#some projection about father figures and unrequited familial affection

[hippielittlemetalhead]

So I've seen a lot of 'Hop actively dislikes and distrusts Steve', 'Hop tolerates Steve because he's useful during UD shenanigans but doesn't like him', and the big swing to 'Hop has adopted Steve as his own and treats him the same/almost the same as he does El'

BUT, I present:

Hop pseudo adopts Steve because when he and Owens were trying to get the Harringtons to make any decisions about their teenager who saw some sketchy shit and may need government testing they legally gave Hop the rights to act in loco parentis and he takes that seriously because he doesn't want another Will Byers and he's pretty sure the Harrington kid has a concussion.

Hop who stays involved just enough in Steve's life season 1-3 that we the audience see Steve is getting attached. But Hop just sees an annoying kid who won't leave him alone when he's trying to deal with a rebellious psychic and her insane little friends and keeps asking stupid questions about highschool romance and teenage rivalry drama. Knows Joyce Byers doesn't like the kid but won't give a lot of reason why but he's mostly learned to trust that woman's judgement about people. Still gets him the job at Scoops when the kid's dad makes a stink about college and tells him if he survives a few months there he'll consider bringing him on the force, makes sense to keep him close and in a position to help should shit hit the fan again.

Hop who doesn't get it when Steve is one of the most relieved when he 'comes back to life' after Joyce and Murray bring him back from Russia. When Steve introduces him as "My Hop," (something he'd taken to calling him just before season 2 shenanigans) to his sarcastic, fidgety little friend like it means something. The girl, Robin, looks between the two of them and gets this sad look on her face for a second before smiling and shaking his hand and saying something about "Dingus has told me all about you".

Hop who complains to Murray one of the times The Party and assorted teens and adults are over at his renovated and expanded cabin (courtesy of Owens and shady government organizations recognizing these people are worth investing in, heavily if omens are to be believed) when the bald annoyance asks about what's up on there. Complains about having annoying teenagers who have nothing better to do but pester him legally put under his supervision cause their parents can't be assed to care and are spoiled little shits who are slightly more bearable versions of said parents cause he can stand toe to toe with one of those monsters they faced and the kids kind of listen to him. Complains about barely being able to breathe cause of regular visits and check-ins like Hop was still responsible for him. Says at least the extra hands are useful around the cabin what with the still healing up and El pacing herself after the showdown with Creel and still trying to find Max and the Byers not quite moved back to Hawkins yet.

Hop who doesn't realize that Steve hears every word cause he had gone looking for the older man when he disappeared for more than a few minutes, when he couldn't see him to make sure he was here and safe and alive. Steve who thought Hop actually had come to care for him in his own gruff way and had confessed to Robin that in a lot of ways the way Hop has taken care of him makes him the closest thing to the father figure he's always wanted but never thought he'd get to have. Steve who hears Murray hum and recollect a visit from Nancy and Jonathan where their romance officially started (he vaguely knows about the visit, didn't realize that's what happened, didn't realize she couldn't be bothered to even do the decent/considerate thing before moving on to something better) because it seemed it was a pattern he was seeing 'people liked Steve, but people didn't love Steve'.

Hop who hears a choked sound like someone taking a claw to the gut and turns to see Harrington. Steve Harrington his bandages just peeking out from the collar of his shirt and the opening of his sleeves. (He never did get the stories behind those, too busy being fussed over and being told about the kids and how they were doing as Harrington played babysitter) Steve Harrington a kid who went through hell and still managed to smile and laugh and stand tall and unyielding looking at him with a blank face his eyes misty and his shoulders starting to curl in on himself before he clears his throat, chokes out that he just wanted to make sure Hop was alright but looks like Murray had everything under control. He'd go now, get out of his hair, let him rest, let him breathe. Steve Harrington who walks away with purpose like a man on a mission and doesn't acknowledge the kids calling out asking if he's alright, make sure he has his walkie talkie on him.

Hop, who realizes maybe he left behind two kids who missed (needed) him. Who wonders who took care of Harrington's paperwork when he was concussed and sedated because he was bleeding out and feverish from infection and Hop was busy at the cabin reveling in the comfort and warmth of his daughter and the woman he loved and her two sons who were fast becoming like his own. Hop, who realizes too late that maybe if he'd given the kid half a chance he could have had 3 sons to sit with him and his daughter and the woman he loved as they basked in surviving another end-of-the-world. Hop who has spent years barely giving a damn about Steve Harrington and realizes that he's no better than the kid's own parents.

Part 2

Part 3

#nttttf verse #Never Took The Time (To Forget) #yeah the ramblings of a madperson #honestly made myself choke up with this one #some projection about father figures and unrequited familial affection #we in our feels today #morbid and melancholy unlovable bastards are we #got the morbs #hopper adopts steve #but make it sad #steve harrington whump #Hopper POV #mostly #come yell about the sad with me #rambler writes

[latenightcinephile]

Film #915: 'The Bad and the Beautiful', dir. Vincente Minnelli, 1952.

The Bad and the Beautiful is a perfectly fine film. It's so aggressively competent in every way that it doesn't have any of those stand-out features that instantly secure a film its place on the 1,001 list. It's a 1950s melodrama, which classic Hollywood studios loved. It's about morally-grey individuals in the film industry, which classic Hollywood studios really loved. It's told predominantly in flashbacks, which instantly lends the film a persuasive parallel with Citizen Kane (Orson Welles, 1941). None of these things make the film exceptional in itself, though, and as a result it's kind of difficult to tell what made it eligible for canonisation. I think a lot of the affection for this film is due to the combination of a number of major figures at pivotal points of their careers - Vincente Minnelli, Lana Turner, Kirk Douglas, Gloria Grahame - as well as the prurient interest in a film that is clearly based on a number of real figures in the film industry. What makes this film deeper for me is what it doesn't do, as much as what it does.

Three Hollywood icons, writer James Lee Bartlow (Dick Powell), actor Georgia Lorrison (Turner) and director Fred Amiel (Barry Sullivan), are all summoned to a meeting with the famous producer Harry Pebbel (Walter Pidgeon). Pebbel is trying to get them on board for a new project devised by the disgraced producer Jonathan Shields (Douglas), in order to secure funding. While Pebbel waits for a call from Shields, he quizzes the three guests about their history with Shields, aware of their antipathy for the man. Amiel and Shields started to work together producing B-pictures for Pebbel, attempting to make it big in Hollywood. Shields is also driven by the desire to rebuild his family's reputation after the death of his father, also a film producer who died bankrupt. As their success grows, Amiel intends to direct a major feature, but Shields pitches it to Pebbel and allows the project to be helmed by a more established director. Wounded by the betrayal, Amiel never speaks to Shields again; the success of the film, however, allows Shields to start his own production company, which Pebbel then joins.

Meanwhile, Shields has met Lorrison, the daughter of a famous stage actor. Despite what everyone perceives as her lack of talent, Shields casts her as the lead in a dramatic period epic. Her anxieties and her unrequited love for Shields get the better of her, and she disappears shortly before filming, relapsing into alcoholism. Shields decides that the only way to keep her reliable enough for the film's production is to feign love for her. It works, with the film being a success, but on the opening night Lorrison finds Shields at his mansion with another young ingenue. Although her career takes off, Lorrison abandons her contract with Shields' studio.

Some time later, Shields purchases the film rights for Bartlow's debut novel, and requests that Bartlow write the script. In order to focus Bartlow on the writing, Shields arranges for a Lothario actor to entertain Bartlow's wife for a weekend. Returning from a successful weekend's writing, Bartlow and Shields discover that both Gaucho and Rosemary have been killed in a plane crash, en route to Acapulco. Shields keeps his involvement a secret, encouraging Bartlow to focus on the film's production while he takes over the directing. The resulting film is such a disaster from a directorial perspective that Shields shelves the picture, bankrupting his studio. Bartlow offers to return the favour, helping Shields out of his grief, but Shields reveals that he knew Gaucho was going to take a plane trip with Rosemary, and Bartlow storms out.

Despite the appalling way in which Shields has treated them, the three are now at the top of their respective professions, and Pebbel suggests that they owe a favour to Shields. Once Shields calls, the three of them decline and leave; however, they cannot resist listening in on the phone call as Shields explains the film's concept. The final shot shows the eavesdropping trio appearing to realise their mistake.

The story reveals the solidity of the film's structure - emotionally-charged and precisely split into its three parts. There are no real surprises to be had here; the film's chief asset is that it hits its beats perfectly throughout. Many of the more unusual choices made here, especially the flashback structure, had already been formulated and repeated throughout the 1940s to the extent that they were already a bit trite by the time Minnelli made this film. It could be said that this is the greatest strength of the film, though. By refusing to employ any avant-garde effects, or to elevate one of the film's subplots over the others, the focus remains on the emotional impact of the story itself. The film's few forays into the realm of hysteria are aberrations to the otherwise measured tone Minnelli takes. One especially notable example of this is the scene in which a tormented Lorrison, fleeing Shields' mansion after discovering his infidelity, drives through the rain, finally letting go of the wheel and thrashing about as the car (presumably) loses control. Daniel Eagan, in America's Film Legacy, writes that the scene is often referred to as one of Minnelli's most powerful moments of excess, although he feels that it "doesn't make much sense either psychologically or as an example of defensive driving", an indication that this is an unusual example of the film straying into silliness. Eagan sees Lorrison's entire storyline as the weakest of the three, perhaps because Minnelli seems to have invested 'the woman's story' with more overt emotional displays than the other two. Despite the fact that Shields is tangentially responsible for killing Bartlow's wife, Powell plays the scenes stoically, opting to punch rather than cry.

One of the most interesting aspects of the story, and one that distinguishes it from most flashback films, is that the stories feed into each other - Hollywood, after all, is an incestuous place. Lorrison lives next door to Bartlow in Hollywood, and so he thinks of her when writing the script for his film adaptation. Although the three Hollywood idols mostly interact in the framing story, then, they are still present in each others' flashbacks in a way that Shields, who appears only in the flashbacks, is not.

The involvement of Kirk Douglas as the lead is also significant, as Douglas was just beginning his career as a leading man. He was already notorious for playing cynical and ruthless characters, having appeared in Ace in the Hole the previous year, and was nominated for the Best Actor Academy Award for his performance here. While he lost the award to Gary Cooper for High Noon (Fred Zinnemann, 1952), he was displaying the kind of steadiness in performance that made him a major figure in Hollywood for decades. The film's performance at the Academy Awards is interesting overall, actually. The film was nominated for six awards, and won all of them except for Best Actor. Notably, the film was not nominated for either the Best Picture or Best Director awards. The sole acting award it received was Best Supporting Actress for Gloria Grahame as Rosemary, despite Grahame only being on screen for about nine minutes. Overall, then, the performances were uniformly strong, but without anything standing out to draw particular acclaim - despite the short screentime, Rosemary is one of the most memorable characters in the entire picture.

In terms of the sound and the visuals, however, The Bad and the Beautiful is stunning and sumptuous in equal measure. It's not surprising that many of the film's awards were for art direction, cinematography, and costume design. Throughout most of the film, Robert Surtees' camera is unobtrusive, opting for dramatic movement in two places: either as a joke's punchline, when he draws back abruptly to show Shields dropping Lorrison into a swimming pool to sober her up, or when he is mimicking the movement of the camera during the filming of Shields' epic version of Bartlow's debut novel. This versatility was key in Surtees' work on epic films, but also worked well on the smaller scale demanded by Minnelli here. Of course, a film about Hollywood is going to allow for greater opportunities for showy costumes and art direction (and the shots of film production certainly display this), but even the scenes in Lorrison's lowly apartment with its Murphy bed or Bartlow's Virginia house display an obsessive attention to detail.

The Bad and the Beautiful is one of those films that is largely forgotten today, like many of the melodramas of the 1950s, but given the talent involved, it's one that should have received more credit. We are so accustomed to thinking of directors and actors today as the drivers of a major film that it is hard to avoid the temptation to rank them as more important than the script or the visual aspects of the production. As a result, when a director such as Vincente Minnelli works to make each aspect of a film as strong as any other, the finished product often lacks any of the hooks that make the film stay in the memory for very long. This is a good film, and one that is well worth a watch. If it were a little less perfect, it might even be one of my favourites. But it doesn't frustrate me enough; it doesn't surprise me enough; I have nothing to say about it except for noting the amorphous 'goodness' that emanates from every surface. I will remember Lana Turner flailing in the rain, but what I should be remembering is the way that the camera corrects for framing and the way the actors hit their marks perfectly, as well as the nuances in their performances. Minnelli fit the production of this film in between two musicals, An American in Paris (1951) and The Band Wagon (1953). Both of these films are remembered far more, not for their technical competence (although both are full of this) but because of their flights of fancy. The Bad and the Beautiful succeeds without this fancy, but without it fades in the memory far more than it deserves.

#1001 movies #vincente minnelli #the bad and the beautiful #melodrama

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 10

Prominent Lilith…

in a chart  can be found in people who work in areas like defending the rights of women, refugees, the under-privileged; in international law, in war zones, in women’s refuges. These individuals are gutsy advocates, activists... typically the people who experience the darker side of humanity and as a result, know the truth about it. The truth the general population would like to sweep under the rug. You’ll see this feminine energy surrounding the dishonored, rejected and abused. One who feasts on a never ending sampler of the deepest ends of the emotional spectrum; rage, grief, all forms of toxicity, past-life and trans-generational residues and influences, conception/in-utero/birth traumas. This where the “curse” label comes in, as anyone with strong Lilith positions is a carrier of the same, the accumulation of off all these attributes. She will be a receptor of it as well as a deliverer. She will also use it to her advantage and can become someone quite feared and respected.

Prominent Lilith in a man’s chart will usually indicate that he will act out Lilith’s issues through a partner or project Lilith’s issues onto them. There are likely to be issues with the mother. Very similar to a Moon in Scorpio in a man’s chart or moon in the 8th. He may also attract partners who are very strong in their femininity and the quintessential “man-eater”.

Those with Saturn in Capricorn

Will usually find themselves being the ambitious types-especially regarding school or their career. Saturn is discipline and in its element in Capricorn [ruled by Saturn]. 

12th House Stelliums in Synastry or Composite

Can indicate a spiritual-like connection. A deep emotional connection with a ton of emotional involvement. Very likely two people ill appear in each other’s dreams. May even indicate a telepathic connection with heavy Neptunian house influence. However it can also indicate undoing by either one of the natives to the other. In addition, it can indicate a relationship that has hidden aspects. Often this is seen in relationships that are forbidden or forced to be kept secret in some way. Be careful with unrequited love here as well as deception. Heavy 12th House has this nasty knack for making those with it’s influence feel euphoric and even dreamy but it can be hard to ascertain where things are working for or against you. Asteroid Aphrodite Touching the Moon

Will accentuate a native’s beauty and sensuality. Their emotional expression will be seen as “beautiful” by others. This is a common placement found in actresses and even models. If in the 1st house this will be quite akin to having Venus [Aphrodite’s Roman counterpart] on the ascendant. If in the 5th house, a native might find themselves having frequent casual flings that will be catalyzed by someone being attracted to their physical appearance.

Placement found in “Sex workers” Will often be

Venus or Mars in the 10th, 6th, or 2nd

Pluto or Scorpio on the Midheaven

Uranus in the 2nd 6th or 10th [Uranus equates things that are unconventional and rebellious. It also rules the ‘Avant Garde’. On a career or Money house this can indicate one who makes money or has an unconventional career]

Mars in Aquarius [Pornographic actor James Deen has this placement]

Mars in the 8th

Mars touching Neptune [Neptune can indicate fantasy/illusion/acting + Mars = sex]

MARS IN CAPRICORN [Actress Sasha Gray has this placement]

Venus aspecting Mars Lilith and/or Pluto

Venus in the 8th

Dominant Lilith

Strong Asteroid Eros [433], Nymphe [875], Lust [4386]. or Priapus[H22]

Mars in Scorpio

Those with Mars in Pisces

Are quite passive with their aggression. They do not like conflict and typically hate drama but some can find themselves being subversive in their tactics. If badly aspected this can indicate cowardice or one who resorts to manipulative in order to assert their will.

“Sister Signs”

Such as Taurus and Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius, Aries is opposite to Libra, and Cancer to Capricorn are opposite each other yes but they are considered “Sisters” because of the way in which they balance each other out There is always give and take. Taurus is practical and down to earth while Scorpio is existential, Aries sets things off while Libra diplomatizes, Cancer feels and nurtures while Capricorn executes. Moon in the 8th House can indeed make someone think of sex often. 8th house is ruled by Pluto/Scorpio and the house that rules sex and the Moon is one, if not the most receptive point in the natal horoscope. As a result, a native with this placement may find themselves immersed in 8th house thoughts

Jupiter in the 8th House I’ve mentioned before in a man’s chart can indicate one who is well endowed [BDE]. In a woman’s chart it can be an indicator of one who is OVER sexed. The highest sex drives live here because Jupiter EXPANDS. Mars in this house is also a pretty powerful contender. 

Gaslighting...

In astrology, despite common misconception isn’t always a Plutonic attribute but a NEPTUNIAN one. Though Pluto is a master tactician and can often probe to the deepest levels of the psyche, Neptune can downright pull the wool over one’s eyes. Neptune rules confusion, illusion, deception and trickery [as can Mercury]. If there is someone in your life that has a nasty habit of this [natally or in synastry] check to see if

Neptune is aspecting Nessus

Neptune squaring/opposing Mars

Neptune squaring/opposing Mercury [Decepion/mind]

Neptune squaring/opposing Moon [Deception/Feelings]

Neptune squaring/Opposing.conjunct Nessus [Deception/abuse]

Neptune squaring/IOpposing Pluto

Neptune squaring/opposing Sado [Deception/perversion/abuse]

Neptune squaring/opposing asteroid Psyche No. 16 [Deception/Mind/innerworld]

Piscean influence or 12th House influence debilitated/afflicted.

Ladies and and Gentlemen, If you find yourself attracting predatory creepers who happen to be in the older age range...

This is likely due to some sort of Capricorn or Saturn placement touching your Venus. Saturn represents the “father figure” and when touching a receptive sexual/feminine planet like Venus, older men may prey on you. This is especially likely if there is a cross aspect to Pluto which adds obsession.

Moon/Saturn

in hard aspect can be an indicator as well.

Priapus touching Venus with Saturn

in the mix can indicate these older men will do anything to fuck you. Priapus is wild sexual abandon and need to merge [but the male version, he’s Lilith’s counterpart].

5th House Stellium with Saturn in the Mix

or a 5th house in Capricorn can indicate feeling restricted in the area of fun. 5th house is naturally ruled by Leo/the Sun and is the are of life that rules leisure, enjoyment, children/childhood, casual relationships [often of the sexual variety]. When Saturn is here, he can restrict or add a touch of maturity to the aforementioned areas. This could be the person who had to grow up faster than everyone else for whatever reason. This can also be the person who feels blocked from innocent expression of love and therefore they can be terrified of committing. They can be socially reserved, shy, awkward and/or naturally distant even if they deeply crave relationships. People can misjudge their temperament for indifference or coldness but in reality they can’t help it. This is not to say that they will never become emotionally/romantically involved, but more so it may take a longer time than others. Having benefics in said house can help combat the effect of Saturn [depending on harmonious or challenging aspects.]

When Jupiter is transiting one of your angles...

This is Usually an indicator of a lucky break and or windfall. Even more so if Uranus is in harmonious aspect to said angle. The luck can come out of the blue.

If aspecting the 10th, this can mean lucky break in the career.

 The 4th, Perhaps a lucky break in family or even a pregnancy. 

The 8th a lucky inheritance from a family member. 

7th, Luck in love.

Malefic Uranus in Natal or Synastry 

can indicate where one feels abandoned. Uranus is about “sudden breaks” so often if it is touching 4th, Sun, or moon it can indicate someone whose family has been plagued with Divorce. I often seen Sun inconjunct or square Uranus in charts of people whose father was absent or split from life right away. Moon in hard aspect to Uranus can be an indicator of an absentee mother. 

Composite Charts with Stelliums

Indicate that the planets and houses will be integral parts of the relationship

1st House stelliums indicate that the couple’s image and personalities will be significantly affected. All 1st house dealings will be accentuated. This will be a karmic relationship.

2nd House stelliums indicate the couple will be very concerned with material values or even quite possessive of each other. They may make money together. Gift giving can be a big factor in the relationship. Careful for neptune here as it can indicate “stealing” of resources.

8th House stelliums indicate the relationship will center around sex/obsession's and/or even marriage since this house is the life/death house. Karmic tie. 

4th House stellium indicate family, security and comfort will be paramount If Jupiter is here, they may have [many] children together.

10th House stellium can indicate a power couple or two people’s relationship that center around their careers. They may be talked about or subject of gossip only because their relationship is akin to celebrity to others.

3rd House Stelliums in Sagittarius 

Will usually be one who is verbose. They have a LOT to say and since the 3rd house is ruled by mercury, planet of communication and Sagittarius is a fire sign ruled by expansive Jupiter, one is always seeking to expand their mode of thought. They may have a knack for languages. These are also the people who will do well if they travel abroad for school. The classic “shipping you off to boarding school in Switzerland” aspect. Very Philosophical thinkers here. Akin to having a Mercury in Sagittarius.

Pluto touching the MC in Synastry

Can mean that the Pluto person can transform [for better or worse] the Midheaven person’s public persona, career, or reputation. For example, Brad Pitt’s Pluto is forming a harmonious aspect to Angelina Jolie’s Midheaven and she went from being the bad girl/outcast of Hollywood to gaining Pitt’s social capital the moment they got together. Her popularity increased exponentially because of him. She was more accepted due to her association with him in Hollywood inner-circles than she was before when acting out her aloof, devil-may-care, vile-of-blood sporting days.

Planets in your 1st House

Can influence your appearance just like your rising can. So even if you are a Scorpio rising, your Sun in your 1st house can make you shine despite the dark Plutonic influence on your ascendant. Aries rising’s are typically on the shorter and stockier side but with Jupiter in the 1st it can make one Tall and Muscular. Capricorn risings with Venus in the 1st Can have RBF yes, but with Venusian influence can have a sort of Cold Beauty. Leo Rising’s with Saturn in the 1st can have a regal aura but a very stern or austere appearance. Virgo Risings with Mars in the 1st Can often be very graceful. The structure and detail of Virgo with the athleticism of Mars are working together Ballerina’s/Dancers often have this placement.

Sagittarius on the 7th house/DSC Cusp or Sagittarian influence on Venus or 4th House can indicate marrying someone outside of your culture.

Minor Planet/Asteroid Pallas in the 3rd or touching Mercury can indicate a writer or someone who is quick witted and ambitious regarding intellect.

Positives for Venus in the 12th 

typically a knack for knowing how to love others. One see’s the hidden parts of others that they do not show. These are the people who wind up having complete strangers spill their guts to them because others unconsciously sense that this person is naturally sympathetic and an empath, Strong empathetic ability here. In addition They’ll attract people from all walks of life. Very go with the flow people. Easy to get along with. 

A square Between Saturn and Neptune in Synastry

Often means the Saturn person can restrict the dreaminess and idealism of Neptune. Saturn wants Neptune to come back down to earth and will often call Neptune out without reservation if they catch them being less than honest. Neptune may feel stifled and unable to express their idealistic nature with Saturn’s rigidity involved.

CEO Placements

Strong Cardinal Energy/Dominant Cardinal Modality in the Chart

Leo Midheaven/Strong Leonine Influence in the chart/angles

Taurus Midheaven

Mars/Aries Midheaven [Bill Gates has this Placement]

Capricorn/Saturn Midheaven [Jeff Bezos has this placement]

10th House Stelliums

Capricorn Risings

Scorpio Sun

Saturn in Scorpio

Saturn in Capricorn [Warren Buffet Has this Placement]

Earth Placements on the Angles

North Node influenced by Jupiter

Saturn, Mars, Pluto, or Jupiter as the Most elevated Planet

Hate to Break it To You

But if your North Node or Your Partner’s North node is squaring many Planets in synastry, this indicates a bit of an “uphill battle” regarding the relationship. The life purposes of two people are at odds. Though there can be tons of passion involved, two people can either encourage each other’s bad habits [usually the case with Jupiter] or Commitment may never be solidified [Uranus]. Venus squaring the north Node can indicate pain regarding love or just two people who may never get a chance to tell each other how they really feel. 

Those with Venus in Aries

Can be quite selfish in love. Aries is ruled by Mars, ruler of the 1st house that is all about the “I”. As a result, one’s loving style can be very egoic. These are usually the Takers in the relationship. They may find balance with someone who has Libran placements on their sexual planets but the give and take can feel unequal if Venus in Aries isn’t careful. Adversely, those with Venus in Libra or Mars in Libra need to take care to not be noodle-backs in romance. Love doesn’t always mean self-sacrifice or running yourself dry. It’s natural for those with these placement to appreciate reciprocity in relationships. After all, Libra is the scales. Balance. If you see that you are giving more than you are receiving, don’t be afraid to draw a boundary and set things straight with whomever might be taking advantage.

A positive for Venus in Aries is there decisiveness in romance, however. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to cut the fat if someone is not meeting their expectations. Rarely will you see this person suffering from self-worth issues. These are ferocious flirts. The kind of person who will ask you out first.

Strengths of Mercury as the Most Elevated Planet

Mensa Level IQ

Inventive

Witty

Quick

Agile

Dexterity

Easy Reading Comprehension

Excellent Writing Capabilities

Fine tuned to detail

Orderly

Funny [especially if Jupiter is touching]

Nessus in Capricorn

Can mean Dad was abusive or some Dominant parental figure could be/could’ve been a big source of Pain. in the 9th they could have demonstrated this by forcing the native to take up a belief system or secondary education that matched their values as opposed to the natives. Work can also be a source of abuse here or these natives can work themselves to death.

Sado in Gemini

 can mean one who can hurt with their words or can mentally abusive someone.

Those with Mercury in Earth Signs [Cap, Virgo, Taurus]

Find it VERY difficult to accept facts or figures without evidence. These are the skeptics. The ones who need proof. One who has this placement may think your love for conspiracy theories, or belief in ghosts is silly. 

Love Languages for the Signs are:

Aries-

Physical Touch/Words of affirmation. Mars is Masculine/Yang in nature. Code? Regardless of gender/orientation subscription- they loooooove their ego stroked. They love the fire stoked and are the ultimate Hype Men/Women. In their personal and public lives. The two languages work in tandem with Aries’ basic needs. You know an Aries loves you if they are cheering you on or giving you a headlock hug. They feel appreciated if this is reciprocated.

Taurus- Receiving Gifts. Taurus is ruled by Venus which rules the 2nd house of Money and Values. As a result, buying shit for a Taurus or showering them with expensive gits reaffirms the sentiment of love for them. They’ll often do the same.

Gemini- Words of Affirmation. This Chatty Sign loves to converse. They feel good when they’re able to socialize and exchange ideas. The sapiosexuals of the zodiac. As a result, words of affirmation tend to be their favorite mode of romantic/platonic expression. Giving or receiving. 

Cancer-  Acts of Service. Cancer is the sign of nurturing. Ruled by the moon, the celestial “mother” these natives don’t feel good if they’re not able to care for something or someone [no matter their hard exterior]. 

Leo- Physical Touch/Words of Affirmation. You’re doing it wrong if you’re not physically loving on a Leo or Telling them they’re awesome. Leo’s LOOOOOOVVEEE their ego stroke. It’s a fire sign thing. Plus, being the Lion’s they are, they need to feel that they are being recognized/worshipped. As a result, positive verbal reinforcement followed by a kiss or a hug usually does the trick for these natives.

Virgo- Acts of Service/Words of Affirmation. Virgo is mercury minded. Hence they work quite cerebrally. They need to HEAR you tell them something. Be it feelings, how they’re doing well, etc. However they are an earth sign that’s ruled by the 6th House of work and routine. You’ll find coaches, trainers, med professionals etc., here. Hence, acts of service tends to be a very Virgo-esque expression of love.

Libra- Gift Giving/Receiving/ Acts of service. Libra’s are also ruled by Taurus which rules the material/luxury. Their love of the finer things- often aesthetically pleasing aspects in life can be hit or miss for some, as it can appear superficial at a surface level. However, they, being a more passive sign love demonstrating their love by pleasing others. Keeping things charming, chill and agreeable. Venus also likes indulgence. This is why swag coming in or going out from/to a Libra  is appreciated. 

Scorpio- Physical Touch/Quality Time. Scorpios are ruled by Mars [planet of Sex] and Pluto [Planet of sex] lol. They’re also a water sign that’s honorary fire thanks to being co ruled by mars [Aries’ ruler]. As a result, these hard-shelled arachnids appreciate physical expressions of love. As opposed to intercourse, a Scorpio is satisfied with things as simple as hand holding, to a simple kiss on the cheek. Pluto likes to merge. Scorpio is also a water and 8th house is very binding on a life and death level. The most precious resource is time and Pluto rules resources. As a result, Scorpio’s enjoy receiving quality/giving time to/from the people they care for.

Sagittarius- Quality Time. Though these globetrotting archers have a hard time staying in one place, you know they love you if they are taking the time to be with you/putting their adventures on pause for you. In addition, they love spending time traveling and going places with those they love.

Capricorn- Gift Giving/Receiving/ Quality Time. These Goats live primarily in the material world so the fruits of their hard labor are the key to demonstrating their love to their loved ones. They also appreciate these things being given to them. Saturn is also father time and the ruler of longevity. Spending time with a Capricorn or them spending time with you is a sure-fire way to know that they give AF. 

Aquarius- Words of Affirmation. These are the big thinkers of the zodiac. So when they are working in their service/socially-minded modes, they appreciate being told that what they do makes a difference and is appreciated. They are also air signs so they primarily work through intellect.

Pisces- Quality Time. These Neptune ruled fish are the empaths of the zodiac. They feel everything so at times it’s important to have someone around to be there for them. That is why Quality time is often big on a Pisceans list for primary methods of affection [giving or receiving]. 

Astro Musings No. 1  Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3  Astro Musings No. 4 Astro Musings No. 5  Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8 Astro Musings No. 9

#Astro Musings #Astro Musing No. 10 #Happy New Year #a compilation of your unanswered asks in one place #enjoy #We made it #astrology #astro tumblr #Bruja tips

[thescribblerqueen]

Fanfiction Project List

So I’m compiling a list of all the fanfics that I have ideas for/ currently working on. I just kind of want to get them written down so that I can focus. They’re most fics for The Flash, which I’m currently the most focused on, but there are some crossovers and like maybe one that’s not. I have lists for other fandoms but they aren’t active, or I currently not active with them but I’ll eventually come back to those. But in the meantime this is what I’m thinking about or working on.

Barry Allen: Agent of Shield

Fandom: The Flash

Status: Ongoing and Published, on Chapter 12 of 21 (As of 1/15/21)

Summary: Barry Allen has always searched for answers about the impossible to solve his mother's murder. Shield investigates the things that the world isn't ready for. On Earth-616, Barry gets recruited out of high school by Shield and hopes to find the answers that he's looking for as an Agent of Shield.

Series: This particular fic is part of a series I’m starting. I have 3 full outlines including this one. The other two currently outlined follow follow the time Barry is in a coma and shield falls, & season 1 of the flash, season 2 of agents of shield, phase 2 of MCU.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20279197/chapters/48071875

_____________________

A House is Not a Home 

Fandom: Glee & Flash

Status: Being written, Chapter 4 is now Up (Update 5/7/21)

Tags: Kurtbastian, High school, mentions of psychological/emotional abuse, custody battle, Klaine break-up, Barry is Sebastian, PTSD, & Tags TBD.

Summary:  Barry was removed from Joe's custody and adopted by the Smythe's. He was forced to change everything about himself and was barely holding it together until now. Then he broke down in front of Kurt Hummel at the Lima Bean and told him everything. Now the Hummel's are helping Barry fight to live with his foster family, meanwhile, his mother's case gets a new development.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28224210/chapters/69163026

_______________________

Flash/Glee Sebklaine Fic

Status: Being written, not currently published

Tags: Sebklaine, klaine, Soulmate fic, Barry as Sebastian,unrequited soulmates, angst, maybe slow burn? Tags TBD

Summary: Barry has had Blaine’s name on his wrist his whole life, when he goes to Dalton he finds Blaine, but learns that he’s dating Kurt. He tries to tell Blaine who he really is but learns that only Kurt’s name is on his wrist. Soon after Kurt’s name appears on Barry’s wrist but neither of them have his name. He doesn’t tell them and moves on with his life, until they move to central city looking for their new soulmate and run into ‘Sebastian’. 

________________________

The Wrong Steps to the Right Place

Fandom: The Flash

Status: Ongoing, Chapter 7

Tags: Westhallen, Westhawne, polyamory relationship, A/B/O, omegaverse (slightly freestyle), Omega!Barry, Beta!Iris, Alpha!Eddie, Chronically Ill Barry, Drunk One Night Stand, MPreg, angst, unrequited love, bisexual barry, bisexual Eddie, mutual pining, near miscarriage, slow burn, smut TBD.

Summary: Barry accidentally has a drunk one night stand with Iris and Eddie. Neither of them remember but it changes how they feel about Barry and he’s trying to avoid getting his heartbroken if they remember. Barry also deals with a chronic illness, that is a result from being struck with lightning, that his speed-force can’t fix. 

AO3 Link:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/27111688

_________________________

You Should Have Lived

Fandom: The Flash & Arrowverse

Status: Chapter 1

Tags: Westhawne, Westhallen?, WestAllen (Two WestAllens? Barry/Iris & Joe/Henry), technical character deaths but not really, timetravel, sort of a fix it fic, mourning, angst. Tags TBD

Summary: A time remnant of Eobard Thawne gets a hold of a time relic called the Book of Alterations, allowing him to change the timeline in order to prevent his demise. Barry attempts to stop him but instead he ends up in a timeline where the Flash/Barry Allen was killed in the singularity. He knows that he has to fix things but his family and friends are desperate to keep him in this timeline in fear of the worst. 

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576458

_________________________

Flash/Glee (Ship TBD) Fic

Status: Not yet Written

Tags: Westhawne, Klaine, Brittana, Faberry, Niff, Barry’s ship is undecided, Barry is Sebastian, internalized homophobia, coming out, hate crimes, homophobia, wholesome platonic relationships, Henry Allen is alive but in a coma, replacing season 3, unintentional gas-lighting has psychological effects, Tags TBD.

Summary: Living as Sebastian for a short while makes Barry believe that he could never have the life he wants, no one believing him about his father’s innocence keeps him from coming out to his family. Iris is the only person he’s ever been close with which has some people convinced he loves her. He outed himself to Eddie so he wouldn’t breakup with her but since then he’s been trying to coax Barry into coming out but he won’t. He plans for it to stay that way until a influx of celebrities moving to central city means his friends from Dalton come back into his life. 

_________________________

Water Under the Bridge

Fandom: Glee & Flash

Status: Chapter 1

Tags: Kurtbastian, Westhawne, Klaine had a mutual breakup, rivals to lovers, mentions of past bullying and suicidal thoughts, starts pre-canon, Barry is Sebastian, Tags TBD

Summary: Kurt moves to central city in order to breakaway from his on/off relationship with Blaine after their divorce. He doesn’t have the same love for NYC anymore and takes an opportunity for a role on a rising TV show being filmed in central 6 months before the particle accelerator explodes, running into Barry and learns the full truth about his past and they start a new friendship.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29524416

_________________________

Flash WestAllen Fic

Status: Not Written

Tags: WestAllen, Not sure about Westhawne, Iris is the Flash, Barry will still be the Flash but later, Barry is the Blogger, People start to believe Barry when all the weird shit starts happening, Iris and Joe fight over whether or not to tell Barry about meta-stuff, more realistic coma, Season 1 Wally West

Summary: Iris is indirectly affected by the lightning strike when Barry is struck. Iris recovers quickly and shows no signs of being of meta until Barry wakes from his coma. Iris learns she has powers, they suspect Barry does but he shows no signs. Iris becomes the flash to get proof about Nora Allen’s murder but doesn’t want Barry involved while he’s recovering, but that’s not stopping him from chasing the flash. The reverse flash is desperate to fix things before it alters the timeline and wipes him from existence. 

________________________

Flash Westhallen Maybe #2 Fic

Status: Not Written

Tags: Westhallen? Westhawne, Past Barry Allen/Becky Cooper, single parent AU, mentions of date rape & sexual assault, teenage pregnancy, custody issues, PTSD, trauma survivor, & Tags TBD

Summary: When Barry was 16 his girlfriend Becky Cooper drugged his drink at a party and assaulted him, and let others take advantage of him. Nine months after the fact she drops their newborn at his doors and results in charges against her resulting in a slap on the wrist and primary custody over their daughter for him.How will he deal with this when he wakes up from his coma as the flash, now retaining full custody of their daughter.

__________________________

Flash (Similar Premise As Previous Fic) 

Status: Not Written

Tags: Westhawne, Barry’s ship undecided, past Barry Allen/Becky Cooper, single teen parent, single parenting, platonic co parenting, hidden teenage pregnancy, character redemption, Henry Allen is Alive, abusive relationship, toxic parenting, Bisexual Barry Allen, Bisexual Becky Cooper

Summary: Barry runs into Becky Cooper for the first time in years and learns that she has a daughter that is nearly as old as the last time he saw Becky. Nine months prior to that they had been dating. Barry is trying to figure out how to be there for his daughter while Becky Cooper has just recently fled an abusive partner.

_____________________________

Flash/Glee (Ship TBD)

Status: Not Written

Tags: Brittana, Platonic Barry & Brittana, co-parenting, Barry as Sebastian, sperm donor! Barry, Sebtana friendship

Summary: Santana figured out Sebastian Smythe’s real identity and used it to befriend him. His friendship with Santana and Brittney leads him to helping them have a child.Things take a turn when he becomes the flash. 

_____________________________

Flash Foster Parent Fic

Status: Not Written

Tags: Westthawne, Barry ship TBD, unrequited love, foster dad! Barry, meta foster kids,

Summary: Barry’s not sure what the next step to his life is going to be after letting go of his love of Iris, breaking up with Patty, and losing his dad. He didn’t think it would be becoming a foster parent to unwanted meta children.

______________________________

Flash/Agents of Shield/MCU #2 Fic

Status: Not Written

Tags: Barry Allen/Skye\Daisy Johnson, multiverse, Barry as an avenger

Summary: Barry was supposed to just be at a regular crime scene when an explosion occurs and he’s breached into the MCU. Despite his numerous attempts to use a inter-dimensional extrapolater to get back there seems to be something preventing his return to his earth. He decides in the meantime to work with Shield who is just learning how to deal with a bunch of super powered people and aliens.

____________________________

Reconciling the Differences 

Fandom: Supergirl & Grey’s Anatomy

Status: Chapter 2 (As of 3/11/21)

Tags: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Past Grey’s Anatomy relationships for Lexi, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres, Mark Sloan/ ?, lot of undetermined ships right now, I’m make a joke about Maggie Sawyer and Maggie Pierce at some point, brainwashing, kidnapping, Derek & Mark lived, Arizona and Callie didn’t divorce, plane crash happened, Arizona still lost her leg, warning I’ve only watched up to season 13 episode 1, temporary Sanvers breakup

Summary: Maggie Sawyer after her breakup with Alex Danvers, comes across a missing person’s case for an Alexandra Grey, who looks suspiciously like her ex. She uncovers a kidnapping and brainwashing conspiracy at the DEO as a result. With the help of J’onn they uncover it and Alex realizes that her and Kara’s whole lives are a lie and is trying to cope with remembering and reuniting with her friends and family, while Kara is struggling with her relationship with Clark and how his abandonment of her allowed her to be brainwashed.

A03 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29504175/chapters/72485544

#The Flash #glee #grey's anatomy #supergirl #Barry Allen #iris west #eddie thawne #mcu #agents of shield #westallen #westhallen #sebklaine #kurtbastian #brittana #faberry #santana lopez #sanvers #supercorp #daisy johnson #skye #alpha beta omega #soulmate #mpreg #sebtana #fanfiction

[isaakfvkampfer]

fic rec and fic-induced headcanon

Some SW fics I really love and would like to recommend. Some may be considered reaaaaaally weird and mind-blowing but all of them are brilliant! They inspired me and now my headcanon is reaaaaaaally fucked-up... You might want to read these fics first bc my half-borrowed headcanon is full of spoilers for them.

Out of the Dark Valley http://archiveofourown.org/works/6281581/chapters/14393407 Breaking the Future to His Hand http://archiveofourown.org/series/525610 Not In His Plans http://archiveofourown.org/works/5111396/chapters/11759570 Rococo http://archiveofourown.org/works/9101827 Sedition http://archiveofourown.org/works/8836729

Don’t read this half-borrowed headcanon if you are not prepared. It’s really fucked-up.

Plagueis is basically gay and he likes young boys. Palpatine is asexual and he only has an eye for power. The old perv uses Palps for several decades in every way, for he is the Master and Palpatine is only an apprentice at the time. Like in the Plagueis book, he dreams that they will rule the galaxy together, and Palpatine gets rid of him with Force-lightening. (This paragraph can be seen as a summary for Darth Videtur’s Breaking the Future to His Hand series. It’s her headcanon.)

Obi-Wan pines for Qui-Gon. Unfortunately, the latter is basically straight. He wasn’t that hard-core when he was younger, but his relationship with his Master which was full of unexplained sexual tension ruined it. He has been a lady’s man since then. He and Tahl had been dancing delicately around each other since they had known each other. Tahl died, of course. Qui-Gon treats Xanatos like a son he has never had but raising him in the Jedi way just makes it worse. Xanatos’ betrayal breaks him. He knows Obi-Wan has a thing for him but pretends he never sees it. Qui-Gon has a unique way of hurting those he cares most. He never realizes it. Not before he dies.

Pansexual Obi-Wan leaves a trail of ex-girlfriends/boyfriends/animal friends and unrequited love affairs. Some of his lovers are dead. And those relationships happen to be the ones he treats more seriously. He sees Anakin as a son and when his padawan grows older, a brother. He appreciates Anakin’s striking beauty, talent and vigor. If the young man courts him after he’s knighted, Obi-Wan won’t say no. He treats intimate relationships like a Jedi that even many of his fellow Jedi can’t understand. He finds that Anakin falls head of heels for the ex-Queen of Naboo and decides to respect Anakin’s choice so he never mentions it to others. He thought that Anakin was straight. Obi-Wan gets into a non-working relationship with Cody. 80% friend-with-benefits, 20% something else. Cody is gonna made a move for Obi-Wan when Order 66 happens.

No matter what Obi-Wan thinks, Anakin is not that straight, and he never thinks Obi-Wan as his brother, only a father figure, teacher and friend. He is attracted to Naboos. Like a duck reckons the first thing it sees as its mother, Anakin is greatly influenced by the Naboos he encounters. His crush for Padme should have stayed as it is, a crush, but it’s not. It’s been smothered for too long and becomes an obsession. Anakin also falls for Palpatine. His day-to-day life in the Temple and relationship with Obi-wan(the mixed working and family relationship), the entertaining and relaxing out-of-Temple time with Palpatine(friendship), and his imaginary romantic relationship with a girl he hasn’t seen in 10 years were the three fulcra for his life as a padawan. He opresses two of them – for the Jedi can never know about it – and the third one just grows and draws some elements from the other two. Thus his secret pining for Palpatine. Besides, he thinks Palpation is as Force-sensitive as a brick so his mind can run freely when they are together...(Thanks to Not in His Plan I got on this ship...)

When Anakin meets Tarkin in TCW, they become good friends. He starts to doubt many things. And Palpatine and Tarkin being old friends doesn’t help in quietening those doubts.

Ahsoka and Barris come together and end up in a relationship after Order 66. Barris was bitter about Ahsoka before the Temple bombing incident. (This headcanon is taken straight out of the prequel story of Out of the Dark Valley.)

The Empire replaces the Republic. Tarkin and Vader are the infamous Imperial terror duo. Their friendship remains. Vader soon discovers that Anakin Skywalker’s estimation of Tarkin’s private life is totally wrong. Tarkin is no celibate middle-aged work-driven gentleman. He’s been popular since his school days. He conquers women, men – all humans of course – but stays single. The relationship is never long. Years passes, and Vader discovers that he is the only one aware of this.

Palpatine’s propaganda advocates that working hard day and night is the only way to gain power, money and respect. Vader, Tarkin and he himself are the poster boys – look at us, single, rich and powerful and you all should WORK HARD AND PRAISE OUR NEW ORDER~~ Sate Pestage has been pining for him for decades. He has known him since the Emperor was an ambitious and handsome red-head Naboo noble. His devotion to Palps never wavered even if the other man has changed greatly. Palpatine knows that, of course. He keeps manipulating him without guilt.

Rumor mills run high that Grand Admiral Thrawn has a thing for the ysalamiris he keeps around. The ysalamiris are on his command chair, in his bedroom, under his sheets, anywhere he goes. It started in the joke mills. Some lowly officers’ drunk words. It evolves quickly and the originators quit the job and run to hide under some stones in the Wild Space or the Unknown Region after they discovered what they had done.

(This one starts basically as an AU of Rococo and takes many critical events off Out of the Dark Valley in later plots) Leia offers to marry Tarkin in exchange for the survival of Alderaan. Tarkin agrees, but he also states that the Death Star will stay in orbit around the planet before the wedding is complete. The wedding is held three days later. Bail has informed the Alliance to move the base off Yavin IV and in no condition should they contact Alderaan again. The day after the wedding, Tarkin takes Leia back to the Death Star and asks her to contact his father to disarm any form of planetary defense and give up the location of the Alliance’s base. Leia wants to negotiate. She tells Tarkin that the Alliance has changed its base and they don’t know where. Tarkin smirks and tells the operator to fire when ready. Leia nearly gets onto her knees. She asks if there’s any way that he will leave Alderaan alone. Tarkin says there’s none. Seconds later, Alderaan is gone.

Things of the fic Sedition happens. Tarkin and Vader’s relationship is getting even weirder.

Leia tries to assassinate Tarkin countless times but to no avail. Rumours spread around the Alliance that Leia is now an Imperial. Tarkin told Leia about the history of the Republic from another angle. Leia’s worldview has changed but she doesn’t want to believe it. In her heart she knows she is more an Imperial than she would like to be. Anyway, this won’t affect her plans for revenging Alderaan. Once an Alliance assassin comes to kill her, for Alliance comes across serious setbacks which is actually the spies in their own base’s doing but blames it on Leia. Leia is in another attempt of assassining Tarkin and she nearly succeeds before the Alliance assassin ruins it. The poor man is Force-choked by Leia in her rage and Tarkin finishes the job with a shot. Tarkin is intrigued that Leia is Force-sensitive. He tells Vader about it. Vader is in need of an apprentice. Leia has other plans and she does need training.

Vader has been searching for his son Luke Skywalker at the time. He doesn’t get Luke. He does get Obi-Wan. He uses some Force-illusions to convince the stormtroopers that in his fight with his old Jedi Master, the old man vanishes into thin air and becomes a Force ghost. That’s not the truth. The truth is that he betters Obi-Wan in combat and secretly imprisons him. He actually has no plan to kill his old teacher even if he’s been fantasizing it since Mustafar. And Obi-Wan tells Vader that there’s one secret that no one knows now except him. Vader knows it’s true and he also knows torturing is no use and he can’t get into the other man’s head without killing him. Obi-Wan stays on the Executor as Vader’s secret prisoner.

Luke and Han Solo are Alliance’s last hope. They make trouble all around the Empire. Palpatine knows that Vader is looking for Luke. He just sits comfortably in his throne far away in Coruscant and watches with popcorns in one hand and a goblet of Naboo blossom wine in another.

Han and Luke gets in one Imperial gala in disguise as some alien species. They find Leia. Luke says that he and Han don’t believe the girl he saw in R2-D2’s holo projection will take the Empire’s side, and they are smuggling her out. Leia refuses to go with them. Against her better judgement, she admits that she is learning from Darth Vader so she could kill Tarkin one day and even the Emperor himself. She doesn’t say she wants to kill Vader because she learns that for all the closeness between Vader and Tarkin, the Dark Lord actually hates the Death Star. Besides, she knows that without Vader’s help, she can’t take out Palpatine.

Luke is pissed. He tells Leia that Vader kills his father. They don’t notice in their heated discussion the said Dark Lord silently comes.

“I am your father!”

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

Han is made into a wall decorator, because he sees something in Solo’s eyes when he looks at his son, and he DOESN’T LIKE IT. Vader then gifts him to Thrawn as a return of favor – he has promised the Chiss one day he would get him some unique art that he has never seen. He doesn’t care if the Grand Admiral appreciates his dark humor.

At some point Vader has moved Obi-Wan to Tarkin’s flagship, Executress. He can’t risk Palpatine’s inspection. Tarkin seldom stays on his flagship any more. He spends most of his time on the Death Star. Luke is put into the cell next to Obi-Wan. Vader wants to know if these two old acquaitances get together, Obi-Wan might loose his tongue.

Luke expresses his frustration at Han being taken and his anger for Leia refusing to come with them which led to their capture. He also confesses Princess Leia looks fantastic in person and is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen blahblahblha. Obi-Wan doesn’t expect that, and in a hurry he tells Luke that Leia’s his twin sister. Both Tarkin and Vader got the video feeds. Vader is too stunned to think of anything else, while Tarkin comes to the most bizzare realization of his life that he just sleeps with both father and daughter.

--The End—

Well, Tarkin might be considering eliminating Palpatine along with Coruscant by using the Death Star. I think Leia and Vader have to convince him otherwise. They might need to kill him idk. Thrawn hasn’t decided what he is gonna do about the Death Star. It’s both a threat and a unique weapon. He might decide to use it just once against the lurking unknown threat. With his passive-aggressive way against the Alliance, the latter survives longer.

#star wars #sw fic rec #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #leia organa #palpatine #thrawn #tarkin #han solo #skysolo #vaderkin #Obi-Wan Kenobi #darth vader #sw fic

[alexeiadrae]

Notes 2017

I have my prolific years, I have my stagnant ones. After just how much I wrote in 2016 I figured this year would be stagnant, and yeah, it was about what I was expecting. A look back at 2017 and notes on what I wrote.

Royal Pains: The idea of telling the events of Slayers Expecting from Zel and Amelia’s POV had been at the back of my mind for a while, and it grew more and more persistent until I finally started writing it. It gave me some avenues to explore some of the things I wanted to with the characters, such as Amelia’s rather black and white view of the world and how she makes sense of her mother’s murder with such a mindset. That said I did lose interest towards the end. Zel/Amelia just doesn’t do it for me.

 While I did not set out to do this, somewhere along the way I realized my depiction of their marriage resembled the model laid out by Dr David Schnarch in Passionate Marriage.  It’s been awhile since I read it, but basically issues arise in a marriage, fights emerge, and the marriage can either end, the fights continue, or one person can change something within their control that the other person has to adjust to. The example he used in the book was him and his wife fighting over whether to have a baby. His wife wanted one, he didn’t. Eventually she decided she was going to stop taking birth control. He could either wear a condom or go without sex. He says he was mad initially but it forced him to confront his anxieties and they agreed to have a baby. My own example would be telling my husband (then boyfriend) that I’m simply not a Catholic and would not be going to mass with him anymore. He was free to go without me, but I have better things to do with my time.

 Therapeutically, I’m a Gottman and Gottman girl when working with couples. I found Schnarch’s concepts intriguing and accurate but not for much practical use, though, I guess they stuck in my mind because I do see so much truth in it with how relationships grow through the years. At anyrate, once I realized it was creeping in I built on it a bit.

 Rosalinda Franks was a subtle illusion to Rosalyn Franklin, whose contributions to the discovery of DNA went unacknowledged until recently.

 While doing my practicum I worked at a children’s hospital and saw too much about what happens to children who are adopted and seen the result of custody battles, which influenced how I handled the situation with Bennie.

 The idea of Gourry having an infertile uncle was thanks to the musical, Hamilton. I started reading up more about the people surrounding the American Revolution, and learned that George Washington was likely infertile. Martha Washington had children from a previous marriage and was still young enough to have more, but never did with George Washington, and while he had a few “adopted” children, he never did have children of his own even though he wanted them. I was going to name Gourry’s great uncle George, but I have some weird associations with that name stemming from childhood and I just couldn’t do it (and not even in a someone named George was mean to me way, just ways that make the name a complete joke but people who weren’t there wouldn’t understand type way).

 The Storm: I had the idea for the prologue shortly after I finished Beneath the Portrait, but I did not want to follow through and write it. For one thing I knew it would be long, for another Beneath the Portrait wasn’t terribly popular, and its prequel, Jealousy, even less so. So I was surprised by the amount of positive reaction I got from this one when, for lack of any better ideas, I went ahead and started to write it, and it goes to show I’m not as impervious to feedback as I like to think I am.

 The other things that surprised me was that everyone who commented with the exception of one (who didn’t say anything either way) expressed support for Zel and Attie getting together. I was honestly going to have them go their separate ways, mainly because I didn’t want a pairing Zel with an OC trope. However, since most people commented in favor of it I went ahead and developed it. Not sure if it’s a sign of how the fandom has matured, just understanding that people who we are with when we are young aren’t necessarily who we are going to be with when we are old, or if the idea of Zel becoming involved with one of Lina and Gourry’s daughters and having Lina as an MIL amused people. But there you have it.

 In the final Slayers novel, I was struck by how forcefully Lina drew a comparison between Luke and Rubia, with Luke being someone who gets stuck in his rage and is described as having a shard of hatred in him, and Rubia described as having a shard of sadness but that she moves on. In the novels, it is also worthy to note that Luke and Rubia are two of three characters described as having red hair. Of course, Rezo doesn’t, but something about the parallels being drawn made me wonder if Rubia also had a shard of Shabranigdu.

 My own parents are one of those golden couples, very well suited to each other and still passionate about each other even though they have been married for decades and they set that marriage bar unnervingly high. Once someone I was working with had started dating someone who had children and she was nervous about meeting them, and she asked me what I would think if my dad brought her home after a date, and I just gawked at the thought of my dad with anyone other than my mom. Which informed the scene where Min and Orion learned that Syphiel had feelings for their father.

 All Apologies Not much to say, other than writing this fic gave me an excuse to thumb through the novels. I also don’t do this often, the only other time I can remember doing this is Desolation, but it allowed me to play around with the surrealness of dreams and the weird things people say in dreams (and I love surrealism. Vincent Van Gogh and Frida Kahlo are my two favorite painters). I kept referencing the Buffy episode Restless, really the best depiction of the strangeness of dreams by a long shot, as well as paying attention to how scenes morph and change in my own dreams.

 Unrequited? Luke was a difficult character for me to write. Milina is easier for me to get a read on, even though we know the least about her of all the characters. But I finally got a hand hold when I thought of working with a men’s substance use group during my internship and finding a bunch of little boys who were real vulnerable and desperate for affection behind the scary prison ink tattoos, piercings, and sheer ridiculousness of their behavior at times, not to mention their criminal history. From what little we know of Luke you get the sense he had a hard life and was engaged in some shady dealings, like a lot of the men I worked with. But beneath hardened exteriors are vulnerable people describe for love and validation.

 Naga’s Story I’ve noticed that women in their mid-30s reach a disillusionment point where they realize that they are tired of their niceness being taken advantage of and then used to steamroller them, and then a period of rage starts. Well, I’m 2 years into that rage, and an incident that happened while on vacation where I was more aggressive (not violent, but yelling, and I’m not a yeller) in response than I ever would have been in the past sparked this. Originally I had a sort of nice girl turns bad thing in mind, but it never really worked out well when I started writing it.

 Part of it is I am not like Naga at all. So my work with people with substance use disorders really informed this. I had some people note that Naga’s alcoholism started before her mother’s assassination, and from getting the life history of addicts, usually they start experimenting with drugs and alcohol rather young and it’s very recreational, but then a trauma happens and they start using it to cope (unless it’s one of those extremely tragic cases where they trauma starts as a young child).

 So what started as something to quell social anxiety spiraled out of control in the aftermath of trauma.

 The other thing was deciding on whether to refer to her as Naga or Gracia. I’d thought about having her as Gracia until she changed into her outfit to signal the transition, but it felt too much like writing an original character when I did that, so I went with Naga because it was more familiar.

 And while I never went out and stated it, I decided to portray Naga as asexual. Considering how sexualized she is I thought it would be interesting if she wasn’t interested in having sex.

 This is also one where the explanations for why Naga’s mother was assassinated gave me headaches, because it doesn’t make sense. Supposedly Naga’s mother was mistaken for Naga and Naga was targeted because she was in line for the thrown, but since women in Seyruun can’t inherit the throne…

 So I eventually decided to use it to make it muddy as to who did kill her mother and why. If you read enough true crime stuff, especially stuff before modern forensic techniques, it can be hard to say for sure who committed a murder and there’s often an uncomfortable amount of room for doubt. Hence why we have the Innocence Project in the US.

 Figuring out the type of relationship everyone had with each other was an interesting challenge because we never see Naga interact with anyone from Seyruun, aside from her time as Nama, which leads to the impression that she wasn’t as close to her father as Amelia. Considering that after trauma people tend to cling to surroundings and people that are familiar, the fact that Naga left, it would indicate that she did not trust her family or feel safe around them. In the novels you get the sense that Amelia is real paranoid and guarded in Seyruun, not something that translates over to the anime so much, but I took those traits and developed them in Naga.

  Slayers, Neverending For this one I’m just experimenting with an on going day to day in the happily ever after life of our heroes type thing. So when it says “neverending” in the title…

 While reading the Slayers novels, there’s one that features a pair of sisters, the younger one went off in the world while the older one stayed home and got married, and the parallels made me wonder if Luna did choose a domestic life, as opposed to the spinster I typically portray her as. So I decided to give Luna a family of her own in this work, though I keep finding I like her better as a spinster, lol.

 Considering how often Lina has saved the world and how she seems to get so little credit for it, I wanted to see her get some acknowledgement, add to the fact that I am mad as hell at how women have to work three times as hard and still get so little credit…So yeah. Lina gets her day in the sun. I loved writing that.

 I also decided to torment her with a MIL from hell, because so often while dealing with my own in-laws I think about how wonderful it would be to not have to deal with them. That idea was kicking around for a while and went through several false starts. The trick was to make Lina’s MIL a different kind of difficult than my MIL (so no, Guloisa is not like my MIL) and to not worry about a tidy resolution because life does not always hand those out.

 Anyway, I have some ideas for where this is going to go, though it’s often when I finish with one chapter that the next materializes in my brain. At anyrate, Neverending is the only for sure thing on the menu for 2018.

 Speaking of 2018…I don’t know ya’ll. I know I go through this from time to time but I really think I’m running out of ideas and ways to keep things fresh and new. Given I have said this before and wells of creativity suddenly spring forth, I could be wrong. But I also think I’ve done about as much with this as I can and right now it looks like some new people are entering into this who are fresh and have some new ideas so it would be good to step back. I plan to keep going with Neverending though I’m not terribly inspired. I have two other ideas I’ve talked about a little bit I may pursue if I become inspired. I may also try to work on some original stuff again.

 It’s also hard to separate whether I’m tired of writing because I am a do it all mom and am tired of everything or tired of writing for Slayers specifically. And when I mean do it all, I mean I take care of my kids, I work at home and I have evening office hours, and I homeschool, so I do it all. On the one hand writing keeps me sane, on the other I have very little time now. The bright spot is I may have finally found a school I trust with my son (he’s autistic, and finding a place that doesn’t treat him as an inconvenience has been aggravatingly difficult, and I have been let down so often here I’m worried it will go wrong again), but if it works that will help a lot. Especially when my daughter gets old enough for school. So hopefully it will work and that will free up a lot of my time and hopefully I won’t feel so stretched thin and exhausted and will feel excited about something I am writing again.

#notes #notes 2017 #fanfiction