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msbarrybeeson · 2 years

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Lanterns (Terraria / Reader Insert)

A/N: Yes, I made an actual fan fiction for Terraria. After five years of not playing, I have returned to realize that the NPCs actually have a personality! Being entertained by my interactions with them, I decided to write this.

A lot of this is referenced to the in-game quotes and events by the NPCs, in addition to my frustration of world exploring. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1980

Summary: You returned to town to find a party being thrown for you. This time, they had a different idea for a celebration.

Reader: Second-person. Gender-neutral pronouns are used if any.

Characters: Zach the Guide | Fantasia the Party Girl | Chryseis the Dryad | Dante the Arms Dealer | Caitlin the Nurse

Pairings: All are platonic.

“Huyah!” You yelled. Your sword slashed through the carnivorous Wyverns. Their twists and persistence gave you the fury to strike them down. Souls of Flight fell from their innards, topping off the final ingredient needed to make frozen wings. They make a much better alternative to your current fledgling wings.

You also wondered how Zach the guide managed to know the recipe for making wings. You would never know; maybe he was an adventurer himself once before.

The magic mirror lit up at your reflection. Then your eyes opened to the familiar comfort of your home. The warmth from your fireplace made the frostbite on your fingers less painful. At your arrival, Zach stood up from the sofa in surprise, the book dropping from his hold.

“Oh! It’s you, (Name)!” He held his chest. “I thought you were one of those Goblin sorcerers. ...Did you get the Souls?”

After plucking out some harpy feathers from your armor, you opened your backpack and took out a glass bottle containing the essence. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for the recipe, Zach. I can reach the sky islands easier now. Those Wyverns are hell to deal with though. If it weren’t for the shield from who was it, Romeo, I wouldn’t make it….”

“As expected,” he laughed. “And it’s no big deal. I’m always happy to lend a hand to our town hero. Speaking of which,” Zach took the bottle, placed it on the table, and grabbed your hand, “come, (Name). Fantasia’s excited to be throwing a party after you protected us from the Pirates. Who knew they’d be interested in a small town like ours?”

“Eh? Another one?” Your brows furrowed. “Zach, I’m thankful, but I’m just doing my deeds. You guys shouldn’t even be surprised to have invasions anyway. It’s not like it’s something new.”

“All hard work deserves something. Don’t feel bad for us; the majority of us do nothing but sell and buy.”

Huh.

“I guess you make a good point—.”

“Hey (Name)!” People leaped from behind the bushes. They were your fellow townspeople, and you realized that Zach took you to the park for the celebration, instead of the usual town hall. “The park? Is there some construction on the hall that I didn’t know about?” Your shoulders slumped. “Don’t tell me another attack happened while I was away.”

Fantasia waved her hands. “No no, of course not! Instead,” her lips formed a grin, “we just have this cool idea for an activity. And tonight has some perfect weather for it: mild wind, a clear sky—.”

“We decided to do this activity for each time you defend us from a new enemy.” Chryseis smiled, placing a moonglow flower crown on your head.

“And what would that be?”

“Thought you’d never ask!” Fantasia raised her left hand up high. “Light it up, everyone!” Behind the party girl, you watched in awe as something began glowing in each towns-person's hands.

“Ahh.” You realized: those were lanterns, being released into the night sky.

Their small flames mimicked the stars, making them all the more beautiful.

Zach chuckled; he admired the lanterns twinkling in your eyes.

Waking to your side, the merchant brushed his beard. “These lanterns are made of silk, produced by the fine webs of spiders. It’s not easy to retrieve, but the Oten’s explosives scared them all off.”

“Don’t think you can leave me out, old man,” Dante huffed. “If it weren’t for my bullets, those spiders wouldn’t know when to stop. Oten here keeps missing his aim.”

“Oi—!”

“Dante!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll quit it.” The man lifted your hand to his lips and placed a kiss. “Only for you—.”

You pulled away. “Sorry, I’m actually saving myself for someone with more compassion than that,” you playfully wafted your hand, leaving the arms dealer in embarrassment. Everyone laughed at the sight.

Then, a glass of blueberry juice reached your hand. “Ahh, I’m glad to have you here with us, (Name),” Caitlin spoke up. “Not only have you provided us a home, but you’re also a cool person! Better ask me to treat when you can.”

“Let me guess: in return for coins?” You sipped the juice.

The nurse was so quick to answer, “Yeah— hey!” She lightly shoved your arm. “I’ll lower the costs for you, o-of course!”

“Haha, appreciated it, Cait.”

As you strolled away, a sudden, blue cloud poofed out of nowhere. A man of a white beard and purple appeared. “Hello, beloved hero!” Merlyn exclaimed.

“What’s with the formality?”

“Now now, have you really not heard of my saying: ‘great magic comes with great respect’?” Another cast of blue revealed a crystal ball in his hands. You tilted your head. “You sure? I don’t remember you saying such thing last after-party.”

The man hushed you, “Sh, sh! It’s essential I follow the advice of my magic crystal. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have spoke in such a way. I mean, its tellings don’t come often after all!”

“Merlyn, I really do think the crystal tells you the future, not actual advice on what you—.”

“Shh!”

With a gentle touch, Merlyn rubbed the object. Then, he held it out, closing his eyes and chanting a string of words, until he removed his hand. “Aha! Your future seems bright— other than a dead goldfish— but still! I give you this magic crystal, beloved, young hero, (Name), in hopes that you will use this in a time of doubt.”

“Wait what?” You held the crystal with great care. “Merlyn, I’m not sure—.”

“Whoops, too late! I must walk my hat! Perhaps, an enchanting cup of hot chocolate may entertain you instead.”

Just like that, the glass in your hand transformed into a hot mug. You realized you lost sight of the wizard. You glanced around in vain. “Huh, he actually dipped on me,” you muttered. You stared down at the crystal ball and sighed. “Fine.”

“How are you feeling, (Name)?” You jumped, making Chryseis laugh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“You’re good. In all truthfulness, at least you’re not Dante.” The dryad rolled her eyes at the name. “I must agree. To this day, that man still can’t tell I’m five hundred years old.” A look of shock caught your face. “I’m sorry, what?”

“What?”

“I actually didn’t know you’re five hundred years old….”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“It isn’t! You look incredibly young!”

“I know you mean it as a compliment.” Chryseis rubbed her arm. “I just don’t think it helps in the case of Dante,” she chuckled. “But enough of that, the corruption has been decreasing thanks to you.”

“Well, some of the thanks should also be given to Hope. Even though it was pricey, the cleminator was helpful.” You crossed your arms. “Oh, the steampunker?” You blinked. “Yeah, is there something about her?”

“Not necessarily.” Chryseis shook her head. “I heard she dislikes me, but for what reason, I’m not sure. Anyway, let me see….” The dryad connected her hands and closed her eyes. A gust of wind blew by as she hummed a short tune to herself. “Terraria has less than five percent of corruption! Each day, nature is more at ease.”

“Terraria?”

“Oh.” The dryad’s eyes widened. “Sorry, that was a slip of my tongue. I meant (World Name).”

“Well, I’m glad to hear my work paid off, and that my gold isn’t for nothing.” Your hand lightly touched the flower crown on your hair. “And thanks for the crown again, Chryseis.” She smiled. “Of course.”

“Ay, (Name)!”

A different voice yelled out, one that made the dryad frown. “Oh no, I must leave now, (Name). Do take care!”

“W-wait, you can’t just leave—!”

Dante took your arm, turning you to face him. “Now where’d you think you’re going, sweetheart? The party’s just started.” You grimaced at the nickname. “Don’t you have Caitlin to flirt with?”

“I didn’t know you’re so interested in who I’m with.” He smirked.

“More of ‘I wish you wouldn’t talk to me now,’ to be honest.”

“Ouch, not even a bullet hurts that bad.” Dante ran a hand through his hair. “C’mon, I just need a moment.”

You glanced around for a lone person to speak with, but alas, everyone was busy with their own celebratory agenda. “What would it be now: more firearm dealing, a dinner date?” You waved off. “Forget it, I’m happy with my current weapon and treasure hunting.”

“Hey hey!” The dealer stopped you. “It’s… I just want to give you something as a gift, all right?”

“…Huh?”

Dante scoffed, “Why do you sound so confused? I’m not that hard-hearted. Here.” The man shoved a long cardboard box to you. You slowly opened it, revealing the star cannon. “You….”

He rubbed his nape. “Look, I was supposed to give you it three parties ago— y’know, the one after you killed that giant plant— but I never found you. You were always gone for some reason, but I guess you got other stuff to do, so….” He paused for a moment. “So… you like it?”

You stared at the gift, thinking and admiring the fact that Dante even poured effort to forge it. The silence you gave was unbearable for the man, however.

“Hey, don’t leave me hangin’, (Name). I even asked Oten to explode the meteorite for it, but apparently, his explosives don’t even work on it. You’d have to find stars for ammo though. I would’ve gotten some if it weren’t for the fact that the stars I’ve seen killed some—.”

“I love it.”

The sudden remark made Dante flustered.

“Thanks, Dante. I have to admit: I didn’t expect this.”

He coughed. “Yeah yeah, I only did it because you earned it—.”

“(Name)!”

Your eyes flickered to your friend walking over to you two. “Zach?” You smiled at his appearance.

Dante, on the other hand, “tch’d,” looking away with bitterness in his mouth. “Hey, glad to have found you. The wind’s drifting the lanterns to the west. I thought we could go over to the pond and read the messages on there.”

“You guys put messages on there?” You looked to Dante, who pursed his lips and nodded.

“Come on!” You put the star cannon back into the box, carefully handling it. “Okay okay. I gotta go, so thanks again, Dante.” You smiled.

You and Zach hurried over to the edge of the pond. The lights reflected onto the water. You watched the wind lead some of the lanterns within arm’s reach. After some time, your hand raised up high and caught onto one.

“This one’s from Konah,” Zach observed.

“‘Strong energy flows through you, in which your presence keeps my soul at peace.’”

Zach pulled in another lantern. “Oh, this is from Reishi!”

You laughed at this one. “‘I’m glad you didn’t try to eat me.’”

“Unfortunately, he’s got Alfed to worry about. That guy’s always trying to take a bit out of him,” Zach sighed. You thought aloud, “What’s up with truffles?”

“Not sure, I just heard it can mess your head up, which sounds more uncomfortable than tasty,” your friend replied.

The two of you looked up at more lanterns in silence, many of which were floating far away. Something ran through your mind when you caught sight of the actual stars in the sky. “…Hey Zach?”

The guide hummed, signaling you to continue. “Every day, I wonder why I’m here. To be honest, it feels exhausting to get rid of the enemies and corruption. In fact, I wonder if I have a different purpose than that. But… after spending time to meet and talk with you guys, I feel less lonely.” Zach turned away from the lanterns to face you.

“I’m glad to have you guys here. I’m glad that my purpose is to help protect you guys if anything. And…,” you paused, “I wish it will stay that way forever.”

#terraria #the guide terraria #arms dealer terraria #nurse terraria #truffle terraria #terraria dryad #terraria arms dealer #terraria fanfiction #terraria fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #video games #reader insert #reader imagine

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spitzyyyy · 1 year

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hi i posted again

fic contains blood and gore and disturbing imagery (events which occur to the player are. not great. to put it simply.) so there's your warning.

#terraria #terraria fanart #terraria fanfiction #spit speaks #spit art

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mel-thelanguagelearner0 · 10 months

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ok. let's say hypothetically you've been procrastinating resting from writing fics and there's been a big german exam coming. what would you do? study right? well nope, i had decided to write a fanfic in english cuz why not. i've been binge playing/consuming terraria calamity mod and it hurts me by how little fics out there (especially for Draedon and Yharim).

like????? so thats why i'm planning to write a gn player/draedon fic with my headcanons and canon content mixed. if i like it, i'll probably continue writing more player inserted calamity mod fanfics and post them to ao3 too.

@max-rin be my first reader when its ready or i'll forbid you from drinking iced coffee (affectionally)

#terraria calamity #calamity mod #fanfiction

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pootisart · 1 year

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APRIL FOOLS LMAO

Sinner in Night's Shadow but I put the first chapter into an UwU translator (April Fools Day "Special") - Tehpootisman - 盾の勇者の成り上がり - アネコユサギ | Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari | The Rising of the Shield Hero - Aneko Yusagi [Archive of Our Own]

I PUT THE ENTIRE FIRST CHAPTER OF SINNER IN NIGHT'S SHADOW INTO AN UWU TRANSLATOR

#fanfiction #terraria #calamitymod #rising of the shield hero #crossover

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syntax3rr0r · 5 months

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Would yall read a rwby x justice league x terraria calamity mod fanfiction?

#rwby #rwby x justice league #justice league #justice league x terraria #calamity mod #fanfiction idea

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kazachi69 · 6 months

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#poll #kazachi69 series

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lynxtheserval · 6 months

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Intro !

So I'm reallllllly new to writing fanfiction so . . Please be patient with me , and the writing may not be the best . We all start from somewhere right ?

I write and read x readers like a moron eheheheheh (this is a joke)

Feel free to ask any questions !

Fandoms I can (try to) do:

Roblox Phighting

Roblox Regretevator

Minecraft Story Mode

Valorant

Overwatch

Helluva Boss

Deltarune

Roblox Myths (I'll literally do anything bro, I'm a firm believer in separate the character / world from the creator)

Terraria (NPCs and humanized bosses only please !)

(I'll add more if I get into more fandoms !)

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I can do:

Fluff

Headcanons

Yandere (I DONT support this type of behavior IRL, what is fiction should stay fiction)

Platonic

Comfort

Some other things, just ask and I'll try to do it !

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What I can't do:

NSFW

Yandere reader

Heavy gore

Heavy angst

I'll tell you if I feel uncomfortable writing anything else !

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Please remember I'm new to this and it might not be the best ! Thank you !

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balsa-margarita · 1 year

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Why I'm disappointed in Starbound (and why I still like it, somehow)

So, Starbound. It's an indie game you may or may not know of, whether you've seen it in furry art or heard people call it "ripoff Terraria" or something, or perhaps even played it. What is it, though?

To put it simply, Starbound is a 2D procedurally generated space adventuring game, created by Chucklefish. (I got some images from their press kit to show you what I mean.)

As you can see, there is a lot going on here. First off, there are multiple sapient alien species other than humans in Starbound (it's most obvious with the Floran in the third image) and there's also a distinct storyline to follow. All of that means lore, and this is where the issues start. Immediately.

Starbound takes the idea of "culture as costume" as a model to work off of, rather than a criticism. Take the Hylotl, a race of fish-people. Everything about their culture is taken directly from Japanese culture in real life - they have anime, samurai, and Japanese-inspired architecture. None of this, though, is very deep or well-thought-out. It's just kind of... there, you know? And this is how it is with most of Starbound's alien races (Avians are ripoff Mesoamericans in a lot of ways, Novakid are stereotypical cowboy Western characters) with only a couple of exceptions. At times, this weird lack of thought can be downright insulting, such as with the Floran - who are carelessly modeled after stereotypes of the "cannibal tribe." There are also over a dozen races in the game, and you can only play as seven of them. The others' lore is even less thought out.

Now, you would think that the actual story would be better, right? Well... sort of. The overarching enemy is an entity called "The Ruin," which is a literal living eldritch planet monster (which you kill at the end of the game in a scene much more badass than anything else Chucklefish came up with) which is being aided by a xenophobic human cult that is trying to wipe out all of the other races in the universe. Pretty interesting, aside from the very generic name... but the generic name gives it away. Not only is the Ruin one side of a pure good/evil dichotomy - which, in my opinion, is a bit of a tired way of doing things - but the rest of the writing just feels lazy. Not enough actual eldritch horror in the story where the big bad is an eldritch horror, and not enough focus on the space xenophobes' xenophobia. When you play through it, it feels kind of cheap, and as someone who talks a lot about lore (and writes fanfiction) I have issues with that. But the problems don't stop there.

Guess why it feels cheap? Because it is.

Starbound is one of the worst optimized games I've ever played, up there with things like Pokemon Scarlet/Violet - possibly even worse - and is riddled with half-baked mechanics and terribly shoehorned game progression and design. (Multiplayer in particular is horrific - the game has no strict physics update at all, which basically means people playing the game at different FPS play it at different speeds. As you can imagine, this ends terribly for all involved.) All this is because Chucklefish used unpaid labor - often from teenagers trying to get into the game industry! So, of course, when these people inevitably left because they weren't paid, no one kept working on whatever they had been in charge of... it was a disaster. A total, unmitigated disaster. That's where Starbound stands today.

Unmodded Starbound, at least.

The core concepts of Starbound - bumming around on procedurally generated planets, questing, and being a space landlord, among other things - are still really cool. But it could have been so much cooler! Wasted potential in a way that no other game I've ever played is. This is where mods - and one mod in particular called Frackin' Universe - come in. Frackin' Universe does its very best to fill in the holes left in the basegame, and add new systems that rival some Minecraft tech mods in complexity. It can't fix everything, but it's the closest Starbound will ever get to being a really complete game. (Part of me really wishes I could take the IP from the idiots at Chucklefish and give it to the Frackin' Universe guys. They could make an excellent remake.)

That's it. That's the rant. I just... I really wish Starbound was a better game with development that hadn't been led by a moron who bailed from Re-Logic.

#starbound #this took so long to type up what the fuck #rant #to be clear I am laying ALL the blame for bad development on Finn Brice because it was his manipulation and stupidity that caused the issue #this is a lament more than a rant really #anti finn brice

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fletchah · 3 months

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introduction because i did one like 20 years ago but i’ve had important character growth

So, hey! I’m Fletch! Any pronouns, but i prefer a mix of he, she, and aer. I dislike being referred to with a label, but if you absolutely must you can call me genderfluid and abrosexual.

I’m chill with almost anyone besides the typical DNI criteria (racist, homo/transphobic, etc) though I will let you know if you’re making me uncomfortable. This is also a SFW blog; I might write down-bad posts from time to time, but I do not make suggestive art or writing.

My fandoms as of right now are Murder Drones, Terraria, Cattails, and Rain World. I like to make art and write sometimes, though I mostly just shitpost and think out loud on this blog. I use Kleki for art and Quotev for fanfiction. My Quotev username is Fletchah if you’re interested.

I’m on the autism spectrum, but just barely. My special interest is anthropomorphic animals, specifically furries. I have been one for around 6 years now.

I have chantraphobia, the fear of beads and other similarly shaped objects like pearls, peas, and marbles. Seeing them, hearing them, or just being aware of their presence makes me anxious and uncomfortable, often rendering me unable to eat or drink. It’s not fear per se, and it’s gotten better as I’ve been more exposed to them, but I can rarely touch them and am especially nervous about them being near my mouth. Imagery of beads and sometimes even the word can upset me. It’s not a lasting effect anymore though, so don’t worry too much about it :V

Asks are always open! If you give me an image of an object, a character, anything, I’ll write a paragraph or two describing it. I take art requests, but it’s a little iffy whether or not I’ll actually do them since I’m a slow worker and prioritize drawing my own characters and such. Art trades would be pretty swag too, but once again i’m not that fast. Id love to do one someday though!

I cant think of anything else to put here, so that’s it for now i guess. have a good day! drink water, don’t die, be swag

#fletchposting #intro post #rain world #terraria #murder drones

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madamplague · 29 days

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hiiii!

I'm remaking Contract by Blood because I want to change the plot :D

I'll keep the old fic up, but I'm not proud of it :(

(also this is a huge /srs. this is NOT an april's fools joke.)

#not gonna use fandom tags because i dont wanna clog up the terraria tumblr page with my gay ass fanfiction /hj

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clowntearssystem · 6 months

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Shits everywhere hello!!!

So uh this is pretty awkward but anyways we’re an osdd system we have many alters dunno how many but enough to say we’re a big system. This is Jess speaking, also known as the host. Expect EVERYTHING. You wanna learn about Roblox? Guess what, we love Roblox too!!! Oh! You’re into Minecraft or terraria? We’re getting started on that again! You’re into drawing and writing? BOOM. We post and use to sell/buy fanfiction. And by we I mean me. Jess. I’m extremely autistic and more, best to just say neurodivergent…

Our linktree

#osdd did #did osdd #did #osdd #break in #osddid #osdd system #did system #roblox #sillyposting #goofy #neurodivergent #minecraft

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spitzyyyy · 1 year

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The Twins

Heyy this is a fic! I’ve written for Terraria before but never actually posted it since most of the Terraria fics are for Calamity Specifically. Here's the link for ao3 if you would rather read it there!

There’s some descriptions of blood and gore, and lots of cussing and death, so be warned. Also, second person POV!

There’s a completely perfect reason as to why you’re blocked into a singular room with the windows bashed in. Really, there is, you swear, as you stare at the door from the slits in your mask, arrows notched into your shoddy crossbow that you use some of the titaniumyou mined earlier to make. Your arrows are made of wood and stone—a perfectly fine and not so shoddy choice of materials, you swear—and aren’t particularly impressive, but they get the job done.

A drippler floats by the window, only alerting you by the sound of the blood and gore dropping onto the wood of your floor. Damnit, that’s going to be the worst to clean. You kick the thing, in an attempt to get it out, and it flails and tries to eat your golden boot in response, but you get it out and shoot it.

There are guts all over the front lawn of your house. This sucks. Maybe you should just leave them there for the flowers to eat.

There’s a pounding at the door, and you really don’t want to have to block the entrance off with dirt, so you rip the thing open and jump back, and you shoot the fleshy zombie straight between the eyes. It falls over with a nasty splat, and you have a moment to contemplate your disgust, before another one slides in, then trips over its once undead, now dead-dead friend, and you shoot that one too.

You slam the door before another zombie can look in and see you.

Another drippler, another corpse on the front lawn. You can already hear how Emily is going to be complaining about there being blood all over the concrete, and you’re thinking of telling her that if it bothers her so much that she should clean it herself. It’s your house, and the blood is a day of scrubbing, so you don’t see a point.

A werewolf scratches at your door. So much for keeping the thing in one piece.

Gods above, you hate blood moons.

—

You also kinda hate the normal night, too. Less gore everywhere, given that there’s more possessed armor than anything else, but now it’s pieces of old armor that can’t be used for anything that litter your front lawn. And unlike the blood, it doesn’t partially wash away during a monsoon, so you have to collect it and throw it away manually. Safe to say, you don’t like possessed armor.

The one nice thing is that series of scaffolds and platforms that you built above your house, which, when not covered in the crawlies of the night and the slimes that like to spread their disgusting goop everywhere, is a great place for fighting the big ones.

You’ve just settled into bed when you get the feeling that it’s gonna be a terrible night.

Gods damn it all.

You grab your crossbow (and your dart rifle, and your ichor arrows, and your titanium armor, and your ankh shield, and your terraspark boots, and your magic quiver, can’t forget those) and march outside. You have some light wings hidden under your cloak that you don’t like to talk about, which flash purple as you fly up, and you notch one of your gold dripping arrows into your crossbow, pointing it up at the sky.

Now’s the fun part: waiting.

No, really, that is the fun part, because you know exactly when they’re gonna show up, so you have the perfect amount of time to calculate how you should shoot while weaving between lasers and fireballs. There’s movement from above, closer, and it’s here.

There’s a roar as the Twins spring into action.

This isn’t the first time you’ve fought them, but you’re a pretty big idiot with the double fights, and more times than not you’ve had your shooting arm burned away by the cursed flames. You get the first hit on Retinazer, which sprinkles gold as it’s covered in ichor, and you notch another, and another.

Cursed flames lick at your cloak, which you decide to unstring as you’re weaving through them to turn around, taking your hand off the trigger for long enough to release the golden chain across your chest. Your wings thank you, and you touch the ground for just a moment before shooting back up.

It goes smoothly, all things considered. You can see that you’re chipping away at the Twins, their flesh steadily oozing weird black blood and chunks of meat falling off, and really the worst thing that’s happened was a lazer shot to the hand, which stunned you for long enough that you had to ram into Spazmatism to get a health potion down. You’re great, the Twins aren’t.

Suddenly, Spazmatism stops moving, and so does Retinazer, and then it spins.

You’ve seen that before! That was what that big old eye—the thing that started your quest to kill the moon—did when it took enough damage from you.

Except, no, that isn’t a grotesque mouth full of real teeth beneath the layer of flesh. That, you realize with a hint of horror and some odd fascination, is a mouth full of razor-sharp steel teeth, with a nozzle where the uvula would be, which is spewing cursed flames. It’s a machine.

Retinazer spins too, all of its flesh flying everywhere (a slab strikes you in the chest and knocks you over) to reveal a metal casing as well. Instead of a mouth, a red dot protrudes, clicking as it extends, and that is a laser. Huh.

Oh shit those lasers are red—

You make a mad dash away as the two mechanical nightmares start attacking again, loading stuff into your crossbow before you make the odd decision to use the dart rifle with some cursed darts. It sets one of them on fire, surprisingly, and you shoot an ichor arrow at Spazmatism, just to see, and, sure enough, its plating is stained with the blood of slain gods.

That answers your question, as you continue frantically notching arrows between shots of the dart rifle, slinging each weapon over your back when you need to switch. Spazmatism has a flamethrower that sets you on fire with cursed flames a few times, but that’s not nearly as scary as a rather close encounter with it’s gaping maw and an angry, synthesized screech. You get a bit too ballsy, and you nearly lose your legs, but you’re fine. Spazmatism is pretty avoidable if you keep an eye on it.

Retinazer, on the other hand, is not. The thing knows where you’re going to be in one second, you swear, as you hit the ground to gain flight again and a laser pierces your abdomen. Chug a health potion, and another laser shoots through your shoulder, then another one in your thigh, before you figure that maybe your shield can take a beating. It does literally nothing, and you’re pretty mad about that, but at least you aren’t being juggled between lasers.

Everything hurts, real bad, when you hit the ground again, just in time to catch Spazmatism’s dash. You fall one platform row lower, wings spreading and grapple out to launch yourself up, dodging another dash. You’re not keen on getting killed by something with that many teeth again, not after the amount of mimics you were swallowed by trying to get your rifle and stormbow that you don’t use.

Retinazer, of course, has a different idea in mind than you surviving this encounter, and it shoots a lazer at just the right angle to pop straight through one side and out the other. You’re pretty sure that’s bad, like, real bad, but you don’t have time to think about that as you go lightheaded and fall.

Right into Spazmatism’s gaping maw full of giant, metal teeth.

Which slice right through your armor and, by extension, your far softer skin. There’s this nasty splurting noise; You get to hear your guts spill and your neck pop away from your spine, and the quiet noise of the flamethrower starting again.

You die because the fucking thing ate you.

Gods damn it all.

—

If you were anybody but you, you might’ve found your frustration funny. It sort of goes beyond frustration, at this point, as you snap awake in your bed and toss things in frustration, because you’re all sorts of pissed off now. You haven’t been this mad since Skeletron repeatedly crushed you with its fists—which you haven’t forgiven the old man for—or when Queen Bee somehow always knew exactly how to pierce your heart with a lethal stinger.

Even that fucking wall of disgusting gore and tortured souls wasn’t that bad, in hindsight. But it seems like this already horrible world just wants to put you back in the underworld, because apparently you aren’t supposed to kill super big and grotesque demon guardians, so it keeps throwing bigger and badder enemies at you.

Which you kill, because despite what the world says, you’re a badass. And badasses don’t take shit from dirt and soil and dead gods.

Then again, getting killed by the same creature over, and over, and over again is not a badass thing. It’s quite the opposite, as your gravestones line the platforms that you use to fight, your own viscera having fallen onto your front lawn.

Yeah, it’s disgruntling to be able to pick up your own head and look into your dead eyes, but that’s why you wear the timeless traveler’s mask that you nicked off of a skeleton in an impromptu campsite deep in the caverns. So that you don’t have to look. And, beyond that, because it makes you look cool and mysterious. It also hides your babyface, but you don’t talk about that.

You kick away a past version of yourself, which is starting to stink, because bodies do that when you leave them laying around. You should toss a bucket of blue bubblegum on your front lawn. (Don’t do that, you dumb idiot. Your lawn will look horrible, still have blood and gore all over it, and will probably stink worse.)

You then kick another version of yourself off the platform where you fight those big enemies at, seeing the sun setting over the horizen. You can call the Twins now, so you do that, winding up a toy mechanical eye and watching it fly off. The actual mechanical eyes come down seconds later, and into the fight you go.

You don’t have to worry about the flamethrower this time, since you don’t have your cloak on, but Retinazer is still a problem. Those red lasers really like killing you, and you’re not happy about it. You should probably focus on it first.

You notch a hellfire arrow into your crossbow, dashing along the ground at the same speed the thing’s flying. Your eyes narrow further, matching the slits of your mask, and you make a split second calculation and pull the trigger.

The arrow soars, and for a moment you watch it, before you need to jump—

The laser scope cracks right off Ret—since you’ve been fighting them so much, it’s only fair to give the two murder robots nicknames, as you’re sure that neither has done for you—with a loud explosion, and the thing stops moving, then explodes.

Wires, bolts, sheets of metal, and whatever remaining viscera there was goes shooting in all directions, and you drop down a platform to ensure you don’t get hit by the stuff. It’s just Spazma, which is now dashing at you with an increased fervour, and you’re having to counter dash it so aggressively that the world has sort of turned into a blur around you. Its you, the robot, and your weapons.

Teeth knock into your boot on one bad counter, and you’re nearly tossed into the thing’s mouth with a shout of anger, before you use the momentum to kick off and gain a little more flight. You hit the ground with a wounded leg, stumbling backwards, and Spazma goes for another dash. You don’t have time to get out of the way.

Gods damn it all, you’re not dying again.

Not right now.

You toss your crossbow up, notching an arrow faster than ever, and you shoot. Ichor flies through the air, some of it getting onto your mask, gloves, sleeves—a little on the exposed part of your face, too—as the arrow flies. Right into the mouth of Spazma, directly into the nozzle where the cursed flames come from.

It falls to pieces just centimeters from your face, metal casing flying every which way and knocking you from your platform to the ground, six stories down. Safe to say, you die, hitting the ground with a splat and the loud cracking sound of all your bones splintering and going every which way—as well as a little noise that you’re pretty sure is made when your brain slams into the concrete.

But you’re not really mad about dying.

You killed the things. That’s enough to warrent you, resident party hater, to throw a party, because you killed those fucking things.

You are mad about the mess. Sixteen renditions of your corpse are laying around on your front lawn, seven decapitated, three still on fire, five as some other rendition of dismembered, and one with brains splattered all across the concrete path that leads to your house’s main door. That’s gonna be a bitch to clean.

#terraria #fanfiction #spit speaks #spit art

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