#n ​loved for the fucked up parts of me

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i push away the people i want the most in my life and i tell myself that it's because i need to learn to live w/out attachments. but deep inside, all i want is for someone to resist my efforts at pushing them away and tell me i am worth holding on to even when i’m acting like a child

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #all i want is for someone to truly care and WANT to fight to keep me in their life #all i want is to feel loved #n ​loved for the fucked up parts of me #all i want is true unconditional love

[dizzybizz]

ms jay herself (and apple)

#ive been grappling with her design the most i feel.... i need it to be good enough for her 😭😭😭 ily jay ilysm wehhghghhhh #dude drawing the pin i realized just how much circles dont exist to me. theyve disappeared from my art completely. fuck you circles. fuck y #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #jay ferin #jrwi apple #i will tag every little critter ok it just feels right #my art #ok theres one bastard left i will deal with him.. later. maybe tmrw #fuck i got to the part where he gets some tats hhhgotta figure out how i wanna draw those #jay bad posture while tinkering is real to me. shes all hunched. shes shrimping. #she tinkers at night while the others r sleeping n she stretches n yells n wakes them up #guys i love drunk jay so much.... when her and lizzie got plastered... so good...........

[svtskneecaps]

lukewarm take of the evening: y'all care too much about being ""outdated"". fellas this smp moves inhumanly fast. it is ok to CHILL holy shit CHILL. y'all are like "(posts BANGER ART) super late guys sorry" friend i am hitting you with a blanket i am snapping you with my metaphorical towel WHAT DO YOU MEAN SORRY. "(posts BANGER FIC) rip this is outdated now" WHO CARES???? I LOVE YOU, OK. ohhhh woe is us as the fandom at large for having MORE HAPPY PILLS ARC CONTENT oh no how outdated!! how could you be writing speculative fiction about how forever felt during happy pills :( slash SARCASM!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!! THERE ARE SO MANY BANGER ARCS, WHAT, YOU THINK WE'RE COMPLAINING????? FOR GETTING MORE OF THE CONTENT WE LOVED????? oh no we're past the period where everyone thought green gay ninjas were like Dead Dead, my work is now outdated and noncanon :( WDYM. GIMME. A BANGER IS A BANGER IDC IF IT TAKES THREE MONTHS. you think rome was built in a day?? fuck you, baltimore, GIMME. my ass has been cooking a goddamn backflipo family fic since july when it was ALREADY outdated do you think i fear god??? "oh no, you're making an edit of slime's (attempted) egg murdering spree?? how could you, that was months ago it's irrelevant" SAID NO ONE EVER.

save your wrists kidlings ok carpal tunnel is no joke. CHILL!!!!! CHILL!!!!!!!! TAKE YOUR TIME SHEEEEEESH OK LOVE YOU <3

#qsmp #shut up vic #block game brainrot #IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS POST SHIT THIRTY SECONDS AFTER IT HAPPENS!!!!!!! #for god's sake we have MONTHS of lore and bangers ok??? #i still have a mental image of an art i wish i could make from BOBBY'S NIGHTMARE #HE HAS BEEN GONE FOR M O N T H S and you bet your ass if i can make it I WILL BE POSTING IT #SO. MUCH. SHIT. HAS. HAPPENED. who cares if it was months ago!!!!!! #it's ok to be a few days late!!! it's ok to be a few months late!!!!! don't tell me sorry for feeding me!!!!!! #part of me still lives in I'M NOT HOLDING A FUCKING FUNERAL CHAT #part of me still lives in maxo's final song for his son!!!! #part of me still lives in the day we thought ramón was gone for good #part of me still lives in cellbit sprinting to his son only to be ripped away back to the feds just as richas turns to write a sign #part of me still lives in the flooding of the copacabana ocean #THESE ARE BANGERS. REMEMBER WHEN FIT FOUND PAC E MIKE IN PRISON. BANGER. #oh dear new work expanding on a canon moment i super liked that happened months ago how late smh SAID NO ONE EVER #TWO CAKES!!!!! TWO CAKES MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!! WE LOVE PASTRIES DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT #COME ON Y'ALL. METAPHORICAL KISSES. LOVE YOU. HAVE A GOOD WEEK. #long tags

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT? #LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page. #but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW? #ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much.... #AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012. #almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS. #only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess. #i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

[sluckythewizard]

THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)

#THE SUCKENING IS S O COOOOL GUYS VIV N VEX ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND FUNNY... CHARLIES FLAVOR OF DERANGED IS JUST #SO PERFECT FOR THIS CAMPAIGN.. I LOVE HOW HE DOES HORROR AND EVIL AND SCARY AND AAUAUUUGHGHGUUHGHG #their teeht arnt spiked like normal vampires but theyre sharp n smooth like a Beak. in my beautiful heart #ALSO UGHGHGH BIG SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 BUT #THAT THING WITH THE MAP. WITH THE DEMONS N VAMPS. THEYRE KEEPING TRACK OF THEM. #'so viv. was that one of mine or one of yours?' IS THIS A PET PROJECT OF THEIRS OR SOMETHING. ARE THEY PULLING MORE STRINGS THAN WE THINK #IS ONE TUGGING AT THE DEMONS AND THE OTHER TUGGING AT THE FANGS? PITTING THEM AGAINST EACHOTHER SO THEY KILL EACHOTHER? #AND THEN ITS EASIER TO TAKE THE BODIES FOR THEIR FUNNY CREATIONS?? IT PROLLY WASNT EASY TO GET SUPPLIES B4 EDWARD CAME INTO POWER #BUT OH MY GOD.. POOR EMIZEL.. THE MEMORY OF HIS CREW WAS TAKEN AND THEN HE WATCHES A BUNCHA THEM GET HORRIBLY DISMATNLED N DISTORTED #HE KNOWS HE CARED FOR THEM AT SOMEPOINT N HE KNOWS THE MEMORIES WERE TAKEN BUT HE JUST. CANT. AUAUUGGUAHGUAHGUAHGUHG #THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HIMMM EMIZEEEELL EMIZEL CMERE BABY BOY ILL SMOKE U OUT BOY. GET AWAY FROM THOSE EVIL GUYS I AM BETTER N CAN BE TRUSTE #viv n vex are so cool...theyre fuckin CRAAZYY N SCARYYY BUT ALSO. SO FUNNY... I LOVE A PUNNY JACKASS... 'LOOKS LIKE YOUVE BEEN: DISARMED!' #'IVE MADE THAT JOKE 6 TIMES AND ITS STILL FUNNY EVERYTIME' i gotta draw more of their bullshit... #im already doodling up the 'YOU CAN CALL ME MOMMY!!' bit. i gotta draw more o the monstors n the horrors too... especially emizels sire UGH #I LOVE VILLIAINS THAT ARE SO GENUINELY SCARY BUT SO FUNNY... charlie just does evil ppl like no one else idk what it ISSSS #okayokayoka y im normal im. relistening to the ep n im at the edward part. oh my god. i actually love him. he actually makes my skin crawl #IM DONEthats my rambles for tha day. back into my hole i go. also i have comms open. cmere pspspss i need moneyyy heyyyy cmereeeee #check out my main artblog. GO!!!

[narwhalandchill]

oh my fucking god i feel. SO stupid rn at How i didnt make the (super sane very normal just absolutely. Yes. Surely) connection earlier but uhh

so anyway im now like 89% certain that whatever the "traces" of the narwhal that remain on ajax and facilitate their (ever-growing) innate connection are like. an actually fundamental aspect of it (them?) more or less.

why? because if you consider its pov just for a moment. the narwhal was literally about to depart teyvat for good. it had nearly finished consuming the primordial sea and preparing to breach surface to finish the job by eating the french for the leftovers their human bodies were made from. its an interstellar voyager it does not linger on planets it devours. it goes glug glug and it leaves.

and like if it wasnt for traveler intervening its confirmed through narzissenkreuz and renes world formula that teyvat wouldve just been destroyed. no one could have stopped the narwhal not neuvillette not focalors not anyone.

so what was the one other thing it did right before going for that french brunch? calling for ajax. getting them reunited in the primordial sea. like all the possible implications aside bc theres many different ways to speculate on the exact reasons why and the nature of that link. the point remains.

it wasnt leaving teyvat without finding him.

like the narwhal is about to fucking Dip from this cringe planet and whatever part of it that ajax carries within himself his narwhal Absolutely wanted to be reunited with. what the fuck am i supposed to read from that. hoyo???????!??! answers?!?!?!

and its not only the calling from the narwhal side itself either bc this is ALL coinciding with the growth of a 'restless power' within ajax and his vision malfunctioning (the things celestia is literally confirmed to harvest energy thru to repair its damaged authority) and his connection with the narwhal reaching an actual conscious level (arguably subconscious n emotional too bc i find it Curious his mood is poor right as the narwhal is repeatedly described as positively malding to the point its boss fight mechanic is literally a rage meter). ajax' power is growing. his destiny is starting to shift and something is drawing him to fontaine... right as the narwhal is getting close to finished with the primordial sea. funny how it overlaps eh. how it aligns 🤨🤨 why are they orbiting each other like this (they should kiss)

(& not to even Mention how ajax just Happened to get that absolutely exponential and borderline unbelievable feat of power spike in extending his foul legacy endurance as massively as he did. while. within the primordial sea. with his narwhal. who had at that point all but incorporated the power of that sea into itself. i s2g if childe was getting passive home turf co-op bonus exp with a 4x multiplier automatically the whole 40+ days 💀💀)

#man the way its lovely reunion but tjen ajax fucking ATTACKS IT ON SIGHT you couldve gotten married!!!!11!1 fucking unbearable i am in agony #anyway contrary to popular belief we still have no fucking clue whether ajax' link to the narwhal was innate #skirk saying the traces remain on him after meeting it isnt saying tht much. the parts he shares w it couldve well been innate but dormant #instead. also just the fact that he woke it up already shady #then like. monoceros caeli being his from the beginning is completely plausible despite ppl acting like its been confirmed his const change #and like them being halves of the same entity on some lvl would make the narwhal being so weak without him n until ajax found it again #make very much. sense. anyway ajax toxicity jokes aside if the narwhal was just trying to eat him point blank without even a hello #i do get why hed react aggressively. but also bros been telling everyone n their mom hes fighting his narwhal the seconf he finds it again😔 #so i feel somewhat confident in assuming he started that 40+ days brawl #anyway if ajax Isnt the celestial narwhal on some level or possibly becoming it as their link grows. #riddle me this atheists. why is his 3rd phase boss theme. the song about His individual murderous rage at us #bc he thought he was outplayed by us. His personal wrath #whys the song for that called the wrath of the celestial narwhal. of the star swallowing whale. Hmmmge. his individual rage. #why does tusk of monoceros caeli speak of him embracing the narwhals innate qualities as embracing mere parts of Himself #funny how tjat goes!! (the OST n boss drop is not 100% serious theory but it does drive me insane. bc why would they phrase it like that) #anyway either theyre 2 halves same original entity or theyre soulmates idgaf . they should fold teyvat in half and eat it for brunch #aaand im going to be consumed by this realization for the next month wish me luck #WHY DID IT NEED HIM THERE SO BADLY???? HUH?????? #i mean relatable dont we all. but its sooooooooo inch resting. Curious indeed #rambles #genshin #childeposting #childe #narwhalposting

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

#i assume my followers are cool enough to let me give a brief measured critique on fandom trends and DotO #thanks for the anon question!! what fun! #i love billie lurk <333 #jumped on the opportunity to rant n rave #what part of billie isn't my fav! (im a guy who likes the bad stuff too. mmm interesting meta) #trying to be not unfair or mean- i'm not targeting anyone but rather trends. and it's ok to be disappointed with something you love #fuck it. make it part of the appeal! her writing sucks! plenty of room for me & other creators! #its easier for me to indulge my billie brainworms when it sorta feels like she's not getting as much love as she deserves #you know? i want stories where her history is explored and her agency is important so i guess i'll roll up my sleeves #tumblr is a terrible place for this sort of critique IMO- lots of nuanceless empathy-free guilt-trip-ish rhetoric #so i hope i avoided that. but not so much that i seem forgiving. #that said i'm not tagging this one with fandom tags! no thank you. #i am blaming arkane yes. but that is also not without games industry context #i could complain about amateurish writing but that also never happens in a vacuum. industry problem(s) for sure. #people love to blame writers for things #and yeah a couple really fucking good writers can push a boulder uphill #but its usually a company problem #hire lots of diverse people in your company. give them authority and respect and reasonable workloads. and no crunch. #ah fuck this is a separate essay in tags. again #THIS WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION #*clutches head in hands* #uh if you're still reading at this point im SO sorry and thank you and i love you

[cosmobrain00]

well🙂

#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up #surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha! #so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what #who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life #like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me #looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her” #n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly #like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them” #n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt #no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself #no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up #< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys #fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!! #anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back

[blazeismyname]

SINCE @rocksanddeadflowers SAID THEY'D LIKE TO READ!! IT'S A TAD EDITED FROM THE NOTESAPP ONE BUT URGH... IT DOESN'T LOSE THE SADNESS...

"L- listen to me Peter-" Jesse sobbed. He gripped his love's face, hand in fair. "Hold on... Please. At least wait until Liz is awake... she would want to say goodbye." Peter leaned into the warm hand of Jeese. "Jess.. Jess... I- It-... I don't want to pass... I want to be there for you.. and Liz... and Nastya... Jonny... You all need me... But-" "Please, Peter. Please... We'll get Carmilla. She'll shave your life. You'll get to be there. You'll get to see the kids grow up... and see Nastya become queen... see the kids get married to their loves like us... You'll get to be there when me and Lizzie are old- and you me and Liz will die together. You're not dying now," Jesse begged. He gripped him tighter and pulled Peter to him, their foreheads touching. "It..." Peter started to cry harder. "It hurts Jess... I- I- Love you... all...." and then Peter went cold in Jesse's hands. "No! NO!" Jesse's shouted, his cries drowning out Lizzie's sleep. She rolled over. "J- Jess? What's wrong? Where's Peter?" "They fucking killed him, Elizabeth. He's dead..." Jesse went silent for a minute. "He didn't want to leave us..." Lizzie processed it for a moment before breaking down. "He- he's dead...? Peter?" Jesse let go of his lifeless love gently and turned and hugged Lizzie. "He has a gash in his chest... they stabbed him... Lizzie, I don't want you to look." "He.. he really is..." She clung to Jesse, a pain being sent through her. A physical and emotional one. "How long was he-" "Only a few minutes. He couldn't hold on long enough to say goodbye to you..." Jesse buried his face in Lizzie's neck. "He said he loved us all though. The handsome son of a bitches last words were 'I love you all'..." Lizzie laughed, only briefly. "Of course it was." "What are we going to do? What the hell are we going to do? They're probably coming for us next... or the kids- Gods, I'll murder someone if they lay a hand on Nastya or Jonny," Jesse hissed. Lizzie pulled him closer. "We'll figure this out later..." She began to cry harder, physical pains piercing her. "Love-" Jesse recoiled, pain being sent through him too. "I'm not going to hear his voice-" Lizzie squeaked through tears. "We're not going to hear his stupidly sweet voice... he's never going to hold me or you again, Jesse." Jesse pulled her closer, their everything being shared and known. The door quietly opened. "Papa? Pere? Mama?" "N- Nastya... baby girl... get Jonny and Carmilla.." Lizzie croaked. "Where is Pe- " Nastya was hit with a flood of emotion. She ran out of the room quickly.

#the consequences of creation and love #writing #I am fucking sobbing #They can't even recover from the emotional pain when the poison kicks in... SOBS #“N- Nastya... baby girl... get Jonny and Carmilla” #UGH!!! THE WHOLE PART WHERE JEESE IS DESCRIBING HOW PETER WONT DIE #HOW HE'LL GET TO SEE IT ALL #ONLY FOR PETER TO PASS IN HIS ARMS #IM PHYSICALLY CRYING #“You'll get to see the kids grow up... and see Nastya become queen... see the kids get married to their loves like us...” #“You'll get to be there when me and Lizzie are old- and you me and Liz will die together.” #IM CRYING REALLY HARD #WHY MUST I DO THIS TO MYSELF

[avisisisis]

Every time I fall in love with something that was inspired by a religion, mythology, etc and I get invested in the religion/mythology/idk only to realize that the OG version is nothing like the version I saw first, I die a little on the inside

#i always end up being like “what the fuck is up w this. the og would never do that” #or like “hey no they changed this part i really like!! :(” #w lmk i'm like “GOD why the FUCK did he loose to the JADE EMPEROR he DID NOT DO THAT IN JTTW UGGH” #like i get it. it's an adaptation. it's not going to be like the og BUT IT STILL HURTS ME #there's also the fear that they'll mess up tripitaka's character during s5 #because in s4 we see him put on the circlet himself. n unless it was like in jttw #where guanyin gave it to him. then it'd fucking suck to put smth on a living being KNOWING WHAT IT DOES #tripitaka i won't be able to defend you if you do this </3 #also w pjo. rick i love you but that is NOT ares #the pjo fandom infuriates me too. the way they demonize the gods and refuse to see them as actual CHARACTERS #they're not the little devil of the story who don't care at all they're more complicated than that #BUT PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE THIS BC THEY EITHER DIDN'T READ TOA OR DON'T GET TOA #avis talks

[48787]

New Transmission The fucking Scientific Instrument Class Pseudocons apparently developed what they're calling "Hetero Sapience" and are corrupting the brainmodules of the non-Pseudo 'cons around them by using annoying xenophilosophy words. Soundwave tells me they're 'Greek' and 'Latin' words, apparently. Cool, I guess? Anyway, if you see any SI Class 'cons causing... issues, just try your hardest to turn your brainmodule off before you start getting infected with their weird lingo, alongside all the other issues pertaining to letting the SI Pseudocons transmit data into your brainmodule in their own weird ways. Thundercracker, on a bet with Starscream, tried to get into an argument with one of them and his head literally exploded when it started talking about Alpha Trion's "Mythological Origins" in its weird dialect. He's mostly fine, CR Pods are working at 'peak' efficiency, but the facial reconstruction is apparently impossible due to some kind of corruption. I thought it was just some weird prank but there weren't even any scorch marks or anything. Just exploded. So yeah, just avoid optical contact and auditory contact to the best of your ability and you should be fine. Otherwise, try to force-shutdown your brainmodule if you can. Shockwave is working on a cure right now, mostly because I know he had something to do with this in the first place so he's going to be the one to fix it. He probably wanted a greater justification to do that weird data-transfer idea he mentioned previously. But it also explains the weird Thunderwing hypotheticals he's been asking me lately... Can I go one fucking cycle without someone trying to "Perfect Thunderwing's Work" or whatever other idiotic drivel that I keep finding our limited energon reserves siphoned into?? It's not even a Shockwave thing, it's like every damn Cybertronian these days thinks they have the "Missing piece of the puzzle" or whatever. In fact, Shockwave might be doing this as a weird threat against the other R&D 'cons to cement himself as the one and only Decepticon "Allowed" to have resources wasted on projects like that. Ugh, now that I think about it, that's probably a correct assumption and he's probably gonna expect me to thank him for it later. Ugh, and he's probably literally right. Ugh. At least his repairs both to himself and to his lab seem to be mostly complete so further research into the SI project should hopefully come along a little faster. Both Shockwave and Soundwave think the SIs could potentially be used as some kind of specialty weapon, but we'll have to see how they work on sparkless lifeforms, like biological lifeforms or xenomechanical lifeforms. The SIs don't seem to corrupt each other, but Shockwave keeps reaffirming that they're not "Sparkless Lifeforms" because they "were never lifeforms to begin with"... but I think he's trying to hide something. Usually Soundwave is the one to pick up on that kind of technological obfuscation, but he actually agreed with Shockwave and offered to send Ratbat to try to work out exactly what each "sapient" SI is now capable of on a personal level. We could have just had regular Cybertronians aboard to fill the role SIs fill. I would've preferred K Class to fill any role an SI could fill in all honesty!! But no, constructing cold wasn't enough, we just had to try to learn how to "Construct Frozen" and the "Absolute Zeroes" just had to be put on my ship. Whatever. I've probably said too much already. This was supposed to be a warning for my ship crew, but it's looking like it'll end up being transcribed on the golden disk as well so when this new Scientific Instruments of Destruction project backfires in some absurdly bombastic way there will at least be something remaining that says I was right. End of Transmission

New Transmission Okay so I was right, but so was Shockwave and Soundwave. Or, well, they were right just enough to make sure the backfire is postponed for at least another handful of cycles. Ratbat is still in CR from the investigation, but the cure Shockwave developed seems to be effective and Thundercracker is out and aiding the repair effort. Shockwave is now in contact with one of the SIs digitally and the other few are... integrating due to the personal efforts of Soundwave. I suppose now would be pertinent to mention not all the SIs developed the "Hetero Sapience" condition, many of them are safe for interaction. Soundwave is also currently monitoring their presence, Ravage is tasked with the regular SIs and Laserbeak is tasked with the "Sapient" SIs. Shockwave probably knows exactly what caused this event but he is preoccupied with the one he no doubt is either indoctrinating or ruthlessly interrogating. Report to Soundwave if you see any suspicious behavior, he has been working very hard to ensure the SIs have their purpose clearly defined (And closely monitored). And, Starscream, stop trying to convince the SIs that you are the leader of this ship. Not only have the majority of your efforts been wasted on subsentient automata, the only one you have actually found who possesses the ability to truly listen to you immediately came to the bridge to complain about you. They were the first sapient SI I communicated with directly and it was because they felt the need to complain about you. I almost feel embarrassed for you. Come back to the bridge so you can apologize to it or so I can teach it how to laugh at you. It's practicing right now actually! This moment of chaos should hopefully be largely under control now, the actual "population" of Scientific Instrument Class Pseudocons was actually quite fewer than initially expected due to an indexing error incorrectly labeling certain shells as SI class. At the very least, we have some more specialty warriors because of it all. End of Transmission EOF

#yippie peace through tyranny!! #nemesis posting #Decepticon High Command Slice of Life rambles #Matrix Visions #I like this “chat” font I think it's cool #spacebridge still needs more time in the oven unfortunately #I'm also procrastinating on that because I can't seem to wrap my head around guestmount but do not want to send backup files one at a time #wegh. It'll get done. Eventually. #I'll have so much more bullshit once I actually finish the damn comic my wife radically altered my life with hehehe #I cannot wait to start posting about Alpharius Trionicon. He's the fucking worst if you couldn't tell by name alone and I love him so much #Anyway I just had a very specific joke/pun in my head in the shower then it turned into a whole *thing* like it usually does. #I usually don't explain shit but the shower idea centered around getting the SI acronym to work for hyper specific jokes. #Still can't decide if I want to lock in on “Scientific Instrument” because it fits *so well* for *so many reasons* #But “Synthetic Intelligence” is more generic in a more understandable way... Eeh.. It's a little *too* generic. “Instrument” is cooler. #Once my wife helps me understand her lil fucker more I'll come up with an even shitter joke using “Y/N” so I can do Y/N x SI x SI bullshit! #Oh! The matrix triune project is coming along slowly as well!! I think I mentioned that microphone project once or twice now hehe #I'm gonna make so many shitty covers of songs once I get the soundproofing to start focusing on vocal training stuff #It's been quite a fun time aboard the nemesis!! There's so much to “Blog” about that it's hard to really know when to start *or* stop hehe! #And the fact that all these projects are all interwoven is so fucking wonderful!! I FINALLY feel able to fully grasp my own focus!! #My brain is like a particle collider for certain interests now. I can reliably just.. Spit things out and tie it into the other interests! #It's sometimes exhausting but in such a new way. Like a relieving exhaustion? #Still figuring that part out!! #Anyway that's enough personal project vagueposting I should really be getting back to work hehe this was fun

[im-smart-i-swear]

eeneks sister having a fuck ton of scars, but later most of them being revealed as just from her childhood/from mundane accidents is so fucking funny to me for some reason.........

#like of course a lot of her scars ARE blade of marmora -related #but a significant part of em are just. eens scratches n bites & the results of mundane fuck ups #god. i hate calling her 'eeneks sister' all the time. i NEED to find a good name for her asap!!!!!! #constantly calling one of your only female characters '[someone]s sister/daughter/etc' feels wrong and this woman deserves better than that #also. ignore the scar placement. it WILL change #i am incapable of drawing scars consistently #and im still figuring out her design #my funky guys #my art #im a little bit obsessed with her. shes like a sad wet cat to me #shes so cool and cringe at the same time<333 #20 something who spent her entire adult life as a marmora solider and is now trying very hard to learn how to be Normal(its not going well) #girl has issues #love that for her<3 #ive been on an eenek kick lately. thinking about this fucked up family 24/7. i love them #theyre all so funny to me. this family of three has so much drama its like a fuckin soap opera in here. its ridicoulus #also #taks thinks this woman is soooo cool and badass. i mean she is but shes also a wreck. #taks takes after eenek and idolises their sister. paralells ig??? #this girl sees a purple alien and asks 'is anyone gonna use this guy as their role model for the next couple of years??' #and doesnt wait for an answer

[luck-of-the-drawings]

EPISODE 2 AND 3 HAVE BEEN SOOOO FUN im already so emotionally attached to each of these characters.. if anything bad ever happens to any of them im killing everyone and then everyone.

#cw blood #cw vomiting #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #ARTHUR BENNETS DRY HUMOR IS SOOO FUCKIN FUNNY OH MY GOOODDD the sleepin upside down bit omg.. #i love drawing him with just the same stoic expression. he is a stone cold pillar of ice to me. one that loves his little kitty kittyyyyy #i loved watching him work with emizel aswell the dynamic is SOO FUN #I LOVE THAT EMIZEL IS SO FOND OF CATS TOO LIKE RAAAHH THATS SO SWEET.. pepper is his favorite cat.... #the part with him defending pepper was SO CUTE UGHH i love emizel he is so small and sharp and pointy AND YET #there is LOVE IN THAT BOYS MOSTLY DEAD HEART I TEEELLL YOU HWAT!!! and in other news: #i love love love the concept of 'royal shut-in gets lost in the big city' MY BABY BOY SHILOOO I ADORE HIMMMM #AND DEACON WAS SOOOO NICE TO HIM givin him a place to stay n helpin him dress up for the party and taking him around town to see the sights #im in love with deacon i love him soooo much. AND ALSO. ABOUT SHILO. #HE CAN EAT FOOOOOD LIKE SURE THE GARLIC GOT HIM BUT WE GGOOOTTA GIVE HIM A MILKSHAKE OR SMTH #LIKE I THOUGHT IN THE FIRST EPISODE WHEN HE SIPPED SODY N NOTHING HAPPENED. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUSTA FLUKE #BUT NO ITS A PATTERN ITSA PATTERN HE CAN EAT FOOD!!! BABY BOY CAN EAT FOOOD!!!!!!! FEED HIM MORE FOOD!!! food is the best human creation #I HOPE MORE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THESE BOYS. especially since. well. okay so ive seen the 4th episode. sigh. #like holy fuck. hey ep4? what the fuck? hey you just let that happen? what the fuck. what the FUCK. EPISODE 4. HEY WHAT THE FUCK #THAT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN. OH MY GOD. THIS BETTER END WELL. IN TWO WEEKS I KNOW YALLRE GONNA BE SCREAMIN TOO BC OHHH MY GLOD. WHAT THE FUCK #EPSIDOE FOUR STILL HAS ME FUCKED UP SO BAD OH MY GOD. I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHYYYYYY. NOOOOOOO!

[scrawnytreedemon]

hi! it’s me. tumblr user renegaderhapsodos coming to you live from your inbox(wow!)

what is a crack headcanon that you rotate in your head constantly/semi constantly?

personally for me it’s the one my sister forced upon me, that being dio brando was cloud strife’s dad the whole time.

WOAH cris!!! no way!!!!!

THAT'S SO FUCKING GOOD OML 😭😭😭 HE COULD... HE WOULD... adding to the crackshit crackcanon family tree. President Shinra move out the way, Dio can get it!

You've stumbled upon a can of worms, the issue now being which one I get to pick out. My whole mind is insane crack-headcanons. I build dynasties off these crack-canons!

I guess while not crack-crack, I do rotate the theory of Cloud potentially being one of President Shinra's bastards. We have two confirmed bastards, Lazard Deusericus and Evan Townshend, both of whom are blond and blue-eyed, like the President and Rufus, and Cloud. How Claudia Strife hit it off with the most powerful man on the planet beats me, but the guy has his ways.

This also makes all interactions between Cloud and Rufus much funnier to me because I am a sick bastard.

I hope this shall suffice 🙏

#scrawny rambles #scrawny answers #ffvii #cloud strife #and dio brando too ig #to be clear i *rotate* it i don't necessarily stand by it in any meaningful sense #i've heard other people hate it when everyone in a given property is related to each other #but to me that's the funniest fucking shit i love it #it's why i kept watching once up/n a t/me even after it got bad #i just HAD to see what other nonsense they could pull #that shit is like crack to me #you MUST understand! #plus small world ykno ykno #world's worst community 😭 #but yes so true bestie dio brando would totally father cloud strife #i still need to pick it up again (was reading the part 3 manga before losing my place in the pdf) #but isn't one of the later characters one of his kids? that guy can get it on #even and especially between space and time #nothing stops dio

[sheilaerinniperonista]

God jotaro is so funny. does araki know he made the funniest character ever like accidentally.

#fugo.txt #jjba #like he went thru all that n became the second transmasc absent father #(right after dio) #and also. all his fuckig family members are younger than him. his uncle is 16 and his adopted aunt is an invisble newborn #his great gruncle is also 16. while his great grandpa died in the 1800's #dio fucked up the joestar bloodline so fucking much btw jesus christ #he didnt end it but he rlly did fukc it up so badly #anyways there are like a 1000 ways jotaro is hilarious. i love u jotaro u shouldve been in more parts. for fun. #rohan doesnt matter and hes in more parts on account of being arakis gay self insert... unjust to me

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this