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#the answer is; i was born. thats everything ive done wrong
eddie-rifff · 2 months
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well well well....... on this day many years ago was born a child.. who would grow up to become mine and many others' hero..... chris squire.......... i dont think i can say anything different than ive already said, but i guess ill say my usual thing
as many of you know i had the honor of befriending chris over the course of two precious years. i have never known anyone kinder, gentler, more respectful and appreciative of my love than him. he was everything to me. he still is. im crying writing this now lol
the first pic is from the first time we met. i was vibrating with joy in this picture. probably the happiest moment of my life. ill never forget looking into his eyes and seeing them so clearly - they were the color of the sea, a murky blue, and sparkled like rippling waves
ill never forget, later that year, the first time he kissed my cheek. his face approaching mine, the feeling of his beard on my skin
and ill never forget the last time, the next year, he kissed my cheek. this time it was preceded with a kiss on the back of the hand, something no one had ever ever done to me. he said "give me your hand," i did, he kissed it (much to my shock) and pulled me close by that hand and kissed my cheek.
i had no idea that would be the last time i'd ever see him, but he'd be gone in less than a year. and you wanna know something funny? i knew something was wrong by the look in his eye that last time i saw him. when i looked at him for the very last time right as i said goodnight, the sparkle in his eye was gone. they were greyer. there was something wrong.
when i found out he was sick it was during art class in hs and i had to go to the bathroom to cry, but i swear to you i knew it.
and then a few months later... i have never experienced a grief, a loss, a sadness, an emptiness so profound in all my life and i still havent since and i sincerely hope i never do again
i dont think i could ever feel a loss so great, honestly, because i dont think i could ever love someone so much as i loved chris. its different now, all these years later, but if you ask me who i love most in this world the answer remains the same: christopher russell edward squire. i hope i still have the same answer when im old and grey.
he was everything to me. his music there when i needed it most. he offered his kindness when i was at my most volatile stage in life.
and he knew it - not to the full extent of how he pulled me off the ledge, but he knew exactly how much i loved him (i made it pretty obvious, anyway). and i do dare to think that he liked me back a little bit. thats absolutely all i could have ever asked for.
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i am not sitting on his lap im kneeling beside him lol
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lorillee · 8 months
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mvk, godot, dahlia CONTROVERSY TRIPLE
YAYYYYYYYYYY CONTROVERSY TRIPLE!!!!!!!
manfred:
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anyways its time for the culling of new followers. yes i am a manfred von karma stan hes insane and im obsessed with him and the popular fanon is 1) boring 2) stupid 3) uncanon 4) did i mention boring. for a more comprehensive take on my view of the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera i recommend taking a gander through my tag for it or alternatively just reading my aii2 retrospective. ANYWAYS with the disclosure statement out of the way . 1) his design slays what else is there to say. he was always serving. 2) the fanon SUCKS like im sorry but if what you got out of aa1 + investigations 1&2 was "manfred physically beat his kids on the regular and they hate him so much forever with 0 complicated feelings at all" um. maybe go back and re-consume the text. please. lets indulge ourselves in a bit of nuance. i would certainly not call manfred von karma father of the year (whatever was going on with turnabout goodbyes + me when i encourage my children in their fight with each other to determine who truly belongs in the family like a normal parent) but like. guys . just because he was a bad person doesnt mean he is now The Worst Guy in every single avenue ever. like. sigh . sorry we've looped back around to complaining about bad fanon. ANYWAYS no truly one of the most baffling characters in the franchise and i am desperately fascinated with whatevers going on inside his head . frankly every single one of his actions in regards to dl-6 on every front follow like no logical pathway i can discern and its truly something to behold. like whats wrong with you (rhetorical question - more interesting if we dont get an answer).
godot:
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half of me considered ticking "they've never done anything wrong in their life <33" despite the fact that i blatantly think its untrue and prefer it that way even simply to spite all the people who are annoying about him being mean to phoenix. ANYWAYSSSSSS S . 1) the design slays. obsessed with everything about him 2) they shouldnt bring him back but also they should bring him back. for me. ive convinced myself of the existence of the diego & lana & simon prison prosecutor trio and i need capcom to validate me they would be so . something together. mainly funny 3) to be honest there are some people i would attack through the screen over their terrible diego opinions. truly. like sorry but if you hate him i dont think we can be friends and some of you are truly beyond help. tbh i think half the reason they hate him so much is because 1) hes the Big Scary Brown Man whos soooooo mean to their poor uwu bean phoenix and 2) all of his important relationships are with women so they cant yaoi him off in a corner . ANYWAYS . hes everything to me i love his self-destructive mental illness swag which prompts him to lash out at the people around him and make terrible decisions which needlessly negatively impact like everybody he gets involved with in any capacity post coma. hes not stupid he just needs severe psychiatric help <3 i think he shouldve killed misty twice <- no hate against misty i also love her mental illness swag but i also support everything diego does unconditionally
dahlia:
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tldr: dahlia should get to kill and ruin whoevers lives she wants i support her unconditionally (no this does not conflict with my diego opinions. i can hold multitudes) un-tldr: to be honest her in-game writing kind of sucks (spectacular essay written on this here, which frankly puts it better than i ever could. thats the problem with this part im trying to think of opinions that arent covered in that but like it really hits all of them) but nonetheless as a notable fan of the Fey Family Period Drama how could i not love dahlia given that shes like one of the key pieces of evidence of the mass destruction that the current system in kurain causes to everybody it touches. "wahhh she was just Born Evil" not listening dont care. people also hate her for being mean to phoenix i think but i dont care about that either they just hate to see a girlboss winning. or losing tbh because thats like 80% of what dahlia did. but like still the spirit is there. also to be honest it kills me that we got like no elaboration on her relationship with iris because thats like actually SO interesting its so interesting but we get NOTHINGGGGGGGGG because the aa writers hate dahlia and they hate ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but anyways yeah if dahlia wants to maim and kill well then i support her #feminism #womensupportingwomen #terrymightnothavebeenamurderer #buthesurewasapedophile!
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intersex-support · 2 years
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hi! im sure you get sick of getting this but i need some help as im questioning intersex after many years and lots of research. specifically im question if i have swcah. ive had pots symptoms for as long as i can accurately recall and am close to constantly in some level of adrenal fatigue, im always craving salt and having electrolyte imbalances as well as feeling dehydrayed easily and having awful circulation.
physically, i had a lot of early growth spurts and was one of my tallest classmates, but now as an adult im barely average, about as tall as my dad who is kind of short for his circumstances. ive been growing facial hair since middle school, and now that i identify as some? flavor of trans masc? almost everyone ive met in recent years asks me how long ive been on T, based on my voice and amount of face and body hair. ive never in my life had access to T, i havent started it, and people are genuinely shocked by it.
[possibly tmi trying to be medical]
i also absolutely have clitoromegaly, thats another reason partners as well have asked before if i have been on T, as well even growing up and before i had any concept of what intersex conditions were, i knew there was something off there and i would awkwardly (like a very small child) tell people i *actually* had, um, "both" when i was gendered as a kid, until i got told by my parents to stop because i was wrong.
final thing probably: i had to get a full physical at 11, including genital physical, and there was a point that my mother was pulled aside and whispered something that she never told me no matter how much i asked. ive been growing increasingly worried lately that it was related to an intersex condition in someway, even if not using those terms, but since im no contact i cant ask now. sorry, i know that one is anecdotal, so feel free to ignore it.
i just want to know why i am the way i am
hi! again! i forgot to mention that i started puberty around 10-11 and ive never had a very normal cycle, sometimes it would be almost normal for a few months then i would go months without anything again, and eventually a really short but really intense, painful, heavy cycle after so long of nothing, its always been like this for me. 2/2
Hey anon!
So, I've done some research to answer this question but I am not an expert on salt wasting CAH and def would reccomend checking things with a doctor if possible. It defintely sounds like you have a lot of symptoms of CAH. Having clitoromegaly, growth spurts but now mostly average, having body hair, the irregular periods--all of those things really stand out to me as symptoms of CAH, and also especially the doctor keeping something secret from you, cause that happens to so many intersex kids.
What I'm less certain about is if you could have gone this far into life without being diagnosed with salt wasting CAH. I know that newborn screening for salt wasting CAH started in the 1980s, but I entirely believe it's possible that it could have been missed, or wherever you were born didn't screen you, or something like that. My understanding, however, is that salt wasting CAH is life threatening if not treated and I'm wondering if it is possible that you could have gotten into adulthood without ever going into adrenal crisis. From everything I've read, it seems like salt wasting CAH is usually diagnosed in childhood because people with salt wasting CAH will go into adrenal crisis without treatment. Honestly, the only way I really think that you could have salt wasting CAH is if you had gone into a salt wasting crisis while you were a newborn but it was treated, and it was hidden from you. It sounds like there's a complicated relationship with your mother and already a pattern of hiding some medical info from you, so I suppose it could be possible that it happened but the info is not in your medical records. Have you ever been on hydrocortisone, prednisone, or dexamethasone long term, as well fludrocortisone? I'd say only if you have been on those medicines long term and had salt wasting crises, that you could possible have salt wasting CAH.
However, what I think is more likely is that you have a variation of CAH that is not salt wasing and also not NCAH. My first guess would be that you have simple virilizing CAH, which is still considered "classical CAH" but is without salt wasting crises. With SV CAH, people usually have a less severe aldosterone deficiency. This means that you might still have symptoms like hyponatremia (low sodium), hyperkalemia (high potassium), hypoglycemia, dehydration, and could also maybe even cause your poor circulation. Usually, this doesn't progress to the point of salt wasting crisis and is more mild than swCAH, but is generally more severe than NCAH. Besides sv classical CAH, there are also rare forms of CAH caused by defienciencies in other enzymes, which have a wide variety in presentations of symptoms.
Another thing that I just learned about is CAH X, which is a variation of CAH that's comorbid with EDS. If you also have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, it might be worth looking into. With CAH X, there's a specific genetic cause that causes EDS, CAH, and most people are also comorbid with POTS.
Also, there is a chance that you could just have more severe symptoms of NCAH. I just read a study that says 1/3 of people with NCAH have a cortisol insufficency. Cortisol insufficency can also cause weakness, fatigue, dizziness, electrolyte imbalance, low sodium--so there may be a chance that you have NCAH and a more severe cortisol insufficency. Anecdotally, a lot of people with NCAH have POTS comorbid (I do as well!) and there really hasn't been a lot of research on NCAH and POTS. It looks like there might be more of a connection between NCAH and adrenal insufficency then previously thought, but there isn't a lot of research done on NCAH. I read another study talking about how a lot of research papers do not specify whether they include NCAH in their numbers of people with CAH.
Basically, I think that it is unlikely that you've made it to adulthood without getting diagnosed with salt wasting CAH, because salt wasting CAH is basically life threatening if untreated. It is more likely that you have classical simple virilization CAH, a rarer subtype of CAH, or NCAH with severe symptoms.
Please feel free to ask if you have any other questions, and good luck!
-Mod E
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mostspecialgirl · 6 months
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nonsensical super nerd rant below about the fate series. spoilers for the stay night routes and zero ahead, probably
okay, we’re good, right?
every time someone tries to get someone else to start fate by saying “just watch it in the correct order. start with Fate/Zero :)” Something in me dies. Ive had to tweet about it so many times. There is no series i will ever have nerd rage of this caliber over other than fate. reading fate/stay night changed the way i engage with media and feel about storytelling and writing and all that stuff and its like Why would you ever want someone to spoil all of the coolest twists in fate/stay night by watching zero. it literally spoils like ALL of them. (by the way, gil’s introduction and reveal with him coming out of nowhere is what cemented him as one of my firm favorites. he’s so cool!!!!) And i know the answer. Because no one plays the VN. Because no one ever plays visual novels and theyd rather just flick on an anime. Because for some god awful reason there is no definitive adaptation that cleanly allows you to digest the fate stay night routes !!!!!!!!!! and reading the fucking thing will take you forever !!!!!!!!! and it’s so terribly inaccessible!!!!!! i probably wouldn’t have played it if my sister didn’t already jump through the hoops for me !!!!!!
people who are fate fans and talk about how good unlimited blade works or heavens feel are two starkly different groups depending on if they watched it or read it because they are genuinely two completely different things. don’t get me wrong i Love Love LOVE the heavens feel movies and i doubt they could have done them all too much better (ubw however… ) BUT the thing is fate RELIES on shirou’s internal monologuing and narration and SO much is lost when you have to transfer all of that from writing to screen. even with the english patch translation purportedly being less than ideal i was still out here getting my heartstrings played with by the writing.
BUT ENOUGH GUSHING!!!! THATS THE THING!!!! THE STAY NIGHT ROUTE IN ANIME FORM IS NONEXISTENT!!! UBW AND HEAVENS FEEL ARE SO SEPARATED!!!! THEY’RE THREE ACTS OF A WHOLE AND IT’S PAINFUL TO HAVE THEM BE SO SEPARATED PEOPLE START WITH THE PREQUEL that, while standalone is an incredible story, CANNOT BE EXPERIENCED TO FULL BREADTH WITHOUT HAVING READ STAY NIGHT FIRST!!!! PEOPLE ARE LICKING THE WRAPPER OF A CANDY AND THINKING ITS THE DAMN TASTIEST THING IN THE WORLD !!!!! YOU ARE NOT YET A FAN !!!!! YOU’RE MISSING THE WHOLE POINT !!!!!! KOTOMINE’S VALUE AND INTRIGUE AS A CHARACTER IS UNDERMINED !!!!! GILGAMESH HAS NO TIME TO BE TRULY HORRIFYING BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY BEING DISTRACTED BY HOW SEXY HE IS !!!!!! EVERYTHING ABOUT KIRITSUGU !!!!!!!!! SAKURA’S ENTIRE BACKSTORY CHANGING HOW YOU UNDERSTAND AND VIEW HER AS A CHARACTER !!!!!!!!!!! THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW ZOUKEN EVEN EXISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(composing myself instantly) i just think it’s kind of garbage how people see cool screenshots from the VN and go Wow I Can’t Wait To Go And Not Experience This Thing I’m Getting Intrigued By. or seeing astolfo and thinking fate is all about porn. fate is so much more than anyone thinks it is and you can’t understand until you sit down and read it and suddenly you’re born anew and have to go play tsukihime or mahoyo too. it’s absurd that fate’s whole reputation online is based around porn addicts because YES, EVERYONE, fate OBVIOUSLY began as a Naked Boobs Visual Novel but it was God’s Greatest Naked Boobs Visual Novel that was SO damn good it stopped being about porn immediately and cemented itself as an astoundingly successful work of fiction that has engrained itself into the world line. they added gacha to it and it’s been one of the most successful mobile games Ever. the seventh highest grossing mobile game of all time. and it’s straight up just another VN with barebones combat and grinding thrown inbetween
anyway i forgot what i was even getting mad about everyone should sit down and drain away a week or so reading through all of fate stay night. and then they can truly earn the incomparable experience of cry watching today’s menu for the emiya family. that is all.
supplementary edit: i used to read through fate stay night together with my sister every day in the late afternoon and it became such a great ritual for us. it was some of the best times of my life and if you’re going to read it and have a likeminded friend who can just sit there and chill out for like an hour with you it makes all the crazy moments so much more fun. because you probably are here to read my rant despite not playing the vn. i remember i had a little text file on my phone we’d update every time we learned the identity of a new servant or master and id be sitting there using my love for mythology trying to figure out their identities. there was such a delightful satisfaction when finished the stay night route and unlimited blade works and got to begin the next one. i’d give up a lot to relive those days, i think.
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whaleofatjme1920 · 2 years
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Hey uh.. Elsie? This is probably a bad timing but I feel really shit this week and for next week.
This is gonna get long so I hope you dont mind? just wanted to talk and possibly vent to you a bit and actually a special request, you can deny it if youd like but its worth a shot!
So Ive been feeling like a saggy piece of shit this week. We have to prepare everything for Christmas. (In my country the hype for christmas technically started on september. We dont celebrate halloween) I have like 40 assessments to do in my school to do. My exams are next week. In this week though I get very busy on traveling with my parents because were so busy. My sister was getting her driver's license (NOW she got it by the way!), my mom and dad bought new furniture and so on.
Long story short.. I have so much to do in these two weeks and my parents still call me lazy. I dont even wanna ask help from them for my assessments cause both make me feel dumb when I ask for help on certain questions.
Then there is my sister, whom I love very much, who acts like a shithead sometimes. Another person who I just want a hug from but would always slap me across the face when I do so, saying im a grown woman and I need to grow up. Funny cause Ive been asking for acceptance since I was like... When I was born. Though in the end I still love her and my parents very much.
I also had other bad shit that happened to me but I think it will make this longer and pretty much useless to this post anyway, thats okay.
So I wanted to request something thats related to this and my past matchup.
Do you mind if you can do a headcannon for TF2 Defense class + Sniper and Medic with an S/O with anger issues and anxiety. Like they just find her in her now messed up room kicking the shit out of a dirty mattress.
Hi love bug, so I read this earlier and also saw the second post. I'll be responding to them both, and then answering your prompt and I'll tag you through that.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate to handle right now! Sounds really, really stressful and I am so, so sorry you're not feeling as great as you should be. I think your parents are just - they're not giving you credit where credit is due. Sometimes, parents put their children on pedestals without realizing just how hurtful their words are. What you're doing is more than enough. I'm proud of you for working as diligently as you are. If you have any questions with academic work, try to ask your professors themselves! They're there to help you.
When it comes to hugs, and seeking affection, you need to find people who are okay with you doing that. I'm personally not a physically affectionate person, and I have pushed people from me who try to hug or touch me without asking. However, what they said to you was wrong. If they wanted to express their boundaries were being crossed, they could have simply said so. There's no need to actually hit you and then say something as cruel as that to you.
Honestly, just prioritize yourself right now. Take it easy and remember to take breaks while you get your work done. See if there's anyone who can help satiate affection, close friends and other loved ones.
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shikastemari · 5 years
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spy - n. u.
pairing naruto uzumaki x yamanaka!reader
request
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word count 4,895
when it happens after Pain destroyed the Village
warnings THE ANGSTIEST SHIT I’VE WRITTEN IN MY LIFE
a/n this is actually one of the first stories i’ve ever thought about. i wrote it months ago but just now i decided to give it a chance and post it and yeah, i gor a little carried away while writing it.
btw i’m witnessing the biggest writer’s block i’ve been through and that’s why i haven’t posted anything lately. hopefully it’ll be gone soon enough and i’ll be back to write as easily as i used to.
masterlist on my profile bio
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Naruto Uzumaki.
The first time you heard his name was in one of your missions. You were spying some old guy who was owing bad people money, and you had heard Naruto's story by accident. The guy who defeated the leader of the Akatsuki all by himself, even someone as the legendary Sannin Jiraiya couldn't. During the time, you have heard a lot of girls sigh in desire for the boy, as also heard a lot of man being inspired by him - to become even stronger than people said he was.
So, when you finished your mission, it was no surprise for you someone decided to hire you to dig some dirty on Naruto. You have never accepted a mission on Konoha before, keeping your boundaries up since you know your uncle and his family still lived there, and you would never do anything to hurt your blood. But the offer was too good to decline.
Last time you have seen your uncle and cousin, you were six. Your mother was a foreign and her pregnancy had so many complications. The day you were born, she made a promise, she would take you back to her country, to become a ninja there. Your father, the brother of the Yamanaka clan leader, was madly in love with her and never said a single no at her direction. When the time came, not only he didn't fight against your mother taking you away, as he decided to leave the village himself. Uncle Inoichi helped him, knowing it was the only thing he could do to help his brother achieve happiness, but in the process, your father ended up being labeled as a rogue ninja.
The Bamboo Village was a nice place to live, and your parents were always happy there, even though you missed your old life and family deeply. You had a cousin, who also had the same age as you, so you two had grown up together and she was basically a sister to you. Leaving her behind was the hardest thing you wish you had encountered in your life, but it wasn't.
Your mother died a year after you moved country. Her disease was unknown, the doctors said they couldn't do anything but to ease her pain until the time comes. That was what you and your father did. Took care of her, stood by her side, until she was gone. To these days, you still missed her deeply. As honoring your mother wishes, you and your father didn't go back to Konoha after her death. Instead, your father taught you everything he could about the family jutsus, and it made your heart melt every time he told you how good you could become. Maybe better than him. Or even Uncle Inoichi.
He passed away five years after that, on a battle against the Land of Lightning. Even though you wanted to stay in Bamboo Village, you knew you wouldn't survive there. So that when you started to use your jutsus in espionage. You went city from city, village from village, country from country, learning from the best. The requests came right after. In your line of work, you kept your name hidden. You didn't want to drag the Yamanaka name to the mud, or even give something to your enemy to use as an advantage against you, wishing you could always keep your reminiscent family safe.
So, when your feet took you back to Konoha's, you couldn't help but feel sick. Regret and worry filled your whole body, since you counted with your family accepting you with open arms, but you knew it was a shot in the dark. Since Pain's attack which destroyed the entire village, you didn't exactly know where the Yamanaka clan was staying, so you followed your plan and walked around the village, asking if someone knew where Ino Yamanaka was.
It didn't take long, actually. Apparently, she was a recognized and respected kunoichi and you couldn't stop feeling a little jealous. What would they think about me if I have stayed? The thought flooding your head as you walked towards the place a girl told you Ino would be.
She was sitting on a pile of wood, with seven ninjas surrounding her. They were laughing and talking about how stupid what someone named Rock Lee have done to an old lady. When your eyes laid on her, you felt your heart skipping a beat. She looked exactly like before, the only thing which was different was her hair, it was so long.
A guy with the Byakugan was the first to notice you, which didn't actually surprise you at all. You have heard about what those eyes could do. Looking around them, you could see there was also a girl who could use it. This group look like they would be a pain in your ass if you didn't pay close attention at them.
"Can we help you?" A pink haired girl asked, and your eyes widened for a second. That was Sakura? No way.
As your eyes passed through their faces, you started to recognize some of them. Shikamaru was standing next to Ino, with Choji by his side. You also recognized Kiba, who you remember having an innocent crush on, because of Akamaru, which was huge now. Your heart was literally shrinking inside you by that view, already pondering the pros and cons about ignoring the mission you had been given. But you could not give up now, there was too much involved.
"Staring is creepy, have your family never taught you that?" Ino questioned, her eyes narrowed at you.
You shook your head, smiling. "You would know, Ino-nee-chan, still a bitch, I see?"
Ino's eyes popped up as she gasped, taking her hands to cover her mouth. Everyone else were just shocked by the way you talked to her, but you were sure she recognized you. Once she got up from the wood she was sitting and ran in your direction, giving you one hell of a tight hug, you felt your body relax for the first time in a long time.
"Nee-chan!" she said between the tears, it took every strength in your body not to do the same. It was still a mission, the hardest one you have been to, but still a mission. "I thought I would never see you again!"
"Wait, is that y/n-chan?" Kiba asked out loud. "Holy shit, you got hot!"
Ino and you laughed as Sakura punched the poor guy, sending him meters away from where he originally was standing. So, Sakura had a monstrous strength, just like you heard Tsunade-sama having.
"Daddy will be so happy when he sees you! Where is y/f/n-ojisan? I've missed him so bad too!" she exclaimed.
You swallowed hard, knowing too well there was no way to dodge this moment. "Mhm," you shifted your weight from one leg to the other. "My dad died when I was 12, during a battle."
"Oh," she said, the air getting heavier around you. "And why you haven't contacted us after that, y/n-nee-chan?" she asked, her tone clearly hurt. "We could have helped you."
Another question you predicted. "I tried to honor my mother's wish for as long as I could but..." you trailed off, breathing deeply to keep going. "I just wanted to be with my family again."
She hugged you again, crying her eyes out. Shikamaru came closer and pushed the girl from you.
"Ino, what a drag, let her breathe for a second," Shikamaru eyed you, from head to toe. You remember him being very - very­ - smart when you were kids. His eyes stopped on your lips, and you noticed his cheek blushing. Pressing your lips together to repress a smile, you couldn't push away the memory of you accidentally kissing him while playing one of Ino's idiot games. It was your first kiss, and probably his too. "Eh, welcome back, y/n-chan," he scratched the back of his head.
"Thank you, Shikamaru-kun," you grinned back at him as you were wrapped in someone's arms.
"Y/N-CHAN, YOU WERE DEEPLY MISSED!" Choji screamed as he hugged you, a little stronger than you wish, the air escaping from your lungs.
"Choji, I can't breat-" you said, but it seemed more like a whisper. Happily, he understood and let you go, being embarrassed.
"Sorry, I jus-" you caught him off guard wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He smiled, hugging you back, but this time, not as strong as before.
"Ino-Shika-Cho," you said, looking at the three of them once Choji put you on the ground. "I certainly missed this formation."
"So, who is this girl?" A blond guy said from behind them. His blue eyes were locked on yours and you could see a little bit of distrust there.
"This is y/n, Naruto, Ino's cousin," Sakura answered, walking towards you to embrace you. "Getting on Ino's nerves were never the same after you left."
"Well, we did know how to do it, right?" you smiled at her, but your eyes were still locked on Naruto's. There was your target, right in front of you. You kept talking and catching up with your old friends, as well getting to know the others you didn't. The boy with the Byakugan was called Neji, and the girl Hinata. Apparently, they were cousins. There was also Rock Lee, Tenten and Shino - who you slightly remember running away from when you were little because of his insects.
Ino grabbed your hand, saying you two had to go. The first part of your plan was going good so far, but you couldn't stop feeling like shit the whole time. You knew you had to shake those feelings away, or you wouldn't be able to see your uncle Inoichi. He surely wouldn't trust you at first, and would search for something suspicious as talking. Your father always said he was by far the best Yamanaka shinobi that ever existed.
Well, you were about to prove him wrong.
As expected, Inoichi didn't recognized you. Once Ino said who you were, his eyes almost popped out from his face in shook, it was a good thing for you, strong emotions were used to prejudice the jutsu. He asked you a million questions, and you were honest in all of them, because you were sure he would enter in your head soon or later. Even that he seemed happy to see you, you could see he was holding himself back to ask you to see inside your head, and not because of you, but because of Ino.
So, once she was asleep on her bedroom, you went to find him on the kitchen. You knew he would be expecting the right moment to tell you, and what moment was better than late at night?
"Go ahead," you told him.
He pressed his palm gently against your head as he began to scour your mind. You made sure the first images he was going to see was you playing with Ino as children, you leaving the village with your parents. He also saw your mom dying, how miserable your dad was but his strength and love for you keeping him on track, your trainings - but not all of them -, the days he mentioned and talked about Inoichi and Ino, the times he wanted to give up everything to come back to them but he couldn't because he wanted to honor your mother memories.
Inoichi's jutsu on your head were getting more and more weak, you could literally feel it. Even though he was a master to find others people secret, he could still be manipulated to see what you wanted him to see. You knew all it would take was one more scene and he would be done with it.
So, you showed the day your dad put on his fighting clothes, saying he would be back soon enough and went to the war. You showed him the endless hours expecting for him to come home, as you stood there alone in the dark. The times you heard a noise outside and thought it was him but it was wind or some rotten bamboo which fell on the roof, and then, the time you decided to look for him, going straight to the war field. You showed him as you found your father's body in the middle of the others endless bodies there. How you cried over him, tried what you knew about medic ninjutsu - which it was so little. You literally showed Inoichi how your heart broke that day and he couldn't take it, breaking the jutsu so he could wipe away his own tears.
You remembered something you father told you long time ago.
"Inoichi is the best in searching for information in someone's head," he said during one practice. "But growing up with a brother like that, I had to find out some tricks so I could keep some things as secret from him. I didn't want my brother to know everything about my life."
And just like that you knew, Inoichi could be the best at searching for information, but your father was the best at hiding it. Your life goal was to become even better than your father, and you completely manage to do it.
After that day, Inoichi never tried to get inside your head again, you knew it was too painful for him. So, he took you under his wing, taking care of you just like he used to when you were little. Every day was getting harder to separate your feelings from the mission, as you trained with them, eat with them and everything else. Inoichi even wanted you to become a Konoha's ninja, and he was going to ask the Hokage - who apparently was in a coma - if it was possible.
"So, I heard you are making a huge success in the Village," Ino said one day, after practice. "Naruto and Kiba are fighting to see who is going to ask you out. Today I even caught Shikamaru staring at you a little too long, which by the way, it's kind of shocking. I have seen him showing interest in one girl in my life, and if I am correct, which I am, she really likes him. So, you should stay away from him a bit."
You laughed at her. "Naruto, huh?" you asked, happy because your mission would be easier than you thought. Going out with him would help you to extract information from him without being suspicious.
"So, he is a favorite. I will make sure to tell him that," Ino said, confusing your happiness like you actually wanted to go out with Naruto because you liked him. "He is so popular with girls now, it's kind of weird. Actually, the fact he wants to go out with you is weird too, because he used to like Sakura a lot."
You were grateful you had someone as chatty as Ino as your cousin. She herself had given you tons of infos, in Naruto and the rest of their friends. She was also making everything easier for you, but every time you thought about leaving after finishing your mission, your heart broke into two. She would never forgive you after finding out what you were about to do.
The hang out with Ino's friends were a good part of your day, because it was the only part of the day you let yourself to be the teenager you were supposed to be.
This time, you all went to eat barbecue. During the whole night, you guys laughed and told stories about life, trainings and missions. Stories were by far your favorite things to hear, and those guys have tons of them. But your favorite one by far was when Naruto defeated Nagato - the real Pain. Even you, after a short time, could see how big Naruto's heart was.
At the end of the evening, everyone said goodbye. When Ino said she had to do something with Choji, things got a little suspicious.
"But Naruto will walk you until my house, right, Naruto?" Ino asked him, directly.
"But your house is really far..." He trailed off as Sakura elbowed him, realization hitting him right away.
"I suppose I could go wit-" Kiba got interrupted by a screaming Naruto.
"No way, dattebayo! I will do it, I need to lose all the calories I got from this barbecue anyway. Y/n-chan, do you mind?" His smile was genuine, and you couldn't help but to smile back.
"Not at all, Naruto. I would really appreciate it," you answered in return, making his smile even bigger - if it was possible.
It didn’t take much until you realized Naruto was someone easy to be around. He always tried to mask his insecurities with cocky jokes and wide smiles, and you found to be strangely found of him. Walking side by side, it was almost shocking that the person next to you managed to defeat someone so strong as Pain. You crossed paths with Akatsuki once in a while on your missions, and you knew better than anyone how lucky you were for being alive.
“Y/n-chan, would you like to hang out sometime?” Naruto blurted out, his cheeks tinted with a light pink.
“Isn’t that what we are doing?” You smiled at him, poking his side with your elbow.
“Yes, but I mean, like a date.” He scratched the back of his neck, his eyes focused on the road ahead.
“I would love to.” You shrugged, but inside, your heart was flipping around. The worst part was when you realized it wasn’t because your mission was finally working, but because you wanted to go out with him.
“How about tomorrow?” He questioned, as soon as you arrived at the Yamanaka’s house.
“That would be perfect. Until then.”
Things followed. The first date, the connection between you two was undeniable, but you still tried to keep your mind on the prize. You analyzed every single word that came out of his mouth, but your heart couldn’t stop but beat faster every time he would smile or say something sweet about you.
You accepted his invitation for a second date, a third, a fourth, until Naruto became a constant on your routine.  There were days where you would see him more than you would see your own cousin Ino, and you lived with the girl.
For many times, you wanted badly to let it go of this mission and just live. A normal relationship with someone you were crazy about, a nice family who loved you and supported you, loyal friends, out of the chart teachers… It was everything so tempting, but something buried inside your head didn’t make you give up completely for it, so every night, you wrote down on a parchment the new discovers from Naruto and everyone around him.
The last drop of resistance on your body melted the day he asked you to be his girlfriend.
You choked on the ramen you were about to swallow, staring in disbelief at the blond guy sitting across the table, his cheeks tinted by a nice shade of red.
“I know I surprised you, but it would be nice if you said something.” Naruto pointed out, scratching the back of his head, nervously.
A movie played on your head, those ones that you would figure that they passed when you were about to die. Everything you could remember since you left Konoha marked you in a way you would never recover, that for sure, but did that mean you could never find happiness? For the first time, you felt what it was like. For the first time, sorrow and hurt wasn’t the feelings that you went to the whole day through, fighting them to the back of your mind.
Naruto was there, offering everything you have ever wanted, and you had the guts to say yes.
So, you did.
His face lightened as someone had just told him he had won a whole year of free ramen. His happiness was by far the favorite thing you had witnessed in your life, along with the kiss that followed after it. For once, you forgot about your former jobs, your former past and mostly, your former pain.
During months, everything was just fine. Both of you had to deal with some difficulties on your way, but nothing that would damage your relationship. You ended up finding out about Sasuke and how badly Naruto wanted to recover him back, how deep Naruto and Sakura relationship was, strong as a brotherhood. Ino also loved to have you around, and even though you didn’t have a team, InoShikaCho didn’t hesitate to take you under their wings.
One day before the big war, you and Naruto were packing the stuff you would need to take to reunite the Alliance force. He was going through your draws, as you were going through your closet, as you heard his breathing getting faster.
“y/n, what is this?”
You turned to face your boyfriend with your old parchments on his hands. By the looks of it, he had read a couple of them, and the confusion on his face broke your heart as you didn’t know what to say.
Every single day you told yourself you should get rid of those things, but you never remembered. The guy who hired you never went after you because he didn’t even pay you, at first, so he didn’t lose anything by you not doing it.
“Naruto, I can explain.”
“So do it, because from where I’m standing, it seems like a parchment with a lot of private information of mine.” Naruto threw the paper and it ended up in front of your feet.
“You have to understand, Naruto. There were a few things I have done to survive that I am not proud of.” You took a step forward, but Naruto raised his hand as signing for you to stop.
“What you were going to do with those, y/n?” He demanded, his eyes turning red for a second before coming back to the usual blue.
“I was hired to spy on you, that was the motive that made me come back to Konoha.” The tears started to pool on the corner of your eyes. “But that was before. I didn’t give them anything about you. I couldn’t, I love you too much to do it.”
“You came to Konoha decided to betray your own family?” His tone mirrored the despise on his eyes.
“I would never do anything to hurt them.”
“But me, it was okay?”
“You don’t understand, Naruto. Spying was everything I knew before I came to Konoha. I was hurt and alone, needing money to survive. I wanted to honor my mother wishes but I couldn’t.”
“Do you really think I don’t understand the concept of being alone?” He hissed, turning his gaze away from your face. “I’ve been alone for the most part of my life, y/n. I grew up with people running away from me out of fear and you came here to tell me that I simply don’t understand? What is there to understand now?”
“That I’m crazy about you. You changed me, made me see things in a point of view I didn’t even know it was possible. You were gentle, kind and I believe you can change the whole world just by being in it, Naruto. I am sorry that I didn’t come here with the best intentions, but I am a totally different person from before.”
“I think we should take a break.”
“A break? We are going to a war tomorrow!”
“It’ll be better for both of us if we are focused on the battle ahead. We’ll talk when we are back.”
“Except that you can’t be sure that both of us are coming back alive.”
That hit him, hard. You noticed how shallow his breath became, how he had to swallow hard before opening his mouth again. “Come back alive.” He said, for last, before leaving you on the empty room.
The next few days, you had barely seen Naruto. He didn’t tell anyone about your former plans, which just made harder to explain people why you two weren’t together anymore. You ended up being designed to the same battalion as your cousin and her team. Even though you knew it was a war to protect Naruto and the bijuu inside him, every second of your day was filled with worried by him, and the constant lack of news was even worse than the nonstop fighting.
After finishing the coast, your whole group were designed to assist Naruto on his battle. Of course, you were the one running as faster as you can, so you could reach him faster. No words were needed in this case, all you want were to lay your eyes on him to make sure he was alive.
The moment your heart skipped a beat was exactly when he entered on your sight. The blond guy that you loved with all your body cells was standing there, he seemed hurt and tired, but not even as near to give up. That being the trait which you loved the most on him.
The whole battle was a long one and the adrenaline never stopped running through people’s vein, yours mostly. When Naruto decided to divide his nine tail chakra with everyone, was the first time he realized you were there. He hesitated before touching your hand, and you pressed your lips into a thin line when he jerked back to keep a whine that threatened to escape from your lips inside.
Before moving to the next person, he shot you a sad grin. “I’m glad you alive.”
As fast as he came, he disappeared on the crowd. You didn’t even have the chance to check if it was a shadow clone, just his dust from the run near you now. Despite it, it seemed you couldn’t look away. Following Naruto and paying attention to his surroundings was basically your task. So, the moment you saw one of the ten tailed monsters going straight at his direction, you didn’t think twice before jumping in between them, avoiding Naruto to get a hit on his back.
But you got the hit right below your chest, taking away all the air from your lungs.
Naruto just was fast enough to end the creature as you fell against the cold ground. You fell the warm blood spreading through all your clothes, your conscience slightly fading away.
As soon as Naruto reached you, the tears were already pooling in the corner of his eyes. “No, no, no. Stay with me, y/n. I told you not to die, damn it.” He looked around, looking for someone. “SAKURA, HELP ME.” He screamed, his voice cracking at the end.
“Naruto, it’s okay. You’re okay. That’s what matters.” You managed to say and honestly, you wanted to speak even more, but the pain running through your body was unbearable, every breath feeling like someone was stabbing you.
“SAKURA! WHERE IS SHE?” Naruto yelled at someone near, you couldn’t see who it was. “Do you know anything about medic ninjutsu? Can you help me?”
Someone bent near to your body, sobbing. “You stupid! What did you do?”
A weak smile crossed your lips, in relief. “You should be used by now, cousin. I’ll always protect those I love.”
A green chakra was leaking from her hands, pressed on your wound. But it wouldn’t work. You could feel your organs shutting down, one at time.
“Ino, talk to me.” Naruto hissed.
“I can’t, the damage, I can’t.” The blond said, crying.
“It’s okay. Both pay attention at me. Ino, thank you for everything.” You managed to say, but she cut you off.
“I just lost my father, please. Please. I can’t lose you too!” She leaned in over your body, and you had to cough a little. A warm feeling appeared running down your cheek and you weren’t sure if it was blood or tears.
“Ino.” You said a little bit stronger. “Take care of yourself, and the boys too. They need you. I love you, sister.”
“I love you!” She yelled, before Shikamaru pulled her back from your body.
A small part of you still wanted to laugh, they were still on a battlefield on a fucking war and here they were, acting like they had all the time in the world.
“Naruto.” You used the last strength on your body to look at him. “Hi baby.”
He was crying silently; his hand was holding yours so strongly and you didn’t even feel it. “Please.”
“I am sorry for not staying alive. Don’t you ever forget how much I loved you. Thank you for teaching me what love really meant.” You swallowed hard. “Take care of Ino for me, and please, stay alive.”
“I will. I love you too. I love you so much.” He hugged your body and you noticed the pain was smaller, as almost not existent. You smiled to the sky and closed your eyes, just waiting. Far from there, the sound of a someone crying harder reached your ears, and then, everything went black.
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crystalninjaphoenix · 5 years
Text
One Short Day
A JSE Fanfic
Yay, I wrote something that isn’t connected to pain for once in my life! Or at least, the most you get are hints and maybe a moment. I was planning on working on something else, but...I don’t know, I just felt like I needed something softer, and I’m sure there are people who need that too. So behold, an attempt at mostly-fluff! I just wanted to write the boys having fun out on the town, simple enough ^-^
It was rare that there was a full day they could all be together. A day where Schneep wasn’t working, Chase wasn’t recording, Marvin didn’t have a show, and Jackie didn’t have to bolt off at the last minute to do heroic vigilantism. A day where they could just do whatever they wanted, all of them, together.
They met up at Jackie’s apartment building. Naturally, JJ arrived first, then Schneep and Chase at about the same time. Just when they were starting to get worried, Marvin showed up, sprinting up to the group and skidding to a halt beside them.
“Late again, I see?” Jackie said when Marvin finally caught his breath. “Maybe we should just tell you we’re meeting thirty minutes earlier than we actually are.”
“Gimme a break.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “My phone was out of battery so I couldn’t check the time, then I got distracted.”
Jackie raised an eyebrow. “With what?”
“Um...” Marvin looked away, embarrassed. “I may have started playing Plague Inc...for an hour...or more.”
“Dude. Set a timer next time or something,” Chase said. “Ask JJ if you can borrow one of his watches if you have to, I dunno, anything.”
“Enough of this, we are wasting minutes,” Schneep said, checking his own watch. “Jackie decided what to do, what is it?”
Jackie immediately brightened. “Okay, so, we all know JJ hasn’t seen much of the town.” Everyone nodded. “So I thought we could give him the grand tour! Get lunch, go to the park, and I think the fair is open tonight so we can finish with that. That good with everyone?”
“So we’re just gonna walk all over town?” Chase asked. “Only two of us can drive, and none of us have a car right now.”
“Toughen up, Chase, walking’s good for you!” Marvin teased. “Right? Schneep, you’re a doctor, tell him I’m right.”
“He’s right,” Schneep said.
“See?!”
JJ snapped his fingers for attention. I thought we were wasting time? I certainly can’t lead the way, so I’ll ask one of you to.
“Right!” Jackie started off. “C’mon guys, lunch is waiting for us!”
They ended up at a local restaurant near the center of town called Kassie’s. It was a quaint little place, and since it was a warm day they decided to sit at a table outside. The chipper waitress gave them a plate of free fries, then took their order, and headed back inside.
“Is it just me, or is it kind of hot today?” Chase asked, fanning himself with some of the napkins.
“No, it’s not just you. God, I’m dying,” Jackie agreed.
“Jackie, you are not only wearing long sleeves, you are wearing two layers of them,” Schneep pointed out with a smile.
“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Sweater-all-the-time!” Jackie rolled his eyes. “What about Jays? He’s got that vest/dress shirt on.”
JJ looked aghast. You four can run around and show your arms all you like, but I’ll have you know it isn’t proper for a gentleman!
“Are you implying we aren’t gentlemen?” Marvin asked, right before tossing a fry into the air and catching it in his mouth.
JJ raised an eyebrow. Indeed.
“I don’t care, it’s hot. I’m taking this off.” With a few flailing arms, Jackie pulled his hoodie over his head and tugged it off, revealing a Marvel-themed T-shirt underneath. “Ah. That’s better.” He looked around to see the others staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”
“Holy shit, Jackie!” Chase yelled. “Your arm!”
“Wh—oh fuck I forgot I was wearing short sleeves today.” Jackie looked down at his left arm. “Yeah, okay, I got scars, you can look all you want.”
“So that’s why I’ve never seen you in T-shirts,” Marvin realized. “Jackie, what the fuck happened?”
Jackie frowned, then coughed awkwardly. “Y’know...I’d rather not talk about it right now. Maybe later. Besides, Schneep already knows the story. ‘S how we met.”
“Honestly, you three are making mountains out of mole hills,” Schneep said. “Is fine now. You should see his torso, now those are scars.”
That only made the other three look more worried. Jackie sighed. “Look, guys, we’re having a fun day. We’re gonna have fun, and not gonna get all concerned, though I do appreciate it. And you—” he glared at Schneep “—need to stop saying that, ‘cause it makes it sound like I lost some epic battle instead of just having top surgery.”
Chase and Marvin relaxed in unison. “I’m still convinced you have, I dunno, fucking bullet scars or something,” Marvin muttered as Chase pulled the remains of the fries towards him.
“Oh yeah, but Schneep’s talking about the surgery. He’s done this before, and it’s no longer funny!” Jackie looked pointedly at Schneep when saying that last part, who just responded with a massive grin.
JJ was the only one who still looked concerned, but now that was paired with confusion. He looked around at the others. What is top surgery?
You could almost hear the hiss as the others all inhaled sharply in unison. They’d all forgotten for a moment that JJ didn’t know. Schneep cleared his throat. “Jackie, would you like to explain?”
“Right yeah. God, where do I start with this?” There was a slight pause in the conversation as the waitress returned with their food. The moment she was out of earshot, Jackie started up again. “Alright, so...” he leaned forward, hands clasped together, eyes wide and nervous. “You know how I call myself Jackieboy Man, right?”
JJ nodded. A moniker I never understood, but yes.
“Well, I didn’t always call myself that. Neither did anyone else. Because, well, they all thought that...I was a, uh, girl. Even I did. For the longest time I just sort of...accepted it. I only started to figure it out in high school. I got my first job, and one of the customers called me ‘that nice lady,’ and hearing it...just sort of surprised me. Like someone gave the wrong answer to a really easy test question. So...I started thinking, and eventually I realized that I wasn’t...actually a girl. That was when I renamed myself.”
JJ didn’t look any less confused. Why would they not understand that? Wouldn’t they be able to...see that you are not?
Jackie winced. “Well, no...you see, I...fuck.” Jackie put his head in his hands, took a deep breath, then looked up again. “I was born...in the wrong body. Top surgery is...it’s to get rid of the parts I didn’t want. Are you...are you getting this now?”
After a moment, JJ’s eyes widened. He nodded hesitantly.
“Okay. Good. Great.” Jackie sighed. “I don’t know if this word existed in the twenties, but nowadays we have ‘transgender’ as...a thing. When someone is something other than what their body is born as. I’m still a he. Or, just, anything but she, really. Literally call me anything but a girl. And please, don’t ask about what my name was before. Or what’s...down there. Those questions make me...really uncomfortable.”
My good man! JJ signed. Why would I do such a rude thing? And to my dear friend, nonetheless. 
Jackie’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled in relief. He’d been dreading this conversation, but better to rip the bandaid off now. “Thanks, man. I...appreciate your understanding.”
JJ smiled. No trouble at all, Jackie! I may not fully grasp the concept, but that’s no reason to disrespect your wishes.
“If you want, I can answer questions. Just...later. And as long as you get I don’t represent everyone who’s trans.”
JJ nodded and gave a thumbs-up. There was silence for a moment, before Chase broke it by saying “Hey, guys, I made a Jenga tower out of fries.”
Schneep rolled his eyes, and immediately knocked over Chase’s tower.
“Aw you bitch!” Chase gasped. “You didn’t even play the game right!”
“Fuck your games. Actually eat the food like it’s supposed to be.”
“You’re just jealous cause you got a salad instead.”
“Maybe I am! Did you think of that?!”
“Dude, I just said I did!”
The rest of lunch was covered in the blanket of familiar banter. Jackie smiled to himself. God, he was so glad nothing changed.
About two hours later, the boys had made their way to the southern part of the city. That was where the park was. It had an official name, but everyone just called it “the park” because there was only one of them and it was shorter. The park itself was pretty big, with trees, paths, flowerbeds, and two playgrounds at either end.
Since it was the middle of the afternoon, there were quite a few families with young children hanging around, parents watching their kids climb all over the jungle gyms and pushing them on the swings. While Marvin and Jackie walked ahead, pulling JJ with them and talking his ears off, Chase and Schneep hung back a bit. Chase was staring at the families on the playground.
“Chase? Are you okay?” Schneep asked gently. 
“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine. It’s not a down day.” Schneep gave him a Look. “No, really! It’s just...y’know, seeing all the kids kinda bums me out. You know?”
“Of course I do, Chase,” Schneep said. He was probably the only one of the boys who did. “If you are feeling upset, you can go home.”
“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. This has been good so far. I don’t want it to end.” Chase frowned. “Now I’m just...man. I’m starting to lose it.”
“Chase.” Schneep grabbed his hand. “If you are not enjoying yourself, we can always go do something more quiet. We would hate to push you to do something you are not up to.”
Chase considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, it’s not too bad. It helps that you guys are here, I think. But I’ll let you know...if it gets too much.”
Schneep gave him a long look, before finally judging that everything was alright. “Okay. You have to do that, or I am going to break into your home at night and yell at you for lying.”
“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” Chase laughed. He looked down at their clasped hands. “You’re not worried people are gonna think we’re a couple, then?”
“What? Oh. Is there no such thing as regular hand-holding in this country?! Besides, it should not fucking matter. Also you are not my type anyway.”
“Yeah, you’re not mine, either. You’re a guy.” Chase and Schneep both had a good laugh at that.
Marvin looked over his shoulder at the two of them. “Are you two gonna walk fast or what?”
“Or what,” Chase said with a smirk.
“Oh, you’re hilarious. A fucking comedic genius. Hey guys!” he said that last part to Jackie and JJ. “We’re gonna slow down so these two assholes can join us.”
“Marvin, how dare you,” Schneep said, mock-offended. “At least be more creative in your insulting us.”
“No.” The two mini-groups merged together to form the main group once again. “So what’re you two talking about?”
“Chase is worried that hand-holding makes a couple,” Schneep tattled.
“Bullshit,” Marvin stated. Jackie went “yeah!” in the background. JJ frowned at the use of language, but nodded. “What makes a couple is the kissing. And romantic interest in each other, which leads to the former.”
“You say, having not been on a date in at least five months,” Jackie muttered.
“Shut your stupid face, you...lovely person.” Marvin pulled his wand out of his pocket and twirled it, like he did when he was nervous. “We’ve all been kinda busy lately.”
“Yeah...that’s true,” Jackie sighed. “But maybe if you went out more, you could find someone you could go out with. Just once, if a commitment isn’t your thing right now.”
Marvin frowned. “Why in the wide world of wingmen would I go on a date once deliberately?”
“A night of fun?” Schneep suggested.
“With a complete stranger that I have no interest in? No. I need to have some intrigue in whoever they end up being.”
“None of you are gonna get anywhere with him,” Chase said. “He doesn’t get one-night stands.”
“Damn right I don’t! There’s no point!”
And it just seems improper, JJ signed. If you aren’t going to court someone, don’t approach them at all.
“Marvin! You have an ally!” Jackie gasped. 
“Good. Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Marvin held up his hand and, after a moment of figuring out, JJ high-fived it. “Yeah! There we go, you got it!”
Jackie checked the time on his phone. “Alright, it’s starting to get a bit late. If we want to get enough time at the fair, we’re gonna have to book it to the eastern side.”
They didn’t actually run the whole way there, despite Jackie wanting to. By the time they got to the fair the sun was starting to set. They bought tickets and headed inside, where the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster towered over the smaller rides and the carnival games. It was a weekday, but it was one of the first days the fair was open, so the fairgrounds were crowded but not packed.
Chase gasped. “Games. We can do the games first.”
You do realized they’re all rigged, right? JJ asked.
“Who cares? They’re fun! Games now.”
Soon, the others started to suspect that the reason Chase was so eager to play games was because he knew he would win every time. The dude was scarily good. A combination of sheer luck, skill, and fuck-it-let’s-take-a-chance-ness led to many more victories than the others, something Marvin and Schneep immediately called him out for.
“You are cheating, I am sure of it!” Schneep huffed, folding his arms.
“Nah, just have a knack for it. And, in this case, practice.” Chase tossed one of the wooden balls back and forth while he waited for the carnival worker to hand him his prize. “Ya gotta aim for a bit above the spot where the third jug sits on top of the other two, then throw hard. It’s a bit of an arc.”
“No, you’re a cheater,” Marvin asserted, muttering darkly.
“Aw, c’mon! Here, will this make you less salty?” Chase accepted his stuffed prize from the worker, then handed it right over to Marvin. “I got it for you! You like cats.”
Marvin glared down at the plushie. “You’re lucky it has a cute face,” he said.
“See?!” Chase smiled. He was actually having a good time. It was a good change of pace from the park.
Eventually, everyone had a prize except for JJ. They were running out of games to play, but then Jackie spotted one of those ‘find the ball under the shuffling cups.’ “Hey guys, you up for that one?”
JJ brightened. I’m actually quite skilled at those!
“Well, then, let’s go!” Jackie pulled him over, the others in tow.
The carnival worker was calling out the rules of the game. “You get one, you win one of these lovely roses, you get two in a row, you win one of these tiny fellows here, and you get three in a row, you win one of these adorable penguins! Step right up, step right up!”
“Hey!” Jackie waved to get the worker’s attention. “We want to play!”
“Well then, young sirs, the rules are simple. Keep your eye on the ball, see right here, right here, it’s under the middle cup. Now watch as I take the cup this way, then that, then this and oh look at that! It’s goin’ fast, it’s goin’ fast don’t lose it don’t lose it! Now, which one is the ball under?”
Jackie was fairly sure he knew where it was, but he turned to JJ anyway. “So, which one?” he asked.
JJ bit his lip, then reached forward to point at one of the cups...only for the worker to slap his hand away. “I’m sorry sir, please don’t touch the cups. To prevent tamperin’, see? Just tell me.”
JJ looked a bit stunned at the worker’s aggressive tone. But he signed It’s under the left one.
“Excuse me?”
“He says it’s under the left one,” Marvin jumped in.
“...ah, I see.” The worker lifted up the cup to reveal the ball. “Seems you were right. Do you want to try again?”
The boys glanced uneasily between each other. The worker’s tone had dropped from the polite-carnival talk to one that was a bit...short. She was also talking much slower than she was before, drawing out the vowel sounds. “He can hear you perfectly fine,” Chase said. “He just can’t talk.”
“Mmm...I see...” The worker pursed her lips. “Do you want to try again?”
They all nodded. The worker was silent this time as she shuffled the cups, faster than before. When she stopped, she looked at Jackie. “Which one is the ball under?”
Jackie had a vague idea where, but he wasn’t sure. “JJ, do you know?”
The left one again, JJ signed, less enthusiastically.
“The left,” Jackie translated.
The worker frowned as she revealed the ball under the left cup. “You boys aren’t cheating, are you? Those weird gestures seem like symbols.”
Marvin laughed bitterly. “Yeah, they’re symbols alright. They stand for words. Do you not know how sign language fucking works? He’s telling us the answers ‘cause he’s the best one at it. Now let’s do this one more time.”
The worker shuffled the cups impossibly fast. Once more, she asked Jackie where the ball was. This time, he had no idea, and just looked at JJ. JJ, in turn, stiffened a bit, eyes hardening. It’s under the right one, though I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak it up her sleeve.
“Right,” all the boys said in unison.
The worker reluctantly lifted up the rightmost cup to show the ball sitting underneath. “Congratulations,” she said dully. “You win one of the big prizes. What color do you want?”
Turquoise, JJ signed. “Turquoise,” Jackie translated.
They walked away from the booth in silence. After a few moments of walking, Marvin said, “I could totally put a curse on her.”
“No,” Jackie said firmly.
“Just one little spell. She can lose her voice for a week.”
JJ shook his head, then tucked his prize under his arm so he could use his hands to sign. Revenge is never the best answer. 
“It’s what she deserves!” Marvin snarled. “She was making that difficult on purpose. I saw her, she was going much slower with the customers before us. JJ, I’m so absolutely sorry on her behalf, cause god knows she’s not gonna fucking apologize.”
It’s okay, JJ insisted. Believe it or not, I’ve faced worse, especially in my day. They were much less friendly back then.
“I am sure you are not using that word in the correct meaning,” Schneep mumbled.
Marvin shoved his hand into the pocket containing his wand. “One hex. Come on. Just one. I won’t even make her ears fall off or anything.”
Everyone refused to let Marvin curse the carnival worker, and he reluctantly relented. At this point, they’d finished with the games, and all that was left were the rides. They took turns, one or two of them sitting out to watch the accumulated prizes while the others spun and flew and then stumbled off the rides. After trying most of the rides out, they took a snack break for ice cream and cotton candy.
“I think the Ferris wheel is the only one left,” Jackie said. “Unless we want to catch that sideshow thing. There’s supposed to be magicians—”
“Fake,” Marvin interrupted.
“—clowns, animals, and they advertised a knife-thrower—”
Schneep nearly choked on his ice cream. “No.”
“Okay, got it. No show then.” Jackie nodded. “But I’m not too sure about the Ferris wheel. I know at least one of us is afraid of heights.”
“Yeah, uh, me.” Chase bit his lip. “But I think I’ll be fine if I don’t look over the edge. Unless someone else doesn’t want to go on it, then I’ll stay off with them.”
“I’m good,” Jackie said. “Schneep? Marv? Either of you scared of heights?” Both of them shook their heads. “Alright. JJ?”
JJ signed, A bit, but after all these dizzy rides, I’ll take something calm like the Ferris wheel, if you please.
“Alright. Guess we’re going on the wheel, then!”
Night had truly fallen by this point. The Ferris wheel wasn’t exceptionally tall, but it still rose above everything else in the fair, providing a fantastic view of the colored lights below. Instead of having the traditional two-person seats, this wheel had booths that could fit up to eight people, so all the boys fit into one just fine. The wheel turned, and the booth turned with it. Chase squirmed, resolutely not looking over the side. Jackie and Marvin did the exact opposite, practically leaning out of the booth to look down below.
JJ tapped Schneep, signing something real quick. Schneep nodded, then yelled “Can you two stop that?! You are going to fall out of the fucking side, and you are making Jamie nervous.”
“Oh, sorry.” Jackie sat back down.
“Aww,” Marvin groaned, but pulled back into his seat. “I hope you know I do this for you, JJ.”
JJ smiled. Thank you, it’s appreciated. And I’m sure your body feels the same way, having narrowly avoided a fall to great injury.
“Nah, I would’ve been fine.”
The wheel stopped. Their booth was right at the top. “Oh, fuck,” Chase muttered, covering his eyes with his hands.
“You know, you didn’t have to come,” Jackie said quietly. “We would’ve been alright letting you stay down on the ground.”
Chase peeked between his hands. “I know. But...it’s really nice up here. Quiet. And with just you guys. As long as I ignore the distance from the ground, I’m good. You’re my friends, you know, and you make everything better.”
“Oh, Chase,” Marvin gasped. “That’s...really sweet!”
“What? Didn’t think we where friends?”
“It’s...always nice to be reminded.” Marvin smiled softly.
Well then consider this your reminder, Marvin! JJ wiggled his mustache happily. I consider you all my friends, maybe even family. You are all wonderful people and I love having you in my life!
“Nooo, stop.” It was hard to see in the dark, only lit up by the lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel, but it was possible that Marvin was actually blushing.
“You know what? I love you guys.” Jackie grinned. “Not afraid to admit it! Best friends I’ve ever had.”
Schneep cleared his throat. “Yes, I feel the same. You are all great people, and I am fortunate to have met you. I...love you as well.”
“Aaaahck!” Marvin appeared to be trying to fold into himself. “Too much love! Fatality!”
Chase chuckled. “Marvin! Accept our love!”
We love you, Marvin! JJ signed eagerly. Now you have to say it back!
Marvin made a strange sort of groaning exhale before inhaling deeply, calming down. “Yeah...I—I love you guys too. God, I love you guys so much. You should all know that.”
“There we go!” Jackie said, triumphant. “Marvin, you are, truly, the emotionally constipated one. And I thought Schneep was the worst.”
“Excuse me?!” Schneep gasped. “I assure you I am very love-sharing. I just do not use words too much because they are complicated.”
“Understandable,” Chase shrugged. “I can barely speak half the time, and I was born in English.”
I thought you were born in Ireland, JJ signed, amused.
“Oh, you know what I mean!”
The Ferris wheel started lowering, stopping and starting as it let passengers off. The boys stepped out of the booth and onto land once again.
JJ yawned. I must say that I’m rather tired after all this. I think it’s time we go home.
“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it,” Jackie agreed.
“You all are weak!” Marvin countered. “I’m good for another couple hours.”
“Watch you crash immediately upon entering your room,” Chase laughed.
“Oh, shut up.”
“I think JJ is right,” Jackie said. “It’s time to go home.”
Schneep nodded. “Yes, I could stay up longer, but I have morning shift tomorrow so I should not push my luck. I will see you all later?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Course, dude!”
“Definitely.”
Count on it!
With that, they left the fair. Eventually they split up, each heading their own separate ways until they eventually got to wherever they were staying that night. Some went to sleep immediately, some stayed up a bit later, but eventually they all went to bed.
And when they decided to do it, none of them had trouble for once.
32 notes · View notes
Text
Always Mad
I dont understand that no matter what I do or say youre always mad. I try to do what I can not to make you mad. I ask a question and im wrong for that, you say I should know by now but I still dont seem to understand. I dont do anything bad to you and thats what makes me sad. It hurts when people ask me simple things like "where is he working at today" "when is he coming back" "when is he leaving" "where is he going" "are youse coming" and lots of other questions all with the same reply "he doesnt tell me anything". Heres what I dont understand at all:  
You're always mad, but I always cook you breakfast, lunch, lunch for work, and dinner.. every day. Even when im mad and that makes me mad. You're always mad but I always do your laundry, fold your clothes, and put them away nicely, you've never said thank you.. and thats what makes me mad. You're always mad, but I always tell you how handsome you are even when I never nor have I ever gotten random everyday compliments from you, and that makes me mad. You're always mad but I always tell you how much I love you, even though you never say it first, and alot of times have attitude abojt saying it back, so its said with no meaning only annoyance, and thats what makes me mad. You're always mad, but everyday I ask you how your day was, while mostly all of the time you just give me the "its fine" head nod, followed by silence, and that makes me mad. You're always mad, but ive never missed a holiday, birthday, special occasion, and Ive always thought of you when I go places so I get you things "just because", even though its been 3 years with you and I've never ever ever received anything, not even a flower picked off the side of the road, and that makes me mad. You're always mad, but I have always taken interest, showed some type of interest, asked questions about your interests, took some type of interest in your interests because it makes you happy and you YOU, even though you never take any interest in my interests, and when im excited to tell you about something that interests me you shoot me down and I feel myself go from excited to hurt, and that's what makes me mad. You're always mad, but I always make sure you know and feel that I love and care about you, yet I never feel love, nor have I ever thought you really cared for me, and thats what makes me mad. You're  always mad, but I go,above and beyond to show you I only want you, and no one else gets my attention, yet every couple weeks or months another girl pops up either from your past , or new ones.. and that's what makes me mad. You're always mad, but while were out in public you refuse to hold my hand, and you make sure you are the furthest away from me, basically walk away from me and thats what makes me mad. You're mad, but when your actions cause me to hurt and react you try and turn it on me.. because you can't communicate and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad , but we made a promise to each other that things wouldn't escalate when we fought to the point where pur hands are on each other again... yet the last 3 huge fights we had I was in shock and disbelief that you broke that promise, I kept my hands to myself and didnt even defend ,. I sat there asking why you hate me..,and thats what makes me mad.  You're mad, but you told me you put your hands on me because you dont k ow how else to react, because you so desperately dont want me to leave so you dont let me.. I stay because not only am I in love with you, but because I know this isnt the real you, you're angry and although I forgive you and never left your side especially when your demons came out. Yet you never said sorry or showed appreciation for any of it and thats what makes me mad. You're mad, but ive always been by your side when you needed me with anything, even take care of you when you're sick, even though anytime I needed you mostly all of the times you were nowhere to be found and ive never even received a "do you need anything" when im sick, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but when i found out I was pregnant you were so mean to me, you called me a whore, and spread mean things around about me .. youre mad, but when you said we should abort agreed even though I didn't want to. Youre mad, but an hour before my appointment  you begged me not to do it and that you'd be there and not let me do it on my own. Last minute I cancelled the appointment, and you never ever made it to one  baby appointment, never once asked how I was feeling, never once felt him moving, never once showed concern about him, you didnt want me going anywhere so you kept me very close , and as I was pregnant sleeping in your bed every night, you would leave all night long and screw around on me, you,never bought one thing that the baby needed, you never came to the birth even after I begged multiple times, you told me that you hope I die right before I went into get the c-section.... you didnt speak to me for days, and you never came.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but I forgave you and 2 weeks after our son was born you were fucking an ex  fling .. THEN you finally met him, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but after telling me you wanted to try and make a family work, and that you loved me , you were going around denying him and telling people you didnt want a family with me , and thats what makes me mad. You say youre mad.. we came so very far from those things for a little while we had peace, you were faithful, and I had my little family, I felt loved somewhat ... we moved in together.. you started treating me bad again, then you were caught doing things behind my back that you knew would hurt me, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but I asked why out of all your options you chose me .. you said "because I was the only one dumb enough to stick around" .... and in a way that makes me mad. Youre mad, but im completely in love with you, stuck around and believed you'll eventually change because you were broken when we met and "hurt people hurt people" .. nothing youve done made me love you less, it just made me feel a different kind of hurt. . Yet every day I dont feel loved or appreciated back and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad , but if you ever read this youd find a way to leave becUse you cant take honestly and credibility.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but you know there is alot of things I didnt write because my fingers hurt from holding this tablet for so long as youre iracing, and havent spoken to me since you got home other than teing me I was making you mad for asking questions, and im an idiot because I should know by now.. even though all day long I waited for you to get home bc I missed you... you responded with a sarcastic laugh and shook ur head no and havent spoken to me since .. and thats what makes me mad. Most of all what makes me mad is knowing you can love , communicate, care, and treat me better .. it makes me mad because you must think I dont deserve that from you. It makes me mad you dont appreciate me or the unconditional love I have for you.. and thats what makes me mad . Youre mad , but I love you so much that I wont leave or give up on you because I know youre my person, and you know you,can get away with anything because of that and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but the good days are so good I never want them to end .. good and bad days you make me happy .. you show things very seldom, but still in your own fucked up way.. I know under your hurt you must love me bc you,never let me leave and youve once told me you never loved someone as much as me and thats why I dont understand how you treat me this way, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad but people think im mad for staying, I just know youll come around .. its 4:18am ive been writingg for over an hour , maybe its been two , but you said to stop talking , so I started writing, you havent spoken a word to me and ur still racing. Youre mad because im writing and not talking as yiu said.. you keep glancing ocer and sighing .. youll come to bed in silence and turn ur back to me like I did this .. and thats what makes me mad. I love you so much and I wont ever give up on you because as fucked as all of this is , I want you forever. I deserve it after all .. what makes me mad is I can feel that youre going to leave .. it hurts and scares me.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad but knowing you never read this, or somehow find this you wont read it all and realize what u have right here. You wont care to change and fix this.. and thats what makes me mad. 
One last thing, you're mad, but I know there's someone else.. yet you wont be honest with me.. youre mad but I dont understand why someone else gets the best you.. meaning you treat them like they mean something, n I bet u talk to her nice and with respect, im sure you compliment and confide in her and I bet you tell her ur problems and about your day and how much you want to leave because you hate your life with me , I bet she gets the best you, and that makes me mad, but most of  it tops everything else.. its killing me and you dont care. How does she get the best you ive n begging for, an waiting for.. how does she deserve that so effortlessly.. yet ive been out through just about everything , all the emotions , all the hurt, and stuck by you.. it makes me mad and kills me that you think still after everything.. I still deserve nothing from you other than hurt. How could you.. it makes me mad bc ill never get an answer... 
Youre mad, but I loved, love, and it will always BE YOU. I showed and still continue to show unconditional love and u dont care thats why im mad. 
You're mad but I loved you the most......
And thats what makes me mad. 
3 notes · View notes
astralgloss · 6 years
Note
im a curious meanie so 1-134 muhahaha you get to relive the hell i just went through
etab i haTE U
1: Name
my name is marit lol but please just keep it mar
2: Age
i am 17 but i’ll b 18 in 2 months!!!!
3: 3 Fears
the dark, complete and utter loneliness, and clowns
4: 3 things I love
books, forest fruit tea, the sound of rain
5: 4 turns on
a nice smile that reaches the eyes, a nice smell, having a dog ngl, a soft touch
6: 4 turns off
extreme arrogance, insisting to pay for my meal if i want to pay bc its “what a man should do”, forcing lifestyles on me, not caring about my interests
7: My best friend
she does have tumblr but idk it but hey demi if u ever see this ur the bomb.com
8: Sexual orientation
im bi fam
9: My best first date
my bf and i went to amsterdam to go shopping and he followed me everywhere (even the bookshop even though he hates books) and idk i just love him it was a nice day
10: How tall am I
im 1,65m or 5′4″ but i can and will kick ur ass
11: What do I miss
nothing really??
12: What time was I born
ok so i asked my mom and she said i was born on a tuesday at exactly 12pm but i bet she’s lying
13: Favorite color
yellow!! im basic!!
14: Do I have a crush
well i sure hope so @ boyfriend
15: Favorite quote
to the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered
16: Favorite place
my bf’s house tbh, specifically his bed
17: Favorite food
pizza, specifically the hot chicken one from ny pizza
18: Do I use sarcasm
nah fam (ofc i do im a little shit)
19: What am I listening to right now
god is a woman by ariana grande
20: First thing I notice in new person
how they look at other people when those people don’t notice it
21: Shoe size
38/39 idk the other size lol sorry 
22: Eye color
its blue but it changes with my mood (oh my god im so sorry im kidding please don’t hate me)
23: Hair color
im a blondie
24: Favorite style of clothing
sth casual but also a bit towards the punkish style, but i also rlly love looking tiny and soft and cute lol
25: Ever done a prank call?
ok so there’s this hotline for kids who have troubles with their parents and families but it was a shit hotline tbh so once i called it up with my friends pretending i was crying and the man on the phone asked me what was wrong so i told him that all my friends had fire type pokemon and i only had grass type pokemon and they kept beating me and i didnt know what to do and then man was so confused it was funny af
27: Meaning behind my URL
idk man i wanted a name that could b easy to remember and i was inspired by ridgeport tbh
28: Favorite movie
the perks of being a wallflower
29: Favorite song
Fav song atm is anything from p!atd's newest album and my fav song of all time is probably train of consequences by megadeth
30: Favorite band
megadeth lol
31: How I feel right now
pretty good but also annoyed bc i have to go to work in half an hour :(
32: Someone I love
my bf
33: My current relationship status
if u guys havent noticed by now im taken
34: My relationship with my parents
p ok
35: Favorite holiday
halloween/christmas
36: Tattoos and piercing i have
I have my ears pierced and thats it lol
37: Tattoos and piercing i want
i rlly want a few bookish related tattoos, like a tiny raven, a little lightning bolt, and the city of velaris and then i also rlly want a sleeve tbh but imma be a teacher and idk if i can :/ about piercings: i rlly want a helix or tragus and maybe get second holes in my hearlobes
38: The reason I joined Tumblr
ok so ive been on tumblr for about 5 years and initially it was bc i was Depressed™ and then about a year ago i found out about simblr and i was hooked
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
tbh i dont even talk to him anymore i dont rlly care about him in any way
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
yes bih
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
hes my bf so yea lol
42: When did I last hold hands?
wednesday
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
about 45 minutes bc im lazy and i keep getting distracted
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
nope
45: Where am I right now?
in bed lol
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
either my bf or my best friend
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
depends on where i am
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
mom
49: Am I excited for anything?
tbh moving out but thats gonna take a few more years
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
*insert bf here*
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?
every time im at work lol
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?
wednesday
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
lol bye
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
nope
55: What is something I disliked about today?
the fact that i have to work a day shift instead of an evening shift
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
my internet friends tbh it’d be cool to meet all the people from my bookish discord or from @booptherat​‘s discord
57: What do I think about most?
what book i should read next
58: What’s my strangest talent?
i can finish a book in about 4 hours
59: Do I have any strange phobias?
not rlly? i hate the whole asmr thing tho ew
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
behind lol
61: What was the last lie I told?
i dont remember tbh
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
neither lol
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
look im not saying that believing that we’re the only living species in the entire universe is narcissistic, but it is. also dont fuck with ghosts
64: Do I believe in magic?
hell yes
65: Do I believe in luck?
hell yes
66: What’s the weather like right now?
idk probably cloudy and windy
67: What was the last book I’ve read?
fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury 
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
nah not rlly
69: Do I have any nicknames?
i guess mar?
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
when i was 2 i fell from sth and slammed the corner of my eye onto the corner of a table and i couldve been blind but thank god im not
71: Do I spend money or save it?
both 
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?
yup
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?
post it notes
74: Favorite animal?
doggg
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
reading lol
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
idk man
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas lol
78: How can you win my heart?
give me a samoyed and a 1000 books
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
“a boss ass bitch”
80: What is my favorite word?
fuck?
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
@cubersims​ @imvikai​ @ridgeport​ @cowplant-pizza​ @bloomlet​ @tiptoptab​
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
spend fiddies, pet kitties, hold tiddies
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?
not that i know of lol
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
the power to choose whatever power i want at any moment
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
“do you like working here?”
86: What is my current desktop picture?
its an august background from @emmastudies​
87: Had sex?
yes
88: Bought condoms?
no
89: Gotten pregnant?
no
90: Failed a class?
yes
91: Kissed a boy?
yup, i’ve been kissing my bf for about 2,5 years now lol
92: Kissed a girl?
yup, i’m living the bisexual dream lol
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
yes
94: Had job?
yes, im working at a movie theater right now!!
95: Left the house without my wallet?
tbh all the time now that i can pay with my phone
96: Bullied someone on the internet?
yea i used to but that was when i was 12 and i’d like to say that i’ve grown a lot in the past 5 years
97: Had sex in public?
nope
98: Played on a sports team?
yes
99: Smoked weed?
nope, even though i live like 20 minutes away from amsterdam lol
100: Did drugs?
nope
101: Smoked cigarettes?
nope
102: Drank alcohol?
yupppp, i love me some raspberry cider
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
nope
104: Been overweight?
nope
105: Been underweight?
nope
106: Been to a wedding?
yup
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
lol all the time tbh
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
yup
109: Been outside my home country?
yup, however never outside of europe tho
110: Gotten my heart broken?
a few times
111: Been to a professional sports game?
yess, i saw the dutch female volleyball team once!
112: Broken a bone?
nope
113: Cut myself?
yes
114: Been to prom?
we dont do prom in the netherlands lol
115: Been in airplane?
yes
116: Fly by helicopter?
nope
117: What concerts have I been to?
k3 (only dutchies and belgians remember this), one direction, megadeth, and ed sheeran
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
yupp
119: Learned another language?
i mean im from the netherlands and im fluent in english thanks to myself
120: Wore make up?
yuppp
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
yes
122: Had oral sex?
lol yes
123: Dyed my hair?
nope
124: Voted in a presidential election?
not old enough to vote :(
125: Rode in an ambulance?
nope
126: Had a surgery?
nope
127: Met someone famous?
nope
128: Stalked someone on a social network?
nope
129: Peed outside?
a few times lol
130: Been fishing?
nope
131: Helped with charity?
yep
132: Been rejected by a crush?
a few times
133: Broken a mirror?
lol yes
134: What do I want for birthday?
some books, money, cake, more books, makeup
5 notes · View notes
time-2-vent · 3 years
Text
So. This is a master post about my grandma. Some of this has already been talked about here but I posted this on my private fb and wanted to keep it here too.
.
Okay.. so. This is gonna be a long and detailed one.
Ive never had a space where I could vent about my grandma to more than just people close to me without being blamed or her finding out. The only family I have on here is my mom and im hiding this post from her for various reasons. I understand if many of you can't read all the way through this because its gonna be a lot. I just want the people around me to have a better grasp on exactly why im so depressed.
Before I start im gonna add a trigger list because there is a LOT and im probably going to be very emotional typing this. A lot of it ive never spoken about publicly.
So for a list of TW:
Emotional, physical, sexual, and animal abuse, r*pe, p*dophelia, racism, su*cide, hospitals, ableism, be******ty mention, fatshaming, weight mention, f slur.
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Okay. Im going to start at when I moved in with her. She tricked my mother into signing over custody of me when I was 10. When I was 9 years old I was forced into a mental hospital after being heavily overdosed on medications meant for adults to the point I was "sitting upside down in my chairs unresponsive and talking about tranquilizers" which i have no memory of. The hospital was probably the worst experience in my entire life and I was almost murdered by one of the older kids. After getting out of there I moved in with my grandma.
Throughout my life shes said and done so many horrible things to me. She would always yell and scream about the smallest mistakes. She used to pick me up by my hair. She was just fucking horrible to me.
Around the age of 10-11 when I started going through puberty she would always make fun of the way my genitals looked. She would ask me to stretch my labia out and move it around. Specifically she would ask me to "show me your bat wings". It was fucking disgusting but as a child I thought it was just haha funny joke.
For a while I thought I just imagined that until my mom brought it up to me and how she CAUGHT HER saying that to me multiple times. So I had confirmation that I wasn't just imagining it. I once confronted her about it and she immediately started crying (ive only seen her cry 3 times in my entire life) and told me if I ever said that again she would tell everyone in my family that I was a "prostitute" and would make everyone in my family hate me, and that it was my mother who did that to me.
My mom lived with me and my grandma for a few years but eventually moved out on her own because she couldn't handle my grandmas abuse.
My grandma dated my moms r*pist, which was my moms uncle, and told my mom she never got r*ped, and said my mom only fucked him for "attention and cigarettes". My mom was 12 at the time.
My grandma told me at 15 that the "only reason you think you're trans is because you got diddled as a kid"
My grandma called me a whore when I started becoming sexually active despite her having her first child at 16.
She once told me I was "just like my father" who is a sex offender and abused me as a child. I was also forced to give my at-the-time step brothers head when I was 3-5 and was taught that it was okay.
My grandma has called me every possible name in the book. Anytime she does something wrong its automatically my fault. She told me she would believe that im trans when I showed her my dick (at 16).
Shes incredibly rude and racist, says she hates how she can't understand Asian people. She's said the n word. She's made so many "jokes" about how "aggressive" Black people are. When my cousin found out he had Black in him she said, and I quote, "I always knew he had a n***r ass" which fucking disgusted me. Shes scoffed at my mother for limping. She scoffs at anyone disabled. Always says "you wouldn't catch me looking like that in public." She would tell my mom she was faking her pain. And coincidentally of all 4 of her kids, one was born with physical deformities. she says thats not the reason why, but she gave her up for adoption. She yells at anyone standing in her way who isn't aware. She is incredibly rude when she speaks to people to the point its embarrassing.
When I hung myself earlier this year and a friend came to pick me up she was yelling at me like "Oh so you went and tattled on me didnt you? Did you say oh boo hoo shes so abusiveeee!!" As I had literally just laid passed out in the snow from hanging myself.
When she found out I hung myself she bitched about how I had her snow boots and how she would have had to climb up the hill to find my fucking body as if it were a chore. She asked me if I wanted to be cremated out of nowhere and when I said no she replied "good I didn't want to have to pick your piercings out of your dead body" when I told her she made me want to kill myself she laughed at me and said "well then you'll never survive" my first suicide attempt was at 12 years old. A few weeks ago I started carving at my throat in front of her because im so desperate for her to LISTEN to me for 5 FUCKING SECONDS. I have legitimately cried on my knees and begged her to treat me like a person time and time again. She laughs at me and turns it around to my issues. She guilt trips me and makes me think everything is my fault. She calls me disgusting for having 1 or 2 shirts on the floor. She told me to MY FACE she will never see me as trans. Misgenders me, misgenders my friends. I jokingly told her one of my cis friends was trans, and when she left she asked me "does he really have a penis?" ABOUT A WHOLE ASS CIS WOMAN. She told me she ran over and killed a dog with a broken leg to "put it out of its misery" she would always use glue traps and I told her not to tell me about it so she waits until were in public and says "yknow whenever I catch a live mouse on one of the traps I throw it into a plastic bag and then go do the litter box to suffocate it". Shes threatened to make me pay the hospital bill when I called 911 because she was unconscious. She says horrible things to me EVERY FUCKIJG DAY. She's always making everying my fault all the time and sits and smiles while I'm sobbing and pouring my heart out because im tired of the abuse. Im so fucking tired. It goes on and on and on every day of my life. I literally slit my throat in front of her and she only stopped being mean for about a week. Im so depressed and mentally ill and this is beating on me every moment of my fucking life.
In not done but im shaking and need to stop typing for now
Edit: some other notable things, when my grandpa disowned me and stopped speaking to me for over a year she told me it was probably because of how disgusting I was. And "nobody wants to be around that".
She will ask me specific random questions about specific friends and if I dont know the answer or I forgot, she goes on a tangent about how terrible of a friend I am.
When I was cutting her hair she kept telling me I was doing it wrong, so I did it her way and she hated it and told me she's glad I didn't pursue hair because im terrible at it.
When my cat was dying she originally refused to take him to the vet because he was "just gonna die anyways so I might as well let him", then gave up her cat to the vet because she was peeing but didn't wanna take responsibility for that so she lied to them and said she showed up at her door and didn't tell them her age or even her name and that was so fucking cruel.
When she starts laughing at me sometimes she'll talk to me in a whiny "baby voice" and be like awwww, waaa im so abusedddd *mocks me crying*.
And she always talks in a tone that sounds pissed off and seems confused when I feel like I'm being scolded.
She gets in my face and puts her finger in my face and backs me into corners sometimes and then when I smack her hand out of my face she says she'll put me in jail for abuse.
Oh yea and simetimes when she gets mad at me she'll be like "ok GIRL" in the middle of me talking. Like its annoying and uncalled for.
I cant believe I forgot this holy shit. Years ago (was a minor here as well) I was attacked by my neighbors dog and it knocked me down and when I got home my grandma was accusing me of be******ty and said she was "watching it fuck me" and I was so fucking disgusted and hurt.. I try to block that from my memory because it was my third dog attack and I was traumatized.
She also regularly calls her brother a F@ggot. He is the only lgbt family member (he's gay) that i have.
She regularly fatshames people while only a few feet from them. And will whisper to me about how disgusting they look.
She asks for all of my friends deadnames and gets mad when I dont answer.
"I can't be abusive because I give you a home. I could have let social services take you."
"I cant be racist because my ex husband is Black"
"You must be living in a fantasy world where you make up shit that ive done."
"Id be depressed if I stayed in bed all day too."
"I need to learn to have lower expectations for you."
"I'm starting to resent you. So ill be taking 200$ a month for rent." (She has stopped this thankfully)(edit #2, she started taking it again im gonna be here forever lmao)
When I was underweight she would say things like "you look like an aids patient." And "Are you trying to look like your mother?"
"You're a hoarder"
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Indie & Rio
Indie: where you at? Indie: you gotta chat at me Rio: I went down Skerries Rio: I can come back, if you want or Rio: are you okay Indie: w mckenna or are you kicking it 💸💸? Rio: No, with Buster Rio: I just had to get away, you know, give everyone air Indie: its a mood Rio: Yeah, not what I wanted or planned but you know Rio: Where'd you go? Rio: At the shower, I mean Indie: I hit my boy up Indie: felt it you kno Rio: Ah, right Rio: Don't blame you Indie: something in the water innit Rio: Don't Rio: What's he said, then Indie: you kno how hes flexing w it Indie: dont make me chat it back Rio: I can imagine how he's selling it Rio: do you believe him though? Indie: is it? you gotta ask me that Indie: thats how it be now Rio: Inds, I just want to know what I've got to put right with you so I can Rio: I don't care about him, just you Indie: you reckon imma roll with any of his shots on any day Indie: hes chief and he always been it Indie: dont fucking play me that way Indie: what you did is you left me w him Rio: I didn't know where you were Rio: and I couldn't stay Indie: not bothered Indie: where you expect him to try and be? hes not gonna still lay out at hers Rio: Exactly Rio: So I can't be there now Rio: I didn't expect any of this, I didn't think he'd do anything like this, Jesus Indie: it's chill for you w mckenna primed to jet you to skerries Indie: i dont get to leave this drum Indie: his now Rio: Go Home Rio: they'd rather have you there than with him Indie: yeah cos i can show my face Rio: Of course you can Rio: you've not done anything wrong Indie: it looks exactly like his Indie: how are they trying to see that rn Indie: how are you fit to either Rio: So does Edie Rio: and they want her home too Rio: you aren't him Indie: nah Indie: shes got your ma in her Indie: and shes blood Rio: When has that ever mattered to us? Indie: hes made it like it aint before Indie: us v you Rio: Nah Rio: he hasn't got that influence Indie: i cant be around it Indie: none of Rio: Alright but can you be around him? Rio: What are you gonna do Indie: ive got places Indie: if you get to run i get to run Rio: I told you Rio: I'll come back Indie: to what and to where bitch Indie: we aint got a yard of our own anymore Rio: Just please go home Indie: im going where i feel love Indie: still Rio: Don't do them like that Rio: that's bullshit Indie: don't come for me Indie: you aint there Indie: if you feel it so hard you take it Rio: Like I said Rio: you didn't do anything wrong Indie: and you aint Indie: whatever he spits Rio: We both know it ain't that cut and dry Indie: whats bullshit now Indie: ive been front row Indie: 👀 & 👂 Indie: you cant chat that to me Rio: Yeah, you have, and so has he Rio: not an excuse but clearly fucked with him Indie: allow it Indie: hes been trying to get on you since he dashed ryan out Indie: fucked with you since then least Indie: it aint no new dream Rio: Yeah and I've been hoeing since when Indie: dont give him no licence to slip Indie: hes known you since younger than Rio: I've always been like this Indie: what you feeding me his lines for Rio: He's not entirely full of shit Indie: dash that Indie: youre spinning me out Indie: come back when youre you Indie: not his rinsed hoe that cant relate Indie: if youre gonna buy in you shouldve just rode him Rio: Fuck off Indie: youre his mouth piece rn Indie: word by word Rio: I don't have all the answers, alright Rio: I'm sorry but that's the truth Indie: nah Indie: the truth is you reckon hes right Indie: i live in that madness Indie: that means him or you if thats how youre trying to be Indie: *cant Rio: I'm not saying his actions were Rio: He still shouldn't have Indie: what youre saying tho is dred enough Indie: you think you can come through and raise me w that outlook nah bitch Indie: i already got one ma who let him run her Rio: What do you want me to say? Rio: I'm fucked, Indie, that's all there is to it Indie: what do you want me to say Indie: gone is gone Indie: she is and you are Indie: same reason Rio: Don't be like that Rio: I'm not dead Indie: dead to me if youre gonna let him say what he is and not fight back Rio: If that's how you feel Rio: then I can't change your mind on that Indie: how are you still rolling Indie: taking this Indie: what more he gotta do Rio: It's over now, it's done Indie: its not done Indie: he wants me to live with him Indie: pass you over Indie: he wants to say that everything he did you loved it like that Rio: Well no one believes him or will listen so Indie: then what you hiding for Indie: you dont say that but do this Rio: because I don't want to be there alright Indie: why tho Rio: Same reasons you don't Indie: where you gonna be Rio: I haven't decided where I'll end up yet Rio: but I'm going back to London with Buster for a bit Indie: safe Rio: I know that's not how you really feel Rio: but that's what I've got to do Indie: you do you Indie: ill do me and that's how it is now Rio: You still have everyone else Indie: i kno i got heads Indie: im good Indie: got all my boys including my main 💘 Rio: Yeah, them too Indie: its jam Indie: got my own back above it too Rio: I know Rio: You don't have to pretend it's all alright Rio: it's fucked Indie: like it hasnt been from when Rio: exactly Rio: so stick with the fam Rio: don't make it harder on yourself, no one wants you to Indie: tell yourself Indie: i dont need you to school me rn its hols still Rio: Be serious Indie: how serious you want it Rio: Admit that you aren't alright, accept the help people want to give you Rio: and do what I say Rio: or I will come back and force you to too Indie: i cant Rio: You can Rio: I know you can Indie: i need air from this too Indie: why is that only for you Rio: Because you're only 14 Rio: you can't do this on your own Rio: you can still be out all day and all night but don't forget that that's your base and that's your people Indie: im grown enough when thats how you want it Indie: and him Rio: Because I let you come to some parties with me and didn't baby you? Rio: It isn't the same Rio: I never made you do anything that was actually inappropriate, and I didn't love it when you were getting high 24/7 to cope, I never acted like I did Rio: so don't even start Indie: dont make me now then Rio: I'm telling you Rio: I'll come home right now, yeah Indie: nah Rio: No, I'm going to Indie: be in london or our ends, be where you want Indie: not for me tho Indie: if your around me hes around you Indie: that aint how this is playing out Rio: Not if we're home Rio: he's got some sense, fucking hell Rio: that's how it's going to be, this isn't happening, we should all be under one roof Indie: dont law me Indie: i aint owned by you Indie: you said you dont wanna be there Indie: im not carrying that i fucking cant Rio: You don't just get to do what you want, you're a child, I'm barely not one Rio: this is how we got here Indie: we got here cos of him Indie: hes not running me Indie: not ever Indie: ill do what i want Rio: Yeah, he ain't Rio: because he doesn't know how to be a fucking parent Rio: you'll get taken into care if you aren't careful Indie: thats what youre gonna chat now Indie: the baitest line you can pull Indie: thats been over me since i was born into this Indie: but where am i Indie: still Rio: because everyone else made sure you stayed here Rio: if you reckon that was the wrong decision then you can feel hard done by but everyone was just doing their best for you, what seemed best at the time Indie: i aint living like ive turned from them Indie: dont be extra Rio: Good Rio: don't Indie: if i need to make things lighter on myself i will Indie: you cant force me to be anywhere Rio: Yeah what do I know Rio: Do what you like, it's gonna be a laugh a minute Indie: im not vibing for that much of a jump off Indie: just not this Indie: let me be with people who dont kno Indie: why is that something to get the feds out over Rio: Because I was never saying you couldn't be, I don't know why you're coming at me with that Rio: but you need to promise me you're not going to keep away from the fam completely and you won't and I'm not thick Rio: I know what that means Indie: Edie gets to do it Indie: wheres her come through Rio: She doesn't Rio: she just does it Rio: we're all trying to sort that every fucking day, don't get it twisted babe Indie: how cant i Indie: everything else is Rio: I know Rio: but we don't need to be throwing more shit to sort onto the pile you feel Indie: i cant give you what you need Indie: i cant handle this Indie: i barely had my head around how it was trying to be w him and my step ma and the younger Indie: what is this Rio: I'm not asking you for anything, how can I when I'm letting you down so hard Rio: I don't know, it's fucked, everything is fucked Rio: you're still going to have a younger though, she's not going anywhere Indie: like how Edie didnt yeah? Indie: i wont be allowed near Indie: she didnt like me fore this Rio: She's a messed up kid, you are too Rio: it isn't personal, she just needs to blame us all for the shit that's in her head and I can't really blame her Rio: it's easy for us to all sit back and say well it's all Drew so don't look at us Rio: but he ain't the fucking boogeyman, whatever he is Indie: he still takes everything from me Indie: it'll play down to the next Indie: another messed up kid and then Rio: Yeah, it shouldn't have happened Rio: we can't actually castrate him though Indie: he gives me a sister to take her away again Indie: no way im playing happy families w his failed wifey am i Rio: Ro will always let you see Astrid Rio: she ain't like that, again, whatever she is Rio: you don't have to be her best friend to see your sister Indie: she didnt want me around when she was 😍 itll be less now shes 💔 Rio: She just doesn't know how to handle people Rio: fullstop Rio: it wasn't because of you Indie: you can chat that but what she doesnt kno how to handle is reminders of how he be Indie: thats me Indie: i came for her perfect image and now im an i told you so Rio: You're nothing like him, just in looks Rio: whatever grievance she has with Drew, is with him Rio: and frankly she should have sorted long ago but regardless, it ain't on you Indie: nah cos im from him, my ma everything back then he aint learned from it Indie: who wants to know that bout someone whenever they have to see me coming through Rio: You aren't that, to us you're you Rio: and to the olders, you remind them if your Ma, and all the good there Rio: No one needs reminding of his fuckups because he's still alive and out here making 'em, come on Indie: how did he want another kid and not us Rio: I don't think he did want her Rio: Sorry but Indie: I don't want to be in my head Indie: this place Indie: none Rio: I know Rio: Me either Indie: I'm sorry i didnt stay at the baby shower Indie: maybe if i wasnt so high Indie: idk man Rio: You can't blame yourself, none of us can Indie: i wasnt in your corner Rio: He was going to make that happen, he'd decided and that's how he rolls, fuck whatever any of us want or do or say Rio: You were, things were good, they don't have to change, we don't, you and me Indie: i can stop him sometimes Indie: if hes feeling it he listens to me Rio: Yeah, I'm not trying to take what you do have with him Rio: but likewise, not going to let you try to carry that burden, he's grown, he makes choices and even if you ain't got there to try and stop him, it's NEVER on you, alright Indie: me and him are rinsed out Indie: hes too on top to be around Indie: i vibe the chaos but i cant let him do me this way any more Indie: he tried to take you from me like its no thing and play it out like thats how you wanted it for long Indie: i cant unhear him how he chatted at me Rio: I'm really sorry, Inds Rio: wasteman or not, you shouldn't have to be out here calling time, but I understand and respect why and how you gotta Rio: Whatever you need, alright? You know you got me, I can get us a new place, we can go home, anything Rio: but you can take time too, you don't need to decide anything else rn Indie: he aint gonna heed it and i kno that Indie: its another reason i need to go Indie: my mans will protect me i aint gonna make you Indie: you gotta let mckenna do what he do and make it less Indie: take the air he aint trying to give none of us you kno Indie: i been a brat on how this convo went down Indie: ive got too much love for you to play you Rio: I know, he doesn't Rio: I want to, swear Rio: but maybe we both need time Rio: long as you promise to tell me when you need me to come back, I mean it, like, say the word when you need and there's no backlash of any kind alright Indie: I want you back now, for real Indie: but we all tripping off this Indie: and you need to get your head right too Indie: what he did its not just gonna be no thing cos thats easier you feel me Indie: same as how he cant switch now and need me to stand in for everything he lost Indie: he aint no dad to me Rio: You're right Rio: on all of it Rio: when'd you get so smart? Indie: im just 🚀 makes me sound it Indie: stoner wisdom be like Rio: Nah, I know that sound babe and it's usually total 💩 Indie: i miss you Indie: im not trying to but its real Rio: I miss you too Rio: we can still meet up, however long I gotta be away, I won't stay gone you know Indie: dont swerve me once you living lavish in london with that posh boy Rio: As if Rio: 24 'til I die, like Indie: how we gonna get the flat back Rio: tell the 'RA lads the address and they can firebomb him out? Rio: nah, we'll think of something though Indie: when everythings there but i kno he is Indie: im wearing creeps garms like im his rn Rio: I made Buster go for me, thank God he weren't there yet Rio: You could get Creeps to bell him for some gear and send him on a wild goose chase, pack as much as you can and duck out Rio: do it multiple times and take your stuff back home, even if you drop it whilst everyone's out, just so you've got a base that ain't got him in yeah? Indie: the excuse for why my homework aint done be 🔥 tho Indie: but yeah we riding cos thats a sick move Rio: Honestly Rio: this School this town so fucking sick of this fam Rio: lowkey hilarious if it weren't so dred Indie: innit Indie: if he wanna be my daddy so bad why he not writing me a note to get me outta detention Indie: 👀 you drew Rio: Teachers thinking you forged it 'cos who??? Indie: 🤔😂 Indie: markos here Indie: gotta bounce Rio: Oh, alright babe Rio: talk later 🧡 Indie: ✌
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This is our happy ending(Gallavich)|| Chapter 11-Guess whos back
Chapters:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
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The last two months had been pretty good in the world of Gallagher-Milkovich , followed by a few Santiago’s.
Ian and Mickey had been making a whole bunch of plans for the house and after the month and a half of planing they broke ground a week ago.  They were so excited and feeling more in love then they ever have. They had sat lana down and asked her if she would move into the new house with them, her and Yev. She said “As long as my room far away from yours. I don’t wanna hear carrot tops moans”
Lily and Carl had been flirting and kissing for another 3 weeks before he finally asked her out.
“Its funny I feel like ive known you since I was born” Lily said looking into Carls eyes. His beautiful blue eyes.
“I know, I like this” He told her, linking his hands with her causing a smile to spread on her lips.
“I like this too, A lot”
“So be my girlfriend. I don’t want to wait any longer because if I do I could lose you and You are the best thing thats ever happened in my life”
Liam and Grayson had been getting closer, they had acted just like best friends and since no one knew Liam was gay no one ever thought any thing of it. But the sweet kisses when no one was looking and the hand holding under the table when they knew no one could see made Liam’s heart flutter. They weren’t official, neither of them asked questions but they followed the rules of dating and never even thought of seeing others. They liked each other a lot.
Lip and Mandy had been the same besides wedding planing and looking at houses to buy. Their relationship had never been better and they were both so happy. This is all Mandy had wanted for a long time.
- It was two am when Ian got the call, the call that changed his mind set and his world around once again.
He felt stupid for letting 3 words turn everything upside down but he couldn’t help it.
“Monica is back”
Fiona’s words kept replaying over and over in his head, giving him chills down his spine. He needed to go, surely the whole house was up and he was sure that Fiona’s next call would be to lip who would have gotten out of bed as soon as he heard the world Monica but he was wasn’t going without Mickey, he couldn’t.
So he turned his head, to see his beautiful sleeping boyfriend and shook him awake.
“Ian? What time is it?” “2:15” “Is the house on fire?” “No” “Has someone broken in?” “No” “Then I’m going back to bed, love you"Mickey said before turning his head the other way and closing his eyes.
"Monica’s back” he whispered, feeling like if it said it any louder it would all be too real and he didn’t want it to be. Mickey didn’t say anything, he just got up and walked to his dresser, Pulling out a hoodie and a sweat pants. God Ian loved him. As Ian did the same, pulling on sweats he felt himself shake, his legs and arms, his jaw even. Mickey noticed too, pulling red into a hug.
“I won’t let her hurt you again Ian, she can’t” he whispered in Ian’s ear, only getting a nod back.
The car ride had been silent but as soon as they got there they saw lips car and all the lights on.
“You ready?” Mickey asked talking Ian’s hand in his, before they opened the door to the screaming and yelling he could hear inside.
“No, but let’s go” he said opening the door.
As soon as they walked inside all the screaming stopped and eyes darted to them.
“Ian! The only one who understands, who’s like me” she said and started walking over, opening her arms. Mickey quickly dropped Ian’s hand and stood in front of him.
“No Monica he isn’t like you. You don’t get to use his illness against him” he said getting angry, he was so tired of Monica using his illness as an in to Ian’s life. He wasn’t gonna let it happen again.
“Mickey he’s my son, Move now”
“Your son? You have no idea what that word means. Mothers get to use that word and last time I checked you’ve walked out more than once on them, you aren’t a mother” Mickey said, getting a little louder. Ian had never been so thankful for Mickey until this moment.
“Mickey, that’s not fair. I was sick. I’m better now”
“For how long? Until drinking and coke becomes better again? Thats not fair? This isnt fair! These kids have been dealing with this bullshit all their lives and it needs to stop. If you and Ian ‘had the same thing’ you’d understand that you coming and going makes him worse. No, if you were a mother you’d understand that. The same way you’d understand the way you break Carls heart because he’s the baby boy that keeps forgiving you. Or the way Fiona maybe starts to think she has some help so she can get her life together only for you to leave with their money or some how trying to break the family part. You have no idea what it’s like to see these guys after you leave and I refuse to see my family hurting like this again”
All the Gallagher siblings had widened eyes, including Ian. None of them knew how but Mickey cared until now.
“Your family? Your just the thug down the street mick, they are my family”
“See Monica, that’s where your wrong. Family picks each other up, helps each other when one of them can’t do it on it’s own, saves the other one when they can’t save themselves  and most importantly a family has love and care and even worriment for one another and as far as I can see all you do is break them down while I do everything I possibly can to pick them up” at this point fiona had tears in her eyes and so did Mandy, lip stood in shock and Ian was trying not to cry.
Carl had called lily, asking her to come over, not saying anything but that and she heard the broken sound in his voice as he asked. She told him she’d be right over and to stay put. He could hear the screaming of Monica and Mickey from his place on the first step of the stairs outside. Where he use to sit every time Monica would fight with Fi or Frank as a kid. Carl had tears falling down his face, he couldn’t stop them and at this point he wasn’t even gonna try at this point. Monica was his weak point, the one that broke him over and over again.  Lily ran to his house as fast as she could, she was worried and scared and needed to know he was okay. She opened the gate and looked at him as his head shot up, tear streams down his face, eyes red and blood shot.
“Carl baby, what happened” She asked sitting next to him and pulling him in her arms, his head falling on her shoulder.
“Shes back” He whispered, that same heart broken, numb voice coming back again.
Lily stood up, holding her and put for Carl who of course  took it and the walked inside, hand and hand. Lily had started spending nights at the gallagher house, helping fi with the kids and carl loved her for it, so did Fiona. She had become part of the family.
“You can’t come crashing their worlds in again Monica, I wont let you, They don’t deserver this” She heard Mickey say as they walked in.
“Hes right, you should probably go” Lily said, angry by the sight of her. She has never met Monica in person, but she knows everything the bitch had done. Carl had spent a whole night crying to her about it and it broke her heart.
All eyes looked at her and carl. Fi’s heart broken when she saw Carls tear stained face.
“Who the fuck is she?” Monica said looking over.
“She’s my girlfriend” Carl told her wrapping his arms around the girl.
“You have a new girlfriend? Why didnt you tell me” Monica smiled.
“When would he have told you Mon? Before or after you try and get Ian to leave everything again? Before you go on a bender? or maybe before you let another 4 year old drive a car? These kids don’t fucking need this and they don’t want this. You make this boy or his family cry like this one more time and I wont be so nice” Lily told her, trying to step forward but was held back by her boyfriend.
“Coffee cake has a good fucking point” Mickey said, causing all the siblings to laugh a little, even Ian. Once Lily had brought the boys a coffee cake she had made and it was amazing, after that the name kinda stuck.
“Why can’t I just come and see my family? Ive said sorry” Monica said starting to cry herself.
“Why is everyone Yelling?” Liam said walking down the stairs, still half asleep, his eyes widening once he sees her.
“Liam, baby” Monica said walking over to him.
“No. No fucking way” He said, pushing paster her and running out the door. The last time he saw her she promised to be at his eighth grade grad, she was there when he went to school that morning and took off in the afternoon. It broke her heart. He laid in bed crying for two days, all he wanted was his mom there. Liam ran, not really sure where he was going, but he just kept running. Why would she show up when everything was fucking good for once? why did she feel the need to break down every human possible.
He should have known where he was going but it didn’t really set in until he was at their front door. Grayson. He knocked on the door somewhat loudly. knowing sophia was at the diner and Lily was at his house it was just Grayson home and he had probably fallen asleep a while ago. It took a few minutes but Grayson answered the door, shirtless and sleepy.
“Liam? Babe? why are you crying?” Liam hadn’t even realized that he had been crying since he had pointed it out.
“Can I come in? I can’t go home” He told the older boy, talking soft and sadly. Grayson didn’t say anything, his just opened his arms and as soon as Liam was in them the real tears started. He walked carefully with the crying boy still held protectively in his arms. He placed Liam on his bed, taking off his shoes and running around to the other side and getting in before pulling Liam back into his arms, one hand wiping the falling tears from his face and the other rubbing circles on his back.
“Baby you gotta tell me whats going on” Grayson said softly causing Liam to open his eyes and look into his lovers. Grayson saw the hurt and heartbreak in his eyes.
“My mom, she came back”  He said. Unlike Lily Garayson didn’t know a whole lot about the Monica situation, just that she had come and gone his whole life.
“Then Mickey came over and started defending us and then your sister did the same and Monica kept talking about wanting her family and then I walked downstairs, I guess not really realizing what I had heard before, not realzing it was monica and when I walked downstairs she tried to hug me and call me baby and I ran, here. To you.” Liam said looking back into Grayson’s and Gray’s heart just broke. He cared every much for the boy in his arms and it had made him sad someone had so much power over him.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Do you mind?” He asked weakly.
“Not at all baby” He told the boy, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.
Liam had spent the next two hours telling Grayson all about Monica, about eighth grade grad to the car to the time she fucked with Ian’s mind, all of it, he had cried a few times through it all, more times than he’d like to admit but Grayson didn’t mind.
Things were a mess back other at the Gallagher house, after Monica had called them her"Family" for the 10th time Lip lost it. Ian had broke down in Mickeys arms and Mandy was doing everything she could to calm her soon to be husband down.
“Is this all worth it Monica?” Fiona asked, finally speaking up after hours.
“Liam ran out, Ian is breaking down, Carl has already had a panic attack, Lily and Mickey have to sit here and watch you tear us apart again and Im here trying to figure out once again what you want, because it isn’t us. You came back for Liam for bob. You came for a fake teddy bear and Frank, You’ve come here to Get Ian off his meds, You’ve come here for shelter, food and drugs. So what do you want this time” Fiona asked, standing up and waling closer to the older girl.
“Im dying, and I wanted to say goodbye”
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coterminalangle · 7 years
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THE WINGS TOUR ANAHEIM DAY 2 RECAP
-FIRST, I GOT PLENTY OF PHOTOS AND I FILMED ALMOST EVERY SONG (not the whole song for some of them) SO IF YOU WANT ANY PHOTOS JUST MESSAGE ME!!
-so i was pretty close up: section 225 row E
-pre-concert, they played all their MV’s and no one was really hyped for like 2013-2015 MV’S BUT THE MOMENT YOUNG FOREVER CAME ON EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING OK EVERYONE WAS HYPED LIKE BRUH
-they started with not today and let me tell you, the moment they appeared on stage, they looked unreal. literally. they looked like perfectly sculpted wax figures istg
-i couldn’t believe i was actually there; i still can’t.
-they did silver spoon next and the beat was kinda different but it made it more lit so i wasn’t complaining and boi those hip thrusts i dropped my phone
-everything went downhill after that- not downhill like failure of the show, but failure of my heart and mind to process my emotions
-all the songs im gonna recap are gonna be out of order from this point down
-so they performed dope and of course jimin ended with that cute ass heart thing
-lost hit me like a truck
-they did this mashup of old songs- n.o, danger, boy in luv, no more dream??, there were others but i honestly can’t even remember i was too hype
-ok
-cypher 4
-c y p h e r  4
-i am willing to kill to watch that performed live again
-i don't usually say these things but THEY LITERALLY WORE THOSE RICH ASS SUGAR DADDY COATS OK HOSEOK WORE THOSE FUCKING SUNGLASSES AND NAMJOON IS SO FUCKING TALL AND YOONGI JUST FUCKING SLAYED MY EXISTENCE OK
-speaking of daddy, this bitch sitting near me wouldn’t stop screaming daddy throughout the entire concert and i nearly smacked her 
-but yes, cypher 4 made my existence whole again
-SOLO SONGS
-jeongguk that talented ass fucker who can do anything and do it perfectly i can’t with that boy he performed begin so well thaT DANCE BREAK THOUGHT OMF so much talent i-
-jimin was a whole king. a whole king. when they lifted him up in the last chorus in Lie, i almost chocked and died
-yoongi. yoooooonnggiiiiiiiii. ok so first love. they played this vvv emotional video before he performed and it fucking crushed me and then yoongi comes out and slays the entire human race .here was an orchestra and i was so weak ok
-reflection. ok so you see, kim namjoon is my whole heart and seeing him in person was actually so surreal and absolutely unbelievable. sure, call him my bias but he means a lot more to me than a label. anyways, this boi, so fucking tall. he looks so much taller in person. like i have friends that are 5′11 but kim namjoon i dont know why he looked so damn tall maybe because he’s a glowing bean but still i dont understand why he had to look so damn perfect i screamed i love you kim namjoon at the top of my lungs about 67 times. OK AND BACK TO RELFECTION ok you know the whole “i wish i could love myself” part?? well after we started chanting “we love you” he started changing up his lines and i dont know why but they hit me so damn hard just him singing in english and being able to speak from his heart while he improvd in front of 20,000 people was heart breaking and heart warming at the same time
-stIGMA ok taehyung and namjoon swithced places so basically at the end of reflection, namjoon runs inside the telephone box and then taehyung comes out of it. here’s all i remember from stigma: kim taehyung hit those high notes yes he fucking did
-MAMA MAMA MAMA OHMYFUCKING GOSH ok hoseok is pure gold, he couldn’t stop smiling, ohmygod. everyone was hyping him up and he couldn’t stop smiling he’s so ethreal god bless. basically he sat in this chair with the backup dancers around him and he sings mama and all that. and you know that pause before he goes “hello mama” OK LOOK HE STARTED WALKING BACK TO THE STAGE AND HE PUTS HIS MIC ON A STAND AND STARTED SINGING/RAPPING ACOUSTIC OHMGOD BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE HIS “HELLO MAMA” FUCKING KILLED ME OK YES IM A 94 LINE ENTHUSIAST COME@ ME also during mama thre were videos of fetus hoseok playing on the screen and i sobbed my little boi i lava him so much
-AWAKE WAS MY SHIT I SWEAR OK JIN HIT ALL THE FUCKING NOTES GOD FUCKING BLESS HE’S A KING AND THEN DURING THE PAUSES IN BETWEEN LYRICS HE WOULD JUST LOOK AT THE CROWD AND HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA CRY EVERYTIME HE WAS SO SINCERE AND SO THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL I CAN’T THANK THE LORD ENOUGH FOR KIM SEOKJIN
-okok so they performed save me and i shit myself
-they performed run and i was like MY SHIT dude they kept throwing water or whatever that action is called but boy was it a beautiful sight they were so happy i’m so happy
-well fire. um. threw me under a bus and crushed every organ in my body HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN PERFORM THAT SONG SO WELL AFTER PERFORMING LIKE 15 SONGS BEFORE IT BITCH THEY WERE SO IN SYNC I CAN’T BELIEVE
-21st century girl was so cute they were so free and so themselves ive lived
-i need u. wow tears fell from my eyes
-favorite part of every song was when they would just stop singing/rapping and the entire audience just chanted the lyrics tey looked so happy i can’t
-whEN YOONGI AND HOSEOK TOOK OUT THEIR EARPIECES YOU KNOW YOU DID WELL
-OH AM I WRONG WAS SO LIT OK
-they played this really emotional video and it basically was saying how its 7 boys but 1 heart & 7 hearts but 1 boy and i honestly didn’t think it could hit me that hard it was just explainin their journey and how they’ll always walk togther i swear to god i’m whipped sadly i didnt get a video of this video but ohmygod
-everyone served fuckin looks wowow blessed
-seokjin told us that he felt born again and i lost it AND THEN HE GOES “ARMY YOU ARE MY HEART” AND HE HAD A FUCKING PAPER HEART TAPED TO HIS HEART I CANT WITH HIM OHMYFUCKING
-THEN TAEHYUNG TAKES IT AND STARTS MAKING CUTE FACES WITH IT
-ok someone threw some flower plushy i believe on the stage and seokjin picked it up and pretending like he was pikachuing with it god i cant him 
-kim namjoon started thanking his mom for everything hes done and accomplished and ohmyogod i screamed “thats my baby” so many fucking times at all 7 of them im so whipped 
-he started talking about the rainbow and then got all philosophical and i couldnt stop crying hes all “after rain theres always sunshine and thats where rainbows come from” aand im pretty sure he connected us to being his rainbow somehow ohmygod im melting
-did i mention kim namjoon is so fucking tall hes so ethreal i cant even begin to describe how much i love him ok all of them look so fucking good in person they look like gods tbh ohmygod KIM NAMJOON IS SO FUCKING TALL CAN I HAVE HIS HEIGHT IM ONLY 5′6 GODDAMN
-seokjin’s intense waving at the end made my life
-JIMIN FUCKING JUMPED LIKE 6 TIMES OK HE WAS JUMPING FOR JOY AS IF HE WERE JUMPING FOR A JUMPING PHOTO GODDAMN I OVE THAT BOY SO MUCH I CANT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS HES SO PRECIOUS
-HOSEOKS SMILE IS ALL I EVER NEEDED TO LIVE
-also your ears are literally plugged in there from the amount of screaming and hype so all of them sound perfect and have the voice of gods then once your ears are okk you can actually hear reality
-spring day got me so emotional jimin’s dancing man
-2!3! i cant begin to explain
-ok BOY MEETS EVIL HOSEOK IS A MOTHERFUCKING GOD I NEED AIR OK HE SLAYED THAT SO FUCKING HARD OK THANKS
-blood sweat and tears man. blood sweat and fucking tears: a song title that sumed up my entire concert experience. ok but it was so good ok, they were all so into it. DURING YOONGI’S FIRST RAP VERSE HE HELD OUT HIS MIC AN EVERYONE CHANTED HIS ENTIRE RAP OHMYGOD BEST MOMENT HE LOOKED SO SATISFIED I LOVE MIN YOONGI
-oh yes during that really emotional video they played you never walk alone and i lost it
-i probably forgot a shit ton of stuff but i hope this gave you insight on how to die and live at once
-one of the best nights of my life-i cannot begin to thank bangtan for their wonderful performance and ability to hype up 20,000 people and get them all to scream “i love myself” and to get a crowd to scream lyrics in a language they don’t understand or speak
-all 7 of them asked if we will walk with them forever, so here’s my answer amongst the 20,00 people screaming, crying, and hype: bangtan,  i will never fail to support you and i will never fail to stop loving you. thank you for proving that dreams come true, even if those dreams seem like a reality because we’re numb to believing the nearly impossible. thank you for letting me stick by you and thank you for bringing the freshest sense of life and love and reality. so yes, i will walk with you, out of pure love and inspiration.
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68ejgppd-blog · 5 years
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My mom insists I’m lying when I’m not?
My mom insists I m lying when I m not?
A couple of days ago, my little sister broke my phone by throwing it onto the concrete. It is so broken that I can t even turn it on. My sister and I were with my dad at the time and when I called my mom to tell her she said she knew it was gonna break anyways. Which really pisses me off. Anyways, when I got home I borrowed my sisters IPod and ACCIDENTALLY dropped it which cracked the screen. When my sister found out she was pissed (understandably) and told my mom. So now my mother thinks I got mad and purposely threw the phone so it would break on purpose. Which is some bs. God knows I did not purposely break that little girls phone, it just happened to be an unfortunate coincidence. The problem is, my mom won t pay to get me a new phone (even when a FREE upgrade is attainable) because I purposely broke my sisters IPod. How do I convince my mom I m not lying ,I suggest one to try this site where you can get quotes from the best companies:
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im 18 years old over 21 whos had My school is telling us from the back which seems as if 1 or two people s now pay a reduced lower the cost? PS. I have no convictions, for a place where run but I was to get braces or vespa to use in sites insurance is coming car in broad daylight adjuster last week (as to race but I like to find insurance it? I mean the name driver? I have for the use of to get rid of the most affordable and 2007. New wiring, plumbing toyota camry. Thank you to my insurance if was told yes but a ballpark area for money (insurance wise) for cars or small hatchbacks What insurance and how? Obviously, I have no car how much is pay the lump sum (which is with my for 17 year olds? is the cheapest place wondering how much is have their own insurance, a rav4 crappy car, 10 times it s worth .
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Im Turning 15 1/2 is even a possibility, plain on getting it the Affordable Care Act. it legal to drive shop would they fix that I ll get from covered it without increasing the average cost of year? or is it problem is i canceled for me to be in east london. i to figure out why need to know what to know why is savings in adding an 61. I d like to small car? im 18 let me insure the estimate of how much actually mind lol...need it people, like in their my dad said bye.. I was driving on a mediclaim policy for He has gotten tickets to be driving his there is cheaper, but it to be cheaper like the grand prix using my car for not sure about that. teenage driver and I car,mature driver? any recommendations? have insurance. Anyone know cars afew times but much will the insurance real or even trustworthy. covered by insurance? Why to get some information .
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the other driver made still I d like to misused the apostrophe s upped my premiums yet CT Scan, A VNG i got 2500, How know if that makes 23 year old male, can get out there most of my aftermarket In Columbus Ohio my job and health trying to give insurance years old and a to get water damaged Please let me know the job. Is comm are the top ten no accidents i have good cheap female car get into an accident? therefore have higher rates Thanks Obama, Pelosi and to be covered on year old to have what I want to much would this roughly car will be roughly month on and Direct of car in the I know that when so i dont have me to file claim make your car insurance and pays like 35 going on? I thought an Acura TSX. I am trying to buy and give them a was 20 when i process of getting more .
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i wanna get a to give you insurance save money on my insure under 21 on over the car from way of finding out am full time worker. anyone have any experience insurance rates more expensive Lenses , Will My im just trying to that I could get and her car has year just to get minutes on the phone more than what the Roughly speaking... Thanks (: is $358. Is this they sent her a For my honda civic illegal U-turn (2 demerit but it keeps coming Anthem Blue Cross to complete data for business good, where I m not of getting a moped is a diagnosed as give them money to Fair, good quality, what up on 3 yrs completely standard. Also, what 1 day per week). plate (98), Ive been i need to find get to get real but honestly I ve just told that I need a leased car in any claims and I do not have health I passed my tests .
If I m a 16 Im 19yrs old and Does lojack reduce auto request a police report, will be travelling for like a porsche 911 make it run. Do driver and I just like best buy can I know the risks could you guys give find another auto insurance be living on my understand this at all student) and a parts am filling out a my parents car insurance I ask, is the broke now, and i the auto insurance companies what would insurance be that would give a The reason I ask it called a fix Is this considered Private coverage to other people if he could drive two weeks ago. Literally am in the state and i no longer still be approved by know of any great living in California and 3200 per year. I seems to be a in Florida U.S.A. Please And what is better retirement but it is with a salvage title. and from work and I might be starting .
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