#someone should force me to smoke and then use a vibe on me while I'm high out my mind

[waylouder]

brb lying in the tags

#n is talking #I want tickles :( #I want teases :( #UGHHHDKDHXKX I WANNA FEEL LEE AND SMALL AND CUTE AND SUB AND XJXHDKDBDIH #these are lies btw I'm lying #it's high n #someone should force me to smoke and then use a vibe on me while I'm high out my mind #I mean whaaaaaattt #hxkdbdk

[hypersonic04]

Maroon

this is essentially what i daydream about when i listen to this song. sultry, sexy, drunk vibes. I also haven't proof-read this so apologies for any grammar mistakes! enjoy my darlings!

Word Count: 1,984

Laughter breaks out across the room. Eyes crinkling at corners, loud obnoxious giggles, spilled drinks across fresh white cushions. There's a soft, warm glow in the room, and it doesn't seem to be coming from the dim lamps and candles scattered over every sideboard.

Matty's told some hilarious joke, as per usual, and the ripple of laughter that it creates doesn't seem to be dimming down. Tears roll down my face as I throw my head back, the red wine I'd earlier downed now making my eyes fuzzy.

The boys have come round to see me while they're in New York, and it's like we're still the same schoolkids who used to smoke cigarettes behind school together. George sat on the floor cushion, Matty (for some reason) stood at the fireplace like some kind of storyteller, Adam taking his seat in the armchair. Ross sits at the opposite end of the sofa, glass of wine in hand, smiley and presumably a bit drunk. My feet are tucked up underneath me, and I find my gaze travelling across the room. It's snowing outside, but the apartment has never been warmer.

"We should probably leave soon, you know. it's like, 1 o'clock." George pipes up, knocking back the rest of his beer and setting the empty bottle down on the coffee table.

"Oh shit, yeah. Didn't realise the time." Matty muses, glancing at his watch. "Busy day tomorrow."

"Oh, really?" I hum, looking at him. He looks older, his curls greyer, but the way he talks resembles the same 14 year old boy that used to piss me off in English.

"Yeah, SNL rehearsals, isn't it?"

"Oh gosh, yeah. I completely forgot." I nod, sipping from my wine glass.

I watch as Adam and George go to grab their coats from the closet in the hallway, already meandering their way around like the place is theirs. I smile softly to myself as I watch them leave the living room, the smell of incense and the faintest smell of cigarette smoke wafting it's way around the room.

"Are you coming, mate?" Matty asks Ross, pulling his coat over his shoulders.

"Still got half a bottle of wine." He answers Matty, yet looks at me as he speaks. His eyes are tired, dark, the way they get after a long night or slightly too many beers.

Having him here feels... strange. We left our situation behind when I left for New York, agreeing that this would never work across two different continents - it never even worked when we lived down the road from each other. He could focus on the band, I could focus on my writing, and everything would be right.

Except from when I bring someone home and he's all I can think about when their lips are on mine. Or when his favourite song comes on and it's like I can smell him, hear him humming along, feel his hands around my waist.

I swallow deeply as the staring contest between us becomes uncomfortable.

"Didn't realise you liked red wine so much, Ross." Matty quips, a smirk on his lips as he looks between the two of us.

I inhale sharply as I'm brought back to reality, looking to Matty.

"I'll see you out." I smile, standing up from the sofa and placing the wine glass on the floor.

Hugs and goodbye's are exchanged between the four of us, Matty wiggling his eyebrows at me with a smirk.

"If he's wearing the same clothes tomorrow, I'll take it as a good sign."

"Shut. Up."

I have to practically push him out of the door, closing it behind them and sliding the latch over. Breathing deeply, I close my eyes for a second. Ross is in there - Ross that was my every first imaginable, every notion of love I have, the one I forced myself to get over.

When I walk back into the living room, he's stood next to the record player, two newly-full wine glasses on the coffee table. I have to pause for a second, a wave of nostalgia clouding my mind. He looks so warm, like he's at home, brown eyes making their way across the reams of vinyl records neatly lined up in alphabetical order.

"That one used to be mine, you know?" He smirks as he points at Rumours by Fleetwood Mac.

"I think you'll find that it was actually me who bought that one. It just somehow, conveniently ended up in your bedroom." I laugh airly, taking a large glug and watching him over the rim of the glass. He raises his eyebrows and tilts his head in defeat.

Music of Matty's choice bounces around us, tinny and low from the cheap speaker. The room feels strangely full, despite having nearly emptied of people only moments ago. It's a different kind of full, almost claustrophobic, hot.

I take a seat on the floor cushion George had been sat on, my back against the sofa.

"You know, that wine's been sat in the cupboard for months. Couldn't get anyone else to drink it." I say as I see the empty green bottle next to me.

"Oh, really nice of you. Give us the cheap shit, I see how it is-"

"No, that's not what..." My voice trails off as I laugh, tilting my head back. "That's not what I meant."

"It's okay. You're right, if there's anyone who'll drink the cheapest, offy booze, it's us."

I nod in agreement, watching how his tall figure comes to sit next to me. He presses his back against the armchair, legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle.

"It's nice, your flat."

"Thank you," I give him a small smile, lips pursed as I look around the room. "It's good enough."

We sit in silence for a second.

"It's weird though. Being here on my own, I mean." I chew on my bottom lip as he looks at me. "It's just... quiet."

"'Can imagine it's nice after years of being around Matty."

I laugh softly through my nose, lips curving into a smile. The way his eyes crease gives me an oh-so-familiar feeling.

"Your hair's longer." I smile, feeling the alcohol swimming around my head.

"So is yours." He observes, looking at the hair around my face intently. "It's darker. You've dyed it." He says matter-of-factly and I nod in reply.

He looks at me intently and I blush under his gaze.

"I missed you, you know." He raises his eyebrows a little and purses his lips.

"Well, I missed you too." I nod. "A lot, actually. Was wondering when you'd come out to see me."

"I just figured you'd have it all sorted out over here, last thing you'd need would be me coming and upsetting everything."

"You could never upset anything, Ross." I laugh into my wine, a foreign kind of bravery flowing through me. I take myself by surprise. He smirks at this, setting his glass down.

"Did you get a tattoo?" He says suddenly, voice chipper as he takes hold of my wrist.

"Yes!" I laugh, quickly attempting to take my eyes away from the way his fingers wrap around my wrist, large and firm and calloused. "Do you like it?"

"Love it." He smiles, and there's a look in his eyes that I can't place. Meeting my gaze for a second before looking back down at the small tattoo on my wrist, he rubs his thumb over it. "Didn't think you were the type to get one, you know."

"Why's that?" I challenge, cocking my head at him in an accusatory way.

"Too much commitment in a tattoo." He teases and I let my jaw drop, pulling my wrist away from him sharply. "I'm joking, I'm joking!"

"You better be." I laugh.

He reaches for my arm again and I subconsciously nudge myself closer to him, bum sliding on the wooden flooring beneath me. His fingertips are soft on my skin, gentle. Silence consumes us for a few seconds, his eyes fixated on the tattoo again.

"It was never about commitment, Ross." I say suddenly, voice barely above a whisper. It takes him by surprise, eyes meeting mine quickly.

"Then what was it about?" He says. His tone isn't harsh or judgemental, just soft and low, the rumble of his voice making my breaths shallow.

"I don't know, I just..." I inhale sharply and find myself blinking at him, my mouth dry suddenly.

"I know." He nods subtly.

"I feel like, like I gave so much up to be here." I start, looking up at the ceiling for a second, the burgundy paint up there suddenly feeling like it could cave in. I swallow and try to gather my thoughts, the encouraging expression on his face clearing my blurry mind. "I took it for granted - my mum, you, the boys, my job. I risked everything to be here, and I just... I miss it. I miss you."

"But look at you, look how amazing your life is. You've dreamt of this forever."

"It's not worth it, Ross." I shake my head at him, the eye contact between us intense. "It's not worth being away from you."

"Well I'm here, aren't I?"

I look at his face for a second. He's right, he is here.

"Mhm." I smile, and I know that every drink we've consumed in the past four hours is present on our faces right now.

Pink, flushed cheeks, bleary eyes, clumsy hands.

"I'm so glad you're here." I sigh, my voice quiet.

"Had to make some time out of my very busy schedule, didn't I? You know, this rock star stuff is very time consuming."

I laugh into his shoulder, remembering how I used to tease him about not making time for me when we were young and he'd have some show every weekend.

"Oh, yeah? Is it really?" I laugh, looking up at him with drunken giggles escaping my lips.

"Yeah, it is."

We find ourselves giggling like teenagers, our faces impossibly close, warmth radiating from each other. The second his lips find mine, I feel the wine glass in my hand lazily tip backwards. I gasp, the cold of the drink taking my surprise.

"Shit-" he breathes with an airy laugh, pulling back. The red of the wine soaks through the white t-shirt, cold on my skin. "Sorry, I-"

"It's fine-" I laugh as he attempts to rub it away, his hand on my chest for far too long. "You know, if you didn't like my t-shirt, you should've just said."

"Fuck off." He laughs, shaking his head at me. His eyes find my lips again, and before I can think about the stained t-shirt anymore, it's like he consumes my every thought.

He pulls me onto his lap, so I'm straddling him, his hands under my wet shirt immediately. His tongue against mine makes me inhale sharply, fingertips lost in his hair.

Pulling away for a second, I breathe heavily, eyes fixed on the pink of his lips. My thumb swipes over his bottom lip, his own dark gaze following my every move. His breaths are warm, hot against my skin, deep. He pulls the t-shirt over my head, discarding it somewhere, my chest tinted slightly red from the wine.

"Who did that?" He asks deeply, his eyes finding the mark on my neck from weeks ago. A one night stand, an attempt to fill a void, a distraction from the mess I'd made.

"He wasn't you." I whisper, shaking my head. "None of them are you."

His lips find my neck as I sigh, leaving little marks across my collarbone. When he decides he's content with his effort, he pulls away, hands on my waist and pulling at the belt loops on my jeans. His lips are puffy, swollen and flushed, and I remember why I used to call them home.

#1975 band #adam hann #fanfic #george daniel #matty healy #ross macdonald #the 1975 #matty the 1975 #ross macdonald fluff #ross macdonald x reader #ross macdonald fic #ross macdonald fanfiction #ross macdonald imagine

[obeymycok]

MC acts...different in their demon form

Surprise surprise, MC has their own personality and doesn't necessarily act like the brothers when they take on their demon forms. Sins manifest themselves in many different ways so who's to say MC is the same way as the brothers? To make it a little interesting, here's an MC who's avatar demon forms differ VERY much from the actual Avatars of Sin.

Taglist: @trashlord-007 @asmos-slut @simpinginthecorner @thatoneweebsworld @q-ueue

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TW: Substance abuse in 4th and 7th part

Promiscuous Pride

Ok but MC giving Asmo vibes while rocking Lucifer's demon form is in my head rent free

MC who looks good and fucking KNOWS it

Morning Star Avatar of Pride MC has every right to show off and takes every chance they get

Not only is it an absolute slay but the reactions of the characters is what made me write this

Lucifer's in a tight spot cuz that's MC but it'S HIS FORM😡😮‍💨

Anti Lucifer League especially thinks it's hilarious because it makes Lucifer so uncomfortable and it makes up for MC not using THEIR form

Pompous Greed

Better believe MC shows off every bit of Mammon's power whenever they get the chance to

As smart as they are agile, with the power to control electricity, MC remains undefeated in this form only😎

Mix a bit of Medusa's stare and Midas' touch and you get the ability to turn any living thing into gold by just looking into their eyes

Everyone's jaw is on the floor including Mammon's

That's MC?? With Mammon's power????? low key scared shitless

The brothers are shook

Selfish Envy

Twitch streamer energy I'm sorry

I'd say they give a little Asmo too but mainly the Mammon energy comes out

Streaming mid battle, tiktok dances in the infirmary, really just not good ideas all around

That power tho👀👀👀 devastating

As long as there's water, you basically win

The ability to conjure up storms and hurricanes from a pond AND being able to control the temperature of said water

2 in 1 water and ice power Elsa wishes💅

Besides the display of incredible power, everyone pretty much sees no difference which makes Levi sob in a hole (how DARE they compare him to Mammon✋😔)

Unquenchable Wrath CHANGE

The only thing keeping Nightbringer Satan at bay is being inexplicably stoned (same tho😔💅)

My MC got pissed off after a battle, smoked the devil's lettuce(haha funny) and found ✨THE✨ coping skill

Clever and cunning as ever, this MC is definitely terrifying but most of the time just lacks the will to cause chaos

More often than not, someone has walked in on MC and Solomon just bullshitting with each other and dying of laughter when they were "supposed to meet at the arena 10 minutes ago honestly you should know be-"🙄

No fucks to give because if you lecture the embodiment of wrath for too long...well....👀

When Satan first saw MC lose it in his demon form he was embarrassed of them until he got his head out of his ass and realized "oh shit that me" and offered some of his coping skills for when the anger takes over🥺

Jealous Lust

This one's just a call out to everyone reading this including you and especially me for writing it

Don't get me wrong, this MC is a force to be reckoned with

Asmo's charm spell on top of the agility and strength it takes to swing around with chain swords is absolutely terrifying

Nothing to scoff at just cringe sometimes; at least 1 manga on hand at all times, frequent tumblr user, many things posted on AO3🫠

The brothers burst into the infirmary, MC is sobbing

Could feel the disappointment in the air when MC said their waifu/husbando kissed someone in the latest episode

Please touch some grass, Asmo is begging

Lethargic Gluttony

Right up there with Mammon's form as far as intimidation goes

This MC is definitely a glutton but not necessarily to food like Beel is (sex, substances, sleep, games, whatever)

Probably the most similar to their avatar counterpart compared to the rest of the brothers

Imagine having the ability to rain down a storm of hellfire and just not doing it because it's nap time (oh to be that unbothered✋)

MC does still have a few issues controlling their temper when the gluttony gets the better of them

If MC is in a demon form, Beel's might be one of the scariest, but it's definitely the most chill besides its appearance

Infuriated Sloth

In MC's defense, I would also be constantly enraged if I was always tired and forced to do hardcore anime training

Feral attic gremlin energy all over again, definitely takes some sort of stimulant to stay awake and smokes to unwind

The bad attitude mixed with the stimulants is giving nightbringer Satan on crack

Does the literal bare minimum simply because their weapon does most of the work

Not scary from looks alone but a pissed off MC using their Sloth form is deadly

If MC and Belphie were on bad terms before he worships the ground they walk on now (out of fear😈)

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me worldbuilding #omswd #obeyme #obey me swd #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie

[notgonnashutup]

Karaoke. Sang toxic ppl said I sounded good lol I couldn't hear but i believe. Danced, saw cute girl I chatted to. Also saw cute valley girl chat with my friends n sing nice. Saw some old friend. Pic with a werewolf lol, did arts and crafts at bar which was so nice oddly reminded me of being little at diners drawing with sister, played miss Pac man and street fighter won with Chun li once then lost lmao, played pinball. Smoked for first time and figures lol it just relaxed slightly and made me sleepy, so much secondhand for years maybe I'm resistant. Talked to some ppl and introduced myself, they came up and said hi to me what's ur name and I got rhe vibe those guys maybe liked me or wanted to befriend so I must've seemed nice and friendly and chill and open so that's nice, girl we met as friend said I seemed fun to party with and nice and cool clothes even tho I was being cute like lazy kpop but not dressy like I Can Be so it felt nice, she said I looked like blondie. Just felt nice I can go to a bar and be relaxed and myself and open and friendly and connect to people and the place and crowd. A long way from the night I went there once anxious as exposure therapy lmao just to force myself to talk to ppl. The bar also reminds me of the bronze lmao. I danced too, sat and chilled with friends and drew. While I was sitting with friends a cute guy walked by in maybe a white shirt and tan overcoat, almost looked dressy but it could've been just idk business casual but good fitting or just bright colored. He had short black hair like idk 3-4 inches long in that typical handsome guy haircut and I stared at him and watched as he walked lol and right before he went up stairs he looked my way and smiled like maybe he'd noticed me openly staring. And idk if he saw me but that's maybe the least I cared if I looked at someone cute bravely lol. When he looked back at me smiling I actually met his eyes and kept looking back maybe smiling back I hope haha. But usually I used to look away terrified and feeling intense when cute ppl would look back. With him I actually looked though, then he went up the stairs. I wonder if he was looking at me or someone else, my ego and flattery would like to think he looked at Me and smiled tho. I wonder if I'll run into him again.

Also lots of nice ppl there today. Ppl I could be friends with, pretty warm people. Also I'm so bi lmao I usually don't think of girls much but within a couple hours I saw more cute girls than I see Online. Maybe its cause my taste is different then current influencer online hot but I was drowning in seeing lots of hot girls I was contemplating walking over and saying my shot to lol like "hey I'm mejo what's your name, wanna hang out sometime" ToT. Even the valley girl, even tho I don't usually like that, cause damn she was cute and her smile was cute. And the bar was filled with queer vibes so I felt like hey maybe the cute men wearing makeup with long hair I had a shot with if I maybe went and complimented, maybe since the lesbian couple came up and asked if they recognized me lol then it'd be okay for me to to flirt with somebody. I didn't go flirt tho. A little scared and it's not like I needed to. I was slightly standoffish with men who came up tho, despite my openness, just cause I didn't wanna be hit on. I guess maybe I'm still scared to deal with it. But I know i want to open up and jump in

Me and friend did tarot reading prior. It was all about myself and my brain and selves I guess. Insightful. I'm thinking maybe I need to comfort myself more and be supportive and gentle and forgiving and cuddle myself more Normally. Maybe the panic attack me is the self lashing out at not getting those things so much it hits a boiling point of needing to lash out desperate to finally get treated right. It's a part of me lashing out, as if I'm not getting enough of those self kindness things. Likewise I'm wondering if my nightmares I should try being kind to the murderer, or forgiving myself in the dream for not catching them, or letting myself in my dreams stop doing the jobs/anxious tasks I'm doing. Maybe my brain is showing my selves ignoring each other, instead of taking care of and embracing helping each other. Maybe that's why they're happening. Mm

#nts

[deer-time]

So far I haven't seen anyone talk about Vanya watching Pogo die. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that scene

holy shit holy smokes I have SO many thoughts thank you so much Anon because there’s a lot of subtext and so many interesting dialogue choices, blocking choices, and musical choices that add so much to the scene. Major fucking props to Elliot Page for his stellar acting and major props to the CGI team for the subtle emotions on Pogo’s face, as well as Adam Godley for a heart-wrenching voice performance.

you know its a big deal when i actually rewatch the scene instead of going off my shitty memory

I’m gonna try and break it down so let’s actually start by establishing the vibe between these two before this scene. 

Episode 1 established that Vanya does love Pogo or at least to some degree she does, she is someone that she trusts. He’s the one who tells her that the mansion will always be her home, he’s the one who tries to assure her her father did love her (that’s fucked up Pogo, come on man), and he’s concerned about her safety (offering to call her a cab). Vanya’s defenses are still there but they aren’t as raised as they are with Diego or Allison, there is some level of trust in their relationship (she opens up about the sandwiches in an attempt to make small talk, she does not actively make an attempt with her other family members).  If she was stuck in the house while her siblings were out, no doubt she probably latched onto this old chimpanzee as a pseudo-father figure.

She trusts Pogo, she is not aware of his complacency in her abuse. Pogo holds affections to all of them but I do think there was a bond between Vanya and him that’s being alluded to here. 

Let’s fast forward to the scene now that we’ve established there is a bond, because we have set-up so let’s have some pay-off:

Vanya tearing down the mansion is a fucking treat to watch, there’s no denying that. However, the events leading up to it are sad, distressing, she should never have reached this point of destruction. She was betrayed by the people she loved (Allison with the rumor, Leonard with the journal, and her siblings by locking her in a cage and walking away and leaving her there). She’s breaking down mentally and she’s taking the house down with her - she is both tearing down her cage and herself.

Look at how calmly she’s walking, she’s done. 

So when she gets to the living room (is that what it’s called?) and she has the flashback of Reginald telling at her to be quiet, yeah she’s fucking pissed. He tore apart her life, he told her time and time again to be quiet, continuously muted her (physically with the cage, mentally with reinforcing the rumor). She is done with Reginald, she’s done with it all. Except-

(We’re going line by line now)

“Miss Vanya, that’s quite enough!” Pogo talks to her like a child throwing a tantrum and in some ways, she is. He talks to all of the Hargreeves if they were children and in many ways, they really all are. They’ve never grown up, Vanya never got the chance to grow up. When was the last time she was in touch with her emotions, before they were strangled by her pills? When she was four years old. Of course everything is overwhelming, she’s been sedated for years now. 

“Miss Vanya, I under how upset you are. But I can assure that none of your siblings bear any of the responsibility for what happened to you as a child.” Pogo is trying to defend the other Hargreeves and to some extent, what he’s saying is true. But the thing is...what happened to her as a child is continuing into her adulthood and destroying her life. She has lived sedated and under the influence of a poorly thought out rumor. She’s struggling physically and mentally. What happened to her as a child is still clearly fucking her life up and the other Hargreeve siblings contributed to it, unknowingly or not.

And when she turns to them, her eyes turn brown again. She is herself and she needs to be to hear his answer. This is someone she trusts, this is someone she has turned to for comfort time and again throughout her childhood and when she moves towards him, pretending to be lax and casual, you can tell there’s a storm brewing. She doesn’t want him to be a part of this, she doesn’t want to believe that another person she thought could trust is complicit in this fucked up conspiracy of her life.

She asks anyways: “Did you know?”

Listen to her, she’s on the verge of tears and she so desperately wants Pogo to say no, she wants to spare him but only if he admits that he still cares, that he wasn’t a betrayer. This is an opportunity for him to escape, to lie, and Pogo, who has been so wrapped up in keeping secrets throughout the season, now knows that lying will only make things worse. He tells the truth but he does it in a way that let’s us know what we’ve always known: Pogo’s loyalties have always lied with Reginald, never with the children.

“Your father discovered...that you were capable of great things. Much like your brothers and sister. But your powers were...too great. He only wanted to protect you from yourself as well as your siblings.” Vanya has been told she’s ordinary, that she is not worth much because of that. Now she’s being told she was too great? Pogo pretty much just said: You will never be good enough.

Then the last line...fuck he has shifted the blame onto her, that her father was only doing what was best, that she was too dangerous. Pogo, what the fuck.

Vanya asks again, she needs to hear him say it, and there is no triumph in this scene, this is another betrayal of someone she thought she was close to, someone she could trust. All he’s done is say you’re not enough and you’re too dangerous. 

Major fucking props to the CGI on this part where Pogo is silent, he is thinking this over. He has spent years fanning the flames of this lie and if he lied again, if he said, Vanya would not have killed him. But Pogo knows the time for lies is over, that Vanya, who is a little girl that is hurting from years worth of abuse and lies, deserves the truth: “Yes, Miss Vanya. I knew.”

There is no one left that has not betrayed her in some way or another, Pogo has just admitted it. Vanya hangs her head, her face grows shadowed and both the gears in the audience’s head and Pogo’s head are turning: what will she do? Then she looks up and her eyes are silver. Vanya is letting go of any sliver of hope she once had for her family, she’s done. She thought had a bond with Pogo, a level of trust from a bond forged in childhood to one quieter in adulthood but still there. It’s gone and he’s said as much.

She lifts him in the air and keeps him there, lets him writhe in agony in a similar way to Leonard. Both of them have betrayed her, both of them are going to pay for it.

Look at where she flings him! The symbolism is SO fucking blatant here: He is impaled on antlers underneath Reginald’s portrait. The show has shown us these taxidermied animals (she’s turned Pogo into one) and how Reginald’s portrait looms over them. She knows where his loyalties die now and in some ways, it reads to me as Vanya saying: “You will die like a dog by your master’s side.”

She’s watching someone she thought she could trust die, she did that to him. She’s not enjoying his suffering, she didn’t relish in the act of impaling him, but she did because that is what she believe needs to be done (the parallels between this and Leonard’s death...fuck man). She needs to be sure he dies, she’s not taking any chances While he dies, he is being forced to look into the eyes of his killer, the killer he helped create.

The music is sorrowful as Pogo gasps for air, blood dribbling down his mouth. As with any Vanya soundtracks, there is a heavy use of strings, strings are Vanya’s instrument. It’s grieving, Vanya is grieving for what she has lost and for what she never had to begin with.

Thank you so much for the question, it was a real treat to go through the scene again and just dig into how phenomenal it is. I hope this somewhat answered your question, even if I did go a bit overboard!

#the umbrella academy #tua meta #i think? #deer rambles #so sorry this got real long #i got REALLY excited sdhfjks #Anonymous #tua #vanya hargreeves

[ninjasmart]

Ninja, how do I know if I'm meant to be with someone? I like someone from afar. He ofcourse doesn't know my existence. On one hand I don't have any expectations and I tell myself it's just a stupid crush. But sometimes I feel a such a strong pull, almost like our destinies are about to get intertwined soon. I don't know what's happening, I keep on getting minor hints that keep on reminding me of him. How do I know if this is just a stupid crush or can I expect something more from the Universe?

I hit the post before I could answer so here it is. 

First, thank you for asking about this. It’s a cardinal rule in this Universe to not interfere unless you’re asked for help.

Second, even if you have mad compatibility aspects with someone it still does not mean that you are meant to be with that someone. Esoterically speaking and even astrologically, for connection can be counted the first time you lay eyes on each other. Preferably in person, but zoom is also an option these days. 

From that moment on whatever aspects you two have could potentially play out. If you don’t meet for real it’s really not it. A further relationship cornerstone is when you exchange sexual energy. It is not my place to give advice to others about how often with how many and how quickly to have a sex with a guy. Everyone has a life and personal responsibility for it. 

What I would mention is two things. Every man you sleep with, you exchange life energy and karma with him. The woman gives the man receives. If the guy has a bad karma you take it onto yourself. This is what we women do - we transform the bad karma of the man and give him life force, creative energy so that he can conquer the world. 

I personally go to great lengths - I mean, past life regressions, akashic records, astrology, tarot before I sleep with a guy. Two things I want to figure out about him - does he have the type of karma I don’t want to deal with (I once had the mistake of sleeping with a guy who turned out to be into financial fraud and 365 days after I cut it with him I finally stopped having people from all over the place stealing money from me) and the second thing is - what’s in it for me. If a guy can significantly uplevel his life just buy having me in his life, why should I give him my energy. It’s not a given. What does he have to offer in return? Will he be kind, dependable, protective, will he be a user. I wanna know what’s in the water before I jump with both feet ;)

The second thing about sleeping with a guy is that he connects with you and for 7 years he draws from your life force. That’s why it’s a good thing for a weak man to sleep with a lot of women and not a good thing for a woman to sleep with a lot of guys. She’ll be depleted of feminine energy and there’s even some women who turn into strong male energy where they find weak men and suck their life force. 

The next key date for a relationship is betrothal - could be with a ring but even a promise to be together or to “never forget you and always be in your heart” is a betrothal that should not be taken lightly. This is the time when each of the partners brings their ancestral karma in the mix. The final stage of a young relationship is marriage. This is the time when the two people form their own energetic nucleus which has some mix of past relationships, family karma, personal karma and past lives of both partners but also has its own energy. Then there’s changes with each child that comes to the mix but that’s another story.

With all that - if you have not seen someone in person it is more important to find out what that hope / dream / obsession / fantasy is giving you than to drill more into when what and how to meet the guy or girl. So here’s my advice for you:

1. Leave it to God. Some things are not in your hands. Allow the Higher Power to be on your side and to bring you the best life conditions for the expansion of your soul and the best life lessons you might have.

2. If you really want to do something about it and you are a woman - do not act like a man about it. There’s so many women today that have forgotten how to be a woman. A woman does not go out into the world to meet her destiny. A woman harnesses her feminine energy at home. She dances, she cooks, she cleans, she makes handmade stuff. That’s how a woman becomes energetically powerful and attracts what she wants in life.  

3. You can do a Parvati offering, if you’re a woman. For 16 Mondays wear all white, cook all white food (rice, milk, cheese) and ask for Goddess Parvati to help you meet your soulmate. Just remember to not name names. You might thing someone is your soulmate but you might be b*shi**ing yourself. So ask for the man you’re connected with the red string of fate to come find you, to come closer to you. 

And believe that it can happen. A man can literally travel 17 hours just to meet you for afternoon tea. Because he wants to and because he can.

4. What’s the payoff of holding on to this dream? Be very specific about it. I’ll give a few examples:

- You’re lonely and dreaming and fantasizing about a man is filling up the loneliness void in your life, plus it’s cheaper than drinking till you blackout. 

 - It’s an addiction that looks harmless at first glance but it really isn’t. It seems that you’re not hurting anybody, just lusting about a person you have never met. It’s innocent, no harm done. Right? Wrong. You’re sending him your life force, you’re gifting it to him with zero return to you, you’re also closing yourself vibrationally to an available guy who can actually find you, you give off the “I’m taken” vibe and that’s a strong repellent to men who are ready for relationship and commitment

- It’s a way to avoid reality because reality is sh***ty and in your dream reality you can be as glam and victorious as can be. 

Well I have some news for you. Life is a mess. Most likely your life will be a disappointment, will not happen how you wanted it to happen, things will go sideways and you won’t be able to do anything about it, you’ll ask yourself more than once in your life - what’s the point, what do I do now, this is a dead end, why are others happy, in love, with money, with career, with kids, without a care in the world and I am not like them, I’m back at square one, I can’t do this any more. And let me tell you - it doesn’t matter where you’re born, what color your skin is, how well you were raised, how much you have or don’t have - you will go through this. Everyone does. 

And finally, what I really wanted to tell you. It is a choice to obsess about someone. It’s a choice to not live in the reality of your life. Many people do it. Many people escape reality with food, mindless sex, spending on stuff, holidaying all year long, watching netflix or porn or news all day long. But that’s all that is - an escapism, a choice to not face reality but live in a fantasy world (I do it too. I’m not above it all. I watch c-drama to practice my mandarin but really, to have that fairy tale ending where the good girl gets the guy). Same with drinking and using drugs or smoking or junk food/dolce foods. Just that with the vices that can kill you faster it’s more obvious that it’s not good for you. With escapism not so much. It’s the same as consumerism. You think you need stuff but then covid comes and you realize that people who care for you are more precious than the next thing you can buy. 

I’ll leave you with two things you can think of. 

1. Ask yourself: Why do you really want this person? What’s the benefit for you?

2. If you knew that holding onto “I want That” is going to push That away from you (you may think that you focus on “I want that” but you actually focus on “I don’t have that” and you push it away) and if you knew that with this dream you’re keeping the space for the most amazing man or woman to come into your life and thus are missing out on opportunities to actually meet your happiness (even if you have a soul contract with someone if you do not meet during the time to meet a soulmate and a husband / wife, it’s not going to work, speaking from experience), would you still subject yourself to a future of single woman / man with cats and dogs? Or would you take full responsibility for the missed life while high on escapism and look at your reality exactly as it is and maybe go from wherever you are in life. 

#twinflame soulmate soulcontracts

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Poor Pablo

Jimmy: You here? Janis: standing to attention, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: Can I stay at yours tonight like? Janis: 'Course, my Dad already extended the offer when he was trying to parent me lol Janis: Yours doing your head in? Jimmy: Seriously though? I'll sleep in the bath and try not to have Skerries flashbacks. Give a shit Jimmy: Yeah Janis: You don't have to Janis: though I've been told its comfier than you'd imagine if you're feeling it Janis: What's his damage...not ideal they had to call the parentals in but it is just detention, not a court date, y'know? Janis: I'd have figured out a way to take all the blame if I knew he'd go off Janis: Wank bank fantasy getting outta hand in the stalls? 🤔😉 Jimmy: It's an excuse for him to get at me, that's it Jimmy: Doesn't really matter what the drama is Jimmy: 😍 Proper romantic you 💕 Janis: Yeah Janis: Suppose it'd make a nice change to have you as the bad guy for once, eh? Janis: fuck that though Janis: Who me? Janis: never Jimmy: What d'you mean 😎👎💔 Jimmy: I'm so bad Janis: Very bad boy, NOT bad guy, waaaaaay different vibe Janis: Silly Jimmy: Good save Janis: Not a goalie or a superhero Janis: but Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: What time can I come over? Freezing here casually Janis: Come over now idiot Janis: Be doing me a favour anyway, be your charming self so I can escape the fam Jimmy: Done Jimmy: Want me to bring you anything? I'm thinking chips but no pressure Janis: Quite the offer Janis: but no need Janis: there's always so much food going in this gaff Janis: may as well help yourself Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm just gonna get Cass to bring me some stuff out #doorstepdrama Jimmy: Like fuck am I gonna come back here any earlier than needs Janis: That's fun 😒 free entertainment for the neighbours, nice one 👍 Janis: at least Cass'll get a kick out of helping the outcast hero Janis: Best to let him have his paddy, yeah, he'll be begging you back when he can't figure out where the kid's school shoes are Jimmy: I wouldn't bother but I need my charger in case Bobby can't sleep. Cass shouldn't have to handle that on her own Jimmy: She's be the definition of #buzzing for this part at least Jimmy: Maybe Twix'll shit in his shoes this time, 'cause bitch be loyal Janis: Shame you can't bring them both but kidnap would technically be something to shout about Janis: They'll be alright though, she's a tough cookie and a smart kid Janis: Get Grace to facetime him a bedtime story, he'd love that and she'd feel like she's doing jackanory, like Janis: We can only hope girl comes thru Jimmy: He'll take her up on that if I don't. Boy is 💕 for Gracie Jimmy: You're not about to get off light though, Cass wants to hear from you that I'm alright Jimmy: My word isn't worth a damn apparently Janis: She ain't offering for you! Even if you're currently in her good books for taking a 🔥 photo, like Janis: Still not good enough to be her fave 🤷 Janis: Tough ground Janis: Well, she's got you there, you're not the best at using 'em 😏 100% taking the fact I'm being considered the reliable one for once Jimmy: You win this round Jimmy: Don't get too comfy with it though Jimmy: I am on my way Janis: S'lonely at the top Janis: Get on my level, boy 🥇 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude Janis: biting the hand that feeds Jimmy: Learning from your true love like Janis: I won't stand such slander on her good name Janis: she's a revenge shitter only not a biter 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'm having a smoke, you joining me or am I coming knocking? Janis: Lungs won't thank me but Pablo would if he knew how close he was to getting a smackdown Janis: Save me some I'm running Jimmy: *He took it easy on this one (not for her sake, you snooze you lose, mate) having been puffing away consistently since he slammed the door on his dad's ranting 'cause he'd needed to calm down. Or shut down. Naturally, it crept up on him, as persistent, which is why he's here, huddled in another cold doorway, waiting for a distraction that'll have him forgetting the barney his dad started days before and wasn't done with yet. Argumentative prick. Jimmy was happy to let Janis have that win, the only where he wouldn't (and couldn't) compete being in this, in drowning out the shit with something that isn't. There's no hiding the smile when he sees her, if the shadows do let him get away with it, they won't for long 'cause he's closing the gap between them instantly, refusing as much of the space as he can without giving himself away for doing it as he passes the cigarette over.* Janis: *She takes the cigarette like its second-nature, kiss on his cheek, feeling the familiar dimple of his smile, like they are too. Far from it on both counts. She's not a smoker, she needs her lungs clear and strong. And she's not in love, same reasons for her heart. Simple as. Still, she could enjoy the benefits of both without committing, couldn't she? Why not. It's not like she's faking either, just...dipping her toes. Only likely to incur minor damage, she reckoned she could take that and still get away laughing. Sure. Long drag before passing it back because without needing to even look his way, (though she did regardless, studious expression taking in his tight, stressed as shit, posture right now), she knew he needed it more. Janis jogs her legs up and down, 'brring' in the cold Winter night air.* You alright then? *She adds, as if they're just meeting on her doorstep by chance, not for reason. She smirks, shaking her head at herself, nudging his side.* Jimmy: *With the cigarette back between his fingers and the girl by his side he gets what he needs, the familiarity a reminder that this is his normal, not what he rushed to leave behind. To pick up his girlfriend for dinner his dad will have to drop this, rely on moody silence to show how he really feels and his own fakery, in this woman's company, for what he thinks he should. They all know how to handle the first, years under their belts, and the second idea's even more temporary. Fuck it. Jimmy could make a single cigarette last longer than his dad's current relationships, and had done, sometimes. Not this one though. Nah. He wasn't the dickhead to keep his girlfriend shivering while he pissed about blowing smoke in the dark. He took a final drag before flicking it away to meet Janis's contact with his own, using his now free hand to gently brush a loose curl from her cheek.* Yeah, mate, you? Janis: *Janis scrunches her nose up, batting his hand away, mix of bashfulness and banter, blown with a raspberry. Turns out, sex is alright, stunning review there, indescribably better than alright obviously but- its the smaller, everyday moments of intimacy, that had flown under her radar when she wasn't receiving them, that she still finds herself flinching from, or covering up said flinch with some kind of bullshit she finds it easier to wear, to shoulder.* Fine. *She blurts out, flustered and being a little sharp with it. Get it together. More jokes, forever skirting around serious, not getting too real or too deep 'cos they both know there's no coming back and why ruin it and- She peers at him, like he's a dog in Crufts, pretending to shine a torn in his eyes, checking his teeth, that kinda shit.* Hmm, healthy enough specimen. Gonna give me anything else to give to your Sister though, like? Dunna if 'yeah' is gonna get her off the phone in a hurry, to be honest. Not that I give a shit, or nothin', don't get it twisted. *She grins, turning to the door and then back again, lingering, reluctant to open the door yet, knowing they'd get descended upon by someone almost immediately. All fun and games. Still, there wasn't a world in which she was gonna turn him down and have him out on the street, like. No way.* Jimmy: *He plays along as though it's still a game and why not? He's just admitted to himself how used to fakery he is, being a family trait like, with both of them for him to thank. Not that he's sparing a thought for his mum, first or second. Not now. He told himself no more slips with the girl beside him and meant that just as much. More. It's easier to stick to on every level, and he does, ruffling her hair fully when he gets the chance. Eyebrows raised and an expression of his own ready to wear. This, he can keep up all night, same as the exaggerated huff that he let's escape, like a Twix snore, into the night along with the shrug that follows.* Use your skills, throw in as many hashtags as it takes to put her at ease. Throw in a selfie if she still isn't convinced. Me sleeping sound should do it. * He's joking but not wrong for it, not able to remember a time when he fell asleep before the other two. Cass'd be beyond 'shook' to even see a fake out of him getting a good forty winks. Jimmy smirks through the thought, forcing it to pass.* You got this, girl* He retorts it in the best mimicry of how Mia and that crowd speaks that his accent can do, wincing slightly both at the impression and idea of them being around. Still, he claws some of his 'clout' back with a challenging look that adds 'What else have you got.' 'cause who are they if there's not a challenge ongoing. As if to emphasis this, he goes towards the door himself, pushing it open with more daring than he actually feels. * Gonna invite me in then, or what? Janis: *She kisses her teeth angrily, full on 'boy, if you don't stop-' vibes, planting a balled fist in his stomach, gentle warning like, no need to assault him before the family saw to it with their over-the-top nature and curiosity. She knew it would but it was getting to her more than she imagined even. The cooing and awwing or the piss-taking and wink-wink nudge-nude of it all, whatever approach they took, why did they have to? What business was it of theirs? Of anyones? Why did there always have to be a song and dance about everything? The hot takes she'd never ask for. Ruined everything. Why did they care? About this? About her? Just fuck right off. Messy. Too messy. Family, feelings- fuck it all. She used to kid herself, couple of years ago, when it happened, that she'd move out as soon as she could and that'd be it. They'd leave her alone. And she could just exist. Run, sleep and repeat. And that is all she'd have to do. No thinking or feeling ever. But she knew better now. They weren't just going to disappear, even if she changed postcodes. Even Edie couldn't manage that. And she had really tried. The others didn't want to. So she was stuck. Here in the land of the living. Forced to participate, like it or not. Then Jim had come along. Made her like it, a little bit, like. And he'd made her think maybe she could add to her shortlist of approved activities. But let her think about that for too long and she always came to the same conclusion; that she was a fucking idiot and it'd all end in tears. She sighed, overexaggerating it last minute to pretend it was in reply to his showy huffing and puffing.* Not my skill-set, kid. You were always better at it than me. Not just the snappin', like. Right up until you jumped ship for a pretty face, #commitment. *She laughs.* But for Cass, I'll see what I can do. *Cringing at the accent-attempt and gasping in mock-horror at the invocation of Mia and co. (as if say their names three times and they'll appear to tell you your outfit is ugly) she puts a finger to his lips, pushing him behind her at the same time so she can lead the way in too.* Ta-dah! *She flourishes, with a shrug to say 'you asked for this' 'cos there was no hiding now. The downstairs open-plan, parentals unconvincingly 'busying' themselves in the kitchen. Iggy, Diego, Gus and (thank fuck, 'cos we know who's the likeliest to be a prick here) Pablo so far unaccounted for, Grace watching telly, curled up with her phone as per. Janis was ready to bolt up to her room, not so much as a hello but reckoned Jimmy wouldn't want the rep of being her 'rude boyfriend' (as concerned as he was with opinion clearly, bless) so she shouts out 'Jim's here', eyes on the stairs, giving them five seconds to respond before she was up 'em, like.* Jimmy: *The house makes him feel the same as it did the first time he was here once he's through the door again, thankfully though the urge to whistle is muted today, full of sobriety as he is, in every sense. He knew her family weren't renters in over their heads like his from day 1, it isn't just that like. He isn't just some reverse snob, it's everything here they haven't had to buy, and he couldn't if he had armfuls of cash. The 'vibe' he'd probably call it if he was Grace or her crowd. Still, he nods at everyone about as if it's common place for him to him to be greeted by a warmth that's nowt to do with temperature.* Evening. *He's got his smile back on but Jimmy's hand is scratching the back of his neck before he can stop it giving him away and all he can do is 'reckon' on Janis being too caught up on her own family dynamics to call him out for his lack of. That's the real #goals, isn't it? He thinks to himself, trying to shake these feelings off him without moving. Or sighing. You massive dickhead. Grace waves at him without looking up from her phone screen, a slice of his home life #relatable enough he can follow her sister's gaze with a decent smirk and a readiness to deal with what's gonna come down. Need's must had him here in the first place, alright, but now he's made it as far as asking to be let in, he'd like to stay. Not only be a grumpy twat Janis is stuck with, but a laugh she wants to stay about. In her gaff and out of it. When nobody immediately appears he heads up himself, not forgetting her insistence to lead the way before, he looks over his shoulder at her, obvious with it that's there's nowt for her to do now but keep up.*  Unlucky, mate. You're not getting off that easy, we've got a whole night ahead. Janis: *Janis is holding herself rigid, eyes fixed as tight and strong on her parents letting them know in no uncertain terms to behave...and they did? Leaving it at cheery hellos and promises of dinner being done in about half an hour if they fancied it. Hm. First time for everything. Letting disbelief at their ability to be normal for once in their friggin' lives (where had this been all the other times she'd begged them/the universe for it?!) carry her up the stairs behind Jim. She let him flounder in the burrow-like corridors of upstairs, so different to the openness of the downstairs, that'll teach you to go ahead, boy, she thought with a smirk, now pushing in front with arms wide open.* Pick a door, any door! *She laughed, heading to her own before he actually did, not knowing who was in.* Welcome to my humble-abode... *She added, as they were over the threshold, kicking her gym bag, over-spilling with laundry, aside. She sat down on her unmade bed to assess, from outsiders, from his, eyes. Not here enough anymore that it was critically messy, that was good; old posters covering up old holes in the plaster from older anger, nothing cringe, thankfully but- It was a bit sad, to be honest...bare, lacking...anything, personality, life. She sighed. Red-faced from embarrassment and redder still from anger at feeling that embarrassment. She didn't care about herself, yeah. And what? And what is that her room said as much in no uncertain terms and having him see it was just- well. Shaming. Time for a joke.* If this setting don't get you in the mood, I don't know what will. Jimmy: *10 kids, he reminds himself, when he reaches the top and is met with an upstairs that belongs to a different house. That disconnect continues, growing, when Janis opens one of the doors in the maze. Hers. He's got no room to judge, none of his house looks lived in yet, as if Cass can protest having to by refusing to help unpack, knowing he doesn't have (or want to make, 'cause there's enough stuff in there for it to be boring, but then there's what's missing too, which is worse. Depressing.) the time to tackle the unopened box on his own after months. He isn't. Judging, that is. But he can't stop himself looking about, eyes focusing again on what there is, and isn't. What it means. And doesn't. Fuck. What a pair, they are like. Jimmy has to say something, silence will have her thinking all kinds of shit that isn't right. Least of all that he's a twat. Which, sort of is. He's equipped to be that though, which is something. He can easily grin at her, fall into simple, old habits. Banter by numbers that'll be #nodrama for her to throw back at him. 'Cause whatever his dad might think right now, he's not the dickhead trying to make everything harder. Why would he? The day to day shit already has that covered. So he aims his biggest 'heart eyes' at her, from the earliest days of their fakery, hiding any real expression in the over-the-topness of it all, for her as much as him (he tells himself, without needing much convincing with the blush spotted. It isn't thanks his charms, they both know. But in a second they can pretend it's his cringe factor.)* Only got eyes for you, babe. We could be anywhere. *Still, even as he's mocking himself with mimicking throwing up in his mouth, before she can, naturally, passed that, somewhere real he's deciding that should she suggest getting out of here to elsewhere tonight he's not about to fight it. Wherever they end up. #nocringe. It'd be too much of a lie to act like asking to come here was too much and everything that's come after, as a result, is too. He shouldn't have done it and there's no wonder everything's been off since. Her room could be the same as downstairs and he wouldn't wanna stay there, would he? It's his 'vibe' fucking things. Cheers dad. Jimmy sighs, throwing himself on the bed, and turning it into the appreciative whistle he didn't do at the door. Fucking hell.* Janis: *The eye-roll comes so hard it has her reeling, spinning out in her own head. At least, its better for them both if she pretends that's what's got her feeling dazed and disorientated. Sick with not knowing how to play this. No 'oh my, a boy in my room!' giddiness, fuck that shit. It was 'oh my, having to spend time in this depressing pit'. And his hand forced to spend his time here too. It'd be different if he had wanted to. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But if he had wanted to then they really wouldn't care where they were, paying no mind to anything but each other, not like his car was a lambo or like she'd given two fucks then, so it might've been tolerable. Ignorable, at the very least. But he HAD to be here. Nowhere else to go. That paired with how this room inadvertently showed all her cards had her feeling as bare as their surroundings, #exposed as they would say for the craic. Not that she was mad at him for not begging to sleepover just 'cos he wanted her so bad, again, fuck that shit hard. Not that girl. Everything was just weird and off and it didn't lend itself to a good night's sleep for either of 'em, she was willing to bet. She shrugged, those muscles so overworked, never skipped, massaging at the tension there in vain. Bounced from the dramatic way he flung himself down, she rests herself down on her elbow beside him, face to face.* If you want, we can go to the Barn. Its kitted out, like- *She pauses, thinking back on the times when it had been a place they all made Diego's films together, the times it had been Edie and Rio's bedroom, sneaking in there with them, leaving Grace alone in the dark of their old shared room. Now, well- She spent even less time in there than she did here. Only venturing when it was so dark and she felt so alone, it just felt right to hide out in there; harking back to all those many nights she'd sneak out, praying Edie would be there again, and to the one night, she was. Tucked up in her bed as if she'd never left. As if she wasn't really there. But she was. She was. And she'd gestured for her to get in with her and they'd just held each other...Janis holding on for dear life, determined to NEVER let go, so she couldn't leave again. She thought she felt the same desperation, in the way her big sister clutch to her too, almost hurting her but she would have never of complained. Determined to keep her in sight, eyes wide open and staring into hers, barely visible in the dark but there. She was there. Of course, she had fell asleep, and of course, when she awoke, the sun was up and Edie was gone. She was just a fucking kid, like. 'A fucking failure is what you were. And are.' She shook her head. At least the barn HAD memories, more than you could say of the box room she'd relegated herself too. No longer able, or needing to share with anyone. Not Grace. Or Rio and Edie. They'd all gone. Empty rooms to fill.* All mod cons and a comfy bed, like. But you can keep that between us and add to your sob story, yeah? *She mimics the tiny violin he was always sending, #IRLShade like, hoping the piss-taking would distract from the disjointed nature she'd made that offer in. Ghosts refusing to let her go, let her be with him fully. She never could be. It was the sad kind of hurt when you just know, know that whatever you're doing, or want to do, won't work. And knowing this and knowing you're gonna hurt the other person, so far so clueless. Oh, Jim. Why do you think I was on my own when you met me, boy?* Jimmy: *He's fucked it instantly, looking at her too hard, all the bollocks stripped back and away by how close she is, suddenly, though he should have expected it. Not like her bed's big enough for anything much else, but he never does, somehow. Still. Ever. Breathing hurts but he forces himself not to keep it shallow, refusing to swap places so soon when she was meant to be the one swooning. Fake or not. And there's so much real shit he wants to say, but can't. Again, too much. It leaves him only inhaling and sighing, brooding like the kinda poser he isn't trying to be on any day. Least of all this one. Does it matter though? It doesn't feel like it when his hand drops before it can reach out, touch her in any way, jokes as out of bounds as anything. He isn't meant to be lost with her, but tonight doesn't give a fuck about that, does it? He jumps on the offer a change, nodding, frantic for a kick that'd have him behaving like less of a dick. Please. The fucking break he hasn't asked her for is there, inching closer to letting itself be said, and he's scared of that, going there like.* Alright. *He wants to give himself a smack for how quiet he sounds. Serious. Okay knobhead, calm it. Good luck following that through when you know you've got none though, Jim. He's up and taking her hand before he can dwell on it, moving to take the lead as far as retracing their steps and being out. He can handle that geography. Jimmy does allow himself a pause small enough only to draw a cross over his heart playfully once she's played the violin for him. Thanks, mate. It's almost spoken aloud 'cause of the relief the familiarity of it , brought here and now, comforts him. Alright, calm it again, tosser. But yeah, that works, letting him. He walks stretching their linked hands as far as possible while staying connected, laughing genuinely, still soft but out there. He draws a quick tick over the same space, hurriedly.* Done. Janis: Alright. *She confirms with a nod as serious as his close-to-silence was. Couldn't accuse him of being a man of too MANY words usually, like, but still, spoke volumes, didn't it? Could write friggin' volumes on how badly she was fucking it up with him now. That's what you did after break-ups, right? Write wanky (in all the ways) poetry. Fuck that. Get the fuck out of your own head, fucking eejit! Now! He's still here yet. She seized the conversation by the balls, 'fore it got away from her grasp again, immediately adding-* Alright, alright, alright! *Matthew McConaughey style. 'Cos Christ, someone had to cut through the tension and she weren't about to invite the fam up to give it a go. Fuck that, too. Even if it was awkward as arse, to say the least, and the dead and buried past was unearthing itself just to try drag her under tonight- she still wanted it to be just them. Him and her, fuck the rest. And that was something. Even if that was all she could get, all she still had. She'd cling to that with bleeding, broken nails, jaw clamped, teeth sunk deep in the flesh of it. It was something. She was so fucking used to, so fucking sick of, nothing. A promise, or a prayer, she repeated it over and over, 'til she near believed it herself. With this in mind, she pulls on the hand that is leading her, pulls him back, understanding his rush and only wanting to slow it for one thing. She mimics shooting him where he had been tracing, where she wants to trail her own fingers badly, as he draws in, she puts her fist over his heart, thumping up and down, up and down, before exploding out- And with that, she kisses him, as desperate as he was to take up her offer and run, she needed this more. And she had never known anything she needed more than to run. But she did. She did.* Done. *She mirrors, drawing her lips away from his, with a smirk. Ahead again, one foot on the top step.* Jimmy: *He's about to descend back into mockery, the words 'all about the obscure refs, you' there, ready to go if he's willing to release them, thoughts already going backward, onto the typed convo where she tried to give him an artsy education, school him about muses, all of that, but before he can take the step she's pulling him, literally to where she's forced a stop. In the first second he's tense, thinking it's a full one, that she's done with him and the company he isn't being tonight, but before he can fall further into his pit (he's in there enough, prior that she's tried to dig at him with her best McConaughey, for fuck's sake) he all but floats out. There's no # that could cover this in his stunted imagination, he thinks, before his brain shuts off. The kiss is more than the break he didn't have the balls to ask for (though it lasts about as long as the one he'd gave her, standing on some twat's marble floor). It's a separation from all the shit that's been running him ragged for days, forcing him to run here in the first place. Jimmy knows then that he'll stay, has to, not 'cause there's nowhere else to go, but 'cause nowhere else exists when she kisses him like that. Fuck. It basically escapes, not as the word, but in sound that he can't escape either. Doesn't want to. The only thing he cares about is keeping this close to her and knowing she's alright with him being there. More than fucking alright like.* Nah mate *He retorts breathlessly, clawing back some strength back only as his hands find her hips and use the grip he's found there to spin her body round to face him. He isn't done yet, there's no chance. Not now she's given him one to erase the last few days and land him back into decent ones with her. Jimmy's an echo of how he was after running from Mr Lucas and he's not letting go of that. What for? 'Cause his dad wants him to. Fuck that and fuck him. What was he done with was feeling like shit. So of course he kissed her again, sinking only into the depths of that, trying to say everything with it that he couldn't verbally. Needing to have a go even though it meant hearing Janis' clatter into the beginnings of the banister with the force of everything he was desperate for her to know, 'cause if he pulled back then that'd be it and he's not having that. Fuck no. He's lost enough, tonight's bed being the least of it. Janis: *If she was going to complain, (she wasn't), he doesn't give her the time, or space, to do so. Exactly what they both needed; and she didn't need to reckon that. Crashing together, crashing into the wall, like. No room for anything to come between 'em, not their thoughts or past or any of that bullshit; all blurring into background nothingness, where it belonged. In these moments, there was nothing but them and their need. And it was good. Really good. The kind of good she didn't need to second-guess or overthink. Just be in it and soak in every second, every touch, the heat and feel of his skin against hers, alive, human, real. The violence of the urgency, the competitive one-upping- Not only keeping it interesting (to say the fucking least) but keeping it as something she could understand, something that didn't scare the living shit out of her, frankly. Easy as breathing, this; Though both theirs was heavy now, laboured from the control of letting some of said go, whilst not losing themselves to it so wholly that they alerted someone to it, spoiling their fun for the second time in a week. A game of meeting every kiss of his with more, and then some. Biting, tugging at his bottom lip in, trying in vain to make the kiss even deeper. Nails dug into his shoulders, pulling him down with her as her back slid down the wall, him sat at the top of the stairs, her on his lap. 'How did you stop yourself though?' A faint voice in the back of her mind pondered, with no intention to found within her. Clearly, they needed the Mr. Lucas' of the world or they'd never get anything else done. Clearly channeling the man himself, Pablo chose this time to appear out of his room, quite literally stumbling onto the scene, and them, Janis sticking out an arm (and jumping off Jim's lap) with lightning reflexes so he didn't topple down the fucking stairs.* Oops, watch it... *She didn't have time (nor desire) to be embarrassed. Her older Brother's mumbly, half-asleep grumbles of 'a-fucking-gain? Really Janis?!' and promises to 'have words with you, later!' to Jim, had her creasing. When Pablo was out of sight, and out of mind as soon as, she rested her head on the shoulder she'd left nailmarks in, kissing it gently though she wasn't particularly sorry about it.* Jimmy: *It isn't until she has to save him from hitting the bottom of the stairs with a thud that he even sorts out in his head again where they are, beyond the abstract bollocks of 'together' and all that. It takes that much to get through to him, but he isn't sorry, 'cause he isn't alone in it. If he's falling, figuratively as well as the near literal, then she is too. And that's alright by him. More than fucking alright, as per like. Jimmy can laugh through this interruption, at what it takes to pull them apart now (unlucky Mr Lucas but you probably won't cut it next time) adding to it himself with the breathless whisper of 'fucking hell, mate' that finds only her ear as he shakes his head affectionately at the pair of 'em. Janis' brother's appearance (along with anything he might have said) forgotten as soon as it's happened, same as before. If they'd been any room for it he might have felt bad for the lad, keeping mugging him off like that, but he still wants what he wants. Needs, honestly. There's no forgetting, or ignoring that any 'itch' has only been scratched so far as to make it more 'itchier', more noticeable in the first place. It's a crap analogy but it's what's there as he pulls her down the stairs and back towards the door, rougher and noisier that he would if he could make a string of thoughts or words fit together properly to promise her that this still isn't done. Jimmy 'reckons' in a semi coherent idea that he'll barricade the barn door with any or all manner of shit, once they are there,  to guarantee no more interruptions tonight. Bet on that, mate, his expression says, as they go. Jinx. Fuck. He almost kicks the door in frustration upon hearing the shout for dinner, her dad's head catching them as 'ready' for it. Pfft. No chance. It smells good, yeah, but there's no contest. Janis feels, looks and smells incredible like. Meals can wait, they always did at his, even when he had his mum there to do his job of moving a tray of something from freezer to cooker, or his pop's of fetching a takeaway when in from work, there was no sitting down at a this or that time. No table to eat at either, just the sofa, or his bed when he was being the type of utter dickhead that only a certain age manages, whenever it was put in front of him. Here at Janis, that time, was right now. And worse, ('cause of course there's worse with his English luck) before he can do a dash that'd have that school day looking like slo-mo, his stomach rumbles, sealing the deal and their fates. His girlfriend has never let him go hungry yet. Shit. To be continued then.*