#pregnancy after loss

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

That was such a good therapy session and I really needed that going into tomorrow's appointment. I'm also continuously amazing how medication and expanded my window of tolerance to open up and discuss hard things. I feel like I can actually start working on some tough trauma work.

#personal #pregnancy #pregnancy after loss #anxiety #therapy #trauma

[callmemrscarter]

As of yesterday,

I am now 9 months pregnant!

It’s almost baby time; I’m really going to miss being pregnant, but we really can’t wait to meet our sweet bean (and I have never been more sleepy in my life 😅🤣) 🥺🤍

#third trimester #9 months #9 months pregnant #pregnancy #pregnancy journey #pregnancy after loss #pregnant #motherhood #new mom #baby time #36 weeks #36 weeks pregnant #pregnancy after miscarriage #sleepy gorl #sleepyhead #sleepy #bittersweet

[nobrakesdown]

Maxiel, first kiss after a long absence

I did a very bad job sticking to the prompt! But I got inspired today and I hope you like this anyways!

430 words, Max/Daniel, warnings for stillbirth, mpreg, pregnancy after loss, and also this doesn't really have a happy ending (yet!)

It’s been a while since Max came home to find Daniel crying on the couch.

At the end of the 2020 season, it had been a frequent occurrence.  It had been so hard for Max to leave back then, knowing how much Daniel needed him.  Michael had stayed at the apartment with him while Max was gone, because Daniel could barely function.

Now, Max slides the door closed quietly.  “Daniel?”

His husband looks up, eyes red.  “Oh shit.  I didn’t think you’d be home this soon.”  He wipes at his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“The meeting took less time than I thought,” Max says.  “What’s going on?”

To his surprise, Daniel stands up.  Before, in the aftermath of Trevor’s death, the two of them would curl up on the couch when Max got home, and he would usually end up crying as well.  

He disappears into the bathroom, and comes back with something in his hands.  Max doesn’t realize what it is until Daniel is handing it to him - a pregnancy test.  A positive pregnancy test.

“Oh,” he says.

“I was going to do a big thing, surprise you,” Daniel says.  “But I started thinking about when I found out I was pregnant with Trevor - I took the pregnancy test in a Renault garage bathroom, remember?  And it just kind of hit me.”

Max looks down at the test, at the two lines.  This was the plan for this year, but it still feels impossible that it’s happening.  Might be happening, at least, because he doesn’t think he’s going to believe they’re bringing a baby home until they have them in their arms, alive.

Actually, he might be tearing up a little.  “Come here,” he says, pulling on Daniel’s arm and half tumbling the two of them onto the couch.  He burrows into Daniel’s side, and lets him wrap an arm around him.

“I’m scared,” he admits, the words somehow easier when they’re not looking at each other.  “I know we talked about it, I know we want this, but I’m scared it will happen again.”

“Me too,” Daniel says.  “I mean, they said it shouldn’t.  It wasn’t a genetic thing, he probably moved around too much and got himself tangled in the cord, like they said.  But like - lightning can strike twice, you know?”

“I know,” Max says, pressing closer.  “I know, Daniel.”

There’s a pause, and then Daniel says, in a much shakier voice, “And I just miss Trev.”

“I know,” Max says again, because what else is there to say?  “I miss him too.”

#answers #nonsense #birthday! #stillbirth #mpreg #pregnancy after loss #I do realize both of these start with daniel crying #oops

[ahundredhundredheartbeats]

I am afraid of so many things.

I am of course terrified that this baby will die too. I am scared that this will finally break me, break my husband, break us. I am so scared that we will never recover as individuals or as a couple if we lose another baby.

But I'm also afraid that I'll be a bad parent. I'm scared that this child will feel like a replacement for the brother who died at birth. I am afraid this child will feel like they have to prioritize taking care of me and my fears over living their own life in the best way they can imagine, because I lost my first baby. I am so scared this child will feel like my re-do, my second chance, my last chance, instead of feeling like their own person.

I'm afraid they won't know that they don't owe me anything. I need them to know that I didn't choose to have them as a replacement or do-over. I chose to have them because I wanted to nurture and protect a new life, to allow them to find out who they are going to be and to live and become the life they choose for themself, with my help.

I am so, so scared that love and affection won't be enough. That my trauma will poison their childhood and leave them with a life-long sense of foreboding that something bad will happen if they're not careful or perfect enough.

How am I going to remember all of this every day, to protect them from taking on my fears as their own? What am I going to do?

#infant loss #grief #pregnancy after loss #parenting #family #child death tw #infant death tw #stillbirth tw #pregnancy cw #birth #trauma

[atouchofflourish]

Grieving Levi: Leaning into Perfect Placement

I feel like time is moving rapidly. Today is Levi’s due date, April 1st, 2024. Did we really go through all of that in December and it’s already April? Goodness. I really believe that in order to tell you of all the miraculous things God was and is doing through Levi’s brief time here, I need to start from the beginning. While Levi was our 3rd pregnancy loss in 4 years, I feel like I need to…

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#cervical insufficiency #church #church family #church placement #early stillbirth #Faith #God #grief #grief and loss #Hope #incompetent cervix #Jesus #loss #miscarriage #pregnancy after loss #pregnancy loss #stillbirth

[dallasphotographer]

Waiting for the miracle after the storm

Maternity photographer in Dallas

#rainbowbaby #dallas #maternity photographer #pregnancy #pregnancy after loss #photographers on tumblr #original photographers #lensblr #original photographer #artists on tumblr #studio photographer #maternity

[lifeofshaniarose]

I’m nervous about this possible pregnancy. 😭

#pregnancy after loss #endometriosis and pregnancy

[blazedpeaches]

photo dump | I’m having a baby!!!! 🥰💖

#pregnancy after loss #pregnant #my baby

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Upon further reflection I have decided that I'm no longer allowing my trauma to steal my joy in big life milestones. The timing may not be what I planned, but I want more kids and I'm so so so excited to welcome another baby into our family. I deserve to let myself feel excited and completely embrace it. Does that mean I'm not scared? Hell no, I'm terrified. Does that mean something bad can't happen? Of course not, I'm not naive. I'm just no longer going to let the fear and anxiety of the "what ifs" control me and keep me from experiencing the joy of pregnancy. If something happens then I will deal with it then, but forcing myself to ignore my feelings won't change the outcome. My twins would want me to embrace this with love, hope and joy, and I know they will be proud of me for pushing myself to do that. I also believe in the depths of my heart that they will do everything they can to keep this baby safe.

This pregnancy is real. It's happening, and I'm so excited about it. My heart is bursting with love for this little nugget. So, keep growing little one. I promise to do everything I can to keep you safe, and you just focus on growing big and strong for me 🥰

#personal #spontaneous pregnancy after infertility #fourth pregnancy #pregnancy after loss #anxiety #trauma

[callmemrscarter]

Hey y’all!

I know I’ve pretty much fallen off of the face of the earth, but I promise it was for GREAT reason.

My husband and I are expecting our first child 🥰

We are currently 12 weeks along, and baby is healthy, and crazy enough, a little on the bigger side 😅

Words can’t describe how blessed we feel to beginning such an exciting chapter in our journey!

Rainbows do in fact show themselves after storms 🌈✨

#Christian marriage #Christian housewife #pregnancy announcement #pregnancy #12 weeks pregnant #rainbow baby #pregnancy after loss #pregnancy after miscarriage #first time parents

[hopemyfamneversees]

Hi baby. Please stay.

#pregnancy #pregnancy after loss #rainbowbaby #please stay alive #second pregnancy

[ahundredhundredheartbeats]

New baby is 8 days old and I’m terrified all the time.

I knew the fear wouldn’t go away just because we got through the birth but I didn’t think it would be so hard.

#pregnancy after loss

[atouchofflourish]

I can still feel the steamy breeze on that hot July summer morning as I was watering our wildflowers. I was admiring new seedlings among flourishing flowers, and I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Levi is here.” In that moment, I could feel God’s wraparound presence and peace. The following day, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. This positive test came four weeks after the Cottons…

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#Christian #Chronic Hope #double rainbow baby #Faith #gender reveal #God #goodness of god #Healing #Holy Spirit #Hope #Jesus #love #prayer #pregnancy #pregnancy after infertility #pregnancy after loss #Pregnancy after miscarriage #pregnancy after stillbirth #pregnancy gender reveal #rainbow baby #spiritual endurance #Spiritual healing #spirituality

[dallasphotographer]

After every storm there is the promise of a rainbow

#rainbowbaby #pregnancy after loss #rainbow baby #maternity #maternity portraits #maternity photographer #photographers on tumblr #original photographer #original photographers #photography