Do you ever think about how in The Naked Time everyone’s hidden personality traits come to the surface, and while we get Sulu being a swashbuckling fencer, Chapel being vain and lovesick, and Riley being a megalomaniac….
Spock is just devastatingly, profoundly sad and self-loathing.
And he admits he hates himself every time he feels love for Jim.
I am once again thinking about how in The Naked Time, Spock has an emotional breakdown after contracting the virus and cries about the regret he feels for not loving his human mother vs his shame he feels for his ongoing friendship with Kirk, but before he contracts the virus, Spock finds LOVE MANKIND written on the wall. And it's been written and discussed to death about what it means, I know this, but it's telling that Spock not only loves in spite of his Vulcan upbringing and continued adherence to their customs but that he holds regret and shame deep down inside because the love is still there, regardless.
Whereas Kirk likewise has his virus-induced breakdown over the opposite: his self-inflicted pressure to not love an individual, either due to fear of distraction from duty, losing his position as captain due to the ethical conundrum of "How can a captain date one of their crew?" (no, I do not know the details of how Starfleet manages crew relationships, but I'm assuming rank is an issue, especially where captains are concerned), or even the unspoken taboo of the show's production era, his sexual orientation, hence his focusing on the ship as the only safe and constant outlet for his love. But after this, Kirk finds SINNER REPENT written on the wall, as if to say his altruism isn't the full truth, as if what he desires is what he denies even with the virus lowering his inhibitions.
And like my god. What foils to each other! How damned telling the literal writing on the wall is for them! I am going to eat my fucking sweater!
i love the naked time because it implies spock is a sad drunk. the first thing bro does without inhibitions is cry a little. maybe have a breakdown, as a reward. and then a homoerotic kissy feely fistfight with the boys
Star Trek writers really said “this is Spock our guy who doesn’t feel anything. the plot of every episode is that he feels too many things and tries to explode the ship.”
post naked time kirk knocking on spocks door in the middle of the night like sorry to wake you but we really need to look over this report for tomorrow and when the door closes he touches his face where he hit him and says im sorry and spock says i know and he just collapses into his arms crying and when he can breathe again he says i wish things were different and spocks like they were different once it stands to reason that they will be again and kirk says in our lifetime i hope and then they replicate chinese food and watch the secret life of sherlock holmes
While I am still (always!) thinking about it, it is perhaps silly that the background details in Star Trek: TOS episode 4 The Naked Time made lightbulbs for Spirk go off in my brain, but my argument is very simple: if the wall writing was meant to be just silly, random phrases, then why put a loaded phrase like "sinner repent" on the doors of the turbolift? Why show it? Is it necessary to the episode, or could the entire turbolift scene have been cut without altering anything? Why have incidental music play when it is shown? Why zoom in on Kirk's sweaty face after he sees it? Why not show anything else on the doors, like a silly doodle of Kirk with a mustache? Would it ruin the scene preceeding it with Spock admitting to his love for his mother, his feelings of shame for his friendship with Kirk, and Kirk's willful rejection of love entirely/using the ship as the object for his love because he cannot love a member of his crew? If Kirk was truly in love with his yeoman, then where is the sin in it? Is she married? Is such a relationship explicitly against Starfleet regulations to the point that it errs on a moral failing? Would replacing the words with something else ruin the episode as a whole? How so? Spock's breakdown was supposed to be played as a joke with a mustache drawn on Spock as he cries, but Nimoy fought for it to be played in earnest and did it in one take. Did that alter the rest of the episode as a consequence? Or, supposing the the rest of the episode went as originally written, does this mean the words Kirk was always going to see were, in fact, "sinner repent" making it necessary to show for the sake of the story being told, be it that Kirk is Bi or Trans or feels love beyond friendship for Spock or some combination of the above?
(The true reality is probably that someone in the crew just painted whatever popped into their head, blissfully unaware that nearly 60 years later, some rando on the internet would go insane trying to rationalize a random action as a deliberate and thought-out choice. Or it was all a deliberate choice when one considers how expensive TOS was and how clips and music would later be reused to save money (the music that plays with the virus infections was reused in later episodes, for example). If any of it was unnecessary, wouldn't it have been cut to save film, budget, and time? If I could find a true transcript of the original script complete with direction and set notes... that would clear my madness up. "Sinner repent" is my white whale, the hill I will die on. If only I knew what I was getting myself into on February 5th at approximately 9:30 pm 😔)
Spock, in The Naked Time: Kirk, can you not understand it? It is like my two natures are at war with one another. I want nothing more than to belong, just like my mother and father wanted to, but I fear I am doomed forever to be like this. I am ashamed of half of myself; I am ashamed of my whole. I want nothing more than to say what I really feel, yet when I look at you, I feel utter shame. I feel friendship for you, and yet I am doomed to never express it.