#now I think I can move on from that part

[mc-tummy-blur]

It’s been a whole year since I made this TSP:UD art, so I decided to remake it.

I have… a lot of thoughts about the original art piece… thoughts I’ll put under read more

Ko-fi

I don’t have a lot of followers, nor a lot of interaction on my art. So when I made the original shitpost meme art a year ago, it was a surprise to see it suddenly gain traction and rapidly get notes. It was exciting to see honestly.

It was so exciting to see that it got to my head, and it felt like I needed to make more art relating to The Stanley Parable, and also of shitpost meme quality. That other art didn’t get as much traction as the original did. But the notes from the original art piece kept getting bigger and bigger. I guess in a way the combo of not getting traction from that other art yet the rapid increase of the original art put me in an art block of some kind. Or left me feeling stuck creatively.

I began to resent the og art, as it was still getting notes and it put me in a creative rut. I didn’t wanna draw, or really didn’t know what I should draw and post onto here. Didn’t do anymore TSP:UD art either, I just didn’t have the creative drive for it. These feelings of resentment for that art and sadness that I was only getting traction for that, lasted for a while. Even when I was doing other art for other fandoms in the next months. It may seem ridiculous that some shitpost art had that much of an impact on my art in general, and I found it ridiculous too.

But, slowly, I began to accept that the shitpost art was going to keep getting notes for a good while. It’s a little over six thousand notes now. The acceptance helped me do other art that I found enjoyable to do, as I was doing it for myself again

I’m not sure what’s the main moral of me telling this, besides that you always gotta do art that’s for yourself and to not expect to get anything out of it

Also the irony is not lost on me that when creating fanart of The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, a game that centers around the idea of what happens when we are so caught up in something because it was good/popular/made people laugh, and how it’s not healthy to just try to recapture that magic and expect it to get the same results because it’s just not possible, resulted in me having experience of making something so popular and wanting to recapture that experience again, and how future work felt more forced, and it was much harder to make, causing me to be in a rough mindset

It’s quite scary on how relatable The Narrator really is.

Anyway, onto some positive stuff, imma share a compilation of my favorite reactions to my og art.

And perhaps the best reaction/commentary that I think about constantly:

#the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp #tspud #tsp stanley #tsp bucket #mcart #decided to change the perspective because idk if I could done that perspective again #also I change Stanley from staring directly to the viewer cause I saw someone put eye contact tw #and I forgot that was a thing and hadn’t put that tw in the og #so I decided to not have it in this one #besides he’s still looking at the narrator #also I guess I changed the way he held the bucket too #anyway this is the only one year later drawing that I’m gonna do #for this drawing #really this was to get my thoughts out there about the og fanart #I feel better now that I’ve done this #now I think I can move on from that part

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.

Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.

How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!

#this is so incoherant #I'm also thinking about how Marisol fits into this narrative and how this idea of being taken in or fooled by a person plays into what we #know of her - how she wasn't upfront with Eddie (not saying she had to be right from the off but before moving in!!!) - how she is kind of #representative of secrets - especially around faith and ones connection with faith because she is essentially a stand in for catholicism #which (sorry to all the catholics out there) peddles in magic and secrets in order to keep the mystery of faith alive and therefore keep #people believing. How Eddie's reckoning with himself and the ghost of Shannon ultimately means choosing either to follow the path of #catholicism or non catholicism #How Marisol is a tie to religion and therefore his reasons for not having successful relationships after her (or even with her) and how #Eddie letting go will ultimately mean letting go of Marisol - how he can never fully move forward while catholicism still lingers #how I don't' think we'll be seeing the queer aspect of this narrative this season - that dealing with this first part is key and only once #he has figured it out can he then be free to know himself - is true self better - and accept and move into his full self as a queer man #so yeah - catholic guilt arc 7b and 8a - as its really a two parter - finally dealing with the remnants of Shannon - and its connection wit #his faith and then when truly free of that exploring his queerness! #So yeah - Marisol will possibly be here until towards the end of the season because she is meant to be the trigger point for Eddie in #relation to Shannon - its why they made the difference (and similarities) between S and M very obvious in 7x01 #they have the time to build this story arc more fully now with the s8 renewal - to do it justice and unfortunately as part of that it means #she'll probably be around longer than any of us would like! #I don't know if I even make sense at this point #but I do want to reitterate that the show is goig out of its way to contrast her with Buck as well #to really show how close and right for each other Buck and Eddie are so no one needs to panic - she's here for the narrative not forever! #911 abc #911 spoilers #eddie diaz

[radiantmists]

man especially having now read the flashbacks i think about how hard xie lian always tries and how many people have told him that he tries too hard, that he never should have bothered and that doing so made things worse, or even more commonly just hating on him for not fixing things or being arrogant or whatever they think his problem is. and some of those people are probably even coming from caring places!

but before hua cheng, had anyone ever sat next to him and said, you tried and that's good, it matters that you cared, you did your best. nobody could have done better than you.

how badly must xie lian have needed that?

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #the donghua is making me emotional #this arc made me emotional in the books but what can i say people crying in my ears makes it worse #GOD the way xie lian loses his temper for a /half a minute/ bc he's spent centuries in silence about this #got stabbed through the chest and buried alive to preserve lang qianqiu's heart #and now it's all destroyed #and then the second he realizes that he did something as mild as shout at the person responsible #he breaks down apologizing?? #and like. its funnier with the romance parts later but its the same thing #xie lian is still human he can't stop himself from feeling or reacting to things #but he can hate himself for it. he can apologize for ever mildly inconveniencing someone else with his humanity #i don't think he internalizes what hua cheng says here at all #but. at least someone SAID it #at least someone told him what he did mattered and what he intended was worth something #after all that time #and like. you wonder how he can be so cheerful all the time usually despite all the shit that happened to him #but it's because he thinks he deserves every bit of it!! #i feel for hua cheng on a spiritual level i would also move mountains for this poor man if i could

[zeb-z]

to be fair, I don't think qroier not trusting qbad is particularly new haha. i think it's been going on for a while even before purgatory. the only thing purgatory did with that particularly relationship is it gave qroier an excuse to be more vocal in his annoyance

( @lucienff the themes of these are similar so I’m answering the ask and responding in one post instead of the comments, hope you don’t mind :3 )

I agree with the read that Roier didn’t particularly trust Bad before, but I think that at a baseline, Roier doesn’t have much trust with most anyone to begin with. I think everything that had happened with Spreen back in the beginning of the server is something that is a large cause in that, because its still something he is suffering from months later - it’s just in true Roier fashion, it’s something he doesn’t really talk about to others. He’s only recently shared it and talked about it with Cellbit.

But even then, he had a respect for Bad. When the eggs first went missing, and they were both visibly affected by the stress, they had moments of somewhat acknowledging the other, but sticking to the script of “oh I’m fine” yknow what I mean? And before purgatory, yeah, there was no doubt that Bad cared for the eggs, and could be trusted in that regard.

But post Purgatory, I think that baseline trust has been shaken. He doesn’t let Bad see Pepito when he visited the castle, makes excuses for him to leave, and then afterwards talks to himself about how he’s angry that everyone seems to have forgotten Purgatory (both in the context that he also doesn’t trust Pepito, and he doesn’t want Bad coming up to him as if the past two weeks didn’t happen). When Leo wakes up, and Bad is around trying to talk with them, he makes a point of pulling her away. Of putting himself between Leo and Bad. And it’s in the subtle, usual jesting way he’s done before with Bad (“you can only drink lava once yknow. sure, try it, I’m not going though!” and “stranger danger Leo, stranger danger!” etc etc. said with enough dramatics it keeps it lighthearted, because that’s what Roier does).

I don’t think Roier is actively thinking he should mistrust Bad with the eggs specifically. I don’t think that he thinks Bad doesn’t care about the eggs. I just think he hasn’t fully trusted Bad before, and now since Purgatory he doesn’t trust him at all, for good reason - Bad was very much an instigator and a cause for both his own torment and his family’s (Jaiden namely, what with the spawn killing, and Cellbit, Foolish). It’s no longer a ‘this guy is a thorn in my side and I don’t trust him’ kinda petty drama between islanders. It’s a ‘this guy went back on the deal to keep the score 50/50 and did so under the impression we as the losing team could die’ kind of situation. A ‘we spent the past few weeks in hell and this guy repeatedly not only killed, but went over the top in tormenting my family and myself, I don’t trust him’ kind of situation. It’s not an excuse to be petty or properly annoyed, it’s a result of how Bad burned all his bridges in purgatory. It’s in large part a trauma response.

It doesn’t matter that Bad has never once been a threat to Leo, that he’s taken care of her multiple times, that he has always checked in with the eggs and cared for them - it matters that Leo is his sister, that Pepito is under his care, and he Does Not Trust Bad.

#it’s like yeah there’s always been the half joshing around half ‘man I hate that guy’ thing between them. not quite like bad and foolish bu #similar enough I agree #but like. purgatory got serious quick. and Roier is not going to pretend like it didn’t happen. and he’s not moving on as everyone else is #or how everyone else seems to be I should say #so it’s like. yeah Roier doesn’t really fully trust anybody. but from the events of purgatory he Really does not trust Bad #I think it’s just more intense than that yknow. bad is so quick to brush off purgatory as something that can be looked over (not counting - #-the times he just doesn’t remember it at all due to his memory loss) because it’s inconsequential to him. and he has this way of #brushing off extreme things because he both genuinely has a different moral viewpoint and because he can and will ‘I’m just a little guy #and ‘what’s a little psychological and physical torment between friends :3’ his way outta it #but it is serious. especially to the others. especially to Roier. it’s not just gonna be swept under and there will continue to be fallouts #idk. it’s not just a case of ‘I always knew I hated that guy and now I have an excuse’. it’s a ‘I am in severe psychological distress in #large part to this guy in particular and do not trust him with the time of day’ yknow what I mean #everyone has been showing their own trauma from purgatory but Roier is especially showing the mistrust and anger from it #mcyt #qsmp #q!bbh #q!roier #anon #z speaks

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #he is welcoming you inside :> #I want to get to the part where both my partners live with me sooooo baaaaaad ;n; #(I've lived with my wife for 7 years) #(but our other partner stayed put up north when we moved last summer) #(cuz they hadn't been with either of us that long and we knew from the beginning this was a 1-year move) #(they've come to visit us three times now and every time we all love just. existing together.) #(getting groceries. they took my wife to the urgent care the first time we were here. food prep. just. existing together.) #(also by the time we move again they'll've been with us a whole year longer than last time we moved ofc :v ) #(so hopefully they can move with us this summer wherever we go.) #(don't tell them this I don't think they check the tumblr but we reeeeeally like them) #(we both want to keep them forever if they'd be okay with that) #(like. rings-forever.) #(though you can only have one legal official spouse in the united states.) #(and I get dibs on the legal protections due to my disability.) #(and. like. already legally married my wife lol) #(and we want to actually live with them for a little bit before we actually bring it up) #(just to make sure everything's as worth it as we expect) #(which is why you can't tell them :v )

[arthur-r]

hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes) #anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all) #anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES) #(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never) #ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!! #i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!! #P.S. text or call if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[fragmentedblade]

Boothill's presentation being entirely on the twitter post makes me think he will be irrelevant in the story in the long(ish) run, and that the game itself won't dwell on him almost at all

#Kinda like Argenti but Argenti seemed to be part of a larger lore and worldbuilding #Boothill doesn't even give me that vibe #Cool design though. I do love revenge stories and western films so... #*sighs* I guess I may consider him if he's fun to play with and the story is interesting. I hope he takes Aventurine out of the grave #(Or do I? Emotionally I do. Rationally I think I may lean more towards 'keep Aventurine dead' tbh) #Imagine if his revenge is against the IPC in general and Aventurine in particular but when he gets there Aventurine is already dead #The enormous fail that would be hahaha #Automaton cowboy is such a good design though I would have liked it more had they taken the automaton way enhancing the clockwork thing #instead of the cyborg one with the futuristic air. What can I say I do love automatons and clockwork #and to me they're far superior aesthetically than cyborgs. Not into cyborgs and robots at all. Sorry Screwllum. Herta most beloved design #I wonder if his gameplay will revolve around some killing himself mechanic #I don't know what to say I do love those things gameplaywise. I love the risk they add and how they make one strategise a little more #Even beyond the story and the lore‚ Blade is still my fave character to use. So fun so flexible and ironically so reliable despite the risk #Abfksndk rambling #I am thinking of Aventurine and I'm thinking of Fu Xuan. I think I'll skip Robin unless they go dark-dark with her #but I'm still considering Sunday if they make him shady. I was looking forwards to Firefly but I've disliked her writing a lot #so for now she's a big skip. I wouldn't mind getting Topaz given I love the FUA mechanics and the SU #but I like other characters more and I don't like her design at all so I'll skip her too #Couldn't care less about IL (I have him in an alt account and I don't like him at all) so that's a big skip too #I like Screwllum but not enough for now. Hmmm I guess I could get one shielder since I do love them as characters #and then save until one character really convinces me. Boothill‚ Robin‚ Sunday hmmm I hope Sunday is shady and grey #I wonder if they'll bring Huaiyan. I would give a leg for Huaiyan. Yeah I've not moved on from the Xianzhou I love that place #and I adore Huaiyan and the Zhuming. I so hope we'll get to see that ship #I talk too much

[hanzajesthanza]

you guys… we did it!!!

just wanted to thank you everyone for being a part of this blog… “big things to come soon”

#i am proud and happy about it because this blog came from my moving blogs in 2021 #and on my past blog i had about 1000 followers so it’s like i finally regained that reach #which i’m specifically excited by because this blog (contrary to my previous one) is ONLY about the witcher books with no n*tflix talk #like ik ohhh ‘you are a fandom blog you have no rights’ but it makes me happy that we’re all gathered here together for the same thing :) #i don’t think fandom has to be an inherently toxic or immature space i think it can be a meaningful place of discussion and participation #the elbow-high diaries #updates #it’s kind of an interesting thing the witcher books fandom in english in the 2020s i am really very curious where it goes from here #it’s interesting to me because it’s such a specific and unique situation of media spread #it’s not like the witcher is unpopular or indie—it’s extremely popular. a mass pop culture phenomenon #at the same time the english-speaking (and in my case specifically american) fandom is primarily built around tw3 and then now n*tflix #even if the books were read and successful in the english market i mean they did not have the same kind of cultural impact #so it’s particularly of interest to me to boost visibility and yes indeed—fandom—conversation around the witcher books #and for me i like thinking through what that looks like— #an english-speaking (including not limited to american) fandom without anglifying or americanizing it #or at the very least *trying* to not anglify or americanize it. because some amount of it is unintentional yet necessary (i.e. translation) #but even in translation for example. the kind of translation and how it’s gone about. there is potential for cultural learning and #the most faithful translations will not make total sense so as the readers you go and look for that context and learn something #all part of a larger discussion and i kind of got lost typing these tags but this is why this milestone is special to me #it shows that people are interested in what this blog posts about and that means we have a future to explore

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart #on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me #but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents #leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing #if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney #at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious #intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops #functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant #obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom #but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills #it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was #meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood #but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual. #i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more #we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week #its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die #so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her #computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to #before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the #feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird #unrelated

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[derpinette]

sometimes i will get bored & go through someone's entire blog since its creation

#& if they have their blog made unsearchable therefore no archive to pick posts from i take it as a challenge #& i really read every post not just skimming i gave up archives caus i find it hard to pay attention to individual posts #plus you never see the full tags & clearly from my postings they serve as the single most important part of a post #the actual post is more of like a title or a sort of epigraph #& i am interested in the Posters themselves like i feel compelled to absorb&gather as much information about them as possible #in an effort to understand them ( as well as myself Many epiphanies & revelations came to me from this activity i recommend it ) #i just did this BTW not saying who but god if you never knew of her you totally missed out on the best Poaster tumblr has ever had to offer #her mind was unlike any other & her influence on me is so noticeable even today. wishing her well today & always #also (moving on from that) i even constantly have like 40 tumblr blog tabs open at all times #some that are even i think 3 years old now #i never close them they keep me company i will not really click on yhem either To be honest but those are like my friends My chums; #on my phone as well two year old tabs from when i was still in highschool of tumblr blogs i was reading #i just have so much Love in my heart for Posters real genuine love not interpersonal just as an Observer #well kind of interpersonal when it comes to some #so if you have a tracker & you see someone from north africa spending hours or even days or months on your blog #that would be me #i actually did spend months once back when blogs opened on the side i never shut my laptop off & my tabs are always saved #had to go back & scroll a little to keep the page active to not refresh & i got as far back as 2010 i think #because their blog did not have an archive but NOTHING will stop me OK if you got a Beautiful Mind or Gift Of Curation #i will do anything in my power to enjoy it. without disturbing you ( as much as i can anyway )

[ntaras]

kenmac u r my everything

#so many people were talking about how kenshi was wearing johnny’s glasses like no!!!!!!! this isn’t about johnny!!!!!! this is about #evil kenmac being together!!!!!!! #uhhhhhhhhhhggggggg.everyone is on about how johnny gave kenshi his blindfold and now a part of him is forever with kenshi etc as if ermac #didn’t do it first #in fact KENSHI DID IT FIRST!!!! HE LITEARLLY TAUGHT ERMAC THAT HE CAN FORM HIS OWN IDENTITY #THAT HE IS FREE FROM SHAO HE CAN BE HIS OWN PERSON!!!! #and a part of kenshi’s move set was learned from ermac!!!!!! they each have something from each other #ermac’s identity is literally intertwined with kenshi like THEY DID IT FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and then they died in the most tragic way. and then they died in the krypt in mk11 aka the timeline where they had no relationship but stil #died TOGETHER #anyways. kenmac is pretty cool i think #talking;

[sailor-aviator]

.

#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

[shoecrabs]

i honestly don't think anyone will care but I keep brainrotting over the idea of a pjo/rainworld au

I've turned the Seven into funky slimy cats dealing w concepts far beyond their comprehensions lmao

#my brainrots have mutated more than 5p's structure send help 💀 #i present you: slugcat au where the gods are iterators #(names + abilities pending) #the big 3 kids are purposed organisms and the rest “natural” slugcats #Frank (The Juggernaut) is the chief of the clan and has to deal with these random ahh weirdos (the 3) rocking up #he's honeslty like Gourmand with less cooking skills and more endurance lmao- just a muscle powerhouse fit into a slimy rodent body #Jason (The Turbine)'s retired from being a Messenger and has no clue what to do with his life now (he becomes a scholar later on) #he's a centipede/wing hybrid and can electrocute anything he grabs given enough pips + can double jump (to handle Pipeyard lol pray for him #Percy (The Navigator) wonders off to explore since his creator didn't really HAVE plans for him other than occasional missions #he's honestly just colour swapped Rivulet with less spear skills (but can aim and throw them really well under water) #Hazel (The Martyr/Apostate) pulling a power move and refusing to die lol #she escaped the void & probably does everything to keep herself bound to the cycle in fear of getting dragged back #she doesn't have anything really special that i can think of other than actually dealing damage with debris and being able to wall climb #Annabeth (The Weaver) as lookout for ancient research and really good at building ladders/utilising the landscape. the most basic scug tbh #she can also take spears off of walls p easily and probably has a grapple worm friend #Piper (The Mimic/Paradigm? names r hard) being able to copy plant toxins/abilities. does most damage up close & is mostly a herbivore #like eating sporepuffs for a smokescreen. cherrybombs to scare off/stun into unconsciousness. lilypucks/slime mold to glow and etc #Leo (The Artillerist) as a scrawny little guy with explosives. fast but physically weak. he has to rely on his int and makes the clans tool #basically Arti/Monk mix without double jump but able to reassemble Iterator parts (jesus i had to Work to not accidentally copy her design) #Festus is a lizard!! he's probably a stupidly big Yellow and is our beloved. he got saved by Artillerist and followed him ever since :) #alternatively: an au where Leo just ends up in rw and insults 5p (who is confused on how an ancient survived and why he's Like That) #pjo #rain world

[blujayonthewing]

well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'

#me-- instantly stressed and near tears: I know you're joking and it's not even important but. that isn't funny. to me. #I really wish there was a term for 'gaslighting but they're not doing it on purpose' #this is distinct from simply 'being wrong' because 'that's definitely not what happened 🤨' is a key part of it #the other person trying to convince me that I'm wrong and I must be crazy-- not for manipulation purposes but because THEY forgot #and are MUCH more confident in the possibility that I'm completely full of shit than that they maybe can't remember exactly #this is an extraordinarily specific thing that nonetheless happens to me ASTONISHINGLY OFTEN. #I mean clearly often enough that I'm now hair-trigger sensitive upset about it #AND TO CLARIFY QUICKLY-- that's not what justin even did (this time) but 'well I don't remember that' is still... #OKAY WELL I DO. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME. #trembling and crying searching for Receipts while explaining to my husband that it's not even that I don't think he believes me (this time) #I just. I just. I just. I'm not fucking crazy. I know you don't think I'm crazy. but I still feel like I Have to prove it. #my mom sending a package to the wrong address and then saying-- confidently and irritably-- 'you never GAVE me a unit number' #when I can scroll back up through texts to where I sent her our new address when we moved and it was complete and correct #my friend during our big stupid fight saying 'no one actually AGREED to that [dnd] plan except you and justin 😒' #going back into my audio recording to that conversation where everyone BUT him agreed #including his fucking pick-me 'yeah jay's being shitty right now' brother whose character said 'this sounds like a good plan' verbatim #like. I KNOW it's not just 'my memory vs theirs and we both assume we're right' #because SO OFTEN when this happens I have FUCKING RECEIPTS. that I'M NOT WRONG OR CRAZY. #no one ever wants to entertain the notion that I might know what I'm talking about. #I can't stress enough that I'm not mad at justin right now he was very much 'no I believe you! it's weird that I don't remember though' #which is fair! honestly! but I'm a LITTLE. sensitive. of the fact that everyone always ALWAYS automatically assumes I'm incorrect #and very often in a way that's a mark against my competence or character. #'well *I* couldn't *possibly* have gotten the address wrong so YOU must have fucked it up' #you know. it's like that. it's like that a lot. #maybe this only happens to me so much because I happen to be cursed with remembering things better than most people #or maybe I'm uniquely viewed as incompetent. who can say. #about me

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending