#of their ass. if you dont have a vagina im not putting anything in you im not waiting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hoodie-bboi · 5 years

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in honor of school starting, here are some things i either heard or said last year as a high school freshman. enjoy.

(List compiled by @teawarlord and i)

Freshman Year (2018-2019)

I’m just gonna stick my hands down my shirt.

Kai you’ve got a big dick. (Kai does not have a dick.)

I’m crying from the dick.

Stop fingering everything

Don’t judge the lizard man!

YOURE A PEEN BOY!

Can I borrow your uterus?

Don’t fist the applesauce

No I’m not gonna fist it I’m just gonna punch it

I didn’t choose the gay life the gay life chose me

Is your crotch ok?

My brain is soup

If they have a c*ck like a toddlers forearm…

I’m pregnant with water

I’m not having kids and you can’t make me!

There’s cum on my apple

i’m tearing off the cum

Oh shit the apple cummed on me

Who wants to talk about animal sex?

Daddyyyyy UWU

*to the tune of duck tails* TOE HANDS UWU

eggs. eggs everywhere.

If I see her walk through the door I’m jumping down. (30 ft drop)

When I see (my gf) I’m slapping her ass because I’m mad at her.

Fuck you time, you’re just a concept.

I love communism~

Panda bears are resoundingly NOT in to sex! -Science teacher

If they were any more inbred, they’d be a sandwich.

I don’t want to be shanked by your pop tart!

What if everyone had dicks for fingers?

*walking in to a room* I’m not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Don’t ask questions you don’t know the answer to.

Do we do it in Español or Spanish?

“I wanna go to Maryland” “Why?” “Because fuck Maryland” “But why?” “It’s the land of merry” (or Mary, jesus’ mom, idk)

I don’t wanna eat my limp dick pop-tart :(

Don’t screw ghosts, that’s a sin ;)

Our phrase of the day is Multigenerational Butt Licking

“I didn’t eat today” “That’s bad…” “I know-“ “C O N S U M E”

“I don’t worship Satan because I am Satan” *whips poorly*

I finally found out what my cat has been staring at all these years…

No matter how sexy your music is, you can never lick it.

And not the egg??

You don’t stand when you suck dick, dumbass

I love squating when sucking dick. Just *squats* euaaah

Why are you fucking the sherbet with your spoon?

i stuck my finger in there and he starts doing that

I’d rather you stick your human-sized foot up my veen than my ass.

Soft vore your sandwich.

Can forks… mate?

*bursts into room* WHERES THE MEATLOAF??? *takes two pieces of wooden pretend-meatloaf and runs out*

Grunhilda’s in my pants :(

Where is my penis!?

*into headset* I’m gonna kill Gerald. He’s eating our beans. *Gerald runs out laughing like a little girl*

First he eats my beans, then he throws my table.

Oof. I got a big whiff of beans.

Take off those clout goggle bro, you got no clout.

Bruh :(

What do we call an animal that is active mostly act night?

Insecure (the correct answer is nocturnal)

A ball of fire flew out of her vagina

I got the beats, ya bitch

That damn bastard, peein on my carpet

Do you ever forget to breathe because you’re so tired? (Immediately) Yes.

(About Burt’s Bees) Who the fuck is Burt?

“12-8 is 4” (In a condescending tone) “12-8 is 5.”

Some people think ivory powder is viagra

Do you have any on you? I’m asking for a friend…

What’s a hussy?

Teacher: It’s a… very flirtatious female.

oH, so a hoe!

Teacher: I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

i don’t dislike students. but i dislike this student very much.…

“Are you depressed?” “Hella”

*carrying a shovel* Do you know of any graveyards nearby?

Bro what’s wrong with AIDS?

What if I slap my vagina?

I’m not gonna slap your vagina.

I am so close to becoming bisexual right now

I GOT CHEESE JUICE ON MY FINGERS

“I DONT LIKE THAT SOUND” “Let me suck the cheese juice off of it”

Did you steal my eyes?

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY KNEECAPS

Do humans eat sharks?

caMELS? Do camels eat sharks?

I’M GONNA DEEPTHROAT THIS KNIFE

Have you guys ever felt how soft Kaia is?!

Bro I gotta find out if he’s gay or bi, because if he’s bi then I have a chance.

(from above the stairs) aw man don’t be slappin me like that

(from below the stairs) I’LL SLAP WHATEVER I WANT TO

(above) yo who the fuck said that

I don’t like turkey

i’ll eat it

It’s not turkey, it’s salami

!!???

you schlorped my cheese

twincest is NOT wincest apparently

STOP DRINKING YOUR RANCH WHAT THE FUCK

JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE? MORE LIKE HE’S SLITTING MY THROAT IN THIS COLD

(about kidney stones) Are those generic by the way? (instead of genetic)

Why are you eating your book?

LEAVE ME ALONE

So not to get political or anything but what the hell is oatmeal?

I love when I call daddy!

“I don’t want glass up my cooter!” “No, coffee.” “THATS EVEN WORSE”

I want to slap someone with my ovaries

Did you eat your last brain cell?

Don’t hurt my neck hole

I don’t care about your egg

Peanut fucker

The Ugly Fuckling

While you’re in this group, don’t get on the roof.

There’s a roof?

During this time, we stay under the building (referring to under the roof).

I will throw my skull at you

Don’t put your eggs in my stomach

the egg juiced

I don’t care what you do, just be quiet… don’t raise hell…

Don’t put your egg in my stomach

IT JUICED (about the egg)

YOU ATE YOUR APPLE SO PRETTY

I’m ten? (through laughter) I’m not legally allowed in my house

We are Dong

All is Dong, Dong is all

dong with a capital D

This monster Dong is a Dong and a half

They’re an abomination of the foot, Debra

I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up

Why are you eating in the dark on my bed?

I’m sure anyone can fuck a belly button if they have a fetish and a small enough dick

stop molesting her ear

so her tummy was open?

yeah, it was

so now she doesn’t have any bones?

w h a t ?

you need to learn to keep your blood

blood is for drinking, not living

i am bsexudkal

i have no king, im an anarchist

The Council Knows, Kaia. You Will Be Tried For Your Sins.

wake up

I made someone scream with my stick

HOLA I JUST CAME BACK FROM HAWAII

We’re gonna be talking about diseases

Fantastic! i LOVE talking about myself!

i thought i could turn the tables…. but the tables turned me!

on?

i’m turned on by tables

bullets are just gun jizz

GUINNEA BUISSEAU IS JUST GUN JIZZ

i have the bladder of a god

i’m sick, as compensation buy me new shoelaces

if you have a canker sore does that mean you have herpes?

duncan blew a thing

can you get better tea?

(offended) better tEETH?

i get my gender validation from a pokemon game

i bet you my room smells like egg… ass

finals week (and the week before)

please don’t talk about furries -my science teacher

the smiley face is frowning upon us

if you want to tp a tree, you tp it so well the best way to clean it up is to cut it down -also my science teacher

i think i have kidney stones up my nose

when someone tells you to hold your horses they’re telling you to be stable (in the middle of the final)

airport quotes (2018)

it’s like a velociraptor with a gun that shoots… sadness

my vibrator fell out of my bag

here's to a new year of learning and/or doing jack shit. sophomore edition coming next year. :)

#high school #school #gen z #gen z culture #long post

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firemedicdiaz · 5 years

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What the Water Gave Me

Fandom: Star Trek AOS. Pairing: Leonard McCoy x female reader. Word Count: 5099. Warnings: vaginal fingering, anal fingering, enemas, vaginal sex, anal sex (female receiving), butt plugs. Rating: Adult (18+). Summary: You never thought you would agree to give enemas a try at Leonard’s suggestion, but in the end you’re oh so glad you did. Beta: @daughterofthebrowncoats. Author’s Note: Thank you so so so much to @daughterofthebrowncoats for inspiring this fic and pushing me over the edge into writing it! I’ve done my absolute best to keep it tasteful without being overly graphic in the wrong ways. Please don’t feel obligated to read it, but if you want to give it a try, I hope you enjoy it! Additionally, I’m only tagging the select few people who already know what the fic is and who haven’t run away screaming, but if you would like to be tagged in future fics like this, please let me know!

You’ve been preparing for this night for weeks now, getting used to the idea of what Leonard had told you he wanted to do to you. You’ve been reading, researching, and carefully asking around about what he had proposed one night when you’d been lying in his arms after a round of lovemaking and though you’ve heard good things, you haven’t been able to quell the undercurrent of anxiety you’ve been feeling.

Shifting around a little on your knees and elbows, you fight the urge to cover yourself. Your entire backside is exposed to Leonard’s view and though you can hear him in the bathroom next door getting things ready, you can’t help but feel vulnerable and like you’re on display. The sound of water running has your heart racing and pounding and while you trust Leonard implicitly, you can’t help but be a little bit terrified of what’s about to happen.

When the topic of enemas had first come up, you’d been skeptical and hesitant, but after a bit of reassurance you’d caved and agreed to try it. Leonard had been over the moon and had promised to take excellent care of you. He had assured you that it would be painless and wonderfully exciting, and so after thinking on it for a fortnight, you’d let him know that you were ready.

You hear the water in the bathroom stop running and unconsciously fist your hands tighter in the plush towel beneath you. You hear Leonard’s footsteps grow nearer and gasp when his hand settles gently on the curve of your lower back, rubbing the skin there in broad, sweeping strokes that help soothe you.

“Are you ready, sugar?” He asks in a tone much more gentle than the authoritative one he often uses in the bedroom, though the effect is the same.

“Yes,” you say breathlessly. “Please be gentle.”

“Do you trust me?” He queries further.

“Yes,” you assert.

“Yes…” Leonard trails, quirking an eyebrow and slipping his hand down to your buttock and giving it a firm squeeze.

“Yes Doctor,” you amend.

“Good,” Leonard says, satisfied. “Now I want you to relax for me, darlin’. I’m going to lube you up.”

Your heart rate soars again at his words; you’ve never had anyone or anything inside of your ass before and the thought of his fingers there is equal parts maddeningly sexy and terrifying. You shift a little as you hear the snap of gloves behind you and shiver in anticipation. Moments later, Leonard’s hand lands back on your buttock and pulls it aside to expose your anus. You bite your lip and yelp quietly when you feel a cold dollop of lubricant land right on your opening.

“Deep breath,” Leonard instructs.

A few beats of silence and stillness go by and then you feel Leonard’s finger pressing gently, just barely, against your asshole. Making a conscious effort to relax as it circles, massaging the slick gel into your skin, you resign yourself to his ministrations. Your face flames in humiliation at being bent over so lewdly but you can feel yourself growing wet as his massage starts to feel good.

When his fingertip first dips inside just the smallest bit a few seconds later, you grasp the towel harder, the skin over your knuckles stretching taut from the effort. You know Leonard felt your tension mount when he pulls back a little, instead continuing the slow and methodical massaging for a little while longer.

Eventually you relax and when his finger slips inside once more you manage to stay still and at ease. He takes his time working it in, adding a drop of lube here and there as needed to keep you comfortable. The longer he spends fingering you, the more you start to wonder why you’d never tried anything anal before; it feels just as good as Leonard had promised it would.

So far, anyway.

“I think you’re ready,” Leonard murmurs. “You’re relaxing real quick here.”

You nod, resting your forehead on your crossed arms and biting your lip as his fingers slips free of you. His other hand stays put, though, holding your buttock aside as he picks up a large squeeze bottle with a long, thin nozzle screwed into the end of it. You shut your eyes tightly as he holds it aloft just over your backside, allowing a few drops to dribble from the tip of it and onto your skin. The water is warm, you’re relieved to feel, and you take a slow, steadying breath as you feel him poise the tip of the nozzle at your opening.

“Okay?” He asks.

“Yes,” you allow.

You inhale sharply as you feel him press forward and feel the nozzle slide in deep. It’s only a couple of inches, but it’s more than you’ve ever had inside of your ass before and it feels intense. It takes you a moment to adjust to it as the flared neck of the bottle comes to rest flush up against your opening and you squeeze involuntarily around the hard, unyielding plastic of the nozzle, feeling a twinge of arousal.

“Here comes the water, sugar,” Leonard warns.

Before you can even think to brace yourself, you feel a sudden flush of warmth somewhere deep inside of your belly. You rock involuntarily back against the nozzle and earn yourself a soft chuckle from Leonard. He lets go of your buttock, instead stroking his hand up along your spine as he continues squeezing the water into you with the other one. It’s a completely new and unique feeling, but it’s not unwelcome and perhaps even somewhat pleasant. The heat of the water spreads through you as more of it is instilled and you moan softly.

“Too much?” Leonard asks, easing off a little for a moment.

“No,” you say breathlessly. “It’s nice; it feels good.”

You can hear the smile in his voice.

“Glad to hear it,” he says. “Not much left to go, but if you take this one like a champ, I’ve got another ready for round two.”

You consider his words as he increases the pressure he’s applying to the squeeze bottle, filling you up with the rest of the small amount of fluid.

“Let me hold this one for a little?” You suggest. “So I can get used to it?”

“That’s the idea,” Leonard assures you with a chuckle. “There, all in.”

You groan quietly as you feel him withdraw the nozzle, leaving you missing the sensation of being penetrated. You shift your weight from one knee to the other a few times but you can’t feel the water sloshing around inside of you like you assumed you would be able to. Instead, you just feel a little full and very warm.

You tense a little when you feel Leonard’s fingers gently part your labia and slip in the moisture that’s collected there. As he eases one inside and brushes up against your g-spot, however, you let yourself enjoy the sensations the friction is creating. Between the water in your belly and the finger in your vagina, you feel an orgasm building quickly and you clench your fists to hold it back.

“I don’t want to spill!” You gasp. “Len, please!”

His rubbing against your g-spot slows and his free hand comes to land on your hip, squeezing it to help ground you a little.

“You’re doing fine,” he encourages. “You can hold it.”

You shake your head as a fine sheen of sweat breaks out across your skin, making it prickle with goose bumps. You’re very suddenly feeling the need to release the water and you shimmy forward, scarcely even noticing that Leonard’s finger has slipped from inside of you in your rush.

“I have to go!” You exclaim, clambering toward the edge of the bed; you’d known the feeling of needing to go was going to be intense, but you hadn’t quite imagined it to this degree.

As you move to stand, Leonard offers you a hand, gently steadying you as you get to your feet. He presses a hasty kiss to your forehead as you stride by him, making your way into the bathroom and shutting the door behind you.

When you emerge ten minutes later, you feel a little shaky from the emptying but also more turned on than you remember ever feeling before. You’re aching to feel more, and it’s with a coy expression that you make your way back over to the bed.

The sight of Leonard standing at the bedside and adjusting the height of an IV pole he’s very clearly purloined from the med bay – a pole with an impossibly large, full enema bag hanging from it – nearly stops your heart. You bite your lip as you approach him slowly, eyeing the setup. As you get close enough, Leonard steps in and wraps his arms around you from behind, splaying a hand on your abdomen and rubbing it gently.

“Ready for more?” He asks.

“Yes, Doctor,” you purr.

Leonard nods, dipping his head to press a kiss to your cheek before nudging you towards the bed.

“On your knees then, sweetheart,” he instructs.

You comply easily, assuming the same position you had been in earlier. It isn’t long before Leonard is standing just behind you, pulling on a fresh set of gloves and uncapping the lube. When he touches you a moment later, spreading your cheeks again just like the first time, you relax a lot more easily and though it’s only the second time you’ve ever allowed him to touch you like this it’s already familiar enough that you’re perfectly content as he presses a finger inside of your asshole to lubricate you.

As he switches out his finger for the enema tip, you realize that this nozzle is thicker than the last one and you feel a little thrill at the thought of it stretching you even more than his finger has. As he continues to push it forward it occurs to you that the nozzle is shaped like a plug, long and somewhat uncomfortably wide at its maximum diameter. The discomfort eases quickly, though, as it slides completely inside of you and seats itself with its flared base keeping your cheeks spread.

“I figured that might help you hold this one,” Leonard says softly, strong a hand over your buttock and pressing the plug just a fraction deeper with his thumb, making the tubing running through the center of it bounce a little, sending pleasurable little shocks through your core. “It’s going to be a big one; going to make your belly swell with all that water.”

“I want it,” you beg on a whim a moment later, turning your head a little so you can just see Leonard out of the periphery of your gaze. “Please, Len. I want to feel it.”

“How can I refuse when you beg so sweet, darlin’?” He says, pleased at the state he’s worked you up into.

Without any warning, Leonard reaches for the clamp on the tubing and releases it, allowing the flow to start. It’s intense, so much more intense than the first one, and you can’t help but moan as you immediately start to feel full. You’re about to ask him to slow the flow down a little when you feel a sudden release and realize that the water has started moving deeper inside of you. The feeling that you’re about to burst fades and is quickly replaced by a pleasant warmth and relaxation.

As the minutes creep by in silence, you focus on the growing heaviness in your belly and the way Leonard’s hands have begun to sweep in a gentle, soothing massage over your lower back, hips, and thighs. You can feel yourself growing full, the skin on your belly becoming taught from the strain of all of the water inside of you, and soon it starts to become uncomfortable.

“How much more?” You ask.

“You’ve got just under a third of the bag left,” Leonard replies. “You can do it, sweetheart.”

“I’m getting crampy,” you whine softly.

You gasp as you suddenly feel a brush up against your clit and realize it’s the inside of Len’s wrist as he reaches between your legs to splay his hand on your gently swollen belly. He carefully massages all over your abdomen, easing the cramping quickly and returning you to a state of comfort and arousal.

“Better?” He asks.

You nod and take a slow, deep breath as you feel his hand slip away. You can hear him moving around behind you and you glance over your shoulder as you feel him pat your hip a moment later.

“All done,” he announces with a smile. “You did great, darlin’.”

“I feel so full,” you breathe.

“I want you to hold it for a while,” Leonard insists softly. “But I can help take your mind off it; make it easier.”

“Yes, please,” you say.

You can hear the rustle of fabric behind you and you can only imagine he’s removing his boxers – the only remaining vestige of modesty he has remaining. You listen a little longer, hearing the tearing of a condom packet and the snap of the lid to the bottle of lubricant. Before long, you feel Leonard’s weight on the bed between your legs and your eyes widen as he lines the head of his cock up with your core.

“Going to make you feel even more full, darlin’,” he explains. “With that nozzle in your ass and all that water in your belly, my cock’s going to fit inside you nice and snug.”

You bite your lip as you feel him press forward, pushing just the tip of his cock into your wet and waiting pussy. It’s already more intense than anything you’ve ever felt before and you can’t help but let out a wordless cry as he pushes in deeper, filling you beyond your wildest imaginings. You clench around his cock, panting as you adjust to the stretch and squeeze.

“Fuck,” you hiss, reaching down to finger your clit, adding to the maelstrom of pleasure you’re already feeling.

“You’re so tight, angel,” Leonard growls. “Is it too much?”

His concern warms but doesn’t surprise you and you shake your head. Clearing your throat, you reassure him aloud.

“No,” you promise. “Just… go slow.”

And so he does.

At first, the thrusts are very slow and short, just teasing more than anything, allowing you to get accustomed to the feeling of having something in both of your orifices. As you start to respond, however, bucking your hips back and bringing your ass flush up against Len’s pelvis, he lengthens the thrusts, increasing his tempo and grabbing onto your hips for stability.

“Oh God,” you moan. “I’m going to spill, Len! I can’t hold it like this!”

“You’re going to be just fine, sugar, trust me,” he soothes, slowing his rhythm for just a moment. “I know how to take your body apart piece by piece and put it back together again, and I know that you’re not going to spill so much as a drop. Not with this in.”

He pointedly reaches out and presses on the plug-shaped nozzle in your ass. The movement of the smooth plastic against your stretched and spasming hole makes a shudder go through you and you know your orgasm is close. The tightening of everything inside of you as your climax draws nearer is amplified by your fullness and you’re powerless to stop the onslaught as Leonard starts to move in earnest again. The rasping of his cock against your g-spot combined with the rhythmic thrum of your fingers against your clit has starbursts popping behind your close eyelids and you gasp for air as your climax hits you.

You cry Leonard’s name as the spasming starts up and grip the sheets beneath you for dear life. All you can hear is the whoosh of your heartbeat in your ears, the sound in perfect synch with Leonard’s thrusts inside of you. Within moments he’s coming, too, and the suddenly erratic thrusting helps to bring you down a little bit. You feel like you’re going to burst but you stay still as he finishes, gritting your teeth as he finally slumps forward, pressing his forehead to the spot between your shoulder blades.

“I’ve got to go,” you rasp. “Now!”

Though he’s still loose and boneless in the wake of his own orgasm, your comfort is paramount and Leonard quickly slips out from inside of you and climbs to his feet. With one hand on your lower back to brace you, his other hand goes to the nozzle and grasps it firmly.

“Relax, darlin’,” he says roughly, his voice gravelly in the aftermath of his climax. “I’m going to pull this out and you can go on ahead.”

You nod frantically, breathing in short, staccato gasps as you feel him tugging on the nozzle. You wince a little as he pulls it out, the widest part of it stretching you deliciously before popping out with ease. The second it’s removed, you scramble of off the bed and all but run to the bathroom, closing the door behind you as you reach the toilet just in time.

The next twenty minutes are equal parts relief and living nightmare as you release the contents of the enema. It’s even more fluid than you thought and you’re weak and shaky by the time it’s finally over. Your groan of relief and flushing of the toilet attract Leonard’s attention from outside of the room and you hear a gentle knock on the door.

“Why don’t you get into the shower?” He suggests. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

It sounds like an amazing idea and you agree easily. Waiting a moment before standing to get your bearings, you pull a few extra fresh, fluffy towels out from under the sink and set them on the counter for afterward. Eventually, you get to your feet and step into the shower, pulling the glass door closed behind you and turning on the spray; real water, not the sonic jets that you usually use.

As the heat of the water eases any remaining tension in your muscles and washes away the prickle of sweat on your skin, you hardly notice Leonard climb into the shower with you until his arms wrap around you, his hands coming up to cup your breasts. His thumbs graze your nipples and you sag back against his chest, groaning contentedly.

“So what did you think?” He asks, dipping his head to press a kiss to the side of your neck.

“It was intense,” you summarize. “I think I’d like to try it again some time.”

“Yeah?” Leonard murmurs hopefully.

You nod, tipping your head to the size, nuzzling his cheek.

“There’s something else I’d like to try, too,” you continue slowly.

“What is it?” He asks as he pulls away a little, reaching for the soap.

You watch him as he pours a bit of it into his hands and works it through his fingers before reaching up to start lathering you up. The massage feels heavenly and you fall silent for several long moments, enjoying the sensation of his fingers on you.

“I want to feel your cock in my ass,” you say a few moments later, breaking the companionable silence.

Leonard’s massage doesn’t stop, but you can feel the wanton need radiating off him.

“You’re all nice and clean inside now, sweetheart,” he murmurs, suddenly pressed flush up against you again, sudsy hands trailing down your arms to grasp your wrists. “Do you think you can handle coming for me again?”

You feel lust coil in the pit of your belly at the thought of having him inside of your ass and even though you’re spent from the evening’s activities, you find your body ready and raring to go again in an instant. Nodding, you press your ass back against him, wiggling it just a little to rub at his heavy, slowly-hardening cock.

“Yes,” you say emphatically, dislodging his hands and leaning into the spray to wash off the soap so you’re not covered in slippery suds. “I’m ready, Len.”

He chuckles softly, leaning forward with you and settling his hands on your hips, pulling you back up against him even more. You can feel his cock stiffening and straining against your buttocks and you reach for the grab bar at the front of the shower. Originally designed in case the gravity failed while one was in the shower, it makes a great hand hold for sex, too, and you plan on making good use of it.

“Stay just like that for me, darlin’,” Leonard instructs, pulling open the shower door and quickly stepping out. “I’ll be right back.”

You watch him cross over to the medicine cabinet and roll on a condom before pulling out a bottle of lubricant different from the one he’d used in the bedroom. From its more viscous, silky texture you know it’s silicone-based and you groan inwardly at how good you know it’s going to feel on your asshole. You shift your weight from foot to foot as Leonard applies a generous amount of the lubricant to his cock and fingers, and you reach up to angle the showerhead down further as he makes his way back over to you.

Seconds later, Len is back in the stall with you and closing the door with his lube-free hand. You feel the other one brush the cleft between your cheeks and you reach back, pulling one cheek aside to give him better access.

“God damn, sweetheart,” Len growls. “You’re going to make me cum before I even have a chance to touch you if you keep that up.”

You flash him a coy smile and wiggle your hips a little to tease him.

“Now,” he says, slipping his fingers further into the cleft and pressing one up against your anus. “Let’s get you lubed up. Don’t want to hurt you, darlin’. Want to make you feel good.”

You nod and brace yourself, relaxing into his touch as one finger slips easily inside of you right up to the hilt. It feels good – so warm and vital – but it’s not enough. Leonard can tell you’re ready for more just by how comfortable and relaxed you are around his finger and he doesn’t leave you waiting for long before slipping a second one in alongside the first.

“You really are ready,” he says with a groan. “You’re going to feel so good on my cock. Going to take me nice and deep, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” you rasp, letting go of your cheek so you can hold onto the grab bar with both hands again. “Please. I need you. Now.”

He’s usually the one giving orders, but in the state you’ve worked him into with your desperate pleading and your clenching around his penetrating fingers, he’s in no mood to argue or put you off any longer. Withdrawing his scissoring digits, leaving you empty and wanting, he steps in so his cock is probing at your opening. One hand goes to your hip and the other to his cock, guiding it slowly into you. As soon as his head slips inside, you let out a strangled cry of ecstasy and feel the blood rush to your head as arousal washes over you.

“I’m going to go slow, baby girl,” Leonard assures you. “Going to watch my cock disappear into you one inch at a time.”

You desperately want him to just get on with it already, but at the same time you’ve heard horror stories about people taking it too fast with anal – especially their first time – and so you’re happy to let him ease into it. So far it feels incredible and you don’t want anything in the world to change that.

You breathe slow and deep as he starts to push deeper, feeling your heart hammering in your rib cage as his cock presses forward, filling you up and stretching you more than you’ve ever felt before. The burn of the stretch is a little bit uncomfortable but far too exciting to be bothersome and it only adds to your arousal. The thought of Leonard’s cock entering your ass is dizzying and you grip the grab bar just a little bit harder to compensate for how weak in the knees you suddenly find yourself.

“I want you to film us sometime,” you blurt, unable to hold back the thought. “I want to watch you penetrating me.”

“Christ, sugar,” Leonard growls. “You’re going to kill me.”

You laugh softly, though it turns to a gasp a moment later as you feel him bottom out inside of you, his pelvis flush against your backside. Reaching back, you run your fingers over the spot where the two of you are joined, groaning at how taut you feel around him. Leonard echoes the noise with one of his own as he runs both hands up your sides to cup your breasts. He pinches at your nipples gently, just enough to send a shock of arousal through you as he allows you to get used to having him inside.

“You can move, Len,” you grind out after a minute or two of stillness. “You’re not going to break me.”

Leonard gives no indication that he’s heard you until you feel him pulling back a moment later. The sensation of friction is incredibly sexy and you cant your hips forward a little to speed him along. You’re desperate to increase the pace, to feel the drag of his cock against your sensitive walls. Submitting completely, you drop your shoulders so that your ass is well presented, all the while keeping your hands on the grab bar to keep the two of you stable.

You realize that Leonard needs no more encouragement as he starts to thrust. It’s a leisurely in and out at first, comfortable but teasing, though it quickly becomes so much more. It’s wildly different from having him in your pussy and it feels incredible. The lubricant makes the slide of flesh on flesh effortless and heightens the sensation. Leonard’s harsh breaths and groans of ecstasy only add to the rush and it’s all you can do to grit your teeth so that you don’t splinter apart in a climax just yet; you want this to go on forever.

You aren’t sure how long it goes on as the thrusts become raw, carnal. All you know is that you’ve never felt a climax as big as the one you have building coming before. Your legs are shaking from the effort it’s taking not to come apart at the seams and you’re sure Leonard can feel the thundering of your heartbeat against the palm he’s got beneath your breast.

One more deep, hard thrust and it’s all you can take. You scream Leonard’s name as you tip over the precipice, climaxing so hard you can barely breathe. The shower water has long since gone cold but your skin feels like it’s on fire as you spasm around Leonard’s cock, thankful for the support he’s providing with his grip on your ribcage.

As your orgasm rages on, you can feel Leonard’s cock thickening inside of you and within second you’re coming together. You wish you could feel him coming inside of you without the condom, feel him filling you to the brim with his seed, but for this time just the feelings of his hips bucking against you and his fingers gripping your skin almost too tightly have to suffice.

As the two of you come down you sag, your grip on the grab bars slipping and nearly sending you sprawling if not for Leonard’s hands on you. He rights you easily, holding you tight against his chest until you can find your balance. As he shifts so that you’re out of the cold spray, his cock slips from inside of you and you hiss at how sensitive you’re left in its wake.

“Alright?” He asks softly.

“Yeah,” you reply, smiling tiredly, satiety clearly evident on your face. “I’m fine.”

Leonard nods and loosens his hold on you as you pull away, giving you the chance to lean forward and turn off the water. The two of you take your time stepping out of the shower, and you luxuriate in Leonard’s hands on you as he carefully towels you off. The room air is cool on your post-coitally warm skin as you step into the bedroom and you order the computer to increase the temperature just a little, and you can’t help but smile as you catch sight of the now-empty enema bag hanging on the IV stand beside the bed.

“Scotty’s going to have a fit when he sees we’ve maxed out my weekly water allowance,” Leonard says wryly as he steps up behind you and places his hands on your shoulders. “What am I going to tell him?”

“The truth,” you tease with a wink over your shoulder. “He’ll never question it again.”

Leonard barks out a laugh as he steers you toward the bed and ushers you in under the covers. You sigh contentedly as he climbs in next to you and turns out the lights before shifting around so that you can lie on his chest. He rubs a hand up and down along your back as you lay your ear next to his heartbeat and let it lull you into a state of total relaxation.

“Did you really have a good time tonight?” Leonard asks in the otherwise comfortable silence.

Turning your head a little, you press a gentle kiss to his pec before going right back to listening to his heartbeat to help reassure him.

“I did,” you promise. “And I can’t wait to do it again some time.”

You can feel a tension you didn’t even realize was there leave Leonard’s body as he pulls you in just a little closer, just a little tighter.

“I’m so glad,” he whispers. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Len,” you reply.

Leonard drifts off to sleep very quickly afterward, but you lay awake for a little while listening to his soft snores and enjoying the clean and empty feeling inside the enemas have left you with. When you do finally doze off, it’s to fantasies of all of the other kinds of things you’re desperate to try now that you’ve had a taste of how good doing something unconventional can be.

Click here to see my masterlist!

#Star Trek AOS #Leonard McCoy #reader insert #lemon #fanfiction

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nintxndos · 5 years

Text

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

#mine #ask meme #meme #ask #ns/fw

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neufocklagh · 5 years

Note

Answer all 91 of the NSFW questions ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1:When did you lose your virginity?

I lost my virginity on New Years and I was 17.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

I like a mix of both honestly (-:

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

I don’t think they’re unusual, I think almost every girl likes to be tied up or have some fascination with power-play. But I will say that I want to be more dominant at times, and that sometimes comes out and I always have to try to calm myself down.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

I think my car honestly.

5: Favourite sex position?

DANNG this is hardddd honestly. UGH. face down ass upppppp or maybe on my belly or maybe cowgirl.

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

I like them both, but I lean more towards submissive than I do dominant.

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

No I haven’t.

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

Floor sex is hottttt but gimme some pillows please

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Does my car count?

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

NO THANK GOD!!!! But one time my roommate in my dorm my freshman year ALMOST caught me. I was naked under the covers and my dumbass self forgot to lock the door so she walks in and im like OOOH SHIT and i keep myself covered in the blankets until she went to shower which was like 3 hoursssssssssssss.

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

They’re black with lace trim and a bell on the back (-:

12: How often do you have sex?

a lotttttttttt

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

yessssssssss ooooo yes

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

I like both but i do like giving more most of the time because i like to see how good of a job I’m doing.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

He was taking off my underwear all sexy like and hot and when they came off i said “kapow!” without thinking and he looked at me and i was like wut? and then i was like O.O OH MY GOD IM SORRY

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

miguel

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

miguel

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

yessss I LOVE LINGERIE. I LOVE FEELING SEXY AND HOT AF

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

shower

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

my sex mate because ooof boy is so good

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

I have

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

I have used them. I haven’t used them in over a year

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

It’s 2018 who hasn’t?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

Nah

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

cuddle, eat, and sleep (-: and talk a lot

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

gripping my thighsssss

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

late night

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

backssss

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

the hour glass hips thing because i don’t really have it :-(

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

my sex toys

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

it’s not weird but i had my toes sucked on

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

I always taste myself, I love it

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

You should always use condoms, but I don’t listen to that advice all the time. I am putting a lot of confidence in my sex mate/

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Sauce like chocolate or strawberry or anything like that

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

Funeral

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

I love it !

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

If you HAVE to do it then its too much

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

I’ve never felt that before (with a stunned face)

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

makeout sesh

40: What do you wear to bed?

big shirt and pajama pants

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

7th grade

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

I don’t keep my nudes

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

my car?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

I definitely would

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

I have and don’t want to do it again.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

a maker

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

I have, i imagine the moans are my own

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

I love it! it’s fun seeing that I’m doing a good job

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

They’re hot

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

I would feel terrible :-( i ruined your innocence

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

HOT SAUCE

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Porn star cause a girl could make millions

53: Do you watch porn?

Yes

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Yes, I do not scare easily

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

SOmetimes I do

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

No I wouldn’t have a problem

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

nah

58: Booty or Boobs?

booty

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

No, i just don’t believe in it

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

1. the helicopter spin thing. 2. pee 3. masturbate. 4. tuck in my penis. 5. climb to the upper class

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

no :-/

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

sorta

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

does not apply :-/

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

clitoral

65. What is your bra/penis size?

34B

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

marker

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

today

68. When was the last time you had sex?

yesterday

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

it’s been a while

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

I have bought one. Its my first one and its a pink dildo with a suction cup on the base

71. Guys:Circumsized?

N/A

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

my thighs

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

my clit

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

ehh sometimes depends on how sensitive they are and how turned on i am

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

I haven’t

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

I’m not sure

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

I don’t really think i’ve ever had one

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

yessssss

80. Favorite sexual position?

I think i already answered this

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

sometimes a slut but I better get cuddled afterwards

82. Are you into any BDSM?

yes but not to the extent to actually claim it

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

84. Do you like dirty talk?

I love itttt

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

I am so loud :-( masturbating I am quiet because I dont want anyone to hear me

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

I have!!! my mom has called me.

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

anything i can learn from

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

i’ve told a guy he gets me wet and that i’ve thought about him

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

yes

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

no i haven’t

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

no i haven’t

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esotericfaerytumbls · 3 years

Text

***MISHANDLED WOMANHOOD & RAVISHED INTIMACY***

From Chris Bale I had a male client communicate to me today: “she’s so hard. I want her to be softer. It pisses me off when she is so hard. What do I do? I keep telling her that I need her to be softer and surrendered in her femininity, but nothing is changing.” You NEED her to be? Slow up brother! “Firstly, you being annoyed by her “hardness” as you put it, is only going to support more hardness.” I replied. There is nothing safe in your reactive judgment towards her current state of being. It says far more about you, than her in this moment. But also, I feel your pain! Lets break it down. —— UNDERSTANDING: A man who demands she be somewhere other than where she is at currently, is a man who is steering her further away from her expressive freedom and bliss. This is a man who does not know. He is shutting her down. But, its not his fault. There is not much assistance out in society for us as men, when it comes to relating with women in a healthy/supportive/polarizing/passionate way. A man who DOES know, understands that whatever his woman is experiencing, is just another ingredient in the “making” of love. Through his non-judgmental presence, he assists her in transmuting whatever emotions/trauma are seeking to clear - If he wants to. If he doesn’t want to, its best to leave her alone. Whats important to realize, is that she he is already “soft” by nature. Minus the fear, distrust, trauma patterns and overstimulated nervous-systems, we all are. If she is not willing to be receptive with you, there are parts of your being which she does not fully trust or feel safe with. (OR, she is deep in traumatic projecting, and it has nothing to do with you. She is so dis-regulated from past experiences, that she cannot find safety even within her own body.) An emotionally reactive and unclear man, is felt as a weak & untrustworthy man. Because he is. You don’t have to like it. It simply is what it is. I should know. Before arriving to my own work, I was deeply untrustworthy in my confusion and reactivity. Which led me to be grossly manipulative in my unhappiness. This is a pattern I see collectively though the immature masculine. —— FOR HER VULNERABILITY: You see, even if her mind wants to trust you, her body will never feel safe enough to fully open in your company; if you are unsafe. It will brace in your presence. There will be an energetic cocooning as a form of protection. Not because you are a bad man, but because there are too many parts of you which are unclear, uncertain, distracted and dispersive. This is unsafe for her on every level of love, surrender, and ravished-fuck. Men, you must realize to some degree what it means for her to be in a place of deep softness and receptivity with you. For you, it turns you on. For her, it’s risking life. Many times when I bring this up…men will laugh it up, and claim I am over-exaggerating. This lack of empathetic understanding will be clearly mirrored in his life with women. Deep physical & emotional intimacy calls on her to let go of control, which she has been forced to barricade up around herself, based on her past experiences with immature males - who said one thing, but went and done another. This is what you are asking when you request for her to “surrender” more. You are inviting her into absolute exposure. Based on your intentions and integrity, do you deserve her absolute exposure in this moment? Her absolute vulnerability is a privilege. Any humans vulnerability is a privilege. You are also wanting to literally insert a part of your erect body up inside of hers, in a way which allows you to have full control over how you move inside of her, in the most sensitive & receptive area of her entire physicality. On top of this, there is also the possibility of a new life being created. Which means her entire experience of life changes, and she is essentially tied to you through another human for the remainder of her time here. Is he trustworthy? Can I rely on him? Is he mature enough to be a father? Will he be there for me and our child? Does he have a vision? Will he disappear and leave me? - Just some possible questions which may arise within her experience of being receptive to you. These question may arise upon first laying eyes on you - physical intimacy need not even be involved for these thought patters to begin arising. So many women spend their intimate lives being poked, drilled, pounded, mounted and consumed s€xually - in a disconnected way. Where the man she is with is not actually present in his body with her. He is just doing her, to cum. Again, not because us men are big bad predatory wolves, but because as young boys we were not given intelligent and empowering information around s€x & relating. We were given perverted and shameful information, by a perverted and shameful society. We then went out into the world and seeded this perversion in the wombs & bodies of women. And because her very nature is receptivity, she then has to carry around years of mishandling inside the tissues of her vagina, cervix, womb, breasts and throat. When women come to me for energy sessions, the amount of pain and perversion her body has been subjected to, becomes very apparent, as she opens, vibrates, and unravels. Everything spills out into the room. In many instances it can look like some kind of exorcism. Its as if she’s been held captive inside of a tiny part of her body, afraid to feel or exist within her totality. Why? —— THE FOUNDATION: In a society which champions emotional numbness as “strength”, the only remaining option she has, is to dissociate from the inner aching & shut-down her powerfully intuitive felt-sense; for fear of it being exposed as weakness. Endless bracing. Even in love-making, most women(not all) have learned the importance of bracing; incase he unawarely thrusts at the wrong angle, causing pain. Because of this, she’s never truly being able to exhale and feel the exquisite subtitles which arise from connected & embodied intimacy. …and please, dont get me wrong here. When I speak of embodied intimacy, im not referring to tickling your partner with a feather under the moonlit sky until she “arrives”, followed by a curtsey. Im talking about sweaty, deep, primally driven, passion drenched fuck - but supported by a foundation of deeply attuned sensitivity and care towards the others wellbeing. This foundational safety, allows the intensity of passion, orgasmicness, love & primality - to reach heights never touched upon before; back when distracted disconnection was driving the vehicle. When both people are present; tuned-in to self and other, God gets to enter the room. Life, spirit, eros gets to fill the space. So please do not confuse embodied s€x for some boring-ass flaccid form of un-pleasurable intimacy. Its more physically, energetically, & spiritually orgasmic than anything else we have access to in this life. —— WELCOME HER CHALLENGE. As a man, maybe you are naturally wanting to experience her receptivity towards you. Her willingness, longing & desire to invite you in; for her to bathe in oceans of vulnerability - A vulnerability which has been, many times before you; used against her. Disrespected, judged & dropped. Based on all of this...why on earth would she trust a man who she hasn’t vetted repeatedly? If as a man you would like to be stronger for woman, for yourself, for community; welcome challenge. Welcome HER challenge. Realize that she is pushing up against you, because she actually gives a damn about you. If she didn’t, she would never feel the need to test anything about you. Once you have proven your character(to yourself) through stable consistency, and she has digested you viscerally, a deeper dropping into devotion and union can begin. (To further clarify: A matured man will not feel these behaviours as "tests" or "challenges", as they will be so minuscule on the energetic scale of that which he is used to engaging with. The concept of a women "testing him" is not something which he holds in his awareness. Also, a woman who is around a mature man, wont even waste her time trying to test him, as his solidarity will be very clear from the get-go. The above sharing is more for "middle-ground" stages.) —— BOUNDARIES We really need to see the beauty present in the opportunity to demonstrate our sharpness and strength, in all areas of life. Welcome the challenging of your boundaries, so that you have the opportunity to show-up firm and clear in your sovereignty. One of the greatest gifts a woman can bring to a man, is through exposing the areas of his being which lack stability. A powerful embodied woman really requires your boundaries and self-respect to be existing at the forefront of your being - At the forefront of the relationship. So that she has something stable & reliable to brush up against. She may also require a necessary spanking from time to time, if she really gets out of line. Depending on her general level of “feist” of course. In many cases, the insatiable feminine will purposefully do things to magnetize you into disciplining, activating & transmuting her to completion. This, is a whole other topic of conversation, which we can keep for a later date. But there is profound trust and turn-on which is built through healthy masculine discipline and order. **Dear Internet humans, Im assuming you know the difference between spanking her, and beating her - and how the 1st is conducive to a passionate, playful, polarized relationship, while the latter…is clearly not.** —— The below advice is written with the assumption that you have a deep love for this woman(women collectively), and you would like to know how to love her deeper, as it aligns with your integrity. NOT to get something in return from her. HOW DO WE LOVE HER?: By supporting and empowering her to be EXACTLY that which she has come here to be. Without conditioning, controlling, or imprisoning her. So she can come to understand & ooze her innate service to the planet. - Claiming her, if you are choosing to be with her. - Leading her with love and truth, in every moment it is required. - Protecting her. Both physically, and energetically. - Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. - Remaining diligent and disciplined in your own relationship to life & your mission. Without compromise. - Calling her out/being real with her - holding her accountable. We love her, by reminding her of the tremendous power she is, in any moment she happens to forget it, or falls victim to the disempowering social narratives of backwards womanhood. To add to that - Making love/penetrating/fucking her as deeply and as profoundly as you can arrive to. Which will unveil & shift her experience of this life. As will her “opening” transform how you experience yours. Learn to love her, especially in her “hardness”. Especially in her anger. Especially in her frustration. Especially in her tension. Especially in all the places she has been mishandled and traumatized. You need not viscerally like it, but through showing up and loving her when she is deep in it, we assist in transmuting the collective pain present in so many women, AND men. If you don’t want to love her, and you have no interest in any of the above; there’s nothing wrong with that - But leave her alone. She doesn’t need another half-assed version of undercooked love. None of us do. If you are going to be there, at least commit to it. ---- Finally, please understand that this is a nuanced process, which has its own flavor for each individual. This sharing is to offer some experiential information which I deem as valuable sign posts. Please note that In everything I share, my individual mission comes through heavy, so I dont expect it to resonate for everybody at all times. Perfection is never the goal, but I believe impeccable integrity ought to be, in whatever we do. However you arrive to your way, is right on time. And it need not look like my or anybody else’s way. Here’s hoping what I have shared today can be of some value as you walk the path of “what the fuck is going on down here?”, and support us all in having to carry around less numbness, and more ALIVENESS. In love & service, Chris Bale

#healing #divine masculine #divine feminine #romance #love

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misterbitches · 3 years

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@flootweed

ATOTS

That's super fucking romantic? Like tragic but in a nice way. i love that shit. i'm a monogamous slut for romance pghiosuag even tho we have to learn to live alone too but it's just like the NOTION is nice?!??! awwww i told my mom that SOPHIE's gf was like "she died taking a picture of the moon" and how it was like idk. the gf was just processing it and she thought it was romantic and my mom was like "wow.....depressing" bc think she thought it was stupid millenial shit i was like no mother doent u see she died in the BEAUTY LMAO but then i told her jessica walter's husband died the year before and then she died and she was like "aw...kind of romantic" LMAOOOO i guess two people have to die. why did i tell this story? i am so sorry. the show ended today right (ep 10?) i didn't realize it was that short. so i hope it was a happy ending? (tell me) i understand why you love the atmos! it's like, not really been done. there's this BL that i hear isn't too great but it does take place in a rural part of thailand and there's way less budget. a lot of ppl seem to like it. ep 6 LW / LW in gen gotta be honest, rushed through it. i knew spoilers from jump cause BL spoilers are just absolutely nothing and sometimes ur just like i need to know. i do not understand the ~silently lookin 4 u~ trope it always backfires and is also DUMB. so happy about tiffy. a girl who likes girls but ends up with a man bc of mommy and also the man is ok....it's me. she's gorgeous and actually [h*lf] gay so it's great. god ok i feel so old again. lmaooo but i was like obsessed with lady gaga for that reason (dont ask...also how i got kinda popular on tumblr way back in the day) and shes just absolutely fucking beautiful and bad ass. (which kind of doesnt helpcos they r all skinnty but that's FINEEEE) right? i mean like i guess cos we knew abt it? i can see why he was so pissed off, too? i mean i'm so fucking like...sensitive to being told what to do so i was angry for him from jump. i guess i was also looking at it different wholetime cos i knew the spoilers? i'm assuming u did too lmao. so we knew hed be pissed and leave. and frankly that's what sib gets. just for you my friend i will watch it and update. i think MANY times in shows in gen but it is something you notice a lot in BL bc they are just absolute novices most times. in this case, gene's actor mostly well (and i like him as a person just cos he was on that thai 3 girls in a car show and used to date on eof them lmao) can act so i will look over that scene to see how sib's actor plays off him. but the pausing in between sentences or for so long even decent actors or actors doing better. kao is not bad, not great so they will talk slowly because dramatic acting but the problem is most times it's too long. even if the person is an adept actor it won't always work and YES THEN THAT MEANS THE EDITOR COMES IN AND SNIP SNIP SNIP! it's too long. and sometimes it just does not work even if you can act. but it is GLARING when they cant or are average (someoe said this about tharntype and my god lmao tharn..is...so...slow...in...talking...the actor idk his name it's one of em, the other one with the nose (type) is....different not better but he certainly does not talk as slow. they arent bad but they are not good so.) also sometimes they are forgetting their lines. some ppl find this charming. clearly we do not lmao. what is their relation? what is going on there? i don't have a problem with stepbrothers as long as they didn't grow up with that sibling bond. many times blended families really have to watch out for that kind of fraternizing but it's always when theyre older and teenagers bc they didnt grow up w/ each other....i mean they have chemistry so i'm whatever. but. hennYYWAYYYS.actually it's bc im an idiot i didn't read it as Mhok (singular) and aey's father. Yes and his sister who i think i may hate? im like bitch okkkkkk but. his name is lhong. and he is a psycho. i mean so is type. so. oooh it could be that he stole! but also i'm pretty sure cos hes gay lol or did they

not make that explicit? the thing is i had to skip through most of that scene too because the drama was WAY too much for me. too much. lmao. the sister thing i got and it made sense and iliked that. oh yea he is gay and they know. that's a big one.

WBL

haven’t watched color rush! did you like it? i have seen wyel, parts of mr heart, and ofc to my star :)

ohhhhhh ok. i get you. yea he definitely wasn’t being ooc cos i think that....what u said. and also like....ugh i cant even think rn. i like sam lin a lot so i like gao shi de but i gotta say. lmao. hm. first of all. yes it is creepy what he did. it’s fucking weird. and sad that his whole life revolves around him. it’s not as fucking weird as LW but still like when he did the door thing. i was like UMMMMMMMMM cos i really didnt want it to be constructed. and when it was i was like imma suspend my disbelief. but if anyone dared...

and so what he did in s2 i think he just couldnt realize that he was loved back which is why it’s good he WAS ALONE for 5 yrs imo. but he gave shu yi 0 choice and for that i am pretty sure i would be even angrier. i do think though that the father’s role is pretty important but i can see how the show is like....letting that go? bc as fucking weird as GSD is, he was still like...20? i guess and shu yi’s dad is like. crazy? i am also like he really had to fucking start a company to get noticed like are u joking? is it also that easy? and also why? lmao i just. ugh. i think that probs bothered me the most...priorities.

i like the show! well idk if i love it but sure. i think it’s decent lmao. i understand what you’re saying. for here it bothers me less but i certainly don’t think it was OOC. immature and stupid but like...that’s.....what they are. i also don’t have a problm with the timing from a technical point.

however, when i started the show? i had NO clue what concept of time it was. and that was very annoying. tehy redeemed it bc of the comedy aspects (the first time shu yi sees shi de is so fucking good, i really loved the shot and editing; it’s hilarious and silly) and i started to go with the flow of the show through that. but the fucking concept of time in the show in general esp with repetitive outfits (i understand that they are more likely to wear multiple outfits as well, it’s just that you have to split it up or it i sconfusing visually and looks like the same scene twice or just a full day of shooting which it could be but then something should change in the clothes. this is just an ex~~*~*) and partof that is they have this already controlled narrative i guess.

i have to admit as well...i skipped episode 1. and most of 2. i was like i rly dont want to see someone slap a pereson even if they were like. not together. it’s just not cute also not in front of ppl. and then when they were yelling and bla bla i was like listen ladies lets calm down. too much angst in a boring way. what they have now is good. also they should probably like estrange the father but i doubt they will.

i cannot make up my mind totally now bc i see what ur saying i guess i just don’t feel that way as much but i guess i have to think about it more, too. i do think he was contorlling in getting him or like when he didnt want shu yi to find out whwatshisface liked him. i guess for me it would be if he is still that way in the rship. but even tho he’s at fault for what happened, i’m also like but his dad? but also like...did he try? why did he just stop contacting? but then i guess he emailed everyday? DO U C MY QUANDARY.

alsoi have to say i do not care abt their backdoor being opened lmao like wow business? no thanks

LMAO. did they cry a lot in UWMA? i only know the teamwin parts. which one is fluke the really pale one who died? idk what it is about that kid but i just cant watch him. it’s not his fault it’s mine.

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

it’s stupid. that’s what it is (husband and wife.) it’s just something they say like many gay couples may use pejoratives in conjunction with them, the f word etc. or even imply something about being a top and a bottom. whatever. but these arent gay spaces or gay storylines. sure gay men may direct them but since BL operates and relies on patriarchy without a doubt and also stereotypes poorly kathoeys or won’t cast trans women in anything substantial and use them as jokes (and see this is one of those things where it’s like...ud never see this in the US tho like our concept of third gender or kathoeys but life stillBOOOOO.) so it’s just useless when they put it into the scripts because it’s for people to consume and lots of girls are. obviously. so the idea that if you are being penetrated and u r the wife and this is used like literally anywhere but not from gay or whatever men is gross. are cis women’s vaginas sieves to them? are trans women not women? do we have to categorize people by PHALLIC OBJECTS IN OUR BODIES SPECIFICALLY A WOMAN? it dont make no sense. plus really most ppl just experiment, there’s more ways than one to have sex, we have lives so most times it’s not just full penetration for hours anyway. it’s just so gross. like oh that’s really funny lol ur the wife cos his dick goes in ur butt XD i get it, same. i say “i’m wife’ whenever there’s a penis in me. fucking kill me. it’s not a big deal but it’s just dumb and gross. if they use it they could try and subvert it too like i like how my engineer has a whole absurdly stupid episode about it. but in TT the dad says “if ur the wife i wont accept it” and i was like u know what gals? im good. goodbye.

pgojaihousgajigko THAT’S SOOOOOOO OOWIEOFUGHOIJ WEIRD. FANDOM IS REALLY WEIRD. i have read rpf and written it once upon a time but dont do it anymore uch. i mean it’s weird. no doubt about that. invasive, weird, strange. but very unreal anyway. it is. plus i dont like celebs or fame and think of it as a gross capitalist scheme so i had to stop (also so weird?) but i know very many people like lean in. lean in. LEAN IN. this youtuber i watch did a video on like insanely popular ships (like that 1d one) and their insane fandoms and i just couldnt. it’s so embarrassing? and then they’re so bold????? about it?

yea it would be cool (more queer men or visibly we should say or like out whatever.) but it doesnt necessarily mean that will be good or beneficial i guess? i mean like. i dont know. so much about the genre is about wish fulfilment for young girls. its literally selling some fantasies because the other thing is for BL (i read a paper on this...) esp for girls in more conservative societies they cna maybe replace themselves in the character? but they may not feel a threat as a woman or like their life will fall apart if they engage in sexual things with anyone really. and that’s where i’m like....for a lot of these are they just writing a story and just replacing two men? bc they also seem to think it owrks like that. and in a way that’s what it is bc of the writing and how they use certain terms. you can tell the piece is about pushing a product and less about the real affects of a story. i think ITSAY is a great example of a really intelligent great piece of work that contains multitudes. and the girl was amazing. it just depends on the goal. and for most of the ppl the goal isnt...to do anything. so i dont know. idk how to talk abt representation anymore. it both is and isnt.

i really liked tingting from my engineer a lot (idk if u have seen) she’s so fun and unapologetic. i love how much she drinks and if someone tells her to be ladylike she says no. and i appreciate that in the show when girls were rude to her she said nothing about the girls but said “NO IM NOT LUCKY TO HAVE ALL MALE FRIENDS?” i really want to see her more in the next season. obviously tiffy is goat. super excited to see how their rship develops.

#we best love #lovely writer #we best love fighting mr 2nd

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heartsoftruth · 6 years

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1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!!

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess.

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing.

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG.

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks!

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever.

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha.

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots…

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace.

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too.

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me.

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals.

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something.

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love.

#very long reply #but yeah... haha #anonymous

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evswiftie · 7 years

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Full breakdown on how I relate look what you made me do to all the past times I've been sexually assaulted

" I don't like your little games" -When I was 11 and swimming in the public pool at the YMCA and this 30 year old man asked if he could play with me in the pool and pick me up and throw me in the water but he "had to touch me here first (he digitally raped me) ( I didnt even know what a Vagina is or does as that age) -When I was 12 and my dads best friend who lived in my house would tell my parents he would watch after me when they went out but instead forcibly touched me and made me touch him. And he would bang on my bedroom door when I was pressing up against it shut because it didn't have a lock, he would offer me to play outside with him on my trampoline just so he could be on top of me and suck in my nipples again but I screamed to leave me alone. When the guy in sophomore year of high school who I had my first real big crush on told me I could trust him so I told him all about my life and he was my first kiss but then right after, he threw me on the ground grabbed my hand and made me give him a hand job and then went around school taunting me by mocking me with my secrets I told him and told people I was a slut. And he call me during the middle of the night threatening that if I didn't send him nudes he would make worse rumors and spread them around. When the 20 year old guy who took my virginity from me raped me when I was 16 tried to email me, text me and follow me on Instagram as if time passing had changed everything. BITCH DONT TALK TO ME. When the guy who molested me outside of a bar gave me the excuse the next day that he was to drunk to know what he was doing even though I saw him get in his car and drive away and text me that night he made it home safe. IF YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOURE SOBER ENOUGH TO NOT SEXUALLY MOLEST SOMEONE WHO IS TO INTOXICATED TO STAND STRAIGHT. " I don't like your tilted stage " AKA an uneven playing field. When the guy who "had to" digitally rape me in the YMCA swimming pool knew i was to young to know what was happening to me and I was easy to listen to adults so he told me not tell anyone so I stayed quiet about it until I was 17. -When the guy who was my dads best friend knew I was a caring kid and wouldnt tell anyone so my dad wouldn't loose a friend so he took advantage of me. And when I finally told my dad and he made his friend come to the house to confront him DUDE WAS SPEAKING 100% Spanish so I couldnt know what he was saying against me. -When the guy I trusted in high school majorly taunted me outside school and was so sneaky about how he did on school grounds so he wouldnt get in trouble -When the guy who raped me at age 16 asked me if i was ready and I said "I dont know, I think I am" but he was controlling and forceful and went on top of me and I hated it and was to scared to run away or tell him to get off me. -When the guy who molested me outside the bar did it where no one could see and theres not cameras so there was no proof and he apologized the next day. "The role you made me play, of the fool, no I dont like you" All of these people made me play the delusional crazy girl whose making shit up for attention " i don't like your perfect crime, How you laugh when you lie -When I was tired of staying silent for ten years so I finally decided to report something horrible happening to me , at the age of 22 sobbing in the car feeling worthless and like nothing but a sex toy, like my feelings dont matter because all Ill ever be is my body and nothing more, I picked up the phone and called the police, they told me that because I was talking to the guy in the bar before him molesting me he probably thought I wanted it so they told me I should accept his apology. They told me that because I cant remember because I was to intoxicated to remember clearly if he forcibly grabbed my hand and put it down his pants or if I put my hands down there it doesn't even count as sexual assault. Even tho I KNO I was screaming to get out. "You said the gun was mine, isn't cool, no, I don't like you"(oh!) They always tell you to report things but then when you do they dont do anything to help "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time, Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time" -After being denied of reporting my most recent sexual assault I was in hysterics sobbing in my car realizing that anyone can do anything they want to me and feel like such a low life and absolutely nothing and get away with it. Snot and tears were everywhere and I was messaging my friends saying I cant live like this anymore, whats the point? When Im just going to be tossed from guy to guy simply for their pleasure while they take my dignity from me, when all I get is cat called and harassed and pressured to give myself to them I lifted my head up and realize that if 22 year old erica can't get justice then 11year -16 year old Erica can, NO MATTER what those abusers say to deny it or beat around the bush they WILL go fucking down because I was a MINOR. And theyre not getting out of it with that crime "I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined" -after realizing im gonna come for blood I picked up the phone and called up the police dept and said I'm reporting a sexual assault from 10 years ago and this was at midnight when the police showed up at my house to get a written statement and proceeded to list off every other time I was sexually assaulted . To which the officer accused me of "cop shopping" BITCH YEA. Because I didn't get what I wanted from the first one. BITCH YOU RIGHT IM GONNA KEEP REPORTING IT UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. "I check it once, then I check it twice, oh" -Did they really sexually assault me if I didnt scream "no" and "rape" and push and shove my way out ? Yes okay ! Just gotta double check I know what happened to me before others tell me over exaggerating! "Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me Ooh, look what you made me Look what you made me do Look what you just made me Look what you just made me do" -the next morning after listing off these names to the rude police officer I slept until noon, got up in my grown up boss ass outfit, got in my red buggy and zoomed to the YMCA with my sunglasses feeling like a bad ass scene from a movie, I catwalked into the YMCA to the chorus of LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO and I said I need to see a manager and report an incident then that manager came over and I told her everything that happened in that public pool to me and she was dumb founded because they have a "no tolerance policy" "I don't like your kingdom keys, they once belonged to me, you asked me for a place, locked me out then threw a feast (WHAT?!)" -Every single one of these manipulating sexual abusers have affected me in so many ways for the rest of my life. I went to couseling in high school and my recent new Doctor , those two told me that a lot of how I act, talk and think has to do with the after affects and symptoms of being sexually abused and that a portion in my FUCKING BRAIN paused on developing and has a fog over it and cant pay attention to things and I am easily forgetful and space out way more often than the normal person. I DONT LIKE HOW THESE SICK FUCKS HAVE THE KEYS TO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. I don't like that the like psychos who molested me when I was a pre teen took something from me I never had,finding myself at such a crucial age and my confidence I had as a kid. "The world moves on, another day, another drama, drama." While I've been in the deep state of depression and feeling empty I stand there and notice how everyone else lives goes on and theyre happy mean while Im dead on the inside "But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma" -But while Im standing there feeling like everyone can just pretend like it never happened to me even when I told them , I cant help but think of the the sexual abusers getting put in jail or getting their lives taken away from them because they deserve that. "And then the world moves on, but one things for sure Maybe I got mine, but you all get yours" -Maybe for now my karma for trying to go out for fun was to be molested by a boy ll be punished for what you did. " I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me be the actress starring in your bad dreams I dont trust nobody and nobody trusts me" -when the boy in high school spread all these awful rumors about me and showed the nudes I sent him (because he threatened me) to his classes, I lost friends at school , no one wanted to talk to me and in return I was left being fearful for the rest of my life that anyone could leave me at any moment. .. " I don't trust nobody" -I turned to all the people whose ever told me " I'll be there for you if you ever need anything "but when that something i need is to tell someone about how I was sexually assaulted they tell everything except things that will actually lift my soul up and make me feel better but no one cares enough to actually check up on me after hearing a horrible traumatic thing happening to me because I don't have the energy to come to people myself every day and come forward on how low I feel. I had people tell me to "just go home" when I'd call them up sobbing in my car and ask them if I could come over for them to comfort me. I've had people literally leave me because I confronted them about only sending me a sad face or "I'm sorry" and nothing more. LIKE. MAYBE SEND ME THE CLEAN SOEECH IDK. I'm desperate to hear some words of encouragement but no people HATE confrontation So much they'll just leave me instead of owning up and offering me anything more then a sad face through a text and their sympathy. "I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams" -Im coming for revenge , I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to me so I'll be in your nightmares "I'm sorry the old Erica can't come to the phone right now, why? OH , cuz she's dead" It's been months since I was sexually assaulted last and the scared old fragile me is dead and I'm becoming this new fierce woman who protects myself. I have two open sexual assault cases open right now and I'm looking for mental health help and okay, I'm overly distracted , it's like there's this fog over my mind and I can't see or think clearly and it's affecting my every day life, I can't do well at work and when I'm in a normal conversation , and cry myself to sleep when I feel worthless. But I've found time can heal most anything. P.s Taylor I admire you so much for defending yourself during your sexual assault trial, I heard you got sassy.. I would have to... it's pretty annoying when you have to relive the incident numerous amount of times and people don't believe you so you have to say it over and over again until you just start to cry because you just want justice. My parents didn't report to the police about the guy who was my dads best friend touching me when I was 12 because they knew all the interviews and questions I would be asked and they didn't want me to relive it m, I was 12 and scared..... 10 years later I got the guts to do but only because i can't live like his anymore unneeded something to matter so i went for justice, I had a interview for a detective and police man in an office in the police station, it was video recorded and everything, they asked me about every little detail of all the 4 times he molested me, it was awful and I cried so much during the whole thing I told them how he took something away from me I never really had as a 12 year old.. my confidence and finding who I am. And saying that out loud made me cry even more but I felt like it was necessary to say so they could believe me and see how much he hurt me. They said it's going to take a long to time to be able to find the him and when they do I need to be prepared for him to deny it and if so we might go to court. I Do NOT have the money for that at all but taylor, I heard you are donating to foundations that help girls defend themselves and I might have to use that and in SO BEYOND THANKFUL. For those foundations and for you helping out. They thanked me for my time and as the detective walked me out to the the main door she said " maybe you'll be able to inspire other girls and let them know it's never to late to report it" and in that moment I felt so inspired... now I feel SO passionate about being a mental health advocate, I have my AA degree so I'll be going back to college and get my psychology degree. I'm gonna kick ass. P.s.s I'm sorry if this post triggered anyone with anything I talked about but I really wanted to let taylor know how I relate to her music P.s.s Taylor i am SO sorry for what you had to go through being sexually assaulted, it really does turn a light off on your personality and I wish I could just take all your pain away, you have been there for me through EVERYTHING and I just want to be there for you and hold your hands through every step . @taylorswift

#reputation #taylorswift #look what you made me do

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