#on my last essay she went over it. and marked all the stuff she didnt like. And i fucking fixed it.

[camelspit]

biting and clawing trying to write an essay rn

#i can write essays! but this teacher drives me insane #because ik no matter what i do its not going to work #not a single person this year has written an essay thats gotten in the 90s in her class #i have an 89 on one and thats it. thats the highest. #we do everything she fucking tells us to do and its not good enough #on my last essay she went over it. and marked all the stuff she didnt like. And i fucking fixed it. #and she was like 'lol no. 89' #and she has like a billion comma rules that she hasnt told us. so all of us lose points for commas every fucking time. #same shit with projects. #for our last project she told our team that we had her favorite project and she really really liked it #I even spent like $40 getting shit for it #And she gave us a fucking 82 #We went over each fucking requirement she wanted like 5 times and made sure we had everything #We did everything she FUCKING WANTED US TO #AND SHE DIDNT EXPLAIN THAT GRADE EVER?? #agh. i hate her so much. like girl go back to south dakota and leave us the fuck alone. #she doesnt even teach. she tells us boring ass stories about her life in south dakota and how she hates grammarly #like girl clearly you need grammarly because youve spelled shakespeare as shaeksepare twice now #she makes me hate english

[gayfrenchtoast]

CONTINUATION OF HARRY POTTER IF LILY AND JAMES DIDNT DIE

Pt 2

This is my favourite movie in the franchise so buckle up, this has more words than some of my uni essays

Goblet of fire! Harry is having repeated nightmares About Voldemort and Lily and James don't know what to do so to try and cheer him up they agree to go to the world cup quidditch match after Ron sends Harry an excited letter about it.

(TW implied ab*se)

When they get there Harry and Draco spot each other and share a look. they both manage to sneak off for a quick hug and a talk and Harry is incredibly worried when he sees a bruise on Draco’s forehead. Draco doesn't want to talk about it but Harry is worried af so Draco agrees to try and sneak off again after the match so Harry can introduce him to his parents and they can talk about it. Draco reluctantly agrees.

(TW over)

The match goes great, Ron is swooning over Krum and being a closeted bi disaster.

after the match, Draco shows up as agreed and Harry takes him to meet his parents. James is a lil sus of him because “that's Lucius Malfoy's spawn” but once he talks and sees the nervous stuttering disaster who looks like he's ready to up and run off like a scared animal any moment he concludes that he would kill for him.

Draco admits he feels unsafe at home and his parents are trying to talk him into doing stuff he doesn't want to do. James straight-up asks if it's relating to the dark lord and Draco looks surprised but admits that “some of it” is.

kinda unrelated but James and Lily later agree that from the way their son was looking at him and all the things he's doing for him Harry probably has a crush on Draco.

Cue death eater attack.

Panic, James and Lily are in protective parent mode, they group up with the Weasleys who are too busy to be confused at Draco’s presence. they all go off running.

Harry and Draco get split from the others because they were clinging to each other's hands and in the panic, most of the others don't notice until it’s too late. They are both basically as scared as each other at the attack but for different reasons. Harry falls and gets kick knocked out and Draco has to drag him to a hidden area to hide until he comes to.

they manage to evade detection until Harry comes to just in time to see the Dark mark go into the sky. Draco holds him tighter as he sees it not realising he's awake until moments later. when the figure comes closer they both scramble up to run but the figure leaves and Hermione and Ron find them before the ministry attempts to stupify them and Ron and Harry’s parents yell at them furiously to not hurt their kids.

Crouch tries to accuse them of setting off the dark mark but that just makes Lily more furious, yelling at him that they're kids and “do you really think my son, the one who was almost killed by Voldemort as a child, would call the dark lord?!” Draco plucks up enough courage to tell them harry was out for most of it and They both saw a man shoot the mark into the sky. They aren't fully believed of course.

Then Lucius shows up in a flurry and grabs Draco, Chastising him for running off and “where was he?! there was an attack and he was in the middle of it?!” James steps up and informs Lucius that his son had saved his and he was very grateful and Lucius looks at all the eyes on him and claims he raised him well before muttering “not well enough” as he drags Draco off.

Draco and Harry share one more look before Draco is forced away.

At school, Mad eye Moody is introduced. Harry has heard of Moody before from his dad and something is very right AND wrong about him. Goblet of fire tournament introduced, other schools introduced, bla bla bla, Ron bi panic.

When Draco tries to talk to Harry Draco avoids him and Harry knows somethings wrong but since Draco is avoiding everyone but a few other Slytherins he struggles with what to do about it and his persistence to talk just causes a few arguments.

They watch Fred and George make arses of themselves and Harry gives an up and down of Cedric when he puts his name in cus that's one tall glass of water.

Champions get picked and Cedric being picked gives harry kinda crush feels but then Harry’s name comes out and confusion ensues. they accuse harry of putting his name in but are unable to pull harry out for some stupid reason.

When Draco sees Harry after that there's a sort of guilty look in his eyes but he still avoids him so harry cant ask

Harry gets more of a crush on Cedric every time they talk but knows that probably won't fly especially with the whole “sneaky Slytherin potter got his mane in the goblet of fire he's an asshole” shit going around school.

When he writes to his parents about it Lily sends letters to Dumbledore trying all she can to get Harry pulled out “he's a kid he may die!” but the headmaster replies with “there's nothing I can do” every time.In comparison James’ letter to harry basically is “knock em dead slugger :D”

Draco has picked Bullying back up to vent his obvious internal struggle which gets him turned into a ferret by Moody. Even though they’re in some kind of argument Harry jumps in to grab him and keep him from harm while Mcgonagal yells at Moody. Harry thinks to himself that Draco makes a very cute ferret.

when Draco is turned back harry is still holding him (bridal style of course) and Draco shoves him off which gets him dropped and they have an argument. Draco claims that he “doesn't need his help and he and his father don't think he’d last in this tournament” which makes Harry think Draco may have been lying to him since he’s siding with his father prompting an “I don't care what your father thinks and much less you!” and storm off

Ron is also mad because he belives Ron went behind his back to put his name in the goblet of fire (and that he now gets to compete with Krum) and calls him a Slytherin (derogatory) and that he should never have trusted him and known that Harry was a sneak from the moment he was put in his house

Harry really feels like everyone is against him but that just makes him want to prove everyone wrong.

Harry and Ron have their little back and forth with Hermione but actually ends up yelling at Ron that he was being stupid refusing to talk to him and even though he did well he never wanted this. He doesn't think he's special and Ron was supposed to be his best friend and understand when he's telling the truth.

Ron can't come up with a good comeback and stutters before he storms off.

With some advice from Moody and a heads up from Hagrid, Harry summons the firebolt his Dad bought him for Christmas that year and has a fly off against the dragon.

He wins and the crowd goes wild, even Draco runs up with the Crowd with so much relief on his face and looks like he wants to hug him yet remembers himself and slips away.

Harry will remember that.

Hermione is Happy and even Ron looks more upbeat and proud of his friend.

Celebration at Slytherin Common room, many Slytherins are happy at winning something, some are excited at the idea harry may prove they’re not all bad, Despite Rita Skeeta’s reporting.

Ron and Harry end meeting up outside of the dorm rooms and apologising and making up. They try to open the egg together which goes badly and they get caught sneaking about at night. Harry is happy they're mostly all friends again especially since he'd been talking Nevil’s ears off about all his problems since he was the only one who would hang out with him.

Ron and Hermione tell Harry how Krum seemed to be running into Hermione and Ron allot and kinda showing off, Ron has been hanging around with her allot more (which is unconfirmed whether it is a Coincidence or whether Ron started to hang out with Hermione more because Krum was “bumping into” them allot.) and Hermione ended up inviting Krum to hang out with them a bit. This was mainly to send Ron into bi panics more, deffinately not because she also may kinda like him, and Ron eventually admits to Harry and Hermione that he “may possibly” be a little bit Bi. Harry pats him on the back and tells him “at least you're not in the tournament and have a crush on one of your competitors.” “you have a crush on Krum too?!” “No! But I, y’know, kinda like Cedric. He’s nice!” cue teasing.

Harry gets letters from his parents congratulating him but warning him to be careful. James is more pumped at his victory than Lily and wishes he could be there to see it but He had apparently been “threatened with being turned into a spoon.“ if he tried to sneak in to watch.

Cedric later gives Harry some advice on the egg and Harry is so swept up in cute boy that he almost forgets the advice but he does find out what the next quest is.

Nevil gives Harry the Gillyweed for the test after being given the book as a very apt apology for a hufflepuff for scaring him.

Harry is pushed in and swims down and finds that the ones under the water are Fleur’s little sister, Cho Chang, Ron and Draco?

Harry is confused and tries to get both Ron and Draco but the Mermaids threaten him. Krum shows up and signals he's There for Ron. And Cedric goes for Cho but Harry knows Fleur went down and they're running out of time so he gets Draco free and does the good thing to free Fleur’s sister. he carry-swims them up while fighting off mermaids just in time.

Draco clings to him in a panic when he comes to when they surface and Harry doesn't let him push him away this time.

Hoorah Harry gets extra points for saving two people.

Ron is surprised Krum rescued him and ask and Krum be like "I actually like both of you and I was freaking out because I didn't know which of you would be under the water".

Ron bi panic stutters because his Boy Crush likes him and his cute best friend.

While they're all drying off Draco tells Harry that he knows harry still cares for him because of that and tells him he shouldn't and it clicks for Harry Draco may just be trying to push him away. He tells him even if Draco punched him in the face Harry would stop caring about him. Draco is frustrated by this and points his wand at him but ends up storming off, clearly conflicted.

Stuff in dumbledors office happens yada yada, Harry saw his parents at the trial he sees Barty Crouch at. already knew snape was a death eater turned spy.

I’ve decided the dance is here as a “last hurrah before the final task” because it makes sense.

Krum approaches Ron and Hermione and is like “I wanna ask both of you to the ball but I am apparently only allowed one date cus I have to do the Ceremonial dance with a partner” and they're both flattered and have like a little “you do it” “no you do it” but eventually conclude Hermione can do the dance with Krum (she is the prettier one) and then the three of them can hang out as secret dates later because Ron is publicly in the closet.

However, the secret bit is hard to keep because when people tease Ron for “not having a date” Krum keeps putting his arm around him and glaring at people to scare them off.

Harry isn't as interested in not having a date as he is about Draco not having one. Draco is annoyed Harry won't leave him alone and keeps worrying about him and they're having a little “argument” in the common room about it when Snape comes up all “Potter. you and Malfoy are making a disturbance. If you cannot solve your...relationship issues I will make him your date to the ball since you do not have one yet.” “Wh-but sir! Draco does not have one either!” “Making him the perfect candidate. You have until the end of the day to prevent this.”

Neither of them finds anyone who wants to go or is free in time.

Harry does ask the twins but they say to his face “why would you ask us? you’re gay” which is how Harry finds out there's a rumour that he's gay because he's obviously got some kind of crush on Cedric

Harry has no idea what sexuality is but he at least knows he's not straight.

This does not change their minds and when he sees Draco he can tell by the looks of him he's failed too. Harry decides to just bite the bullet and sits next to Draco. “look...I know you’re trying to push me away. I don't know why I don't know if you hate me or what but...I don’t hate you. I care about you. And I don’t mind going to the dance with you and we’re probably going to have to so I might as well ask. Would you go to the Dance with me?” “...my father better not hear about this.”

Draco and Harry end up going together.

Draco insists he's not going to get his feet stepped on so teaches Harry how to dance in their dorm room which serves for good bonding. they don't talk about why Draco has been avoiding him but when Harry messes up Draco’s chastising is fond and when Harry falls and knocks books on his head they laugh. they're finally back to teasing each other like friends and Harry can dance just well enough Draco is fine to dance with him.

Ron is dejected by what he's been sent to wear and Hermione doesn't want him to die from embarrassment or bail on their date so she helps him transfigure his clothes into something better looking and smelling.

Hermione is already radiant and Ron has a little heart attack because his best friend is cute?? and he and his best friend are both dates to the cute boy at the dance?? why are both of them so attractive?? panic??

The main dance goes pretty well. Harry only stands on Draco’s foot once.

At the main party bit they all dance and have fun mostly. Krum sneaks off with Hermione for a bit and she returns a little flustered and daze, tags Ron in and he sneaks off.

He and Krum are caught making out behind a curtain by Semus and Dean later.

Harry and Draco get teases because Hogwarts is basically a British Private school and “eww gaaay” but anyone who is outright prejudiced is grabbed by McGonalal and forced to leave so people catch on real quick that it's not something to make fun of.

Draco and Harry are having fun but after Harry leaves him at a table for a minute to go get some drinks he returns to see Draco looking spaced out. He asks what's wrong and Draco tries to deflect but eventually admits he missed having fun with him and he missed him in general. Harry asks why he was avoiding him in the first place and Draco shakes his head and gets up to leave but Harry grabs his hand and begs him to talk to him. Draco looks at him with the same look that he'd given him at the quidditch games and Harry knows immediately. They leave the party to talk.

(TW MORE TALK ABOUT AB*SE)

Draco admits that his father has been awful to him and has threatened him to stay away from him. he tells Harry that he was being groomed into becoming a death eater because they believed the dark lord was returning. Harry is horrified that the man to kill his family may be returning and Draco was being hurt and forced into things because of it. Draco is a mess because part of him still loves his family but he doesn't wanna stay there. Harry isn't sure what to do. He hugs Draco as he cries and tells him if he needs out Lily, James and he would tear down Malfoy manor to get him to a safe place. Draco is thankful but doesn't know if that would work. Harry says they could also go to Dumbledoor with this information but Draco is terrified that nothing would be done and they’d tell his Father. Harry agrees to be quiet for now but tells him he’d come to help him alone if he needed someone. Draco agrees to not push him away anymore and let Harry send a letter to his parents telling them about it.

(TW over)

A few days later, just before the maze trial, Draco pulls Harry aside at Breakfast with a letter in hand from his Father. The letter alludes that he won't be attending the Final trial as invited to because something is going down with the death eaters connected to the trial. Draco still doesn't want to go to Dumbledore or anyone so Harry just agrees to be careful and then gets to show Draco the letters he received from his parents saying they would literally do anything to keep Draco safe and would happily hide him even at the risk of imprisonment in Azkaban.

Draco is brought strange comfort at that.

Lily and James attend the final trial as do the rest of the champion parents. James is so stoked at how well his son had been doing in all these trials and bigs him up and gets him excited for the final one.

More responsibly Lily warns him to be careful and that she thinks something is off about Krum. Harry brushes it off because he knows and trusts Krum but when he sees him he realises he does look a little off and from the looks of Ron and Hermione they see it too.

When Harry sees Cedric with his excited dad he realises he has hardy thought about his crush on him since the Whole thing with Draco and the dance.

James sees Harry off with Moody and when James tries to talk to Moody as a friend Moody gives him a weird look and short responses. James goes back to Lily as soon as the maze closes the contestants are in, telling her somethings wrong with Moody. They discuss it as the trial goes on.

In the maze Harry concludes there's something definitely wrong with Krum after he sees him, immediately noticing he is Bewitched when he sees his eyes and what he did to Fleur.

So yeah maze happens, grab cup, portkeyed away, dark lord resurrection ceremony, Cedric fuckin murdered. Harry finds out he has some deeper connection with the dark lord after his blood is used in the ceremony. He also is vindicated, despite his fear, that he sees Draco was right when he sees Lucious as a death eater.

Voldemort messes with him by telling him about how he had almost killed his parents, that their and Sirius’s attacks drove him to try and escape upstairs, leading to his room. He tried killing him to emotionally cripple them but only got a finger on his head when Lily rushed in and with some unknown strong power nearly destroyed him. The Death eaters called Harry the boy who lived because of it. But now he was back and could kill harry however he pleased.

He releases Harry for their Duel, Cedric’s spirit emerges to aid him and with some unknown power and the help Harry fight him off and port keys his and Cedric’s body back.

do, dododo do do, dododo do do, do do do do do do- holy fuck is that kid dead?!

Harry bursts into tears and wails when he gets back to the entrance, crying about the dark lord.

Cedric’s dad manages to rush up and more crying ensues but when Lily and James try to get to Harry they re held back and only don't keep pushing because Moody pulls Harry away. They frantically try to follow, stopped by Dumbledoor and are delayed while they swap notes. Draco manages to slip out of the crowd and to them too, worried for Harry.

Moody reveals himself to be evil not moody and goes to kill Harry when Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, Lily and James bust him and push him back, followed closely by Draco who rushes towards Harry.

Snape forces Not Moody to drink the truth Serum and make him tell them where real Moody is. James is incredibly relieved to see him.

They see not moody change into Barty crouch jr and try to attack the boys when they lean down to look. Lily makes them stand behind her and basically smacks Dumbledor away when he tries to grab Harry for his arm, gently taking it herself to show. Draco is terrified at the dark mark and audibly gasps, whispering “that's the same as...” cutting himself off when Jr looks and smirks at him. Croutch Jr tells them the dark lord has returned. Harry apologises but Lily hugs him with one hand and tells him it's okay and not his fault.

Draco, instead of being scared, looks defiant and to Harry. He asks “was he there?” and when he gets a nod tells them that his father has that mark and is a death eater and he has letters proving it. Jr’s face twists and he snaps at Draco “YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR INSOLENCE BOY!!” but is held back by Snape and Dumbledore ushers Lily and the boys out, telling McGonagal to contact Azkaban while Snape and James stay behind to guard Jr and get real moody free.

Draco hands over all the evidence that his father is a death eater to Dumbledore and Harry gives a testimony of all he saw and all this is later taken to court. We will touch back on this in a minute.

Krum is freed from Barty crouch Jr’s Bewitchment and wakes up to a worried Hermione and Ron over him. he makes a stupid joke about dying going to heaven “because he’s Surrounded by angels” which gets him a slap from Hermione, Ron exclaiming “Mione!” a second before she kisses him. Krum has a stupid smile on when she moves away. “that was the best slap I ever got. do I get another?” he looks to Ron who mumbles “I’ll skip the slap” before he kisses him too.

You may have noticed but I stan poly ships arite? I couldn't miss this opportunity especially since I think Hermione could have had a pretty good relationship with big beefy bear Krum and when Ron’s Bi panic came in I couldn’t resist.

So Ron and Hermione both agree to write to Krum when he asks on the day he departs and he pulls Ron aside to tell him that If Ron knows Krum can like two people at once he should know he and others can too, looking to Hermione. Ron is a flustered mess but happily accepts a parting kiss.

They do write to him and get pretty good at long distance.

Lucius is tried and held under heavy suspicion of being a death eater as the courts refuse to acknowledge the Dark Lord’s return. the court battle takes a good majority of the Summer that Draco spends in Malfoy Manor with just his mother until it is ruled that Lucius is a death eater however since they cannot confirm that the dark lord HAS returned or which death eater acts he committed they would put him on house arrest. they do this even with Draco’s accusations of what he's done to him.

However, almost to try and make up for that somehow, they do allow Draco to decide if he wants to stay at home or go somewhere else. He soon decides that he’d feel much safer elsewhere so asks to be looked after by the Potter’s. the courts just about agree.

Woo! Draco saved! They stay at the Potter household for a bit until they conclude it’s not safe and moved to Sirius and Remus’s house which is well hidden.

Due to concerns about the dark lord, the rest of the Order of the Pheonix slowly do too including Ron, his family, and Hermione.

Cue Order of the Pheonix in another post because WOW this one was long!

#harry potter #harry potter rambles #fuck jk rowling #yes ron and hermione got a boyfriend before Drarry happened just wait #i'll get to it #harry potter au #harry potter re-write #james potter #lily potter #draco malfoy #harry potter and the goblet of fire #abuse tw #tw abuse

[yyxgin]

meteor garden is so problematic honestly my favourite part was when there was a meteor shower for 10 whole seconds somewhere mid 20’s episode. i forgot to mention she HAS a job she just like never went (on camera at least) she goes to uni that’s why she’s so broke too. it’s typical rich family pays off poor girl to leave her son alone but son is the one chasing the girl 🤡

HAJSJSKSKAKKA i got so much stuff from that album i didn’t realise how much i really got until i got a different album and i was like,, okay. i got a chan pc, double sided han pc, minho pc, changbin polaroid pc, changbin & minho film strip and a kind of pop out thing? of i.n. there’s an ot7 thing too but i figured everyone got that.

i recently watched... uh... into the dark? and it was in french and i didn’t even realise i wasn’t reading the subtitles i was like ~woah~

if you don’t mind me asking ~ what’s your part time job? only bc we can make conversation about it!! also i freaked out at my last job bc i thought i’d put down my details wrong as a lady at hq rang me to tell me they were having problems paying me 😰 i think the computer might’ve read my numbers wrong bc i write in cursive but like... i write more... how do i say... comic sans? for formal docs bc the computer can read my handwriting and people can read it too T-T we used to get told for exams to write really neatly bc if the examiners can’t read it they don’t mark it and we work solely off of essay writing here (or short answers no multiple choice bs) so i worried that i’d get stuck w the one examiner who couldn’t read my writing but the boy who’s handwriting looks like a spider ran across his book gets someone who can read it perfectly fine 😓 my ultimate fear tbh. i love the extra flourish i can add to envelopes just by writing all fancy-like.

YES YOLO!! i’m a libra so i’m the worst at decision making so when i do it’s impulsive and i have to say things like yolo to justify myself and then i’m gucci for the day.

yuta makes me so 😳🥵🤪😚😳😍🥵🤪 for every reason. i have a weakness for japanese men... my mind just goes into overdrive and i short circuit,, i’m afraid of watching shotaro content bc he’s just so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and do i dare risk it?

personally, i enjoy russian roulette by rv but that’s very, pop-y of them. i like b sides by them more bc they carry a different sound to them. ice cream cake is good. and future!!! i like future bc i watched start-up tho 🤩 ladies night is a fun one and if i remember correctly time slip was good? i have a massive playlist with loads of artists so i need a refresher on rv as got7 and simon dominic have been in heavy rotation recently 😬

what did you do today? how did your interview go? (or am i too early?) wait i think i asked about it earlier oops 🙊 lots of love and positivity being sent your way ~ 🌻

and stop apologising about replying to asks late!!! 😐 i deliberately send asks bc you can take your time over them!! i really don’t mind how long you take!!!!!!!!!!!! 😙 ~ 🌻

ITS OFFICIAL I LOVE METEOR GARDEN DJSJSJ

you have like,,,,so much stuff ??? i wanna steal ????? i would literally do anything for that minho pc😔💔 i think the moment i buy my first album im literally gonna freak out from whoever i get 😩✋

i dont mind u asking !! my part time job is like,, working in this one shop called pepco, idk if you guys have it there lol. its like working behind the cash register and also helping with like,,restocking the shelves and stuff. i'm starting in june hhh lets hope i make some friends as well bc that lady said there are a few girls in my age starting at the same time so we can only hope haha. also i totally get you,,my handwriting changes like every year bc i get an identity crisis and change it lmaoo but people always tell me its really messy and sometimes unreadable😔

YOU ARE A LIBRA ?? I AM IN LOVE W YOU my moon is in libra so decision making isnt my best quality either but the aries sun in me just says fuck it 90% of the time so i'm good.

SHOTARO IS THE LOML HE IS SO 🥺🥺🥺🥺 but also his predebut tiktoks,,,,,much thoughts. yes. his instagram is the best thing that's ever happened to me, like yes get it king 😩

oooh i love russian rulette !! 🤩🤩 i am also a fan of ice cream cake but i dont know the other ones you mentioned, i'll have to give them a listen 😎

i didnt reply yesterday because i was out the whole day with my best friend and when i came home i had a glass of wine and got really sleepy💔and today i just cleaned my room and i'm about to water my plants lets hope i dont forget after finishing this reply,,,my interview went good hhh thanks !!! how has your day been ? ❤

sending u love !! <3

#💌ask #🌻 anon

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

[skizmin]

Ravenclaw Seungmin

(my sweet sunshine i hope i can do you justice)

Genre: fluffy as FUCC yo, seungmin is a precious baby, he’s book smart then falls in love and has nO fuckin idea what to do, ugh hes so cUTe, confident til you (my lovely gender neutral reader) come along type shit lmao sue me

Words: 6330 holy shit

A/N: alrighty so i put some more effort into this one bc apparently yall didnt appreciate my woojin one (lookin at you you well rested hoes) and yeah. for the love of coke please stop sleeping on woojin and seungmin it hurts my heart.

this all sorta starts in the middle of exam season

seungmin is lowkey stressed

okay possibly highkey stressed

especially when his friend hyunjin drags him out of the study hall to go see some quidditch game

“hyunjin seriously i need to study” 

but hyunjins carrying seungmin over his shoulder screaming about something called stress relief and fun

but anyway, here seungmin is in the stands very begrudgingly 

thinkin about that lil song he made to remember how to pronounce that one pet hair expelling spell lmao

when he sees you

he knows you of course, always coming extremely close to his top mark in all his classes

once, in second year, you even beat him in defence against the dark arts which seungmin felt a bit down about for 3 weeks but also he knew you had an immense interest in jinxed plants which was the topic of half of the test

rip seungmin

anyway, he’d always sorta just ignored thinking about you unless it was his competitive side coming out 

for real once he almost gave up studying for a divination in class essay but was reminded you were in that class and just nYOOMED to finish his final draft

he only ever really thought about school anyway, much to the dismay of his friends who for once just wanted to get to know him more and take him out to hogsmeade or something

okay so anyway, hes in the stands and he sees you

he doesnt exect you to be there lol like

you study just as much as he does, right? 

not only are you there, but you arent even watching the game

youre in it

seungmin chokes on his motherfuckin pumpkin juice

hes all

W-WHAT

NO WHAT

HOW

hyunjin looks at him like wtf bro

seungmins just

“Y/NS IN THE QUIDDITCH TEAM? BITCH? WHAT??”

hyunjins like what???? ohhhh y/n?? dude theyre like one of the best chasers in the damn school

seungmin just looks from hyunjin to you (trying to intercept a pass from the other team) with wide eyes

“seungmin why do you look so shocked? do you know them?”

“yeAH THEYRE THE ONE THAT BEAT ME ON THAT TEST ONCE”

“hmm? what in second year??? dude you have GOT to let that go.”

but by now seungmins not even paying attention to hyunjin, he’s watching you speed past with the quaffle and scoring almost effortlessly

seungmin had never really paid much attention to quidditch. now much at all

aside from happily congratulating his friends on their most recent win and smiling brightly along with jisung when he begins screaming about the new chudley cannons line up

seungmin never really followed the world cup or anything

he simply decided when he was sorted into ravenclaw that he would dedicate himself to his studies

and he struggled to get the grades he does even though felix’s favourite thing to say to him was “all you do is study”

but he was proud of his grades

seungmin never really paid much attention to quidditch

but now? watching you?

your house colours billowing behind you as you smiled to a teammate, listening to their instructions on your next course of action.

he was mesmerised

wholly?? fully?? mesmerised??

he didnt know why but his heart sort of ached

he thought, why would he feel like this?

he understood though that he simply felt completely and utterly inferior to you

hes fine with being inferior to you in terms of quidditch, he doesnt play quidditch

rarely has flown a broom actually, unless necessary

but in terms of school work?

he genuinely set his soul to do that

he’s wholly dedicated to studying to achieve the almost record grades he has

and you?

you were right behind him

dont get him wrong, he doesnt think you dont deserve it, not at all. he would never say someone doesnt deserve recognition for their hard earned work.

he was upset because, honestly?

he saw how often his friends practised their quidditch skills. the team practise, individual practise, game plans, codes, flying methods, opponent studies

all of it

it was very nearly the same amount of time he spent studying.

and his friends? 

he remembers the time his friends minho a few years back struggled to scrape by a pass due to his commitment to the sport. even with copious amounts of tutoring that drove him into the early hours of the morning so often

the stress ate away at him. it was a particularly busy year for slytherins team and he was on high demand. the lack of interest in school kicked in after his grades began dropping

it wasnt a good time, not a good thing to witness. eventually he passed purely on all nighters full of cramming before exams

all his quidditch playing friends struggled to get above average in their grades, no matter how enthusiastic they were about learning and magic 

how did you, who was on par with their skill, manage to follow so closely behind him whilst studying?

of course, he was prefect, but that consisted of simply once a week meetings and helping younger students with school related things. sometimes an odd counselling session here and there and some advice on how to handle situations

but that took up rarely any of his time

not nearly as much as quidditch would

he felt sort of empty, like he had lost some kind of purpose. 

how was he going to deal with this? how was he going to deal with the fact that you were so so so far above him in all ways possible? the one thing he fully applies himself to is now meaningless to him

he wants to be better 

“minnie?? the games over. y/ns team won.” hyunjin called from beside him, nudging him with his shoulder

“ah, right.”

hyunjin furrowed his brows at seungmins down attitude but shrugged it off because

it be like that sometimes

ya’know??????

,,

fast forward to one week later and seungmins friends were getting increasingly more worried. why?

his usually immaculate notes were empty, he went straight to bed instead of studying (yet the bags under his eyes were dark and prominent. one of his dormmates reports to jisung that he has been sleeping quite fitfully.), he sat for hours on the weekend in the study hall tapping his quill on the table but his paper remained blank

hell, he hadnt even borrowed a new book from the library after finishing his most recent read

it was at this point jeongin forced hyunjin to confront seungmin about it

“so uh, whats up?”

“huh? oh nothing just chilling.”

“no i mean recently, youre acting odd.”

“o-oh?? (worm)”

“yeah, so you okay??”

“definitely, just busy sorting something out.”

hyunjin smiled and left seungmin be at that

seungmin realised that was the last straw, he was going to do something about how this affected him

so the next day, after classes ended, seungmin made his way to the library. after that he walked down to hagrid’s, their groundskeeper and teacher of magical creatures’, hut. then after that he walked up to the hospital wing.

when he returned to the great hall and jisung asked him where he had been, he just smiled and shook his head

what had be been doing?

volunteering.

volunteering to help at the library and help madam pince 5 nights a week every fortnight, volunteering to help hagrid tend to the animals and feed them and give them exercise every sunday, and finally, volunteering to run errands for madam pomfrey for 5 nights every other week and to tend to small injuries that can be handled with a simple muggle first aid kit if thats what the student would like

anyway once his friends found out what he had done they were very happy!! and confused??

and also worried

seungmin had aways had this habit of overworking himself

,,,,

okay so 3 weeks later he was in the library volunteering

pushing a trolley full of misplaced books up the isle while yawning widely

he thought he was doing pretty well. he was more than confident on the two exams that had passed during the time he spent volunteering n stuff

he walked along, still yawning occasionally, blaming it on the warm cozy feeling of the library late at night

but he jumped as he felt a tap on his shoulder and whipping his head around so fast his neck couldve snapped off

and then he saw you, looking nervous as you twisted your fingers together in front of you

he swore he couldve melted right then and there

wait?????? what???????

“u-uh, hey! um. yeah madam pince she-, she told me to ask you. ask you where to find a b-book that is! ha. haha.”

seungmin watched as your face got red and his heart sorta swelled?????

“oh! u-uh yeah! sure! which book?”

you smiled at him widely, relieved you hadnt asked the wrong person. “magical mediterranean water plants and their properties???”

seungmins heart stuttered

he had never really paid much attention to you before he saw you on the quidditch pitch, thinking of you purely as competition. but recently

god, recently he couldnt stop thinking about you. your face. your smile. your laugh, remembering the rare times you would joke around in class.

was this what it was like to have you smile at him?

he would fetch you 1000 books if he got to see 1000 of those smiles

oh my oh my was his heart beginning to beat faster and faster

“o-okay, uh- follow me?” he turned around quickly and began walking. he’d memorised the library way before volunteering anyway, madam pince getting sick of him asking where books were every second day

he walked up 3 isles and turned right, walking up the middle before tugging out his wand from his robes and softly flourishing his wand

from a high shelf, a black leather book floating down gently, seungmin extended his hand to grab it before passing it to you, cheeks red

“is this it?” seungmin already knew that was the book you were looking for. he read it last term to jog his memory before a herbology test

fUCK THERE WAS A HERBOLOGY TEST COMING UP RIP SEUNGMIN

anyway

“yeah!! seungmin, right? thank you so much.” you shyly smiled at him

“u-uh yeah!! just um, ask me for help if you need it and you see me. y/n, right?” god his brain was a mess

“of course!! well, i’ll see you around yeah??”

seungmin nodded, cheeks getting slightly redder

and with that you walked away, cheeks equally as red as seungmins and hands clasping tightly around the book he got for you

anyway, in the next week you and seungmin sometimes exchanged small smiles and waves but nothing more

you highkey wanted to talk to him but you were too shy so

it was okay bc he was shy too so

but anyway, you had been in your care of magical creatures class, talking to your professor as you attempted to befriend a porlock

(a small horse guardian thing that doesnt quite trust humans)

anyway, simply you got onto the topic of how hagrid could possibly look after all his creatures constantly to which he replied with a smile and 

“well theres a ravenclaw boy that helps me now. seungmin. do you know him? he helps me care for all of them every sunday.”

you furrowed your brows, it couldnt possibly be

“kim seungmin?” you questioned

“thats the one!” 

you smiled, saying you knew him before getting lost in your own thoughts.

didnt seungmin already volunteer at the library? maybe that was a one time thing. right????

surely he wouldnt be volunteering at two places at once. thats impossible

not with his grades, he couldnt possibly keep up. how much overworking would that be?

you were taking out of you thoughts with a sharp stinging pain on your wrist

you looked down to see your porlock obviously angry and trying to escape the calming hold you had on him

hagrid noticed you gasp and his eyes widened as he saw the blood trickling down your arm

“oh no! are you alright????”

“i’m fine! just got bitten is all.”

“here let me take the porlock, you should get yourself to the hospital wing. the last period bell is gonna go anyway so take your bag too”

you were stunned at your professor being so panicked

“im sorry its just ive filled out three incident reports in the last week”

you laughed, tugging your satchel over your shoulder and holding your wrist with your free hand to stop the bleeding somewhat

you greeted you friends goodbye before climbing up the grassy hill to hogwarts on your way to the hospital wing

as soon as you reached the castle, chimes came loudly from the bell tower above

you groaned, you knew you had quidditch practise in half an hour so you began to speed walk through the halls that were filling quickly with students

reaching the hospital wing you pushed the big oak door open, searching around for madam pomfrey

“excuse me?”

madam pomfrey popped out from behind her desk

“oh! y/l/n! im just about to head out on an emergency. some kid ate sat on a firework from that pesky store. is it serious?”

“uhhhhh, no?? i can patch myself up.” you smiled at the frantic nurse

she nodded and walked passed you, calling out as she rushed through the door in a hurry

“the kits on my desk! and if kim seungmin shows up tell him i dont have anything for him to do!”

you smiled quickly to her before she was gone

wait a minute? seungmin? what would he be doing here???

anyway, you walk up to her desk and drag out the first aid kit

you knew how to use a first aid kit

you were Cultured

anyway you were looking for something to dress your arm, you found a big ol’ dressing with all that sticky shit

bitch yes

anyway as you were struggling to open the dressing up, the gigantic oak door opened suddenly and you almost dropped the dressing you were holding to see a panting seungmin

your eyes widened as he crouched over and spoke

“madam- madam pomfrey im so” large breath in “sorry im late i just-” another pant “a student asked me where vectors office was and-” 

he finally stood up, eyes widening when he saw you

“o-oh! y/n? whatre you doing here??”

“uh, porlock.” you replied dumbly. not thinking enough to elaborate bc wow kim seungmin was right there looking gorgeous n shit

“porlock?????? the animal??????” he furrowed his brows

you nodded and suddenly remembered what the nurse had told you

“oh! uh, madam pomfrey is out right now but she said theres um,,, nothing for you to do???” you asked him, sounding unsure to whether or not you heard her correctly

seungmin furrowed his brows “o-oh.”

you looked away, and began fumbling with your dressing and spoke up again “do you help out here too?”

“uhhh. yeah, i do.” he replied somewhat awkwardly

“hagrid said you help him as well. do you get any rest?” you asking, sounding exasperated

but like,,,

low key lmao

“oh uh. yeah i try my best i guess.” he sounded so??? nervous???

“wait! y/n, let me do that. its what im supposed to be doing anyway” seungmin sheepishly says as he walked up to you

oh god what now???????? uh???????? seungmin very possibly touching you and being that close??????? uh??? a bitch is scared for their health but shhhhh

“n-no! its fine!” you mumbled back, suddenly very shy under seungmins gaze

“y/n you cant even get it open, not to mention your arm and hand are still covered in blood.”

he had a point

“oh. right.”

seungmin moved you over to one side of the table as he pulled out a bowl and a washcloth from one of the cabinets next to it.

he mumbled a soft aguamenti, creating water from his wand into the bowl, smiling in accomplishment

then he dipped half of the cloth into the water and wrenched it to get the excess water out

“can i uh- can u have your arm??” he  stuttered, suddenly realising how close you were, cheeks dusting pink

you held your arm up for him and he started wiping at the blood on your skin, you didnt actually mind the cool feeling of the water at all. 

you decided to use the awkward silence to have a little conversation with him

“why do you volunteer so much?” you questioned

seungmins movements halted for a second before he started cleaning your arm again

“no particular r-reason. i-, i like it?” he replied, not meeting your eyes

“why do you sound so unsure?” your pried, wondering why exactly the question was difficult for him

“im not unsure!” he assured you, taking a glance at your face finally before dumping the cloth in the water because he was done

“alright i guess”

“i uh,” he started whilst ripping open he package to the dressing, “i didnt know you played quidditch.”

you were surprised by this, everyone knew you played quidditch

“oh! really?? i thought it was obvious.”

he began placing the dressing on your wrist, trying to make sure there was no crinkles in the plastic sticky part

(yes i dont know the actual term for it fucking SUE ME)

“ah, i dont really pay attention to quidditch so.”

“oh. how’d you find out then?” you were curious as to how he knew if he barely knew you and didnt even like quidditch

“hwang hyunjin, you might know him, hes in our year. anyway he dragged me out to watch and you were playing so.”

“ah right. hyunjin’s the slytherin right?” 

“yup!”

cue: silence

seungmin was smoothing out the dressing on your wrist 

“y-your robes...” seungmin started, picking up his wand from the desk and mumbling a short “tergeo”

suddenly your robes grew warm and the blood siphoned off of them cleanly into seungmins wand

you were now comfortably warn in your robes as you went to pull your sleeve down before seungmin stopped you gently with his hand, checking the dressing was on properly one last time

you shivered at the feeling of his cold fingers, and decided to return the favour of hhim helping you

pulling out your wand, you muttered a soft incantation of a heat charm, pointing your wand over seungmins hands that adorned a pink hue due to the cold of the water earlier

“oh my god thank you” seungmin practically groaned, rubbing his hands together in front of your wand

you laughed quietly at him, finding his satisfaction amusing before he looked up to your face and realised, blushing a deep shade of pink

okay imma keep it real with you chief

you liked seungmin a lot

idk he just??? made you feel so giddy. your stomach like,,, dipped when he smiled at you n stuff

i mean you werent the only one,, there were heaps of people in your year that fawned over the smart boy. hard-workers are always the most popular like come on

but you sorta just knew there was no chance between the two of you and you were perfectly happy being friends with the boy. his friends always hyped him up a bunch like he was some kind of god

you definitely agreed he was good company, even when you two werent necessarily comfortable around each other yet

but anyway, seeing him standing there blushing in front of you made you uwu SO HARD

and you were glad he knew you from something you loved, that being quidditch

wait

fuCK QUIDDITCH PRACTISE YOU ALMOST FORGOT

“seungmin!! im so sorry i have to go!! i have inter house practise!!”

seungmin’s eyes widened a little

i mean yeah you had to go to practise but like also

that was the first time???????? you’d said his name to him???????? excluding the time you asked him if it was in fact his name but like

oh my god seungmins blush got even darker because he didnt know he could like how someone said his name but he definitely likes him name 20 times more when youre saying it and and youre smiling and running out of the infirmary and waving to him and its all too much like his heart rn??? dead. his brain??? he doesnt know her, it turned to mush

seungmin walked over to one of the beds in the hospital wing and sat down, sighing

he was so fucked

,,,,,,,,

 “you’re friends with kim seungmin right?” you questioned jisung as you waited for the rest of the schools quidditch players to exit the change rooms

“yeah!! we’re close actually. why?” 

jisung was always so excitable and held such confidence in everything he did, he was comfortable to talk to

“oh nothing, i just ran into him at the hospital wing is all”

“hospital wing? he’s still volunteering there??”

you furrowed your brows, “yeah??? is something wrong????”

jisung sighed, scuffing his boot along the grass of the slowly filling pitch and tossing his bat up into the air before catching it nonchalantly (imagine being That Cool)

“yeah. he’s been overworking himself way too much lately. he used to only focus on studying but he’s trying to fit in all this helping staff out and he looks so tired all the time.”

looking back you do remember seungmins hair being a bit more dishevelled than usual, and under his eyes was a little bit darker

“why though? i mean its nice he is but like, he doesnt need to?”

jisung nods thoroughly at you

“thats what we all said! he wont tell us why he’s had this sudden change in heart though.” jisung pouted and you laughed lightheartedly at him

“oh well, he’ll come around right?”

,,,,

he didnt

its been 3 weeks since your conversation with jisung and you can guarantee seungmin was overworking himself to the max

he came into astronomy studies late and ended up falling asleep the other day. it was one of the easier classes to fall asleep in of course due to the whole jinxing the ceiling to look like a nights sky in a dark room n stuff but like still

seungmin never was late to class

seungmin never fell asleep in class

lately youve noticed him turning up to morning classes barely on time, tie askew and hair a complete mess

you’d find it cute if you werent worried for his health 

okay you did find it cute but YoU weRe sTiLL WoRRieD

anyway, so it was one day in herbology theory when he fell asleep again

sprout wasnt too happy but let him sleep anyway bc like. if you can sleep through her basically screaming explanations to the class due to her half deafness than yeah, you probably needed it

at the end of the class you packed your things and saw seungmin still peacefully sleeping at his desk and you frowned lightly

so you decided to let him sleep but you sat at your table for a while, using spare parchment and a scribing spell to copy your notes for him

after it was completed, you left it on the table next to him with a bottle of pumpkin juice you were saving for later, your eyebrows still furrowed

why was he overworking himself?

sighing, you just left, deciding it was creepy to be there for so long

anyway, that night you went to the library to find a book you needed for your ancient runes course test

you didnt really expect anyone to be there so late (it was almost curfew, you were forgetful)

and it sorta slipped your mind that seungmin volunteered there until

“need help?”

holy fUCK he scared you like boy you cant go sneakin up on people in an almost empty library and speak loudly like that

anyway so you violently flinched away and he started laughing whilst apologising profusely

you smiled bc he was cute adalsfafrfpi;fef seungmin omg stop

but yeah once he was done, he reiterated “sorry, but is there any book youre looking for?”

“uhhhhh yeah, ancient runes made easy??” you sorta felt dumb saying it out loud but oh well, you needed to pass this test

“follow me then!” seungmin led you out of the tall shelves confines to the middle corridor before delving into another set of shelves, this time he didnt pull out his wand to get the book down, instead he simply reached up and plucked it from the shelf

“here you go!” he handed it to you, it was indeed the book you were looking for and it was in mint condition. not surprising as basically no one took the ancient runes elective rip

you mumbled a thanks, cheeks sorta going a bit red as you stared at your feet because like

kim seungmin

(thats a phat mood btw)

“oh! i almost forgot!” seungmin started, dipping his head down a bit to try and catch your eyes. when you looked up, he smiled

“uh, thanks for what you did today. you know, the notes a-and the pumpkin juice and stuff.”

you watched seungmins cheeks get pinker as he went on

you were full on uwuing at this point

“its okay! really!” you blurted out like omgkimseungministhankingme

suddenly it fell into an almost awkward silence between the two of you

shoes shuffling on the ground and cheeks red

“um, what do you need help with in ancient runes? im all caught up. i could explain something if you want?”

and thats how you ended up on one of the large library tables after curfew with special permission from madam pince

seungmin legit took 15 minutes to explain some stuff to you but now yall were just chillin (in cedar rapids)

you began talking about nothing in particular really

seungmin asked about your quidditch, you asked about his volunteering which he brushed off almost immediately

seungmin and you felt like time didnt exist as you kept talking and talking

you subconsciously moved closer to each other until your thighs were touching

seungmins speech had slowed into a comforting lazy slurring of words, his voice getting heavier with the need for sleep. you felt the same though

his eyes stayed intently on you, even with his cheek in his hand as the conversation slowed to a pleasant silence

you yawned, a hand coming to your face. you knew you should go to bed but you didnt really want to at this point

you looked at seungmin to see him softly smiling at you and your heartbeat picked up. your obvious feelings for him going crazy

“youre really pretty y/n” he mumbled lowly, you almost didnt hear him

of how you wished you didnt hear him because now you were a mess, heart thumping in your chest and red creeping up your neck to your face

how do you reply to that? you were stumped for words honestly

seungmin didnt seem to mind though as he smiled wider, sitting up straight and stretching his arms over his head

“wait here, ill go put out the lamps and we can walk back”

you barely nodded, face still red as seungmin climbed from his seat to wander around, blowing out the candles lighting the library

on your walk back, it was silent. it was comfortable though and seungmin didnt seem to mind your lack of response to his compliment that still had your mind reeling 

seungmin waved bye to you as you parted ways, smiles on your faces

seungmin didnt study when he got into his dorm room, falling face first onto his bed and falling into a deep sleep almost immediately

,,,,

waking up, seungmin first realised he was late, only 30 minutes of breakfast left

and then, the memories of seeing you last night flooded it

mid throwing his covers off of his body, he groaned loudly, how on earth had he said that

his cheeks got red just thinking about it

this was a crisis. he dragged on his uniform and grabbed his satchel and sprinted the whole way to the great hall

once he made it, he spotted his friends at the hufflepuff table and dashed to them

“i have a problem”

jisung, hyunjin and jeongin looked up towards seungmin

“what is it?” jeongin asked, eyes lighting up with curiosity. oh did he love seeing his friends suffer

“so i was in the library with y/n last night” 

“waiT Y/N THE ONE YOU” hyunjin started before jisung harshly elbowed him in the side

seungmin loves jisung

“yes, shut up hyunjin. anyway i was really tired and not thinking straight and i called them pretty and they didnt even respond im so ashamed”

jeongin started laughing, hyunjin smiling along whilst rubbing the sore spot of his side

seungmin groans and stomps his foot, not happy with the lack of support from his friends

jisung tosses him a sympathetic look, “your problem man, i cant really help.”

seungmin pouts but sits down to eat anyway

,,,,,

okay so its been 3 days and seungmins worried

like seriously 

whenever he tries to talk to you your eyes just widen and you walk to other way before he can even get a word out

whenever he passes you in class or in the hallways, he prepares a smile only to be met with you ducking your head to look at the ground as you speed past him

his small waves in class seemingly go unnoticed

but he knows you dont hate him

how? simple. youre still leaving him notes and treats every time he falls asleep in class

so what does he do? like any other desperately in need boy he hatches a plan. 

today last period you both share astrology. he’s simply fake falling asleep and confront you whilst you left him the classes notes

seungmins game plan didnt really work tho bc he actually fell asleep like a dumbass

it was last period astrology and seungmin was lying on his books, passed out

the bell rang and you went through your normal routine, copying your notes which included your immaculately drawn sketches of the constellations you’d studied that day

you waked over to his desk and placed them next to his head, the corner of a page accidentally bushing his nose and you like,,, froze

bc he twitched and scrunched his nose up which wouldve been so cute if you werent terrified of him waking up

you put down a cauldron cake as well once he went back to looking peaceful and frowned bc

“seungmin why don’t you rest more?” you whispered

he exhaled deeply in his sleep and a piece of hair fell into his face, subconsciously you went to brush it away and carded your fingers ever so lightly through his hair

but then you halted bc like

wtf thats super creepy

you quickly turned to leave b-but uwu cliche

seungmin grabbed at your wrist yO SEUNGMINS DAINTY ASS FINGERS CURLING THEMSELVES AROUND YOUR WRIST IMAGINE

anyway

you squeaked and turned back around bc wtf it scared you

and seungmin was just sitting up now, arm outstretched grabbing onto yours, eyes wide and hair a fucking cute mess

you were like uhhhhhhhashlfbfkacbsdcbigev

“uh, dont run away, please?” seungmin said, super duper shyly aw hes so CUTE

you like just,,,, shakily nodded at him

seungmin smiled lightly and let go of you, climbing out of his set in lightning speed to stand in front of you

“i uh-, i just wanted to ask why you’ve been avoiding m-me i guess” seungmin started and you cringed

bc this was hella awkward like no 

seungmin cut you off before you could say anything tho with a 

“bc like if its because i called you pretty and stuff im so so so sorry i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable at all and i feel really bad bc i shouldnt have said it and i was really tired and my judgement wasnt the best and i accidentally made things awkward between us and i dont want that and i just feel really really bad like you dont even have to forgive me or anything i swear”

he said all that in like, under 15 seconds. eminem who???

anyway your eyes just went wide as you processed his words n n you lowkey got a bit emo when he said he said it bc he was tired n stuff n just :^((

“why dont you get enough rest seungmin?” you said blankly

“w-what?” seungmins heart rate SKY ROCKETED

“why dont you get enough rest?”

“uh-, i just um,,, i do get e-enough rest!” he was like, nervously laughing

“no you dont, you fall asleep in 40 percent of your classes.”

“i-, i uh-” “why can’t you tell me??” you questioned, eyebrows furrowing at his anxiousness towards the question

“its uh-, its sorta embarrassing” he replied, looking ANYWHERE but your eyes

“is it bad? did you get into trouble or something?”

“nO! god no!”

“then it doesnt sound that bad to me.” oooh go y/n hold ur ground bub

“uhhhh” seungmin sighed, defeated “okay ill tell you.” you just hummed in response and waited patiently

he exhaled loudly and stared blatanly at your feet before beginning

“i uh. you play quidditch really well and- and you also get near all my scores on tests and stuff and i just felt. idk, dumb or something so i wanted to prove to myself that i could do extra curricular sort of stuff like volunteering and still g-get top scores i guess.”

once he finished he looked into your eyes and you were like ????? what the fuck

you were so confused,,, he was volunteering bc you played quidditch and got good scores???

“seungmin i dont work nearly as hard as you do”

his eyes widened “what do you mean! yes you do! you’re like, on par with jisung and he practises religiously!”

you laughed a little and seungmin furrowed his brows

“seungmin, jisung is muggleborn. whereas my older sister is captain of the tutshill tornados. i dont need to train that hard in quidditch” oh seungmin

the pooor boy

after you made that comment seungmins face just went BRIGHT red lmao

“uhhhhh,,, uh,, uhhh” he didnt know what to say

“anyway seungmin, i suggest you take a break and get some rest so you dont keep saying things accidentally” you said, adjusting your satchel strap on your shoulder and preparing to leave

“what?? acidentally???” seungmin said, preventing you from leaving “you don’t mean me calling you pretty right bc like. i meant that” okay but how was seungmin now so confident especially when he said that

“w-what?” you said, red going ALL over your face lmao like everywhere

“i meant it when i called you pretty i just. i know there was a better time to say it probably” seungmin started getting shyer now like his ears going red he was so cute

‘you think im pretty????????” you were so confused like. kim seungmin?? the kim seungin? thinking youre pretty??? you discreetly pinched yourself, checking this wasnt a dream

“d-dont say it so forwardly like that!” seungmin exclaimed

“you said it forwardly first!” you laughed back at him, ngl you were feeling a little giddy 

seungmin just sorta sunk back into himself, feelin super duper shy

your face got even more red as words tumbled out of your mouth before your common sense could stop you

“f-for the record, i-, i think you’re pretty too”

oh my GOD

1) y/n sweetie thank you for telling seungmin this for all of us

2) yoU JUST CALLED SEUNGMIN PRETTY AND NOW HIS EYES WERE WIDE AS FUCK 

HE SQUEAKED

HE MCFRICKIN SQUEAKED CAN YALL IMAGINE

he brought a hand up to his mouth in surprise and by this point you were like

too shy to do anything lmfao

so you sorta just looked down at your shoes bc wow all of a sudden your black leather school shoes were immensely and intricately beautiful

not

anyway there was a bit of silence as seungmin regained composure and you were way to embarrassed to say anything at all

but then

but thEN

get ready omg

you dont even notice but suddenly seungmins  right in front of you and he’s leaning toward your face and and hes

hes kissED YOUR CHEEK

oh my GOD his cute ass lips just came in contact with your cheek, as quick as lightning but of my god it was worth it

your head whipped up and you gasped

seungmin stood there with an inCREDibly nervous look on his face and his eyes prompting you to respond

like,,,, in any way. pls y/n do something

your mind was fuzzy and the low swooping feeling in your stomach compelled you as you stepped impossibly closer to seungmin, yours and his cheeks radiating a magnificently bright red glow

and you kissed him

thanks again y/n for doing the world a good deed

you sorta squeaked afterwards and went to leap back bc seungmins face was suddenly too close and you were embarrassed and nervous and and

oh my god your heart was beating louder than ever jesus

but before you could leap back, seungmin was wrapping his arms tightly around you, hugging your body and preventing you from distancing yourself from him

his breathing was rapid as his mouth found home near your ear to stutter out a question that would make you squeal if it werent for the fear your legs might give out

“w-wanna go on a-, a date with me? maybe?”

as soon as seungmin felt you nod against him (you didnt trust your voice rn lmao) he smiled, easing into the hug more and essentially melting his heart with yours

uwu

hope you liked it!!!

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