#not quite long essek

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

From vintage blorbos Benjamin Linus and Erik Lehnsherr to a far more modern obsession, it’s the burnout grad student prodigy with the pocket black hole.

#bless this dumbass #I've already said quite a bit about Essek so I'll keep mum in the tags here #browse my CR tag for more #WAY too much more #it's been a long pandemic #'seems like a lot of your favorites have elemental powers' corRECT

[zyinn-corner]

I have procrastinated this long enough that I should just post it

Demon Molly, Cat witch Caleb, and Vampire Essek! Below is just some setting/ story that was brewing in my mind while I was drawing this. If you want to read it, beware of grammar mistakes that I have probably made. I'm not that good with language/writing and it's kinda long?

Cat witch Caleb who lost his memories of quite a large chunk of his life and for some reason that he can't remember, can't hide his cat ears and tail to have his full human form back. Which he knows instinctively that he should be able to do. He has been living a quiet and kind of isolated life with his cat familiar in a forest under the protection of vampire Essek. One day a lost demon, Molly, somehow gets past the protective barrier that Essek has set around Caleb's area to hide and protect Caleb from people who appear in Caleb's nightmares who might be real, who will want to hunt Caleb down and hurt him. Caleb can't seem to retain the memories of the appearances of those people who appeared in his nightmares. Molly asks Caleb's help to find a specific rare flower for his best friend and to help lead him out of the thick forest. After some convincing and promise that he will protect Caleb and his cat, Caleb agrees.

Caleb hasn't really spent any time with a demon before (or if he had, he can't remember) and Molly who is not careful enough (is he really though? Or does he do this on purpose?) accidentally entered into a pact with each other. Essek, who had a verbal pact with Caleb, is not that pleased about the situation. He stays by Caleb's side more often now, being protective because he is worried and he doesn't trust this demon that comes from nowhere, yet. Essek knows that Molly is hiding something. Caleb and Essek have been pining for each other for a while now. After spending some time with Molly, Caleb realizes he is starting to fall for Molly too. Molly who had loved Caleb before Caleb even realized it, has a talk with Essek, and they both agree that they can share Caleb, as long as Caleb is happy with the arrangement. So yeah, Caleb has two purple boyfriends here! :D

If you are wondering, Molly did know Caleb during the years that Caleb lost. He tried to save Caleb and sort of half succeeded? He did manage to get Caleb out of the bad situation but also lost him in the process. He had been trying to search for Caleb for quite some time now without much hope. The last time he saw Caleb before they were separated, Caleb was on the cusp of death. I imagine Caleb was in the care of Essek for at least 4 or 5 years before Molly stumbled upon Caleb again.

Molly is hesitant to bring up the past after learning Caleb doesn't recognize him and also doesn't remember what happened during those years. He is not one that likes to bring up the past anyway.

The only reason Molly manages to get past the barrier without having to force his way in is because subconsciously, Caleb still trusts Molly. Essek had set up the barrier so that only people that Essek or Caleb trusted could get through it without problems.

Also, do I tag this as shadowidomauk when technically it's widomauk and shadowgast? Essek and Molly are not really in a romantic relationship with each other here.

#mollymauk tealeaf #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #widomauk #shadowgast #critical role #critical role fanart #critrole #critical role art #zyinn art

[critrolesideblog]

A little ficlet inspired by this post by @thevalleyisjolly

"Welcome home, dear."

Essek glided across the threshold with his usual grace. He let his disguise of warm, brown skin and small, rounded ears fall away with his cloak as he placed it on his usual hook with a well-practiced flourish. His hands found to their usual places on Caleb's neck and waist, grasping firmly as he pulled him in for a kiss. But Caleb noted there was something unusual about him. More than his usual happiness and relief at arriving safely, there was bright delight twinkling like stars in his eyes and a smile peeking out from the corners of his lips.

"I have gossip," he announced, breaking into a proper grin, and Caleb laughed.

"Ach, I should have known."

Essek's grin only widened as their hands interlaced and they began the ascent up the stairs to the bedroom that housed the tower entrance.

"During the lunch break at the symposium, conversation at my table turned to the unfortunate absence of a certain Zemnian transmutation specialist."

"Oh, boy."

"What's-her-name heard he took down the Cerberus Assembly single-handed, and so-and-so was hoping to gain a glimpse of Widogast's Transmogrification. And didn't you know, one Xalser Tecklaras heard Professor Widogast was quite handsome as well as an excellent speaker! Handsome in a roguish sort of way, so-and-so heard! What a pity! Tecklaras was hoping to make his acquaintance! Did anyone know if he was married?"

Caleb could feel his cheeks starting to redden. Essek's grin turned mischievous with a quick flash of fang as he watched Caleb's reaction sidelong.

"Of course, I heard that Professor Widogast has quite the history of romantic entanglements -- lovers of all variety seen entering and exiting his home --"

"Oh my gods."

"And one, Professor Talib, was only too happy to verify my account! She heard much the same from Archmage Becke of Rexxentrum."

Caleb paused before the tower door to roll his eyes and sigh long-sufferingly. What happens when you get a bunch of wizards in one place? They gossip like Schulkinder.

"Ah, but Professor Ieteru saved the best for last," Essek leaned in closely, eyes ablaze. He was squeezing Caleb's hand tightly, and his dimples were showing as he smiled widely, lit by the arcane glow of the door. "She heard from someone in Yios, who heard from someone in Emon, who heard from someone in Nicodranas, that Professor Widogast is not human at all, but actually… a dragon."

Caleb stared, mouth agape.

"W--was?"

"That is not even the best part," Essek gasped, sweet laughter dancing through his words. "Most of the other professors agreed!" He leaned forward, closing the small gap between them, resting his head against Caleb's shoulder as he struggled to stay upright, his body shaking with mirth. "The point of contention was not whether you were a dragon, but what sort of dragon you were! Ieteru insisted gold, Talib, white, and Tecklaras, blue!"

Caleb stood there a moment, alternating between shocked processing of this new information and savoring his lover's closeness.

"Well, what did you say to that?" He asked at last.

Essek straightened, his smile positively wicked.

"I told them I knew for a fact the correct color was copper."

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #my writing tag

[sky-scribbles]

One thing that interests me about where Caleb is emotionally in the twoshot is that while we haven’t got confirmation either way yet (I think), it’s entirely possible that this is before he goes with Essek to Aeor and destroys the T-Dock.

It’s definitely vague - Liam describes Caleb keeping in touch with Essek ‘the first six months to a year’, seemingly with the intention of going to Aeor with him in some point during that time. Matt doesn’t specify when exactly Essek leaves Vurmas, either. But let’s assume for the sake of argument that Liam was picturing the Aeor date trip happening something like six to twelve months after the end of Campaign 2.

If that’s the case, then there’s a good chance that Mighty Nein Reunited happens before that time. And that’s... really interesting. Because if that’s true, the Caleb who’s giving a lecture on Transmutation magic, and the why of how you use it, is a Caleb facing up to the idea that soon he’s going to have to make a decision about whether he’ll use that magic to save his parents. It’s a Caleb who’s really strongly considering the whys behind his desire to do that. It’s  a Caleb thinking hard about what his decision will be, and thinking about what will happen if he decides against it.

It’s a Caleb who is slowly, slowly, easing himself into the life he could have - as a teacher, the thing he always wanted to become. A Caleb who is perhaps starting to realise I can have a future, with my friends around me, shaping these bright young minds. And yet it’s a Caleb who hasn’t quite brought himself to take the teaching job yet - not for himself, not for Beau, who wants a man on the inside.

Because this is a Caleb who has not yet taken the decision to destroy the T-Dock, and as long as that’s the case, Caleb has not committed to this future he’s building. Because when Caleb destroys the Dock, he is forgiving himself. He is stepping away from that awful, aching desire to Undo the Bad Thing, because that’s the only way he can think of to exist after what he did. Destroying the ability to amend his past is  Caleb committing to his future.

It’s entirely possible that Caleb in the twoshot is still carrying a book of letters to his parents in his book holsters. Caleb has not quite yet opened himself to that grief yet, has not truly allowed himself to mourn Una and Leofric.

And it’s so wonderful to me to imagine that it’s after all this - after seeing Uk’otoa threaten again and seeing such clear evidence that happiness is hard, and complicated, and sometimes living still hurts, but your friends will pull together anyway to get you through it - that’s when he takes Essek to Aeor, and they turn towards the future. Caleb lets the grief in, and begins the long, slow, tricky journey of processing and mourning and healing.

And maybe after that, Caleb thinks about that teaching position and thinks, yes. I’m ready now.

#critical role #the idea that this is post-aeor-date is also interesting #for a whole different bunch of reasons #but i admit this is my favourite option #mighty nein reunited #caleb widogast #c2 #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers

[beauregardlionett]

Yasha was standing outside in their yard, staring up at the rippling lights in the sky, when a shadowed figure came rushing up the road toward the house. Immediately on guard, Yasha summoned Light to her hand and held it out in front of her, trying to catch a glimpse of features, of intention.

“Who’s there?” Yasha called, voice gruff and low, a tone she hadn’t had to use in years.

“Yasha,” a familiar voice called from the shadows. “It’s me.”

The figure stepped closer, hair ruffled and cloak askew, but his frazzled expression familiar.

“Essek?” Yasha said, suprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I was visiting Zadash on business when things...changed. Have you felt the shift in magic?” Essek wrung his hands together, brow furrowed with confused agitation.

Yasha hesitated before she nodded slowly, wary of admitting the way she had felt her connection with Kord falter. She had thought they were long past unstable connections and the need to prove herself. But if what Essek was saying was true, then maybe this time it wasn’t on her.

“I’ve felt Kord...getting distant. But I thought it was just me. You’re saying there’s something else going on?”

“It’s not all magic,” Essek clarified, running a stressed hand through his hair and sighing. Yasha had seen this expression before, half fascinated and half frustrated at a problem he couldn’t quite work out. “I’ve tested a few different spells, and I can still cast. The issue is that any time I try to use my Sending stone to contact Caleb, all that comes back is a rush of static. My transportation magic isn’t working, either.”

Yasha’s stomach had already bottomed out by the time Essek looked up at her, eyes desperate. They both knew Beau and Caleb were off together, chasing down another lead on Ludinus and the Assembly. But that was all they knew - not where or why or finer details that could put them in danger.

Essek didn’t even need to ask. Yasha was already digging into her pocket to wrap trembling fingers around the smooth, familiar surface of her Sending stone.

“Beau?” Yasha called as soon as she swiped her thumb over the rune to make it glow. “Beau, baby, are you there? Please answer me, if you can hear me. Let me know you and Caleb are okay. I love you.”

There was a moment of quiet as the rune’s glow faded. Then a faint ring of static reached Yasha’s ears, swelling with pressure against the inside of her eardrum. Just when Yasha thought she might lose the battle against her will and scream, it cut off.

She looked up from the stone in her hand to meet Essek’s gaze. He looked back at her, already aware of her result.

“What do we do?” Yasha asked, voice strained as her grip tightened on the stone. She had always used this one connection to Beau as an anchor when her wife was on missions. Now, it provided no comfort. “Where do we even start? We don’t know where they are.”

“I may have let my curiosity get the better of me and snuck a look at some of Caleb’s documents,” Essek confessed, not looking contrite in the least. There was instead a determined set to his brow as he finally straightened out his cloak. Yasha knew stubborn resolve when she saw it. In response, she tucked her stone away and squared her shoulders.

“They’re in Marquet, in the Hellcatch Valley.”

Yasha felt her resolve falter. They were so far away, a completely different continent on the other side of the ocean. If Essek’s transportation magic wouldn’t get them there...

Turning on her heel, Yasha marched back into the house, leaving Essek baffled on her lawn. A few moments later, she returned, armor fastened over her gardening shirt and sword strapped to her back. The Light faded from her hand as she locked the door behind her and bid her garden a silent farewell. Rejoining Essek in the grass, she gestured back toward Zadash, jaw set.

“Let’s go,” Yasha prompted before striding toward the road.

“Sorry?” Essek asked, scrambling after her and looking confused. “Where are we going? How do you plan on getting to Marquet?”

“We’re going to the Cobalt Soul archive. They might have some way to get us there.”

“And if they do not?”

Yasha rolled her shoulders and breathed out an intentional exhale.

“My wife is missing,” Yasha said, voice low and simple. “They better come up with something.”

#writing #cr #critical role #c3e51 #c3e50 #beauyasha #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #caleb widogast #essek theyless #shadowgast #cracklepop #empire siblings #empire kids #my writing

[utilitycaster]

You know the meta I said I'd write that people would be weird about? Or even if you didn't? Here we go: welcome to "Caleb was in love with Jester, but the fact that this was unrequited is what makes this so crucial to his story."

Caleb developed romantic feelings for Jester fairly early in Campaign 2; the turning point is widely considered to be when they dance together when he's drunk in Hupperdook and she helps put him to bed. He nursed these feelings secretly for much of the campaign. Liam also outright stated, in the famous "bisexual maestrom" quote on Talks, that he also had some degree of romantic feelings or sexual attraction towards Essek, Astrid, and Eadwulf, concurrently.

Caleb also considered these feelings for Jester to be "useless". Liam used that exact term on Talks [Discussing 2x96], and stated at that time that Caleb felt Beau or Fjord would be a better partner for Jester. He saw his feelings as a "problem"; they interfered with his other plans.

The song "She" by Dodie, which was initially on Liam's playlist for Caleb regarding Jester, and was taken off due to complaints about it being about a bi woman longing for another woman, is also, more relevantly to its inclusion, about an unrequited love the singer themself believes is unrequited, and has no intentions of acting upon ("Oh, oh/and I'll be okay/Admiring from afar/Cause even when she's next to me/We could not be more far apart/Cause she tastes like birthday cake, and storytime, and fall/But to her I taste of nothing at all").

In the campaign wrap-up, Liam reiterated that it was his intention for Caleb to pine in silence, and that he feared Jester intuiting Caleb's feelings or asking him directly.

(below a cut for length)

Caleb's behavior on Rumblecusp can be interpreted as him tentatively feeling out Jester's feelings towards him. Per Laura's statements in the same campaign wrap-up, Jester was unaware of Caleb's feelings. Onscreen, during the Rumblecusp arc, Jester repeatedly took Caleb's advances and then turned to Fjord (Caleb casting Tongues on her and her using it to talk to Fjord; Caleb mentioning she looked ill and her asking Fjord to feel her forehead). He immediately then proceeds to commit to a new plan for the future - one which still would not make a compatible life for Jester (excising the rot within the Empire); pushes Jester towards Fjord while dancing and deliberately avoids dancing with her; and finally tells her about his past, something which he had always avoided doing. Jester (and Caduceus) were very carefully excluded from Caleb's confidence until this time.

One can, and I do, interpret Caleb's choice to tell Jester about his past in episode 110 as him truly saying goodbye to the possibility of a relationship. It is notable that by this point, he had learned that he and Essek had quite a lot in common, particularly pertaining to their feelings about themselves and their pasts, which had always been the defining barrier in why he felt he had to protect Jester from knowing the truth of his past. Jester symbolized a person Caleb felt he would have loved had he not been subjected to his trauma. And so, him finally telling her really feels like a turning point, where he accepts he must relinquish his control over how she sees him.

Not long after, in Eiselcross, Caleb notices that Jester and Fjord appear to be romantically involved (in a scene entirely prompted by Liam), and begins to process those feelings.

In short, for most of the campaign, Caleb never intended to tell Jester how he felt. He made a very minimal foray into exploring whether perhaps she felt the same way, but only after he found that he had another serious romantic option (and, out of game, at a point where he knew Jester had other romantic options). He then immediately backed off when he felt she was more interested in someone else, all without ever revealing how he felt to her. Indeed, there's something to be said by how profoundly Caleb's relationship to Jester was defined by his silence with her specifically (as compared to the rest of the Mighty Nein) - about his past, about his feelings, and about what he thought of her own choices.

In that same episode of Talks Machina (for 2x96), Liam remarked, in the context of Beau's deal with Isharnai, that Caleb was often uncomfortable criticizing others, because he felt he was not a good enough person to do so. It can be argued he was able to pursue something with Essek both because he finally, by that time, had developed a stronger sense of self worth; but also here was someone who had similar enough sins for him to feel as though he could come to them as an equal - regardless of whether you agree on the moral equivalence of their past choices, it is pretty strongly stated that Caleb feels this way.

The above could be seen as a condemnation of Caleb, and, for what it's worth, it isn't intended to. I think Caleb's guilt, and how he grapples with it slowly throughout the campaign, is central to the character. I think it's explored beautifully, in a realistic and nonlinear fashion (notably with the Vergesson Sanatorium, which occurs after Caleb has been otherwise on a pretty significant turn towards recovery). I think it is very real and understandable that he wants to keep the darkness of his past from someone whom he sees as its opposite, even though it means he has to keep his distance from her as a result. I admire Liam's willingness to explore some of the difficult, messy, and even ugly aspects of Caleb's trauma response.

I also happen to like Caleb's love for Jester as part of the story. It feels very genuine and makes sense as part of his arc; as Liam says, she makes him laugh again after a very long time when he wasn't sure he could. It's absolutely beautiful, and incredibly important to the story of Caleb healing. But part of that healing is Caleb realizing that what he wants and what Jester wants are incompatible, and making his peace with that.

Caleb is quite self-aware and brutally honest regarding his feelings for Jester, and quickly realizes that there is not sufficient room to accommodate Jester in the life he wants. Earlier on, he can only see so far as going through time to rescue his parents, and as he cannot even bring himself to tell Jester about his past, he cannot share that goal with her, the way he does with Veth and Beau. Later, as he begins to see past that moment, and imagine what his life might look like if he continues to live, he reconnects with his childhood desire to become a teacher, and his feelings evolve from wishing to escape the Empire or work against it, to wishing to correct the wrongs within it and be a force for good from the inside. But this is, as previously stated, also incompatible with Jester's desire for adventure, and more seriously, with her religious beliefs and her desire to return home to the coast. This, too, is directly stated by Liam; that Caleb knew he would not give up his life to give Jester the one she wanted, and this was a factor in him believing she would be happier with someone else whose future was more in line with hers.

In many ways, the best comparison to Caleb's feelings for Jester are his feelings towards Frumpkin: an incredibly crucial part of Caleb's healing process and character development throughout the campaign, and something that will always hold meaning for him, but something that represents an attachment to a different possibility he has since lost. He understands that with both, he must let them go in order to actually resume his life.

It is telling that in that dance back in Hupperdook, Caleb calls her Astrid. Jester is an echo of his past from the moment he begins having feelings for her, and never quite fits as a partner in his present. Which isn't to say it could never have happened, but it would have required Caleb to change so profoundly he would be unrecognizable: it would have required him turning his back on the Empire entirely, rather than trying to fix what was wrong, so that he could adventure with her as she dreamed of doing. It would have also required him loosing his vise grip on Jester's good opinion of him and risking her rejection, something he only does when holding back would put the entire party in danger. In-story, Caleb always knew he could never make those compromises for her.

Caleb's plan to bring back his parents - which is an incredibly smart and time-travel genre-savvy one - relies on his past self being unaware his parents survived, lest he create a paradox. Even in the scenario in which he undoes the harm to his parents, he knows can never truly undo the harm to himself. He is never the person he thought could truly be Jester's partner. That version of Caleb died long ago. The arc of his story throughout the campaign is him piecing together a person who can exist and grow and love again. Jester is incredibly important to that, but she is not its end point.

I started writing this before second half of the Nein two-shot aired, and I would like to add that I interpret the six month gap when the Nein were not getting together regularly as, among many other things, Caleb giving himself time to get over these feelings. I hope the above makes it clear that I think they were very real and very important, but also very much one-sided from a person who, within the narrative, expected them and indeed somewhat hoped for them to remain one-sided.

#cr discourse #long post #meta

[beedreamscape]

VERY LONG POST EXPLORING C3 AND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE MIGHT NOT LIKE IT/MY PERSONAL GRIPES WITH IT.

I ended up exploring a bit of that Reddit community of critical role fans (not the main one) where they basically gather together and commiserate how much they hate C3. It's frustrating to read because at some point you can tell they make no effort to engage positively with the campaign and have a penchant for hating anything about it.

But, from the perspective of someone with very little emotional connection to the past campaigns, I kinda get why C3 feels so different and, in my opinion, it's all about personal stakes for the characters.

As writers, we constantly hear that we must give the characters something personal to care about so that the reader may care about the plot - yeah city-destroying laser beam is a big stake, but if main character's loved one will be used as a sacrifice to the aliens to activate the laser beam unless they do something, the tension doubles.

And with a shallow look over the arcs of the past campaigns, especially the fans' favourites, a pattern I find is of those with heavy personal stakes:

People often point the Briarwoods arc as a favourite. It's not just about bringing down the powerful Briarwoods, it's about avenging Percy's family and bringing his beloved Whitestone back to its past glory, all mixed with the fighting of personal demons.

We also got Vax'ildans overarching arc with the Raven Queen and Scanlan's with Kaylie and his self-worth/discovery in the party.

In campaign three, the struggle of Fjord getting over Uk'otoa's influence and turning to the Wildmother, rediscovering himself. Bright Queen's Favor with freeing Yuza, uncovering Nott's past, grappling with their preconceptions of the empire and the dynasty, and meeting Essek. Losing then Recovering Yasha from Obann. Traveler Con.

This post about the first third of the C2 comparing it to C1 explains quite well how M9 is driven by the party's personal stakes over any obligation to any institution.

Not only personal stakes that build the value of the campaign, but places that grow as their own: Whitestone, Emon, Zephrah, Xhorhas, the Menagerie Coast, Zedash, etc.

That's what's missing from Campaign 3: anchors and personal stakes.

Bells Hells doesn't really care about anything! We're entrenched in the Ruidus plot ever since we learned what ruidusborn means in the beginning of the campaign and yet, what does that mean to them? It was the subject of Imogen's dreams and afflictions but what else? The main victims of it will be the gods, but they repeatedly state how much they don't care for the gods and are in doubt if losing them would be bad anyway.

In a certain perspective, I don't blame them - the plot has grown so massive and subjective, while they haven't - they're still level 10 nobodies against a god-eating moon-shaped monster and the insanely powerful guy that wants to free it.

Bells Hells doesn't care for the places they walk through! Only two members of the party are actually from Marquet! Imogen and Dorian. And both are running from their past! so they don't even want to be there! Ashton hates everything about it and all the others have no reason to cling to it.

Jrusar was such a great city with great dynamics that were only half explored and they don't seem to care to return to it even though so much goes unexplored. Yios meant nothing nor did Heartmoor or the Taloned Highlands (and its apparently juicy political intrigues nobody cared to explore) and barely a mention of Ank'harel or the Silken Squall.

WHY do we keep going back to Taldorei???

Marquet as a whole goes mostly unexplored and underused in the campaign and it's so upseting.

Bells Hells have nothing to lose! They hold no personal stakes to the plot, most of them don't have families and those that do feel like something so distant and impersonal, no place or city they love or feel connected to, the only thing they owned (the very valuable skyship rip) they destroyed with barely any consideration. Their morals feel like the only thing at stake and even that feels already lost.

C3 is pulling too much from past campaigns. From the moment they first contacted the VM people, it felt like a mistake, and every appearance since has felt so much like fan service (especially bc specific fan favourites are the recurring appearances, no variety). The time spent in Whitestone, the connections to Delilah, everything with Keyleth, etc.

This last one, in particular, contributes to that group of NPCs feeling, always revolving around some other character struggle - who cares what is going on with Bells Hells when Vax's trapped in an orb and Keyleth is half dying, and Caleb is in an anti-magic collar, and Trent is probably loose, and this character and that character...

We haven't spent proper time with C3-exclusive NPCs excluding Nana Morri since episode 50! No Lord Eshteross or Xandis or Ira or Jiana Hexum or the Green Seekers or Milo. It was so special to me having Dancer and Imahara Joe around even if briefly.

And Lord Eshteross death left such a huge gap in the dynamics of the party with the world. I think it was premature, especially because the thirst to avenge him (which I suppose was meant to fuel their hate and intention to kill Otohan) lasted so little and from there on out began the heavy and meta-gamey (and personally, OOC) relying on VM characters.

The ticking clock on the apogee solstice strained much of the campaign and brought this looming fear of 'if we don't take care of it nobody will so we can't waste time', therefore the alternative paths and personal arcs fell to the sidelines in favor of the elephant in the room, so it felt like several episodes of dragging towards this event, then the peak of ep 50-51, to re-start the drag of post moon beam.

Guest PCs are a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to explore also bc it entails a lot, but it's a shared sentiment that people miss Dorian and what he brought to the table.

On a personal view, the Hellcath Valley was my favorite arc. Bassuras felt so tactile and real and gritty, we had a clear objective of infiltrating the Paragon's Call and retrieving Armand Treshi, Deathwish Run, the mystery of Dusk unveiling into Yu, Fearne's parents encounter, Ira, Imahara Joe and reveals about Dancer and D., first FCG nervous attack, Otohan battle and Laudna's death. SO MUCH.

Special mentions to everything Jrusar and Shade Creepers, Heartmoor and the Museum, Savalirwood, and the time spent on the Silver Sun.

I miss these small-scale objectives, I miss the C3 NPCs, I miss Marquet, I miss turning our eyes to these character tensions and exploration, I miss the one-on-one talks, the unity they shared in those dire moments.

I can't wait to leave the Predathos plot and all the repetitive discussions within it behind.

This doesn't cover everything (interpersonal relationships are a whole other spectrum of discussion) but a few things I feel puts an obstacle towards people liking this campaign when comparing the past ones.

#it feels like i've been writing for hours and I might've been #why am i writing this? well good you asked....... *crikets* #i needed to put this out of my head #i needed to put into words why i can't argue the hateful claims while loving campaign 3 and bells hells #bells hells #cr meta #critical role #cr spoilers #rambles #c3

[mightypieworkshop]

A new, Fundamentally Wrong arrival has come to the Weezard Tower! This is the second Smol Long Essek prototype - now with a wire spine for posing - and I’m quite happy with him! How do we feel about adding him to my next Shadowbean sale? 👀

#long essek #smol essekventures #shadowbean shenanigans #essek thelyss #critical role #critical role fanart #sorry not sorry

[critter-genfic-events]

Funny Gen Recs

This week, we have fourteen funny fics for folks! Pranks, fake marriages, and lots of unlikely pairings under the cut - and as always, don't forget to kudos or comment if you like them!

Working Late by percahlia (585,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Cassandra de Rolo & Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III

A sibling moment after an explosion in Percy's workshop.

Reccer says: Percy does his best 'cat who didn't quite make the jump but totally meant to do that' impression

What Goes Up by krakens (2311,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Grog Strongjaw & Pike Trickfoot

Pike suggests playing a prank on Vax. Grog suggests putting a cow in his room.

Reccer says: It's a silly little slice of life that reminds me of all of the silly little moments that happened amidst all of the drama of Campaign 1.

GOBSMACKED (Five Times Nott Gave the Shovel Talk) by Mikkeneko (4381,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Nott & Caleb Widogast

She had to be on the lookout for heart-thieves who would toy with her boy's affections and then break his heart and make him cry afterwards. Caleb wouldn't be looking out for himself because he was so very smart about so many things and so very dumb about feelings.

Reccer says: Amazing, pitch-perfect early Nott voice. I could imagine Sam doing this bit.

Wizard Immortality Clause by jakia (808,Teen) Warnings: Pairings: Caleb Widogast/Essek Thelyss

Caleb decides he's going to live just as long as Essek will. The Raven Queen objects, and sends Vax down to try and handle it

Reccer says: Caleb and Vax's interactions are pure gold

Slip Knot by AgentMint (4287,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast

5 times Beau and Caleb pretended to be married and 1 time they absolutely didn’t (thank the gods)

Reccer says: Amazing sibling energy from the two of them

trust their steps to a dance that is lighter than air by grayintogreen (1085,General) Warnings: N/A Pairings: N/A

Ghostslayers have an ability called Aether Walk. Purple tieflings like to abuse it.

Reccer says: Short, cute, and exactly how each of the tieflings would abuse their power.

Dwendalian Book Club by SkipDelicious (1182,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

As is customary, Jester bequeaths the newest member of the Mighty Nein with her copy of Tusk Love

Reccer says: Amazing banter

the coyotes know her name by grayintogreen (2561,Teen) Warnings: N/A Pairings: N/A

Jester’s divine intervention attempt at the Vergessen Sanatorium works. Artagan comes up with something helpful.

Reccer says: A funny what-if that’s fun and in character.

ghost is a verb by mousecookie (3664,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Jourrael | The Inevitable End & The Crown Keepers, Jourrael | The Inevitable End & Opal (Critical Role)

In which the EXU crew are themselves, and Lolth's chosen assassin takes her first deeply reluctant steps towards becoming The Inevitable Friend

Reccer says: This is one of my comfort reads - one of my favorite things is the use of the pink font for Opal's messages

Rock and Roll Kitchen by Beauteousmajesty (892,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

Milo is summoned from their work for a meal prepared by Ashton and Fresh Cut Grass. Regretfully, Milo is fairly certain that neither of them can cook. It's free food though, so they're willing to try.

Reccer says: It feels very much like friends who know each other very well teasing each other

Bite Me by daretodhampir (stardustedknuckles) (885,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Fearne Calloway & Ashton Greymoore

Early on, Fearne has a couple of questions on Ashton's physicality.

Reccer says: Fearne is wonderfully weird on this, in a way that's incredibly endearing

Old Friends and Familar Faces by Fishpaste (2374,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Beauregard Lionett & Percy De Rolo

It had just been supposed to be another boring meeting of making the incremental progress at putting Trent Ikithon away forever. However, there is something far too familiar about Lord Percival de Rolo and Beau is determined to figure it out.

Reccer says: It starts off somewhat serious, and then takes an amazing left turn when they recognize each other. Perfect

Polymorph for Fun and Profit by MasterQwertster (4548,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

Short snippet stories of Bells Hells' (mis)adventures in using/abusing the Polymorph spell.

Reccer says: It's a very quick read since many of the chapters are super short and just a lot of silly shenanigans.

Nonagon Unbridled by fruitzbat (1230,General) Warnings: Spoilery re: the LitMoR series if you care about that! Pairings: Jester Lavorre & Lucien

Jester reads a fairy tale to Lucien, who has been confined by the Nein. Fanfic of a fanfic (Molly Lives AU: Life in the Margin of Redemption series by grayintogreen).

Reccer says: Funny side story that honestly doesn't require too much familiarity with LitMoR.

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week's theme is hurt/comfort! It should be a popular one!

Then, it'll be Yasha, clothing, and then time skips/future fics!

Any fics coming to mind?  Well, then use this form to submit!

If you're looking for some more, check out some fics written in the critter genfic bingo tag, or the older rec lists! Or you can request your own card and join in on the fun!

#critical role #critter genfic rec lists #gen fic #bells hells #the mighty nein #the crown keepers #vox machina #percy de rolo #vax'ildan #cassandra de rolo #grog strongjaw #pike trickfoot #caleb widogast #nott the brave #beauregard lionett #jester lavorre #lucien tavelle #opal critical role #jourreal #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #the krook house

[tieflingtea]

"How are you still using your hands right now?"

Caleb glanced up at the muffled question, biting back a smile at the sight of a very disgruntled Essek buried in a mound of furs. Only his eyes were visible, and they glared at where Caleb was furiously scrawling down his recollection of the day's events in Aeor. Only a very dim orb hovered above his journal, casting the barest amount of light. They had both agreed that a fire would be too dangerous after the events of the day. The beasts of the fallen city were patient things, and they had already proven keen enough to wait out the dome if they found it.

"I am used to a fair amount of cold, this is bearable for a while longer," Caleb said ruefully, recalling many nights huddled beneath nothing but his shabby coat and the fine layer of snow dusted over him. Essek drew him from his memories with a faint noise of disgust.

"Well good for you then," he sniped. Caleb did smile then, unable to stop it from creasing up his face. "Oh, yes, I suppose you would find it funny."

"Only that you remind me of Jester, in the early days," he explained. Essek perked up as much as he could in his current, amorphous state.

"Jester?"

"Yes, she also came from privilege and wasn't used to slumming it with us commoners."

Essek drooped. "I see."

"I did not mean it as an insult, I find it endearing."

There was a long silence after that, Caleb found that his smile was easy to keep on his face and so he let it stay as he worked and Essek stewed on whatever was making his eyes dart back and forth in thought. Eventually the other man shuffled closer to peer at his journal, a muffled noise choking out of the depths of the blanket when he finally caught sight of the detailed drawing Caleb was writing around.

"Mmm, Jester again, I'm afraid. It's remarkable really, I think there might be a dick for each day of notes I've written so far."

"You let her use your journal to draw dicks?"

"Let? No. But now that we are here and she is off terrorising pirates, I am glad that I have these reminders."

More silence, and the slow building pressure of a body leaning itself up against his side. In the part of his mind that wasn't replaying the rooms and artifacts they had come across that day, Caleb remembered a dorm room, two bodies leant up on his instead of one, and the burning pain of his mutilated arms. The cold helped ground him in the present. As did the faint, subtle scent of his companion. A hint of some spiced cologne, a hint of magic. And that crisp, nothing smell of prestidigitation that couldn't quite eliminate the stale sweat it was used on.

"You miss them." Essek said, and it was not a question.

"As much as you likely did when we would run out of your life and towards the next danger."

"It's different."

Caleb paused in his writing, "Is it?"

"I didn't have the right," there was that bitterness again, turned inward and poisonous. Caleb jostled the man a little, as if knocking his body would knock the thoughts from his mind. He counted it as a win that Essek only readjusted his lean rather than pulling away completely. At the beginning of their journey, Caleb had found Essek's careful distance disconcerting, used as he was to the Mighty Nein's casual and frequent touch.

"I think you were allowed to feel any way that you did about us, Essek."

"I did miss you," he confessed, barely a breath, and then a little louder, "I missed you all very much when you would leave, it was concerning at first. I thought I was ill."

Caleb snorted, and mentally filed that away for Beauregard next time they talked. He could imagine her face as he told her Essek thought his emotions were digestion. He could imagine the gentle ribbing she would give their mage, and Yasha's awkward, quiet defense of him.

"And then I figured out what was happening and I wished that I had been ill instead."

"We have that effect on people," Caleb agreed.

"Did you know my brother caught me whistling once after one of Jester's sendings. Whistling." Caleb felt him shake his head, "I am a fool for you all."

"Love is not foolish," he said. Essek stiffened against him for a moment, tensed as if to bolt, but slowly he relaxed again and Caleb let out a relieved sigh.

"And yet the word makes me want to throw myself off one of these readily available cliffsides," Essek eventually replied. Caleb closed his journal.

"It is like with anything, at first it feels clumsy, ungainly. It will not fit because you have yet to grow into it. But love suits you, Essek Thelyss, you will wear it well one day."

"Oh," Essek said faintly, curling up into himself as if he had been physically struck. "Well, fuck me."

Caleb sat in silence with his arm around the pile of furs as the drow inside silently shaked apart, and then silently pieced himself back together again. He knew that feeling, that gnawing pit inside that threatened to swallow, to consume. He knew that the process of self forgiveness happened in quiet moments between the chaos. That it often hurt more than the hatred did. At one point he had begun to stroke where Essek's head ought to be, Zemnian unbidden at the tip of his tongue.

"What does that mean?" Essek finally said, voice scratchy but firm. "That word? Leepling? You have used it before."

"Ah, liebling," he corrected gently, "It means... It means I like you quite a bit to be saying it without realising."

"Leebling," Essek tried again slowly, rolling it around as if to see how it tasted. Caleb felt a blush bloom across his cheeks and huffed a small laugh at himself.

"Hmm, maybe one day I'll tell you the exact translation."

Essek turned his head so that the small portion of his face still visible was buried against Caleb's shoulder, "I look forward to it."

#ficlet #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #cr2 #aeor is for lovers #post campaign 2 #aeor #my writing #this was supposed to be cuddling for warmth but it turned into Essek having feelings instead #oh well next time #critical role

[entirely-wrong]

I loved the worldbuilding and imagery of this fic (by hanap). Beautiful characterisation. It's a little old; I read this quite a while ago now but it's really lovely.

Found these images in a folder whilst reminiscing and realised I never posted them.

Please read this story if you love the Thelyss clan, excellent worldbuilding, the Kyrn dynasty, great long term character development, sibling dynamics, or if you miss Essek and campaign 2 :'(

#critical role fanart #mine #essek thelyss #verin thelyss #fic rec #campaign 2 #man it's missing essek hours. #hasn't been essek o'clock for ages and it's hit me again like a wall of force #ah... the wistfulness of delving the depths of laptop folders. it's a joy that can only happen once every few years else it loves its magic

[critrolesideblog]

Essek and Caleb lounge in the bed in the room that was once Caleb's and is now theirs. Their legs tangle beneath the silken sheets as they lean against an excess of pillows, both things Caleb has gotten into the habit of including in the casting of the tower in recent months, should his Kryn colleague arrive. A tray with a charcuterie board overflowing with fruits, cheeses, meats, and other snacks is held aloft between them by the tail a spectral cat as they sip on chilled wine and discuss their recent adventures.

"So anyway," says Caleb. "Once I had shapechanged, I cast Gravity Fissure. Of course, I tried to aim so it would only hit Uk'otoa…" There is a long pause in which Caleb expects a chorus of whispers, but Essek merely raises a curious eyebrow.

"Is something wrong?"

"Ah, no, it is nothing."

"Why did you pause?"

"It is nothing, truly." Caleb waves a mildly chagrinned hand. "It is one of our bits, you know. I don't suppose we've had cause to do it around you much. Usually, when someone says Uk'otoa, everyone else whispers Uk'otoa. I merely paused out of habit."

"Ah, I see," Essek replies, picking among the snacks on the tray. "I missed my cue. Please --" he pops a grape into his mouth -- "back to your story. Say that last part again, and I'll do the bit."

"That isn't necess--"

"No, no, please. I believe you were casting some advanced dunamancy." There is a warm flame of desire kindling behind his lilac eyes as he takes a sip of wine.

"Ah, yes, I cast Gravity Fissure at Uk'otoa--"

"Uk'otoa," Essek chimed in his normal, conversational tone. "… Like that?"

". . . Hm, well, ja, normally we really lean into the stage whisper: Uk'otoa -- like that."

"Ah, I see. Once more, once more." He beckons imperiously as he searches for another snack on the tray.

"I cast the spell at Uk'otoa--"

"Uk'otoa," Essek's voice dips deep in tone, but not volume. The sort of voice he often used as Shadowhand. "Like that?"

Caleb narrows his eyes at him, and practiced as he is now at seeing past the serene masks Essek wears, when Essek glances at him sidelong, he sees plainly the amusement and mischief hiding in the slight quirk of his eyebrow and narrowing of his eyes. Caleb tosses a small wedge of cheese toward his head for his trouble, which sails past its mark, and the spectral cat, Gertie, swats it out of the air. The mischief and amusement come out hiding entirely as Essek lays back on the pillows laughing. Dimples appear on his cheeks as he laughs, and Caleb can't help but reach out run his thumb along Essek's cheekbone as he commits the image to memory. Essek leans into the touch with a small sigh.

"If you are quite done fucking with me," Caleb says, after a moment, tossing a blackberry at him. It slows in its trajectory mid-air and, with a guiding swish of his hand, Essek floats it into his waiting teeth.

"Fucking with you?" Essek's voice is still silky and deep as he rises from the pillows. "Not at present, but that can certainly be arranged." The fire in Essek’s eyes catches in Caleb’s heart.

"Hm, Gertie, I think that will be all for now."

#might I interest you in some self-indulgent fluff this Sunday afternoon #shadowgast #my writing tag #caleb widogast #essek thelyss

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hey everyone! Hope y'all had fun for CR's 9th anniversary yesterday 💕 Today we have five fics with divergent canons! Some diverged before campaign events and some in how the post-campaign played out. As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 💕

I dream of you amid the flowers by glittergarbage (66,967 words, Explicit) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: Mentions of drug use by minors typical of Volstrucker experimentation

Molly comes back after Cognouza instead of Kingsley. Old feelings stir, new feelings are born, and polyam fluff between Caleb, Essek, and Molly ensues.

Reccer Says: A classic SWM fic, to me. It's all so sweet and lovely and I adore the way Essek and Molly's relationship develops. Essek apologizing to Caleb for developing feelings for Molly so fast compared to how long his feelings for Caleb took to develop is just. Imprinted on my brain. And there's so many good moments like that! Also the side of Trent intrigue that comes into play a bit later in the fic is a very fun addition, imo :3

your touch's so sweet (throw me in the water) by quinn_of_aebradore (1,872 words, Teen) Pairing: Fjord/Caleb Widogast (Widofjord) Warnings: None

Champion of Uk'otoa Fjord and Scourger Bren meet to hook up every so often. Fjord knows it's nothing real, nothing that could go anywhere, but when Bren teleports to his ship in the middle of the night he catches himself tempted to pretend anyway.

Reccer Says: A surprising amount of yearning for an evil-AU oneshot, and it's delicious. Fjord knows Bren is a Volstrucker and he still can't resist Bren's obvious moves to manipulate information out of him. Also, it's hot. That should probably go without saying but just in case.

the stranger who was your self by Demenior (60,045 words, Mature) Pairing: Fjord/Eadwulf Grieve/Jester Lavorre Warnings: None

Running away from the fallout of the end of the Volstrucker program (and maybe something Else), Eadwulf joins Fjord's crew, swearing fealty by rather dramatically kneeling before him on the dock and making Fjord very alarmed! He becomes the captain's bodyguard (and by extension, Jester's) and explorations of loyalty and power and, eventually sexy and fraught power dynamics ensue.

Reccer Says: Mostly alternates POV between Fjord and Eadwulf, but also some (very good!) Jester POV. Slow-burn between Eadwulf (aka the Captain's Hound) and the happy couple, plus Fjorester PDA that they think they're being subtle about (they are not). Also featuring Orly not being paid enough for this, despite being paid quite well. Came for the Eadwulf/Fjord power dynamics, stayed for the character studies and also for the crew (and for the power dynamics lbr). Now a series, there's also a threesome one-shot and Orly POV fic, with another installment apparently on the way!

Three Wizards by yesthisisnarumi (1,329 words, Mature) Pairing: Yussa Errenis/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidoyussa) Warnings: None

Caleb has a thing for elven wizards. Elven wizards have a thing for him. Bickering, kissing, and more ensue.

Reccer Says: There is Never enough of these three in the world and this is such a fun take on them. Caleb constantly observing the contrasts between Essek and Yussa is delicious, the jealousy (that only makes them wanna make out more) is delicious, it's all just *chef's kiss* so fuckin good.

ebb and flow, love's sweet metronome by wytch-lyghts (12,972 words, Explicit) Pairing: Fjord/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidofjord) Warnings: Recreational drug use, sex while intoxicated

On-the-run, evil AU Shadowgast pays a visit to their ally and sometimes-lover, Plank King Fjord. Unsurprisingly, they fuck about it.

Reccer Says: It's so hot. Like, insanely hot. Most of the action is between Widofjord and Shadowgast, but there's still moments of Shadowfjord and they're Very Good too. These three make Such a fun triad, especially in an evil AU. The dynamics, the push-and-pull, yes, the sex, all of it is so good. My Ao3 history says I've revisited it like ten times and I nearly got sucked into it for another read while writing this recc lmao

Thank you for joining us this week’s recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 💕 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 💕

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Keyleth Rarepairs. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Polyamorous Ships and the weeks after that we’re taking recommendations for Enemies to Lovers and Miscommunication fic! Submissions for all of these themes are currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 💕

#critter rarepair recc lists #shadowidomauk #widofjord #fjord x eadwulf x jester #shadowidoyussa #shadowidofjord #critical role #cr fanfic

[aeor-is-for-reccing]

Babygast: A Shadowgast Rec List

This week, we have nine (nein) fics that feature Caleb and Essek being parents! Check them out below the cut, and don't forget to comment or leave kudos if you liked them!

Whistle Song by Chekhov (115412, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: Implied past child abuse

Caleb and Essek find themselves the targets of the oddest Assassination attempt. They also get saddled with the Assassins themselves, because they can't find it in their hearts to leave them to their fate. Cue a long process of trying to understand what the hell is going on, and protect the two girls trying to kill them.

Reccer says: the characters are very well studied, Caleb and Essek are very IC, while exploring the sudden responsibility thrust upon them. I adore the twins, and I love the emotions conveyed, the conflict, the struggle to become something other than what they have been told they are, and accept the love and connection offered to them.

care under fire by hanap (2067, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: Choose Not to Warn

Yasha comes to relieve Essek from the woes of new parenthood, when Caleb and their daughter are ill, and he is being stretched thin.

Reccer says: This fic is very sweet and a lovely little look into Caleb and Essek, but more broadly, the Nein's, future!

Lichtenberg Figures by Twistmalchik (2746, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Male Pregnancy

Essek is uncomfortable one night from his and Caleb's daughter not breastfeeding any longer. Caleb helps him out in quite an unconventional way.

Reccer says: This fic is incredibly sweet and very, very hot! I love how the author approached this kink, it feels very validating as a trans reader and I appreciate that!

Family Resemblance by firefright (1289, General) Reccer's Content Notes: Choose Not to Warn

Verin meets Caleb and Essek's baby and is utterly charmed by her.

Reccer says: This is a very, very sweet fic of a lovely moment in time! I really love the banter between Essek and Verin, feels very accurate to their relationship.

Fond Mistakes by firefright (644, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek's and Caleb's daughter has a question for one of her fathers.

Reccer says: It's exactly the kind of question a child would ask irl, which makes it funnier.

the fugitive's version of shelter by hanap (28208, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: Male Pregnancy

Caleb and Essek navigate the early stages of their relationship, which is complicated by one, Essek's fugitive status, and two, his pregnancy with Ludinus' children.

Reccer says: This fic is lovely! The fact of Essek's entire situation creates very engaging, tense situations throughout the narrative, and seeing the wizards navigate through them is an absolute pleasure. Furthermore, Caleb's utter devotion to Essek and his children and their wellbeing is the sweetest and most integral element of the story, and makes the whole thing really nail the chosen family theme!

Everything New by Moonsp1r1t (2860, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: None

Caleb is a doting dad to his new baby and has to figure out babysitting arrangements

Reccer says: SUPER fluffy!!

And then two recs for: Lay Your Bones by LadyOrpheus (17166, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: None

When Essek is captured by the Dynasty, Verin finds himself in the unexpected position of meeting the Mighty Nein and meeting the niece he didn't know he had

Reccer 1 says: Very interesting character explorations plus a very cute baby! Fun plot too Reccer2 says: Babygast is the CUTEST. The parts with little Yuna are so sweet

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast.

Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week, we're going to visit some old favorites again with a recurring theme!

#caleb widogast #essek thelyss #Shadowgast #Critical Role #CR Fic Recs #Parenting fic recs #babygast #kidfic

[glossolali]

i feel you and your precious soul

shadowidomauk, shadowmauk

hurt/comfort, sci-fi au, cyberpunk au, relationship negotiations, touch aversion/ sensitivity/starvation, essek pov

gift for @wanderingbasilisk 💜

6k

AO3

—

“How are you feeling?”

Molly sits across from Caleb, and both hands, prosthetic and natural, lay in Caleb's outstretched palms atop his knees. Molly flexes the natural one easily enough, but the other is in a tight fist, and he's frowning at it, seemingly frustrated.

At Essek's prompting, he looks up, and it takes him another moment or two to focus his gaze on Essek’s face proper, who stands in the doorway, his own hands clasped together anxiously. Essek is patient and steady as he can, and even if his heart aches for him, he sequesters that away to a private place. He would hate to seem anywhere near pitying of him.

“I'd love to say I'm right as rain, but that is not quite the case.” Molly tries for a smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and falls too quickly, and he ends up revealing instead how tired he is.

“Uhm... I'm still numb in some places, and in others, it hurts. And I can't stop twitching since yesterday. This hand,” and he gestures to his left, the mechanical one, “Has been locked in a fist since last night. It usually takes a few hours to unlock on its own, but it seems to be stuck this time.”

Molly's left arm has been jerking intermittently, a clearly uncontrollable motion that shifts his whole body and translates all the way down to his clenched hand, and seems to be bringing him some distress, and pain.

Caleb's eyes follow the motion and turn a shade more somber, though he secrets that away swiftly while Molly is turned around. Essek can almost see Caleb's heart take a tumble and break into pieces as Molly speaks, as upset as he himself feels. Caleb's circuitry scarred hands squeeze Molly’s lightly, then return to their former position where they cupped them.

Essek can't help but feel utterly awful. After all, he's the one that did this to him.

He recalls with a pang the distressed message Caleb had sent him, then Jester's, begging for his help to save their friend, Mollymauk. He'd met the tiefling in passing, finding a chaotic and colorful being who never stayed in one place for long enough for Essek to parse him out properly.

A few days after the Message, the entire Mighty Nein appeared at his doorstep. When they ensured Essek's lab was secure, Caleb fetched what was left of their dear friend's bloody, mangled body from an Amber Vault – a digital, portable safe– and handed that over to Essek, alongside a memory drive that had Molly's mind uploaded to it in a combination of efforts by Caleb and Caduceus.

Essek had been terrified at the responsibility inherent in saving such a precious person's life, but he had done his best to focus on the cybernetics puzzle at hand and to take the anxiety out of his mind. There was no room for mistakes or missteps.

He was successful, much to his relief, and his friends’ collective joy.

The tears and yells as Molly had opened his eyes for the first time rang clear in his memory. The tiefling had startled, covered his ears, and ran from the room– only to collapse in a heap a few steps into the next one.

It wasn't an unexpected sign of failure by any means– the collapse, that is, not the fleeing– after all, Mollymauk’s body was half machine now, and it had yet to be calibrated and tested properly. More specifically, it was costly, state-of-the-art cyberware mods and prosthetics, provided for free of course, connecting what of his ravaged body Essek and his team could salvage.

As a scientist who'd lived through the last hundred and twenty some years watching the world and its technologies develop at an alarming pace, he'd slowly grown more and more doubtful of the ethics of the now normalized practice of cyber modification, or ‘cybermods’. It's even worse that his current patient– ward, friend, whatever their odd relationship now was– hadn't been able to consent to these operations at all.

It made Essek hate himself just a little bit more, made him doubt his work– political and scientific– his family, their wealth, their entire society, his everything, even more deeply, despite how thankful all his friends, and Molly, were in the aftermath of that incident.

“Essek?”

Molly's voice has now taken on a subtle digital tone to it due to his voice-box being modded, and in addition, he sounds… lost, exhausted. Nothing like the person he once was.

Essek tries not to wallow right now. That can be for later, when he's done his job and is alone once again.

“My apologies. Just thinking.”

He goes to them. A person he is helping take care of needs his care right now. He has a function to serve, and that is the priority.

[Read the rest on AO3]

#shadowidomauk #shadowmauk #widomauk #shadowgast #essek #molly #caleb #cr fic #critical role fanfic #critical role fic #scifi au #cyberpunk #glossopost #glossofic

[utilitycaster]

Orym for the trauma ask. Besides the fandom's treatment of The Nod, one discrepancy that really stuck out to me was that in the middle of all the 'Orym is consumed by vengeance and that's terrible BS' was going on, we saw Keyleth explicitly vow revenge against the Ruby Vanguard ("The last thing that I saw, before the light took us, was someone important to me. Someone I lost long ago. And I will do everything in my power to destroy them who did this.") and I didn't see anyone giving her shit over it, even though her anger is directed at the same people and comes from a nigh-identical place. Was it because Vax, unlike Will, is someone the audience knows and his orbification happened onscreen, and that forced people to recognize how awful it would be to expect her to calm down and Be Reasonable™ about the whole thing?

throwing in the anon who asked me about Orym in general.

I think the core problem is again that this fandom has a truly awful track record re: people who lose romantic partners young and more generally about people who are grieving. That is the more useful Keyleth comparison; it's gotten better but the post-campaign meta for C1 (that I saw about a year after C1 had ended, after I had binged it) truly just treated Vex and Keyleth as boxes of grief and grief alone instead of people with lives marked by but not ended by tragedy. Once Yasha said she had lost her wife people started treating her notably differently; again, we had the people claiming Orym would be happier had he stayed dead despite Liam explicitly saying death felt like a failure; and this is ultimately the core of lifespan angst and why I find lifespan angst mostly tiresome. Like, Essek will outlive Caleb by centuries! Keyleth was, even had Vax lived a full and long life, going to outlive him by over a thousand years! Unless you die very young you will outlive someone you love. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but like, this fandom (and probably others) truly seems to treat grief as a life-ending thing for the grieving rather than just the dead. So that's the big problem re: fandom response.

The other is that Orym gets thrown under the bus for Laudna a lot, for some reason. That's where the "Orym would be happier if he were dead with Will" came from and that's where the dumb discourse about the nod came from. It's just people who cannot abide by the idea that bad things can happen to Laudna and that she can do bad things deciding to pin it on Orym. I also think that Liam explicitly said on 4-Sided Dive that Orym could not be objective about this, and because they are very stupid and cannot understand things that are not explicitly spelled out, they could not put together that, for example, Imogen, whose mother is deeply tied up in the Ruby Vanguard, cannot be objective either. Ashton just nearly exploded due to a critical lack of objectivity about the situation.

Sort of as a companion to talking about Caleb but I think Liam makes his characters' trauma and how they feel about it fairly explicit and plainly stated, more so than most in the cast, and this is an entirely valid choice but I think it means that, for better or for worse, people who lack the skill to interpret characters whose feelings and motivations are not quite as clearly laid out will gravitate to them to make their arguments, either for or against them.

#answered #rhowena #cr tag #orym