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nothingenoughao3 · 4 days

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Why we wanna transition to Mad Scientist (or, revulsion and queerness in horror)

(Hi, @ash-eats-film! This is the thing I mentioned!)

Horror has a few baseline emotions it tries to inflict on the audience. This has been written about for decades, most famously by Stephen King, but the baseline elements most writers agree on are as follows.

Dread: Anxiety over what is about to happen

Terror: The fear of what is occurring right this second

Revulsion: Being forced to interact directly with what's happening right now

Black comedy: Being tricked into laughing at either the terror or the revulsion

Horror: The trauma response to what just happened

A great example of this can be seen in The Evil Dead II (YT link that doesn't include the full context, but does have the, uh, money shot). There's the dread of realizing there's something in the root cellar; the terror of when the Deadite pops up in the trapdoor; the combined revulsion and black comedy of Ash jumping on the Deadite's skull/the door, popping out its eyeball which shoots into Bobby Joe's mouth, and then the horror of what just went down rolling over Ash and his current companions.

Often, revulsion and black comedy go hand in hand. That's because they're tension relievers. The revolting thing becomes ridiculous, and you laugh at how ridiculous it is. This lets you settle down in the midst of the gore and death, just slightly, just enough to get through it... so the horror can fully set in for you, too, once it's over.

You also, often, question your own stability if you laugh in the middle of a gross-out horror scene: "Am I sick? Is there something wrong with me for laughing at X?" This is even worse if the villain starts laughing--now you're questioning whether you're IDing with the monster. Are you okay? Is something wrong with you?

Revulsion is often framed as the slutty member of the good, proper, morally-upright brigade of horror. We have a name for folks who seek out gross-out horror--they're gore-hounds, a term that is virtually always pejorative when applied to other people. We call certain types of horror "torture porn" or "gore porn", as though it is inherently sleazy and sexual to rely on this specific emotional reaction. (Note that we don't have "black comedy-porn", or "dread hounds", even though a dread hound sounds really fucking cool.)

Not to go off on a huge tangent, but I think the issue with media that overly relies on revulsion is that it's unbalanced, not that it's bad. A movie that's nothing but dread never has any emotional payoff. A movie that's nothing but terror never lets the audience relax back into their seats and, paradoxically, will become boring (imagine two hours of jumpscares).

So forth and so on: all aspects of horror rely on each other to survive. That includes scenes that make you go "Awww, sick" while nervously cackling.

Here's the thing: in previous generations, revulsion was similarly understood to be an essential part of horror, but what led to a revolted reaction was very different.

Lovecraft (boo this man! BOOOOO) understood the power of revulsion, which was the source of a lot of his strangest and most vivid descriptions. It was also the source of some of his most bigoted ideas working into his stories. The undercurrent of "non-WASPs are evil because they are repulsive" is as pervasive in his work as "the universe is incomprehensibly vast". You kind of can't get around that.

But there's another thing Lovecraft did to generate revulsion. He wrote a number of stories where an unhealthy focus on corpses, graveyards, graverobbing, and the like is, indirectly or directly, associated with sexual perversion.

How many, you may ask? Off the top of my head, there's "The Loved Dead", "In the Vault", "The Disinterment", "Pickman's Model", The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, "The Hound" and "Herbert West: Re-Animator". All of these tales share certain themes, which don't repeat beat-for-beat in each tale but do overlap:

Male character becomes obsessed with dead bodies--whether that's stealing them, having sex with them, desecrating them, or resurrecting them.

He is comfortable around death and the dead to a degree that is unusual, sometimes explicitly stating that he prefers the smells/sights of death to those of life.

Terms like "fiendish", "hellish", "abnormal" and "perverse" are used to describe him; his gaze towards dead bodies or to experiments may be framed as "leering" or "speculative".

He is frequently a twink; often described as being frail, if not noticeably beautiful; he may recall being mocked for being "bookish" or "weak" as a child.

He is superficially charming in a way that gets him by in polite society, but not long-term nor in-depth.

He often ensnares an otherwise "normal" man to share his obsessions, effectively recruiting him as an assistant... until the "normal" guy realizes he's about to go on the chopping block (or, in at least one story, already was on the chopping block).

Their crimes involve a lot of sneaking around late at night, locked doors, whispering so they don't get caught (or they'll be killed), secretiveness, glee at getting away with it, and frequently, sharing the same living space.

The Unrepentant Evil Dude is often killed at the end of his tale in a way that implies vigilante/mob justice is at hand.

The other may be allowed to live if he's very sorry and frames the whole story as being the fault of the other guy, or he may die too while affirming his horrible demise as just, even if it terrifies him.

(One could make an argument that Wilbur Whateley fits into some of these tropes. It's me I'm one)

If this all sounds very gay, Lovecraft probably would have agreed. He had as dim a view of homosexuality as he did on most other things that were Outside The Norm. In other words, we were supposed to see Richard Upton Pickman with his ghouls and think, "Ah, yes, this is a metaphor for queerness", only we were supposed to be revolted by that revelation.

This same attempt at revulsion can be easily read into Victor Frankenstein, and probably more Mad Scientists than I can name offhand (but feel free to in reblogs). Frankenstein's "crimes against nature" were connected to dead bodies as well, and likewise involved a lot of sneaking around, locked doors, and worry about what would happen were he caught with this naked man-thing he's keeping in his dorm. His crime, as with his parody character Herbert West, is creating life outside the bounds of heterosexual cisgender sex. This was meant to revolt readers' sensibilities as much as the whole cutting-up-corpses-and-stitching-them-back-together thing would.

This is why, if we're being honest, "Re-Animator" and "Bride of Re-Animator" are not necessarily gay… they're homophobic. This might be controversial, but stick with me.

I feel like Gordon and Yuzna were tapping into that old-fashioned Revulsion Handbook, including from the source material, which thematically linked Herbert West with queerness. (I'm using "queer" a lot here, but I would personally include trans-friendly readings under that rubric; I'm using "queer" in the analytical sense and not solely in the identity sense.) This means that, ironically, a lot of what we could point to as queer subtext is actually homophobic text.

This is reinforced by the novelization of the first film, written by a homophobe who got Trumpist brainworms later in life. He wanted to make West repulsive to the reader, and therefore, he tried to make West more gay. And IT WORKED.

To be clear, I'm not accusing anybody, other than the novelist, of being a homophobe. There's a difference between possessing internalized bigoted beliefs which express themselves in writing, versus utilizing tropes originating in bigotry because That's What's Done Around Here. (I can understand why others might not perceive a meaningful difference.) Like the Cuzco lizards, this queerness-as-villainy is definitely a stupid thing ported in from the source material.

I do think that this is why everybody but Our Queen Barbara Crampton seems embarrassed or nonplussed by all the transfags pestering them about fellatio tapes. It's because they don't get why this thing appeals so much to us. It shouldn't. If anything, they should be canceled for having yet another queer-coded villain, along with a number of other plot choices of questionable taste (I'm looking at you, The Head Scene, and I don't like what I see).

Only, uh, it didn't work out that way long-term, did it?

I thank Cronenberg and venereal horror for this, in part. Brutally queer despite not being explicitly gay, venereal horror is what happens when the characters should be revolted, but aren't.

This kind of thing is horrifying for crossing the line twice: first by being disgusting, then by having characters respond as though it is exciting, or sexually stimulating, or if nothing else, normal. They are perverse. They leer at the dead and the subjects of their experiments. And the disgusting monsters at the center of these narratives are celebrated. Their twisted sexualities are explored with the same brave frankness other filmmakers give to milquetoast cishet missionary nonsense. Their political views are given life and air, and usually, they're right. Their deaths, if they come at all, are framed as tragedies brought on by society's sick rejection of the flesh their brave experimentation.

Cronenberg's the dude who unironically thinks that Shivers (trigger warning for literally everything) has a happy ending. My man David's got subscriptions where others have issues.

Venereal horror has given us a new metaframework for looking at the repulsive, the monstrous, and the problematic and responding to it… differently.

Now here's another thing: Lovecraft likewise provided a structure for embracing the grotesque and the queer.

Pickman, the Decadent artist, paints photorealistic, enormous portraits of ghouls. Literal flesh-eaters. He is fascinated by them, comfortable with them. "Model" heavily implies that Pickman is a ghoul changeling--switched at birth with a human child. This leans into Lovecraft's ideas about heritability being a major source of horror, of course, and seems run of the mill until you get to The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath.

In there, Pickman appears again, but this time as a ghoul. He has cast off his human social shackles and joined the beings he loves, beings who understand him and support him. Kadath is notable in that the ghouls are actually... like... reliable, loyal, and morally good? Carter's opinion pretty much is, "They do eat human corpses and they smell awful, but they're all very nice and want to help me on my quest, so maybe they're not so bad (if not as good as the cat army)".

This feels like Lovecraft acknowledging that his entire approach of linking queerness, death, and revulsion is fundamentally flawed. Once you become familiar with the repulsive, it becomes not-really-that-repulsive-at-all. You can find beauty in it, and amusement, and love. Pickman embracing his ghoulish nature isn't all that different from Seth Brundle's overall lack of revulsion at his body's transformation. And it's not that different from what a lot of transmasculine folks go through, either.

It's not that transmascs, trans men, and/or transfags don't see what West does as crimes against nature. It's that we're all very fucking tired of being accused of crimes against nature. We're tired of not being able to look at socmed without finding accusations that we're disgusting perverts who sneak around behind closed doors to corrupt innocent, promising people to be our lackeys and partners in crime.

Hell, I refer to my wife as "my partner in crime" not because it's a cute way of acknowledging how well and how much we work together both in life and creativity. It's also because we could have been arrested for our relationship when we got together.

We were illegal.

There was a lot of sneaking around and whispering and trying not to get caught and "what if they call the cops on us if we're clocked". Can I tell my friends about this? Will they reject me or rat me out? Where am I safe? Nowhere. Best to lock the door and then check it again to be sure. Best to be very quiet.

Best to act like a graverobber trying to get their grisly wares back home before good, decent, Christian folk see them.

So when I hear "Blasphemy? Before what God?!", I read it as (whether he's ace or aro, gay or achillean, trans man or transmasc or genderfucked) a queer slogan of defiance, instead of a defense of graverobbing, corpse desecration, and non-consensual resurrection.

We're told we and our bodies are repulsive, so being told that Herbert is also repulsive makes him more relatable. Instead of wondering what the hell's wrong with him for shooting up reagent, we all theorize that it's actually T or has similar effects--because we're all told that T is a toxin that will horribly change and disfigure our bodies. He dresses in a three-piece suit for school, and instead of reading him as a stiff and overly-formal little freak, we assume he's layering up because he hasn't found a hoodie he likes yet.

He cackles at his horrific creations, and instead of saying "What a fucking freak (anguished)", we say "What a fucking freak (affectionate)" and laugh along with him. Who among us hasn't taken apart our Barbies and tried to combine their parts with the Kens? What is a doll, or a human, but a collection of parts to be rearranged? Haven't we also been told we're freaks for rearranging our own parts?

We've already been told by society at large that we are Herbert West. We're just embracing it, in the proud tradition of venereal horror fans who are not revolted when they ought to be, and I think that's delightful.

#fandom meta #reanimator #re animator 1985 #bride of reanimator 1991 #bride of re animator #herbert west #headcanon #transmasculine #body horror #venereal horror #cronenbergian #writing trope #i live for analysis #lovecraft #this has been rattling around in my head for ages and probably isn't going to cover everything or be correct but here we all are anyway #hope y'all like it

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lepoppeta · 30 days

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Vox x Alastor?? For the ship bingo

oh my god okay so radiostatic means everything to me

its so gut-wrenchingly sad and also hilarious and also off-putting and also so steeped in devotion and romance it makes me want to scream ??? i want them to metaphorically kiss and make up but i also know that would never fucking happen and thats also good ??? they make my head spin.

alastor is a shameless theatre kid who LOVES being the center of attention — vox is OBSESSED with alastor, and is thus a consistent source of that attention. vox is distressingly easy to tease and alastor feeds off of his passionate responses like a leech. theyre so codependant on each others apparent hatred. i need to bite something.

my favourite version of their relationship that ive made up (and this only works with their series iterations — imo their pilot/comic counterparts have never even considered an acquaintanceship, let alone a romance) is that their falling out was one huge, violent misunderstanding. alastor began to lose his power and status within the overlord hierarchy when he refused to adapt over time (can you IMAGINE how fucking powerful he would be if he just stopped being such a stubborn asshole and decided to start including podcasts under the "radio" umbrella?) and vox swiftly surpassed him. vox didnt want alastor to be left behind, and offered a partnership where they could operate in tandem and basically control almost all media output in hell. alastor mistook this for vox saying that alastor wasnt interesting enough as he was and HAD to change, and as we all know alastor DESPISES being thought of as uninteresting. he tells vox to fuck off and vox is left wondering what the hell just happened.

objectively i dont think theyd ever make up — alastor is FAR too prideful to ever consider the idea that HE was the one who was mistaken, and i dont think he particularly likes the idea of emotional or physical vulnerability either. regardless, what i would love to imagine is that eventually, SOMEHOW, they do, and that their relationship is... actually so easy. this is most likely just me projecting, but i like to think of vox as just wanted alastor as an actual partner, not a fuck buddy (his "relationship" with valentino is a coping mechanism for his anxiety and confusion and doesnt necessarily reflect on how he would be with alastor, someone i like to think he actually appreciates as a person). vox is a complete lovesick FOOL.

this is so long already so im sticking some extra spicy headcanons below the cut!

if their relationship ever edged (hah) into sexual territory, i actually think it could work, but it definitely wouldnt be vanilla (absolutely zero penetration in this relationship). i think a fair amount of voyerism, dom/sub play, and hypnotism is involved — vox obviously has his hypnotic stare, and i like to personally headcanon that alastor can hypnotise people with his voice. like... idk, alastor i feel like would get a lot of enjoyment (sexual or not) out of toying with people and seeing them squirm, and vox would respond really well to some level of praise + orgasm denial.

for me i can imagine alastor ranging from completely sex-repulsed and having no libido at all, to being appreciative enough of the sensation but disliking the vulnerability and general grossness of bodily fluids that comes (ha-ha) with it. i think vox wouldnt care either way — as long as he gets to have alastor, hes beyond thrilled.

i LOVE thinking about the potential for predator/prey dynamics too. i like to headcanon that alastor actually has to spend a lot of energy fighting off his very annoying prey instincts on the daily and maintaining a mask of indifference. deer/elk iirc are naturally very skittish — alastors hearing is terribly accute and a lot of the time hell ends up being too LOUD for him. his ears are a huge indicator of his emotions so he has to force them to be still so no-one knows how hes feeling. compared to this, despite not being an actual shark, vox has a lot of shark themes, and his obsession with alastor may be in part due to having the desire to "hunt" him and eat him (not that he actually would — the most he would do would probably be to chew/drool on him a little bit). in point of fact, i think is he ever let this desire slip, alastor, being a maybe-cannibal, would probably be find it to be weirdly flattering — after all, some say consumption is the highest form of devotion.

tying back into the hypnotism thing — alastor generally avoids looks vox directly in the eye, both because of the hypnotism thing and also because his face is literally one big bright light ("deer in the headlights"), but in a more sexually-driven situation i think hed actually find it oddly comforting because it dampens his prey instincts for a little while, and (eventually) he trusts that vox isnt going to embarrass him or make him look the fool. vox lovingly coaxes him through orgasm and takes care of all of the gross stuff before alastor even has a chance to be fully coherent.

#ask game #answered ask #hazbin hotel #alastor #vox #radiostatic #alastor hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #my headcanons

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girlymatsu · 9 months

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WAAAHHHH @flyingspicerack thank u for the ideas!! (i doodled some things along with my rambles) LONG POST AHEAD talking about stuff

GETTING TOGETHER…

Abshrhsa I think of thousands of ways osoeri get together… every which way.. but I think canonly their relationship is kind of slow and vaguely romantic for a while!!

Friends that hug for too long and when going out on the train erina is always asking to lean on his shoulder to rest and ends up nuzzling him.. Osomatsu talks to his brothers as if erina is already his girlfriend and brags all the time like “ERINA-CHAN IS THE ONLY ONE FOR ME!!!”

But when its just Osomatsu and Erina they’re close friends but often are shy with their affection at first, osomatsu going so quiet when erina leans on him to sleep and holding his breathe the whole way home.. Osomatsu goes out of his way to inch his hand towards Erina’s and the tips of their pinkies kiss and it makes him tremble out of love overload.. And despite being outgoing Erina is quite shy when initiating things sometimes like she’ll just get closer while laughing and acting like she’s not doing anything ^///^ his hands will just be on top of hers for a while and she will not point it out and let it happen bc she doesn’t want it to end..

Erina is very insecure too I imagine they get closer because Osomatsu gets to know her insecurities and hype her up and thinks she’s even cuter because of them ahdnfndk like erina thinks she’s like.. “fake cute” and that people will be repulsed by her knowing she’s a mess— and though osomatsu doesn’t really understand her mental turmoils he just wants to her to believe that he thinks she’s so cute the cutest in the world like goes crazy over how she’s sincere like wtf.. pure !?

UGH and then and then. I imagine when osomatsu is pushing his luck with her, being perverted and acting really gross towards her until he’s all up on top of her and she doesn’t do anything to stop him… he melts into mush on top of her. Saying that she has to stop him if she wants him to stop, and erina doesn’t want him to stop. And Osomatsu says she’s being dangerous, does that mean she likes him? Erina says what if I did like you… Osomatsu hugging her like you won’t be able to take it back, I don’t think I’ll ever let you go never never— and then it segways into being more bold and becoming a real relationship auagahgaa

MUNDANE THINGS-

i love to think about how they share treats,Erina loves sweet drinks so Osomatsu always gets a taste… sip sip and kiss 😚

And just like how totty and Osomatsu watch videos on their phone I think Osomatsu and erina would do that too, watching funny videos and making dirty jokes.. I think Osomatsu loves it when Erina loves funny sex and poop humor!!

Erina has the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to cleaning and organizing so when she has to do laundry, sometimes osomatsu comes over and either just lays around and just his presence motivates her.. and sometimes he helps but they both get lazy and they just lay on top of the clothes to take a break 💕

I Like to think about also take walks around the city often and erina jumps and fawns over every dog they see 🐶

HOLIDAYS

Erina doesn’t get to go home to her family very often during the year so Osomatsu invites her to spend time with his household during the family oriented holidays.. eating hotpot and she can spend time with his funny brothers and parents.. Matsuyo loves her and tries to insert subliminal messages to give her a grandchild by showing her baby pictures.. I think it’s so sweet erina would very much appreciate not being alone for the holidays and being around people who are close to one another rather than her family that is actually very distant from each other emotionally

AND FOR NON family oriented holidays.. like Christmas Eve for couples.. ofc they go on dates but Osomatsu WILL have his head in the gutter the whole time preparing for getting dirty afterwards— like haha yeah the lights are so pretty, I can’t wait to have sex tonight 🤪 while erina is like wow this is soo romantic.. I cant wait to have sex tonight 🥰

SEEING EACH OTHER ON THE STREETS!

Literally magnetic towards each other they will find a way.. floating over to each other spinning in circles like omgomgomg wowowow I missed u!! And their plans for the day combine like he was out shopping groceries and she was going to get a package well why don’t we go together teeheehee (annoyed choromatsu third wheel)

OK THATS IT FOR RAMBLING IF ANYONE BOTHERED TO READ IT ALL THANK YOU

#osoart #osoeri #erina

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mrswint3rs · 3 months

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This is not an attack, more like a rant of my own but you see how you say everything is okay except for stuff with minors? You understand that some people’s limits are a little bit above just stuff involving minors?

You recognize that repulse you feel, that icky feeling, the feeling that you want to puke and you need to say, need to clarify that stuff with minors is not okay and shouldn’t exist?

Well some people feel the exact same repulse and icky feeling and the NEED to say that it shouldn’t exist when it comes to rape and incest.

I find it mind boggling that people are told to ignore, block and move on… and the same people will FOR SURE tear someone to shreds if someone wrote pedo stuff (rightfully so!) but don’t people understand that for rape and incest it’s the same thing? At least for a good chunk of people?

Like just IMAGINE being told to ignore, block and move on when someone is writing about minors, it’s icky, disgusting.

triggering topic warning!

i understand what you’re saying. (im terrible at wording things but) this is part of my point. Like when I find something involving a minor, no i don’t attack a writer directly or anon message. Yes its vile, but doing that is doing way more harm than good.

A lot of people are arguing the more you do attack, the more they’ll write. I agree. Which is why i think the solution is to block and move on. Im not trying to invalidate.

Attacking a writer for whatever topic it may be only encourages. Anon hate does no good because really who wants to listen to a stranger tell them not to do something?

i cant remember the account, but there was a minor on here who wrote incest about other minors. She got hate especially on anon and what did she do? Replied to the anon with more of what triggered them.

Another thing, like i said in the previous rant, the more you interact with darker content, by sending it, visiting the blog, commenting wtv, the more it will show up on your feed. That’s why ive said to block and move on if you dont want to see the content. The more you do to prevent these things (which for non-con, incest, rape topics and wtv else gets nothing but a community label) the more you’re pulling it towards yourself.

And not to be that person, but those types of fanfics have been around since forever, on ao3 especially. Part of the reason there’s been more lately is because of the complaints.

There’s also people who need to learn to read warnings above fics and on intro pages before interacting. I’ve seen people saying how a fic was super cute until they realized it had incest. I understand that repulsive feeling, but the warnings are there 9/10. Like i said, if they aren’t, there’s easy ways to ask the writer to include them.

It’s all about your own morals. Some people think writing for minors is okay, while you don’t. Some people may enjoy bdsm, and you don’t. Some may find comfort in writing for trauma kinks while you find it gross. Regardless of you find it wrong, the writers may not. In some cases that may mean they need professional help or something, but that isn’t your job to push. Either way, harassment to this degree is childish and does not fix anything. Only draws things out further.

Would we really do half the shit we write about in fanfiction in real life? Like if Leon was real, do you think he would realistically even have children? I don’t think he would. But it is fiction (ik that’s a very common argument but the point still stands) if the character was real, none of this shit would go down irl. This includes vanilla kinks - hard kinks.

Again, I see your point but I hope you understand what i mean by this.

EDIT (again sorry i keep adding on😭)- id like to point out how this anon was respectful even though they’re arguing their views. and not calling REAL people literal slurs and telling people to die for it.

#more yapping #fanfiction #dead dove do not eat #tw.incest #tw dark content

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tenebris-lux · 8 months

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Missed yesterday’s entry (Aug 19), so I’m catching up today.

August 19

“It looks like religious mania, and he will soon think that he himself is God. These infinitesimal distinctions between man and man are too paltry for an Omnipotent Being. How these madmen give themselves away!”

… yeah, I kinda think they do indeed, JACK. (It is pretty repulsive how he just makes those assumptions about Renfield, when Renfield hasn’t actually done that. The arrogance is gross.)

Also, because I’m more in the habit of seeing parallels now, Renfield breaking out at night to go to “the Master” and Seward following reminded me of Lucy’s trek and Mina following. The details are completely different, but there is still some similarity. Also Lucy left sometime before 1AM and Renfield at about at 2AM.

What I’m wondering is how did Dracula get Renfield’s attention? Did he call him out, or did Renfield just show up and Dracula’s like, “… hi?” Don’t know how often he gets people running at him because they actually want to interact with his vampirism. I imagine Renfield is a first in all of Dracula’s unlife.

On Re: Dracula

~ I appreciated Seward’s cocky arrogance. It was unpleasant in the appropriate way. I was repulsed, and I love him for it.

~ I liked the effect done on the voices of Seward & Renfield when they were talking to each other in the asylum; gave a good impression that it was in an emotionally cold and uncaring chamber.

~ Hate to criticize such well-done audio drama, and it might be completely unfounded as I am no chemistry major, but … the chemical formula for chloral was different in the audio than in the book. The book says “C2HCl3 O. H2O!” In Re: Dracula, he said, “C2HCl2 O. H2O!” I try not to be a stickler for word-for-word down to every single detail, but in chemical formula, one letter or number can make all the difference. I think that one’s kind of important.

~ Once again, I love all the music choices. I don’t believe one would be forthcoming (because audio books/dramas don’t have them afaik), but I’d dearly love a soundtrack when the whole thing is done. I love soundtracks.

~ Felix Trench is an excellent voice actor. Renfield’s scorn for Seward and his admiring devotion to “the Master” came through strong.

August 20

… what is with today?? Apparently a whole week passed since THIS MORNING, and then 3 nights all today. Also (date spoiler here), we get another entry on August 23. So I wonder if it’s just a mess-up on Stoker’s part, and the “three nights has the same thing happened” was supposed to be on August 23.

Jack, are you okay?? Are you having some real intense dreams or something?

Again, I like Felix Trench’s deliveries. His “I can wait … I can wait …” really sells Renfield.

#jack seward #renfield #Dracula #dracula daily #re: dracula

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miroyuuu · 2 years

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Okay talking about my headcanon that skwisgaar has ocd:

Gonna talk about his intrusive thoughts (warning for violence & sexual shit), fear of contamination and perfectionism.

First of all, for anyone who doesn't know, intrusive thoughts are a big OCD thing, these are disturbing or disgusting etc. thoughts that are obviously unwanted and distressing and frequently focus on certain themes.

Skwisgaar struggles a lot with really horrible sexual intrusive thoughts about his mother, one of the most common ones that keeps popping up in his head is the flashback of his mother when he was trauamtized by her as a kid. Its like reliving it all over again and it leaves him feeling sick and disgusted everytime.

Seeing his mother triggers it the most of course, and whenever she visits mordhaus, he obviously hates being near her for a multitude of reasons, one of biggest ones being how sexually explicit she is with no concern for boundaries or other's peoples comfort, and he'll vent to the other guys about it, but only to a very small extent, comments that we see talking about 'why ams she wearins that fuckins dress, ams she a strippers' etc.

Skwisgaar keeps it all to himself, disgusted by the thoughts and obviously never wanting to share them or talk about them. Maybe after so many years of knowing and living with each other, the more perceptive members start to get an inkling of what he's dealing with (if you wanna go the charles has ocd too route, maybe charles senses he's suffering with it too and tries to offer a bit of comfort without addressing the ocd itself but we know Charles isn't the best at comforting and skwisgaar isnt the best at allowing himself to be vulnerable around people)

Anyways, so you can imagine just how extra horrible all those serveta scenes are for skwisgaar, like the end of the cursed christmas special, and of course, when he moves back to sweden only to be retraumatized all over again. He keeps these thoughts secret for years and never intends on sharing them with anyone.

After Toki gets kidnapped by Magnus, he starts getting a lot of intrusive thoughts about Toki getting tortured etc, and the image of Toki hanging upside down, all bloody and beat and starved is burned into his mind forever. For a while after doomstar, maybe skwisgaar even avoids toki because seeing him triggers these thoughts even worse, and it builds up until Toki finally confronts him.

Now as you know I love skwistok lol and I think if they were at a point in their relationship where Skwisgaar chooses to trust Toki with Knowing him and all his vulnerabilities and struggles etc he would open up about it, sobbing and not being able to bear looking at toki but needing to explain what horrible shit is happening in his head and why it makes it so difficult. "It ams likes, my worst nightmares, yous just, gettins stabbs overs and overs, and Magnus ams deres and he ams doings... De worst tings to you... Sometimes it amnsts even hims, sometimes it ams mes .." you get it some real big angst hurt and comfort stuff. Toki understands, sees his distress and tries his best to reassure him that he knows him and knows skwisgaar would never want to hurt him and never want to see him hurt.

Okay, now for the contamination OCD side of things.

Skwisgaar takes really long elaborate showers, has a whole routine and process to decontaminate that he has to repeat over and over until it just Feels Right, and if he wasn't a god with life & healing powers (and a bunch of expensive creams and products) his skin would probably be scrubbed dry. The sheer grossness of dethklok and their party till you vomit lifestlye though acts as really good exposure therapy lol and over time he gets better and better with all his contamination ocd related compulsions like showers handwashing, and just generally feels less repulsed and anxious going about life than he used to. He's never felt so liberated getting nasty with dethklok lol

Alright, a big ocd thing too is this whole 'just right' thing, where you have to keep repeating something over and over until it feels right. It makes recording sessions even harder when he has to keep playing the same lick over and over until it feels right, even tho the guys swear the last one was fine.

He also has the whole perfectionist thinking (another big ocd thing) too, when it comes to recording sessions and obviously, releasing albums. He and Nathan kind of share this, and will keep rerecording, redoing, and rewriting trying to get things perfect until they get exhausted, and become too overwhelmed to finish. This is pretty much canon, we see this esp in Nathan deleting albums over and over and being concerned about it not being perfectly brutal enough. It seems like they're either working on the album really intensively trying to get it perfect, or not working on it at all and avoiding deadlines.

Im getting a headache staring at my screen typing this so gonna wrap it up there, hope you enjoyed!

#metalocalypse #skwisgaar skwigelf #rocktalk

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lafcadiosadventures · 18 days

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Madame Putiphar Groupread. Book Two, Chapter XXXVIII

𝔇𝔢𝔟𝔬𝔯𝔞𝔥'𝔰 𝔑𝔢𝔴 𝔖𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔤𝔶

Boucher's la toilette, not a luxurious brothel as the one Debby is locked but fitting bc: trendy asian art, implied sex work as titilation, the obligatory pussy cat lying between the woman's legs while she fixes her garter, ect etc.

{team putiphar @sainteverge + @counterwiddershins }

Debby surprises the madame with a few gestures:

she leaves her door unblocked,

although an attempt to starve her was made (as Putiphar instructed) she shows her table is still full of fresh food from the first banquet she was offered. Bit of a power move from Debby, even while using a soft voice and feigning submission

She appologizes for the scandal she has made calls herself a fanatic, and blames her reaction on her austere, puritan education.

It's very effective. Madame totally bites the bait. It helps that she wants to believe her, it's less about the enormous pressure her bosses put her under but more about how Deborah is her exact type and the prospect of her having suddenly changed and becoming a willing disciple doesn't seem too good to be true at the moment, not under the lustorama vision eyeglasses she is wearing. (but I don't think we should underestimate the Madame, she is shrewd, has experience manipulating and exploiting people, etc)

And manipulate her is what she immediately proceeds to do, complimenting her for the destruction of the pornography and trying again the story of the former lodger who was a pervert etc. She asks her not to mention anything to “Gonnesse” and to join her for dinner, expressing concern for her pregnancy. The Madame states she wants Deborah's child to be as good as her step child (Deborah's spontaneous reactions are surely repressed, a pleasant smile and a nod here and there, she's just containing her disgust at the whole situation, she is playing her hand adroitly, given the fits of violent rage of her father, we imagine she knows how to conceal her true reactions, even if she is usually portrayed as an open and sponateous and passionate person).

As is the house's modus operandi, the Madame proceeds to change Deborah's clothes as if she were a doll (a blow up doll)(Borel's approach to this scene is similar to the previous sexual encounter between Deborah and the Madame. it's arousing for the madame and extremely violent for Deborah. However, since Deborah is pretending and repressing her reactions, strategically feigning pleasure perhaps -as we can deduce from the opening lines of the next chapter, since she fools the madame so well, too well for her piece of mind- her reactions aren't shown to us. This is perhaps the most interesting thing Borel does in this chapter, having his narrator withdraw from Deborah's true emotions while she is pretending. It's almost as if he wants us to see the surface of her act alone. Why? To encite us? To provoke admiration because of how convincing she manages to be, despite her immense repulsion for the Madame? We already know she is disgusted, we do not need to hear it again but the procedure has interesting implications. Deborah becomes a Copelia, or like Lucien Chardon, a human peau de chagrin, a magical object people can project their dreams and desires into.

So Madame continues with the dress fitting, and she obviously takes the chance to grope and stroke Deborah while she arranges the dress in the more flattering ways. (the dress is the color of burnt bread. Remember that poll by sainteverge that had all the gross/weird/off putting names of the trendy colors in the ancièn régime? Fun times. Would link it if tumblr had a functioning search function smh)

Borel loves his acid humor, he employs ridiculous terms for Deborah's body parts (perhaps echoing the euphemisms of the libertine novels, but deliverately avoiding being enciting imo. He calls deborah's ass her rounded stern, as if she were a ship, the dress were the sails and the madame its clumsy sailor trying to command it. Her fidgety movements he adds, resemble those of children playing la tour prends garde, it's a burlesque registry of speech miles away from erotica. However, Deborah's shoulderblades also form under the madame's touch a valley interrupted by the ravine of the vertebrae. (interesting language, not necesarily erotic, but still sensual. the geographical/topographical terms echoe the idea of Deborah as a personification of her country, and maybe it's just me but the vertebrae mention make it a teensy bit morbid andrea vesalius core. Interesting and unexpected change of registry) When madame is done with her grotesque dress fitting, she brings Deborah a capse (a latin word in use in french. the root of the word caise, a case, used according to my editor to store scrolls, not jewlry. capse->diminutive capsula, etc) the case contains the portrait of the king in a trendy watercolor miniature. The Madame names him as Gonesse-but Debby knows better... and surely the king's ephigy was know by the people? via coins? art, etc?? does it make sense for the madame to lie like this?) -. The portrait depicts Pharao dressed as a “gallant adventurer” The madame, emebllishing the story bc she underestimates Deborah, or reproducing supersitions of the day re: divine powers of Royals, assures Gonesse has imbued the medalion with magical powers. It is to lie on her bosom until he can lie on it himself. Deborah claims to be unworthy of the excessive attentions of the “count”.

The Madame asks what Deborah thinks of him. Deborah continues to humour her and calls him handsome (Louis XV is represented as a handsome, plump and androgynous as a young man and in his fourties as an average to handsome man, the portraits surely flattered him, but even if she saw no Patrick Fitz Whyte represented, Deborah doesn't have to be LYING WILDLY here, it's not like being shown a hapsburg by velasquez as your future patron in bed.

But she surely is... overdoing it a bit when she says Gonesse has a regard full of friendlyness, a noble and apealing figure. The Madame comes undone. She cannot anymore with Debby's adorableness. We assume the groping resumes as the Madame beckons her calling her divine and an amour. The curtain falls, end scene.

#nothing too deep to say here #it's a short transition chapter #madame putiphar #text post

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marcotheflychair · 2 months

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y’all know what? people who kinkshame are literally so funny to me like

imagine being so pressed about someone enjoying having sex in whatever way they want that you have to make an entire 1k+ word post to go on a rant about how this is bad and weird and fucked up how they need to “seek help”

like, i understand being squicked out by certain things, i realize that sex-repulsed ace people (and even non ace people) exist and i respect that 100%, and i absolutely agree that the p*rn industry is horrible, but the people at Tumblr HQ have implemented this magical little thing into the website so long ago

it’s called a ✨block button✨

and if that isn’t enough then you can use the other magical little feature that Tumblr HQ added to their website all that time ago

✨the “blacklist specific words” feature✨

it’s literally easier to mind your own business than it is to scream on the internet about how “kink is gross” “kink is bad” “if you do kink you should kys” “if you do kink something is wrong with you” and anything else along those lines

being nice to people is literally free, both economically and psychologically, so it’s double free ✨

keep in mind that as long as there is ongoing consent and open communication you’re fine to be as kinky and freaky as you want <3

and also aftercare should happen regardless of whether the sex was kinky or not, because aftercare can consist of literally anything and also sex is still a strenuous activity despite being a pleasurable one, so you should still check in with your partner afterwards to make sure that they liked it and that they’re okay EVEN IF THE SEX WAS NOT KINKY

xoxo,

a kinkster who is tired of having his community eternally shit-talked by internet randos <3

#k!nk community #k!nk talk #kink is not a dirty word #sex is not a dirty word #kink positivity #sex positivity #kink positive #sex positive #my post #the chair creaks

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dantedemondino · 1 year

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How the fuck-

First and foremost, that is irony for Bojack Horseman to get a nominee and lose to something ludicrous. (if you watch the show you’ll know).

TW/CW: Vulgar/explicit Topics mentioned. It’s about how much I hate the show Big Mouth and why.

But that’s not what I posted this for. No it’s because I am baffled at the fact that big mouth won an Emmy.

A show that I’ve unfortunately seen various episodes skipping around through seasons 1-4 thanks to peer pressure in early high school, and then morbid curiosity after watching so many review channels talking of how it’s only gotten worse. (Thank fuck I suffer memory issues for once.)

It did in fact somehow.

And my opinion stands firm in: This show is disgusting and sickening for many reasons.

It’s a show targeted at adult audiences but it’s main cast is kids doing or seeing rather vulgar, and explicit situations. And not just “Haha funny awkward thing some people experience in puberty” some shit is just sickening upright.

If I can even bare to look past that (I can’t. Only funny thing is Matthew in the very beginning for the lack of said themes with them. I can’t even imagine a timeline where I lay eyes on this show again.) the other issue is the shows definition of Gross out humor. It is all fun and games, when done with proper comedic timing and honestly not being over the top.

Such as:

Bojack Horseman

Rick and Morty

Tuca and Bertie.

Meanwile big mouth has a whole episode called “Shit Madness” where a character goes mad from holding in his shit all day and ends up giving birth to a living giant piece of shit.

“What about how it tackled sensitive topics?”

I’ll give credit where it’s due, talking about things like body positivity/negativity, same sex lovers, toxic relationships, racism, mixed race couples, inequality, periods, or actually educational stuff regarding the trifles of puberty is a good thing. It’s stuff that should be able to be able to be talked about openly as it’s very real to our world. But with this show, it’s just impossible to take it in/seriously when minutes ago you have to see about how much of a repulsive creep Andrew is, or (probably) something worse.

In conclusion: The show big mouth honestly is disgusting to me. And even with those heavy or progressive topics being challenged in some episodes, it doesn’t excuse any of the other repulsive or bizarre stuff in that show. Go watch something else for the love of god.

May I never be forced to watch it again, cause no morbid curiosity about the cringe will bring me to lay eyes on it again.

#emmy nominee #tangent #bojack horseman #should’ve won instead #demondino thoughts

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opinated-user · 1 year

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Wait, isn't Lily *right* about SF Debris? I don't know the guy and I haven't seen his videos but if he's married and has kids then yeah, he's not ace or aro. He's had sex with someone he's in love with. That's not being LGBT, that's just being straight. Yeah, acting like he's a predator is 100% wrong, but she's correct, he's not LGBT. A cis man who has a wife and children is straight. He's not aromantic, he's in love. He's not sex repulsed, he had enough sex with his wife to have the twins (which I guess could be very little sex but still). That's a straight man.

missing the point, anon. 1. he never said he was LGBT+. LO for no real reason (spite, jelousy? idk) not only assumed that he claimed that, she also went out of her way to claim that he was lying for, again, no real reason, with zero proof, because she projects that "everyone wants to fuck". people on his audience assumed that he was because he apparently openly talks about how he doesn't feel attraction towards anyone that isn't his wife... which isn't the straight experience and that is why people on his audience imagine that he could be on the ace spectrum. 2. the idea that people are somehow lying about their identity to get some kind of social clout or whatever benefit LO imagined is an old conservative talking point that she should know better than to use against anyone. 3. as said before, feeling attraction towards only one person does not describe the average straight man. it could be more socially acceptable if that person happens to be of the opposite sex and you both are gender conforming but it's not still what is expected, especially for men. if he wants to call himself straight or not is entirely his choice and that should be respected in any case, but if he wanted to he could easily fit the definition for a demisexual or grey asexual person. that's just a fact. 4. being sex repulsed does not mean being asexual. you could be sex repulsed and any other identity, gay or straight, just like you can be sex indifferent or sex positive, kinky and asexual. there's plenty of testimonies of people living with all those identities that you can research on your free time. 5. use the presence of kids and having a wife to negate the potential of someone to be on ace spectrum is still gross. none of us lives on the mind of that man, we don't know what he feels or think about on a daily basis so we only have his word to go on. if he claims that the only person he felt any attraction to is his wife then we just have to believe him. if he someday decides he feels comfortable enough to claim an ace identity then we have to assume that he has good reason to come to that conclusion. whatever he decides to do in any case is none of our business. that's a human person, not a character we can have headcanons about, and LO was extremely out of line to make such claims about him without any other proof that her inhability to imagine someone who does not want to have sex with more than one person. LO especially should know better than to do that when her own wife is an ace person herself.

#lily orchard #lily orchard is acephobic

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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cw: sex, mention of masturbation

im acespec and quite sex repulsed i think, like i fantasise about sex (to some extent) but anything irl makes me uncomfortable and sometimes grosses me out too. i also dont have a particularly high libido, sometimes im just "in the mood"? turned on? so when that happens i either do nothing (because i dont dim it particularly important) or take care of it myself. and i've never had any problems with that, i dont feel ashamed nor disgusted. the only thing i hate is the way you get so sweaty and physically hot/warm. i really dont like it. i cant imagine having intercourse and having to deal with mine and another person/other people's heat and sweat. seems just about disgusting and umcomfy. i also hate people touching me even outside of any sexual context, so i cant imagine how being in one would go. badly probably.

#asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #sex repulsed #sex averse

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nerves-nebula · 1 year

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Shaking hands with you about the "touch averse but craves it" thing (kind of. Sort of??) For me it's that I just. Imagine physical contact from someone I love but don't get to be very tactile with whenever I'm down. Touch sounds very cool and great to me until I am being touched and then it's like. Actually I'd rather not. I'm also currently still in high school and there's this one teacher who I do have to interact with quite often who literally just comes up to people and grabs them. Like really hard??? So hard it hurts. He does that to literally everyone too for no reason despite EVERYONE who isn't him being really quite uncomfortable with that. And I keep internally drawing comparisons to myself with this guy every time I wanna touch somebody like what if I'm also being weird and creepy?? I only barely ever initiate (and am completely unable to ask for) touch despite that being the best way to ensure that I am comfortable with it because I am so constantly convinced I am too repulsive to be touched. Which like. Logically I know that is protnot true and stems from all the general weird insecurities I have around my body but knowing that's the case doesn't really help because emotions are garbage sometimes. That's also kinda why I relate so much whenever you say that you want to be a monster - I already feel gross and unworthy and not like a human being a lot of the time!!! Why should I be a human I'm literally so bad at it!!! I can't even touch someone's hand casually without feeling like I did something unforgivable!!!

its not Weird or Creepy if u just ask someone if its ok. <- said as if I don't flinch at the slightest touch or would ever be able to just casually ask if i can hold someone's hand. ough.

That's also kinda why I relate so much whenever you say that you want to be a monster - I already feel gross and unworthy and not like a human being a lot of the time!!! Why should I be a human I'm literally so bad at it!!!

this is vibes for sure, i totally get the self esteem issues goin on here. but also that's not really why i wanna be a capital C Creature. It's not like, an Evil or Gross thing to me. I love monsters and the monstrous and i love freaks fashasdgsdafsg. im writing an essay about monstrosity, inhumanity, and blackness rn actually (or at least I SHOULD BE)

sorry i know that's NOT what you meant but i. i adore monsters.

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts

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kharmii · 12 days

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Maybe Marchy wants you to delete their post because they don't want to be affiliated with you, specifically. You're sort of a trash human being who can't get past werewolves being fictional creatures who have been a part of human mythology for thousands of years. Oh, and you're also transphobic and borderline homophobic. No one seems to like you, Kharm. Take a hint and keep your opinions to yourself for a change.

I haven't seen werewolf pron in a long time because all the people into it blocked me before I had a chance to block them. Srsly tho, there is no fandom as thirsty for dog-ass as submas. Beautiful men = Out of Style. Grotesque hairy stank-factories = In Style.

I don't like a lot of you either. I'd have been over this fandom ages ago if I wasn't into making dubious translations of Asian art. It's not like I'd want to go diving head first into My Hero Academia either, as it's mostly a bunch of kids. I suppose Erasurehead x Present Mike is appealing in the 'opposites attract' sort of way, but I'm not into Endeavor x Hawks because the former is too much of an alpha male. A main plot point was how Endeavor got into an arranged marriage with a once influential family that was struggling. They sold their daughter to Endeavor so he could selectively breed perfect superhero babies.

Endeavor: *taps watch* My recovery time is twenty minutes. That's how often you are getting bred until that baby sticks. After that, we could go once an hour for fun. (My goddamn #1 hero)

Anyway, nobody has yet to answer my question about why it's acceptable in fandom to be a shitting dick nipple fkn furry into a million stupid fetishes, yet a lot of those people still have the gall to have a 'Proshippers DNI' on their pages. Why is it okay to cherry pick the two things? (Pedophilia/Incest) but it's okay to belong to a group of people (furries) who are overrepresented in irl cases of sexual abuse? Why is one sort of weirdo more socially acceptable than another?

Side note: A lot of furries I've encountered are into belly kink. You know how they are always saying yaoi is offensive to irl gay men because woman pidgeonhole gay men into heteronormative female fantasies? Well, first of all, fuck gay men and men in general. It's part of male privilege that all biological males -whether straight gay or trans- have this attitude like their feelings are of utmost importance, and that they should be allowed to regulate what we do. If gay men don't like my gay men fantasies, then fight me.

Where was I....so belly kink is a very heteronormative feminine fantasy. It's a very female fantasy to want to see a feminine looking person being comforted by their masculine partner when they are suffering with a huge swollen pregnant looking belly. I can see the appeal of it if the person with the fat belly is pretty looking, like the Dabiten ship. Unfortunately, I too often saw depictions of this featuring gross ass furries that one could just imagine the stank lines wafting out of.

Another side note: Is there the same sort of crap in other fandoms one sees in submas? -Like does every other fandom get flooded with two-dick dragon morbidly obese omegaverse bullshit? I'll say it again because I have the right to my opinion....I'll bet a lot of monster fkn bullshit is trans coded, like they want to normalize fat hairy men with vaginas and/or dubious genitals (like multiple dicks, yo..) looking pregnant. It's yet another side effect of our fossil fuel driven glut where too many people have amygdales not functioning correctly which causes dysfunction with dopamine regulation. A person with a healthy sense of their own mortality would be repulsed by pregnant trans male figures because of the potential of getting a really messed up baby.

Seriously, doctors are supposed to experiment on animals before moving to humans. How many female animals were pumped with male hormones then made pregnant? Have there been a lot of studies done on what unnatural male hormones might do to a developing baby in the womb? -Or are we in the midst of ongoing legal experimentation on humans?

#send troll prompts #the double down #endeavor #transtrender #fandumb fail #m preg #damn furries #experimenting on humans #at least there's no omegaverse #hypocrisy #ask me about my million stupid bj aus #blankshipping #leftist culture #animation

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graysongraysoff · 1 year

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u kno

roughly a year back i embarked upon something of a ~sexuality crisis~ that lasted for ~kind of a while~ bc i kind of blundered into writing smut for a couple rps i was in and was like "writing smut fun actually??" which resulted in me like. not being able to write it anymore for a long time lmao and feeling all gross and hypocritical about it. bc i already have such a complex about being "fake ace" for a number of reasons and having fun writing smut only exacerbated this, bc while i am still 100% certain i have never been sexually attracted to a person or a person’s physical attributes, i was like finding out there are things people can do that i find, yes, sexy. but simultaneously i'm still not really interested in actually having sex? and all of this felt very confusing and contradictory, lol.

and it didn’t help to hear that common refrain of “oh so much of the smut on ao3 is written by ace folks ace folks write so much smut lol” bc like. idk the way people would always frame it was something like “it’s ace people’s distance from sex and sexuality that makes them good at writing it bc of their objective perspective” or whatever but that’s not how it felt to me?? like i would never describe it as feeling “distant” or “objective” or like i was some outsider looking in. i feel really deeply personally connected to everything i write, no matter how like technically distant it is from my lived experience. does that make sense?? like i don’t feel like some kind of fucking scientist observing and recording things; i put myself in everything i write because i don’t know how you would write about characters’ emotions and reactions to things without feeling all of that yourself to some extent. it’s not sympathy it’s empathy, and to a very high degree.

but recently i discovered youtube video essayist james somerton who does a lot of queer/gay content (unrelated his video on attack on titan is fantastic and should be required watching) and i was like letting his stuff autoplay while getting ready for work one morning about a week ago and thus got to listen to a podcast he did with a gay ace co-host about asexuality and stuff, and this co-host talked about how he enjoyed cybering and like writing about sex and having written sexual encounters but found the actual experience of sex like underwhelming and disappointing, specifically saying the real thing like never lives up to what he can write or imagine. and idk hearing someone talk about it like that was really like. helpful and validating for me?? hearing “asexuality is a spectrum uwu” is often too vague for me to really get anything out of it, but hearing someone specifically talk about their place on the spectrum as anything other than a sex-repulsed aro/ace and also having their experience be validated by the allosexual person they’re talking to about it, idk. it made me feel like less of a freak and a hypocrite to know that there’s at least one guy out there who’s like “yeah i like having written sexual encounters but the real thing doesn’t really interest me” and that he’s comfortable enough to talk about it in those terms and to still identify as ace and to have at least one other person sitting there with him clearly not thinking he’s any less ace for it.

idk i’ve been thinking about this a lot in the week since i listened to that podcast and i just wanted to get it out of my brain, lol. i just like. 1.) really appreciated stumbling upon that video so much and 2.) really wish there was more content like that out there for ace folks like me who like. struggle with not feeling ace enough bc so much ace pride is like. “i’m incorruptible.” lmao. like some more nuance would really be great, idk.

#personal #asexuality #would really rather you not reblog this <3

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lavenderfeminist · 2 years

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hiiiii pls don’t block me this is a genuine question that no one has truly helped on yet and i have posted on several forums, am i lesbian if i find men cute atleast in their faces but am repulsed by the p•nis? i saw you saying that you don’t feel much repulsion toward them unless it’s focused on their p*nis and i feel similar. i had sex with one dude and i felt really nothing and seeing his member really grossed me out. i think men can be attractive and i don’t want to puke in their presence or anything and some i even see have really handsome faces but i don’t really have interest in having sex with them i mean unless they were just giving me head or something. however my sex drive for women is pretty high and i love women lots tbh. is this of lesbian experience? sorry if this is offensive or makes you upset. i love your tumblr and i thought you would give me a kind and truthful answer so i wanted to ask. xx

Look, I'm glad you're confident I'll give you an honest answer, but reading this was absolutely bewildering to me. I'm going to be as nice as possible but I'm probably going to say something you don't like.

"Am i lesbian if i find men cute atleast in their faces but am repulsed by the p•nis?" Depends on what you mean by "cute". I can tell you my best friend is handsome but that doesn't make me feel any special kind of way about him. Whether you can tell someone's conventionally attractive or not doesn't say whether you actually find them attractive. I'm not attracted to plenty of conventionally attractive women, and attracted to plenty who aren't considered conventionally attractive.

"i saw you saying that you don’t feel much repulsion toward them unless it’s focused on their p*nis and i feel similar" With absolute certainty I know I have never said this, because it would be a lie and I have no incentive to lie about the way I feel towards men's bodies. Me saying I don't want to picture having sex with a man because it's distressing to me ≠ I'm only grossed out by dick. I cannot stand the thought of a man putting his hands on my skin, or having to touch him back. I don't need my thoughts to proceed to what you're supposed to do with a dick to know I could never willingly get to that point with any man. Doing so would require actively fighting against my own nature. I don't know how to explain it better than that. I cannot imagine proceeding through the circumstances necessary to sleep with a man without knowing I would be hurting myself the entire time, and my heart is absolutely broken for lesbians who feel, for safety reasons or because of self hatred, that that is something they must do.

"i had sex with one dude and i felt really nothing and seeing his member really grossed me out." As sad as this is, it is not a lesbian-specific experience to not enjoy sex with men and to feel nothing. From what I can tell, the majority of straight and bisexual women do not get the pleasure they should from having sex with men. A lot of women don't find penises particularly attractive either; they like the rest of the man and that makes up for it. Sexuality isn't defined by the quality of the sex you have, it's defined by the desire to have sex with a specific sex of people, or both sexes. I can tell you having sex with a man wouldn't make me feel nothing; it would make me feel like I was being assaulted.

"i think men can be attractive and i don’t want to puke in their presence or anything and some i even see have really handsome faces but i don’t really have interest in having sex with them i mean unless they were just giving me head or something." I don't really need to break this down except to say the thought of a man putting his mouth on me makes me want to vomit.

"is this of lesbian experience?" Sleeping with a man and not enjoying it is unfortunately a profoundly osa woman-experience. It's strange to me to dismiss the material circumstances necessary to have sex with someone. A lot of women are victims of coercion and I am not dismissing that; being coerced does not lead to consensual sex. But if the sex you had with him was consensual and you willingly went through with it and realized after it wasn’t great, which seems to have been the case, no, this is not a lesbian experience at all. I'm sorry if this makes somebody angry but I'm judging this in relation to my own feelings and experiences and that's all I can do.

You are not obligated to be with or sleep with anyone you don’t want to. If you choose to only be with women for the rest of your life, I am absolutely in support of you doing what will make you healthiest and happiest. But I do think it would be a choice for you in a way it is not for me.

#asks #to review

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