#otherwise funnily I'm feeling better lmao

[varpusvaras]

Is it almost 7 am? Yes. Have a slept at all? No.

#personal #I honestly 1) cannot breathe properly #and 2) the side effects of the meds finally caught up to me #so I've just been up and trying to drink water #otherwise funnily I'm feeling better lmao

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Hi S! I’ve been wondering. I know some (gay/bi/…) men hate it when women write m|m. And well as a woman. I love to read and write m|m. I find it way more intriguing than m|w or w|w. (I don’t even know why.) I mean, I love Stucky and Evanstan and I’ve been writing my own OCs story (without smut, cos I can’t know how it feels to be hard and shit like that, and heterosexualisation)

Anyway so this got me thinking about how you might feel about this. Because I don’t want to hurt people and your opinion kinda matters to me. I look up to you even though I think we’re the same age.

Bye and thx 💙❤️

Hey, sweets!

First, I have to stay, I can completely relate to this. I've had--few and far between, but still, it's happened--people ask/request me to write smut with genderbent stucky with Steve and Bucky both as women. And, yeah, I always have hesitations about it. So, I've never actually done it, lmao. I, personally, always feel weird about it because of the history of men (usually straight men, but, I'm clearly not that 💀 so we'll go with men who are attracted to women exclusively or otherwise) fetishizing lesbians.

Realistically, going outside and touching grass, I'm of the opinion that this is fiction. We're writing fictional stories. It doesn't bleed into my real life. I understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and I try to assert that on my blog. So, in theory, it is harmless. But, funnily enough, just like you, I also don't feel qualified to make that judgment. I always try to mark my fics appropriately--whether it's me, as a man, writing about women or it's me writing about a subject I am not an expert in like history, specific careers or jobs, legal issues, exact timelines of canon, etc., etc.-- that way, appropriate readers will continue if it doesn't bother them, and other readers will move on if it does. Of course, there will always be people who ignore those tags or are outraged by it existing to begin with and... there's no pleasing those people. So. They don't bother me. The tags are there. The warnings are present. So, it's their responsibility as a reader to act appropriately from then on. I can't do it for them.

Anyway, my ramblings aside--

It doesn't bother me when straight, cis women write mlm fanfiction! It doesn't bother me when women write mlm fanfiction at all.

Obviously, there would (and probably will) be outliers in women who have unchecked homophobia/transphobia/general queerphobia that is expressed through their writing but... I have yet to come across that. So, I don't really care.

Think of it, like, I don't have a problem when straight, cis women talk to or about gay/bi/queer men. It only crosses a line for me when those women start to think they know better about the the queer community and talk over queer men. (And the fact that you're concerned about it being strange points toward you not being like that. Not crossing that line.) Or, because I like to explain everything to death, think of it like like acting. I am of the opinion that I don't need every queer character to be played by a queer actor--what I want is fair representation and job opportunities for queer actors in Hollywood across the board, not necessarily the ability for only them to own those roles. Some straight and cis actors might not have the range or ability to play a queer character, and so they don't. However, straight and cis actors exist that can portray queer characters in vibrancy and outside of harmful contexts. What makes those actors good? Their ability to learn and understand queer people as people. Clearly, you, anon, want to learn and understand. That's good!

Fetishizing, I obviously understand, can be some people's fear but with fanfiction... again, it's fantasy.

(That, and, my understanding, is that mlm ships are more common because of men often being written more in-depth and more readily available in media within the patriarchal society we have constructed and because it can be refreshing to completely take yourself out of fantasy and pleasure and that sort of thing when it is so taboo in our society (especially women's pleasure). Which, mlm relationships provide more so than mlw or wlw. So, I can understand the appeal!)

I will say there's a layer to my answer, too, of how much a lot of fandon spaces can feel like women's spaces to me. Obviously, it's not all women, and I know that well. There are lots of nonbinary people and men around here! Though, fandom has been something that has, from my knowledge, been dominated by women historically. And while I love seeing more diversity in fandom as people of all types embrace and love the art that speaks to them with wild passion, I still see a lot, lot of women. So, I don't feel like it's my place as a man to police the space and say what belongs or doesn't belong, y'know? I'm just here enjoying my time. And with all the incredible fanfiction that's out there that has been written about mlm ships by straight women, cis or trans, I wouldn't want to change that.

So, TLDR; I don't mind when women write about queer men, whether they themselves are straight or not. Obviously, there are limits to that, and harm can be done when straight women try to speak over queer men (queer people generally, too), but it seems like with your concern for the topic you'll do just fine. So, go out there and write!

P.S. thinking about sensations in smut... you might be interested in these two drabbles I've written 👀

#asks #fanfiction #writing #thoughts #personal

[sweet-star-cookie]

heyo! question time!

i've noticed that in older posts, cassie has family members and friends, can you tell me more? do they know about her thing with the zodiacs? what are their relationships like with her? do they try to help her with her zodiac shenanigans or do they mainly stay out of the way?

Yes indeed! I've been chipping away at updates for the other Earth characters in terms of art, but I have enough to give you the gist at least :)

Funnily enough, I had a feeling you might ask about Cassie's family at some point, so I'd started refining their current designs because it has been a while (I'm not done yet though so here's the halfway done art for now lol)

(and old art from 2020 that I never posted lmao) Here's their ages as well if you need them: Cassie - 14 Nora - 46 Andrew - 43 Demitri - 17

Generally speaking, Cassie's family is pretty tight knit and happy, a kind of stability that becomes more and more necessary as things start to get more intense with all the star stuff! It's important to remember that Cassie was born with her star eye, so on some level her family knew that something unusual was going to happen with it eventually, even if they didn't know what at the time. The details of it were still quite the surprise once they did find out, but they each had their own ways of preparing for it or otherwise expecting it beforehand. Like her friends, they do what they can to help her, even if they're not able to directly deal with the supernatural shenanigans themselves. In many cases though, they turn out to be more useful than even they realize! Nora The pragmatic and no-nonsense mom, in stark contrast to her family of quirky dreamer types. Nora's not without her own quirks though, and despite her low tolerance for the fantastical, that doesn't mean she denies its existence either. In fact, she pays close attention to any information that she's given, even if it seems like she's not paying attention at all. She's a lot less serious than you might think, and she'd absolutely commit to a bit she didn't understand if it made her children or husband happy. She's the more detail oriented thinker between her and Andrew, and helps Cassie look at the most important stuff when trying to work out a problem, even if she herself does not understand how it all works. Or at the very least, she's able to give the most practical advice, as her world-weary attitude doesn't come from nowhere. Nora has a business job, usually something involving project management, and has a personality that one would need to survive that kind of job. She works long hours and is almost always seen with a coffee in her hand, a byproduct of her insomnia. Though the control of her anger is carefully calculated at all times, Nora is a bit of a mama bear as well, and will quite literally punch your lights out if you try to hurt her family! Cassie's moments of dry snark or sarcasm come from her, and so does a lot of her confidence in defending herself when being talked down to.

As things escalate, Nora spends more time at home to make sure that somebody is there with Cassie as much as possible, even if she can't fight the spirits for her. She worries about Cassie's safety like any good mother would, but understands that her daughter's situation is inevitable and tries to instill confidence in her instead, trusting that Cassie can handle it.

Andrew A quirky dad with nerdy interests, which lends itself well to his job as a film studies professor at a community college. If Nora is the detail thinker, Andrew is the big picture dreamer, often thinking up fantastical reasons for things or otherwise enjoying the speculative side. He approaches life with great curiosity, for better or worse! He and Nora work well as a couple for this reason, as he is able to help Nora lighten up and have fun when she needs it, whereas Nora can pull him down from Cloud Nine every so often to think more practically.

He is endlessly optimistic and cheerful, and Cassie takes after him in this regard. He encouraged Cassie's years of speculating about what the Starglass was or what it was for, often doing his own speculating as well, and they bonded over the possibilities. He worries more openly about Cassie than Nora does, but is equally as proud when Cassie shows what she can do during a spirit encounter that he witnesses.

This is him holding Cassie for the first time and, notably, her eyes are still closed here. While he was always fascinated by the implications of her star eye, he always loved Cassie for her, not her eye. He calls her "Starshine" as a nickname.

Demitri (or Demi for short) Cassie's older brother, a fact that he uses often to (playfully) joke around at her expense like most older siblings do. Unlike most siblings, however, they get along quite well. He does much to look out for her, even if the ways he does this are more casual or subtle, like giving her rides or getting her a drink at the coffee shop. When Cassie and her friends start spirit hunting at night, he will often insist on tagging along to not only give them a ride there and back, but to also not let a trio of teenage girls go into a forest or cave on their own, regardless if they find a spirit at all.

He's a laid-back artist with an interest in video games, something he and Cassie play often. His art style is influenced by graffiti and street art, something that comes up during an encounter with Chamaeleon and her gang. Though he'd be largely useless in a fight, he will still drop everything to rescue Cassie if asked, feeling some sense of responsibility as her older sibling to protect her. When cornered, he'll usually try to joke his way out of something on instinct.

-------- And now here's some info about Cassie's friends :) (with more old art lol)

These two are Cassie's closest friends, having met each other when they were 8 and forming a trio since. Here's the three of them at that age as a bonus c':

Ellie The most cowardly of the three, but this does not prevent her from tagging along purely out of care for Cassie and Leena, even if it means she'll be screaming for most of it. Bubbly and innocent in demeanour, this causes some to underestimate her, thinking she's merely airheaded. Though she'd never be able to carry a sword like Cassie does, Ellie can still be surprisingly courageous when the chips are down, even if it's sporadically. She and her family work on a farm, and that knowledge comes in handy when placating the behaviour of some of the corrupted animal spirits. When they first met, Ellie and Cassie got along quickly by virtue of having similar personalities and interests, and Ellie didn't find Cassie's eye to be all that distracting.

Leena Normally an outcast and fairly quiet overall, but bitingly sarcastic when she isn't. She cares very little about the opinions of others, though this is largely as a shield against bullying than anything else, as her interest in anything morbid or creepy made it hard for her to make friends initially. A huge fan of all things supernatural, Leena was initially drawn to Cassie purely because of her star eye, but they quickly bonded over being outcasts, albeit for vastly different reasons. Leena is very much an opposite to both Cassie and Ellie when it comes to most things, but are on the same page for the stuff that matters, at least once they were able to navigate Leena's more unusual ways of showing affection.

Leena insists on tagging along for the spirit hunting purely for the sake of something actually interesting happening in their otherwise sleepy small town, though she does deeply care for her friends in secret. Prior to Cassie's training, she was the most physically adept of the three via her skills in martial arts.

Though ultimately harmless, her friends have learned not to question her evil laughter, as Leena always seems to be plotting something. Even if that something is nothing more than planning to scare Ellie, usually with a scary story. A lot of those stories become surprisingly relevant once the spirits start appearing on Earth, at least when it comes to the rumours of their town being haunted.

#thanks for the ask! #i am very sleepy right now so i hope this is actually coherent lol #asks #tabsters #my art #my OCs #Starglass Zodiac #SGZ #long post

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

this is a random question lol, but what are some books that have the same (or similar) vibe to your fostered, moth work, or seventh virtue series? ❤️

omg I love this question!

I'll answer for the books that have actual comps, because otherwise... there's no comp because the books are unreadable LMAO (love them very much <3)

Books 1-3 (Fostered, Hunted, Resisted)

The Darkest Minds trilogy by Alexandra Bracken

I LOVE Alex, and these books kind of consumed my life as a kid!

Slated trilogy by Teri Terry

Pretty much the early Fostered books are TDM + Slated smushed together <3 I was such a Slated girlie, lmao

Books 4-6 just don't have any vibes, lmao!!! so no comps there!

Moth Work and Feeding Habits should have comps in theory, but I actually haven't personally read anything like them (though I'm sure books exist out there, I just don't know!). They're so niche in a way that it's hard to find a comp, lol! They are very much both like each other though!

Seventh Virtue

Lore by Alexandra Bracken

I realize now that this is just me expressing how much I love and support Alex's writing lmao, but this was the FIRST fantasy book I've read in a loooong time, and I read it coinciding with when I started SV, so it was super helpful for understanding the genre, especially since it's also contemp. fantasy and takes place in NYC! I'm thinking of re-reading it or getting the audiobook too since I'd like to revisit it!

Bitterblue by Kristen Cashore

This is an old favourite that I read when I was 12 or so, but I LOVE THIS BOOK! It's literally... literary fiction lmao, but fantasy for teenagers! I've read it so many times that I don't know the exact number. This is more high fantasy I believe, BUT the structure is sooo Seventh Virtue--lots of mini plots, larger cast of characters, very slow and ambling but in a fun way. If I could write this book, I would! Bitterblue as a character reminds me a lot of Reeve, haha. I just re-read this book in the fall, and I’m going to listen to it again because I just love it so much!

Six of Crows & Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

New inspo for me since I read them in the fall, but I LOVE THESE BOOKS SM!!! I'm so late to the train, lmao, but the Netflix adaptation of Shadow & Bone initially prompted me to write SV, so it's only fitting that I love these books! They both share bird imagery in common, which I obviously love, and there's also an ensemble cast. I want to actually read this book since I listened to the fabulous audiobook, but I'd like to get a stronger grasp on Leigh Bardguo's craft which was so good it made me insecure for the first time in years, lmao yaaaas <3

I funnily don’t have any adult recs because I haven’t read any adult fantasy, so if you have recs, especially if they’re contemp. fantasy, send them my way!

Also, if anyone has anymore questions about my books, feel free to send them because I’ve been having a hard last couple days, and talking about my book makes me feel better, lol!

Thanks so much for this!

#asks #fostered

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

WARNING: talking about covid :') (not the impact it's had globally but the actual sickness itself)

Venting

I'm honestly so stressed bc I have covid and. It's just not going away so I keep having to call in sick to work. And I'm scared I'm gonna get into trouble bc I keep calling in but. I refuse. I fucking REFUSE to contribute to the spread of this shit. And besides, I need the rest to recover!!!! I deserve that!!!!

Thankfully I'm not feeling too terrible— had a mild sore throat for a few days, and some stuffiness/runny nose, but that's mostly gone and now it's largely extreme tiredness and a bad headache which honestly is pretty typical for me anyway —but I'm still fucking contagious, and who knows what might happen if I push myself. My job is really physical and I work in a cooler, meaning, I'm working in the fucking cold!! That won't help me at all!! Those factors combined basically make work the worst place for me to be rn

(And just as a disclaimer, pretty sure I'm having such a mild case bc I've had 4 shots of the vaccine now— and my dad has it and has 2 things against him to make him immunocompromised, and this has mostly been like a bad cold for him, he hasn't needed to go to the hospital. If you can but haven't gotten the vaccine yet, DO IT!!)

But I'm still so stressed about it. I wish I could just recover and test negative so I could go back to work, because it's constantly in the back of my mind that I might get in trouble for calling in sick every single day I'm scheduled to work for over a week, especially during Christmas, which is literally a blackout period for vacations— in other words, you aren't allowed to take vacation during this time of year. This stress is eating at me and I just wanna make it go away. Funnily enough, it's probably making it harder for me to get better 😅

And bc I'm a student, I only work 2 days a week during semesters, and legit this started the DAY after my first day back from this last semester, and my next one starts immediately after new year's, so I'm worried this looks like I'm trying to skip out on work when I otherwise would be doing like 40 hours but I'm really not!!!! I'm just trying to do the right thing 😭 a couple coworkers have long covid, others aren't vaccinated, we have some older people. But even without those factors, I wouldn't wanna go in and spread it around

idk I'm just. I'm very stressed and a tiny part of my mind has legitimately been worried I'll get fired over this. I seriously doubt I will bc it's almost impossible to get fired from my workplace (it's a joke that you have to try lmao) and bc of the good name I've built for myself there. I've been there almost 10 years now, they know I don't pull shit like this just for shits and giggles. But the worry is still there, you know?

Ughhhh I've gotta sleep so I can wake up at 5AM to call work and tell them I still have covid, then go back to sleep bc fuck that shit :')

Wish me luck when I have to get up in like 4 1/4 hours lmaoooo

#personal

[mozukumi]

HIII IT'S THE EXCITED ANON AGAIN (will be referring to myself as 🌸 from now on)

AAAAAA THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING I'M SO 👁👁 AT THE AU!! i'm even more curious about the 30 year olds (lmao oldasses) bc they didn't really have a concrete life plan in canon!! i also saw that izumi, azuma, chikage, and hisoka are the same age so im super intrigued!! did yukio just leave, why izumi became the autumn leader, do they go to the same school, and where is august in this au are the questions floating around in my brain!! AND DAD ENERGY SAKUYA SO TRUE he practically adopted izumi, azuma, chikage, and hisoka bc of their similar family circumstances (probs??? not to impose on your ideas though!!) and the lone wolves link skill became a 5-person one now lol I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH AAAAAAA

a*sneefles* 🌸 ANON I OWE YOU MY LIFE!!

Just like last time, this got long, so under the cut - for context on what this is about you can look at the mAnkAi swAp tag on my blog! tl;dr: ages of the cast get shuffled around. changes result in much to think about!

first of all. YES. they are very much oldheads. I've literally realized just now in writing this response that Azami should... technically be 31? Because my original methodology was to swap from the two extremes (14 year old become 30, 30 year old become 14, and so on). And while I ended up doing much more tweaking for the high schoolers ages to make it Make more sense, the older crowd remained the same. But um, I forgot that Azami is actually 1 year younger then Yuki and Muku. Oops!

You're absolutely right in that it's hard bc they dont have life plans in canon, which means It's Free Real Estate.

Azami Izumida - Azami, you really got the short end of the stick in this AU, I'm going to be painfully honest. In this verse, his father died when he was about 20 - and without Mankai and Sakyo around to encourage him to find his own path in life, he ended up taking up the family business and becoming the head of the Ginsenkai. He runs the organization with diligence, although deep down he knows its not what he wants to be doing with his life.

He's known Juza ever since he joined the yakuza (at age 17), and holds him in high respect. He appreciates that Juza isn't cruel, but also isn't fake with Azami, and is willing to be honest with him even when that honesty is blunt.

Recently, a young Sakyo Furuichi approached him and asked to join the yakuza in hopes of making money for his family. However, Azami rejected him - not seeing the yakuza as a place for a promising young man such as him.

Muku Sakisaka - Despite his unassuming demeanor, thirty-year-old Muku is actually quite the celebrity - being a renowned shoujo mangaka. Which, funnily enough, makes him kind of parallel to Homare? Famous artist who you wouldn’t expect to be one based on their personality.

Since he didn't have the theater to turn to after he had his injury, in this verse he instead decided to work on his artistic skills. And like...

This is his practice doodle, and I think it's pretty cute! So I don't think it's out of the question to assert that with more time, Muku would be somebody quite capable of producing some good shoujo classics.

He joined Mankai due to a bout of artists block, and hoped the environment would provide him with new inspiration.

Yuki Rurikawa - A well-known fashion designer. Yuki... actually doesn't change that much in this AU? He's definitely more genuinely confident in himself in this verse, which means he isn't always as acidic - he doesn't need to put up a bravado of confidence anymore. But otherwise, same old Yuki, great new package.

and now for the 16 year olds (abandonment issues crew) lets make some NOISE. please dont feel bad for suggesting sakuya adopts them because he ABSOLUTELY DOES. like, obviously all of the adults in the company are parents now :tm:, but sakuya is number 1 dad. masumi also, because he's now realized how fucked up his dad was and he's trying to become a better role model then he was. i have made a meme to illustrate the vibes

So, first of all, let me talk to you about my darling daughter:

Izumi Tachibana - Imagine: it has been one year since your father disappeared. For the most part, things have returned back to normal - or as normal as things will ever be, now that he’s gone.

Then you see a flyer on the street. For the goddamn Mankai Company.

Would you react well? Because um. Izumi didn’t! Understandably!

She was pissed, assuming that her father was back and didn’t even bother to say hi to her and mom - mirroring her longstanding issue of her father valuing the theater over her. So maybe she didn’t think logically. Maybe she just went over to the Mankai theater as fast as she could, and angrily demanded that she speak to the director.

The first person she met was one Yuki Rurikawa. And well - he could tell this kid was upset, for some reason. But also Banri had denied him the budget increase he so clearly deserved, so Yuki was feeling petty and decided not to clarify anything. He just told her that “he’s right over there.”

So she just goes up to the figure and punches him, because she’s 16 and she’s angry and honestly, have you met an angry 16 year old whose angry at her father? I was one. It’s intense. And then he turns around, and it’s not her father at all, but it’s Banri.

She immediately apologizes, but Banri honestly isn’t even that mad. He’s just kind of impressed. #Girlboss! She explains her situation, and Banri invites her to audition for the autumn troupe.

You may ask: wait isn’t mankai a men only theater. and my response is ya but idk <3 #girlboss

As for Izumi being  a bad actress, I posit that so were Sakuya and Juza. I forget where I saw it, but I remember seeing some fic or meta say that the only problem is that Izumi never had her own Izumi, somebody to nurture her talent and make her bloom. But in this AU, she does. 

She’s the leader because honestly? She volunteered first. Sakyo was considering volunteering, but when Izumi volunteered, he yielded to her. Her style as a similar is pretty similar to her style as a director, except y’know she’s a teenager.

Azuma Yukishiro - ohhh azuma poor little meow meow.

He’s more fresh off of his familys death in this verse, which does make him a bit squishier. However, he’s also less emotionally distant, because he hasn’t had all of the years to try and convince himself he’s #coping. He’s actually honest enough to admit that he doesn’t want to have his own room in this verse - so he ends up rooming with Tsumugi and Tasuku is the solo room. 

(my friends joked that because Tasuku and Tsumugi aren’t ‘divorced’ in this verse, Banri decided to divorce them by making them not be in the same room. this does actually make their problem of exerting themselves too hard for the others sake worsen, bc they can stay up late studying without the other noticing.)

Chikage Utsuki and Hisoka Mikage and also August - y’know, for somebody who constantly reblogs gekkagumi content and is constantly thinking about gekkabros, it is actually kind of hilarious that i have no fucking clue what they’re up to in this AU.

It’s something I’ve been rotating and trying to think about! Theoretically, most of their arc could remain the same, because I do think that Chikage and Hisoka entered the Organization at around age 12. But my friends and I still haven’t decided if we want to keep it the same, or have it changed up somehow? The main issue I personally keep running into is justifying the year where Hisoka joins the company but Chikage doesn’t, since if they aren’t split up by potion of erase your memory, I don’t see why they’d go their seperate ways. And then there’s August to think about... I don’t know!!

 I definitely think there’s something fun and unique that could be gotten from their dynamic in this AU, but it hasn’t been cracked quite yet. But also imagining August as a really overdramatic theater parent is everything I need in my life. In my moms home videos of my own community theater productions, you can literally hear my father distinctly whistling during all of the sections where everybody is clapping. This is Augustcore.

One thing to note tho is that if the Chikage arc goes the same way, there is definitely going to be like. a Moment where Banri realizes he got kidnapped by a 17 year old and he’s like “goddamn it this is kinda cringe isn’t it. anyway this kind of overdramatic response is exactly what i would have done if i was a kid lmao lets get you to bed.”

As for the schools... that’s a great question omg. We haven’t decided where Izumi goes to school! But there’s so much potential for interesting dynamics there. And depending on how we end up handling Chikage and Hisoka in this AU, it’s possible they aren’t even going to be going to a regular high school because y’know, Spy Kids. Which brings about a really funny scene in my head where Hisoka isn’t going to school and Banri asks him if he has enough absence days stored up, and then Banri comes to the realization that he literally does not go to school. 

And for Yukio, yup, he still left! It’s just that he only left 1 year prior to the story starting. 

AGAIN, ANON, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!! onto your next ask these are a joy and also really good for developing some stuff abt this AU

#mAnkAi swAp #a3! #azami izumida #muku sakisaka #yuki rurikawa #izumi tachibana #azuma yukishiro #chikage utsuki #hisoka mikage #august a3! #sakuya sakuma #he's discussed enough i think he can be tagged in this one #🌸 anon

[kiwikyuu]

━━━━━━━━ all the different shades of orange ; hinata shōyō

summary — whoever said that hinata shōyō is a ball of sunshine is a liar

word count — 3k

genre — imagine ; kinda enemies to lover, fluff

warning(s) — major spoilers about spring interhigh for those of you who haven't read the manga, insults thrown around, kinda out of character hinata, cursing, not edited

a/n — okay but have y'all seen e2l hinata shōyō besides kagehina lmao because i haven't and thought it'd be interesting to try out. also wow i have never put so much effort into a work like this one (hopefully it reaches a lot of people and you can all find some joy in reading!)

❝ WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING NEXT TIME, YOU ROTTEN BELL PEPPER. ❞

Hate was a strong word but the flaring anger in your heart and overwhelming urge to run into a wall whenever your eyes landed on that tangerine said otherwise. It wasn't that you went out of your way to dislike someone that has everyone wrapped around their finger. It just so happened that you had no tolerance for bullshit, and Hinata Shōyō pissed you off in every way possible.

It started on the first day of high school.

Walking beside Minari, a friend from middle school, the two of you were eager to leave the building. The idea of grabbing steamed buns had unraveled itself in your mind, and what better way to enjoy food than by sharing?

"Are you going to try out for any clubs?" Your elbow bumped against hers as you two walked the slowly emptying hallway. "I think I saw the girls soccer team holding tryouts soon."

Minari shrugged, but you could already see the thoughts pinging in her mind. "I might if I can."

See, the two of you had almost reached the staircase when it happened. Minari's long hair covered her view from time to time, so you were used to looking out for her while chastising the girl about the usefulness of a hairband. But what you didn't expect as you pulled the girl aside just as a gaggle of guys rushed by was the full strength of a short orange-haired boy catching you off guard and nearly sending you tumbling down the flight of stairs.

"I'm sorry! I - I didn't see you there!" He shouted, his hand coming out to latch instinctively onto your school uniform before you could be thrown back far. "And on the first day too... I'm so sorry! Please accept my apology."

You stared at the short boy standing before you looking positively green with anxiety and guilt. Minari was already calming him down with mentions of accepting his apology, but all you could focus on was the pounding beat of your heart and the tingling feeling in your legs from your near-fatal experience.

"Watch where you're fucking going next time, you rotten bell pepper," you muttered before pushing his fingers off your now wrinkled white shirt.

You had walked away first, Minari in tow, but not before catching the shine of his name tag, 'Hinata Shōyō,' and the wide-eyed stare on his face that sent shivers down your back.

From that day forward, every flash of orange around the school seemed to be followed by a glare on your end and a roll of eyes on his.

"You're in the way, pumpkin head." Your words cut through the chattering hallway and sliced at Hinata who in turn threw you a pointed look, something that all the First Year students knew by now was reserved for only you. "I'm trying to get to the library, but somebody's walking too slow. Aren't you supposed to be on the volleyball team?"

Hinata scoffed, but stepped aside to let you through. Dirty looks were all he had in his armory apparently as time after time after sending an insult or two his way, he held his tongue. You liked to think it was because he didn't have the proper brain cells to form a response, but sometimes you wondered if you were being too much.

Up ahead, Minari waved at you to hurry before all the seats at the library were taken. Shaking yourself of your thoughts, you walked over to her. Unbeknownst to you, while you shouldered your bag, your wallet tipped over and fell out at a certain somebody's feet.

Hinata picked up your ratty wallet, noticing it on the floor, and went to call out to you before catching himself. What did he care? Still, unable to ignore it, he pocketed your belonging making note to give it back to you later. Right now, he had a game to worry about.

Somehow you had ended up at the Karasuno vs. Aoba Johsai game during the Interhigh Preliminaries. Minari had dragged you up to the stands as discreetly as possible after convincing you that she wasn't feeling up to study. Considering she had her eyes set on a certain 5'10 blueberry, you were foolish enough to think that she'd wanted to take you some place fun.

Now as the two of you stared down at the game happening eagerly, you let out a sigh upon noticing Hinata. As if your day couldn't have gotten worse after misplacing your wallet, you were displeased to find that he was looking right back up at you with the same wide-eyed stare he had when you two had first met.

Shivers ran down your back almost as if on cue, and you tore your gaze away from him fully ready to leave the gymnasium and trudge back home. But had you turned away, you would have missed the freakish oddball combination execute their quick attack.

"Holy shit," you breathed. "What the fuck was that?"

Minari smirked. "Tobio-kun is a great setter, isn't he? Or were you too focused on Mr. Bell Pepper to notice."

You shot her a frosty look, pushing down the stuttering emotion starting to rise in your chest that most definitely did not feel like anger. "As if."

The game continued for what seemed like days but turned out to be hours at most ending at a score of 1:2 in Aoba Johsai's favor.

Deafening silence overtook your ears. Minari was quick to leave the stands, mumbling something about consoling the fallen setter while your eyes searched for some semblance of sunshine in Hinata's sullen ones.

Spotting his sunken expression, you felt yourself regret the hatred that had sparked for him for just a moment. A fleeting moment that buried itself in your heart, planting a seedling of growing doubt.

"Minari, we have to catch the bus back!" You called out to your friend as you joined her on the gymnasium floor.

She glanced your way, halting the conversation she had began with her Tobio-kun. "Two minutes, and then we can go. Please?"

You nodded despite feeling discomfort crawling up your spine at being surrounded now by those you didn't know. You settled by the door, checking your phone mindlessly to pass the short time only looking up when an outstretched hand came into view.

"You dropped this earlier." Hinata's words were short, sharp, and you were suddenly glad you had never been on the end of his scathing remarks. "On your way to the library," he continued.

"Oh," was all your malfunctioning mind could come up with as he took your open hand in his, placing your wallet gently in your palm. The warmth of his skin seemed pressed into your own even after he had started to stalk away.

Clearing your throat, you spoke before you could stop yourself. "You did well today. I - uh," you paused. What were you even saying? "I watched from the stands."

He offered you a soft smile, one that you realized could light the world aflame, before walking back to his awaiting team.

You placed your hand over your drumming heart, sedating the flustered feeling he had left behind with you, chanting in your mind over and over again that Hinata Shōyō was a menace and you had no plan to ever like him let alone fall for him.

But no one ever plans to fall in love.

The Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club seemed to practice non-stop funnily enough, rather motivated by their loss from months ago instead of despaired. Minari had become a regular face during practice as she cheered the boys on in an attempt to woo Kageyama still, and by fault, so had you.

"Y/N, Tangerine's on his way over here." Minari nudged you, stealing your attention from the workbook open in your lap.

You shrugged, trying to focus on anything other than your slowly rising heartbeat. "Why? Did the coach bench him for his subpar plays?"

"No, actually Tangerine wanted to give you something but he's currently reconsidering."

You looked up immediately, eyes narrowing upon noticing Hinata standing in front of you with a small smirk. "You're looking really fucking smug for a guy who still needs to work on his skills. Kageyama says you lack basic technique."

Hinata rolled his eyes at you. "You're being rude."

"It's because I don't like you," you answered smoothly. "So get back to practice before you lose any more volleyball brain cells."

He let out a small laugh. Turning away, for a moment you thought he'd actually leave as simple as that, but just before he took another step, he tossed something your way. It fell on top of your workbook, smacking against the thin pages, causing a couple of the boys to look your way while Hinata jogged back to the net.

Minari leaned in closer to you. "He got you—" She cocked her head in confusion. "A wallet?"

It was a deep shade of orange that almost made you laugh out in irony. Detailed with card slots and a latch with snapping buttons, the wallet was definitely an improvement from the one you had right now.

"That's sweet... right?" Minari questioned, watching your expression as you opened the wallet to reveal a note — scratchy handwriting on a scrap of notebook paper.

'thought your wallet looked ratty old. not in a mean way of course!!!!

— your favorite, Pumpkin Head Shōyō

ps. my sister picked out the color :p'

"Stupid fucking carrot," you whispered under your breath, feeling your cheeks grow warm at his message. "I don't need a new wallet."

Minari scoffed at your words, turning to face you completely and taking your hands in hers with seriousness. "Be honest with me." You stared at her blankly. "Be honest, and tell me if you actually hate Hinata as much as you say you do. Why don't you just drop the act? You two obviously like each other enough to be friends, so why keep this all up? Isn't it tiring?"

Her words echoed through the hallways of your mind minutes, hours, and days after. Sitting at your desk in school, on your walk home, lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, they were as loud as life itself.

You thumbed the straps of your bag while waiting for the bus. The sun was slowly dropping from the sky, setting on the horizon leaving you in a thoughtful orange haze.

You two obviously like each other enough to be friends, so why keep this all up? Isn't it tiring?

The weeks following were conflicting and chaotic. Exam season settled on Karasuno High School jolting the students and staff into a cloud of stress.

You spent your spare time at the library, eyes boring into material that just wouldn't stick while a certain rotten bell pepper took his seat next to you.

"I have to pass my finals or Sugawara senpai is going to nail me to a wall," Hinata explained, spreading his notebooks out on the desk and bumping his elbow against yours in the process. "You do well in your classes, right? Do you — " He looked abash. "D - Do you mind helping me?"

Against your better judgement, you nodded. Looking back now, you suppose that's where your odd friendship began.

Days on end, the two of you would stay behind to cycle through the material slowly building a tolerance of each other much to everyone's surprise.

"Do you still hate me?" The question came one night, the weekend before his exams.

Hinata looked at you from where he sat on the swings, kicking his feet at the sandy grounds. The two of you were at the park, cooling off after a long study session.

Your eyes fell to the can of convenience store coffee in your hands. The slight of the passing breeze drilled his question further in your mind.

"No, I don't think so," came your answer, words wobbly and unsure despite the thrum of your heart beating loudly against your chest and the warmth in your cheeks.

Silence filled the space between you two before Hinata finally spoke up again.

"Then do you like me?"

Your body felt lit aflame, mind jumping immediately to the way he made you feel things you hadn't much before. "As a friend," you decided after a moment of flustered emotions. "We're friends, I guess."

Hinata nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I like you." He took a deep breath. "As more than a friend, but if you feel that way then I'll wait for you. We have time."

His confession became lost among the flurry of thoughts and colliding emotions raging on inside you. Before you could say anything in response, Hinata got to his feet, shooting you that now familiar smile of his and offering you his hand.

The new year overwhelmed your senses like a storm of rain after a drought. Refreshed after the break, you returned to school with a new sense of purpose amplified by the motivation the new year always brings.

Hinata's confession had remained in your mind, pushed to the back by celebration but still bugging you every so often. The apricot haired boy had showed up, throwing ping pong balls (of all things) at your window to catch your attention over the break asking if you wanted to go grab something sweet with him. You promptly responded with a rejection, only to find yourself walking with him ten minutes later.

"How was your break?" Minari asked, bundled in a jacket, scarf, and hat. She joined you at your side, catching you on your walk from the bus stop to school.

You shrugged, pulling your puffy jacket closer to you. "It was okay. You?"

She smiled. "Hung out with Tobio-kun. We went for hot chocolate, and he taught me how to set." Her eyes seemed almost dazzling at the memory, and you laughed, pushing her lightly away.

"You and your Tobio-kun are positively gross," you said. "Absolutely—"

Your words were halted at the feeling of warm fabric settling around your neck and a known face popping up beside you with a proud smile.

"Stay warm. You can give it back to me later," Hinata said before jogging away to catch up with a pair of Second Year boys ahead.

Your hand came up to the green scarf around your neck, failing to form comprehensive sentences. Heart thundering, you ignored the funny looks others sent your way. Glancing at Minari, you caught her slipping giggles.

"What happened to Hinata Shōyō being a rotten bell pepper?"

"Shut up."

Lending you his scarf when days seemed too cold was just the beginning of it all. Days turned into weeks turned into months of Hinata pining after you and you—though obvious to everyone else—trying to decipher your feelings for him.

"Hey, I missed you," Hinata said to you lightly after you had agreed to drop something off for Kageyama on Minari's behalf. Quickly realizing the meaning of his words, however, Hinata corrected himself. "I mean—um, as in I m - missed you earlier. Like... like I didn't catch you today, you know?"

You tilted your head at him with endearment, a small smile playing across your lips at the sight of his blushing face. "Yeah, don't worry. I got it, sweet potato."

His flustered expression dropped. "You think I'm sweet?"

Your eyes widened, stuttering to form a response and correct yourself out of this situation you had suddenly been thrusted in. Luckily, Kageyama came to your rescue before you could embarrass yourself.

"Hinata, boke, stop flirting with Y/N!" The tall blueberry haired boy towered over Hinata with a menacing glare and a scoff. Kageyama turned to you with a blank look you took for an apologetic expression.

Shaking your head profusely, you put your hands up in surrender. "Ah, no worries, Kageyama. I—uh, I have something for you from Minari. She has classroom duties today, so she couldn't come herself."

Kageyama nodded, taking the wrapped bento box that Minari had prepared for him from your outstretched hands. He mumbled words of thanks before stalking off while muttering under his breath a colorful range of insults at Hinata who in turn sent him a funny face.

The Spring Interhigh was coming up, and you were sure the Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club was itching for redemption after what had happened last August. Deciding that you didn't want to interrupt their practice any further, you made move to leave only to stop at the feeling of a hand on your wrist.

Glancing back, you raised an eyebrow in surprise at Hinata's sudden action. "What are you—"

The tangerine boy had exchanged his lighthearted expression of just minutes ago with a look that you could only describe as properly motivated. "When we make it to Nationals, promise to give me a chance."

All around you, the gym seemed to fade until only Hinata was in your line of vision.

When we make it to Nationals, he had said, not if.

Unable to respond, you found yourself nodding because who were you to kid yourself at this point?

The Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club did, in fact, make it to Nationals, but unfortunately lost to Kamomedai High School in the quarter-final round while Hinata spent his time at the hospital.

Hooked up to an IV line and dressed in one of those flimsy hospital gowns, Hinata looked unusually weak laying down on the bed. The others had left not long after you had arrived though some took more convincing than others.

"Next time, you can keep your scarf to yourself," you said, cutting the silence short with a lighthearted remark.

Hinata smiled weakly at that, his hand coming to rest atop your folded ones on your lap. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

You shook your head. "Obviously, you can't take care of yourself." Slipping your hands from under his, you took the hand warmers out of your pockets and placed one in each of his hands. "Luckily, you got me."

His face lit up. "Oh, do I now?"

Warmth spread through your body as you looked away from his hopeful gaze. "Well, you did make it to Nationals."

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hinata headcanons #hinata imagine #hinata shoyo x you #hinata shoyo x y/n #hinata x reader #hinata x you #hinata x y/n #hinata shoyo headcanons #hinata shoyo imagine #hinata shoyo x reader

[roccinan]

1/n Funnily enough, I have also usually associated Sergio with an owl, (or a lone wolf, as Raquel calls him) but look what i found! I just searched up owls & snakes cause I vaguely remembered reading a story abt them and there are some very interesting results XD So owls usually hunt and bring back prey for their owlets, usually making sure the prey is *dead* but there's one strange exception - they leave blind snakes alive when they bring them back to the nest. Now sometimes the snakes are eaten right away as a nice little snack (they're apparently the size of a worm?) but sometimes, the snake survives and burrows into the nest, out of sight and out of beak. And there, they actually find food like ants, termites and other critters which might otherwise be parasites to the owl chicks. There was even a study which found that baby owls living with these snake roommates tended to grow faster AND had better chances of survival. I shall quote the article "The snakes being brought to the nest alive wasn't simply an accident - they were acting as tiny, unwitting parenting aides!" And yes, this is a very interesting case of symbiosis in the wild, mutualism, or even something called "a commensal relationship" which is basically one species benefitting and the other has to simply deal with the situation, in this case the owl benefits and the snake has to survive, not exactly "benefitting" from this.

n/n Well, all this is just to say that reading the articles gave me hermanos wild animals au(?) feels 😭 bby!owl sergio and teen snake andrés literally plucked from his life and dropped in to help take care of sergio by papa owl marquina, who dies during a hunting trip and leaves behind sergio & andrés, who then grow up together as a weird, wild found family. And i also remember that one time you said someth special abt the hermanos was that they didn't HAVE to stick together, that Andrés could have easily been the villain in Sergio's life but he didn't and that fits well here too, snakes & owls are not exactly friendly species, and if Andrés was caught as prey and unceremoniously dropped into an owl nest it gives him even more reason to hate Sergio but i digress. anyway fhsjshs i hope i've managed to make some sense lmao, thjs is what boredom does to me 😅 feel free to ignore all this rambling and i'm so sorry if this wild tangent annoys you, i've just finished my exams and i'm in a silly mood 😭

Hello anon! This is not the kind of thing I expected to see in my inbox but 100% the type of thing I welcome!! OMG thank you so much for this adorable image- owl/snake hermanos combo is not something I would have thought up myself, and now I can't stop thinking about it ahhh. Thanks for sharing this Super Important research with me!!

I'd totally forgotten about the whole "owls eat snakes" thing, which is itself something of an incredible hermanos parallel. But the whole part about symbiosis with blind snakes who reluctantly become part of the owl nest and unofficial parents?? Blew my mind! There's not much of a benefit for the snakes here besides survival.

YES YES YES wild animals hermanos AU with adolescent snake Andres and baby owl Sergio :'D It somehow perfectly fits with the half-brother pedro/alvaro headcanon. Papa Marquina trying his best to feed his his weak owlet, Sergito, and then finds feral snake Andres. I guess this means Andres is blind in the AU, or something about him made Marquina think he wouldn't do anything to hurt the owlet. My heart, anon omg! And once Marquina dies, Andres has the chance to leave the nest (who's gonna stop him? that helpless little owl??), but chooses not to because the helpless little owl needs him :')

He has all the reason to hate Sergio in this, but he doesn't :'D "Weird, wild found family" is the perfect name for this AU <3

"And i also remember that one time you said someth special abt the hermanos was that they didn't HAVE to stick together, that Andrés could have easily been the villain in Sergio's life but he didn't and that fits well here too" --> Ah, now that you mention it, yes, I do remember saying that all the way back in the day ;) And I still think that's what makes their relationship so fascinating (at least with the half brothers line haha). Thanks for remembering!

Ah, anon, I love this ask so much, the image of owl-snake hermanos now lives in my mind rent free. I feel so blessed :'D Not a boring tangent at all and I loved every word. Thank you for sharing and if I ever write that hermanos animal AU, you know who inspired it!

#anonymous #thank you so much for this anon omg legit one of the best asks I've ever received #also high five! Team Owl Sergio! #and congratulations on finishing exams!

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [obviously it's actually ages later so she clearly isn't coming back but it's also enough time that we can pretend we're fine and joke about it and that she might not reply until even later cos christmas so we feel safe to just be like nbd lol] Jimmy: *g2g Jimmy: or piss off would've worked an' all Jimmy: far as a christmas classic goes Janis: yeah, they was up Janis: you know how it goes from there Janis: didn't reckon comparing notes was gonna be any more thrilling than living it, yeah? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby timestamped to show how early he actually was up like yep] Janis: Ouch Janis: how buzzing was he then Janis: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 scale Jimmy: off it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Where was his best mate on the scale? Janis: pretty solid and manic 😆 Janis: bit of a wobble when she had to eat her lunch and stop playing with all the shit she got Janis: but what's 😂 without some 😭 Jimmy: #same obvs Jimmy: might just be Ian's cooking making me 😭 though Janis: I'll let her know Janis: feel well reassured and #seen Janis: Sharon didn't show? Jimmy: I know, mate we're all 💔 by her empty chair Jimmy: my mum neither, funnily enough Jimmy: pisstaking lack of miracles about Janis: We did see Jesus and Santa out on it so Janis: lads aren't on top form Jimmy: if he hadn't drank the 🥛 she might've appeared, needing a bit for her ☕ Jimmy: SUCH a selfish dickhead Janis: spin the trope on it's head Janis: clever Janis: could've been picking up more 🚬 too Jimmy: she left them behind, as NYE resolutions go 🚭 is a bit cliche but Jimmy: you crack on, Debbie Janis: far as parting gifts go Janis: so so at best Jimmy: Dunno I were chuffed with it Janis: of course, birth of 😎 boy Jimmy: weren't like I could follow in her footsteps out the door Jimmy: piss poor #originstory that Jimmy: have to fake it Janis: #relatable Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: when ain't we on the same page? Janis: have to 🤞 they'd never put this shit to paper Janis: poorly written fanfic and a netflix original that tanks, fine Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Jimmy: ✔✔ Janis: nothing, obviously Jimmy: 🖋🩸 it is then Janis: can sell my soul no problem Janis: good luck cashing that one in boys Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: any organs going Jimmy: won't be doing receipts, goes without saying Janis: careful how you word that one Janis: get a bit #metoo Jimmy: open to a bit of castration, since you asked Janis: Christmas does remind you of why not to have kids, right Jimmy: if nowt else Jimmy: can't all be Libis 💔 Janis: if you wanna chat to her form an orderly queue behind your brother, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: 2nd choice AGAIN Janis: who else put you 🥈? Jimmy: who HASN'T, babes 😭😭😭 Janis: oh, always the bridesmaid Janis: very you Jimmy: bit weird in this context, don't reckon we can marry off kids or spread about that I wanna wife up Libi so I were avoiding it but Janis: if the baby pink/lilac dress fits darling Jimmy: baby pink like my 😳 OBVS Jimmy: can't have a clash Janis: bad enough you're the oldest and fattest, christ Jimmy: way to drag me by my unflattering weave, hun Janis: Hate for you to make a show of yourself Janis: say these things for your own good 😘 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: I get waiting til your nan is more pissed but don't forget to secure my child bride for tomorrow 😘 Janis: They said yes already Janis: leaving out your intentions, obviously Janis: not that keen to get rid of her Jimmy: we're all chuffed she ain't gotta go in the boot Janis: radio and sweets should suffice in shutting her up Janis: for a bit, anyway Janis: no miracles occurring here either Jimmy: again #same Jimmy: so much in common, me and her Janis: sorry but no one is gonna ship this one Jimmy: PROPERLY starcrossed, what a dream Jimmy: off you fuck, tah Janis: rude Janis: and you won't be able to kidnap her without my help so at least keep me on side 'til then, moron Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: know where she lives and how to shut her up so Janis: yeah, but you don't know how to call off her KILLER dog Janis: checkmate, asswipe Jimmy: I'll have a google, be alright Janis: get your face ripped off, please Janis: get rid of the need for any of this Jimmy: SO romantic, you Jimmy: I'll miss you Jimmy: but bit rude if you ain't allowed to get married without a face Jimmy: bet the tories sorted that Janis: like fuck Janis: your outside'll just reflect the monster within Janis: easier to 🔎 even for the idiots about this way Janis: she'll get saved in no time and you'll get to be behind bars like you wanna ⛓💘 Jimmy: LITERALLY can't deal with these compliments rn tbh Jimmy: or that happy ending Janis: 💦 comes but once a year Jimmy: get your 🧠💭💕 off 🎅 it's OVER, Jodie Jimmy: he's already forgotten you Janis: he's literally all I've got Janis: fuck you Jimmy: delete your 📞 history and move on Jimmy: you've got the 🎁🎁 lads are good for nowt else Janis: I believe, thanks Janis: unlike you you bitter cow Jimmy: UGH, get a grip, babes Janis: 🤢 this is far too much like talking to actual Gracie Jimmy: won't insist on a 🏆 Jimmy: nowt challenging about doing a decent impression of any of 'em Janis: bit rude you've faked being impressed before now then Jimmy: for me, I'm a well better actor than you, girl Janis: if you reckon that then my job here is done Janis: all the 🏆🏆 for me Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah, that kinda day Jimmy: you gonna turn this one around for me an' all? Janis: is that what you want? Jimmy: isn't that what you want? Janis: if you're saying I reckon I always can, like a saviour complex, then nah Janis: but if you're just asking if I still want to see you, then, yeah Jimmy: if either of us would have a complex like that, it's gotta be me as a white lad, come on Janis: alright Janis: I'll come Jimmy: alright Janis: I know today is shit Janis: we don't need to pretend otherwise Jimmy: didn't reckon we were Janis: yeah Jimmy: ? Janis: It is a stupid question Janis: but aside from the obvious, are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: Yeah, pretty much Janis: so what's wrong? Jimmy: how much of the obvious are we putting aside? Janis: that the kids would be a bit gutted about your mum and the food and craic from your dad would be a bit shit Janis: in a nutshell Janis: so go on Jimmy: I'll live Janis: you don't wanna tell me, do you Jimmy: nowt to tell, it's shit, you already said it Janis: okay Jimmy: if you can believe in 🎅 you can take my word for it Janis: I am Janis: okay means 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we don't need to have an entire 👌👍 back and forth Janis: I'll 💬 when I'm close and you can keep being alright Jimmy: you started it, mate Jimmy: don't be a spoilsport Janis: go on then Janis: have your fun, it ain't mine Jimmy: 🗨  to me dickhead Janis: talk back to me Jimmy: I am Janis: not properly Janis: it's gone funny again Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Janis: I don't know Janis: just what you want Jimmy: I never said I were any good with words Janis: I'll survive Janis: let's just be Janis: like normal, business as usual Jimmy: I thought you were gonna write business casual, like there's an Ian approved dress code Jimmy: 🤏 gutted Janis: I have forgone the glitter and fur Janis: though I doubt he'd be as buzzing as shit nan, couldn't risk that faux pas again Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: he'd be chuffed to bits if you were wearing that, no funny business Janis: for the throwback of it all or Jimmy: you're right, loads of people have 👀 the 📷 Jimmy: you CAN'T Janis: if he slid into the gals DMs with the goss you could 🚨 Jimmy: ootd not outfit of the DAYS Jimmy: 👮🚔 Janis: oi, arrest him, not me Janis: you never said you were strictly fashion 👮 Jimmy: fine, if you don't wanna drive off into the sunset with me Jimmy: offering you a getaway car here Janis: the cars with me Jimmy: if Libi's not in the boot I ain't interested, soz Jimmy: you were told Janis: 🙄 Janis: you'll have to wait and see Janis: and be disappointed Jimmy: if you're wearing that pisstake of an outfit again, yeah Janis: I told you I ain't Janis: never again Janis: 🔥 Jimmy: did you? Janis: yeah Janis: [pictures of a jolly xmas fire with that melting all over the shop lmao] Jimmy: bit rude of you not to invite us Janis: I would if I could Janis: there's plenty more to burn Jimmy: 🎄 jumpers for a start Janis: exactly Janis: see if 💀#2 wants to put her diary on Jimmy: we could do it here 🤞 the whole house'd go up Jimmy: have to move then Janis: that would be win win Janis: death or a fresh start Jimmy: not enough drama for Bill but never is Jimmy: can't win with his 👻 Janis: he'd have you picking who to save Janis: always so EXTRA Janis: take a day off, Billy Jimmy: dead easy answer Janis: Sister can save herself, fuck the dog, so the kid? Jimmy: it's obvs you so the 🎭 can go ON and ON and ON 💔🎻😭 and owt else Janis: ugh Janis: my hero Jimmy: Bill makes the rules, babe Jimmy: @ him 👏👏🌹 Janis: lemme think of a sonnet first Janis: got to win him back 'round Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: don't offer to help then Janis: lazy Jimmy: why would I want you in his good books? Janis: what's good for me is good for you Jimmy: you can only have the one 👻 boyfriend at a time Jimmy: it ain't nowt but 👎 for me to get dumped for a more 🥇🎨🖋 🎭 Janis: I've only got the one Janis: ain't nothing but the writer Janis: and his ideas usually get ignored anyway Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: oh Bill Janis: you don't have to feel bad for him Janis: is trying to steal me Jimmy: can't blame him for having a go Janis: far as  🧛 fake girlfriends go Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 far as muses go Janis: I wasn't expecting half as many of the pub crawl pics to come out Janis: and that's not sounding surprised again Janis: just that the 🥴😵 wasn't too real Jimmy: you're that dickhead who looks #goals even with the 📸 on Janis: you make me look good Janis: #talent Janis: #skillz Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: you just look Janis: yeah well Janis: we're #goals by default 'cos you're not ugly yourself Janis: half of 'em probably think they're doing charity work or something 🦐🦑 Jimmy: tis the season Jimmy: 💀👑 must be 💔 she can't get back on it Janis: looks great on a CV Janis: but daddy hasn't thought about that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: kicking himself when he realises she's already too thick for Trinity Janis: God ONLY knows where she'll end up now Jimmy: 🤞 for the north OBVS Janis: 🤔 Janis: Leeds? Janis: I'll float the idea to her Jimmy: fit right in, her Jimmy: no need to ever leave Janis: SO happy for her and her new Northern life Jimmy: chuck you an oscar in a bit Janis: you got me another prezzie? Janis: you shouldn't have 🤗😘 Jimmy: can't help myself Janis: 🎅 energy Jimmy: just wanna be the 🎅 you deserve 💕 Janis: awh, don't make us cry Jimmy: 🚗 or 🏃? Janis: 🚗 Janis: why not Jimmy: alright 🚫😭 Janis: Considerate Janis: all you know I'm already ten sheets to the wind Jimmy: I'd know Janis: alright 👮 Jimmy: give yourself away ages before I got you to do any blowing, pisshead Janis: piss off would I Jimmy: weren't a challenge Janis: didn't say it was Janis: not bringing a bottle, obviously Janis: don't wanna make friends with him do I Jimmy: could've given it to me Janis: if it's a requirement I'll keep driving, dickhead Jimmy: if it were a requirement I'd have said before now Janis: then shh Janis: I might've got you something Jimmy: weird coincidence, that Janis: you did? Janis: almost like it's a holiday or something Jimmy: Dunno, sounds fake to me, that, mate Janis: what did you get me then Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😣 Janis: mean Jimmy: come here and open it Janis: if it's your dick in box I'm gonna be a 🤏 unimpressed Jimmy: 🎀 Janis: gift wrapping skills leaving nothing to be desired Janis: got it Jimmy: [a picture of this wrapped gift like how rude look how beautiful it is] Janis: don't be a tease again Janis: I'm already driving fast as I can Jimmy: only be a tease if didn't give it you Jimmy: actually for Libi, soz like Janis: she's had enough Janis: take it even if it's another cuddly toy Jimmy: I ain't giving you no clues Janis: not even if I 🥺 Jimmy: go on Janis: [does but obviously it's very pisstakey] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: is that a clue Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might just not fancy you 💀💀💀 from the lack of attention before you get here Janis: very possible Janis: so like me Jimmy: can't take the risk Janis: all the 💪🥇 heroics for you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: nowt to do with being a dickhead who needs you to do owt Janis: 'course not Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: but crack on through the 🌨 to bring me my Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: does this mean I'm an elf Jimmy: you're poor exploited rudolf and I'm your dead keen missus Jimmy: we've switched Janis: 😱 Jimmy: crack on and save me an' all Jimmy: would call this house a prison if I were a dramatic sort of reindeer lass Janis: I doubt you're being treated to such stunning musical numbers whilst you sit and rot though Janis: actually be right there, like Jimmy: you gonna sing for us? Janis: also how you know I'm not that drunk Janis: no karaoke now Jimmy: not even if I 🥺 Janis: 😏 Janis: we'll see Jimmy: [obvs does because always that bitch] Janis: [just assuming your xmas injury is not visible?] Jimmy: [I'm gonna say no so that the bubs won't know when we go to skerries because that's feelsier] Janis: [I vibe] Janis: okay, pretty convincing Jimmy: always sounding so 😱 you Janis: I might've forgotten what you looked like Jimmy: either that's bollocks or what you said a bit ago about my #goals face were Janis: you decide Jimmy: 👌 Janis: maybe I'm just saying it's been ages Jimmy: not denying that Janis: then take the compliment Jimmy: if we're telling each other what to do, shut up and drive Janis: 1. you always try and tell me what to do 2. what do you think I'm doing, you shut up Jimmy: 1. when do I? 2. pissing about Janis: literally constantly, no way I could narrow it down to a few examples Jimmy: convenient, that Janis: well bossy Janis: #bossbabe Jimmy: OI 👏 do 👏 you 👏 wanna 👏 buy 👏 the 👏 shite 👏 off 👏 my 👏 facebook 👏 OR 👏 WHAT? Janis: Honey, you're in a pyramid scheme Janis: and the lipsticks are shit 💁 Jimmy: 💰 on that being what pub crawl Sharon or Karen 💋 me with Jimmy: might've woken up with no face and your #ultimatekinkunlocked Janis: never gonna sell 'em so she may as well get some wear out of 'em Jimmy: #entreprenher Janis: 🤢 Janis: #dirtyoldcow Jimmy: 🐑 or nowt for this lad Jimmy: and she weren't even blonde! Janis: honestly, who does she think she is Janis: walking 'round like she's 👸🏼 Jimmy: *👰🏼 Jimmy: I'm a good catholic boy now 🚫💍🚫💋 Janis: 🤞 you've just made my nan drop down dead somewhere Jimmy: merry christmas, my dear Jimmy: 👍✔⚰ Janis: best present ever 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what did you get anyway Janis: fun was watching everyone struggle to get me anything without hint or direction Jimmy: mine were Ian not bothering to surprise us with 🐱🐭🐹🐰 or 🐢🐍🦎 to go with the 🐕 no dickhead asked for Janis: Such a read of poor Twix Janis: never again Jimmy: the one favour she's done us Janis: * I read 😇 Jimmy: he wants to bring her tomorrow Jimmy: 🤞🚫🐕 allowed Janis: plenty of places we can go that are only fake dog friendly Janis: but likewise, loads we can go where she can as well Jimmy: where do you want to? Janis: where do you wanna Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I don't care, s'not about me Jimmy: or me Janis: well we can't just let them decide or fuck knows what hell we'd end up in Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: have a 💭 Janis: you too Janis: or you'll blame me if it's crap Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😒 is permanent I know Jimmy: while I've still got a face any road Janis: we'll see how far the chemical burn can drive your rating down Jimmy: it won't with you, nowt else matters obvs Janis: won't run my rating down, or won't change my # of you? Jimmy: hang on, your rating ain't the same as your #s?! 😱 Janis: oops, I meant scale of #1-#10 Jimmy: don't matter, we're 💕 face or no face Janis: if you wanted sympathy, a well good breakup where I look like a total bitch Janis: and you don't need to fake no terminal illness Jimmy: be a bit rude Janis: could work Janis: though the sympathy sex DMs might get out of control for the gals that can stomach it Jimmy: you're really not convincing me this is even a 🥉 plan Janis: I was just thinking of myself, ngl babes Janis: the only lads who would bother me would be the ones that like mean girls, so at least I could still piss on 💀👑's parade and steal all her victims Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that a 🤝? Janis: 👍 Jimmy: if it were I'd have said it were Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: do it whilst you still can Janis: melty face Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: oh you Jimmy: highlight of my day, that Janis: I know that's saying fuck all so Jimmy: 🎻🎻'll say it for me Jimmy: should probably 😭 while I can an' all Jimmy: brb Janis: where you going? Janis: I'll be there soon Jimmy: not telling you where I 😭 Janis: 🙄🙄😑 right Janis: carry on Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes before you get here, nowt to worry about Jimmy: back to 😎🚬 business as usual Janis: thank god Janis: not the kind of 'pleased to see me' I'm after Jimmy: 🔧🔨🪓🔪 I know Janis: be well rude if you'd forgot Jimmy: haven't had chance to smack myself round the head with any of 'em yet, you're alright Jimmy: nowt but a dream Janis: don't worry Janis: about to be a reality Jimmy: 🤞😍🤞 Janis: something like that Janis: am I coming in or are you coming outside Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I dunno Janis: answer it and I'll see Jimmy: why would you wanna come in? Jimmy: the obvs answer to that one is you wouldn't Janis: Yeah, but mission piss off your dad is in full swing, hence I asked Janis: but alright Janis: obviously I'm not pulling up right outside your house in his car so come over park Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [chilling outside this car not at all looking like you're about to do a drug deal or something] Jimmy: [chuck this 🎁 at her immediately because we're excited and also it's a distraction from how forlorn he clearly is] Janis: [poke and prod and shake it like you can work out what it is] Jimmy: [a look like open it then] Janis: [a look like don't rush me but obviously does and I cannot overstate how actually #SHOOK we'd be like idk what you're gonna say gal] Jimmy: [jimothy just gonna assume you don't like it, thanks for the self doubt Ian] Janis: ['mine's a bit shit now' like it's just a lighter but also you got that engraved we see you] Jimmy: [gesture for that gift like I'll be the judge of that thank you] Jimmy: [we know he's buzzing and is gonna use it immediately] Janis: [handing it over like you're not that bothered but clearly are, lowkey just looking through as much of the book as we can rn] Jimmy: [please do gal because he was joking about 😭 a min ago but he'd actually be emosh af rn cos the greatest gift we have ever received honestly] Janis: [when you don't even have to explain that you had it done before he did it 'cos literally last night and it's Christmas, we're all a bit emosh and overwhelmed now lmao, slayed it too hard] Jimmy: [not putting the lighter away even after his lit both of your 🚬 -which would be a moment ™ rn in each other's grill while overwhelmed af- because we're just gonna keep tracing that engraving with our fingers lowkey forever] Janis: [the amount of times we keep going to say something, like, literally no one has ever got us a gift this good, or how much we like it, or literally any of it, but we cannot 'cos it's too much so just standing here dying and smoking] Jimmy: [hard same though, they are both very much in the same boat, but add loads of blinking for him so he don't sob nbd] Janis: [when nothing is safe rn, can't speak, can't make out, just like !!! so hard, do a feelsy lean like you okay 'cos can't verbalise so] Jimmy: [obvs gonna do a feelsy lean back which hopefully won't hurt you too much boy because idk how we're hurting you this time] Janis: [yeah just let me know when it would be obvious 'cos not oblivious but don't wanna act like she's psychic and just gonna know immediately lol] Jimmy: [can you remember what injury I did when ice bath because I remember that but not what was fucking him up at the time] Janis: [it was just general body shots/potential for a broken rib moment, I think?] Jimmy: [that sounds accurate because nhs direct were like 🚭 so of course I did] Janis: [it just makes sense for where you would hit someone if you weren't going for a face moment, so potential you might of flinched then, I guess, so we're ? and out of our feels like what was that] Jimmy: [yeah like we're hiding the fact it hurts every time we breathe in so we don't have to forfeit the 🚬 and shit on your gift giving but the feelsy lean is our undoing, literally could've just not done it boy but we know you had to] Janis: [like honestly well done for getting that far it's only 'cos it was so dramatically emotional, the lowkey speed we're putting together what Bobby said, the obvious fact you were driving Ian's stolen car, like okay, so at least we don't have to ask the question, just gently holding his face 'cos can't even hug him or anything 'can I see?' like lemme assess the damage] Jimmy: [at least you would have a bit of time left to downplay how bad it is by looking at her like I'm fine before the bruises expose you because hasn't been long enough for them to fully be !!!!] Janis: [a look like, so show me then, but not as cunty as that sounds lmao] Jimmy: [I look around at the weather like do you want me to freeze to death because I love that we're communicating in looks still lol] Janis: [turning around like oh look, a car] Jimmy: [go sit in it because the weather isn't just an excuse clearly if you're gonna get snowed in tomorrow] Janis: [turn that heating on gal 'bit rude you weren't gonna seduce me' but your tone making it obvs you don't reckon you're gonna succeed at lightening the mood rn but you're alright with not making him talk about it too] Jimmy: ['bit rude of you to reckon I weren't' and a look around like is this not the perfect place to seduce you in because we will downplay this situation until the day we die so it's all nbd and we're SO FINE] Janis: [likewise looks around and shrugs 'suppose it's no less romantic than the park' and then looks out at said park and just chills in the silence for a bit] Jimmy: [we're looking too cos the mems and then eventually we're like 'come here then' as if we're gonna just hook up in this car as standard, sir your injuries] Janis: [does not] Jimmy: [nudges her like excuse you but you know that's gonna make you flinch if the feelsy lean did so then we're just annoyed for letting that happen again] Janis: [sighs, 'never promised I was gonna kill you today' like simply not in this state, and then is looking around again for something, before taking off our hoodie and getting out to assemble this snow pack] Jimmy: [OTT fake sigh to hide how big our genuine sigh would have been as if she doesn't know and then we're just watching her do this like ? before it becomes obvious what she's doing 'got loads of frozen sprouts at ours' because who in his fam would wanna eat them but we're not stopping her because we're hiding this from Bobby at least even if Cass knows] Janis: [just giving this to him like put it where you need it most 'you could go lay in it but you nah'd that idea before we even started' again, gentle pisstaking rn] Jimmy: [does obvs so you're gonna see anyway gal 'no I never, you never said that were your plan' likewise with our gentle pisstaking as if this is a normal day] Janis: [gestures like be my guest 'not a requirement I've gotta be on top of you' but we're looking the best we can without dramatically examining him right now and we're not happy with what we seeing, obviously] Jimmy: ['weren't a requirement for me to get my tits out either but that's what you were after a bit ago' as if she was asking him to flash her instead of trying to investigate whether he's alright or not, I lol] Janis: [IRL 🙄 at you boy 'you gonna try and tell me you're not that sort of girl now'] Jimmy: [crosses himself in the most pisstakey manner cos he's still him, however much pain he's in] Janis: [lols 'great, fake waiting 'til fake marriage now'] Jimmy: [is like 🤫 but way hotter than that emoji is obviously and then kissing her as if it's their secret] Janis: [the casual restraint we must show so it doesn't end up going too heavy here, but still, you can kiss as his face isn't injured rn, points to the heavens like, he's always watching babe] Jimmy: [a look up to said heavens like we're so #into that idea of a pervy voyeuristic god] Janis: [😏 'all about the #fans, you'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like a nerd 'don't sound like me'] Janis: [noise like hmm okay hun, after a little more silence, 'where were the kids?' we mean when Ian beat him up but up to you if he follows this train of thought] Jimmy: [shaking his head again before he can stop himself but obvs this time seriously like they didn't see anything because he does know what she means and my vibe is that whenever this happened Cass would've kept Bobby busy when the arguing started but because jimothy isn't ready to get into this whole story even though she's already worked it out he's gonna pretend he doesn't know what she's going on about and that was simply a confused headshake 'what?'] Janis: ['where are the kids now, like?' like what they up to, how'd you sneak out vibes, not 'cos you wanna pretend that's what you said all along but you understood if nothing else that he heard you and he doesn't wanna talk about however he understood what you said so we changing the subject] Jimmy: [nods in the direction of his house literally over the road 'can probably see 'em pissing about with all the shit he's bought from here' because we know that's the only parenting Ian does honey] Janis: [nods because we understand this type of parenting too, even if that isn't actually all that ruster do but you know 'gonna take weeks to get rid of all the fucking wrapping paper at ours'] Jimmy: [flicks his lighter she got him on and off 'you'll have a right laugh doing that' because we know she loves the one we gave her too] Janis: ['another good idea' and going to switch out his snow pack 'is it helping a bit?'] Jimmy: ['full of 'em, me' because we can't even with people taking care of us because when does that ever happen but it is helping so we've gotta add 'but you do alright yourself an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like it's the literal least we can do 'cos we think other people would probably have something to say or whatever rn and we don't 'you had any painkillers yet?'] Jimmy: [mimes drinking but that's clearly a pisstake because you'd know if he was drunk rn and is about to say something but actually does 🥱 because hasn't had any sleep which would hurt so thank god for this snow actually working so it's bearable] Janis: [back at it with this snow pack like we're anticipating that, before rummaging round in this car looking for some pills, gonna say there's none, at least he lives more central than you gal, looking at him like hmm 'you should go lay in the back' like get comfy whilst I run to the shops 'shame Helena isn't actually a dealer, though'] Jimmy: ['bit weird if you drove all this way to watch me sleep, Joanne' but does go to get comfy because why not tbh but because he's him he's pulling her along with him like I only will if you come and lie with me 'or in the boot' imagine if she just popped up like hey LOL] Janis: ['what are you gonna do about it?' said like a usual challenge but it simply is not, speaking of the boot reaching over now she's also in the back for the obligatory random coats and picnic blankets etc so she can cover him up so he doesn't get cold whilst having to be covered in snow as well, just tucking him in and shaking our head like oh you 'so soz I didn't kidnap any bitch for you and tie her up back there'] Jimmy: [tries to start a playfight but we simply can't so we're grumpy and forlorn but we're pretending we're gutted about the lack of kidnap only and making it OTT and fake as per 'you'll have to do' and acting like we're gonna tie her up with something but snuggling into her because we are buzzing she's here in these shit times] Janis: [just snuggling for a while, trying to make him as comfortable as possible all things considered 'I've got to get some pain relief in you before you crash' and dramatically tearing yourself away like you won't be 10 minutes or so] Jimmy: [checking his imaginary watch like no no I don't have time to crash it's alright because you simply don't want her to go even though she's literally gonna be 10 minutes lol] Janis: [pouting unintentionally 'cos likewise don't really wanna leave him like you could take the car but don't wanna drive it all over this town unnecessarily like they run license plate checks often enough to not be silly with it 'I'll get drink too, if I can, if you want' like every little helps] Jimmy: [gotta just run his thumb over that pouty lip like that's not the most distracting thing ever because if we say something we'll just be like DON'T GO!! too dramatically to even pretend is fake so we can't even talk, so soz that he can't answer a question ever at the best of times but managing to get out 'if you want' as if she's the one who needs it oh jimothy] Janis: [testing you so hard right now soz gal, 'it'll keep us warm' because you have to be at least slightly suggestive back before running] Jimmy: speaking of kidnap, my sister's coming tomorrow an' all Jimmy: can chuck the 🐕 at her soon as it starts doing our heads in Janis: 👍 Janis: we won't have to do something completely 4-6 shit then and we can blame it on her on the sly Janis: sorted Jimmy: Dunno what or where they'll all be bothered about Janis: well I have been 🤔 like you said Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what's your 🥇💡? Janis: we can kick it cliche and go to the beach Janis: but not here Janis: nan and granda got a caravan in Skerries and Libi would love showing you and Bobby around no doubt Jimmy: *#goals Jimmy: if Libi's 😁 our kid will be Janis: awh Janis: thank god they don't go to our school Janis: too much competition Jimmy: he's been going on about her all day Jimmy: don't even need #s Janis: had to wrestle my phone off her 'cos she was trying to call him midway through lunch to see if he had to eat carrots too Jimmy: the answer's he don't have to eat owt he don't want, she'd have been 💔 Jimmy: just tells Ian he's allergic to whatever it is if he starts Jimmy: he'd be well good at fake dating, oscar's in the bag Janis: honestly, coming for your job at CG next Janis: when he can reach the counter Jimmy: he can have that, they've been on at me to work tomorrow Janis: seriously Janis: who needs overpriced caffeine that badly boxing day Jimmy: what dickhead needs it any day? Janis: true Janis: but especially now Jimmy: Pete needs the 💰💰 for new 🎸 strings or some bollocks, I've told him to crack on Jimmy: 😘 Janis: he'll remember you when he's made it big Jimmy: 🤞 he'll write a song about me Jimmy: you can sing it Janis: that's cruel and unusual punishment Janis: obviously want a song written about me, not to sing about you 💔 Jimmy: you'll have to earn yours an' all Jimmy: he's no slag Janis: it is easy though Jimmy: to write a song or inspire one? Janis: to inspire one Janis: even without shifts to swap Jimmy: inspire me then Jimmy: might 🖋 you one Janis: right now I'm a bit busy getting you drugs and alcohol Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: what are you gonna do let 💊 🥃 inspire me instead? Janis: Can you even write? Janis: I'll know if you cheat and let Bill's 👻 do it for you Jimmy: even the thickest northerner would know if Bill's 👻 had a go Jimmy: all his thees and thous Janis: that's how they talk in the countryside though Janis: I've been forced to read Wuthering Heights, tah Jimmy: bit rude you ain't written me a sonnet, living out there in the middle of nowt with all them fit 🐑 all about to act as a muse for you Janis: if it don't fit on a lighter, how am I gonna get you to see it? Jimmy: carve it into my 😎 Janis: a good idea 'til you're legally blind and I've got to train the dog more than sit and stay Jimmy: if anyone could though, mate Jimmy: obvs you Jimmy: train it to walk us into traffic and that's another job done Janis: nah Janis: shit way to die Janis: where's the fun in it for me? Jimmy: never said there were, it were you saying you were busy Janis: come on Janis: never too busy for you, darling Jimmy: walked into that like I were blind Janis: you are sleepy Janis: won't be too disappointed in you Jimmy: should've let you meet Ian, that's step mum talk if I've ever heard it Janis: financially ruining him with the divorce is just the tip of the iceberg of shit I'd be more than willing to do Janis: #fakedatethefakeboyfriendsrealdad? Janis: might be the logical next step Jimmy: if that's the tip, can't wait to hear what you're willing to do on the rest of that iceberg Janis: nothing if not dedicated to the cause Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: I did forget how many places would be shut though Janis: there'll be somewhere Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: come back Janis: no you need some Jimmy: I'll live Janis: how about at yours Jimmy: 💊 ✔ 🥃✔ Jimmy: not gonna get any 🏆 off Helena or her customers but Janis: yeah but, can you go in Janis: or am I Jimmy: I get it, you wanna crack on with your iceberg strategy Janis: 🛳 Jimmy: I better crack on an' all and paint you before I 🥶🌊 Janis: you better still be under those blankets Jimmy: [a picture like 👀 peeping out from those blankets] Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: come back Janis: okay Janis: but I am gonna make you feel better somehow Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: knew you couldn't resist me, Jules Janis: never said I could Janis: but you've got to resist me Jimmy: don't challenge me Jimmy: not like that Janis: Sorry Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Janis: I know, baby Janis: so devastating Jimmy: worst christmas EVER Janis: 🥺 Janis: you would feel differently if you'd picked yourself up a 🐶 Jimmy: that'd be worst christmas ever and ever amen Janis: STOP PRAYING Janis: it's so weird Jimmy: make me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: [show back up, lowkey grumpy you forgot it was Christmas day but we're happy to see him, checking he's comfortable and probably doing the snow pack again] Jimmy: [snuggle her because she must be cold and that's obvs the only reason okay] Janis: [get yourselves situated lads] Jimmy: [opening his mouth to say a million things like thanks, I missed you, I was only joking it's not the worst christmas ever but we don't know how to say any of them so we're just not] Janis: [putting your finger on his mouth like he said anything at all there 's'alright' like it so isn't for either of you rn but you're trying god bless Jimmy: [hitting her with some intense eye contact like I hope you can read my mind rn because all those things I wanna say are so important] Janis: [at least you can kiss] Jimmy: [you both very much need to, I couldn't be that evil] Janis: [or something is gonna come out here, I can't be held responsible lol] Jimmy: [literally same so shh for a bit please] Janis: [emotions are running hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh and not jus me character bleeding] Jimmy: [they are and that's why it's gonna be so fun that they get snowed in and so heartbreaking when she leaves] Janis: [oh the delicious drama] Jimmy: [speaking of leaving neither of you are gonna wanna go home even more than usual] Janis: [like you barely have to, just to make sure Cass and Bobby are ready and you've got to get Libi gal but yes, still] Jimmy: [damn you kiddos, we know they'd just go now if not for y'all] Janis: [when you can't leave your siblings, so sad, so rude] Jimmy: [literally didn't ask to be parents rn but we are out here becoming a family unit] Janis: [god bless, at least you're all gonna have a good time on this trip] Jimmy: [we'll make sure you do, lads, casual domestic bliss] Janis: [but seriously, is there anything else we dare to say or do rn before making you separate] Jimmy: [we should probably separate you but I don't want to lol] Janis: [at least you can message when you're separated so you'll have to say something and not just snugg] Jimmy: [give her your hoodie or jumper before she goes because she's sacrificed hers for you and you easily can sacrifice one of your layers because you only have to go across the road when you can bring yourself to] Janis: [cute selfie you don't need to take to prove you're still wearing it like 5 minutes later lol] Jimmy: [one back of him taking some painkillers, I imagine they're on his sticky out tongue in a sassy manner like we're calling her out for worrying about him when he's OBVS FINE but we're sending the pic actually so she won't worry because we care] Janis: take more than the recommended dose, tah Janis: but only double, no 💀 Jimmy: I get it, no self induced coma unless you're there to take advantage Janis: if Sandy ain't gonna Jimmy: how many oscars has she got? you should've have 'em off her Janis: has she got any? Janis: you're her biggest fan, you tell me Jimmy: it's you bringing her up Janis: sounds fake Jimmy: you'd know about that more than me Janis: Why would I? Jimmy: you're going for her oscars Janis: on my own Janis: I think not Jimmy: don't reckon they'll cut one in half for us Jimmy: and as long as I've got the #fans convinced I why would I need owt else? Janis: long-winded way of saying you'd be 🥈 Jimmy: what you thought I were done giving you 🎁s Janis: don't cheapen the actual gift, dickhead Janis: also if you aren't, gonna have to do the classic see-what's-lying-about-to-wrap so Jimmy: nowt cheap about 🥇 Janis: is if you reckon you're giving it me Janis: got to earn it or what's the point Jimmy: don't you reckon you have? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: what for? Janis: for our 💘story Janis: what else? Jimmy: not today I've not Janis: yeah you have Janis: anyway, no cunt works christmas Jimmy: you have 🚑 Janis: that's not 💘 Janis: I wanted to see you Janis: then you was fucked up, what am I meant to do? Janis: anyone would Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: that's what loads of people would do Janis: nah Janis: not a pussy Jimmy: 💔🧛 there weren't no 🩸 though Jimmy: next time 🤞 Janis: you might be pissing it Janis: but I'm not thrilled about that Janis: lack of a piss fetish aside Jimmy: I'll leave out the selfie one way or the other Janis: 💡 Janis: don't wanna get banned, babe Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: love a ban, me Janis: fine Janis: can you not just do an appropriately placed 🍆 sticker Jimmy: depends how massive the sticker'll go, babe Jimmy: no promises Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Jimmy: 🚫🩸🧠 Janis: that old excuse Jimmy: no need to tell the fans it's 'cause I'm pissing it out Janis: 🤫 Janis: though no need if you plan on going live next time you need a slash Jimmy: only if the 💊🥃 really inspire me Janis: 🙄 Janis: soz we're not going away on a bender Jimmy: have to rely on you for my 🎨 then Janis: nice of you not to demote me Jimmy: here Jimmy: [whatever today's doodle the final one of this advent is] Janis: it's the last one Jimmy: don't have to be Janis: you gonna keep doing it 'til 💀💔 Jimmy: why not? Janis: not very goals if you get wrist strain Jimmy: I'll spread it about it's not 🍆 related, don't worry Janis: tah Jimmy: 😘 Janis: you'll run out of ways to draw me before long Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: ✏🖌💪 Jimmy: Oi you forgot 🖋🖍 Janis: 🖋 is Bill's 🖍 is Bobby's Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you're being the hog Janis: learn to share Jimmy: gave him the last roast potato ages ago Jimmy: just the kind of brother I am 🏆 Janis: show off Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, I'd have given it you if you'd been here Janis: had a plate load myself, don't you worry Jimmy: sleep easy now, tah Janis: that makes one of us Jimmy: I get it, you're 😁 for tomorrow Jimmy: you and our kid both Janis: more like Libi won't leave me alone now for the same reason Janis: she basically does acrobatics in her sleep so that'll be well fun Jimmy: 💔 we can't chuck the two of 'em in a room in a bit and leave 'em to it Jimmy: 'cause he'll be as bad Janis: you're gonna have to sleep on his floor Janis: hard surface will help in the long run Jimmy: dunno how I'm explaining that Jimmy: 🦷🔦🦷 brb just checking for monsters mate, don't 😱😭 or owt Janis: duh, say you wanna go camping Janis: then he'll inevitably wanna join you and you can have the bed to yourself when he crashes Jimmy: make up your mind, Janet Jimmy: hard surface you said Janis: just rather you didn't get booted Janis: either or on where you end up Jimmy: weren't in my #ultimategoals Janis: obviously, I ain't there Jimmy: what you trying to make me 😭😭😭 for? Janis: not my ultimate goal either Jimmy: that'd be turning the 🚗 round Janis: 'course Janis: what could be more cinematic Jimmy: nowt, which is why I said it Janis: shame you don't write the scene directions Jimmy: yeah Janis: he's such a cockblock Jimmy: SUCH a slag for the tension Janis: bit rude 'cos he had them married, fucked and dead in the space of like 3 days in the OG Jimmy: what's he trying to say about us? the dickhead Janis: maybe he's trying to be more #relatable to a modern audience? Janis: he's seen the ❤s and the views Jimmy: next go round he'll do it so they never meet IRL Janis: 😱 oh god Janis: I'd kms immediately Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: job done in even less than 3 days Janis: at least I get to 👀 at you Janis: an actual fake boyfriend that doesn't exist is well 🎻 Jimmy: the 🎨 would be SO shite Janis: probably 'cos I'd have to do it myself Jimmy: nah 'cause I wouldn't be in it Janis: 😂 Janis: bighead strikes again Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: you never did sing to me Janis: shh Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't just sing at you Jimmy: why? Janis: 1. it'd be weird 2. contrary to popular (your) belief, I don't think I'm well mint at everything Jimmy: 1. you're making it weird 2. you never will with that attitude, dickhead Janis: 😑 Jimmy: *3. please Janis: let a good song come on the radio first Jimmy: as excuses go 🏆 Jimmy: know how you feel about interrupting Mariah Janis: [voice recording of us singing along to whatever festive song is on rn like there] Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Jimmy: but none for me 'cause I never thought through how much that'd make me miss you Janis: it's hardly a lullabye but Janis: you wanted it Jimmy: dunno what's more of a pisstake 1. you not reckoning you're good at owt 2. that there's actually nowt you aren't 3. how bad I still want you here Janis: I just know what I'm good at, properly Janis: most people can sing if someone teaches you how to breathe right Janis: but the last part is mutual Jimmy: you gonna give me the bulletpoints or what? Janis: of what I'm good at? Jimmy: can't teach me to breathe properly from there, might as well Janis: I don't think nows the time for breathing exercises, like Janis: and you've seen or you'll see what I'm good at Jimmy: don't want you to crash the 🚗 girl Jimmy: why I said the breathing bit can wait Janis: 😏 Janis: but Jimmy: but Janis: I miss you Jimmy: it wasn't long enough Jimmy: tomorrow'll be Jimmy: you'll be telling me to piss off by the end Janis: maybe Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: not that being a MASSIVE dickhead is, obvs Janis: obviously Janis: but you're literally competing with children so who am I gonna get sick of faster Jimmy: goes without saying won't be the 🐕 Janis: you brought her up Jimmy: missing me less already look Janis: dickhead Janis: you bringing her then? Jimmy: 🤞 Ian'll murder her if I don't Janis: that's a yeah Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you don't want her murdered Jimmy: the blame for it, but that'll be @iantaylor8 Jimmy: chuffed to bits for him to have it Janis: maybe she'll 'run away' tomorrow then Jimmy: went to live with mum, nowt to worry about kids 👍 Janis: an update on the farm classic Jimmy: 🗨 bollocks is what he's good at Janis: not going for the easy gag of saying it's where you got it from Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: should I bring Killer? Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: not really Janis: but she'd flip shit if you brought Twix Janis: don't wanna get them on the rocks already 💔 Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave her here Janis: 👌 I'll tell her Jimmy: 👌 Janis: might have to call you up when she refuses to take my word for it Jimmy: if she has a go at me in sign she can say whatever she likes Jimmy: haven't taught her nowt that'll 💔 me Janis: we all know 💩head is pretty devastating Janis: don't need to put a brave face on Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: how many times, babe Janis: how dare I forget how special you are Jimmy: SO rude Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'll forgive you, just that kind of 🎅 Janis: the kind that misses out on an opportunity to have me make it up to you? Janis: psh Jimmy: the kind that knows you will Janis: purposely won't now Jimmy: alright, then I'll have to make you Janis: look forward to seeing you try Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: let's hope so Janis: I wanted to be nice to you but now I can't on principle Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: stop it Jimmy: when you start being nice to me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you better not lose the lighter Jimmy: 😱😱 AS IF Janis: or give it away to any fucker in the smoking area Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: that'll DEFINITELY happen Janis: 😠 Jimmy: it's not the last roast potato, you're alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: it is Jimmy: whatever you give me is safe with me Janis: alright, we did fairytale of new york last night Jimmy: weren't likely to forget how 🥇 I did the accent Janis: you don't take Irish and it shows Jimmy: said nowt about chucking that lighter at your head Janis: well I've got a full play to hit you with so think on, Shane Jimmy: stop flirting with me Janis: rude Jimmy: I'm trying to tell you I like my 🎁 dickhead Janis: so do I Jimmy: good Janis: Libi said tell Bobby to remember Snow Janis: it was a bit threatening tbh but leave that out Jimmy: forget Snow, forget this friendship, mate 👋 Janis: what can I say Janis: she's got priorities Jimmy: takes after you, gonna chuck me if I chuck this lighter Janis: least no fucker else is gonna reckon she's my kid Jimmy: they'll hear me 🗨 and reckon they're all mine Janis: the reality is they'll probably think they're yours and your sisters Janis: soz 🤢 Jimmy: grim up north Janis: not gonna make your sister buzzing for the day out so 🤫 Jimmy: not gonna add her into this 🗨 Jimmy: she might not wanna now the 🐕's not Janis: @ all of 'em Janis: cheek Jimmy: 💔 Janis: least you wanna spend time with me Janis: have to do Jimmy: you gonna be nice to me then? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: are you gonna be nice to me or what Jimmy: dunno what you mean Jimmy: never not nice to you Janis: 🤔 Janis: not really an answer, that Jimmy: be nice to me, you can have the same back Jimmy: how's that? Janis: when am I not nice to you is the question Janis: but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: see, no answer Janis: I'm too nice to you Jimmy: or I were being nice by 🔥 the receipts Janis: ha Janis: go for it, not like I'm delusional like the gals and think I'm SO lovely to EVERYONE Jimmy: should've introduced them to Ian Jimmy: that's his #vibe today Janis: long as he promises to murder them Janis: ideal Jimmy: won't be able to help himself, obvs Jimmy: they make up for not being bottle blonde by looking 45 Janis: I'll tell Grace to put the right wig on Jimmy: bit of patience 💀👑 and 💀#2's will have all fallen out Janis: less evidence clean up Janis: considerate of them Janis: really are #saints Jimmy: hang about for that tutorial, you'll be well in Janis: 'scuse you Janis: I wore something girly and I've got a man Janis: literally the requirements apparently Jimmy: soz, you're right Jimmy: I were thinking about the learning experience that is Tammy's tiktoks Janis: 😂 Janis: if you think I'm dancing for you as well Janis: another thing coming Jimmy: have to do everything myself round here Janis: you love it Jimmy: one of us has to be #goals Jimmy: if you won't, it's up to me Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Janis: you take the piss Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 🙄 Janis: not long ago you didn't like me walking, never mind 💃 Jimmy: and how mardy were you Jimmy: can't have it both ways, Jennifer Janis: you know why Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll carry you about tomorrow if you're missing it Janis: no you won't Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're gonna take it easy Jimmy: 🛏⛓'s meant to be my kink not yours Janis: s'called roleplaying Janis: try it Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: I promise you'll have a good time Jimmy: yeah? Janis: serious Jimmy: alright Jimmy: then I promise not to piss about Janis: okay Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: yeah Janis: are you Jimmy: now I've seen you Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: you and your lines Janis: make me 😳 Jimmy: Oi, I just said it weren't a line Janis: but Jimmy: you heard Janis: I wish I could've stayed Jimmy: do the counting for us Jimmy: til we can go Janis: I'm on it Janis: 🖕✌🤟 Jimmy: that were it Janis: well smart, like Janis: not to brag Jimmy: won't start you a # if you don't want Jimmy: I get it, loads of pressure Janis: what girl don't want a # for Christmas? Janis: #sospoilt Jimmy: [obvs does give her complimentary #s enjoy that the fans] Janis: [flirt on those socials 'cos we don't know what to really say atm] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be fake and extra because the feels are high rn] Janis: [you simply must lads, also hint about this trip like you've had it planned forever] Jimmy: [just wait for how romantic and #goals we can make it when we're snowed in lads, little do you know] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [thank god we have this flirting sesh because I've had to tone what I was gonna say down so many times lol like not yet boy] Janis: [a hard same] Janis: fake you is fun Jimmy: 🤏 of a twat, I get why you like him Janis: give him my number, yeah Jimmy: didn't sound like you were shy around him, reckon you can do that yourself Janis: reckon he'll be well about me making you do it though so Janis: tah Jimmy: massive twat were what I meant to call him Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know how Bill's 👻 feels about a love triangle Janis: technically a love square but fuck fake me Janis: no one is here for her Jimmy: bit rude to the fans Janis: she's just a boring version of me Janis: deny it Jimmy: never said I was one of her fans Janis: 😱 Janis: *sends screenshot* Jimmy: *backtracks so hard I need more 💊s to sort me out but it's alright there's nowt more goals than a lad with no spine* Janis: we 👏 love 👏 a 👏 doormat 👏 Jimmy: works for mates an' all, dunno why I were acting like I were special there Janis: fake you is well special Janis: #facts Jimmy: 😇 him Janis: gotta be a reason the DMs are so full Jimmy: there's LOADS Jimmy: could go on and on Janis: 🤤 Janis: don't let me stop you Jimmy: he is, well humble that lad Janis: SO shy Janis: scaring him with my thirst Jimmy: bit awkward but can't help it you Janis: it's cool, I can pretend I'm shy too Janis: what's more goals than pretending you have a totally different personality to catch you a man Jimmy: duh Janis: you'd know all about that 😎🚬 Jimmy: I've had a girlfriend, yeah Janis: 💔 Janis: what she pretend to be then? Jimmy: a lass who weren't a total nightmare Janis: if you're gonna pretend to be anything Janis: fairplay Jimmy: did work for a bit, give her that Janis: not the first or last to fall for it Jimmy: obvs Janis: just saying Jimmy: weren't saying you should shut up Janis: well Janis: no need to chat about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: wasn't what I mean anyway, for starters Jimmy: you meant I weren't 😎🚬 which for starters is bollocks Janis: okay 🤓 Jimmy: you Janis: Hardly Jimmy: more chance that you're a 🤓 than me Jimmy: and loads more receipts Janis: is there fuck Jimmy: deny it all you like, girl Jimmy: I can't even read Janis: ~express~ yourself in other ways don't you Janis: I don't Jimmy: bollocks do you not Janis: only when you force me to sing Jimmy: didn't take much 🥊 Janet Jimmy: barely twisted owt of yours Janis: 'cos you couldn't, soft boy Janis: be embarrassing to watch you try Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you'd be 😳 but we both know why Janis: not what we're talking about Jimmy: is it not? Janis: you know it's not Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: never said you weren't good at that Jimmy: I'm just saying you express yourself in as many different ways as me Janis: that's just Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤷🤐 Jimmy: tah for clearing that up Janis: that's just between you and me, is what I was going to say Jimmy: weren't gonna send a tweet, you're alright Janis: shut up Jimmy: that's just between me and everyone else Janis: something like that Jimmy: that's exactly what it's like Jimmy: I've got nowt to say to any of them Janis: Me either Janis: never have, really Jimmy: I like talking to you Jimmy: don't matter what about Janis: it's alright, ain't it Jimmy: that a question or what? Janis: we're mates? Janis: that's a question for you Jimmy: do you wanna be mates? Janis: we act like it Janis: don't we Jimmy: not what I asked but Janis: yeah but you always ask questions never answer so I'm allowed to as well Janis: don't you think we do? Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about, I answer questions Janis: 😂 Janis: you don't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: go on then Janis: answer my question Janis: without asking one Jimmy: hang on, which one, are we mates or do we act like it? Janis: can you manage 2? Janis: since you do it all the time, shouldn't be a struggle Jimmy: there's nowt I can't handle, dickhead Janis: ... Janis: I'm waiting Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: dunno why I wanna be mates with you Janis: Charming as that is Janis: still counts as an answer, so I'll take it Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: I dunno what's more charming than I don't like talking to anybody but you Jimmy: or why you'd reckon I'd say that but not wanna be mates Janis: well you're confusing and I'm thick too sometimes Jimmy: you alright now? Jimmy: 'cause having to play 20 questions would be taking the piss a bit Janis: you don't take the piss and we will be fine Jimmy: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: I can ask a mate if they're alright, can't I? Janis: you're making me sound like I'm well high maintenance and hysterical Jimmy: how am I? Janis: acting like I asked you 1000s instead of 2 Janis: but I am fine, despite you being a bit of a dickhead Jimmy: just said playing the games would be a pisstake when you ain't even sleeping over, nowt else Janis: that mean no midnight snacks? 💔 Jimmy: 😱😱 no Janis: we've made such a mistake Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: quick, pop on a romcom Jimmy: rather you popped back in the 🚗 Janis: me too Janis: can't really head off in the dead of night or it will be obvious it's a kidnapping Jimmy: we'll go back for her in a bit, I'll live Janis: I could come back Janis: what about if your brother wakes up though Janis: you can't kip in the 🚗 Jimmy: *should Jimmy: I'll let you in Janis: yeah? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you gonna wait for everyone to be 😴 or what? Jimmy: I can't have your fit nan fuming at me Janis: for starters, ugh Janis: but I can just come back over Janis: though I probably should give them some ~quality family time~ before I do, keep them somewhat on side Jimmy: I don't care if you don't Jimmy: but if Libi wanted some bollocks from home that meant we needed to pick her up from there it'd be a top idea for you to stay here and a 🥇💡 for you to spread that about Janis: 😈 Janis: I knew I kept you around for a reason Jimmy: bit late to kidnap Star and chuck her back at your nans, she's too high profile now, every dickhead has seen her Janis: you are to blame for that bit Janis: but that's easy Janis: kids are idiots, or suggestible, if you wanna be nice about it Janis: I'll make her remember something she absolutely NEEDS Jimmy: you're not as thick as I look Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you aren't either but I won't spread that about Janis: reputation and everything Jimmy: gotta stay #relatable to the fans, babe Janis: #attainable some would say Jimmy: they can have the cancer I've got coming my way if they're that bothered Jimmy: not having you off me though Janis: I don't want nobody else Jimmy: none of them dickheads are good enough for you Janis: I don't care about that Janis: I just want you Jimmy: have me then Jimmy: I'm doing nowt but waiting here Janis: it's well inconvenient that I keep remembering you're hurt Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: don't worry, there's plenty we can do without injuring you further Janis: and I won't make any jokes about stamina Jimmy: don't YOU worry Jimmy: you heard, I'm alright Jimmy: nowt I can't handle, I said Janis: alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: ❌ Janis: just trying to help, not overreact though so yeah Janis: ✔ Jimmy: you did help Jimmy: tah for that, I should've 🗨 Janis: nah Janis: it's nothing Jimmy: not nowt to me Janis: whatever kind of dickhead you are Janis: no call for that Jimmy: it were my own fault, no denying that Janis: still Jimmy: you're a top mate on the first day of being one Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: the fact neither of us has got any others right now is really showing Janis: but fuck it Jimmy: I don't want any others Janis: me neither Janis: load of cunts Jimmy: up north, here and wherever else Ian tries to drag me next Janis: you wanna be penpals, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Jimmy: and 😭 obvs Jimmy: sweat's more your shout, being SUCH an athlete Janis: I'll send you some 🧦 Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: maybe I should charge, you're right Jimmy: got in there just in time for mates rates Janis: lucky you Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 is right Janis: you're ridiculous Jimmy: what so you don't want my 💌? Janis: you ain't gonna write to me Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't, Jasmine Jimmy: I'll send you daily 🎨 Janis: why are we talking about this? Jimmy: you asked Janis: oh so now you can't stop with your answers Jimmy: make up your mind, my dear Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: better Janis: if we're gonna talk about anything, let's talk about now Jimmy: alright Janis: well, more specifically, in a bit, when I'll be there Jimmy: go on then Janis: what? Jimmy: 🗨 something Jimmy: that'd be how a conversation works Janis: ugh Janis: just Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: it feels like ages since you were here Janis: I know Janis: but I don't know why Janis: it always feels like that Jimmy: I think you answered it when you said you wanna see me Janis: yeah Janis: no lie Jimmy: I get it, you know Janis: yeah, you aren't that good an actor Janis: I can tell Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I mean, I asked for this when I picked you, but I didn't ask for this Janis: what's that supposed to mean? Jimmy: what I said Jimmy: it ain't always piss easy being in over my massive head, even if I manage to make it look it Janis: you ain't Janis: the plans going exactly to plan Janis: this is just Janis: fun, yeah Jimmy: dunno how pissed I were when I last said it but you are that, and do make owt less shit Janis: you too Janis: so let's keep doing it Jimmy: I weren't saying I don't wanna Janis: Obviously Janis: I'm coming over for a reason Jimmy: alright, don't take the piss Jimmy: I had a point somewhere, I just dunno what it were Janis: I ain't Janis: you're cute Jimmy: that sounds well pisstakey, girl Janis: but you are Janis: and I like you as a mate Janis: but no shit I wanna fuck you too Jimmy: gutted you don't wanna write to me, you're actually really good with words Janis: a pisstake Janis: but warranted Jimmy: I mean it, it were like you read my mind then and 🖋 it down Janis: as long as we're on the same 📑 I don't give a fuck how stupid it sounds Jimmy: about how cute I am? OBVS Janis: deal with it nerd Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: long as you keep it between us, call me what you like Janis: I wouldn't give me free rein like that Jimmy: as challenges go, I've accepted worse Janis: 😏 Janis: won't be calling you nothing though, gotta be well 🤫 ain't we Jimmy: whisper to me then Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you're alright, I won't make you promise Janis: I don't really wanna get kicked out Janis: and whispering leads too easily into Janis: more Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and no other dickhead can Janis: be mildly amusing 'cos he don't know I'd just be going to sleep in his car but Jimmy: you'll be staying here, he's still being fake nice to me Janis: weird Jimmy: might be if I didn't know exactly why Janis: ? Janis: or is a stupid question Jimmy: he weren't visited by any 👻s if that's what you're asking Jimmy: have to keep his guilty conscience and pending sexual harassments rolling onto the new year Janis: Good to know that treatment is exclusively for bosses who don't pay enough or give Christmas eve off Janis: Soz to all the Sharons, you're gonna have to keep on grinning and bearing it, babe Janis: trust him to be the 'cries when he's finished' cliche Janis: cunt Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: but Sharon can come for your oscar and man tomorrow when she's got him and the place all to herself so she'll be chuffed to bits if no other other dickhead is Janis: 😬 Janis: gutted to be doing him any kind of favour, obvs Jimmy: leaving the 🐕 will 💔 them Janis: nothing like dog shit to ruin the mood Jimmy: or piss or 😭 Janis: she will be devvo if she ain't invited to join in Jimmy: 🤞 she'll be gutted enough to piss off Janis: you're so rude Janis: piss off and find you, you blatantly mean Jimmy: if that were my type I wouldn't have been after rescuing at the pub Janis: are we talking about Sharon or the dog? Jimmy: either or Jimmy: both a bit easy going with their 👅 Janis: and neither cuts their own fringe so what's the point eh Jimmy: exactly Janis: 🤓🎨😍 Jimmy: won't catch either of them in overalls that's OBVS me out Janis: 😂 don't Jimmy: them lasses probably would have a go at 🚬 with a 🖍 Janis: your brother is already cooler than you, I'd keep it quiet Jimmy: you're right, they'd kidnap him Jimmy: which is only #goals when I go on about it Janis: that's dubious at best but sure Jimmy: 😏 Janis: if you ever offered to kidnap me, maybe Janis: the 💘 is 💀 Jimmy: you come too willingly, nowt I can do about that Janis: rude Janis: try making me not wanna Jimmy: you're already on your way here or will be in a bit Jimmy: picked the wrong day to play hard to get Janis: plenty of time to turn around Jimmy: don't mean I wanna give you loads of chances Janis: fair, calling me easy again was a bold enough choice to count for multiple goes Jimmy: only compliment you've ever taken to 💘 Janis: ha Jimmy: any time you'd rather I go on about what hard work you are Jimmy: just say Janis: you poor #lads just can't win, is that what you're saying? Jimmy: it'll do Janis: 😏 Janis: just know what to say and exactly when to say it, christ Janis: not hard Jimmy: 👍 Janis: real lads do have the shitty end of the deal, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't know Jimmy: only a fake lad Janis: right Janis: got the little shorts and hat and everything Janis: cute Jimmy: what? Janis: Pinocchio Janis: the look Jimmy: Dunno him or where he gets his ootds Janis: oh Janis: awkward this isn't a homage Jimmy: bit awkward for you that he ain't my mate 'cause his dad is just your type 👴💕 Janis: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: we're all 💔 I don't have #lads to go to the pub with Janis: you ain't Janis: last time I brought it up you made that clear Jimmy: that'll by why I were in character 🤥 for you Jimmy: nowt if not supportive of your kinks, me Janis: 😱 Janis: can't believe you don't respect how important the #gurlgang is Jimmy: you can be 😱 after you've respected the 🤥📏 tah Janis: you and size Jimmy: doing you a MASSIVE favour is just the kind of lad I am Janis: wow, so thankful Jimmy: 🎁's just keep coming Jimmy: 💘'll never 💀💀💀 while I'm offering my face as a seat Janis: you might suffocate though Janis: 😳 Jimmy: top of my list for how I wanna 💀💀💀 now Jimmy: gutted I never thought of it sooner Janis: easily done Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't ✔ like that's not a mental image that could make me crash, dickhead Jimmy: it were you who were going on about turning the car round and that like that weren't gonna make me say owt I could so you wouldn't Janis: as if I was going to Jimmy: now you won't Janis: I wasn't going to Janis: but any chance to 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: any chance to let you Janis: nothing more 💘 than that Jimmy: is that a challenge or what? Janis: you want it to be? Jimmy: do you want it to be? Janis: in what world am I going to say no? Jimmy: dunno, might be a world where you don't want your big head setting off the airbag Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: [🔥🔥 sext obvs like any chance to also kill you] Janis: I Jimmy: you Janis: no, you Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: it feels like yours Jimmy: not to me Janis: I'm alright taking the blame for how you feel Jimmy: you can handle that an' all, yeah? Janis: you don't think I can? Jimmy: never said that Janis: Good Janis: because I can and I want to Jimmy: take it then Janis: [show up gal] Janis: I'm here Jimmy: [let her in and do that trope where you just kiss her immediately and against the door when you've closed it and while you're taking off her coat] Janis: [such a romcom forever] Jimmy: [can't and won't ever resist] Janis: [we're here for it shameless rn] Jimmy: [the question is are we saying that everyone is still up and about rn or are they asleep?] Janis: [hmm 'cos either is viable depends what vibe we want to achieve here] Jimmy: [yeah and there are pros and cons to either] Janis: [it'd be rude but potentially plot-driving/fun to have her first interaction with Ian because she hasn't yet] Jimmy: [bonus points if he's like asleep on the sofa or something because what a christmas mood and they wake him up either deliberately or accidentally] Janis: [what a dad, too full and drunk] Jimmy: [literally too perfect of a cliche not to take advantage of] Janis: [you're probably not gonna want to on purpose rn because we're in a #mood but Cass should blatantly still be up even if Bobby ain't and be like DAD JIMMYS GF IS HERE 'cos lord knows she's bored rn] Jimmy: [JJ just trying to have their makeout sesh, but I'll forgive you Cass we know you're upset because your mum isn't here and you know Jimothy and Ian have brawled because even if you didn't hear or witness it that's the only time Ian is ever nice to him so] Janis: [and you're 12 so 'nuff said on all counts] Jimmy: [mhmm, soz you gotta deal with Ian's fake niceness though Janis because that's not a mood] Janis: [ew, at least shit nan is honest is nothing else, lmao, just trying to take Jimmy's lead of the vibe he wants like are we being rude or fake nice back or what 'cos nothing in it for you beyond helping him out so] Jimmy: [would not have the strength to be fake nice to you if Bobby is not around rn because only doing it ever for his sake so have fun trying to keep it up Ian when we're just getting the bae a drink from your stash and doing our best to leave you unacknowledged like we're the deaf one] Janis: [at least we can be our usual charming selves then] Jimmy: [like we can't be rude enough he'll say you can't take the kids with you tomorrow hence we're just not saying anything because temptation to just tell him to fuck off always] Janis: [just some sly shade, easily done, also I hope you didn't come looking like a hoe 'cos assumptions that are lowkey a bit racial already being made without doing that] Jimmy: [we all know he isn't gonna like you no matter what gal, we'll get out of there as soon as we can honestly] Janis: [how dare you, but no, we would not want you to like us, we know your game hun] Jimmy: [it'll be fun af when we lowkey move you in and it's just 24/7 piss off Ian time] Jimmy: [but for now take the bottle and run lads] Janis: [soz that didn't work Cass but you know] Jimmy: [Jimothy needs this rn, soz you don't have your bf yet but you'll understand when you do] Janis: [you'll get your whole squad soon] Jimmy: [we'll all be living our best lives but for now we're just trying to survive the festive season so] Jimmy: [it makes me happy to know that Janis' arrival will have wound Twix up so you won't be able to just go back to sleep Ian] Janis: [go take that poor dog for a piss sir] Jimmy: [because we are not doing it, we're going upstairs good day] Janis: [buh-bye] Jimmy: [boy just downing however much drink was in his glass as he goes cos fml and also we've spent an age pretending we're not physically hurting which is not a mood either] Janis: [actually needed, so you can't say nothing Ian] Jimmy: [hopefully you left all your presents downstairs cos your room isn't very big and we don't need them everywhere] Janis: [and Bobby is in his bed, we gotta lay that boy down like get comfy] Jimmy: [the biggest sigh in the world, imagine] Janis: [copying him but laying down next to him carefully so we don't squash him] Jimmy: [going to write on her but we don't know what to say so we're just 👀] Janis: [doing an impression of nice Ian to try and make him lol Jimmy: [you know it's spot on but that just reminds him what a dick Ian is so we just shake our head like ffs but obvs not at you gal] Janis: [yeah, mistake to make hen but we don't know what to do, little horizontal feelsy lean like !!!] Jimmy: [we're doing it back even if it hurts because we don't care, the feelsy lean is sacred] Janis: ['he's such a twat' the reassurance he doesn't need but we're saying it so seriously] Jimmy: [can't help genuinely smiling because you know Ian is the kind of person who everyone thinks is just such a standard dad and we obvs didn't think the bae would fall for it but there's always gonna be a part of us thinking he's right and we're wrong so the relief] Janis: [we all know the kind, just parenting you, psh, but we smiling back 'cos love to see it] Jimmy: [😍 because she's cute and we're in love] Janis: [gotta kiss him soft] Jimmy: [take your excuse to be soft because we know you both like it] Janis: [a good excuse because we are not trying to injure you boy forreal, but the restraint is a killer lmao] Jimmy: [the perfect excuse for you to show her how good you are with your hands even if you don't remember/are pretending you don't remember that bit of the drunken christmas eve convo because you can keep your distance a lil bit more but still kill her] Janis: [enjoy trying not to die gal, 'cos whilst making Ian overhear you is funny, waking the kid is not so shh] Jimmy: [at least he's deaf so you've got less chance than if you were at mcvickers house and Libi was just like oh hey, speaking of the caravan when you're snowed in is gonna be hilarious casually no privacy ever] Janis: [that's true, how do you wake up a deaf person except for rudely shaking them like HELLO also how do they know when there's a fire/any other kind of alarm, questions I have but are not entirely relevant rn, won't make Cass hate us that much already lmao, 'cos honestly, need an ally in you when Skerries alone] Jimmy: [I've seen vibrating ones that they can like put under their pillow and shit which is slightly less rude than just being like OI but yeah, we can win Cass over during this unexpectedly longer trip than we thought we'd be on] Jimmy: [but for now have a drink and recover gal] Janis: [a good idea, ang would like that] Janis: [lowkey pouty like you can't immediately return the favour but you simply cannot soz] Jimmy: [doing the pouty lip bite thing won't help but we simply must nevertheless] Janis: ['that's illegal'] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we're pretending doesn't hurt because we're fine] Janis: [obviously we notice 'cos in what world aren't we 'should really bandage you up' and looking like do you have any in or do we need to get that tomorrow] Jimmy: [🤨 because it's such a foreign concept that anyone actually cares about us that we can't hide our genuine surprise/confusion and then we have to go look because we're like this is awkward how dare she care about me, let's say there is so you can chuck them at her] Janis: ['that's what you need to do' like he's just thinking it's bullshit advice, unravel some of that bandage after it's thrown at you 'it'll heal faster' and gesturing for him to take his top off 'can be a mummy for a bit, ghost boy'] Jimmy: [obvs gonna throw his top at her as well because always] Janis: [pretending it's so gross like ew] Jimmy: [equally as obvs then getting all up in her grill like if you thought that was gross you'll HATE this] Janis: [the pretence of being #horrified is so thinly veiled, but focus gal, gotta bandage him up as tightly as you can so it's more comfortable for him, the casual intimacy, bye, pretend we do not notice] Jimmy: [what a mcvickers-esque moment] Janis: [truly] Jimmy: [do a ✔ on her in the same place as the bandage is like okay job done and because you do feel better for it and most importantly just shamelessly wanna touch her bare skin whenever we can] Janis: [dramatically stop breathing for a sec 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [kiss her as dramatically to show her you can without it hurting as much as it did before] Janis: [can't even fake mad about it] Jimmy: [interrupt this makeout sesh for long enough to casually pour some of whatever this bottle is into her mouth because it's always a saucy mood and she has earned it by nursing you back to health] Janis: [too much of a mood frankly we're so about it, also nice throwback to literally last night what is time] Jimmy: [gonna have to let y'all hook up because this boy has no chill but just be really careful please] Janis: [just let him lead and you should be fine] Jimmy: [gotta be soft so that's a whole new mood in itself because you have not yet] Janis: [feeding him drink in the same manner after but that likewise feels really soft 'cos basically doing it like it's medicine at this point like you gotta, then removing whatever clothes you got left on to get in bed] Jimmy: [shameless snuggling will ensue because we will play tetris if needs be until we find a position that's comfortable for you both to be in] Janis: [drawing the ✔ on him when we're settled but also a ❓] Jimmy: [taking her hand and turning it into a 👍 and then giving it a lil thank you squeeze before adding his own ? to ask if she's alright too] Janis: [snuggling down as a response] Jimmy: [a happy sigh compared to the dramatic one earlier] Janis: ['Jimmy-' but stopping 'cos don't know what you think you're gonna say hen] Jimmy: [the softest 'what?' ever] Janis: [just looking and LOOKING for a hot sec 'merry christmas'] Jimmy: [obvs we're saying it back even though we know that's not what she was gonna say] Janis: [you better stop] Jimmy: [will draw 😁 on you is it a pisstake/ are we this buzzing that the bae is here and tomorrow we can leave/do we wanna just touch her always/is it all of these] Janis: [gonna say we got lost on that one so we're just like what are you talking about boy/tickled like oi] Jimmy: [doing it again more slowly and deliberately so it'll tickle more and she might get it so we don't have to do it with our face if she doesn't lol] Janis: [just loling like staph 'I'm either gonna fall out or fuck you up here' but not mad, obvs] Jimmy: [hold onto her so she can't fall out and that's ofc the only reason] Janis: [random but have we ever said whether the caravan is 2 or 3 bedrooms?] Jimmy: [I don't think we've ever specified but I assume it's on the bigger side because mcvickers own it and all the fam ever] Janis: [let's go with 3 then, a double and 2 singles, makes sense, usually have a way to make beds in the lounge too] Jimmy: [I'll try and remember that for all the other people and gens it affects lol] Janis: [write that down boo lol]

[illfoandillfie]

may i have a career reading please? i just... i'm having a bit of a rough time and idek anymore. my initial is 'a' btw. thanks a lot!

Sorry this took so long! Your ask got buried under blurb requests and i only just saw it. But to make up for it, I drew a few extra cards. It’s a bit of a long post but I tried to give as much info as I could and ultimately I think it’s quite positive so hopefully you feel like it resonates!

Tarot: King of Wands, The World, Ace of Pentacles, Page of Swords, 8 of Swords, 5 of Wands, King of Pentacles, The Hanged Man, 4 of Wands, 8 of Wands

Overall these cards are pretty positive. Theres a few less positive ones but that makes sense if you’ve been having a bit of a rough time.

I’m particularly pleased with that first row. The King of Wands is related to overcoming challenges. He’s a symbol of being in control. Then there’s The World which is about completion - one cycle ends and makes way for something new, something more positive. It’s a sign that now is a good time to start something new. And then finally, the ace of pentacles. The aces are all about new opportunities and pentacles is the suit most strongly connected to career/money. So it definitely looks like the difficulties you’ve been facing are coming to an end. 

In the middle row we have the page of swords. This may mean that you’ll receive a message soon, maybe a job offer or something like that, as the pages are all messengers. Swords is the suit tied to intellect and thoughts and it’s interesting you have two swords next to each other. The 8 is one of those negative cards I mentioned, it’s about self-doubt, and letting fear get the best of you, trapping yourself because you’re too anxious to move. Funnily enough, the 5 of wands was the other real negative card. It’s a card of competition or conflict. Struggle. Together I think this row represents a warning. It’s saying don’t let a potential opportunity pass you by because you don’t feel you’re good enough or capable enough for it. The page of swords is related to curiosity and mental energy and that’s the sort of energy you should approach this possible offer/opportunity with. Don’t put yourself down, don’t let your worries take over. The offer might be unexpected but it is coming to you for a reason and the reason is that you are capable, you can thrive in this new position, as long as you put up a fight against whatever doubts you have. 

And then the last row. The king of pentacles is a great sign. Like I said before, pentacles is the suit tied to career/money and the king is the most in control of all the court positions. He is a symbol of abundance, prosperity and security. He is you in whatever this new cycle, new opportunity, is. Beside him is the hanged man which is not the card I would have expected if I’m being honest. He can be a symbol of delay or sacrifice but he can also mean a change of perspective;. There are two ways I can think to interpret that. Number 1, by changing your perspective now, you’ll open yourself up to harnessing the king of pents energy later. This is when you need to start fighting off your negative thoughts so that when the chance arises, you can take it comfortably. OR, number 2, the new opportunity is going to look different than you expect. It may be something you’ve not considered as an option for you before, it may be something that others around you would say is too risky or not good enough or a bad decision. But if you consider all the angles and come to your own conclusions, it may be exactly what you need. And then there’s the four of wands and 8 of wands which came out together. The 8 is about rapid action and movement so I would expect whatever this opportunity is, to present itself by the end of the year. The 4 is a card of celebration and peace so its saying that this thing that is coming is going to bring you peace of mind and it’ll be worth celebrating. But the 4 is also often connected to home, so this opportunity may come from someone you know, a family member, or it might be something you can do from home.

But, like I said, all in all, very positive. The cycle you’re in right now, where things feel hard, is drawing to an end and it’s going to lead to something better. 

Now to your oracles. In the middle there is a card from the Believe In Your Own Magic Deck which says Sword: make the change. In this reading I think it’s likely to be more encouragement, it’s saying don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and accept something new. 

You got 2 Moonology cards - Waxing Moon: the energy is gaining momentum and Full Moon Eclipse: Conclusions are within reach. This is really just more proof that your current cycle is coming to an end and this new wave of energy, this new opportunity is on it’s way. 

You also got 2 of the cat oracles. I pulled from this deck specifically because the third piece of advice on these cards relates to work. I will write out all of the advice on both cards in case either of the relationship/life advice resonates for you as well but if you want to specifically focus on the work ones you can. 

Kitty Corleone: Inspire loyalty through fear / Play to win every time / Identify your opponents, then make them an offer they can’t refuse. The third one is the work advice and to me the opponents it mentions could be those self doubts represented by the 8 of swords. This card is tied to that 5 of wands, standing up for yourself an fighting back energy. 

Dick Whittington’s Cat: Seek your fortune in unlikely places / You’re never more than three feet away from a rat / Go to the big city and make it take notice. Again, third one is the work specific advice. Perhaps the new opportunity will come to you from the city. Or this might be a signal that you can crush it if you give yourself the chance. I’d also like to draw your attention to that first bit of advice as well. The card has it marked as relationship advice but I really feel like it ties to that page of swords/hanged man idea of a changed perspective bringing an unexpected but ultimately positive chance. 

At the bottom of the image there are 3 cards from my Arcana of Astrology deck which I got very recently. You pulled Mercury, Second House and Sagittarius. And I gotta say, all very good signs. 

Mercury is tied to communication and intelligence/logic, so very Swords energy. It is a sign that news or communication about an important issue is right around the corner (hello page of swords!). It reminds you to consider the news from multiple angles and properly think it over before you reply/make a decision. There is also a section in the guidebook that says “thoughts can be a concious action: positive ones lead to a positive attitude and negatives ones lead to a negative attitude” so I think this card also wants to remind you to keep thinking positively and don’t give into those doubts. 

Second House is where issues of finances/security live so it’s a very appropriate card for this lmao. On one hand it may be a reminder to be careful with your money but on the other it can be a sign that a windfall is coming your way, maybe in the form of a pay rise or similar. 

And then Sagittarius which in your natal chart indicates where you show great optimism/interest. Often it refers to hobbies and keeping your mind and body fulfilled outside of your every day work and chores and the like. (It can also warn that you’re spreading yourself too thin). This could be a sign that the unexpected place to look for this new opportunity is related to one of your hobbies or interests. If you’re artistically inclined, it might be something to do with art (maybe in an art gallery or as an illustrator), if you have an interest in history, it might relate to that. Keep your eyes open because it could be something completely out the blue. 

And finally, you have 3 Magic sigils. If you’re into spell work or manifestation you may want to use these sigils in your practice. Otherwise, their messages are - Healing: true healing of the mind, body and soul / Self-Confidence: String self-believe and sense of worth / Successful Career: A happy working environment, pay rises and promotions. Again I think these all confirm things the tarot cards brought up. There’s a need to free yourself and heal from doubts and anxieties, to believe in yourself. But also something good, something fulfilling and worthwhile is coming towards you. 

#card readings

[leftnipsdoodles]

Buff have you got any crucible tips? I tend to avoid it as I'm about as good in clash as Asher is at emotions.

there’s 11 enemies in quickplay, 5 of them happen to be on your team.

no but in seriousness, im guessing you’re asking this from a solo perspective so im gonna give you my solo view on things (highlight the text to not die):

be aware of your surroundings. there’s a lot of cover around every map for a reason. you should probably never be standing right out in the open, unless you’re baiting. to add to this, try and get a mod or an exotic that will let you have radar while ADS. it rly makes a world of difference.

know when to fold em. in my experience, the better you get and the more skilled players you encounter, the more you will find yourself in gunfights that go on for pretty damn long without either party killing the other. because you’ll both have learned when to shoot and when to hide and/or run.

pick the right subclass for yourself. i’ll always be an outlaw gunslinger at heart, and as great as the six shooter is in crucible, i do like to go in as a trapper nighstalker instead. the shadowshot CAN be clutch, but more often than not it’s completely useless. but the rest of the subclass (smoke bomb, invisibility, even the normal grenade) just works very well for my playstyle. so, don’t be afraid to try out different things and see what feels best for you.

get the heavy? idk i personally dont rly do that bc i like my primary/energy too much to wanna switch off of them lol but the truth is, whoever’s got the heavy has also got a few guaranteed kills.

funnily enough, try to stick with your team. not like glue or anything, but unless you see the perfect flanking opportunity, just stick with at least one teammate. teamshooting will never not work, lbr.

if you see someone on your radar, sitting around a corner? don’t go around that corner. they’ve got a shotgun and no dignity and they’re willing to prove both of this to you.

verticality babeyyyyyyyyy. jump over an enemy and they’ll be disoriented af 90% of the time bc the FOV in this game is just tragic. some ppl even say to just jump up very high when turning a corner bc this way the shotgun ape wont be able to shoot you. this is false however. dont do this. shotgun range is approximately 500 miles, and they won’t care.

learn the maps. this ties back into being aware of your surroundings but there’s a bunch of spots on maps that nobody rly thinks abt and you can get a bunch of cheap shots in. do you know how many times ppl have told me they’ve reported me for ‘camping’ in the lil window of that house at zone C on vostok? also, by knowing the maps, you’ll be able to predict better where the enemy actually IS once you spot them on the radar, and also where they’ll be going/coming from next.

learn to aim. you might think it’s better to aim for the body bc that way even if you miss you’ll still hit something, but the truth is it’s way better to miss 90% of your shots going for headshots for 6 hours and then seeing yourself improve in the 7th.

get the right loadout. this is trial and error more than anything. but the thing with destiny is that it will literally NEVER be a truly competitive game, since it’s a looter shooter. wanna know why you keep getting killed by Luna’s and Not Forgottens? it’s bc those guns are better. you didn’t die to that One-Eyed Mask wearing titan bc he outplayed you, he just had the better exotic. and no, it wasn’t your aim that was off, it was just the Nova Warp killing you through the wall because It Does That (even tho it shouldnt). so, get yourself some good gear. you can say ‘if you cant beat them, join them’ and get yourself a shotty and the wardcliff coil too, or you can say ‘the meta loadout isnt fun for me’ and try and find sth else that works. i think ive said this before but a lot of the time i choose a long range loadout bc it lets me keep my distance from shotties, 1HKO melees and mid range weapons, and as long as i can position myself correctly and flee when i need to, it works very well. so, at the end of the day, do try to find sth that is FUN for you too, otherwise there’s no point in playing crucible anyway.

uhhhh idk. is this helpful? full disclosure, ive been losing more games than ive been winning lately, and i wont even pretend that it was all on my random teammates, so take it all with a grain of salt lmao. i’m a slightly above average player probably and thats all. also no matter how good or bad you are, you will always be better with a team bc thats just the way this game is. but again, if thats not how you wanna play then dont force yourself to. it wont be fun.

ALSO these are all from a quickplay perspective! comp is kind of a whole other story. tho basically, in comp, just make sure to stay alive. that is legitimately the most important thing as a solo player, since you’ll be able to still play the objective or revive teammates etc even if youre the last one standing. it requires a lot more awareness and ‘calmer’ play than quickplay, plus some more coordinated work, so you’ll also have to be able to be a teamplayer, even if youre not using mic and all that (most ppl in comp dont enter voice channel anyway lol). idk, i’d stay away from comp anyway. as a wise random on the internet once said ‘comp is a shitshow, get luna’s and then get the fuck outta there’

and lastly, there’s a subreddit called r/crucibleplaybook which probably has ACTUAL advice and is way more helpful but i wouldnt know bc reading is for nerds so ive never actually looked into it

#buff arms reply #steroid gaming #Anonymous

[o-dasaku]

i was wondering if you could explain the descriptions on your fgc posts and how they relate to the characters? i'm v interested

oooo for sure

don’t you (forget about me) > don’t you try and pretend, it’s my feeling we’ll win in the end. 

this one’s kind of obvious, the back half of the lyric is my brot3 tag for blamtina - they’re altogether hopeful kids that go through some (a lot of) shitty times. they’ll come out on top in the end, they’re sure of it.

here comes the sun >  here comes the sun and i say, it’s all right.

it’s a metaphor!!!!!!!! dani’s the sun, you fools!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t want to say that santana spent all of s4 hung up on brittany, but santana spent all of s4 hung up on brittany. i have no doubt she hooked up with her fair share of beautiful ladies, but she definitely didn’t date - i don’t think it’s because she was waiting for brittany to dump sam (okay she was, but not so they could be together again), i think she genuinely just didn’t feel super comfortable with it - she never really dated brittany, they were best friends and then they were girlfriends too and santana doesn’t want to leap into that minefield for the first time with just anybody.

enter: daniella perea, struggling musician who picks up a job at spotlight to help pay the bills and gets along with everybody, which is fucking rare because 90% of that diner’s staff are broadway divas in waiting (and santana) so people take notice and santana doesn’t want to like her, but she does. she really does.

so moving on from britt is hard and it’s scary, but it’s alright. she has dani. they’ll figure it out.

creep > i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.

i almost picked like twenty different lyrics here because it’s a Very Them song, but i feel like this speaks very well to their characters: this lyric is rachel in a nutshell, she doesn’t just want to the best, she wants to be perfect. it speaks to brody because it’s the antithesis to him: he doesn’t care to be perfect, he just wants to be himself (who, lucky him, happens to be very talented).

sidenote: i think brochel really work on that level, rachel challenges brody to want to be better while brody can remind rachel that being less than perfect is perfectly okay. i’m still sad about how they treated him.

never can say goodbye > though i try and try to hide my feelings, they always seem to show.

listen, i hate to draw riverdale/glee comparisons, but quinn’s veronica lodge. you want fire, cheryl bombshell? sorry, but my speciality’s ice. quinn wants to be cold, wants to be this untouchable ice queen but-

she just isn’t (just like veronica, funnily enough). quinn fabray feels so much and isn’t that just the worst? i don’t think quinn wears her heart on her sleeve the way so many characters on this show do, but she feels things very strongly, much to her own annoyance. whether or not the world sees isn’t really up to her either, as much as she wishes it was.

(on the riverglee comparisons: santana is cheryl, puck is reggie and sam is archie. i know people cast finn as archie but ehhhh. i don’t have anything super solid on anyone else, but rachel is probably betty and kurt is probably kevin (i’m not saying that because they’re both gay, more “i exist solely to prop up betty/rachel when needed”). jbi is evelyn from the farm and i will hear No Arguments on that.)

being alive > i’ll always be there as frightened as you to help us survive being alive.

i’ll be honest, there is an infinitely more kurt line in this song (someone to crowd you with love/someone to force you to care/someone to make you come through) but um, this is literally one of my top 3 musical theatre songs and that lyric is one of my absolute favorite lyrics ever, musicals or otherwise. 

but this line does relate to kurt (and blaine, i guess- this song is clearly meant to implicate him- for the first time, i really know what it means) well enough. i know there’s a fuckton of kurt and death meta but i don’t claim to know him well enough to make sense of any of it so we’ll look at this very shallowly - i think kurt experiences life quite differently to the normal person, and we can owe that to his mother’s death or the long term bullying or whatever tickles your pickle, but he does seem a little... removed, i think. i don’t think he’s afraid to be alive, but i do think he has a long list of reservations about being alive. i think that’s where blaine generally works for him, because blaine is so alive - even if he’s scared to death about it (see: sadie hawkins, the slushie incident, literal depression), sometimes. 

i’m not here to shit on any ships, but i do wish i shipped klaine more. oh well. i’ll always have s2.

i feel pretty/unpretty > i was told i was beautiful, what does that mean to you?

i know this is a quinn line (and a very good one at that), but i find it interesting when i apply it to both of the girls. quinn and rachel are both very beautiful, though in clearly different ways - and they both have trouble believing that. or more accurately, quinn finds herself beautiful but not her self. 

anyway. i wonder if quinn’s parents ever called her beautiful, before she was quinn. they seem incredibly shallow, even if judy develops away from that - i have a headcanon that lucy was very close with their pastor (not...in a creepy way jdsdlaks) and he was pretty much the only positive interaction she had with any elders until after quinn was a thing but ANYWAY he always told lucy that she was a beautiful person but only tells quinn that she looks lovely. that informs a lot of this performance (especially this line) for me. anyway. whatever.

so to rachel: her brief interactions with her fathers make me think that she grew up being told she was beautiful quite often, but then her peers are always telling her differently - i have no doubt that places more esteem in her father’s opinions, but i’m sure that being told two different things would confuse the fuck out of a kid. quinn was likely spearheading the “crazy berry is ugly” craze in their freshman year, so. i don’t know. the what does that mean to you? is an interesting question for that line of thought.

being good won’t be good enough > i’ll be the best or i’ll be nothing at all.

please, she said emphatically.

everytime > every time i try to fly, i fall; without my wings, i feel so small.

listen. what a marley mood.

it’s all coming back to me now > there were things i’d never do again, but then they’d always seemed right.

rachel Fucks Up A Lot. we been knew. i do think she learns from a lot of her fuck-ups (not all, see: leaving nd for cabaret and then leaving funny girl for that’s so rachel), but she did genuinely think she was doing the right thing a lot of the time (see: telling finn about drizzle’s true paternity and robbing puck and quinn of that opportunity) and i don’t think she’d change much, if she had another chance - she just wouldn’t go repeating the bare majority of fuck ups.

hand in my pocket/i feel the earth move > and what it comes down to, my friends, is that everything’s just fine, fine, fine.

listen, considering this is their proposal song, i would’ve hoped for something a bit more meaningful. but i do think that there is something to the simplicity of this song, - brittany and santana are happy. they have no issues this season (outside of britt’s bridezilla tendencies) and as much as they’ve always been the type to get their feelings out via song (see: landslide, songbird, mine), they’re definitely at a point where they can just. talk about their feelings.

their song is simple because they are too, finally. what it all comes down to? they’re fine, fine, fine. :P

human nature > see that girl? she knows i’m watching, she likes the way i stare.

another song i almost picked like, five different lyrics for lmao. while the others spoke nicely to characters, this lyric is quite indicative of their mid-s3 relationship (mercy is still w shane, sam’s trying to push in on that) and uh, i think this is an unpopular opinion. so. hang tight, kids.

while mercedes and sam were certainly attracted to one another, i think there’s a few more things at play here: sam likes being in a relationship, knows that he and mercedes could be good together and he’s trying to recapture being sixteen again, so dating the girl he’d been embarking on something with is a pretty great way to do that. mercedes? i think she likes the attention, likes actually being noticed. she likes the way he stares, basically. (i’m dropping lyrics into explanations now, sue me.)

crazy/u drive me crazy (you guys are all on notice for letting this flop, btw) > tell me i’m not in the blue, that i’m not wasting my feelings on you.

marley’s spent all episode being warned against jake, but i think it’s interesting that she’s basically seeking him out here and asking are they right? his response leaves something to be desired (tell me i’m the only one you’ll see) but at least it’s a conversation they’re having? it does speak well to marley for the rest of the time she’s on the show - she’s best when talking her issues/concerns out (see: her eating disorder v her wanting to stay abstinent, neither end well for her but she seems more at peace with the latter) while jake is. jake.

(i love jake always!!!!!!!!!!)

and finally, need you now > guess i’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

i changed this like, twenty times. the alternative was their ship tag (and i wonder if i ever cross your mind/for me it happens all the time), but i think this speaks a lot more strongly for their characters than that does to their relationship. puck and rachel are both very all-or-nothing characters, but 99% of the time they’re going to pick all. it fucks them over a lot of the time, but i don’t think they regret it much.

#this is. so long #i might update it as new ones are posted but WHO KNOWS #never ask me things i ramble too much #answered #Anonymous

[daxdraggon]

HII i just wanted to say that I love ur mcreyes tag &have been living in it for the past two weeks basically lmao but like, I wanted to ask if u could expand on the alien mccree hc? omg i rly loved it and I'm just,, so v interested? pls write smth for it, but only if u want to

-breaks fingers- Let me write u a thing. This is going to be short, and probably not going to go anywhere, but gOSH I’m so glad you like my Alien!McCree~

IDK which alien mccree prompt you were talking about since I have... maybe two or three different ideas on how it would play out? But here ya go buddy prepare for a trip to feels town.

(also, just a hint of platonic mcreyes)

Jesse McCree’s mama always told him he was a gift from the stars. He always thought it was just stories to make him and his twin brother feel important, like they had a destiny to fulfill. She filled their heads with stories of blue giants with two tongues and beautiful wings like a cicada. They came riding on horses made of metal, sleek and coppery, their eyes glowing and hooves rumbling the sky like thunder. Jesse believed it for a while, his brother quickly moved on. 

20 years have gone by, the stories of the stars faded in his memory. He stares up at them resenting. He was supposed to be special, but his home had been taken away by Omnics, his brother run away to another country. Blackwatch finally gave him the funds to help his mother, put her up somewhere nice. She refused to leave the desert, stubborn in her old age that her lover would return to her. Jesse made her move anyways. 

Things are different now. He has a new family, the agents of Blackwatch, and his commander who’s dragged Jesse out of hell just to pull him though the deeper pits of it himself. He long moved on past the thought of himself being something interstellar, that he was human, plain and simple. The people around him seemed to think otherwise. His commander thought his gift, Deadeye, was something otherwordly. Captain Amari doubted it’s humanity as well. After all, a human shouldn’t be able to see better than an Omnic, should he. Everything was crystal clear, even in the darkest dustiest settings he found no problem navigating.

That’s where he found himself, on a mission in Cambodia. Part of the building had collapsed, crushing some poor agents and the targets they were after, but leaving Jesse leading the rest of his party, and his Commander, out of the dusty crumbling hallways. He couldn’t understand how they would constantly trip on the rubble, practically running into walls without Jesse’s guidance. But his sight couldn’t allow him to see the future. Before he knew it Reyes was shouting to scatter, and suddenly there was open fire, with Jesse in the middle. He felt bullets pass through him, before a sudden flash of fire, and then darkness...

He woke to bright white, tucked tightly into a hospital bed, his arms and legs restrained. Reyes sat beside him, curled up like a gargoyle, ever watching. He hadn’t showered, still covered in grime and blood. His shirt was stained green. 

“Boss?” Reyes looked away, swallowing and breathing before looking back at McCree.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” it sounded accusatory, like Jesse had betrayed him. He sounded... hurt.

“I didn’t know they were gonna rush us sir. I’m sorry, I couldn’t see um comin’.” Reyes shook his head, dragging his fingers over his face. 

“Not that.” he made eye contact with Jesse again and this time he could feel it. He could feel those eyes boring into his soul, searching him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Tell me what you are? I could have protected you from this...” his commander’s voice dripped in worry, in pain. Jesse’s mind reeled, eyebrows knit in confusion.

“What... what do you mean what I am? I’m an agent, I’m... human? Is that what-” Reyes stood suddenly, causing Jesse to jump. That’s when he felt the restraints for what they really were. He looked down in a panic as Reyes hand went to the edge of the blanket and pulled it back, revealing Jesse’s chest. At least... maybe it was his chest.

“What the hell is this then McCree? This sure as shit ain’t human. I watched the holes in your body seal right back up in seconds! You don’t have a god damn scratch on you!” he pulled at the green stain on his shirt. “This, this is yours McCree. Your blood. Tell me again how this is human!” Jesse was stunned, he felt as if he was going to astral project to some other state of being just to escape the sudden stress he was being put under by his commander’s questioning. He was brought back by the wet feeling of tears streaming down his face.

“I don’t... I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on I’m- I’m sorry commander I don’t know.” he wanted to curl up on himself, pulling on the restraints enough for it to hurt. He inhaled sharply before gurgling into sobs. He didn’t understand what was happening, he was human, wasn’t he? Wasn’t he?

Rough hands gently wiped away his tears, he could hear his commander shushing him, sounding rueful. “I’m sorry Jesse, I... I don’t know either. I’m sorry I lashed out at you for it.” He heard a small beep, before his restraints retracted and his arms and legs were free.

It was after he was examined throughally by Doctor Angela, that he finally got to look at himself in the mirror. His entire left side was soft green flesh, speckling over to his right in dots where his skin was riddled with bullets. He flexed his fingers, tiled in a sensitive blue shell. He noticed it seemed to be growing from the rest of him as well. Jesse felt sore, like he was young again, having a growth spurt. Glancing back up started him, as his eyes had changed. They seemed darker, larger. He felt himself start to panic again, before Reyes had come in. 

Startled for the 3rd time that day, he turned around at attention. Reyes seemed startled as well, finally seeing all of Jesse and his changes. They stood in silence, staring at one another for what seemed like ages before they both started to talk, stopping to let the other go.

“I’m removing you from active duty... until we figure out what’s going on.” Reyes started, his knuckles going white from the grip he had on his clipboard. Jesse relaxed, nodding in agreement. His commander was nervous, they both were.

“That’s... good. I- will ya sit with me?” McCree asked, voice shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself. His chitinous fingers felt cold, wrong. Reyes exhaled and nodded, moving to sit on Jesse’s bed alongside him. Jesse drew his knees to his chest with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier... for accusing you of hiding this from me. You didn’t know-”

“I think I do know. I mean... maybe.” Jesse interrupted, causing his commander to stare at him in confusion. “My ma always said my pa was from space. I thought it was just, stories to make me feel better ‘n all ‘bout not havin’  my pa around... but me lookin’ like this now? I look jus like the stories she told me.” he frowned before rubbing his suddenly sore jaw. He flinched as he hand came back with scaps of skin stuck to it. He quickly shook them off with a shiver before Reyes took his chin in his hands to look at Jesse’s face.

“It looks like you’re shedding like some lizard.” he easily pulled off a piece of skin that was hanging loose before dropping it in the small trashbucket by Jesse’s bed. He glanced back up at Jesse, his eyes calmer, empathetic. The cowpoke couldn’t help but move to bury himself in Reyes’ chest, wrapping his arms around the man. His commander embraced him back, stroking his agent’s hair gently.

“So...” Reyes murmured, pulling back to look down at McCree again. “You’re an alien then, is what you’re telling me.” he smugly ruffled Jesse’s hair, causing him to giggle.

“Yeah I guess so.” he shrugged, leaning into Reyes’ touch. 

“Jesse McCree of Mars. That’s what I’m calling you now kid.” his commander joked, Jesse simply rolled his eyes.

“Y’know funnily ‘nough, that’s where ma said pa came from.”

#alien!mccree #drabble #overwatch #jesse mccree #platonic #mcreaper #mcreyes #Anonymous