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#so why can’t i be the same way? but when i do it i’m someone to be pitied
koenigami · 3 days
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➵ WRIOTHESLEY synopsis : how does one express such a strong feeling like love when someone like him is involved? wc : 1k tags : fem!reader, fluff, smut, emotional reader who is very bad with words of affirmation
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you don’t get how he does it so easily. how he manages to make your heart beat faster, your face heat up, body react and get aroused. his words hold such a great power over you, especially so because he has proved to you many times that they’re not empty promises. 
wriothesley has shown you his love in all kinds of forms and ways. whether that be in your bedroom, or in more appropriate situations. 
and you’re so jealous. 
because as he keeps one hand on your ankle, with your leg perched on his shoulder, while the other is putting the slightest pressure on your abdomen - you wonder why you can’t convey your feelings to him the way that he does. directly. honestly. in the heat of the moment and without any filter. but you simply can’t. 
expressing your feelings verbally has never been your forte. and in moments like these, where your lover keeps praising you, showering you with “i love you’s” and petnames until all you can do is try not to combust, you hope that he knows that you feel the same. 
the invisible veil of embarrassment and shyness always wraps around your mouth multiple times, nearly gagging you, and preventing you from revealing all of you. inside and out. because while you’re both as naked as on the day that you were born, you still feel as if there was a thick layer coated over you that is keeping wriothesley too far away from you. 
every time his cock hits your inner most part, making your throat tighten up and your eyes roll back into your head, you’re not able to tell him how good he’s making you feel. when his hand slips lower, his thumb pressing against your wet swollen clit, jerking the little nub back and forth, you can’t tell him that you like it just like that. that only him can make your body shake like this. that you’re only at his mercy. 
you feel wriothesley’s lips on your skin. sweet and light kisses are spread along your lower calf, and the intimacy, the gentleness is making you tear up. 
having him inside you is not enough. his hands on your body are not enough. his skin against yours is not enough, because it still feels like you’re miles apart. 
“fuck, sweetheart. quit squeezing me so tight or else-” 
a quiet sob rips through the room and wriothesley’s sex dazed mind sobers up in an instant. your leg hits the mattress when he carefully drops it down, and leans over to have a look at you.
“love?” 
wriothesley’s about to stop everything at the sight of the tears trailing down your cheeks. are you in pain? did he hurt you? was it too much? 
all those questions evaporate when he sees you stretch your arms out towards him, grabby hands hovering in front of his face as you keep crying like a toddler begging to be picked up. 
“c’mere.” is all you can get out, yet it is enough for wriothesley to know what is truly going on. the empty space between you is quickly filled with warmth. with him. 
chest against chest, he lies down beside you, his still hard cock slipping out of you, as he wraps you up in the comfort of his arms. 
“i’m here. i’m here, my love.”
whether it’s your tears or snot that are wetting his neck as you nuzzle into him, he could not care less. everything about the past hour is forgotten. the heated kisses and frantic touches, as well as the moans and groans that filled your bedroom-
everything is irrelevant because no orgasm could ever satiate the need that you’re feeling right here and now. 
“wrio-”
“i know, baby. i know. i‘m not going anywhere, ‘m right here.” his hand strokes the back of your head, his fingers delicately combing through strands of your soft hair. a lopsided smile curves his lips when the arms around his middle tighten the slightest bit, and a wet kiss is pressed against the middle of his throat, right below his adam’s apple. 
what you see as a weakness, is for wriothesley one of many reasons to love you even more. you don’t need words to show him that your heart has only space for him. you don’t have to tell him how much he means to you, and how good he’s being to you when he can all discern it in the way your body’s speaking to him. you gravitate towards him as if he was your own little sun. 
his thumb swipes over your cheek when you eventually pull back to look at him. teary, doe eyes stare right into his soul. into his heart. and it’s the prettiest sight that a human being like him could have ever dreamed of. so many things have gone wrong in his life, yet so many went right, with you being his biggest blessing. 
and you prove it over and over again. because he swears that his heart has stopped beating at a normal pace ever since you stepped into his life. you have rekindled his brain. his entire being. 
“wriothesley.” your hoarse voice cuts through his thoughts, and he coos sweetly at you when you sniff and rub the corner of your eye with your palm. a kiss on your forehead, and another on the tip of your nose, and you feel like you’re holding the entire world in your arms. 
“i love you. so, so much.” you croak, cupping his cheek and feeling the light stubble along his jaw as if to distract yourself from the light shake in your hands and the overwhelming fluttering of your heart. 
“hm. i love you too.” wriothesley breathes, his hand wrapped so gently around your wrist as he guides it towards his lips, sealing his words with a final kiss on your palm. “so, so much.”
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tayytayy12 · 22 hours
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The Alchemy | CL16 x Singer!Reader
Summary - After Charles wins a race and everyone takes notice of how he runs straight to you
Warnings - Swearing
FaceClaim - Gracie Abrams
Type - SMAU
Requested - No - Yes
F1.News
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Liked by - Charles_Leclerc and 87,828 others
Tagged | @/Charles_Leclerc
F1.News - Charles wins in Singapore !!!!! Bringing Ferrari back to the top step where it belongs ❤️
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User1 - FORZA FERRARI
User2 - and a night race as well, makes it even better
User3 - Only he could end Max’s steak
User4 - Y/n looked so proud of him 🫠
User5 - OMG FR
User6 - As a Ferrari fan, this was needed
User7 - Okay but did anyone else see the way Charles just ran to Y/n 😭
User8 - Yes omg it was so adorable
Yourusername
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Liked by - Charles_leclerc, Lilymhe and 2,009,927 others
Tagged | @/Charles_Leclerc
Yourusername - Words can’t explain how proud I am of you baby, you did amazing out there today ❤️
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User9 - AW
User10 - I need love like theirs
User11 - Girl we all do
User12 - Write another song about him now
Liked by author
User13 - Y/N WHAT?
Charles_Leclerc - Thank you, Mon Ange. je t'aime
Yourusername - je t'aime ❤️
User14 - HER LEARNING FRENCH FOR HIM IS EVERYTHING
User15 - Okay but the way Charles RAN to Y/n
User16 - FR LIKE ON ONES SPEAKING ABOUT IT
User17 - The fact that he just pulled up and jumped out of the car and ran to her 😭
User18 - Like before getting weighed or taking off his gloves or helmet even though he probably got in trouble
User19 - This man’s so in love omg 😭
User20 - Literally my parents
GracieAbrams - Mom and dad
Yourusername - You’re older than me sweetheart
GracieAbrams - Idc you’re my mom and dad
Charles_Leclerc - Okay daughter
GracieAbrams - Charles gets it
Yourusername- Awh my own family
User21 - CRYING THIS IS SO CUTE
Yourusername
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Liked by - Charles_ Leclerc, GracieAbrams and 4,912,001 others
Tagged | @/Charles_Leclerc
Yourusername - “I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden” Is a lyric I wrote once for my song daylight, that you all loved so much, but some were confused because they thought me and Charles split cause he’s literally the personification of the colour red and blah blah, it was funny experience for us both honestly. But when I wrote that lyric, I wrote it in a way meaning that my entire life I’ve believed that love was red, burning with desire and eventually the colour fades out and disappears eventually, kind of like a flame. But when I met my Charles, that whole view I had on love changed, he showed me that love didn’t have to disappear or eventually fizzle out, that it could be something solid and everlasting, something golden. So, to celebrate Charlie’s recent win, I’m deciding to release I song I’ve had in the vault for a while now, it’s called, “The Alchemy”. This song is for you of course, but also for Charles, for being my alchemist who showed me something can last forever. “The Alchemy” is out now, I love you all, enjoy ❤️
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User22 - WHAT YHE FUCK THIS IS SO FUCKING CUTE
User23 - I told you whores that daylight line had a different meaning
User24 - THE LRYICS OF THIS GO CRAZY TF
User25 - FR THEYRE SO CUTE
User26 - LIKE “The sign on your heart says it’s still reserved for me”
User27 - I need someone who loves me the way Charles loved Y/n and the way she loves him
User28 - Now we know why she says about him turning things to gold so often, he make her life golden 😭
User29 - The song and caption are so cute but nobody’s focusing on THE. PICTURES. 😭
User30 - They’re adorable 😭
GracieAbrams - if they ever break up I won’t believe in love anymore
User31 - She’s so real
User32 - Same Gracie
User33 - Me two
Yourusername - Me three
User34 - “Where's the trophy? He just comes running over to me.” SHE ACKNOWLEDGED HIM JUST GOING STRAIGHT TO HER AFTER HIS WIN, I LOVE THIER LOVE ONG 🥲🥲
Charles_Leclerc - je t'aime tellement mon ange 🤍 (I love you so much, my angel)
Yourusername - je t'aime plus, pour toujours 💕 (I love you more, forever)
User35 - If my future partner doesn’t learn my native language for me I don’t want them
User36 - They’re too cute
Charles_Leclerc
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Liked by - Yourusername, LandoNorris and 1,991,992 others
Tagged | @/Yourusername
Charles_Leclerc - Red used to be everything to me, but now idk. I like the sound of gold. je t'aime, mon ange 🤍
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User37 - The only relationship ever
User28 - He’s in love love
User29 - They both are 🥲
Yourusername - I love you and your ability to make things golden.
Charles_Leclerc - I love you so much more, mon ange 🤍
——
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f0point5 · 1 day
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You’re an amazing writer!!! Please do a piece about Emilia being the WORST patient when sick.
Like idk she’s sick during summer break or something but refuses to be sick and is all “I’m not sick!!!” but then it becomes unavoidable so she just becomes the absolute worst sick patient and makes all these crazy demands and stuff and max is just very amused.
Thank you 🫶🫶🫶
I hope you like where I went with it!!!!
✨Set in Australia 2023✨
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(He’d build) a fire just to keep me warm
You don’t get sick. So when you wake up on the morning of Australian Grand Prix with a churning stomach and a tightness in your throat for the third day in a row, you take an ibuprofen and a lozenge and get on with it. You fill yourself with orange juice for the vitamin C and even say no when Daniel offers you some TimTams, but you power through.
Sure, you’re tired, but that’s just the jet lag, and you’re a little dizzy, but that’s just the fact that you haven’t eaten properly. You’ll be fine by the time the race starts. That’s what you tell yourself, and everyone in the garage, when they point out that you look uncomfortable.
“This weather is making me all sweaty,” you complain, fanning yourself with spare Red Bull cap even though you’re not even hot, just clammy.
“You’re sweating because you’re sick,” Max tells you, collecting his gloves and water bottle from the small cubby hole behind you.
You glare at him. For the past two days he’s been fussing around you, worried that you have the same thing he had before Jeddah. Even though you’ve been nowhere near as sick as he was. What’s making you feel ill is the hovering.
“Remember when I was sick last week I was sweating all night,” he says pointedly and you roll your eyes.
“And here I thought you’d just found the only Saudi porn channel,” you tease, and Max drops his worry to laugh, which you like. “And I’m not sick. I don’t get sick.”
“Except now,”
You nudge his shin with your foot. “Max, shut up.”
“See, if you weren’t sick, I’d be pissed off with that attitude,”
“Max, she’s not well, be nice.” GP says as he takes the space next to you by Max’s helmet shelf. His eyes narrow as he looks at you. “Do you want someone to take you back to the hotel? You’re looking very pale,”
“No, I’m fine,” you say, harsher than you meant to as you take Max’s water bottle out of his hand. “Just need a drink,”
“You can’t drink from that, you’re sick,” GP argues in shock.
You make a point of unknotting the straw, opening the cap, and taking a long sip of coconut water which frankly tastes like lukewarm bilge water.
You swallow with a small wince and the water actually turns your stomach more. GP looks disgusted, while Max just looks slightly amused as you hand him the bottle.
“I’m not sick.”
****************************
You don’t get sick. So you resist the urge to tell every paddock photographer that stops to take pictures of you sitting with Daniel outside Red Bull hospitality to fuck off. You’re not looking your best by any stretch, and you are starting to come round to the idea that it might be more than the heat. Not illness, per se. Just feeling slightly under the weather, desperately in need of a spa day. You’re fine. Just too spoilt and under pampered lately. It’s a dangerous combination.
“Why are you outside?”
You turn towards the voice to see Lando and Max making their way towards you, fresh from the driver’s parade and already sporting a sun kissed glow.
You’re out there because the fresh air feels like it’s helping, and they’re serving lunch inside. Despite being so hungry you can feel it in your bones, your stomach was protesting idea of food, and the contradiction of your insides was worsening your headache.
But you’re not going to tell Lando all that.
“What happened to you?” He says when they reach your table, a quizzical look on his face. “You look like shit,”
“Thanks,” you tell him, raising your middle finger.
“Lando, don’t be a dickhead. She’s sick,” Daniel chides, winking at you as if that was him having your back.
You groan. “I’m not sick.”
“I think she has the stomach flu I had last week,” Max chips in as he pulls out the chair beside you and sits down.
“Can you get stomach flu from sex?” Lando asks.
“Yeah, like crabs,”
You smack Daniel in the arm and debate reaching for Lando but can’t find the strength to move. “It never stops being fun being the only one in the room who has ever attended a biology class,” you say dryly, unfolding the pair of sunglasses clinging to your shirt and putting them on.
“Anyway, we haven’t…” Max says, clearing his throat as you all look at him. He gestures to you vaguely. “You know, so,”
The boys laugh like they don’t believe him even though they do, and you roll your eyes even though no one can see.
“I can always count on you to focus on the important part, Max, thank you.” You say, reaching over to pat his thigh.
That sets the boys off laughing again.
Jesus, why is it so cold all of a sudden. Are there sweat patches on my shirt. I think I’m going to be sick. No. No, I’m not. Because I’m not sick.
You don’t really pay attention to what they’re talking about after that. The pounding in your head gets worse and it’s hard to follow along with the conversation. You feel like every inch of you in stuffed with cotton balls. Through all of it, you feel Max’s hand on your back, his fingers tapping a gentle rhythm. It’s something he only down you’re sick, and not you’re not sick so you should tell him to stop.
You don’t.
******************************
You don’t get sick. The garage is just ridiculously noisy today. It’s so noisy that you have half a mind to see if one of the wheel guns can be used to drill a hole in your head and let out some of the pressure. It’ll be okay once the race starts. You’ll put on some headphones and take another painkiller and it’ll be fine.
“Are you sure you don’t just want to stay in the hospitality?” Max asks.
You’re loitering with him for the last few minutes before he has to get to the grid. Normally you’re teasing him by waving a snack he can’t eat in front of his face or discussing dinner plans, but today you can’t muster the energy, and the thought of food is a step too far.
“You really don’t look okay,”
You feign offence, smacking a hand against your chest with a gasp. “And just think, today is the day I was finally going to give you a good luck kiss,”
“Now I know you’re really sick,” Max snorts, and the offence isn’t as fake this time.
“I’m not sick,” is all you say in response.
“I thought you liked being sick,” he says, slipping his arms into this race suit to shrug it on. “You get to be even more demanding than usual and I can’t even say anything,”
“Yeah, but not…”
Not when Max needs to win this race to stay ahead in the championship. Not when for the last week he’s been recovering from the last of his own illness as well as dealing with several media attacks on everything from Checo edging him out for the championship, to Jos’s reaction to his loss in Jeddah.
You don’t finish the sentence. This is not the time to bring any of that up, just like it’s not the day to be sick.
“Max, I’m fine,” you insist, noting the way his jaw is ticking. Whether he’s worried about you or the race you can’t tell. “And I’m not demanding,”
He scoffs. “Sure,”
He picks up his balaclava, but doesn’t it on right away. He runs a hand through his hair, looking at you and then out to the track and back again.
“If you feel bad just for back to hospitality, or even go and-“
“It’s a couple of hours, less if you drive like I know you can. I feel fine, I promise,” you tell him. Normally, you’d hug him, but you hesitate, shoving your clammy hands into your back pockets. “Now go destroy Checo’s hopes and dreams,”
He laughs at that as he pulls his balaclava over his head.
“I’ll see you at parc fermé,”
*****************************
You don’t get sick. So when Max finishes first after what feels like the longest, choppiest race in history and heads over to his team only to find you missing, he worries. He high fives the engineers with a full smile, wondering if you just decided to stay inhospitality after all. Because you’re not well. He knows you’re not well. When he saw you before the first restart you looked unsteady on your feet, and now you weren’t even there.
It’s Helmut who tells him, over the cacophony of cheering, that you had gone to lie down after the second red flag. Max immediately feels his chest tighten.
He remembers how bad he felt all week when he’d come down with whatever that was. He remembers feeling like his lungs had migrated somewhere else in his body and were being crushed. He remembers everything tasting awful. He remembers the shivering and the exhaustion. It was hell.
And right now, he wishes he could have it again just so you don’t have to.
He’s on autopilot through all the interviews. When he makes it back to Red Bull, he doesn’t find you in hospitality, or the garage. He heads to his driver room to get his phone to call you, barging into the room only to be greeted by the sight of you curled up on the small grey couch in a Red Bull hoodie, asleep.
Something in his chest eases, but only slightly. When he thinks of how bad you must have been feeling to not even finish watching the race and sleep through the noise of the podium celebrations, he gets even more worried. And when he thinks that you spent all that time alone in here because no one was there to take care of you, he feels like shit.
He crouches down in front of you, knowing that he has to at least know you’ll be okay for another couple of hours, because if you even hint at being in any discomfort he’s going to skip the race debrief. Your face is covered in a glow, your cheeks a little flushed, and your breathing is heavier than normal.
“Engel?” He says, his voice barely above a whisper, his hand gently shaking your shoulder. You let out a short groan. “Engel, du musst aufwachen. Es tut mir leid, schatz,”
Your groan again, but this time your eyes flutter open, and Max feels an almost ridiculous relief.
“Maxy?” You smile when your eyes open properly, and you lift your arms over your head to stretch, back arching. You look like Sassy after her mid morning nap. “Did you win?” It’s asked through a yawn as you settle on your side.
“Yeah,” he says, brushing some damp strands of hair away from your face.
“Good,” you say with a contented smile, but it only lasts a second before the pout is back. “Maxy, I’m sick,”
“I know, Leibling,” he says, fighting a smile. He shouldn’t be smiling, you being sick is doing something terrible to his heart rate, but there’s something undeniably sweet about you when you’re like this.
“Can you get me a coke? A Zero, not a Diet, but not from a fridge because I’m so cold,” you say, your voice a pitiful whine.
“Yeah, I can do that,” Max says, surprised that it could be that easy, but it turns out you were just taking a breath.
“And a SmartWater,” you sigh. “If they don’t have SmartWater then some kind of energy drink and a Voss but if you can’t find the Voss then just the energy drink,”
“Yes, I know the water hierarchy,” Max says, thinking to himself that that might be the strangest sentence he’s ever said.
“And a blanket, please, this hoodie is so thin,”
Max nods, getting to his feet, already thinking where in a thirty degree paddock he is going get a blanket, but you’re not done.
“And could you close the blinds so I can sleep until you’re back from debrief,”
He nods, turning to go to the door. He stops halfway. Maybe he should do the blinds first. But the couch is front of the blinds so he’ll need you to move and he doesn’t want to move you-
“Actually, Max?”
Did he say he liked you like this? Yeah, he’s an idiot.
He turns back to you. “Yeah?”
“Could you just sit with me for a minute?”
He melts.
“Yeah,” he says, giving in to the smile this time. “I can do that.”
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princncess · 22 hours
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Your captor finishes the meal you made her, and instructs you to clean the dishes. She lazily gestures with the taser in her hand, her weapon of choice, toward the sink. You stand up and start collecting her dishes, bringing them back to the sink. She doesn’t move from her seat. Stepping close to her makes you nervous, but she just watches you calmly. You turn on the water and pick up a plate to start washing it, and-
You feel her footstep behind you, and before you can startle, her left arm is around your chest, groping you, and you feel the hard plastic of the taser jamming sharply into your hip. You tense up and grip the plate tightly, frozen in place.
Softly in your ear, she says “Go ahead and start cleaning now, little love.”
“Please don’t tase me right now…”
“Mmm, why’s that?” She shifts a little, nestling you in her arms a bit tighter.
“I don’t want to drop a plate, and the taser might make me.” You try not to show any fear that might entice her to hurt you.
Her voice immediately drops to a stern, harsh tone, much louder but still just as close to your ear. “If you break one of my dishes, I will fucking kill you.” She grabs you much tighter, and you hear and feel the taser’s safety click off. You make a barely contained whine and twitch as if she really had pressed the button.
You speak in a much higher, more whimpering voice, taking quick shallow breaths. “Well then, please don’t tase me, because I don’t want to die-” You gulp and take a few more quick breaths, and try to shift your voice to a less pitiful and more “nervously trying to appear as best buds with someone who wants you dead” tone. “I don’t think you want me to die either- right? You want to keep me around and not have me get all gross and rotten- plus I couldn’t do chores for you if I was dead, and if you kept me around after that, I’d be another chore for you, right? Like, keeping my corpse-” the thought of yourself as a corpse, and the fact that you’re talking about it as a very real possibility stops you in your tracks for a moment. You gulp again. “Like keeping my corpse from getting messy, or spraying perfume on it for the smell, or… Stuff like that…” Your voice is shaky. Your head hangs down. You don’t dare look back at her face, because the tear rolling down yours would have her excited and pushing you to the floor, plate be damned. You wait for a response.
“Eh, I guess you’ve convinced me. Carry on.” She doesn’t turn the safety back on. Your hand shakes as you reach for the dish soap, and you start scrubbing the plate in your hand. It’s finished and you move to put it on the drying rack, but freeze for just a moment, thinking fast. If the only reason she’s not tasing you is because you’ll drop a dish, what happens when you aren’t holding one? Time resumes, and you grab another dirty dish before putting the clean plate down. Did she just exhale? Was she thinking the same thing as you?
You’ve repeated the process a few more times, with her hand on you the whole time and without ever forgetting about the taser. Now you’re holding a plate with just silverware left to wash. Nobody cares about dropped silverware, you probably shouldn’t put down this plate. You figure out a way to hold the silverware with the plate hand, and scrub it with the other, and you repeat this process for the rest of the silverware. You figure whatever ran off the silverware might have dirtied the plate again, so you wash it once more. You hope she lets go and finds something else to do now that your task is done. You still hold the last plate as everything else is drying.
“Okay, I finished…”
“Thank you, darling,” she says with a squeeze from her hand. “Go ahead and put down the plate now.”
You don’t move. She says again, in that same sweet tone, “Go on.”
“I can’t…”
“How come, little lady?” Saccharine. She has to have been thinking the same thing as you this whole time. No point in playing a game at this point.
“I know what happens when I put it down…”
“Aww, I’m sure you do, clever doll.” Her voice loses some of its comforting sweetness. “Put it down.”
“Please-”
Her voice switches all the way again. “Put it down. Now.”
You reluctantly slide the plate between the bars of the drying rack. You shut your eyes tight. You bring your arms back to your body, wrapped around your own stomach, comforting and bracing yourself.
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writing-for-life · 3 days
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Considering this is a site where so many people have aspirations to become professional authors or artists, I think it’s really astounding that many (often the same) people encourage book piracy. And by that I mean: They don’t just do it behind closed doors (whatever, do what you have to do and keep it to yourself)—they actually package it as some act of immeasurable kindness in the name of “social justice”. And I’d say: If you’re not a professional author and have no experience in or with publishing, hence don’t really understand what it means to make your living as a writer, maybe just… don’t? And if you ever want to sell your books, maybe also just… don’t?
It’s not some cool subversive thing in the name of social justice you’re doing. You’re really hurting authors with it, and it’s in no way comparable to “fighting the big bad streamers.”
Yes, Neil Gaiman will be okay, but if you’re saying it’s okay to do it to him, you’re also saying by extension it’s okay to do it to lesser known authors. And those authors make up the vast (and I mean vast!) majority of authors. But maybe you’re one of those people who think that all artists are minted and picture them in La La Land, entirely possible. If that’s the case, maybe educate yourself what the median income of authors is, be very surprised and wake up. Sometimes, it really helps to think before hitting post. And if rants are not your thing, this is the exit sign because I’m not going to mince my words…
Here are a couple of really good comments from *that* post that people should maybe inwardly digest before they prioritise being oh-so-understanding and supportive of every Tom, Dick & Harry who “can’t afford the book” via piracy (how about buying them one instead if you care so much. No? Thought so) over supporting authors, artists and, yes, libraries:
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(Re the last comment: Or use online libraries—they’re also free. That was also part of above post btw. Libby, Hoopla etc exist for a reason.)
If that’s all too hard, then let’s at least stop pretending on here that we care about supporting authors and artists while vocally supporting book piracy. Because really, it’s the same in all arts, even if the symptoms are slightly different—take it from one who is both a published author and used to be a stage performer.
And to say it quite frankly: These “ideas” are probably held by the same people who were tearfully blabbering about the arts being what kept them going during the pandemic and then forgot about it all when lockdown was over. Or maybe they are the same people who think that art is a “jolly pastime”, and that everyone should just be content to “do it for the love of it and give their art away for free because awwwww, so amazing, here, buy food with my exposure bucks.” Go on then, write and consume fanfics and create fanart, problem solved. Just don’t ever ask for the pro art that inspires it again. Ah no, I forgot, it’s all made for money and soulless anyway, innit? Why oh why then do you want to consume and pirate it though?
You’re not progressive and/or supportive of artists. You just have no clue how making a living in the arts works and think your comfort (= “I have to have all the things even if I can’t afford them”) matters more than someone’s livelihood (namely that of the people who devoted their lives to creating that art for you), and it really shows.
I don’t care about anyone’s Google history and even said so several time on here when people asked (this is the latest one, and yes, I see the people who had a “reaction” to this one or the reblog above, but I bet that’s “coincidence”). Do whatever you want to do, it’s your choice, keep it to yourself. But stop pretending that piracy means “caring about the noble cause”, because repackaging entitlement as social activism is performative crap…
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Do you think Ariane ever wanted her mom? Like because when we’re in pain, or scared or really anything we tend to want our mothers, so it’d be natural for Ariane to want her mother. GOD I IMAGINED IN ARIANES LAST MOMENTS BEFORE THE BIORESONANCE THING SHE WAS CRYING FOR HER MOM
Now that got me thinking, what about the replikas?? Do they long for the neural pattern’s mothers even though they’re not biologically their child?? When they destabilise I mean, like imagine a dying STAR on the battlefield calling out for her neural patterns mom oh my days
You guys cannot convince me ariane did not want her mom, especially with how she was raised I would reckon they had a very close bond. I wish there was more stuff surrounding ariane’s mom and even the itou twins mom like who is she?? Anja Itou or Lilith itou?? I would think Anja, because Lilith never had a male lover (that we know of) but she had Alina. Lilith being a possible older sister to them seems like a much more likely scenario than their mother, and personally on how lilith’s personality is shown (this is with the theory that she’s Elsters neural pattern) she probably would not want kids
And if the case was that Lilith was their mom, realistically then, Elster would’ve most likely atleast had some more instinct to protect isa— meanwhile with a sibling you really don’t have that urge (unless their like a baby) and honestly, I think Lilith and the twins wouldn’t of known each other for that long. Lilith would’ve been just a faded memory from childhood [if I’m correct on the timing of when Lilith might’ve been put into whatever they do to the replika neural pattern and that she is Elsters neural pattern] I mean, the faint possibility of her being the twins mother is that if Alina was their second mother, but that doesn’t make sense: Ariane is often portrayed as a ‘clone’ in a way of Alina, looking almost exact same as her. So why would Alina be their second mom? And it wouldn’t be possible because Alina was in the sierpenski as we know it,
So that would leave Anja to be their mother, Lilith? Maybe a cousin or older sister. Looking at Isa (assuming that Erika looks basically the same) she looks like she would relate to Lilith but not in a mother and daughter way; more like a cousins or sisters way. And What is the deal with Alina?? Is she just meant to be Lilith’s lover, or does Ariane end up being like some reincarnation of her? Or is Alina in retrospect just made to be that person Ariane triggers Elsters neural pattern memories with? But that would make her character practically basic if she only had one purpose. But I can’t figure out what she’s even here for, maybe she doesn’t really have a purpose? Some characters in fiction might not have proper purpose but they’re very important to plot I think,
Oh the ariane having acute radiation syndrome, she would be in SO much worse of state in reality, burns everywhere only getting worse, skin cells dying, even her bone marrow [i forgot if this parts correct shh] possibly started to degrade [I think I’m thinking of chromosomes], her teeth falling out, her organs dying from the inside out, losing absolute control over her own bodily fluids, I understand that it’s probably for creepy affect with her very basic black arms and legs to show nercotic skin but realistically ariane would’ve been dead much sooner when the radiation kicked in, even with the cryo medical pod. We all know of the person who had severe radiation poisoning, he died after a long battle. Considering Ariane would’ve practically be begging Elster— if Elster didn’t die first, because to me atleast, Replikas much more fragile when it comes to things like radiation, excluding MNHR units. They would start to degrade faster than a human would,
Ariane would be in so much pain, her skin wouldn’t even turn black it’d fall off exposing muscle and nerves. And her hair doesnt make sense, when someone has that much radiation and Ariane probably got out through so much more radiation, her hair would’ve fallen OUT, not grown. She would’ve looked like a burned mummy, and most likely. Elster wasn’t Alive to see any of Ariane’s true pain, yet Ariane probably would’ve still chosen the Penrose program. Why? Because hearing how sierpenski is that shit is SCARY. But also, we all know of Ariane’s bullying on rotfront. With how much she was getting bullied [I heard she even got put in hospital temporarily?? Idk if that’s right] she would of course pick that option. It’s like giving someone the option to choose: Go to school for years, Go for a year and get all of your diplomas immediately [of course it’s not a accurate comparison but shut up]
Bullying fucking ruins people, from experience I wanted to leave my entire country because I got bullied so badly. I wanted to leave the planet [as in going to space], when your given a choice between going to a facility or seeing the stars? You’d the stars especially in ariane’s place. The eusan nation is strict, and rotfront was terrible to ariane. Why would she want to put herself through more??
Anyways I’m literally ariane yeong (I bleached my hair to look like her, my roots are over grown tho 🫡) also sorry for so much writing, I have no one to really yap my ideas to 😔🙏
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celandeline · 23 hours
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Hiiii bestie, can we get an angry Carl x reader, leading to smut
Yes we can!
Make It Up To You
Carl Grimes X Reader (SMUT), oneshot
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“What the hell were you thinking?” 
You’ve never seen Carl this mad before. Sure, you’ve seen him get mad - pissed off, sulky, more snappy than usual - but you’ve never seen this. This is something else. This has his eye brimming with rage, and an ugly curl to his lips, like he’s getting ready to spit venom. 
“Anyone would have done the same!” You shoot back, brows furrowed. You don’t really understand why he’s mad at you. Going back into the department store after a bunch of walkers broke in wasn’t the smartest thing you could have done, sure, but you weren’t just going to leave Tara behind. Not when she’s saved your ass before. And you’re fine - a little scratched up from climbing through that broken window, but that's it - no bites, nothing serious. 
“It was stupid, and risky, and you could’ve gotten yourself killed!” Carl spits. 
Now you’re starting to get mad too - you’re tired, you haven’t really even gotten a chance to sit down since you and the rest of your run group got back, and now Carl’s in your face, almost shouting at you. “What happened to ‘we don’t leave anyone behind’?” You shoot back. “You’re saying I should have just left her there?”
“No! I’m just saying, instead of running in by yourself, you could have gone back in with the rest of the group. You know it’s stupid to go anywhere on your own, you could have at least asked someone to watch your back, or draw some of them away or something.” He says. 
“Sorry - there wasn’t a whole lot of time to draw up a plan before she would’ve gotten eaten.” You snark back at him. “And, in case you haven’t noticed,” You gesture down to the rest of yourself. “I’m perfectly fine. I can handle myself.”
“Couldn’t handle asking for backup, apparently.” He says, icy blue gaze boring into you. 
“What the fuck is your problem?” You ask. “It’s fine - I’m fine, Tara’s fine, everyone got back safe. Yes, I could have died, I know, I don’t need you lecturing me about the risks-”
“Maybe you do, ‘cause it seems like you forgot-” He cuts you off. 
“Fuck off.” You spit, turning around to head back to your house. You don’t need this right now - you just got back from risking your ass to get supplies for the town, and yeah, there were a couple really close calls when you went back in to save Tara. All you wanted to do was go home, take a shower, get a fresh change of clothes. But instead, you got an angry Carl Grimes trying to lecture you about shit you already know. You don’t even know why he cares so much - sure, you’re friends, but the way he was so angry-
“Where are you going?”
You roll your eyes at the sound of him following you, and don’t bother to turn around to look at him. “Home.”
He falls into step beside you, still glaring at you from under the rim of his hat. “You can’t just walk away in the middle of a conversation-”
“Didn’t feel like a conversation to me.” You interrupt him. “Felt like you were just shouting at me about how stupid I am.” 
“I didn’t-” He starts. “That’s not- I wasn’t trying to say that you’re dumb-”
“Well, you did. Quite a few times, actually.” You cut him off, heading up the steps to your porch. You turn around to face him once you get to the door. “Look, Carl, I’m really not in the mood to keep doing this right now-”
“I don’t think you’re dumb.” He says, the anger in his voice turning into urgency. “And I’m not trying to say that you’re weak or can’t handle yourself, or that you shouldn’t have gone back to save Tara, but it was risky. Too risky, and it didn’t have to be, and if it had gone bad, I don’t-” His voice cracks, and he stops himself. 
You wait for a moment for him to continue, and when he doesn’t, you roll your eyes. “Careful,” You snark. “It almost sounded like you were going to say something nice about me. If you’re done, I’m gonna go shower-”
His lips are on yours before you can really realize what’s happening, and on instinct you pull away. “Carl.” You say, brow furrowed as you look him in the eye, searching for… something, to explain what the fuck is going on. 
“If you died, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” He says, lips only an inch away from yours. All the anger in him has turned into pleading, his eyes wide, searching your gaze the same as you search his. 
“So, what, you shout at me the moment I get home?” You ask. 
“I’m sorry.” He says. “Really. I just- I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Please.”
-
Most of the time, you find the extravagance of the houses in Alexandria a little annoying. It only serves as a reminder to before, how your mom used to cut out pictures of places like this to scrapbook into her future plans journal. It only serves as a reminder to how much your dad would grumble about ‘rich people shit’ when he got home from the construction site. 
Now though, you find yourself a little grateful for the heated flooring in the ensuite master bathroom, and the spacious glass shower. The glass is almost completely covered with steam from the hot water cascading out of the showerhead, and you can only see the faintest reflection of yourself, back against the tile as Carl fucks you.  
He’s propped up above you, watching you reverently as his hair drips water onto your cheeks. You keep running your hands through the wet strands, trailing your fingernails across the nape of his neck to make him shiver, despite the heat of the shower. 
“Fuck.” He gasps, dropping down to press his chest against yours and tuck his head into the crook of your neck. 
“Mmm.” You return, taking the opportunity to mouth at the side of his neck, gently sinking your teeth into the skin there. He moans again, and his hips stutter against yours, briefly losing his rhythm before regaining it. You trail your lips upward to bite at the lobe of his ear, and grin when he falters again. 
“Stop doing that.” He pants, pulling his head out of the crook of your neck to look down at you again. 
“Why?” You ask, winding your arms around his shoulders to tug him down for a quick kiss. “I can tell you like it-”
“I’m supposed to be the one - mm, fuck - making it up to you, not the other way around.” He says. 
“You already picked - ah - all of the walker guts out of my hair, I think your debt is paid.”
He shakes his head, little droplets of water flying out of his hair. “Not until I make you cum.”
He throws himself back into fucking you with his full focus, burying his head back into the crook of your neck to mouth at your collarbones, panting heavy against your skin. You let your eyes flutter shut, enjoying the ride. It’s good - surprisingly. He’s done this before, you think - Enid, probably - enough times to know what works and what doesn’t, and if he keeps going at the rate he is, he might actually get you to finish without you having to help him along. 
“You’re so pretty.” He says, breathy against your skin. 
You open your eyes again, and run a hand up his spine, causing him to arch into you. “You should’ve just - fuck,” You gasp at a particularly hard thrust. “Told me you liked me.”
“Probably.” He agrees. “Didn’t - mm - want you to say no though.”
“I think it’s pretty obvious I wouldn’t have.” You breathe, winding a hand into his hair again, holding him against you as the coil in your stomach tightens. 
“How was I supposed to, ah, know?” He asks, lifting his head out of your neck.
“Could’ve asked-” You tip your head back against the tile as you feel yourself nearing the edge. “Fuck, Carl-”
He groans, low in the base of his throat, and speeds up his thrusts, snapping his hips against yours. “Please,” He moans. “Please, please-”
You sigh as you cum, and pull him down against you. You’re more relaxed than you’ve ever been as you come down, between the sex and the heat of the shower around you. Carl doesn’t take too long to follow, letting out a few more hiccuping moans before he pulls out, shooting his cum onto the floor of the shower. You watch it get carried away down the drain as you catch your breath. 
Carl plops himself down on the floor of the shower next to you with a satisfied smile. “Good?”
“Very.” You agree, pulling yourself up from where you were sprawled on the floor.
A moment passes between you, the only sound is that of the shower water hitting the tile, and you take a minute to just look at him, taking in just how pretty he is. 
“Sorry again.” He says, breaking the silence. “For yelling at you. And, um, not telling you that I liked you.”
“S’okay.” You say, because it is. “We got there, eventually.”
He laughs a little. “Yeah.”
You grin at him. “We’re going to have to clean off again.”
“That’s alright with me.” He says, returning your smile.
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jeyusos-girl · 19 hours
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a/n: yall someone tell this man to release me from the spell he’s cast on me 😭😭😭
don’t know where this came from but here it it
i feel like i may make another version of this without the angst bc it wasn’t supposed to be angsty to begin with 💀💀💀
word count: 832
❤️💔❤️
“What do you want?” Y/N whispered, stretching her limbs over her king-sized bed, loving the way the silk sheets felt over her smooth skin.
There was a beat of silence before the man at the end of the bed spoke up.
“You.”
A smirk painted itself on her glossy lips. She pulled herself up, leaning back on her bent elbows.
“Which part of me?” she teased, biting her lip. She stared into his dark eyes, feeling a chill creep up her spine. She hated that he had that effect on her.
Her teasing did nothing to crack the stoic look on his face.
“All of you.”
She fell back on the bed as his strong hands traveled up her legs, gripping and massaging her calves. Her skin broke out in goosebumps. She did little to stop the satisfied moans from escaping her lips.
She ignored the alarm bells ringing in her head when his hands inched towards her thick thighs.
“Why are you holding back from me?” he asked gruffly.
She heard him, but she didn't speak. Too deep in a euphoric daze brought on by the feeling of his big hands roaming her thighs.
She was shaken out of that daze when a sharp slap cracked across her left thigh. A soft gasp fell from her lips as he pulled her to the end of the bed. They were now face to face, his stoic expression replaced with one Y/N couldn't decipher.
“Why are you holding back from me?” he repeated, growing more frustrated.
“You're married,” Y/N stated matter-of-factly.
He rolled his eyes, standing up straight. He ran a hand over his full beard, not making eye contact.
“We’re getting a divorce,”
“I've heard that one before,” it was her turn to roll her eyes.
“I’m serious, I’m meeting with my attorney next week,”
The room went silent for a moment before Y/N spoke up.
“You're still legally married,”
He let out a frustrated sigh.
“My marriage has been over for a while regardless of what the law says you know that,”
“Okay but-”
“Why are we still talking about this,” he interrupted her.
“I don't sleep with married men,”
He smirked at that. Of course he did.
“Well then, how do you explain what happened three years ago?” he wove his fingers through her hair tugging harshly so she couldn't look away from his fiery gaze.
She swallowed harshly as she felt herself shrinking internally.
“That was a mistake, you know that,” she whispered.
“Really? Four days of making love all over Hawaii was a mistake to you? Be honest with yourself.”
“I am honest with myself but you can't say the same can you?” Y/N snapped.
“You knew marrying her was a mistake, I told you you'd regret it. That's why you'd come crawling back to me every time you and her argued, that's why you flew me to Hawaii after she said she was done with you for the millionth time and that's why you showed up on my doorstep unannounced after almost 2 years of not speaking to me because you finally have the balls to do what you should've done a long time ago.”
He slowly loosened his grip on her hair as he saw her eyes well up with tears.
Y/N was a tough girl, but Tama had always been her weakness.
“And I was stupid enough to let you in again,”
“Baby,” Tama tried to wipe away the tears that escaped her eyes.
“No Tama, I can’t do this again, you're just going to leave me like you always do.”
She stood up from the bed, pushing him away in the process.
He watched as she sat at her vanity, silently wiping away the tears that kept coming.
“You're right,” he murmured.
She looked at him through the mirror as he paced the room.
“You’re right, I do regret marrying her, I regret not choosing you every time I think of what my life has become,” he paused as Y/N turned to face him.
He moved closer and kneeled before her.
“I hate that I put you through this for all these years, I would give anything to go back in time and change this situation. I love you, and I will never stop trying to make it up to you.”
“I don't know, I don't think I can handle another heartbreak Tama,” Y/N mumbled with her face in her hands.
“You won't have to baby. Just let me make it up to you,”
He moved her hands from her face and cupped her cheeks in his hands.
She didn't pull away, instead, she leaned into his touch as his thumbs caressed the soft skin.
“Okay, one last chance. That's it,”
He nodded, searching her eyes before testing his luck and leaning in slowly.
Y/N met him halfway, and their lips met in a sweet yet timid kiss.
‘hopefully he stays true to his word’
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ecargmura · 3 days
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Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 4 Review - The Sparkling Star's Little Baby Sun
A new member joins the Fujiyoshi family! There are some people that are a bit upset that Masaki’s pregnant belly didn’t show, but that’s the case of some omegaverse stories; they skip the belly and go straight into the post-birthing time skip. Why is that? Risks, perhaps.
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A little fun fact about Hikari in this episode. Did you notice how his face looks chubby and round in the first half? Now take a look at him in the second half, his face is less chubby and round, but it’s still babyish. Hikari was two years old in the first half of the episode but after the time skip, he’s three now. How do I know? The official website lists Hinata’s birthday as January 7. Hikari’s birthday is April 14. The time skip was 6 months after the cute scene with the family before her birth. While Masaki said that he had Hikari in his womb for 10 months, Hinata seems to be around the same? The pregnancy announcement was exactly on Hikari’s birthday on April. Count 10 months later, it’ll be January. That means the first half took place around July. The second half is probably several months after Hinata’s birth, meaning that Hikari’s birthday had already passed and now he’s three. Hinata can crawl, meaning that she’s around six months? Hikari’s growing too fast, honestly; look at him! He can speak more articulately now, albeit still having the baby lisp.
Hinata is adorable! I love how each baby look like one of the parent but not completely. Hikari looks like Hiromu, but has Masaki’s hair curls. Hinata looks like Masaki, but has Hiromu’s straight hair and long eyelashes. I love that they’re not a 100% carbon copy of one parent, but maybe like a 98% copy? I love how Hikari was the one who inspired them to name her Hinata. The scene where they were in bed and Hikari explains how the sun is the baby and how the baby would pop from the sky and come to them was super adorable. It’s also very innocent in a way! His innocence moved Masaki; it was a sign that told him everything would be alright and that Hinata would be a healthy baby regardless of her type.
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Hinata is voiced by Konomi Kohara! If you watched Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, Kohara voiced the little mayor girl from the Sword Village. Hikari’s voice actress also voices Frieren, they’re reunited in a way. Kohara is actually doing a really good job with the baby babbles. She was in Gakuen Babysitters as Kirin, so she’s like a professional baby voice actress alongside Tanezaki!
I do love that there are ups and downs in this episode. While the entire episode is diabetes-inducing, there are some dark aspects like Masaki considering abortion for a brief moment. He doesn’t go through with it, but just having such thoughts is rather surprising because of the things he had endured growing up. I like how human this is. No one knows what their child looks like inside the womb and how it’ll grow up. He has human worries and it feels realistic in a sense, but sprinkle in omegaverse. There’s also the part where that acquaintance of Hiromu told Hikari in front of Masaki “Aren’t you glad you were born an alpha?” Argh, conservative old farts are just the worst.
The Hiromu and Masaki scenes are so wholesome. They’re seriously an ideal couple. Seeing Hiromu just scooping Masaki into a tender embrace was super sweet. Just seeing them lovey dovey makes me feel like I’m third wheeling as hard as Hikari and Yuuki. I also liked the part where Hiromu pops up and pins Masaki to the bed as the latter was lying down. It shows that Hiromu really likes spending time with Masaki whenever he can without the kids whether it be brief. Hiromu is seriously an ideal partner to have. He’s not a green flag or a forest, he’s an entire meadow. Why can’t be real men like him? 
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As someone who was super into this story back when it was still just a manga, there are a few little details that casual viewers and BL fans that just got into this story might not know, so I’m here to fill them in for you. These were just things I remember reading on the author’s Twitter page a long time ago. I don’t know if these are still true on the author’s part, but they most likely are.
Masaki’s parents. I don’t remember if the manga ever pointed this out, but the author did mention that Masaki’s parents were females and most likely beta because his relatives, who will appear in a few episodes, are betas. Whether this will be told in the anime is unknown, but hopefully because the anime does make some changes from the manga like the Matsuo and Yuuki scene in the post-credit scene.
Hinata’s type. While Hinata’s type is speculated by Masaki while she was still in her womb, her type is not specified at all. I assume that if babies turn one years old, they’ll know their type? Because Hikari was specified to be an alpha and he was turning two at the time. The author reveals on their twitter that Hinata is also an alpha.
The post-credit scene with Matsuo and Yuuki shows the start of a romance flag. What do you think about this ship? I think they’re cute in a way like how Yuuki isn’t all shy and nervous around Matsuo from the moment he met him.
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I feel like I wrote way too much for this review. Um, I hope you enjoy and what are your thoughts on it?
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honeypleasejustkillme · 11 months
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i hate when i’m spiraling and he says “breathe, it’s gonna be okay” ik in the grand scheme of things it’s gonna be okay but right now, in this moment, it’s not okay and i feel like dying.. so no, it’s not okay
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8rujaa · 7 months
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to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?
#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened#i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close#and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way#i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao#now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest#and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell#i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop#but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again#i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier#it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men#and i find myself unable to connect with anyone…#i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed#i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it#i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly.#i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad#i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so#i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized…#when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was#like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u#i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function.#plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized#how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone…#i went thru all that for nothing…#and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why#brain vomit
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the-casbah-way · 18 days
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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA
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wikipediary · 1 month
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Don’t wanna be ‘friends’ (using this term extremely loosely) with this one girl i’m in the same cohort/course with…her belief system + the way she perceives other people and the world is so…i cannot think of a better word so: SHUDDERING. but she’s friends with my circle of cohort/friends so she’ll always be in my circle…?
#she cheated with her ex when her ex already had a new girlfriend and she didn’t feel any remorse at all#she justified her cheating by saying sex is just sex w/her ex & that she wanted her ex’s gf (which she hasn’t even met or known) to feel the#(same things she did hurt; betrayed; cheated on) and i’m like. you’re a fucking cheater? that’s so horrible for you to do?#you don’t even know this girl? she came to be with ur ex in an appropriate way? wdym she deserves to be cheated on because you did…#BY ANOTHER MAN? not even this specific ex?#literally so insane. and she’s like: im going to therapy blah blah blah but clearly you lack the respect and consciousness#me and my friend who listened to her said that she should confess that they cheated with each other to the poor girl but she’s like…#‘not my business’ uhm the fuck it is? you were a third party. and saying that the boy should be the one confessing…uhm WHY NOT U BOTH?#and their relationship (ex and girl) CONTINUED even after the fact and they broke up only recently (early march) and idk if the girl knew#like. truly. i’ve never met someone so incredibly…vile? i guess? what’s a better word for it 😭#and what’s also so inappropriate about her is that she has like a bf and she keeps droning on about her ex like rent free in her mind#keeps flirting w other men; looking at them and saying she has crushes and all that and want to make a move. like. YOU HAVE A BF?#i don’t wanna be near someone like that. and what’s unfortunate is my close friend is close with her so i’m a ‘friend’ BY association#and that friend of mine also can’t disentangle herself from her bec she’s her first ever friend in uni lmao. so there’s sentimentality there#& we talked abt this w each other; how disappointing it was for her to be like that. and how my friend feels she’s complacent in being okay#with cheating (but she’s not) and i’m like…ugh.#probably one of the worst people i’ve ever met i’m so sorry to say that genuinely. when i’m with her in a grp (i NEVER hang out w her alone)#i feel like my principles r being hijacked and violated and being engulfed by something i’ve kept myself away from lol
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idkitsjustmeandmyself · 6 months
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sometimes i think about everyone i knew when i was younger and how they have a memory of me who isn’t me anymore. how am i supposed to cope with the idea of me as a little girl running around in the minds of everyone i used to know. i want to dig my nails into those memories and scratch her out of every image and every video that could get played in the brains of those remembering who i was before i turned into the person i am now
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bymcr · 8 months
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current mood :/
#just feel like being dramatic pay no mind#i truly just need to go to sleep and i’ll be fine for at least a little while#i’m just frustrated with myself i feel so fucking stupid all the time and then keep putting myself in the same situation over and over again#insane shit#also just like motherfucker how are you so unaware of the shit you do and say like fucking hell#and like do you even give a fuck about me in any meaningful way or am i just an npc you can summon when you’re bored or need something#but at the same time i feel like i’m always bothering you god everything is so fucked#BUT YOU’RE LITERALLY SO CONTENT AND THAT’S WHATS REALLY FUCKED#quite literally how the fuck am i not over this i’m so tired and maybe i should’ve taken some space in december#but if i had i feel like we would’ve lost touch#and now we’re way closer than before but i can’t stop wanting shit that i can’t have and it’s pathetic#so i guess im just doomed like holy shit i want to be dating someone to move tf on but i truly don’t give a fuck about these tinder people#and like i said friends is fine and i meant it but i didn’t think it’d be so fucking hard#and with all the time we spend together like why tf don’t we just give it a shot just to see like fuck you’re not even a little curious#like am i that awful#i just wish i could care exactly the same amount as you do#i don’t wanna not be friends i’m just sick of feeling guilty cause my brain keeps saying like oh you’re a terrible friend#cause you only do xyz cause you think it’ll make them want you#and that’s not true#for the most part 🫠#but also fuck maybe i just should not be around as much and like quietly get a little bit of distance#but i don’t want that shit lmao#wtf do i even do god i hate thisss#also fuck you cause you really have me going sometimes like things are different#but in your head you’re literally just saying things#FUCK UGH#anyway this should’ve been typed in my notes app lmao#but it’s already here and it’s almost 5am so presumably no one will see it
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