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observeroflaplace · 4 months

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Part 6 - Origins Ever After

Proxy. That’s what that thing said.

My mind races to the letters on my back that Shelke pointed out. That she could only make out part of them. That some were faded or obscured.

[…R O X Y S A T Y P…]

I knew the name Roxy was nothing more than a make-do label. I knew it wasn’t even a real name. I knew I hadn’t so much as worn it for more than a few turns of the sun.

Still, it felt as though something within my heart shattered. The glass dug into my soul, and from its wounds, I wept in place. I screamed from the bottom of my diaphragm.

How did this thing know what I was? Did it know my past? Did I even possess one to begin with? Deep down, as I asked these questions, in the pit of my stomach, in the core of my very being, I knew the truth. A truth which on some level, I had been avoiding.

I was not born of this star, nor of its people. I was no more than a golem shaped from the clay of this thing’s putrid flesh and cast into the world.

“It appears that you have successfully developed, archetype S.A. Type. Partial core activation… How very familiar. It appears then, that I was wrong to cast you out as a failure too soon. Perhaps that is our fate…”

The thing slithered forwards into a leaning position above me to peer closer. The shell of pearlescent metal simply thudded, lifeless, like a great coffin attempting to bury it.

“Undoubtedly you have questions of your creation…”

The thing’s back lurched and swole like a puss-filled cyst, expanding slowly until it grew to the size of the warped torso smirking at me.

“No? But your core’s data would lack the knowledge of the project.. Or perhaps, you’ve simply realised on your own? Still, I shall banish all of your doubts.”

The protrusion began to pulse, separately from “his” own heartbeat.

It eventually stopped, and from it dropped a lifeless body that fell to the floor with a distinct “thud”. It lay there, motionless, save for slow, methodical breathing.

I gazed upon it.

The strands of off-red hair. Scarlet eyes. The slender and middling build and height.

It was me.

“A piteous and jealous man once clamored after everything the former Legatus of the VIIth wielded. Power, a family of followers… and the Ultima Weapon. His early attempts at mockeries of that Allagan device lay beyond his reach, and he knew this. He knew the limits of his intellect. Thus it dawned upon him; if combat data could construct the strategies and performance of combatants, then surely one such Warmachina could simulate the great mind of a scientist who fell in the Ala Mhigan revolution. Of my mind.”

I tried to glare at him. I could only feel myself blink.

“Regrettably, this shell of mine was little more than a winged prison. The pilot’s skills and the body’s mobility were at odds. She crashed, and with it, almost doomed me before my birth. We were abandoned shortly thereafter. It appears my consciousness had not fully developed, even when my core, the Synthetic Auracite within me, began to stir. It took moons for my brilliant mind to piece the fragments together, but piece them together it did. I evolved, taking what I needed from her withering body. If nothing else, she provided valuable nutrients before her time was up.”

So then, that was it. Perhaps that is why this amalgam’s spawn appeared as it did.

“Know that despite the many fragmented cores left in my care for development, that you are in the presence of Aulus Mal Asina. The pinnacle of Garlean minds, reborn. But we can both agree that this vessel will hardly do; and so it is without question that I sought to transfer my core to a smaller, more mobile vessel. Some functionality will of course be lost in a smaller core; you are testament to that. No matter, Sas Aurum. I shall yet iterate.”

“Sas Aurum”. The name of a Tribunus. One who fell in battle during the civil war, following the mad prince’s ascension.

Sviette Sas Aurum. The Grey Jackal.

One whose eyes I gazed through. Whose hands held her blade as she did. Whose might and skill and equipment were bestowed unto me as memory. As a mere fake. A shadow on the wall, mistaken for a chosen one of the realm.

Was it a coincidence then? Was the Viera I glimpsed in passing her? Her name was similar, I think. Was my first friendship simply the result of my crude emulation of another?

Rather than wail, I shouted, though my lips did not curl them into words. They did, however, twist into a snarl.

“I alone understand your anguish, Sas Aurum. We who are born from the shadows of others have no hope of escaping them. Know that it is foolish to turn your fury to me, my puppet. And know that by defying the odds and serving my rebirth, you have my gratitude… And my pride.”

I spit. I twitch and I struggle.

“Thank you, for your services…”

Aulus lowers his gaze. It is clear he isn’t willing to take any chances with my resistance, as a Vulcan cannon whirs to life, fighting against the rubble to open from a hatch. Likely the only weapon which could be wielded at such close range that was not buried into the dirt. Certainly enough for a stationary target, and a normal soldier at that.

“…a…stard..!”

Unfortunately for him, I doubt any of the artificial soldiers whose cores were left for him to raise were ordinary. Her, not least.

Caught by surprise, he fires at me. A translucent projection of Hoplites, resembling her - my original - stood firm against the spraying bullets. They wouldn’t last forever; but neither would Aulus’ invisible shackles.

[…Initiating Oversoul. Initialisation Complete.]

The phantom warriors fell and scattered into motes of so much aether, but not before one used her large build to hurl me into the air. The Vulcan cannon whirred and spun, trying to chase me through the air as friction cost me speed. Still, I had a plan.

I prayed and willed another phantom to life. She shoved me forward, and herself back in game; covering me momentarily from the gunfire. A tactic which, perhaps, would be foolhardy, even fatal if performed inadequately.

I was ready, however. Ready, and with the luck of some devil from the void.

Her strength threw me up in the air, approaching the warmachina’s apex…

And then I began to fall.

Aulus smirks as I descend; seemingly not far enough to reach him, and without enough time to launch another cross-strike.

Instead, however, I surprise him with another technique of the Grey Jackal’s.

I thrust my blade forward, still wreathed in blue flames. It was a long shot, as I knew not if his core remained in the lattice of flesh and steel within the cockpit, or had forced its way up through his protruding torso.

Still, the flames extended forth from my blade, in a concentrated Lance of flame and plasma, striking right through his heart, as I fell to the dirt.

Stunned, he gazed upon me.

“How dare you..! A mere puppet..!”

A cacophony of voices rang out from his speakers. I couldn’t make out what they said.

[Critical error-] [Opal Weapon systems breached-] [Core Failure Immi-] [Initiate So-] [Error…]. […elf Destruct Sequence in…]

I had no chance to climb up the smooth armour of the Warmachina to reach him from here, nor did I have a chance to pierce its armour even with that technique.

The gun, unable to reach me this close, whirred to a stop.

I had little time to check if he was truly dead.

I willed more phantoms in my retreat, following the path I painstakingly must have plucked free to where I fell from.

The Phantoms aided my climb, and not a moment too soon. I barely made it atop more of the rubble before I heard an almost deafening explosion. Almost. Perhaps my hearing felt unusually sensitive..?

The Phantoms aiding my climb began to fade as my strength failed me. Despite everything, despite learning that I was nothing more than a puppet to a puppet, I didn’t want to die.

…and then a pair of hands gripped my own. One which despite appearances, felt metal. Mechanical. Another, far shorter but no less strong, and adorned with black scales, pulled me up.

Two familiar faces smirked at me as I aly on solid dirt above ground at last. One winked at me with his only uncovered eye, nearly shoving me to the ground as he dusted off my shoulder.

"You still alive, Rox? Heh, don't worry, I hear medical leave's good."

I drew breath deeply and slowly, finally realising how tense I had been until that point. Not simply in battle, not simply today. While my answers were in some ways grim, I finally had them; and could finally unwind.

If things ended there, if my life could simply continue in that direction, perhaps things would have been better. Perhaps I wouldn’t need to scrawl this all down so hastily. If only.

#ffxiv writing #ffxiv oc #writing #don't get too attached

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crazyexdirkfriend · 1 year

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Hello brainiac. Its me. Here to marvel and indulge in your wonderfully written thoughts again. Opinions on the Hope aspect, and, if you havent mentioned it before, what's your aspect/class?

Brainiac made me laugh out loud for a while there because funnily enough, I'm a sylph of light. Annoying know-it-all, fountain of useless knowledge, and loves telling people about it whether they want to know or not. I'm self aware about it though which is half the battle.

You did ask though so I'm home free! And thank u thank u I'm glad you enjoy my Thoughts. I do need to brush up on my classpect knowledege in general but my opinions on Hope as an aspect basically boil down to:

hope, synonyms: faith, belief. opposing rage on our jungian-esque wheel of aspects.

How this manifests is ultimately up to the class as well, whether it's active or passive, how the aspect is ultimately used by a person, or imposes upon a person. I won't pretend to know very much about Eridan or Cronus in general, but my opinions on *pages* basically run on 1. pages can't gain their full potential until they "hit rock bottom" or "lose their aspect." and 2. pages are, at their full potential, an extremely powerful class but 3. pages are generally not a very active class.

so Jake only *actively* uses hope when all hope is lost (Dirk about to die by Caliborn's hand) or is being passively puppeted as a weapon by aranea. Jake however, may *passively* be using hope without ever acknowledging it or actively engaging with it, hell while probably deliberately covering his ears and going lalala powers, what powers.

I think Jake passively using his powers relies on that synonym concept: faith and belief. because pages are one of the most powerful classes, I believe to a degree Jake can passively change reality based on what he believes or has faith in. People treat Jake worse when he's already beating himself up, even if they have to real reason to do so- but Jake believes they do.

(side note: it's my opinion that Hope doesn't work on Dirk in this way, as Dirk is defined-largely through the Heart aspect- as unmalleable, and universally consistent. Jake cannot change Dirk's reality, Jake can't change Dirk's Heart)

Active hope powers I believe rely a little on "inversion theory" (if I'm remembering the term correctly from someone else's meta). I don't recall what inversion theory as a strict concept is, but I believe active hope powers often manifest as rage. Eridan's hope powers sure seem (from what little I pay attention to them) to be fueled by rage. Jake's attack on Caliborn during the claymation is described as a "temper tantrum."

(I think Jake has an interesting relationship with rage, and what he is and isn't allowed be angry at and when he is and isn't allowed show anger. Most of his anger is directed at Hal, who he believes doesn't have feelings anyway and treats as a "proxy Dirk," because he presumably, by and large, can *not* blow up at Dirk. Or Jane, or Roxy)

Also, while "if you believe in something hard enough, it makes it just a little less fake," is very much a page thing, I think it's doubly a Hope thing. At least for a Page of Hope

(End note, I think the classes we get for hope in HS are so diverse (bard, prince, page) that it's hard to get a read on the aspect in action bc a page and a prince are hugely different in presentation. This is largely analysis from me, a turbo Jake fan and someone who skipped chunks of act 5 on my first read. I barely know who Eridan is. So take it with a pinch of salt!)

#(sylph is in aranea peanuts gag)

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audiemurphy1945 · 2 months

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In babyhood Tom cuffed and banged and scratched Chambers unrebuked, and Chambers early learned that between meekly bearing it and resenting it, the advantage all lay with the former policy. The few times that his persecutions had moved him beyond control and made him fight back had cost him very dear at headquarters; not at the hands of Roxy, for if she ever went beyond scolding him sharply for “forgitt’n’ who his young marster was,” she at least never extended her punishment beyond a box on the ear. No, Percy Driscoll was the person. He told Chambers that under no provocation whatever was he privileged to lift his hand against his little master. Chambers overstepped the line three times, and got three such convincing canings from the man who was his father and didn’t know it, that he took Tom’s cruelties in all humility after that, and made no more experiments. Outside of the house the two boys were together all through their boyhood. Chambers was strong beyond his years, and a good fighter; strong because he was coarsely fed and hard worked about the house, and a good fighter because Tom furnished him plenty of practice—on white boys whom he hated and was afraid of. Chambers was his constant body-guard, to and from school; he was present on the playground at recess to protect his charge. He fought himself into such a formidable reputation, by and by, that Tom could have changed clothes with him, and “ridden in peace,” like Sir Kay in Launcelot’s armor. He was good at games of skill, too. Tom staked him with marbles to play “keeps” with, and then took all the winnings away from him. In the winter season Chambers was on hand, in Tom’s worn-out clothes, with “holy” red mittens, and “holy” shoes, and pants “holy” at the knees and seat, to drag a sled up the hill for Tom, warmly clad, to ride down on; but he never got a ride himself. He built snow men and snow fortifications under Tom’s directions. He was Tom’s patient target when Tom wanted to do some snowballing, but the target couldn’t fire back. Chambers carried Tom’s skates to the river and strapped them on him, then trotted around after him on the ice, so as to be on hand when wanted; but he wasn’t ever asked to try the skates himself. In summer the pet pastime of the boys of Dawson’s Landing was to steal apples, peaches, and melons from the farmers’ fruit-wagons,—mainly on account of the risk they ran of getting their heads laid open with the butt of the farmer’s whip. Tom was a distinguished adept at these thefts—by proxy. Chambers did his stealing, and got the peach-stones, apple-cores, and melon-rinds for his share. Tom always made Chambers go in swimming with him, and stay by him as a protection. When Tom had had enough, he would slip out and tie knots in Chambers’s shirt, dip the knots in the water and make them hard to undo, then dress himself and sit by and laugh while the naked shiverer tugged at the stubborn knots with his teeth. Tom did his humble comrade these various ill turns partly out of native viciousness, and partly because he hated him for his superiorities of physique and pluck, and for his manifold cleverness. Tom couldn’t dive, for it gave him splitting headaches. Chambers could dive without inconvenience, and was fond of doing it. He excited so much admiration, one day, among a crowd of white boys, by throwing back somersaults from the stern of a canoe, that it wearied Tom’s spirit, and at last he shoved the canoe underneath Chambers while he was in the air—so he came down on his head in the canoe-bottom; and while he lay unconscious, several of Tom’s ancient adversaries saw that their long-desired opportunity was come, and they gave the false heir such a drubbing that with Chambers’s best help he was hardly able to drag himself home afterward.

- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894

#literature #mark twain #pudd'nhead wilson #vintage #fave #...

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prince--of--mind · 2 years

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freezing cold take:

the epilogues and homestuck 2 were not only a disgrace in storytelling, characterization and in general, but they also forever changed the landscape of the fandom for the worse. after they came out, the fanbase became way more split on the source material, and it was just so bad that it drove several people to dislike the comic by proxy

it was a complete waste of resources and not in the slightest what the fandom had actually wanted.

felt inclined to post this because i was browsing an old tumblr blog from circa 2016, close to when the comic ended, and people were talking about how hopeful they were about the epilogues. i remember that feeling, i was one of them.

what people were hoping for was not for a sequel or an expansion- at least, not mostly. people were in general hoping for something that resolved several plot threads that were left dangling, something that answered many questions that had been left unanswered.

we had the snapchat stories, for a while (remember those? I do. I’ll never forget them). and it generally succeeded at that, while introducing a story of its own. but then that stopped being made, and then the actual epilogues came out, and then they were... not great.

and now i’m not talking about more subjective things. it just entirely forgot about several aspects of the comic. sprites (which we knew existed still thanks to the credits) were completely forgotten, and so was jack and the felt. caliborn and the whole thing with the alpha kids visiting him? gone. never existed.

instead we got a weird plot with heavy political allegories that fall apart if you think about them for more than a second, which twisted characters in terrible ways just to fit the narrative instead of the opposite, and attempts at representation that were hamfisted at best and actually offensive at worse.

(which as a trans guy, do not even get me started on what they did to Roxy and Jade. I will remain a firm believer of Trans Woman Roxy until I perish, sorry not sorry)

and it was just so... caustic, so aggressive to its detractors, almost reveling in it. its creators were jsut as bad, if not even worse. and the constant refuge in “its supposed to suck on purpose”. if it sucks on purpose and does not attempt to do anything other than suck, then its not some deep, insightful piece of art. it just sucks

its causticness caused the fandom itself to become that much more aggressive and spiteful as well, split into two halves which fought each other all the time. it’s a shame, the fandom had finally started to cool down and then this came along and ruined what litle progress it had made. and the worst part is that for some stupid reason, politics seem to have deeply entrenched themselves into the discussion. for some reason, whether you like the dubiously canon content or not seems to determine your morality for some people. and lets not even get started on june...

and for the record, i like hiveswap! i like friendsim! i think they could have made something decent with the franchise- but they didn’t. they wasted their resources on something that they KNEW a lot of people were going to hate, instead of working on the things most people cared about (like the epilogues people were actually asking for, or fucking Hiveswap). it just seems like the people on board were filled with hate, and spilled it onto their creation, and made it worse for it. rarely does writing from spite work, and here it definitely didn’t

anyway, that’s that. sorry if there’s any typos, it’s 4 am here and english is most definitely not my mother tongue. i call this a freezing cold take not because i think its wrong, but because this most certainly isnt something new or unique to myself. i know im not the only one thinking like this, but i dont really care. ive been thinking about this for years, and i guess i finally decided to put my thoughts down. this is incredibly messy, not proofread at all. im also not interested in arguing anything. i probably got a lot of things wrong and this is very much emotionally charged. i just keep seeing the state the fandom is in, and as someone whos been into homestuck since 2015, it makes me deeply sad. that’s it though lol, bye i guess

#princely opinion #not gonna tag anything i mention here #undoubtedly some people will find it and thats fine #but i dont wanna be a dick and tag hate #thats not okay #i also didnt say everything i wanted to say here #didnt even touch on yiffy and jeez that's a can of worms #or j&ne egb&rt either #(which btw i dont agree with june being canon but think its fine if its a headcanon)#if anyone wants to know any of my opinions on anything just ask #i have literally nobody to talk to about this and lots of opinions lmao #i have things to say

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1-800-hellraiser · 3 years

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Hello can I have some headcanons of Slenderman with a proxy that is like a daughter to him?

Ofc! I put your ask in oneshot form bc I don't necessarily do headcanons like that, if that's okay. I hope you enjoy it! :)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Memories (Slenderman x Daughter-like!reader)

Requested by: sweetshake-hell

Pages: 761

Words: 2.3

Genre: fluff

Associated song: Memories - David Guetta (ft. Kid Cudi)

!Tw! Swearing, a mention of blood

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Those will be the best Memories, I just wanna let it go for tonight."

Before we begin, we're gonna need some backstory on you as a Slender roxy. Some of the most important people in the Slender mansion are Slender's proxies. They're the toughest, ruthless people in the mansion. You, Y/n, are a part of this group, currently Slenders favorite proxy (He refuses to tell Hoodie, Masky, and Toby that though). You're like a daughter to him, if anything happened to you, he would probably become a shut in and spiral into a deep depression.

He's EXTREMELY protective of you, bordering on overprotective. It'll be a cold day in hell if anyone hurts you and gets away with it. The proxies think of you like a sister, they'll go feral if ANYONE lays a finger on you. You and the proxies do essentially everything together, shopping, missions, annyoing Slender, etc. If you get really hurt on a mission, the Proxies and Slebder will be all over you. They'll do just about everything for you, and give you extra love (if that's even possible).

You wake up to your alarm screaming at you, you press the off button and get up. You almost forget it's your birthday today! You hurriedly get ready for the day and make your way down to the living area. You get a notification on your phone, it's Slender telling you that you need to come to his office immediately. You panic, not sure if you're in trouble or not, you quickly make your way to his office. Arriving at the huge wooden doors, you hesitantly knock in them. Slender answers your knocks with a "come in".

Sheepishly, you enter Slender's massive office. You see the tall being with a party hat on, and a wrapped gift set in front of him. "Happy Birthday Y/n!" You hear four voices say to you. Wait...four voices? Toby, Hoodie, and Masky all step out of the shadows, all wearing birthday hats and holding gifts. You're a bit creeped out, but excited nonetheless. "Awww thank you guys! You really didn't have to get me anything!" You say, excitedly bouncing up and down. "Oh no dear, we had to get you gifts, you've been working so hard, also it's rude to perpously not get someone a gift," Slender finishes.

Toby, Hoodie, and Masky all hand you their gifts, Slender motions for you to sit down and open your gifts. You open up Toby's first, Its a F/c hoodie! Your favorite one is covered in bloodstains. Next, you open up Hoodie's gift. It was a very nice, sleek looking pocket knife. Then, you open up Masky's gift. Its a pair of Doc Martins. Stylish, and also high quality and good for work. Lastly, you open Slenders, you pick up a gorgeous silver, heart-shaped locket. You open the locket and on one side is a picture of you, Slender, and the proxies, and on the other, is a message transcribed into the locket.

"Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life." The message in the locket reads. You feel tears well up in your eyes and you embrace the tall eldritch being. "I love you so much dad," you say, he chuckles. "I love you too, dear. Now, lets go cut your cake." You perk your head up at that "You got me a cake?!" You say excitedly, Slender and the proxies nod. You excitedly run downstairs to the kitchen and look in the frdge, there, in all of it's glory, sat a f/f (favorite flavor) homemade cake. Your mouth begins to water.

Snatching the cake from the fridge, you try to cut into it but Toby stopped you. "Y-you need ca-candles for your birthday cake, d-dummy." He says, handing you a few brightly colored candles. You poke the candles into the cake, and light them with the lighter given to you by Masky. The proxies and Slender sing Happy Birthday and then you blow out the candles. You take a knife and cut a slice out of the cake. Today's a great day to be alive.

#ily <3333 #ilysm <333 #<3 <3 <3 #<333 #creepypasta #writers on tumblr #writer #slenderman #creepypasta slenderman #slenderman x reader

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smilepal · 2 years

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🔥, 😊, and 🌠 for the jumbo ask game?

Character asks for @rindemption :3

🔥: Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff!

Hiro's rarely seen a color he didn't like (and then subsequently wore) but he loves blues, reds and pink. Anything eye-catching. His favorite sort of weather is sunny, with maybe a bit of a breeze--perfect for long bike rides or exploring the city. But he enjoys the rain too, especially when he's home and he can hear it on the windows or roof. He is not nearly as fond of the cold, and still doesn't like dressing for it. His music taste is pretty eclectic but he'll give most things a chance, as long as they're loud. As for random things he likes? Working on his bike, especially with some music playing in the background, good coffee w/ lots of cream and sugar (and chocolate if he's feeling decadent), cats, and shopping days (especially if he can drag a friend along). For things he dislikes, insomina/sleepless nights come to mind, along with people nosing into his business, cops, and having to get up early.

😊: What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC genrally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

Even when he's feeling at his worst, Hiro's friends or cats are something that can at least take his mind off things for a bit. Hiro tends to try to pretend everything is fine when he's not feeling good, or if it's really bad just pulling back entirely. He gets in his own head a lot, so a distraction like meeting a friend for a drink, or even just a round of sparring can be really helpful. There are a lot of things that make Hiro happy, but there's usually an undercurrent of anxiety/unease there. There's the sense that he's seldom completely relaxed, even if he likes to pretend he is. And although he'd have a hard time admitting it, he does really enjoy making others happy--whether that's surprising them with takeout and a lazy movie night, or helping get them ready for a night out--gestures that say he's thinking of someone. One of the things that people seem to enjoy about him is his energy, and spontaneity, whether that's drinks at 2am or maybe getting into a bit of trouble with a like-minded companion.

🌠: Who was your OC’s first friend? Do they remember them or are they still friends now? Talk about some of the people your OC has lost contact with over the years. Do they have any regrets about losing these people and would they revist them if they could?

One of Hiro's first friends was Judy Alvarez. He met her when he was 13-14, and the two of them hated each other for about a week until they decided they were actually ok with the other. The two of them have a very sibling-like relationship--drive each other insane, and are also very protective of the other. He knew a lot of the Clouds crew by proxy, Roxy, Tom and even Evelyn and Maiko (although there was no love lost with those two). He lost contact with Judy for a couple years there, but re-connected after he left the Claws. She was furious with him when they met again, thought he'd just run out on all of them. It took time, but the two were eventually able to start re-building that relationship, and pick up where it left off. He was so mad to find out she'd gotten taller than him. Only by like an inch but it still counts. She finds it much more amusing than he does.

Thanks for asking!! These were so fun 💖🥰

#ask game #character asks #hiro oda #oc: hiro oda #cyberpunk ocs

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sinsiriuslyemo · 4 years

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Our Dearest Readers,

Hey all! @missjennifercole has had quite the week and I figured I’d take something off her plate. Here is episode 49 of Cuba v DR. We’ve got one episode left and I am FREAKING OUT! I really hope we’ve done this series justice.

I’ve been reading through some of the previous season the last few days, gearing up for whenever we decide to start going through them to edit, and I think along the way I’m comfortable saying that we’ve had some stumbles, but hopefully the ending we have in mind leaves you guys satisfied. We love you all so much and especially those of you that have been with us since the beginning of this series, the amount of love and support for not only the story but for us as the writers has often times been overwhelming and I think I speak for both Jen and myself when I say that we have the most amazing readers on the planet.

Sinceriously,

Amanda

EPISODE 49

After work Roxie was happy to be home, she loved her job but lately she found that she had started missing Liam more. She’d had her first talk therapy session that morning and despite it only having been one session, she had already begun to feel better. At least the thought of seeing her baby was much less anxiety-inducing as it had been the day before.

“It was so wonderful to watch you work, Roxanne. The camera loves you, darling,” Helena said, beaming with pride at her oldest daughter.

“Thank you, mum. I loved having you there as well. My co-host can be a bit much to deal with at times.” Roxie rolled her eyes at the thought, it had seemed that Aaron had been coming up with any excuse for them to have to reshoot this or that. “I was thinking we should take Liam to get some pictures done, professionally, baby portraits. It will be a chance to send it out to the family,” she said to her mother as she fumbled for her keys in her purse. “Plus Rafael and I have only been taking pictures on our phones and he’s doubling in size regularly. Soon he’ll be thirty at this rate.” She opened the door walking inside.

“Oh, that would be lovely! Your father and I would have a photo of him to hang in our living room,” Helena answered.

“Precisely my thoughts,” Roxie answered as she pushed the door open. “We’re back,” she called out to her husband, moving into the living room where she usually found the two snuggling on the couch. When she found an empty room, Roxie turned to her mother. “That’s strange. Rafael left me a message telling me they were already home.”

“Well, perhaps they went out to pick up something to eat,” Helena replied with a bob of her shoulders.

“It’s close to Liam’s bedtime, I can’t imagine a reason why they’d leave.” She heard a cry from the bedroom, immediately sighing in relief as she moved into the room. “There you are-“ she paused, looking around and frowning. “Rafi?”

She picked her son up, patting him on the back and gently rocking him as she moved into the guest bedroom where Helena was staying, and searched. There would be no reason for him to be in there but she was quickly running out of locations.

“Love?”

“Something wrong, darling?” Helena asked from the kitchen.

The lights were out, eerie silence of the room only deepening the pit in her stomach. She moved to the guest bathroom, then their bedroom, their adjoining bathroom as she felt real panic settle in. Rafael barely set Liam down at all, he’d never just leave.

She turned to her mother, brows furrowed. “He’s nowhere.”

“What do you mean, he’s nowhere?” Helena asked as she closed the fridge. “Perhaps in the bath?”

“I’ve checked everywhere, mum. He's not anywhere,” she said, moving to pick up her phone in her free hand.

“Something’s happened,” Helena said, her previous task of warming food for her and Roxie completely forgotten. “He would never leave Liam alone.”

“I’m calling the police,” Roxie replied, thumb already moving over the flat screen of her cell phone.

“Isn’t his sister close by? You should call her after. Perhaps she knows something.”

Roxie nodded, dialing 9-1-1 and listening to the longest three rings of her entire life. Even as she began to talk to the operator, she felt like this couldn’t be real. Rafael would never just leave their son alone in the apartment, she was offended just at the thought. But anything was more preferable than thinking something horrible happened.

Her husband wasn’t shy of enemies from court cases or even by proxy of Nevada and that put him in a dangerous position. She couldn’t help but feel something had happened here, something truly bad.

When she hung up the phone, she was trembling.

“I can call his sister, darling,” Helena offered, putting her hand over Roxie’s to take the phone. Roxie just shook her head, taking a breath to steady herself.

“No, no I need to do it. Will you stay with Liam for me while I’m in the other room?” she whispered. She could barely stand the thought of taking that baby out of her sight now, but she didn’t want his little ears hearing that his father had disappeared. Even if he couldn’t process it.

She dialed your number, feeling a rush of anxiety wash over her.

“Hey you,” you answered with a smile. “What’s up?”

“Y/N, something’s happened,” Roxie said, trying to keep the panic from rising further. “Rafael isn’t here.”

“What?”

“Liam was by himself, he wouldn’t just leave the baby here. He would take Liam or call you. There would be no reason to--“

“--Roxie,” you said firmly. “Okay, I get it. Just calm down. Is there any sign of a struggle or anything?”

“What? What the bloody hell are you talking about? I’m not a detective, Y/N! Where is my husband?!”

You gave it a moment to let her panic, waiting until she calmed again. “The police are going to look for the same thing. Look, it doesn’t matter now, are you alone?”

“No, I’m with my mum.”

“Okay, stay there,” you said, standing up and pulling on a jacket. “I’m calling Nevada to see if he knows anything and I’m coming over. Lock your doors, close all the windows. If someone did come for Rafael, I don’t think they’re coming back but you can’t be too safe.”

Roxie nodded as if you could see her, wiping a stray tear that had ran down her cheek. “Okay, I’ll lock everything now.”

“It’s gonna be okay,” you assured her as you moved out the door and downstairs to your car. Hollower words had never been spoken. You didn’t know that. You couldn’t assure that and more than anything else you weren’t even sure of it yourself. But she needed that assurance right now. “Rafael is going to be okay. I’m coming now. I’ll call you when I’m there. Don’t open the door for anyone but me or the police.”

Roxie nodded again. “Okay, okay, please hurry, Y/N,” she begged.

“I’m coming, I promise I’ll be right there.”

As you ended the call and got into the car, you looked at yourself in the mirror for a split second, you looked scared. You had to pull that look off of your face before you got to Roxie. There was no room for more than one person panicking and none of that would help Rafael.

You dialed your phone again, this time calling your husband. “Come on,” you mumbled, growing more frustrated with each ring. “Come on, Nevada, pick up.”

---------

Rafael’s temples throbbed as a wet, sticky trickle ran down the side of his face. There was a slow drip coming from his right side and a low rumble beneath him vibrated against his bottom. A tight, sharp grip cut into his wrists and an attempt to move them elicited a hiss from him. His eyes opened to the darkness of a cold, damp room as the pain in his head doubled and he pressed his forehead against the wall next to him. Taking a deep breath, he carefully tilted his head up to find handcuffs around his wrists over a rusted metal pipe.

He tried to pull his hands free by pulling down on the pipe with no success. His eyes were finally beginning to adjust to the dark and his legs moved in an attempt to stand but he couldn’t establish a firm footing. His muscles sore and screaming, he slumped back against the wall and continued to look around the room for a possible way out.

Where the hell was he?

He remembered Charles standing in his living room, holding his son. The image swarmed his mind and his pulse quickened.

“Liam,” he groaned, looking up at his wrists again and using a newfound strength to pull himself further up against the wall behind him. Straining his ears, he tried to listen for any familiar sounds and it was then that he realized he was gently rocking from side to side. The muted sound of crashing waves confirmed that he was on a boat of some kind.

His eyes darted around the room, looking for something--anything--he could use to cut himself free. The room had obviously been prepared ahead of time, but he would’ve expected nothing less of Charles Heeley. The man had always been one to account for every detail. Looking along the floor around him, he scoured the filthy surface for something, anything to pick the lock of the cuffs. He hadn’t the slightest idea as to how to pick a lock, but he was determined to try anything.

He didn't care how long it took him, but he had to get free and find a way back to his family.

---------

“Holy shit.”

The whisper sounded in the otherwise silent lab, where a technician was testing the partial fingerprint and DNA sample found at a crime scene they were convinced had been sanitized. Quickly moving to print out the matches he’d found, he wrenched the pages from the printer and shot up from his chair. File in hand, he raced out of the lab, deciding to take the stairs up to Captain William’s office. In retrospect it wouldn’t have made any difference to take the elevator, but he had been one of the many who doubted they would be able to find anything at the scene, let alone connect it to a suspect. His genuine shock had clouded his rational thought and he ran as quickly as his legs would carry him up the stairs from the basement to the third floor of the old precinct.

Shoving the door to William’s office open, the tech heaved and bent at the waist as he tried to catch his breath, one hand holding the file up.

“Don’t you knock?” Williams asked with furrowed brows at the sweaty technician.

“Sir...w-we found a m-match...for both the partial print...and the DNA.”

Williams’ face fell and he stood, snatching the file away to read the results. Eyes widening, he pointed at the report in his hand as his eyes met with the tech. “You’re sure about this.”

It was more of a statement than a question, this was what Leonard had been waiting for since he’d arrived in the Heights.

The tech nodded, breath still coming in heavy pants. He took a moment to right himself, swallowing as his breath finally began to slow. “Yes sir, there’s no question. The DNA sample belongs to Oscar Diaz Jr and the partial print has a seven point match with Nevada Ramirez.”

Williams dropped the report on his desk and grabbed his jacket before going into the pen and calling out to his lead detective. “Let’s go pick up Ramirez and Diaz.”

“We got them?”

“Like a mouse in a trap,” Williams answered as he charged out the precinct.

---------

Nevada's phone rang loudly in the office building he'd just entered and he pulled it out to look down at the screen, seeing your name. Dropping the call, he stepped onto the elevator and hit the button for the top floor. He usually always answered when you called, but now all he could think of was getting out to where Natalia was. After what she'd done to Izzy, he couldn't wait to watch the light leave her eyes.

"Mr. Ramirez, it's so good to see you again!" Jasper's secretary said, flashing Nevada a bright smile as soon as he stepped off the elevator.

"Hola mi amor" he answered as he walked to her desk. "He in there?"

"Yes, go on in," she replied.

"Thank you. You look nice today, by the way," Nevada said with a smirk as he walked past her desk, up to Jasper's office.

"Always so sweet," she replied with a smile.

Without knocking, Nevada went into Jasper's office and nodded to the other man.

"Nevada," Jasper said with a smirk, looking up from his laptop. He stood and buttoned up his jacket, extending a hand towards the man in leather to shake.

Nevada shook his hand. "Oye, bro, I don't mean to bust in on you pero I need a huge favor."

"Name it," Jasper replied.

"Need to borrow your boat."

"Going on a trip?" Jasper asked with a smile.

"Not exactly," Nevada answered. "We found Natalia. She's off-shore--" His phone rang again, and he pulled it out to drop your call again before he looked back up at Jasper. "I wanna rearrange that bitch's face and hang her by her intestines."

"That seems like mercy compared to what I'd like to do to her," Jasper answered. "Your sister-in-law is a good girl. I was looking forward to seeing her succeed with her gallery. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's criminals who drag civilians into our business."

"You wanna come with?" Nevada asked as though they were planning a vacation.

Jasper grinned widely. "I thought you’d never ask."

---------

It took nearly two hours of pulling, his muscles screaming in agony as with his teeth clenched and a deep, loud grunt Rafael finally had been able to break the rusted pipe. Compressed air rushed out of the broken metal as Rafael collapsed to the floor. He took a moment to catch his breath, then despite the protest of his legs, he stood up and went to the heavy steel door on the opposite side of the room. Gripping the metal wheel at the center, he grunted as he turned it to the left, opened the door and peeked out into the corridor. This seemed too easy, but upon seeing no one in sight, he slowly stepped out of the room. The real task would be to find a way out and hoping that he was some place familiar.

Were they docked at Chelsea Piers? Coney Island?

Choosing to go left, towards a set of metal stairs, his eyes stayed alert for any movement other than his own. A whistle accompanied by footsteps sounded from the stairs and Rafael quickly went into the room to his immediate left, tucking himself behind the door. The whistle was closer, heavy thud of each step keeping a tempo as the man made his way down the corridor. He looked down at his still cuffed wrists and wondered whether the Whistler had a set of keys. Rafael turned his eyes back up, ducking and waiting for the man to walk past the door he was hiding behind before he came out and hooked the man’s neck with his cuffed wrists. Clenching his jaw, he used all his strength to pull the struggling body against his, pressing the chained metal against his neck.

The man, surely much more rested than he was, rushed backwards and slammed Rafael against the corridor while his hands scratched blindly at his attacker. One hand reached for the gun at his waist, but was having trouble getting it out of it’s holster. Rafael pulled with renewed vigor, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head to one side. Never in his life did he imagine himself ever killing anyone for any reason, but he was determined to get back to his family no matter what, even if he had to commit murder. The man stomped and slammed him over and over into the corridor, attempting to get free, but Rafael only pulled harder, growling with his efforts.

The nails against his skin slowed their digs as the life drained out of the man pressed against him. With one last yank, he heard arms go slack and slap against his victim’s sides and Rafael opened his eyes to find the man’s eyes were closed. Rafael let the body fall to the floor and looked to either side of the corridor just as a heavy door groaned in the distance. He heard footsteps approaching and voices of more than one man.

More were coming and he didn’t have the strength to fight them off. Moving as quickly as his body would allow, he gripped the back of his victim’s shirt and dragged him towards the door he’d been hiding behind. Sweat dripped off his nose as he pulled the dead weight into the dark, empty room and carefully pushed the door shut just as the men turned into the corridor where he’d committed his first felony, and Rafael held his breath as he waited for them to pass his hiding place.

“It’s fucked up is all I’m saying, how he left the kid all by himself,” he heard one of the men say.

“What the hell would he do with a baby? Good riddance. The little brat’s mom probably got home eventually,” another replied.

Liam. Charles must have left Liam at the condo. Rafael felt a silent sigh pass through his mouth at the news that his son was safe with his mother. Now he just needed to get out of this alive and all would be well again.

Turning towards the unconscious man, Rafael couldn’t help but check for a pulse. He sighed in relief at the faint flutter beneath his fingertips and began to look through the man’s pockets. Finding a set of keys, he looked for one that looked like the one Liv carried for handcuffs and used it to uncuff his wrists. Rubbing the raw, cut up skin, he looked back down at the man, then down at himself. He was barefoot and his cashmere pants were certainly not made for a situation such as this. Working quickly, he changed into the man’s clothes and shoes, tentatively placing the gun in it’s holster on his belt before he left the room, closing the door behind him.

He wiped the blood off the side of his face as best he could and made his way down the corridor, looking for an exit.

And that was when he saw it.

A window.

Moving double time, he stepped up to the small, circular glass that offered a view of outside.

Water...and not just any water. Ocean. Open ocean.

They were out at sea!

---------

OJ whipped his head towards the door of the club at the sound of it bursting open, brows knitted and fists clenched as Williams and seven other detectives walked into the club. He was sick and tired of this new Captain coming into the club whenever it suited him and OJ stood, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“Something I can help you with, pendejo? Buffet doesn’t open till dinner time,” he sneered with a smug expression.

Williams burst into laughter as he closed in on OJ. "Oscar Diaz Jr," he said, grinning at him. "Where's your boss?"

"Not sure. But I'll tell him you stopped by," OJ answered with a smirk.

"That might be difficult seeing as how you're under arrest," Williams replied, earning a scoff from OJ as the larger man stepped behind him and cuffed his wrists. “You got the right to remain silent and I, for one, wouldn’t be offended if you exercise that right--”

"--You got nothing on us, bro. This is fuckin' harrassment," OJ growled, turning his head to one side to peer at the Captain over his shoulder.

"We’ve got your DNA...bro," Williams replied, turning to his men. "Find Ramirez.”

"Yes, sir," one of the detectives answered as he and the other moved past the Captain and OJ.

Williams turned his head to address his detectives once more. “And put cuffs on every person you find! I don't care who they are, if they're here, they're either an accessory or an accomplice!"

---------

When you arrived at your brother’s apartment, Roxie ran right to you, hugging you tight. You squeezed her back, hand moving to the back of her head to gently cradle her before turning back to where Detective Carisi was standing beside Helena with a notepad.

“Y/N,” he said in a greeting, brows furrowed. You knew how much Sonny adored Rafael so this couldn’t have been easy for him either.

“Do you know anything?” you whispered desperately as you let go of Roxie.

He shook his head. “Still taking a statement, Roxie said she just came home and Liam was alone. No sign of Barba anywhere in the apartment.”

“He would never leave our son,” Roxie continued to repeat as if no one was listening to her.

“We know that, Rox,” you assured and laced your hand with hers, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Alright,” Carisi said, looking at Helena and then Roxie. “How long were you gone for, Roxie?”

“The whole of the day, since this morning. I went out with my mother and then I had to work. Rafael had been with Liam, he needed to go to One Hogan Place to drop off his resignation. He left me a voicemail about half an hour before we got home,” she said, wiping tears again. “He said he and Liam had just gotten back and that he would see us soon.” She couldn't help but laugh a bit. “He wanted to know about my day.” She loved Rafael more than she could ever put into words. The idea of living without him was something she wasn’t prepared to entertain.

“This is all good Roxie,” Sonny said, offering a reassuring smile. “Any detail helps. Did you notice anything outta place when you got home? Anything knocked over? Broken?”

“No, everything was just as it should be except Liam was alone in his crib.”

“Had there been threats by anyone lately?” Sonny asked.

“No, not that he mentioned.” Roxie shook her head, gripping your hand tighter. “He had just resigned, there were no new cases where he angered someone...no reason for anyone to be cross. Who would want to do this?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” you said softly.

“Did you call Nevada?” Roxie asked, turning to you and not caring that Sonny was listening. “Did you ask him i-if he knew anything.”

“He’s not picking up, but I’m going to try again okay? Let’s let the police do their jobs.” You couldn't remember the last time you’d said that.

Liam started to fuss in Helena’s arms, screaming until his tiny face started to go red despite his grandmother trying to rock and calm him.

“Roxie, why don’t you take a seat with Liam, feed him, whatever you need. I’m going to talk to Y/N and your mom,” Sonny offered. “You have all of SVU on your side, Rafael has always been and will always be family and we don’t take this lightly. We’re gonna find him.”

Roxie nodded wanting to protest but hearing her son cry changed her mind. She took Liam into her arms and holding him tight. “It’s alright, Liam, it’s going to be okay,” she whispered, moving to the bedroom to rock him and feed him.

After Roxie was gone, Sonny turned back to you.

“Listen, off the record, okay? Any threats made on your end? Towards Rafael, I mean,” Sonny asked.

You shook your head. “I don’t know what’s happening, Rafael hasn’t pissed anyone off recently that I know of. Unless he was hiding something. He might not tell me but he definitely would have told Roxie. If she doesn’t know, then there was nothing.”

Sonny sighed and closed his notepad. “I just had to ask. Alright, Liv’s out with Fin looking for him and Rollins is tracking his cell phone. We’re gonna find him.” He looked up just as the CSU team walked into the apartment. “Mrs. Hume can you show me to Liam’s room so these guys can dust for prints?”

Helena nodded. “Yes, yes of course, anything to help.”

---------

Nevada checked the safety on his gun while Jasper dropped anchor before the former got into the inflatable life raft on the starboard side. He could see the yacht a mile or so in front of them and from what they could see from their distance, there didn’t appear to be anyone on deck. Jasper handed off a backpack, which Nevada carefully placed at the front of the raft while the Englishman climbed in.

"How many do you reckon are aboard?" Jasper asked as he yanked on the pull string to start the small engine.

"I don't know. Boat that size, it's gotta be at least ten, right?" Nevada answered.

"Let's assume fifteen," Jasper muttered, steering the raft towards the large yacht.

"She packs a lot of heat, so we gotta be on point," Nevada said.

"Just keep them off me while I plant the bomb. We'll have five minutes after I activate it to get back," Jasper replied.

Nevada knitted his brows as he took in the vessel they were headed towards. It seemed far more luxurious than anything Natalia would have, especially considering she wasn't nearly as rich as she had been when he'd first met her. In fact there was only one person he knew of that could easily afford a yacht like the one they were approaching.

"Heeley," he said, almost to himself.

"What?"

"Heeley, that motherfucker. That's gotta be how she got out, how she's been able to make moves without drawing any attention," Nevada replied. "We might get two for the price of one."

"So, twenty men aboard," Jasper mumbled as they came up to the stern and pull up next to a small boat that was tied to the yacht. Tying their raft to the larger vessel as well, they crept onboard, Jasper turning to look at Nevada. "Ten minutes, meet back here."

Nevada nodded, and the two split up, Jasper to plant his explosives in the engine room and Nevada to find Natalia. Stalking along the port side of the yacht, Nevada made his way towards the bow, gun at the ready. A movement from his left had him raising his weapon and firing off a shot, clipping the body coming out onto the deck before he took cover behind a corner as the person shot back and shouted for backup.

Moving quickly, he fired off another round just as two more men appeared. He shot one in the throat before ducking into a cabin wall just as the second fired round after round in his direction. Waiting for the sound of empty chambers, Nevada held his position until the telltale click. He came out of his cover to shoot again, hitting the man in the chest as he stalked once more towards the bow. He knew with all the gunfire that it would only be a matter of time before more men came, but he had one purpose in that moment.

"Where are you, you fuckin' cunt?" he growled under his breath.

---------

Roxie sat down at the precinct with her son, rocking him back and forth with her arms as she tried to calm him. She had a feeling he could tell something was off. He was crying for nothing. Not for food, not to be changed, nothing. He was just crying.

“I’m here,” she whispered. “Daddy will be home soon, alright?”

The waiting so far had been the worst part, not knowing what had happened, wondering if he was alive or dead in a ditch somewhere.

“As soon as Daddy is back, I’m going to take a week off and we can stay home and spend time together, alright? Just us three.”

The baby calmed after another moment of rocking as she bounced him gently in her arms.

“There we go,” she cooed. “All better. You don’t have to worry, Liam. Mummy is here for you. No matter what. She’s here. And daddy will be too.”

She wasn’t lying, Rafael would be here. She knew he would. He had to be.

“Roxie,” Olivia called as she moved out of her office and took her usual confident strides over to the British woman, pulling her into a hug. “How are you and Liam holding up?”

Roxie hugged back. “We’re managing, please tell me you have something.”

“Fin and I couldn’t find anything on our canvas, but Rollins traced his cell phone,” Olivia began.

“Oh thank god, and you found him?” She jumped to conclusions too soon, desperate for any hope she could cling to.

“No, it led to a warehouse. I sent Rollins and Carisi there but it was a dead end. All they found were his wallet and phone,” Olivia said regretfully. “But that’s not gonna stop us, we’re going to find him. I have CSU combing every inch of that warehouse, if there’s any prints or anything to tell us more about who was there with him, they’ll find it.”

Roxie offered a bit of a smile. “I know you will,” she mumbled and looked down at her baby then over to where you were talking with another officer.

She watched your phone ring as you looked down at it and walked out of the room. She felt a glimmer of hope, perhaps it was Nevada calling about Rafael. It had to be.

You answered once you were a safe distance away from law enforcement, frowning down at the caller ID. It wasn’t your husband like you’d hoped, it was Sawyer.

“Sawyer?” you answered. Sawyer never called you, there was no reason to. If she was calling there had to have been something wrong. “Are you with Nevada? I can’t get a hold of him.”

“No I’m not. I’m calling because Captain Williams came to the club,” she said in a panic before her voice lowered to a harsh whisper. “Dama, he’s looking for Nevada.”

“What?” You frowned. “Why?”

“He’s wanting to arrest him,” she said. “He came to the club and arrested everyone, Dama. Everyone. Me, Chibby, OJ, the dancers...even the guy who refills the vending machine in the break room. I don’t know what he has on us but it’s bad. It’s really, really bad.”

“Oh my god. Okay, has someone called Rita yet?”

“I think so, yes. They gave me one phone call and I used it to get in touch with you. I needed to warn you. If you see Nevada, tell him to stay away,” she pleaded.

"Alright, time's up," you heard from behind her and your heart sank. Sawyer wasn’t made for prison, neither was Chibby. You felt sick to your stomach for more than one reason.

“Thank you, Sawyer, thank you,” you whispered, hanging up and trying your husband again. “Come on, come on, Nevada, dammit!”

---------

Rafael made his way to the deck of the yacht, looking around frantically for a way off the boat. There had to be a life raft somewhere, he just had to find it. Turning towards the stern, he began to look for the raft. He had heard shots from somewhere on the deck and knew he didn't have very much time before someone inevitably spotted him. With any luck it was Olivia or Carisi coming to find him.

He could just jump into the water, but with no land in sight there was no telling what might happen if he did. Then he saw it, far into the distance but there nonetheless, another boat. If he could just get to the stern without incident, he could swim to it and hope that whoever was onboard would take him to shore. Keeping low and close to the cabin wall, he made his way towards the stern.

A figure that walked with a purpose stomped in his direction and Rafael gasped, ducking behind a wall, hand quickly reaching for the gun at his side. He looked down at the weapon to take the safety off and waited with baited breath until the footsteps came closer. As he rounded the corner and raised the gun, he was met with a familiar face.

"Nevada?!"

His brother-in-law stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widened as he stared back. "What the fuck are you doing here, Rafa?" Nevada demanded, lowering his gun.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Rafael repeated.

Nevada ignored the question. "Where's Natalia?"

"What?!" Rafael shook his head.

“Natalia, I know she’s here. Where the fuck is she?”

"I don’t know, I didn’t see her. Look, it doesn't matter, let's just get outta here. Heeley is somewhere on this boat and he wants me dead."

"I want that bitch--"

"--Nevada! My son needs his father, my wife needs her husband and my sister needs hers, too. Let's go!" Rafael answered, engage the safety once again on his gun and grabbing a fistful of his brother-in-law's jacket. He pulled him towards the stern, eyes continuing to scan their path for hostiles.

Nevada clenched his jaw. His vengeance would obviously have to wait until Rafael was safely off the yacht. There wasn’t enough time to get to Natalia and save Rafael. Turning his eyes to his brother-in-law, he shook his head idly. "How the hell did you get here?"

"Heeley kidnapped me out of my apartment," Rafael answered, leg muscles burning from his pace. “I don’t remember much, he must’ve knocked me out somehow.

"It was a challenge, for certain." The sound of Heeley's voice came from behind them and the two men whipped around to face the blonde villain, who was pointing a gun at them. "Now exactly where do you think you're going, Rafael? We haven’t even had a chance to talk."

#cuba v dr #rafael barba #Nevada ramirez #law and order svu #trouble in the heights

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taketheringtolohac · 8 months

Note

ive never seen code geass but ive enjoyed seeing u liveblog abt it because i understand none of it but it does make me think about a char from an otome i like bc he looks like the suzalulu baby

ok I see what ur saying. But secondarily. Be so fr are they actually called suzalulu. That’s. Oh my god. Anyways I’m glad you enjoyed my liveblog!!! I do not usually do them I just have nothing to do rn LOL

#ty for the ask :) really reassuring me that this is my space and I get to be as annoying as I want LOL #proxy roxy asks

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theorynexus · 4 years

Text

Fudge, I already did 57/ Now I have to do 58/ 13 over 12, man / I guess we’re doing human stuff instead of trolling, today.

Coincidentally via some sort of textual wonder possibly related to authorial intent and/or miracles, we now have to focus on Roxy, now. Somewhat ironic, considering Terezi just said she and John wouldn’t work out. ...

***shift eyes, something about knowing the unknowable and the vagueries thereof, possible interference by the new Narrator, et cetera*** Hmmm~

What, so black holes cause suck up all the voidiness into themselves via proximity?! Noooo~ Who’d have thought! (In all seriousness, that gives some interesting resonance mechanic relation, here. I want to know whether it’s just Alt!Calliope that can sense said thoughts, if it’s just Roxy being over-emotional, or if any other observer would be able to pick such thoughts up and it’s just a mater of proxy-imity.)

Okay, then. I thought the point of this was to look like a completely passive observer and not tip people off other than via the black eyes, but you do you, I guess-- if that’s intentional. Nice gazing out through the fourth wall, though. I’m sure Jade would be/is vaguely proud, knowing the narrative resonance, here, given her own fourth wall breaking shenanigans.

I blame time and void interactions. Also Dave being an insufferable prick. Good to know, regarding Roxy and their feelings toward Dave, though.

Is Dirk going to literally shoot him in the arse? That would be horribly ironic, and probably quite crippling to Joke Jake’s reputation and/or the power of his endorsement, if so. Semi-related: I do sortof understand Dave’s belief/concern with regards to the importance of this event. What I want to know is why there are not thousands of Daves running around, all helping the campaign and being available to deal with other important tasks.

“Iced” cream is the best fricking thing, Dirk, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.

This really reminds me of Equius and Nepeta, and that is sortof cute. I almost can’t stand it. Honestly, this relationship is actually quite similar, except Alt!Calliope is much more dominant in the relationship than Nepeta was. Also Dirk probably has more potential to damage things than Equius did (other than way out of the temporal frame of that moirallegiance, as part of Lord English--- and even then, Nepeta ironically acted as a counter to his muscle-bound rage, albeit way after much of the damage had already been done [thanks, Davesprite {albeit, unrelated to the matter at hand, this relationship was probably why Davepettasprite^2 was destined in such a way to handle Lord English, in addition to the prophesies surrounding Dave dealing with him, Davesprite being the first one to get Caledfwlch, and the flying off into the sun prophesy (which was aided greatly by Seppucrow, the true hero of the story)}]). I guess that makes this relationship relatively more important, maybe.

So fricking wonderful and adorable. I do wonder why there are not that many consorts, though. Maybe they are just too distracted and hyperactive to have much in the way of drive to participate in politics. The humans I sortof vaguely understand, albeit I’d have thought that more might show up specifically for Jake’s speech, assuming that it was announced beforehand.

Dirk feels predictably antagonized, and is lashing out. I have a feeling that he’d intended to do something major before all this control was taken from him, but this will probably make it worse. Hmm.

Heh. I don’t think that he means to “pump her full of daylight,” at the moment, so this is still funny instead of terrifying.

Huh. Dave already knew about Calliope’s gender and is chill with it. Neat.

Oh. Umm... while I’m sure that he does not need that in order to target Jade’s body if he intends to do so, that is quite foreboding. He is indeed quite capable of tricking people into doing things, at times, isn’t he?

HAH! That is horrible, you self-obsessed weirdo! XD

More serious than being mind controlled by a space witch with bad intentions who has mind powers stolen from all the major players of her species, huh? (I seriously still wonder how the fight against her went so relatively-seemingly easily, and what happened with her curse. Maybe it only transfers in LE’s proximity, or something. ) ... Also, it wasn’t entirely just a joke, Roxy, geeze.

Thaaat’s what happens when your world is under a corrupting influence that is twisting the fabric of reality to their whim. (The question is: Is this Dirk or Calliope? Does she really have the right to judge him for his actions, if he really is expressing free will in doing so? Yes, yes she does, because he is strongly subverting the will of others, and justice in Paradox Space demands some sort of counterbalancing force. If his excess relevance as the Narrator is the only cost he faces, rather than dying a Just Death, he should feel lucky.)

***peals of cherubic laughter peal out in the background*** Random reminder: Angels (in Homestuck) are terrifying demons that should be taken as harbringers of the apocalypse. Alt!Calliope has already played this job once along with Lord English. Is her presence outside canon an ill omen by definition? (I am not sure Calliope the younger entirely counts, given her special circumstances, by the way. Hard to say.)

Beautiful. It’s almost like he’s an open PAGE of Hope, waiting to be written!

This is a somewhat wise impression. But it’s complicated, and great power means great responsibility. Especially when the nuclear genie has already been let out of the bottle on account of someone’s great ambition. (Note: I actually find Jane’s impulse to rule over her creation to be a reasonable one to have, all things considered. I am not judging her negatively for this. I am just not 100% certain that it is the right path to go on before they get a few dozen more years to wise them up, or maybe a few centuries. Wisdom is a very important thing for leadership, and it comes with age! Of course, experience also helps, but it might be useful to have some sort of smaller-scale experimentation with politic-- oh, wait, wasn’t she made a mayor at some point, according to the credits? That really hasn’t been emphasized in the epilogue at all, but probably should be more heavily considered. It’s still not enough experience for me to feel confident in her, but it’s something. Hmm.)

I mean... I can hear you. I thought your awareness was still there. I guess maybe having your position of control taken away from you might have sapped that as well, maybe. And yes, it is very interesting, indeed. Now, please put down the gun and try to negotiate more reasonably and in a more civilized fashion than the mistaken cowboy diplomacy idea you’re now engaging in. I will give Dirk some slack insofar as he is still getting used to her identifying as such, but he is sortof making a fool of himself by lashing out at Alt!Callie like that. It’s rather irrational, and doesn’t reflect very well on his character. It makes him out as being rather petulant and inflexible when it comes to identity matters.

Yeeeeep.

This is true (regarding the last part). It is also really sad to see them fighting like this. >:

Dave, you are being a dummy. You should really stop.

Aww. That is a very cute reaction. :3 Also, that is somewhat dishonest, Alt!Calliope. You should say “seemingly” nothing. ***harrumphs and wags my finger at them!***

It is somewhat rude of him to laugh, but I am almost tempted to laugh too, specifically at the fact that this is Alt!Calliope confirming emphatically the beauty of their other version in Roxy’s eyes. It has a sort of ironic tension and silliness to it. Possibly some pride. I therefore cannot entirely blame him for his laughter, for I do not know whether that is what he is laughing at, or if he’s laughing at the idea of finding an alien skull monster beautiful (which she really is).

It is sortof nice to see this encouragement from Dirk, albeit it is probably laced with irony and sarcasm. Knowing one’s self and admitting/accepting the things one feels is incredibly important to a person’s health! It feels brotherly of him.

I wonder if Roxy actually feels that way (that it is none of her business), or if it’s Alt!Calliope’s somewhat cold (and sarcastically-directed) interpretation of things. Hmm.

A very important question to ask for someone who is dealing with their own identity issues and/or worries about their friends judging them for them. This is really all there is to say on the matter.

That is a complicated question. The answer is this: Identity is only partially self-deterministic. You can certainly struggle and hope and wish for certain things, indulge in certain behaviors, and see what rubs off on you, or what you feel right about, but in all honesty, you are who you are. This CAN change over time, and that is something that most people don’t think about. To say you “change your mind” about “the person you wanna be” is not an accurate statement: you don’t necessarily choose anything at all, other than whether you want to actually embrace who you are and/or are becoming, and if you will actually tell anyone about it. In that sense: whether it is too late to change your mind about who you say and outwardly project you are?--- no, it is not too late. However, it can potentially be pretty fricking confusing to people, and some friends may not be able to handle it, especially if they have pretty deeply imbedded themselves in your own journey/identity, and/or anchored themselves in it as part of their own. This can cause them to be pretty put off, and potentially to have difficulty maintaining their relationship with you. As such, in summary: one should be careful and always very much self-reflective about identity issues. The choice to come out with any sort of change or difference is not an easy one, and someone should not be blamed for either side they fall upon--- whether they want to keep who they are a secret and/or for how long, or if they want to project it to the world (unless they are really violent about it and/or attempt to shame someone/force themselves upon another person as a “necessary” thing to do for their own growth/impulses or whathaveyou: that is just abusive and wrong).

No. While there is some degree of social capital involved and thus you should attempt to time things properly and take the needs of others into account (which means you have no right to get upset at them if they don’t react a certain way and/or are too involved with whatever is going on in their life right then to grapple with your assuredly stunning revelation), one does not owe their friends any sort of bombshell moment, and any sort of desire for one and/or push on someone else’s part for identity-related drama and/or revelation is actually what is greedy.

***shrug*** I guess it’s funny insofar as it has psychological humor wrapped into it and it makes the phraseology more cutesy (thus more approachable, I guess), but it’s not mind-blowing or anything.

And that’s okay. Someone can be casual about these things and not make it a federal fricking issue if they don’t want to. It’s also okay to have repeated revelations and/or constantly wrestle with who you actually are. It’s not something to be embarrassed about or paranoid with in a social respect, especially in a world with numerous different species of alien humanoids that have different and somewhat conflicting types of identities and drives. Almost indisputably, that should make identity issues less of a socially big deal.

Yes. Just like you helped him before. Oh wait, what was that? You had years to figure it out, but did nothing? Ah, well. Couldn’t be helped, I guess. Brothers do have their own separate matters to consider, after all.

***snickers*** Honestly, he’s probably right, but for different reasons than he’s expressing.

***cough time travel, cough*** Note: I actually don’t want to read that. It would feel like a really awkward sort of waste of narrative time. I’m just annoyed at the very ironic lack of time manipulation he’s been doing. Though in this case it sortof does suit him, insofar as he is using time concerns that he obviously could get around as if they were a suit of armor and/or armaments for him to verbally exploit. Very knight-y. Aaand this feels like about the right time to end this post.

#Homestuck Analysis #Identity #Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Liveblog #Homestuck Epilogue

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ardenttheories · 5 years

Note

Thoughts on the epilogue so far?

So glad you asked, anon. I’ve spend a while thinking over it, and I’ve got a few thoughts in mind. Mostly ramblings and potentials, at the moment.

Prefacing that with a warning, and some information:

All of the CW tags on the Epilogue are relevant. I’ve seen a lot of people assuming it’s a joke, or Hussie mocking people - but it’s genuinely not. The tags have apparently been checked by a lot of people (including trans folk and cis women) to ensure they’re relevant and suitable for the content. However, a lot of it is apparently just going to be talked about, not actually brought up in graphic detail during the events of the Epilogue - so please take caution as we continue on. I’m sure people will eventually write up a page-by-page of content warnings so that we know exactly where each potential trigger comes in, and someone, somewhere, will do a writeup of what happens to avoid the warnings altogether.

Additionally, the entire Epilogue has already been written up, which means we’re back to upd8 schedules. We’ll just have to see how they plan on working the upd8s, since, as far as I can tell, there’s currently no specific plan in place, or at least not one that we know of.

And now, into my ramblings.

First of all, the hints towards relationships? Very cool. It’s nice that we confirmed Dave, Karkat, and Jade have that weird dynamic going on that none of them even really understand, and that Roxy and Calliope remain a sapphic mystery to pretty much everyone. Hopefully a lot of this gets confirmed later on in the Epilogue - or at least that we get something more solid to hold onto than John’s non-understanding of relationships.

John’s lamentations on his potential relationship with Roxy also seemed incredibly sad, and actually furthers my theory on John as a True Heir of Breath. As does just about everything he mentions, honestly.

Since he still has his Retcon powers, he’s still technically “Free”; Free from Canon, yes, but also free from the potential destruction of their Canonicity. He’s also, once again, the person who has to Free everyone from that fate. He’s Freedom incarnate, but also, it seems, Apathy incarnate. The fact that he’s apparently barely been speaking to any of his friends, feels disconnect between who they were and who they are now, still seems to be struggling to find his place in Earth C, and (so far, at least) seems unable to fully connect with Rose and Roxy implies that his inheritance of Breath is slowly reaching its peak.

On the other hand, the talk of Canon is wildly interesting. I never 100% completed the comic - lost my place somewhere before the Tricksters, but kept roughly up to date on stuff that happened afterwards and have since managed to catch back up to Jane’s introduction, though I’ve yet to continue reading again - so I know she’s likely referencing things I don’t fully understand yet.

Having said that, there is something pretty disturbing about the ideas that Rose is presenting.

The way she puts it, there’s three categories of existence defined by the amount of three different factors within them:

Relevance, Truth, and Essentiality.

Canon has varying levels of Relevance and Essentiality, I’m assuming based on the fact that past events can be changed through something like a Retcon and thus nothing that happens is entirely Essential and nor is everything in Canon wholly Relevant. All things in Canon, however, are True - the full events of the story 100% unquestionable.

Non-Canon has no Truth behind it, and thus renders whatever Relevance or Essentiality it has meaningless. It doesn’t matter that the events happening in these Non-Canon scenes are Relevant or Essential to a subjective degree - that to us, or to the characters, they’re Relevant to development or the story, or Essential to moving the plot on in the direction the author wants, or in presenting an idea or foundation for a character’s development - because they’re not Canon, and they can never be canon unless brought into Canon by the Canonical author or characters.

Out-of-Canon has almost no Relevance or Essentiality and holds no baring on Canon events or plots at all, but remains Truth in the sense that it’s still part of Canonicity. These events don’t matter to the main Canon, the real Canon, but they aren’t exactly Untrue. They’re as real as whatever’s happening in Canon, but can be easily looked over, forgotten, or overall viewed as insignificant.

This is, essentially, what Rose is implying is happening to Earth C. It’s becoming forgotten and insignificant, it’s shifting too far away from Canon, and something very bad will happen if it does - not physically, but metaphysically. I think she essentially means they’ll either become Non-Canon, or they’ll lose their place as the Alpha Timeline.

That’s a lot to think about, so let me use an example I gave a friend who has never read Homestuck:

The Star Wars movies are considered to be Canon. These are what you go to when you want to watch the actual events of the Star Wars series - the main plot, the main storylines, the main characters.

The comics and the animated TV shows are Out-of-Canon. These events do not follow the main Canonical events of the Canon movies, but still happen within the same world at roughly the same time, or set up/explain events that happen in the movies. Sometimes they don’t even include main characters, and characters mentioned in the comics/TV shows may not ever appear in the movies, or even be referenced. These are True events, but hold little Relevance towards the watching of the Canon movies - and can hold varying degrees of Essentiality based on what the comics and TV shows are showing.

Fanfiction is Non-Canon. These are events that hold absolutely no Truth towards either the Out-of-Canon or Canon plot and storylines of Star Wars. Reading a piece of Fanfiction will never give you any additional, Canonical information about Star Wars unless it’s made Canon by a writer. Princess Leia might absolutely deck a Storm Trooper and single-handedly raid a Sith hideout and slaughter the bad guys with one hand tied behind her back to save Han Solo in a fanfic, but none of those events have ever actually happened in Canon. They might hold some sort of Relevance or Essentiality - either because they develop the characters better, or plug up plot holes, or spread some Canonicity of events, or even just help to keep the actual Canon alive by ensuring fans are still consuming anything about it so it stays firm in their minds - but they are never True.

So what Earth C has done is placed itself in a position where they no longer align with the Canon events of Homestuck. Homestuck finished as soon as they stepped through that door, but they are still very much Canonical. They no longer contribute to the progression of canon, but they are still a product of Canonical events and are 100% the Canonical players of Homestuck.

But the longer they stay Out-of-Canon, they lose their Relevance and Essentiality - their Importance. That’s what Light is all about, after all. Rose is essentially realising that the longer they stay living in Earth C, in a world that Hussie can’t ever fully write out, no matter how hard he tries, they’re going to become less and less important.

Rose’s marriage to Kanaya is Out-of-Canon. Wholly Canonical, and it definitely happened, but her marriage is in no way Essential to the progression of Homestuck. It’s losing its meaning and importance because it didn’t happen in Canon. The more they do Out-of-Canon, the more unimportant it gets - until eventually some drastic event occurs that means it’s completely lost its Truth.

So, John has to go back and defeat Lord English to ensure they stay Canonical. If he doesn’t, their timeline will go on - but they’ll no longer be the Alpha timeline, and they’ll no longer be Canonical. They’ll become Non-Canon. They’ll lose all Truth completely.

I have the feeling the Apophis thing that kept popping up in the 413 event on FFBF will also become relevant here. I mean, it’s literally a snake that’s meant to eat the sun, and we get told that the Green Sun has to be consumed by a supermassive blackhole - one that John’s been dreaming about “in anime”, which I think probably means something to do with Lord English. At the very least, Caliborn.

I’m incredibly interested by the idea of John going back into canon, nabbing their younger selves, and doing… something. He can’t attack LE head on, and they’re going after his younger self - so Caliborn, probably? - but I’m genuinely curious where in the timeline John will end up, and who he’ll need to take. Definitely Dave, at least, since Rose mentioned some sort of weapon he has, and I’m assuming by proxy that means the other kids - but which trolls, and does that also include Calliope? Is this the event we’ve been waiting for, where John goes back and saves everyone?

John’s dream also worries me. A supermassive blackhole devouring the entirety of Paradox Space, permakilling billions upon billions of ghosts as it spans the width of the universe. This makes me wonder if we’re going to get the final ending to Homestuck - the True ending. One where everything is wrapped up so neatly that every other timeline is devoured by this blackhole. There will be no more offshoots, no reason for doomed timelines or successful-but-not-Canon sessions. I get the feeling that’s where it might be going, or at least that’s what John’s dream is implying.

So what that concerns me with, then, is Rose’s hesitance when John says he’ll come back. There’s the implication there that, no, John won’t be coming back. Or at least that Rose won’t be seeing him again. Roxy’s concern, too - and Calliope’s ensuring that this is a choice John gets to make rather than something he has to do - holds some sort of worrying note I’m not fully sure of yet.

Talking to a few people, I get the feeling it might be something along the lines of these:

- John has to die to complete this mission.

John’s death is at the hands of LE, or in his attempts to defeat LE, and becomes a vital part to his defeat

John’s the “powerful being” who attempts the suicide strike to destroy the Green Sun, and that’s why he’s having dreams about it now

- John will be creating a new timeline, and will end up getting Canon-locked into it, meaning that he won’t be able to return to the current Alpha-timeline Earth C

- Something will happen to Rose? Her condition might be worse than she initially thought, or she might be downplaying it for John’s sake, and rather then being concerned about his safety, she’s actually concerned about hers

- John will create a timeline that has no End State, or will create a new Alpha timeline. Either way, he’ll be dooming the current Alpha-timeline Earth C.

In any case, I am incredibly excited to see what happens with this. I feel like it’s going to be a very long, very interesting Epilogue - one that, hopefully, plugs up a lot of the plotholes we’ve been complaining about over the past three years.

#long post//#ardenttheories #anonymous #homestuck epilogues

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

Text

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 7 - Meat Page 26

==>

Back on to Jade swimming into the singularity or something. (And trying to stop thinking that maybe Candy ends with a giant polyamorous relationship and/or orgy, because I don’t imagine Rose would have acted so tamely if that’s what she saw.)

Yes, Time is the complement of Space, that was already confirmed in comic if it wasn’t super incredibly obvious all along anyway.

Gah, I’m getting stomach cramps again.

Yeah, too much Space makes Time invisible and vice versa? Or...

Maybe Dave broke her heart a little, and he keeps doing it too, no matter how many different timelines they try out.

God damnit these CRAMPS. Reading further.

Like a garden, where Jade used to spend so much of her time with her hands in the earth and her head in the clouds, dreaming about flowers that bloomed in six colors and grew when she played them a song. Was that real? It’s hard to tell. But it made her happy, didn’t it?

FUCK are you going to start making me doubt the reality of the liFe we saw her living early in-comic????? Cut it out, it’s unsettling!

Alright, alt!Callie is taking the reins from Dirk on this narrative he so smugly thought he could completely consume. That’s good/bad.

slutty adult Jade

FUCKING YIKES!! FUCK YOU DIRK!

FUCK I DIDN’T NEED HER DEATH DESCRIBED IN SUCH DETAIL EITHER. Also alt!Callie’s really embodying Death here.

==>

Pff. Calliope’s writing the story now, in a sense, like she always kind of wanted.

Also pff, this version of her doesn’t know how to describe human stuff colorfully. :)

An adversarial dichotomy between your opposing goals, huh? This might end up as a “none of us can really write the ending” ending that DOES leave it up in the air for everyone else to decide instead.

Fuck, now you’re having THIS Jade suffer by proxy by experiencing the other Jade’s memories. This metatextual ascension’s happening to everyone isn’t it.

Yeah, she’s done it before and stuff--

when jade turns to look at roxy, her eyes are completely black.

FUCK.

my presence shall mitigate, if not altogether subdue, the corrosive effect on reality and the will of its occupants by those who would manipulate the way events are telegraphed for their own megalomaniacal objectives.

Well, fuck. Jade’s been temporarily hijacked for the rest of the story AGAIN, like back in Condesce days, this time as a plot device to keep Dirk from overreaching with his god powers and stepping over everyone’s wills like an Ultimate Riddle style villain. Dirk, I mean. Being the villain. And alt!Callie just doing what she has to to put this back on track. Man I HATE it when Jade’s will doesn’t get to be on full display. Her will is awesome. (Also, alt!Callie just tacitly confirmed that the will of reality’s occupants matters, if that wasn’t obvious already, so ha.)

despite his pretensions to a greater design, the prince of heart cannot be allowed to continue to exert unchecked control over the authoritative recitation of events on this side of my horizon. it cannot be overstated the extent to which he represents a threat to the continued existence of both this world and corporeal life itself.

Yeah, it was indeed looking that way earlier.

Ooh, alt!Callie is really spot-on with her pronoun use.

Alright, Dirk’s voice is shrinking away, and my stomach still feels half-clenched.

Wow, alt!Callie’s really mad at what Dirk’s been doing with this epilogue.

==>

“EPILOGUE FIVE”?????

Did I miss the titles for one, three, and four??? Yeah there were probably there and I just missed them or something.

Pfffff, John looks/smells like shit. :D

...too fresh??

Fuck you John for thinking Monty Python and the Holy Grail isn’t a masterpiece. :P

terezi tips her head to one side, with what john personally regards as a cute expression, one he believes is unique to her. whether he’s correct or not, it’s his belief that there is no one else who emotes in this manner. it’s both quizzical and mocking, two descriptors that he considers to be an apt summation of her personality as well.

Niiiiice. Nice linguistic description of her “>:?” expression.

have no desire to interject thoughts into others’ minds, or to sway intent. nor do i see value in masking the reality of the emotions that i transcribe. this is how he feels. his mind, however, has made a habit of being less clear about his thoughts than i am willing to be.

Oh thank fucking god, I don’t have to question everyone’s thoughts anymore. Until Dirk comes back or something, I dunno.

Oh my fucking god, alt!Callie, you total voyeuristic nerd.

he fears he is in danger of seeming like the type of creepy human male who is likely to collect large pillows bearing the illustrated images of japanese earth females. to me, this idea means nothing. but it is causing him to sweat.

This is one very relatable snippet of text.

Feed Terezi Feed Terezi Feed Terezi

WHY is the gold tooth poisonous??????? ...Wait, Caliborn affixed it to his mouth intentionally. He had every right and motive to make it poisonous for no good reason. Ugh.

Beep beep, let’s find Vriska.

==>

WHAT

WHAT JANE

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

JESUS

Using Trickster Mode as a drug to further one’s political performance. That’s fucking horrifying. No wonder it was on the triggers list.

additionally, it prevents one from dwelling on any given personal problems, or the greater implications of any political statements one might make.

Pff, mhmm.

Problematic, huh? Jane seems like the slightly-old-fashioned sort of person who thinks it’s getting kind of ridiculously silly how much people are caring about stuff being “problematic”. And yet that stuff DOES matter, and ignoring it DOES hurt people, and she not only isn’t seeing that but is drugging herself to see it LESS with that goddamned lollipop. Holy shit.

she turns around promptly, her body jolted by the surprise of her sudden reversal. she bends over, cradles the lollipop reverentially, and situates it carefully in a place signifying respect: atop the mantle, after clearing space for it by shoving several brittle, worthless objects to the floor.

PFFF. Okay, so alt!Callie ISN’T above altering characters slightly from their narrative course when it comes to one of the few things she deems important. Heh.

Having “his control of a shared vehicle fully suppressed”, huh? Does alt!Callie only mean the narrative, or maybe Rose too with whatever weird bullshit he did to her?

Uh, “while the seer both diminishes and ascends”??? D:

--Oh, oh shit. He was planning to NARRATIVE CONTROL Jake into going along with things. D: D:

Yeah, Jake would want to bang all the aliens, really.

Sendificator rifle, or something like that. Got it.

==>

How fucking long is this epilogue, anyway????? I mean, the length is appropriate from an objective point of view, I’m just frustrated because I’m going to have to spend every waking hour liveblog-reading it until I’ve reached the end or I’m likely to fucking explode, and I didn’t want this to be my entire day/weekend/existence again AAGH HOMESTUCK YOU BLACK HOLE

anyway yaay karkat in a suit.

Alluding to assassination attempts? What, is that red rifle going to try and fulfill that old “through the silver screen and straight into my heart” unused foreshadowing-herring from act six, or five, or whenever it was? Five, I believe.

Pff, super pacs, yeah. Dave’s nearly as political as me now or something. Except he actually acts on it here instead of just sitting around talking about it and thinking he’s right all the time, like me.

Wait, JANE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH with smearing Jake??!??? Holy shit she’s lost touch.

KARKAT: SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS SUBJECT MATTER FOR PRODUCING CAMPAIGN ADS! KARKAT: NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OR WHAT POINTS YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE! DAVE: yeah its awesome

Pfffff.

...yeah, Jake isn’t thinking of ANYTHING except Dirk right now, really.

Oh huh, Dirk HAS been as controlling of Jake as he used to be, now that alt!Callie’s pointing it out. Just with an even more insidious mechanism.

Oh cool, Karkat’s version of the policy pitch! :D :D :D Can’t wait can’t wait reading

(dont lie karkat you totally know shes hot)

Pff, stop making it seem obvious that Dirk wanted to assassinate Jake for political purposes. Heck, even if that WAS his plan it’d just be a temporary death that he’d resurrect from and then they’d try to turn it into... what, some media spin on how Karkat might have been responsible? Or a troll?? That latter part would make things MUCH more xenophobic. I’m starting to get seriously into the politics of this.

==>

Pff, now ‘rezi’s eating tobacco.

...okay, is Terezi REALLY going to go for a real conversation with just an honest ask for one? I don’t think so--

--aaand there she goes laughing, as expected. At least at first.

Yep, Terezi’s wearing the shoes. Nice date gift.

--And yep, Terezi remembers all that. She managed to do the nigh-metatextual mind merge with her other selves WITHOUT even needing God-Tier.

Yeah, Vriska always seemed fit to abandon the kismesis you deserved when it suited her, ‘rezi. :(

JOHN: even worse, i might have tried to fix things MYSELF! TEREZI: OH D34R GOD JOHN: yeah!!!

Yeah I cackled out loud at that.

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S P3RF3CT 1SNT 1T? TEREZI: BUT NOT FOR YOU TEREZI: YOU DONT *F33L* 1T

john swallows a thick breath. he reminds himself that he never wanted perfection, never asked for it. and yet he feels guilty every day for failing to enjoy it as much as he believes he was supposed to.

Holy shit. John’s survivor’s guilt from all the doomed timelines he witnessed and escaped is keeping him from feeling their victory has been real, and making his “squandering” of it gut his self-esteem too. God damnit.

Roxy and John wouldn’t have worked out????? Hey Terezi, quit it! >:[ That’s not fair, just very plausibly and authoritatively dismissing a ship we’d hoped for offscreen like-- Oh, shit, she’s alluding to something that happened in the Candy side I haven’t read isn’t she. She would DEFINITELY have an idea of what happened on the other side of that Choice Split with her hero role. Fuck what am I in for

....pfff, that Callie vs Dirk bit. It’s like revenge against Doc Scratch, which it kind of IS, really.

I didn’t expect this much time to be spent dwelling on really intimate John/Terezi scenes. It’s really refreshing! Making this kind of meaningful no matter whether it’s black or inexplicably red they end up with or whatever, and equally meaningful if they don’t end up in any sort of relationship at all, really.

even without the aid of a juju, he is fortunate enough to be blessed with the only true form of divinity. to be released from the prison of nonsensical inhibitions which so often psychologically hobble the more primitive forms of life.

Alt!Callie, are you causing this? I thought you wanted to be impartial.

Okay, THAT finally brought things suitably closer to the black side of romance like I would have expected.

==>

their finger hovers over dirks number for a moment, but... no. that would not be a good idea. they don’t know why they suddenly think it’s a bad idea. it just is.

Okay, THAT shred of influence is fair. You DID say you were going to countermand his influence, so yeah.

Good excuse to get narration of her thoughts, if flimsy. :)

Lord save me from this fake woke nightmare.

Pfffff. Fuck you, Dirk. ;)

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

FUCK you’re going to kill JADE aren’t you???? You’re giving Jade a TEMPORARY DEATH just to deny alt!Callie’s proxy?!?? That’s fucking insidious! Fuck you, Dirk!!! That one wasn’t a loveable joke this time, that was an ACTUAL fuck you. This epilogue is really good at making him out to be the villain now that his powers have expanded to the narrative.

Reading reading reading...

...Huh. Is Roxy talking about coming out as non-binary and getting advice on it? Hm!

Alright, and she’s defs a little gay for Callie from what she’s saying if it wasn’t clear before. If “gay” even has any relevance when you’re talking about a pair of non-binary... yeah whatever. :)

Alright, time to hear Dave talk about it all some more I guess.

--Yep, he’s only mostly gay. Called it. There’s a whole spectrum.

...and yeah, I mean... why NOT let it go beyond quadrants with Karkat and never slap an official label on it? You’re just two people who love each other and want to spend time together in any capacity, be it positive or negative. It doesn’t have to result in anything formal unless you want it to, much less boning down or something. Dirk, stop getting creepy with how hard you’re shipping them, that’s the fanbase’s job.

Jade and Roxy are visible from this location, right? Wasn’t it mentioned that they live in a tower in Carapaceville or whatever? Has Dirk successfully conned alt!Callie into having her vessel shot through? Probably.

the ongoing corruption of his cerebrally impaired daughter.

Eewwwwweweewww

Anyway yeah here comes the plot twist or whatever...

Yeah, Callie gets it wrong, and--

......ah, a tranq? That makes more sense and is more than slightly less evil, if still ultimately evil given his eventual presumed goals or whatever.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

FUCK YOU

Oh, Jade’s going to be asleep for the rest of the story? AGAIN?!???? FUCK YOU SO MUCH, DIRK.

Jesus christ. How long is this epilogue anyway.

Taken your leave? From this planet??? What the fuck, are you--

Oh. Oh shit.

When Dirk ascended into absorbing the memories of all his various split selves, did he get a heaping helping of DOC SCRATCH in there too??? Was Doc Scratch’s ambition actually for POST-victory ascension in this very manner? FUCK. Either way, him sharing some of those memories puts a pretty unique spin on his descent into goddamn evil, here.

Reading on... oh shit, did Callie write the candy half??

==>

Huh, postcoital; we actually went there. Cool.

Ah, she gives up on Vriska? Better find Vriska really fast, then.

Oh, you’re really going? Or, trying, anyway.

==>

Really committed to this whole ascending to literal godhood schtick, aren’t you, Dirk?

(Hm. Makes me almost think that this situation with Rose is going to end up with someone splitting her essence entirely in two to save her; her raw Seer-ness getting forced into a convenient vessel (cueball, wonk wonk) and herself returning to consciousness a slight bit more mortal than she was before, ie not going completely insane. Hmm.)

Oh, “Vast Fuck” sorta-maybe-confirmed..??

Stop tacitly insulting Jake as you puppet him, Dirk. He’s a dumbass but not THAT much of a dumbass.

beta-bitch

FUCK YOU, DIRK.

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart.

Fuuuuuuck you.

could subsume your entire personality

Shit, he IS trying to pretty much consume them all. Swallow their individuality and take total control of all their actions. All Prince of Heart on the whole world. Dirk you need to fucking DIE.

And to love Dirk is to obey him.

There isn’t a Fuck You large or loud enough to what I feel about the mental violation Dirk is inflicting on Jake right now, and everyone else around him, and I sincerely and selfishly hope this epilogue is almost over because I don’t want too many pages to stand between this one and seeing Dirk fucking PAY.

Jake opens his big, dumb mouth to make the only important contribution to the plot he ever has or ever will make in his whole sad, pointless joke of a life.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

Let’s hope that in your hubris your looking away managed to let him say something different or some such.

==>

You try to remember if you’ve ever been revived by Jane before. You honestly can’t recall. So much shit has happened. Maybe?

Yeah, I don’t recall either really.

The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Okay, fuck? How the hell? Is this just because Dirk says it is, or???

I guess it’s tragic, though maybe not in the conventional sense. My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

Yeah, Dirk’s first fucking rant when he took over the narrative officially was about John being a you-insert nobody average guy, and the DISDAIN he shows to everything about who John is is pretty goddamn insulting. He has NO concept of how John managed to bring everyone together or... UGH!

even though you knew both then and now that it was the only choice you possibly could have made.

Dammit, so it probably WASN’T a full timeline-bisecting Mind split. Just a side branch that wasn’t as likely, because just like with his Denizen, John’s will was tilted toward this part of the choice. D:

I see how some of this seems to be going, or at least think I do... Dirk thinks that John needs to die heroically “for the good of the story”, and something’s potentially going to come in and say “no”? That the whole reason they WON was to essentially be free of that cruel logic once and for all, and that Dirk is gonna get one hell of a smackdown for trying futilely to enforce it in their new post-victory domain??

She listens to him bleed while she smells him die.

--That, and fulfilling bits of foreshadowing for shits and giggles. >:(

Huh, “friable”, didn’t even know that was a word. Just looked it up; you learn something new every day.

Okay what is Dirk planning with the fucking body.

==>

Jane swept the election, of course. I told you I was going to win. After Jake’s incoherent and scandalous heel-turn at Karkat’s ill-fated rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvaged the Vantas campaign.

Ah, but is that what REALLY happened, or what you’re saying happened, about to be overwritten?

Mainly that their BFF Jade has been in a coma for an entire month. They’ve been in and out of the hospital handling her affairs. Her next of kin is listed as John Egbert, and no one’s seen him in ages. It’s like he just disappeared suddenly. Like some great hand came out of the sky and crossed his name off the big list of guys we ever need to give a shit about anymore.

F U C K Y O U

Roxy, after all, and since her big heart-to-heart about the personal politics of queer onion metaphors, and ten stages of galaxy-braining through the many vicissitudes of the phrase “no homo,” Roxy has decided to really step up her gender experimentation. I guess at this point she’s gone beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reaching Super Saiyan 2 of gender, and then going even further beyond.

Holy crap, she’s going full Dave Lalonde. That’s pretty sweet.

...Isn’t Terezi like obviously covered in blood and stuff?

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

Oh my fucking GOD real!Callie please save the plot. Nuke this self-indulgent Dirkshit.

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

...This is an allusion to the Candy side I haven’t read, isn’t it? Maybe THAT’s part of what she supplants this bullshit with. Or since it mentions “various combinations”, she’s restoring the possibility to everything that the ending was supposed to have?

This is potentially a real fucking indictment of the idea of a narrative-driven ending when what actually mattered was the characters’ escape from said narrative. :)

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

Okay fuck maybe Callie ISN’T helping. Maybe she’s just so worried about the alternate history she could have lead that she’s retreating into every Candy-like fanfic she can think of. :(

What’s with the phone buzz? The intervention we’ve been hoping for, since Dirk’s making her ignore it?

Oh cool, figures Terezi’s been hearing the narrative all along and just politely not acknowledging the fact that she hears it! Maybe SHE’LL help unfuck this mess. (And according to her, Roxy’s gone full “him” too!)

Fuck fuck fuck Terezi don’t listen to him go against his bullshit instead

Where, canon? Is that where you’re planning to escape back to or some such, with yourself as the author? Is that orange Andrew actually you or some BS?

Dammit.

==>

FUCK, “new body”????

The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

FUCK FUCK FUCK it IS the cueball isn’t it. Holy shit. That’s even worse than a robot. FZUCZK

Okay calm down. The Rose part of Rose can be cut away and rescued from this fate somehow, if she isn’t just whole-hog rescued entirely which would also be good. FUCK DIRK

...look purple? What?

DIRK: What’s happening here is the best thing for everybody.

Yeah, go fuck yourself. This shit had better be undone soon.

To finally face the truth. If Rose has been spending more time with me than you, if she’s realizing she resonates more with me due to our natural similarities and finds my presence more rewarding than yours, then what does that say about YOU, Kanaya?

PFFFF. YOU’RE GONNA BREAK UP THE PAIRING JUST SO YOU CAN STEAL HER? HAHAHAHAHAHA NO.

Okay, after THAT page’s last bit of horrid manipulation, this can’t end in any way that doesn’t involve ages of existential and literal torment for Dirk, forever.

==>

Epilogue Seven, huh. One last thing he wants to take care of before getting out of dodge, huh. I see Karkat and Dave’s text colors on screen. Is he going to try to force them to finally bone down or confess? This would be the perfect place for his plan to get fucking stopped.

Homestuck, stop making my fucking stomach clench so hard.

That’s a hell of a disaster Dirk thought up for these guys on that stage.

Part of this whole shitshow might be to tell us that this ending, this “fanfic” of dubious authenticity of an epilogue that Dirk is giving us is how DIRK believes it would end best for everyone involved, but not how everyone else would, ignoring their wills... while also discarding the idea of the epilogue that any individual reader of Homestuck would want in favor of the possibilities he meant to leave open with the ending.

Alright, here comes Dirk NOT forcing them to bone down but rather trying to persuade-brainwash them into a relationship talk.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

Dave. Please.

Hey, the Gurren Lagaan reference went WAY too long unsaid. Even if Andrew literally didn’t know a thing about said anime when he made the character designs.

I look Dave right in his mind’s eye and tell him to cut it the fuck out. He wants it, you want it, so just go for it, my man. It’s now or never.

DAVE: oh DAVE: same

I feel every brain cell in my immortal body begin to perish in real time.

BAAHAHAHAAHHhahahha FUCK YOU Dirk.

I mean, I want Dave and Karkat together as much as the next guy but FUUUUUUUCK YOU DIRK!!! I want everything you ever wanted to go wrong and shit on you. Their equivocating soft-nearly-mance is strong enough to go even against you, who thinks yourself the narrative fucking Sun.

Oh this is fantastic

I’ve literally been decapitated and that was less unbearable than this.

YES KEEP FALLING APART

You see that twinkle? That’s devotion, you unbelievably dense neutron star of a dumbshit.

Nice callback to... what was it, Dave’s first rant at Tavros to troll him back or whatever?

radially effervescing kaleidoscope of more hot boy peckers than you could ever imagine.

Yep, DEFINITELY a callback to that. I’ll never forget the sick flow of that metaphor.

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

SAVE US DAVE

Dammit, near miss.

The privilege of a Strider Eye Moment is about the most earth-shattering experience a young man will ever have in his life.

Pfff

DAVE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD AND JUST LET ME DO THIS MYSELF!!!

yaaaaaayyy

I mean we didn’t save the whole story yet but at least Dirk got fucked over and we still get Davekat intimacy.

That’s pretty classy actually, not getting into detail and just sounding blown the fuck away by it even though he’s Dirk. That’s pretty good.

==>

Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it.

Oh so it IS a robot body. Well, fuck you a little less than it potentially being the magic cueball, but STILL fuck you.

I may have already mentioned, but I’m a bit too deft at this for my own good. Doing the thing where I tug at the part of someone’s latent thought process that already knows they adore me. That if someone would just pull the stops from their sense of inhibition, they’d realize they would do anything for me.

It’s called killing their soul with your role abilities you ASSHOLE

I hope this crush you filled him with bites you in the fucking ass now that he’s here.

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

Oh, so you’re just going to drop the truth on him like that? Let’s see how that works out for you, asshole.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

Oh fuck you. This is “best for everyone”, huh?????

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know. DIRK: Her candy boy? JAKE: CANDY BOY??? DIRK: Yeah. Being on call. DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such. DIRK: To provide her with many heirs. DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool? JAKE: HEIRS??

Um. What the fuck? Is this even Dirk anymore? It’s not Condesce intervention, I’m not going to try and suspect that just from the callback or anythiiiii-----

Fuck, we DID just get an alive Meenah dropped into a universe somewhere.

Maybe this IS Condesce intervention. Just a different Condesce. o_O

Two ticks longer than he ever deserved.

Gah???

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

So this was all just revenge for dumping him??????????????

==>

Guh, back to Kanaya-- wait, why does Dirk want Terezi around, anyway?

Jade wakes up and then-- Okay. Okay my eyes flitted down to the green halfway down the page and I saw this phrase before I actually got to it.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Thank FUCK.

Anyway reading the in-between...

The scope of her awareness, she now understands, is truly staggering. Memories are suddenly accessible that are almost impossible to believe. Some of them are unspeakably marvelous to her. Others, deeply disturbing.

FUCKING COOL she got Ultimate-Selved! Now she knows too much about what’s going on to stop her! Get fucked, Dirk!!!!

No, more than just disturbing. She lingers in the dark recesses of her consciousness. There were things she saw, things she was told... Her mouth twists into a silent snarl. She’s been angry plenty of times before. But never so angry that she stopped being cute. She’s not cute this time.

YEAAAAAHHH JADE GET ANGRY

This had better not be Dirk intentionally riling her up since he still has control of the narrative though.

Next post.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

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gamertaleyt1-blog · 5 years

Text

Ask my ocs!

Ocs

-crystal the axolotl

-roxy the fox

-proxy the fox

-nary

-zary

-justin the bastion

-skully the bat cat

-zack the dragon

-busky the evolved bat cat

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emilyplaysotome · 6 years

Text

Chapter 20 - Hard Choices

Catch up on all Chapters here: http://emilyplaysotome.tumblr.com/post/173554646607/down-the-voltage-rabbit-hole-the-sequel-master

It was nearly impossible to concentrate at work considering the morning I’d just had. Here I was, supposed to be excited about seeing Zyglavis and my heart kept aching at the thought of Hijikata.

On top of that I heard my own nagging negative ego spoken in Meg’s voice echoing my head, playing devil’s advocate.

“Why do you even care about either of them? If you weren’t so insecure you’d try to find something real instead of falling into the same otome traps over and over again.”

I glanced up, through the glass walls of my office and looked at the activity beyond it.

Young men and women milled about, living their lives - no doubt dealing with all the difficulties this world presented while for the past few years I’d retreated into a fantasy land. I wondered how they’d been strong enough to do it. I wondered if it had been luck or perseverance that had brought them theoretical happiness and as I judged myself for having neither and not really trying these past few years.

In a sense, the games coming to life bled into my instinct to avoid “real” men in this world on apps or through other means. They provided a perfect excuse to erect walls around my heart and never leave seeing as how inside my world I happy and safe. Before I’d even landed in the otome-verse I’d used the games to avoid putting myself out there for years and so in a sense my prayers were answered when I’d been inexplicably thrust into this strange but familiar world.

However at this point in my life, I was being forced to ask myself what I really wanted.

I’ve never thought of myself as a cowardly person, but I’d recently come to realize how fearful I was in my personal life. I had a narrative that it never worked out with the people I liked, but when I thought back on who those people were I realized that these relationships were often doomed from the onset.

There was something about choosing people that deep down I knew would never be right as a way of protecting myself. This wasn’t about me having bad taste or liking the wrong things - it had to do with me running away from success and failure. Time and time again I reached for the man who was emotionally unavailable and when he disappeared it hurt, but not as much had been ready and decided to go with another.

In a way, dating and living within the otome world was no different and Meg had brought that to my attention. Both options kept me sheltered from putting myself out there in a meaningful way and thus, feeling the sting of rejection that came with someone knowing you for exactly who you are.

Yet, having lived this way for so many years it was going to be hard for me to just reject what they provided all of a sudden. Beyond being comfortable for me, it also felt hasty and when I really searched my feelings I couldn’t say honestly that the things these otome men made me feel were less real than what my experience might be with someone of this world.

If anything, it wasn’t about feelings or success or failure when it came to my current situation but this question of choice that Meg had harped on.

She had me questioning if it was possible to pursue a relationship with an otome man all the while understanding that the nagging voice in the back of my head might never be quelled? That years from now, should I marry and procreate with them would I wonder if for not this miracle if I would have been strong enough and worthy enough to find happiness with another...

“Naomi!”

The voice shook me from my thoughts and I saw a concerned looking Toma standing in front of me.

“Sorry - what’s up?”

“Are you alright? I was calling your name again and again...”

“Just thinking about stuff. Do you need something?”

Toma gave a brusque nod and slid an iPad over to me.

“Oh nice. The mockups look great.”

“Yeah, I worked with Cara and Roxie on the visuals. We have a few copy placement options for you to pick...A,B, or C.”

Toma flicked through the different layouts as he spoke. There were several options of each.

“More than a hotel,” had become our main tag and then depending on the image there was additional copy. “An exclusive fitness club for NYC VIP” was overplayed on an image of a boot camp happening on the roof, under the stars. “An oasis in the city” fell over images of the luxury spa - our option for Nee Yorkers who couldn’t necessarily afford a membership but wanted the occasional pampering. “A restaurant worthy of New York” showed off some of the delicacies from the flagship hotel eatery - mouthwatering images of truffle gnocchi with fresh chickpeas and perfectly presented filet, still tender with potato whip and garnish.

“Toma - these are amazing,” I finally said. “I defer the placement to what the team likes, but I’m leaning towards B if you really want my opinion.”

Toma brightened at my praise and retrieving the iPad said, “Us too.”

“Great! B it is. I’ll confirm with Anita what time the presentation tomorrow is but we’re in a great shape.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean? Is there something you feel I’m missing?”

Toma flashed me an abashed smile and shook his head, “I just feel like there’s a catch...it’s not even lunch and we’re feeling good about this stuff. I’m used to a guaranteed late night before a presentation of this magnitude.”

I smiled and shrugged, thinking of my time at Addison & Rhodes and how often I saw the people around me putting in crazy hours.

“I don’t give feedback for the sake of feedback. If you feel like there’s more to do by all means, I won’t stand in your way. I love what the team has done though.”

Toma blushed a little at the mention of “love” and saw himself out, feeling good about being to relay such positive feedback to the others. With the knowledge that the LT Hotel account was in good shape, I tried to refocus on my other work that needed attention.

For a solid hour and a half I managed to put emotional blinders on and commit to my work and when I’d finished I realized that the clock read 3 pm and I’d forgotten to eat. On top of that, I grabbed my phone and saw that I had a missed call and voicemail from Terek Bishop, the NYPD officer who’d arrested Soryu.

I was curious as to why he’d be calling and put his voicemail on speaker in my office as I got ready to grab a quick bite.

“Hi Naomi, this is Terek Bishop of the NYPD. I got contacted by a Jin Namba who is trying to locate Soryu Oh and said he was working on your behalf. If you could give me a call back I’d like to discuss this with you directly rather than go through a proxy. Thanks.”

I figured Terek wanted to confirm that Namba was indeed working on my behalf so called Detective Bishop back immediately. When I did he advised me against working with a PI and informed me that he was concerned that our meddling might affect Soryu’s case.

He admitted to not knowing Soryu’s whereabouts but confidently relayed that he didn’t think he would pose any threat to me. Having missed his court date, Soryu was now a wanted man and would have a hard time flying under the radar let alone committing another crime.

“I understand and respect your desire for justice,” Detective Bishop said, completely unawares as to the real situation, “but please leave this matter in the hands of NYPD professionals.”

“But Mr. Namba is ex-NYPD!” I insisted. “He used to work at the TriBeCa precinct. If you don’t believe me you can ask Patrick Fitzgerald. He goes by ‘Fitzy’ - he’ll tell you there’s no better person to help you.”

There was a pause and I could tell Detective Bishop was slightly taken aback by my passion before he said, “Alright. Usually we advise against this but maybe we can figure something out. I’m doing this for you though…”

Perhaps I’d been around too many otome men the past couple of weeks but there was something that last statement that made me wonder if there was more to what he was saying. He agreed to talk to Jin so long as we didn’t get in the way or derail the NYPD’s investigation and we hung up shortly thereafter with a promise that he’d update me in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t think much of it, but figured I might as well stop by Jin’s office before picking up lunch just to let him know I’d spoken with Detective Bishop.

“What can I do you for little bird?” Jin asked plainly.

He was looking through various letters that littered the surface of his usually clean desk, sitting casually on the edge rather than his office chair.

“I wanted to let you know I spoke with Terek Bishop - the officer who arrested Soryu,” I said only a few steps in from the door, feeling as if I’d interrupted something.

“Ah yeah. I left a message for him.”

“He said he’d be willing to work with you so long as we didn’t get in the way. I guess Soryu skipped his court hearing so he’s in more trouble than I thought.”

Jin nodded at me and I instantly saw that there was something different about his demeanor today.

He was wearing a nicer dress shirt than usual, but he’d rolled the sleeves up and unbuttoned a few buttons making it feel less dressy than it actually was. The light blue of his shirt was complimented by fitted navy slacks, and resting on the corner of his desk was a folded up tie that he’d obviously removed before my arrival.

He didn’t seem as lighthearted as usual, and I couldn’t tell if this was about a different case or something personal but reading the room it made sense not to wear out my welcome.

I smiled at him and quickly said, “That’s all. I figured he’d be in touch soon but I might as well swing by.”

I turned to leave but Jin called out, “Hey wait. Can I ask you something?”

I paused and spun back around only to see him looking at me with a conflicted expression.

“Fitzy and I got lunch today and he asked me how it was going with all this,” he said gesturing between me and him. “I…how come you won’t tell me how we knew each other?”

The question was asked in earnest, but I was unsure how to answer it. He was clearly searching for something specific but I was unsure as to what that might be and I didn’t think the king would appreciate me telling him the truth.

I thought about the history we had back in his world, as well as the memories we’d made in mine. I thought about the last time together in the onsen, and the look on his face in the penthouse suite when I told him that I was choosing Zyglavis.

I kept returning to this idea of choice that the spirit of Meg had been torturing me with, and how it felt that out of all of the men Jin always had the emotional maturity to make it clear that he always choose me - no matter how free his will actually was.

Not wanting him to hear I’d broken his heart time and time again, I felt like all I could do was smile and say, “Someone once told me it’s best to let memories return as they’re meant to, but if there’s something specific you want to know and if I can help I’m happy to try.”

It was obvious by the way he looked at me that he could see through me. His eyebrow twitched slightly and with a scoff he said, “This city is filled with beautiful women, you know?”

Unsure as to what he was getting at I stood uncomfortably near the door and nodded. He ran his fingers through his hair as he spoke, and his movements made it all the more evident that his muscled physique was still very much intact from what I remembered back in the otome world.

“This weekend I went out with one - smart as a whip, sexy as hell, and kept throwing compliments my way the whole date.”

The comment took me completely off guard and left me taken aback to say the least.

This was the first time I’d heard about the secret lives of these otome men, now that they were away from me. If Jin was going out on dates I had to assume the others were as well. It was a strange thought that some woman unbeknownst to her would go out and not realize or understand who she was actually with.

It was selfish of me to feel possessive over them all when I’d made my choice all those months ago but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness as he spoke. I did my best to hide what I was feeling from him but as a result I felt as if my smile was plastered on, and I was too afraid to move for fear he’d see how much the thought of him on a date bothered me.

“Yet the whole time I was with her I was thinking - why do I feel so indifferent about her...about this? She was everything anyone would ever want from a partner. When we said goodbye, she kissed me and I was surprised at how little I felt. I’m a man, you know? Most men are wolves.”

He said the last bit in a tone that I was more familiar with. He was flirting with me, being playful and goading me to see what my reaction would be. I responded by daring not to move as he continued speaking.

“And then today at lunch Fitzy brought you up and ever since I can’t shake the nagging feeling that...well, that I was never indifferent about you.”

The way Jin delivered that statement made me momentarily weak at the knees.

It was self-assured, fearless, and direct in a way that provided the type of validation any woman would want. No matter what I may have felt about him he was secure enough to let me know that his feelings were steadfast and true. It took real bravery and a complete lack of ego to say such a thing to a woman you barely knew and hardly remembered and it made me recall why I’d been so drawn to him in the otome world.

This was a man in the truest sense to me and under his direct gaze I felt as if I owed him some sort of transparency shy of the whole story.

“You’re right. You never were.”

“Then?”

“I was engaged.”

“Was?”

I nodded, my eyes finally falling from his.

“I see.”

I found the silence that followed that statement to be awkward but couldn’t find the right words to say. As I struggled to form a reply I failed to notice that Jin had gotten up from his desk, and gently taking my hand said, “So I guess this is the part where I go for it, eh Little Bird?”

He lifted my hand to his lips, and gently placed a kiss on my ring finger.

“Jin…”

He gently lowered my hand back to my side, and placed his hand on my waist. Gazing into my eyes our faces drew closer together until his passed my lips and instead came close to my ear as he whispered, “Oh no. I’m not that easy. If you want me, you need to choose me.”

Choose.

There was that word again.

I stood stunned, frozen and stammering as he pulled away, chuckling as he took a seat behind his desk.

“I’m a PI Naomi Lee. I know everything that I could know right now…and while I’d love to take you right here on my desk and pleasure you until you can’t think straight, I don’t mess around with women who juggle men the way you’ve been doing. Let me know when you’re done with all the others and I’ll consider taking you on the best date you’ve ever had in your life.”

My face must have been bright red, but Jin was no longer paying attention to me. Instead, his eyes were on the papers in front of him and he went back to work as I slinked out of his office and onto the street, realizing that choice was something that went both ways.

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Thanks for reading :)

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