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cosmicdream222 · 1 month

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sorry to be morbid again but do you think we can manifest passing away early? im honestly past the point of wanting to exist and just want to get over this thing that im supposed to be a successful person but im not so idrc if i do or dont live

so many ppl on tarot related blogs ask about their fs but if we dont meet them does it matter and would they just move on with their life? like i think u have to have ur life put together but its genuinely so hard to do these days so i hope my fs wont be sad at all when i die cause i wouldnt be able to make tnem truly happy anyway cause im not happy myself with how things have been

ideally i wouldve done something in a sport or music but that ship sailed long ago and now im so stuck but id hate to be reliant on someone else and i shouldve moved out into my own place but housing is ridiculously expensive where im from and taxes dont help anyone. it takes years and years to pick up a talent so i have wasted those years and ik im just going to struggle to get past 50 if i were to have my own place bc minimum wage jobs suck arse and i dont want to be doinng something lame not that its lame for others to do it, its just not what i wanted to have done at all

you cant even get a degree without needing to fork out hundreds and thousands so yeah none of its easy and sure you can try subliminals but lets face it the systemn we are in is fucked up big time so rn i cant even bother with daydream about how it could have been or the what ifs i had done smth differently or if i had any talent but then theres still the, im too old and too foreign to do any sort of music as most successful groups nowadays are korean and even if i tried to do what they did it would probs end up killing me some way or other

its just either about having to be wealthy or having some type of talent both of which id fail at anyway as i shouldve done it years ago like a normal person who goes from being so so at something to being great at something.

i truly think i was born in wrong generation or i just shouldnt have been born at all then i wouldnt have to fret constantly abt these types of things. i think if the government genuinely sorted shit out for once and helped society ppl would be happier to work for less but im not happy at all with the current state of things. i feel guilty for existing and i hate it sm like god just let me end my life pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee there is nothing worthwhile in store, ik we could try shifting subliminals but have those genuinely worked? like u exit this reality and straight into the one you wanted originally? but then i might as well just pass away cause id have to know what i want in another reality

My dude, take a deep breath. You’ve ranted about all this same exact stuff a bunch of times now and I’m just gonna repeat the same thing I said to you last time:

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter.

I’ll add to that: Whatever some tarot reader or TikTok psychic says definitely does not matter. Idk what fs means but I’m guessing something like a twin flame and that is especially 1000% bullshit.

The spiritual community has created an incredible amount of false narratives to make excuses and blame outside forces for why things aren’t going their way. None of it is real. Seriously forget everything you learned about fate, karma, astrology, or anything else that’s saying something else is in control. Reality is an illusion. YOU are in control.

You don’t have to identify with any old bullshit anymore. Stop repeating the old story and think about what you do want. You can have literally ANYTHING! You say you don’t know what you want, ok, but you know what you don’t want, right?

I don’t want to work -> I want to live in a reality where I don’t have to work.

There, you just figured out something you want! It’s that simple.

I totally agree that this society is a horrific shitshow and I don’t want to be aware of it anymore either. But it’s just one version of reality available. It’s not the only reality and it’s not the original reality. You don’t have to be aware of it anymore if you don’t want to be.

You also don’t have to involve death at all. There’s a lot of misconception in the shifting world which has lead to concepts like “permashifting” and “respawning”, but those just all assume this current reality is the original one. It’s not.

Have you watched The Matrix? It’s really more like a documentary than science fiction lol. Just like in the movie, we are being tricked by a simulated virtual reality, controlled by a society that’s using us for our energy. Just think of reality as an escape room. We’re escaping the Matrix. Once you figure out how to leave, you don’t ever have to go back. There are infinite realities available to you, and none are more real or right or original than any others. Remember, death is not an ultimate, nor does it exist in all realities.

I am scripting a utopian reality with my best friend where there is no death, aging, or illness. Everyone is a master manifestor so they always get whatever they want. Nobody has to work and there isn’t even a need for money because we can manifest anything instantly. We can just relax and get massages all day. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and abundance. Animals are treated as equals to humans, we can all communicate with each other, and we can all fly and teleport. Because why the f not? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And if you really don’t want to exist (I’m guessing that other ask from a couple weeks ago is you too lol) you don’t have to exist in this reality, or any other. Removing your awareness from all physical reality is known as entering the void. You exist there as pure consciousness, and you can stay there as long as you like. It is you as your highest self. There’s nothing negative about it.

As for the whole subliminal thing, shifting subliminals are just one method. Shifting = manifesting = deciding what you want and experiencing it. It’s something we are always doing and is available to all of us. You don’t need any methods to shift besides intention. We just use methods to convince/calm the annoying human brain that is programmed with society’s limits.

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empyreasheart · 5 months

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I RETURN WITH MORE QUESTIONS. and one topic on my mind. xion xion xion xion xion xion XION shes so interesting and your hcs are always so good do you have any about her or the sea salt trio in general. i miss them so much (also i know you have work to do sorry if this is a distraction from it!! feel free to leave this ask for later)

IM FREEE WHICH MEANSSS I CAN TALK ABOUT MY DEAR DEAR XION!!!! no joke i have been thinking about her all day.

first off i LOVEEE xion so much. whenever i see her get attention and love im so happy. when i see her i have a habit of going "XIONNNN" super loudly.

im putting this under a read more cuz its gotten super long oops

my xion headcanons... well first of all i love every reading of her character as a trans allegory & how people intepret her as either trans or nonbinary! i dont think it was done on purpose but shes been claimed by the commjnity and im so happy about it. transfem xion my beloved. second of all shes autistic TO ME but honestly everyone in soras heart hotel is so thats a given. third of all give me xion with big dark brown eyes or give me death!

what id like to see explored in future games / i fanwork: her identity! we see roxas's frustration and anger about being his own person plenty but we hardly see xion upset at her predicament. i think this is because she wants to do the right thing, not because shes okay with the situation. i really want to see xion's feelings about not having her own identity explored, given that everything about her is based on either sora or his memories of kairi and she was basically created in a lab as a tool for organization 13. she should feel weird about existing in the first place, especially next to roxas and naminé, who dont have the same history behind their creation

in addendum to that, i want to see xions character design change to something more unique. she already has a new outfit, but id love to see her have a new hairstyle (whether she grows it out or just puts it up) so she has something different than a mirror of kh1 kairi's hair. i think ive also mentioned that i think itd be interesting if xion had her own eye color after kh3 (side note its bullshit we never got to see her norted eyes in kh3. she shouldve played a bigger role in the story too but thats another rant) to symbolize that shes her own person now, not a puppet meant to copy sora. lastly she !!! deserves !!! her own keyblade!!! there's so many cool keyblades from days to choose from & theres the weapons from her boss fight - theres no reason for her to still be using the kingdom key and i really hope she gets her own soon.

i keep thinking about what you said about xion not being another "nice" girl character and im like... so true. i dont think xion would be mean i want to go about it in a way that doesnt completely rewrite her character but i think exploring how she copes with her past w/ both organizations & her identity & trauma would be interesting, especially with how it parallels to naminé's own way of coping and dealing with her own trauma. theyre like Shy vs introverted to me lmfao i think xion tries to be friendly but overall she prefers to stay close to the people she feels safe around. i want to see xion be rude but in the autism way where she doesnt mean it shes just not aware. and stuff like that i guess. this paragraph was just word vomit my bad

THE SEA SALT TRIO... theyre seriously the family of all time i love them so much. ill just focus on xion here because this is already super long. BUT AXEL LOVES XION SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SICK THEYRE NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH.. the implication that lea subconsciously keeps his coat on in kh3 so xion (and roxas) can recognize him makes me so emotional. also the fact that lea just clicks with kairi because she also holds a part of xion inside her... AND WHEN HE BUYS HER AN ICE CREAM AND HE DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER WHY HES BUYING THREE. UGH. i love them so much. theyre definitely one of those duos found in the trios that dont get much attention which just draws me towards them more (like riku and kairi). i think lea is absolutely riddled with guilt about the events of days so he never lets xion forget that shes loved. i think xion is touch-averse *except* when it comes to roxas and lea because she feels safest around them.❤️

to end i will discuss roxas and xion . they are like a little orange cat and a little black cat to me. halloween colored. theyre so small i love them so much. i imagine when xion first meets the twilight town gang shes jealous bc roxas has other friends :( but roxas assures her shes super duper special to him and no one else can take her place in his life. they have such a unique bond that i dont know if any of the other characters have with each other. just something so special about those two. when it feels like no one else understands they have each other... and i think that makes for some angst when xion struggles with her own issues that even roxas cant relate to

#ask #THANK U FOR THIS IM SO GLAD TO INFODUMP . I TYPED SO MUCH IM SORRU I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

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cielospeaks · 6 months

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f h story spoilers

honestly shoutout to seithr for literally having the best protagonist arc/ending of literally all the protagonists. no shitty boss to be subservient to for no reason like peo + ash, no life debt to the order like literally everyone else. just "im free to live my life" and sora-ing her other universe selves into her own consciousness/heart/whatever and just thirsting over the person reading this together with them. you go girl.

overall i think this book was weird but it was not bad imo. the person reading this thirst was kinda silly, both in the story context and the unnecessary divide it had in the fandom. it was definitely a more provocative take on it than other characters just being like "i kinda sorta like you uuuu/////" which is fine when its one person imo. the characters were decent. i think the only one i didnt like so much was gull veig and thats mostly for the uwu sadboi stuff w her character that i think kinda detracted from a story where maybe she's a cold and calculating "this is the only outcome" force of nature/inevitability/whatever sorta thing. (and tbh a lot of that was from cyl which was sorta eh. too bad cant help that) as far as ner thus i think shes kinda a fun "interpretation villain". like im glad a lot of people see her as the true villain/manipulator of the book bc i def get that vibe, but i know if she wasnt a busty lady and instead was a guy that the same fans would see absolutely no faults with her :/ but take what you can get i guess.

i still am a njorthur enjoyer and i like his motivation, i wish theyd just fleshed it out more. like he sees humans wasting the seas, wasting the land, killing each other senselessly. hes a stickler for good conduct and he sees humans/mortals as slovenly and disgusting and having degraded (and maybe looks down on them extra hard for in his eyes corrupting his family members, like his sisters obsession w them as well as his kids/relatives its unclear). i dont mind that his motivations arent revenge and actually i think itd be funny if the twins are the children of another sibling of him and ner thuz, completely subverting that whole plot. in my fic i think it still works, bc hed see eitr as a family member who got corrupted by mortals and turned into a nasty kidnapper

i honestly dont mind the designs and actually compared to 5 and 6 with the same illustrator it was a breath of fresh air. i do think theres an unfortunate kinda "sameface" ey trend with a lot of character designs (poor elm) but i like the idea of the loose, kinda otohime esque robes of the vana characters. kinda wish theyd get a new illustrator for every book, it would make the character designs stand out more imo. tbh i feel like another person shouldve done b5. i can accept that 3 and 6 are same as 1 bc they all focus around askr + embla but i think 5's mech designs wouldve looked cool with a different artist, + the cringe meme faces would have maybe been less irritating

anyways i honestly hope that the next book isnt asgard, just like ive hoped for the last two book reveals. but give me some time to finish my fucking fanfic first. i guess ill give my thoughts on my fic when i finish it. honestly works been so bad this year i havent had as much time for it as id have liked rip

#honestly i feel like a lot of why i dont mind kva sir is her mashu kyrielight vibes #both in design and a little less so but also in role in the plot #honestly tho so much kudos to seid for getting the best ending of any story main character. you go girl #be cringe! crush on the player character! honestly go for it buddy #after the stuff w peo + ash i welcome it with open arms #tbh i am kinda dreaming njo as red sword in the legend banner? pls. just add my boi #gameblogging

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takaramagi · 1 year

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same anon as before. i just want to clarify that i am totally okay with bls not having any kissing scenes, like they don't have to show that kind of stuff. i was just so invested in this show that i... i guess i was hoping a kiss would happen? like that cute fluffy lil innocent moment, which i thought was going to happen when they were both sleepily talking to each other sitting in bed where they'd shy away from each other afterwards and then maybe just cuddle until they fell asleep. also dayeol's behavior towards taehyun whenever he showed an interest really was weird. i get being cautious about being turned down again but four years have passed and this guy is clearly showing an interest in you now so why act so weird about it. i was afraid they were going to make the point of 'but i'm a guy and you're a guy' and i'm so glad that didn't happen. i hate when bls do that, just say you've got secret homophobic tendencies and move on.

i also totally agree with the four year time jump being weird, not having a lot of what happened explained, how easy it was for the two to meet back up after the first two years went by - like so yeong and dayeol made it seem like they meet up often or they've at least stayed in touch but then when so yeong calls taehyun and he comes running, it's made out to be like it's the first time they've met up since dayeol left school. having it be months instead of years that they've met up and then showing over those years, even if it was just glimpses, of how their relationship had slowly developed until it got to the point where they were comfortable enough around each other to show their romantic feelings would have been better than just blindly jumping in to four years after dayeol's confession. i want to know what happened in the mean time, don't leave me guessing there.

also where the heck did dayeol wanting to be a cop come from? it couldn't have been what he meant when he said he found something to focus his passion on back when he quit the archery team. the only thing that could even lead to him wanting to be a cop would be the fact that he's a good shot but g*ns are different than arrows and i feel like that's just too far of a reach to make sense. tell me why this kid came to the conclusion that he wanted to be a cop. no aspect of his life shown tells me being a cop was his desired career path. what happened that made him want to chose that path? and yeah, what the heck is taehyun doing with his life? all we know is that he's good at math and he gets his homework done early.

don't get me wrong though, i thoroughly enjoyed the series and i'd kill for another season. or even just another series with yechan and jaehan together because they've got great chemistry and their acting was pretty good. it's probably a series i will watch again, i'll just skip the last episode and pretend like it didn't end weirdly lololol

this is extremely long so for the sanity of everyone i will be read more-ing

oh no i totally get you on the kiss, and i think after all the whiplash/their relationship changing/them growing as people and as partners/the angst and time they had to work through/i could keep going a kiss would've shown their growth through all that nicely. the ear kiss was cute but even like an earnest forehead kiss or something. edit after rereading your ask: also theres nothing wrong with hoping for a kiss!!!!!!!!!! i didnt mean it like that at all, we should be able to see queer kisses like it's anything else!!

i will admit during ep 7 i was like why did i actually enjoy their push and pull dynamic more than this....they did the flirty "i have a crush on you and im toeing the line of friendship" VERY well but (and by no fault of the actors really) the "we're finally dating after like 4 years" dynamic change shouldve done and given....a lot more. i liked their talk on the bed but at the same time like i felt like i just needed more. we can't jump from "we reunited after 2 years and im waiting on you to confess" to "ok we are dating now and everything is fine" like i actually would've preferred instead of the fluffiness them having like a really earnest open talk about their emotions. like that even really could have replaced a kiss for me. LIKE THINK ABOUT IT....the fact that we don't even know for sure if they were dating in this last ep is crazy???? and i dont mean "its just ambigious" i mean THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP SERIOUSLY......if they did that off screen then that makes no fucking sense, this is a romance coming of age drama and the romance is the plot....the getting together is the climax?

i need a huge emotional heart to heart, sobbing crying if you have to after all that and MULTIPLE YEARS OF PINING. i know theyve grown as people but dude the guy youve been longing for for four (holy shit at the english language??) YEARS (on both of their sides) is finally in a place where you can be together. HELLO? you skipped all that and just gave us the fluff...? (although i did enjoy the fluff but would've liked it more if they gave us this).

i totally get why you were scared of that happening and yea it sucks. you don't even have to show it on screen but they don't have to suddenly act like 2 men kissing is weird and out of left field lol yall have been gay pining for 4 fucking years.

this is probably the most important part to show to the viewer and they kinda just skipped over it. youre right, to leave us guessing on the emotional journey they went on to be where they were in ep. 7 is a huge failure narratively......sigh.

with dayeol and his cop thing.....when he quit archery, and said he "found a passion for something else" i actually threw my hands in the air. i was terrified he meant taehyun. like we can't have a crush or a relationship and still have interests and hobbies? i realize they were trying to say him meeting taehyun made him realize what being passionate about something really is and he came to the conclusion he was never really passionate about archery. but to jump from THAT to being a cop???????? like we could've had him had a convo with his dad in like 2 minutes about quitting archery and wanting to do something else and mentioning being interested in criminal justice. or was he still friends with minjung? maybe minjung couldve become a cop and that got him interested since he looked up to him? guess we will never know what happened to someone dayeol was quite close to?

all the things they missed by completely glossing over the time skip. i am choosing to believe time and budget constraints led to all these decisions. taehyun was dressed nicely but never mentioned interests or hobbies. he was class president even with all the things going on in his personal life. did he not grow any interests or hobbies? they literally never even mention things going on in the outside world besides dayeols cop journey. they dont even mention taehyun's friendship with soyeong - are they still close? she hangs out with dayeol but not taehyun? i get she had a crush on dayeol but still, how does that work and they dont meet for 2 whole years? ??? i really liked soyeong though as a side note she was the cutest.

in a perfect world this couldve been perfect i believe with time to flesh out the characters as adults because this was extremely rushed. i had high hopes bc of the other eps and the longer (by kbl standards) runtime, so i hoped that these things wouldnt be such a glaring issue but alas....we still have a ways to go.

i didnt read the source material so i wonder if that has anything to do with some of this as well. jaehan and yechan did an amazing job. i hope they act more whether together (i would die) or not (i would be seated regardless). i also hope this does well for omega x in general, they deserve it.

#thank you for your thoughts!!!!!!#hope you like essays!!#^.^#answered

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1990jeevas · 3 years

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I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

#shit self #asks #boku no hero academia #long post #bakugou katsuki #yes i am a bakugou kinnie shut the fuck up /lh #this is all /nm btw its just so much easier to make my long posts aggressive yk #this is just how i talk irl but Better Formatted #info dump #kinz #anti mitsuki #discourse #bangerz

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cr0wprince · 5 years

Text

I guess the plus side of PQ2 not having a dub is that I don’t have to listen to Vic Miclasagna as Junpei.

#rachel’s rambling #otherwise im disappointed about the lack of dub because i ultimately prefer dubs #that shouldve been their selling point of the positive ‘we’re not doing a dub!’#his voice gets really annoying when you hear the same voice as different roles time and time again #ive been told before like oh it doesnt matter its the acting that matters!!!#but vic has had so many goddamn roles and its tiresome #just like todd haberkorn #im glad hes kind of not getting a role in every big dub nowadays too #vic cant anymore 😜#its not good what hes done though im not saying that in anyway #ive met him once and hes kind of an awkward person didnt try anything but awkward #but like vic’s voice is grating and so is todd give some variety im pretty sure theyre capable #i KNOW todd is capable kork has a completely different voice from the rest of his roles #i wouldnt have known kork was todd if i hadnt seen the credits #it doesnt matter with vic though because hes cancelled #but theres tons of new talent now i think #or im just not indulging in dubs of stuff like i used to lmao #im also not asking for a discussion on dubs please #i am a dub watcher i prefer dubs #i hate when people think theyre better for whatever reason for watching or using original audio or watching subs lmao #ive just grown tired of vic after almost a decade #plus hes not a good person #you can tell by his ‘apology’ videos

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zed-36 · 3 years

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@ 18: the questions weren't actually that strict! you could interpret them however you liked :) that said, im curious what you would add to the story? i love reading ur ideas and interpretations of the characters n stuff!

oh no prob, i did enjoy thinking of what i could change without adding anything new (i will talk too much if i dont contain myself) BUT since you have asked...

ill share these ideas as a general change to the series as a whole (WR and Acceleracers- also i will call Acceleracers AC for short if i need to).

There is a lot i feel needs to change- but two major points are lore (and direction of it in the story) and characters.

The lore of the series is all weird due to what changed between WR and AC, but its also too surface level. its for kids, its probably why its not so expansive. but it does leave a lot of confusion to me and while i would have to spend much more time to fully “rebuild” the world, i will give some ideas on what i would see changed.

One, at least making it make sense all the way through. i think Acceleracers had the best ideas but it shouldve been expanded on in WR- WR barely touched on actual Acceleron lore. Overall i would like to see the Accelerons 100% remade from the ground up. i LOVE aliens and alien society but i feel all we know of them is they race. and thats its. and sadly AC wasnt seen through to where we may have seen a bit more. but they need to be redone, with lore also point to exactly why the drones woke up when they did, what their drive is, etc. Why is Gelorum the way she is too, very important lor aside from characters. I wouldnt want the series to become a huge Lore Dump but there are moments where they intended to drop lore and they just. dont really do that, at least not well. Imagining the series with more extensive lore would obviously see it being longer than what it is, which i think makes sense. in the end if i was to properly write out all lore it would be a huge rebuild of 1) the Accelerons as an alien society, in depth 2) the full origins of the Drones/Gelorums (how they ended up where they did, what makes them how they are now and 3) a more cohesive plotting of events that would lead to lore revealed. also developing what “Scrim” and “clyp” were, along with the actual depth of Silencerz and how far back they go has been on my mind a lot. scrim and clyp just vanish from lore but in my headcanon backstory for Gelorum, i mention how those things existed too. if anyone has more specific questions on lore tho i can answer those individually! its just a lot to go over lol.

The characters though, oh god where do i start. not gonna touch on every individual (feel free to ask about someone and how i would rewrite them/change them), but theres a lot i would want to see different.

Theres some good ideas in the series that are just not explored much, or the actions dont feel like they have impacts. And many characters have literally zero backstory to go off of... Everyone needs at least some kinda origin in mind, doesnt have to be said but knowing where they come from is one key detail that i think is nice to drop some times. characters referncing locations, where they went, etc... its little but its good to have. In the WR comics, most of these characters do have origins! but theyre completely forgotten in the movies it seems. it would have been cool it WR tied together some of these ‘really good drivers’ and maybe they were in the same races together or something. there are 35 people and none of them seem to know each other at least not in detail- other than Vert and Alec who are clearly friends. Kurt Wylde was written to have done some “illegal” modifications in a race, what is someone there knew him? what if it brought up tension/suspicions? Things like that, its all part of where they come from and its a shame the movies just dont connect them very well.

I think theres some specific characters i will give examples to ‘rewrtiting’ and most of it is AC focused!

Kurt & Markie..... i love them, really do! but after WR i just did not like where they went. i get it, kinda ironic for Markie to become such an opposite. buuuut it was a bit much to me. first off, i would actually expand on the “crime” and that would 100% change the outcome of the two. the period between WR and AC shouldve gone different and in turn, i think wouldve changed up MM and Teku completely! i want to imagine Kurt is trying to get away from bad habits after WR but, perhaps has a really good deal with someone who had also gotten him into illegal car part business in the past. he is tempted and ropes Markie in with the idea they could do so more secretly but are caught, and while Markie is nervous and young he spills all the beans, but none of that evidence goes to Kurt and he stays silent, managing to get out of it. However instead of Kurt going to Teku and Markie going to MM.... Kurt tries to join Teku in the idea of joining a less rowdy gang, but Vert believes full Kurt let his brother take all the blame- so they dont allow him in. He goes for MM, which takes him easily but this team’s energy really doesnt help him. In turn, Markie leaves jail and Vert is swift to allow Markie into Teku because theyre friends! and it helps keep Markie in a better place, not wanting to get back into bad stuff. The important thing is tho, this switch up wouldnt result in super harcore, asshole Kurt. i feel like instead, he would be in an awkward place of wanting to improve himself but MM’s rebellious attitude coaxes him into worse attitudes. AND... very much an oppurtunity for Gelorum to manipulate him once more, as the accelechargers are much more important to acquire, with multiple, we’d loop back again. in the end though! i could imagine the story would still bring in the same scenario- Markie gets taken by drones, Kurt saves him, they rekindle and Kurt also comes to realize he shouldnt give in to the ways he used to practice.

i think for AC, in order to find more interest in the characters, a switch up with the teams would be neat. Markie and Kur swapping was always on my mind, but i have thought about Teku!Taro. I think it would’ve been cool to throw in an background guy from WR into MM... like Harrison Lau. some more familiar faces would bring interesting dyanmics considering their backgrounds. and it think it wouldve fleshed out the teams a bit more in places they lacked.

Another thing i think is clear is there is lots of unexplored potential. Like dyanmics i express with Markie, characters like Lani, Karma, Tork, etc... oh there is so much i would add for them. Karma has a weird thing with being mentioned to look like Gelorum, and her prefectionism too but it was never touched on. What if it caused conflict? What if it made her question their morals? Or with Tork- i would honestly just rewrite how he tackles Tone’s death and the resolution, that whole thing in movie was weird and messy and made no sense to me imo. Lanu had something going for her but she felt so disconnected from the WR characters in AC, which is a shame! oh there are so many to go over lol. i hope to tackle some of these loose ends in the fics i have in mind but yeah... there is so much to say about changing these characters!!

#headcanon #theory #wr #acceleracers #hot wheels #tomiyeee

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 3 years

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Strangers Au: Order of Terra (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Magic was. . . A tricky business, like trying to take down a lion with nothing more than your bare hands. The slightest mistake and you'd be sent home in a wooden box.

Larion had been attuned with magic since a very young age, so he held no apprehension in terms of wielding it.

But now that he was an adult, he wanted to do something. The only magic he'd done up to that point seemed trivial at most, he wanted something. . . More.

"Hey nerd whatcha looking at!" Larion jumped slightly as he heard the voice of one of his very limited amounts of friends.

"Nothing, Remona," said Larion, smiling slightly.

"What're all these necklaces for?" Remona said, walking over to a set of eight necklaces on Larion's desk.

"And why should I tell you dear duchess?" Larion replied, smirking.

"Because if you do I'll give you a little kiss on the cheek," Remona said with a grin.

Larion stood still for a moment, blush creeping up on his face.

"Alright, I'm working on giving them different abilities to form a guard for the kingdom," Larion said with a grin.

"Oooohhhh! Magic jewelry! That's certainly gonna go well!" Remona said, expression still stuck on a manic grin.

"I have a plan to keep them out of the hands of those who may misuse them, which now that I think about it, you may be able to help with. . ." Larion said, voice quieting toward the end of the sentence.

"Oh could I?" Remona said, tilting her head so that the wild curls that made up her mane fell to the side.

"Theres one person in particular that can never come into possession of these objects, least of all the necklace of the spider, that one should be saved for emergencies only, not even I would dare to touch it," Larion replied.

"Its Romulus isnt it?" Remona said, rolling her eyes and letting out a small huff.

"My apologies for bringing him up so suddenly, but as he is very arrogant and power-hungry, I'll need someone to assist me in keeping the necklaces from him," Larion said as he clasped the necklace shaped as a unicorn around his neck.

"Ooohhh! Does that mean I get one!" Said Remona with a grin.

"Perhaps it would be for the best, I suppose you could pick one, just keep away from the spider and wolf," Larion said. Remona reached out quickly to snatch an octopus necklace form the table.

"So what'd they do?" Remona said as she twisted the necklace in her palm.

"Mine allows me to control stars, as well as communicate across all language barriers," Larion replied.

"Oooooohhh! Does that mean you can talk to the rat that lives in my hair!" Remona said excitedly, earning a bewildered look from Larion.

"I'm joking specs! Geez!" Remona said, giggling.

"Oh- of course-" Larion replied, blushing.

"So what's mine do?" Remona asked.

"Control oceans and sea creatures," Larion said, flinching as Remona emitted a loud shriek of what he hoped was excitement.

"Oh this is gonna be so cool! We can fight crime like superheroes and stuff! Crime couple!!!" Remona said, placing a kiss on Larion's forehead.

"Oh- well uh- there is- one other person I've already invited- another Uhm- mage- to- well-" Larion had wanted to explain the plans he had with another mage, but his train of thought seemed to have stopped.

"Oh so it's a group effort!" Remona said, looking over to the necklaces again "I guess I shouldve figured that out sooner-" she said with a laugh.

The two were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Remington, welcome!" Larion said, moving out of the way for the mage.

"Sorry I'm late babes, very important visitor from across the sea," said Remington, walking over to the table.

"Oh? Care to share with us?" Larion said quizzically as he walked over to the necklace table.

"Lady Viviana, daughter of some very famous witches, kinda fidgety, wears a lot of hoods," said Remington.

"Oh yes I've heard about her, perhaps I should invite her to join us?" Larion said.

"Oh she isnt magic, probably wouldnt care," Remington said with a shrug, picking up a fox necklace from the table.

"Ah, the fox necklace, power of sleep and disease," Larion said.

"Nah babes I just like it cuz its gray," said Remington, earning a laugh from Remona.

"Well if we're just color coding then why did I bother giving them individual abilities?-" Larion said, confused.

"Wait a minute! Lari it's perfect! If everythings color-coded that makes it so much easier!" Remona said excitedly.

"You- have a point Remona-" Larion said, holding a hand to his chin as he began to think.

The Order grew fairly quickly, as did the relationships within it, Larion and Remona got married fairly quickly to Jamillan, the fourth member. Remington and Larion had agreed to allow Remington's spouse, Emalei, to join under the order, and lastly was a baker named Pamela, wife of Lady Viviana, who's interest was primarily to protect her from a rising threat.

The threat in question, future king Romulus.

"Viviana hasnt been out in days because of him. . . He's threatened to lose down the bakery on multiple occasions, says it's because of health code violations, but I know the truth," Pamela said, voice sharp for someone so soft-looking.

"He tried to poison my wine when he came over! Only Jamillan is allowed to do that!" Remona said, draping herself across the aforementioned snakes lap.

They'd talked for a while, until the conversation was interrupted by a scream from outside.

"VIVIANA!" Pamela was the first to rush outside, only to witness Viviana locked in a fight with none other than Romulus himself, on horseback no less. And on Romulus' neck, the wolf necklace.

The order tried to chase after him, but it was no use, it was much to difficult to chase a horse on foot.

So instead they tried to formulate a plan and storm the castle.

And they would have been successful, had it not been for what awaited them in the throne room.

The King and Queen lay on their thrones, limp, slits in their necks, and Romulus lay across one of the two center chair.

And in the second chair, hands clutching the sides with such force her knuckles were turning white, eyes ablaze with a purple fire, and tied around her neck, the spider necklace.

Lady Viviana, or as Romulus thought of her, a weapon to be used against the order.

Larion wasnt sure what happened next, only that one second it was dark,and the next second hands that he wasnt moving were closed around Romulus' throat, and each of his friends leaving for different parts of the castle, their movements oddly robotic.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@that-peach-anon

@lazyboneslover

@baka-monarch

@extraintrovertedsilence

@lovelivingmydreams

@coffeeoverdosedshipper

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@itsnithbabey

@private-snippers

@0exterc0

@rich-flower-17

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

#cori writes #order of terra #strangers au #tw kidnapping #tw murder #tw major character death #tw death #tw abuse

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leafy-wings · 3 years

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How about Moonwatcher for the ask meme?

for this ask meme!

Sexuality Headcanon: i really want lesbian moonwatcher. bi moonwatcher would be fine also i suppose Gender Headcanon: trans gend A ship I have with said character: IDK i like moonwatcher x kinkajou just out of obligation to like gay people i think... i wish kinkajous nightwing based trauma was dealt with more, as ive said before i dont really think that relationships born of trauma are good so in that case i dont think that they should be together? but i just like. when they are happy and peppy and worried over each other but kinkajou gets moon out of her shell without judging her, and moons giddy enough she rides kinkajous energy. if anyone has any other wlw moon ships id love to hear them A BROTP I have with said character: i think.. moonwatcher and peril shouldve been friends more. like if peril got mind reading protection and they could bond over people thinking that theyre inherently evil due to their powers, but like. peril has more reason to be seen as dangerous idk. actually maybe they wouldnt mesh well i feel like peril would be like “(envious) theres no reason why people should be so afraid of you about equal as people are afraid of me, ms Fire Claws when all you can do is be anxious”. or like turtle more. i like that theyre anxious in the way that being around each other calms them down A NOTP I have with said character: i really dont like winter and moonwatcher. tui herself said that she was writing him as the bad boy cliche and yeah just like tui i dont think that the nice traumatized girl should stoop down and coddle someone who has never been nice to her. and like i know winter FEELS bad about what hes done but.. just.. moonwatcher is manipulated by darkstalker, basically gaslit by him, lied to constantly about what hes done and what hes doing. she DOESNT know what hes caused the plague and defends him because shes so desperate, shes been lonely her entire life until meeting darkstalker and with everyone being so mean to her still obviously shes terrified of losing the only true friend whos understood her and not been afraid of her powers. but winter screams at her and just never.. never apologizes. like winterwatcher supporters are like “moon shouldve coddled him while he was physically attacking his friend who was trying to help him! but no winter shouldnt have helped her even a bit while being horrifically manipulated by an older stronger and more powerful dragon. just let her deal with that herself.” i really think that wof gives too much credit to people who hate getting better and i am terrified of it influencing children into thinking that those around them should cater to them 24/7 and to extreme extents without offering anything in return because yes mental illness and trauma can ruin your attempts to get better but man. winter really doesnt try and moon tries FOR him. and winter doesnt really apologize to moon as far as i can tell, he goes to the war and then goes straight to sanctuary and they only meet again in tdg where they dont apologize IIRC. not like i hate winter, i wish he got better and got the help he deserved FROM THE RIGHT DRAGON, and the right dragon was not a heavily traumatized and isolated 4 year old who really doesnt know winter A random headcanon: i like imagining moon with cute simple jewelry! like string and beads kinda jewelry made by her friends, strung on her horns or little impromptu earrings and stuff. you can kinda tell who made what, like turtle gets her more expensive but simple jewelry (like a single silver band with one shining gemstone on it), kinkajou hand makes kitschy bead jewelry (like plur rave kinda shit <3), qibli likes making little decos like clay strawberry earrings, winter insists upon expensive jewelry but after moon refuses a bunch of time he starts making fake shiny things like glass beads jewelry. General Opinion over said character: i like moon! i know some people say shes annoying but, man.. i just like her, i sympathize w her as someone with psychosis, i love characters who think theyre in danger 24/7. she deserves way better, she got the usual “out of pov” treatment all main characters get where they become their one character trait as soon as the pov is off of them, and becomes boring and yes a bit annoying out of her perspective. i hate how thoroughly shes beat down throughout the books, she seriously just becomes a sponge for people to scream at and she never calls them out on it, just cringes. i think she has a lot of potential that was used well in book 6 but squandered.. and yeah i think its weird that such a powerful pov was given to the first book of the second arc, everythings way too revealing w moon and i hate how integral her stupid love triangle is to her character. i wish more people focused on her trauma, she was ENTIRELY alone until she was 4! imagine how awful she must be in social situations (tui just acts like she Gets it after four years all alone except for her mom? id love imagining her a bit too clingy, like shes used to physical attention from her mother and doesnt get that friends usually keep their distant, or only ever understanding nightwing terminology and NEVER having heard of other tribes idioms, imagine how absolutely different she must feel.. i know her book is about it but she gets over it REALLY easily as shes under pressure from darkstalker and scarlet). overall i think shed be better if she was given any breathing room but confined to the plot her character falls flat a bit.. i love her still! shes cute and sweet and i feel bad for her

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autisticangus · 3 years

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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

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subarashiet · 3 years

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lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

#personal rant #confession

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cosmicdream222 · 1 month

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but how can we access those other versions if we are just experiencing this one version? its kind of lame honestly like ik i could do better and shouldve tried harder at education but it isnt for me or this version of reality i dont belong or fit in like everythings about being someone you arent and even if theres songs telling you to love yourself be yourself society never truly accepts the real you cause its always telling women they should wear makeup then it tells women that they dont need makeup so which is it that we are to believe? its likr theres someone or something external that keeps telling folk how they should and shouldnt live what they can or cant do with their own damned lives. thats what i hate most about society that it seems to make it so complex that we cant truly be happy even if we want too and whats to say that id actually be happier in those other versions of reality?

i mightve done worse at something or not even remotely tried my best or had worse situations. with manifesting its always about having to have a goal and a desire but what if we have neither a goal nor a desire bc of the way things are in the world? like u see the wars going on and just think whats the point or you see people still struggling to get good pay and im like why bother myself? society doesnt make it easy to exist itself and it doesnt even acknowledge the real issues anyway so no ones accountable for the way things turned out to be. so we probs just keep seeing the same situations throughout different years and it doesnt really improve.

One again dude, none of that stuff matters! You gotta stop complaining about society. This is like an escape room, remember? It’s like you’re playing Resident Evil, complaining about how you hate zombies and how horrible it is. Of course it is, it’s programmed to be that way! If you don’t like it, play a different game!

The “how” of course is the tricky part. None of us were told how, and we’ve been programmed the opposite since birth. That’s part of the game, part of the puzzle of the escape room. We’re lucky now to have the internet and social media, so this information has been spreading faster than ever. But still, everyone is just shooting in the dark and creating methods based on their own personal experiences.

Really the only thing you need to do is know you can do it and intend to do it. People that learned how to shift as kids (or who have mastered it already) describe it as simple as that. The methods are just for convincing the human brain that tells us it’s not possible.

#reality shifting

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victorzsasz · 3 years

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big long rant under here just about Joel and things...

I was so close to reaching out again, I really think I should but I’m scared... I’m scared of what I’d do if it goes badly, like... I nearly killed myself twice over this, and idk... even with the support of my friend, I feel like I wont make it a third time.

It’s clear that theres a big miscommunication between us. I honestly thought he meant forever, he didnt mean temporarily like he claimed in his rant, he meant never talk about yakuza to him ever, and I extended that to all my previous and future and other hyperfixations. I honestly thought he wanted me to stop info dumping and sharing my opinions and love for whatever Im hyperfixated on.... almost like thats exactly what happened before with another group of friends that he knew about, and knew how much it hurt me and was triggering for me but whatever. He never communicated anything about how he was doing beyond maybe saying he was stressed, how was I supposed to know all the bad shit that was going on in his life if he wouldnt fuckin tell me?! riddle me that! I think he only mentioned one thing about something to do with his apartment app being sent to the wrong place or submitted wrong or something like that, and he mentioned how much the movers costed. I only found out about his family when he got mad at me about my hyperfixation stuff, and I respectfully really slowed down and calmed down and even made a completely separate thing just so I could respect him and the boundaries he set but ookkkaayyy.... Like yeah, I know I’m not the best at communicating either, but at least I tried... Also, he fuckin clearly knows nothing about hyperfixations and what they are, I tried explaining once but I’m not the best at language, but like... theyre not coping mechanisms, it has nothing to do with mental illness, I wasnt dumping my mental health on him or whatever. Hyperfixations are just something I do as someone (Im almost certain is but never got tested) on the autism spectrum. its part of my personality and always has been?? Its really only something I do to people I trust and feel comfortable with because well... it made me loose all my friends in the past so now Im very closed off about it. I also do it on the internet but thats different. I even 99% of the time restrained from talking about my TC hyperfixation because I just didnt think he was interested in that stuff and didnt want to hear about it and I didnt want to trigger him. Id tell him some small things sometimes if I just really wanted to tell someone about it, and id always make sure he was okay with me telling him about it before I told him.... Not that he ever really seemed to care about anything I told him... Also, hated how he acted like he himself isnt petty when like...the only way he couldve seen anything he talked about, hed have to go months through tweets or posts just to find anything.... alright... also hes done a fuckton of petty stuff, like yeah I can be petty at time but dont act like youre not or youre above it. Also, like the reblogs werent guilt trip things?? Im sorry I wanted to fuckin express my feelings on my own personal blog???? thats honestly how I felt because I have fuckin bad depression, and trauma??? especially when it comes to discussing my interests??? He was the only person I talked a lot to about my hyperfixations, and so like.... of course I felt isolated and alone and like I had no one to talk to, because he was the only one and he never shared the same amount of interest in it (because hes neurotypical) and I just felt like I was annoying him and he couldnt relate so even tho I was messaging him about it, I still felt alone and like I had no one to talk to about it that could relate or anything like that. I legit had one friend, of course I felt alone. I honestly would like to apologise about how sometimes Id say lame or nerd or something like that after youd share stuff you liked, they were always meant as jokes, and im sorry if they didnt always come off as them. I shouldve specified they were or said jk jk all the time or something like that. I guess my stupid brain just always thought you knew as well?? theyre not very funny jokes anyways, and Im sorry... not that theres anyway you can see this... i dont think? theres still a lot I feel and want to say, but this is long enough already and I want to play stardew valley and i know you wont see this so like... whats the point besides getting my personal venting out

#long post #tbh followers dont bother reading this its just me venting

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