#surprise bitch—bet you'd thought you'd seen the last of me

[silvipeppers]

Kitty Jaskier for you on this fine wednesday morning

#surprise bitch—bet you'd thought you'd seen the last of me #the witcher #jaskier #jaskier dandelion #the witcher netflix #jaskier fanart #art

[hom3landr]

Madeleines

18+

After a hard day, Homelander enjoys his favorite baker's voice in his ear a little too much.

CW: Brief descriptions of gore

Homelander is seething as he leans against the alley wall. The heady scent of iron hangs thick in the air and gore from some unlucky pickpocket drips from his glove onto the dirty ground. The gruesome red mass of blood and bone that was once a human is still steaming in the cold night air. He pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a growl of irritation. His fingers leave a sticky crimson smear across his skin. Usually taking out his frustration on some random criminal helps ease some of the tension in his shoulders but he feels no better than he did before he put his fist through the man’s spine.

How dare Edgar? How dare he?

He stomps on the mutilated remains next to him for good measure, imagining it to simultaneously be every person who is dedicated to keeping him down. Starting with that uppity bitch Edgar appointed to the Seven without his permission. Who did she think she was? The way she stuck that camera in his face like he was some kind of zoo animal and smugly hid behind the protection of the faceless nobodies commenting on the screen like a bunch of shit flinging monkeys had his teeth grinding. 

He thought he’d straightened things out with Ashley after his little demonstration with Blindspot but apparently the universe seems intent on mocking him. He curses himself for draining the last bottle of milk earlier. He should have saved it. He couldn’t help himself and on top of everything else shitty about the day, he now has one less piece of her around. It took them a year to begin the renovations on her office and seeing it bare was an all too painful reminder of her absence. He wishes he didn’t miss her. She doesn’t deserve his love after what she did, the way she lied. But he loves her all the same. 

He sniffs, blinking away the sudden shameful tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He needs a win. 

He reaches down to touch his hip where the newly sewn pocket holds his phone. Ever since he gave you his number, he can’t seem to go anywhere without it. He had wardrobe redesign his fucking suit just so he’d have a place to keep it safe. The ribbon he still wears tucked into his waistband. A phone can be replaced if it falls out during a flight, the ribbon can’t.

The thought of you is finally what seems to snap him out of his bad mood. The kiss was two months ago but it seems so much longer. He remembers the warmth of your kiss and the softness of you against him on the couch as the two of you ate gingerbread and watched Christmas movies. He’d wanted to take you so bad, fuck you raw against the counter until you dripped with him, hoping that maybe it would take and give you your own little Christmas miracle. He’d had to take a break and jerk himself off in the bathroom just so he could think straight. Even now, his stomach flips at the memory.

He’d been a good boy. He’d behaved himself. He acted a perfect gentleman and there was no way you could have known his depraved thoughts when he swept you up to slow dance to a Frank Sinatra record. The singer wasn’t half bad actually, maybe he’d originally judged him too harshly. You’d blushed and swooned and when he had to leave he gave you one last gingerbread scented kiss, the stars reflecting in your eyes as you leaned over the fire escape to wave him goodbye. 

After that night things mostly returned to normal. With Transluscent’s funeral fast approaching and the new Saving America campaign about to take off, Homelander had been too busy to even think about seeing you. He’d catch you staring at him in the halls sometimes and his heart beat faster every time. Now that he knows you feel the same, he’s almost at a loss as to how to proceed and it’s easier to bury himself in his work where he can rely on dependable fantasy to get his fix of you.

But after the fucking day he’s had, he’s tempted to fly straight to your apartment and kiss you stupid.

Fuck

There’s an idea… no one said it had to be your mouth

His pants grow tight instantly at the thought and the rush of arousal is a nice balm to his wounded ego. It barely takes a second for him to unclick his belt and pull himself free. He groans lowly in relief as he strokes himself nice and slow. The blood still staining his glove provides an easy glide until his cock is standing at full attention and dripping onto his boots. He keeps his touches nice and light, a little tentative, the way he imagines you would. His free hand reaches for the ribbon, holding it to his nose so he can catch your scent. His cock twitches in his grip and he thumbs his slit as he arches into his fist.

He groans your name before releasing his cock to cup his balls, tugging gently to tease himself, imagining your face looking up at him as he plays with himself. The wall behind him cracks as he throws his head back in pleasure.

A tinny jingle breaks through the haze of his arousal and he immediately fumbles to get his phone out of his pocket, recognizing the tune he’d picked for you so he’d always know who was calling him. The ribbon is promptly tucked back away as he slides to answer the call. His cock feels even heavier in his grip as he anticipates the sound of your voice. It’s like you knew what he was doing. This was the first time you’ve ever called him and your timing couldn’t be more perfect.

The first thing he hears is the clang of utensils and he knows instantly that you must be baking. He bites his lip to keep from grinning at how predictable you are. He can almost smell the sugar through the phone.

“Hi! I hope this isn’t a bad time. I’m trying a new recipe from this french cookbook I picked up and I always get nervous the first time I bake something. I figured you could help me take my mind off things while the cookies are in the oven.” Your voice is so sweet and he has to pinch the base of his cock to keep from shooting his load like some pathetic schoolboy. It feels so illicit to touch himself while you are so innocently seeking his company on the other end of the phone. You probably have flour on your cheeks and your strawberry apron on and the thought causes him to throb painfully. He gives himself an experimental tug and his fucking knees almost buckle.

“It’s never a bad time for you to call.” He replies warmly, trying to keep the rasp of pleasure out of his voice so you don’t suspect. You go quiet for a moment and he knows you’re blushing. He bets that if he were there that the smell of you soaking your panties would be filling the room. You get wet so easily. He remembers your phrase from the second time he spoke to you. You have a “nervous disposition” apparently but he knows what really has you trembling and it’s something a lot filthier than a little anxiety. 

“Thanks, that’s very sweet of you to say. I meant to call sooner but Ashley has been running me ragged for weeks with all the prep work for the funeral. I’ve barely had any time to myself.” You reply with a huff and the clear annoyance in your voice has him both amused and indignant on your behalf. He’ll have to have a firm discussion with Ashley about being respectful towards your time. The thought that you could have been calling him for weeks has his teeth on the verge of grinding again so he teases the throbbing vein on the underside of his cock until he relaxes into the pleasure again.

“I can’t have you exhausted at work. I’ll talk to Ashley about giving you a break. You deserve to rest.” He coos at you as his hand quickly finds a rhythm that feels right. 

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I miss you.” Your voice softens longingly and he can picture the wistful look in your eyes perfectly. 

You want him so fucking bad.

He thrusts into his fist, briefly removing his phone from his ear and biting into the soft leather of his glove so you won’t hear him moan like a whore. He wants to be good for you. He wants to be your gentleman lover. He wants a romance like the old movies and he wants you to picture him that way. 

But fuck

You want him and it seems pointless to stand here and jerk off to your voice in a blood-soaked alleyway when he could be buried in your sweet little pussy. You’d get over your shyness once he was bouncing you on his cock until you were soaking and shaking so hard that he’d have to hold you steady. He’d take you on every surface until he was sure that he’d fucked all traces of your “nervous disposition” right out of you. 

He has to pinch himself again to hold himself back. He doesn’t want this to end so soon. He tucks his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he gropes at his chest. He really wishes his suit wasn’t so fucking hard to get off so he could tease at his nipples and imagine you mouthing at him. He’d make sure you knew every inch of his body.

“I miss you too.” He answers truthfully, leaning back against the wall and bracing his feet wide so he can really fuck into his fist the way he imagines fucking you. 

Have you ever even had your pussy licked? He hopes not, he wants to see your face the first time you feel a tongue on your pretty little clit. He wants you to gush all over his face till it soaks into his suit and he can smell you for weeks after.

“Maybe once things calm down, we can hang out again.” You sound so hopeful and the soft noise of rustling fabric makes him realize that you must be fiddling with the hem of your shirt. You kissed him first and yet you still seem unsure of his returned affection. You still worry that his voice will turn to a harsh rebuke again.

“I’d like that. Y’know, maybe I could fly us to Paris so you can do some first hand research. A cookbook will only get you so far. I’m sure Vought could arrange a meeting with a pastry chef.” His cheeks flush as he imagines you beaming at him under the glow of the Eiffel tower, soft and pleased with him as he leans down to kiss you tenderly. You’d appreciate what he could do for you. He wants to do so much for you.

His balls tighten up at the fantasy and he finds it a little strange how the innocent scene has him closer to coming then all the filthy scenarios he could muster. 

“Oh” 

You sigh, and he can hear the flustered wonder in your voice at the thought.

Oh

With a strangled groan he comes, hot thick ropes of come covering his fist, his suit, dripping to the ground in milky white puddles that fuse with the crimson aftermath of his earlier rage.

“I’ve never been to Paris.” You reply breathlessly in a way that almost mirrors his own ragged panting. 

He takes a moment to catch his breath as he strokes the last remaining remnants of his pleasure out of his tender cock, whimpering at the almost too much ache of sensation.

“I guess it’s a date then.” 

_______

Later, once he’s back home and clean and snug in his bed, he sleeps well for the first time in weeks. He dreams of the Paris sky and the stars in your eyes as you look at him like someone you could love.

#homelander #x reader #homelander x reader #surprise bitch #bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #b warned #this one is filthy

[bluemoondust]

tw: mentions of death (faking it)

I don't know why but I feel like Dazai and Fyodor are the type of sick, twisted bastards (affectionate) to just fake their death. For the sole purpose of messing with their darling's head. Like, they'd all like to see what you'd do once you see their bloodied body on the ground. Will you celebrate? Will you cry? The possibilities are endless, but they want to know what are your next steps.

They're also the type to let that shit roll for a while. Let you bask in this false sense of freedom and let you live out this so-called thing you call a "normal life". Are you looking behind your back? Has he really got you that fooled? You're naive if he did.

That's where the mind games begin. You start to comfortable and suddenly you're catching glimpses of him wherever you go. The grocery store, the train station, outside your home... Any place you had considered a place of comfort now reminds you of him. The paranoia starts to sit in, making your mind its settlement. You question your sanity everyday. Was he really dead? And yet, you still remember seeing his cold, lifeless body on the ground. It couldn't be possible, right?

You start to think some sick part of your mind misses him. It was a hard pill to swallow and you couldn't admit to that. Still, the fear is there to stay.

And he'll be glad to take it all away once you're near the brink of a madness. Once your mind is frail and vulnerable to whatever he'll have to say. He just needs to see you beg and plead for some form of stability in all this. You need him. It was obvious from the start. He just wanted you to see it for yourself that you cannot manage life on your own.

It's okay though. He'll take you back with open arms.

#☆moondust.talks☆ #yandere bsd #yandere dazai #yandere fyodor #Huh #The recent episode really made me think on this #Because I don't know I expect Fyodor to pop up some time and go #Surprise bitches I bet you all thought you'd seen the last of me

[heymrspatel]

mornin' babyface 🩵

@gallacrafts theme 29: freckles

#surprise bitch! i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me! - exactly one year after i posted my last gallacrafts here i am again #yanked out of retirement by the simple thought of freckles! #i know i'm late alsdfk i had a jim halpert staring at the camera moment when i realized how long this would take me! but i finished! #FRECKLES!!! #shameless #shameless fanart #shameless fan art #gallavich #gallavich fanart #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian x mickey #shamelessnet #myart #mygallacrafts #digital art #fanart

[tiafrye]

Another Heart Day without you, muffin.

#darien gautier #eso #elder scrolls online #sometimes i draw stuff #surprise bitch #i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #no force in the world will make me forget

[ikam177]

Actors AU

#amki draws #durarara #shizaya #orihara izaya #shizuo heiwajima #ShizayaWeek2023 #// SURPRISE BITCH #// BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME

[raayllum]

every rayllum scene ever: 313/?

You’re home now, Zym. 

#rayllum #this edit series: surprise bitch i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #every scene #rayllumedit #my edits #graphics #s3 #3x02 #pre canon #our kids with their dragon son #brotp: oathbreakers #arc 1 #hey remember that time rayllum had an entire episode plot line go by and just got to have Fun and nothing bad happened #can we have that again #tdpedit #tdp

[sharkinlovewithadolphin]

Like A Bullet (18.658 words) by sharkinlovewithadolphin

Chapters: 2/12 Fandom: Free! Rating: Mature Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka Additional Tags: [Check AO3] Summary: Rin decides to take Haru up on his offer, but is quick to regret it. Proofread by @illbebuyingallofthoseflowers & @tomakehimfree ❤ (Updated!) Fic playlist can be found here (Youtube) and here (Spotify). 🎧

#free! #rinharu #sharkbait #harurin #mafia au #free! fanfic #fanfics #rinharu fics #shark writes #my writing #fic: like a bullet #surprise bitch(es) #bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

[oldmanenjoyer]

Can you do a Peppino X female reader fic where reader gets all done up for an advent shes attending (nice dress and make up) and we see peppinos reaction to her

In this fic can they not be in a relationship as well? I like will they wont theys hopefully this isnt to much Thank you!!

It was only a quick visit. A chance to say hello and to drop off a book for Gustavo, one of your favorites he's been curious about. Peppino knew to expect you, and he also knew that your sister's birthday was today, and that she was having a fancy dinner for it. Very fancy.

He knew it. Prepared for it even.

So why did seeing you walk through the door floor him so bad?

Peppino stood straight as a board, watching the wind from the closing door flourish your skirt. The shimmery fabric danced around you in beautiful waves, and hugged your torso beautifully, like you were cradled in liquid gemstones.

Gustavo didn't give Peppino the chance to embarrass himself, thankfully. The little gnome rushed forward, endless compliments for your attire spilling out of him. You beamed, burning like a stars within Peppino's tiny restaurant, and offered the book over.

"Take good care of it." You said, playfully stern. "No chewing on the pages for Brick. I love this book quite a bit, you hear me?" Gustavo laughed, and that was when you glanced up, meeting Peppino's gaze with a dazzling grin. "Hey, Peppino."

"Sei così bellissimissima." He spat out, before he could get a grip on his own mind. Your head cocked, smile jerking into an amused smirk as Gustavo started to guffaw, but it was obvious you didn't quite understand.

"Er, thanks!" You said, fluffing out your skirt. "My sister helped me buy it!" Gustavo started laughing even harder, despite your playful whack to the shoulder. "Stop that! Is that not what he said???"

Peppino covered his burning face with his hands. As embarrassed as he was, you truly were beautiful, laughing and jokingly beating on Gustavo for making fun of both you and him. He wanted to work up the nerve to tell you what he said, maybe wax poetics about how you made everything around you far more lovely just by existing nearby. But that bravery couldn't be reached, even when you gave him such a sad little pout.

Instead, he shuffled out from behind the counter, and walked towards you. He could pretend, play along with the joking atmosphere. He could sweep your hand into his and kiss it, spewing Italian affections to make you blush and giggle.

And if you realized he was serious? Then he'd deal with it.

For now, however, he just wanted to see you glow.

#peppino spaghetti x reader #pizza tower x reader #peppino x reader #surprise bitch bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #struggling creatively so jumping around requests

[nicolethered]

Javi at the bar in in 3x01 The Kingpin Strategy

#pedro pascal #javier peña #and then stechner pops up like surprise bitch! #i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #this fucking guy

[roxyandelsewhere]

"I'm not a damn thing but this time that lasts between running from finding myself and finding myself while running." (x)

SPN moments but abstract [17/?] - The ouroboros of Carver era Dean, aka "what if Dean's present had been presented as connected to his past"

inprnt.| society6 | ko-fi

#SURPRISE BITCH! BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME (i feel like it's not the first time i say this) #spn #spnart #spn art #spnabstract #mine.caro #i keep having art hiatus i'm sorry. but i refuse to make art feel like a chore so sometimes my brain says NO and i say Okay :( #anyways i'm back babeyy #ok so. what do we have here this time #this post has so many links posting it feels like a whole thing. i'm gonna add this one to the stores now uwu #this was motivated by my frustration with carver era dean having all these things happen to him that feel like punchlines to his whole life #but they're not presented that way. he becomes a demon after All That in previous seasons and the connection isn't made #hence the FMI line. i did josémáriobranconatural again but i had to #i wrote a list of bullet points when i was trying to figure this one out and it says: #'Hunting monsters while running away from becoming one and becoming a monster by how he hunts them in purgatory and with the mark of cain' #'Running from becoming a demon until daddy's little girl breaks in thirty and is pulled from the rack by an angel #and then is killed by an angel and becomes a demon' #'Black eyes and branded arms pointing death at the family he's become a monster out of the vow to protect' #and lastly you can't have a visual essay on performanceboy without touching on that part so this is supposed to look #like we're seeing it all through a window. suburban house window even #i thought it'd be more visually interesting if the lines of the window weren't there but you can also see it as the window not being there #and there you have it folks. finally a new one!! #pros: i'm drawing again. cons: i'm still in the spn pit

[antifadoll]

i re-downloaded tumblr bc i realized this is the only social media that feels right to leave a digital ghost in

like, i love that my young adult years are captured in this e-scrapbook of blurry photos and drunk poetry

and i've been thinking a lot about how i used to make mundane things feel magic by writing them out like this..........and god damn it have things been feeling mundane for a while now

....anyway! idk what that looks like exactly (do i start from 2 years ago and post chronologically? do i slowly add snippets of the past all out of order? do i do ANY of it, and does it matter?) but i am about to get Very Annoyingly Online

pictured: me about to get caught taking a stoned selfie with The Gug (gun mug) & me figuring out how to use the ring light i bought 5 years ago

#me #surprise bitch #bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

[teapixie]

🔆🧚🏼‍♀️🤠❤️‍🔥👒🦇🐲🐚🍒🛼🎭🎆⏳🧿🎏🪞🪭♻️

#surprise bitch #i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #apologies 2 my mutuals 🤟🏼😔💯 #back w/ a vengeance #moony june #personal #me! #the self #attention seeking aquarius

[luriddaze]

hi, beauties. so after that long shift yesterday, i passed out super early and slept like 12 hours lmfao. then today i was lazy in between even more naps... but imma be on for a bit tonight doing drafts and hopefully some owed starters. i also have tomorrow and the next day off.

#out of cats. #surprise bitch #bet you'd thought you'd seen the last of me

[lestatthelittlelion]

sooooo we're thinking they yassified lestat because louis is tortured and dreaming of his fine ass in paris as he tries to fuck every blonde guy in sight right?!!?

#lestat like #surprise bitch #bet you thought you'd seen the last of me

[coconuttyglittersmurf]

#surprise bitch #i bet you thought you'd seen the last me me #meme #american horror story #ahs murder house #evan peters #ahs #tate and violet #reblog