#therapy termination

[keepingthehopealive]

Therapy updates

I have officially started the termination with L, but we are going slowly which I appreciate and makes it feel a little less real. So we've got as far as going every other week and will go monthly after. I'm not sure how long this will be and I'm letting L kind of chose because it's too hard for me. As I am starting with a new therapist, I feel like I might get to a point where I feel more ready to end with L but I also know it's going to be super hard and painful either way. L has been so good to me for the last 2 years and it's hard to have to go through yet another termination where it is premature, even if I chose it by moving. She is a consistent person in my life and in my weeks and has been there with me through a lot. I so appreciate how she is letting the termination be slow, I know she knows how hard this is for me. We haven't quite discussed it a ton yet, but I imagine over the next few sessions we will.

New therapist B is going well. I've seen her twice and feel very comfortable with her already, I can already feel trust building with her and have taken a lot from the sessions. All good signs. We talked about the blog a bit and I didn't flat out ask her if she's comfortable with it or not, but she also didn't say she wasn't. I think I might ask for more clarification if she's OK with me writing about the sessions, respecting her privacy of course. I don't see why it would be an issue, but given the history I would feel most comfortable asking and making sure it's OK. I've been using my journal a lot to process sessions and already making lists for our appointments which has really helped already (and she accepted openly and encouraged)

She has not made me feel too much with anything that has come up so far. She's also done things already to help me feel comfortable and safe in sessions. She does a couple different modalities of therapy, one of which is Brainspotting, that sounds super interesting and I'm hoping it's something we can do together. It's similar to EMDR (I think the same person?) and is based in mind body connection while processing things (trauma, emotions, past experiences). She already suggested something we could do it with. She also seems very integrated in that she doesn't stick to her modalities alone and is very accepting of everything it seems. So far so good. Which doesn't stop me from having lots of anxieties and fears, but I do also feel lucky to have already pretty easily found someone who I think will be a good fit for me going forward.

#therapy #therapy with l #therapy termination

[psychomorphary]

Thursday morning, I got this email from my therapist.

I haven't seen her since the first; we were supposed to have a meeting Friday, but we didn't because of this email. And now, I won't see her till the beginning of next month. It'll be an entire month, and then only one appointment. Then, I'm terminated.

No explanation at all, except some scheduling bs. Not much notice at all. I mean giving a client/patient one meeting after termination notice is a joke, in my opinion.

I've been seeing her for cptsd and abandonment issues from childhood trauma. And now, she's just randomly sprung this on me. No context or explanation at all, really. I'm left wondering what the hell any of it means.

At first, I thought maybe she was leaving the office. But after reading it a few times, that doesn't seem like the case. To me, it sounds like she's lowering her caseload. Which doesn't have anything to do with me, but I still can't help but wonder what kind of criteria she used to determine who didn't "need" her help anymore. What determined that I'm not as deserving of help as her other clients?

Again, I know rationally that this entire thing most likely has nothing to do with me. But that isn't helping me much right now. I still feel really angry and abandoned. I'm getting those old feelings that everyone always leaves and maybe I'm just not good enough to stick around for. I know therapy isn't permanent, at least with one specific therapist, but I've only been seeing her for 6 months.

I hadn't expected to be stopping therapy with her so soon. And within the last year or year and a half, I've tried 3 different therapists. I tried one last summer, and she was terrible. I saw one for a month in early winter, but then she quit. And now, this one is quitting on me.

I'm just feeling pretty angry and fed up right now. Idk why I have such bad luck with professionals...

#mental health #therapy #abandoned #abandonment #trauma #therapy termination #depression #anxiety #anger

[grease-weasel]

Spoiler?? Sort of??? Idk its not in game but it’s something I didn’t know until going to the wiki 😭😭 (also long comic sorry lol i love sturges)

#enjoy my super sophisticated institute terminal screen I worked so hard on it/j #sending them all to therapy!!! #fallout 4 #fallout 4 fanart #fo4 oc #fallout oc #fo4 #fallout 4 oc #fallout fanart #fallout #fo4 sole survivor #my art #sturges fallout 4 #sturges #sturges fo4 #fallout sturges #fo4 synth #oc: adam #original character #original comic #original art #!! greasel posting !!

[72graves]

thinking about how arthur shoved a dagger into his own throat to save john from the king because john's his friend and he loves him. and then when arthur finally collapses beneath all of that pain and grief and guilt he's carried for years john saves him from being buried and then saves his life in the mines and arthur believes it's because john feels the same. they're friends and they love each other so of course. of course you would do anything to save the one you love.

so he trusts him. he trusts him all the way to new york and doesn't think for a moment that there could be something amiss. that john, his best friend who killed the last person he loved and whom he himself almost willingly died for, is lying to him. again.

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #call me cain because i am going to bash kayne's head in with a rock SO HELP ME #john bestie real quick on a scale from 1 to 10 #how sad is whatever deal you made with kayne gonna make arthur just real quick #i am so unwell season 4 is coming straight for my jugular #i know john loves arthur but when arthur finds out The Truth™️ it's going to get either really ugly #or so incredibly sad i become terminally ill #and god i can't wait im living my 100k angst hurt/no comfort dreams right now #annd yes i would benefit from therapy thank you for asking #🪦

[daphneblakess]

writing for an imaginary bad faith critic who can't handle anything being portrayed without the narrative stopping to explicitly endorse or condemn it is hands down the worst recent trend bc why does every character in your high fantasy setting talk to each other like they have access to the ye olde dsm5. i all but expect these books to drop out of whatever stylistic game of thrones prose they're imitating for characters to tell each other they're 'valid' 2014 tumblr style

#*hitting you over the head with a cast iron pot* they! would! not! be! that! self! aware! #*child soldier character in this fantasy world with no therapy* i think. because of the bad things that happen to me. i have. complex stres #it's not just a young adult thing either! some very popular adult sff was written in fear of terminally online booktwt users

[jacksprostate]

Psych ward playlist. As always, roughly chronological

#fight club #music #roughly goes 'arrives' 'undergoes shitty therapy' 'gets back on his bullshit' 'terminal' #this entire playlist was made to build up to never let me down again

[faithhopeloveandtherapy]

Therapy // finishing card for my therapist

Dear T

I have no idea where to start putting into words what everything we have done together over the last 11 years has meant to me. When I first started therapy, I had absolutely not the first idea what it was going to look like. That was probably a good thing! I did not know that it was possible to have a relationship that could be as healing for me as ours has been. In fact, I did not know that I even needed all that healing. Remember, I was just going to have a couple of sessions so you could give me a plan of how to fix myself then off I would go and do it.

What you have given me instead is far more precious. You made sense of my life for me by helping me work out how it had been felt and experienced by me rather than all the stories I had told or been told about myself. You gave me compassion for my past self, comfort for my present self and courage for my future self. I will carry you and your words inside me for the rest of my life and that is a gift I will always treasure.

I’ve put off writing this card till the last minute because I wanted to make sure what I wrote was perfect. But a thing you taught me is that things can just be good enough and that messy but authentic can mean more than perfection. I’m sure I will think of things afterwards that I will wish I had written, but I will trust that your heart will hear them anyway.

So thankyou for meeting me in the mess where I was 11 years ago and for staying, guiding and journeying along with me since then and never giving up even when things were tough. You found me, and then you helped me find myself. You really have changed my life. Can I write that I love you? Because I do.

Love from Faith xxxx

#therapy #termination #thank you #i love you #goodbye

[pencilofawesomeness]

Erik as Collei

Because it suddenly occurred to me that two characters that I love overlapped a little too well. And because drawing AUs gives me pleasure. So I redrew one of Collei’s panels from the manga.

Erik and Collei both be like

✓ Snake-affiliated ✓ Given ancient power by mad scientist ✓ Enslaved in their youth ✓ Caustic AF as a defense mechanism ✓ Scales.......on arms....... (*cries*) ✓ Paralysis stuff....... (*cries some more*) ✓ Actually soft when calm/relaxed ✓ Wants a damn break

#fairy tail #genshin impact #erik #cobra | erik #collei #crossover au #i felt bad drawing the elezar scales ngl #like I'm not already mean to my son on a regular basis #but terminal illnesses are a yikes #granted the black serpent did put collei into remission #technically #obviously in canon we don't see erik get that break much #whereas collei gets therapy in the shape of tighnari #and collei does emulate amber a lot #calm erik takes after tighnari more probably #yes this idea came because I was thinking about ft genshin au #and I was assigning Visions #and determined erik would be dendro at the same time I realized all this #but angsty erik and angsty collei are so similar #angry little things #but with enough logic to realize where that anger is directed #mostly #anyways I just wanted to draw erik with the archon residue snake for funsies #it was a fun pose to practice with #and the lighting

[likeabxrdinflight]

speaking of therapy work, I sometimes still think about my first therapy cases. there was something special about those early experiences that can't really be replicated. I didn't quite know what I was doing, they didn't quite know what they were doing...it was sort of a journey we took together. and that was the 2019-2020 academic year too so y'all know what happened then. what a ride that was.

#there was one I was really sad I couldn't terminate with in person too #I still feel bad about that sometimes like...not guilty just. bad you know #I could genuinely write an entire book about that experience alone #learning to do therapy in the context of a global pandemic was...something

[keepingthehopealive]

Updates

Job- going so well. I have a lot to learn, but also have a good basis of skills and knowledge which is allowing me to jump right in. My preceptor has worked there over 30 years so her knowledge is beyond extensive. Everyone has been so nice and I love the patients and their families. I'm definitely where I'm meant to be. I'll write more specifically on my other blog about work though

Fostering this weekend was so nice! It was good for me and for my dog to have another dog around and I know it was good for her to get a break from the shelter. I miss her so much already. Me and the dogs spent time with my cousins this morning, the dogs got to enjoy the nice weather and run around, B (foster) practiced being brave and meeting new people. All around a good day. E is currently catching up on sleep from all the play time. I hope to take her, and other pups out for breaks again, until I'm on nights or find a good fit that can do ok when I'm at work all day with just the walk mid day. B had too much energy so I know in some ways its better than the shelter but still didn't want to do that to her. Once I'm on nights I can take longer term fosters, but in the meantime these slumber pawtys are perfect.

Therapy- had an intake on Friday with a therapist and I thought it went really well. I didn't book another appt yet because I have another intake on Tuesday and therapist 1 (the nature therapist) knew that. Long story short we specifically talked about if she would see me and felt comfortable (I asked) and she said yes and said she would be upfront if that wasn't the case or if I needed more care she would tell me that and get a team for me etc. Then today I get a message that was pretty nonspecific that she's not able to see me, no reason given, just that the level of clinical support I need is outside her practice (what?! I've been doing weekly therapy now for 2 years and have been fine with that). I know it's unreasonable and maybe weird but I am so hurt and confused by it. I'm in a stable place and have been for a while, I'm not overly relying on therapy but benefit from the support. I don't know what I said or did that made her make that decision. I thought it was gonna be a good fit and was excited to work with her because she's different than what I've had in the past. I know I can't get stuck on it and maybe it's not as personal as it feels, but it feels pretty damn awful. And personal. I did message back and nicely asked for more of an explanation but I imagine she won't likely respond. And I know at this point I shouldn't want to see her anyway. It feels like a big rejection and proves that I'm too much and too hard for even a therapist to put up with me. I'm spiraling a lot. I thought this time would be different and that I would be in control of choosing who I want to see and had options (last time I had intense SI and SH and that really limited who would see me outpatient especially)

I'm hoping Tuesdays intake goes well and I've already started looking for other options if I need them. I still will be seeing L too until I settle with a new provider. I sent her an email today because that helps when I'm this upset and triggered. I know I'll find someone to see, I just hate all this so much.

I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow and am just gonna snuggle the pup and try to move on from this situation because I can't do anything to change it.

#therapy #therapy termination #therapy with l #nursing #nicu nurse

[lornteeleaf]

Loosing a parent to a neurodegenerative disorder feels like watching them die over months and years.

We're almost 7 years in at this point. I'm still shocked every time there is a noticeable loss of function. I should be used to it by now but I'm not.

I still get frustrated and angry. With the situation, not with them. But at the end it's my parent I lash out against.

I'm still so sad and lost. It's been almost a year in therapy, I found my ways to grieve now and have plans how to grieve after they're gone. But I still cry myself to sleep sometimes.

#neurodegenerative diseases #neurodegeneration #child of a dying parent #grief #loss #loss of a parent #chronic illness #terminal illness #therapy can only do so much i have to scream into the void

[felinemotif]

yelling /

around this time last year i lost an uncle to terminal illness and now another relative is dying. in the middle of all of this my younger brother had a suicide scare. i honestly don't even know what to do or how to feel about any of this anymore. not numb, but it's just so much loss and fear and medical scares all at once. the timing would never be good but the fact that there's been no room to breathe or mourn or anything is weighing on me. i think i slept maybe five uninterrupted hours total this week and it's about to be friday. i was so fucking tired and stressed from everything today that when i went to vacuum i started to cry because i thought it was broke and i really can't afford a new vacuum but no, i just never even plugged it in. in no way am i trying to like. make my relatives health concerns abt me but also? watching your family slowly die to incurable disease is not easy. i am just. so fucking stressed.

#cw terminal illness #cw sui mention #🐈‍⬛ #been trying to do stuff that makes me happy to stay somewhat adjusted but its really just so much #and its starting to feel more like doing the things i know i like is going through the motions #and all of this stress has really affected my relationship with food again so! there's just. again. so much. #I do go to therapy but my insurance isn't good so that's just even more stress cause of money #sorry for the vent post i needed to yell but none of my friends are awake right now #cw eating disorder

[marmett]

its so funny when ppl complain abt the submissions on the tumblr aita blog being too terminally online like. look around at the webbed site that we're on. also the terminally online ones are always the funniest.

#rip the person who was constantly submitting the same f*re embl*m drama u will always be entertaining to me #i also liked the one who asked if they were the asshole for giving their friends “therapy” and then ditching them #when they got better #it was so bizarre i cant even form a real opinion other than ??? #that one wasnt necessarily terminally online it was just very strange

[froshele]

today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"

that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!

#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery #it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it #like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery #people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~ #which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism #what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail #how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean #objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all #but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog #not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery #and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way #and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise #and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers #im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system #i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i #totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then??? #that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair #i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do #i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain #and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in #and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment #that was about being displaced a little bit #which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane #and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》 #today will be a better day than this #im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them #froshgriping #froshsniveling #froshplaks

[startingfires]

in comparison to the straights only half of the people here desperately need therapy in contrast to 98% of the straights

#i am begging tiff mildred aussie rae and vanessa to go to therapy #the others could benefit as well but for those five it's terminal #the ultimatum queer love #ramblings of a rafaela

[ayyponine]

(oh victory. stern talking to frm boss on diminished performance at work prompts local woman to finally book drs appointment and figure out wtf wrong w her <3)

#if only so i can hold up a paper and go please dont fire me. im only lacking the energy bc i havent properly digested food in about 2 months #i thought it was the stress of my abuser staying w my terminally ill mother or the increased work load you guys have been putting on me #but im STARTING to think it might be IBS a food allergy long term lack of nutrients OR. i mean cancer does run in one side of the family so #:'') ive been putting it off bc im scared to find out but. more scared of having to go back to unemployment not w my fucking rent babes #or would a serious diagnosis only INCREASE my odds of being let go bc they cant afford fr my state to worsen and need someone reliable?? aaa #not me hoping i get diagnosed: Deadly Disease Likely To Kill Me In Under A Year so i neednt worry abt anything beyond that limited time span #knowing full well it's wayy more likely to be like. make some minor changes to general life style and youll be fucking fine syndrome. anyway #whats up good morning i otherwise had a great weekend at the bbq and the free music festival. and i do have therapy later tonite