Liar, Liar! A Seinfeld x Saw AU
The story where everyone is guilty
Characters included: Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Benes, Cosmo Kramer, Newman, Kenny Bania, George Costanza
Word count: 7.2K
Content Warnings: Torture, death, cursing, mentions of kidnapping, death of an animal
The trap in this fic is the Shotgun Carousel Trap from Saw VI (Six)
~•~
You had just finished a trap involving having to choose who lives between two people. You approached a pair of double doors and placed your ears against it. Faint voices shouted from the other side.
"Help! Is someone there"
"Rescue us?"
"What is this?"
"It's dark in here."
You opened the double doors and the lights turned on along with red spotlights. Your jaw dropped as you saw your six friends sitting on a carousel with their hands tied behind their backs.
"Y/N?" Elaine asked. "What is this?"
"How am I supposed to know Lainey?" You snarled as Jerry, George, Kramer, Kenny and Newman yelled and panicked.
"Get us out of here!" George shouted as he wriggled his body around.
"Is that a gun?" Kenny shouted as he stared down at it.
The carousel slowly continued spinning clockwise, the lights brightly cast down on the group. A tape recorder rest of the table near a machine that had a spike inside it. The recording started to play.
"Hello, Y/N. In front of you are six of your closest friends, friends who have been with you since the very beginning. However, each of them has secrets plaguing them, secrets that can possibly be scandalous. Six ride the carousel, and two can get off, regardless of what they confess. The decision of which two survive is entirely up to you. But remember, no decision comes without pain. All you have to do is press the buttons in the machine in unison and the person will be spared. However, if you don't make a decision, everyone here will perish. Choose wisely, Y/N. Oh, and good luck, you'll certainly need it." The tape ended and everyone's panic increased, including yours. Everyone started shouting on top of each other.
"Y/N, please! Look...I hooked up with Scott, your boyfriend! I did it! It was me!" Elaine shouted as her spot stopped in front of the mounted shotgun. "Oh fuck! Y/N! Please! Have mercy!" The shotgun cocked and the bullet slipped into the chamber. "Please! Forgive me!" Elaine shouted louder than ever.
"No. I can't be friends with a slut!" You shouted out of anger. "How could you do that to me? I loved Scott so much! And you had unprotected sex with him too?! Are you fucking insane? Were you that desperate?"
The shotgun's trigger released shooting Elaine hard in the chest. Jerry, George, Kramer, Kenny and Newman let out panicked shouts as Elaine's blood soaked Jerry's and George's faces and Kenny's and Newman's clothes.
"Oh God! Lainey!" Jerry shouted as he wriggled. His face and hair dripped with sweat.
"Better start confessing!" You shouted as the carousel started to spin again.
"Look, there is something I need to say!" Newman shouted as his spot stopped in front of the shotgun. His eyes widened in fear. "I kidnapped and killed someone's dog! He was always chasing me during my mail route, and he was extremely loud. I couldn't take it anymore! I needed it gone! Your eyes widened in shock.
"You did what?!" You shouted in anger.
"Yes! I admit it!" Newman shouted. "And the owner never found out and never will!"
"You monster!" You shouted. "I love dogs! Dot never hurt anyone, he was innocent!"
"He was a gross mutt!"
The shotgun cocked and aimed up at Newman's chest.
"Save me, damn it! I'll confess to Dot's owner I promise!"
The shotgun trigger released and shot the bullet into Newman's chest.
"Oh God!" Kramer shouted as his face stained with Newman's blood.
The carousel continued spinning again. Newman's and Elaine's bodies were slumped down with their chests torn open. The carousel made another round.
"Look, I want to confess something! More specifically to Jerry!" Kenny shouted.
"Let me guess: Because you steal my jokes and material and pass it off as yours?" Jerry shouted.
"Well..."
Kenny's spot stopped in front of the shotgun.
"Look, I may have stolen Jerry's jokes, but I can never come up with my own stuff! I am a people pleaser! Please, let me live!" Kenny pleaded.
"People pleaser is an understatement!" Jerry shouted. "Now, I know why you always performed after me!"
"Kenny, Jerry, stop arguing!" Kramer shouted.
"Please, Y/N. I beg you!" Kenny whimpered.
"Plagiarism is against the law you know that right Bania?" You asked.
"Yeah...but it's not applied to comedy routines, just books and essays."
You turned your gaze towards the spike machine. You leaned your hand towards it.
"Push the button! Do it!" Kenny pleaded. As you stared the machine down, you moved your hand away.
"No! No!" Kenny shouted.
The shotgun cocked again and pointed upward toward Kenny's chest. Kenny wriggled and whimpered as the shotgun released the bullet into his chest. His body slumped down and blood dripped down his shirt.
"Holy crap!" George shouted.
His and Kramer's faces were stained with Kenny's blood while the back of Jerry's shirt was splattered. The carousel started spinning again.
"Three left! Confess now!" You shouted.
"I have nothing to hide! Honest!" Jerry shouted. "I haven't broken a law or anything!"
"Kramer, George!" You shouted.
"I may have pretended to be handicapped just to get a better bathroom...but it wasn't that bad!" George shouted.
"The fuck?" You shouted back.
" I apologized for it!" George whimpered. "But either way I still did it!"
The carousel stopped and George sat in front of the shotgun. His eyes widened in fear. “Please, Y/N, have a heart! I don't want to be like Elaine, Newman, and Kenny!" George pleaded. "Please! I'm sorry!”
"Remember Susan? Your fiance? She died because of envelopes YOU picked out!" You shouted.
"That wasn't my fault! I didn't know they were toxic!"
"They were extremely cheap! That should've been the first hint!"
"I apologized!"
The shotgun cocked and pointed up at George. "Y/N! Y/N! Please!"
The shotgun's trigger was pulled and the bullet shot into George's chest. His body slumped down and blood dripped down. Kramer and Jerry wriggled in fear.
"Jesus!" Jerry shouted.
The carousel started spinning again.
"Please, Y/N. Please!" Jerry wriggled his body around.
"What have you done Seinfeld? Anything illegal?" You asked. "Anything you want to confess?"
"I think this is fucked up!" Jerry shouted.
"Didn't you park in a handicapped parking spot?" Kramer shouted.
"Well yes...but because of you!"
"It wasn't my idea, it was George's!"
“Well, it was one of your guys’ idea!” I shouted as the carousel stopped. Jerry was positioned in front of the gun.
“Please, Y/N, you know me!” Jerry pleaded. “I’ve never committed a crime in my life.”
“You might not have committed a crime but you did buy an Indian statue from the pawn shop and give it to one of Elaine’s friends who was a Native-American!”
“So…I didn’t know that!” Jerry shouted. “Please, no!” The shotgun loaded and released the trigger. Blood splattered out of Jerry’s chest.
“Crap!” Kramer shouted as the carousel descended again. As the carousel stopped, he realized that he was the only one alive. “Well that’s over, huh?!”
You looked down at the machine in shame.
“When you’re killing me, you look at me!” Kramer shouted as he wriggled in the chains. The shotgun loaded and seconds later shot into his chest.
The room was silent and still. You let out a quiet sigh and left the room closing the door behind you, leaving the six bodies trapped.
5 notes
·
View notes