#she’s my constant thought

[dinaslovr]

i’m so glad people are as obsessed with sevika as i am on here bc oh my GODD 🤭

#she’s my constant thought #loml #this outfit too #sevika #arcane #sevika arcane

[sysig]

“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)

Bonus:

Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c #As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around! #Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins #Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol #But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship! #And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots #Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own #Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪ #He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes #''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly'' #I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her- #Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person #''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :) #Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't #It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot #Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time #Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently #I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe #And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe

[tenrose]

Time Lords have this little trick, it's sort of a way of cheating death. Except it means I'm going to change, and I'm not going to see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face. And before I go...

Don't say that.

#dwedit #rtdedit #nineedit #rosetyleredit #dw #rose when the doctor tells her she's fantastic: 😶 #rose when the doctor tells her he's fantastic too: that's right babe 🥰 #girl he's right! #you're both fantastic #stop being hopelessly romantic #yes i have constant thoughts about them #my gifs #mine

[juniperleafdelivery]

#my art #trans #side note: following tags are a pretty long thought dump #ugh okay i'm going to be honest #i didn't know anything about predstrogen until she was banned and many people started talking about her #also looked through photomatt's blog very briefly #to me he sounds callous- if that's the right word. he just didn't seem to care about what happened to predstrogen prior to her being banned #also? car with hammers that explodes multiple times feels far from being a serious death threat to me #yes predstrogen explicitly mentioned death wishes #but i don't know. what she said is more cartoonish than serious #also something i noticed from photomatt: where is the evidence that predstrogen threatened other users? #i haven't been looking into all this that deeply #but that photomatt stating that as part of the reason for predstrogen's ban and then not elaborating is. weird. for lack of better words #on a slightly different note: i love tumblr and how i can be my silly queer self and nobody cares #but if we don't stand up for each other — especially those who are constant targets for harrassment and other crappy things #tumblr will eventually die or bear no resemblance to the site i enjoy so much #maybe i'm privileged! being a trans masc guy #or maybe i'm ignorant #but i guess i have a tendency to say a lot. and i hate staying silent when i have the opportunity to speak out #so i'm going to scream #and i hope y'all are going to speak in support of trans women too

[feralsteddie]

Steve's first concussion happened when he fell down those stairs as a baby.

He conked his skull, it got a bad rattle, and he's had visual snow and tinnitus ever since.

It's one of the reasons he doesn't really clock when things start getting worse after each Upside Down incident, he's just kinda always had these going on and didn't realise they weren't normal until he mentioned them offhand and everyone was confused

#steve harrington #i got my first concussion at 4 and lemme tell you... #8 year old me tried to describe my visual snow to my bio mom and she was So Confused #thought i was talking about dust in the air #and i didn't realise not everyone just had constant ringing in their ears #and it would be just... such a steve harrington thing to do #pyreposting

[dolls-self-ships]

toying with some redesigns AGAIN plus an alastor

tag list 💕 @shiny-self-shipping @menshusband @westiefromtheeast @bat-anon @sunflawyer

#idk I just want them all too look more creepy #like actual demons #seeing everyone’s really cool re designs on tik tok are just scratching my brain right #the more unsettling the better #self shipping #self ship #self insert #hazbin hotel #redesign #hazbin hotel self insert #alastor #also considering giving Charity a third eye that’s covered by her bangs ???? maybe???? aaaidk #I also thought maybe her having future vision would be neat #but idk #like she’s able to see every possible outcome of a situation but can never be sure which one is right so it gives her constant anxiety

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[aho-dapa]

This fandom is honestly...

Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but

There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like

The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling

Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??

This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh

Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???

#anyway #just having thoughts #anti sjm #like I'm also pro Tamlin? and that doesn't help #i had to stop making intensive tamlin posts because my mental health honestly couldn't handle the constant discourse #which is sad when people genuinely come with the intent to discuss but since its all horrible in general I end up not having a lot of #emotional space to have a good conversation most of the time sighhhh #i also just end up blocking people in general when my timeline messes up my interests but #i have yet to block main ship tags because I still want to interact with my side of fandom on it but I'm sooooooo close to blocking #main tags because some people are vile on here #don't even get me started on gwyn because people end up saying shit they shouldn't be just because of shipping #and I don't have any personal feelings about gwyn but the way people say she's not important as a character gives me the ick tbh #like I get it from a sjm is a terrible writer standpoint #but gwyn did have narrative importance in acosf despite however I feel about how it coulf have been better written #and also as a character that is very explicitly a SA survivor some people here need to THINK about how they talk about her

[dilfkuza]

thought a little too long about what readjusting to being in each other's lives again must have been like for Majima and Saejima. coming back to one of the only people you still have left only to realize they're not the person you had to leave behind. the commadarie is there, but in a new font because you lived an entire life away from each other. how long did it take for Majima to ease up on the Mad Dog persona around Saejima, to register that he was still safe and wouldn't be taken away from him again?

only for Saejima to go back to jail and set them back to square one, adding another name to the list of people that Majima is patiently waiting for. another hand holding the leash that grounds him because they're all he really cares about at this point, Tojo be damned. how long did it take for Saejima to learn how to navigate the minefield that is the Mad Dog? how many times did Majima metaphorically bare his teeth and fight against someone seeing under the mask? it would be safe to let him in, it's just his Taiga, but for almost 30 years raising his hackles is what he's known best.

and how many times did Saejima push through regardless, because despite the showmanship and the decades lost, that's still his kyoudai.

#you know that post about bringing the wife back from the dead but shes not the same? #that but Majima's near death experience in the Hole/Saejima's decades lost being institutionalised #both were forever marked by their situations while their idea of each other remained frozen in the 1980s. #the constant they assumed they could come back to no longer exists and something new has to be built out of the rubble #a stranger wearing the face of a loved one. interactions that should be second nature suddenly foreign. #is this a word salad or does this infact make sense? your guess is as good as mine lmao #currently so eepy. allergies knocking my ass out got me feelin like Majima when he thought he was goin zombie #need to rest my head gently on Saejima's tummy so i can get that cartoon snork mimimi honk shoo honk shoo sleep goin on #majima goro #saejima taiga #bulletin board #saemaji

[dinaslovr]

showing off what i eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner

#this scene does something to me 🤭 #the crop topppp #she’s my constant thought #sevika #sevika arcane #wife #loml

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart #on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me #but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents #leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing #if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney #at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious #intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops #functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant #obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom #but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills #it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was #meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood #but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual. #i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more #we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week #its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die #so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her #computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to #before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the #feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird #unrelated

[atlantic-riona]

personally I think the medieval Irish were onto something

#this doesn't even have to be about anything specific this is just the constant thought looping around my head 24/7 #but if you must know #tonight it is specifically about medieval Irish versions of various legends #for example the medieval Irish Odyssey back when they didn't have access to a copy #Odysseus' men being like 'bro if you take us on one more crazy adventure we'll DIE' and then they DO #Odysseus and his men floating over the cyclops #the whole bit where Odysseus notices he's being carried off by a cyclops and wriggles out is 😂😂 #Penelope being overjoyed that Odysseus has returned but also refusing to kiss him until the enchantment that makes him ugly wears off #the DOG #the purple and green dog!!! #see also: the King Arthur story where Arthur has a kick ass daughter #who travels the world disguised as a knight to rescue her true love from where he's trapped in an enchanted castle #she collects magic items and has fun adventures #this isn't even touching upon the native legends near and dear to my heart #but GOD do I love reading medieval Irish lit #except for the Book of Invasions #that one SHOULD be cool but in fact reads like stereo instructions 😔 #thank you for coming to my tedtalk #this is what it looks like inside my head at all times #I am usually thinking about something that predates the Industrial Revolution 😂😂

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[orchideae]

1) Opens up drafts with my head empty, ready to be flooded, not knowing where I'll go. 2) 30 seconds later: Okay but I will go feral any day of my life over Perilous Trail, and the fierce dichotomy of Xiao and Yelan. While they're far from being 'the same', they both view themselves as soldiers in one way or another (it's a very difficult word to use for Yelan, so I'm using it very liberally and very loosely), they have both suffered losses on the 'battlefield' and carry the burden thereof in their own ways. And yet they stand so firmly in opposition throughout the entirety of that questline up until the very end of the 'the end of the line' conclusion of the quest. Yes, I know that she offers him her gratitude in its aftermath and it is genuine, but she still never agrees with him and the decision that he made moments earlier. It simply 'worked out' because of Zhongli's interference, he's the only reason it worked out. And it's because of that, that she doesn't give him a hell of a hard time (obviously she can't go down there, but imagine the inner frustration of severe extents; when you condemn someone who you can't even see anymore). In the same way that she would do to anyone who would sacrifice themselves for others, but in this case, I think it's 'beautiful' that it's to Xiao; the one who seems most adamant to do so (which honestly, fits into the contract that the Yakshas chose to sign with Morax; 'the ultimate sacrifice' to protect for Liyue; 'for Liyue', and Liyue has always centered itself around its people), the one who everyone reveres (and so does she, as she notes in her voiceline, 'if I ever have the honor to fight alongside') and respects for good reason, she stands against him, because in that moment, regardless of his status, he makes a call that she considers wrong. And he doesn't even... fight her on it very fiercely, and that's what actually hurts me the most, it's as if the following line hit the nail directly on the head?

"Besides, if you were really so determined to end it all, you wouldn't have given us the opportunity to share our opinions."

#[ mini study. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years. #[ and then shortly after 'the point is: it's not time for drastic measures yet.' ] #[ /shakes ven into another dimension. ] #[ i thought the ost at the end of perilous ruined me enough. but tale of the yakshas may actually ruin me more. ] #[ also i love how i typed up the bit of the contract and 'for liyue' and zhongli in my head isn't rattling at bars but-- ] #[ he's sipping his tea (the equivalent). one day ven. i /promise/ you. one day you'll get him from me. ] #[ he'll likely be the 2nd genshin blog to run alongside yelan if/when i get to being able to run two again. ] #[ but until then. can we talk about the dynamic of xiao and yelan until we're blue in the face? i'd like to do that too. ] #[ i type this as if i'm perfectly chill but i'm not. i'm really not. the concept of self sacrifice and sacrifice as a whole. ] #[ BETWEEN THESE TWO. drives me /insane/. and part of me sits here and goes-- ] #[ god. what happened with yelan and her team down there? we know that despite every plan she ever made and prepared-- ] #[ their enemies (WHAT WERE YOU FIGHTING??) were too powerful and more specifically-- too smart. too calculating. ] #[ ... and too strong (okay literally what on earth were you fighting? are we talking the khaenri'ah soldiers? like what? or abyss mages?) ] #[ (but abyss mages don't exactly entirely fit the description in her story. ugh. UGH). ] #[ any way-- it was her and her team. /they/ all died and she didn't. yanfei describes it as... ] #[ 'knowing that your life was saved when others weren't'. surely the millilith didn't intervene or happen to arrive. yelan must've... ] #[ gotten away? or something? but that doesn't feel quite right. but i'm just sitting here left with the idea of... when you lead a team. ] #[ you bear the responsibility of even their lives. and yet despite bearing that responsibility; she's exactly the one who lived. ] #[ the only one who did. that has to be a /stupid/ burden. it's like the captain who has to go down with the ship but is the only one... ] #[ who gets to live. only one who gets to survive. i just. ] #[ i didn't think i'd love a character as much as this one. where did she come from; jesus christ. ]

[curlytemple]

at my elementary school i had to participate in speech competitions even though they only sent 3 or 4 kids from each class every year and i had terrrible stage fright/an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. since i thought it was really fun to memorize aesop and nobody ever did fables/folklore i always got blue ribbons. AND it was a christian school so weekly, for 7 years, we memorized increasingly longer bible passages to recite out loud to our teacher too. not to mention weekly vocab/spelling tests. every morning school run my dad turned all of the stuff we had to learn into a fun game during the drive. and now my mom thinks i’m a freak and a weirdo for remembering so many song lyrics as if i wasn’t trained to be a sponge for words

#it’s actually cruel and insane tho that they made me do those competitions #i was shaking and crying man. she was 8 years old let her chill #not to be funny i really think i was picked to go because i was a very cute child and the judges loved me #my url is not hoarded in vain the shirley temple comparisons were constant #they thought i was going to start tap dancing for them

[frogatz]

ohhh dect ruined me actually

#thought too hard about mirage and now i am so weepy . #something abt the progression since the nihilism dating sim #like . she was so bought into her fear of meaninglessness and death that it was a constant state for her #which liek . i know what it’s like to live like that and Oh My God . GET OUT OF THEREEEEE #when i first read through that intrraction there was a pit in my gut . tbh . so the turnaround was a good reminder #i have also since read the interview where that is said to be at least a little bit intentional. bc it is coming from somewhere real #so besides my point . what i’m saying is that a story where she grows up and changes her mind . is already enough #but then v2 is there and she is staring death and impermanence and meaninglessness in the face again . she has never had to say goodbye #and it is not meaningless :( she remains that it is not meaningless . and she teaches v2 that it is not meaningless . even if it was just to #themselves or eachother #UM . THIS HAS GOTTEN VERY LONG #I LIKE MIRAGE 👍 SO MUCH