#surely will can sacrifice some of his mental health too? (is how i think jack rationalizes it)

[rexcoatlarchive]

Welcome to chaldea

Time to explore how the hell Rex even got to chaldea in the first place.

*in a suburban home somewhere in Kansas, laying in his bed was the man who would eventually be thrown into some magical bs*

*phone rings*

Me: *picking up the phone* hola?

Gramps: Hola mijo!

Me: oh hey gramps

Gramps: how are doing today?

Me: I'm fine, and you?

Gramps: bien , muy bien. Hey, you think you can come over? It's kind of important.

Me: uh sure I guess I could.

Gramps: and make sure you come alone

Me: oh... OK.

*later on right outside a pretty dingy looking house*

Me: *driving up to the building*

Me: here we are. Wonder what he needs

*enters the house*

Me: gramps! You in here?!

Gramps: *from another room* over here mijo!

*Rex walks to a room that looks a bit like an office. And there at a desk sat an older kinda short looking Mexican man*

Rex: hey Gramps. You wanted to see me?

Gramps: si mijo! There's something I need to tell you about.

Me: uh sure thing, what is it?

Gramps: ...you ever heard of magic mijo?

Me: *already concerned* uh.... yeah.

Gramps: you think it's all just nonsense and fairy tails don't you?

Me: well all evidence I and the world at large have seen points towards it being bs, yeah.

Gramps: well what if I told you it was all true, and all magic users have been keeping it a secret from the rest of the world?

Me: what like Harry Potter? Well first off I'd be concerned about your mental health somewhat.

Gramps: hahaha, yeah I imagine that's an appropriate reaction. But what if I showed you this *just fucking makes fire appear out of his hands*

Me: .....well then. Is it real?

Gramps: course it's real. Try to feel it

Me: *reaches hand out, it's actually warm* ...how the fuck?

Gramps: like I said, magic! Well we call it thamaturgy, we don't consider it true magic.

Me: then wtf is true magic?

Gramps: the stuff of dreams! The things some true magicians can do are beyond imagination and even comprehension!

Me: well then... why are you telling me all this now? Who else knows?

Gramps: no one else in the family. I've kept this a secret for ages.

Me: ages?! How old are you?

Gramps: oof! I don't even remember! But I will say my earliest memory is of some Spanish fools asking about a golden city. And even then I wasn't exactly a spring chicken

Me: *thinking about how old that could be* holy... so you can keep yourself young with magic?

Gramps: yeah, most mages don't but a few dabble in it.

Me: why keep it a secret for so long? And why start talking now?

Gramps: well to answer your first question, it's because most of mage culture is horrible and lacks morality almost entirely.

Me: ...huh

Gramps: and almost all mages are fools, refusing to adapt with the times. They're obsessed with the old ways, it can get downright pathetic honestly!

Me: interesting... again why now?

Gramps: well I figure it's time to stop extending my life so damn much and open the way for the next generation, as in you!

Me: Me?! You want me start doing magic?

Gramps: yup!

Me: why me? Why not dad or mom or someone?

Gramps: because I've been specifically getting you ready for this. Your magical circuits are the best in the family, the only ones that compare to mine.

Me: ...my what?

Gramps: they're called magical circuits. It's the part of the body that allows people to practice thamaturgy in the first place.

Me: so it's genetic?

Gramps: yeah, almost every generation after me had subpar circuits. Slowly over the generations I did small experiments to ensure that eventually I will have a proper successor. Nothing too bad, no one would've noticed. And you are the culmination of that work.

Me: feels really weird to be called the culmination of your work.

Gramps: yeah, that's an understandable reaction. Don't worry, I never needed to do anything to you. You were born ready to go. I just needed to wait until you were old enough.

Me: alright. So how do we start this? You start teaching me how to do this?

Gramps: early on I did have that in mind, but then a friend of mine starting working on something that I think would be better. You see, in the world of magecraft I'm actually kinda infamous. I'm a bit of a black sheep compared to the rest of magus society. Instead of focusing on 1 type of magecraft I decided to travel all around and learn as much as I could.

Me: so you're a bit of a jack of all trades?

Gramps: yeah, that's a good way to put it. I made many friends and enemies in my travels. And many want to know all the secrets I have, because I know forms of magecraft that many would love to get their hands on. For example, I'm ages old but don't look a day over 80 right?

Me: yeah.

Gramps: usually for other mages to achieve this many sacrifices are made, like sanity or their bodies start to deteriorate. But not me! I have access to magecraft that's long since died out.

Me: damn

Gramps: and all those secret will go to you. Or atleast most that I can give. And automatically once I die, all my enemies will be your enemies.

Me: WHAT!?

Gramps: but! Then I heard a friend of mine, from the animusphere family started working on something called the Chaldea security organization. And he needs mages, I talked to him and ensured that you'll join. And in return he'll ensure no one can get to you.

Me: so I'll go their to learn instead of you?

Gramps: yup! Soon enough I'll transfer my crest, which what'll you need to get started, you'll receive a phone call to confirm your participation. Then eventually someone will come get you, and you'll get started from there.

Me: so it's like a job? And is it OK for them to get someone so new to this?

Gramps: they just need bodies, and yeah it's basically a job. But you'll be staying there. So I'm basically forcing you to finally be independent and move out of your parent's home

Me: I'm only 20, it's not that bad.

Gramps: still, this has been set in motion. Are you prepared for what's coming?

Me: not even remotely! But I have very little say do I?

Gramps: nope!

*eventually after a few days, Gramps transfered his crest over to Rex. Eventually Gramps passes, and Rex just waited*

*phone rings*

Me: hello?

*a female voice is heard*

Olga: hello, this is the director of the chaldea security organization. I have a note from the previous director to call this number on this day. Are you the successor of that... unique magus who passed recently?

Me: yes I am.

Olga: and am I correct to assume that you've been informed of your involuntary recruitment into this organization?

Me: yup

Olga: ok, I'm not going to force you to join but I will say it is in your best interest to join. Once other magus find out about you, and they will, you will likely not be safe.

Me: yeah, he made that clear. I've already prepared myself to join

Olga: excellent, a car will be coming tomorrow to take you to a plane. From there you'll be taken here.

Me: alright then. Is that it?

Olga: that's all, see you soon enough

*the phone is hung up*

Me: kind of annoying being thrown into this. But from what I've heard it could be worse. *looks at an envelope left by gramps*

*on the envelope it says "don't open until you get there, and make sure to bring the feather"*

Me: *holding said feather* he gave me this thing ages ago. So I guess this was him getting me ready for all this? Wth does a feather have to do with magic anyways?

*the next day on the plane*

*Rex is seated next to a pair of twins*

Rikka: *trying to start conversation* hey there!

Me: hi

Rikka: what's your name?

Me: you can call me Rex

Rikka: well hey there Rex! You can call me Rikka, and this is my brother Rikko!

Rikko: *is sleeping*

Rikka: *elbows him* wake up bro!

Rikko: huh? What?

Rikka: so why'd you decide to join up?

Me: was kinda forced into this by gramps

Rikka: your grandpa forced you to join?

Me: oh, he's not actually my grandpa. Everyone in my family just called him that because he's older. And yeah I was forced essentially, because a lot of magus don't like him apparently. And as his successor I'm apparently going to have a target on my back. But he said the director would promise my safety if I joined so... yeah

Rikka: well that's kind of messed up! But that's mage culture for ya!

Me: man every time I hear about mage culture, it's non-stop misery and dread

Rikka: do you not know much about mage culture?

Me: no! Just a month ago, magic would've been considered fairy tale nonsense to me! But now I'm being thrown into something I barely understand to stay safe from who knows what!

Rikko: that's very weird. Normally it's driven into your head from birth

Me: but not me! Even the rest of my family knew nothing until I showed them some of the basic spells gramps taught me! He's left me with very little while throwing me into this crazy world. It's kind of weird because he was always that cool relative that was a blast whenever he visited! But now he's the man who threw me into this magic hell and then died! All he's left me with is this journal to figure out basic magecraft and this bite and feather

Rikko: feather? Why the feather?

Me: good question. The note might explain but it says to wait until we get there.

Rikka: well when you do open it can you tell us?

Me: sure I guess

Me: but I've gone on long enough, why are you guys joining?

Rikko: well we just needed some work and independence, and our parents heard about this place and said we should join up

Me: that's it?

Rikka: yup!

Me: huh, ok then

*eventually once at chaldea and after the huge presentation at the beginning the 3 are walking towards their rooms*

Me: man you two kept falling asleep, if I weren't there to keep you guys awake who knows how the director would've reacted. And also thankfully that Mash girl told us the right way to go to our rooms

Rikka: *still sleepy* yeah, thanks for that. And thanks Mash

Rikko: *also sleepy* so where's our rooms anyways?

Me: *stopping at a door* right here it seems

Rikka: cool! Let's get in to read your note already!

Me: don't you want to get into your rooms first?

Rikka: that can wait! I'm too curious right now!

Me: alright then

*the door opens and sitting on the bed is a man with long red hair tied in a pony tail is seen eating cake, along with him is a dark skinned woman with dark purple hair*

Me: uh...

Rikka: hey there?

Rikko: did you get the wrong room?

Me: no... it says right on the paper

*the two on the bed stand up*

Romani: oh sorry about that we were just kind of taking a quick break, this room had been empty for so long we just used it to hang out.

Me: huh... well sorry but I've been assigned to this room.

Rikka: who are you guys anyway?

Romani: I'm Romani Archaman, the head doctor around here though most people call me Dr. Roman. And this lovely woman is my wife, and assistant

Mrs. Archaman: hello there

Me: oh the head doctor huh? Interesting

Rikko: nice to meet you doc

Rikka: ...you guys both have fluffy hair

Roman: yeah we get that a lot

Mrs. Archaman: mostly me though. People always want feel my hair

*out of nowhere comes a little white animal*

Roman: oh is that the fabled mystery creature Mash told us about?

Mrs. Archaman: oh how cute!

Me: wtf is he?

Rikko: squirrel?

Rikka: cat?

Roman: no idea, my first time seeing him

Roman: come here little guy, I'll give you a treat

Fou: fou fou!

Roman: wait a minute, what's with the pitying look in his eyes!?

*all of a sudden the lights go out, thanks to the explosion*

Well that's the pretty much the story

Really wanted to finally show how Rex got into chaldeas in the first place.

Tagging some folks @panyum @grievouslyxorvia @gxymlky @hasereshdoneanythingwrong

Kinda wonder if people will realize who the mysterious wife is

#fate grand order #mastersona #gudas #romani archaman #mrs. Archaman #olga marie animusphere #gramps

[ofpaperhearts]

▷  currently  playing  ——  THE FAÇADE  a playlist for Elliot King. n. a false appearance that makes someone or something seem more pleasant or better than they really are.

!! anxiety & depression tw throughout playlist !!

obnoxiously long tracklist & descriptions that may or may not make sense under the cut!

▷  currently  playing  ——  TWO  by  SLEEPING AT LAST.

it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath // you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest // i know exactly how the rule goes: // put my mask on first // no, i don’t want to talk about myself // tell me where it hurts // i just want to build you up, build you up // ‘til you’re good as new // and maybe one day i’ll get around to fixing myself too

Okay, so there’s not a doubt in my mind that Elliot’s an enneagram type two, which is what this song is all about. The entire song really captures how he wants to take care of others and give his love to them, and then if there happens to be anything left, he’ll take care of himself, but it’s not a priority.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BEAUTIFUL LIGHT  by  UPPERMOST.

I don’t fully know how to describe it, but this song just makes me feel upbeat and hopeful and I feel like those are the types of vibes that Elliot tries to put out into the world. This is a song that works very well for him when simply looking at him on the surface level.

▷  currently  playing  ——  I JUST WANNA SHINE  by  THE FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS.

so don’t give me dark days, i already had those // i’m just trying to figure out how to be myself right now // i don’t wanna lay low, hiding in the shadows // so i wake up, i get out of bed // stay up, stay out of my head

This song is probably more how Elliot perceives himself. Like despite having his own stresses and hardships, he still strives to make the most of his life and keep up and optimistic view.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MESS IS MINE  by  VANCE JOY.

bring me to your house // tell me, “sorry for the mess”, hey i don’t mind // you’re talking in your sleep, out of time // well, you still make sense to me, your mess is mine

This song just goes back to how he wants to give an receive love by taking care of others.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PLEASER  by  WALLOWS.

indecisive feelings of enjoyment // hold the thought, i think i need a moment // i’m aware there’s somethin’ i should tell you // but my voice annoys me // bite my tongue off with a smile // i can’t feel it anymore // ‘cause recently the line is blurred // between depression and bliss

This whole song is basically about being a people pleaser (which Elliot is to an unhealthy degree) and struggling to figure out to please someone (which is something that would cause Elliot a great deal of distress to be perfectly honest).

▷  currently  playing  ——  OH KLAHOMA  by  JACK STAUBER.

tears falling down at the party // saddest little baby in the room // fears, tell me fears, don’t get me started // i get a little grey hair for every scare you share

Honestly, Elliot could be either person in this song. For the most part Elliot would see himself as the person in this song that’s trying to console the other (possibly at the expense of their own mental health), but he could just as easily be the other person if he actually asked for help/comfort whenever he’s going through something.

▷  currently  playing  ——  HARD TIMES  by  PARAMORE.

all that i want // is to wake up fine // tell me that i’m alright // that i ain’t gonna die

Upbeat songs with sad lyrics just have an Elliot vibe to them. I think songs like this reflect that happy/put together front he puts on for everyone, even when he isn’t doing so great.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FAKE HAPPY  by  PARAMORE.

hey, if i smile with my teeth // bet you believe me // if i smile with my teeth // i think i believe me // oh please, don’t ask me how i’ve been // don’t make me pretend

Same reason Hard Times is on here. The lyrics definitely hammer the part of putting up a front for others home more.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAY LESS SAD  by  AJR.

i’m a-okay, i’m a-okay // you say it but you just don’t mean it

I think the mix of putting up a front and trying to remain optimistic even in life’s harder moments just fits Elliot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WONDERFUL LIFE  by  SMITH & BURROWS.

you know it feels unfair // there’s magic everywhere // look at me standing // here on my own again // up straight in the sunshine // no need to run and hide // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life // no need to laugh and cry // it’s a wonderful, wonderful life

There’s something about the softness of this song that just gives me Elliot vibes. But I think beyond that, it’s the mix of optimistic and pained lyrics that make me think of Elliot whenever I hear this song.

▷  currently  playing  ——  BLUE KNUCKLE  by  NIGHT BEDS.

i’ve been working like a surgeon // on some courage // lift my burden // i’ve been hurting // have you heard it

I just feel like the bits of this song that I relate to him scream, all the self-sacrificing I constantly do doesn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, but I’m not entirely sure how to change that without some help.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FREAKIN’ OUT ON THE INTERSTATE  by  BRISTON MARONEY.

i’m sorry i haven’t been myself // and something’s got me down // what it is, i cannot tell

1. He’s so concerned with others that I don’t think he necessarily knows how to pinpoint why something would bother him. 2. High anxiety hours.

▷  currently  playing  ——  FALSE CONFIDENCE  by  NOAH KAHAN.

and i wonder why i tear myself down to be built back up again // oh, i hope somehow, i’ll wake up young again // all that’s left of myself, holes in my false confidence

Themes of being hypercritical of oneself and insecurity which is something Elliot struggles a lot with under his surface level happiness.

▷  currently  playing  ——  COLD LOVE  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

and if i cry in your arms // just some other shit, just some other shit // just some other things that i’ve been dealing with // i’d die in your arms, bury me while playing this // bury me saying “you were all i ever needed” // and hold me like we’re dying from liquor that we drank // in hotel rooms, to feel warm in cold love

Originally, I only wanted to include this song for the first part of the lyrics I put here because it’s the same dismissive attitude Elliot has when it comes to taking care of himself. But the more I thought about it, I think Elliot is the type of person to find himself in doomed relationships because the give and take is never equal resulting in ‘dying/cold’ loves.

▷  currently  playing  ——  ALMOST HOME  by  MXMTOON.

i was just a kid // dreams were looking big and then i had to grow up // no one ever says // all the love you give might not be enough // broke my heart in two a couple times // before it hurt too much // i was such fool

I feel like Elliot was a relatively carefree child before becoming increasingly more and more concerned with how others saw him and feel like that’s kind of reflected in this song? Like growing is usually very different from how one imagines it when they’re a kid.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MELODY X  by  BONAPARTE.

you keep the light on // you keep the light on // you keep the night light on // hold your broken dream up high // oh, you know you try // oh, you know you try // it’s the worst case scenario lullaby // something’s gotta change (something’s gotta change)

Another song acknowledging how hecking hard life is and trying to remain hopeful in spite of it with a hint of being aware that something needs to change in Elliot’s life for him to really be happy.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NO ID  by  ANDREW APPLEPIE.

and suddenly you realize // that everything you’d ever told yourself were lies // and believe me i can sympathize // cause everything i ever thought i was made me cry

Overall, this song is about self-acceptance and growth, which is something Elliot is still working on. And it’s more so on here as Elliot being the person the singer is watching struggle with these things.

▷  currently  playing  ——  PRETENDER - ACOUSTIC  by  AJR.

i’m a good pretender // won’t you come see my show? // i got lots of problems // well, good thing nobody knows // oh, i’m insecure, i’m insecure // i think i like what i’m supposed to // like what i’m supposed to

Back on that putting up a front for everyone else because he thinks that’s for the better/expected of him bs!

▷  currently  playing  ——  BRAIN, BRAIN, GO AWAY  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

through the night my mind is racing // my inner voice and i debating // on everything i should be changing // can’t decide so i keep maintaining // i gotta contain my overactive mind

This song is on here because big anxiety hours and how truly exhausting it is to deal with.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MIND IS A PRISON  by  ALEC BENJAMIN.

sometimes, i think too much, yeah, i get so caught up // i’m always stuck in my head // i wish i could escape, i tried to yesterday alone with my thoughts again // guess my mind is a prison and i’m never gonna get out

Same exact reason why Brain, Brain, Go Away is on his playlist.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NUMB  by  MARINA.

i can’t open up and cry //  ‘cause i’ve been silent all my life // i feel numb most of the time // lower i get, higher // i’ll climb, and i will wonder why // i got dark only to // shine, looking for the golden light // oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice

One of the main reasons this song is included is because of a comment made on the lyric ‘oh, it’s a reasonable sacrifice’ and how in this song it seems to imply sacrificing one’s well-being to impress others is fine and if that’s not Elliot’s biggest mood than I don’t know what is. But in addition to that, a lot of the other lyrics touch on internal struggles he deals with and trying to overcome them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  NOBODY  by  MITSKI.

and i don’t want your pity // i just want somebody near me // guess i’m a coward // i just want to feel alright // and i know no one will save me

1. This is the type of song that sounds like “ooooo fun” but then you listen to the lyrics and it’s like “BOOM SADNESS” which is kind of Elliot’s song aesthetic if that makes sense? 2. Despite having people in his life that he’s close to, life can still feel very isolating when he’s not open about everything he has going on. 3. This song is an enneagram type two’s biggest fear so it just makes sense being here.

▷  currently  playing  ——  IT’S CALLED: FREEFALL  by  RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE.

called to the devil and the devil said, “hey! why you been calling so late? it’s like 2am and the bars all close at 10 in hell, that’s a rule i made” // anyway, you say you’re too busy saving everybody else to save yourself // and you don’t want no help, oh well

More on the idea that life can be very isolating when you struggle in silence and Elliot’s “gotta help everyone else over myself” mentality.

▷  currently  playing  ——  MINDLESS BLISS  by  UNLIKE PLUTO.

always staying up to the sunrise // i can barely close my eyes // all i’m looking for is a good night // just for one night, just for one night // but i am wide awake, surviving day to day // i’m half alive in my own way // and i’m struggling with all the carrying

More big themes of anxiety and struggling with it.

▷  currently  playing  ——  WAVES  by  DEAN LEWIS.

and it takes control of the person that i thought i was // the boy i used to know // but there is a light in the dark // and i feel it’s warmth // in my heart, in my hands // but why can’t i hold on?

Life’s always changing for better or worse and growing up you can think life is going to be one way just for it to be something completely different and I think Elliot can relate to that sentiment a lot.

▷  currently  playing  ——  KEEP  by  MOTHER MOTHER.

i write it down, but to read it doesn’t work // take it to town, but to be seen doesn’t work // smack it around, but that only make it worse // i make it worse // i meditate for a day, but it doesn’t help // get down and pray, i gotta say, what a living hell // i could escape but i know that all too well // it doesn’t help

Wanting to cope with things, but struggling to do so in a way that works which is a big Elliot mood.

▷  currently  playing  ——  DON’T WORRY, YOU WILL  by  LOVELYTHEBAND.

trying to stay positive // not an easy way to live // laugh right through the pain // she said i can’t find a thing i don’t like about you // and i’m like don’t worry, you will

More themes of being hypercritical of oneself, silently struggling, and putting up a charade to get others to like you or to please them.

▷  currently  playing  ——  GOODBYE  by  BO BURNHAM.

am i right back where i started fourteen years ago? // wanna guess the ending? if it ever does // i swear to god that all i’ve ever wanted was // a little bit of everything all of the time well, well, look who’s inside again // went out to look for a reason to hide again // well, well, buddy, you found it

Full disclosure, I only know this song from TikTok. But anyway! I just felt like the lyrics in the last bit of the song were super fitting: the fear of being back right back where he started before he got a little better at putting himself first, struggling to balance everything he wants/needs, dismissing his problems in favor or something lighthearted like a joke, looking for reasons to keep things to himself, etc.

#lakeview.task3 #⁽ ⠀ ♡ ⠀ ⁾ ⠀ ⠀ elliot king ⠀ / ⠀ * ⠀ task. #⁽ ⠀ ♡ ⠀ ⁾ ⠀ ⠀ elliot king ⠀ / ⠀ * ⠀ playlist. #anxiety tw #depression tw

[gritsandbrits]

I talk a lot about Jo and Kendrix but I don't really talk about my other B10 & Cartoon Network OCs so here they are!

Slight T.W. for attempted suicide

Ginger T. Glass: A Gullah-Geechee Earth elemental from South Carolina. During the original 2005 series of Ben 10, she and her friend Patti were a pop duo who mainly used their powers for effects at their concerts. Later on they decide to become superheroes after having grown fed up with being in the public spotlight and was inspired by Jo to use their powers to help people. Ginger is very refined but also has a fragility to her. She can shatter windows, use glass shards as defensive weapons, and create some sort of stain glass shields. She can also manipulate sand, which is a stronger skill as she's basically harnessing unrefined glass. In terms of singing she is a soprano. Her name is a pun on ginger tea and tea glass.

Pattibelle: Jo's cousin and Ginger's best friend, and a fire elemental. She's the loud and obnoxious type and always flirts with guys. She has an interest in motorcycles and racing, and always finds the time to flaunt and show off. She thinks Ben is ugly and very overrated which is why she always try to upstage him. But during her stint as a superhero she learns to take it more seriously and starts to realise her own potential in being a role model. In terms of singing she's an alto. Her name comes from OUR QUEEN PATTIE LA BELLE!!

Emily Lewis and Alessandro Clarke: Two reptilian folks who are possibly descended from dragons and might be of Celtic descent, they oppose the Forever Knights and make sure that magical artifacts don't fall under their or anyone else's hands. Emily is kinda a mither figure to Kai Green and Sandy works as a street magician (using fake magic so his real magic wouldn't be traced). They initially showed up as seemingly potential antagonists but it's revealed that they're actually good people simply pissed off at their kind being exploited by greedy assholes. Sandy is sleek, sardonic, and wily, and has long whitish/blond hair and gold eyes. Emily is more serious minded and motherly, and has auburn hair and ruby eyes. Haven't made designs for them yet but their real forms are reptilian, with Sandy's form more snakelike and Emily's being an alligator. Named after Lewis and Clark (whom Emily doesn't even like lol). Kinda good friends of Jo's since they all bonded over being outcasts.

Azura: A geeky yet very snarky intern working. for the Saturdays. She's Afro-Latina and wears a lot of blues to compliment the Satrudays' iconic orange outfirs. She has a crush on Doyle but had been burned once by an ex and so she refused to make her feelings known. At first she was scared of cryptids but came to love them. Usually keeps tabs on public sightings of cryptids without actually tracking them down herself.

Gospelle: A shy African American woman desperately seeking a purpose in life who can really belt out a tune. One day she was singing to herself which ends up attracting the attention of resident God of Rock Valhallen. She doesn't like the attention at first but decides to give it a chance and pursued a singing career, and later kinda gets a crush on him. But she wants their relationship to involve other things and not because she has a beautiful voice. She's kinda based on Storm, and is petite and has long hair.

C.J.: Not the same character as the cloud, her name is short for Columbia Junior. She's Lady Columbia basically and Major Glory's younger sister. She's far more mature than her brother and hates how overprotective he is so she tries to prove her own strength. She's a pastiche of Wonder Woman only if Wondy speaks in a typical Valley Girl accent. She isn't interested in settling down so stop asking if she has a boyfriend Uncle Sam.

Jill: The Japanese-American/Scottish descendant of Samurai Jack she is kinda irresponsible and lazy but ended up inheriting his sword anyways. Since Jack is obviously long gone he appears as a spirit and tries to mentor his wayward successor. Jill originally lived in Townsville before leaving for another city and became CJ's roommate. She's also best pals with the Krunk and established to be aroace. She's based on Sailor Moon. Also one of her older relatives (possibly a grand or great grandparent) is related to THE SCOTSMAN however she doesn't particularly obsess over culture and lineage and wants to do her own thing.

Princess Ashi: SHE'S NOT ASHI but named after her. She was Jack's daughter and started a school for aspiring swordsmen. Her mother was the noblewoman. Jill's Japanese side of the family can be traced back from her I'd like to think one of her later descendants married into the Scotsman's family.

The Noblewoman: Her name is a placeholder but she Jack's technically second wife and Princess Ashi's mother. She came from a noble family who was slaughtered and taken over by a rival clan. Filled with despair she attempted suicide but Jack intervened. It is through her travels her mental health improved and she gained the strength to take back her family lands. Her story goes along with the message of dealing with grief and healing as well as evil doesn't have to come from magical deities. Sometimes humanity is capable of evil without science or magic. Also no she's not a reincarnated Ashi or anything as bringing her back would make her sacrifice pointless imo.

Arusi: The Xiaolin Dragon of Darkness/Shadows, she's a goth girl from East Africa who started out as a street performing puppet master who was scouted out by a monk. She didn't want to leave her town but her grandmother convinced her under the wish of giving her a better opportunity. So Arusi studied to the temple in Northern Africa and trained and later moved to the temple in China to join the canon young monks. She's the foil for Chase's apprentice Shadow and Raimundo's love interest. Arusi is tall and wispy, has deep brown skin and very short hair. She tends to wear long black dresses and simple yet intricate jewellery.

Cleo: An outgoing, headstrong and sassy girl, she has the power to activate cat based Egyptian armor but with the downsides of turning into a cat at random times. I want Irwin to have a tried and true friend as well as someone to match the Egyptian powers/motif without a love interest attachment. Also one of the few people to not be scared of Mandy, mainly because she doesn't care what she nor anyone else thinks of her. However Cleo can be too rebellious. Cleo is agile, has dark olive to light brown skin, black hair in a bobcut, and always wears her necklace in case she needed to transform.

Those are all my OCs for now. I just give them backstory and personality as I go along! 😂

#major glory #valhallen #cartoon network #CN City #fusionfall #warner brothers #Samurai jack #ppg #underfist #ben 10 #secret saturdays #the grim adventures of billy and mandy #Xiaolin showdown #Oc #fan characters #cn oc #cartoon network oc #dexter's laboratory #Ben 10 oc #ppg oc #xiaolin showdown oc #Samurai jack oc #Oc x canon #platonic oc x canon #Romantic oc x canon #Tw attempted suicide

[apiratecalledav]

Is there other stuff that makes you think hbo messed with gendrya?

Oh, man, I’m probably gonna be thought of as the Murray Bauman of the fandom…. But yeah, there’s actually quite a bit that makes me think that it’s possible. When season 8 first aired, I thought that maybe executive meddling shot them down for some reason, most logically to protect spinoff potential.  They might have let the show “test the waters” but ultimately wanted them left ambiguous.

I thought it was… interesting… that Gendry and Arya had by far the gentlest, most amicable breakup in the entire series— and that it was over Gendry’s lordship that he straight up said wasn’t worth anything without Arya—when HBO UK made a cryptic tweet that made me wonder if someone high up was leery of the pairing/fan reaction.  If they wanted the option for an Arya Stark spinoff someday, I could see why they wouldn’t want her to end in a relationship they thought might be poorly received.  

I also thought that maybe since Gendrya went so far out of the show’s usual M.O. (to the point that it was one of the very few things about season 8 that I was wildly off about) that their thought process might have plausibly been something like, “Gendrya can’t be endgame? Well, fuck it. We’ll go all out and have them do pretty much everything else: Make out, spend the night together, save the world, say, ‘I love you,’ and get down on one knee to propose.”

I also thought that I was probably just a tinfoil-hat-wearing weirdo saying, “My OTP wasn’t definitively endgame! It must be a conspiracy.”

But I rewatched the whole season a little while ago and I noticed some things that I think are… interesting. Although, you should keep in mind that it was during two VERY long and VERY boring days at work where I had nothing to do.

I could just be shipper trash, seeing what I wanna see. Maybe not. I’m just saying that I’d believe it if something was up. From the way they portrayed Arya and Gendry, in general and especially in comparison to Jon/D-ny (I’ve anti tagged but if you don’t have blacklisting enabled, this is your fair warning), I could believe that the writers like the ship. And while Arya is certainly not the poster child for perfect mental health, there isn’t anything to suggest she would be toxic in a long term relationship. She isn’t selfish or cruel. I also don’t think that she hates herself the way that Sandor and Jaime did and that she believes she deserves to be “punished” or alone. She didn’t say anything to Gendry about not wanting to be a wife, just not a lady. 

They’re consistently portrayed as a healthier/more favorable foil to Jon and D-ny:

In 8x01, D-ny swoops down on Winterfell and is cavalier as fuck about resources.  She has no comment about food except that dragons eat “whatever they want.” The next scene, we see Gendry running to catch a chunk of dragonglass that was about to tumble out of the wagon. He tells everyone to be careful because they need every last bit of it. He then goes on to climb up the wagon, much like Arya did in the pilot episode. I think it’s even in the same spot. If not, it’s very similar.

Also 8x01, D-ny tells Jon, “keep your Queen warm” and while they are kissing, Jon keeps opening his eyes and freaking out because scary dragons are eyeballing him. And D-ny is pretty much like, “Don’t worry about it, it’s cool.” Even though she’s already made a few jokes about how if they decide to roast Jon then he’s shit outta luck and she threatened Sansa. Then the very next scene is Gendry and Sandor just before Arya finds them. Arya teases Gendry as well but she also defends him from Sandor, compliments him, jokes he should “keep close to that forge” if he’s cold and tells him not to call her Lady Stark. They laugh and banter and all awkwardness fades away and they’re both grinning like dorks. Arya actively wants Gendry to see them as equals; D-ny subconsciously wants Jon in his place.

Even as the dead are practically in their backyard, D-ny keeps obsessing about the throne. Meanwhile, Arya’s station doesn’t bother Gendry anymore because he knows it doesn’t matter. He also signed up to help Jon immediately without asking for anything in return.

Arya and Gendry each seek the other out in 8x02 but Jon spends a lot of it trying to avoid D-ny until the last moment

8x02 Arya and D-ny find out Gendry’s and Jon’s parentages. It makes no difference to Arya, she loved Gendry when he was a barmaid’s bastard and she loves him when he’s a king’s son. Jon’s  bio father shatters D-ny’s whole world.

Most of Jon’s family (this includes Sam) distrust and fear D-ny. Jon and Sandor like Gendry and Sansa and Bran have no complaints at least.

Their ~love scenes~ have a few shots that mirror each other, too.  But we see the buildup for Arya and Gendry, their conversation, their first kiss, undressing each other. We see Jon and D-ny and in the middle of things, during a montage explaining how they’re closely related and narrated by Jon’s little brother. Not exactly sexy. Then it cuts to Tyrion lurking nearby looking troubled and finally ends with an ominous shot of the Targ flagship in the dark and gloom. Meanwhile, Arya and Gendry are alone, not related, and are the sole focus of the scene. There’s not even music.

In 8x04, at the funeral, Gendry and Arya are initially a good distance apart. Then after they light the pyres, you get a shot of Arya with (an admittedly very blurry) Gendry visible over her shoulder. Meanwhile, Jon and D-ny stand together while lighting the fire and then they part.  

Gendry’s “I love you” to Arya is enthusiastic and happy and D-ny’s to Jon is coming from a place of mourning at best and it’s straight up manipulative at worst.  The words “I love you” are rare in this show. I can only remember Jorah saying it a couple of times, Littlefinger to Cat and Sansa, Joffrey pledging to wed Margaery, and Robb to Talisa. The only times it’s not sad or creepy are Robb and Gendry.

These two scenes are the most glaringly obvious. But to summarize, Arya tries to set Gendry “free” when his life changes in a direction she doesn’t want for herself and D-ny tries to put Jon into a corner and make sure his life CAN’T change into one that she doesn’t want. 

So with that stuff in mind, I could buy that maybe they wanted Arya and Gendry to reunite in King’s Landing and try to save civilians together.  Or maybe have Jon ask Gendry to take Arya as far away as he can before Jon goes to that throne room to do what he has to do. Hell, look at Arya’s final scene as is: She’s on a ship and then you see her Stark sigil on the sail against the sunlight… If Gendry was with her, that’d sure look like a happier version of D-ny and Jon’s scene from the end of season 7…   While probably a bit too on the nose for GRRM’s books, I could see the show implying that Gendry and Arya are the second, more hopeful verse of the Song of Ice and Fire…

Other Season 8 Subtext-y things:

Marriage imagery; Arya under Gendry’s cloak. Bonus points for it being shown during these lines from Jenny’s song: “spun away all her sorrow and pain/and she never wanted to leave.”  “She spun away and said to him, ‘no featherbed for me.’”

Pretty much all of Gendry’s scenes in season 8 are with Arya or he’s with Sandor, talking about her. The small handful of times he’s not with either of them, he’s with her siblings and other people connected to House Stark like Tormund and Davos and even Sam and Edd.  After their “breakup” he virtually disappears. Pretty much the ENTIRE reason they brought him back was for Arya and to be tied strongly to House Stark.

Beric and Melissandre, who once wanted to sacrifice Gendry for “the greater good” and caused Arya to turn towards a darker path, sacrifice themselves to defeat the dead, not only saving Arya’s and Gendry’s lives but guiding Arya further into “light.” To the point where she literally ends the Long Night.

Gendry tells Arya that she’s beautiful and he loves her and gets down on one knee to ask her to marry him… Which is so wildly uncharacteristic for this show that I still can’t believe that it’s real. It’s by far the most traditional romantic moment in the entire series.  I suppose it could just be fan service, but 8x02 would have sufficed on that front. Not to mention that “fan service” in this show has never been something so wholesome.  

They could have done the proposal differently. They could have had Gendry say crap like, “Now we can settle down and live a boring, respectable life” or something else that would have been really unappealing to Arya. It actually would have been another connection to Robert/Lyanna, where Robert only loved his idea of Lyanna. But nope. They could have framed it as Gendry trying to do the honorable thing or “they’re gonna marry us off anyway, at least we like each other.” But nope.

Gendry could have been put off by Arya’s combat skills but he was turned on by it. She even used her “game of faces” voice on him and it didn’t send him running for the hills.

They also could have easily had Gendry be too “tame” for Arya but nope.  Her face at this part just kills me.

They made a thing out of Gendry being “forever loyal” to D-ny after she legitimized him but he had jack shit to say about her at the Great Council and was all too happy to vote for King Bran, even after Arya had turned him down.

A follow up to that other post in regards to a Gendry-ish looking guy grabbing Arya and asking if she’s seen his wife, Alanna: Magaery’s cousin with the same sounding name gets a GRRM-esque weird spelling: Allana with two Ls and one N. As opposed to the more traditional spelling that looks more like Lyanna….

One of the surviving lords at the Great Council is specifically from the Storm Lands. He’s probably who has had Storm’s End for the last few years and maybe he doesn’t deserve to get kicked out by a boy who doesn’t have any idea how to be a lord and doesn’t even want to be a lord without Arya.  He even has a name: Lord Une.  The Dornish prince doesn’t have a first name but this guy does?

Also, Une is a very unusual name. It’s not from the books and it doesn’t really sound Medieval Europe-y, either. Maybe there’s an inside joke or something? That’s definitely not a name you just pull from the air.  

Arya lights Beric’s funeral pyre but if Sandor didn’t have issues with fire, I think he probably would have done it as Beric’s last surviving friend. It kind of gives us the sense that Arya can do what Sandor can’t—which of course, she ultimately does when she decides to leave Cersei while Sandor, who has missed so much being hurt and angry, can only have peace/forgive himself is if he stops Gregor forever. 

In the very next scene after the funeral, we see Gendry and Sandor talk about Arya. Sandor basically says that normal, living people have emotions and hormones and it’s not a bad thing.  Sometime later, we see Sandor scare off a girl who makes a pass at him. The next scene is Gendry and Arya. Arya also ‘rejects’ her love interest but it’s in an infinitely more thoughtful way. We already know that it’s easier for Arya to be close to other people than it was for Sandor. Arya just has a little bit more to go until she’s completely ready for something serious.  

Episodes 1 and 2 establish a pattern of “Sandor then Gendry.” It’s how they arrive at Winterfell. It’s how they reunite with Arya. It’s how Arya visits them towards the end of 8x02. Sooo again, I could see at one point the intention was for them to reunite in King’s Landing. Possibly during that bit where it keeps cutting back and forth between Sandor and Arya; “hateful” Gregor grabs Sandor up to throw him around and “loving” Gendry lifts Arya to save her from getting trampled. Nora, the name of the kind stranger who does help Arya, is essentially the “female equivalent” of Gendry’s name.    

According to the leaked outline of season 7, Gendry was originally supposed to be rescued by Benjen beyond the wall. In season 8, he has scenes with Jon, Sansa, and Bran, and even Edmure and Robin. ALMOST LIKE THEY WANTED HIM TO MEET *ALL* OF ARYA’S FAMILY. I’m pretty sure only Tyrion has met more Starks and Tullys than Gendry.

The “Ice battle” was at Arya’s childhood home and the “Fire battle” was at Gendry’s. And yeah, I think it’s pretty damn weird that a capable, uninjured soldier who has knowledge of King’s Landing isn’t there.

They gave them a reference to The Princess Bride: “As you wish.” Comparing them to a beloved couple from a modern classic is a good sign. Comparing them to most likely a childhood favorite? Even better. Comparing them to a couple where their other famous line is “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while.” And Arya and Gendry are still alive.  Actually, it might be a coincidence but they do have a SHIT-TON in common with The Princess Bride. GRRM is a fan, too, so maybe it was discussed at some point. It’s certainly uncanny if it wasn’t at least partially intentional. But that’s a different post.  

Sandor knows about Gendry and Arya and he doesn’t rip Gendry’s head off. Gendry basically got a blessing from Arya’s last legal guardian.

Their outfits reflect each other’s houses, Gendry’s clothes having some very Stark direwolf-like scratch marks and Arya’s scabbard is yellow and black aka Baratheon colors.

I haven’t listened to it yet, but apparently in the leaked audio commentary for 8x06, they talked about how Joe wanted Arya to notice how hot Gendry looked.

Other stuff that makes me think that the writers like Gendrya:

They gave them a lot of time and focus. Even in season 8 where they had very limited time. And objectively speaking, that time probably should have been spent with Arya and her siblings.

They had Arya befriend Gendry earlier and easier than she does in the books.

In behind the episode of 8x02, Benioff talked about how you choose to spend your last night on earth says a lot about you. The very first example he gives is Arya wanting to be with Gendry.

They are always depicted positively:  They trust each other; they respect each other; they make each other laugh; they protect each other.  Even during their “breakups” in season 3 and 8; they are honest and accepting of each other’s decisions.  These two are young and inexperienced but they manage to be more mature and healthier than 95% of the other couples.  Their relationship also doesn’t doom them the way that Robb and Talisa’s did.

They changed stuff from the books to make it– not more romantic per se given Arya’s age– but certainly shipping fuel that fit more into romantic tropes: How they meet, how Gendry discovers that she’s a girl, how Arya blatantly checks him out when he’s shirtless. Their long one-on-one and emotional “goodbye” scene where Arya says, “I can be your family.”

They changed/added lines to foreshadow “My Featherbed,” aka where Gendry is legitimized but gives it up for Arya: “I have a son, you have a daughter. We’ll join our houses” but leaving out how Robert specified Joffrey and Sansa. Changing “you’ll marry a king” and “no, that’s Sansa” to “you’ll marry a high lord” and “no, that’s not me.”  Davos telling Gendry how he became a lord to help his son and it actually got Mathos killed in battle.

The main bullet points of season 8 were largely what I was expecting and I was at least in the ballpark about a lot of the details. Like did I predict King Bran? No, but I knew he belonged in the south because he named his direwolf Summer. I knew the king or queen would be a dark horse and I was fairly certain Tyrion would be Hand. The few things I didn’t anticipate still seemed to validate the main themes and messages I thought that GRRM was going for. Like King Bran. Now I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Who better to “end the game of thrones” than someone who doesn’t want to play and also can’t be plotted against?

Gendrya is the one major thing that tripped me up. Seriously. I would have bet my fucking car that if Gendry didn’t die, he’d walk away from a lordship and be with Arya on her ship, even if the nature of their relationship was ambiguous.  

So I could believe that they wanted or at least expected Gendrya to be endgame since season 1 and someone told them no. It could have been GRRM but I must admit that I have a difficult time believing that.

I guess I could see GRRM having the point of their relationship be that Arya is upfront and honest about what she wants and Gendry respects her decision and doesn’t turn into a bitter/mopey drunk. Or that Gendry dies and Arya doesn’t wallow in it forever… But there’s so much that makes me think that Gendry is meant to be the “sweet” part of Arya’s bittersweet ending, and at least be her True Companion.  Not to mention they’re still too young to really have a relationship in the books. Well, at least Arya is. And those particular parallels to Robert and Lyanna fall pretty flat in my opinion if they’re not romantically involved.   I mean, come ON. How the hell could it NOT end with the possibility of Lyanna’s niece/ Jon’s sister and Robert’s son/D-ny+Rags cousin???

Possible HBO Shenanigans:  

I thought it was kinda funny that HBO UK–not Game of Thrones but an official HBO account– made a tweet shortly before 8x02 aired implying that Arya is eighteen… when she’s more likely sixteen (lots of reasons, not to mention that Maisie has even said that Arya is sixteen.) And sixteen is the age of consent in the UK anyway.  As far as I know, that was the only public attempt by HBO to quell controversy in an already hugely controversial season. Like, after The Bells, I don’t think anyone at HBO tweeted about “Ideally, good rulers don’t commit 2.5 times the amount of war crimes as the Night King.” So I do have to wonder if there’s a reason that they’re particularly invested and protective about Arya’s reception…

There was a huge shitstorm when Tommen and Margaery got married and pretty much most of that stuff was off screen.  Sure, Arya’s a bit older and Maisie was in her 20s while Dean-Charles was still in his teens… but people do tend to get much more outraged when it’s a girl with an older guy than vice versa.

There was also a big shakeup when AT&T acquired HBO and they got a new CEO early in 2019, a couple of months before season 8 aired. The former CEO seemed to have been championing Bloodmoon, that prequel that got canceled recently. He might have been pulling more for a potential Arya show back when the season was still being written… the new people at AT&T also seemed extremely upset over what the budgets for GoT and Big Little Lies did for their bottom line.  

While HBO has stated emphatically that there are no current plans for an Arya spinoff, they were sure to tack on a “right now, a sequel […] doesn’t make sense for us.” I do believe that this is something they want to have in their back pocket.  There’s a lot of interest in the idea and if House of the Dragon does well, I won’t be shocked if five+ years down the line we get at least a movie or a limited series about Arya. It’s by far the easiest, since her character can be isolated from everyone else and there are tons of cool places to explore. Hell, if they were really desperate, they wouldn’t even need Maisie Williams to come back. They could just recast and say she’s wearing someone else’s face to hide from mercenaries or something.  

GRRM gave an interview talking about how certain characters who have “a high Q rating” (popular) get pushed into more screen time. Bronn is almost certainly one of those characters. He’s always been a self-serving asshole, but the things that made him feel more like an affable rascal—his funny lines, his genuine and open fondness for Podrick—are all but gone in season 8. Not to mention that there’s the implied possibility he’s dying from some “pox.” In the outline for season 7, he’s much closer to “Season 8 Bronn.” Like, he was the one who was originally going to ask Jaime about Widow’s Wail and call Joffrey a “See-You-Next-Tuesday.” When Olenna said it, it was pretty funny. But coming from Bronn, it was a real dick move. I could believe that their “treatment” of Bronn in season 8 was a bit of a middle finger to him. The same way I could perceive Gendrya’s portrayal as being a “fuck you” if they weren’t allowed to actually be endgame.

TL;DR: Gendry and Arya are one of the very few healthy couples in the entire series,  and it could be argued that they even get “special” treatment. Both of them lived and while Arya certainly has been traumatized, she is not a walking dumpster fire who wouldn’t be good for him. It would have been only too easy for them to be portrayed as incompatible or worse but they weren’t. Their breakup is over a virtual nonissue. So it’s not out of the range possibility that they were a victim of executive meddling.  

And please spare me any “bUt D&D aRe ToO STuPId tO dO tHis.” I’m not campaigning for them to win Pulitzers any time soon, but the notion that they’re complete nitwits is just silly. They both have M.F.A.s  from very good schools and their scripts/outlines that I’ve read have a lot of really clever and really well-thought-out references, ranging from history to poetry to literature to even The Rolling Stones.  

I’m not saying that they intentionally did all this stuff but they certainly could have if they wanted to.

#gendrya #gendrya positivity #arya x gendry #gendry #arya stark #anti jonerys #anti daenerys #game of thrones #a song of ice and fire

[katsidhe]

Why isn’t Sam insane? 3/3: Dr. Compartmentalization, or How Sam Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Guilt

(Part One, Part Two.)

I think a lot about Sam’s compartmentalization. It’s got so much unique flair. It bears very little in common with usual depictions of repression, because repression isn’t really the word for the way Sam copes.  

Sam’s got little overlap with Dean’s brand of repression, for instance, which tends to follow a more generally straightforward model: push down your emotional and mental fragility until you can’t anymore, until you gotta collapse or punch or cry. “Spurts of violence and alcoholism,” indeed. Whenever Dean says he’s fine, he’s usually transparently lying to himself and his audience. But when Sam says he’s fine... even when he’s clearly NOT fine, I often get the sense that Sam has persuaded himself to a degree Dean never really has. 

Sam prefers to fancy that he’s honest with himself. He doesn’t suppress the bare facts of what he’s feeling the way Dean is more liable to; instead, Sam operates on telling himself slant truths, and keeping facets of both his identity and his mental health confined to several different, walled spheres.

So many of Sam’s foundational traumas have built-in distance: the Cage; Mary’s death when he was too young to remember her; subsequently growing up in a silent cult dedicated to her loss; Dean’s death in s3 where he had a whole year to prepare and a further year to plan revenge. None of this was sudden. There’s too much time and distance and complication involved in all three of those traumas for “reacting” to be the right word for how he responds. Sam doesn’t react so much as he sublimates.

How?

Thesis time: I think the reason Sam’s able to pull this off is because he has an uncanny ability to bolster his mental health at the cost of his emotional health. That is to say, Sam’s sanity and his guilt are anti-correlated.

Sam’s sense of guilt, shame, and self-blame is arguably one of his strongest, most concrete, and least mutable emotions. When other flavors of his emotional landscape come and go and shift, guilt has stayed with him from early seasons to late. It’s powerful, it’s central, it’s not going away anytime soon.

So what does Sam do with it?

He weaponizes it, internally. It’s a grudge match: guilt vs. trauma. He makes his Bad Thoughts fight it out. It’s brutally effective. Sam uses his shame and guilt not only to goad himself onward and force himself into ever-twisting forms of self-castigation and redemption and recompense, but also as a means to defang the emotions and the experiences that cause him significant mental distress, the ones he’s sure he can’t deal with while remaining sane. 

Weirdly enough, Lucifer’s preferred flavor of victim blaming (putting emphasis on Sam’s personal culpability; it’s your fault, you did this, you chose this) actually contributes to Sam’s ability to cope like this. So too does Dean’s patent inability to let go of a grudge. 

Because the shadow side of guilt is autonomy. If Sam’s responsible for screwing up, that means he had personal control when he screwed up. I think this is a large part of why Sam clings so tenaciously to his shame over mistakes both real and imagined. 

Holding on that tightly to guilt has obvious costs.

Juxtapose Sam’s fevered-but-hopeful mission in the latter part of s8 with his eventual collapse in 8.23. Sam’s certainly at the end of his emotional rope, but... he’s not really in a mental crisis in any way comparable to what he experienced in s7. He’s forcibly shoved himself into functional sanity by focusing on those feelings of guilt and betrayal and letting Dean down, culminating in the pain he feels in “Sacrifice”.

Similarly, in s14, I think Sam’s mental health/sense of his capacity for improvement and self-actualization is on a definitive upswing (thanks, 13.23!), but his emotional health is arguably more fragile than it’s been since s8. He cries every other episode (it’s great), and that’s in no small part because he’s taken on so much personal ownership and guilt and responsibility concerning the fates of the AU hunters, and Nick, and Jack, and Dean. 

Think about Sam saying “no, see, I’m just viewing my time in the Cage as really extreme penance, so I’m all good,” in early s7. (Incidentally, some of s7 is a rare reversal of the usual trend, wherein Sam’s feeling less guilt but having much worse sanity problems.) Think about Sam concluding “my problem is my uncleanliness and past sins; these will all be fixed once I close the gates of Hell,” in mid-to-late s8. Think about Sam deciding in 11.11 that “my ACTUAL traumatic takeaway from being in close quarters with Lucifer? Is really just my lingering guilt over Purgatory; better apologize to Dean again, that’ll help.” 

Sam takes VIOLENT ownership over his experiences. Not so he can deal with them, no no no--so that he can force them into metal-lined safes at gunpoint.

He even does the gunpoint thing literally in 6.22. Except he takes my analogy a step further; he actually murders Cage!Sam and Soulless!Sam in order to merge with them safely. And what’s spurring him on? “You know me; you know why.” Why is responsibility. Why is guilt. 

#i speaks #sam and dean #sam and the cage #sam and lucifer #sam and trauma #sam and compartmentalization #6.22 #8.23 #11.11

[thearrangment-phff]

LXVII.

October 2018

There was irony for Isabella to attend an event to mark World Mental Health Day. She had no idea what was wrong with her and yet she hid her pain and smiled for the cameras. She urged people to open dialogue about mental health but she could never do it herself. She urged others to be kind to each other and seek help if they needed it but she could never do it herself. Every word she read of her speech spilled of hypocrisy that only a few knew about. She cried herself to sleep that night and every night for weeks.

The hardest day for both Harry and Isabella was the wedding of Eugenie and Jack. Harry needed to pretend that his marriage went perfect and Isabella needed to pretend that she was perfect. Isabella need to be dressed up by Christine and Charlotte as she didn’t have enough energy to even do it herself.  

When Isabella joined Harry in the car her attitude completely changed. She was smiling and waving like nothing was wrong. It broke Harry’s heart a little bit to see her faking everything but he knew it was best for everyone. Then the thought of his mother came into his mind. He wondered if Isabella and his mother would find much in common with their marriages. But his mother would’ve never approved of a marriage between he and Isabella in the first place so he pushed the thought out of his mind.

“Are you okay?” asked Isabella.

“Are you okay?” asked Harry in response.

“I’m fine,” answered Isabella.

“I’m fine too,” replied Harry.

“I can’t wait to see her,” said Isabella in an attempt to make small talk in the car.

“It will be a good day.”

“No doubt Eugenie will look beautiful,” agreed Isabella.

The fake smiles, laughs, and small talk exhausted Isabella. By the end of the night, Isabella was left alone like always. Once Harry had kissed his son's goodnight Charlotte and Christine blocked Harry from going to sleep.

“What’s wrong?”

“We have a question for you,” started Charlotte.

“Have you and Isabella... had sex?” asked Christine.

“I don’t understand why you would-”

“We were dressing her this morning and we noticed something. Her stomach was bigger,” interrupted Christine.

“She gave birth a couple of months ago and with very large twins no less. I’m sure it’s nothing but I’ll have doctors look at it tomorrow if it’s such a pressing matter,” said Harry trying to go to bed.

“No. Not like that,” argued Charlotte.

“Harry she might be pregnant,” clarified Christine.

He had no words for a couple of seconds. Harry felt like the wind was knocked out of him, “It was one time. We were both had too much to drink,” whispered Harry.

“It only takes one time. She may be pregnant again and the doctors warned her about another pregnancy so soon. Harry she could actually die this time a number of ways.”

“What would you have me do? I have no power over her.”

“She’s unresponsive anyhow. We don’t need permission to drag her to the doctors. This time we do things right,” explained Charlotte.

“Are you suggesting an abortion?” asked Christine in horror.

“Would you rather she die in childbirth?”

“She would never want an abortion,” replied Harry.

“Would you want your sons to grow up without a mother like you did Harry?” asked Charlotte.

“Two very different circumstances and we all know you should not have said that to make your point,” answered Harry.

“But the results are the same. Two motherless sons. I want what is best for her and that is her living a long life so she can raise her children, spoil her grandchildren, and live long enough to see her great-grandchildren born. Forgive me for caring about her!” argued Charlotte.

“She will never forgive you. She will never forgive any of us if we make this decision for her,” continued Harry.

“Then we consult a doctor from the royal household and he will agree with me,” huffed Charlotte.

“Are we not going to even ask what she wants? This is her body,” asked Christine.

“It stopped being her body when she agreed to marry Harry,” replied Charlotte.

On the birth of Isabella’s youngest niece, Juliana, Isabella was stuck in London. Imre video chatted with her so that she was still able to be there.

“How are you?” asked Isabella.

“Exhausted. I always think it will be easier with the next one but it never does,” answered Kathleen.

“How are Maria Stella and Magdelena? Are they thrilled to be big sisters?” asked Isabella.

“Magdelena is but Maria Stella is not thrilled at the idea of another little sibling. She is too spoiled but Imre can’t say no to his firstborn,” laughed Kathleen.

“They are such angels. I miss them so much.”

“How are Harry and the boys?”  

“Wonderful. Harry has been working but he tries to spend so much time with Charlie and Bertie. And the boys are just so big! They cannot stop eating,” half-lied Isabella.

“I cannot wait for you to hold Juliana in your arms. She is such a little angel. You know, rumors has it that Adelaide is pregnant and with 4 babies born by the end of this year who knows how many babies will be born in 2019,” beamed Kathleen.

“How you heard anything about Luisa or Christine?” asked Isabella.

“Not in the past couple of days as I have been preoccupied.”

“Christine says that she cannot even get out of bed because of doctor’s order of bedrest until she gives birth. Luisa is still in the early stages of pregnancy but last time I heard it’s been a very difficult beginning. You know about my troubles but did you have any?” talked Isabella.

“Well not to your extent. I just had a couple of weeks of morning sickness but nothing worse than that,” answered Kathleen.

“So many children but people forget the sacrifices women make to have them. I know I did.”

“You just had it worse than others. No one could have predicted your pregnancy going the way that it did. You are always so hard on yourself ever since you were a teenager.”

“With all due respect, you didn’t know me very well back then and you still don’t Kathleen,” replied Isabella.

“You are right. It’s been made clear over the years that we have differing views but nothing about my love as a sister and admiration for you has changed. I would never say anything to hurt you, Belle.”

“Yes... while I understand that I must remind you that your beliefs are founded on hatred and an imaginary man. Goodbye Kathleen.”

Isabella shut her laptop and left the room. No matter how many times Isabella had wanted to like Kathleen her sister-in-law's religious and political views had always been the first thing. The American Archduchess had tried had to get Isabella’s approval but even 8 years later and 3 nieces, Isabella could never fully like the older women.

“Belle, what’s wrong?”

Isabella had come face to face with her ladies-in-waiting, two of which who were holding Charles and Albert in their arms, “Nothing. I wish to go to France. I think a couple of days at Chambord would do me well.”

“France? Kathleen just gave birth perhaps going to Switzerland would be better,” suggested Christine.

“I don’t want to go to Switzerland. I have yet to go to Chambord and I own the damn place, it would do me good to spend time away from the life of London.”

“Does Harry know about your decision?” asked Olympia.

“He will soon. A week in France with my husband and sons it just what I need.”

“Isabella.” The group of women turned their attention to Harry. The five women stood there until Charlotte had cleared her throat and the four ladies had left them alone.

“I was just speaking about going to the Chateau de Chambord for some time.”

“Why would you want to go to France right now?” asked Harry.

“I’m tired of London and wish for something more familiar. Besides, the French air may do the boys good before the winter here.”

“And it would just be the 4 of us?”

“Of course.”

“Not even Charlotte, Christine, or the other two will be joining us?” asked Harry.

“No. It would simply be the four of us... and of course the dozens of people who work in the château as well. The chateau itself can’t live without them.”

“This is very sudden but I think I can work something out and spend a weekend there.”

“I was thinking a week,” replied Isabella.

“Then you would need to wait a little longer because I can’t spend a week in France right now.”

“Then come to us when you have time but I want to leave as soon as I can.”

Harry looked at her, “Alright. I’ll join you when I can but ask that the boys stay with me.”

“What?”

“The boys stay with me, Isabella.”

“No. No, I want the boys with me. I haven’t had proper time with them.”

“You will be going to France alone either way. What happens next is up to you,” said Harry.

“Fine. They stay and come with you,” agreed Isabella in defeat.

Upon arrival at the chateau, Isabella got accustomed to how Chambord was run. She met with everyone who worked on the grounds and especially those whom she would see on a daily basis. For the most part was left to wonder the Château and in the gardens. Her ancestors had built this palace centuries ago and now it was in her possession.

“Ma’am this is Count Johann Kinsky. He has been taking care of some of the financials of the running of the chateau and asked to speak to you.”

“Thank you, Norine,” smiled Isabella.

The elder woman nodded and left the room closing the door behind her. Johann had stared at the door waiting for it to be closed before talking, “Thank you for meeting with me.”

“Kinsky. You have to elaborate more on that.”

“My father Ferdinand is a second cousin to both Marie and Georgina, The Princesses of Liechtenstein,” replied Count Johann.

“And your mother?” asked Isabella.

“Countess of Ursel. Charlotte is my mother's cousin, she’s the one who gave me this position.”

“Of course she would participate in nepotism. What about your grandparents?”

“Kinsky grandfather, Baroness grandmother, Ursel grandfather, and Croy princess grandmother.”

“Baroness grandmother? Is she a Belgian or former Habsburg subject?” asked Isabella.

“None, she was German. Through her, I am the third cousin to the current King of The Netherlands.”

“Interesting. Kinsky's usually going for princesses, not baronesses.”

“My grandmother’s cousin was the former prince consort of The Netherlands mother. I don’t think a title really mattered when a connection like that triumphed,” explained Johann.

“Anyhow, what did you have to speak to me about?” asked Isabella.

“The tours have sold nearly ten times than they usually do. The revenue is beyond what this chateau use to make. I wanted to recommend using that money to renovate some parts of the chateau.”

“That money will go back to the trust and before you say anything else, I have little to no say in that. It was decided a long time ago what percentage of the money would go back to the upkeeping,” said Isabella.

“I was talking with The Hereditary Prince of Liechtenstein and he said-”

“I could not care less about what he has to say,” interrupted Isabella.

“It was to my understanding that he is in charge of the trust. I was told to report to him regarding anything financial but your visit happened to come before I could talk to him,” said Johann in confusion.

“Why did you come speak to me if you were going to go over my head anyhow?”

“I thought you should know what is going on in your home,” answered Johann.

“Chambord has never been my home. I simply own it because Queen Fabiola thought it would make me more desired and powerful. I’ve owned this magnificent piece of history for years and this is the first time I ever visiting.”

“Forgive me for making assumptions.”

“You are forgiven but I would like for you not to bring anything like this up again. I care little for the financials of things, that is why I leave that to my godfather Alois,” replied Isabella.

“Should I not update you on progress as well?” asked Johann.

“Do what you wish in that regards but I could care less. I won’t be living here any time soon and it will stay open for all those to tour.”

“Should I tell your husband as well?”

“What is mine is mine. He will have no say in anything,” answered Isabella.

“Thank you for meeting with me ma’am,” ended Johann feeling vastly uncomfortable.

#PHFF #prince harry fanfiction #prince harry fanfic #royal fanfiction #royal fanfic #fanfiction

[nosleeppotions]

Forest Freaks

(Healer Janus)

Apologies, I'm a bit of a scatter brain so I bounce between topics, but it doesn't hinder my work of course.

Janus, a cute nickname I've been given by the others... suiting considering my facial injury. My right cheek, you see, has a large part missing including that corner of my mouth which honestly makes it look like part of my face is forever stuck with a smile and paired with my tendency to frown... well you can see how my friends came up with "Janus" hm?

Though my name is Nate if you happened to wonder... it took me a while to remember it, perhaps it took a little longer than it did for the others but that's alright. Boss says it's because he used to de-age me constantly at an early age, I had been very useful as a child... it was also a good way to make sure I learned a lot of things as soon as possible... I think he did the same to Joy, a fellow doctor. Perhaps it's something he did with all the Healers of the group, there's three of us but neither me or my brother in occupation had met our senior... Boss says it's because he's on an important mission and I don't doubt it. Some missions can take centuries to complete, or so I've been told at least.

As I said... I'm a doctor, I work at a Human Hospital now... Boss wants us to blend in when not being used. Unfortunately I don't recall the time I learned what I know but I just... KNOW the things I need to know meaning I had to learn them at some point in my life.

"Memory problems" were normal among us... it's not as much as a problem as most would think but it's a sore spot sometimes. We are tools, willing to be used as necessary. Our age, mind, memories. Simple sacrifices that Boss makes up for in giving us a home... a family. We don't remember much of our "mortal days" but we know our lives are better.... sometimes I dream about it though, my past. Just bits and pieces and always too vague to be of much help. I think... no I somewhat recall liking my father more than my mother even though I couldn't have been that old at the time. Every glimpse or feeling of her described her as... angry, untrustworthy. She shouted a lot too I think... maybe mother hurt father but those scenes in my dreams were never too clear eithe. Father on the other hand... any time I attempt to visualize him he's smiling... but it's usually a sad one now that I think about it. I think I got my face injury during my time with them but there's no way of being sure.

Joy is a doctor but he doesn't work at the hospital like I do... he runs much shadier practices that I more often than not highly disapprove of... but I can't really BE upset. Hilariously enough his job is what led him to meeting his now wife: Leah. (They met via him hiding from the police in inconvenient places). Leah is a human, but she doesn't seem to judge our nature all that much... though I do fear for her mental health sometimes.

I had been a child for a very long time before being given the chance to grow into an adult... so obviously someone had to raise me. Boss takes care of all of us for a while but he eventually hands everyone over to a Guardian that he believes best suits our personalities at the time. Guardians are like us, just older... more experienced and apparently they have "mellowed out"... I had been given to a man called Jack. If Jack is considered "mellow" now I don't envy Boss. Jack must have been a total monster when he was younger then.... so either I was a brat or Boss gave me to him to try and reel him in a bit. Though I can't complain, even though he's a maniac he had to have done a decent job (I don't recall) and even if I try to deny it... I can hardly imagine truly having a different fatherly figure. He's still infuriating though.

By the way, do you know how awkward it is? To have to go on missions with him where he leaves survivors (thank goodness) and later as a normal doctor I have to treat those same people and pretend I've never seen them before. I wish he'd stop doing that to me, honestly.

The Hunters call us "Forest Freaks", makes sense since we like hiding out in them. The magical energy running deep within makes it easier to draw teleportation runes and the like.

Now as much as I'd love to continue explaining the finer details of life I need to give my friend Nathaniel his medication before he goes picking unnecessary fights again....

#original story #Scary? #horror #short story #writing #writing prompt #just for fun #my characters #ocs #original character #rp prompts #1st person

[polyamorousparson]

For @yoursummerfrost , who wanted a fic that took Ransom’s anxiety as seriously as Jack’s, have some pre-relationship Jack/Ransom that picks up where this comic ends.  

Warnings for anxiety, mental illness, irregular eating because of anxiety, food, and panic attacks.  On AO3 here.

It’s the week before finals, and Ransom knows he hasn’t done enough to prepare.

To some extent, he knows there’s nothing he can really do.  He has hockey and a social life, which he wouldn’t sacrifice for anything.  He should have started on applications to work in labs over the summer a month ago.  He’s maxed out on credits this semester.  There are only so many hours in a day, and picking apart every week of the semester to try to figure out what he should’ve could’ve would’ve done better won’t do him any good at this point.

It doesn’t stop him from doing it.  But he knows, even as he’s internally chastising himself, that it doesn’t do anyone a bit of good.  It just makes his jaw and his back and his chest permanently tight, his outline of Orgo topics he still has to study looking distant and unfocused in front of him.

His back has been sore for two weeks now.  Holster keeps trying to talk to him about getting a massage, but Ransom doesn’t think it’ll help.  Even if his posture were less terrible, even if he didn’t spend half his time curled up on the floor with his textbook, his anxiety is a constant hum, his body pulling inward on itself like it’s forgotten what it feels like to relax.

Ransom hates this time of year.

“Bro, we’re heading over to the caf to grab some food.”  Holster’s voice cuts through the haze.  “You want us to sneak you anything?”

Ransom pauses for a second, assessing.  He doesn’t feel like he could eat if he tried, his stomach churning.  It’s late, though; he can feel it in the way his muscles are sore, his body held still in one spot for too long, time passing at uneven intervals.

“Get him a couple PB&J sandwiches and some ginger ale,” Jack says firmly before Ransom can get his thoughts together.  “I’ll catch up in a sec, save me a spot.”

Ransom only hears the team trudging out because the Samwell Hockey Team is incapable of doing anything quietly.  Along with the footsteps and the chatting, and the ensuing loud shushes, Ransom hears something quieter, though.  Something closer.  There’s a muted thump of weight on the rug next to him, and Ransom lifts his head.

Jack is staring at him, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth set.  

“Um,” Ransom says, a little uncomfortable.  He hasn’t seen this kind of intensity directed his way from Jack outside of a hockey rink or locker room since Ransom was a frog, when Ransom made every excuse he could to spend time with Jack, when he hadn’t yet gotten over his initial hero worship and settled into something less embarrassing but just as jumbly.  “Hi?”

“I’m going to move your textbook,” Jack says calmly.  “I’m not going to take it from you.  I’ll give it back when we’re done talking.  Is that okay?”

Ransom takes a very, very deep breath.  “Yeah.  That’s fine,” he says.  He unfolds his body and shifts, slowly dragging himself up off the ground.  He’s watching from a sitting position, wincing through the pins and needles in his right leg, as Jack moves Ransom’s textbook to the table with Ransom’s bag.  Jack brings Ransom’s water bottle with him and hands it to Ransom.

The water is warm.  Ransom takes a sip anyway.  He didn’t realize how dry his mouth was.  He downs almost half the bottle, his shoulder aching from too much time spent trapped under his body.

“Take your time,” Jack says, in that same steady tone.  It would be maddening if it weren’t soothing, having someone talk in subdued tones.  Too much noise and too much contact sets Ransom’s nerves on edge when he’s this tightly wound, everything inspiring annoyance in a way he never experiences when he’s better rested and less stressed out.  “Do you need to do some stretches?”

“Probably,” Ransom says.  He sets his water bottle down next to him.  “I can handle that, though.  You can head off to dinner with the rest of them.  Make sure Holster gets the peanut butter ratio right.”

“I can,” Jack agrees.  “But I’m not going to.  Does this happen every semester?”

“Ch’yeah,” Ransom says, waving it off.  “You don’t have to do the captain shit, dude, I’m fine.  I just gotta get through my finals, and then it’ll pass.  Sophomore year, y’know?”

Jack’s brows furrow even more deeply.  Ransom’s pretty sure he could stick a nickle between them and have it stay.  “I don’t think most…” Jack pauses, rethinks his words as he stares at Ransom, then goes quiet again.  “Can I touch you?  You can say no.”

Ransom feels Jack’s gaze heavy on him.  He thinks if it were anyone but Jack or Holster, he’d say no.  But he nods his head and tells Jack yes.

He’s rewarded by one of Jack’s broad hands gently rubbing his back.  Ransom isn’t sure if the contact is to ground them both or whether Jack’s feeling for knots, but Ransom leans into the touch.  It’s warm and oddly reassuring and not too intrusive, and Ransom’s grateful.

“I’m not your captain right now,” Jack says seriously.  “I’m your… your friend.  Your friend who has anxiety.  I know a panic attack when I see one.  They feel horrible, and they can have serious health effects.  I’m not… I won’t push you to do something about it.  It’s helped me, when I did it right.  I just want you to take a little time to breathe and stretch and eat.  I could use the break, too, and this always helps me.”

Ransom has a head full of arguments.  Jack’s being so careful not to make him bristle while dropping conversations about panic attacks and mental health and seeking help into this, and Ransom’s gut impulse is to tell him that he doesn’t need it.  He’s been dealing with this kind of pressure, the weight of his expectations and his parents’ expectations and his entire family’s expectations, really, all his life.  He can handle this.  He has a routine.  And, sure, it may look kinda weird from the outside, but this is coping as well as he knows how.  

He needs this time to study.  He doesn’t have time to be wasting staring down Jack’s earnest blue eyes, to be leaning down into the way Jack’s arm feels around him.  

He can already feel himself breathing easier, some of the tightness in his chest loosening, and it’s the only reason he finally folds.

“You could use the break, too?” Ransom asks.  Jack smiles gently, and Ransom’s heart skips a beat.

“Yeah,” Jack says.  “I could use a walk and some fresh air.  Just walking to the dining hall, if you want to join.  Get some protein in you.  Brain food.”

Without Ransom’s organic chemistry outline staring him in the face, it seems a lot more reasonable.  Ransom could use the break to recharge his brain.  He knows it’ll make him more effective.  And now that he’s actually focusing on it, he is a lot more hungry than he realized.

“Let me pack my stuff,” Ransom says.  His legs are a bit unsteady when he stands up, the blood rushing into his limbs, but Jack is there, hovering to make sure he’s okay.

Ransom doubts that this is the last serious conversation they’re going to have about this.  He would bet, knowing Jack, that they are going to have an awkward and stilted and very, very earnest conversation about it half the way to the dining hall.  Ransom can already picture Jack giving him one of his subdued, understated pep talks that Ransom has always found more compelling than the chest-thumping kind.  

Ransom can deal with that when they cross that bridge.

For now, though, Ransom packs his bag back up, carefully marking his place in his notes.

Some fresh air and some walking with Jack might do him some good.

#jack x ransom #jackransom #omgcprarepairs #omgcp #check please #jack zimmermann #jack #justin oluransi #ransom #kat's fic #mental health #irregular eating because of anxiety #food mention #anxiety #panic attacks #pre relationship

[sweetnestor]

Story of Another Us | Week 13

university au, platonic af, now on ao3!

previous chapter | masterlist | playlist

A long term plan with short term fixes

Having anxiety disorder means that sometimes you’re not able to do what you want. Sometimes you have to sacrifice things for your mental health. Sometimes it’s the other way around, but it’s not always for something you want. There are times where you have to sacrifice your mental health for necessary everyday things like answering the phone, going to the store, and even driving to places that make you deeply uncomfortable.

I wasn’t exactly sad that I was missing PAX East this year. While I did enjoy video games from time to time, and while I did support my boyfriend and what he did, conventions weren’t my scene. Okay, that’s somewhat of a lie. I really wanted to go, I just hated the method of transportation: flying.

Yeah… no. Being stuck in a small space in the air for an extended amount of time is absolutely terrifying. That single fear has made me turn down several opportunities. I couldn’t go to Playlist Live, I couldn’t collab with several major makeup brands, and I most definitely couldn’t go to any PAX.

Just driving the boys to the airport gave me heart palpitations and sweaty palms. I wasn’t even going on the plane, why did I have to be such a baby about it? I wasn’t even brave enough to go inside the damn building to see the boys off. I parked the car in one of the loading zones in front of the entrance and got out to say goodbye.

“You sure you’ll be fine?” asked Mark, who went to get the luggage out of the trunk.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I replied, ignoring the disbelieving looks from Matt and Ryan. At least they saw me for what I was: a mess.

“Just call me if you need anything,” Mark told me. Things I’ve heard before. Things I probably wouldn’t do unless I was actually dying.

“Okay.” Empty promises.

The tension had gone down slightly over the last couple of weeks. Mark was okay with letting Jack live at my place, but Jack was still weirdly silent and tiptoeing around everything. I wondered how they would survive the weekend together. I wondered if any fans would notice the bad energy. I wondered if they would know it was my fault.

After getting out their luggage, Mark closed the trunk. “Okay, well. Our flight takes off soon, so we’d better get going.”

I went to hug my boyfriend, who was surprised at the gesture. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, giving me a little squeeze.

“I’ll miss you,” I told him sincerely.

“I’ll miss you too, babe.”

I let him go and then I hugged Jack goodbye. Again, he was strangely quiet, but I didn’t know what to say to him either. I couldn’t really say anything without fearing that Mark was going to give him shit about it. I didn’t want to send him off onto another fight with Mark. I was already worrying before they even left.

~

Almost as soon as I got back to Mark’s empty house, I got a phone call. At first, I thought that one of the boys had forgotten something, but then I looked at the caller ID. It was Sophie, which was a little shocking. I rarely spoke to her outside of YTU, and I did not have the energy or courage to answer, so I left my phone face down on the counter and went to tend to Chica.

The afternoon was spent playing with my boyfriend’s dog and then editing my latest video in my boyfriend’s room. Chica sat at my feet, chewing on a bone. That was the only noise throughout the house, aside from the voices of myself and Jack on the computer.

Watching back the footage of me and Jack was rather entertaining. You wouldn’t think that there was something else going on behind the scenes. You couldn’t tell that we were feeling guilty or sad. In fact, this was a side of me that my audience rarely saw.

The Bella Santiago in this bleaching/hair dyeing tutorial was smiling. She was enjoying herself, she was laughing with her friend. She wasn’t ranting about politics or equality, or sweating from getting so fired up. I couldn’t remember the last time I was so upbeat in a video. It was strange.

“Now, I haven’t bleached or styled hair in a while. So if you end up bald, then forgive me.”

“Should I be worried, then? You’re actually Googling how to do this!”

“Shhh, no te preocupes, I just have to refresh my memory.”

The whole video was just banter. Two friends laughing together and having fun. Of course, the Internet was going to take it differently, but we had that coming regardless. There was always going to be someone who hated me for being around Jack and someone who wanted me to replace his current girlfriend. That’s just how this life was. There wasn’t much that could be done about it.

I kept editing until I had to take Chica outside. It was nearly dark by then, and I had a sudden spike of energy. I was scrolling through my phone, rapidly going through my Twitter feed. I was singing to myself too, something I was listening to in the car on the way back from the airport. Then I saw a promoted tweet for Demi Lovato’s latest single, Stone Cold. I was humming that to myself for a good while. Then, I figured, I had the house to myself, and Mark had a guitar and keyboard here somewhere.

I brought Chica back inside and then got right to work. I dashed through the house, grabbing lights and a camera. I set them up in front of the couch in the living room, all while warming up my voice. Finally, I grabbed the guitar from Mark's room and practically ran downstairs to my recording area.

Ironically, I didn't start with Stone Cold. I was playing a different song, Airplanes, on the guitar, and next thing I knew I was singing it.

“Most of my life, I sat on my hands I don't make a sound Getting it right, I made all my plans Lost, never found”

Somehow I always found a song that I could relate to. It was the only way I could express my feelings without outwardly talking about them. I didn't know how to name my emotions either, according to Helena, so singing songs was a healthy outlet.

“Airplanes cut through the clouds Like angels can fly, we'll never die Sirens cut through the night Like screams set on fire, rising up high I've got something to prove, nothing to lose In this city, in this city, oh”

When I finished that song, I was in a different mood. I set the guitar aside and went to stop recording. Thinking, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked through my music. I had to find something. Anything for me to attach whatever I was feeling to. I started tapping my foot anxiously, and nearly jumped when I found the song I needed. If I could sprint while carrying expensive camera equipment, I would have. I was careful but quick going back up the stairs to where the keyboard was in Mark’s room.

“Okay, okay, okay,” I whispered, my mind buzzing so hard I couldn’t properly focus. “Okay, okay, new shirt, new shirt, okay, okay…”

I yanked off my grey tee shirt and put on a black crop top. Then I went over to make sure the camera was recording and that the lights were on. Everything was set, so I took my place at the keyboard and played the song.

I sang. I made it through a Little Mix cover before I started shaking. Then I made it through my Demi Lovato cover and everything was fine until it wasn’t. We all know that was bound to happen.

~

“Bella Santiago, age twenty three, admitted to psych after having a two hour long panic attack and a psychotic episode,” reported a nurse to a doctor.

Surely I had to be sedated. There were two people talking about me right in front of my face and I didn’t feel the dull ache in my chest or the flipping of my stomach. I just lied there in bed and listened, keeping my eyes fixed on my feet. I was itching at my arms incessantly but I was generally complacent and well behaved.

“How are you feeling, Ms. Santiago?” asked the woman in the white lab coat, Dr. Starr.

Hmm, tough question. Too much pressure. My eyes widened as if she had asked me to murder someone.

“Well, let’s check your pulse,” she said, probably reading my ugly, unstable body language.

Hesitantly, I gave her my arm and she placed two fingers on my wrist. Fast. Panicky. Why couldn’t I be dead?

Once Dr. Starr saw my arm and the redness, she ordered for the nurse to prep me for some tests. Then she asked me if I was allergic to anything, or anything that could have caused this “rash.” I played dumb and said no. They were already prepping the medical stuff, so it was too late to mention that it was an anxiety thing. When situations got really drastic, I just scratched at my arms as if they were very itchy. It was rare, and for some reason, this was a drastic situation.

“Now, is there anyone you want us to call in the meantime?” Dr. Starr asked me once her medical talk with the nurses was over.

Mark. But he’s been in Boston for twenty four hours. He hasn’t had much time with his fans or his friends. I couldn’t take him away from that or have him worry. He was probably still mad at me too.

“No,” I replied shortly.

Dr. Starr tilted her head. “No family? Close friends?”

“I have no friends, and my family want nothing to do with me,” I mumbled, now pickin at my nails.

“Well, your family must be wondering where you are…”

“They haven’t wondered for five years.”

Uncomfortable silence.

“I see,” the doctor concluded. “Well, Ms. Santiago, can you tell me what were you doing before this happened?”

Here we go.

“Singing,” I replied. “Then I started panicking. I thought I was dying, or that I completely lost it.”

“Have you been hospitalized for panic attacks before?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Well, we’re going to be monitoring you for the next couple of days.”

I could only hope I would be out of here by Monday. I wasn’t even sure how bad I was anymore. Surely they wouldn’t make me tell them who to call. I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t intentionally harm myself. This had happened before, and I was alone, then too. This wasn’t anything to worry about, right?

The nurse didn’t let me go on my phone. If it wasn’t for the TV, then I really would have lost it. I couldn’t be without some kind of distraction. I couldn’t even figure out what exactly made me go here. According to the people here at the hospital, I had a psychotic episode. Or maybe I told them that. I couldn’t really remember.

Blood was drawn from me a little bit later. Me, being me, I cried. Test results stated that I had no type of skin rash. It wasn’t until Dr. Starr got me out of bed and to a psychiatrist’s office within the hospital did I actually reveal that it was due to anxiety.

“How often does this happen?” the psychiatrist, Dr. Francis asked. “Have you ever gotten these itches treated before?”

“No, it almost never happens,” I replied. It was getting easier to talk to people around here. Maybe it was the sedation. Or the fact that he was qualified to handle me made it more comforting. “Last time I was in the hospital, I was itchy too, and it was because of anxiety.”

“Okay, well I can prescribe something for that. Maybe a low dosage since it happens rarely,” he said, writing on a clipboard.

Oh no, medication talk. I never wanted to take medication… says Bella, who has never had a mentally stable day of her life and wonders why.

“May I ask, why you didn’t have anyone call someone for you?” Dr. Francis had questions I did not want to answer. Why couldn’t he asked me about my maladaptive behaviors or something?

I hesitated. “I don’t have anyone.”

“No parents or siblings? A boyfriend, perhaps?”

I shook my head, avoiding eye contact.

Dr. Francis sighed. “Forgive me for being forward, Ms. Santiago. But I have a daughter who watches Markiplier.”

God fucking shit of a fuck.

“I’m not in danger of killing myself or harming myself or anything,” I said. “I don’t think there’s any reason to notify him. He’s on the other side of the country right now, anyway.”

“Do you feel like you would be bothering him if you told him?”

“He’s just so busy, and we just got over a fight we had. I want everything to stay perfect.”

“What exactly is he busy with right now, Bella?”

“He’s at a convention in Boston. He’s doing YouTube stuff, and I don’t like to interrupt him. Like, it’s just me and my anxiety again. It’s just repetitive and kind of unnecessary.”

Dr. Francis asked me more questions, and the more I talked, the more I realized how crazy I was sounding. Turns out, I wasn’t buying makeup because I loved makeup. I bought things to fill the sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction in my life. I sang excessively because I couldn’t bear the thought of facing my actual feelings head on. I wasn’t constantly tired from walking around campus, I was just severely depressed. I didn’t want to tell Mark I was in the hospital because he was busy, it was because I was depressed I felt like I wasn’t worth his time.

It’s not like I wasn’t aware of all of this, it was just a tough pill to swallow. And now because of it, I really did have to take pills. I had to make friends with a little lady called xanax.

When I went back to my room, the nurse let me go on my phone. I was cooperative and unproblematic, so I got a small privilege. I sent out a tweet talking about how productive I was the last couple of days, which wasn’t really a lie. After that, I checked my text messages. All of them were from Mark.

“We landed! How are you?” Sent at 3:04PM.

“Had a meeting, then went to dinner with the gang!” Attached was a picture of Mark, Jack, Matt, and Ryan. They were sat at a table in a restaurant with Bob, Mandy, Wade and Molly. Sent at 10:11PM.

“You’re awfully silent. Everything okay?” Sent at midnight.

Now it was time to lie. Well, sort of.

“Hi! Sorry for not replying!! I spent literally all day filming! I made three whole videos! I went to sleep right after haha hope you’re having fun at pax!!” Accompanied by several emojis so nothing seemed fishy.

I wasn’t lying. I did spend a majority of the day filming. I didn’t feel as nervous as I normally would have, thanks to the xanax. I had next to no problem giving my phone back to the nurse, not even waiting for a response from Mark. He was probably too busy to answer me anyway.

_______

next chapter

#jacksepticeye x reader #jacksepticeye x oc #markiplier x reader #markiplier x oc #soau #sweetheart writes #aahhhhh we're almost done!!!! #then shit gets real!!!! #aaaahhhhh!!!!!!

[coachingreviewsite]

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

As fun as planning to re-work your own life may seem, it is a very important to make positive changes so that you can live healthier and happier. You can free your life up of what cause you problems and can work towards being a better person. These tips below can help you start.

  Stress and happiness do not go together. When we are stressed out, it harms us mentally and physically. All of us need to have clear, relaxed thinking to enable us to plan and execute our life's purpose, and this only happens when we let go of stressful thoughts. Set aside a period of time each day when you can be alone, clear your thoughts, and completely relax. Having this time every day can make you more peaceful and happy with yourself.

    Great resources for overall personal development are books. Books can be audio, print or digital versions. The information contained in these sources will not only provide you with motivational quotes and tips, but also inspire you to take control of your situation and have you on your way to feeling more fulfilled and in tune with your emotions and behaviors.

  When you are trying to better yourself, set a deadline. Decide how long you will need to make up your mind and stick to that time-frame. How much time do you need to reflect and gather information? When you decide, set your deadline and tell your self that you are ready to live a better life.

  5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

"Success is no accident, it takes hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. For parents, success is something that children should be encouraged to achieve. However, in order for children to be successful, they must first be given the tools and habits Read More The post 5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success appeared first on America's Leading Authority On Creating Success And Personal Fulfillment – Jack Canfield." https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/parenting-tips/

Keep a change of comfortable clothes and shoes in your vehicle. That way you can always dart into a public restroom and change into something more comfortable after that hectic day at work. Who knows? You might even be inspired to stop by the park and take a walk if you have appropriate clothing on hand.

  Schedule time for your personal development to make sure it does not get lost in the chaos of daily activities. Developing yourself takes effort and commitment and deliberately scheduling time for development activities gives them the importance they deserve. Whether you schedule short blocks or longer ones, the key is to make your personal development a documented priority.

  Realize the trade-offs of saying yes to people. Every time you say yes to one thing, you are, without speaking, saying no to many other things. When you give time to one thing, you take it away from other activities you could have done. Choose to say yes to the right goals in your life and you will automatically be saying no to the less important things.

  Ask your friends and family for honest, positive feedback on your character. Earnestly requesting feedback is much different from simply fishing for compliments. Explain that you need help discovering things about yourself that make you a good friend, or what you could work on to become a more reliable and supportive friend.

  Learn to trust in yourself. If you can find a way to believe in yourself, you are sure to find more success in your life. If you know and believe in the potential that you have to succeed in life, you will find it easier to meet the goals that you have set for yourself.

  Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

"You're reading Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

For centuries, people have contemplated and argued over the merits and flaws of the human condition. Philosophers and psychologists have theoretically and scientifically dissected elements of the human psyche to get a better understanding of who we are as a species, and why we do what we do.

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

More than ever, it’s become difficult to acquire self-awareness without partnering in self-defeating thoughts and misperceptions. True, in part, we are all a result of where we come from, what we’ve experienced, and the meaning we put behind it individually and collectively. Additionally, social media and the quest for being seen and heard instantaneously put added pressure on being our best, whether real or through a Facebook filter.

Responding to Others’ Plight

When considering how we represent ourselves to others, those we know as well as those we’ve yet to meet, research has shown that compassion towards others weighs heavy. When a person readily shows kindness to another, it is one of the most coveted and desired traits. But is this an attribute people are born with or acquire?

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

Studies have shown that humans and animals may be prewired for compassion. Think about when you’re feeling down or upset about something. If you have a household pet, a dog, reflect on how many times he or she somehow knew you needed comfort and came to your side for a nuzzle or a hug. Similarly, it’s hard to shake off the feeling of seeing emotional or physical pain in someone else.

Yet, why can some people turn a blind eye to a homeless person on a street corner in need of food or water, for example, while others possess the desire to help? The art of giving can be compartmentalized into two separate cause-and-effects:

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

Many people can exhibit empathy towards others without actually taking action. Ask yourself this question: The last time you encountered a homeless person, did you feel badly for them, give them what they needed in material things, or have someone else provide them sustenance on your behalf (on your dollar)? Compassion is that emotional connection we have and exhibit, related to another’s feelings or situation and, the authentic desire to provide help to ease someone else’s suffering.

If a homeless person tugs on your heart strings, you exhibit empathy or the ability to take on what another person is feeling. Should you want to take action and provide them a meal or a room to sleep, that is known as altruism. Although altruism connects empathy or compassion with feeling, it transcends it through action that will positively impact the person or entity on the receiving end.

But can a person engage in altruism without taking credit for it? Absolutely. Altruism is all about doing something for the greater good.  For example, providing an anonymous monetary or other type of donation to a person or a cause is a form of altruism. Just as any other action is often a learned response to something, altruism can be taught—so too, can compassion.

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

At some point in your lifetime, you may have heard a friend muse the following sentiment: “If you don’t take care of you, how can you effectively take care of someone else?” This is often evident in the case of family. I would know. I remember the anguish in witnessing my younger brother fall from the limelight due to drug addiction, before he finally received proper treatment and manage his opioid withdrawal symptoms using the Bridge Device.

When one member is going through a hard time, others will often sacrifice something of themselves to care for the one hurting. While this is noble and in the moment perceived as necessary, in the long term, it might bring about more harm. But by practicing self-compassion day-to-day, it puts each person in the position of loving oneself and honoring each aspect of their existence: mind, body and soul.

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared 

Renowned naturalist Charles Darwin said this of the human race and survival of the fittest : “The greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.” He also held firm that the communities made up of the most sympathetic individuals would do better, as a whole, than others and continue onward.

To take this into your own life, consider the impact you can make, simply by performing one random act of kindness each day. Now, what if the person on the receiving end of your graciousness would do the same for someone else? And so on. And so on.

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have long been involved in the study of how the brain responds to compassion, specifically in the act of giving and receiving. Whether you are engaging in helping someone else or receiving the help, the brain’s pleasure/reward center ignites during the process. A flood of wonderful feel-good hormones is released to our internal systems, boosting emotional and physical wellbeing.

Yet, many continue to take in unhealthy sources to elicit our natural pleasure responses such as medications, alcohol, illegal drugs, junk foods, gaming, gambling, and more that certainly don’t support emotional and physical balance in oneself or others.

Removing Judgement

Understanding and accepting personal flaws and transgressions, as well as bodily imperfections, is difficult as society bombards us with messages that dictate what we should be and how much we fall short.

A crucial part of self-love and self-compassion is to remove the self-judgment that shrouds the way we view ourselves. Once you are able to hone the ability to keep judgment from derailing personal confidence, the time spent judging others will also fall away leaving more opportunity for compassion to arise.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

One of the many repercussions of living in self-judgment is that it allows us to keep a barrier within, keeping emotions at arm’s length from our intelligence. A mind-to-soul disconnect then exists. Not only does this prevent a knowing and accepting of whom each of us is, but also from being open to true self-expression and reciprocal compassion.

Eliminating Personal Façade

Before a person can experience vulnerability, self-imposed walls often used as coping mechanisms will need to be identified and eliminated. These kinds of personal walls are built on the inside and used to shield us from life triggers that can bring about fear, anger, or discontent from unresolved issues in the past. In addition, when people create specific personal façades about themselves such as the selfie culture on social media, it casts a false truth while expressing what we want others to believe as real. This is a self-defeating ritual that can compromise self-compassion.

Accepting What Is Real

Removing the veil of pretense is perhaps the most fulfilling undertaking one can do for oneself. It takes the pressure off of achieving unrealistic expectations while opening up the door to realizing self-esteem and the need to help others experience the same. The power of living authentically and surrounding yourself with people who are just as real is life-changing, exponentially.

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

Nurturing compassion in any moment of the day empowers both the initiator and the receiver. Through self-love, you can reassess how to value yourself better and be gentle with yourself, ultimately serving the greater good. When humanity can get past the fear of what was and enjoy what is, the what will be is more fruitful to us all.

You've read Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles." https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/harnessing-self-compassion-and-altruistic-behavior-improves-quality-of-life/

When working on personal development it is important to find out exactly what it is that you want to do with your life. If the word life sounds too big, you need to at least have a plan for the next 5 years. Having goals bigger than what you are is a way to add value to your life. Make the time for quiet contemplation of where you want your life to go.

  One of the keys to happiness is success. That is why it is important for you to achieve your goals in order to become happier. This could be work related or something from your personal life, whatever it is, work hard at it. Do not let any setbacks stop you from achieving your goal.

  Realize your personal strengths and play on them each day. Your personal strengths have a great deal to with personal development, helping you to go forth from day to day with the ability to deal with the stress and challenges that arise. However, only when you realize these strengths can you really play upon them and use them to your advantage.

  A great tip that can help you with your personal development goals, is to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. If you're around negative people all the time, it can be hard for you to make any positive changes. Being around positive people can help a lot.

  How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

"Being interesting is equally vital as being successful. Gone are the days when being busy to cultivate hobbies is considered a badge of honor. At present, people are more willing to listen to what you have to say when you have a “life.” It shows that you’ve got a balanced personality. Furthermore, being an interesting person helps […]The post How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention appeared first on Develop Good Habits. " https://www.developgoodhabits.com/be-more-interesting/

Keep a journal of your private thoughts, feelings and ideas. This is a great way for you to be able to take a trip back in time and see how much you have grown over that time. Taking the little bit of time needed to jot down these things is really going to go a long way in your personal growth progress.

  Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

  Keep in mind that you are not perfect. Even if you have come a long way or if most people usually compliment you, this does not mean you have reached perfection. You should always look for things to improve in your life. Be demanding with yourself and make efforts towards perfection.

  A great way to develop yourself is to make sure your body, mind, and spirit are all in harmony. Once you are in complete harmony, you will notice an immediate calm fill your entire body. This is needed to reduce the stress from our hectic lives that we lead. The only way to possess complete harmony is to have true love.

  While re-planning your life seems like a lot of fun, you should feel better that you know how to do it. You can now apply your newly acquired knowledge to making positive changes to live your life and to become a better person. Now is the perfect time for you to change things.

#better #feel #feel better #feel better doll #feel better instantly #get better together #honors feel better #how to feel better #how to feel better about yourself #how to feel better instantly #how to feel better naturally #how to feel happy #how to look & feel better everyday #i feel better #i feel better live #if i ever feel better #make me feel better #tips to feel better

[personalcoachingcenter]

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

As fun as planning to re-work your own life may seem, it is a very important to make positive changes so that you can live healthier and happier. You can free your life up of what cause you problems and can work towards being a better person. These tips below can help you start.

  Stress and happiness do not go together. When we are stressed out, it harms us mentally and physically. All of us need to have clear, relaxed thinking to enable us to plan and execute our life's purpose, and this only happens when we let go of stressful thoughts. Set aside a period of time each day when you can be alone, clear your thoughts, and completely relax. Having this time every day can make you more peaceful and happy with yourself.

    Great resources for overall personal development are books. Books can be audio, print or digital versions. The information contained in these sources will not only provide you with motivational quotes and tips, but also inspire you to take control of your situation and have you on your way to feeling more fulfilled and in tune with your emotions and behaviors.

  When you are trying to better yourself, set a deadline. Decide how long you will need to make up your mind and stick to that time-frame. How much time do you need to reflect and gather information? When you decide, set your deadline and tell your self that you are ready to live a better life.

  5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

"Success is no accident, it takes hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. For parents, success is something that children should be encouraged to achieve. However, in order for children to be successful, they must first be given the tools and habits Read More The post 5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success appeared first on America's Leading Authority On Creating Success And Personal Fulfillment – Jack Canfield." https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/parenting-tips/

Keep a change of comfortable clothes and shoes in your vehicle. That way you can always dart into a public restroom and change into something more comfortable after that hectic day at work. Who knows? You might even be inspired to stop by the park and take a walk if you have appropriate clothing on hand.

  Schedule time for your personal development to make sure it does not get lost in the chaos of daily activities. Developing yourself takes effort and commitment and deliberately scheduling time for development activities gives them the importance they deserve. Whether you schedule short blocks or longer ones, the key is to make your personal development a documented priority.

  Realize the trade-offs of saying yes to people. Every time you say yes to one thing, you are, without speaking, saying no to many other things. When you give time to one thing, you take it away from other activities you could have done. Choose to say yes to the right goals in your life and you will automatically be saying no to the less important things.

  Ask your friends and family for honest, positive feedback on your character. Earnestly requesting feedback is much different from simply fishing for compliments. Explain that you need help discovering things about yourself that make you a good friend, or what you could work on to become a more reliable and supportive friend.

  Learn to trust in yourself. If you can find a way to believe in yourself, you are sure to find more success in your life. If you know and believe in the potential that you have to succeed in life, you will find it easier to meet the goals that you have set for yourself.

  Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

"You're reading Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

For centuries, people have contemplated and argued over the merits and flaws of the human condition. Philosophers and psychologists have theoretically and scientifically dissected elements of the human psyche to get a better understanding of who we are as a species, and why we do what we do.

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

More than ever, it’s become difficult to acquire self-awareness without partnering in self-defeating thoughts and misperceptions. True, in part, we are all a result of where we come from, what we’ve experienced, and the meaning we put behind it individually and collectively. Additionally, social media and the quest for being seen and heard instantaneously put added pressure on being our best, whether real or through a Facebook filter.

Responding to Others’ Plight

When considering how we represent ourselves to others, those we know as well as those we’ve yet to meet, research has shown that compassion towards others weighs heavy. When a person readily shows kindness to another, it is one of the most coveted and desired traits. But is this an attribute people are born with or acquire?

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

Studies have shown that humans and animals may be prewired for compassion. Think about when you’re feeling down or upset about something. If you have a household pet, a dog, reflect on how many times he or she somehow knew you needed comfort and came to your side for a nuzzle or a hug. Similarly, it’s hard to shake off the feeling of seeing emotional or physical pain in someone else.

Yet, why can some people turn a blind eye to a homeless person on a street corner in need of food or water, for example, while others possess the desire to help? The art of giving can be compartmentalized into two separate cause-and-effects:

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

Many people can exhibit empathy towards others without actually taking action. Ask yourself this question: The last time you encountered a homeless person, did you feel badly for them, give them what they needed in material things, or have someone else provide them sustenance on your behalf (on your dollar)? Compassion is that emotional connection we have and exhibit, related to another’s feelings or situation and, the authentic desire to provide help to ease someone else’s suffering.

If a homeless person tugs on your heart strings, you exhibit empathy or the ability to take on what another person is feeling. Should you want to take action and provide them a meal or a room to sleep, that is known as altruism. Although altruism connects empathy or compassion with feeling, it transcends it through action that will positively impact the person or entity on the receiving end.

But can a person engage in altruism without taking credit for it? Absolutely. Altruism is all about doing something for the greater good.  For example, providing an anonymous monetary or other type of donation to a person or a cause is a form of altruism. Just as any other action is often a learned response to something, altruism can be taught—so too, can compassion.

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

At some point in your lifetime, you may have heard a friend muse the following sentiment: “If you don’t take care of you, how can you effectively take care of someone else?” This is often evident in the case of family. I would know. I remember the anguish in witnessing my younger brother fall from the limelight due to drug addiction, before he finally received proper treatment and manage his opioid withdrawal symptoms using the Bridge Device.

When one member is going through a hard time, others will often sacrifice something of themselves to care for the one hurting. While this is noble and in the moment perceived as necessary, in the long term, it might bring about more harm. But by practicing self-compassion day-to-day, it puts each person in the position of loving oneself and honoring each aspect of their existence: mind, body and soul.

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared 

Renowned naturalist Charles Darwin said this of the human race and survival of the fittest : “The greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.” He also held firm that the communities made up of the most sympathetic individuals would do better, as a whole, than others and continue onward.

To take this into your own life, consider the impact you can make, simply by performing one random act of kindness each day. Now, what if the person on the receiving end of your graciousness would do the same for someone else? And so on. And so on.

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have long been involved in the study of how the brain responds to compassion, specifically in the act of giving and receiving. Whether you are engaging in helping someone else or receiving the help, the brain’s pleasure/reward center ignites during the process. A flood of wonderful feel-good hormones is released to our internal systems, boosting emotional and physical wellbeing.

Yet, many continue to take in unhealthy sources to elicit our natural pleasure responses such as medications, alcohol, illegal drugs, junk foods, gaming, gambling, and more that certainly don’t support emotional and physical balance in oneself or others.

Removing Judgement

Understanding and accepting personal flaws and transgressions, as well as bodily imperfections, is difficult as society bombards us with messages that dictate what we should be and how much we fall short.

A crucial part of self-love and self-compassion is to remove the self-judgment that shrouds the way we view ourselves. Once you are able to hone the ability to keep judgment from derailing personal confidence, the time spent judging others will also fall away leaving more opportunity for compassion to arise.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

One of the many repercussions of living in self-judgment is that it allows us to keep a barrier within, keeping emotions at arm’s length from our intelligence. A mind-to-soul disconnect then exists. Not only does this prevent a knowing and accepting of whom each of us is, but also from being open to true self-expression and reciprocal compassion.

Eliminating Personal Façade

Before a person can experience vulnerability, self-imposed walls often used as coping mechanisms will need to be identified and eliminated. These kinds of personal walls are built on the inside and used to shield us from life triggers that can bring about fear, anger, or discontent from unresolved issues in the past. In addition, when people create specific personal façades about themselves such as the selfie culture on social media, it casts a false truth while expressing what we want others to believe as real. This is a self-defeating ritual that can compromise self-compassion.

Accepting What Is Real

Removing the veil of pretense is perhaps the most fulfilling undertaking one can do for oneself. It takes the pressure off of achieving unrealistic expectations while opening up the door to realizing self-esteem and the need to help others experience the same. The power of living authentically and surrounding yourself with people who are just as real is life-changing, exponentially.

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

Nurturing compassion in any moment of the day empowers both the initiator and the receiver. Through self-love, you can reassess how to value yourself better and be gentle with yourself, ultimately serving the greater good. When humanity can get past the fear of what was and enjoy what is, the what will be is more fruitful to us all.

You've read Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles." https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/harnessing-self-compassion-and-altruistic-behavior-improves-quality-of-life/

When working on personal development it is important to find out exactly what it is that you want to do with your life. If the word life sounds too big, you need to at least have a plan for the next 5 years. Having goals bigger than what you are is a way to add value to your life. Make the time for quiet contemplation of where you want your life to go.

  One of the keys to happiness is success. That is why it is important for you to achieve your goals in order to become happier. This could be work related or something from your personal life, whatever it is, work hard at it. Do not let any setbacks stop you from achieving your goal.

  Realize your personal strengths and play on them each day. Your personal strengths have a great deal to with personal development, helping you to go forth from day to day with the ability to deal with the stress and challenges that arise. However, only when you realize these strengths can you really play upon them and use them to your advantage.

  A great tip that can help you with your personal development goals, is to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. If you're around negative people all the time, it can be hard for you to make any positive changes. Being around positive people can help a lot.

  How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

"Being interesting is equally vital as being successful. Gone are the days when being busy to cultivate hobbies is considered a badge of honor. At present, people are more willing to listen to what you have to say when you have a “life.” It shows that you’ve got a balanced personality. Furthermore, being an interesting person helps […]The post How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention appeared first on Develop Good Habits. " https://www.developgoodhabits.com/be-more-interesting/

Keep a journal of your private thoughts, feelings and ideas. This is a great way for you to be able to take a trip back in time and see how much you have grown over that time. Taking the little bit of time needed to jot down these things is really going to go a long way in your personal growth progress.

  Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

  Keep in mind that you are not perfect. Even if you have come a long way or if most people usually compliment you, this does not mean you have reached perfection. You should always look for things to improve in your life. Be demanding with yourself and make efforts towards perfection.

  A great way to develop yourself is to make sure your body, mind, and spirit are all in harmony. Once you are in complete harmony, you will notice an immediate calm fill your entire body. This is needed to reduce the stress from our hectic lives that we lead. The only way to possess complete harmony is to have true love.

  While re-planning your life seems like a lot of fun, you should feel better that you know how to do it. You can now apply your newly acquired knowledge to making positive changes to live your life and to become a better person. Now is the perfect time for you to change things.

#better #feel #feel better #feel better doll #feel better instantly #get better together #honors feel better #how to feel better #how to feel better about yourself #how to feel better instantly #how to feel better naturally #how to feel happy #how to look & feel better everyday #i feel better #i feel better live #if i ever feel better #make me feel better #tips to feel better #Personal Coaching

[personalcoachingcenter]

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-feeling-better-to-be-better/

What Everyone Ought To Know About FEELING BETTER TO BE BETTER

As fun as planning to re-work your own life may seem, it is a very important to make positive changes so that you can live healthier and happier. You can free your life up of what cause you problems and can work towards being a better person. These tips below can help you start.

  Stress and happiness do not go together. When we are stressed out, it harms us mentally and physically. All of us need to have clear, relaxed thinking to enable us to plan and execute our life's purpose, and this only happens when we let go of stressful thoughts. Set aside a period of time each day when you can be alone, clear your thoughts, and completely relax. Having this time every day can make you more peaceful and happy with yourself.

    Great resources for overall personal development are books. Books can be audio, print or digital versions. The information contained in these sources will not only provide you with motivational quotes and tips, but also inspire you to take control of your situation and have you on your way to feeling more fulfilled and in tune with your emotions and behaviors.

  When you are trying to better yourself, set a deadline. Decide how long you will need to make up your mind and stick to that time-frame. How much time do you need to reflect and gather information? When you decide, set your deadline and tell your self that you are ready to live a better life.

  5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success

www.jackcanfield.com

"Success is no accident, it takes hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. For parents, success is something that children should be encouraged to achieve. However, in order for children to be successful, they must first be given the tools and habits Read More The post 5 Parenting Tips to Raise Your Children for Success appeared first on America's Leading Authority On Creating Success And Personal Fulfillment – Jack Canfield." https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/parenting-tips/

Keep a change of comfortable clothes and shoes in your vehicle. That way you can always dart into a public restroom and change into something more comfortable after that hectic day at work. Who knows? You might even be inspired to stop by the park and take a walk if you have appropriate clothing on hand.

  Schedule time for your personal development to make sure it does not get lost in the chaos of daily activities. Developing yourself takes effort and commitment and deliberately scheduling time for development activities gives them the importance they deserve. Whether you schedule short blocks or longer ones, the key is to make your personal development a documented priority.

  Realize the trade-offs of saying yes to people. Every time you say yes to one thing, you are, without speaking, saying no to many other things. When you give time to one thing, you take it away from other activities you could have done. Choose to say yes to the right goals in your life and you will automatically be saying no to the less important things.

  Ask your friends and family for honest, positive feedback on your character. Earnestly requesting feedback is much different from simply fishing for compliments. Explain that you need help discovering things about yourself that make you a good friend, or what you could work on to become a more reliable and supportive friend.

  Learn to trust in yourself. If you can find a way to believe in yourself, you are sure to find more success in your life. If you know and believe in the potential that you have to succeed in life, you will find it easier to meet the goals that you have set for yourself.

  Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life

www.pickthebrain.com

"You're reading Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you're enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

For centuries, people have contemplated and argued over the merits and flaws of the human condition. Philosophers and psychologists have theoretically and scientifically dissected elements of the human psyche to get a better understanding of who we are as a species, and why we do what we do.

While much focus has been given to negative aspects of personal choices, I thought to put this discussion on an upswing through positivity by focusing on self-compassion and altruistic behavior.

Self-Worth May Come from the Outside In

More than ever, it’s become difficult to acquire self-awareness without partnering in self-defeating thoughts and misperceptions. True, in part, we are all a result of where we come from, what we’ve experienced, and the meaning we put behind it individually and collectively. Additionally, social media and the quest for being seen and heard instantaneously put added pressure on being our best, whether real or through a Facebook filter.

Responding to Others’ Plight

When considering how we represent ourselves to others, those we know as well as those we’ve yet to meet, research has shown that compassion towards others weighs heavy. When a person readily shows kindness to another, it is one of the most coveted and desired traits. But is this an attribute people are born with or acquire?

Caring Is Influenced by Early Environment

Studies have shown that humans and animals may be prewired for compassion. Think about when you’re feeling down or upset about something. If you have a household pet, a dog, reflect on how many times he or she somehow knew you needed comfort and came to your side for a nuzzle or a hug. Similarly, it’s hard to shake off the feeling of seeing emotional or physical pain in someone else.

Yet, why can some people turn a blind eye to a homeless person on a street corner in need of food or water, for example, while others possess the desire to help? The art of giving can be compartmentalized into two separate cause-and-effects:

The desire to make someone else feel good without the expectation of anything in return, or The intent to help another and receive a reward for doing so.

Is one way of giving any more or less effective than the other? It may come down to the benefits each provides the person doing the giving.

Altruism Can Be Different than Compassion

Many people can exhibit empathy towards others without actually taking action. Ask yourself this question: The last time you encountered a homeless person, did you feel badly for them, give them what they needed in material things, or have someone else provide them sustenance on your behalf (on your dollar)? Compassion is that emotional connection we have and exhibit, related to another’s feelings or situation and, the authentic desire to provide help to ease someone else’s suffering.

If a homeless person tugs on your heart strings, you exhibit empathy or the ability to take on what another person is feeling. Should you want to take action and provide them a meal or a room to sleep, that is known as altruism. Although altruism connects empathy or compassion with feeling, it transcends it through action that will positively impact the person or entity on the receiving end.

But can a person engage in altruism without taking credit for it? Absolutely. Altruism is all about doing something for the greater good.  For example, providing an anonymous monetary or other type of donation to a person or a cause is a form of altruism. Just as any other action is often a learned response to something, altruism can be taught—so too, can compassion.

The Culture of Compassion Starts by Practicing Self Love

At some point in your lifetime, you may have heard a friend muse the following sentiment: “If you don’t take care of you, how can you effectively take care of someone else?” This is often evident in the case of family. I would know. I remember the anguish in witnessing my younger brother fall from the limelight due to drug addiction, before he finally received proper treatment and manage his opioid withdrawal symptoms using the Bridge Device.

When one member is going through a hard time, others will often sacrifice something of themselves to care for the one hurting. While this is noble and in the moment perceived as necessary, in the long term, it might bring about more harm. But by practicing self-compassion day-to-day, it puts each person in the position of loving oneself and honoring each aspect of their existence: mind, body and soul.

In doing so, we are practicing a heightened level of consciousness and with it, are more available to exercise compassion to others. But there’s an instinctive side to compassion as well.

Paying It Forward, Squared 

Renowned naturalist Charles Darwin said this of the human race and survival of the fittest : “The greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.” He also held firm that the communities made up of the most sympathetic individuals would do better, as a whole, than others and continue onward.

To take this into your own life, consider the impact you can make, simply by performing one random act of kindness each day. Now, what if the person on the receiving end of your graciousness would do the same for someone else? And so on. And so on.

How long would it take for these acts of humanity to heal your family, your circle of friends, your community, your city, and reach global proportion? Treating the world in kind begins with you.

Self-Love Is Essential to Emotional Survival

Neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have long been involved in the study of how the brain responds to compassion, specifically in the act of giving and receiving. Whether you are engaging in helping someone else or receiving the help, the brain’s pleasure/reward center ignites during the process. A flood of wonderful feel-good hormones is released to our internal systems, boosting emotional and physical wellbeing.

Yet, many continue to take in unhealthy sources to elicit our natural pleasure responses such as medications, alcohol, illegal drugs, junk foods, gaming, gambling, and more that certainly don’t support emotional and physical balance in oneself or others.

Removing Judgement

Understanding and accepting personal flaws and transgressions, as well as bodily imperfections, is difficult as society bombards us with messages that dictate what we should be and how much we fall short.

A crucial part of self-love and self-compassion is to remove the self-judgment that shrouds the way we view ourselves. Once you are able to hone the ability to keep judgment from derailing personal confidence, the time spent judging others will also fall away leaving more opportunity for compassion to arise.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

One of the many repercussions of living in self-judgment is that it allows us to keep a barrier within, keeping emotions at arm’s length from our intelligence. A mind-to-soul disconnect then exists. Not only does this prevent a knowing and accepting of whom each of us is, but also from being open to true self-expression and reciprocal compassion.

Eliminating Personal Façade

Before a person can experience vulnerability, self-imposed walls often used as coping mechanisms will need to be identified and eliminated. These kinds of personal walls are built on the inside and used to shield us from life triggers that can bring about fear, anger, or discontent from unresolved issues in the past. In addition, when people create specific personal façades about themselves such as the selfie culture on social media, it casts a false truth while expressing what we want others to believe as real. This is a self-defeating ritual that can compromise self-compassion.

Accepting What Is Real

Removing the veil of pretense is perhaps the most fulfilling undertaking one can do for oneself. It takes the pressure off of achieving unrealistic expectations while opening up the door to realizing self-esteem and the need to help others experience the same. The power of living authentically and surrounding yourself with people who are just as real is life-changing, exponentially.

Improve Quality of Life by Opening Your Heart

Nurturing compassion in any moment of the day empowers both the initiator and the receiver. Through self-love, you can reassess how to value yourself better and be gentle with yourself, ultimately serving the greater good. When humanity can get past the fear of what was and enjoy what is, the what will be is more fruitful to us all.

You've read Harnessing Self-Compassion and Altruistic Behavior Improves Quality of Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you've enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles." https://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/harnessing-self-compassion-and-altruistic-behavior-improves-quality-of-life/

When working on personal development it is important to find out exactly what it is that you want to do with your life. If the word life sounds too big, you need to at least have a plan for the next 5 years. Having goals bigger than what you are is a way to add value to your life. Make the time for quiet contemplation of where you want your life to go.

  One of the keys to happiness is success. That is why it is important for you to achieve your goals in order to become happier. This could be work related or something from your personal life, whatever it is, work hard at it. Do not let any setbacks stop you from achieving your goal.

  Realize your personal strengths and play on them each day. Your personal strengths have a great deal to with personal development, helping you to go forth from day to day with the ability to deal with the stress and challenges that arise. However, only when you realize these strengths can you really play upon them and use them to your advantage.

  A great tip that can help you with your personal development goals, is to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. If you're around negative people all the time, it can be hard for you to make any positive changes. Being around positive people can help a lot.

  How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention

www.developgoodhabits.com

"Being interesting is equally vital as being successful. Gone are the days when being busy to cultivate hobbies is considered a badge of honor. At present, people are more willing to listen to what you have to say when you have a “life.” It shows that you’ve got a balanced personality. Furthermore, being an interesting person helps […]The post How to Be a More Interesting Person: 11 Strategies to Captivate Someone’s Attention appeared first on Develop Good Habits. " https://www.developgoodhabits.com/be-more-interesting/

Keep a journal of your private thoughts, feelings and ideas. This is a great way for you to be able to take a trip back in time and see how much you have grown over that time. Taking the little bit of time needed to jot down these things is really going to go a long way in your personal growth progress.

  Make a decision about where you want to go in life and stick with it. You won't get anywhere if you only think about what you want to do. Fulfill your dreams and make what you desire a reality.

  Keep in mind that you are not perfect. Even if you have come a long way or if most people usually compliment you, this does not mean you have reached perfection. You should always look for things to improve in your life. Be demanding with yourself and make efforts towards perfection.

  A great way to develop yourself is to make sure your body, mind, and spirit are all in harmony. Once you are in complete harmony, you will notice an immediate calm fill your entire body. This is needed to reduce the stress from our hectic lives that we lead. The only way to possess complete harmony is to have true love.

  While re-planning your life seems like a lot of fun, you should feel better that you know how to do it. You can now apply your newly acquired knowledge to making positive changes to live your life and to become a better person. Now is the perfect time for you to change things.

#better #feel #feel better #feel better doll #feel better instantly #get better together #honors feel better #how to feel better #how to feel better about yourself #how to feel better instantly #how to feel better naturally #how to feel happy #how to look & feel better everyday #i feel better #i feel better live #if i ever feel better #make me feel better #tips to feel better #Personal Coaching