#there's so much more to this but I'm just rambling at this point.

[rainybubbles]

What hug COD men would give you ?

Ghost, Price, Soap, Gaz, Keegan

(Sorry in advance for my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. So sorry if it's badly written or if they're OOC.)

G H O S T : Comfort hug.

You always used to jokingly ask Simon, "Want a hug?" knowing how much he detested physical contact.

He'd always respond with a firm no.

It became your way of greeting this burly soldier, a ritual of sorts.

So why... why was he now whispering those words to you?

"Need a hug?" His voice was hoarse, raspy, bearing the marks of too many cigarettes and too much silence. Yet there was an unexpected warmth in it, a warmth that could thaw you.

"No." you said.

Cold and trembling, with lips turning blue and tears welling in your eyes, you were at your breaking point.

It started with a soldier's criticism, then your chief's belittling of your work, followed by a letter from your mom, a malfunctioning oven, and a stubborn onion. It all culminated in your retreat to the cold room, seeking solace, seeking release.

But the door was jammed, leaving you alone in your despair. What a pathetic demise for a cook. Yet Ghost, ever watchful, came to your rescue, finding you in your distress. And in that moment, he echoed your jest.

"Need a hug?" he repeated.

You nodded. He knelt beside you, gathering you in his arms, offering not just his warmth but also solace. Your arms instinctively wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"It's okay."

"The lock, it—"

"For everything."

"Do I look that awful?"

"Yeah."

"You're supposed to say no."

"Not a liar, darling."

"Not a hugger either, but here you are."

"You're the exception, I suppose."

You were.

What you initially thought were mere circumstances now seemed to hold a deeper truth.

And the next day, when you initiated your ritual greeting with "Need a hug?" Simon's response of "maybe" signaled a shift in your dynamic.

________________________________

SOAP : "I'm home in your arms" hug.

He always gives hugs.

Soap is a very physical person; you knew that even though you were just a friend of a friend. You never dared to speak to him much, too shy. He seemed like a sun.

At gatherings, you were always quiet, so you weren’t sure if he remembered your name.

But he always had his eyes on you, always had his hug for you, and when nobody listened to your ramblings, he was there asking you to continue.

It was a silly crush; his hugs were something you secretly enjoyed. A thing, a treat for your heart, even though you knew it wouldn’t be more.

So when you opened your door, expecting it to be the delivery man from something you ordered online or maybe some important packages to sign, but…

You got bumped into.

You fell with the strength of the stranger’s hug until you recognized the mohawk.

“John?”

“Sorry, I got carried away,” he said, helping you up.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m the one who needed a place. Mancy asked you, right?”

You remembered.

Mancy had asked if her friend could stay at your place for one week.

You didn’t know it would be John.

“Oh, yeah.”

“You don’t seem happy.”

“Well, if you hug me so hard I’ll fall every day, then no.”

He chuckled.

“It’s because I’ve missed you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, after three months without your pretty smile, a man goes insane.”

“My dad lives just fine without it.”

“True, but he’s a moron. I’m not. Now give me a hug.”

“Okay.”

And you did.

Gently, you noticed his hands around your waist, the way he slowly soothed his breath.

You didn’t know, but the only thought Johnny had in mind was, “I’m home.”

____________________________

GAZ : "I'm sorry" hug

The TV droned on in the background, but your gaze couldn't focus on it. Your stomach was tied in knots, and you felt utterly lost. 

The argument had been trivial, blown out of proportion by fatigue and frustration. You and Kyle were both drained, and the clash of tempers only fueled the misunderstanding, escalating it into a full-blown confrontation.

Now, you found yourself at a loss for what to do next. Kyle had stormed off for a walk, his usual retreat during tough times. But this time, his absence felt like an eternity.

You knew you could reach out, ask him where he was, beg him to come back. Yet, your stubborn pride held you back.

Was it pride or fear? Fear that he wouldn't return?

The nagging voice in your head echoed the doubts others had planted—that you weren't good enough for him, not pretty enough, not kind enough. You felt inadequate, unworthy of his love.

Your eyes stung with unshed tears, your nose tingling with the threat of more to come. It felt absurd to be sitting here, watching a documentary while your relationship teetered on the brink of collapse.

Your eyes stung with unshed tears as you sat there, watching a documentary you couldn't even comprehend. 

When the door finally creaked open, your heart leaped into your throat, memories of past confrontations resurfacing. But the footsteps that followed were hesitant, tentative.

Turning slowly, you found Kyle standing there, mirroring your own disheveled state. Puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks spoke volumes of his own internal struggle.

Standing up, you met his gaze, unsure of what to say or do.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice barely audible amidst the silence that enveloped you both.

"Me too," you replied, your own voice catching in your throat. "It was foolish of me to let my anger get the better of me."

"I agree," he murmured, stepping closer. "We need to find a better way to communicate, darling."

"Yeah, and maybe get some sleep," you added, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"Definitely," he whispered, extending his hand towards you.

You took it, feeling the warmth of his touch, and allowed him to pull you into an embrace. In that moment, words became superfluous as you both sought solace in each other's arms, tears mingling and laughter bubbling forth.

"I feel ridiculous," you admitted, your voice muffled against his chest.

"Me too," he confessed, his grip tightening around you. "But being with you makes everything better."

"Agreed," you murmured, snuggling closer.

"What if..." he began, his voice trailing off.

"What if what?" you prompted, lifting your head to meet his gaze.

"What if we can't sleep because of the neighbors?" he suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, what about them?" you replied, confused.

"Let's move out," he proposed, his eyes earnest.

"Kyle, we live in separate apartments," you reminded him, a hint of skepticism creeping into your tone.

"Then let's get a house," he persisted, his gaze unwavering. "A place where it's just you and me, lost in the forest. Our sanctuary."

"You're just saying that," you countered, though a flicker of hope ignited within you.

"I mean it," he insisted, his voice tinged with sincerity. "I want a life with you, everything included. The silly arguments, the morning wake-ups, all of it. I don't want to wait to see you, but I also don't want you living on base. A house... it's us, it's safety, it's peace, it's..."

"Commitment," you finished for him, the weight of his words settling in your heart.

"Yeah, that too," he admitted, a shy smile gracing his lips.

"Okay," you whispered, a surge of emotion welling up inside you.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes widening in disbelief.

"Yeah," you confirmed, squeezing his hand.

He enveloped you in a tighter embrace, and in that moment, you knew that perhaps this sorry hug was the beginning of something beautiful.

________________________________

PRICE : last hug

You felt his embrace, and a smile graced your lips.

“I never pegged you as a hugger, Captain,” you remarked.

“Don’t talk, soldier,” he replied, his voice firm yet gentle.

Nevertheless, you found comfort in his arms, basking in the warmth they provided. Your consciousness nudged you to close your eyes and surrender to the moment.

“Cap, can I rest?” you inquired softly.

“Not yet,” he responded tersely.

“But why? Even ghosts nap during brief,” you persisted.

“Don’t make me spell it out,” he said, his voice trembling, tears glistening in his eyes. 

Confusion laced your whisper, “Why are you crying, Cap?”

As you attempted to step back, you felt something damp on his hands. Bringin your own hand up, you saw it- red, your blood.

Blood.

Your blood.

It wasn’t a mere cut; it was a hemorrhage.

“Why…” you began, your voice trailing off.

“Don’t give up,” he interjected, his tone weighted with understanding.

He knew. You knew.

You wouldn’t last, and the medics wouldn’t arrive in time.

“Cap, could you...hold me tighter?” you pleaded, your voice barely a whisper.

“Soldier,” he acknowledged.

“Just one last embrace, please,” you implored, a desperate longing for affection evident in your words.

Yearning for one final moment of love.

He acquiesced.

You buried your nose in his aftershave, despite the mingling scent of tobacco. Your arms savored the feel of his gear, your cheek nuzzling against his neck, the roughness of his beard against your skin.

Despite the warmth he provided, a chill crept over you. Your lips grew heavy, your eyelids too burdened to stay open.

“I'm glad it was you, Cap. Your hugs are the best,” you murmured, a serene smile gracing your lips.

With your blood staining his gear and your body cradled in his arms, he granted you your last hug, whispering your name softly.

____________

KEEGAN : "you're alive" hug

His breath came in quick, shallow gasps, his ears filled with screams. His eyes focused on Ghost’s voice, and then he saw you, lying on the ground.

What were you doing on the battlefield? You were a civilian. He sprinted towards you, but your body remained still. He reached out for your hands, but they slipped from his grasp.

Nightmare.

His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the room. His back was drenched in sweat, his mind replaying the image of you lifeless. He couldn’t move.

Reaching for his phone, he knew he wouldn’t believe you were alive until he saw it with his own eyes. He made his way to your shared flat, knocking on your door.

As you slowly opened your bedroom door, relief washed over him. "Keegan, what the hell—" He cut you off with a tight embrace, his hands on your neck feeling the rhythm of your heartbeat. "You're alive."

"Yeah, obviously. You saw me just two hours ago, we're roommates, Keegan."

"You're alive," he repeated, his voice trembling with emotion.

Seeing his state, you melted into the hug. "You need to sleep."

"I can't."

"In my bed, you can check if I'm alive like this, okay?"

"I don't want to—"

"Keegan."

"Okay."

Slowly, he settled into your bed, your warmth comforting him. You worked on your laptop, but he didn't mind. His arms wrapped around your body, he could feel the steady beat of your heart. He knew it was his favorite sound because it meant you were alive.

"Sleep well, Keegan."

"Thanks."

And that night, he didn’t have any more nightmares, wrapped in your embrace.

If you want more : my masterlist

#cod x reader #call of duty x reader #ghost x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #captain price x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #ghost simon riley x reader #keegan russ x reader #keegan p russ x reader

[sage-nebula]

"Friede's using himself as a decoy to keep us safe."

I rambled about this in the tags of a reblog, but hell, I'm going to go ahead and make a separate meta post about it as well, because it's something that I think could have a delicious narrative impact on a future Horizons arc if the writers choose to utilize it. (And even if they don't, it could make for some delicious fic.)

So, one thing I noticed on my catch up binge of Horizons is that Liko and Roy (and to a lesser extent Dot) see Friede not only as the leader of the Rising Volt Tacklers, but also as a hero -- as their hero. This especially jumped out at me in episode 25, when Friede had them take shelter in the tower of the ancient castle while he battled Amethio. Not only did they readily listen to him when he told them to stay put inside the tower while he alone went to the exposed top, but then we were treated to this:

This whole sequence is notable for several reasons:

Friede jumps off the tower to draw Amethio away from the higher floor of the tower where Liko and Roy are sheltering, so that Amethio has a lower chance of going after them.

As he passes by their window, Friede gives them a wink and a smile, to comfort and encourage them.

The animators made sure to show us not only how Friede looked from Liko and Roy's perspective (heroic), but also how awed they were by giving us a full shot of their own facial expressions.

Just in case it wasn't obvious enough, Roy and Liko spell it out themselves that Friede is using himself as bait for Amethio in order to protect them, not only telling the audience what he's doing in case the audience didn't pick up on it (which, young children do watch this show), but also showing how this knowledge affects them, because Roy's voice is shaking a little when he says his line, and Liko's is hushed.

This was a very scary night for these two kids. They were outnumbered, their enemies were much stronger than they were, they were being pursued and in hiding. But Friede put himself between them and the greatest, nearest threat, and did his best to comfort them as he did so. To give them a wink and a smile as if to say, "Don't worry, it'll be okay."

And this isn't the only time.

We would be here all day if I grabbed screenshots of every time Friede rushed in to either save the kids from danger (either directly himself or by sending Cap in his place), or check on their well being after the fact to make sure that they were unharmed. Often, he does both in the course of the same episode, sometimes multiple times. Hell, his establishing character moment in the very beginning of the series is a heroic rescue whereupon he enters the scene to protect Liko from Amethio on the rooftop of her school. Friede makes it a point to prioritize the kids' safety and well-being, and as a result, they've reached the natural conclusion: they view him as a hero. As their hero.

So then, the question must be asked: what happens if their hero is taken out of the picture?

The question needs to be asked for a few reasons, and not just because I have a love for angst. The first reason is because we've already been given a teaser of what would happen at the end of the Terapagos Shine arc. In episode 44, Friede was trapped in a tower of Spinel's design. Though neither Liko nor Roy knew that the tower was a trap by Spinel, they did know that Friede was trapped inside -- and both immediately panicked upon seeing that Friede was trapped in a tower beyond their reach in enemy territory.

Roy immediately tried opening the door and, when repeated attempts to yank it open wouldn't work, banged it on it with his fists while yelling Friede's name. Liko, meanwhile, stared in abject terror. And even after Friede reassures them, Roy still frantically demands more answers while Liko just as frantically wants to know if Friede is okay, and a little bit after that has to take a deep breath to try to get herself to calm down. Keep in mind that just an episode prior to this, when faced with a sudden attack by the Explorers, Liko's first instinct was to call Friede for help, while Roy said that he would battle because there was no time to call Friede (not because calling for backup wasn't necessary). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the kids aren't brave. Of course they are! They both insisted on going on this mission in the first place! And they're there because, as concerned as Friede is for their safety, he is also Professor Pushover when it comes to them and caved immediately to their puppy eyes. But they also feel much safer on that mission because Friede is there with him. Feeling that he is in danger, cut off from them like that -- the stakes suddenly became that much more real.

And on the other side of the door, Friede knew it as well. And how did he react?

He's not happy. He knows this is a bad situation. But --

He does what he always does: he doesn't let on at all that this is a bad situation, so as not to worry and scare the kids. He also tells them to leave the area, because Spinel is there and Spinel is dangerous, and he wants to get them away from that danger. To date, Spinel is the most dangerous Explorer that they've encountered. Remember, Spinel is the one who successfully stole Terapagos' pendant, and the one who wiped Liko's memory and had her missing in Levincia for awhile. It's understandable why Friede would prioritize getting the kids as far away from him as possible.

So, to recap:

In a situation where, as far as the kids knew, Friede was just temporarily locked in a room away from them (in enemy territory but not with an enemy) and could still talk to them, it freaked them out enough to make them panic, and it took Landau telling them that they had to believe Friede could get himself out of the room and that they had to move forward for Liko to deep breath her way out of her mounting panic attack so she and Roy could move on. In a situation where Friede was actually captured, then, we could probably expect their reactions -- at least, their initial reactions -- to be much worse.

And I consider this possibility for two specific reasons: one genre, and one narrative.

First, genre. Pokémon has always been a coming-of-age story of sorts, but I feel that the Horizons anime feels especially so, focusing very strongly on Liko, Roy, and Dot as they grow up and discover both who they are, and who they want to be when they're older. (This has been especially emphasized with Liko and Dot, I feel; with Roy, he hasn't really thought about the future beyond battling Rayquaza.) The thing about coming-of-age stories set in fantasy settings, though -- rather, the thing about coming-of-age stories set in fantasy settings wherein the young protagonist has a stronger mentor that they can lean on to bail them out of jams is that, if they can consistently rely on the mentor to bail them out of jams and danger, then it doesn't give them the opportunity to overcome that danger themselves. Therefore, very often those stories will kill off the mentor character to force the younger protagonist character to go off on their own to face the primary villains in the end. Hence the deaths of characters like Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars, Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, and so on.

Now, given that this is a Pokémon anime, obviously they're not going to have Spinel murder Friede. I mean, true, they let Zygarde kill Lysandre on Bonnie's order at the end of the XYZ anime, but Lysandre was the big bad and we didn't see his corpse, it was just heavily implied that he didn't survive what Zygarde did to him. Same with Hunter J and her crew in the DP anime. Did she live? Probably not, but we never saw the bodies, so hey, plausible deniability, and they were villains anyway, so. But Friede is a main character, and a hero, so we can be 99.9% sure that they're not going to have Spinel or anyone else murder him in order to force the kids to get by without him for awhile.

However, Friede doesn't have to die for him to be taken out of the action. He just needs to be put into a position where it is physically impossible for him to get to them to save them when they're in danger (and for them to know that he can't get to them when they're in danger). But I'm getting ahead of myself. The point I'm making here is that, for genre reasons, the writers have a reason to want to remove Friede from the field of play in order to force Liko, Roy, and Dot to stand on their own against the Explorers. Because while they would still have the rest of the adult crew of the Rising Volt Tacklers, the rest of the adult crew aren't really battlers. The only one among them who has a fully evolved pokémon is Orio with Metagross, and we've only seen her attempt to battle once. It doesn't mean she can't, of course, but it does imply that perhaps she's not an active battler. Certainly, she's not the one rushing in to save the kids all the time like Friede is. The rest of the RVT crew is important as well, but Friede is the one who would cause the real narrative impact here, as well as the psychological impact on the kids.

(And to briefly address Dot, since I've barely talked about her: Dot hasn't received as much focus in this discussion since she rarely leaves the ship, and thus hasn't been in as much danger as Liko and Roy. However, Friede has had as much of an impact on her life and I believe she sees him as a personal hero just as much. He is, after all, the one who gave her the new life that has impacted her so greatly. He's the one whose thesis first caught her attention. He showed an interest in her interests. He called her abilities special. He invited her to join the Brave Asagi. He brought her aboard no questions asked, made her feel welcomed, has never shamed her for being a shut-in, so on and so forth. Friede treats Dot with as much respect as he does the rest of the crew and his offer to let her become a crew member changed her life for the better. So while he hasn't had to rescue her as much as the other two, I think she does see him as a hero just as Liko and Roy do, and would be just as affected if something happened to him as they would be.)

The other reason why I think the question needs to be asked is a narrative one. I think, from a narrative perspective, it would simply make sense for the Explorers to want to do something about Friede at some point, particularly if they wish to take Terapagos from Liko (or get the kids out of the way of their plans for Rayquaza / Terapagos / Rakua). Again, whenever the kids are in danger, Friede swoops in and saves them. This is something that Spinel, at least, has noticed; he built the trap on the island specifically to imprison Friede. Why would he do that, if Friede was not at the very least a nuisance, at the very most a threat? And at the end of it all, we got this:

Which then brings me back to what I mentioned earlier: since the anime clearly can't (and won't) murder Friede, because that would be going way too far for a Pokémon anime, if the writers do choose to temporarily remove him from the field of play in order to give the kids room to stand on their own two feet without Professor Safety Net, then I could see this playing out one of two ways.

The first (and most delicious) way is obvious: have him be captured by the Explorers. I feel that this is already set up by Spinel's little smirk and comment above. Spinel has already designed one trap meant to imprison Friede; there is nothing stopping him from designing more. Of course, it would require nerfing Friede (and Cap) a bit, in order to leave them captured for a good while; but it would also give the kids a mission, that mission being rescuing Friede and Cap in a reversal of all the rescues Friede and Cap have provided for them thus far, while simultaneously taking the fight to the Explorers, versus the Explorers always coming after them. Of course, this does carry the risk of still seeming too dark for the writers to want to consider, since Friede would be a prisoner during all this, but if nothing else, I can always write fic.

The second possibility that is less obvious and more bonkers, but less dark and so somehow more plausible in my mind, is that Friede could somehow end up trapped in Rakua with Lucius. And before you're like "what," consider this:

Friede has a plan that involves the three Heroes they've obtained so far. If I had to guess, Friede is going to continue pursuing the remaining Six Heroes while the kids are on their Terastal course. And that's fine / good; he's continuing the mission so they don't lose time, although how he's going to do that without Terapagos is a mystery. (Although I'm sure Liko would let him borrow Terry if he just asked.) But the point is, he's got this mysterious plan involving the three Heroes they currently have. Rakua is some mysterious place that isn't on any maps and so could very well be another dimension or something similar, because those are 100% canonically real in the Pokémon world (e.g. the Distortion World). It would behoove the writers to have Friede off the field of play for awhile, to the extent that it is physically impossible for him to help the kids. And the kids also intend to reach Rakua because that's what Terapagos wants. So if Friede somehow got trapped in Rakua, then they would be killing two birds with one stone: Friede can no longer help the kids when they're in danger from the Explorers, and the kids can rescue Friede when they take Terapagos to Rakua to see Lucius' spirit (or just Lucius himself if Lucius has been alive in Rakua all this time because it's like a fountain of youth or limbo or something). Bonus points if the kids don't even know that's where Friede is, if they just know that something happened to him but don't know what, but they keep working toward Rakua anyway because the other adults on the crew convince them that Friede would want them to. (But Friede can maybe still somehow get messages to them through Terapagos visions or something, I don't know.)

I could honestly see this being the way they go with it, simply because it's less dramatic than "the enemy has taken your mentor hostage and taunt you about how powerless you are to do anything about it and also they're going to hunt you down to steal your little turtle, too." Plus they're setting Friede up to do something with the three Heroes, and it can't be for nothing. But then again, neither can Spinel's interest . . .

Either way, the fact that the kids so clearly see Friede as their hero, and the way it would impact them to have something happen to him as a result, has lived in my head ever since episode 25. Particularly since it would have a narrative impact as well, given how often he is their safety net, and what it would mean if he couldn't be any longer. Not because he chose not to, because he would never choose that; but because he couldn't, because external forces took that choice away.

Well. Even if the anime itself doesn't deliver, that won't stop me. :)

#pokemon #pokeani #anipoke #pokemon horizons #horizons anime #professor friede #trainer liko #trainer roy #trainer dot #rising volt tacklers

[foggieststars]

how do u think a younger!charles and older!max dynamic would be different than same age!lestappen? ever since u mentioned ur new wip… i’ve been going a little insane

yeah. me too anon...

ok i'm putting a cut in here because i rambled for SO long abt like. just lestappen to be honest

honestly i think my fic is probably not the right place to like. properly explore this because it's a time slip au so like. charles knows what His max is like and they've still grown up together etc but his big dilemma is trying to marry that together in his head with older max. because charles knows like. pre-world champion borderline mad max era max and then when he's confronted with a more mature older max it's difficult for him to reconcile......like i've been doing research for the winner's room au and in 2019 seb and lewis were still publicly saying that they race max differently to others because he's fucking crazy so LMFAO

but also charles in 2018 was still very much. a bit of a hater.....like i know for the past couple of years they've been all smiles and like oh we have a good relationship! in the past it was tense :))) but we're all good now! but in 2018 charles was very much like. i can't say we have a good relationship but I'm Not Here To Make Friends .... and max was literally silent abt it....so from the perspective of an age gap it's very much charles trying to be like. how the fuck is my older self in a relationship with MAX VERSTAPPEN and also why's he so soft and goofy and genuine and charming oh......dear.....what if he fucked me so i can get back to my original timestream.......

but honestly for a proper age difference au i struggle to say. bcs so much of lestappen to me is their history so divorced from that i think their dynamic would be very different and like. i hesitate to say not as compelling.....like. i'm so sorry to quote jos verstappen but this quote about them during their karting days lives in my mind rent free

A PROPHECY................ like to me this is why age gap lestappen is honestly for me. purely about getting to write older max fucking sauber charles. because sauber charles was still like. not that charles is exactly a rippling muscle monster now but like. in 2018 he was a tad more twinky....and max is like. Bigger now. so for me it's about aesthetics literally just because of the fact that like. to me it's always about the History.

ALSO i can't remember who said it i think it was one of my mutuals so full credit to whichever big brained beauty said this. but they pointed out that like. when max started driving lewis and seb and kimi etc always described his driving as over the line but charles has ALWAYS described driving against max as 'on the limit' and like. they know each other well from their karting days and they know how to race each other.............god. much to think about

however i think a true age gap au would have max being irritated by charles treating him exactly how max used to treat older drivers and just being fucking crazy. because max might have the mad max rep but like. charles is not exactly the epitome of safe sane and consensual racing himself.....anybody remember monza 2023

having said all that. please go and read frechheit by @additiva . i find lestappen age gap SO unbelievably compelling in this fic like. it is absolutely delicious and i think will satisfy your need for age gap lestappen and like. still somehow draws in all the regular lestappen insanity....being soulmates and knowing exactly how to race each other even sort of divorced from their history and it is just Brilliant !!

sorry for not answering your question at all. i'm so glad ur excited for the fic though ily <3

#ask #i'm actually embarrassed about how much i wrote #this is just me yapping about lestappen and not answering your question at all anon. i'm so sorry #lestappen #i hate tagging it cos i don't want it to end up in the tag but. i also know some people need it blocked so...

[sauron-kraut]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for tagging me, @nihil-ism 🖤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 15.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

9,329 - you see, my works posted so far are either shorter one shots or ficlets/drabbles.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Silmarillion and adjacent works by Tolkien. :) And within this fandom it's almost exclusively about rather niche ships with Mairon. Let's see when/if I will write for other fandoms; I'd love to at some point.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Of Gods And Monsters

Sacrificial

Plaything

Sugar

Sacred

All of these are Mairon/Ar-Pharazôn. lmao

5. Do you respond to comments?

I will respond to every single (first) comment someone leaves on a fic of mine. I thorougly enjoy these little interactions and I want to show my appreciation to people who show me theirs.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That must be my double drabble Plaything I guess. At least if we talk about the very moment ending the fic. Throwing up from negative emotions and alcohol alike seems pretty... angsty.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That must be Of Being Born and Little Deaths. Everyone (well...) is having a good time and it literally ends with an orgasm.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far I haven't and I'm very grateful for that.

9. Do you write smut?

I love writing smut. And I love weaving character analyses/studies and some poetry into it.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I don't, personally not a fan of crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, but sharing headcanons and ideas with others has endlessly inspired many of my fics.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Angbang (Melkor/Mairon). I love them, I will never be over them; they've been with me for ten years now, I could ramble on forever about how important this ship is to me and what it means to me. It's rather popular in fandom though and I feel like there's many great writers out there who have graced us with their brilliant work. That makes me feel like I don't necessarily need to... add to that somehow. I'd love to write (more) Angbang at some point but as far as writing goes my favorite ship is Mairon/Ar-Pharazôn (which many of you might have guessed at this point lol). It's rotten, it's biblical, it's a playground for all things terrible to me. And it's a rarepair (why??) and therefore (in my mind) lies like a bare field before me, ready to sow and play in. 🖤

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

No such thing. My WIP are my children and I will not abandon them. It might take many months but they will see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Building atmosphere, pretty lines, poetry, in some parts characterization. (Very) short formats are my strength in general.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not really able to write anything plot-driven, sometimes dialogue (though I might have started to improve a little), prioritizing pretty imagery and rhythm/sound over meaning/sense sometimes, having difficulties writing longer stuff.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not really my thing; could get awkard quickly imo.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Visual Kei bands (Moi dix Mois) when I was 14.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? 

Easily my little double drabble Reverence. It illustrates nicely what I talked about regarding my writing strengths for question 17 imo.

Tagging @lvsifer, @curufiin, @cilil, @saintstars, @gardensofthemoon, @elevenelvenswords , @crackinthecup , @swanhild , @a-world-of-whimsy-5 and @i-did-not-mean-to (no pressure ofc and sorry if I forgot anyone, in that case: that's just my forgetful brain at work)

#tag game

[the-knight-of-destiny]

Okay, so long long ramble under the cut about the nature of Ratgrinder Discourse™, I'll preface by saying that I don't want any of this to get hostile with anyone, because I think that's frankly silly to do over a webshow. That said I am also open to critical discussion so if anything I say doesn't make sense, or doesn't track I'm open to critique on it! Obviously spoilers up to Episode 19 of Fantasy High Junior Year underneath. Also it is a VERY long post, several pages, so don't click read more if that'll be overwhelming/too much at once. I just had to get my thoughts into words.

So, this will be long but I'll try to break it up. For clarity I want to establish my main point and give a quick TL;DR here, so here's the short version, long version even further below. My main points are as follows: 1: It is okay to not be happy with how a narrative is going in a show/story you enjoy. Critique is not hate, if anything it's a form of praise in a way. People wouldn't be having such long and frequent discourse about D20 and it's current season if they didn't feel strongly. 2: Similarly, we as an audience have a very different perspective of the entire story unfolding compared to the Intrepid Heroes/Cast. I think a lot of people jump to assumptions about the cast's thought process when that really isn't something we can gauge beyond what they say in episode and on Adventuring Party. 3: For me at least, even if I am left unsatisfied by an ending it doesn't ruin the fun I had in a work. Now if you just wanted my bullet point thoughts without elaboration, there they are! The rest of this is going to be an insanely long ramble (seriously, exit now if you aren't up for that, it's pages long) that I don't expect anyone to read, but I like to get my thoughts outta my brain. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, in regards to the Ratgrinders dying in the fashion they have, there's been a lot of discussion on literally every place there is to discuss Dimension 20, Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, I'm sure other places as well. Really it all comes back to one thing, Dungeons and Dragons is a game, but Dimension 20 is a show. We as viewers have some level of narrative expectation, now for everyone that's different. Some folks have specific hopes for plot and character arcs. Others just want a general vibe, but the cast are players. Sure they are performers, but they are players in a game in equal measure. I've alluded to this before but a lot of the sincere vitriol to antagonists thus far (and especially the Ratgrinders) comes from the fact that the players have been fully immersed in a world and as characters where the Ratgrinders have been a constant thorn in their side for tens of hours of play time. Obviously one can still not like how they've engaged with them (I'm still not sure how exactly I feel about it,) but a lot of it is coming from that distinct perspective. When Fig took Ruben out, she specifically was frustrated because she 'wasted her season' on him. There's a meta level of Fig being angry with Ruben as a character who shares a world with him, versus Emily being frustrated as a player that a lot of her in-game actions did not hash out. That's actually totally natural, by the way. The interesting way that DnD serves both as a narrative of the characters in the setting, but also of the players rolling dice is part of what makes actual play like Dimension 20 so interesting. It's why I think SOME of the disappointment with Brennan and the Intrepid Heroes comes from a strange place, we literally cannot experience the story the same way the cast have. We get a week between chunks of story, they film the episodes in batches. We can think for as long as we want about our critical thoughts, they have to improv on the fly. We get to watch the Ratgrinders as antagonists in a story, the IH are actively hindered in their gameplay by the Ratgrinders as enemies.

That said I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about some aspects of Protagonist Centric Morality™ in this. Oisin having a mildly flirty conversation with Adaine once when he had ulterior motives is a deeply awful manipulation, but Fig catfishing Ruben the better part of an entire year is her trying to reach out and understand him (?). Kipperlilly threatening to desecrate Eugenia's grave is deeply fucked up, but Riz openly advocating mutilating Oisin's body for tactical reasons, and Fabian loudly declaring he intends to do the same to Ivy for literally just his own self-satisfaction are 'fun unhinged moments'.

Before I go on, obviously the Ratgrinders are the bad guys. They're taking part in an evil plan, they've done villainous things throughout the season, especially very recently, etc. This isn't some argument that the Bad Kids are secretly the real monsters or something, obviously not. I just think it's odd that people read into the Bad Kids' actions in the best possible light at all times and the inverse for the Ratgrinders. This protagonist centric morality also comes down to the true reason behind any and all of Fantasy High's villain redemption. Ragh gets redeemed because the player characters think he's possibly useful and/or endearing. Aelwyn gets redeemed because she personally helps Adaine. The only one that Brennan really pushed forward on his own was Zayn, who they barely engaged with. People compare the Ratgrinders to Penelope and Dayne a lot, and understandably so. However I think this is sort of the complication and in my opinion, the silver bullet to understanding what's actually happening with the Ratgrinder's narrative place, Dayne more specifically. He does very little evil on screen. I mean, he injures Fabian and is most likely the one who killed Zayn, but comparatively to Aelwyn, he does almost nothing. He gets killed without so much as a thought, and in a fun (?) parallel to current Ratgrinder discourse, does actually have his body desecrated after death by Fabian. Because he hurt Fabian personally. Aelwyn gets forgiven of doing a lot of terrible shit (and this isn't Aelwyn hate, she's like my favorite NPC.) because it didn't directly affect any of the Bad Kids besides Adaine, and even the bad stuff that did affect Adaine can be sort of off-loaded onto their parents. So it's why I say this discourse is tough, people inevitably say "Well, the Ratgrinders are villains, of course they'll get killed." And this isn't inherently a wrong statement, they look at the bad things the group is doing and understand they must be stopped, why are people upset clearly bad guys get beat and/or killed in DnD games? Because they aren't actually getting killed in such brutal ways because they're bad guys, it's because they personally annoyed or hurt the Bad Kids. This is also why Ratgrinder fans often feel both frustrated and vindicated at once (I speculate, but I feel it's a safe assumption,) because on a meta level Kipperlilly is literally right. Her friends and likely herself are getting ripped to shreds because they crossed the special protagonists, because they started to really frustrate the Intrepid Heroes. The Bad Kids have forgiven atrocities before, but the Intrepid Heroes are really quick to dismiss and kill people they find annoying.

The ultimate example I feel of this, is Mary Ann. Ruben gets blasted into hell because his actions personally annoyed the players, Ivy gets stabbed to death while being repeatedly insulted and threatened with mutilation because her actions personally annoyed the players.

But Mary Ann is the one they all think they can redeem or save, because her personality is more cute and endearing to the players. That kind of says it all better than I ever could.

#fhjy #fantasy high #dimension 20 #rat grinders #ratgrinder discourse #gosh this is super fucking long and i apologize if it floods any of your dashes #i just have a lot of thoughts on the difference between players and characters in dnd actual play #look i am ok with the rat grinders dying and i love the bad kids and intrepid heroes #but i think a lot of people don't engage with the critique in a fair light #there is a clear dissonance of when the players feel the need to off an antagonist vs how evil the antagonist actually is #and it's mostly fueled by just how annoying they as players happen to find that specific antagonist #also brennan is doing his best to make the ratgrinders somewhat complex imo but is also pitching the intrepid heroes softballs #he doesn't want to make his friends feel bad as players for doing things they find fun in a game #so he's not going to push back too hard even if it might make sense for him to do so

[aingeal98]

More aos rambles but I find it so interesting that Coulson, despite being the one May and Daisy look to as a man with a good heart when they themselves feel like monsters, is the one who would risk everything including other people to save them. Like if Daisy is in danger and the only option to save her is a plan where every other agent has a 95% chance of dying, he's doing it. And he's very openly hypocritical about it to the point that everyone else calls out his double standards. Mace saying "When it comes to May and Daisy you can't be objective." and Lincoln and May pointing out how he'd sacrifice every inhuman but never Daisy. Like he cares very deeply about Fitz and Simmons but he makes decisions that puts them at risks that I just can't see him doing if it was Daisy. And Coulson very rarely feels bad about it, he stands by his hypocrisy and desire to protect his daughter. Even when it comes to Daisy's own wishes, he cares too much to let her sacrifice herself.

Meanwhile May doesn't love Daisy any less, quite possibly even loves her more by the end of the series, but she also is just more... understanding and respectful of Daisy's autonomy and wishes. Like if Daisy were to die or sacrifice herself May would never recover, would be the last to leave the grave side. But at the same time she wouldn't risk every agent to save her, choosing instead to believe in Daisy's ability to beat the impossible like she's done time and time again. And I don't think she would have knocked Daisy out to drag her home when she was scared of ending the world. She would have stayed with her, and that would likely have been what twisted Daisy's arm to get her home. 'If you're going to be stupidly sacrificial and stay then so am I, because we're too alike. I know how you think and I know that's how to checkmate your self destructive impulses.'

I'm not saying one is morally better than the other, they're both just parents who love their kid and want to protect her. But Coulson, who's viewed by most people as essentially just some suit with a good heart, would order every man he commands to fight a suicide battle if it was the only way to keep Daisy alive. Meanwhile May would be first in line to fight that battle, and she would win! But she would never drag anyone else down. She's as practical and ruthless as Coulson, even more so sometimes. But having been the one to train Daisy, her protection comes in the form of unshakeable belief in the good Daisy is capable of, and a gentle but solid place to rest whenever things don't go as planned. If she thinks Daisy's making a mistake she'll say it to her face, but she's more... open, than Coulson is, to letting Daisy fumble around and find her own way. She'll still be there to beat up anyone that threatens her kid and offer wisdom in the aftermath, but it's less impulsive than Coulson.

Coulson idolizes Captain America as a hero for the same heroic traits he sees in May and Daisy. He believes that they are Special people, and they must go on even if he doesn't. But those very same traits that makes them so special in his eyes are what makes them feel like they have to be the one to jump on the grenade and protect their team, all while Coulson is trying to keep them as far away from the grenade as possible. And they both see a goodness in him and in each other that they don't believe they posses themselves. They're all somewhat correct and also all a little blinded by how much they love each other, but that's just how families are.

#aos #aos rambles #daisy johnson #phil coulson #melinda may #sousa says people like daisy should have someone there to pick them back up and I think it also applies to may #but I think coulson sees himself as the person who can pick them back up and also the person who can demolish the wall they're running at #without tearing himself down over it. he's the most cold blooded of the trio when it's His people #and Daisy and May will never see it that way because they ARE his people #it's different when it's your child or your parent or sibling in the firing line. Biological or not it just is.

[patchesproblem]

OKAY SO: I mentioned it last night / this morning, but Half Life 2 Einsla / Lab 42 AU.

Putting this under a cut because it's essentially me rambling on and on like an insane person.

So to start with I've officially decided that they're more than likely working closely with Kleiner, and sometime during the twenty year gap they met up with Schrodinger. During the events of the resonance cascade I believe that she was working at a different facility at the time, and it was soon after Tes and Ein escaped that they met back up.

Tesla and Einstein STILL DO have the headcrab that Einstein forced along. It's essentially their version of a cat and literally everyone besides Kleiner hates it. Schrodinger doesn't really have an opinion on it, but she doesn't exactly want it on her either. It's not really that important, but considering the immense relationship between them and the headcrab I feel like it's important to note. (Not sure if I ever even went in depth about their relationship with the headcrab, but the tldr is that it was dragged along by Einstein just to annoy Tesla when they were still fucking around and not realizing just how bad things were. Later on it's the headcrab that ends up saving them both and they all grow to like each other. Yes I'm giving an alien parasite a character arc.)

So for those who know nothing about Half Life 2 (probably everyone), the tldr is that an alien force called the combine is invading earth and is enslaving everyone. There's a small resistance of people who are actively working to stop it, and Einsla are apart of it.

Their lab is separate from Kleiners, though, and they're also researching different things. However they're still ultimately working towards the same goal.

I don't really have much gay stuff to say about them, but they're still annoyingly gay and married with their pet headcrab.

Schrodinger and Reanna are with each other as well. Reanna was originally a military official or security guard at Schrodingers facility, and they met soon after the cascade in Black Mesa. I'm not quite sure about what I'm doing with Reanna yet, but I'm thinking that maybe she infiltrated the combines ranks similarly to Barney. Schrodinger and Reanna also work in a different lab, though her, Tesla, and Einstein often visit each others labs when they're able to and still work closely together. Often times they meet in either Tesla and Einsteins lab or in Kleiners lab, though it's more often Kleiners due to it being risky for him to travel due to how close his lab is to the combine.

I wanted to include Joyce somehow too and I have two ways that his story can go:

The most important part is that he's an alien from one of the other planets that the combine invaded. He was taken hostage and was experimented on, and later on became a valuable member for the combine. He's never exactly WANTED to be apart of it, and he only accepted it as a way to escape from the experimentation. He's able to pass easily as a human, and that along other things is what made him valuable to the combine.

This is where his story branches off, though.

First possibility is that he's a an under cover agent. The combine send him in to watch Tesla, Einstein, Schrodinger, and Kleiner / Eli to some extent.

In this scenario he'd pretend to be an injured and lost person from City 17 trying to escape, and Einsla would bring him in to help him. They eventually keep him around, unaware that he's secretly watching their every move the entire time.

As time passes, though, he slowly realizes that they're not bad people. They become friends, and he starts to realize that not everyone is as cruel as the combine is. When he was originally tasked with the job he was told that they were nothing more than bugs essentially, an annoyance that needed to be taken care of for the combine to succeed.

In a way they end up giving him hope, and starts thinking that maybe he'll finally be able to escape the grasps of the combine.

After a few months, however, Schrodinger learns of his real identity. She manages to sneak her way into the combines data base (don't ask it took months and a lot of secrecy on both her and Reannas part in order to not get caught (though I've also considered the possibility that she snuck into the combine and found out herself, or got kidnapped before Reanna helped her escape and learned it that way)) and is almost immediately in Tesla and Einsteins lab ready to kill him before he can harm them or out their operation.

I don't exactly know how the confrontation goes. I just know that it's extremely dangerous, and the entire time Tesla and Einstein have guns aimed at both Welt and Schrodinger, while Schrodinger has one aimed at Welt and he has one aimed at her. It's interesting to say the least.

Nobody dies though. Eventually, Einstein manages to defuse the situation and stop Tesla from yelling and panicking, and eventually gets Schrodinger to put the gun down (women can't have hobbies now I guess.)

Welt doesn't exactly escape though because all three of them have essentially cornered him and make him explain everything.

The second (and the one that might make more sense) is that during a battle Welt got bonked in the head and couldn't remember anything. His origins is still the same (alien, experimentation, usefullness to the combine, etc.) but instead of being a spy he literally just thinks he's a human. Tesla and Einstein would find him and bring him in, and it's at that point he realizes he doesn't remember a lot. The things he does remember are blurry, and he might as well not remember them. They're like music barely crackling through the static of a radio when the towers are far away.

While all this is happening the combine is looking for him, and they're beyond mad. They believe that he's escaped, and they can not have that. He befriends Tesla and Einstein, and considers them his friends. They try to help him remember who he is to no avail.

The confrontation with Schrodinger still happens, however. Though this time I think it's because Reanna noticed a picture of him due to the combine looking for him and immediately recognized him. She tells Schrodinger and again she runs over there, terrified since she doesn't know his intentions.

The confrontation is less likely to be as violent as the other one, due to him Actually having no clue what she's even talking about.

No matter which way things go, though, it does not continue well from here. It's soon after this that Gordon Freeman shows back up and pisses the combine off, and at this point the combine are working over time. Eventually they get close to Kleiner and once Eli's is discovered they go after Tesla and Einsteins next.

One night they tart hearing banging and they all run out only to realize it's the combine, and after awhile of desperately trying to fight them off Welt shoves them (and their headcrab) through the exit gate and basically tells them to make a run for it while he deals with them. They're both pissed because he locked them out of their own lab and they don't want to leave him there alone, but he refuses and tells him they'll meet up again later. Which they do. Like weeks later.

Oh but an important note is that he is still homophobic but only towards Tesla. (This is a joke I swear.)

#there's so much more to this but I'm just rambling at this point. #also if you saw me accidentally post this a few minutes ago no you didn't. #nikolas posts

[journey-to-the-attic]

one thing about ik is that she will always reach out

#obey me #art #i had the idea for this and managed to bulldoze through drawing it all without losing motivation halfway through #but Do Not expect me to post art this frequently in future #idk how to do panels so if the middle bit with the text might be laid out weird #i added the stars and feathers and stuff because there was a bunch of empty space around the boxes #obey me satan #jtta ik #(btw the crumbling symbol next to the exploding feather is the wrath symbol from in-game) #(with the pride symbol attached upside down at the bottom) #(not so much symbolism as it is just me whacking you over the head with the point but it looks cool) #i had a lot of fun doing satan's more monstrous design so i might try my hand at some of the other demons later? #i do have some ideas for levi (deep sea creatures are just really fun) #also happy nightbringer release day!! it showed up on my homescreen like half an hour ago and i was like “wait what” #for some reason i thought it wasn't releasing til next week?? #the new genshin patch is today as well so looks like i'll have plenty to do with the rest of my free time for the easter hols #(i promise i'm also working on the next chapter of jtta but i am so stuck on how to get lucifer actually Talking) #anyway. here's a gold star for making it through all my rambling in the tags for anyone who did so: ⭐

[crow-with-a-pencil]

Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)

#my ârt #crush depth #crush depth spoilers #fnaf #tw blood #tw drowning #idk how many others apply #anyways this is midnight crow coming out of the shadow realm to scream at you #first of all a cs ramble is on the way I'm still recovering from that fic too #im biting you naff im biting you so dang hard #I don't even know much about iron lung besides watching a play through but damn do you make me want to know more #just. where do I even start. the atmosphere is established so well and even though there was such a small space to work with I FELT it #I felt the claustrophobia I felt the walls and the console and the single dim lightbulb as my only solace in this death trap #the THOUGHTS #poor yn had so much time to just get lost in their head and spiral pretty much constantly #the dread. the constant overhanging dread of knowing there's a 99% chance they're not getting out of there alive and at this point #they just want to accept it and let it end bc there's hardly anything to go back to if they live #naff. look at me. reading some parts made my chest actually tighten with dread. it was so well done. #this poor human just buried in existential horror and just wanting it to end in a slightly less painful way #and the unknowable beings trapped outside who absolutely REFUSE to let that happen #god those eldritch fish were trying their hardest but just couldn't get in #yn was trapped inside while they were trapped outside and I just #I am EXPLODING the more I think about it #thinking about when they thought they were drowning and tried to breathe again #wanting to die but still having that instinct to survive #asking to be ripped apart but still cherishing their last breath of air #I'm shaking you I'm shaking you I'm dying on the floor #ough. #I'll never mentally recover from this and I want you to know I genuinely get inspired by your writing #this has been midnight crow ramblings. I just hit the tag limit. have a lovely night.

[nikoisme]

My personal take on Patrochilles is that they are both lovers AND friends. You know how a relationship often starts with a friendship first??? Well they never grew out of the friendship part of their relationship. But their relationship is neither romantic nor platonic. They just,,, are. There was never strictly a time where they stopped being platonic and started being romantic - the lines of the nature of their relationship are really blurry - as they grew older they just started displaying affection in different ways. There was never a need to put a label on their relationship. Because like,, why have Achilles lose just a friend or just a lover - when he could lose a lover, a friend, a best friend, a brother, a comrade, a partner-in-crime ALL in one??? Really drives home the idea of Achilles' grief and rage - he literally lost the man who was everything to him.

Long story short: qpp patrochilles (in a way)

#today on me not being able to grasp the concept of romantic love. #but do you know how much more fun this dynamic is. #“that's my friend achilles” “but you just made out??” “yeah. so?” #their dynamic is also a caffeinated owner and a rabid dog on a leash. good luck on figuring out who's who. #this is slightly incomprehensible i'm tired as fuck and i'm about to leave for school but i needed this out #hope i got the point across though #niko rambles

[wayward-wren]

I am thinking about. Jamie and the Second Doctor.

Because out of all the incarnations of the Doctor, Two is arguably the one who uses manipulation and disguises the most. He thrives on using people's intelligence against them, on tricking people, on bluffing and his bluffs working. He has a different disguise every story pretty much and is constantly playing some kind of role.

And then you look at Jamie, and some of Jamie's most front and center traits are his loyalty and his honesty (and protectiveness, but less applicable). Jamie is loyal to a fault and extremely trusting of the Doctor. He's honest and straightforward and deeply caring.

And Jamie is the one who sticks by the Second Doctor for as long as he physically can--and you'd look at those two characters, one who is manipulative and cunning, and one who is loyal to a fault, and you'd think the Doctor would easily be able to take advantage of Jamie, that Jamie would just be a tool for him but he's not, they're on equal footing. Jamie pulls the Doctor down and reminds him what being human is all about.

#wren rambles #doctor who #second doctor #jamie mccrimmon #something in there about every doctor having one specific companion who balances them out and tackles that incarnations exact biggest flaw. #for One it's probably Barbara and Ian (Barbara if we're being specific) #been a while since i saw the other classics #ten its donna for SURE #probably something in there for twelve and clara #though i'm not sure if she exactly cancels out his flaws or just Makes Him Worse <3 #leela filling a similar role for Four that jamie fills for two? #that like... so called primitive Lower Intelligence contrasting with the Doctor's Higher Intelligence #or something #it's the doctor needing someone to remind him about human emotions and things #because he's so Able to overlook all that #and risks seeing people just as tools #and Two is more susceptible to that than other doctors I think #so contrasting him to Jamie's almost blind loyalty is *chefs kiss* fantastic #anyway i dont know if i am at all explaining myself but yeah #point is. the doctor could get jamie to do pretty much anything #point is. he doesn't

[13eyond13]

love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world

#im talking about griffith btw #guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him #and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me #but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings #like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too #and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon #so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn #he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something? #and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv #and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not #ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities #more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well #also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read #there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom #i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read #also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all) #i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note #light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into #and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead #and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol #so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well #berserk spoilers #p

[mangofanarts]

Tallulah asking Bad if she could spend more time with him another day! Since she's going to bed

#qsmp #badboyhalo #qsmp tallulah #no one can tell me that Tallulah and Bad aren't close with each other #To be fair - they aren't AS close as they used to be because of their schedules not lining up as much and her not needing to be #babysat like the early days. But they are close to each other. #There was a point where she said to him that she viewed him as a father figure before and left him a book - describing how she saw him #as part of her family and has told him to his face that she wanted to make excuses so that she could go and spend more time with him. #She has told Bad about things that have upset her and he's given her comfort in return for it and when Philza was going to be gone for a #week - she asked Philza if she could hang out with her uncle Bad. Drives me wild when people don't know that Bad and Tallulah are close < 3 #since they aren't seen that much together but that man......he was her main babysitter #I'm rambling about those moments between them again because it just mean so me - I still have such a soft spot for their dynamic as a whole

[theetwinkleboy]

just. came across this panel and got unexpectedly and wildly emotional about aizawa becoming a dad. because like. he cares about his students, he's shown time and time again that he'll push them and fight for them against villains and the media and he'll go to his last breath to protect them but like. they're hero students and he's their teacher and he's tough and strict because he has to be to keep them alive. but then like--

it's morning and he's doing her hair. he's got the hair ties with the little baubles on them and he's doing her hair and she's been through so much crap and aizawa's never shown being demonstrably affectionate or enthusiastic around her the way that izuku and mirio are but like. he's been her dependable quiet shadow every time she's shown up in the manga so far, and he doesn't have to be strict or tough with her because what she needs isn't someone to teach her how to save others, it's someone that she can trust to be there when she needs, someone she can trust to do her hair with little bauble hair ties in the morning.

#i'm rambling i'm like incoherent #i'm sorry i literally just got to this panel and started? crying?? #it's FINE i have more thoughts but they're all wrapped up in oboro and eri and how they both underwent experimentation that #remade them so much that they can't remember how to want things or like things or smile #and. how both of them are tied so inextricably to aizawa and aizawa doesn't even know about oboro yet at this point #but like. i want those two to meet #and i also want to explore how aizawa's survivor's guilt intersects with this whole mess bc like. #him becoming a dad--like everything else--is in some way tied up in that trauma #i jsut don't have words for it rn #aizawa shouta #eri bnha #tt reads bnha

[theghostofashton]

one of the moments that always gets me in 2x12 is carlos pausing, as tk's urging him to jump out the window and promising he'll be behind. he says later he didn't think they'd make it out. so he pauses and turns back and tries to think, amidst his panic, of what to say. i love you? you've changed my life in ways i didn't think were possible? you're my soulmate? thank you, for everything. and in that moment he can't, because those words don't happen like this. one moment he's kissing down tk's neck and the next his house is on fire and he's going to lose everything, including this one person who changed everything for him. who gave him something he didn't even know he was missing until he had it. this was definitely not their first 'i love you' and he knows those words are for the quiet moments, when they're laying in bed together, or shouted across the room as one of them leaves for work, or murmured into each other's skin as they're cooking or cuddling or grocery shopping. not when the house is on fire and they may not make it out. and carlos is so stunned and panicked and he can't bring himself to get the words out but he also can't say nothing, can't let their last moments together (if these are that) be like this.

#once again s4 coloring in all these moments from earlier seasons and making everything so much more rich #carlos knew tk was his soulmate knew meeting tk had helped him stop feeling broken #he knew those things and he thought they were about to die in that fire and he just. #idk this wasn't anything i had no point except i love rewatching and seeing how all these things come together with new context #also ik i'm a week late to this ep we're ignoring that #911 lone star #911 ls meta #neha rambles #tarlos #carlos reyes

[thisloveislikeabattle]

SandRay is just AkkAyan spelled differently

I've lost count of the number of rewatches I've done of The Eclipse since watching it six months ago for the very first time, but once Only Friends started airing I haven't done any rewatch, just because all my thoughts these past weeks have been obsessively about Sand and Ray

BUT yesterday I found myself watching it again after months and when I got to episode 11 it hit me: SandRay's dynamic when it comes to taking care of each other is the same as AkkAyan's but backwards.

Let me explain, I was watching this specific scene

And this thought came into my mind: "If in The Eclipse it's Khaotung's character that takes care of First's character, especially when it comes to emotional needs, in Only Friends it's actually the opposite with First's character taking care of Khaotung's character"

Since then I haven't been able to stop noticing all the ways Ayan and Sand mirror each other when caring for their partners

Ayan looked at Akk, and saw something extraordinary. He saw this beautiful broken boy, who was hurting so much and doing it all wrong, he saw him holding on to a very thin thread just on the verge of letting go. Ayan saw all the love Akk needed, and despite being very broken himself, he never ever let go of him.

Akk did bad things and said awful stuff and pushed Aye away time and time again, and still Aye stayed right were he was and held him up every time Akk hit the ground.

Showed him how despite all his flaws, all his mistakes, he was still someone worthy of love.

And so throughout their journey Ayan gave his heart and soul, took all the love he could muster and stood firm by Akk's side, no matter what.

Ayan made no excuses for Akk's behavior, held him accountable, called him out when he was doing something wrong and at the same time offered Akk all the support he needed to get out of that bad place because he knew how necessary it was to have a support system.

And isn't that exactly what Sand has been doing with Ray ever since he first saw him, left alone, drunk as hell, getting into his car without any concern for his life?

Just like Ayan, Sand has found this special fragile boy who needs lots and lots of love. And where Akk wanted acceptance and to be good for others, Ray only wants to be loved and to be someone's priority for once in his life.

Even the little things Sand does for Ray. And yes, we joke about Ray being Sand's spoiled princess, but before Sand came into Ray's life, did anyone ever treat him with this much care and affection? No.

Lighting up his cigarettes, cooking for him, helping him with his helmet, driving him around, changing his dirty clothes when Ray is too passed out to care, going after him no matter what Ray said or did, shaving him...

Yes, Sand is a natural caregiver and perhaps acts of service are his love language, but to me the point is that Sand is able to see the full potential Ray could reach.

Sand knows how precious he truly is; with patience and love and care, with someone by his side ready to fight the battle with him, someone who will not give up on him, Ray may one day be able to blossom into this wonderful person that he is capable of being.

Until that moment comes, Sand will be there for him like no one ever has before. Because Sand looks at Ray and sees someone worth fighting for, someone worthy of love.

And yes, I am aware that Ayan and Sand are very different characters, they are at different points and have different expectations when it comes to relationships.

Even the way they handle things when it comes to love is different: Ayan is very much open and ready and unafraid to communicate what he wants from Akk, while Sand is emotionally constipated, with his walls all up, still falling hard but refusing to admit it even to himself.

Yet the way Ayan and Sand care for their loved ones appears to me as the very same.

#does any of this make sense #i'm just rambling #and we're only halfway through so maybe I'll come back to this once all the episodes are out to see if my prospective changed #also i would like to point out how in the last two screenshots both scenes take place in bed #and i absolutely did that on purpose because there's nothing i love more than bed scenes with no sex involved #i spent too much time on this #sorry if my english is bad #only friends the series #only friends series #ofts #only friends #sandray #raysand #the eclipse #the eclipse series #akkayan #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #only friends meta #thai bl