#not well but i am coping lol

[suddenrundown]

dont mind me, im coping

#not well but i am coping lol #im not tagging this sorry lol #see 99% of me believes that there's no way they'd let taika and rhys kiss badly for an entire season of television #the other 1% is slamming against the bars of its enclosure yelling BUT WHAT IF THEY DID #ok i guess maybe ill tag it for blocking purposes #ofmd #that should work lol i dont really want it showing up in main tags #lest people think im hating when im not lol

[suchawrathfullamb]

hi it's trending again and i'm pretty sure it's because of the polls ly bro <3

WAIT WHAT are you serious? if so that's so funny and cool

#i am using pool making as a coping mechanism #glad it serves you guys well lol #lambs pools #nbc hannibal #hannigram #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time: #but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place. #so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually! #growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(: #bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol. #mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

[chryblossomjjk]

...

#first therapy session went well ! #i didn't cry which is v surprising lol #maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but #therapist already picking up on things i didn't like #never really thought of myself as an anxious person #depression was more so what stuck out to me #but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving #like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing #but like my coping skills are isolation lol #and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities #and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it #like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc #im afraid of what people think of me #and im scared of interaction #but im also dying for human connection lol :')) #i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah #and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :')) #LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT #idk this is my diary fr #anywho sorry for everything #will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but #love you all #and im so sorry for not answering the asks #thank you for reading my fics #your comments mean sm to me truly #love you endlessly

[fluffypotatey]

can’t believe i got a 2nd “I would know him even in death” and it’s from a Lego show and said by a fucking monkey

#lmk #lmk s4 special #as you can tell…..i am coping well #lmk s4 special spoilers #shadowpeach #tsoa #the song of Achilles reference (prob not) in lmk is NOT what i thought i’d be getting this month #edit: lol forgot to even tag tsoa where the line’s even from

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[explodingquails]

To kick off the new year here is a low-effort meme that appeals to me and me only

They would actually have a lot to talk about methinks

#steven meme #gotta love well-intentioned undead women who suck people's souls as a coping mechanism #quail scratches #laudna #critical role #cr3 #kalista the spear of vengeance #league of legends #lol #ruination novel #legends of runeterra #my deadly flaw is that I am down bad for the butch wraith lady from League of Legends that nobody plays or cares about

[wheelie-butch]

Recently i saw a thing saying basically if you have a crying baby and all the babys needs have been met to the best of your ability but they are still crying, it's okay to step away for a minute to recover yourself. And actually its GOOD to do that because if you get frustrated at the baby not stopping crying and you are very tired and mad you might actually lash out at the baby.

And I can't stop thinking about it because I feel like it's unlocked a new way of understanding how to manage my pain/fatigue. If I've done everything I reasonably can manage in that moment to deal with it and I'm still hurting and/or fatigued, it's okay to be like 'well I'm just going to do something nice I can manage anyway' and not get frustrated and distressed by it... I can step away from obsessing about how to fix things for a bit and just be... and I can already feel the decrease in self-hatred and frustration that often leads to me lashing out at myself.

It feels incredibly unfamiliar and radical to NOT always be beating myself up about my disability but I'm liking it. It's just another thing that's been getting better lately I guess :) I hope this keeps going ^-^

#mez speaks #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #actually disables #embarassing to talk about doing better lol but i rly am lately #i mean physically wayyy worse aha but mentally im coping #which is nice #idk if i explained this well but i hope maybe it means something to someone else

[suddenly-stickmin]

You know....... I never said I couldn't WRITE about the sticks..........

IF U GOT ANY WRITING REQUESTS LEMME HEAR EM, I'LL DO A COUPLE!!!

#I MIGHT DO LIKE #MAYHAPS 3 OR 4????!?!? #i'll keep em at about 500ish words or so. these will be for fun and lil warm ups #[unless i suddenly get super into them then they might go into the 1000s LOL] #can u tell i am coping well with the lack of stick-drawing. #text post #thsc #<- shall put in the main tag for a few but then i'll remove it once i get a couple of requests!

[ewil]

i look at all tall women with extreme jealousy and anguish btw well not unless i am overcome by lust first

#no i am not kidding i keep catching myself doing the american psycho stare at random 170cm+ women #in no way will i ever be able to cope with being this miniscule its joever for me in the looking masc and cool department #LOL plus im literally that soyjak hiding behind a smug face also whenever someone makes fun of or even mentions my height #END MY SUFFERING. but well then i think about my good facial structure and remember it could be way worse. and then i go gaming & forget #i wouldnt even say particularly this is an insecurity because short women are like attractive generally so whatever doedsnt really matter #i just have a hard time coping with not being the exact persona i have created in my head tomoko kuroki style #i dontwanna be someone else just a more accentuated version <- do you vibe with my words or am i going too deep

[twocutlines]

can i be real for a second. nobody throw rocks at me for this but as funny as buck and eddie hooking up at the bachelor party while drunk would be i honestly hope it doesn’t happen

#i don’t think it will tbh. but i am a little worried lol #because like for one thing eddie is NOT ready to deal w that right now lol. he can barely conceptualize that buck is attracted to men #no way is he ready to face his own feelings for him and if they do give this arc to us i want it to be done well. bc i think coming to terms #with being attracted to men himself would be hard and complicated for him bc of the. everything about him #and i feel like hooking up w his best friend while drunk would be real difficult for him to cope with lol #also tommy! i don’t want him to get cheated on and when he and buck inevitably break up i really want it to be amicable #bc buck has never really had that before #also also if they do make buddie canon i just don’t want it to be like. in a joking manner. personally

[eirian]

thats the second cat we've lost in under a year. btw.

#im doing ok now. after the initial death and everything at the hospital i was not doing well at all #but we got home and our other cat noodle has been loving on us and being very sweet. so im doing better #im probably going to draw to keep myself sane lol. so if you see art from me i am still in fact mourning our baby boy. im just coping

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[hella1975]

the harsher parts of mental illness are always treated so so badly in media and it's genuinely very special to see someone handling them gently - especially because you've said it's very personal for you and that makes it so much easier to like? live in i suppose? because like you said the guilt can be overwhelming and the crushing weight of knowing KNOWING that you're one bad day away from wrecking an important relationship just out of pure FEAR can be so debilitating to live with especially bc people do fundamentally view that as just. a bitch response. knee jerk malice. but it's not half the time it's sheer fear (which doesn't excuse it but it does explain more) so it's nice to see that being treated like the actual complex response it is <3

yes omfg i need to stop getting surprised when taob winds up being incredibly cathartic for me bc i put a bit of myself in it and (shocker!) there are people like that who actually get it. like there are multiple people that to this day ACTIVELY dislike me because i not only said something bad to them but because i ON PURPOSE took the thing i knew would hurt them most and said it in the harshest way i possibly could. like that was a conscious effort on my part i went out of my way to think about what would hurt them and i just went for their jugular. but i wasn't doing it for the sake of meanness any more than i was doing it because they deserved it. like i said before there are two instances when i do this and that's as a defence mechanism or to self-destruct. i dont really do the former anymore - and that took YEARS to grow out of bc that was my Main Response to literally ANY conversation i didnt want to have. people are significantly less likely to ask you personal questions if you immediately try and make them cry when they do lol. this is where 90% of my 'i was a bitch in secondary school' posting comes from - but ironically the less i gave into the former the more it translated into the latter, so i lost either way and so did the people around me. i really dont think im that bad anymore bc i found ways around it and now i cant think off the top of my head anything even CLOSE to what i used to do that's happened recently, but i have YEARS OLD guilt from long dead friendships that i will - and deserve to - live with forever bc regardless of the reasoning behind it i still said terrible things. and like. it never gets talked about bc from an outside pov im very obviously being a complete cunt and who would want to sympathise with that

#like when i get a certain way my go to response to it nowadays is to isolate and typically that would be a bad thing #and a couple weeks ago actually boom noticed me doing it and naturally bc they're a good friend #they were worried and wanted to figure out a way around it bc isolating during a depressive episode is generally considered a Bad Call lol #but the reason i isolate is bc ive now learnt my own tells to figure out when my self-destructive behaviour is gonna start lashing out #like i literally remove myself from people now bc i KNOW if i dont regardless of if they're trying to help me #that dumb voice in my head is either gonna want to get them the fuck away #OR i'll want to like. 'prove' to them that im fundamentally this awful person and they're better off without me #and either way it doesnt end well for anyone involved #like the damage i deal myself by doing that is significantly higher than the damage i deal myself when i isolate #even if neither are particularly enjoyable #and it's got a twisted reassurance to it too like id rather hurt myself alone than take other people down with me #and i like to think that proves that - regardless of how rough around the egdes i am and the hurt ive caused - im actually a kind person #and like. that's what growing up is about! im learning coping mechanisms and ways around it! im getting better! #yes it's not perfect but by fucking god is it an improvement lol #ask #taob asks

[ordinary-vanity]

Character portraits I did for a wrath and glory campaign I'm in! In order: my interrogator, Gallianus von Dahl; serberys skitarii Quotient-TP-7 as created by @an-excess-of-eyes ; sister repentia Nihlica Decimara as created by @mylithlyfearion ; and ogryn Gorge as created by her brother mark!

#vanity art #40k #wh40k #gallianus tag #he is such a bitch. love him #i am here to rant in the tags about him as i am wont #as u can see by the eyes he's cadian- and yes this is set post 999.m41 so yeahhhh cadia's well gone lol #his coping mechanism is firmly gallows humour about it ngl #anyway as cadians tend to be he was in the guard for like..10 years before getting yoinked by an ordo xenos inquisitor (whom he has never) #(met and doesnt know the name of!) #soooo he's in the ordo now. he did fuck up and was gonna be executed but it's fiiiiiiiiine now lol #he's quite young at 35

[lesless]

I really feel absolutely normal until like the day after socializing a lot & then I begin to reflect & start to think that my friend’s autistic girlfriend might have been right about me being a little autistic lmaoooo

#me #I don’t think the benefits outweigh the trouble of getting assessed #but I will say I’ve taken the diagnostic quiz more than a few times & scored higher than I expected #it’s in key areas mostly but maybe I don’t see how I’m coping in other ways #extremely touch sensitive & can’t wear synthetics #I can touch a shirt & accurately guess the fabric content #I do dishes & cleaning with organic rubber gloves on #I take things super literally #I have a mental list of social shortcuts so I can interact more seamlessly #a histamine intolerance #I love routines #I carry earplugs bc I can’t handle loud noises #but mostly I notice my differences when I socialize a lot #& when I don’t socialize seamlessly I get a lot of anxiety about how I communicate or the information I share #as though if I have enough data points I can ‘fix’ how I interact with others #which is not a concept that I think a lot of people worry about?? #maybe they do?? #everything went well yesterday but I still caught myself analyzing my interactions #like I’m preparing for the next mission lol #idk IS that normal? what do you think?? #basically I met her & out of nowhere she asked me if I am autistic #I said I didn’t know #she was quiet for a few moments watching me wash dishes #& then she said ‘you are autistic’ #lol peer reviewed #oh and I LOVE TO ORGANIZE INFORMATION!! #it’s like my favorite thing to do