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tidetfs · 1 month

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"Ugh, bro, pleeeeease?"

Max looked at me with those dopey blue eyes of his, staring dully through me and appearing to lack any kind of intelligence or perception.

"I told you, I have a very important club interview," I replied. "This could determine if I can network into a good job after college!" stressing the importance of a job, something my stoner roommate never seemed to understand.

"Just one hit, man, come on! You gotta stop worrying about that stuff and just chill out!" he replied, stretching his muscular arms over his head of greasy (probably unwashed) brown hair and closing his eyes, as if musing about something important. "You gotta try this weed bro, I just, I-" he stuttered as he took another hit. "I don't fuckin' know man, I think you just need this."

Exasperated, I dropped my heavy bag on the floor and strode over to his side of the room, switching to mouth breathing to avoid inhaling too much foot funk from his "clean pile" of clothes, as Max called it. Even three air fresheners weren't enough to keep the pungent smells of weed and sweat at bay.

"What the hell, dude, when's the last time you even washed those?!"

"Oh, I dunno, a couple weeks ago, maybe?" Max replied, shrugging.

I could see some of the dried crust still clinging to the fabric. I couldn't help but be amazed at the sheer size of his stash. The pile was easily four feet across, and it was clear Max was still working to roll his way through the rest. I couldn't even imagine where he got it all.

"Look, just let me finish my meeting, then I'll smoke with you, okay?"

Max's eyes lit up.

"Yeah, for real?" he replied, excited. "You promise? Pinky swear?"

Max stuck his hand out, his pinky raised and his arm shaking slightly. He looked like an overgrown child. I was so tired, I didn't even hesitate. I wrapped my pinky around his, then turned to walk out of the room. As soon as I let go, I felt a sudden, powerful wave of euphoria wash over me. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I couldn't even think straight, the sensation was so intense.

I collapsed against the doorway, unable to move. I could barely even think. The only thought that went through my mind was that I'd never felt this good in my life. Every inch of my skin tingled and buzzed, like a pleasant static that sent ripples of bliss through my muscles. I couldn't even control the way my body twitched and shivered.

"Duuuude," I heard Max say. "You feel that, man? I told you it's the good stuff."

I didn't know what was happening to me. My heart was racing and I couldn't breathe, and the feeling was getting more and more intense. "What..." I struggled to even sound out words. "I didn't even...take a hit..."

"Well, no, not technically," Max said, laughing. "But, uh, that's not what it was, actually. See, I sorta dosed your pinky."

I looked up at him, confused. My vision was blurry and I could barely see him, but he was grinning widely, and I could see the outline of his meaty, calloused hands rubbing the front of his jeans.

"See, it's like this, man. That wasn't weed. That was just, you know, a little something to get you to loosen up a bit. And, uh, well, there's this other thing, too. That shit I sprayed on your hand. It's not, uh, not exactly what you think."

The euphoria was fading, but it was still intense, and it was making my brain spin. "You sprayed my...hand?" I mumbled, barely able to understand what he was saying.

"Yeah, bro, I sorta had to, man. You kept getting me down with all your stress." He flexed his big biceps and gave one a kiss. "Now you're gonna be just like me!" He grinned wide, his perfect teeth glinting in the low light.

I couldn't respond. The sensations were still washing over me, but the euphoria was fading. As my brain began to work again, I suddenly realized that there was something wrong with me. There was a new, alien weight between my legs.

"Wha-what did you do?" I stammered, still dazed and confused. "What...what did you..."

I looked down, and froze. There was a huge, heavy bulge straining against the crotch of my jeans, stretching the thick material taut. It was huge. Like, absolutely massive. It was easily the size of my fist, maybe even bigger. It was so big and round, I could even see the outline of the individual balls.

"Duuuuude, bro, look at that fucking thing!" Max exclaimed, pointing and laughing. "It's totally fucking huge! Holy shit, man, it's the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life!"

I tried to speak, but I was still so confused, I couldn't get my mouth to form words.

"I didn't know they could get that big, man! Wow, bro, you're really packing a fucking cannon, you know that? Holy shit, it's so fucking hot." Max was practically drooling as he ogled the enormous bulge in my pants.

I could feel the heat radiating off of it, and I could tell it was pulsing and throbbing with each beat of my heart. The sensation was incredibly intense.

"It's...it's not possible..." I stammered, my voice cracking. "What...what did you spray?"

"Bro, I'm telling you, it's totally normal!" Max said, trying his best to sound reassuring. "My friend from home, he said, well, it's just that..." Max stammered again, his usually peaceful face betraying some shyness. "I've always thought you were cute, even without that package. You just needed to loosen up a little. And, I mean, I just wanted you to be, like, comfortable with me. It was just a little bit, man, and it was totally safe. Like, I swear, it's totally normal, dude." He grinned and shot me a wink. "Soon you're going to be just like me."

Max was still staring at the massive bulge, and I could see the outline of his huge dick stretching the crotch of his jeans.

"Dude, bro, I-" my hand shot to my mouth. I had never used those words in the same sentence before! "I...I didn't mean that!"

"Oh, yeah, dude," Max replied, not even noticing. "It's totally normal, bro. You're just a little high is all."

"High?!" I shouted, exasperated. "This isn't...I'm not...this isn't how people talk!"

Max just shrugged. "Bro, you've always been a nerd, and it's cool, man, I totally get it. But this is a big step forward. You're gonna love this. I swear."

I couldn't believe this was happening. I was still trying to process everything that was happening to me, when I heard Max's voice.

"Duuuuuude, check it out, bro," he said, gesturing to the bulge in his jeans. "We're, like, totally packing!"

"I can't..."

"Oh, shit, right. Dude, you gotta feel this."

Max quickly reached down and grabbed the bulge in my pants. As soon as he made contact, I felt a powerful surge of pleasure ripple through me. My body immediately responded to his touch, and I could feel my new cock throb and twitch. I groaned, unable to hold back the sounds.

"Dude, holy shit, bro, it's like, really sensitive or something," Max said, his eyes wide. "Like, really, really fucking sensitive, bro."

"No, it's...not..." I moaned, but I could tell it was a lie. It felt like Max's hand was squeezing my balls, and the pleasure was incredible.

"Fuck, bro, it's, like, really fucking sensitive, dude. Like, fucking, crazy fucking sensitive." Max was practically drooling, and his eyes were glazed over. He was clearly enjoying this a lot.

"Please, stop..."

"Fuck, bro, you're so fucking hard," Max groaned. He started to rub my bulge, and his other hand went to the front of his own jeans. "...and, you're so pretty too. I just don't want to lose you to all those meetings, bro. I want you to be with me."

"Wait, no, what are you doing?"

"I can't hold back anymore, dude, I gotta see your big dick," Max replied, unzipping my jeans and reaching in. He slowly pulled down, and my eyes widened as he revealed the huge, throbbing bulge in my underwear. It was so big, the fabric was stretched tight, and it was already soaked in pre-cum.

"Holy shit, dude, that thing is huge!" Max exclaimed, his voice cracking. He was staring at my huge bulge with a lustful expression, and his long tongue darted out to lick his lips. "It's, like, fucking, massive."

I looked down and was shocked by what I saw. It was easily twice as big as it had been just a few minutes ago. It was still growing, and it was stretching the fabric of my boxer-briefs to the limit. Max began to move closer, scrambling to take off his busted old t-shirt, meaty pecs and perfect washboard abs busting out as he did. He leaned forward, and his massive bicep brushed against my new rock-hard dick.

"Oh, shit, bro, fuck," Max moaned as he leaned in closer. At this point I could almost feel the waves of sweat and weed rolling off his huge body, and my cock was throbbing and leaking, straining against the tight fabric of my underwear.

"You're so hot, dude," Max said, reaching out to grab my huge bulge, wrapping his meaty hand around it. His hand was warm and rough, and his grip was strong, squeezing my bulge and causing a fresh burst of pleasure. "You're, like, fucking sexy as hell, man."

"What the hell, bro, no, that's not...that's not right!" I stammered, but Max's words sent a thrill through me. I could feel my cheeks burning, and I could feel the heat radiating from my skin. "That's not, I'm not a fag!"

"You sure about that, bro?" he asked, giving it a tug and sending a bolt of pleasure through my body. I felt the euphoria return. This time, it was a hundred times more intense.

"Fuuuuck," I groaned, leaning my head back. "Bro, it feels so fucking good."

"I know, right? And it's going to feel even better when you're a stoner like me, dude." Max replied, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Fuck, bro, I can't take it, I gotta get naked," Max moaned, frantically undoing his belt and shucking his pants. "I'm so fucking hard, bro, I can't wait to fuck you."

I looked down, and for the first time, got a good look at my new equipment. It was absolutely massive. It was huge and thick, easily the biggest cock I'd ever seen, and it was still growing. It was 10 inches long, and thicker than a beer can. My balls were huge, too, hanging heavy and swollen between my legs. I'd never felt anything like it.

The sensation continued to wash over me, slowly becoming heat as I began to sweat. It felt amazing. I couldn't control myself, I was already starting to moan and groan, and the euphoria was starting to mix with my arousal. My new cock was so sensitive, and the slightest touch made it throb and pulse.

"It's starting!" Max shouted, looking at my side of the room as my clean and organized things started to transform. My desk became cluttered with bongs and pipes, and posters of the periodic table were suddenly replaced by scantily clad men. My clothes started to change, too. My formerly neat shirts were suddenly full of holes and stained with various substances. My shoes were replaced with flip flops and Crocs.

"I can't take it, man, I'm too horny, I need to kiss you, right now," Max moaned, his voice shaking with desperation. "I've been waiting for this day, dude, and I can't hold back any longer."

Before I could protest, Max leaned in and kissed me, his big, thick tongue probing my mouth. The heat was overwhelming, and his kisses were passionate and hungry. His big, rough hands began to explore my body, rubbing and stroking and caressing every inch of me. He broke away from the kiss and buried his face in my neck, licking and nibbling and kissing. He was so close, I could feel the heat from his body, and I could smell the overpowering funk of stale sweat and reeking weed. It was so powerful I almost didn't notice my feet begin to ache and the pain in my lower back.

"What's...what's happening to me, bro?" I asked, my voice breaking. "I feel...I feel like...fuck, bro, it hurts!"

"You're changing, dude," Max replied, grinning. "It's the weed. You're finally becoming one with the bud."

"Fuck, bro, I can't hold back anymore," Max moaned. He reached down and began to stroke his giant cock, pre-cum pouring from the tip. It was easily 9 inches, and his massive balls were swollen and heavy with greasy, unwashed hair.

My feet continued to ache and burn as they stretched out, becoming bigger and broader. I could feel my bones shifting and rearranging, long tufts of sweaty hair sprouting out of my feet as they morphed into giant, hairy stumps. I couldn't believe it. The changes were getting more and more intense, and it was driving me wild. I felt like I was going to explode.

"I can't take it anymore," Max groaned, his voice a husky growl. " I have to make you mine."

Without hesitation, Max grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, pushing me face-first into my mattress. His hands were rough and strong, and he easily manhandled me.

"Holy fuck, dude, your ass, it's..." Max moaned, his voice filled with lust. "It's so fucking huge."

My ass was getting bigger and rounder, and it was stretching the seat of my boxer-briefs to the limits, and I felt a sharp, sudden pain as the fabric gave way and tore, leaving my huge, jiggly, fat, bubble butt exposed.

"I'm so horny, bro" Max moaned, his voice shaky and breathy, as my ass filled with greasy, oily stink, the air thick with the musk of unwashed flesh and reeking, unwashed funk.

"You're so hot, dude. It's so hot that you're getting stoned."

"What? Bro, that's not...wait!"

"Don't worry, dude, you'll get used to it. It's just the weed talking."

"No, wait, bro, you can't..." I moaned again as my legs began to push me taller, my thighs and calves widening and thickening. My feet swelled even more, filling to a size 13, and a sudden rush of heat swept over my body.

"Fuck, dude, you're so fucking hot, man," Max groaned, his voice thick with lust, rubbing my new, tick legs as dark, swirly hair began to sprout, quickly becoming matted with the sweat of hours upon hours of mindless smoking.

"Please, bro, stop," I moaned, as my body began to shake. "I can't take it, I'm gonna...I'm gonna cum."

"Dude, that's the whole point, bro," Max replied, his voice trembling. "Just relax, and let it happen. It's gonna feel so fucking good."

"It's too much," I moaned, my cock throbbing and pulsing. "It's too intense."

"I know, dude, it's just the weed, bro. It'll feel better after you get used to it. Trust me."

I could feel the hair begin to creep onto my stomach and chest, quickly spreading and covering me in a layer of greasy, foul-smelling, sweaty body hair.

"Dude, are you seriously not feeling this, too?" I asked, my voice cracking. "Bro, I can't take it, please, just stop, it's too much."

"Dude, chill, you're fine," Max replied, flipping me back over and rubbing his hand over my new abs and thickening pecs. "Just enjoy the ride."

"Wait, no, I'm not...fuuuuck!"

The sensation was so intense, it was driving me wild. I could barely even think. My pecs were growing larger and heavier, and my nipples were swelling and darkening, the areolae growing thicker and hairier.

"Fuuuuuck, dude, you're so fucking sexy," Max groaned, grabbing a fistful of hair and giving it a sharp tug, making me moan with pleasure.

My cock was throbbing and leaking pre-cum, and I could feel the heat coming from it. My balls were swollen and heavy, and they were aching for release.

"Fuck, dude, I can't take it," Max moaned, his voice filled with desperation, shoving his face into my pit as they began to grow and deepen, quickly filling with rank, musky body odor. As he licked, my arms grew longer and wider, my biceps and triceps growing thicker and bulkier. My forearms became thicker and more defined, and my hands and fingers were getting bigger and beefier.

"Bro, it's so fucking good." Max's voice was muffled by my armpit, and I could feel his tongue lapping up the stale sweat and musk.

My arms were now completely covered in thick, greasy, matted hair, and the same was happening to my back, the swirly pattern spreading like a wildfire. My shoulders were growing larger and rounder, and I could feel the muscles shifting and rearranging.

"Please, dude, don't...I can't..."

"I can't stop, bro, you're so hot," Max moaned, his face buried in my pit. I could smell our odors mixing together as our muscular bodies writhed against each other, slick with sweat and the stinking smell of weed.

I was so turned on.

"You're so hot, bro," Max moaned, his pre-cum leaking all over the place.

"No, bro, what?" I moaned, my voice trembling. "I'm not a faggot."

"That's just the weed, dude," Max replied, his voice low and husky. "You're gonna love it."

"Please, no," I moaned, but I knew he was right. I was so turned on, and the weed was driving me wild as my neck and jaw began to fill out and widen, my Adam's apple growing into a large, meaty knob.

I moaned as my voice deepened, the vibrations reverberating through me, causing me to shiver, my speech becoming permanently relaxed, just like my roommate's.

"Fuck," Max groaned, going in for a slobbery, wet kiss, our body heat generating enough stink to make me gag.

My body was now covered in matted, swirly body hair, and it was growing thicker and greasier, the same thing happening to my chest. I could feel my pecs bulging even more as my face was being smothered in kisses and licks, my nose cracking into a previously-broken shape and the skin becoming rough and scarred.

"Oh, fuck, dude, you're so fucking hot," Max moaned, burying his face in my thick neck, his voice muffled by the hair.

"No, please, bro," I moaned, my voice cracking. "I can't take it, it's too much."

"You can do it, bro, just hold on a little longer," Max replied, his voice shaky.

My tongue grew thicker and longer, and it started to loll out of my mouth, my face cracking into model-level handsomeness. I was so turned on, and I couldn't take it anymore. My balls were throbbing and pulsing, and my cock was throbbing and pulsing.

"I'm gonna cum," I moaned, my voice deep and slow.

"Do it, bro," Max moaned, his voice trembling. "Do it, cum all over me, bro."

I felt his fingers run across my short hair, sending a shiver down my spine. My body was wracked with pleasure as I felt ropes of rancid, stinking cum shoot from my cock, splattering his chest and stomach. I couldn't control myself, I was moaning and groaning, the intense orgasm rocking my body, my new, masculine frame shaking and quivering.

With each rope, my bright green eyes became dimmer and dimmer, coloring grayer and grayer as all of my worries and stress flowed out of me, and I fell into a state of bliss, my cock still twitching and throbbing as the last change began. My hair grew longer and thicker, until it was a long, shaggy, dirty mess, and a fresh wave of fresh musk rose off me.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck," I moaned, my voice deep and slow, my tongue lolling out of my mouth.

"Fuck, dude, you're so fucking sexy," Max moaned, his voice cracking. "I can't believe it, dude. You're, like, totally a stoner now, bro."

"Haha, yeah man...wait bro, haven't I always been?" I looked at myself in the dingy dorm mirror, and realized I looked like a dumb, stoned idiot. My voice was deeper, and my accent was different. My hair was messy and unwashed, and my skin was tanned. My pecs were massive and my abs were rock hard. My cock was huge and throbbing. My feet were hairy and stinky. I had a huge, round, bubble butt.

I laughed a deep, airy chuckle.

"That's right" Max said, staring into my dull eyes. He seemed like the hottest man I had ever laid eyes on until I realized.

"I love you, dude." Max giggled.

"Yeah man, I love you, too" I slurred, leaning in for a sloppy kiss, my tongue probing his mouth, the taste of weed and sweat overwhelming. He returned the favor, and soon, we were a mess of sloppy, stoner kisses, our thick, stubbly chins rubbing together, the sound of slurping and licking filling the room.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck," I groaned, the kiss ending, both of us breathing heavy and panting, a mixture of spit dripping from our chins. "That was, like, totally amazing, dude."

"Fuck, yeah, bro, it was fucking awesome," Max groaned, his voice trembling. "I've been waiting for this for, like, ever, bro. It's fucking crazy."

"Yeah, dude, totally," I replied, staring at his gorgeous, masculine features. His big, thick arms, his perfect washboard abs, his massive pecs, and his perfect, handsome face. He was fucking hot, and he was all mine.

#stoner tf #dumber #male tf #himbo tf #muscle tf

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silkythewriter · 4 months

Note

Heyy so weird request but could you do a vox x reader who has a kinda one sided rivalry with him in the sense every time he releases tech she'll challenge herself to make a better version

Vox with a one sided rivalry with reader!

Warnings!: A tad tinne winne bit of angst!, sorry if he’s OOC! (˃̣̣̥ ^˂̣̣̥`)

Fandom!: Hazbin hotel!

Author note!: OOOOOO I haven’t written rivals to lovers in a bit! Hopefully it’s not too bad!

(￣▽￣)💧

Summary!: One sided rivalry with are favorite TV demon (ﾉ ≧∀≦)ﾉ

❤️Written by silkythewriter Do not steal or repost on any other platform please! <3.❤️

★🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮★

“In the morning, you would gone

I'd be mourning, tryin' to hold on To

the memory of your lips God,

I'm so lovesick What have you done to me?“

★🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮★

!📺✨Vox✨📺!

Devastated, like actually in greif

After YEARS of not even a single demon upon billions below in the forsaken place called hell could make a DENT in the empire he built. But then you came along! With all your Gezmos and trinkets! (He refuses to call them anything other then that)

He is insecure, no matter how much he puts a face on about not having a fear in the world. He dose, he’s terrified of being replaced or knocked off the top!

The first time you released something after he did he merely laughed. You? A small tiny little business? What idiot would do that!? Your product was most definitely gonna be looked over!

Or that is what he thought at first (ಡ‸ಡ)…

Soon he realized how quick your growth to fame was. And honestly had a melt down, who even were you?!

He makes back handed complements on his TV show like for example “and on recent news a new technology has been released by *insert your name/company name*, looks a bit cheap but it’s okay for their first time!”

Yea expect those a lot…

He’s use to company’s butting heads with him, but he always squashed them in under a day! If not less!, so he was bewildered when you just kept popping up everywhere. He doesn’t even know how. half of the channels in hell are owned or under his name! Or at least played on HIS tvs!.

And when he released a product only for the next day for it to get a bit over shadowed by yours he loses it. He immediately thinks your doing this on purpose, he thinks your doing this as a means to get his attention.

Will never admit it but he bought one just to break it outta rage but after a bit he understood the hype, will take this to his second death bed.

He’s never had a good look at you before maybe a small invention or gala for some of the highest company owners in hell. And let me tell you when this man saw you he was shocked, it took velvet to snap her fingers for him to get out of his trans-like-state. He’s more embarrassed then he’s ever been, not only are your products prove to be a good runner up to his but you were making min lose his breath.

He didn’t wanna believe at first before velvet confirmed it to him.

And may i say, the minute you glanced at him and gave him a charming smile while waving your hand at him with a small glint of pride in your eyes, he actually had a system crashed screen as his whole system rebooted.

It wouldn’t be long till you made your way over to him trying to introduce yourself(•̀ᴗ•́)و

Honestly he couldn’t think straight until you excused yourself to talk to another business owner. He dosent understand, for all the years he’s been dead how is his heart beating so fast for you?

In denial about any feelings towards you, it can’t be! He despises you !, right?

Takes him a bit to work up the courage to talk to you again, as he introduced himself properly with as much passive aggressive charm he could muster. Only to be confused at your sweet yet passive aggressive smile as you shook his hand with such care

How can someone be so competitive yet so sweet?

We’re you trying to woo him on purpose!?(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

He didn’t understand even though he knew your intent, and the underlying nature in your interaction. He still found it charming, and shocking at you technical level and marking tactics. He isn’t happily impressed, but he is definitely impressed, he would never show that though of course.

It always seemed no matter how much of a short time between releases you always managed to make it better he just didn’t understand how!. How did you have such short time to perfect something that he’s been working at for months!

He soon realizes out shinning you or squashing you business wasn’t gonna work. You guys were too evenly matched, it would be through pure luck that one of you would out shine the other one day and not the next. So he did the best next thing, purposed a business deal (quite reluctantly might I add)

To just merge company’s he knew your rise wouldn’t falter anytime soon.

At first you felt like this was a trick, to steal your soul or take you out while your walls were down. But he quickly explained it’d be easier to just have you work on things and share the profit (surprise, surprise)

Now you can decide weather you accept or not!

But after that meeting he would call you over for many more strictly for business meetings! Definitely not just desperate to spend time with you or anything

Even when you proposed to just, email, or text, he still declined saying he found it easier to say what he needed out loud. Definitely…. (≖ᴗ≖✿)

Sooner or later you’d catch on, or some people on the news would gossip of your “secret affairs”

You would soon confront him about this, and let me tell you this man is decent at standing under pressure in some if not most situations expect this one.

I feel like he wouldn’t admit it till MANY months later cause he’s just that stubborn

He just hates it, he hates your stupid smile, the way you make his stomach do back flips, the small glint of happiness and pride when your product is loved and bought by the millions. He hates the smile you keep even if at a rivalry with him. He hates everything about you, he hates it, he hates it so much he ends up realizing he loves it.

Yea he is one complicated man….

But once he finally admits it, and you end up giving it a shot. This guy would try to act like he wasn’t about to shut down, like his inner fans and vents weren’t about to self implode, he’d act cool and collected about it but behind closed doors he’s quite literally smiling like a dope

NOW if this were released to the public, the mess that would ensue is scandals upon scandals.

I mean! Imagine the head lines! “Two of hells most biggest company rivals now together?!”

News is fast to spreed lemme tell you that

I feel like he would rather have the relationship private but if it got out…let’s just say he wouldn’t stop it either per say (¬‿¬)

Overall! I feel like even if it was a one sided rivalry I feel like it would quickly turn to both of you butting heads. Cause to out shine the king of tech himself is quite the challenge, and you being able to do that says a lot!, he’ll be holding a grudge even into a relationship and still would get competitive here to there he would definitely still study your work to see how you improve so fast!. Still in the end of the day he’ll still dote on you behind close doors!

ପ(๑•̀ᴗ-♡ॢ)⋆*✩

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WOWZA THAT WAS ALOT OH MY GOSH

ヘ（。□°）ヘ

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!, I haven’t written rivals to lover plot in a bit BUT MY GOSH NESS ITS VERY FUN TO PLAY AROUND WITH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING PLEASE COME AGAIN! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

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obsessedvibee · 2 months

Text

Can't Sleep

MDNI, 18+, NSFW

Pairing: Austin Butler x reader

Warnings: lots of dirty talk, m. masturbation, f. masturbation, humping a pillow

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Austin is in Paris promoting Dune part 2 and he can't sleep in his hotel. He calls his girl to chat and things get dirty real fast. Phone sex ensues.

Authors Note: It's been way too long since I've written for Austin. Something about imagining him rubbin' one out just does something to me. So I thought I'd make everyone else suffer too. You're welcome. Comments & reblogs appreciated!

Enjoy!

He tossed the remote to the other side of the bed defeatedly. Flipping through the few channel options on the hotel tv could only entertain him for so long. Looking over at the clock the red number taunted him showing 4am. Being up for the last almost 36 hours would tire out most people but his body wouldn’t let go of consciousness. The jet lag certainly wasn’t helping either. His thoughts flickered to her. Doing the math in his head; she’d only be at 10pm in New York with Paris being six hours ahead. She should be home from work now. Finished with dinner.

He reached for his phone, quickly finding her in his contacts, before pressing it to his ear. The line crackled before it began to ring. His fingers mindlessly played with the string from the waistband of his sweats as he waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?”

Her voice sounded small and distant through the line and he hated it.

“Y/N, hi,” he rasped.

“Hi.”

A bit of rustling sounded on the other end as she sat up from the couch she was more than likely dosing off on.

“You sound tired,” he said, suddenly feeling guilty, “I should let you sleep.”

“No, no it’s fine,” she assured him, “I think I’m more bored than tired.”

He knew she was lying. She’d fallen asleep on that couch so many times when he’s home with her. Never being able to finish a whole movie without hearing her soft snores as she slept.

He was a little jealous if he was being honest with himself. He was never one of those people that could just pass out as soon as they close their eyes. Even more so if it wasn’t his own bed.

“Have you slept at all since you left?”

He sighed, “no.”

“Aus,” she said sympathetically.

He ran a hand over his face.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

He hummed, “tell me about your day.”

And she did. From her drive to work to how much the phone rang, how her boss had gotten on her nerves, what she got for lunch, how her feet hurt from her new heels she bought the other day, her drive home, how she had to go back out to get chicken for dinner from the grocery store that she forgot to get yesterday. Every detail she rambled on about, but he didn’t mind. It made him feel less alone. Less like he was on the other side of the world.

“Hey, Austin?”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna set you down for a sec, I gotta pee.”

He chuckled, “m'kay.”

He heard the clank of her setting the phone down, and he pulled his phone away from him for a minute checking the time. 4:30. At least the time was moving a little faster now.

Putting the phone on speaker, he checked a few emails while he waited when his phone chimed, with her name coming across the banner with a new text.

Leave it to her to text the person she’s currently chatting with.

Clicking on the banner, his phone swapped apps to the text.

But it wasn’t a text.

His heart rate rose as his eyes took in the photo.

She was posed in their bathroom mirror with a black lingerie set he’d never seen her in before. Her phone was in one hand snapping the photo while the other had her thumb through the waistband of her panties teasingly tugging them lower down her hip, hardly leaving anything to the imagination. Her breasts were barely contained in the bra, the cups hardly coming up over her nipples, her flesh pushed together creating ample cleavage.

He swallowed thickly as he felt the warmth of blood rush to his groin.

“You still there, Aus?” She asked feigning innocence.

He cleared his throat, “yea- yea.” He took a deep breath. “What are you-?”

He didn’t have a ton of words flying around in his head given the normal amount of blood that was in his brain was now being utilized elsewhere.

She giggled, “you need a little help getting to sleep, yeah? So I thought I’d give ya a little help.”

God, what did he do to deserve such an angel?

“Right now?”

Was this for now or after she hung up? This was new territory for the both of them.

“If you want?”

He felt her back tracking and he scrambled to steer the conversation back to the desired destination.

“Shit, yeah- yeah,” he shifted on the bed propping some pillows to lean back on as he rested his hand over his semi in his pants giving a little squeeze. “Are you- are you touching yourself?”

He heard her inhale before speaking, “should I be?”

“Please,” he almost whispered.

He ground his teeth, waiting for any sound from her. Something to feed his imagination. He lightly ran the back of his fingers over the tent in his pants, keeping his nerves on end.

A small moan sounded into his ear, and he immediately began to work himself with her.

His heart was pounding already, imagining her with her legs open on the couch, her hand working herself over her panties.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he breathed, his fingers slipping under the waistband of his sweats.

She struggled to find her voice. She took a breath, “you.”

“Yeah?” He worked at tugging down his pants. “What about me?”

“Aus,” she chuckled nervously, “I- I- don’t know if I can do this.”

He situated himself, slowly wrapping his hand around his length, giving her a moment. She always got a little shy with talking filthy.

Not willing to let the mood wane, he chose to take the lead. “I gotcha, just keep your hands busy for me.”

He heard her begin shuffling around before getting settled.

He sighed lazily, beginning to stoke himself, lightly squeezing on his upstroke. His thumb swiped the tip collecting the bead of precum, spreading it around.

“’m so hard for you right now,” he murmured huskily, his voice heavy with arousal watching his tip disappear into his fist.

A little whimper escaped her, rewarding his words, and boosting his ego.

Letting his eyes close, his mind began to tease him with images of her. Her smooth skin, her hair splayed out behind her. Was she starting slow and gentle?

A sharp inhale brought him back to the present.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. A soft moan followed, melting through the phone into his ear. “I just had to take everything off.”

He couldn't help but quicken his strokes as the sudden image of her legs spread, and center bare on their couch overtook his thoughts.

“Wanted to get more comfortable.”

“Fuck-, are you wet?”

She hummed, “so wet.”

Hearing her pleasured sounds were going to be his undoing.

“Put a finger in for me,” he coaxed her.

“Oh-“ she sighed heavily, “Austin.”

His cock throbbed, imagining how warm and tight she must feel. Her glistening folds wrapping around her little finger.

“Keep talking, Aus.”

He bit his lip as a smug smile threatened to appear. He had her right where he needed her.

“Don’t forget about my girls up top,” he spoke, “give ‘em a little attention for me.”

A full moan left her lips, making his cock twitch. He could practically feel her breaths on his ear. His mind kept conjuring up one filthy image after another. One hand in her pussy, the other groping her breast. Forcing his hand to pause, he squeezed at the base as the sudden urge to release overwhelmed him.

As he willed his heart to slow and the pleasured throbbing in his cock to weaken, a bunch of commotion sounded on her line. He listened intently as it quieted and a rhythmic sound started to come through. He reached down to massage his balls, swallowing thickly, “baby?”

A short whine came from her, sounding distant, before she shuffled the phone closer to her panting mouth, “are you close?”

He let his head fall back into the pillows with a huffed laugh, letting his fingers lightly play at the little sensitive spot under the head. “Just waiting on you, darling.”

He began stroking in rhythm with the sounds coming from her, his limbs tightening as the pleasure began to burn in his pelvis once more, “tell me what you’re doing.”

“I got a pillow-” she gasped, “-between my legs.”

His hips jerked, the primal urge to thrust breaking through his conscious.

“”You ridin’ it, like you do me?” He panted.

She couldn't even manage to string a sentence together anymore, a groan being her only reply.

“Cum with me baby, in 3-,” he began counting them down, “2-,”

Her whines were high causing goosebumps to cover his flesh, his fist flying impossibly quick over his shaft. He never thought further than her using her hand to pleasure herself, but imagining her grinding herself onto a pillow would be a fantasy he would be coming back to many times in the future, he was sure of it.

“Aus,” she cried, desperate for him to put an end to the agony.

“Cum for me,” he growled; a white heat flooding his pelvis.

A squeak was all he heard from her as she climaxed, and his cock suddenly became impossibly harder as the buzz in his veins shot through his tip. His head pressed deep into the pillows as his body tensed as his climax took hold. White spurted over his abdomen as he grunted like an animal with every lurch his cock gave, draining his seed, relieving his desire.

Relaxing his body, he quickly was left limp as he tried to catch his breath.

Minutes passed as they both regained a normal breathing rate.

He picked up the phone, taking it off of speaker, “thank you, baby.”

It wasn't long after they hung up that he was able to finally fall into a sweet sleep.

Need some more Austin smut? Check out my other works! > Masterlist

#austin butler #austin butler smut #austin x reader

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p4r4no1danarchist · 5 months

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Basically, why it isn't a dream is during the merge, the timeline? Basically, reset itself to balance all the new energy out so when Lloyd stopped the merge, he soft reset the universe. Now he just thinks it's a dream because that's the only logical answer in his head.

(also a song I think works well for this au)

When he finally wakes up, memories of the show and all, he finds himself in the body of a teenager going to a brand-new high school, and now, he's on a mission to find his friends and hope they also have a memory of this. The best part? He has a whole new family, their good but they aren't his family. The only person he recognizes in his "real" family, is their family friend and local weirdo, the madwoman, the myth, the legend, Mystake. And much to Lloyd's shock, and suspicion, she starts to make subtle references to Lloyd's "dream".

For example;

- Using incense Lloyd knows Wu and Garmadon (sensei Garmadon specifically) both used to use in his "dream”.

- Giving Lloyd word for word advice that she would have definitely given Lloyd before if not advice she gave, advice she “heard from somewhere else” that sounds similar to stuff Lloyd heard from Wu

- Giving him tea to help him relax and saying it was a gift from someone Lloyd knows very well

- She knows stuff about Lloyd even before he actually introduces himself to her

- Making small jokes about how Lloyds reflexes should be better than they are currently

- She makes a small remark about how she was sure Lloyd had green eyes, not grey

You get the idea, my point is, Lloyd starts to think Mystake may remember the dream too.

Which gives Lloyd hope he can make his friends remember too. The only problem now?

Lloyd has to find them, which is no easy feat because people know him as the kid who hangs around the local weird person of their town.

The first of the bunch he befriended? Definitely Jay; why? Because Lloyd remembers how he won Jay over the first time, comic books. So, when Jay was reading a starfighter comic book Lloyd walked over and asked him about it.

Jay was nervous of Lloyd at first but soon grew to be great friends with him after that. After that, Jay introduced Lloyd to Cole, Zane, and Pixal. Through already knowing his friends inside and out in his “dream”, he won over each one easily by playing his cards right.

Cole? All it took was showing he was truly a good person and wanted to help people, which was easy to prove when Lloyd kept pushing bullies away from his friends.

Pixal? He took an interest in her robotics club and helped raise money for a fundraiser the robotics club was hosting.

Zane? He kinda just befriended after meeting Pixal and hitting it off because Lloyd knew how to treat Zane like he's a person.

During that fundraiser he grew closer to his “new friends” and started to be happier and hope he may be able to remind them of who they used to be.

He became friends with Nya after defending a few people from some bullies; the head of those bullies though? Kai.

(What? You think I'd make an au without a healthy dose of RGB sibling angst? You were fooled then insert evil cartoon laughter here😈)

Which made Lloyd's heartache seeing one of the kindest people he used to know, bully and mock weaker people. But Lloyd tries to persevere and befriend Kai, to no avail until one day Lloyd sees Kai nearly get caught by a teacher for smoking. And Lloyd, being Lloyd, saves Kai from getting caught, instead taking the blame saying he's the one who was smoking, not Kai. Kai is shocked when Lloyd saves him and starts to try and treat Lloyd like a friend… By trying to get Lloyd to join him and his goons. Lloyd, not wanting to betray his friends, but also wanting to have his big brother back starts to have a hard time balancing both comfortably.

So, what does he do? He tries to balance both anyway of course! Up until he burns out and goes missing for a week, worrying everyone involved until they hear a rumour that he's staying at Mystake’s house. Nya, Cole, Jay, Zane, and Pixal all go to check on Lloyd, but Kai doesn't, he thinks Lloyd is abandoning him for weirdos and has none of that.. Until he gets a bad feeling (he can't tell what he's feeling, but don't worry everyone, it's just his conscience coming back and making him feel guilty.) for not going to see Lloyd, so he begrudgingly goes to see Lloyd.

Meanwhile; Lloyd is just trying to take a break emotionally after not being able to balance his social life very well.

So, seeing all his friends together, and at each other's throats again, he starts to break down in tears, wanting so badly to go back to his “dream”, where at least his friends were happy together as one big family.

He remembers every detail of his “dream” so much so that seeing who he once saw as family, wanting to fight and argue again, hurts him.

Kai sees Lloyd crying first and grimaces, walking over to Lloyd he hugs Lloyd to comfort him, much to everyone's surprise Lloyd hugs back and cries harder.

Everyone stops arguing and goes to comfort Lloyd until he falls asleep from exhaustion in a group hug.

Once asleep Lloyd finds himself in a weird room that looks like it's a part of Wu’s monastery, looking around on the walls he sees paintings of each of his friends' elements, but each painting is covered in tinted glass boxes. Lloyd tries to uncover the paintings but has no luck, making him feel defeated.

So instead, he tries to leave the room, walking over to the door at the end of the hallway, he tries to open it; and to his shock, it works. Walking out of the weird room he finds himself in Wu’s monastery again, the familiar scent of incense leading him down the halls and into Wu’s library.

He sees the incense stick burning but no one's in the room. Walking over Lloyd sees scrolls sprawled out across the dark oak table in a language he used to understand but now seems like gibberish to him.

It makes Lloyd’s heart ache knowing he can't understand Wu's writing anymore.

(Ngl, I feel like Wu just has horrible handwriting for things that only he'll understand, it's to keep the ninja from snooping.)

After a while he leaves Wu's library and finds himself wandering into where Misako and Garmadons bedroom used to be, on the bedside table of Misako's bed, he finds a photo of him and sensei Garmadon during Christmas hanging up lights on a Christmas tree.

Lloyd leaves the room soon after seeing the photo, and with each room he enters after that, the more grief he feels because he misses his family. As he walks around more, he gets frustrated over the life he had 'lived' in his "dream" and how he can't go back to it, how he can't go back to his family and friends.

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doctorhelena · 4 months

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Hi @theawkwardterrier!

I’m your @steggyfanevents Steggy Secret Santa this year, and in true Steggy fashion (and in my own personal tradition for the past few years), I'm late. 😂😩

The good news is that I have a fully completed draft of a story I think you'll enjoy, and editing is progressing well! The bad news is that it's quite a bit longer than I'd intended (I really thought I’d come up with a short, self-contained idea this year! 😭) so editing is taking a little longer than I’d hoped, and even with the extension I'm not quite going to make it. But I really, really hope I’ll have it for you very soon!

In the meantime, please accept this short preview excerpt.

Context: Post-Endgame Steve has received a short and uninformative "I need an emergency lift ASAP" phone call from Peggy (who didn't kiss him hello when she got in the car because the lipstick she's wearing would make that a bad idea.)

-------

The lipstick was another thing he wasn’t exactly jealous about. Peggy had been a spy long before Steve had met her, and he’d always known that, thanks to the Sweet Dreams knockout lipstick Howard had made for her, kissing unsavory individuals was sometimes the most efficient way to do her job. And he understood that there was a difference, for her, between kissing for personal and professional reasons. Still, he didn’t particularly like to think about it actually happening, and Peggy always looked a little guilty, and then annoyed at herself for feeling guilty, whenever the topic came up.

To top it all off, Howard, unprompted, had recently developed two further prototypes: Forget Me Not, making the recipient of a kiss forget everything that had happened in the past half day, and Always Be True, containing a truth serum that lasted for about five to six hours, at Howard’s best guess.

“At your best guess?” Steve had asked him when he’d brought it over. Howard had shrugged unrepentantly. “I’ll have a better idea after Peg gathers some data from the field.” He’d proceeded to cheerfully ignore Steve’s patented Captain America look of reproach, while Mr. Jarvis had simply shaken his head wearily in the background.

Peggy, too, had regarded the new lipsticks with a healthy dose of suspicion - and Steve, having heard the story of her adventures with Howard’s ‘Bad Babies’, understood why. But the fact was that Howard was generally pretty reliable once he’d declared an invention ready for action, and Steve knew that Peggy now kept all three in her bag along with her regular lipstick, having had Howard mark the different tubes with a series of notches and grooves so that she could easily tell them apart by feel.

“What happened?” he asked her now, as he slowed the car to a stop and waited for a truck to pass on the cross street. It was snowing a bit harder now, and he could afford to drive more cautiously now that he knew Peggy was safe.

“Howard Stark,” Peggy said with great exasperation. “I’ve ruined my chances at getting vital information from the arrogant ass I’ve been unpleasantly cultivating for weeks now, because Howard Stark is a bloody idiot.”

#fanfic #preview #steggysecretsanta #steggy #my fic #peggy carter #steve rogers

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lesbiangummybearmafia · 2 months

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Ok I don't know if anyone else did this, like me didn't bother to check the internet first. I decide I was going to watch the new CBS series Tracker because I heard Mary's in it. I'm in middle of third episode thinking it pretty ok show not really mine thing over all, especially if I don't get to Mary soon. So I pause the show, take Google to see who she plays and what episode she'll show up in...

Only to find out she's not attached to show any longer 😭!! And the character she was to play was the Tracker's mom. So to say I'm sad is understatement because I was looking forward to seeing her again maybe every so offen on a series. I really miss not getting a weekly dose of Mary!!

So for anyone else that didn't get the memo like me. Mary McDonnell is NOT on the Tracker!! They really need to take her off the cast line up on Google!! It's confusing!

But I wish she was on it but as one of his handlers. (Sorry little spoilers to anyone that hasn't watched the show yet.) Because their a lesbian couple, I'd love to finally see Mary play a lesbian. 😍 Also because their in every episode!

#no mary on the tracker #i just found out #little slow on information i am #mary mcdonnell #not on the tracker #for everyone like me #tracker cbs #im so sad

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floralegia · 1 year

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thinking about steddie childhood friends AU

So I love the enemies-to-lovers nature of Steddie, like, deeply in my soul, but also I love to invert things so my brain kept turning this concept over in my head and now here we are.

So, I'm seeing like... Steve somehow ends up out of his parents' supervision as a, like, let's say nine-year-old, or something like that. I kind of see Steve in general as the kind of kid who probably didn't have a lot of friends until middle/high school? I can't explain this vibe, but to me the whole latchkey kid thing kind of lends itself to not really having many friends in elementary school, you know, until such a time as being a rich jock is something the other kids really start to take notice of. I don't know, I'm spitballing.

So that Steve -- a Steve who is basically, like, horrifically lonely, but is too young to even really fully grasp his own loneliness -- ends up wandering around a park in Hawkins on his lonesome on a too-hot, too-sticky summer day, when most of the other kids are too smart to be outside in the late-afternoon sun, when it's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.

Except. There is one other kid there. He's kind of just lurking on a piece of playground equipment, sulking, limbs dangling -- he looks like he must have had a hell of a recent growth spurt, all tall and spindly. He has a frankly ugly buzzcut, patchy and scraggly, and he has this look on his face like he'd probably punch anyone who tried to talk to him.

So, obviously, Steve goes over to try and talk to him.

(What Steve dose not know: this is an Eddie Munson who is waiting at this stupid park because his uncle is in the law office up the block, trying to make sure he's gonna be okay to keep custody since Eddie's dad is in prison and his mom is long gone, and Eddie had gotten too twitchy and mutinous and started pulling leaves off the plants in the waiting room, and so Wayne had asked-but-really told him that maybe he'd have a better time waiting at the park, and Wayne'd come get him just as soon as he was done with the suits.)

Hawkins is small enough that Steve's able to pretty confidently say, "I don't know you," meaning it as a sort of "oh, you must be new in town, what's your name?" Except Eddie, obviously bristles, and says, "What, are you the king of this shitty place?"

That kind of impresses Steve, because frankly not a lot of kids he knows would swear like that, and it's enough to inspire him to plunk himself down on the merry-go-round mere inches from this stranger.

"Of course not," he says, and doesn't miss but doesn't quite understand the look Eddie gives him, the way he takes in Steve's neatly pressed little rich-kid outfit, so different from Eddie's worn-out, too-big hand-me-down shirt and jeans with holes in the knees so big they're really more hole than pant at this point and his shoes that are held together with duct tape on the sole. "I'm Steve."

He stares at Eddie so long and so expectantly that eventually, begrudgingly, he gets a mumbled "Eddie" in return.

"Eddie," Steve repeats, nodding like it's somehow meaningful, then tilts his head at him. "You are new, though, right?" When Eddie just narrows his eyes, he presses, "Did you just move to Hawkins?"

That's too close to the quick, and Eddie just scowls at him. "What does it matter to you?"

Steve shifts a little, taken aback, but he's relatively undeterred. "Nothing, I guess. I'm just curious, 'cause I'm pretty sure I'd remember if I'd seen you before."

And Eddie wants to bristle and spit at that too, wants to take it as a sneering insult without stopping to think, but -- there's something a little to wide-eyed and earnest about Steve's expression, about the way he's smiling just a little, almost tentative. About the way he's still sitting so close, hasn't shifted away at all, even though Eddie's still glaring at him like he might start throwing punches any second now.

So, eventually, he relents.

"'m new," he grudgingly assents, shifting a little in place. The bare skin of his leg brushes the blazing-hot metal of the merry-go-round through one of the holes in his jeans, and he winces, automatically dragging his knee up to his chest defensively.

Steve winces in sympathy, then drags his foot against the ground, digging a trail in the dirt with the toe of his shoe. "That's cool," he says. He hesitates for a long moment, in which Eddie shoots him a mildly suspicious look, before he says, with a commendable degree of faux-casual smoothness for a nine-year-old kid, "So, I guess you don't really know many people in town, then?"

Eddie, bright for his age and already way too used to parsing the things people say to figure out what it is they want from him, narrows his eyes. "No," he says, very slowly. "I mean, I don't know anyone."

It's the right thing to say, apparently, because Steve perks up immediately. The smile that transforms his face in the next heartbeat is so bright it puts the sun to shame.

"That's not true," he says, and reaches across the no-man's-land between them to gently sock Eddie on the arm. "Now you know me."

And Eddie -- even with every dark thought swirling in the back of his mind, all the shit with his dad and his uncertainty about moving in with his uncle and the knowledge that he's alone here in Hawkins, that he's going to be the odd one out and there's nothing he can do about it -- finds he isn't capable of resisting that smile. He tries, he really does, but after a few seconds of fierce internal struggle, he ends up smiling right back. It's tentative, a little shaky, and it shows off his chipped front tooth, but it's a smile all the same.

"I guess so," he says, and he won't understand for a long time yet why it makes butterflies dance in his stomach.

#mine #steddie #stranger things #maybe this will be a real life fic one day! who knows. not me

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imstillhere-butallislost · 11 months

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1 Year On Testosterone, Androgel Timeline Update

June 10th marks my 1 year on testosterone, and although this post is probably posted after that date, I thought i'd make a big 1 year update on my timeline on (low dose) androgel. Here you'll find my thoughts on using gel instead of shots, my current and future transition plans ,thoughts on still not passing one year on T, and my full timeline of changes. I imagine this will be a very long post, so buckle up. Feel free to ask or DM me any questions

My starting dose in June of 2022 was 1 pump of 1% androgel daily, which has 12.5mg of testosterone. In December of 2022 my dose was upped to 2 pumps of the same gel, so 25mg of testosterone applied daily. The gel has the same consistency as hand sinitizer and dries within 20 or so seconds when applied. The gel has risk of transferring to other people or harming pets, especially within that first hour of applying. If you go on gel, be careful about tranfering it to people who might not want extra testosterone in their system. That being said, one year on androgel, and I have had no issues with tranfering the gel to other people or harming my 2 cats and dog. I started off applying the gel to my left upper arm and shoulder, but occasionally switched to my right arm and shoulder, but recently have been applying the gel to my abdomen

Now onto the timeline part

The immediate and most impactful effect was the change testosterone had on my mood. I struggled with depression for all of my life, and suddenly that was just gone. One year on T, and I am happy (as well as EXTREMELY surprised) to say that I don't have depression anymore. I have a lot more energy, I'm rarely sad these days, let alone depressed. This won't be the case for everone, but it was the case for me. 4 days on testosterone I was flexing as I passed mirrors, not proud of that

one. I also noticed that my general body temperature went up, I have bad circulation so my hands used to always be cold, and that has lessened. Also within the first

month, I noticed increased hair growth. Stomach hair, and also hair where I applied the gel on my arm. Just a little bit more, but noticable. My labido went up a lot, like it was insane. I was able to gain muscle mass easier. I started growing hair on my thighs, which I never had before. I also noticed a small amount of facial hair growth.

Not many more changes happened until my dose was upped in December, because I was started on a really, low dose and still am on a fairly low dose. after getting my dose upped to 2 pumps of gel, I did start actually noticing bottom growth, but looking back i'm sure I did have some amount of bottom growth before December, but it definitely got more noticable when the dose was upped. Around mid February, my voice had some drastic changes. The median of my voice used to be 190-200hz, and now it's 130-140hz. Technically in the "male range", but I still don't think my voice passes, maybe it's androgynous. The voice drop was rather sudden, although not extremely drastic. I had to sort of learn how to speak properly again without my voice cracking, not being used to the new range. Before my voice even got lower, I knew it was going to drop soon because I noticed it just couldnt go higher like it used too. My voice drop started with losing the higher range rather then going lower. I've noticed that my body fat has I think begun to redistribute, I hold a lot of fat in my stomach rather then hips. I never dealt with much acne on my face, but my back around the left shoulder where I first applied my testosterone has a lot of acne. Hair growth has continued, which honestly has been one of my favourite things. I never thought i'd have such a strong attachment to stomach hair. I still have my period, which absolutely sucks.

Thoughts On Not Passing One Year On T

I'm still not where I want to be one year on T, and that is a little bit hard on me. I'm not saying I regret it, because testosterone is the best thing that has ever happened for me, but it's a special kind of hurt seeing other people with the same timeline that i'm on that pass while I still don't. which is exactly why I think I wanted to add this part in here. I still don't pass as male, while being one year on T. I think maybe starting T made me feel more present in my body, which is good, but also led me to have to really face all of the dysphoria and issues I have with myself. I used to be able to ignore it by dissociating, without even realizing that that's what I was doing. Being misgendered has just begun to hurt more, because now it feels like a failure on my part (or my bodys part) because I can get angry, asking myself why after a year on tesosterone I still am not passing. It leaves me afraid, I think. Maybe I always testosterone was THE thing I needed and then i'd pass consistently after just a couple of months, but that just didn't happen for me. I assumed that it would just be easy. I think that has to do a lot with the culture when I came out. People didn't share timelines if they were unhappy or non passing, or if they did they were laughed off the internet. This is because I started questioning my gender around 2016, and came out in early 2018, where "SJW TRANS CRINGE COMPILATION" was like... the norm on YouTube.

People shared a lot less of their struggles in fear of being lumped into that and being harassed, or they just felt like maybe during those times the passing trans people should take the stage because it was easier for cis people to digest and understand. I don't blame anyone for not sharing the hard parts of their medical transition, because this is very personal stuff and people will question you if you say youre not 1000% happy to be where you are, but i'm glad that I see more people talking about not being satisfied with how their transition is going, and how they still don't pass X amount of time into being on testosterone. It's nice to see posts and videos and timeline updates like that. These things take different amount of times for different people, and that's alright.

It's hard, but I'm alright with it. The fact that I am where I am at all is something i never thought i'd get to at all. I'm proud to be where I am, when I think about it.

Testosterone has helped me greatly. I'm a happy person now, happiest i've ever been, and I see a future for myself now. A very happy one. Without even passing, testosterone has helped me so much. Just internally. I don't know how much of my happiness comes from just having consistent hormone levels everyday, or if my depression was just all a manifestation of background dysphoria that is being directly treated by hormone therapy now.

On Gel Vs. Shots and Dosage

I'm not really sure what made me decide to take gel rather than the shots, but I was adment on gel. I don't know how I feel about that decision in the long run.

For cons about the gel, it's expensive.

Around $200CAD every 2 months. It's really hard without insurance. I don't think my changes have been slow because of gel,

just because of my low dose. It's hard to contact my endo, and they even sent bloodwork paper to the wrong location, so generally it's been a bit hard to get my dose upped. I also started T as a minor (17) so that is specifically why I was kept on a low dose to start with. I'm assuming that now that i'm an adult, it will be easier to get my dosage upped. Being on the gel I also kind of feel, not left out, but not really a part of the classic transmasc doing their T shot experience, which I did always assume i'd do when I was 12-13 and I first came out because I didn't know gel was an option. These days, there's more talk of gel and patches, which I think is definitely good for people exploring their testosterone options.

For pros of gel, consistant hormone levels daily is very very good for me I find. There's no big spikes and low lows like there would be with weekly or biweekly shots, it's just daily consistent levels. I can feel kind of bad if I miss a day of gel, which i'm unsure if that is caused by me mentally knowing that I don't have testosterone for that day. or if that's actually just due to not having the regular hormones that I get daily. This is one of the reasons Why i'm unsure about switching to shots despite the expense of the gel. I don't think I would do good at all with such major fluctuations to my hormone levels, and it's not something I really want to play around with in fear of my mental health declining again with big hormone fluctuations like that. I also like the little daily routine of putting on gel everyday, it fits into my routine well and I feel i'm more likely to remember a daily routine rather then weekly or biweekly

I think often about maybe switching to shots, but I just don't know if the increased risk to my mental health with big hormone fluctiations is at all worth it.

I'm hoping to ask my endo about 1.62% gel and if its available in my area, because it has a higher concentration of testosterone and one pump would nearly be my current dose of 2 pumps of 1% gel, so id need to refill it the same amount of time for a bigger dose, instead of doing 3 pumps of the 1% gel, which I would need to refill more frequently which would cost more money more often.

Uncertainty of Medical Transition

This may be a shock considering i've been talking about how much medical transition has helped me, but I want sure if I even wanted to go on testosterone at all at one point. I've been out for from ages 12-18, and flip flopped on what I wanted many times. I knew I wanted to be on testosterone when I first came out, but that waned with time. I think after being out for so long without medical internevntion, the idea seemed so far away, I sort of let myself believe that it would never be able to happen. I let myself believe that maybe I didn't want to medically transition, becuase it was easier then addressing the fact that it would take a lot of time and it would be a hard process that I didnt know how to start it. It was a hard, confusing process to get hRT as a minor. There want just a quick guide for my area that I could find, if there was one at all it was in the depths of a website that hadnt been updated in a decade and was hard to traverse. I was at the appointment to get my perscription, uncertain about it. I took the step anyway, holding on to that sliver of hope that maybe I could actually have that life I dreamed of as a child

It turns out that going on testosterone was the best decision i've ever made. I'm glad, and i'm very lucky, that I stepped into the unknown.

The Future of My Transition

I'm largely happy, hoping that my testosterone dose gets upped again soon. I'm hoping to actually start passing with an upped dose, too.

I'm in the process for top surgery, which is another thing I thought could NEVER happen to me. So far out of reach, for more fortunate people, but this month i'm going to be sending all my forms in to see if my top surgery can get covered. I could have top surgery within the year. I have never been more happy in my entire life.

I think that's really all, My life is going good. I'm generally happy with my medical transition, despite not being exactly at the point where I want to be, but every single day gets a little bit easier for me. Feel free to look back on some of my other update posts, which i'm sure go more in depth, and of course ask me any questions. I'm happy to share, I know timelines on gel are a little bit harder to find.

If anybody is reading this who is considering testosterone, debating gel, or early on testosterone and trying to map out what their future will look like, I want to say hi hi hi hello. You'll be alright. You'll figure it out. You can not medically transition ever. or do it later in your life, or go on testosterone and then go off if you decide it isn't right for you. I genuinely believe that everything will all work out. Take your time, enjoy your life, there is community out there for you.

#testosterone update #testosterone #testosterone timeline #androgel #t gel #testosterone gel #1 year on t #low dose testosterone #ftm #transmasc #trans man #gay transmasc #I think that's all the tags I need #feel very free to share

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y2kvictim · 4 months

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i don't know if i have ADHD or not. one doctor said yeah, one said nah. i don't like the one that said nah for other reasons, but that doesn't mean she's wrong. i do fit almost all the main criteria of inattentive-type, but i don't know how much of that is a result of autism or chronic treatment-resistant depression or DID, three diagnoses i'm much more sure of.

i'd like to say it doesn't matter, but it sort of does in this specific case? like, regardless of my opinions of diagnostic bullshit (and i have a lot of them), stimulants do help, and they really only give those out for ADHD. i'm getting a new med provider soon, and i'm somewhat troubled on if i should be honest and see what they think, or if i should intentionally play up the ADHD angle to ensure they actually give me meds.

like. i would love to hear a professional opinion on what's going on in my noggin. not many opportunities for that, y'know? understanding my self/ves better is a constant goal, so i do appreciate outside perspectives. even if i don't agree with their conclusions, it's valuable insight to how i'm perceived by others.

... but. more importantly than that, i would like to continue having stable income. that requires being able to do my job. which requires focus + energy. and, most of the time, that requires (a therapeutic dose of) stimulants. in a perfect world, that need + my experience with the med would be respected regardless of my diagnoses - but that's not the world we live in.

i guess that's the crux of the issue with psychiatry for me. the person deciding what medicine i should take is not me, or even the therapist who sees me weekly, it's a separate med provider who sees me for 5-15 minutes every 3 months. that's one hour per year at most. i... truly don't understand how or why i would be expected to take that sort of opinion seriously no matter what degree they have, you know? and it's just that, opinion; the "tests" they've given me in med offices have almost universally been available as free screeners accessible online with simple google searches.

i don't know. i just hate the whole system. everything that could be good about it is gated behind either dumb luck or privilege. i guess that could describe pretty much everything under capitalism, though

#talk #grumbling about the psychiatric system again

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lynxgirlpaws · 5 months

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Okay here's mom stuff. Sorry for clogging your dash with sad Shit I'll be funny again soon

I'll. Never forget one of the last experiences with my mom I had. It was a long day in the hospital room. The one I'd been visiting or staying the night in for like a week or two. Every day. I'd wake up, go to the hospital, keep her company and then go back to my. Friend's. House. It was... Nice, I suppose. Like, as nice as the final stretch before death can get. Other than the nurses ignoring requests or whatever, it was. Peaceful i guess? There was this one super sweet nurse that got me Doritos and Soda one time. I hope she's doing well. Anyways, it was always peaceful... Although ma' was. Kinda slowly losing it. See, the doctors put her on morphine. She distinctly did not want it. She, a family friend and I all insisted on the painkiller that worked at home but. They just kept upping morphine doses until she was barely ever awake. And when she was? Well... She'd think we were home. She'd think she was on the couch, and ask if I could turn the light on or the tv or . I forgot what it was exactly. I remember the last time I was there for such an instance, at least I think it was. She was asking me to do something that... I literally couldn't do. It was at home... A twenty minute drive away. Whenever I'd try to tell her that, she'd just yell no... Or please. I couldn't help, and just. Kinda lost it I think? I remember asking her if she even knew where she was... She was at home! Who she was... She was... Uhm.... She couldn't tell me. But when I asked who I was. "You're my baby!". I. I shut up I. I don't even remember what happened after that. Hell I teared up just recalling it like. She doesn't know who she is, where she is, when it is, or what's going on... But she knew me. I was all she had left.

And I left. I left to go on vacation. I had assumed she'd be there by the time I got back. She knew the vacation was coming up, and was alright with me going... When she was. More awake. But literally not even a weekend into my vacation? The family friend I had been staying with let me know she was gone. That was the last time I'd see her for almost two years? Slightly more? I can't even remember dates. But. I. I left. And I just. Can't forgive myself for it. I already kinda blame myself for everything.... I mean she said all the time she was hanging on to see me get to college. Well. It's been a few years and I'm still not there! And she'd tell me after arguments that I was killing her. I thought she meant she was tired of my shit. I can't help but think she meant literally. I. I don't know where I'm going with this rant either I just. This was on my mind a lot last night and tonight so. Figured I'd jot it down.

I. Really hate my past self. Like, really hate me from more than a year ago tops. Maybe two. sadly, I can't do anything to past me. So that hatred only ends up falling on current and future me. Which sucks.

Anyways I'll shut up now before new problems surface lmfao

#avierant #you can't make me start grieving #there was never even a funeral or anything #just. she was there. she vanished. i didn't see her again for more than a year. now she's a box in my closet #that has to be really damaging too #its fucked up that my diagnosis from my therapist is PTSD... from all the stuff even BEFORE this #like damn I'm gonna be so fucked up as a. wait im 18. i already am a fucked up adult #ouh #fuck

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purplesurveys · 6 months

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1775

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Sure.

Do you find any of your friends hot? They're attractive but 'hot' isn't a word I'd use for them - not because they aren't, but just because my friends feel like family and it'd mostly feel weird for me to call them hot.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No, I think it's at least been a week since I last shaved them.

Does your best friend wear glasses? She doesn't.

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes, once every few months. The few seconds crying after waking up feels the worst, and I always need a while to recover and calm down.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? It's actually neither because the real answer is everyone who reads through whatever the hell I put out on here, lol.

Does your family own any land? I believe they do.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? That would be me.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I wouldn't use the word 'close' because I think I'll always be shy around my older relatives at the end of the day, but I do have my favorite aunts and uncles.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? 2020.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? No.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? I largely don't care.

Are you looking forward to anything? I'm seeing Se So Neon this weekend! :) Then I think we have another long weekend by the end of the month so the thought of that and getting to rest for an additional day is nice, too.

What was the last bad news you heard? Matthew Perry's death. I've jumped back into the Friends rabbit hole since that day -- in fact I have an episode playing in the background now.

What was your GPA in high school? We don't have GPAs here.

Do you require a lot of private time? Erm, not really. For the most part, I'm usually most desperate to be alone once I've reached my ceiling capacity from a work thing... like my social battery automatically running out when I know a PR event is about to finish, lol.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play? Nope.

Have you ever had a parasite before? As far as I know, no.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? I've been slapped in the face but not punched.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Sure.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No, they both get bathed once every few months.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? My dogs, and yes.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? I'm not too sure, I wasn't in a chatty mood today. Angela I think.

When was the last time you saw them? More than a month ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Oh dear. I'm making it a point to be in a different job by then. That's all I'm envisioning for myself for now. Hopefully 2024 is also considerably better than this year and that I am happier and looking forward to things more.

Do you know anyone who has overdosed? No.

Where are your siblings as of now? In their rooms.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Yes.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot? April when I needed to complete multiple doses after a dog bite.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes but they have always been minor and I've never been in one where someone got seriously hurt.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? Just a few days ago when I bought tickets for Miss Saigon.

Are you a breakfast person? Not really. I never even have breakfast haha.

What type of books do you like to read? Autobiographical ones.

How do you get rid of hiccups? I hold my breath. Works like, 80% of the time for me.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Reading random Wikipedia articles whenever I can and picking up a bunch of trivia from it.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? No. You never get pulled over for speeding here and it's not really a thing so it's common for me and everyone to go over.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? My mom but it tbh makes sense because my dad has always worked abroad and was never around to impose rules and such.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? I've seen the first few episodes when I initially planned on binge-watching it. I definitely get the appeal and I loved the scenes I saw, but I think in general the jokes are also a tad bit cheesy in today's age so I never really got to continue.

Do you like getting dirty? The only time this is acceptable to me is when I eat with my hands and the food is supposed to be really oily and fishy. Otherwise I don't particulrly enjoy getting dirty.

Are you a very flirty person? Nope.

Who was your favorite babysitter? Never had one. I grew up in a duplex with extended family so there was always an older relative to take care of me, my siblings, and cousins.

Do you believe in the death penalty? No.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? LOL yes, a few work-related people I know. Not co-workers.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? Hmm, maybe the day I saw Yoongi in concert.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Pirating movies/shows...? Hahaha idk.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? Not singing per se but a few weeks ago I was at a Chili's with friends when a couple of customers were given a birthday greeting session by the staff - we clapped along both times just because hahaha.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? I pick the times I listen to Yoongi's Amygdala. It's one of my favorite songs of his ever, but because of its weight and how personal it's supposed to be I listen to it sparsely so that I don't get sick of it and so that it constantly feels just as important as the first time I ever heard it.

Last time you saw fireworks? Wednesday.

Do you have a black dog? They both have black parts but they aren't completely that color.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? I'd take them to the local museum.

Have you been to the capital of your state? I live in it.

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

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stoportotouch · 11 months

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today, i present to you... a little... and...? le vesconte playlist.

sorry for the slightly silly title but i cannot stress enough how much the relationship between these two has the potential to fuck me up. it really is... little feels too much as a result of his trauma. le vesconte feels too little because of it. and the one time that they could have stood to sympathise with each other or meet in the middle, when ned was at his very lowest, dundy tries but not hard enough.

i. we will commit wolf murder | of montreal

when i die i want you to die too, not try to stay in this all in a dimension without you, spit on this planet without you i envy you because you could believe in things like i never could and, like, dose yourself into a coma over the bestiality of our race.

ii. big black bull comes like a caesar | munly and the lee lewis harlots

when my brother was a child, he was given an animal he raised it up to be a big black bull; it never did low, or pitch, or sway it never ride on the back of a flatbed

iii. we are gods! we are wolves! | le loup

we spent our darkest days howling at the moon, close enough to see our low condition. and did you ever wish that we were one? have you ever known your maker? could you lead your song aloft the mountain tops? you could never swing that dagger.

iv. alexander's feast, part ii: 'revenge, revenge! timotheus cries' | george frederick handel

behold a ghastly band, a ghastly band each a torch in his hand these are grecian ghosts, that in battle were slain and unburied remain: inglorious on the plain.

v. the killing type | amanda palmer

but i would kill to make you feel; i'd kill to move your face an inch i see you staring into space, i want to stick my fist into your mouth and twist your arctic heart

vi. a soreness so familiar it soon becomes unquestioned | crywank

when i sass you with a smile i see you didn't notice the quiver in my voice, the fact my bow is broken i had a nosebleed when i woke up then i didn't go to work i find my problems are all first-world but still i'm feeling hurt am i just a spoiled brat who taught themselves how to cry? who's so preconditioned now all their emotions are a lie? i close my eyes and look inside; no surprise i find nothing. it's people who shape each other and people are disgusting.

vii. alligator teeth | mother falcon

i will turn my friends to gold, for the treasury to hold them safely while they dream and how they dream, if they dream

viii. land of broken promises | iamx

turn the bad blood into good, bring the laughter, bring the love drink again 'cause everyone forgets in the land of broken promises

ix. puppet loosely strung | the correspondents

in the past you would have been seen as a family's disgrace now they think you're putting on a brave face they might fear that one day they'll wear your shoes but you're the one who's laughing; you had nothing to lose

x. great vacation | dirt poor robins

romans and countrymen, please lend me your ears: there's some late-breaking news i know you'd like to hear but the papers won't print it, and the tvs just won't air. nobody gets the word, 'cause there's nobody there.

xi. incident in a medical clinic | rasputina

quite unbelievably, i want someone to be sweet to me when i'm in absolutely horrible pain.

xii. incitatus | mishkin fitzgerald

my left hand is a whip and a bandage, free to choose where the mark or brand is each one knows how to hide in the carnage: hey're hiding, they're hiding. time's running out for the rats in the playground, cut straight down like a thief in a small town shots rack em up, pin a tail on the donkey: you've got a lot to answer for.

xiii. inside of you, in spite of you | thoushaltnot

i am inside of you, in spite of you with strength and sacred grace but for all you do, i'll carry you from this bitter place

xiv. god help you dumb boy | reverend glasseye

'dumb boy, what are you made of?' my eyes are lazy, my skin doth flake. 'then what good can you do?' not so much as men like you. 'dumb boy, what do you see?' a lesser man, coming down on me. 'tell us, what will you do?' i'll let my axe come down on you.

xv. the hand that feeds | the crane wives

i've seen good men spoiled, chained to their jobs like hounds they work, and sleep, and work again; in the darkest nights they howl their cries are a warning to everyone following: no man should stand to work all of his days and have nothing at the end of them.

xvi. what have they done to you now? | daniel knox

what have they done to you now? old familiar friends to fill your heart with grief and agony a little friendly conversation, character assassination i just don't care any more. i don't wanna know.

xvii. we'll all soon be dead | this way to the egress

the pitchfork's in the hay and we'll live another day as long as we can get through one more night this land's getting rotten, and i have to shake my head 'cause the cattle's sick and we'll all soon be dead.

xviii. lullaby | american murder song

troubles, and marks, and sakes to keep blow out the candle and go to sleep. high hang the moon that looks to the west, tied to your pillow, and twice 'round your chest

xix. danse macabre | the oh hellos

xx. my nightmare | phemiec

in my mightmare tonight, i'll see me, all consumed and attempting to sing disharmonious tunes with you asynchronicity, i am in misery i am in misery! what has been done to me?

xxi. hellfire | the mechanisms

your soul is connected to the world you're in you're dragging it down with the weight of your sin surrounded by temptation, and you just give in. we're falling into the flames.

xxii. edward | american murder song

after the spring, you shall find him after the snow leaves the hill after the spring, you shall find him. 'till then, there's no grave to fill.

xxiii. july | american murder song

outside, the tree coughed up blood 'stead of leaves coughs from the floorboards, coughs from the eaves i climbed the coughing tree, noose on my sleeve: i ain't going nowhere; i ain't going going nowhere.

xxiv. no children | the mountain goats

and i hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way.

xxv. leather for hell | bitter ruin

euthanasia is gonna save ya; it's the kindest thing to do and you don't know it yet but every time you take that breath ten thousand other people suffer 'cause they feel the way i do.

xxvi. a deer mistaking candles for headlights | crywank

does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? am i the reason that you feel down? distant yet rational; bringer of rage to get to a level where i will engage i am a tentacle; incapacitated obstacle. i am obsolete and apathetic, thoughtlessly apologetic watch my actions (or lack thereof) negate the person that i said i was.

xxvii. eat you | caravan of thieves

i'm gonna eat you, you're my desire i'm gonna sharpen all my teeth and build a fire. i'm gonna eat you; cook and defeat you i'm gonna breathe you in my lungs and make you mine.

xxviii. destroy everything you touch | unwoman

destroy everything you touch today. destroy me this way anything that may desert you, so it cannot hurt you you only have to look behind you, at who's undermined you destroy everything you touch today. please. destroy me this way.

xxix. heretic pride | the mountain goats

i want to cry out, but i don't scream and i don't shout and i feel so proud to be alive and i feel so proud when the reckoning arrives.

xxx. pump shanty | the mechanisms

a transport mission, gone awry attacked by cole and left to fry is no excuse, boys, let us cry: "today is not the day we die!"

xxxi. bremen | pigpen theatre co.

but how long did we think we could walk, we could sing before our voices gave out and our limbs gave in on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the way, on the way, on the way to bremen, to bremen, to bremen

xxxii. automatonic electronic harmonics | steam powered giraffe

i am not an unimaginable thing; my thoughts are tangible though they're full of springs i don't have the heart to send you untruthful words my skin is cold to the touch and made from the earth

xxxiii. never love an anchor | the crane wives

there are times when i still wonder about you: you are someone i have loved, but never known and you'll never see the reasons i had for keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you. i am selfish, i am broken, i am cruel: i am all the things they might have said to you do you ever think of me and my two hands and wonder why they never soothed your fevers

xxxiv. my mom | kimya dawson

and he goes limp in your arms all the peoples' mouths are moving all you hear are car alarms and you wake up and start to cry i will lose my shit if even one more person i know dies so please don't die.

xxxv. allies or enemies | the crane wives

remember when i could tell you not to smile when you were mad and you would always crack, and we'd both be laughing in the end now you're not so quick to forget -- are we allies or enemies what happens now, do we have another go do we bow out and take our separate roads i'll admit, i've had my doubts, but i want to be let in, not out

xxxvi. beneath the brine | the family crest

now my heart is bound, like a plague upon this sound and oh, it slips away, such soft decay -- then it grows oh, young love, young dear, why have you taken me from the fall all of my love, all of my life, given to you, sacrificed stay clear of the wreckage: she goes down, down, down

xxxvii. mars | sleeping at last

though time is ruthless, it showed us kindness in the end by slowing down enough: a second chance to make amends so we found our way back home, let our cuts and bruises heal while a brand-new war began, a war that no-one else could feel

xxxviii. dance while the sky crashes down | jason webley

like that, the earth begins to quiver, and all the oceans turn to black a ship of maniacs with knives are playing blackjack with their lives to kill the time until the giant rats attack it's raining leprosy and acid; the saints were taken out and shot when someone proffers you a pear you sink your teeth in unaware that just beneath the skin lies pestilence and rot

xxxix. animal skin | bryan dunn

i can see it in their eyes: they're coming for you, honey painted faces, sharpened knives. do you think it's funny if you dress it up, you'll have to break it in but you never look better than when you wear your animal skin

xl. love, love, love | the mountain goats

love, love is gonna lead you by the hand into a white and soundless place now we see things as in a mirror, dimly then, we shall see each other face to face and way out in seattle young kurt cobain snuck out to the greenhouse, put a bullet through his brain snakes in the grass beneath our feet, rain in the clouds above some moments last forever, but some flair out with love, love, love

#ollie considers #the terror #edward little #dundy

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belphegorbillickin · 9 months

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Hi! As someone who played your quotev match-up quiz (and had a lot of fun with it), I’m kind of curious if your opinion on it has changed any now. I could tell from your posts that you value accuracy to canon when dealing with fan content about characters, so I was curious to see if the new character information released since 2022 has affected how you view it.

Sorry if this came off as rude or repetitive in any way. 😅

Dw it's not rude at all! I love to ramble on and on about my projects and characterization anyway, and I'll really glad you enjoyed it! It also fuels my ego a little to hear that you can tell lol.

I'm curious to know who was your top 3 and how accurate you thought it was, was it surprising in any way? If you don't mind ofc, I just love being nosy about what people think of my stuff lol.

I'm inviting you to ramble along with me!

To be honest, that quiz was always meant to be more on the wish fulfillment side for the readers, because that kind of quiz is usually taken by younger, more sensitive people as a whole and it's hard to do more nuanced takes in that format.

I also can't really have my usual interests be more obvious like I can on tumblr and AO3.

It was kind of my way of trying to do what older fans had done for me back in the Quizilla days. (RIP Quizilla, gone but never forgotten.) I actually preferred the edgy, in-character variants even back then, but the TWST fandom on tumblr is very...

Let's just say I'm very hesitant to interact with most TWST fans first, unless they post similar things, and that I've gotten anon hate just for posting that quiz while being a yandere/OBM!/adult (as in age) writer.

That being said, the point allocation was intended to be fairly accurate without any cheat answers, and I didn't wanna sugar coat the results too much.

Some characters are easier to "game" than others, and some have broader or more niche tastes, but if you're not careful you could get Sebek or Vil instead of Riddle for example.

Also, Idia and Jade are pickier than Rook and Floyd and the points try to take into account what the player would want as well.

I've adjusted the point spread a lot since then at different times.

A tiny bit due to new characterizations, but mostly because the point spread system is annoying to work with and because I realized not everyone will read the questions and answers the same way.

You also can't do negatives, which would've helped the quiz be a lot more accurate, but what can you do?

I actually really regret accidentally contributing to the whole "crybaby" Azul and thought about it re-doing his result soon after posting.

I've actually been thinking about it again recently, but I kinda don't want to take away what people are used to either.

I had initially thought that was a joke/affectionate bullying, but I found out not too long after that a lot of people seem to genuinely think that Azul cries over everything, despite canon saying that he's changed.

It seems like poor Azul has been hit with a double dose of woobification and ukeification by the fandom, and I'm not a fan. He's a pos (affectionate) like the rest of them, and I'd like him less if he wasn't.

Tbh, I actually think he's one of the most morally bankrupt in the entire cast, along with the Tweels and Leona. Like, he's dealing in literal, violence enforced slavery whereas Jamil is trying to escape it for example.

(I also hate what the Eng localization has done to poor Jamil, but that's another rant.)

Also, Rook has said a lot of questionable things to Vil and I'm unsure as to what the intentions were. Like, is Rook negging Vil when he points out millimeters of weight gain? Is it supposed to be a normal, "positive" thing because Japan loves to glorify EDs?

It makes the VDC thing look really bad too, not the actual vote itself, but all of his other actions imo.

I'm leaning towards Rook being manipulative tbh, because he has a pattern of it, already really disrespects non-humans, and is very socially savvy and close to Vil. (This isn't bashing btw, I still love Rook as a character.)

Otherwise, not much has changed other than me getting more comfortable with the characters and fandom I suppose?

I'm guessing you're caught up as an Idia fan? Good choice btw, and if you are the one that sent the Idia ask dw, I'll try my best to fulfil it too.

Tbh, I'm actually really disappointed that his parents are actually really cutesy. And, speaking as vaguely as possible, I honestly don't like the new fae lore in Ch 7 either.

I feel like Yana has suddenly decided to start downplaying the more serious, heavy tones and I'm not quite sure why? Maybe to ease players into a slightly more romantic slice of life continuation after the main story ends?

Idk maybe it was always planned, but I feel like it makes Idia seem a bit more like a generic whiny teenager. I still love him, but I choose to ignore that part of canon and give him more distant parents who are still struggling with grief and their work.

But feel free to disagree, I don't mind at all. It's just nice to have someone to talk about TWST with too!

#twisted wonderland #asks

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daybreakrising · 7 months

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@ofluminance | cont.

It really wasn't a good idea to overstep professional boundaries when he's not even been in the position a year, but he does have a history of acting from the heart, after all. And, in his defence, he'd never intended for it to get this far. What had started as some harmless flirting, a little dose of charm to help smooth the way and endear his new colleagues and associates to his side, had rapidly evolved into something beyond his control.

He'd kept everyone at arm's length for a long time, never allowing anyone to get too close, to worm their way through his carefully constructed walls. It was safer that way, he told himself, it was easier. No one could hurt you, betray you, if you didn't give them any piece of yourself. Oh, he was friendly with some of his fellow convicts, but he wasn't their friend. Friends could stab you in the back. He had a good system. It worked.

Until her. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when things had changed, he just knew that he came to look forward to their meetings, waiting with tense anticipation until he heard the heels of her boots on the steps to his office. It had been the head nurse who first alerted him to the fact he brightened when she entered the room - a simple remark on the slight flush of his skin, the sudden, sharp intake of breath.

"Are you well? You look a little feverish-,"

He was in trouble. Is in trouble. He shouldn't be letting himself fall so easily into temptation, not when his head is telling him this is a mistake, this can only end badly - but his heart is shouting louder and he's stepping into her personal space, gaze heavy with want, before he can stop himself.

His only answer to her question is to sink into the kiss she gifts him, one arm snaking smoothly around her waist to pull her body flush against his. It's over far too quickly for his liking, his lips chasing hers as she pulls back. He spots the slight flush across her cheeks, the - frankly adorable - scrunch of her nose, and his lips curve into an easy grin.

"Liked it?" His voice is a murmur, deep and smooth. His other hand lifts, fingers skimming the line of her jaw before threading into her hair. "Mm... I don't know if that's the word I'd use, Miss Clorinde." He tilts his head, a hint of mischief in the slant of his eyes, the quirk of his mouth. "But y'know... I don't think I can be sure after just one..."

This time, it's his turn to lean in. Taking her lead, his kiss starts chaste - but it's not enough, it's never enough, and once again he lets his heart overrule his head. The hand at her waist traces a path to the base of her spine, his other resting firmly upon the back of her neck. Well, he reasons, if she's going to be leaving soon, he has to give her something to come back for.

#ofluminance #muse; wriothesley (genpact)#source; g.enshin #v; seriously. don't break the law (main)#;take me for all i'm worth. love me until it hurts (ofluminance; clorinde & wriothesley)#( i didn't realise how long this was until i stopped DKGLKG )

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oddsconvert · 2 years

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for ronan (about both whumpees): 🏷️🚪🏃

for izaak: 👕🐶🚪🏃🤔

From this ask game!

Ronan:

🏷️ - Does your Whumpee have any markings that make it clear who they belong to?

"Well, I found that abhorrent brand on Henley's chest that I'm not best pleased about. That's not staying, I'm getting rid of it. Another man's mark on my property is absurd. He'll bare my mark soon enough; my family crest. Izaak too. They're my property.

🚪- Is your Whumpee allowed any sort of privacy?

"Do they really need any? Deserve any, even? They get the door locked, left alone for however long I'm sleeping at night and that's it, if they want their precious privacy. I watch the security footage in the morning to make sure no dodgy shit or scheming has been going on...I guess even then that's not privacy, is it?

Can't be too careful at the end of the day. They'll only abuse too much freedom and trust."

🏃 - What would you do if your Whumpee ever tried to leave you? Or what have you done if they’ve already tried?

"The key is to corrupt their thinking and make them believe that in some warped way... what you're offering them in captivity is an immeasurable gift. In comparison to what you could do.

And that's why if either of the little brats tried to escape, I'd send them to the brink of death. I don't even want to hear the pleas for mercy or to spare their life, I just want to know that they nearly went there - they nearly reached the other side for a brief moment. Drag that fear out of them where only that clouds their judgement and they couldn't fathom ever doing it again. Because staying means less pain."

Izaak's answers below :)

Izaak

👕- Is your Whumpee only allowed to wear what you choose? If so, what do you normally choose?

"He gets what he's given and he doesn't get to complain. Some owners would leave him with nothing. I won't splash out unnecessary money on a pet, he gets hand me downs and old clothes I'd bin otherwise. They're mostly torn apart, ripped and too big for him but he's got clothes at least.

I don't really allow him to wear tops or jumpers unless it's freezing cold. I find it gets in the way if he needs to be punished. Easier to have quick access to him."

🐶- Do you use a collar and/or some kind of leash on your Whumpee? Why or why not? (I'm answering this one from current Izaak perspective <3)

"He was my pet. Of fucking course he had a collar and leash. It was a thick, black leather collar with a large D ring on the front, and the leash was just to either keep him in place or drag him where I wanted to take him. None of that electric shock stuff, that's cowardly. Owners that use those are amateurs, can't even train their pets without some little device doing all their work for them.

I'd like to point out he cried like a bitch and tried to put his collar back on when I was prepping him ready for Ronan to collect. Heartbroken that I was taking it away from him."

🚪- Is your Whumpee allowed any sort of privacy?

"The teeniest bit. I don't wanna see him change, or clean, or any other grody crap. I leave him to his own business for that, I'm not his carer or his babysitter.

Other than that, I do watch him like a hawk. He won't try anything, I'm certain. He's well past that shit but... I won't let my guard down enough to give him the opportunity".

🏃- What would you do if your Whumpee ever tried to leave you? Or what have you done if they've already tried?

"He has tried. And failed. Back when he was still new and learning. I'm pretty sure he's got the scars to prove it, physical and mental. (A/N: Not gonna go too much into detail bc I may be delving into this for chapter three <3).

I promised him if he ever tried to run again, I'd paralyse him any whatever way I deemed fit. Whether I needed to break his legs, fuck around with his spine, dose him with paralytics. And I swore to him that I'd go after his family so even if by some miracle he made it? Where would he have to go back to... he'd be stuck."

🤔- How do you think your Whumpee really feels about you do you? Do you care?

"He's told me time and time again how he hates my guts, wants to see me keel over and die - blah blah blah. I couldn't give less of a shit. He's too scared to tell me that anymore and that's all that matters. As long as I've got myself a well-behaved pet, that's all I care about."

#SECOND TIME POSTING THIS IS THE CHARM 💀#And im so sorry but theyre just -#theyre just both horrific people...#ty for the ask 🥰#answered asks #a taste of your own medicine #whumper ask game #possessive whumper asks

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