didn't scroll tumblr for like a week cus i was hella busy and rereading @derinthescarletpescatarian curse words in what spare time i could wrangle from my schedule (great story, highly recommend btw) and i realise now that i haven't missed tumblr at all. maybe i will dip again
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hey y’all!
so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.
i’m taking a break.
not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.
again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤
see y’all in december <3
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nandor the relentless and immortality
all nearness pauses, while a star can grow - e. e. cummings // Secret of Life - Lord Huron // Spleen - Charles Baudelaire // The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock - T. S. Eliot // '39 - Queen
art pieces:
1. "Yazdegird I Kicked to Death by the Water Horse", Folio from a Shahnama (Book of Kings) by Abu'l Qasim Firdausi -> detail
2. Fair Rosamund and Eleanor by Frank Cadogan Cowper -> detail
3. Camp kingdom in Baladeh, Mazandaran by Kamal-ol-Molk
4. Battle of Anghiari by Leonardo di Vinci
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Wouldn’t it just be so beautifully poetic if August’s life was ruined (even more, it already is) by the person he loved, while he watches Simon and Wille, whom he tried to ruin through their love life, be stronger than ever?
He was jealous and mad at Wille and decided to attack him where it would hurt the most: his love life. He saw what he had with Simon and decided that he would rip that straight out of their hands. August falling in love with Sara and fucking it up yet again just gives the best setting for his life to get ruined on another level (because I don’t know if legally anything will ever happen). There’s just so much potential for the people he ruined to ruin him in return, even without meaning to. Because right now, there’s only one thing that was truly going good for August: his relationship with Sara. But that’s fucked now, Sara wants nothing to do with him anymore. What she wants, from what we’ve seen in the ending of s2 at least, is to right her wrongs and make it up to Simon. August gave her what she wished for (aka Roussea) and there’s no hesitation in her refusal of the horse. She wants nothing to do with August anymore, and I think it will probably stay that way no matter if Simon accepts her excuses or not.
But by being with him in the first place, Sara gave August a taste of what it’s like to be loved and to love in return (because he never had that with anyone else, not Felice and not any of the other girls he slept with, if we base ourselves on Erik’s words in s1ep1), and it could get taken away from him so easily (it already is, now we need to see if it stays that way next season). I don’t know I just really want August to pay for what he did in every way imaginable and to have a taste of love but not being able to have it anymore would hurt him so good. It would hurt him the way he hurt Wille and Simon, but possibly even worse if he sees them be happy together after everything and Sara never takes him back.
So, if Sara tries to make up for her mistakes (and to hurt August it doesn’t even matter if she makes up with Simon, tho it would hurt him even more if they do) and in the process she completely get over him, well I just think that would be a nice thing to see him go through. There is no denying that Sara fucked up so bad and that alone would of course not redemption her but like. That’s a bit of an added bonus of another way to make him pay. She has nothing to lose anymore, might as well bring him down while trying to right her wrongs🤷♀️
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I still will never understand that comment by Asagiri saying that Dazai was the best thing to happen to Akutagawa when even Dazai himself doesn't believe that. I mean, from what I heard, the BEAST novel does a pretty good job in showing that Dazai knew Akutagawa would thrive and do better under people like Odasaku and Kunikida, right? Dazai throwing Atsushi at Akutagawa and kind of evading saying anything to Akutagawa sometimes did make me wonder if he was trying to force the boy from dependency on Dazai's approval (though, I also do believe Dazai doesn't fully want let go of his control over Akutagawa, which is another can of worms)
I mean, yes, Dazai wants to control Akutagawa, but I also think he knows objectively (not self-deprecatingly) that he just...wasn't good for him asides from the whole sort-of-saving-his-life thing. What I'm saying is that the relationship between the mentors and mentees of BSD are more complicated than saying "he/she was 100% good/bad for them" but also that generally we do see a progression of growth for the mentor with each "student" they take under their wing. In this essay
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scum woman guilt admission (SOS AWL betrayal test)
so a few months ago, in my first SOS AWL file i was curious to see if the betrayal mechanic was back (getting a girl’s 9 heart event and then giving your blue feather to someone else)
in awl if you cheat on nami, tei and lou were the ones who chew you out for it if you talk to them. now with the remake i wondered— what if i did the worst possible thing…
nami was oblivious to my philandering, and rock was oblivious to the fact i was already engaged. expected from him. talked to him to see if he’d comment on our engagement but the guys have no engagement dialogue, so i got the line above instead… uh.
same with the post engagement date, though it was just a bit more awkward at the end
i went to leave and she had been like meters away. oopsie… well, time to face the consequences of my actions!
no consequences! and i named my kid after her to apologize so we’re totally cool!
(i reset and made this file a nami file out of guilt)
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