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lostdreamr-blog1 · 7 months

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Pinky Promise

Pinky Promise 2

Part 3

Summary: Jake gets a call in the middle of the night asking for a ride home. But it’s who is asking that makes him worried.

Word count: 2k

A/N: Another request knocked out! Currently working on part 2 of Beautiful Stranger and might have plans for continuing this one depending on if you all like it. Thank you so much for reading! -C

You were a little on the tipsy side as you squinted at your phone trying to make out the numbers on it. With them moving as much as they were, it was near impossible to type in a correct phone number. Instead, you opened your contacts and scrolled down to your brother’s name.

The smart thing to do would be to call him for a ride, but the more drunk side of you could only think about the nagging you would get on the way home and probably the month following. So, you scrolled up and down your contacts deciding on who would be the lucky winner to receive a call at 1 in the morning.

Jake groaned as he heard his phone going off. He blindly reached for it and squinted at the bright screen, trying to decipher who the hell would be calling at this hour. He had to be up in a few hours to get ready for another day of trying to get through the near impossible assignment, so unless it was an emergency, he was ignoring it.

The number that flashed on his screen wasn’t one he had seen before. He almost wrote it off as a wrong number or another spam call, but something told him to answer it. The area code was one he knew and a call this late on a Saturday might mean something is going on. So, instead of rolling over and enjoying the few hours of sleep he had left, he answered the mystery number.

“Seresin.”

“Oh shit! That’s the Jake that’s in this phone? Why would he put that number in here?” The voice was female and sounded somewhat familiar but was clearly drunk.

“Sorry to disappoint. Who is this?” Jake was kicking himself for answering it now, having the person insult him within two seconds of talking.

“Ah. Look, you have to promise not to tell my brother anything. Like pinkly swear and everything.” Jake was too tired to entertain childish requests, but the first part of the statement finally sunk in. The only one on the team who had a sister near base was Bradley. Fuck.

“Y/N? Is that you?” He needed the confirmation before freaking out. What did she do that warranted keeping her brother in the dark?

“I am not answering that question until you promise me.” He sat up in bed, turning on the lamp next to him. There was no way this wasn’t her.

“Alright. I promise I won’t tell him right now. Can you tell me what’s going on?” He was hoping she was too drunk to catch how he promised.

“Fine. I’m at this bar with my friend and I played wingman a little too well and she left with this guy. I mean good for her. She just got over this really bad breakup and needed to get laid.” Jake had gotten out of bed and put the phone on speaker as he got dressed. Something told him he was going to have to pick you up from somewhere. That’s if you managed to stop getting sidetracked.

“Anyway, I have this thing about not liking to get in Ubers by myself and it’s a long ass walk back to my apartment.” Jake had grabbed his keys at this point and was walking out the door.

“Where are you? I’m on my way.” He turned on his truck and waited for a response.

“Shoot. Well, we started at one place and now this is place three. No place four. You know what, let me ask because I have no idea.” Jake sighed and shook his head. He had heard stories from Bradley about his younger sister and how reckless you were. Or at least that’s the way he described you. He always kept you on a tight leash, trying his hardest to keep you out of trouble.

But Jake thought you just wanted to have some fun. One of his sisters went through a phase like this and it was best to keep a close eye on them but never push them. For reasons like this.

You told him the name of the bar and he was on his way. “I’ll be there in about 15 minutes. Are you okay to wait inside for me?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I need to finish this water anyway.” Jake told you to call if something came up but he shouldn’t be long.

It wasn’t but 5 minutes later his phone started ringing again. He saved your number as Baby Bradshaw, knowing that this probably wouldn’t be the last time you called him.

“Yes ma’am?”

“Are you close?” As casual as you tried to sound, Jake could hear a slight bit of urgency.

“Five minutes away. Everything alright?” The hesitation that followed his question told him everything he needed to know. But he waited for your response before he pushed the issue further.

“Umm, it’s probably nothing. Just this guy by the bar keeps giving me this look and it’s making me feel a bit uncomfortable. But I’m also drunk and a tiny bit paranoid.” Jake pushed the accelerator down a bit further, breaking a few laws in order to get to you faster. He wasn't going to be blamed for getting the youngest Bradshaw in trouble.

“I’ve always been told to listen to your gut.” He heard the hum on the other end of the line as he blew through a red light.

“My gut is telling me they want tacos.” Jake couldn’t stop the laugh that came out.

“We can get you tacos on the way home, sweetheart. Now do me a favor and stand where a lot of people can see you. People like security or a bouncer. Can you do that for me?” He heard you hum again.

“Slight problem. He is following me now.” Jake’s heart started to beat faster and knew he needed to get there now.

“Shit. What did Bradley say. Thumb out, use your knuckles.” He shook his head trying to figure out what the hell you were saying. But it clicked a second too late.

“No don’t-“ He heard commotion on the other line and parked his truck right outside the bar. Flying out the door, he nearly ran into you as you were standing by the entrance with a bouncer blocking a guy with blood running from his nose from getting close to you.

Jake grabbed you before you could get around the bouncer and pulled you outside. “I told you to stay the hell away from me, you creep!” You were yelling at the guy all the way outside, letting him know you weren’t to be messed with. He wanted to go back in there and show the guy what happens when you mess with innocent people, but he knew leaving your side wouldn’t be for the best.

When the two of you were next to his truck, Jake let go and looked you over. Your face had a red tint to it from what he assumed had just happened, but besides that you looked to be in one piece. That was until he saw your eyes start to water.

He put a hand under your chin and lifted your head up. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

You sniffed a few times and wiped the tear that managed to escape. “Bradley didn’t say how much it hurts to hit someone.”

Jake bit back a smile and looked down at your hand. While it was a bit red and would surely bruise tomorrow, it didn’t look too bad.

“He probably didn’t think you would ever have to do that. Why don’t we get you back home and you can tell me what happened.” He watched you nod your head and opened his passenger door for you, closing it when you were in.

He waited a few minutes after you were on the road before asking questions. “Want to tell me why you called me instead of your brother?”

You shook your head at the question. “Have you met my brother? It would be nonstop nagging for God knows how long. Anyone else seemed like the better option.” You paused as you remembered exactly who you were with.

“I will say I didn’t expect him to put your name in my phone. He seems to have a strong dislike for you.” Jake smirked at what you had said and shrugged his shoulders.

“He probably knew I had sisters and would do anything to make sure they were alright. Regardless on who they were related to.” You thought this over and nodded your head. It wasn’t long until the next question came.

“What happened at the bar?” You felt his eyes on you and knew he was more concerned than curious.

“The guy I told you was giving me weird looks ended up following me to the door. He stopped me and tried to grab my hand and even though I pulled it away, he kept coming at me. I don’t know, I guess I just felt like I needed to do something to stop him.” You missed the way Jake’s hands tightened on the steering wheel or the clench in his jaw.

“He was lucky I was 30 seconds behind, or he would’ve gotten more than a broken nose.” You looked over and saw how serious he was. A look your brother wore all too often.

“How long until you tell bird boy what happened?” Jakes eyes caught yours and you saw the conflict in them.

“If I was him, I would want to know something happened to my sister. But I will at least drop you off before I call him. Keep your phone on silent and say you fell asleep. That way you can push it off until he gets off tomorrow.” He heard your sigh but that was the end of that.

It was silent in the car until he heard you say, “I’m not as stupid as my brother makes me out to be.” Stupid was never a word he would have used to describe you. A little carefree maybe, but you knew what you were doing.

“I see someone who wants to have a little fun in their life while they can. Nothing wrong with that.” He glanced over to you to see you playing with your injured hand.

“You’re not as bad as they make you out to be either. Besides my brother, not many people would come and get me when they have to be up soon.” Jake held back a wince when he saw the time. A coffee run in the morning would be needed. Maybe he could talk Natasha into picking him up some from that place she always went to.

He pulled into your apartment complex and parked as close to your building as he could.

“Hey, sweetheart. You can call me anytime you need help, okay? I know your brother and I are not on great terms, but I know he would help me out when family is involved.” You gave him a small smile and thanked him for the ride.

He waited until you closed the door before he backed out of the parking lot, trying to figure out what he was going to say to Bradley. It was nearing 2am and calling him was oit of the question. So, he sent a simple text.

Hey man. Your sister called a random number in her contacts tonight and didn’t realize it was me. She needed a safe ride home and that exactly what I did. We can talk about it more at base, but wanted to let you know she is safe. -Hangman

He went to put his phone down when a text popped up. He prayed Bradley wasn’t awake, wanting to push the rest of that conversation off. But instead, it was baby Bradshaw with the text You never got me tacos.

Jake laughed out loud replying that he owes you some in the near future. With a spitfire attitude that you had, Jake saw the two of you becoming good friends. That’s if Bradley didn’t lock you up after tonight’s events.

A/N: Not too sure how I felt about this one but thinking about doing a Jake and Y/N friend series. Thoughts? Likes or dislikes? Thank you for reading!

Tag List: @rosiahills22 @sunlitsunflowers @dempy @mamaskillerqueen @luckyladycreator2 @atarmychick007 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @topguncultleader @alilstressyandlotdepressy @avengers-fixation @chaoticcassidy

#hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin #topgun maverick #top gun maverick #chelsea writes #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader

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autistichalsin · 4 months

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Halsin and abandonment issues

One thing I've come to conclude about Halsin's character, based on many parts of his story and some lines he says, is that he might have abandonment issues.

To begin with: he lost his entire family over the years to accidents and disease, per his writer. That's the kind of thing that leaves deep scars- watching everyone you love fade away over years, until at a "comparatively young age" you're the last of your family and turned over to the Druids to be taken care of. (His writer didn't specify an age, but if he was young enough to be "turned over to the Druids" instead of "finding his way there" then it is likely he was not an adult.) There's no time to lose your family that isn't absolutely horrible, but as a young person is far, far worse.

Then there's Halsin's other traumas, all of which involve isolation; he was a prisoner for three years in the Underdark, and despite this, no one thought to come looking for him to save him. He lost most of his fellow Druids in the battle against Ketheric Thorm and the Shadow Curse that followed- and what few didn't die, he still lost their friendship to his leadership position, the "weight of responsibility". His one lasting friend in all of this, Thaniel, was lost to the curse and Halsin spent over 100 years blaming himself, fighting to be the best leader he could at the Grove, and having no one at all he could lean on for any of his burdens. And then he wound up kidnapped again, this time by the goblins, and when he returns, almost all his Druids have been turned against him, some even holding him in contempt. All experiences that are isolating in nature and reinforce to him that he can't rely on anyone else, that he is the only person he can depend on, and that in the end, everyone he cares for is going to leave or die.

It's not just speculation that he feels that way, either. He has several lines about his survivor guilt and isolation:

"[...] there is a burden to being the survivor... the witness to others' tragedies. It only grows heavier with time."

"[...] Grim as it is now, it was worse on the day of the battle. A vivid wound upon my memory. I was lucky - I lived, when so many did not. It would take me a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends I lost."

And lines that indicate he's used to being left, too.

If the player rejects him after he wildshapes (emphasis mine):

"Ah, I see. Well, of course. Back to camp then."

Saying "of course" implies it's not entirely unexpected.

After the final battle, if the player declines to have a celebration and says the party should split up:

"It was always destined to be so, if we prevailed. But the foreknowledge makes it no less bittersweet..."

He was expecting the party not to stick together.

Similarly, if a love-interest player breaks up with him in the ending:

"I see... After all my years of living, I know all too well that nothing lasts forever. Yet a parting can sting, nonetheless. But that just means what we shared was precious, and will live on in my memory. Thank you - I am a richer man for having met you."

The "nothing lasts forever" really sells it, to me, especially because the context makes it clear that he isn't just making a general statement- he's talking about relationships and people. Again- he was expecting it all to end.

His worry in the epilogue, when a solo-romanced player comes to the party with him, hints at this even more: "You could have done anything, gone with anyone... yet you chose me."

He's surprised that the player, even if they're in love, would want to live with him and share his dream. He can't believe they really wanted that- he even says that he keeps expecting to "stir from the dream".

I feel like that shows a lot about how Halsin feels after all the loss he's endured- he doesn't ultimately believe anyone is going to stay with him, whether because they choose to leave him, or because they'll die.

#halsin #halsin silverbough #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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boydepartment · 7 months

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enhypen texts + scenario - when you ask them to call

a/n: i am procrastinating on eng 102 hw. that’s not due until sunday but STILL. i just don’t wanna do it rn 🫶

warnings: cursing

MASTERLIST

jungwon-

when jungwon finally called and you answered you perked up...

"hey my baby! are you feeling any better? i know this cold has been messing with you..." his voice sounded worried. you sneezed and hummed softly. "i've been trying to get better so i can see you again, i dont wanna get you sick or anything!" you whined, you missed him dearly but you could not get him sick. especially with a comeback around the corner. "do you want to play a game or something? that always cheers you up!" you smiled at jungwon's kindness, "i'd really love that."

heeseung-

when heeseung answered he set his phone up his phone at his desk so you could see him...

"hey my favorite person! i missed you..." heeseung mumbled as he clicked away at the computer. "i thought i asked you to stop playing league!" you teased him, joking of course. he started giggling and pushed up his glasses. "after this game, i'm in the middle and leaving would make me a shitty friend!" he was focused. you really didn't mind when he played games while you called him. you got to see the eye candy in front of you, and you got to listen to him talk to himself, cursing under his breath. so safe to say you were not complaining <3

jay-

when you finally got a call it felt like a breath of fresh air to you...

"i am so stressed right now..." you leaned you head down on you pillow, you resorted to studying in bed. "i know my love, do you want to teach me what youre learning? i heard that can help..." he suggested, jay's voice was soft. you smiled to yourself, "i think that will help, but can you tell me about your day first?" "of course darling..."

jake-

when jake finally answered you, you kicked your feet a little, not that he needed to know that...

"hiiiiii!" jake said, in his usual cheery tone, he was always happy to hear your voice, so you didnt answer, you hummed. "y/nnnnnnn!!!!! i want to hear your voice please!" he started acting overdramatic, whining, being loud, the whole thing. you started to laugh and snort. "that works for me too, your laugh is my second favorite noise!" your brows furrowed, "what the hell is your favorite?" "YOUR VOICE ITSELF?????" jake sounded offended, "I AM NOT SOME PERV? I DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK THAT!" you started laughing again, jake never failing to making your mood lighter.

sunghoon-

you did not think sunghoon was actually sprinting, so when you answered the face time call and saw the phone looking like it was being thrown, you started laughing.

"AH! I AM FINALLY IN MY HOTEL ROOM!" you heard his door shut and saw him flop on the bed, "hi my love!" you were still giggling, "you didn't have to run!" "i did have to run! i missed you! and you missed me!" sunghoon spoke like it was the most simple thing on earth. "i love you." you spoke softly, sunghoon put his face in the blanket. mumbling out a weak, "i love you too."

sunoo-

"NOW WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU HIDING YOUR EMOTIONS FROM ME?!"

you jumped back from your phone, sunoo was LOUD. "i didnt want you to think i was clingy!" you cringed out. sunoo let out an appalled noise. "y/n l/n i love you more than anything in the world! do not be afraid to say you miss me! in fact i miss you ALL the time!" you heard him huff at the end, solidifying his statement in a very sunoo way. he never failed to make you smile. "okay okay! i miss you everyday too! now talk to me please!" you said in between laughs. "THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

riki-

you read over his lasts texts trying to comprehend them until he called you

"you okay? you seemed mad." riki spoke, you head him rustle around a bit so you assumed that he was in bed, you were too. "no, i am just really tired of human interaction right now." riki chuckled slightly, "that's ironic." "shut up i thought we already established you are something else." you spoke quickly and defensively, this made him laugh and accidentally drop his phone. "FUCK!" you started laughing, "what the hell just happened!?" you didn't know this, but the fact riki made you laugh by purposely dropping his phone made his heart warm. you also didn't need to know that risking shattering his phone was on purpose either just to hear you laugh again. "I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED MY PHONE AND I CANT FIND IT BECAUSE IT IS DARK IN MY ROOM!"

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lo-fi-charming · 4 months

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so i've been keeping up with TMP as it's airing, which has been fun, it's actually really nice to experience this kind of story weekly since i came into TMA late and listened up to the s4 finale in like, a month or two. i've been enjoying the new characters and statements, and while i was worried i'd have trouble actively listening (my attention span/executive functioning can be really variable when it comes to podcasts), it's been surprisingly easy for me to actually listen to each new ep the day it drops publicly

all this to say im enjoying the show! but i've found myself feeling increasingly frustrated with a couple things i keep seeing when it comes to discussions of it

to me, it seems... there's been a pervasive reluctance to take TMP as what it is. and i do understand that. it'd be stupid to pretend TMP doesn't exist exclusively because of TMA and that show's success, that it's a successor that was pitched as being similar. it's a story being written by the same people (plus guests), in the same universe (roughly), going for about the same tone and maybe themes.

i just feel like it's a bit of a shame, though, that so many folks seem unwilling not to carry TMA with them when they're engaging with TMP

i don't know where or when it was said, but i swear there was a comment made by jonny and/or alex about how TMP will have some commonality with TMA in terms of world-building, but also, people who listened to TMA first may find themselves theorizing in the wrong direction because we're judging things based off what is no longer concrete, reliable information; things are going to work differently in the world of TMP, and since we have preconceived notions on what is relevant or how things work, that's going to influence how we engage with information presented in TMP if we let it. and that's not even considering the fact that they've been explicit in conveying the idea that TMP was written so you can experience it fully without having listened to any of TMA at all!

i'm very much someone who tries to engage with media on its own terms, largely taking things at face value until i'm given reason to suspect otherwise. that's something i'm trying my best to still do with TMP, even though obviously, i've also listened to TMA and am basing some of my thoughts and personal theories on what we know from that

but that's what i mean to say i guess, it's something you have to actively choose to do. and it feels like, just based on what i've been seeing in fandom spaces, that a lot of people are having a bit of an odd time with TMP because of a reluctance to do that?

i think the easiest way to explain what i mean is to point to a general acceptance, already on the level of fanon it seems, to interpret the computer voices as Our Jon and Martin (+ Jonah/Elias, maybe). now obviously we have the actual real world reason why their voices are present in TMP, because of course jonny and alex were going to come back as voices in the show in some way. and i 100% agree it's a perfectly logical conclusion to then interpret their inclusion as being related to Jon and Martin somehow. i'm personally very into the theory that it is in no way them - not in any way that matters - but specifically their voices that have been stolen (by the Web?) as a means to help spread fears in other realities. but that's really not how i've been seeing people play with the concept? it seems largely 1:1. and again, i totally understand where people are coming from with that - especially when you consider how it can be a super fun concept for horror and angst, or even just the fact that folks want an excuse to carry their favorite characters into this new show and still play around with them. i promise i don't mean to bring this up as a means of making anyone feel bad or like, chastised for interpreting things a certain way and playing in the space!

it's the biggest example of what i mean though, and was a huge point of frustration for me when we were first being presented with TMP. it's not just that i don't want the voices to be Jon and Martin proper (i am very into their Ambiguous End, i believe it's best to leave that as a space for fans to play in); in all honesty, i think it's kind of a shame and maybe even a bit boring (im sorry!) to be engaging with TMP this way

and it's not just stuff like that - i've been seeing a fair amount of people expressing frustration and feeling disappointed with how TMP is hitting, but i mean, i feel like that's inevitable when you're going into it expecting More TMA? i saw at least one person basically say "ive been waiting for it to make me feel the way TMA made me feel, and it hasn't yet", and i really just feel like that's setting yourself up to be dissatisfied! beyond the fact that we're only 5 episodes in and the story has barely gotten a chance to happen yet, a huge element of this new show is that it's being approached as a largely collaborative effort, it seems, with lots of guests coming in to help shape the story and more writing and plotting influence that isn't jonny

obviously it's fine to not be super into that! undoubtedly it's a question of taste. but you do have to acknowledge that that's the case and adjust your expectations accordingly, or else you're not going to have a great time

i really like TMA, i had a great time with it, but even if TMP is a sequel to its parent podcast, it's not the same thing - and personally, i don't want it to be! i do hope that's a sentiment that is able to be more widely felt by some fans as we gain more distance from TMA while TMP is airing. i just think more people would be able to enjoy it that way, and come up with more interesting theories and interpretations of things! but those are really just my own personal thoughts

#endlesschatter #tmagp #i just needed to express some of this #it's a bit tricky tho esp with the voices as jmart thing bc a lot of my buddies and pals are playing in that space #and i hate to sound like im vagueing or complaining i swear im not ;lskdjfljk it is truly so unserious in the end #it's just very much not my interpretation or desire to see canonized in any way #though i cant deny some of the arguments made in favor of that interpretation are compelling #and i mean if it's the case in canon! not like im gonna be mad at folks for calling it!!#might not be my favorite angle but could still be plenty fun!#but also yes yeah i just wrote a lot of words down just to say i think it might be nice. if.#the fandom at large didn't try putting a coat of TMA paint over TMP and interpreting everything that happens in a TMA-colored lens

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its-time-to-write · 1 year

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Thank you so much for the response to my request <3. the fic was better then I could have hoped!!!!

I have a new request (but feel free to focus on the story themes you were wanting to do!), I have been really wanting to see a Jamie fic where he takes care of sick reader. Could be period or illness (no preference) and Jamie has no idea how to help but tries his best. I think its a cute idea

Can't wait to read more of your fics!

Thank you so much for requesting!! Literally love when people ask me to write things. Also, apparently everyone loves a sickfic because my other one has the most notes of everything I’ve written. Anyway, here’s your fic!

there’s orange juice in the kitchen

You are not sure of much, but you know one thing: you’re in pain. It’s 2am, and you’ve gotten a grand total of two hours of sleep. You’ve given up on laying in your bed and have filled up your bath with hot water, bubbles, and bath salts. Lots of bath salts. Your abdomen feels like it’s shredding itself and you suppose, technically speaking, it is. You’re just relieved that tomorrow is the weekend and you don’t have to slog through a work day, white-knuckling these absolutely ripping period cramps.

You don’t have regular periods like, ever, and your doctor’s concerned about your fertility. You remember waving it off with the statement, “That’s a problem for another day.” Thing is, that was just a cop-out. You didn’t want to think about it for a single second because then it would become real, and you make it a personal point never to complain about a period no matter how brutal it is because at least it’s something and never mind that your last one was four months ago, you’re ok. You have a good life and good people and you’re fine.

It’s just the principle, you know? The desire of choice.

The hormones don’t help either.

But anyway, you’re in your tiny bath trying to soothe the pain you’re in, trying to make yourself tired enough to fall asleep once you get out. You breathe, in, out. In, out.

You’re up till 6am when you finally doze off.

—

You wake up in a sweaty haze. You’re in soft pants and a large t-shirt, on top of your sheets rather than in them. You reach for your phone then pull your legs in with a sharp gasp. You’re still in pain.

It subsides so you reach again and check the time. 9:01. You groan. Three hours of dubious sleep is not enough. You have a missed text from Sam (remind me which brand of kitchenware you use?) two missed texts from Keeley (look at this absolutely adorable puppy! Attached: 1 Image), and a missed call from Jamie.

Ah, right. Jamie.

Your boyfriend.

Who you were supposed to meet for breakfast exactly sixteen minutes ago.

Shit.

You call him back and he answers on the first ring.

“Hey love!” he says. “You alright? Not like you to miss breakfast.”

You grimace. “I uh, I wasn’t feeling well last night and I haven’t slept very good. I forgot to text you. Didn’t fall asleep until 6.”

“A.M.?” Jamie asks and you reply to the affirmative. He lets out a long “shiiit,” followed by a, “how contagious are you?”

“For you? Not very,” you say. “For another girl, incredibly contagious, although some say that’s an old wive’s tale.”

Jamie is silent in confusion, then- “Ohh, I get it! You’re not sick-sick, you’re on your fucking period.”

You chuckle, despite remaining curled up on your side.

“Yes,” you reply, “My fucking period. I feel nauseous and tired and I am bleeding so. Much. It’s like my body’s making up for the last four months of nothing.”

Jamie’s silent for a moment and you internally cringe, kicking yourself for over sharing. You haven’t been together that long, about a month and a half, and he doesn’t need to know that about you. He’s a famous footballer, after all, and a guy’s guy. Probably gets grossed out about periods and stuff.

Then he says, “Can I come over? I’ll bring food,” and your worries almost completely evaporate.

“As long as you don’t care about how disgusting I am or the fact that I hurt a lot, sure,” you say. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

—

Jamie’s at your flat in 40 minutes, which is fast considering how much food he walks in with. He’s brought a bag of Chinese takeout, plus two overflowing grocery bags.

“This is for now, these are for later,” he explains. He’s in a pink sweatshirt with matching shorts and socks, and maybe it’s the damned hormones again but he looks hot. His hair is pushed back with a headband and you want him to fuck you. You don’t think you can convince him, though, what with the blood. And the fact that he’s Jamie fucking Tartt. And that he probably doesn’t do shit like that because it’s gross.

Your brain whispers, but he’s here, isn’t he? so you just push that thought down to live with other scary ones like, I will never have kids, or I’m going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.

Jamie is oblivious to this, just pulling everything out of the bags and chattering on. He’s kicked off his trainers near the door, and he hasn’t made any comments about the fact that you’ve wrapped a blanket around your shoulders like a shroud, or that your hair is in the messiest bun in the history of the world. Not the sexy, reader-insert fan fiction type of messy bun, either. Just an I-did-not-get-anywhere-NEAR-enough-sleep-last-night messy bun.

“-and me mum always drank orange juice, swore it helped with bloating or hydration or somethin’, I don’t really know, but I got some of that too and this tea that’s supposed to help with cramps, and also a shit-ton of chocolate because I didn’t know which kind was your favorite. I was thinking we can sit on the couch and watch a movie or play Animal Crossing or some shit while eating the takeout, then I can cook you a proper fucking meal later. Coach always says it’s important to have a balanced meal when you’re under the weather, and I think it applies to this too.” He stops when he notices you just looking at him. “You alright, babe?”

“Yeah, I just- why did you get all this?” you blurt out.

For the first time since you’ve known him, Jamie looks unsure of himself. “I dunno. I mean, I do know. You didn’t sound great over the phone, and Keeley’s always telling me to fucking listen to other people, and me mum was always the same on her period so I used to get her the things she wanted all the time. And-” he takes a breath, “and I picked up on what you said. The fuckin’ four-months shit. That ain’t good babe. Even I know that. And, we haven’t been together that long, but I’m pretty fucking sure you know that too, and I wanted to let you know I’m sorry.”

You’re momentarily fixed on the way he says certain words. Keeleh. Sorreh. It’s sweet, for some reason, and it causes a dull ache in your chest. You realize what he’s actually said to you and that ache deepens. You’d kiss him if you weren’t sure your breath was gross.

So instead, you settle for nodding and staring at your kitchen wall. That’s because option one is kissing and option two is crying. You can’t do either right now.

A traitor tear slips out your eye anyway, and you hope Jamie won’t see it. He does.

“Hey, hey.” He comes around the counter and pulls you into a hug, blanket shroud, messy bun, and all. “Love. It’s alright. It’s alright. You’re not alone, and we’re going to go sit on the couch and eat as much food as we can and then pass out, alright? We’re not going to think about anything else except what’s right in fuckin’ front of us.”

“That was,” you sniff, “weirdly philosophical. And very sweet. And I’m sorry for being disgusting.”

Jamie pulls away from you, and you think this is the first time he’s realized how gross you are.

“Don’t say that shit, babe,” he says, and you laugh before you realize he isn’t joking.

“I’m serious,” he continues. “You might feel disgusting, but you aren’t. You smell like fucking lavender, for Christ’s sake. Your pajamas are clean, and so’s your hair. Might be fuckin’ messy right now, but me mum also taught me to braid, so it’s nothing that can’t be fixed.”

You pull him back against you and let some more tears come out.

“Why are you being so nice,” you ask, voice muffled through his sweatshirt.

“Oh, dunno,” he replies, hint of a smile in his voice, “Think you’re fit. I like shower sex. You pick.” He pauses. “Maybe both. Heard that it can help with cramps.”

You laugh wetly into his chest. He’s warm and comforting, and so completely not what you expected him to be. You both stand in the kitchen for another minute, his cheek resting on your head before he says, “Oi, you hungry?”

“God, yes,” you say, “I could eat a fucking horse.”

“Good.” Jamie picks up the bulging bag of takeout and a roll of paper towels. “Lead the way, babe.”

—

It’s not until much later, after you’ve eaten, watched a movie, and showered (and all that implies) that you realize you’re finally tired. Finally calm. You let yourself relax on your bed in Jamie’s arms, breathing in his clean smell. In, out. In, out. By the third breath, you’re asleep.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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indibutterfly · 2 months

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Showtime one-shot idea:

Caine doesn't understand how boundaries/personal space work, and Pomni decides to teach him for a change?

This was so fun to write! Thanks for the prompt! Hope you like it!

“Caine,”

“Yes my love?”

“Why exactly are you cuddling me in the air, where everyone is able to see?”

“Why not?! I can show everyone here how much the ringmaster cares and appreciates his beloved jester!” Pomni gave an annoyed groan.

“Why are you so against me showing my love for you? I read extensively that humans love this type of contact!”

“Not all humans.” Caine’s eyes went blue. They were like this for a while until he finally snapped out of it.

“I understand everything my dear!” Pomni raised her eyebrow.

“A funny feeling tells me that couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

“Fear not my dear! I now understand the error of my ways and will cease breaking your boundaries!” With a snap of his fingers Pomni was teleported back to her room. She knew he didn’t understand what she was trying to say, but she had to be patient with him. Caine was an AI. This was his very first attempt at a real relationship. Pomni sighed and decided to let things play out and see how badly things went. A day later she got her answer. Pomni is always woken up in the mornings by her partner yelling loudly, hugging her, invading her personal space, and telling her all the things they were going to do that very same day. However on this morning, he never came. The jester even laid in her bed for an extra hour waiting for him to come, but he didn’t. Worried about her partner, Pomni decided to go looking for him. She finally found him in front of the stage working with Bubble on the adventure for that day.

“Morning Caine.” The ringmaster turned around with a slight smile.

“Good morning Pomni! I see you are running a bit behind this morning, but not too worry! You’ll catch up with the others very soon, I am sure of it!” Pomni was very confused at his statement.

“What do you mean catch up?”

“All of your fellow circus members are already starting on their adventure! Not to worry Pomni, if you go through that door right there you’ll catch up with Ragatha who will catch you up!” She blinked once or twice at his comment. First he doesn’t wake her up, then he doesn’t immediately squeeze her when she enters into the room with a stage, then he ditches the pet names, and now he won’t even teleport her to the adventure! What was happening here?! This wasn’t like Caine at all. Not one bit. “Hey Caine, are you okay?” Caine raised an eyebrow.

“Yes? Why do you ask?”

“Well you weren’t-“ Before she could finish her sentence, Bubble interrupted the conversation.

“Boss! We still haven’t worked on the finale for the adventure and some of the crew are already halfway done!” Caine took a look at his wacky watch and gave a gasp.

“You are right Bubble! I am so sorry Pomni, but we will have to continue this conversation later! Enjoy the adventure!” With a snap of his fingers, Caine and Bubble disappeared, leaving Pomni alone. She tried to figure out what exactly was happening with Caine, but she couldn’t think of anything. She decided to not partake in the adventure so she could rest, and also so Caine would for sure talk to her later. Meanwhile the ringmaster was having an emotional breakdown.

“Oh Bubble! I don’t understand why this is so easy for her!” Bubble in all his infinite wisdom replied in the best way possible.

“Just give her all the love you are illegally allowed to give.”

“I can’t do that! She would hate me to the point of abstraction! Clearly everything I normally do makes her uncomfortable….so I must do my best to stay away from her! Because that’s what love is!”

“That sure sounds unhealthy to me boss!” Bubble was then popped out of existence, leaving Caine alone to ponder all of his thoughts and past statements. Was this really how a true couple should act? He hoped he was doing what Pomni wanted and what she needed. He wanted to be the best partner he could be for her. A sound went off on his watch, notifying Caine who all had finished the adventure, Pomni’s name was not listed. His mind raced. Why didn’t she participate?! She knows how much he cares about everyone having a fun time on their adventure, bonding with one another. How could she not want to go?! He wasted no time at all and teleported immediately to outside her room. He was about to barge in when he remembers their previous conversation. She wants space. Not him or anyone else, just space. If he disrespected her now then maybe she would be better off not being with him at all. He lowered his hand and was about to leave, when a certain Jester opened her door.

“I was waiting forever for you!” She yelled out annoyed. Caine was shocked.

“Pomni! You were…..waiting for me?!” She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into her room. Her look was both a mixture of annoyance and frustration.

“Okay Caine, what gives?!”

“I-I am sorry Pomni, I-I don’t quite follow you.” Caine stuttered, slightly attracted to the amount of dominance his jester displayed.

“You have been avoiding me! You are ignoring me, won’t give me hugs, and you won’t even teleport me places anymore! What did I do wrong Caine?!” There was a slight pleading in her voice. The ringmaster took off his hat and immediately tackled the jester. He squeezed her as tightly as he could.

“My love, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I simply wanted to protect your boundaries and not make you feel uncomfortable anymore. However it seems as though I didn’t do a good job. For that I am sorry.” The jester reciprocated the hug. She took a deep breath realizing they both were going to be just fine. She realized it was her fault and now it was her job to make things right.

“It’s my fault too, Caine. I should have been more specific on what I do and don’t like, but I think we can fix this issue right now!”

“Really?! How?!” A loving smirk adorned the jester’s face.

“Simple, let’s sit down and have a normal conversation.” The ringmaster chuckled.

“I don’t think we are very good at that my dear!”

“Let’s just try. For each other?” Caine squeezed his Pomni once more.

“There isn’t another reason I would do it for, my Pomni.”

Fin~

(I am still doing ship oneshots. If you have any ideas send me an ask or a comment! Just follow the guidelines ofc.)

#the amazing digital circus #tadc caine #caine tadc #tadc pomni #caine x pomni #pomni tadc #showtime ship #tadc fanfiction #the amazing digital circus fanfic #the amazing digital circus pomni #caine the amazing digital circus #tadc

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barcaluvv · 4 months

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𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ˢᵉᶜᵒⁿᵈ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ! 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎𝐎𝐍 I woke up the next morning, a little later than usual. Sunbeams peeking through my cheeks who were still blushing from yesterday's situation, it seemed like they can't forget about the one who made them like this.This morning felt strange, there was no noise to be heard, Hector wasn't shouting around the house anymore, everything felt like a new start for me. To be honest I don't know what emotion is running up against my will right now, am I in love or am just dreaming? It fits more to be one, a dream, like according to what people who once were in love said "We are dreaming of those we don't have". If you told me exactly a week before everything happened that I'm awfully relating to this I wouldn't believe. I'm feeling scared and mostly concerned about Hector, we haven't talked since yesterday it's been a while really. Speaking of Hector, why didn't he wake me up to take him to his training? Maybe he didn't like yesterday's situation? What is he facing inside that dressing room? Are they having a tough time in there? Those scandals can take big influence on the team and their profit. I looked myself in the bathroom mirror while a few tears shed down my face trying to think of a valid solution that's not including staying in and hiding from the world. IIn addition to all these thoughts, I was mostly focused on the only thing and that i was wondering about whether the number 6 is doing okay, how is he coping with all of this.

After a while Hector came home, taking slow steps towards me and then fastening his walk taking a turn to his room, still not saying a word to each other. The next thing i heard was the gurgling of my bowels, I realised I didn't eat so I made us both dinner, I knocked on his door feeling numb all of a sudden.

I felt like the house was spinning but everything remained calm.

He didn't end up opening his room door, instead he texted "Tengo partido mañana, tienes que venir, alguien te necesita" which he invited me to watch him and his team mates play. The last part of the sentence sounded like someone out there needed me. The next day happened pretty quickly, it was the same but with intense more stage fright because of the game. The questions about number 6 were going through my mind obviously I was worried. When we got there, a lot of fans started to bang on the tinted glass window, sending me death treats, saying something like that I don't deserve him, I ruined his career...etc

those words pierced my soul, my voice became wobbly and I remained silent once again the world won. After a while they went somewhere else and I managed to get out of the car without getting hurt I mean physically, mentally I'm already pretty much hurt.

On my way to the gate I was hurrying, i didnt look where i go just suddenly my face gets on someone's chest, his scent was incredibly good, and while looking up, I see no one but the brown haired boy, Pablo I said to myself.And this is the moment when I experienced falling in love for the second time each again for the same person. We both smiled and I immediately apologised for ruining his shirt since all of my makeup was pressed against him. he didn't even have time to address me, a bunch of fans with ogeom signs were running towards us. He didn't even wait a bit, he pulled my hand and we ran for a while of course from them, when they finally lost sight of us, we found ourselves behind a small blunt bush that was nearby. I was breathing very loudly, skipping a heartbeat, the next thing I remember is our lips pressed together, at that moment I felt our sparks blooming. He slowly pulled out looking right into my eyes and saying "I'm going in again so don't be surprised when I do this" he pulled in and I can say there was intimacy in hesitance, hovering hands above my cheeks prodding the statement I let out a single nod. That so many bothered to say. A gentle brush of two lips, feeling a butterfly explosion right pressed onto my stomach, and delicate trembling of my fingertips, followed by the overwhelming, immediate relief from the heavy brick I had on my heart, it became pure. Perhaps not the first kiss but the first kiss I wanted. All of my worries disappeared as soon as our hands touched, despite his hands being cold from the wind also going through my hair i felt safe after a long while of not being. We turned back in silence and reached the stadium again, where the game was supposed to start in a few minutes. Me and Hector were still not talking, but I let a smile to him out wishing him a good luck. I still haven't seen number 6 for 20 minutes now and were already 10 minutes into the match. Not losing any hope, broad shoulders finally entered the field. The smile on my face widened, but the fear in my stomach has deept, and as always my expectations are coming to life. The next thing I saw was Pablo on the field laying in pain, holding back his screams while his arm Is pressed on his mouth, as the noises were trying to escape he didn't let them win, my heart began to ache, not like the ache you feel between your eyes or the ache in a tooth when u have cavity, my heart aches likes there's one million people tearing at its most tender places, I started to panic, then I sinked seeing first aid as they carry him from the field. without any hesitation i rushed towards him, pushing thousands of people to get through. Please Pablo say something, are you okay!?

It's going to be fine okay!! I kept saying that. I pressed myself against him and I held him in my arms tightly never planning of letting go "am I hurting you Pablo" I asked with a shaky drabbled voice.

Only if you stopped said the brown haired boy while holding my hand in disgrace.

I glanced at the game and noticed Hector and the other Barcelona players looking carefully at the cart, they clearly couldn't focus on the match. I saw Pablo glancing at them too back an forth. Minutes after his team mate and also one of my Friends Ferran scores and dedicates the goal to Gavi, pablo saw all this because the cart was facing the field, he slightly sends out a beautiful smile , full of spark and longing.

Three weeks passed by, I haven't heard of Gavi since he got injured, but somewhere on the news I read that he is back on the field. Plus me and Hector are still on weird conversations. My main questions are, is he doing okay, and when will I see him again. Wondering when will our eyes meet and create a magnificent bond that can't be expressed through words. I still replay our kiss in my head, over and over again, making it seem like a movie with no ending, the movie that you recommend everyone to go search for it. But that's really not the only thing that I should be worrying about I literally have an event, slightly bigger one though so I have to carry on with the look. Later that day, I sat by the closet, constantly looking for that one dress, I was about to give up but suddenly something sparkly chatched my eye, if it is what I think it is then yeah I found it. After hours of trying, I finally found it! The dress was long with refined zircons around the neckline, in simple words it looked like it came out of a fairy tale, she had long sleeves and a set of gloves of the same color and material. I'm so excited to wear it! Naive me thinking nothing can possibly go wrong until... That day came, I entered the event with a straight head and a confident walk, I walked on the red carpet without looking from the side until, meanwhile, the cameras started rolling and the person I most wanted to see appeared at the door of the event. Pablo, it's him. It was the same thing that the cameramen repeated after every step he took, man he looked powerful. After some time spent, a journalist started questioning me about my and Gavi's so-called relationship, I kept silent while my heart wanted to explode, it had so much words to say but didn't.

Basically he ignored me the whole time, he didn't dare even to look at me. What a jerk, said this to comfort myself.

The Pain, I never expressed it potentially, I never screamed and jumped about it, never bawled and wept but the pain I felt was still. My heart was aching but never too loud, no one ever heard, I didn't allow anyone to, it itched and felt numb inside of me but in reality, it never went away. His smile was permanently plastered inside of my mind, the moment, too short but never enough to go out. But now it's 2:45 am, instead of sleeping I'm trying to find the words to explain how my world looks without you in it. Pablo, its like i became allergic to that name,or was I just tired of missing it? 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃...

#pablo gavi #gavi x yn #fc barcelona #hector fort #gavi fluff #gavi x reader #gavi #love

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yardsards · 2 years

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when i first watched eclipse lake i saw this scene

and i originally interpreted her arc in this episode as like. amity struggling with feeling worthless due to being abused/neglected for so long. and feeling the need to make up for her (imagined) inherent lack of worth by excelling at things or by being useful to others. (which is a strong parallel to luz's whole character arc)

i took her speech up there to mean "i used to feel worthless. but forming healthy bonds with people who valued me unconditionally helped me realize my own inherent value"

which, i think that theme *is* there to a degree, but i don't think it's quite the *main* theme of the episode

look at this:

when hunter insinuates that luz is threatening to break up with her if she doesn't come back with results, amity tries to rebut this by saying that *she* is good enough. that *she* is an awesome girlfriend. that *her* value and *her* actions are the reason that luz won't leave her

but what makes her start to doubt her statement is when hunter says

i don't know if it was intentional, but i find it noteworthy that luz is the subject of the sentence here. it's not a statement that only makes amity doubt herself; it's not "are you really?" or "have you proven that?". rather, it's a statement that casts more doubt on luz than on amity

and THAT is what finally sways amity, makes her start doubting luz and her's relationship

and then. we get through the episode, and king shows amity that luz wasn't threatening to break up with her, that she was just complimenting her and worrying about her safety. and amity says

the subject of the statement is luz. amity's worthiness or supposed lack thereof is not mentioned. the focus is on luz being a nice person. you could interpret the statement to mean either "of course, luz thinks i am worthy no matter what" or as "of course, luz is a kind person and would never treat anyone like that". the first one is how i interpreted it on my first watch of the episode. but the second one feels more like the main meaning (tho i think they're both being implied, to a degree) to me now

amity's doubts about the relationship were less about her own worthiness (but i think it was a little about that too) and more about how she expected *luz* to treat her, how she expected to be treated.

amity hadn't had a healthy relationship of any kind since she was a little kid, and those (willow and arguably her father) got yanked away from her. her mother abused her and was willing to punish her at any time. her father had abandoned her in a way (which, you could split hairs about, but at the very least she felt abandoned by him which is what matters here). her friends (boscha especially) were probably fully willing to mock or ditch her if she didn't act the way they wanted her to

not to mention, her being the child of an abusive marriage. being continuously exposed to her father (whom she identified with somewhat) being abused by his romantic partner. that feels extra relevant when you think about how her anxious need to prove herself only came out in this intense form after their friendship became a romantic partnership

eclipse lake is about an abused girl learning to expect treatment from her girlfriend that isn't abuse, learning that she can trust some people not to punish or abandon her (or punish her BY abandoning her), accepting that abuse is not the norm and doesn't have to be *her* norm either.

#eliot posts #toh #the owl house #toh meta #toh analysis #amity blight #luz noceda #hunter toh #lumity #eclipse lake #abuse mention #listen i know i already went on a rant about this episode a few days ago #but i have More Things To Say and i gotta get em out bc i am feelin Incredibly Autistic on this fine friday morning #and i gotta overanalyze and infodump or else i shall surely perish #queueing this bc posting this rant at 4 am in a bout of insomnia feels a little TOO on-the-nose with unhingedness

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lady-october · 2 months

Text

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : 1-14 on Archive of Our Own

Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 15: My head wasn't wired for this world

Chapter title is lyrics from "Avalanche"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Oli was slouched over at the front of the stage, legs dangling over the edge near the barricades, looking out over the vast, dark and empty space, only dimly lit by a handful of spotlights throughout the arena.

When I slowly ascended the steps to the stage I pushed away the fear I felt about these types of spaces. While avoiding the stage completely was impossible when working on the touring team, I had always made my time on them as short as humanly possible, never actually taking in the view.

There was just something about how you could be seen so clearly from the entire arena when you were up here that made me anxious, but the fact that only Oli and I were here made the whole experience a lot more palatable, so I crouched down and took a seat next to him and let myself look out over the empty floor and seats, still covered in the majority of tonight's confetti and debris.

“I’ve never really seen an arena like this before.” I said with wonder.

“You’ve worked with us for like a month now, how is that possible?” He didn’t look my way as he spoke flatly, clearly upset.

My response came a lot quieter than my previous statement, “I try to avoid the stage as much as I can.”

Silence fell between us as I wasn’t sure how to approach the topics that were haunting us both, not even sure what I felt up for talking about.

“Thank you for last night. I was a bit of a mess.” Was the best I could come up with.

“Don’t worry about it.” Some of the bitterness emitting off of him dissipated, so I decided to take the plunge into the harder topic.

“I’m sorry about all this stuff with Mat.”

He huffed out a frustrated laugh, his eyes darting everywhere except in my direction.

“I feel like I’m going insane. Listening to you flirt with someone else…” His demeanour changed rapidly along with his tone of voice, now laced with anger, “Guess I had it coming after what I did to you at the party the other night.”

My heart sank. Did he really think I was doing this to hurt him?

“I’m not a vengeful person, Oli.” My own words came angrier than I’d intended.

He dropped his head, shaking it, appearing utterly defeated, “Then what the fuck are you doing, Alice…” He muttered.

“I don’t know.” I said, more to myself than him.

As I watched him not being able to face me, my heart ached so much that I couldn’t take it anymore. I got to my feet and started to make my way towards the steps. But I could hear him moving behind me, and right before I could exit the stage he pushed in front of me, shooting me daggers.

He appeared furious, yet all I could feel was a huge sense of relief over the fact that he was finally looking at me.

“Mat’s a good man, charming too – a lot less troubled than I am.” As he spoke he stalked me backwards, clearly intent on not letting me leave yet.

But I didn’t mind, I wanted his attention.

I almost immediately hit the wall of the second stage level that had yet to be disassembled, and I was left with a view of the arena, swimming behind the man that had cornered me, staring down at me with such intensity that I wouldn’t have been able to tell whether he was about to fuck me or argue with me if it wasn’t for the context of the situation.

“Who said I want someone less troubled?” I asked, feeling an involuntary shiver of lust snake its way up my spine from his threatening approach.

“It’s not a stretch to assume, is it?” He took one last step towards me, not quite close enough to touch me, but close enough that I could feel the heat emitting off of him, “We’ve fought over women in the past – he tends to win.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I gingerly placed my hand on his warm chest, both because I couldn’t resist touching his bare, art covered skin over the buttons of his revealing jacket, but also because I wanted to show him where my attraction lay between the two men.

His gaze dropped to my hand before he shot me a bitter smile, “Women want to fuck me, not date me.” I swallowed and removed my hand, realising how my gesture had come across considering what he just told me, “At least not once they get to know me… I think the problem is we’re drawn to similar women, and that type of women tend to favour men like Mat in the end.”

While my feelings had obviously chosen Oli already, what he was saying made a surprising amount of sense, especially if you were the type of person who craved stability over passion. Yet I couldn’t help but feel like a complete imposter, clearly not worthy of either man's attention.

“Men generally don’t want much to do with me in either department.” I felt pathetic admitting it to him, and saying the words out loud somehow solidified how I didn’t belong here.

He watched me for a while, as if trying to make sense of what I was saying.

“Thought we agreed on no more lies, love.” While his words could have been construed as accusive, his tone was sweet, turning his sentence more flirty. But I didn’t feel flirty, I felt like the shy loser I’d been trying to run away from; I felt like the girl trapped living with a man she didn’t love, because she was too scared of the world.

The familiar burn of unshed tears began to sting at the back of my eyes, “It’s not a lie. I’m fucking broken.”

I tried to push past him but he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder, and placed the other under my chin, guiding me to look at him as a lone tear ran down my cheek.

“Alice, that’s madness.” All the intensity on him had melted away, replaced with a soft and caring voice that matched the expression of his beautiful eyes.

“I can’t do this. I’m not made for this life.” I said quietly as I tried to keep the dam from bursting inside me, entirely too fed up with crying.

Frowning, he let go of my chin to dry my wet cheek, “Of course you are, life can be whatever you want it to be.”

“I have social anxiety.” I blurted out, trying to make him understand why I’m not right for him, for either of them.

“I know.” His response came immediately, completely unsurprised and unbothered.

Of course he already knew, it couldn’t be more obvious from the way I behave on a daily basis.

My head dropped out of embarrassment, “How am I supposed to be with a celebrity when I can barely keep from stuttering when talking in front of more than two people at a time.”

“Your stutter’s adorable, anyone with half a brain cell can see that.”

When I dared to look back up at him, I was met by eyes swimming with adoration. But I decided that it was misplaced, that his perception of me was skewed and incorrect, so I kept pushing.

“Whenever I’m not distracted enough, I get so depressed I can barely leave my bed for weeks.”

He placed a hand on the wall next to my head and leaned in closer with a smirk, “Lots of things we can do in bed.”

I felt my cheeks flush at his words, but the pain remained, “Oli, please… I’m broken.”

His smirk fell away as he looked at me with sympathy, followed by a sigh, “I’ve got addiction issues, chronic nightmares, ADHD, and I also slip into depression at times. We’re all broken, love.”

His eyes lit up suddenly and the faintest hints of a smile reappeared on his lips.

“What’s your favourite colour?” He asked out of nowhere.

I couldn’t help but frown in confusion, “What?”

“Favourite colour.” He repeated, more demanding this time.

“I-I mean, blue I guess–”

“Favourite food?”

“Sushi. Why are you–”

He looked utterly appalled as he cut me off with judgement in his voice, “Fucking disgusting, you should reconsider that.”

I gasped, eyebrows knotting into a deep frown, “Oh please, you’ve probably never tried any good sushi– and before you argue that you don’t eat fish, there’s plenty of good options without it– also, rich coming from Mister I basically only eat things that are so processed I can’t even tell what’s in it!”

As I was ranting his whole face bloomed into an absolutely delighted smile, causing my annoyance to spread further.

“I love when you’re like this.”

My jaw dropped, “You like when I'm annoyed!?”

He chuckled, “Relaxed.”

“Trust me, I’m not relaxed.”

“Your guard’s down. You’re just yourself – wild opinions and all. I don’t get to see it too often. It’s mostly been when you’ve cussed me out, or when we…” His gaze dropped out of what seemed akin to embarrassment, and his smile turned significantly more suggestive, “You know.”

All the annoyance left me immediately at the sight of him struggling to talk about sex, causing me to adopt a more cheerful expression.

“I thought I was the shy one, you can’t even say it?” I teased.

A low and absolutely filthy laugh left him, “Honestly love, if I start talking about it I’ll just get hard, and I’d rather focus on getting to know you better right now.” Without skipping a beat he moved on to his next question, “Favourite animal?”

“And why is right now the time to get to know me?”

“Why not? Favourite animal.”

My smile grew as I looked at him. I couldn’t tell if this was an attempt to cheer me up by moving away from the dreary topic, or if this was his way of showing that he’s still interested in me, despite all my flaws – or maybe it was because Mat had gotten a chance to learn more about me and he felt left out. Regardless of the reasons, I wasn’t going to deny him this.

“Cats.”

Disbelief painted his features, “Fuck off, dogs are so much better.”

“They slobber everywhere.” I retorted, scrunching up my face.

“Not all dogs, and cats are mischievous little bastards.”

“You should be able to relate then.” I don’t know how he did it, but he’d somehow managed to completely turn my mood around, and get me right back to feeling flirty.

The fight faded from him instantly at my remark, and he lowered his head with a grin. When his eyes returned to mine they were dark and playful.

“Favourite artist?”

I paused, considering my response, “Is that a trick question?”

“Of course.” He responded, studying my face.

Suddenly his lighthearted demeanour began to shift, turning more serious. When his next question came it was asked with a distinctly more thoughtful tone, clearly punctuating that we’re venturing into significantly deeper waters.

“What’s a dealbreaker to you?”

As his eyes pierced mine I felt the moment turn heavy from the loaded question. I knew that these types of conversations were incredibly important to determine whether we were compatible at all. But there were always great risks to learning the answers, with the looming potential of completely derailing any thoughts of what could have been.

I felt my heart rate speed up as I decided to join him in the depth, addressing the thing that should have put an end to my last relationship years ago if it wasn’t for my fears.

“I.. don’t think I want children.”

He visibly relaxed at my response, “Good, cause I’ve had a vasectomy.”

A sense of relief washed over me, knowing I’d never have to worry about that pressure with him if we decided to take things further – and suddenly his willingness to cum inside me made so much more sense. For me it had always been an easy decision, having had an IUD for years.

The part where we both made ourselves vulnerable to disease however, that can’t be chalked up to anything besides the stupidity that so easily surfaces when you’re beyond a certain level of turned on, and common sense flies right out the window.

While I wanted to return the question to him, to learn what would rule me out as a potential future partner, I also found myself curious as to why he’d done something so permanent to prevent having children when there’s less invasive ways.

“How come? I mean, I understand not wanting children, but why something so… final?”

“I just don’t want to risk it. I’ve been sure I don’t want kids for a long time. It’s not that I dislike them or anything, but with all my issues I’ve really just wanted to focus on myself and what’s important to me,” Before he continued, a softness emerged in his tone of voice, ”...such as finding love, and making that person a priority in my life.”

Understanding that the last bit had been aimed at me, I felt the familiar discomfort bubble under the surface, so I decided to steer the conversation back on track.

“What about you, what’s your deal breakers?”

He answered immediately, his response dripping with bitterness, “Cheating.”

“That’s a given. What else?”

There was a pause this time.

“Being shut out emotionally.” He answered, hints of sadness emitting from him.

His reply stirred up some confusion in me, an uncertainty whether he was referring to some of my behaviour, spoken as a pleading to let him into my heart. Or whether it had been in reference to something that happened in his past.

“Anything else?” He added.

It was my turn to think, but it didn’t take long.

“Someone trying to control me.”

He huffed out an amused laugh, “You sure about that? You seem to enjoy it a fair bit.”

I smiled back at him, “Not like that… Someone trying to make me something I’m not, which sounds daft cause I barely even know who I am anymore, but I just, I want space to figure that out.”

His hazel eyes swam with emotion as his hand reached for my cheek, the back of his fingers caressing my skin with the same tenderness as last night. While the gesture tugged at my heart, I couldn't for the life of me understand why he had any interest in someone like me.

“How can you be sure you have feelings for me, if I’m just a shell of a person?” I asked under my breath.

“I’m not sure that’s true, love.” He responded, speaking softly, “I know you’re kind, witty – incredibly sexy, and you’re working really hard to get to know and explore yourself, which I don’t just really admire, but it’s a journey I’ve been on myself for a while now.”

“What if I become something… undesirable?” As I asked my question that so clearly highlighted my insecurities, I was struck with the realisation that I wasn’t sure I’ve ever been this emotionally vulnerable with anyone before.

“I find that very hard to believe.” He scanned my face, “Is that what this is about, you’re scared I won’t like who you become?”

The truth is that I wasn’t sure I’d survive that intense degree of rejection. While mind numbing and soul destroying, it had been infinitely simpler to stay so void of personality for so long. At least then if someone disliked me it didn’t mean much at all. But if I grew into myself, accepted who I was as a person with opinions and interests, only for someone to decide that I wasn’t good enough? The thought of that alone was hard enough, I couldn’t even imagine the heartbreak if that level of rejection came from someone I actually loved.

“Part of it, but not all of it.” An honest answer without going into the specifics, or delving into the other reasons I’m full of uncertainty.

Some of the previous intensity made a reappearance on him, “It would be an honour to help you find yourself, love – no matter who you become.”

I looked away awkwardly, knowing how much he’d already kickstarted my self discovery, “In some ways you already have.” I opened and shut my mouth a couple of times before I found the words to continue, “I didn’t know I liked some things before… sexually.”

Suddenly his eyelids lowered, and so did his tone of voice, “Like being called a whore?”

The way he emphasised the word immediately made my knees weak, and I had to lean more of my weight onto the wall behind me.

I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I simply nodded.

A quick grin flashed over his lips as he gently placed his hand over my throat, causing my breath to hitch.

“Being choked…”

His words sounded distant as his dark gaze was transfixed on his hand on me,

“...Humiliated,”

His thumb leisurely ran up my throat to graze my jaw.

I nodded again, a bit more shaky this time, which seemed to have snapped him out of the lustful state he’d clearly lost himself in for a moment, as his eyes shot back to mine, appearing more sober now.

He swallowed and let his hand fall away from me before stepping aside to lean against the wall next to me, leaving me unpleasantly cold after having relished the heat radiating off of him for so long.

We stared out into the dark space together for a beat before he continued speaking, allowing me some much needed time to collect myself, and slow my breathing that had apparently become quite laboured.

“I’ve done some similar things before, but it’s different with you, in a way that makes my past experiences seem shallow and meaningless.” His words still sounded distant, “I see it in your eyes, you know. It doesn’t just turn you on, does it? It's like you come alive from it.” He huffed out a small laugh then threw me a side glance, “Or am I just talking out my ass here?”

I tried to meet his eyes, but he instantly looked away when I turned my head towards him, as if fighting himself to not slip back into his previous carnal state, not ready to stop talking to me just yet.

“No, I think you explained it pretty well actually.” I answered, sounding just as flustered as I felt, made obvious by the way he shifted his body in discomfort as I spoke, letting his head rest against the wall as he shut his eyes for a second, appearing tense from the invisible restraints he’d put himself in.

After taking a deep breath he pressed on, “Thing is, you’re so desperate for me to push you further and further that I’m constantly torn between holding back too much, or taking things too far. It makes me not trust myself,” He allowed himself to look at me as he spoke the next words, sounding apologetic, “...or you for that matter.”

My brows furrowed, “But, I promised I’d let you know if things go too far.”

He gave me a sombre smile, “Doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be safe, love.”

While his concerns made sense, my subconscious didn’t agree with him.

“I think that maybe you’re mistaking my trust in you for carelessness.”

It was his turn to frown. He studied my face for a long time with a contemplative expression, clearly deep in thought from my statement. After a while he looked away with a sigh. When his gaze travelled back to mine, it seemed he’d allowed himself to feel some of the lust he’d so valiantly attempted to push away, as if my counter argument had won during his internal battle. Because his eyes were suddenly dark and hungry – and his voice matched them perfectly.

“You like it when I scare you, don’t you?”

My whole body reacted to the question, heating up, yearning – wanting to finally be touched, to be played with. Our conversation had gone on for so long, repeatedly slipping into desire, yet we’ve been continuously ripped away from it. The more times it happened the more desperate the both of us clearly grew.

As I slowly nodded in response to his question, his gaze fell to my dark lips, and a pained expression flashed over his features, “To be honest love, drives me wild to see some fear on you.” His eyes travelled back up to mine and his next words were spoken under his breath, “...How fucking wet you get from it.”

My pulse descended between my legs, soaking me further, adding to the wetness already lingering there from each time he’d turned me on tonight.

He held out his hand, indicating for me to take it. As I slipped my fingers into his open palm, he led me to stand before him.

“Take this off.” He murmured, giving my sweater a gentle tug.

I was suddenly acutely aware of our location. Knowing Oli repeatedly had me do compromising things in precarious places, I should have expected somewhere like this to be on the table. But since I was still relatively clothed underneath my sweater, I decided to go along with his request without overthinking it.

I slipped the sweater over my head to reveal the vulgar, silk dress, with a deep, plunging neckline underneath, along with the marks on my body that I hadn’t bothered using concealer on due to how well the fabric had hid them all. He immediately took the sweater off me, flinging the offending garment to the side of the stage where it disappeared into the darkness.

As he took in the sight of me, he released a long, ragged sigh, “Fucking travesty to cover this up.”

He slipped a hand to the small of my back and crushed my body against his, and I could immediately feel the outline of his hard cock pressed against my stomach.

At no point had I dared sneak a peek between his legs during our conversation, knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else considering his attire.

Heat spread rapidly throughout my whole being at the sudden full body contact, causing my heart rate to speed up along with my breathing. I reached for his chest to steady myself against him, to feel him, digging my fingers into the bright red fabric of his cropped jacket, forcing it to shift under my hands and reveal more of the inkwork hidden there.

When my vision eventually ripped itself away from his chest in order to travel upwards, I was met with parted lips, and tufts of hair framing a delightfully lust-riddled face, so close to my own that our heavy breaths mingled.

A thumb appeared at my mouth, placing itself gently on my lower lip adorned by the dark, velvety lipstick.

“This is new for you.” He whispered with a flash of a grin, mesmerised by the sight of his thumb as it grazed along the lip, smudging the colour there, my mouth opening further from the intoxicating sensation, “...I love it.”

I was so lost in what he was doing to me that I’d completely forgotten where we were, which Oli decided it was time to correct, as he grabbed me by the hips to turn me around. The reminder of the view caused my eyes to widen, shyness creeping back in from every angle. But the man behind me pulled me flush against his warm and solid body again, causing me to effortlessly, eagerly melt back into him – back to the same intoxicated state he had me locked in mere moments ago, now with his cock nestled perfectly against my ass.

With his lips against my ear, dark hair falling into my peripheral vision, warm breaths fanning my cheek, all I could do was close my eyes and drown in him as his hands started roaming my body.

“No, open your eyes.” He whispered against my ear, one of his hands slowly caressing my inner thigh, with the other holding me firmly against him, splayed on my stomach.

I fulfilled his request, prying my eyes open, feeling the discomfort wash over me as I stared out into the massive, open space.

“Wouldn’t want you to forget where you are, now would we?” I could feel his lips twist into a smile against my ear as he spoke softly, clearly deriving great pleasure from my distress, further adding to my unease and arousal in equal parts.

The hand on my stomach began trailing upwards, caressing the bare skin between my breasts, so flimsily covered by the black silk.

“Do you have any idea how much I love to make you uncomfortable, my dear, sweet Alice?” His words came low as his lips moved along my ear, “...To watch you squirm, trying your very best to keep it together for me like a good whore.”

His hand disappeared under the fabric, shifting it slowly to reveal one of my breasts to the empty arena. My heart rate sped up further, making me feel slightly lightheaded.

I felt his dick tense against me before he whispered, “Too much?”

Knowing that I’d probably be having a panic attack right now if I wasn’t in such a lust induced trance didn’t matter one bit – I knew I didn’t want to stop.

“No.” I breathed, nearly a moan.

My response made him cup my breast, playing with it, feeling the weight of it in his hand, causing his breathing to come heavier against my cheek before the hand on my thigh finally began travelling upwards, finally reaching my core, causing my own breath to catch, grabbing for his arms that snaked around me to further steady myself.

“Do you wanna be fucked right here, on stage?” He whispered, nestling his head closer to mine, causing more of his hair to fall into my vision.

I nodded against him, my open mouth panting as his fingers circled my clit.

He breathed out another whisper, “You’re that fucking desperate for me?”

Gooseflesh began spreading over my skin from his teasing, demeaning questions.

“Yes.” I breathed, causing him to release a low, devilish laugh that vibrated against my back.

“Of course you are.”

To my disappointment, the fingers between my legs disappeared, only to immediately reappear beneath my mouth.

“I’d love to fuck this pretty, painted, little mouth of yours.” The warm and slick fingers followed the shape of my lower lip as he spoke, leaving wet skin behind – at no point actually touching the lip itself, as if to preserve the colour there.

Suddenly his hands fell away before he grabbed me by the hips again, pushing me off of him.

“Down on your knees.” He demanded as I struggled to stay upright without the solid body to lean against.

When I turned around he was already reaching for his belt, where his hard cock was pulling the already tight fabric awkwardly taut, his intoxicated expression confirming that he was every bit as desperate for this as I was.

I eagerly fell to my knees before him, watching in anticipation as he took his time unbuckling his belt.

“Now, we’re gonna test you a bit, love.”

I ripped my eyes away from his bulge as he spoke, in order to look up at him, instantly consumed with excitement from the promise of the mysterious trial to come.

“You’re gonna be good for me and tap my leg if I take it too far.”

He finished with his belt and unbuttoned the trousers, only leaving the zipper left to undo, but he stopped to lean forward, taking hold of my chin with a more sober expression, hair falling over his pleading eyes as he looked down at me, “I’m trusting you here, yeah?”

I swallowed, understanding the personal significance of his statement. So I tried my best to fight through the cloud of desire I was so hopelessly lost in to deliver my words with as much sincerity as I possibly could.

“I’ll tap, I promise...”

There was a punctuated sense of intimacy as we stared into each other's eyes, something infinitely deeper at play than carnal needs. While I’d managed to place my trust in his hands, expecting him to keep me safe as we explored, up until now I haven’t returned the favour. He was asking me to meet him halfway, allowing him to relax and not overextend himself as he looked after me, handing me his rarest commodity – trust, begging me not to break it.

“...You can trust me.” I whispered, to further clarify that I understood the gravity of his request.

An unreadable emotion flickered over his features before he let go of my chin and leaned back, undoing the zipper that had already started to slip from the pressure of his length pushing on it. It sprung free with a bounce, the head glistening from the precum collecting there, his trousers sliding down to reveal his art covered thighs.

I felt my mouth begin to water at the sight, overcome with an intense need to taste it right now, but as I leaned in his fingers laced into my hair and held me in place.

“Only use your tongue, love.” He breathed, and while keeping his fingers in my hair, his hand relaxed, allowing me to move freely again.

I instantly took advantage of my freedom, darting my tongue out to taste the precum, licking it off of him, relishing the taste as I watched the veins of his length grow more defined from my actions.

When I was satisfied with my work, having gotten most of the delectable liquid in my mouth, I moved to the base of his cock, looking up at his glazed over eyes barely visible though his unruly locks, the unwavering gaze locked on me as I let my tongue travel along his length eagerly. The sensation caused a ragged breath to leave him, along with his dick to tense and bob upwards, touching my lips on the way down, leaving an imprint of my mouth behind in the dark, contrasting colour of my lipstick.

As soon as my tongue had flicked off the tip, his fingers in my hair grabbed me again.

“Let’s see how much you can take.” His words came deep and rough, then he guided my open mouth over his head, pushing me further and further down his shaft until it threatened to cause my gag reflex to kick in, but he kept pushing me down on his cock until it hit the back of my throat. Right before I felt myself begin to gag, he released a sound so incredible I felt my pussy throb between my legs, then pulled me off of him.

“Not bad, love.” He breathed, sounding even more inebriated with lust than before. When my eyes managed to focus again, I took in the vision of his slick cock before me; a clear imprint of my lips around it, showcasing exactly how much I’d been able to fit in my mouth, which had been more than I’d expected.

I looked up at him with a proud smile, a quick smile flashed back at me before returning to his previous intoxicated state.

“Open up.” He murmured, before quickly pushing me back down on him as soon as my lips parted enough to let him in. I placed my hands on the warm and art covered skin of his thighs to steady myself as he guided me to suck him in long strokes. His hand fell away from me entirely, allowing me the ability to pleasure him on my own terms.

More ragged breaths and small moans started to slip from his lips, so I looked up to enjoy the sight of him as I worked his cock; his chest was heaving, head leaned against the wall with his eyes shut, his expression flickering to a pained desperation every so often.

“Fuck, you’re doing incredible things.” He breathed, nearly whimpered out, through his other delicious noises, right before his eyes snapped to meet mine, the familiar aggression so prominently on display there.

His fingers shoved their way back into my hair, to hold me firmly in place about halfway down his shaft. But then his other hand appeared in front of my eyes, suddenly pinching my nose shut. My eyes widened in surprise, causing his eyelids to grow heavy as he watched me realise what was going on.

An exhilarating rush of mixed emotions washed over me, intensified by the fact that I didn’t have a full lungs worth of air in me. I felt my nails dig into his thighs as I was entirely too quickly running out of air. Seconds passed and I could feel more precum spill into my mouth, making it obvious how much he was enjoying the sight of my struggle. But his eyes were watching me intensely, expecting – hoping I would put an end to this when I was ready.

Another beat passed and I felt myself grow increasingly desperate for air, so I did as I’d promised; I tapped his leg.

He instantly pulled me away from his cock, letting go of my nose in the same motion.

I slumped forward before him, inhaling sharply several times to catch my breath.

When I’d recovered enough to sit back up, my vision was swimming with his hand working his length as he waited for me, causing the lipstick left there to smudge and fade.

“You’re doing so good, love.” He said with adoration in his voice.

I felt a depraved smile grow on my lips before I parted them for him, indicating that I wanted more.

He huffed out a breath, a smile tugging at his own lips from my eagerness, before his hand slipped back into my hair to guide me into the same position as moments ago.

“Take a deep breath this time, love. Let’s see how long you hold it for me.” He said under his breath. As soon as I inhaled he placed his hand over my nose again, restricting my breathing completely.

Immediately I tasted more precum entering my mouth, followed by the sensation of my own juices running down my thigh. I was in heaven, completely and utterly blessed as I felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat through his cock on my lips, on my tongue, as he was getting off on withholding something so vital from me as air.

Without realising it, my eyes had fallen shut as I was enjoying the sensations and trying to focus on preserving my air supply so I could stay like this for longer.

“Look at me.” His voice came so low and desperate, when my eyes met his again they were glowing with hunger.

I felt his hand in my hair grip me tighter, pushing me further down his shaft with a shaky exhale, his cock tensing in my mouth as my tongue moved along it.

“You’re incredible.” He said so quietly it was barely audible before he gently started moving his hips against me, slowly fucking my mouth, instantly increasing the difficulty of my already challenging task.

Once again I felt my nails involuntarily dig into his thighs as I struggled, which seemed to only spur him on as a particularly delectable moan left him followed by several ragged breaths, his fingers venturing deeper into my hair, pushing me down on him further, almost as deep as when he was testing me. Suddenly I was fighting against my gag reflex as well as my need for air, and in my overwhelmed state I’d apparently shut my eyes again.

“Keep your fucking eyes on me.” He demanded, a lot louder than anything else we’ve said on the stage tonight, causing a small echo to travel throughout the vast space of the arena.

I could taste more precum as I pried my eyes back open, the man above me emitting a restrained, desperate energy, his dark eyes completely glazed over. My need for air was reaching a breaking point, I began pushing at his thighs out of reflex, not actually wanting to come up for air just yet, but he held me firmly in place – knowing that’s not what we agreed on. When I didn’t tap he pushed me down on him harder, this time pressing himself against the back of my throat with a moan, sending a shiver of lust throughout my body despite my obvious discomfort. But that was the last thing I got to enjoy before the moment had to come to an end, as it was time to tap.

The millisecond my hand hit his thigh he was already pulling out, knowing how far I’d pushed myself. After I’d collapsed against him, I clung to his leg as I recovered, coughing from the sensation of fullness still lingering in my throat where he’d pushed down on me.

This time he didn’t leave me enough time to recover though, his hand slipping right back into my hair, guiding my breathless face back into his view.

“You look perfect like this.” He whispered, working his soaking dick in long strokes over me, shaking the hair out of his eyes as he panted heavily. His words and the sight of him caused a tired smile to blossom on my lips, feeling high as a kite from arousal after having been played with in new, wonderful ways.

“All messy and breathless…” The grip on my hair tightened as his strokes came faster, “Do you have any idea how tempting it is to cum all over you right now? Have you walk to the dressing room fucking covered in it.” His expression shifted into a sadistic smile, sending more shivers throughout my whole body. He exhaled sharply, “Giving me that look doesn’t help, love. It’s only making me want to do it more.”

He’d made a similar statement at the afterparty, in the end he’d cum in my mouth instead. But I knew this time was different; I was already a mess, and the dressing rooms weren’t that far away. I couldn’t tell if I was negotiating with myself or not, but somehow the reward outweighed the risk massively, as I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted more in this moment either. Just the thought of him coming all over me on the stage he mere hours earlier performed in front of thousands of people, elicited a type of thrill that I wasn’t sure I’d experienced before. When I opened my mouth to speak I could feel my heart pounding between my legs, feeling dizzy from arousal and breathlessness.

“Please, just cover me.” I breathed – a flustered whisper, causing his expression to turn even more desperate, his breathing coming rough and quick as his gaze travelled along my body. I looked down to see clear liquid pooling on his tip, obviously close to the edge, confirmed by his strokes slowing down significantly. My eyes snapped back to him, his head rolled back for a moment before looking back down on me with extremely heavy eyelids. His strokes turning jerky as the warm liquid fired over me, the first shot landing on my lips, I instantly darted my tongue out to taste it before I felt it dripping down my chin, dripping into my lap, joined by the second shot that hit my throat, running down between my breasts as he groaned and sighed.

“Fuck.” He breathed in delight as the third shot covered my face, but thankfully missed my eyes.

He was barely done coming when his hand fell away from my hair.

“On all fours, now!” He demanded as he shoved me to face the empty seats. As soon as I fell forward in the right direction, he pushed into me with ease as my skirt had already hiked up on its own accord from kneeling. I felt myself instantly lose control of my body as he moved inside me; I moaned entirely too loud, trying to stop myself, knowing someone might hear me, but the sounds just kept coming as his fingers dug deep into the flesh of my hips, pounding me hard and fast, my whimpers and moans mingling with the slapping sounds that echoed all around us. His exhales and moans joined mine, as he suddenly fell forward on top of me, my arms giving out from the impact. I was delightfully crushed by his weight, heaving breaths and moans being exhaled next to my ear, with more warm liquid filling me up with each pump.

When he was done, the only sound that remained was our laboured breathing.

“Fucking hell, love…” He started, his voice rough and unsteady, “It’s been a while since I came twice in a row.”

Without giving either of us any time to recover, he pushed himself up, pulling out in the same motion, eliciting one last moan from me. I heard the clanging of his belt as he was already putting himself back together. I don’t know how he’d sobered up so quickly as I was completely out of it; freshly pounded, breathless, and dripping of cum.

“I’ve made a right mess of you,” He muttered, still sounding shaky and short of breath, but he was clearly in a rush, “let’s get you sorted.”

A hand appeared on my shoulder before I got rolled onto my back, feeling like a ragdoll. I looked up at his flushed face as he slipped his hands under my body, collecting me in his arms with ease before stalking off with me.

All I could do was cling to him as he swept me away from the stage, my mind entirely too blank – entirely too happy, to feel any anxiety about my state, or who might see me like this.

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#oli sykes #oli sykes fic #oli sykes smut #oli sykes fan fiction #bring me the horizon #smut #You got a taste now #Yay - posted today as planned ♥#It's LONG but I couldn't bring myself to split it #oli sykes x reader

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trangkhanhi · 4 months

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Motherly love - Uzumaki Kushina

Don't know if anyone who has read this article has become a mother? I'm not a mother, I haven't had children yet so I don't know what motherhood is like for children. Every time I read or watched Naruto's birth, I cried because I felt sorry for this family for not being able to live happily together. That fateful day Kushina went from a woman to a mother, a beautiful and sacred vocation

However, Kushina must not have expected that on the day she expected her son to be born, it was also the day that she and her husband died.

And what made me feel even more sad was to read the manga again when I saw Kushina's messages to Naruto before she left this world

As I read and watched this passage tears kept coming to my eyes, an indescribable sadness, how sad. I'm not a mother, I can't know the pain Kushina endured when she had to leave her baby and turn Naruto into a jinchuriki but I knew it definitely hurt.

But all I understood was sadness until I saw 2 videos on social media at which point I understood Kushina's feelings even though I am not a mother.

There was a girl who was pregnant but then she found out she had cancer, her family and husband were both very panicked but the girl was especially calm and only asked the doctor one question "I have cancer so is my baby affected?" and the doctor answered no. The girl replied calmly, it was okay.

Because of the cancer, she started treatment so she could prolong her life so she could deliver the baby. During her pregnancy, her treatment was painful, but she managed to overcome it for her little one, and she also prepared birthday presents for him year by year and filmed videos saying messages to her son, when her child grew up, Child could rewatch the footage.

As she neared her due date, the pain from the treatment made her unbearable, causing her to burst into sobs and tell her husband, "I don't want to die, I want to see my baby grow up healthy, I'm not comfortable leaving my baby in someone else's care," which is not what Kushina did before she died. with Naruto? That's why when Minato neutralized Edo Tensei, Naruto responded to Kushina's earlier instructions and told him not to worry about him

And the last line "Try to find someone like your mother" when I read this far, I just thought it was simply to find a strong girl like Kushina, but actually behind that sentence is very meaningful

In another story, there is an exchange program between musicians and students on the topic of songs composed by that musician. And there was a boy who asked the musician this one question Boy: I want to ask if the whole song is about a mother's love for her son, but one sentence that I really wonder about is, "There will be someone who loves you more than I love you", I want to understand what you meant when you wrote that sentence?

Musician: Haha, You think I wrote it wrong, right? Boy: I don't know who will love me more than my mother? Musician: Let me tell you, your mother is always the person who loves you the most, your mother will still love you the most in the future, your mother will always love you the most, that's what I'm sure of. But for your mother, in your mother's thoughts and in my thoughts for my son, your mother always hopes that someone will love her child more than she does. That sentence is only true in your mother's mind because your mother loves you too much and your mother knows one thing: your mother will not be able to go with you when you grow up. I also cannot go with my child when he grows up because I will get old and when I am no longer in this world, who will take care of my child?

With the two stories I told above, both of them are parents and those are the similar feelings of parents in those situations.

I finally understood that Kushina's statement was find someone like your mother, which means find someone who loves you like I love you, even loves you more than me. Kushina has become an instinctive mother who loves and protects Naruto unconditionally. Kushina knew she couldn't see Naruto grow up and become an adult, and at the same time placed the burden of becoming a jinchuriki on Naruto. Kushina understood the pain that Naruto was about to go through because she was also a Jinchuriki, she knew how lonely and sad that pain was until she met Minato and Kushina was very happy and grateful for that. So she also hopes that Naruto will also meet someone who loves him, someone who cares for him, someone who is willing to protect Naruto the way she is willing to protect her son from the Nine-Tails.

However, the person Naruto likes is not a girl but a boy. I read a sentence on a tumblr blog that I don't remember from someone who said "Except for Naruto's parents, no one in this world loves Naruto more than Sasuke." The biggest thing Kushina and Sasuke have in common is that they love Naruto unconditionally. Sasuke took care of Naruto, feeding him bentos at the cost of his ninja career. Worried about Naruto when he trained alone all night and didn't come home, and most importantly, he was willing to sacrifice his life for Naruto's smile without any regrets.Naruto and Sasuke are so happy because they found each other and shared their pain together

Sasuke is not a girl, but if she knew there was someone who loved Naruto unconditionally like that, Kushina would definitely be happy and reassured.

I read somewhere that Kishimoto had no intention of letting Naruto meet his parents again until he had a child. He knew he owed Naruto an apology and he decided to create two very emotional moments. allowing Naruto the opportunity to see his two most important relatives again.

A mother’s love will never end. It is there from beginning to end.

Hope everyone will also find the other half of your life, "soulmate" or "true love", someone who loves you unconditionally like Sasuke loves Naruto and Naruto loves Sasuke and even if you can't find that person, please always love yourself.

#kushina uzumaki #naruto x sasuke #sns

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nomoreusername · 7 months

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What You Deserve (Part 1)

Pairing:Aris x female reader

Summary:After the betrayal with Teresa Aris spills darker secrets than you could have ever imagined.

Honestly, I have no clue how one person could be so oblivious, so blind, to why someone might be avoiding them. While it's true that I haven't directly told Aris the reason I'm so pissed off I shouldn't need to say it.

"Y/N,"He called, following me out of the kitchen.

"What do you want?"I sighed, not bothering to stop in my tracks.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong?"He asked again. I scoffed before accidentally letting out a bitter laugh.

"What's wrong? Seriously? You are so daft sometimes,"I snapped.

"I don't know what's going on. Can you please just tell me?"He repeated.

"Go ask Teresa,"I absentmindedly commented. He went unusually silent as I stopped to glare at him.

"I told you why that happened,"He whispered.

"No. You told everyone why it happened,"I pointed out. Like the idiot he is he was still confused.

"You explained one time then expected everyone to move on. Guess what Aris? Everyone else can move on because they aren't dating you. They aren't someone who's with you for some insane reason while also living with that girl you had to kiss might I add."

"Exactly. Had to. I wouldn't have done it if I had a choice."

"Did you say you love her?"I asked.

"Y/N-"

"Answer the question,"I demanded.

"Does it matter?"

I stared at him in disbelief at what I was hearing.

"Of course it matters. You haven't tried to talk to me one time about what happened. You gave the most vague explanation with her standing next to you, and I'm just supposed to accept it and say everything's okay between us? That nothing will change? I'm supposed to forget this? I can't because you won't even try to tell me anything. Not once did you come to me and try to tell me what went on. How do you think that feels?"

"I don't know,"He mumbled.

"Then, I'll help you. I'll put a nice visual in your head. There I am right next to, let's say Newt. He's attractive so he definitely works for this,"I stated, stopping so my words would sink in. I was aware of the worry he had felt in a pit of worry in his stomach when Newt and I seemed to quickly bond. I assured Aris he was the only boy I could ever want, and while that is still true, I wanted him to hurt at least half as much as I did.

"I'm standing there right next to Newt after we both disappeared for two days. Standing beside us is somebody very beaten up, and all I say is I have to is 'I had to'. That girl, you know what, let's just say Harriet,"I added, knowing how close they are. I wanted this to be as descriptive as possible so he feels what I had to.

No. That's the wrong thing statement. I need him to feel what I still am feeling every second I'm around one of them, or even worse, both of them.

"She's your friend too, right? Like how Teresa was mine. Beside us is an injured Harriet. You later find out, not even from me, that I kissed Newt. How do you feel Aris? Can you see it? Because I can very well give you so much more detail. I can give you every image you need,"I snapped.

He looked at me completely silent. All I could do was cross my arms and keep my cold stare.

"Some things were said, but all of them were lies. Everything was a lie. I don't want anyone else Y/N. I want you,"He repeated. By now his words were empty.

"I can't believe you when you wouldn't even try to explain anything,"I shrugged, acting like it still didn't shatter my heart to think about.

"Nothing I say is going to fix this, is it?"He asked, almost silent.

"I don't think so,"I admitted.

"So are you breaking up with me?"He asked, his voice a trembling whisper.

"I don't know,"I repeated. This time my words weren't meant to feel like a knife through the chest. They were true. "I don't think we should be together right now,"I finally spoke up.

"But is that really what you want?"He asked, his voice cracking. I just stared at the ground. "Please tell me it's not,"He begged.

"Of course not, but I can't deal with this right now. There's already so much going on. This will only make everything worse,"I whispered, my words only getting more and more true as the reality of them set in. Still, they had to be said.

"If I tell you the full truth would you stay?"He asked, seeming to struggle with the decision.

"I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything right now."

"But there's a chance?"He asked.

"I don't know,"I shrugged, not knowing how anything he had to say could solve this.

"But it might be there?"

"If you want to say something just say it,"I pleaded, wanting this to be done. Not us but this conversation. My mind is a thousand places at once. This is only sending me spiraling even more.

"Then, I'll take it. Y/N, I built the mazes,"He admitted.

"You already told me that. I was the first person in the Spring who knew about what your role in WICKED was,"I pointed out.

"Not really. No,"He murmered.

His words took me by surprise. So much so that I had to look up at him. They were briming with tears.

"I didn't just build the mazes Y/N. I remember them."

"What do you mean you remember them?"I asked, taking a step towards him. He just stared at the ground before shaking his head.

"Aris, what do you mean you remember them?"

"When I came up in the box I had my memories. It was part of a plan."

For a moment my heart seemed to stop beating as all the blood rushed to my ears. I desperately wanted him to stop talking and take his words back. Instead, he kept going.

"I didn't know much about the Scorch Trials, but I didn't think anyone would die. I didn't know I had to do this. Please Y/N. I didn't know anything would go this far."

"So Teresa, and Thomas, do they know?"I asked.

"No. Just Teresa,"He confessed.

"And what did you do when we were in the mazes,"I repeated.

"The Beatles Blades,"He whispered.

"So you were a spy? While we were suffering, while my friends were dead, while I almost died that one time when I touched the fake sky, you saw all that?"

"Some of it,"He muttered, sounding like he was filled with well deserved guilt. I wonder is it's real or it's an act. Maybe because he wants me to believe him. He's good at fooling me.

"You've been lying to me. People are dead, and you sat there and watched. We were all in the freezing snow, sometimes secretly crying ourselves to sleep, which you probably saw as well, right? Did you watch while I sat against the walls and pathetically, silently sobbed?"

He stayed quiet as tears he didn't deserve to cry steamed down his face. He deserved to feel like breaking down, but he didn't deserve to do it. He didn't deserve anything.

"Did it feel nice? To stay in a place that didn't involve risking your life by running mindlessly like a lab rat? Did you like seeing the way I desperately skated the maze? How about the times the Griever's would drag away the bodies or when we'd have to kill and even banish our friends? Did you enjoy it?"I taunted, my voice low and full of venom.

When he didn't say anything I stepped forward until I was right in front of him. He trembled as he looked up at me.

"Was it nice Aris?"I repeated, dangerously calm.

"No. No. I swear. Just please, I didn't think anything would be like this. Please Y/N. Listen to me,"He begged, trying to make me look at him. I slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me,"I scowled.

"Please. I'm different now. If I could take it back I would,"He swore, now hysterical. I couldn't even look at him as I turned around and tried to leave only for him to hold my wrist and keep pleading for me to just look at him.

"If I look at you I'm going to hurt you, and I mean it. I will do what you did to Thomas and more. I will leave you looking like someone who crawled out of the Greiver hole,"I promised. Because his words may be empty but mine never will be. I will always follow through on what I say, and I will mean it.

"I don't care. Just look at me,"He begged, more sobs seeming to echo through the Berg. I pulled my arm away, and he didn't stop me.

"Please. I can't live without you,"He uttered as I walked down the hall.

I didn't stop to think about the next words that left my mouth as I turned to face him. He had dropped to the floor and had the nerve to look me in the eye as he seemed to feel some remorse for what he had done. He didn't feel remorse when he lied to all of us though. In fact, he still was. He has trapped us for years.

Maybe if he had admitted everything to me from the start I could have found some middle ground. He didn't though. He had sat there and acted like a terrified Blondie as Beth kept saying we should banish him. She had said from the start he was bad news. Several other girls had.

And what did I do? I protected him. I had even saved his life in the maze, and he had essentially been spitting in my face. He had used me. Maybe me falling in love with him was another sick part of his plan. It wouldn't surprise me anymore. Nothing would.

That's why I said what I said next.

"Then, die."

He clapped a hand over his mouth as he started to cry harder.

"You look more pathetic than I did believing you. You sit there and bawl your eyes out. It will never make me come back to you. Each tear you shed only makes me despise you more because I did that so many nights. I cried and cried while I thought about if I had a family, friends, or even I was in some twisted prison, and you know what you did?"

He just buried his face in his hands while his hysterics continued.

"You let it happen. If you truly think you need me to live then you better find a way to stop because I can't stand you. You better learn how to stop needing me because I will never love you. Aris, I hate you,"I scowled, wanting to kick him until he was covered in bruises. He had manipulated everyone, and just because he told me the truth he had some twisted expectation that I could not only forgive the betrayal, but the way he had ruined my life. Just the thought of him, the sight of him, disgusted me.

He screamed into his hand, and I heard the agony in his voice that I had caused. The part of me that had empathy, and had loved him with all my heart, almost felt remorse for all I had said. Then again that love for him was fading. With each tear another part of me hated him more.

I didn't even feel satisfied that I had successfully broke him into nothing. I didn't feel anything at all anymore. Even that hatred was replaced with this numb feeling as I looked at him. Hearing him try to muffle his cries, pleads for me not to leave him, and his yells of regret, just left me feeling sorry for him.

Everyone must have heard his screams because the others can rushing in. Well, only Sonya and Harriet.

"What happened?"Harriet asked, her confusion quickly becoming replaced with concern as she stared at the way Aris had crumpled to the floor.

I looked back at him one last time and said my final message.

"He's just throwing himself a pity party."

With that I left my worried friends in the room and my broken ex-boyfriend laying on the ground.

#one shot #mini series #angst with a sad ending #angst #no fluff #tmr aris #aris x reader #aris jones #wicked #tmr #the maze runner #the scorch trials #aris tmr #Spotify #part 1/3

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selenacosmic · 20 days

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Romance in the office.

Chapter 26 - Tension in the room.

I was just finishing up my work for the day, it was already getting dark outside during this time. Despite all the chaos of the previous days, things at work seem to be going well and back to normal. I could only feel immense satisfaction as I finished all the work as perfectly as possible. Going back to working in my office felt great, specially now that I am not fake dating anyone.

Stretching out while leaning back on my chair, I was already anticipating going back home with shingen. I wonder if he had already finished his work…

Before I could even get up from my seat, I hear a knocking at the door followed by Yukimura’s voice. “Hey, Selena? Are you in there?”

Great, just as I was finishing working. “Yes, you can come in.” I called out loud enough so that he could hear from the other side. He pushed the door open right away, looking a bit grumpier than usual.

“Ah, you are done with work. Good, I need to talk with you about something.” He takes a seat across my desk, almost like he was in a hurry.

I never seen Yukimura this serious before.

“Ok, sounds like something important.” I gestured for him to proceed with what he wanted to say, meanwhile I occupied myself with cleaning up by desk from all the work I had during the day.

“I know about you two officially dating.” That got my attention, but i didn’t reply to him, allowing him to keep talking. “I know this sounds weird, but I really got to know, are you really sure about what you are doing?”

That… caught me off guard, making me stop in motion at his question. “Am I sure? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s good that shingen has gotten into a serious relationship, but It keeps bothering me that you agreed to also help with our… situation so easily” Yukimura seemed to be choosing his words more carefully, something i didn’t think he was capable of. Then again, when it comes to our boss, he usually gets more attentive.

“Listen, Yukimura, I get that you are probably skeptical about me helping you guys, but I plan to dedicate myself to this.” Still, as much as i understand his point of view, i couldn’t let myself be unmotivated. From what shingen had told me, they have been in this battle for independence for years now in secrecy, having someone joining the cause might throw Yukimura off guard.

“It’s not like I don’t know that, but we have tried about everything to solve this. I… just don’t want to see you get your hopes up for nothing.” Oh..? Did Yukimura come talk to me because he was worried about me? I thought this was only about our boss, but it seems like I was clearly wrong.

“That’s very sweet of you, actually. But I have prepared myself to keep coming up with new plans to help if things don’t work out, I was plenty aware of how difficult this would be even before I started dating shingen.” I wanted him to know that nothing could easily tear me down, not as long as I stayed focused.

Yukimura looked at me as if he was judging me, almost like testing the sincerity in my words. Finally, he let out a sigh and relaxed against the chair. “Sometimes I think you two are a bit too similar.”

“Similar…? You think Shingen and I are similar?” Personally, I couldn’t agree with that statement, i wasn’t a great and strong leader like he was. Though it felt like an honor to be seen that way by Yukimura.

“Kind of, you both are stubborn as hell.” Ok, I take it back. “But I think that’s a good thing, it means you two never give up on what you set your mind on.”

“I would argue that shingen is way more stubborn when compared to me. Then again, I can’t imagine him being any other way.” I could see Yukimura rolling his eyes, if I could read minds I bet he would be mocking me for saying lovey dovey stuff in front of him.

“Talking about me in secret? I hope this isn’t a meeting to talk badly about me.” Both of us were caught off guard by that voice coming from the door. Shingen was standing there while smiling at us.

“Hey, don’t go acting like we were gossiping about you.” Yukimura crossed his arms in disapproval, though he didn’t seem really angry about it.

“I was searching everywhere for you two, only to find out that you were here talking behind my back.” His voice has a playful tone to it, he made his way towards us with long strides forward. Before i knew it, shingen had already walked behind my desk, leaning over me to plant a kiss over my temple. “Are you finished with work?”

I couldn’t help but lean against him, feeling his body right behind me felt comforting after a long day of work. “Yeah, I just finished it. I was hoping I could go see if you had finished yours as well , but it looks like you got to me first.”

“Ugh, great… it was better when you two were awkward around each other.” Yukimura got up from his seat, presumably because he didn’t want to be near us. Though his words bugged me a bit, as far as I remember I was the only one really awkward when we were fake dating.

“You really learned nothing from me, did you, Yukimura?” There was a disapproval sigh coming from Shingen’s lips, shaking his head lightly.

“I don’t want to remember those weird summer classes you made Sasuke and I watch. In any case I better leave you two alone.” Before he could receive a response, Yukimura was already walking out the door to escape any lecture that Shingen could give him.

“A tough student, that boy is. But he has potential.”

“.. what summer classes was he talking about?” I thought that if anyone could teach others about dating and romance, it would be Yoshimoto. He was the one who taught me after all.

A smile appeared on his face, almost nostalgic as if he could remember fond memories. “There was a time when I could see the boys’ struggles to interact with women properly, specially inside the company. So I decided to give them special classes.” He talks about Sasuke and Yukimura as if they weren’t grown adults yet, it did suit him to be like a father figure to them.

“Huh, and yet you didn’t give me classes?” I crossed my arms playfully while questioning him, part of me wanted to know how his teaching was.

“I can teach those two easily as they have no knowledge in the art of seduction, but trying to teach a goddess? That’s tricky.” He smoothly slid his hand under my chin to catch my gaze. “I would need to implement a new teaching method for this to work.”

My whole body had shivered just from his words, it was making me anticipate something more when we got home. “Well… I am always open for new knowledge.”

His smile grew wider, our lips brushing slightly because of how close we were. “… I better stop now before we make a mess on your desk. Here, let me help you carry your things.” He reluctantly pulled away, which made me miss his warmth, though I understood where he is coming from.

Then again, there was always later when we were in his room. “Thank you, dear. We should get going then.”

I got to admit, it was very disappointing to end this here for now, but I didn’t want to do this here when anyone could walk in. We both had gathered our things from the office, going back to our apartment in his car.

—————

Once we were finally home, we both went ahead to get into more comfortable clothes. After we started dating, I had been staying with shingen a whole lot more in his apartment. At this point it felt like I was moving in with him given the amount of time I spent here.

After I exited his room wearing one of his more warm shirts, I let myself rest on the couch, stretching my body to finally relax. Shingen was reading a book right beside me. While I was laying down, he was sitting up straight with my legs resting on top of his. At first I felt uncomfortable with this position, worrying that it might bother him, but with time and his reassurances that it was ok, it became natural for us to stay like this whenever we were resting.

“You usually read that book a lot throughout the day, what is it about?” I noticed it had an old cover, a bit beaten up by time. It was common for me to catch him reading it whenever we had free time.

“This is the art of war by Sun tzu, it’s an old book that I have since I was a child.” Wait, I believe I remember him mentioning it before. He must be really attached to it.

“If we weren’t in the modern days, i would think you are some sort of warlord.” He had the profile to be one anyway, shingen was a great leader in the company, inspiring everyone to do better.

He chuckled lightly, placing his hand over my legs. “It might not seem like to some, but this book has valuable lessons that can be applied in any situation. Even at work, even in daily life.” He closed the book without bothering to put a tag on it to remember which page he stopped at, likely because he had read it so many times to the point of memorizing it.

“Does that include the summer classes?” I wouldn’t let this subject be forgotten, not after we had to stop it abruptly in the office. Besides, we were finally alone at home…

That question seem to have brought out the flirt in him, Shingen moved closer, resulting in us having to change our position until I was sitting on his lap. “It could. Though i did say that I would need a different method to teach a goddess.”

“I would love to see what method you can come up with.” Our lips met shortly after, almost a relief from holding back earlier. With our normal work taking over our schedule and the meeting with his grandfather approaching, moments like this were perfect. With so many things to worry about, we needed a break for ourselves.

His hands were resting on my hips, not in a hurry to move from there. This time, it just felt good to get lost in the kiss, taking things slowly. We had the whole night to love each other after all. After being still for an agonizing amount of time, his hands began moving upward, lifting the shirt I stole from him up. “Stealing my clothes again? I thought you had brought some of your own.” His teasing voice brought heat to my cheeks, I did take his shirt without thinking first.

“I forgot about that… it just feels natural to grab one of yours.” His lips were already making their way to kiss my neck, getting close to my ear.

“I don’t mind… it’s good to see you wearing my shirt.” His voice sounded breathy against my ear, making me melt even more against him.

It’s true that soon we would have a lot to prepare for, the meeting was going to happen in a few days and it was one of our more risky plans. But tonight I just want to focus on him, to let him lead us through the night.

To be continued…

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikemen sengoku shingen #ikesen shingen

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the-sleepiest-melon · 8 months

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i watched fionna and cake on a whim and damn i am loving these adventure time spinoffs. ive said it before but i could never get into the original series. i really only watched marceline's story later on.

i have a lot of thoughts. but one thing that's really resonated with me is the parallels in the ice king's crown.

initially, i was going to make a comparison to manic episodes and becoming medicated. while i have witnessed people i love becoming manic and the very real fears and worries that come with being medicated, i do not feel comfortable speaking on the topic. i do not personally experience manic episodes. however, i do want to mention that this metaphor resonated very deeply with me having witnessed these sort of things first hand.

the ice crown's though, more broadly, represents things changing.

yes, thats a broad statement, but its something adventure time touched on before. see the song, "everything stays".

change is terrifying. settling down, mellowing out, moving away, or even just the constant hustle and bustle of life.

its interesting how the different simon's cope with it. particularly, petrikov and the winter king. im not gonna sit here and sum up petrikov's arc, but the winter king i can.

how does the winter king cope? when things become too much, he reduces it down to an easy problem to solve. something he can be good at. here's a sword that instantly makes you good at fighting!

but everything for him is shallow and repetitive. he falls back on his routine (being kidnapped) to cope with the stress of... life.

and when it doesnt go to plan, when the routine breaks (blender moment), he panics.

and when his illusion finally, finally shatters. when he has to come face to face with the hurt he's caused and the world he lives in, he crumbles.... literally.

we furthermore have characters like gary and marshall embracing change. they take life as it comes and goes. and yeah, it isnt easy, but they embrace change as it happens.

we have fiona, who lives in a constant state of change. constantly getting fired and hired, and she doesnt know how to handle it. its too much, and too exhausting, but theres no easy solution. yet she claims to want adventure. which when she gets it, its all too much.

and of course, my favorite song from the show is another rebecca sugar song "part of the madness".

the lyrics paints a clear picture of some real worries and fears a lot of people experience. what happens if im not the person people see me as? if i become someone, *gasp*, lame? if im in a better place in life, will people still care about me, will people still like me? what if they leave you when youre not smiling?

i could go into a lot more instances of this idea of mellowing out, of having a bad day or week or year, of not having fun, or of life changing too much. but ill stop rambling.

ummm but i like orbo

#melon rambles #fionna and cake #fionna campbell #simon petrikov #the winter king #part of the madness

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late-to-the-magnus-archives · 5 months

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Treasure - a Malevolent fic

John just keeps remembering the bad things first.

This one lands hard.

Part of the Surrogate series. Written with @sepiabandensis.

AO3

---------

“Come on, English! You can keep up!” Parker needled, running without any effort at all, and it just wasn’t fair.

Arthur shot a look in his direction that communicated the profanity he couldn’t get the breath to speak.

“Faster!” Dis called.

“Faster or longer?” Parker called back. “He can’t do both!”

Dis considered. “Longer this time. Good call, Yang.”

“Thank me later,” Parker muttered to Arthur, deadpan.

“I… hate… you,” Arthur gasped.

“No, you don’t,” Parker grinned.

John and Sunny ignored them both.

Everyone’s exercise routine had changed; Faroe was still doing princess stuff, but Arthur and Parker now spent at least an hour walking and jogging and running, side by side (or at least, Arthur wasn’t too far behind), and Sunny and John were taking full advantage.

John loved it. More than he knew how to express. Because of Sunny, he finally didn’t feel so… alone.

[How has the poetry quest gone? Found anything you like yet?] Sunny said, tone somewhere between genuinely curious and gently teasing.

[Challenging because he’s so damn stubborn.] But John sounded pleased. [I’ve decided I’m going to bring Hastur into it. He owes me.]

Arthur tripped. Parker pulled him up. “Thanks,” Arthur muttered.

“Always, pal,” said Parker, and smacked him on the back too hard because it was funny.

“Fuck you.” Arthur grinned.

“Right back atcha.” Parker grinned, too.

[Impressive,] said Sunny. [I'm sure he will have a wealth of poetry to loan you; the Librarian should also be able to make some good recommendations, if Arthur doesn't get too suspicious.] Sunny chuckled, low. [How did you manage to get a favor from the King?]

[Because he failed to protect us, and I am going to use it.] There wasn’t even really any emotion in that statement. John saw an opening, a weakness, a sore spot, and planned to take it. That was all. [He’ll provide what I ask.]

[Would he not provide what you ask anyway?] Sunny replied, quietly puzzled.

John paused as though that hadn’t occurred to him. [I… well, I don’t know. I just don’t want to give him any ideas, and asking for erotic or romantic poetry for Arthur could do that.] It made sense. Who wouldn’t want Arthur?

Sunny, for one. [Does the King desire Arthur?] There was growing horror in Sunny's voice. [I don't know that I will be able to deal with THREE of you lusting after that noodle-man. Ugh.]

John huffed. [It’s not like you have to worry about it. Parker wants you. That’s clear. But Hastur’s marked my person—I mean, he has good taste, obviously—but I don’t trust him. He actually has a body to work with.] John growled a little.

Arthur was used to weird noises from his passenger during these times, and ignored it. “Gotta… gotta slow a bit.”

“Sure.” Parker relented, though his “slow” was still aggravatingly hoppy, as if he had to keep his heart rate up and just walking wouldn’t do it. “You sound like a damned broken bellows.”

Arthur raised his middle finger. Parker laughed.

[Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, that he’s marked,] Sunny said. [Hastur does appear to care for him. Perhaps not in the past, judging by what we heard, but certainly now.] Sunny let out a thoughtful sound. [I mean, assuming that Arthur isn’t too hung up on the idea of bodies in general, I think you’re safe; you do have a hand, after all.]

[And a foot. Up to the knee, actually.] John wasn’t boasting. He recited this with the unselfconscious pride of a child. [Not that it’s been worth much. When I try to take over that thing, we just fall down.] A beat. [Sometimes pretty hard.] Another beat. [We’ve fallen in a lot of holes.]

[What is it with that man and holes?] Sunny laughed. [I didn’t have anything but his eyes. That’s probably for the best.]

[Ha! My person doesn’t know how to take care of himself. He needs me.] John would preen, if he could. [It’s a miracle he’s alive at all. Anyway, I’ve decided the poetry will happen, and maybe… a song. We’ll see. I’m torn because…] He stopped.

[You can tell me.] Sunny’s voice was gentle. [I mean, you didn’t laugh at me before.]

“Sounding better,” Parker said.

“Just another minute,” Arthur whined.

Parker turned and glanced back. “Dis is tapping her foot.”

“She is?” Arthur sighed. “Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. Fuck!” He picked up the pace.

John let the silence stretch for a moment, hesitating. [It’s… it might be… bad?]

Sunny’s voice gentled. [You can tell me, John. I think… I think of everybody in all of Carcosa, you and I… we share… more than anybody else, in a way. Tell me anything.]

[I still don’t feel like ‘John,’] John said quickly as though afraid the words would be condemned. [And I can’t tell him that. I can’t tell anybody. You don’t count, obviously.]

Sunny took a moment to answer. When he spoke, his voice was solemn. [I… I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I thought you had taken the name back up.]

John sighed heavily. [I use it for him. It makes him feel… I don’t know, but it means a lot to him, I guess because I chose it myself, before the poison. I say guess because he sucks at explaining really emotional things.]

[He does.] Sunny paused, weighty, the kind of pause that John had learned meant he was ruminating. [...He… he wanted me to be John when we first met, you know. Mentioned someone called Lilly and everything. When that didn’t… jog my memory, or whatever it was he was hoping for, he…] Another sigh. [...I don’t want to say he ‘gave me’ my old name. It wasn’t a good thing when he called me Yellow. It’s like he was… denying me… any of the personhood you’d earned. What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry you’re stuck with a name that doesn’t feel right. I understand that feeling. I… didn’t like my old name at all.]

John fell silent while Arthur puffed, silent while Arthur took a moment to bend over and gasp like a dying fish (“Wait! Just a fucking… come on, ”) as Parker lightly jogged around him.

“You gotta get in better shape,” said Parker.

Arthur held up his middle finger again. “Best I can.”

Parker had a look on his face John had seen; a look that said he was thinking something that made him mad, but whatever it was, Parker didn’t say it. “Gonna give you to the count of ten, then I’m carrying you like some dame in a dime novel.”

“Oh, you fucking…”

“Nine… eight… seven…”

Arthur got moving at the count of two. “I hate you all.”

“No, you don’t.” Parker sounded pleased.

[The problem is I chose this name,] said John. [But I don’t remember doing it, nor do I remember this Lilly who inspired it. I don’t know what to do because I want to give him things I’ve created, but I can’t… put that name on them. Right now. It doesn’t feel right.]

[Names can change.] Sunny let out a low, mournful sound. [I was… I was Yellow for a long time, John. Almost nine years. I hated that name, but… ‘Yellow’ isn’t gone just because I’m Sunny, now. I just… I’m not him anymore, if that makes sense. If you wanted to use a different name, until you feel like John fits—or never, if the case may be—I think that’s understandable.]

[You don’t feel like Yellow to me.] John said earnestly.

[...Really?] Sunny said, low and stunned.

[You never have, as long as I’ve known you,] John said, oblivious to the profundity of his words.

“Fuck this,” said Arthur, interrupting the moment.

“Come on,” said Parker more gently, pulling him up. “Is it really that bad?”

“Stitch in my side won’t go away.”

“All right. We’ll walk the rest of the day. Fuck Dis,” said Parker, who could tell the difference between whining Arthur and exhausted Arthur. “Honestly? It’s fuckin’ amazing you can do this blind.”

“I’m not blind, though,” said Arthur. “Not really. I have John.”

[See? See? What in fuck do I do with that? I can’t take that name from him!]

[He doesn’t know any better.] Sunny’s voice was gentle. [I mean, you’re right: the name ‘John’ is important to him. It represents a lot. But it’s just a name. You’re still important, even if you don’t feel like being called that; and he loves you. That’s not going to change because you’ve decided to call yourself James or Fitzwilliam or something.]

John went quiet for a moment. [How are you so wise?] He asked, almost suspicious.

[Probably the eight years being called a name I hated by a person who also hated me,] Sunny said dryly. [Personally, I don’t recommend it. I feel like I’ve learned more in the… oh, year and a half or so I’ve been with Parker than I did in all of that time.]

John let out a deep, pleased rumble. [Are you sure you don’t want your praises sung properly before the court? I still think you should be.]

[If word gets out that Hastur has a Forgotten One, he’ll look weak,] Sunny said, which was not an answer at all. [It’s safer for all of us—me, you, Parker, Arthur, Hastur, Faroe—if I stay hidden. Besides, it would be silly to do so if I’m going to rejoin with Hastur in five years or so.]

John sighed. That was a whole topic he didn’t like, so he moved along. [What do you think I should call myself?] he said.

Sunny considered. [Do you feel like human names? Or is that too close to John?]

[I don’t think I want a human name, no. Even if it’s just for me, and I don’t tell Arthur. I’m not human.] He hesitated. [I still think of myself as the King in Yellow. But that obviously won’t work.]

[You… you could, if you wanted to.] Sunny sounded very much like he hoped John wouldn’t want to. [You know, I could use your personal name, if you wanted. If that would help you feel more yourself.]

Arthur’s left hand formed a fist and raised into the air as if celebrating. [That’s brilliant!]

Parker eyed it.

Arthur tilted his head. “Everything good?”

Yes! said John.

Arthur shook his head. “They’re like a couple of kids in their room, scheming, while we do the real work.”

Parker snorted.

[I… I’m not brilliant,] Sunny said, baffled. [I—alright, I will. You just have to decide on one, then. And when you’re ready, you can tell Arthur and Parker, and we’ll handle it.] He rumbled. [Maybe… something in R’lyehian? Most names for our kind come from our language, you know.]

Dis had caught up. “Down to walking?”

“Yeah, he’s tapped,” said Parker.

“Good. Time to shoot,” said Dis.

“Wh-what?” said Arthur, gasping. “Now?”

“Take aim and shoot.” She shoved a bow and arrow against his chest. “Like this. Before you catch your breath. People in a fight won’t wait politely while you wheeze.”

“Ooh,” said Parker. “I like that.”

Arthur sighed. “Guess I’m outnumbered. Ready, John?”

Yes. [And yes. I agree.]

The conversation paused briefly while John directed, helping Arthur to take aim with his new bow (and how the hell Faroe made it look so easy was a mystery in itself). They’d done it with a javelin; it was a different thing with a different weapon, all while Arthur hadn’t caught his breath yet.

The breathing kept moving Arthur, throwing off their aim.

You have to breathe out and hold it. Just for a moment, while you release, or it goes off.

“Right,” said Arthur.

Yes. Yes! Straight line from the opposite shoulder. Good.

“Wow!” Parker said. “Hit the target!”

“I have a great partner,” said Arthur, warmly, and touched his left hand. “You’re a treasure, John.”

Dis took the bow. “Walk.”

Arthur did, shaking his fingers. “I’m going to need callouses.”

“I’ll join you next time,” said Parker, walking with him. “Damn, that was cool to watch.”

[Yes,] John said suddenly. [In my own tongue. Yes.]

[Well,] Sunny said, deeply pleased with himself. [I think Arthur just gave me an idea.]

[I’m all ears. Haha! I don’t have any ears,] said John.

Sunny politely chuckled. [It’s simple, snappy. Can shorten it for a nickname if you want. It’s golden, so it works even better. And, technically, Arthur gave it to you, so it has meaning.] Sunny’s voice was bright, cheerful. [What do you think of Gokar’luh?]

John went completely quiet.

Arthur’s left leg jerked, and he fell with a gasp.

Parker caught him. “Hey, careful! You okay?”

Arthur’s left arm hung limp. “John?”

I…

“John?” said Arthur again, standing.

It’s a beautiful name, John said softly..

John?

You don’t… remember. Do you.

Remember what? Sunny’s voice was puzzled. Are you alright?

A beautiful name, John said again. We… we picked that name before, Sunny. When we were one.

“Huh?” said Parker.

“John?” Arthur gripped his left hand. “What name? What’s going on?”

And John growled.

This wasn’t the playful, childish growl of before. This was deep, and angry. The kind of growl that came with destruction. We need to go in. All of us. Sunny, we need to find Hastur. This doesn’t get borne alone.

Did I do something wrong? Sunny’s voice went worried. John? I’m… I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did, but I won’t do it again.

No. You did not. John’s voice dropped. He did.

“Who did what?” said Parker. “Arthur? You know what’s going on?”

“No. I…” Arthur frowned. “I don’t understand them, and I wasn’t paying attention.”

Parker reached up and stroked his jaw. “It’s gonna be okay, bud. It’s gonna be okay.”

HASTUR! John roared, and there was magic in it, and he hadn’t warned Arthur, and maybe didn’t care.

Arthur passed out.

Parker caught him. “What the fuck?”

And maybe, in fact, it was on purpose. That’ll get his fucking attention! John snarled.

What the fuck, John? Sunny’s insubstantial breath came in panicky gasps. Why?

“What the hell is going on here?” said Dis, jogging up.

“I don’t know! John’s lost his fucking mind!” Parker said.

It was necessary, John snapped.

Parker’s jaw was set. “You’re fucking lucky I don’t have a way to deck you.”

No! Sunny yelped. No, no, don’t—don’t fight! Please, let me wake Arthur up and we can just—we can figure it out, please—

Hastur appeared, replacing air so quickly that breeze blasted them all back a step. The world went still. Sound faded out; color did, too, as though he’d put reality on pause.

He seemed huge, and he brought some kind of boundary with him—clear and pearlescent, like a soap bubble, keeping Arthur and Parker and Sunny and John in one place.

Dis was on the outside of whatever this bubble was. She mouthed, good luck, gave Parker a thumbs-up, and walked away at speed.

“Oh, shit,” Parker said quietly, staring up at him.

“Is there a reason,” Hastur said slowly, and they could both feel the rumble of his voice through the ground, “that you have chosen to hurt your host?”

Yes, said John. And first of all, he’s not fucking hurt. He’s out, because I don’t want him getting in the middle of this.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Parker was muttering.

Sunny let out a small whimper.

“In the middle of?” prompted Hastur, louder.

Gokar’luh, said John.

And Hastur… shrank?

Not exactly. But the anger evaporated like mist in the morning, the rumbling around them ceased, the looming threat just… vanished. The bubble disappeared. Birds chirped. The day was lovely.

“Ah,” said the King in Yellow.

Ah? Ah? John repeated.

Parker frowned. “Gokar’luh. I know that word. Treasure?” he said. “Uh. Buried, or…”

“You remember,” said Hastur to John. It wasn’t a question.

I remember enough. Sunny doesn’t yet. But I’m sure he will.

Arthur stirred.

Hastur rested one hand on his head and put him right back under.

Ha! said John, as if he’d been proven right.

“What in fuck is going on?” said Parker.

“I suppose it cannot be avoided,” Hastur said softly, and without any further warning, picked them both up.

Parker yipped. “Warn a guy!”

What—what don’t I remember? Sunny whispered.

“Uh. Hey. Big guy. We, uh. Are we in trouble?” said Parker.

“No,” said Hastur, and flew.

Arthur slept. Honestly, he probably needed it.

They went to Hastur’s bedroom, which was huge. Absurdly huge, though Parker knew that was for practical purposes; couldn’t get up to much with another god if it wasn’t huge in there, just practically speaking.

Sunny was quiet, but there, present, awake. Parker kept contact, fingertips on his jaw. Parker’s tongue lashed in his mouth; Sunny twisted incorporeally in his head.

Arthur snored very lightly. It was cute. Hastur laid him gently on the bed.

Answer for what you did, you coward, said John.

Instead of answering, Hastur took Arthur up again—still holding Parker—and went to a seemingly random corner in his room.

It turned out he had a little secret stash there, hidden in the wall. From it, he took something; something of spikes, something black that gleamed as if twisting light inside itself, something Parker had trouble focusing clearly on.

“What is that?” Parker said, voice low and wary.

In his head, Sunny gasped. Is… Is that a crown? Of godblood? His voice was low with shock, the disbelief clear. Hastur… what is this?

Hastur put the crown in Parker’s hands.

Parker froze. “The fuck?” he whispered. “Why does this feel familiar?”

“Go on,” said Hastur.

Parker turned it in his hands, studying, analyzing how it buzzed against his palm. “It feels like the first time Sunny cast magic through me.”

What? Said Sunny, soft and high.

“Fucking hell, Hastur, what is this?”

“That is the crown of my son.”

Parker’s eyes went huge.

Sunny was quiet.

You fucking… John started.

“Sunny… you had… you had a kid?” Parker said almost reverently.

S�� son? Sunny’s voice was soft, raw and vulnerable and shocked. We… We have a son?

Had, snarled John.

And Hastur just… went there. “He was going to kill Faroe and Arthur.”

“Oh, shit,” Parker whispered. “Why was he going to do that?”

“To hurt me.”

Wh… What? Sunny sounded so small, so lost. Why would—I don’t understand.

“Was he jealous?” said Parker quietly.

“Yes,” said Hastur. “But I had driven him away long before then.” He took the crown back, handling it like the most precious thing he had; his many eyes lingered, one finger gently tracing the glassy planes of its points.

John was breathing hard. You killed him!

“I had to.”

You killed… you killed him!

“You don’t remember anything but that moment, do you?” said Hastur.

I… I had a son, Sunny whispered slowly. I had… But I don’t… His breath quickened.

“I got you,” Parker murmured. “Breathe.”

I had a son! Sunny hitched.

Parker was staring at the little hole in the wall. “What’s that in there? There’s more stuff.”

“Things.” Hastur sealed it up.

Murderer! John cried.

This had swung right out of control. Parker exhaled slowly and touched his lips.

Hastur sighed deeply. “I hadn’t planned on this today. We will go over all the facts later, including the public face we must wear about this.”

I won’t be an issue, Sunny said, his voice… broken. I don’t remember. I’m… sorry.

But you… John seemed confused that no one was rising with him in rage and shouting. But you killed him!

“I was not given a choice,” said Hastur.

“At least you got to be a father,” said Parker quietly. “Some of us’ll never get that chance. I’m sorry it went that way.”

But you… John stopped.

I’m sorry, Sunny said again.

“Don’t be.” Hastur’s voice was rough. “Arthur was there. He’ll have his own version of this to tell. Perhaps… you should all stay away from court today.”

But you… John trailed off again. In court? What, you want me to pretend this is a good thing? That you killed our son?

And Hastur bailed.

He put both humans on the bed, gently enough, and then just left . Floated out. Left them in his bedroom.

Coward! John cried after him, voice cracking, and then fell silent.

Arthur snored, the tiniest little buzzing.

Fuck me, Parker thought, and swallowed. Did this make him the responsible adult in the room? Close enough. He tried misdirection. He wriggled a little. “Now, this is a bed for a king, huh? Hey, Lester. Come on, buddy. Wake up.” He patted Arthur’s cheeks lightly.

Parker’s eyes stung, but the tears were not his own. I don’t remember. I don’t remember him, Sunny mumbled as they spilled down Parker’s cheeks. He’s… I don’t…

“Hey,” Parker said. “Sunny, it’s… you’re okay. I’m here, bud.”

I don’t remember my own son. Sunny made one small, pained keening sound.

He… he was… John stumbled. Gokar’luh was…

“Proud,” whispered Arthur. “Like Hastur without Faroe. You remembered?”

John sounded shaky. Yes, he whispered. But only the end.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Arthur sighed, then slid his hands over the blankets beneath him. “This isn’t our bed. Where are we?”

“Hastur’s bed, no big deal,” said Parker. “Talk.”

Arthur looked troubled. “That’s really ironic,” he said softly. “The night it all happened, we came back here. We slept in this room.”

Gods don’t sleep, John snapped as though catching him in a lie.

“Faroe and I slept. Nibbles was here, and…” Arthur sighed. “I’d better start at the end of the Games. I guess it’s time to talk about this.”

Arthur told them.

He told them about Faroe reacting to their constant bickering by running off, blaming herself.

He told them about their journey through the Dreamlands, their many adventures, always just behind her, fighting to catch up; he told them about Hastur changing—about Hastur away from the constant adoration of court. About finally finding peace, even respect, between the three of them. About the strange, simple beauty of being stuck alone on the road.

He told them Hastur’s version of events when the Oracle was cast aside.

And then he told them what the Oracle claimed.

“Oh,” said Parker, who could see it, who had always been good at seeing from all sides, and could see how everybody fucked up and there was no good or bad guy.

It was just sad. Fucking sad. He wiped his eyes, this time for himself.

Arthur struggled to describe the sound of Faroe’s throat being torn, struggled to describe the pain of his legs being snapped, of John casting magic, of the desperation to reach Nibbles and free her so Faroe could be okay.

He healed her, said John, suddenly remembering.

“He did,” said Arthur. “Or she’d be dead.” And then he had to briefly stop, shuddering and gasping for emotional control.

Parker wrapped an arm around him and hugged him tight, rubbing small circles into his back with his thumb.

Arthur turned against him and breathed against his shoulder, exhaling slowly and shakily. Finally, softly, he continued.

He told them how heroic John had been. He told them of drawing the sword from the stone.

We did? said John, awed.

“You’re incredible, John,” Arthur whispered, and meant it.

John made a choked sound and fell silent.

Arthur told them about climbing the rubble and leaping toward their enemy—how John directed him like a human javelin, how they managed to pierce Gokar’luh’s hide. “Then he ripped us off him, howling like a demon,” Arthur said, voice rough, “and he threw us so fucking hard. So hard it made my neck hurt. So hard… it was worse than falling. He threw us so hard .”

“He was trying to kill you,” Parker said, voice low and full of gravel. “Smash the both of you.”

Arthur nodded. “I don’t know this part, but I’m still sure of it,” he whispered. “I think they were both… done. They needed it to end, but they were both too fucking proud to just… end it. Or at least, Gokar’luh was. Hastur kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t.”

“I think I know where this is going,” whispered Parker.

Arthur swallowed. “Gokar’luh said, ‘All this time, you could have changed… but not for me.’ After that is… he… was trying to force Hastur to kill him. I’m really certain.”

“Yeah,” said Parker, and scowled. “I swear. I swear . These fucking gods pretend to be so different from us, but they’re not.”

“So yes,” Arthur said. “He tried to kill us. And when Hastur saved us, Gokar’luh swore he’d murder Faroe. That there was nowhere she would be safe, he said. He’d find her, and kill her. No matter how long it took. And that’s the thing about Hastur, Parker. He’s done horrible things, but he really loves my daughter. So that… Gokar’luh had found the magic button. He’d already nearly killed her once, and the threat of a repeat was just too far. So that’s when Hastur took the sword we’d made, and…”

Killed him. John took a shaking breath. Pierced both of his hearts in one strike. He knew exactly where they were, and he just—and he—

Arthur took John’s hand in his, holding it to his heart as he squeezed. “Hastur held him while… while he died. They said… Hastur said he was defeated. That Gokar’luh had won. And… that he loved him. I think f,or what it was, it couldn’t have gone any other way, but it could have been… so much worse.”

Parker wiped his eyes again. “Worse.”

“Hastur was so fucked up after that,” said Arthur. “We got Faroe, and we came home, but he was so fucked up. He was like a different person.” And there was no better time to say it. “I think he’s still fucked up. He’s hiding it, but he’s not okay. He hasn’t gotten better.”

“Fuck.” Parker slumped, arms on his knees. “Fuck. When was all this?”

And perhaps unexpected, Arthur laughed; it was not a good sound. “The night Kayne dumped you and Sunny and Larson all into our laps and said we had to make a good show. Literally hours after, right on the stroke of midnight—Faroe’s birthday.”

Parker groaned and rolled onto his back. “Oh, fucking hell, no wonder you were bugfuck crazy. And that’s why Hastur had to…”

“Sway me. Yes.” Arthur swallowed.

Parker exhaled, puffing out his cheeks, and stretched his arms over his head onto the pillow bigger than his bathtub. “This is a big problem, fellas. A big problem.”

I’m sorry, John, Sunny whispered, the sound heart-wrenching. I didn’t… I didn’t know. I’m sorry you had… to remember, like that.

John was so quiet. I just remembered the moment, the… the moment it was too late . That’s all I had. It was too late. He was dying.

“I don’t know that remembering the context would have made it better,” Arthur said quietly. “You were so angry at Hastur afterward. You were for a long time.”

I am angry now, John said. Fuck. But I don’t know what I would have done in his place.

“Wait a second,” said Parker. “That can’t be the same Oracle they were all laughing about Hastur smashing in court. Tell me it’s not the same one, Arthur.”

Arthur sighed slowly. “If Hastur looks weak, if it becomes known how he reacted to threat against Faroe, if any of this gets out… we all get a target painted right on our fucking faces. Especially Faroe. She’s the most vulnerable, and he won’t risk that. For all his awful qualities… he’ll never risk her .”

Fuck this place. Fuck it. Fuck!

Parker let out a sigh. “That’s just mobsters for you. They show weakness, someone’s gonna come gunnin’ for that as hard as they can. You got targeted ‘cause he’s been calling you his kid, John, and that’s not a weak position.”

John paused. I know that. Though it sounded like it hadn’t fully sunk in until now. And Faroe is… a child . I can see why we must… defer attention.

“Faroe stays safe.” Arthur’s tone was grim, final. “Period. I’m united with him on that.”

Yes, yes, I know, said John, because they’d been over this loads of times.

“I fucking mean it,” Arthur actually snarled. “Whatever has to happen for her to be safe, it’s happening. ”

“Ain’t no one arguing that,” Parker said gently. “It’s okay, English. For once, everyone’s in agreement.”

Arthur calmed.

Parker climbed out of the bed, stood, and held open his arms. “Come ‘ere, English. This’s for you too, John. And you, sunshine.”

Arthur needed it. Sore, slow, he climbed out of the bed, following Parker’s voice, and accepted a hug so tight it made his bones crack. He exhaled slowly, tension draining. “John, I’m so sorry you remembered this way.”

John hesitated. At least I remembered when we weren’t in public view. I don’t think I could’ve… maintained myself if this had happened in court, or something.

You’re not upset with me, are you? Sunny’s voice was so small.

John grunted. No. Why would I be upset with you? You helped me. You’re the wisest person I know. I trust you.

This… has hurt you. It was my doing, however unintentional. Sunny’s voice was subdued. I am… It is… It’s a relief to know you don’t hold it against me. I’m sorry it happened, but I’m… I’m glad you’re here.

Parker smiled, giving Arthur another tight squeeze before letting go, and he turned away. “You alright, partner?” he asked, voice quiet.

I… don’t know, Sunny replied in his own whisper. Could we stay a bit longer?

Parker smiled, touching his lips.

John? Could… could Parker and I stay a bit longer?

I’d prefer it if you did. We need the wisdom.

Arthur snorted softly, but didn’t seem really dismissive. “Yeah. Wisdom. I can’t say we don’t need it.” He got back on the bed (well, climbed onto it), and sat with his arms around his knees.

I don’t know that I’m up for any more wisdom today, Sunny said, quietly.

Just be you . John was so sure of this.

Arthur closed his eyes and leaned forward.

Parker hesitated just a little, then put his arm around Arthur’s shoulders.

Sunny took a shuddering breath, and began to speak.

This is my son that you have taken, Guard lest your gold-vault walls be shaken, Never again to speak or waken.

This, that I gave my life to make, This you have bidden the vultures break— Dead for your selfish quarrel’s sake!

This that I built all of my years, Made with my strength and love and tears, Dead for pride of your shining spears!

Just for your playthings bought and sold You have crushed to a heap of mold Youth and life worth a whole world’s gold—

This was my son, that you have taken, Guard lest your gold-vault walls be shaken— This—that shall never speak or waken.

John let out a soft sob.

Arthur took a shuddering breath, letting John’s tears fall onto Parker’s shoulder—and, head down, he responded.

“Do not stand By my grave, and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep—

I am the thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints in snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle, autumn rain. As you awake with morning's hush, I am the swift, up-flinging rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand By my grave, and cry— I am not there, I did not die.”

Fuck you both, John choked out.

Sunny laughed, voice thick with tears; in a moment John joined him, the two bass voices rising and falling with their sobs and laughs. Arthur held Parker tight, face buried against his shoulder, and Parker held all three of them as best he could until they grew quiet and still.

-------

Notes:

Sunny's Poem: A Mother To The War-Makers Arthur's Poem: Immortality (Do Not Stand By My Grave And Weep) Kraiva would like to dedicate this fic to IchthyOccult, who has been dutifully reminding everyone of how neither John nor Sunny knew their son was dead since John lost his memories. You're a little freak, Ichthy, and I love you.

#malevolent #surrogate series #surrogate fic #malevolent fic #malevolent au #arthur lester #parker yang #sunny | yellow malevolent #hastur malevolent

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