#the naughty cuts

[you-fuckers-are-asses]

ICYMI We dropped "Jackass: The Naughty Cuts" on the discord a couple days ago!

We were recently given permission to share a completed restoration project of the Jackass TV series completed by online users SpaceDougMan & Lawful. Jackass: The Naughty Cuts is a superior remastering of the show than the previously released and highly regarded "TURD edition."

The restoration uses multiple sources available of the show to piece together a superior restoration of the show than previously avaliable through TURD or official sources like paramount + or MTV.

You'll find it on the Vault server in our #content-links channel.

Here's some more information provided through a text file from the original project runner...

Jackass: The Uncensored Naughty Collection (restoration)

Author SpacemanDoug Date 18-Dec-2022, 5:22 PM

Some of you may be wondering “wait didn’t someone else attempt to restore this show?” and yes while that is true, there were unfortunately some major missteps in the wrong direction and some oversights made as well by the person who made the initial “Turd Collection” batch. But first I’m going to go into a bit of how I made my versions. It turns out that, a fact that apparently a lot are unaware of, that Paramount+ returns the show to its original TV format for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately there are still some major issues with these versions like censorship and a ton of music replacement. What ended up happening this time around was whenever a sketch from an episode would be cut, most of the time to fill in the missing minutes, MTV would use a repeated version of a sketch from a previous or future episode. There was even one instance where a sketch was repeated twice in two censored episodes. Either way, you won’t find any of that here. There were also several episodes where the MTV audio sounded better than the Paramount+ audio, so in music instances of those episodes, despite not being replaced I still used the MTV audio.

Another topic I wanted to go into and one reason why I decided to make entire ground up restorations is the framerate. For an unknown reason, the versions from the Turd Collection were rendered at an incorrect framerate (576i which is PAL and not the native NTSC framerate), de-noised, and deinterlaced. All of these are major red flags if one wants to properly restore taped material, because whenever you watch his versions, the framerate is all janked and jumpy, so in my versions I just left everything “as is” (video noise and all) and to me it gives off a MUCH smoother framerate than what was there before. The turd version was also still missing footage in every episode, namely the “coming up next” segments and the fade-ins, though I don’t entirely blame this person for this issue either as he clearly didn’t have all of the same sources I did because the old TV captures he used were missing all of them and I had alternative TV sources that restored all of them (though the Paramount+ versions had almost all of them intact anyway, only a few were missing fortunately). As a result, every episode will on average be about 30 seconds longer than what the Turd Collection has to offer (the Gumball Rally special is a damn near minute and a half longer though). There was also another oversight which was they were seemingly unaware that the “WARNING” skull that was present in the opening and fade-ins of episodes was different in the first season and the first four episodes of the second season, so I restored the versions originally used here as well. Also other minor oversights like additional “don’t try this at home” texts added to stunts after the original broadcasts that he accidentally included in those versions were addressed here as well.

I used almost all of the same sources the Turd Collection used to try to achieve the least amount of upscaled TV footage as possible. Unfortunately I didn’t have access to their Amazon source or what’s listed as the “CDVD” source, so as a result, there were a few small instances where I still ended up using their work because it looked better than the TV footage. So credit goes to them as a direct result of this. However, fortunately of the 7 stunts in those versions that required upscaling from the MTV recordings, only 2 required that here (not counting instances of when I used MTV footage for a missing moment or one of the “small” sketches) and both were in the first season. One thing I also did was on Paramount+, every episode had a “this show is airing in its original form with outdated social norms” screen on it in the openings that I also decided to remove and so you won’t find it in my versions anywhere.

Said stunts and the sources I used are: -Human BBQ (MTV sourced) -Up in Flames (was intact on Paramount+) -The Poo Hug (MTV sourced) -Taxi 1 (was intact on Paramount+) -Hockey Check (was intact on Paramount+) -Night Monkey 2 (was mostly intact on Paramount+) -The Abduction (was provided as a special feature on one of the DVD releases so I used that source)

Another thing I have to go into is the sources I had access to. If it wasn’t for the OT.com user “lawful”, this restoration wouldn’t have been possible one bit. He provided me with everything outside of the TV captures and helped me achieve the best restoration possible for this series. So big giant thanks to him for making this project possible. Also gotta give credit to the creator of the Turd Collection restorations, since as I said earlier I did use some of their work (in those instances, their work will be labeled as the Turd source) still I gotta give credit to them and also I used their cut report to figure out where I could find sketches at (like if they were on The Lost Tapes DVD or the Volume 1-3 DVD versions). I decided to make a cut report of my own as well, to get an idea of how much work was exactly needed to be done to get the show back to its original state compared to what’s available officially on Paramount+

If interested, please either reply here or PM me.

Season 1: This season was definitely the most butchered out of all of them, almost every episode was missing at least one stunt/sketch and had the most re-assembly required. Even the intro was censored where a shot of a woman puking was replaced with Knoxville covering himself in tomato juice (I restored the original puking shot to every episode before you ask). I’d dare say the second and fourth episodes are the most butchered of the entire series, they required the most work alone. This entire season also originally aired with an alternative silent version of the opening “WARNING” screen (which was also used for the fade-ins) so I restored that to every episode as well.

-Episode 1: 0:00 - 0:11: original “welcome to Jackass” intro (taken from The Lost Tapes) (replaced with a repeat from episode 2) 0:34: brief amount of MTV footage used to restore original fade from the intro 0:35 - 0:42: “WARNING” screen restored to its original spot along with the original variant used unique to the episode 0:42 - 2:55: original song 1:37 - 1:42: small amount of footage of clerk playing on guitar (taken from the re-edited episode 2) 3:20 - 6:45: three different songs restored to three different scenes 6:45 - 6:52: original “coming up next” segment restored (footage taken from the re-edited episode 2) 7:08 - 9:20: original song 9:38 - 11:31: original song 11:39 - 13:02: Wee Man Oompa Loompa skateboard parody restored (footage taken from the Lost Tapes but MTV audio used due to sounding better) 13:23 - 14:47: original song 14:57 - 16:37: original song

-Episode 2: 0:48 - 3:07: original roller jump sketch restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 3, taken from The Lost Tapes, MTV audio used due to sounding better), no music replaced 1:23 - 1:34: MTV footage mixed in due to the bar covering the doctor’s face differing from the lost tapes version of the sketch 5:03 - 5:12: original “Naked Dave” scene restored using the Turd source (replaced with a repeat from episode 1) 5:13 - 6:07: original Bam Margera trampoline stunt restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 3), no music replaced (taken from The Lost Tapes, MTV audio used) 6:22 - 6:32: original “coming up next” segment restored (replaced with a repeat from the original version of episode 1) 6:50 - 7:26: music wasn’t replaced surprisingly, but the MTV capture was a lot better quality audio wise than the Paramount+ version so I ended up using the MTV audio 7:27 - 10:36: original “human barbeque” segment restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 1) 10:45 - 11:21: original Dave England segment restored (taken from the Volume 1 DVD), (replaced with a repeat from episode 1, funnily enough this was the cut “Oompa Loompa” parody by Wee Man, though of course the song audio is altered) 11:23 - 13:49: original song restored 14:08 - 14:12: original naked run segment restored using the Turd source 14:13 - 15:03: again surprisingly the song wasn’t replaced but I still used the MTV audio because it sounded a lot better than the Paramount+ audio 16:39 - 17:40: ditto 20:08 - 20:16: original “on the next Jackass” segment restored 21:02 - 21:30: MTV audio used due to sounding better than the Paramount+ audio 21:19 - 21:26: original credits footage restored (taken from the Lost Tapes bonus disk)

-Episode 3:

4:51 - 5:23: original song 7:07 - 7:18: original song 7:57 - 9:57: original song 10:02 - 10:19: original song 10:20 - 11:18: original song 11:35 - 11:52: original song 17:02 - 17:30: original song 18:48 - 19:50: original song

-Episode 4:. 1:16 - 1:23: Bam Margera segment restored using MTV footage (the Turd source footage actually looked worse in this instance) 2:01 - 3:59: original song 4:00 - 4:36: no music altered but MTV audio sounded a lot better 4:44 - 4:50: Turd source footage used to take out a warning text that was added to the Paramount+ version 4:51 - 5:28: again, no music altered but the MTV audio sounded a lot better 5:29 - 7:12: original poo hug segment restored (replaced with a repeat segment from episode 1) 7:47 - 8:04: original song 9:07 - 9:31: original song 9:07 - 9:27: missing fight footage restored (taken from The Lost Tapes) 9:32 - 9:54: missing Ryan Dunn segment restored (partially taken from The Lost Tapes, the last portion from the MTV recording, some additional restoration work done to restore name text and skull logo) 9:55 - 12:42: original Poo Poo Platter segment restored and used MTV audio due to the music slightly differing (taken from The Lost Tapes) (replaced with a repeat segment from episode 1) 15:02 - 16:05: MTV audio used due to sounding a lot better 15:58 - 16:03: missing footage restored 16:05 - 16:29: original Dave England segment restored (taken from The Lost Tapes) 16:30 - 20:20: original egg eating contest footage restored (footage taken mostly from the volume 1 DVD) (replaced with repeats from episodes 1 and 3) 16:48: small bit of footage restored using the MTV recording (no the jump cut was not an error on my part, it’s actually part of the source) 20:12 - 20:20: original “on the next Jackass” segment restored 20:21 - 21:23: used footage from the Lost Tapes bonus disk for the credits sequence, audio is from the MTV recording

-Episode 5: 3:14 - 3:50: original Chris Raab segment restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 1) (taken from The Lost Tapes) 5:37 - 5:41: brief amount of footage restored (taken from the Volume 1 DVD extras) 10:34 - 11:38: original song 11:38 - 11:44: original naked Dave segment restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 3) 13:18 - 13:26: original “coming up next” segment restored 17:45 - 20:05: original poo dive segment restored (replaced with a repeat from episode 3) (taken from the Volume 1 DVD)

-Episode 6: 2:59 - 3:22: original song 3:29 - 3:37: original song 6:46 - 7:13: original song 7:39 - 7:44: “coming up next” segment restored 8:36 - 9:39: original song 9:58 - 10:18: original song 10:36 - 11:01: original song 11:10 - 12:13: original song 13:04 - 13:36: original song 15:30 - 15:48: original song 17:04 - 17:35: original song 18:04 - 20:06: original song 20:07 - 20:17: “on the next Jackass” segment restored 20:43 - 20:59: original marching band audio restored

-Episode 7: 3:13 - 3:18: original Bam Margera segment restored (footage taken from The Lost Tapes, MTV audio used) 7:30 - 7:42: restored Ryan Dunn segment (footage taken from The Lost Tapes, MTV audio used) 12:34 - 12:40: restored Bam Margera segment (footage taken from The Lost Tapes, MTV audio used)

-Episode 8: 0:50 - 2:00: original song 2:14 - 2:22: MTV footage used to remove a “don’t try this at home” message that wasn’t in the original broadcast 3:35 - 5:29: original song 5:42 - 7:03: original song 7:18 - 7:32: MTV footage used to remove a “don’t try this at home” message that wasn’t in the original broadcast 9:40 - 10:29: original song 11:01 - 11:10: Lost Tapes footage used to remove a “don’t try this at home” message that wasn’t in the original broadcast 17:16 - 17:45: original song 17:52 - 20:28: original song

Season 2: This season didn’t require nearly as much work as the first season did though some major censorship still happened. However, similar to the first season, a shot of Dave England puking was censored in the intro of these episodes (replaced with a shot of one of the guys rolling down the street on a toilet), so I restored the original shot to every episode as well. Also the first four episodes had an earlier, alternate version of the ���WARNING” crossbones screen (which includes an alternate voice over for it) compared to the one seen in the second half of this season and the third season. Unfortunately the source I had for it wasn’t nearly as good as the alternate skull variant in the first season, so I had to do a tiny bit of reconstructing to restore it, but needless to say it’s back in the first four episodes now. Two episodes of this season though have the most baffling edits I’ve seen of the show, which is that both episodes for whatever reason have their proper season intros replaced with the season 1 intro, which makes 0 sense to me but either way I restored the correct intro to those episodes.

-Episode 9: 7:48 - 7:56: original song (very sloppily replaced in the Paramount+ version I have to say) 7:57 - 8:03: original “coming up next” segment restored 8:52 - 10:12: original song 11:37 - 13:45: song wasn’t replaced but the MTV audio sounded a lot better so it’s been utilized 14:13 - 15:34: original song 15:35 - 17:55: MTV audio used due to sounding a lot better than the Paramount+ audio (the latter even has some missing sound effects)

-Episode 10: 3:32 - 4:10: original fire extinguisher segment restored though some restoration work had to be used to restore the crossbones skull logo (primarily taken from The Lost Tapes, replaced with a repeat segment from episode 3) 3:43 - 3:48 some MTV footage had to be used along with the aforementioned crossbones logo being restored 10:20 - 10:32: original Bam Margera segment restored (mostly taken from The Lost Tapes, replaced with a repeat segment from episode 3)

-Episode 11: 3:04 - 3:17: original song 3:45 - 6:00: music specific moments used MTV audio due to sounding better than the Paramount+ audio (music itself remained unaltered) 6:29 - 7:46: original song 11:30 - 12:04: MTV audio used due to sounding better than the Paramount+ audio (music itself remained unaltered) 15:40 - 16:39: original song

-Episode 12: 7:04 - 8:34: original song

-Episode 13:

1:57 - 3:28: original song (funnily enough the replacement is a cover version of this song) 3:05 - 3:13: MTV footage used to remove a “don’t try this at home” text not in the original broadcast 4:26 - 5:00: original song along with Phil’s singing and whistling are restored 11:45 - 12:19: original Raab Himself segment restored (taken from the Volume 2 DVD, replaced with a repeat segment from episode 15) 12:29 - 12:33: footage from the Turd source used to remove a “Tony Hawk is a professional” text not in the original broadcast 13:53 - 14:01: original “coming up next” segment restored 17:51 - 20:07: original Milk Challenge segment restored (taken from The Lost Tapes) (replaced with a repeat segment from episode 15) 18:03 - 19:52: original song 21:10 - 21:15: original credits footage restored (taken from The Lost Tapes special features)

-Episode 14: 3:23 - 3:40: original Dave England segment restored (taken from the Volume 2 DVD) (replaced with a repeat segment from episode 15) 7:31 - 9:24: original song 9:25 - 9:43: original Steve-O segment restored (taken from The Lost Tapes) 10:38 - 10:42: brief amount of footage restored using the MTV recording 11:35 - 11:36: very very brief amount of footage restored using the MTV recording 11:35 - 13:48: original Human Raft segment restored (footage taken from The Lost Tapes) (replaced with a repeat segment from episode 1) 11:35 - 13:48: original song 13:56 - 14:34: original song 18:01 - 19:25: music not replaced but MTV audio used due to sounding better 20:26 - 21:30: original unaltered credits footage restored (taken from The Lost Tapes special features) 20:52 - 21:30: MTV audio used due to having the audio for the unaltered footage and sounding better

-Episode 15:

0:36 - 1:00: proper season 2 intro restored (replaced with season 1 intro) 1:41 - 3:46: original song 4:00 - 5:03: original song 7:21 - 8:04: original song 8:05 - 10:14: original song 16:38 - 17:10: original song 18:29 - 20:13: original song

-Episode 16:

0:24 - 0:49: proper season 2 intro restored (replaced with the season 1 intro) 1:02 - 2:04: original song 2:31 - 2:44: original song 3:08 - 3:26: original song 4:22 - 5:28: original song 5:36 - 6:56: original song 11:07 - 13:31: original song 15:37 - 16:23: original song 16:41 - 17:23: original song 17:26 - 18:52: original song 19:26 - 20:26: original song (the altered song ended up bleeding into the “on the next Jackass” segment so that got fixed too) 20:35 - 20:42: original song

Season 3: This season was the least edited in terms of censorship, but some censorship still occurred. Like for example, almost all references to Brad Pitt were removed in the episodes he appeared in (to the point of covering his face with a black bar in shots with his face). However, this season was the absolute worst with music edits because every episode pretty much had almost every single song removed. Also similar to the second season, a few episodes for some unexplainable reason replaced the season 3 intro with the one used in season 1. Also similar to the first two seasons, a shot of Dave England puking has been replaced with a shot of Johnny Knoxville falling down stairs while naked (which is actually the version used for the rest of the episodes for this season), but it’s fortunate that this only affected the first episode of this season. I also chose to utilize the DVD version of the Gumball Rally special because the audio sounded much better and for another unexplainable reason, the Paramount+ version is severely zoomed in on all four sides while the DVD was not. Neither was completely uncut, but they didn’t have cuts in the same place, so no TV footage had to be upscaled to make the complete episode. (funnily enough the DVD was less cut than the Paramount+ version)

-Episode 17:

0:43 - 1:06: proper season 3 intro restored (replaced with season 1 intro) 0:59 - 1:02: alternate/differently edited shots restored to the intro (taken from their native episodes) 1:09 - 1:25: original song 2:10 - 2:39: original song 2:45 - 4:40: original song 5:03 - 7:11: original song 7:53 - 10:43: original song 10:44 - 10:57: original song 11:40 - 12:01: original song 12:11 - 12:23: original song 12:50 - 13:05: original song 14:31 - 14:53: original song 14:54 - 15:07: original “coming up next” segment restored 16:30 - 16:52: original song 16:53 - 20:21: original omelette segment restored (taken from the Volume 3 DVD) (replaced with repeats from episode 15) 20:22 - 20:30: original “on the next Jackass” segment restored using the Turd source 20:30 - 21:21: original credits footage restored (taken from The Lost Tapes special features) (funnily enough the audio remained unchanged), a hilariously sloppy edit was a single frame of one of the “original” shots that was altered still snuck in the Paramount+ version

-Episode 18:

2:41 - 4:20: original song 4:49 - 6:21: original song 6:21 - 7:40: no music replaced but the MTV audio sounded better 7:44 - 7:48: MTV audio used because Paramount+ audio cut out too early 8:13 - 8:29: no music replaced but the MTV audio sounded better 9:01 - 9:31: no music replaced but the MTV audio sounded better 10:08 - 11:00: original song 14:04 - 14:12: MTV audio used because Paramount+ audio cut out too early

-Episode 19: 0:37 - 1:01: proper season 3 intro restored (replaced with season 1 intro) 1:29 - 1:59: original song 2:48 - 4:37: original song 4:38 - 6:10: original song 9:39 - 10:57: original song 12:35 - 13:45: original song 14:10 - 15:24: original song

-Episode 20: 1:10 - 3:31: original song 4:12 - 5:46: original song 8:54 - 10:02: original song 10:16 - 10:57: original song 12:09 - 12:18: original song 12:32 - 15:03: original song 16:33 - 17:35: no music replaced but the MTV audio sounded better

-Episode 21: 4:28 - 6:42: original song 7:00 - 8:13: original song 13:43 - 15:14: original song 15:40 - 17:14: original song

-Episode 22: 0:56 - 2:48: original song 2:49 - 3:26: original song 4:37 - 5:17: original song 13:59 - 14:37: original song 16:16 - 16:41: original song

-Episode 23: 3:53 - 4:39: original song 7:52 - 8:09: original “coming up next” segment and commercial fade-in intro restored using Paramount+ footage 8:37 - 9:14: original song 10:24 - 11:10: original song 14:46 - 15:41: original song 15:42 - 16:02: original “coming up next” segment and commercial fade-in intro restored using Paramount+ footage 24:49 - 25:27: original song 25:28 - 25:50: original “coming up next” segment and commercial fade-in intro restored using Paramount+ footage 26:25 - 27:37: original song 28:59 - 29:08: brief amount of Steve-O footage restored using Paramount+ footage 28:59 - 29:19: song restored to its original spot 35:15 - 35:35: original “coming up next” segment and commercial fade-in intro restored using Paramount+ footage 39:47 - 40:23: original song

-Episode 24: 0:25 - 0:48: proper season 3 intro restored (replaced with season 1 intro) 1:10 - 1:40: original song 1:45 - 3:07: original song 3:19 - 4:37: original song 4:38 - 6:29: original song 4:43: uncensored Brad Pitt credit restored (taken from the Volume 1 DVD special features) 6:08 - 6:12: brief amount of extra footage restored 6:59 - 8:03: original song 8:26 - 9:56: original song 11:53 - 13:18: original song 13:51 - 15:06: original song 16:11 - 16:59: original song 20:50 - 20:58: original uncensored Brad Pitt footage restored which had a face bar added in the Paramount+ version (taken from the Lost Tapes bonus disk)

-Episode 25:

0:13 - 0:17: extra intro footage restored (taken from the Lost Tapes bonus disk) 1:01 - 1:23: proper season 3 intro restored (replaced with season 1 intro) 1:24 - 2:31: original Brad Pitt abduction segment restored (taken from the Volume 1 DVD special features) 2:31 - 2:40: original Chris Pontius segment restored, MTV footage used due to the Turd source having an extra logo not in the original broadcast 2:41 - 3:02: original song 3:12 - 4:00: original silence restored 4:00 - 4:21: MTV audio used due to the Paramount+ audio being edited to remove the song playing in background 5:01 - 5:43: original song 6:15 - 6:24: original song 6:51 - 7:04: original song 7:34 - 7:46: original song 8:24 - 9:40: original song 9:50 - 11:04: original song 11:04 - 11:22: original song 13:20 - 13:50: original song 14:08 - 15:22: original background silence restored 16:23 - 16:57: original Totem Pole segment restored using the Turd source, audio taken from the MTV recording 17:26 - 18:38: original song 18:39 - 18:54: original song 19:05 - 20:00: original song 20:49 - 20:50: original unbleeped audio restored 21:01 - 21:03: uncensored blackface footage restored (taken from the Lost Tapes bonus disk) 21:15 - 21:27: uncensored Brad Pitt footage and audio restored (footage taken from the Lost Tapes bonus disk), audio from the MTV recording used

#jackass #the naughty cuts #discord #the vault #vaultdrop

[rayandgay]

I'm just waiting for the day we can get married legally. Then we'll get married like other heterosexual couples.

#naughty babe series #naughty babe the series #yidiao #yi x diao #maxnat #max kornthas #nat natasitt #bledit #bl series #bl drama #thai bl #thai drama #asianlgbtqdramas #asiandramaedit #asiandramanet #asiandramasource #i was sad to see this was almost entirely cut from yt #it's a good scene!! #my gifs

[the-knife-consumer]

Actually wondering if frye will ever get a "snap" moment.

#callie got one in nice v naughty. im sure she got another one actually but i cant remember where. #and then i THINK marina did?? once? #anyway. weird that we havent seen the VERY competitive deep cut (except bigman) blow up on eachother #splatoon

[asksidon]

Hi! I was possibly wondering where you do a prompt where Sidon cheers up his S/O who's struggling with insecurities because of stretch marks they have?

You hate that you have to push Sidon away whenever he wants to swim with you. You haven't let him cuddle or make love to you in ages, always giving some feeble excuse or another that revolves around headaches or fatigue. You don't want to admit the real reason, the one that came to you as you watched Tula and her friends in the water. You weren't trying to compare yourself or consciously looking for reasons to beat yourself up, but the longer you looked at their gleaming, smooth bodies, the more insecure you felt.

You're trying not to think of that unworthiness as you divide your attention between a book and watching him swim. He begged you to get out of your clothes and go into the water with him, but you made an excuse about not wanting to get your hair wet. He promised he would take extra care not to splash you, but you shook your head. "Go ahead," you told him. "I'll be right here."

He glides up a waterfall in the distance and takes his time exploring the area over there. You begin to worry; you know sometimes he patrols for monsters even during these pleasant jaunts, but finally he swims back to your area and lays on his stomach next to you. He avoids your gaze as he says, "Is it something I've done?"

"Hmm?" You close your book to give him your full attention. His meaning doesn't click right away, but then you realize he's taken your avoidance as unhappiness toward him. "Oh. Gosh, no," you answer. "It's nothing, Sidon. Really. I just haven't felt up to much lately."

"It's very unlike you. I can't help but notice that you're wearing long pants in the thick of summer." He gestures toward your legs. "You've been avoiding anything to do with wearing fewer clothes or being close to me for weeks. I can't recall anything I've said that might make you do so, but if I have, I hope you would tell me so that I can offer you my deepest apologies. I think you're beautiful, however, so I think it must be unlikely that I've said anything amiss -- although I admit, sometimes even my sensitivities can miss the mark at times --"

He's babbling now, and you want to tell him how perfect he is. That he hasn't done or said anything wrong. That it's because he is so perfect that you know he deserves someone better. Someone like Tula, who bears no visible flaws anywhere on her body. The Zora are not shy, and you've seen her. How could he want a Hylian like you when he could have someone like that?

"--I've really gone off my point now, haven't I?" he says, and you realize you've missed a bit as you were lost in your thoughts. "Anyway, all that to say, if this is because you are somehow feeling self-conscious, then don't. Because if I am not a complete beast for saying so, I've been absolutely craving you for the last several weeks, and if you won't tell me what's going on soon, I fear I may implode from my desire for you."

You see his face redden at this confession, and all of a sudden, you feel terribly silly.

You've never seen him throw any lingering looks Tula's way, and he only talks to her if he needs her to complete some kind of mission. Lately, he's been giving her low-hanging fruit to make her feel useful, such as preparing care baskets for his guards and reporting any gossip of monster sightings heard in the Domain.

"I don't even want to say what was wrong, but I'm cured now," you reply. "I think I just needed to hear that. All of that. I crave you, too."

He doesn't answer immediately, but you can sense that he's relieved. His blush fades as he rolls over onto his back.

"I don't believe you." You realize he's teasing you as you see the glint of mischief in his eye. "You'll have to prove it, I'm afraid."

"Only if you promise never to be shy about that sort of thing again. Why would you think you're a beast for saying things like that?"

"Some of the thoughts I have about you . . . hmm, I'd better not go into it," he admits, the shyness coming back into his expression. "Afraid I can't promise, but I'll try to be more expressive. Are you sure you can't tell me what was bothering you, truly?"

You go silent for a while, then sigh. "Stretch marks." You realize you'll have to explain as confusion marks his features. He's never heard the term before.

"What are stretch marks?"

"They're on me. On my skin, lower down. I've had them for a while, but just . . . watching Tula and her friends the other day, I guess I became more conscious of them. They're all so beautiful. The Zora women, I mean. I don't know how to . . . how to compete with them."

You can see he still doesn't understand.

"You're beautiful too, and I wasn't aware of any competition," he reasons. "In fact, you would win if I were judging because you are more beautiful than them, if I'm being honest. I suppose I would not be the best unbiased judge, though. You have a hold over me, Y/N. Something unlike anyone else has ever had. I wish I could give you a glimpse inside my mind. Actually, I don't. Because then you would see what a beast I am, especially when it comes to you. You are absolutely irresistible to me. Do you know that? Do you understand it?" He sits up. "Would you show me these stretch marks? You needn't be shy. We're quite alone here."

You take in a deep breath and stand before him, then strip down to the areas that have been stopping you from being intimate with him. You force yourself to look him in the eye as you've revealed yourself, and you trace your fingers over one of the marks in question. "There's one," you say. "And another."

He brings his hand up to touch them with you. "This is what you were worried about?"

You nod, a shiver running up your spine at his fingers on you, brushing you with tenderness.

"I've noticed them, but I just thought they were scars. Sort of like the ones I have." He sits back. "You must not compare yourself to anyone else, Y/N. Will you tell me next time you start to feel that way? I can't help you or show you the error of your thinking if you won't talk to me."

Slowly, you nod. "I know. I'm sorry, Sidon."

"No apology needed." He pulls you down into his lap. "Now, will you allow me to show you how utterly incorrect you've been these last few weeks? Perhaps you'll allow me to share some of my beastly thoughts with you, if you're feeling brave . . ."

#the cut is mainly for length #it fades out before it can get too naughty #stretch marks #romance #sidon x reader #reassurance #comfort #b e a s t l y #almost deleted that last tag lol

[deadn30n]

Happy Valentine's day 💌 It's time to unwrap your present 🎁💋 @goldenfists / @goddessrisen / @tealbeats / @withinchains / @liightbringr / @nameaprice / @florspinae / @elemosyna 💕

#« ooc tag. » #nsft #there is naughty bits below the cut #EHEHEHE #swapping permanently to the f!viera model in game was such a big brained choice for me #thank u #pls enjoy your v-day gift 👌 #i paid $8 for this outfit i only ( slightly ) regret it #LMAO

[nyuudoupee]

self indulgent jak drawings i may be trying to locate a copy of the jak collection for ps3

#jak and daxter #naughty dog #incredibly biased to jak 2's long hair thing #i know he cut it for a reason but :[[[[[[ where did the slay go #ratchet is next

[padawansuggest]

While I’m at it, since y’all seem to be forcing your ideas on me and I think that’s nasty, let me tell you MY (as in, mine, not necessarily yours) ideas on the Padawan cut with Obi-Wan: I see Obi-Wan’s little smirk in TPM and I’m like ‘yeah, that boy goes over his master’s knee nearly daily’ and I stick by that assessment. He’s a naughty boy. He’s mischievous. He’s a cat who pushes your cup off the table when you don’t pay enough attention to him. He has a constantly sore bottom from punishment from Antics™️. He’s just a Little Guy. He ate too many candies and has a tummy ache. He’s got an oral fixation and keeps breaking pens. He’s a baby boy. A sugar baby. He doesn’t know the value of a credit he just hands the bill to someone richer and trembles his lip when he doesn’t get his way. He’s got silly syndrome!!!

Where as I see the Jesus cut (that shit ain’t a mullet you don’t KNOW what a mullet is he just hasn’t had a haircut in a while) and I’m like ‘ew. Now I know why they crucified the original.’ And that’s lol.

#star wars #obi wan kenobi #Padawan cut #the only reason you guys hate the cut is that he (the only one who looked good in it) was the first and then others repeated him #mostly Ani who was arguably the ugliest in it lmao #I mean most padawans didn’t have that cut I am ONLY referring to him when I say I like it #you guys are so obsessed with sex appeal you can’t even understand how soul appealing naughty boys are

[skrunksthatwunk]

i finished doom (2016) tonight and couldn't hear the credit music even when i turned up the volume so i added my own. here's an approximate recreation of that experience

#i had to edit it down bc the credits are 10-15 seconds longer than the song (which irl was spent pulling up the song #but i didn't wanna include that gap) #anyway #doom #doom 2016 #doom (2016) #doomguy #doom slayer #'i want all my nights to end a bit nasty' *cuts to samuel hayden* 😳😳😳 omg...what are you saying.....? #i didnt include this but me slapping me desk and laughing and cheering every time it synced up was also part of it #fav #i mean. *i* like it #omgg sexy naughty bitchy me sunday (it's tuesday) #whatever I'll schedule it #heard this song in a goromi edit once and it changed me (can't NOT tie rgg into this huh)

[schumiatspa]

Juanki made that post on insta clearly to say goodbye to tennisblr because we are not gonna see him again for at least a month

You are gone now but you'll never be forgotten

#goodbye goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky #i have to say that i'm kinda of angry at him because he cut his beautiful curls #so he better use these weeks of rehabilitation to reflect on his crimes #kind of a time-out for naughty spanish dilfs who wrongly decided to cut their hair #juan carlos ferrero #tennis

[you-fuckers-are-asses]

For those of you who don’t have discord or don’t wanna download it from MEGA, we uploaded The Naughty Cuts to archive.org!

Context: https://www.tumblr.com/you-fuckers-are-asses/746765579209342976/icymi-we-dropped-jackass-the-naughty-cuts-on

#Jackass #the naughty cuts #THIS is the best available version of the show

[cxpperhead]

What's Copperhead's opinion on reptile shows?

Slipping this beneath the cut for animal cruelty mentions ~

Provided the animals are well-cared for and aren't being exploited by unscrupulous breeders, Copperhead can't bring himself to completely hate reptile shows? Anything that spreads public awareness and puts reptiles in a positive light is way better than ignorance and hate, and should the animals be in good health, treated well and handled by enthusiasts who know what they're doing, he's content to leave those people be. What Copperhead hates are people who care more about spinning profit than caring about the animals they claim to love. Breeding for certain colours and patterns is one thing, but certain lines are as detrimental to reptiles as pedigrees are to dogs. Spider Ball Pythons are one example, bred for their unique patterns despite horrific neurological side effects for the animal in question - the snakes perpetually have a 'wobble', can never see or move straight and are condemned to a miserable life from start to finish. All for the sake of a pretty pattern. He despises that so much, and in turn despises people who care more about getting a fancy-looking pet than actually caring about the impact their purchase has on the future of keeping reptiles, with more people getting into the hobby. Educating the public and showing them that reptiles aren't cold-blooded monsters looking to bite everyone is something he loves, whereas bastardizing nature and screwing with it for profit is one way to get his attention and not in a good way.

#🐍 || musings #anonymous #;; asks #Thank you for sending this nonny! #I was spacing out a bit when it came to the naughty asks but this? #This fired up Copperhead's blood like nothing else #animal cruelty tw #animal cruelty cw #Adding tags and cut because I'm bringing up some irl issues when it comes to the reptile industry #aka spider ball pythons which are NOT healthy or happy snakes at all #They're so fucked up by shitty breeders and it would break his heart seeing one #Fish get it the worst with having dyes injected into them or their DNA getting screwed with like glofish #:( #He just has a heart for reptiles ahsgsf

[daydadahlias]

alright everyone I’m unfortunately getting cancelled today so I just wanna express my deepest condolences for ever saying anything ever. It was wrong 😔

#2nd times the charm maybe this one will stick #dear people hate scrolling my tumblr today in search of naughty content #you’re about to find so much gold #if you’re going to cancel me please do it right #and pick the deep cuts

[gin-draws]

"While everyone else cuts pieces off from the giant food, Ba’Sura goes over to the smallest grape she can find, and just shoves her whole face into it.”

#it's not rlly nsfw?? but it's a little naughty so just putting it under a cut lmao #oc: ba’sura #halfling oc #oc art #halfling #nil the notorious #ba'sura x freja #freja #ba'sura goldenfoot #bard oc #rogue #bard #ba'sura is a little oblivious... #she's just lost in the sauce lmao #campaign art #the ffs #sapphic art #i guess????? #wlw art #freja is having a bi panic moment lmao

[dix-rose]

maybe I’m annoying and lazy but why the fuck are people kinda traumatizing their kids with the elf on the shelf I thought that was just a thing where you move the stupid thing around in random spots

#stupid shit #I know traumatizing is a very strong word #but it’s so fucking weird that something that was supposed to be cute turned into fucking #having the elf literally cut up their pj’s #or having them ‘get stuck’ in a pair of their underwear #drawing on their face??? #I don’t know elf on the shelf lore but #I thought the elves were not supposed to be naughty??? #because they’re trying to promote good behavior?? #so it doesn’t make sense imo??? #we have an elf and it literally just sits in random spots #and if I’m feeling crazy I’ll make the effort to do something fun #but back when my sister was younger we never would’ve thought to fucking cut up her pj’s??? #like maybe I’m crazy but even as a kid I had my favorite pairs of clothes including pj’s #so if my elf cut up my favorite pair of pj’s yeah I’m be fucking crying too #so please just????? don’t do that????? to them????? they’re human beings just like adults are????? #children are gross and you will never see me defend one ever again but don’t be fucking dicks to your kids and blame a fucking decoration #and before ANYONE says anything #no I don’t give a shit that the elf watches the kid #it’s a fucking decoration #Santa was always watching with his magic snowball so cut the shit