌟❣️🍯❤️💐✨💓💖♥️🌟💌💓💗🌙💛✨🌷💗💓

you find out he is magical in the most mundane way, you’ve been dating like a month and a half and taehyung has a fever and his magic is going wild, and when you go over to feed him soup (like a CHILD because he begged u to take care of him…….) he sneezes and accidentally breathes a little fire???????

and ur like …… what the HELL ……. but taehyungs like **sniff** oh i’m a witch **sniff** **sheepish smile***

honestly. ….. you are pretty unfazed …. because it explains a lot…. and it’s not like he’s a bad witch or anything so it’s just a cool development!!! fun

but after that you always bother him asking him to cast little spells or do this and that and he’s like i can’t do that…. ask hoseok hyung or something…… and gets pouty so you have to cover his face with kisses and promise him that he is your favorite witch even if he can’t transform your broken lamp into a kitten like hoseok could!!!!

the first time you get intimate taehyung accidentally makes the bed shrink.

he makes u potions for every single problem in ur life and you’re like taehyung ….. honey…… i need to do things myself also……. just because you can make a potion that will make my landlord forget i have to pay rent next week doesn’t mean you should……….

basically the two of you are silly and you start to pick up weird ingredients that you think he’ll like out of habit and you’ll sit watching him make potions sometimes because his hands are so pretty stirring the cauldron!!!

he works hard to learn a spell that will make your bouquets last a really long time and when he first shows you you almost cry because…… all that for you? and he kisses your forehead and is like i would go to the moon for you!

taehyung: “honeybee should i make you a love potion to make u fall in love with me~~~”

you: “it’s a little late for that isn’t it?????”

#kim taehyung scenarios #taehyung scenarios #v scenarios #bts scenarios #bangtan scenarios #taehyung au #bts #taehyung #🤧 #💌

[bts-jimin16]

K-Pop Group BTS Reveals Its Biggest Beauty Secrets for Glowing Skin (Interview)

Last month, BTS, a K-Pop group from Seoul, cemented itself in American pop culture by winning the Top Social Artist Award at the Billboard Music Awards. The second the boy band hit the magenta red carpet, thousands were exposed to the wonders of K-Pop. Since then, people have been quick to call BTS, which is short for Bangtan Sonyeondan (or Bulletproof Boy Scouts in English), the One Direction of South Korea. However, that's just an easy way to give them some context. In reality, BTS is actually completely different. Why? The seven-piece group's performances are complete with flawless choreography, expert rapping, high-fashion looks, and insanely catchy vocals. Oh yeah, and they look damn good while doing so.

No matter where BTS is, their skin is forever smooth and has an enviable glow to it. Their eyes are typically adorned with a subtle smoky eye look, which both Jin and Jimin told me is their favorite part of wearing makeup. Their lips always have that popsicle-stained look that everyone's been craving lately. Their hair colors are constantly changing, too. In 2017 alone, Jimin's hair has been bubblegum pink, silver, platinum blonde, sandy blonde, and caramel brown. If they had to choose just one shade, though, Rap Monster tells Allure that he prefers "ash gray and ash blue because these complement my skin tone well." Agreed. Also, Suga added that his favorite hair color is blonde because "I just need to de-color and that’s it."

The beauty aspect of BTS's fame alone separates them from the likes of One Direction, the Jonas Brothers, and the Backstreet Boys. And their legions of fans, lovingly called A.R.M.Y., live for it. YouTube is filled with makeup tutorials inspired by looks from BTS's music videos. A whole Tumblr account called Dewy Bangtan is even devoted to tracking down the beauty products BTS uses based on screenshots from behind-the-scenes videos.

If the names I mentioned above didn't ring any bells, let me give you a quick summary of each of the seven members of BTS.

Jin

At 24, Jin is the oldest member of BTS, but he doesn't act like it. He has a very specific skin care-related reason for that. In a recent video, he said, "I have a motto of my life, 'If you behave young, your face becomes young, too.'" Noted. His good looks went viral after the Billboard Awards. On Twitter, he was called the "third one from the left", accompanied by dozens of heart-eye emojis. His response? He's "worldwide handsome."

Suga

Many will identify with Suga, one of the group's rappers, on a spiritual level, as I do. When he isn't working his ass off producing, writing, and composing songs, he just likes to lay. Same. Just as his hair color preference suggests, he's the most low-maintenance of the Bangtan Boys as far as beauty routines goes. He's basically a granddad trapped in a 24-year-old's body.

V

V's interests lie in the finer things in life like Gucci, Van Gogh, and photography. The 21-year-old also makes some of the most hilarious facial expressions and has the most velvety voice in BTS. Some consider him to be the most handsome in the group, but I'll let you decide.

Jimin

Jimin is the king of selfies. BTS's Twitter is filled with evidence of this statement. In their music videos, you can pick him out by his sharp dance moves. In a group photos, you can pick him out by his seriously adorable baby face. Don't let it fool you — he's not the youngest. He's 21. And if anyone was wondering, he's what K-Pop fans call my "bias," aka my favorite. His pink hair sealed the deal for me.

Jungkook

Ok, now it's time to talk about the youngest member of BTS. Jungkook, 19, is a classic, hard-working millennial. He can do everything, including sing (in English), dance, and rap, and do it all incredibly well. When not suited-up in a dress shirt or velvet bomber jacket on stage, you can catch him wearing a white T-shirt and Timberlands.

Rap Monster

Meet the leader of the group. BTS was literally built around the 22-year-old. As you probably could have guessed, Rap Monster, well, raps. He's also BTS's mouthpiece. Fluent in English, he usually takes the lead in stateside interviews. (Watching Friends helped him learn the language.) He has a habit of winking in photo shoot and making people across the world melt. Cringe-worthy hairstyles from BTS's debut in 2013 aside, Rap Monster has some of the best looks of BTS.

J-Hope

I'm convinced J-Hope's ever-positive personality is the true secret behind his glowing skin. (More on his actual secrets later.) Also 22, he's like BTS's portable charger, giving them (and fans) the energy and encouragement. Watching him dance will give you strength, too. Trust. He's s-o g-o-o-d.

Now that we're all on the same page, here's the best part: BTS took a break from their massive world tour, which has made stops in the US, Australia, and Brazil, to chat with me about their skin care routines. Yup, you're about to find out some of their secrets.

Why is it important to you to take good care of your skin?

Jin: "Skin is what completes my appearance. I value my looks very much, so it’s equally important to take good care of my skin — that’s a pivotal part of my face."

J-Hope: "Taking good care of your skin is the No.1 rule for all celebs. I get to meet a lot of fans face-to-face at fan meetings and similar events, and I’d like to look my best for them."

What’s your biggest skin concern?

Rap Monster: "My skin is dry most of the time, and my biggest concern is keeping it [moisturized]. I get zits from time to time and that concerns me as well."

Jungkook: "I get pimples sometimes, and it’s very stressful."

You guys travel a lot. Do you do any skin-care treatments while you’re on the plane to keep your skin from freaking out?

V: "On the plane, I dampen cotton pads with toner and put on lotion twice as much."

Jimin: "I don’t really do anything extra special for my skin on the plane, but I try to drink as much water as possible."

What are some of your favorite beauty products?

V: "I’ve been looking for my absolute favorite beauty product for a long time because my skin becomes dry and oily relatively fast. I haven’t found the right one, but I’m not giving up! Any recommendations?"

What is your skin routine like?

J-Hope: "[In the morning, I use] toner and face cream. [At night, the steps are] toner, essence, acne care, lotion, cream."

Jungkook: "Toner and cream for night and morning routine."

A lot of people find skin care routines to be a form of self care. Do you agree?

Rap Monster: "I totally agree. My favorite brand is Mediheal, and it has a variety of sheet masks you can choose from after a long day of work."

Jimin: "I do agree because I try to clear my mind by cleansing my face after performances."

Do you have any bad skin care habits?

Suga: "My bad habit is that I don’t take care of my skin."

V: "I don’t particularly have a bad habit, but I’m worried about my skin having lack of elasticity. How can I prevent this?"

Are there any Korean beauty trends that you particularly love?

Jin: "I love sheet masks. I try to put them on whenever I feel my skin is dry and exposed too much to the sun. They help me make up for lost moisture and brighten my skin."

Do you have any go-to skin care tips for clear, glowing skin?

J-Hope: "I try to go to the dermatologist when I have some free time after work."

Jungkook: "I wish I had one! Let me know, and I’ll try."

Excuse me while I send Jungkook my list. If I learned anything from the Bangtan Boys, it's staying diligent with toner, using it day and night (and on the plane). If you need a recc or two, Allure editors are loving the Kopari Coconut Rose Toner and the Milk Makeup Matcha Toner right now.

BY: Devon Ableman @Abelwoman June 21, 2017 - ALLURE 

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