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seiyasabi · 3 years

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Ugly Bastard

(This is a Yandere Milluki Zoldyck x Rabbit Female Darling :))

I’m really sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted, but this is my interpretation of his character, and my interpretation is that he’s considered the ugly bastard and a neckbeard :/ I hope you enjoy this.

TW: Aged up!!, Forced heat!, !technically noncon!, !dubcon!, He’s rlly gross!, daddy kink!, objectification!!, breeding kink!, typical neckbeard behaviour, mate literally doesn’t wash himself (I’m so sorry) or clean his room!, he fucks you while you hold a comfort object, etc..

I don’t normally say this, but please, please proceed with caution! This got really dark and disgusting :/)

Giggling to himself, the short haired man holds a glass vial up to the light, the amber liquid inside sloshing violently. A grotesque smile paints his chubby face, thick fingers holding it so tightly that his knuckles are turning white, “Thank you, Illu-nii! She surely can’t resist me now!”

The oldest Zoldyck looks down at his younger brother with disgust, wondering how exactly he became this way, “Of course… But, if she was giving you so much trouble, why not take her-?”

Milluki shakes his head, holding the vial close to his breast, “No! I can’t do that, are you crazy?” Illumi raises a perfectly shaped brow, unimpressed by his grease ball of a brother, “I’m not the ugly bastard in this story! I’m her handsome prince-”

Illumi tunes him out, rolling his eyes. Of course his brother doesn’t have morals, he just wants you to bow to his every whim.

Although the eldest brother couldn’t critique the younger too much, he still couldn’t shake the overwhelming repugnance he feels towards him.

He’s seen the room you’re trapped in, seen the harsh way Milluki tugs on your ears and tail, seen the- he shivers at the memory of the short haired man forcing you to feed him. The excessive way he chews with his mouth open, trying to get a reaction out of you, makes the tall man’s blood boil. He has no idea how you’re able to keep calm, but he can applaud you for it.

“-So this is my last resort! Thanks to you, Illu-nii, we can now continue to Zoldyck like!” Illumi can’t help but shiver in disgust at the idea of Milluki reproducing.

“Yes, yes, of course. You go do that,” With quick feet, the slim man hurries away, hoping to escape this conversation as quickly as possible.

Glancing at the vial in his hand, Milluki squeals in delight, a gross smile on his greasy face.

Tonight is going to be a night to remember.

Hearing the door open, you immediately look up from your clean spot on the bed. In your arms you hold your stuffed rabbit, cradling it to your black bodysuit clad breast.

Seeing your captor waddling into the room, you jump to your feet to greet him. Putting on a fake happy smile, lifting your ears, and shaking your tail, you start to gush over him, “Daddy, welcome back! I’m so happy to see you!” You hop over empty Mountain Dew Liters filled with piss, wrappers of empty food containers, broken games that disappointed Milluki, and his dirty clothes. You try to clean up, you really do, but Milluki is one of the sloppiest people to ever live.

His ugly face grins at your beautiful form, your pretty face, and cute voice, “What a good bunny, coming to greet her Daddy!” He opens his arms for a hug, making you breathe through your mouth. Landing on his large stomach, you lay your head against his breast, trying your best to block out his grease, musk, and food stains.

This bastard fills you with so much disgust and anger. He tells you that you need to lose weight, dress up pretty, put on a lot of makeup, keep clean, and be well shaven. Yet, here he is, looking like a goddamn catastrophe.

“I missed you so much! Me and Hoppy,” You raise their stuffed animal, “Were waiting for you all day!”

He rubs a sweaty hand over your exposed shoulders, “You’re so cute, Bun. Daddy has a special present for you today,” He uses the hand that once rubbed your shoulders to reach into his pocket, withdrawing a certain amber filled vial, “Be a good girl, and drink this all. You’ll do that for me, right?”

You pull away from him to look at what he’s offering, feeling dread weigh down on your heart, “What is it, Daddy?”

He tuts condescendingly at your question, releasing you from the awkward side hug you were in. His thumb and forefinger grip your chin, a suddenly serious look on his face. Fuck, you forgot that rule, “Bun, you know how Daddy feels when you question him! Good girls don’t question their Daddies, we always know what’s best for them.”

You want to scream ‘no’ at him, but unfortunately, you’d rather not receive a brutal punishment tonight. Nodding your head, you smile up at him, “Okay! I’m sorry for questioning you, Daddy.”

He squeezes your tail, before grabbing your hand, and forcefully placing the vial into it, “Good, Bun Bun! Now, drink this!”

Rolling the warm glass in your hand, you scrunch your nose slightly at the weird smell of the contents inside. But, feeling his warning glare on your figure, you quickly uncap it, and throw it back like a shot.

It tastes horrible!

You can’t help but gag at its vomit esque taste. Covering your mouth with a hand, you stare down at the vial in both shock and disgust. Luckily, you’re able to choke it down, but you’re only barely able to.

“Good Bunny, I’m proud of you,” He runs a moist hand through your hair, making your stomach lurch.

“Thank you, Daddy,” Milluki drags you to his bed, disregarding the trash you have to step on with your bare feet. Once at the bed, he tries to push you onto his side. You don’t allow yourself to fall forward, instead opting for your designated sliver of the bed. No matter what you try, no matter how many times you change your sheets, Milluki’s side always ends up absolutely filthy! His grease, food stains and…… unspecified stains discolour any colour of sheets, even black ones! So, you only stay on your side, trying not to get a skin infection.

He makes a noise of disapproval behind you, but quickly flops down on his side, his arms squeezing your middle tightly. His right hand lays over your tummy, squeezing slightly. Thinking that he was going to critique your looks, you whimper slightly, “I’m sorry, Daddy, am I gaining weight? I can go on another diet-“

“No! No! You’re doing great, Bun! If anything, I think you’ll need to be a little bigger…” He trails off, increasing your nerves. Is that why you’re sweating? It’s suddenly very hot in here.

“Daddy, is the heater on?” You lay your free hand on your forehead, the other gripping Hoppy in an ironclad grip. Are you getting sick? That could be a problem. Your diet since getting here has changed drastically, along with your sleeping pattern, cleanliness or your environment, and your stress level. Hopefully he’ll cast you into a separate room, leaving you to your own devices.

“No, why?” He removed your hand from your forehead, and replaced it with his own. Is this supposed to happen? He isn’t too sure how heats are supposed to happen.

“I-I think I’m getting sick, Daddy. Should I go take a cold bath?”

“No! I mean, uhm, no, that won’t be necessary. Just stay right here,” He tightens his hold even more, you can feel your ribs creak underneath his fingertips.

You say nothing, starting to curl into yourself at the feeling of cramps in your abdomen. Could you be starting your period?

“I think I started my period,” You don’t see him look at you in disgust, but you can feel it.

“Then get up, I don’t want you dirtying the sheets,” You had to stop yourself from laughing. You? Dirtying the sheets? Says the man who has turned them rancid! You set your bunny stuffie on your clean pillow, trying to keep it away from any dirt.

Hurrying to your feet, you move quickly towards the bathroom. Once inside, you flick on the light, showing its pristine condition. He almost never comes in here, leaving it clean.

Unzipping your outfit, you pull your tail out of its hold, and shuck it down your legs. Once bare to the room, you open the toilet seat lid, and sit.

Once done with your business, you wipe, expecting something to be different, but not what you see. The piece of toilet paper is absolutely drenched, and not in what you think.

You slick is practically drenching your entire hand, scaring the shit out of you. What on Earth is happening to you?! And why did the feeling of your wiping feel so good?!

Grabbing baby wipes, you wipe down your pussy and ass, cleaning yourself up as much as possible. You stand up on shaky legs, closing the lid, flushing the toilet, washing your hands, but the pain becomes too much. Tears bead your eyes as your fear and pain take over, causing you to curl into a ball on the marble floor.

A burning feeling of arousal pools in your belly, making the urge to touch yourself grow exponentially. What the hell did Milluki give you? And aphrodisiac? You’ve never had a heat in your life!

Milluki knocks on the door after a long period of silence, the only thing he hears is your crying, “What’s wrong, Bunny? Is everything alright in there?”

You whimper in response, prompting him to open the door. The sight of your naked body made him do a double take. And, upon seeing a growing puddle of arousal around your hips, he can’t help but salivate.

“Is my little one in heat? How precious! Cute little bunnies need their Daddy, and if you ask nicely, I’ll be happy to assist you!” Milluki bends down to grab you, but finds difficulty when his large stomach stops him halfway. Grunting slightly, he crouched down, finally able to grab one of your arms and heft you into his own. Once secure, he stands to his feet, stumbling to your bed.

He tosses you in the middle, much to your disgust, and flips you onto your back. He gazes down at your perfect body, practically salivating at the sight of you.

Your pussy is drooling onto the dirty sheets, cleaning away his dirt in its midst. Perfect teats are pebbled, chest heaving in deep breaths. Your ears hang high above your head, curling slightly, looking adorable. Your little tail above your cute butt looks so nice to pull. A thin sheen of sweat is present on your skin, and as much as he wants to be disgusted, he can’t. You’re just too perfect like this.

“Do you need Daddy’s help? Come on, you need to beg for him,” Your body locks up in revulsion. You don’t want his nasty cock anywhere near you! For all you know, he’ll give you a bacterial infection!

“Nu-no, Daddy. I just-I just need to sleep, I think!” Looking over your shoulder, you see a dark present on his face.

“Are you disgusted by me?” His voice comes out deeper than normal, anger slowly starting to become apparent.

“No! No! Nothing like that, Daddy!” You force your aching body up, crawling towards him. You’re on your knees before him, holding onto his dress shirt pathetically within your pretty hands, “I just-you know I want to wait until we’re married,” You look down in an attempt to be bashful. Telling him that lie at the beginning really saved your ass, but right now, it seems that he’s tired of waiting, “I promise that that’s all! Because what if I get pregnant? I want to ensure my baby is taken care of-“

He grabs your hands, yanking you towards him, your naked chest smashing into his fat. He cups your face with gross hands, gaging your reaction. When all he sees is anxiety, he sighs overdramatically, “There’s no need to worry about all of that. Mama said I can marry you, so we can make a baby now!” His words make you gush with unwanted arousal, the last thing you want is him to fuck you, “See?” He releases your face with one hand, using the other to scoop up some of your arousal, “Why are you stopping yourself? Daddy’s cock is more than sufficient to fill you up.”

Try as you might, the smell of his arousal and your heat clouded mind are starting to drive you wild. He’s the closest fertile male, making your instincts go into overdrive to mate.

A pathetic whine leaves your throat, making him giggle horribly, “Even all teary eyed, you still look so cute. Good thing all of your makeup is water-proof, because if they weren’t, you’d look so ugly right now.”

You’re so aroused, that his words don’t make you furious like you usually would be.

“Now, take out my cock, Bunny. Suck me well, and I’ll breed your pretty pussy well,” In your mind, you don’t want to. You don’t even want to touch him with a ten foot pole. But, instinctually, you’re ready to jump his bones.

With shaking hands, you grab his belt, unlooping it with ease. Sliding it off, you move to his button and fly. Unbuttoning his pants is a bit difficult, due to it barely containing his large body, but you manage. Once done, you move on to his drawers, gross, white stains cover the front of them in a crusty topcoat.

Shivering in disgust, you pull them down, revealing his decent sized cock. Milluki smiles down at you, and grabs your ears in a makeshift ponytail, egging you on.

Deciding not to look to close at his repulsively unwashed cock, you close your eyes, and suck on his precum coated tip. It tastes awful. If you thought that heat inducing elixir was awful, this is 100 times worse.

Withholding your gags, you take him further down your throat, praying you don’t get strep throat. Using your tongue, you rub the vein on the bottom of his shaft. Hollowing out your cheeks, you suck him hard, bobbing your head quickly in the hopes of him finishing.

Gripping your ears even harder, he groans and pants as he bucks into your mouth. Milluki can’t believe it! His waifu is sucking his cock willingly!

That thought has him busting a fat, chunky load down your throat, causing you to almost throw up for real this time. He quickly pulls you off by your ears, looking down at you in awe.

The puddle around your cunt only grew bigger, and your fucked out expression is so endearing!

“Good girl for making Daddy cum! Do you want him to cum in that cunny? To make the hurt go away?” You nod eagerly, making a piggish smirk cross his features, “Beg for me, Bun Bun, beg for me nicely, and I’ll do it.”

You grasp his cloth covered hips in a tight grip, resting your chin on his large stomach, “Please, Daddy! Please make it stop! Please fill me!”

“Hmm, I’m not sure if I’m convinced,” Whining at his words, you turn around in his hold, pressing your slick cunt against his already hardening cock. Rubbing lightly, you keen at the pressure.

“Please, Daddy, I’m begging you! Please fuck me!” Milluki can’t hold back anymore, immediately forcing his cock inside your soaked pussy. Screaming in pleasure, you push yourself harder against him, tail tickling the underside of his tummy.

“Shit, you feel amazing,” He bucks his hips into yours hard and fast, not caring about your pleasure, “Don’t you see? This is your purpose; a little Bun like you is meant to be my cock sleeve, my little baby maker.”

You can’t bring yourself to respond, only pathetically fucking yourelf into his thrusts. He groans at your tight and wet walls, loving the way your cute, bunny body clings to him.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” He lifts one of your ears to whisper into it, “You want my babies? You want me to cum inside?”

You nod your head rapidly, disregarding the slight pain of his tugging, “Uh-huh, please fill me up, Daddy! Make me your house wife! Make me have your baby!”

Your words send him over the edge. Slamming himself deep inside you, he releases his disgusting cum inside your womb, bloating your tummy slightly.

The large man leans on your smaller form, smushing your face into the dirty sheets. Within moments, the burning feeling and pain is gone, leaving you disturbed and revolted.

“Wha-what do good girls say to their Daddies?” You wanted to throw yourself out of a thirty floor window.

“Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for giving me a baby,” He pets your head with a moist hand, rolling out and off of you, in favour of lying behind you. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you close to his soft body.

Milluki falls asleep quickly, allowing you to cry quietly to yourself.

Outside the door, Illumi stands motionless. He can hear your crying, and for the first time in his life, he truly pities someone.

He can only hope his father will reject you as Milluki’s spouse.

Otherwise, you’ll be stuck with the ugly bastard for life.

Requester: @milluki-simp--i-guess

#yandere hxh #yandere milluki #milluki hxh #milluki x reader #hxh x reader #yandere hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter x reader #tw: noncon

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milgrammer · 3 years

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[ENG] Molech Voice Drama

Es: [footsteps]

Shido: Hm?

Es: Sorry to have kept you waiting. [footsteps] Prisoner number 5, Shido.

Shido: No need to. Thank you for all your hard work, Es.

Es: Now then, Shido. Let’s begin the interrogation.

Shido: Very well. Please go ahead.

Es: [hesitates] Ok. Let’s see... Milgram exists to reveal the sins of you, prisoners, and to hand down the appropriate judgement. So, for that reason, talk to me for a bit.

Shido: Understood. Please take good care of me from now on.

Es: [pauses] Even if this is referred to as an interrogation, at this moment in time, I don’t plan on using violence. In addition to that, any falsehood or silence from you will be acknowledged.

Shido: I see. I might refrain from voicing anything I don’t want to say, but I have no intention of lying to you.

Es: Shido, how’s life in Milgram? Do you have any complaints about its environment? Or have any issues arisen from the other prisoners, etc?

Shido: No particular inadequacies really come to mind. And, my fellow prisoners haven't particularly caused any issues either. Es, I wonder if this is the fruit of all the governing you do? It’s remarkable.

Es: Not really. [hesitates] Hold on a second, Shido.

Shido: Yes? What is it?

Es: This is… I know it’s me who’s getting things mixed up here, but… In comparison to all the interrogations thus far, this one has been progressing far too smoothly; it feels somewhat unsettling.

Shido: I’m not sure what to say to that...

Es: Hm. [footsteps] Shido, do you seriously not have any reservations about Milgram?

Shido: Well, let’s see. I mean, without a doubt, it’s clearly a strange place. Its architectural style and the written script it uses are things I’ve never seen before either. If you were to say I was having a dream or a vision, then that would make more sense to me.

Es: Hm.

Shido: But, all things considered, I’m still very much conscious. My pulse rate is within its normal range. And, I can’t find any symptoms to suggest that I’m hallucinating either. So, I don't exactly find that idea to be very convincing.

Es: Oh?

Shido: Other than that... If this is the afterlife, then this place must be hell. But, if I set that idea aside, then… This is just real life. I, myself, am in normal condition; it’s where I am which is unusual. I may not know the reason behind this place or how it works, but even if I tried to escape from the reality of it, nothing would really change, right?

Es: You sure are composed, aren’t you?

Shido: That’s just my personality. I just simply don’t think bad of it—this place, I mean.

Es: You mean, Milgram?

Shido: Yeah, this place will put me to death.

Es: What?

Shido: I might not get a golden opportunity like this again, so I’ll get straight to the point. Es… You decide how the prisoners will be dealt with, right?

Es: Yeah. That’s right.

Shido: The death penalty is what I’m hoping for. Thank you in advance.

Es: I won’t have that. The lot of you can’t decide what your own treatment will be. Only I as the prison guard have the authority to do so.

Shido: Exactly. You as the prison guard have the right to do such a thing, Es, so that’s why I’m asking you for this favour.

Es: [scratches head, sighs] In regards to your sin, what I’ve gathered so far is that you both regret and have already reflected on your actions. On top of that, you’re also seeking to receive the maximum penalty we have to offer. So, let’s use that information. The idea that I’ll be taking your behaviour into consideration is nothing more than a mere presumption.

Shido: [hesitates]

Es: And, of course, I haven’t thrown away the possibility that you’re only doing this to get on my good side either.

Shido: Hm. I honestly have no idea what you and Milgram are setting out to achieve. You mentioned something about extracting songs and videos from our hearts, and then using them to judge our sins, didn’t you?

Es: Yeah. And, what of it?

Shido: There’s no need for you to go through such a cumbersome process. If you want to hand down the correct punishment for me, then all you have to do is put an end to my life and it'll be over in a blink of an eye.

Es: You’re being annoyingly persistent, Shido! Know your place here.

Shido: Please listen to me, Es. I’ve killed people. Lots of them as well. It was for such a selfish reason too. I’m a fine specimen of what a genuine murderer ought to be. [footsteps] There’s no reason for you to forgive me. And, I don’t have the desire to be forgiven either.

Es: I really don’t...get you.

Shido: If you don’t put me to death, then neither the people I’ve killed nor their families will be at peace. Don’t you think so too?

Es: As if that’s my business. I haven’t necessarily sided with your victims and I’m not a family member of theirs either.

Shido: [sighs]

Es: [sighs] Anyway, the only thing I’ll be deciding on is whether or not I forgive you. I don’t even know the details of what punishment will follow after that.

Shido: Is that so? Es, I suppose you were left in the dark about many things as well just like the rest of us.

Es: Knowing what happens to the lot of you afterwards might prevent me from making a straightforward decision about whether I should forgive you or not. So, it’s to avoid that from happening. Were you aware of that?

Shido: Hm… But, this place does smell of the dead though. I’m sure that some sort of death will lie at the end of Milgram.

Es: Smell of the dead?

Shido: Yes. I can somewhat recognise it from experience… A place which is filled with the smell of the dead, that is.

Es: Is...that so? Well, either way, Milgram is a three-trial system. It lets me take my time to decide on whether or not I should forgive you. Even if you wish for the opposite, if I decide that you should be forgiven, then it’ll do just that without any hesitation.

Shido: A three-trial system, right? It’ll take far too long, don’t you think? I’d rather this all be over as soon as possible.

Es: Like I care about what’s convenient for you. Don’t complain about the rules.

Shido: So, if it’s a three-trial system… Then, for example, if you absolutely can’t find it within yourself to forgive me and I don’t lodge an appeal in response, will my treatment be decided on the spot?

Es: That’s the three-trial system according to Japanese law. Milgram’s one is different from that. For the time being, you really should throw away what would be considered common sense there. I mean, if we’re gonna bring up Japan… Due to the abolition of the Prison law, this sort of prison shouldn’t even exist in the first place. (1)

Shido: Wow…

Es: What is it? You’re going all wide-eyed.

Shido: Ah, well… I was just thinking about how despite being a child, you’ve really done your research on this.

Es: Hey. [footsteps] You trying to make fun of me, is that it?

Shido: What? Oh, no. I wasn’t trying to do anything like that.

Es: You were. Something’s been on my mind ever since the very beginning… “Es, this. Es, that.” It’s the belittling way you refer to me… I’m the prison guard, you know that?

Shido: Oh, I’m completely aware of that. But, you’re still a child in actuality. Coming from me, who’s almost twice the age as you are, I just…

Es: What is it?

Shido: For a child like you to be entrusted with this sort of role… My heart goes out to you.

Es: Excuse me?

Shido: I don’t know what circumstances you face while guarding this prison nor the reason as to why you’re doing it, but I’m sure that it must take a toll on you emotionally as well. So, please do your best. [pats head]

Es: [is shook] I see. Oh, I see now. So, that’s how it is. So, that’s how it’s gonna be. [deep breaths]

Shido: Hm? Es?

Es: Don’t you dare… pat my head like that! [kicks]

Shido: [grunts] Please hold on for a second.

Es: Phew, I feel so much better now.

Shido: S-suddenly kicking my shin like that…wasn’t very nice of you.

Es: Shut up! Out of all the prisoners thus far, you’re the one I can’t stand the most. Going all pessimistic like that, running your mouth as if you knew everything, acting as if you’re oh-so mature, and never budging from that composed expression of yours—the nerve of you! On top of that, you even went so far as to pat my head. Do you think I’m your child? Do you?! Don’t fuck with me!

Shido: Didn’t you say that you wouldn’t use violence?

Es: It’s on a case-by-case basis.

Shido: What a thing to say.

Es: Hey, Shido. What the hell do you mean by "I want to die"? Don’t you dare try to insult me with that. Plead for your life with every fibre of your being! Our instinctive desire to stay alive is the very reason why punishments for our sins exist. To Milgram and to me, your very existence is sacrilegious!

Shido: Es…

Es: If your shin gets kicked, you’ll feel pain, won’t you? And if it hurts, you’ll cry out, won’t you? You’ll tear up, won’t you?

Shido: Yeah…

Es: Well, take that! Even if you boast about wanting to die, the pain you just felt is the exact same thing as your body screaming that it doesn’t want to.

Shido: [pauses]

Es: While you’re still alive, you should be grabbing life with both hands! Don’t act as if you’re already dead. An adult like that has no right to treat me like a child. It makes my skin crawl. End of discussion!

Shido: I see… If I feel pain, then it’s proof that I want to live?

Es: Hmph!

Shido: [sighs] Well, with that being said, here’s my counterargument to it. It was the nociceptors in my shin which felt that pain. So, it's nothing more than a reaction caused by pain signals being transmitted to my spinal cord and then to my brain. That phenomenon is called nociceptive pain.

Es: What?

Shido: What I’m saying is… Even if I do want to die, pain is something which will still involuntarily occur. And therefore, you, Es, were making a mistake in your claim.

Es: That's so immature of you.

Shido: [laughs] It’s payback for kicking my shin like that. But, you know, I think it was an amazing mistake to have made. It was so radiant...to the point where it made me want to turn away. Just as I thought, you truly are a child…but that makes me incredibly happy.

Es: Shido… [mechanical noises] It’s time, huh.

Shido: So, this is what will be “extracting songs”? It sure is intriguing. I wonder what mine will be like.

Es: Composed no matter what, aren’t you? Is there anything left you'd like to say?

Shido: Oh, yeah. I don’t know about what the other prisoners may think about Milgram itself, but… I fully agree with it.

Es: Sure seems that way.

Shido: I’m a fine specimen of what a murderer ought to be. I don’t mind when you hand down your judgement, but if it's possible… Instead of being told by the law that I won’t be forgiven, I wanted a child like you, Es, to tell me that.

Es: What?

Shido: I feel sorry that you had to be given this role. And, I truly apologise for being so insistent about sentencing me to death as well… But, you’re perfect. You’ll give me the ending I’m most suited for.

Es: [hesitates] Y-you… What’re you saying? A special request like that is so...

Shido: [laughs] Well, I wonder. I'm just trying to get you to punish me as of now.

Es: [hesitates]

Shido: I look forward to you handing down the correct judgment.

Es: You’re making a false presumption there. It’s the fact that it’s my judgment which makes it correct! That’s what Milgram is.

Shido: Then, I look forward to what you deem to be ‘correct’.

Es: Hmph. Say whatever you want.

Shido: Please make sure you don’t forgive me. Okay, Es?

Es: [scoffs] Don’t make me say it over and over again! I don’t give a shit about what you’re hoping for. Prisoner number 5, Shido. Come now. Sing your sins!

「監獄」 [kangoku] were essentially comprised of 「刑務所」 (for those people serving a sentence) and 「拘置所」 (for suspects, those who were awaiting a sentence or those on death row). They operated under 「監獄法」 (the Prison Law). However, due to abolition of the Prison Law in 2007, those facilities are no longer called 「監獄」, but are now referred to as 「刑事施設」.

#He really should've gone into ASMR lol #Playful Shido is...very nice #Amami's really killing it here #shido kirisaki #shidou kirisaki #milgram #translation #voice drama #drama cd #Tbh if I don't see at least one person simping in the reblog tags #I'll be kinda disappointed #The Shido thirst going around is hilarious #ミルグラム #deco*27

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blushnik · 3 years

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I love love your works and posts. Always looking forward to more content from you. Anyways my question is that in Punisher season 2 really trashed billy. What do you think about it. Personally I Hate Krista and Madani. Do you think billy and frank would have eventually started a relationship if billy hadn't been outed for betrayal.

*SOBBING HAPPY NOISES* Lemme just- uh, lemme calm down, this was so much praise I didn't expect to see when opening the inbox 😭🙏💙💙💙💙💙💙

Okay, now to your question *breathing exercises initiated*

First, I just wanna say that I kinda pushed the entire season 2 out of my mind, especially THAT part (y'all know what I'm talking about, I ain't gonna say it out loud) cause it just really hurts but xD I think I can handle it for this one occasion.

Season 2 really went ahead and said: Let's just punish Billy Russo for 13 episodes straight, yeah? Cause the show's name is PUNISHER. And he's PUNISHER's nemesis, right? So we PUNISH him, that makes sense, right? *clown mask here* And people will totally cheer when we finally get rid of him cause he's BAD and deserved to be PUNISHED, RIGHT? *clown levels intensify*

Lemme just point out that Billy Russo DID get his punishment when Frank introduced him, quite intimately, to a mirror. He suffered consequences of it during his coma in his dreams and after with memory loss and all conditions that came with it. And that'd be okay to have at the start but NOT FOR THIRTEEN FKING EPISODES.

You can't beat up a character that much, for that long, and then expect us to be cheering when he meets the shittiest end you could possibly think of. Not to even mention the monumental waste of potential in that story.

Remembering what he did and being told what he did are two VERY different things. If he doesn't remember shit then ofc it doesn't make sense to him how could he ever betray Frank like that. For all he knows, everyone just turned against HIM and made up this lie, his best friends and people he cared about going after him for – in Billy's eyes – no reason. Forget Maria and kids and Rawlins, just the fact my best friend, the only person I ever truly felt connected to and trusted and cared about ground my face against a broken mirror would be A LOT to process.

I seriously expected Billy to remember what he's done somewhere in the middle but somehow the writers thought new characters nobody cares about and an overly complex plot is a better way to go? That letting Billy be just a confused screaming crying mess for the entirety of season 2 while ten meaningless subplots get resolved so he can die right after will somehow work?

Look, I get he was supposed to lose everything he had in season 1, that being not only his wealth and company and good looks (he's still hot shut up and those feeble scars, bitch, what was that, Shadow and Bone did a better job at doing accurate scars) but also his self-control, his control over his emotions, composure, his ability to keep his cool, smooth-talking, etc.

But you can't let him be the victim and then expect the audience to not empathize with him or feel sorry for him and to NOT be okay when he dies right after it seems he finally found some peace, happiness, and love (I hate Krista too but shit, he was so happy with those stupid flowers, Ben sure knew what he was doing when he gave those blue flowers to Alina right before everything turned to shit).

Granted, he did shitty things in season 1 and season 2 too but the difference is this;

In season 1, those were his conscious choices. He never was a victim even in his own story. He knew he stepped on other people in order to get himself higher, he decided when it comes down to it, better someone else than him. He decided that after building himself up, no price was too great to pay just to make sure he was never hitting the bottom again and he had no problem with doing it because he's incapable of compassion and 'even though he loves Frank more than anything or anyone, Billy loves himself just a bit more' – Ben Barnes' words, not mine.

But in season 2, he doesn't know about any of that. He does feel like a victim because from his POV, everyone is simply attacking and somebody close to him hurt him for things he can't believe he did because at that point, he believed he would NEVER be capable of doing such things. And when he does something shitty – it's because he feels attacked, he feels like he needs to protect himself and that he's pushed towards it.

Pretty fking hard to see him as a villain, at least for me -.-

It's almost like the writers were too scared to explore that emotional turmoil and impact it would have on him and how it'd change his character if he remembered. Which is SUCH a shame it hurts. Ben Barnes has put so much nuance and depth into Billy's character, he had dimensions and so many layers so just imagine what it would be to have all of that go through some serious angst and explore his relationship with Frank further.

But no.

Instead, we get this imitation of angst where Billy Russo becomes a punching bag and we're supposed to go OOOH HE STILL EVIL BITCH when he darest to punch back.

And don't get me started on the worst character kill-off I've ever seen. Just no. I am not even sharing my opinions on this cause it's too much to think about.

So there you have it, season 2 is trash in my opinion, they really did Billy so dirty while throwing in subplots and characters that were absolutely unnecessary to have. It could totally be just about Frank and Billy trying to come to some closure (violent or not) and maybe Dinah sprinkled in cause she got a lot of beef with Billy too.

Now just to quickly answer the other question, would they have started the relationship eventually if Billy wasn't outed for betrayal?

Marvel and the Mouse are cowards so ofc not in the canon, but in my humble hcs opinion, ofc YES. Frank's the only one Billy feels a connection with and vice versa. And while it's easier for Frank to care for other people than it is for Billy (since, unlike Billy, Frank is capable of compassion), nobody gets him and accepts him the way Billy does. I like to think of that quote from the Darkling for this:

"I've seen what you truly are and I've never turned away."

That's Billy @ Frank. Together with the reasons, I listed in the previous ask where I pointed out how they complement each other ^^

PS: I just wanna say I actually love Dinah but it may be because of my hcs. She was really getting on my nerves at the beginning and then I just made up stuff in my head that made me really fond of her, like Dinah dating Karen Page and being the good bro for Frank and Billy.

Thank you for the reading if you made it this far, THANK YOU for the kind words and keep invading my inbox if you like 🥰💙💙

#asks #brank #frankenbilly #billy russo x frank castle #frank x billy #more brank rant #i love you anon 💙

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thenexusofsouls · 3 years

Note

Flock- what is your muse's family like? How do they get along with them? (Tony)

Eagle- is your muse courageous or cowardly? What might cause them to act in the opposite manner, if anything? (Ethan)

Sparrow- what artistic or creative hobbies does your muse have? What is their favorite or most treasured creation? (Natasha)

Cardinal- how does your muse recover from strong emotions? How do they recouperate? (Michael)

{i am the caretaker of souls} This got long, haha, so I’ll put it under a cut.

Flock- what is your muse's family like? How do they get along with them? (Tony)

So... Tony’s relationships with various members of his family are complicated and not always positive, but the following five people mean the most to him, and with each of them, he’s tried to do the right thing at least at some point in his life. With some it worked better than others, for varying reasons, but I’ll focus on these and describe his relationship with them a little:

Father, Howard Stark: Oh boy. Where do I begin. There was so much wrong with Tony’s relationship with his dad. Both of them were incredibly intelligent and very arrogant, and that caused a huge ego clash between them, but for different reasons. Howard never felt that Tony lived up to his expectations as a son, although half the time he didn’t really give him half a chance or bother to notice when Tony did do something productive, constructive, good, noteworthy, etc. Tony wanted his father’s love, attention, and approval, but often went about it the wrong away, trying to stand out with bad behavior rather than positive achievements. Whenever they met in the middle and could have had a chance at bonding, the two of them were so defensive or closed off that they just couldn’t open up to each other. This never really got resolved, and then Howard was killed, so Tony was left with not only a huge hole in his heart from the love he felt he never really got from Howard, but also an emotional wound that would never have any closure.

Mother, Maria Stark: Tony loved his mother to bits, although when he was younger he often pretended like she worried to much and sometimes smothered him. From Maria, Tony got the love he felt he never got from his dad, but it was almost too easy. She just gave it unconditionally, and in some ways that offset what he wasn’t getting from his dad so much more because of the dramatic contrast in how his parents treated him. She was the softer, forgiving, understanding, encouraging parents in contrast to Howard’s aloof, distant, businesslike fathering. She was the one person in his life that he felt safe going to in any kind of vulnerable way, and losing her left Tony feeling very alone and isolated in a way he couldn’t express to other people... so he bottled it all up.

Girlfriend/Wife, Pepper Potts: Ugh. This relationship, in my opinion, was terrible and toxic. He was distant, defensive, and he abused alcohol to an extreme. Also he put her in danger either by accident or inadvertently with things he said or did. His communication was never the greatest and his coping mechanisms were unhealthy at best. She shamed Tony for his trauma responses as if they were personality flaws he should be ashamed of (scattered memory, nightmares, panic attacks, etc.), used walking out on him as a threat and emotional weapon against him whenever she just didn’t feel like dealing with him, and often was not there for him when he needed her. But... Tony genuinely loved her and something must have been good enough for both of them for them to want to make it work, and somehow, eventually, it did. I think once Tony knew he wasn’t going to lose her (the threat of her always just wanting to leave really kept him on edge in a way that was damaging to his mental health), he calmed down and some of his behaviors and coping mechanisms actually got better, which then in turn made Pepper want to stay with him and work it out, so those two things fed off each other in a positive way. Her actually marrying him brought about an emotional stability Tony never had before, both within himself and in a relationship. He settled down considerably after that and was much more stable mentally once he had her full support. He loves her with all his heart and there isn’t much he wouldn’t do for her.

Older Daughter, Carter Stark: This is going to sound terrible, haha, so I’ll preface it by saying that Tony loves Carter immensely. She’s his daughter and all he wants to do is keep her safe and make sure she has the best life she can. But... in many ways, she’s also a symbol of some of the worst times in his life, some of the worst things about himself, and some of the worst things he’s ever done. He slept around, he let people down, he got people killed, he wasn’t there for the ones he loved, etc. She reminds him of a lot of things about himself that he wishes weren’t true or didn’t happen. Her existence has also made him wonder on many occasions whether he might have other children whose mothers never knew he was the father or chose not to even inform him. He loves her, as I said, but there’s also just this aching pain and guilt he feels with her that he didn’t do enough for her, didn’t protect her well, or even that her life might have been better had she not known him. Some of that is his own anxiety telling him things that aren’t true, but some of it is due to events that happened that he knows have affected Carter’s mental health that Tony feels responsible for, either through his own actions or by the company he kept at the time. So Carter reminds Tony of the worst, lowest, and most broken aspects of himself, and I think that will always cause him to believe that he was a terrible father to her. He’s spent many hours wishing that he had done more for her in some way and had been able to be a better father than Howard was to him.

Younger Daughter, Morgan Stark: If Carter is a symbol of how bad a father he could be and some of Tony’s worst qualities, the Morgan is a symbol of the best he could be. Morgan in many ways is Tony’s redemption. Other people outside looking in might say his actions during Endgame were redeeming, or that he had moments before that throughout the franchise that helped redeem parts of him along the way, but in Tony’s mind, Morgan is his redemption. She’s what happens when he does things right. Carter helped contribute to this because he didn’t want to make the same mistakes he made with her, and he sought to correct as many as he could. His own father also contributed because Tony had a big example of the kind of father he never wanted to be, and he tried to avoid that at all costs. Stepping back from the Avengers and focusing on his marriage and being a father to his daughters was far better for his mental health, even with the guilt and sadness of everyone’s failure in Infinity War. So the years during which he raised Morgan were Tony’s most stable and healthy as far as his own mental state. If he was ever concerned about the legacy he would leave - and he was - he knew he was leaving something pure and positive behind after his death, whenever it might be, with Morgan.

Eagle- is your muse courageous or cowardly? What might cause them to act in the opposite manner, if anything? (Ethan)

Ethan is actually pretty damn brave, considering he’s lived a number of years in fear. Before he entered into this nomadic lifestyle in an attempt to keep other people at a distance, he was protective of his friends and girlfriends. As he and his more recent girlfriend Kelly dealt with the creature infesting their house, there were many times when he was woken up in the middle of the night by her or suddenly startled by her screaming and had to get up and see what the problem was. He would always go on the offensive, investigating with something held as a weapon, letting Kelly hide behind him. He was scared, but he wasn’t about to let her get hurt. The problem was, there wasn’t really anything he could do about it in the end.

When Ethan is by himself, it’s a different story. He’s willing to be that shield or put himself in danger to protect someone he cares about, but if it’s just him alone, he’s not stupid. He’s not looking to throw his life away for nothing. So when he’s alone, he’s a lot more attention to his self-preservation instincts.

Sparrow- what artistic or creative hobbies does your muse have? What is their favorite or most treasured creation? (Natasha)

Dancing. Specifically ballet dancing. Allow me to explain. You might think that she’d never want to touch pointe shoes again with how ballet was used against her in the Red Room. It was used as a conditioning tool, both for its strenuous and physical demands and difficult skillset necessary to master it, but also for other typical brainwashing techniques it provides, such as the use of repetition, association through music, and creating a sense of isolation through competition with others around you. However, something weird happened after Natasha defected to SHIELD. She started to dance for herself. She only did it when alone, sometimes with music but often times without any. Somehow, she took this thing that had been used against her and made it her own. It became a source of comfort, almost like the dancing itself had been a wounded friend, and somehow by only doing it privately and emotionally, she was helping it to be something more positive every bit as much as it was helping her heal.

While dancing, Natasha lets her mind wander. She allows herself to feel things she doesn’t express to others. At several points in her life when things hurt her emotionally, she took time out to dance. Such as when Wanda dredged up memories of the Red Room in her mind, when Bruce left her, and often during the years between Infinity War and Endgame. As far as hat her most treasured creation is... I suppose it isn’t something solid she can hold in her hands, but every time she dances, she feels like she’s created something good. And I would definitely say it’s treasured because it’s cathartic for her and helps her to feel whole and less anxious, and there's incredible value in that for her.

Cardinal- how does your muse recover from strong emotions? How do they recouperate? (Michael)

Since the word “recover” is being used, I’m assuming the strong emotions in question are negative ones? Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, those sorts of things? Typically, he needs to take a step back and be quiet and/or alone for a time to reset himself. Michael does have a temper, and he does feel emotions like sadness and grief very strongly, so sometimes he needs to step back and make sure that he doesn’t make any rash decisions based off of emotion. Quiet prayer usually helps, but if not that then just sitting quietly alone for a time, preferably out in nature somewhere, usually serves to reset his internal composure and steady his mind. Michael doesn’t like to act impulsively or in anger, so if he feels himself about to do that, he usually steps away. The one exception is when someone he cares about is in danger, then he might act on his protective instincts. Regret follows, but again, he finds prayer to be comforting to him in those types of moments.

#{ i am the caretaker of souls } ᵒᵒᶜ #headcanons #muse: michael #muse: ethan cavender #muse: tony stark #muse: natasha romanoff

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tazanna-blythe · 5 years

Text

Done

Chapter 1

Marinette had an awful week. A week full of Marinette we need this, Marinette can you make this?, Marinette plan this, Marinette schedule this , Marinette fix this and etc. And when she'd say no or that she's busy they call her lazy and petty. And this is just her so called classmates and miss bustier did nothing to help her and just said to do it.

Oh and let's not forget the constant bullying and abuse they do outside of school and the constant taunts of lie la and the dismissive looks Adrian give her when ever she disagree with him on something.

She can' t take this anymore . She's exhausted mentally and physically and this is affecting not only on school but on ladybug most fight's she had with akuma's last only minutes now its almost an hour which is bad and its taking a toll on her.

She needs this to stop , she needed a plan. A plan to stop all this ,a plan to finally give her the peace and relaxation she so deserves not only for her insanity but also for her future.

While Marinette ponders on tikki is furious ,so mad that she's wishing someone's death! Which is not like her, she's the type that believes that everyone deserves a second chance to redeem themselves. The caring, loving and forgiving kwamii never gets truly mad at anything is now bloody red from thinking of how everyone treats her chosen to the point that she readily helps her chosen on her plan and a wicked plan it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 2 of them finalized there plan until they saw the sun rises and the hurried foot step of her parents preparing for the morning rush of the bakery.

"Well tikki if we need this plan to succeed i need a lot of money, time and patients. Which the first 2 don't have"

"yes , we do!"

"What?? Where ?? When? How??"

" Marinette did you forget I'm the goddess of creation, i can just create some money for you easy peasy" . As tikki was getting ready to create money out of thin air.

"Tikki no!!! This is wrong and we don't know how long its gonna last and how much energy your gonna use and the money we need isn't small you know! And most of all this is ILLEGAL!"

"Then what are we gonna do??"

"How about you make me mini camera with Hd quality lenses and audio?"

"Sure Marinette?! I can do that, how many do you need??"

"Just 2 and make it look like my hair tie???"

Just as Marinette orders 2 identical hair tie's appears in thin air that looks the same as her old one's . Without any hesitation she opens it and saws a mini camera in side with 2tb (terabyte) SD card each inside. With that she gets ready for the day and went down stairs with a new hair tie and confidence .

Marinette left the bakery with no one noticing her and hurriedly walk to school. while she was almost at the top of the stairs.

"How could you!" Alya screamed at her " you were supposed to babysit my sister last night so Nino and I can have a date!!"

Marinette raised her eyebrow "Babysit? How can i babysit when no one told me to and I was busy"

"What can you be busy of? You don't do anything special and you have a lot of free time and most of all I'm your best friend and friends have each others back !!"

"Bestfriend so it means i have to do your job??"

"Yes! And where's the interview with ladybug you promised me? Its been weeks all ready and I don't have anything new about ladybug."

"First of all I didn't promise you anything second why don't you just ask Lila about the interview she's ladybug's best friend I'm sure she'd love to help you"

"Oh that's right ill just ask her at least she'll help me unlike somebody i know" with that she walks inside looking for Lila.

*sign* Marinette slowly but surely walks to the classroom and sat on her sit, puts her head down and fallen asleep.

*Rings*

Lunch break its lunch break and no one even notice Marinette was sleeping alone at the back . Slowly Marinette opens her eyes and walks out of the classroom and see's most of her classmates surrounding Liela and telling a new tall tale about who knows what. At this point she doesn't care anymore.

She walked to the vacant table and starts eating her croissant.

"Yes, damiboo loves me so much that he even bought me this beautiful bracelet, i told him not to buy me this but he insisted on it so who am i to say no hahahaha" everyone started looking at her bracelet in awe.

" ahhh Lila this is beautiful and is this damiboo your talking about is Damián Wayne right?" Alya ask with twinkle in her eyes

"Aw yes but please don't tell anyone this is suppose to be a secret we don't want people getting the wrong idea"

"That's so sweet ,where did you meet Lila" rose said sweetly

"We are childhood friends I've know each other since we were 6 yrs. His family just adores me and practically wanted me to just move in with them but my mom said we were to young so she'll have to keep me for the time being"

"Awwww...that so romantic I wish I have that" rose send with hearts in her eyes

While everybody flocks on Liela there's 3 people looking at the group in disbelieve. And the 3 would be Marinette, Chloe and Adrien all 3 of them knows with one look that the bracelet is fake and by the looks of it very cheap mostly likely a fashion jewelry.

" I cant believe people actually believes utterly ridiculous "chloe said seriously

Marinette looks up from her table and saw Chloe approaching her and sitting down at the table right next to her.

"What are you doing here Chloe"

" I know I'm grade a bitch but i can't stand stupid people i mean look at it with just one glance you would know that bracelet is fake and it's not even that beautiful i just don't get why their flocking at her. And i rather be here with you than hear another ridiculously story about who knows what"

"You and me both Chloe"

"So are you going to exposure or what"

"Yes of course I just need time and help"

" I'll help you in one condition you need to sign the contract to work in my mother's company ezpz right a win-win for both of us"

Marinette raised eyebrow "Joking right! Why on earth would you want me to work with your mother, do you know what that means ha Chloe. It means will be together a lot more than usual"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course I know that and I think its better actually. Your a dork who know fashion has talents ,hates liars and my mother likes you. And unlike those stupid and so called friends of ours I know who is better and real people and most of all you never gave up and loyal and that's hard to find"

"What about Sabrina?"

"She's was loyal to me of course then she suddenly believes everything Liela said and you know the rest"

"So all I need is to sign the contract and you'd help me?"

"Yup"

Marinette ponders a bit "Deal! As long as you are not allowed to call me anymore weird and awful nickname ,no more mocking, no more trash talk, be your real self with me and I have to read the contract first" and I reach my hand to her for her to shake

"Deal, so later after school come with me to the hotel" Chloe said with a real smile plaster on her face

While the 2 of them have a heart to heart talk someone's watching them from a far with a confused face but he dismissed it and just eat with his friends while trying to listen to what everyone's saying. This is for the better and when Marinette finally sees what he means everything will be back to normal and everyone's gonna be happy again. With that thought he had a funny weird smile on his face imagining his perfect world while plagg's busy trying to contact tikki or ladybug.

When lunch is over everybody's going back to their classroom. Marinette sits at the back without even giving a glance at her classmates then Chloe sits next to her and giving her a small smile. Everyone's shock of what just happened then just gossip with each other in hush tones about how weird its is which is still heard by Marinette and Chloe. Which they just ignore.

The class end everyone's starts packing there things then Alya stomps her way to the back of the class

"You!!! What do you think your doing?" She points aggressively at Marinette with a fierce glare.

"I'm packing my things"

"Don't be pretend you don't know! you threatened Lila in the bathroom"

"Why would I do that and when did I do that?"

"Your just a jealous bitch you know that ,Lila never did anything to you and you just can't stand that's she's more cooler than you"

"Alya you didn't answer me when did I threatened her?"

"At lunch, Lila said so!"

Marinette looks at Alya disbelievingly " How can a threatened her when you guys where with her all the time??"

"Are you calling Lila a liar?"

"No I'm telling you to use your head. Come on Chloe lets go" just before there leaving

"And why the hell are you hanging out with Chloe? Don't you remember your sworn enemies and don't you there bail on me again you are babysitting my sisters today!"

Marinette looked directly into her eyes then said "she is my friend and I'm not your slave so get away from me"

Alya was taken by surprise by the sudden coldness of Marinette eyes "No she's not and I'm your best friend "

"Are you really?"

"Yes !!"

"Then tell me when was the last time you called me or texted me?"

Alya smiled and directly opens her phone and looked ........" last night! I texted you multiple times you didn't answer me"

"Try calling me again"

Alya was skeptical but called her anyway

"Sorry the number you have dialed is invalid please try again"

Everyone was stunned at what the phone said. Alya called again and the same thing happened ,automatically the other students followed suite and called Marinette but the same result . Adrien tried to but no luck.

"If you are really my friend you would know that my phone brooked 3 weeks ago so would you excuse as we have some business to attend to"

With that both Chloe and Marinette left the classroom with their stunned classmates. before they even walk out of school Adrien stopped them

"That wasn't nice of you, I'm disappointed in you Marinette you are our everyday ladybug your supposed to make everyone feel safe and happy that's your job and it is your job to keep our classroom in order. didn't we already discussed this Lila is a liar but she never hurts anybody. you need to get your priorities straight do you want Lila to be akumatized again. I know you you are better than that"

While Adrian was taking he had forgotten that Chloe was their with them listening to every word he said.

"You knew and you didn't do or said anything at all you just let that slimy, ungrateful, psychopath wag her disgusting tongue about this and that and creating rumors tall tales about Marinette that isn't true and would most likely end her career in the future . don't you know the meaning of slander? or toxic friends?, abuse?. because as Marinette had said just now she's not anybody's slave she has her own life she can fucking do whatever she wants to do and you nor anybody in that classroom can say anything about it capisce.... so if I were you I would get my head out of my ass and wake up from that fantasy of yours because this is the real world …. come on Marinette we're leaving"

Chloe grabs Marinette's hand then pulled her into the limousine while leaving a stunned Adrien at the top of the stairs.

In the limousine:

"Thank you"

"No problem"

"Are you ok? I thought you like him?"

"I did but that was a long time ago . You?"

"Same"

Both *sign*

"At least know I have a really friend"

"Friend? You want to be friend's with me?"

"Yes and I already forgave you a long time ago so friends?"

"Friends... so tell me about that plan of yours" smiling evilly

While the 2 talk's Jean Chloe's butler smile at them and thanks the heavens above that now his mistress has a real friend and maybe she'll help her mend the rift between the mother and daughter.

Previous ~ Next

#ml au #adrien agreste #chloe's redemption #ml salt #marinette and damian #marinette x damian #miraclous ladybug #plans #marinette deserves better #marinette and chloe best friends #Done #chapter 1

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thorne93 · 4 years

Text

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 41)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 2388

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy, @carryonmyswansong, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He picked up the phone, and dialed his number, letting out a breath before Dexter answered.

“Hello, Doctor, what a pleasant surprise.” He smirked through the phone. “To what do I owe this call?” He teased a little but it was rather odd that the other man called.

“Dexter… Something’s happened to Y/N. She’s been shot. She’s in critical care. They…” He tried to stop his tears but he couldn't. “They don’t know if she’ll make it.”

“What! What the fuck happened?” he demanded in a low, stern voice. He was livid. How the hell had you gotten hurt and with Spencer nearby? “Start talking, Reid. Is she okay?

“I’m not sure,” Spencer defended before the tears really started to flow. “I should’ve realized they were missing sooner. You might… you might want to get here though. I know she’d want you here… When she wakes up…” The sobs started to rack through him.

“I’ll see how quick I can get there, in the meantime I need you to breathe. There’s no use getting so overworked. That won’t help do Y/N either.” He huffed out. To think that you would get hurt while her husband was around. That was never an issue when it was just Dexter and you.. “Keep me posted on her. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“I’ll keep you posted.”

The two men hung up and after three hours, you were in your own room. You were stable, for now, but they said you may have sustained neurological damage that could lead to comatose, brain-dead, or even death.

Spencer sat by your bedside, you were still unconscious. He tried to keep his breathing steady but sobbing continued to roll through him. He couldn’t help it. He could very well lose you and the last thing you knew was that he wanted to talk to another woman.

“Y/N, I don’t know if you can hear me, the doctors told me you can’t hear me, but I’m going to try this anyway. I am so, so sorry for what I’ve put you through. I can’t… I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to you and the last words that wer said between us were me saying I wanted to talk to Max and you thinking I didn’t love you. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I know Max is a sore spot for us and I was an iito to bring it up. It wasn’t until you said it today that I realized you’re right. The lying I did was beyond anything you ever did. The lying I did was a direct betrayal of our marriage, of our vows, and I can’t take that back. I guess, in my mind, all I saw was you had Dexter and you were so close with him, that it shouldn’t be any different for me.” He stopped, trying to catch his breath before a fresh new wave of tears came. “ But I see now that it is very different. I was envious of your bond with Dexter, but I had no reason to be. You only hid one part of the truth about your relationship with him, and then you told me everything. As you said, your lie was a lie to cover up criminal activity. But me… I did something much worse. I made it so you couldn't’ trust me. I made it so in your eyes, you’re no longer a priority. I can’t stand the fact that you think I don’t want you, but what else were you supposed to think? I wasn’t exactly trying out for Husband of the Year Award… And now… now I might lose you and your last thought will be you weren’t loved by your own husband… Please, come back to me. I can make this right. I will make this right, if it’s the last thing I do. All I need... is for you to wake up, to be okay.. Please… be okay.”

That was all he could get out before the tears overcame him and he held onto your body for a long time. He had no idea how long he’d been crying, holding you, begging you to wake up.

Later that night, Spencer heard someone nearly run into the room. He looked up to see Dexter there.

“So much for keeping me updated, huh?” Dexter sounded irritated and winded. He moved to your other side seeing in just the condition you were in. “What happened?” he demanded in a firm tone. He was on edge, more so than he’d ever been. It cut at his heart seeing you lying there in the hospital bed like that.

“We’re trying to track down a con artist serial killer. His daughter shot at her and JJ. I wasn’t there. I was in a different garage.”

“Jesus. Was she awake when you found her?” he wondered.

“No,” he huffed out before crying.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Dexter asked. He could tell Spencer was partially crying from regret, guilt, not just grief.

“We had a fight before she went into the garage. Maybe she wasn’t entirely focused… I don’t know.” He shook his head, letting his head hang and the tears freely fall.

“Another fight? What the hell was it about this time?” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

“I… I don’t know if she told you about Max or not, but I told her I wanted to reach out to Max again. The next thing I know, she’s screaming at me and…” He took a deep breath… “She told me that she felt like she was being strung along, because clearly I don’t love her anymore, so she just told me to divorce her and get it over with.” He hung his head, ashamed of repeating your final words, more ashamed at how they must’ve felt true to you.

“Of course I know about Max. She called me crying one night about the whole thing,” Dexter coolly responded. “Who do you think was there to get her to calm down?” He took a step toward Spencer. “Do you have any idea how devastated she’s been since Max showed up?”

“Yes. I know I messed up,” he said, clearly upset as he stared down at you.

“Messed up?” He’s clearly pissed. “That doesn’t even fucking describe half of what you’ve done to her.” Dexter jabbed a finger at Spencer. “I’m the one who's been picking up the pieces of her shattered heart and putting it back together while you’ve been out playing house with someone else.” Dexter moved back to control his urge to hit the man in front of him. “Time and time again she’s come to me feeling like nothing she does is enough to get you to even bat an eyelash at her.”

Spencer shook his head, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he gazed down at you. “I never meant for her to feel that way. It just… it didn’t feel any different. Her friendship with you or my friendship with Max. But she made me see it today… She didn’t hide your bond. I did. I hid it because I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was flirting outside my marriage. I never once saw you and her flirt, or do anything outside of what your original intent was. You two truly were just friends… But I fucked up and took it a step further with Max and I… I can’t ever take that back. I meant what I said about wanting to still talk to her. I don’t think that’s a crime to want a friend outside of all this. But I shouldn’t have been so stupid to bring it up this soon. I just wish she would know that I’d do anything to right those wrongs now…”

“It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than just some pretty words to get her to be okay with you. She’s tried so many different ways to tell and show you but you didn’t give a rats ass about it you went off into the sunset with you so called friend and at every turn that Y/N made an effort to be with you… you ran off to Max. What we have… our relationship from the start was friendship; we were comfortable enough around each other to be honest. Yeah you did fuck up and I wouldn’t blame her if she chose to give up especially after today.” Dexter moved to sit next to you and began slowly caress your hair. He’d hope you would wake up soon. “This isn’t something that I can forgive easily and I know she won’t either.”

Spencer fell back into his chair. “She shouldn’t. I don’t expect her to. I expect to earn her back, if she’ll have me. At this point… I don’t know. That look in her eye I saw today. She was so… distraught, so hurt. In the moment, I had no idea what to say to calm her down, but I didn’t even get a chance.”

Dexter sighed as he watched you sleep. “She once told me that she was more concerned with you ever thinking that she was capable of being unfaithful to you, than of the truth of her killing.”

He bobbed his head in response. “I know. She told me. I believed her too. She’s never given me any reason to doubt her love for me, ever. She has to see that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to fix this, to keep her, to win her back.”

Dexter nodded, letting out a sigh. “That may be a long road,” he informed. “She loves you, more than I’ve ever seen anyone love anyone else. When we talked before you found us out, she spoke so highly of you. I never saw her more pained than having to tell you the truth of what she was doing. Even through all the other case bullshit, she only had that look of pure agony when she thought she was about to lose you. She gave up her freedom, her career, everything, just to tell you, so you wouldn’t think she was being unfaithful. That says a hell of a lot to me.”

“I know,” he agreed softly, feeling as if his insides were churning without give.

“All I’m saying is you have a woman who really loves you. I see a lot of people in my real job and my side work and I don’t see that very often. Maybe one in a million do I see true love, and I’m not even sure if I believe in it. But if I did, if it was such a thing, I’d say you two have it. You just have to pull your head out of your ass and stop fucking around with other people.”

“Yeah, I know. How do I win her back?” he asked, tears still running down his face.

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Just be honest with her, and tell her you’ll try harder, but don’t be surprised if she’s not willing to listen. She’s bent over backwards to get you to retrust her and understand her and you haven’t repaid the favor.”

He swallowed, nodding, realizing he was right. He might lose you, either by the gunshot wound or by his own stupid actions, and he hated himself for both.

The two men sat there another hour before you finally woke up. You groaned, feeling as if you’d been hit by a truck.

“Wh--What happened?” you asked, coming to. You glanced around the room, and saw your husband’s tear streaked face, and your best friend looking worried but relieved. “What are you two doing here?”

Spencer grabbed your hand and held it. “Sweetie, you lost a lot of blood. You were shot. It was touch and go, but they said it was up to you to pull through.”

“You scared the hell out of us,” Dexter said with a smile.

“Sorry,” you quietly responded.

“It’s all good. Just don’t do it again, okay? You mean a lot to a lot of people.” He glanced over at your husband. “I’ll go let them know you’re awake, so they can finish up the tests.” He patted your left hand, stood, and left.

As soon as he was gone, Spencer raced back to your bedside, sitting on your bed.

“Y/N, I am so, so sorry about what happened. You’re right. You’re absolutely right. About everything. It wasn’t just about me lying, it was what I lied about. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that. But I have now. Max will never be a problem again. No woman will ever be a problem again. I love you and only you. If you still want me, I’ll spend the rest of my days making it up to you.”

“Spencer, I--”

But he cut you off, his mouth was on yours quicker than you could blink. His hands in your hair, tangling his fingers there. This was familiar. This fire,this passion. You and Spencer loved hard, and you fought hard. You fought hard to keep him, but now it was his turn to fight to keep you, and he was prepared to do so.

When he let you go, you were panting.

“I didn’t expect that,” you admitted with a smile.

“I didn’t expect to almost lose you today. I was so scared. I was so worried that your last thoughts of me would be that I loved someone else. To think I love anyone else from you is the most absurd idea you’ve ever had.” he stroked your hair and smiled at you.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t given a lot of proof to the contrary,” you fired back with a grin.

“You will be. Just let me show you how much you really mean to me.”

You nodded. “I will, of course I will. All I’ve ever wanted is you. I do everything in my life to keep you, Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“Well it’s my turn to do the same, Dr. Y/N Reid.”

You smiled once more and he planted a chaste kiss to your lips before peppering several more on you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging:

Forever Tag:

@essie1876

@magpiegirl80

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@iamwarrenspeace

@marvel-imagines-yes-please

@superwholocked527

@missinstantgratification

@thejemersoninferno

@rda1989

@munlis

@thefridgeismybestie

@bubblyanarocks3

@igiveupicantthinkofausername

@kaliforniacoastalteens

@feelmyroarrrr

@kaeling

@friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo

@damalseer

@heyitscam99

@yknott81

@thelittlebigirl

@glitterquadricorn

@xxqueenofisolationxx

@little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama

@bittersweetunicorm

@alyssaj23

@sea040561

@princess76179

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@sarahp879

@malfoysqueen14

@ellallheart

@breezy1415

@marvelmayo

@paintballkid711

Spencer Reid

@camigt1999

@ultrarebelheart

@lenawiinchester

@esoltis280

ITCM

@arganfics

@zozoleesi

#inside the criminal mind #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fic #dexter #dexter morgan #dexter fic #dexter morgan fic

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mango-da-dango · 4 years

Text

It’s Purgatory Time!

Warning: Death, cursing. If you are not comfortable with any of these subjects, either proceed with caution or click away.

^^^ The image up there are the characters, but Y/n, This is how I had her dress and how I imagined how she would look like.

Main Characters: Y/n L/n (Reader) Rico Brzenska, Yuuto Takahashi (OC) Daniel Stephenson (OC)

“Rico-Hancho!” A cadet screamed out. The small woman groaned as the titan gripped her body

“Damn! I can’t breathe!” She panicked. The titan looked closely at the woman. Expecting it to eat her, Rico drew her sword attempting to fight one more time. Instead, the titan gripped her harder before tossing her like a rag doll. Her body limps as she rolled down the hill. Each stone hitting her felt like spikes piercing her skin. Finally stopping, she laid there in pain,

“ I. . . have to keep fighting! I can’t stop now!” She panted. Trying to move one of her limbs felt like her body was being ripped apart. The pain surged through her veins as she tried to get up. Her eyes felt heavy and her vision started to blur. She felt her heart rate decrease.

“No…. I can’t die. Not yet.” She thought, gripping the emblem on her breast-pocket. As the blood seeped through her clothes, the thick red liquid painted the ground beneath her. She coughed out blood and tears pricked the corner of her eyes. Slowly her eyelids drooped and finally, she drew out her last breath.

| ￣￣￣￣￣￣ |

| Time skip | _______

|____________| / R.I.P. \

|| | Here lies |

|| | Rico |

|| (\|________|/)

(\__/) ||

(•ㅅ•) ||

/ 　づ ______________________

Beep. . . Beep . . . Beep

The sound of chatter and a constant beeping was enough to wake her up. Bright white ceilings and strange glass contraptions made of glass blinded her blurry vision.

“Oh, glad to see you up. Hope ya had a nice nap.” said a masculine voice. Rico squinted at the figure in front of her. He picked up a small framed pair of silver glasses and held it out for her. Rico sat up while taking her glasses and looked around. She gasped seeing familiar faces.

Everyone who was thought to be dead. They were right in front of her, all in white clothing and wrapped in bandages.

“Rico? What happened?” A familiar voice piped up. Rico yelled at the sighted of her formally deceased friend. Ian Dietrich, the Ian who got his head chopped off was there. Well . . . part of him. Right now, he was just a head on a neck and a small part of his shoulders.

“I-Ian?” She stuttered.

“Rico? Is that you?” Her other friend Mitabi called out at the bed next to her. Half of him looked ok and the other half looked flatter than a piece of paper. “Hey, Rico. How’d you end up here?”

“Wh-what? A-am I dead? Where am I?” Rico faltered, “Is this the afterlife?”

“Eh, more or less.” The black-haired male said as he picked up a clipboard and stood up.

“My names Yuuto by the way. You’ll have to wait for my work bros to get here so they can tell you the info you need.” He added before walking off.

“W-work . . . bro?” She muttered to herself.

“Apparently, it’s a term called “slang” from where he’s from.” A male voice clarified. There he was, Freckled Jesus himself, Marco Bodt, bandaged up and half his body missing. “By the way, you’re in the purgatory hospital.”

“Purgatory? So I’m dead?” She questioned. The clicking of heels grew louder as a small woman with (H/C) hair and heterochromatic eyes marched in.

“Affirmative!” chirped the small woman. Her gloved hand held up a pink and blue clipboard.

“But, possibly not for long,” said the woman. “You see, you’re a special case. Since your body wasn’t too injured and nobody saw you die. You should be perfectly good to go home in a few hours!”

“Wait, I’m going back after I die?” she asked, confused.

“Yep! You are a soldier! And all soldiers, warriors, fighters etc, etc, go to this reserved heaven where they live the rest of your afterlife. Unfortunately, that place is lacking space for everyone and you have some unfinished business to attend to.” The woman explained. Rico examined herself. She no longer had the small scratches or bruises made when she rolled down the hill, it looked like it never happened at all. And more importantly, the gash on her body was gone and what was left was a pink scar running down her stomach.

“Now you just have to wait for your check-up with Dr Daniel Stephenson. However, he is with another patient right now so we have a bit of time in our hands.” Said the woman, grabbing a chair and sitting next to the silver-haired woman. Crossing her leg and placing the clipboard on the nightstand, she turned to the woman and smiled. “How are you feeling? Do you have any questions? My name is (Y/N) (L/N) it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise, it is a pleasure to meet you too,” said Rico. “And yes, I do have questions, What exactly is this place?”

“You are at Purgatory Hospital. This is the place where the people who died in battle go to recover from their injuries before going into soldier heaven, and as I said you have unfinished business to attend to in your universe.”

“Business? Universe? There are other universes and this supposed heaven is lacking space?” Rico pondered. The (H/C)-coloured woman nodded.

“Yes, unfortunately, there are too many people dying on the battlefield, and it is too much for soldier heaven to adjust to the rapid increase of the population, and your universe is not the only one, this place is connected to various universes in different timelines.”

“Well how exactly do you get here and how do you go back?” asked Rico.

“You get here by dying, your spirit floats itself into the hospital for treatment, If your body is intact you’ll be able to heal quickly, however, if a part of your body is missing, it’s a different story. For example what happened to your friend Ian.” said (Y/N) motioning to Ian’s disembodied head. “You have to wait so we can regenerate the rest of your body, but it also comes with conditions.”

“Conditions?” Rico asked. (Y/N) nodded.

“Yes, because of your replacements, there are side effects that relate to your death. For example, the scar on your stomach shows the fatal wound that leads you to your passing.” She explained.

“Alright, but what exactly are you? Are you some sort of nurse or doctor?” Rico speculated. The woman in front of her laughed.

“I guess something similar, but not in the medical field.” She explained. “I am a doctor in the scientific field, but I am here to explain to you what is happening, so you don’t go crazy or anything like that.”

Just at that moment a tall two-toned man with a lab coat and an eye patch over his right eye walked into the room and stopped in front of Rico.

“Are you Ms Rico Brzenska?” The man asked. Rico nodded.

“Good! I’m Doctor Daniel Stephenson, and I am here to your physical exam to see if you are ready to go,” said Daniel, putting on his stethoscope, and placing it on her chest. He continued the exam. Writing the last bit of a sentence down, Daniel smiled at Rico.

“Good news, you’ll be able to go home now! You just need to sign here and (Y/n) will bring you home.” He said, pointing to a line with an x on the side. Rico took the pen and wrote down her name. Daniel smiled and motioned for (Y/n).

“Little lamb, she’s ready to go home, you can take her now.” the two-toned male smiled.

“Aye-aye captain.” (Y/n) smiled, turning to the silver-haired woman. “Well, Miss Rico. Follow me and we’ll give you a change of clothes and we can bring you home in a jiffy.”

(Y/n) lead the silver-haired woman thorough a hallway and to a door with a metal plate saying “Belongings space” She opened the door and let themselves in. The inside was fairly big and had clothing racks that stretched miles and miles far. Each rack was labelled with numbers and titles. The scientist led Rico to a rack that was labelled “Titan Universe: Garrison soldiers”

“It should be around here somewhere . . .” she said sifting through the countless racks of uniforms. “And . . . Here it is!”

The small scientist pulled out a familiar uniform, handing it to Rico she leads the woman into a changing station.

“You can change here, call me when you’re done.” (y/n) said as she closed the curtain giving Rico the privacy she needs.

Rico stared at her uniform. She noticed that her name was hand-sewn into the back of her collar. Stripping herself of the grey clothing she was provided with and changed back into the familiar uniform. Once she had finished changing she moved the curtain and saw the scientist waiting for her.

“Good! You’re done!” she beamed. Grabbing her by the wrist she led Rico out to a room with a variety of sharp objects. All a variety of scissors to swords and spears. There were also large platforms and machines next to them. Everything was interesting but what piqued her interest was this one platform with what looked like a big hole in the air.

“Alrighty Rico, You just need to step into the portal and you should be in the forest close to the walls!” She explained, “Also, don’t mention this place to anyone yet. Okay, Bye Bye!”

“Huh?” Rico asked before she was shoved into the bright portal. A flash of blue light surrounded her before landing on the green ground. Groaning, she got up and dusted herself off.

“She could have at least told me first.” Rico thought to herself. Seeing that there were no titans she jogged closer to Wall Rose.

Two garrison soldiers were talking amongst each other on top of the wall when they spotted a small figure jogging to the walls.

“Holy Shit! It’s team leader Rico! Tell them to open the gate!” One of them yelled. The gate soon rose from the ground letting Rico pass through. She was soon surrounded by her comrades asking her questions left and right.

“Rico! Thank the walls! Good to have you back!” Hannes shouted passing through the crowd with Kitz.

“It's a miracle that you survived out there without your gear." A soldier praised in awe,

"Yeah. . . survived...." Rico mumbled under her breath.

"It's commander Pyxis!" A soldier shouted. The bald man came through the crowd and stopped in front of the small woman. Rico saluted and Pyxis chuckled.

"At ease. Rico. You should go and freshen up. You must have been through a lot it there with no gear, you have my permission to take the rest of the day off." Pyxis insisted.

"Thank you, Commander. You're too kind." she thanked. The male nodded and left, leaving Rico to her own devices. Eventually, everyone else left and she went back to her room. Once there she closed the door behind her and went to sit in her chair. She leaned her head into her hands and began to think about everything that has happened,

"They'll be back. Everyone who died. Who got eaten, squished killed by the titans. . . They're going to come back..." Rico thought she had very mixed feelings about this. She was happy that her comrades would come back to her, but does she really want them to go back to this hellhole? Just so they can die again? She didn't know.

Rico sighed and got out of her uniform, changing into her nightwear and went to bed. She closed her eyes and let the darkness of slumber take her.

#attack on titan #rico brzenska #x reader #marco bodt #Ian Dietrich #mitabi jarnach #Dot Pyxis #Hannes #Kitz Woermann (ew)#Oc insert

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ripuels · 4 years

Text

Rival Gangs AU: warnings of blood, violence, swearing, bruising, etc.

For @annabellioncourt thank you!

(This got too long so I’m publishing as a text post to use a Read More that’ll actually work. This website is amazing. Really. Also I’m Very Tired, sorry if the editing looks like a four year old did it)

“Are you the one who's been following me? Stalking me?”

Amanda had recognised the eyes straight away, the depth of brown peering over a khaki bandana, pinched tight over his nose and tied at the base of his neck. The switchblade pressing against his throat shaves a tuft of green from it.

“Fucking answer me, pretty boy.”

His hand moves gingerly as if he were defusing a bomb, a knife rolls from his fingers and clatters into the blue metal like a gunshot in the dark.

“I’m sorry, Ripley.” The synthetic with every reason to flinch doesn't. This woman, more leather and machine grease than human, holding him fast against the tunnel wall, shivers with unpredictability. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You couldn't scare me if you tried. Fuck,” she grimaces against the fading adrenaline, leaving her a dizzy creature, a lamb, holding up a lion.

They both know a severed throat wouldn't do much to stop a berserk synthetic, especially not with her struggling grip. He stands still regardless, unfazed by the threat.

“How the hell did you even find me, Samuels?”

He glances to the blood leading down the train line. A dot-to-dot probably leading all the way from the outskirts of snob-hill to here, X marks the spot right over his chest, staining his cashmere sweater.

Amanda grunts in comprehension and shoves herself off the wall, leaving him to brush his clothes smooth. “Okay, good point.”

Samuels wishes it wasn't. “You've lost a lot of blood. Are you alright?”

“Fucking peachy.” She says, retreating onto her gang's side of the tracks, replacing the switchblade into her leather jacket with incomprehensible speed. “Wish I could say the same about my bike, I swear to God, if there's so much as a scratch on it, I’ll kill the lot of ‘em.”

She brushes her fingers back through her hair, her hood falling down and he pans over her injuries.

“What happened to you?”

Ripley scoffs in disbelief, leaning a heavy shoulder into the dark emergency alcove. “Like you don't know.”

“I was told nothing more than they intended to attack. They know I'm conflicted by protocols. That I struggle in a fight. I think they try to be kind by not inviting me.”

“Or they know you'll get in their way.” Which he does, far too often to go unnoticed by David. “You're too good for this life, Samuels. It's going to catch up to you one day, believe me.”

This synthetic's deep frown flinches, easing to something far, far worse. Sadness. After all this time, after so many close encounters with others like him, she'd never seen one be that before.

“Was no big deal.” Amanda can't bare his gaze. “Got jumped behind the garage when everyone fucked off home, too pissed to ride. Fucking cowards, I got shoved in a boot, driven out, and I got away, but... Well,” she gestures vaguely at her face. “It's obvious they didn't want to kill me.”

Christopher knows it's because she would absolutely be dead, and they'd have war on their hands. No, this freckle of red and staining of blue was a scare tactic, an obviously ineffective one as she winces her next breath. Heavy, resolute. Plotting.

“They shouldn't have been on your side of town.” His voice sounds accusing, but for what it's unclear.

“I didn't fucking provoke them, if that's what you're asking. Your lil' biker gang of Decepticon wannabees probably just don’t like the fact we kicked your ass in the park district. It's ours now. You want it back? Fine, time and place. Name it.”

“I personally couldn't care less.” Samuels says rather than stating her very existence seems to egg his crew, his family, on. “I'm worried why you were left alone in the first place, is there still no honour amongst thieves?”

“It's Sunday.” Amanda shrugs as though it explains everything. “Believe it or not, we don't live to terrorize you, we all have jobs to go to tomorrow. Real lives outside this territorial bullshit. To be honest though,” she trembles to dab her brow and winces, a bruise beginning to darken the outer corner of her eye. “I could really use a day off.”

“I'm sorry.” He mumbles and it surprises her.

“Why? You had nothing to do with it. Funnily enough, you never do.”

“Yes, I did.” A hardness sets in Samuels' gaze, the purity and innocence vanishing in a heartbreaking fall. She can't help but feel as though it's like an angel from grace. “I could have warned you, but by the time I heard-”

“Shit, Samuels. Don't start blaming yourself, you would'a been killed for stepping foot over the tracks anyway, let alone coming to the workshop. You didn't do anything wrong, I know that. We're good.” It kills to give her direct rival such power. “And yeah, we might be from different worlds completely, but I don't let the actions of some reflect on the whole thing.”

“Who was it?” He doesn't need to ask, just go back to the clubhouse and see who's missing teeth or some digits. Find someone sourcing parts for repair. “Ash? David?”

“Doesn't matter who it was, they'll be on their guard for a bit now. No need to protect them.” The quiet rage surprises them both, just as genuine as it is violent. “Yet.”

“Please, don’t do this.” Despite all the warnings in his programming, Samuels steps over, ducking into the small archway she's hunkering in. “I’m sick of the bloodshed, on both sides. I'm thinking about- No, I am certain. I'm out, Ripley.”

“You think so, do you?”

“Yes.” He says in a way that makes her believe him. “I can't see people like this anymore, I can't keep repairing my friends and pretending that it's not all for nothing. That they aren't terrible enough they can do this to you, a human. That you, or one of your friends won't kill us in a few months when tensions run high again anyway.”

Tensions are always high, Amanda thinks as he moves towards her, licking his thumb and scrubbing at a spot of blood on her cheek. It makes no difference in the grand scheme, one mark amongst hundreds. He licks it again and she recoils, almost in disgust, but he stares like steel, nonchalantly taking to the mass of red on her cheekbone. She winces, but doesn't pull away.

“You look a mess.” Samuels hums thoughtfully, tugging his bandana off his neck and sucking on a corner, using it to clean her lip. “They shouldn't have gone this far.”

“Had worse. Done worse.”

“Seen worse.” He states flatly. “Doesn't mean it's not upsetting to me.”

“To your protocols.” Amanda doesn't mean to make it sound so much like a weakness, rather than she actually admired it about this one.

“That too.”

“Speaking of which, since when have you been carrying a knife?” Amanda cocks her head away into his other palm under her ear, a little skeptic, a little in pain. “You expecting a fight or something?”

“With Amanda Ripley involved, always.” He says deadpan, but there's an attempted note of humour in his voice. Her reputation is littered in grey, some awful things proven to be small town gossip; and other more harrowing tales that perhaps only he knows, absolute truth. “But it wasn't for you, I was worried about being followed.”

“Like you were following me?” Her voice finally cracks in good humour, it's short lived but Samuels falters.

“Just- keep still, will you?”

“Yes, okay, Christopher.” How anyone with a self appointed ID like that ended up in any gang at all is beyond her. She nudges him. “What the hell kind of name is Christopher anyway? Doesn’t exactly scream synthetic delinquent.”

“Like you're one to talk,” he finally smiles, “Amy.”

They fall into a relaxed silence in the dim, a damp trickle of moisture running from the overpass nearby, fog rolling in down the way. They are relatively secluded, the green exit sign casting them both in a nebulous glow as her wounds are silently tended to in less than sanitary conditions. His eyes leave the mess of injury for hers every few seconds, searching for a tell of her discomfort. Of course it is always relative. Now, it's not so much his proximity to her that's cranking at her anxiety, but the thought that if he was seen on their turf, even by a metre or two, he'd be killed. If they were seen so close, they both might be, the speed of which would depend on who came across them first.

She remembers Zula, the best damn right hand Amanda ever had, and that Davis, he was alright for a military device. They'd been chased to the edge of the world when David found out about them. They were nothing more than friendly, familiar, but they've yet to stop running for it. An anonymous letter is delivered every now and again, no return address, but one day, she knows they're going to stop.

This, she thinks, is far too close to that.

“What is it?” Christopher asks the darkening of her face, the silence waning of it's humour.

“Why the hell are you here? You know if I'm seen with you they'll fucking kill me.” She pushes off the wall, nearly right into his chest. Though her stature is found sorely wanting, her entire demeanour screams louder than Samuels ever could in raw, fearsome, violence. Barely contained in a 5’ 5 cage. “Get the fuck out of here Samuels, before you get us both-”

She swallows her words as his lips crash onto her own, hesitating briefly until her hands take his jaw with a demanding hardness. Shoving herself into him, they hit the far wall hard enough to encourage a deep grumble amongst a slew of colourful names for idiocy, and more specifically, him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Her body presents no complaint. “Chris- think about this.”

“I am- I have.” He brushes down to her neck, detects her tensing, pushing back harder as he finds a firm lump of bruise. A footprint. Fucking David.

It's a wonder what it would be like to feel, anything, let alone pain, learn what about it grounds this woman. It would be a fair deal, he supposes, to have a sense of the worst rather than nothing at all

“Then you're an idiot and a deadman.”

“You don't scare me, Amy.” He says as her angry kisses take control of him. Holding her, bloody and bruised, just tight enough to hurt in all the places it doesn't yet, until his systems blare that it's too much. That it encourages the alarming grip she has of his hair or neck or shoulders.

“I should.” She hisses in response.

Christopher knows it too. The ghastly stories she had whispered, melting from her lips as her icy exterior thaws over his chest. Her leather and flannels, his denim and cashmere, both of their embroidered patches, all scattered over the floor of dingy motels. Completely bare together, stripped of identity in the next town over, then the next. Riding further and further until one day they might never stop.

Never need to retreat with their fallen. To lick wounds. To prepare for next time.

Next time.

Because there were plenty. So often they met on the field, in the canyon, at the lookout, her hands stained white taking life, his red from saving it. For years Christopher would always find her after the fights by an upturned motorcycle, pacing at an old inn or bar, fingers through her hair, and he'd lead them to a room. They'd find relief from the wounds and the damage, the over-stimulation and adrenaline. Take whatever was left out on each other. It became their ritual.

Now, just like every other time, he takes the side of her face, but offers something new. “Leave with me. Right now. For good. Don't make me beg.”

“What?” Her lips are yet to leave his, but Samuels' eyes open to slits, slowly pulling away to gauge her.

“Why do we ever come back, Amy? We know how to get out, in the chaos of the aftermath, we abandon our people to fuck in cheap rooms and play it off as hunting down each other's stragglers. How long do you think we can keep this lie up? How long until they learn where we really go?” Samuels allows himself to lean in, accept a kiss that feels awfully final as her hands grow unbearably tight at his shoulders, taking him by the collar with a rough shake.

“Jesus, Chris, you can’t be serious. Open your Goddamn eyes.” A demand weaponized by a glance down, their different attire barely touching at the chest but worlds apart, threatening to collide like two orbits never meant to meet. On course to implode, or burn out. It's impossible to tell. “Look at us. I’m a greaser. A criminal. I darken the city with a pitch black bike, and run red into the streets. I am a fucking menace to society just like the rest of us. And you, fuck, you’re a synthetic with a heart of gold. And if you- if you let me, I’m going to ruin that. Ruin you. Shit, I mean you already look forward to the turf wars, because you know what comes after.”

“I do not look forward to them, but being there means I can keep an eye out for you if you need.” His gaze moves away lazily, unapologetic. “They do herald the time we spend together, but it's not that which I like. It's the fact we can escape for a while, just us. A breath of fresh air amongst all of this.”

“And we come back because we know they’ll-” her voice cracks, “they'll find us. Out there is a big fucking world that we already know we can't hide in, we'd never find peace. There's no future, not for me and you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I mean.” She stands back again. Breaking away. “I mean I'm out too. Of this. Of us.”

His face, already torn between sadness and fear, falls further. “Do you think there is peace here? At least we have a chance out there. Movement, that's what will keep us safe. On the road, under the sun and stars, rain and shine, I don't fucking care. As long as you say you'll come.”

“Samuels, we’ve tried before, to run,” she mumbles softly, “and we were caught. Hurting the others, I don't give a shit, you know I fucking don't, but having to hurt you-”

“Do not dare blame yourself.” He says sternly, holding his shoulder where a long jagged ridge of repaired silicone pushes back. “I didn't feel a thing. They had to believe me, it was the only way.”

“No,” the tremble cheats the strength in her voice, in her eyes. A hundred times he’d looked into them and not seen this. “There was another way, there was always another way, we just don't want to admit it.”

“And I never will. You cannot convince me to move on, to leave you.”

“You have to. My people will try to kill me, and they'll definitely kill you, and-”

“Then I'll die.”

“Christopher...” She closes the gap between them, hesitant and desperate arms crashing around each other. No longer willing to exchange needy kisses, but fill a void. Squeeze so hard his respiratory system freezes. “Where are we meeting this time?”

“Pardon?”

“I need to get my bike, and you need to get off this side of town. But then what?”

He frowns deeply, for the first time he doesn't want to go through with it. “For our usual rendezvous?”

She convinces herself to back away, catching the last fragments of him like this, his fingers loosening their suddenly paper gentle grip on her waist. “I've been called many things, Christopher Samuels, but never shy of a challenge. Let's get the fuck out of here.”

Chris takes a step forward but stops, “Amanda,” he whispers, not wanting to ask if she's serious, strain this already brittle, whimsical promise. “Sunrise. The lookout.”

“Be there. Oh, and one more thing?” She calls back down the tracks, “I love you.” Her voice echoes in the dark long after she's gone.

#my brain feels like it's in the back of a moving van and the stig is driving #so i hope this is okie #enjoyyyy

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elsaclack · 5 years

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hi em how are you? i've been dying to get your opinion on the lover album, if you have the time/interest :)

hi i’m good!!! i’m real good my mom’s doctor gave us really good news yesterday so i’m cruising on good vibes rn and yeah i’m great!!!

literally i have been DYING to unload my thoughts on lover since 3 seconds after it came out omg????? i had a deeply intense discussion with my roommate last night about each song on the album and what it specifically means to us so like this is Peak Talking Opportunity For Me which as a messy hoe i honestly love

i’m putting it under the cut though bc i do not want to be Obnoxious

okay first and foremost, i forgot that you existed? DEEPLY iconic. my roommate doesn’t like this one as much as some of the others on the album but it’s def top 3 for me. like, everything about it is so perfect - the message the song sends is one of hope for people who are kind of hopelessly tangled up in drama at the moment (i.e. don’t worry, soon enough you’re going to wake up one day and forget that all of those people even exist (which is HELLA true)) but like!!! even the music she wrote with the song kind of supports the message!! my roommate’s biggest complaint with that song is that she feels like the music needs to Build and Go Places more than it does, but like........god the whole point of the song is that it’s written to a person taylor’s indifferent toward, shouldn’t the music seem a little indifferent too?? like yes there’s joy and it does build and it does move but if it DID get super dramatic it would actually contradict the message of the song so like??? it’s??? perfect??? and i have scream-singed it in my car a million times already thank u for asking

i’ll be honest, cruel summer doesn’t do as much for me as some of the other songs on the album,,,,,i mean i like it and i can DEF sing along to it and the line “i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard” is such a mood. it’s the first song on the album that i was like oh she probably started writing that (or at least getting the idea to write it) the summer every angry mob in america was calling for her head bc like there’s definitely a sense of self-deprecation/preservation in some of the lyrics. idk it strikes me as a song about how terrifying vulnerability is especially in the face of such public and global hatred directed toward you

LOVER. lover. lllllllover oh my god i love lover which i was not prepared to do since that word seriously bums me out 100% of the time but it’s so sweet??? so sweet and honest and like. what i thought love was when i was a kid?? just finding that other person and being like “oh, you’re like....you’re IT” and like HA wouldn’t it be grand to be in love?? also the brIDGE??? THE BRIDGE!!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND!!! WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND!!! I TAKE THIS MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAN TO BE MY LOVERRRRRR!!!! MY HEART’S BEEN BORROWED AND YOUR’S HAS BEEN BLUE!!! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL TO END UP WITH YOU!!! SWEAR TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC A N D T R U E TO MY LOVERRRRR!!!! and oh man i wanna be in love anyways moving on

the man honestly took me a few tries to like but i definitely have a healthy amount of respect for it now. like idk it felt a little out of place at first given that this whole album is supposed to be about love and that song is,,,,,,not (at first glance) but the more i listen to it the more i realize that it sort of is in a way? like she’s been painted as this serial dater since day one when in reality her dating history isn’t really that sordid?? just extremely public. and in listening to the lyrics it sort of dawned on me that her frustration with the way society treats women stems from that reputation (ha) that was forced on her and the way that reputation colored every other interaction she’s ever had with popular culture. like every microinteraction i’ve heard about involving her has been overwhelmingly positive but then you look at media as a whole and they make her out to be this entirely different person and part of u has to wonder if it would even be an issue if you took all the same behaviors, dating history, microinteractions etc. and applied them to an equally famous man. and the answer is no it would not be an issue

the archer made me cry the first time i heard it and it still kind of strikes me at my core a lot if i don’t distract myself with other things while it’s on? like sitting down and actually listening to the words is. tough bc i relate to it a lot and not in the fun scream-sing in the car way that i relate to i forgot that you existed. that song actually makes me really uncomfortable with who i am bc like god!!!!! i have been the archer!!!! i have been the prey!!!! i don’t understand why people have left me and i REALLY don’t understand why people stay!!!!! in all seriousness though it goes back to that struggling with vulnerability thing - by being vulnerable you’re opening up the scariest, rawest parts of yourself to other people and risking being rejected for those scary raw parts. it’s a song about struggling between building those walls up to protect yourself or risking getting hurt for the sake of love - and lucky for her she seems to have found someone who has seen the scary raw stuff in her life and has decided that he wants to stay

i think he knows is the song both me and my roommate bump in our cars whenever we go places together because it’s SO FUN i don’t even know what else to say other than i cry laughing every time my roommate tries to sing “lyrical smile indigo eyes hand on my thigh we can follow the sparks i’ll drive” bc it’s SUCH a tongue-twister for her it’s fhaldskfhadslfkj FUNNY

miss americana & the heartbreak prince is another one that i was kind of so-so about at first but the more i listen to it the more i love it?? it’s so Dramatique in the best way like it makes me feel like i’m watching a movie preview about a dystopian high school in slow motion and honestly i LOVE it

my roommate’s favorite song on the whole album is paper rings and i love it too honestly it’s another one we bump in the car bc it’s SUPER fun to sing with other people lmfao she described it as “the song you hear in a preview for a romcom set in new york city” and i was like YEAH THAT’S ACCURATE but what’s really funny is that?? that’s probably?? exactly?? what it is?? anyways

i’m kind of...meh...about cornelia street yikes i’ve read people talking about how good it is and i’m trying to like it but it’s just,,,,i mean it’s not bad not by any stretch of the imagination but personally i like other songs on the album more hfaldskfjs

death by a thousand cuts!!!!!! that’s my roommate’s other favorite song lmao!!! again the more i listen to it the more i like it but i def like others on the album more at this point

i had london boy stuck in my head all day yesterday it’s so funny god i know a lot of people who live in and around london have some issues with it which is FINE i won’t pretend like i know anything about it but i think it’s cute LMAO

i can’t listen to soon you’ll get better without legit ugly crying (like we’re talking full on sobbing) just because of everything going on with my own mom right now so maybe in a year or two when things have cleared a little for her i might be able to listen to it again but rn i’ve only listened to it all the way through once

honestly i don’t really like false god that much and i can’t really identify why it’s just,,,,fhasdlfk

you need to calm down is just a straight up bop that i sing in the shower a lot and i know it was controversial esp after the music video came out but like. on a base level the song is just fun

afterglow is one of my other top three on the album,,,,,,,,bc again,,,,,,,,,,relatable,,,,,,,like realizing that she’s safe with this person after kind of instinctively flying off the handle,,,,,,,god. idk i’ve heard a lot of apology songs in the past but this one kind of strikes me bc like,,,,idk she takes full responsibility for it rather than trying to justify it with the conditions that beat that kind of behavior into her over the last few years. she’s taking responsibility for her actions, she’s apologizing, she’s asking him to stay, and at the same time she’s pointing out that she’s human and will probably make similar mistakes in the future and idk that’s just reassuring? bc i’m also human and i also make really big dumb mistakes that hurt other people in the name of self-preservation and i can only hope that someday i’ll meet someone who will stick around anyways

me! is a bop as well it’s massively overplayed at this point and i kind of skip it when i’m listening by myself but my roommate and i scream-sing that one too LMFAO

it’s nice to have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really is what i thought love would be when i was in like 3rd grade and just becoming aware of it as a concept!!!!!!!! there was a little boy who lived next door and we were best friends growing up and there was never any romantic aspect to our friendship (that i am aware of) but we used to play outside together all the time and it was sweet and simple and secure and that’s the way that song makes me feel!!! also i read that every single instrument/vocal performance on that song (outside of taylor herself) was done by a children’s music group which just adds to the childlike sweetness of the song and gah it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

daylight,,,,,,,,,,,,,that’s my number 1 y’all i freaking LOVE daylight holy HELL i can’t wait to make my other roommate play/sing it with me at our house show next month??? god it’s just. it’s so indicative of where she’s been, the hell she’s been through both internally- and externally-imposed, and how it makes this moment she now gets to have with the person she loves that much sweeter?? i don’t know i feel like my heart is going to explode every time i hear it and i’m not even remotely close to being in love so i can’t imagine how much deeper it’ll hit if/when i ever do fall in love again and

god i just

i really like lover as an album a WHOLE lot

#em answers #lover #taylor swift

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dear-trashpanda · 4 years

Text

Slightly longer incoherent post instead of five separate shorter incoherent posts

So like I wanted to point out a couple things.

1, I was in an earlier post talking about how my parents used to tell me to pull it together when I was younger. And I realise that from that post without context it might seem like they have been emotionally abusive towards me or something. And I just wanted to point out that this is not at all the case.

Basically my dad is a poster boy for undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome, he was abused and neglected as a child and he has lost 3 out of his 4 children, and my mum is a half-orphan who grew up with no mum of her own and a dad who never got over having lost the love of his life and so he couldn't really be there for my mum when she needed him most. Looking at them through this lense, yes they are two incredibly damaged people with their own respective plethora of psychological issues, but they have honest to god tried their best to raise me in as loving and caring of an environment as possible. What caused most of the troubles is that I was a special needs child and they were most likely not equipped with the skills required to fulfill those needs. Basically, no matter how hard they tried, what they could offer in terms of caregiving was not aligned with my needs as a child. Probably, someone of a different temperament would have turned out perfectly fine, and it is an unlucky coincidence that in my case, this turned out to be severely traumatising. I do have some repressed memories, so I can't speak for this with a 100% certainty, but as I remember it, our trauma didn't come from direct abuse, but from a series of way more subtle, but nonetheless traumatising events, that involved being physically sickly, having been in painful accidents in early childhood that required long periods of hospitalisation and frequent isolation, having difficulties setting and understanding my own boundaries, social isolation, cultural context (e.g. no availability of child psychiatry, obtaining a diagnosis, mental hygiene professionals etc.), the misalignment of my and my parents' love language and like a ton of other shit that one by one seems like small crap but in total it managed to fuck me up for life.

2, I keep thinking about system roles. Like, the thing is, for the past 5 years I locked myself away from all information on OSDD/DID and on other systems' experiences, because I know how suggestible I am and I didn't want to accidently make things worse for myself by adding a layer of maladaptive daydreaming and pseudo-symptoms to my preexisting condition. But by now we're relatively stable as a system, so I thought, what the heck, let's see what the literature and the people of the internet say. And while I'm still trying to figure out the popular terminology and stuff, what I've learnt so far has provided me with enough context so I could start overthinking analysing my own situation and thinking about ourselves in a whole new, systemic approach. (See what I did there? What I DID there? Holy fuck Brain, go to sleep.)

So yeah, different roles. And like, what the fuck is even going on with our other alters because ACTUALLY while we're trying to pretend that it's a very small and neat system of two people, that's very much not true and in general, we're like a fucking mess. So I guess quick system rundown follows:

The Actives

Fox - Host/primary. Xe's what we call a fighter/survivor. Fox is the product of some extreme stress and xe represents the part of us that fought xyr way through all the life-or-death crap we've gone through and that's what xe thrives on. Xe has a hard time these days because life is lovely and stable and it's kinda giving xem a full identity crisis... So I guess in a way xe could be considered a protector?

Bunny - our very own little, and an absolute cinnamon bun. She is a soother, and while she never fronts alone, she's the only one of us who can co-con and she mostly comes out when I'm in distress and she just hugs me until the world is all better.

The Dormants (these guys don't have animal aliases so I'll just use their real names)

The Demon/The Bitch - she's a terrorist, or what people call a persecutor, if I understand it correctly. She used to be able to co-con and apparently had all of our memories, and her sole role was to torture and threaten us, sometimes actually breaking into front and making a very bad job of pretending to be one of us to confuse/manipulate our loved ones, but she couldn't resist making a mock version of us, so it wasn't super effective. She's been very active for a while, but mostly dormant for the past years. Maybe we just realised she was just a scared little girl and hugged her to death...

Emily - she used to be some weird form of a protector. Like, the kind that threatens you with the coconut she wields as a weapon because that was the first object she could grab and she shuffles into the bathroom to barricade herself in just so she can call it job done and go away again. She was kinda problematic and one-dimensional, and while she has been fully dormant for the past 3 or so years, I definitely "inherited" her jumpiness and way of getting startled by literally anything and everything, so I guess we kinda fused together accidentally or something...? Like, did I eat her? Ugh...

Dylan - she was a short-lived one, and mainly a reaction to a certain life situation, where we lived in deep poverty, starvation and extreme daily stress, so her singular goal was to have fun. We basically denied her a chance to front because... Well, because that was what seemed to be the right thing to do at that moment.

Alice(?) - I actually don't know anything about her, I'm not even sure she ever really existed, I just found some clues in a journal (that's where the name is from) and some stuff none of us claimed afterwards, so I suspect someone was there at a point but I'm absolutely unclear on any of the details.

The Confusing Shit

Brain - I was recently told that not everybody's brain is talking to them and that Brain might actually be some sort of system-related stuff, but basically it's just there to entertain me with horrifying, but kinda endearing and/or absolutely hilarious shit. And to torment me with anxiety voices but you know...

The Chorus - just a bunch of jumbled internal noise that keeps screaming static at me every time I'm too stressed.

The Hollow - it describes itself as a sort of autopilot, or rather, "whatever remains when you strip all personality from the body. It's a collection of physical functions and its goal is to keep us going when noone's fronting. It keeps us fed, hydrated, safe, and periodically puts the body to sleep so maybe one of us can re-enter front.

TP (myself) - so yeah, as far as roles go, I'm like... What, part protector-part persecutor-part trauma holder-part little-part host like wtf am I even?! I know that everybody has a blind spot for themselves, but like does any alter ever know what the fuck their function is supposed to be?! I'm just so fucking confused pls someone explain my system to me?!

3, about the excessive posting today. I dunno. I really just cannot stop, but I'm also more out of it than I have been any time in the past like ever, and occasionally I'm not even sure it's me or who am I so I'm deeply sorry for the verbal diarrhea. I guess I'm partly doing this because I'm sure I won't remember any of this later, like I keep "waking up" and it's been like 50 years and it's still the SAME MOTHERFUCKING DAY AND IT'S BEEN LIKE 5 SECONDS since the last post I've written the day before yesterday, so I guess it's also like my sense of time is absolutely fucked, but seriously I've just lived a lifetime of incoherent torment this day, like, did I just die and go to hell and this is what hell is? Seems plausible.

#long rant #did life #did questions #actually did

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aspiring-dm · 5 years

Text

Three-Headed Puppy Is Back On His Bullshit

So, some of you may have read my previous post about Paolo Manchado, the Cerberus from a game of Monsterhearts I’m playing in. The game has mostly just been me playing and the GM torturing me with the awful choices I impose on myself. Paolo has ended up being one of my favorite characters to play due to the deep, painful, emotional trauma I experience while portraying this innocent monster. This post is going to be a more in-depth look at the first three sessions I’ve played with him.

So in session one, we’re off to a somewhat slow start that many powered by the apocalypse games experience where the GM is frustrated trying to figure out what the player(s) want to do and the player(s) are frustrated trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do. I’ve never been a fan of any games that take place inside a school because the act of roleplaying the menial act of going to classes bores me sooo much (I was in many free text role plays on supercheats and figment that had this problem).

Paolo is a Cerberus. In particular, THE Cerberus “gave birth” to him, a phrase which here means he woke up in Unity, New Hampshire, knowing he was Paolo Manchado, son of Cerberus, put here on earth to ensure that the beings of light and dark remain in their place. That goal makes up every fiber of his being the same way blood and bones make up you and me. He gets very frustrated because humans keep trying to get him to feel human and he keeps telling them “I am incapable of feeling the same way you do about life, relationships, and purpose. Not I DON’T feel the same way, not I WON’T. I CAN’T.”

So we started off in a classroom, and then there was a car crash outside. The car had crashed into nothing, so Paolo was searching around for invisible creatures, visiting her in the hospital, gazing into the abyss, trying to find answers but nothing was really going anywhere.

Then he encounters Ronan, who directs him at Elijah, who he’s apparently trying to avoid. Paolo could smell death on Elijah and chased him under a bridge, demanding to know what he was. Turns out, he’s basically a zombie.

Elijah’s backstory is that he was seduced by Ronan, who took him back to his cabin, starting making out, started getting handsy, started getting knifey, and then sacrificed Elijah in a dark ritual. Elijah came back, though, now in undead form, with some dark violent tendencies he can’t control.

Paolo lets Elijah go and goes to track down Ronan, the true problem here. Specifically, Paolo’s not concerned with the mere existence of zombies or warlocks in his town, just when they start interfering with mortal lives, which Ronan had willfully done. After talking a bit to Elijah’s ex, Hero, Paolo manages to track down Ronan’s house. They traded lots of high philosophy arguments that I forget most of, which mostly amounted to Paolo demanding that Ronan not hurt anybody else and Ronan shrugging and going “What can you do? Gotta break a few eggs.” Ronan is frustrating and clearly Neutral Evil. His alignment doesn’t concern Paolo, though, only his risk factor of exposing the dark side of the world.

So Paolo leaves. By the way, having been born without parents, or money, or a social security number, Paolo’s only possessions are the clothes on his back. As such, he lives in an abandoned boxcar, like the Boxcar Children. This is important to note because when he gets back there, Elijah is waiting, depressed. They talk a lot about Elijah’s issues with being dead, his personality defects both before and after dying, his relationship issues, etc. Then they both went to sleep together. Before you ask, yes, there were gay vibes, but that’ll just make it worse later.

That night, Paolo discovered he had the ability to enter a sort of mindscape, which was essentially Elijah’s Metaverse Palace where there was a courtroom where he played judge, jury, defendant, prosecutor, and defense. The people on the stand were all the people Elijah had fallen in love with telling the judge Elijah how quickly he’d fallen in love with them and what he did that drove them away.

Then Paolo discovered the ability to interact with these mind-Elijahs, and took the stand before taking the role of one of the attorneys. Thus began a long and emotional and philosophical monologue by Paolo trying to help Elijah learn how to control his emotions, how to not love to eagerly, and especially not to love people like Ronan. See, Elijah was still in love with Ronan, even though Ronan had only used him for the sacrifice (Ronan’s mind had also gotten pulled into this Palace). A little bit of progress was made here.

This was about the end of session 1 I think.

Later, Paolo went to Ronan. He’d at some point looked into Ronan’s emotions (because these are powers a Cerberus has for some reason) and learned that Ronan was obsessed with being remembered for his “scientific” achievements. So, Paolo went to Ronan and said “I am the only creature of my kind in the entire world. Maybe you can put your... creative energies into studying me, rather than murdering people.” Paolo is not confident in Ronan’s agreement having a lasting effect, but as long as it’s working he’s not complaining.

That night, Hero came to Paolo’s boxcar saying that Elijah needed help. Paolo was apprehensive at first, because it’s not really his job to help in general, but when it came to his attention that Elijah was attacking someone he agreed to follow her.

Elijah’s dark side had given him a need to be feared, and was hitting a guy’s car with a baseball bat, with the guy inside the car. Paolo transformed in front of Hero (his eyes turn black, his hands grow bone claws and fur, and his teeth sharpen) and tried to threaten Elijah down at first, but that didn’t work, so he then convinced Elijah to come back to the boxcar and talk.

Elijah, defeated, came to the boxcar and began smashing the door with his fist repeatedly, droning and punching. Paolo had asked this before, but he asked it again, what did Elijah want. Elijah’s answer was always the same: he either wanted to go back to the way things were before he died, or be able to move on and die.

Paolo thinks very hard, and very conflicted. He and Elijah had become close friends over the course of these two sessions, but Elijah’s worsening condition made him a threat to the balance between worlds Paolo was sworn to protect. Paolo asked this wanting an instruction on what he could do. While he knew his purpose, he was very directionless on how to achieve it.

Paolo asked Ronan if he could reverse Elijah’s curse, but Ronan’s experiments to look into such a task would be both risky and time-consuming. Time Paolo might not have.

So, while Elijah slept in Paolo’s boxcar, Paolo stared at his confused and broken friend and made a horrible decision. He set about the gruesome work of chewing Elijah’s head off. He didn’t bother trying to clean the boxcar- he knew the police would find it. He simply buried the head in the snow, left the body in the car (in case they could reconnect somehow), and wandered off into the woods. He stopped in the cemetery where he made his new home. The next day, on Hero’s birthday, he told her what he had done. It broke her more than it broke him, to say the least.

While Elijah had been alive, he’d asked Paolo what kinds of girls he was into. Quote, “What about Jessie Lynn?... She’s cute...” After Elijah died, somehow the words stuck with Paolo. He’d gotten very close to Elijah very fast and it ended very badly. Paolo just wanted somebody he could be friends with and take very slowly, without needing to deal with the whole monster thing. So he started talking to Jessie Lynn, who played a sort of Magic the Gathering Parallel that Paolo likes because Cerberus is one of the cards in it. And they started being friends, and that’s where session 2 ended.

AND THEN THE BULLSHIT BEGAN. Oh, you think murdering your zombie son who you wanted to teach how to love but whose psychological illness made him a danger to himself and to society so you ATE THROUGH HIS NECK was pretty raw and emotional? Well session 3′s the game that made me feel actual anger and cry actual tears. This is the game where Jonah starts yelling at NPCs at 1 AM and waking up his parents.

By the way, here and there have been some interactions with Jupiter, a ghost in Paolo’s class, but she doesn’t bother him too much cause she’s not very active and can never remember anything anyway.

Fast forward three weeks, Paolo and Jessi Lynn have been getting along pretty well, nothing super serious has happened except for all the student life trauma of finding out your classmate was mysteriously murdered, police had questions, etc.

Paolo gets back to his graveyard he’s been sleeping in, because that’s his life now, and he finds Hero lying under his tree. Who knows how she keeps finding where he sleeps. Anyway, she looks up at him and she’s a vampire now and says she needs his help and Paolo and Jonah both go “Welp. This’ll end badly.” She starts telling him about how she’s been on a drinking binge since Elijah’s death and she met this vampire and she asked him to turn him because he said she could see Elijah again, and she takes Paolo to the body of someone she killed. Paolo at this point is honestly not very conflicted. The vampire who turned her would only be a problem if she hadn’t literally asked to be turned, but Paolo still wanted to identify the guy so he could be aware of vampires in his town.

As for Hero, he sent her to Jessie Lynn’s house (the girls were both good friends) and tried to find out anything he could about the vampire, but to no avail. He went back to Jessie Lynn’s house to check up on her when he heard a scream, ran into the room to find Hero feeding on Jessie Lynn. Already Paolo is panicking because if Hero’s gonna have Elijah-like impulses, it won’t be good. Paolo tries talking, he tries pulling her off, he tries hugging her, he tries playing wounded puppy dog, but I ROLLED SIX FAILURES IN A ROW during this whole segment, giving me two level-ups within ten minutes. AND THEN I DIED cuz Hero ripped my throat out. Luckily I had just taken a move last session that meant I never stayed dead, so a few hours later Paolo wakes up propped against the dresser, Jessie Lynn lying on the floor with a damp towel against her neck.

Paolo is thinking, one, okay this is weird, but of course since I’m the child of the guardian of the underworld, they’d just send me back. Two, gotta make sure Jessie Lynn is okay, yep she’ll be fine despite the big hole in her neck. Three, gotta find Hero. Eventually Paolo finds her in a crawl space on the staircase and get her to talk to him, reassuring her that rumors of his death were greatly exaggerated.

Then Jessie Lynn wakes up and Paolo keeps Hero hidden in the crawl space until there’s and opportunity for her to get away, and he tells Hero that if she can’t get into her own house (due to needing an invitation) he’s recently been sleeping near Ronan’s cabin in the woods, which no one lives in. Jessie doesn’t remember much about the attack, and Paolo struggles to find a good lie, but luckily “I don’t know” seemed to work well enough. While Paolo’s wounds have vanished, his clothes are still coated in his blood (which right now we’re going to pretend Jessie thought was her blood), and she offered to let him borrow some of her dad’s clothes while she washed those. So the fanfiction begins, and then while Jessie is making tea and dinner Hero runs out the door.

Fanfiction continues, a moment where Jessie reaches for Paolo’s mug and he thinks she’s going for his hand so he reflexively takes her hand awkwardly. Then of course they end up sharing the same bed, and then the smutty stuff began.

I’ve been portraying Paolo as semi-aromantic? Not exactly fitting that label, the main idea being that as he is a Cerberus, he doesn’t experience the same range of emotions that humans do, but he does still possess a human-ish body with sexual urges. I think it’s possible he’s capable of romantic love, but so far such a thing couldn’t happen with any creature from this world.

So anyways, after a somewhat awkward first time for both of them, Paolo basically confesses as much as he can about himself without outright telling Jessie monsters exist. He tries to explain that if she had known the parts he can’t tell her about they might not have happened like this, but she doesn’t seem concerned about it at all.

So onward from there, Paolo heads out the next morning to the cabin to find Hero’s broken into it and slept on the bed. Paolo scrounges up some clothes for her and gives her his hoodie hoping it’ll be enough to protect her from the sun, but it’s not enough. Also we later retconned, because the fanfic nature of this game demanded it, and decided that Paolo made no attempt not to watch her change and Hero made no attempt not to be watched changing, which may or may not be relevant in future sessions, idk. They decide they’ll have to wait til nightfall, and Paolo leaves for school.

Now, Paolo has never not worn his hoodie anywhere. Given as its one of the only things he owns, he doesn’t really take it off much. But in this case, he’s forgotten to get it back from Hero, exposing the snake tattoos on his back (there are many snakes, all of their heads coming to the back of his neck while the tails slide down his back and curl around his upper arms). Several students were curious about them. Things during the day with Jessie were about the same, except she kept giving Paolo playful looks of “I know what your dick looks like.”

Paolo spends that day trying to get Jupiter to not walk through walls and then spends some time with Jessie before returning to the cabin. Having discovered that his blood sates Hero’s hunger and also he can’t die even if she overfeeds, he decides to become her personal blood bank to keep her from attacking people.

Then the two of them go shopping to get her some clothes that don’t look like they were made for a lumberjack twice her size. She immediately gets into the vampire look, with the black, and the fishnets, and yadda yadda. She also gets Paolo a black leather jacket, to which his response was “I already have a jacket though... I wear it everyday.” She also insists he pick something out, so he gets a pair of fingerless gloves, which apparently Elijah also wore and Hero gets quiet for a moment.

Paolo then takes Hero home and invites her into her own house before her dad comes downstairs and grounds her. Paolo returns to the cabin. Previously he’d been sleeping outside under a tree because he didn’t expect Ronan would appreciate him breaking in, but now that Hero’s already broken a window and now that Paolo’s experienced what a real bed feels like, he decides to go in and sleep on the bed.

So, Saturday, Paolo and Jessie meet up and they decide to go help Hero (who at this point, I believe Jessie thinks she was sexually assaulted based on the vague approximations of what Paolo’s told her) and spend time with her while she’s grounded. Paolo knows that grounding is a punishment given by parents to their children, but he’s unclear on what exactly that means, so he spends a little while just trying to find a roundabout way of getting Hero to say what grounding is without him directly asking.

Hero’s got garbage bags up on all the windows, saying she sunburns super easily now. Jessie goes into another room to try to find something more permanent, leaving Hero and Paolo to FUCKING discuss the fact that Paolo hasn’t told Jessie Hero’s a vampire, or what he is. This is the part where I started feeling Paolo’s anger and frustration, because they get into an argument and then Jessie enters the room and Hero goes “Hey, I’m a vampire, and it’s his job to kill me!” Paolo tries to play it off like a joke, and then Hero shows Jessie her fangs. Paolo, in his anger, just shuts down for a moment, goes to close the door, and slumps down in front of it, now trying to process in his head if this information is going to leave this room, or if he has to repeat what he did with Elijah with the girl he slept with and also Elijah 2.0. Jessie runs out another door in the room, Paolo makes no attempt to stop her and angrily starts yelling at Hero about his job and how her actions were totally reckless, if Jessie tells anyone there will be panic on both sides of the divide and basically a war would just break out. Hero’s trying to act like it’s not that bad and Paolo’s not having any of it, and he’s trying not to bring up the fact that it’s very possible he has to KILL both of them now.

So he leaves and tracks down Jessie hiding in the hollow of a tree. Some notes about Paolo’s role play, his voice is always very ineffectual and emotionless, he often hums three times while trying to think about things he doesn’t find super serious. In this moment, though, he angrily stands outside this tree and demands Jessie talk to him. She tries to leave multiple times during this conversation, but he keeps stopping her. Says “Guess now I have to tell you.” He explains everything about Elijah being dead and Hero being a vampire and his job to make sure normal humans never find out about it. Looking back, he never actually said anything about what he is, just his job. And then he gets to truth of what happened to Elijah and he says “It seems manipulative to tell you this! It feels like a threat, and there’s no way to get around it being a threat!” And he tells her that he killed Elijah. Then she leaves, and he just stands there. In his mind, he’s making a gamble. He’s gonna hope Jessie doesn’t tell anyone, and if she does... well, he can start killing people later. For now he just wants to feel like he’s accomplishing something, so he goes back to help Hero with her window situation.

Hero and Paolo have a long argument containing many typical elements of Paolo arguments, such as “it won’t be that bad if people find out,” and “you can choose your own destiny” vs. “I literally cannot I am not a human.” Somewhere in here I started crying actual tears as Paolo’s defeated by the world. He wants so badly to not have to kill anybody and he’s remembering how awful it was with Elijah when he failed him.

Hero leaves the house for a bit, and when she comes back Paolo is still standing in the middle of the room. He’s so lost on what he should do he can’t even figure out if he should go anywhere or move at all. The first time she tries to comfort him, he turns away from her, in his mind the current situation is her fault to begin with. The next few times he shows no sign of accepting or resisting. She hugs him, makes him sit on the bed, makes him lie on the bed, and plays with his hair after calming him down a little. She tries to get him to stop thinking for a bit, which only happens when she starts humming a song, but beyond that his mind is racing. She falls asleep and Paolo assumes she expected him to, but his version of sleep is actually consciously gazing into the abyss, so his options are either think while conscious in this world, or think while conscious in the abyss. The abyss is the more informative and intimidating of the options, so he just stays awake until she wakes up again.

That’s where we are now. Fucking three sessions and Paolo’s already broken. Oh: right after sleeping with Jessie he took the move Loyal, so Jessie’s basically his master. ALSO, though, Jessie hates him now and wants nothing to do with him, so unfortunate timing on that. *shrug*

#paolo manchado #monsterhearts #ttrpg #campaign diary #powered by the apocalypse

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hustlemeanokay · 5 years

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So, I finally got my prescriptions. On one hand, I’m glad... on the other, a little worried that my new doctor just... kinda took my word for what I take? She just... no previous records just straight up prescribed me my lyrica, celebrex, bupoprion, and this weird powder stuff that is supposed to help my stomach chill the fuck out. That last one isn’t so concerning but the others are. Like, I mean... I’m legit with my meds but I coulda not been? Ya know?

(So... this post got kind of out of hand... lots of venting and personal bitching below... just... yeah)

On another note... I’m fairly certain my remaining ovary has a pretty large cyst on it and will probably have to be removed, just like my right one did. And, I’m fairly certain I have a pretty bad infection in my mouth because my teeth are crapping out on me at an alarming rate... I swear it’s like one part of the body tells the other “psst, hey... it’s about to go down, you in?” and the other part is like “fuck yeah, I’m in!”

So, I need to get into a dentist to have my teeth just fucking pulled - seriously, I’m done with them. I’ve spent over four thousand dollars and they’re all crap. Unfortunately, I can’t afford dentures at the moment but we’re hoping the house sells soon. But, I’m going to go ahead and make an appointment to at least find out exactly how much 16 extractions are going to cost and a full set of dentures. I’m nowhere near being able to afford the last quote I got to have implant supported dentures (this dentist looked me straight in the eye and told me it would be $40,000... to which I was like “dude, you’re on a totally different planet...” but whatever).

This isn’t one of those posts begging for money or anything just me venting. It’s frustrating living with a body that’s trying to systematically shut the fuck down around you. I’m exhausted all the time yet I can’t fucking sleep because I’m in pain from literally head to toe (literally, my forehead hurts... what the actual fuck?). I’m hoping that being back on my meds will start to make it bearable. Lyrica and celebrex were helping before, they didn’t make the pain go all the way away but it at least made it bearable.

Also, we live in a third floor walk-up (another thing that is so changing when that house sells) - I take my kids to school every morning (different times so that’s two trips) and pick them up every afternoon. So, every Monday through Friday, I’m going up and down three flights of stairs at least three times a day. If we go grocery shopping or anywhere after my husband gets home - that’s another whole set of stairs. We’ve lived here for over a year, you would think that I’d be... I don’t know... maybe... used to it? Or at least able to make it up or down without my knees screaming at me. Or maybe I’d be in better shape, yeah? Nope.

Naturally, they weighed me at the doctor’s office. I’ve gained twenty pounds in the past year. What the fuck. I literally cannot eat anymore than a handful of food before I’m full - and twenty-thirty minutes later I’m in the bathroom so stuff goes right through me, I can’t be absorbing very much.... I don’t drink sodas, I don’t regularly eat sweets (I have some candy now because Halloween)... I rarely eat breakfast and when I do, I don’t eat lunch - and I eat dinner and another small meal later in the night because I can’t fucking sleeps so I’m up until like 2 or 3 am every god damned night. I’ve counted calories for months and I struggle to hit even 1500 in a day. So, how the fuck am I gaining weight.

I’m usually a pretty toned down person when it comes to talking about myself, I don’t like to draw attention over here. I’m just one of those behind the scenes kind of people... but damn I’m getting frustrated.

I literally cannot remember a time without pain, without insomnia. My Mom took me to the doctor when I was like fucking ten because I was tired all the time, sore all the time, and yet couldn’t sleep. At first they thought I was anemic. Nope.

That leads me to another part of my frustration. My lab work, blood tests etc, all always come back normal. I’ve had x-rays from head to toe to rule out RA or anything like that - nothing - everything was “normal”. I know every lab has their own range of normality but damn, come on.

Over the past five years or so, I’ve started growing a fucking beard. Like, facial hair, dude... with that, I am just fucking done. Yet doctors are all “well, you’re levels are normal”. Bitch, I don’t fucking care! Look at my fucking face! Something is clearly not normal. For quite a few years I would gain 10 pounds, drop twenty, gain fifteen, drop thirty... without changing anything at all, nothing. Not my diet, not my activity level, nothing. And they were all “you’re perfectly healthy”. Dude, random sudden wild ass weight gain and loss is not healthy. Something is clearly wrong.

I wish, just once, a doctor would treat the symptoms, not the test results. As such, I’ve been saddled with the “we don’t fucking know anymore” diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, which is a recognized disability. But, like nearly all chronic pain conditions, it’s often just brushed aside because it can’t be seen.

I don’t know where I was going with this, I’m just bitching - I guess. I’d just like... ya know, for once... to just be able to exist without something hurting. To be able to actually exist without my mouth hurting. To be able to smile or go out in public without extreme pain (my partial denture fucking hurts and to get a new one is fucking pointless because all the remaining teeth need to come out...). To be able to just... sleep. Just go to sleep. And wake up actually feeling like I went to sleep! That’d be a fucking miracle.

And that’s not all! Because apparently my uterus fucking hates me, ever since I had to have that ovary removed, my periods are insane. I don’t cramp around my abdomen like I did before (and I mean this stuff started period one after that surgery)... instead, I get stabbing sharp pain in my outer thighs... it starts in the right and moves up and around the back and down the left... and! Omg, fucking gross. Clots. Massive, huge, fucking gross clots. I go through a super tampon in like a fucking hour and it’s fucked up. It’s just all fucked up!

So, that’s probably why I’m venting. Right now I’m hurting all over, exhausted but can’t sleep, bleeding like a fucking dying animal, can’t eat without hurting... just fucking miserable.

#personal #venting #probably will delete later because why even keep it #just gotta get it out somehow #frustrated

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eerythingisshaka · 6 years

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World’s Best Baba

(M’Baku x Black OC)

Plot: The family takes a holiday in the States and on the itinerary is a trip to the zoo. The kids have fun in the day, but once night falls, the adults start to play!

A/N: This is my submission to @muse-of-mbaku‘s M’Baku’s Mistresses Fic Fest! I hope this suffices; as usual I type WAY more than I meant to, so grab a snack and settle in! This is my first Black Panther Papa story and original character fic, so excuse if there are some ‘yous’ where there should ‘hers’ etc. Thank you again, ms. muse for allowing my hand at this. You are appreciated!

Word Count: 7.2K

Warnings: The Holy Trinity - Fluff, Angst, and [kids cover ya ears: Smut]

Translations:

Ọmọbinrin = daughter Molo = Good Day ife mi = my love

Umyeni = husband Ikaka = shit Umfazi = wife Entle = beautiful

“Today is the day!! Everybody up!!” M’Baku bellowed throughout the hall outside of his kids’ rooms.

The children ran out on cue to tackle their father at his knees. The 5 year old twin boys, Mayowa and Mabayoje, clung to his calves.

“I got you, Baba!!” Mayowa exclaimed.

“You can’t move now!!” Mabayoje said with a giggle fit.

M’Baku gave a hearty chuckle at their efforts. “Oh no! I have been overrun by little people from the Wayward Forest. What ever will I do?” M’Baku says with a dramatic sigh.

“Give up! And let us have all the cookies!” Mayowa reasoned. M’Baku felt his little jaws trying to bite down on his thick leg, which tickled more than anything.

Mabayoje added on, “And the ice cream, Baba!” His little fists punch at M’Baku’s thigh.

M’Baku lifts the leg with Mayowa, causing him to squeal.

He lifts Mabayoje on the other leg. “Agghhh!! No, Baba!! You can’t move! You’re cheating!”

“BABA!” a third voice squeaks from behind them. “Baba! Get your BUTT!! DOWN!! HERE!!” M’Baku turns to see his third child, a three year old baby girl named Monife standing with her hands crossed in front of her Doc McStuffins pink pajamas. She did not look amused.

M’Baku looks down at the boys to say with Shakespearean cadence, “Your sister is overtaking my body with her mind powers.” He lifts his legs one by one as the boys scream with glee. “I am not shackled to your demands, for she beckons my assistance. Therefore…” he picks each boy off of him by the backs of their shirts.

“AGGGHH!! Baba! No! Not the dragons!!” They say in perfect unison.

M’Baku looks at them with dramatized sorrow, “My sons, I must feed you to the fire-breathing beasts. I will always love you, but our time must end.” M’Baku heaves them over on their beds, making them bounce a couple times, giggling to the point of breathlessness. It’s the only time they can get airborne on the bed without a stern warning.

M’Baku exhales deeply; he wasn’t tired but their little energies so early in the morning was a lot. He went over to their closets and picked out a couple of outfits. “Ok, boys. Fix your beds, brush your teeth.”

“Hmph!” M’Baku looks to the door of the boys bedroom to see Monife tapping her foot. “Baba!”

M’Baku acknowledges his daughter, “Ok, Monife, hang on.”

“Babaaa!!” Monife mewls.

M’Baku sighs, “Coming, ọmọbinrin. Boys, do as I said.” He commands one last time to the dueling twins before leading his baby girl to the bathroom.

She stands on a stool in front of the sink, handing her father the comb. “Ok, Baba. Can you do braids?”

M’Baku takes the comb and a leave-in spray to condition her tresses. “Ohhh, Baba has not got that down just yet, I think.” M’Baku looks at his daughter in the mirror as she screws her face up with slight disappointment.

“That’s ok Baba, we can practice again later.” Monife says with the maturity of someone five times her age.

M’Baku works through her soft coils, detangling the kinks as with a soft hand he has learned to adopt since having children. He was so proud of every single one of them, but as big of a surprise the twins were to introduce them to parenting, his daughter was an even bigger adjustment. She was a Jabari through and through. Her brothers fell into her command as soon as she entered their world. Monife does not let them or anyone gang up on her when she felt she was right; this was a spot of pride and strife for M’Baku and his wife. But she taught you patience and how to think before speaking so that there was an understanding on why things must be the way they are from chores to snack options to bed times.

“How about a little puff puff, eh? I can put your little beaded band around it, let your little curls fall by your ears and neck, and it would be cute, right?” M’Baku says in an octave only reserved for her.

She drums her fingers on the sink thoughtfully, “Ok Baba. It will be easy for you I think.” she says with a smile that makes her eyes close up.

M’Baku shakes his head at the slight shade from his child as he goes to work.

---

Ifelewa stood in front of the mirror of the master bathroom surveying her reflection. She woke up this morning not feeling so good, but was able to hide her ailment until M’Baku kissed her good morning before he got the children up for the day. She felt the same way on the plane ride over to the States but that was easy to blame on the turbulence of the plane. This was supposed to be a fun filled holiday from home, but now she felt an overwhelming sense of dread. Her period was over a week late; she didn’t track it religiously but she knew the estimates were off. The stick sat on the edge of the bathroom sink as she moisturized to pass the time waiting. She had her twist out taken down and fluffed out her curls when she glimpsed the results.

As she picks up the stick, Ifelewa hears her daughter beckoning her father to do their morning routine. She felt her heart pound as the results came back positive; she had to sit down on the toilet to keep her head from spinning. Ifelewa had not discussed having more children with M’Baku before now but here it is, straight from Hanuman. Ifelewa prayed, thanking Hanuman first for the blessing, as children were always to be seen as such. She also prayed for guidance: how should this be announced? Did M’Baku have the will for more children? What if it is twins again? Ifelewa recalls her first pregnancy, so happy to be carrying two babies but they left her swollen and acne riddled and throwing up almost the whole pregnancy. Monife was easier, but she required bed rest the last 6 weeks because she was too eager to arrive.

Ifelewa felt her belly, nothing particularly different yet, but it certainly was. A new life between her and M’Baku to grow. She chuckled to herself as she imagines pinpointing exactly when the conception probably occurred. When they were able to get a babysitter, they do not waste time to catch up on romance.

With a sigh, Ifelewa resumes getting prepped and dressed before heading downstairs to cook for her brood.

Just as she is finishing up the waffles, she hears the stampede of little footsteps spilling into the kitchen.

“Molo, Mama!” The boys answered in unison before pushing each other over to fight over one seat.

“Aye aye aye!! We have more chairs, move over!” She commands of the twins.

Mayowa sticks his tongue out at Mabayoje as he claims the coveted seat. M’Baku finally comes down, hand in hand with Monife before picking her up and setting her down at the table.

“Molo, ife mi.” M’Baku coos in Ifelewa’s ear as he slides his hand around the side, over her belly, causing her to jump.

Ifelewa laughs it off, “Good morning to you too, umyeni. Did you sleep well?”

M’Baku takes plates of eggs, fruit and toasted bread on the table; fixing up the children’s plates. “Like a rock. This is a very nice place we picked out to stay in.”

Ifelewa rolled her eyes as she turned off the waffle maker to lift out the last waffle on a plate. “‘We’? You were ready to have us living in someone’s fancied up garage before I changed the price range…” Ifelewa sets the waffles on the table,leaning on Monife’s chair with her hand on her hip, glaring at M’Baku. “Cheap does not get you very far, M’Baku, how many times must I say?”

M’Baku takes a strawberry from the bowl of fruit, chewing it thoughtfully. “You say cheap, I say financially conscious.” He comes over to her, laying a hand on the side of her face. “You have always been the brains of the operation, and I thank Hanuman for it because I think our children just might make it off of your genes alone.” Ifelewa laughs. M’Baku does not naturally self-deprecate but he knew his woman made him more of a man than he ever could achieve by himself, and he never let Ifelewa forget that.

Ifelewa sighs, looking at her husband deep into his round, enchanting eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was the hormones or his soft expression, but the wave of love that came over Ifelewa for her husband warmed her all over; the same feeling that guaranteed your surety of carrying his children. She turns to kiss the palm of his hand, causing a low growl from the back of his throat. Taking her chin he kisses her longingly, deliberately.

“EWWWWW!! Can you be done already?” Mayowa exclaims with a disgusted expression, Mabayoje covers his eyes groaning.

Monife misses everything as they were standing behind her. She looks up at the both of them, “What you doing? Sit down and eat!” says their little general.

Ifelewa and M’Baku break from their kiss in laughter. The kids were never for the PDA, as M’Baku rounds the table with sloppy kisses for each children’s cheeks, creating a chorus of yucks and little hands swiping away at his face.

Sitting down to enjoy breakfast, Ifelewa admires M’Baku as he talks to each child equally holding the attention of each as they gab about what they were excited to do today. Ifelewa rubs her stomach again as she stabs at her eggs trying to eat to keep her strength up, but anxiety was fighting her appetite. Thinking of a fourth child joining the table gave her absolute joy: Would this one look more like her or M’Baku? Would Monife want a little sister or remain the solo star? M’Baku catches her staring at him and he flashes his gap toothed before reminding the children to finish their meals. Ifelewa could not wait to tell him the news, she just hoped he was ready.

“Ok! Yowa, Yoje, Fefe, are we ready to go to the zoo??” Ifelewa stands, announcing the event with a flourish.

“YEAH!!” The children exclaim.

“Well then. Let’s go to the car, we haven’t got all day!” she says, gleaming as they all get up excitedly to make it to the front door.

On the road, M’Baku at the wheel puts one hand on Ifelewa’s leg. “Is everything ok, ife mi? You haven’t seemed completely yourself this morning.” He looks to her with his brow furrowed in concern.

She sighs as she fans herself, “I have just got to get used to the American air. It is so thick and humid. My hair is growing by the minute.” Ifelewa complains as she looks in the visor at her twist out as it slowly loses definition.

“Mama!! Your hair reminds me of a plant! It’s so, whooosh!” Monife demonstrates with her hands the volume of her mom’s hair.

M’Baku clears his throat looking in the rearview, “And a beautiful plant it is, right Fefe?”

Monife nods, “Yeah! It like mine! Mine is a pot plant, Mama’s is free!” Monife bobs her head back and forth to the car tunes as she stares out the window.

“Aww, that’s sweet, my smart, little flower pot baby!!” Ifelewa looks back at her baby girl in her jean shorts and tie dye ruffle top. She looks just like her mother, but has all of her dad for the rest.

“You did a good job with her hair, Baku. You’re a natural at it now.” Ifelewa says as she peers at her husband.

M’Baku shrugs, “It wasn’t the original plan but it was something we could agree on.” M’Baku smirks as he glances at Ifelewa again. “And then I get to look at a masterpiece for a partner every day. I am a lucky man.”

Ifelewa grins, feeling that warmth all over her again before hearing a slap in the backseat, followed by a cry from Mayowa.

“Mamaaaa!! Mabayoje smacked meeeee!!” The eldest twin cried with despair.

M’Baku speaks with his fatherly tone, “Mabayoje…..”

“But Baba! He has been mean all day-”

“If you do not have patience with you brother, how can you have patience for anyone else in the world? You cannot keep sparring to settle agreements, you must learn to control your emotions!” Ifelewa says to her sons sternly.

As Mayowa sniffs and wipes his tears, Mabayoje stews with his arms crossed. “Ikaka.”

“AYE!” M’Baku and Ifelewa bark in unison.

“Where do you go around saying that word?” Ifelewa inquires.

“Baba says it a lot when he messes up or stubs his toe.” Mabayoje says into his hand as he bites his fingernails.

Ifelewa looks at M’Baku swiftly who keeps his eyes on the road. “Ohh, look! We have arrived!! Children, if you behave, we can forget about this whole situation, no punishments!” The children cheer as he parks.

Ifelewa looks at him like he is crazy. “NO PUNISHMENTS? M’Baku, they can’t learn from their ways without-”

“Everybody out! We might beat the afternoon crowd!” M’Baku gets out of the car to unbuckle his baby girl.

With the children walking hand in hand, Ifelewa presses M’Baku, “You have to control your tongue more around the children. They will repeat everything you say, even when you think they aren’t listening.”

M’Baku sighs, “Come on, I am not perfect. And besides, we are on holiday. We can loosen the reigns a little until we get back.”

Ifelewa walked heavily in annoyance. She did not enjoy being undermined in front of the children either.

M’baku reads the silence, whispering to her, “I am sorry if I ran over your foot back there. I just want the kids to have as much fun as possible, and to save myself from a good scolding.”

She rolled her eyes. M’Baku was not too bad at gauging her feelings and hit it on the nose yet again. “I was not going to scold you, just heed your words? Please?”

M’Baku looks at you, biting his lips, “Will you beg some more if I continue to act out, umfazi?”

She rolls her eyes, “Concentrate on the admission, eh?”

M’Baku drops the hands of Monife and Mabayoje to get out his wallet. “My mind is already set, entle. Just be prepared once the kids are down for bedtime.”

“No!! We don’t want to go to bed!!” Monife protests, overhearing her father.

“Oh, don’t worry sweetheart. We will be up for a long time before then. Your father is kidding, we will stay up as late as we want! We are on holiday after all!” Ifelewa says excitedly, earning cheers from the children as the shuffle through the turnstiles. She looks back at a hurt looking M’Baku, shrugging without care as she switches a little extra to show what he would be missing. M’Baku calls the shots naturally so, but he knew the true boss in their marriage, especially when it came to sex.

Once they made it inside the zoo, the family walks around admiring the wildlife that there was to offer. The lions were lazy as usual, basking in the sunlight; this didn’t stop the little ones from making faces and giving their best roars.

Monife loved the flamingo exhibit. “They look so pretty Baba! Pick me up! I can’t see!!” M’Baku obliged, holding her close while pointing at them and telling her all about them. Ifelewa stood back a bit, suddenly tired from the trek around. Seeing M’Baku hold their littlest creation made her heart flutter. The thing she loved most about him was how soft and caring he was despite his ferocity with the Jabari and any enemies he comes across. Monife looked so tiny in his arms but it was M’Baku who shrank in her presence.

“Mama! Do they have monkeys here?” Mayowa asks excitedly.

Ifelewa nods, “Of course! Monkeys and much more! Come on! Mabayoje! Get down from there, let’s go!” As the twins fell in line, M’Baku walks beside her with Monife still in his arms, playing in his beard hair.

There was a mix of animals along the way: monkeys, orangutans and last but not least, gorillas.

“Look! Look!” M’Baku points the group to the gorilla enclosure.

“Wooow!” Monife squirms out of M’Baku’s arms and the twins set off toward the glass and bang the living daylights on it.

“Ah ah! Stop it, oh! They can see you without noises, just look.” Ifelewa warns.

“Yes, Mama.” sang the children.

“Yowa! Yoje! Jabariiii!!!” Monife bellows.

The twins follow her lead to respond with a hoots and woofs, banging their little chests with their fists. “Wooo! Wooo! Wooo!”

Ifelewa laughs uncontrollably at the children’s antics, “M’Baku? Did you teach them that?”

M’Baku looks to her beaming with pride and shrugs, “They just learned it on their own from their father.” He walks up close to her. “Should I heed that behavior in front of the children as well?” M’Baku’s baritone threatens teasingly.

Ifelewa crosses her arms, “You know what I mean, Baku. Right now, I just want to heed a plate of some food, maybe a portobello burger...” she moans at just the thought of the swiss cheese and grilled mushroom top dancing on her taste buds.

He takes a deep breath holding her close while looking at the children. “I thought you didn’t like mushrooms, my love? That’s an odd request to make.”

Ifelewa freezes a moment. He was right, mushrooms are gross to her except when she is with child, she couldn’t get enough.

“Ah, just testing you! But I am still hungry though.” She could live without the portobello for now to keep the secret a little longer.

M’Baku squeezes her side, pecking her on the forehead before rounding up the children for a late lunch.

Ifelewa could not find any substantial pescatarian food to soothe her appetite (vegetation life like M’Baku wad not her style), instead opting for some fries and shaved ice.

M’Baku had packed some snacks for the group but Ifelewa did not feel like eating it. “Are you sure you don’t want something else? You sounded pretty starved earlier.” M’Baku inquires chomping on some red bell pepper slices.

She shrugs, “It’s fine. When we get home, I can get some dinner going.” Ifelewa couldn’t hide her exhaustion as she rubbed her feet.

M’Baku looked at his wife suspiciously as he wiped some cheese off of his son’s face. “Well, we can get ready to go now, for sure. We have seen plenty out here today, the skies look a little cloudy anyway.”

“But Baba! We didn’t get to see the tigers or panthers! They are my favorite!” Mayowa exclaimed sadly. M’Baku waves him off. “You only like them because of your Uncle T’Challa. The Gorilla’s are much more exciting. They came right up to you! The cats just lounge around.” M’Baku says giving a thumbs down motion.

“But-” before he could protest any more, the skies opened up as rain came crashing down.

“Whoa! Would you look at that, we have to go after all!” M’Baku gets up in Mayowa’s teasingly. “Ifelewa, I will bring the car around so sit tight.” M’Baku gives her a kiss before jogging out in the rain.

“I hope Baba doesn’t get washed away in the rain.” Mabayoje says looking worried.

Ifelewa pats his back as she watches the showers fall sharply to the ground. “No worries. It’s just like at the lake, right? Long as you stand up, you are fine.”

“And Baba is really tall, Yoje. He will be fine!” Monife encourages her brother.

“That’s right, intomba. Baba stands very tall and is very strong, so he is fine.” Ifelewa says and as if on cue, M’Baku rolls up outside of the restaurant with an umbrella to collect his family.

Once they got home, Ifelewa and M’Baku change the children out of their damp clothes before starting some dinner.

As Ifelewa cooked, M’Baku put on a movie for the children as he joins his wife in the kitchen.

“What do you need help with, entle. My hands are yours to direct.” He says wrapping his arm around her waist, kissing her cheek.

“Mmm, how about just chopping up the other vegetables over there? I’m mixing a vinaigrette and the pan should be hot to start sauteeing by the time you are done.” Ifelewa commands.

M’Baku reaches for a knife and begins to chop. “Did you enjoy the day?”

“Yes, I did. It was very fun to see the babies enjoying the animals and getting along.” Ifelewa looks back at M’Baku’s wide back as he chops. She loved the width of her husband, so attractive that there wasn't an ounce of scrawniness to him. She wipes her hands and comes up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She feels M’Baku chuckle in his belly. “And you were the greatest help as usual. I don’t know what I would do without you being here.” Her voice hitches at the thought before she can stop herself. Mabayoje bringing up M’Baku getting caught up in the rain was hitting her all of a sudden. She had to just sit there with her children anticipating M’Baku’s return, but what if that was everyday?

M’Baku stops chopping to hold his wife’s hands against him as she buried her face in his back. “Where is your emotion coming from, ife mi?” He craned his neck to talk behind to her.

Ifelewa shakes her head, “I just thought about something Mabayoje was saying. You know how the kids can bring out so many emotions from me out of the blue.” She chuckles weakly as she wipes tears from her face. M’Baku turns around to hold his wife’s face in his all encompassing hands, his thumbs swipe at wayward tears. “I am right here, entle. No harm will come to me, Hanuman willing.”

She holds his wrist, “I don’t even want to think about it, for fear of bringing it to pass, but you help me so much with them, I am just spoiled.”

M’Baku brings his hands to her hips, pulling her against him. “If spoiling you is being a good father to my children and devoted partner to my wife, than so be it. But you brought our babies into this world with so much strength. Through sickness, false contractions, mood swings, bed confinement; I know why Hanuman gave us twins for your first pregnancy because we probably would have an only child right now otherwise.” Ifelewa chuckles. “But believe me when I say you are a most capable mother, right now and for whatever is ahead of us. You have made me the happiest man three times over, and I hope to be blessed even more.”

Ifelewa looked at him with wonder, digesting his last words. M’Baku loved her with all of his heart, his beautiful speech was nothing new of what he has said before. But having just found out she was pregnant, she was already feeling moody beyond control hence her irrational fear. But the new life inside of her was giving her cold feet concerning what they could handle. But luckily, she has a great man to give her reprieve.

Ifelewa smiles, shifting her weight anxiously. “I’m glad you said that, because-”

“Mama! Baba! Something smells funny!” Monife yells from the living room.

Ifelewa turns to the stove to take the hot skillet with burnt oil off the stove. “Ikaka!” she curses, wiping her brow in frustration.

“Ohhh, Mama said a bad worrrrd!” Mabayoje taunts, giggling at his mother.

M’Baku shoots him a look that shuts down any further foolishness. M’Baku lays a hand on her lower back, speaking softly. “Iffie, let me finish up here. You go sit with the children.”

“I can handle it, I should do it.” Ifelewa persists taking the skillet to clean.

M’Baku finesses it out of her hands to set it on the counter. He plants his hands on her hips to guide her out of the kitchen to the living room. “Don’t make that face, you want to treat me to be the man of the house? Then I am telling you to sit down, and elevate your feet.” She plops down on the couch shaking her head with a smile. M’Baku leans into her ear, “And I don’t want any lip about it.” He full mouth grazes her ear lobe before returning to finish cooking up dinner. Her babies mill around her, resting their heads on her body to snuggle up for the rest of the movie. Ifelewa looks back in the kitchen again as M’Baku is concentrated on mixing up ingredients, tasting his concoctions, working his hips as he jiggles the skillet around. She turns back to the TV, hugging her babies close to her, staring at their deep melanin tones, soft curls, little extremities getting longer by the day. Looking to her belly she whispers, “We love you very much. So, so much. Keep growing big and strong.” Ifelewa stared listlessly at the TV screen until her vision blurred, drifting off to sleep.

When she woke up, she was on the couch still but the TV was off and outside was dark, still rainy. She infers that M’Baku rounded the kids up to bed, falling asleep himself. Ifelewa gets up to walk out on the patio, hugging herself as the rain drills down to the ground. She always found peace in the sounds of rain, the cloudiness putting her at ease. People always looked at her crazy when she would say the day was beautiful and was not joking. Light storming never annoyed her one bit; it was like a shower for the earth and the plants look extra beautiful afterwards.

She steps a toe out, letting the drops coat her foot. She follows with a hand out, collecting some in her hand.

Ifelewa feels pressure on her shoulder as her peripheral catches her husbands face resting on her shoulder, making her jump.

“Oh M’Baku! Why are you so quiet when you walk around? You are like a bumblebee: what you can do just doesn’t make sense to your physical make up.”

“Bzzz Bzzz!” M’Baku lifts Ifelewa in the air carrying her out in the rain with a spin.

“Agghhh!! Put me down!!” Ifelewa shrieks as she hides her face, unable to barrage of drops dampening her and M’Baku. He brings them back under the overhang of the patio, freeing Ifelewa to attack him with slaps on his body. “Where do you get off doing that? Huh! How dare you!”

M’Baku brings his arms up to protect himself, laughing the whole time, “What? You seemed on your way out there, I was just helping you get a little wet!”

Ifelewa pushes him, still stewing. “You are so immature sometimes! I woke up comfortable, now I have to change clothes!”

M’Baku gets a hold of her wrists, pushing her up against the wall. He says through his teeth. “The children are sleeping...keep your voice down.”

M’Baku and Ifelewa stare each other down, only their breath and the storm behind them fill their silence.

“They ate dinner?” she asks. M’Baku nods. “They took their baths?” M’Baku nods, freeing her wrists to run his hands down her arms and body. “What about my plate?”

M’Baku brings his lips to her neck softly grazing her clavicle, “It’s in the oven, wrapped up for you.”

Ifelewa clears her throat as her husband’s supple lips travel across her chest, creating goosebumps, while his hands reach around to grip and pull at the flesh of her ass. “I am not amused, M’Baku. I’m cold, I’m wet-”

M’Baku takes his hands up under her shirt, making Ifelewa shiver from his brazen behavior. His hands cup her breast, thumbing over her already protruding nipples. His eyes are darkened with desire. “Well if you are cold, I can change that. But the wetness might get worse before you are truly relieved.”

Ifelewa lets out a sharp gasp, arching against his touch. She reaches her hands behind his head, scratching his scalp. “I can’t stand you right now.” she moans.

M’Baku brings his mouth to Ifelewa’s, letting their tongues do the fighting. Ifelewa grinds her hips against M’Baku’s, cultivating his growth which elicits a moan from deep within him. M’Baku made all of her worries melt away with ease as his hands reached to bring her thighs up around his waist.

“Wait! Wait! I can’t, not out here!” Ifelewa whines, whilst involuntarily locking her legs up around him.

M’Baku sneers as he pulls her underwear to the side, looking down at her in marvelous wonder. “I can’t let this juice go to waste, my love. I prefer fresh squeezed.” He takes his hand between her legs as she grip his shoulders, bracing for impact.

Ifelewa whimpers as M’Baku slowly plunges two thick fingers within her center. M’Baku finds her G-spot without much searching as she confirm his findings with a pleasured moan.

“Do you like me feeling you inside, entle?” M’Baku says deeply, his voice coated in sensuality.

She rests her head against the wall as she feels a wave coming on, nodding vehemently, “Uh-huh…”

M’Baku pumps his fingers within her walls looking deeply into her eyes, getting off on her tortured expression. “You are making a mess of my hand, my love. Are you trying to get me back for the rain?”

She tries to avoid his gaze by looking at the weather outside to distract from her pending orgasm. Breathless, she says, “No, you can’t blame me. You started it.”

M’Baku takes her chin to force her to look at him. “And I plan to finish. But you will need to work for it, Iffie.”

Looking into M’Baku’s eyes, his forehead wrinkled in concentration of her, and his thumb now working her clit like a joystick, Ifelewa locks her legs and arms onto M’Baku to ride his knuckles as she chokes on her climax. M’Baku feels her clenching around him and pumps her canal to help drive out her orgasm a little more.

M’Baku watches her face stretch as she whines and curses him for what he has done. He snuggles into her neck, sucking it, breathing into her skin to drive her absolutely mad. Ifelewa bites into his shoulder to keep from waking the whole neighborhood.

M’Baku finally finishes with her, pulling out his fingers from her, making her body jolt from sensitivity. She slowly brings her legs down from him to stand, but he wisely holds her close or she were sure to stumble. She rests her head against his shoulder, catching her breath, but feeling light enough to fly. She sees him surveying his hand, “You see all of that you did?”

She hides her face in his chest with embarrassment, “Please, don’t make me blush. You are always playing.”

M’Baku looks over his shining hand, covered in her love as he gives it a taste, groaning with satisfaction. “Mm, just the dessert I needed.”

Ifelewa feels turned on all over again as she looks up at M’Baku starry eyed. “I hope you don’t think we are done here…” as she traces his erection through his pants.

M’Baku shrugs, pretending like it is nothing, “I thought you were too tired, or hungry-”

She puts a finger to his lips, “You know better than to argue with me. Come on.”

They make it back inside, kissing each other like first love teenagers as they claw at each others clothing.

“Baba?”

M’Baku and Ifelewa break like children caught in the wrong as little Monife rubs her eye sleepily.

“Yes, Fefe. What are you doing up?” M’Baku says covering himself until he simmered down.

“The thunder outside woke me up. I got scared.”

M’Baku and Ifelewa looked at one another hoping it was just thunder she heard. “It’s ok sweetie. I will tuck you in. How about a story?” M’Baku goes to walk her upstairs.

“M’Baku! Maybe wash your hands….after being outside….” Ifelewa tries to discreetly signal for his to clean up after their romp.

M’Baku nods as the lightbulb in his head goes off, “Right! Fefe, hang on while Baba rinses a little. You know how we have to clean up after being outside.”

Once M’Baku finally gets Monife upstairs, Ifelewa takes advantage of the plate waiting on her in the oven. M’Baku did a pretty good job as she finally gets a substantial meal in her belly. Ifelewa rubs her tummy for good measure, dreaming of the life growing within her being healthy and strong. She planned to tell M’Baku probably in the morning, since it may be a mood killer if they continue their romancing tonight: she didn't want him holding back.

Putting away her plate, Ifelewa makes her way upstairs to peek in Monife’s room. M’Baku had Monife laying on him instead of the bed, since his size prevented them from laying side by side on her toddler bed. M’Baku read from storybook as Monife lightly snored against his chest. Ifelewa’s heart swelled at his attentiveness with his children. She would’ve put the book down as soon as the children stilled to rest, but M’Baku swears that they never stay asleep until the story is finished, even if they sleep part of the way in.

Ifelewa goes in their bedroom, stretching as she slowly feels overcome with sleep. She begins to strip her clothes off to get ready for bed. While finding a shirt, she hears the door open and clothes behind her.

Looking behind she sees M’Baku standing against the door, grinning hard.

Ifelewa shakes her head continuing to look for a bed shirt. “That little girl has you wrapped around her finger. What are you grinning about?”

M’Baku’s footsteps fall behind you as you hear clothing drop to the floor. “And not long ago I had you wrapped around mine…..When were you going to tell me?”

Ifelewa’s heart picks up pace in her chest. “What do you mean?” She turns to see M’Baku sitting on the bench at the foot of the bed, stark nude.

M’Baku looks up at her confused, “My love, are you trying to hide it?”

She leans on the dresser, taking a breath, “No, never. I wanted to tell you in the morning, but….how did you know?”

M’Baku leans on his knees looking ahead. “I wondered about it today. You have been excited about this trip for months, but you have been the least excited since we have been here. Tired, emotional, the works.”

Ifelewa looks to M’Baku empathetically as she began to sit next to him on the bench. M’Baku blocks her path, beckoning her to sit on his lap. Ifelewa takes her place on his ample thighs.

M’Baku rests a hand on her hips, and another across her legs as Ifelewa hugs his shoulders. “You also tasted different.”

Ifelewa’s mouth dropped open at that comment. “Well I don’t know how to take that information!”

M’Baku laughs, “It’s not bad. You are sweeter, I noticed. It may be due to what you crave while pregnant, but it’s noticeable.”

“That reminds me; you didn’t eat all of the strawberries, did you?” Ifelewa asked. Those were a particular strong craving of hers.

“No, and I’ll get you as many as you need. And if you want a portobello burger, I can get that for you.” M’Baku takes his hand to her stomach, rubbing it gently.

Ifelewa rests a hand over his, “Ugh, I really wanted one too.”

M’Baku chuckles, “You are so silly to try and be sneaky, you missed out on a good meal. I saw your test in the bathroom earlier as well.”

“My goodness, M’Baku, you found everything!” She exclaimed.

M’Baku shrugs looking up at his wife eyes widened and glistening, “A husband always knows, but that confirmed it. Are you happy?”

Ifelewa gripped around his neck tighter, beaming. “Ecstatic! I just hoped you would be happy. I know the three we have can be a lot to handle on their own.”

“I lead an army of men on a regular basis. Trust me, the children are easier. And this one will be a welcome addition.”

Ifelewa rubbed her hands across her husband’s hair, bringing her forehead to his. “Hanuman, bless this child. Let them come into this world, healthy, strong. Let them learn compassion, refrain from ignorance, for they are already loved unconditionally.” M’Baku prays between them before letting his lips meet hers. Ifelewa deepens the kiss, suddenly needing all of her husband at that moment. She feels him becoming excited beneath her legs; M’Baku parts her legs to feel her vulva slickening.

“Uh uh. You will not lead this again.” Ifelewa takes M’Baku’s hand away to straddle his lap. M’Baku smiles broadly at his wife taking charge, as she snakes her hand down beneath her, touching him. The tip of his dick is wet with precum as she takes her fingers to spread it down his shaft. M’Baku’s head leans back, surrendering to her hand as his hips buck up. His hands traverse her thighs, making it up to her ass, giving it a hearty smack.

Ifelewa yelps out, licking her lips. “Ohh, are you growing impatient, Baku?”

M’Baku looks over her body, snaking his hand up the nape of her neck. “I just want to see that pretty pussy over yours at work, is all. I know it’s ready.”

M’Baku wasn’t lying there, as Ifelewa’s walls clenched at the very mention of them. Instead, Ifelewa drug his tip around the perimeter of her opening. “How does that work for you?”

She felt M’Baku’s resistance, trying to move things along. “My love, why do you tease me? Do you see what this does to me? I’m going to go insane.” M’Baku did look desperate as his breathing became labored, taking one of her breasts into his mouth hungrily. Ifelewa loses her train of thought, losing get grip on his dick to hold onto M’Baku’s head, clawing at his hair as he lapped at your nipples. His tongue encircled her areola as he grabbed her hips to grind against his dick. Ifelewa arched into him as her clit receives stimulation from the friction, coupled with the arousal produced by his mouth on her tit, Ifelewa was almost there.

Just as M’Baku sucked just about her total essence out from her, he found a chance to ease his dick inside of her begging entrance. Ifelewa let out a gasp as he stretched her out, slowly, agonizingly.

“Ah, Baku, please…” Ifelewa whines.

M’Baku comes off of her tit looking smug. “Are you begging again?”

She nods, “Please, I want you to move.”

“I’m not sure, you are so tight. Are you close?” M’Baku whispers, biting his lip as he pushes further into her.

Ifelewa nods, “I’m afraid so.”

“Ohhh, so impatient we are.” M’Baku tosses the remark right back at her as he leans back, inching a little off of the bench, before beginning his rhythm into her.

Ifelewa leans on M’Baku’s chest as his hips cause her to bounce against him, intensifying the wave of pleasure within her sex.

The applause of their skin against each other brought her over the edge as her nails dug into his skin.

“That’s it, entle, let yourself go on me. I can take it.” M’Baku encouraged her as he plunged balls deep, working her hips to stimulate her clit again.

Ifelewa was almost near tears, gripping breasts for sanity. “Baku, you’re so deep. I’m already pregnant, remember?”

This sparked something in M’Baku as he gave her behind a slap once more. “Come up here.”

Breathless, Ifelewa follows his instructions, crawling up his body until her thighs became his earmuffs. M’Baku growled low from underneath her. “Ahh, look at that pretty pussy.” He gives it healthy lick. “Wet just for me.” He spreads her lips wider, teasing her clit with the tip of his tongue. “I see it talking, baby. I hear you.” M’Baku then plunges his stiffened tongue into her entrance, tongue fucking her without abandon. Ifelewa’s thighs seize up at the overstimulation of her sensitivity, bowing down on her hands and knees, unable to straighten out her body from all the arousal.

M’Baku hums into her vulva, sending vibration between her lips as he sucks her off.

“I’m cu-cu-ohhh!!” Ifelewa couldn’t get it out, but her moans said it all.

“Yes, my girl. Cum on my face for me.” M’Baku says encouragingly, shaking her ass cheeks as he shakes his head into her vulva with aroused enthusiasm.

M’Baku leaves her cunt a moment, giving Ifelewa what she thought was a chance to breathe, as she begins to collapse to the bed.

“Uh, uh! Leave your ass in the air for me.” M’Baku commands. Ifelewa stays face down, ass up as she looks behind at M’Baku stroking his impressive girth in his hands. Looking over her back end with a tantalizing appetite, he says, “Your pussy is so beautiful covered in cream. Go ahead and rub it in.”

Ifelewa reaches her hand to feel the wetness of her cunt as she plays with her pussy, rubbing all of their love concoction into her vulva. The stimulation makes her legs shake involuntarily, “Like this?” she asks.

M’Baku’s hand rests on the small of her back as he groans with approval. “Yesss, just like that, entle. Keep doing it, I want you to cum on me one more time for me.”

Ifelewa maintains a circular motion on her clit as M’Baku dives into her pussy once more, sending her body into shock as he strokes within her faster now.

“Ahh. I can’t wait for you to have my baby.” M’Baku groans.

Ifelewa nods into the mattress, “I love carrying your baby.”

M’Baku grunts, hitting his hips into her cheeks faster. “And I love making them with you, ahh.”

Ifelewa grips the comforter as she feels her G spot getting activated, “Ohhh, please fill my pussy, Baku. I’m almost there!”

M’Baku grips her waist tightly as his stroke becomes more labored, “For Hanuman’s sake, you’re gripping me so tightly!”

Ifelewa got off right at that moment, “Ohh fuck! Baku, yes! Give it to me, that’s it!”

With Ifelewa’s encouragement, M’Baku laid her prone against the bed, resting his hand on hers as he busted inside of her, emptying every bit of his pent up seed within her walls. He groaned as his dick spazzed within her until he was wrung dry.

M’Baku peppered Ifelewa’s back with kisses. “I love you so much, umfazi. I don’t know if you understand how much.” M’Baku pulls out from her, laying next to her side, kissing her hand.

Ifelewa could barely open her eyes as her husband wore her down to dust. She felt high from his love, trying her best to concentrate, she nodded sleepily. “Mhm, I do. I have devoted my life to you, until death. And even then, I will love you.”

M’Baku rubs her back as her eyes close. “My wife, mother of my children, I am so grateful for you. I will make an appointment with the midwife so we can see her soon as-”

M’Baku stops talking once he hears her light snoring. He kisses her forehead, studying her face as she rests. “Sleep well, my love, and my littlest. May we remain prosperous.”

Other Works:

King Kil’mawalls

T’akia

N’Jadaka’s Helpful Hands

Some Weeks Are Better Than Others

The Coffee Prince

Commencement Day

Wakanda Got Y’all

If I Could Do It All Again

#SundaySweat

Song of Stevens

Signs of Rain

RagTag

@chaneajoyyy @afraiddreamingandloving @yaachtynoboat711 @theunsweetenedtruth @maliadestiny @syreanne @allhailnjadaka @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @great-neckpectations @bidibidibombaclaat

#mbakusmistressff #m'baku fanfic #fanfic #shakafic #m'baku x black oc #m'baku fluff #soft m'baku #m'baku smut

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