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yourbelgianthings · 4 months

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posting my box of doom gift exchange fic for @wrenrix here too! it's a ravening war one, a short character study for all the scrumptious scoundrels based on a major arcana tarot for each of them, 2k words (also i've never done this b4 but i know she's pretty active on tumblr and i'm proud of this so shot in the dark here goes... @quiddie)

Amangeaux- The Empress The Empress represents femininity, fertility, and nurturing. Reversed, it indicates insecurity and an over-reliance on others. The day she told people they no longer needed to bother addressing her as "Lady", Amangeaux Epiceé du Peche finally felt free. She had been a queen as the wife of King Cardoon, and a lady afterwards as she hovered in between and attempted maneuvers to regain her former status, but there came a time when such things no longer mattered. What was a title in a world full of death and without trust in a time of war? To someone else, it was everything, but Amangeaux realized that she would rather develop her strength, both physical and mental. Since everyone was constantly making, breaking, and changing alliances, she needed too be able to stand and fight on her own, hopefully helping bring the war to an end sooner. It was hard to part ways to go with Karna when she decided to go to Ceresia. Although Karna was an adult now, Amangeaux was still older and more mature, and she knew no matter how much she cared for this young woman, those feelings would not be requited. So, they parted ways, and she became stronger, more independent, and more confident than ever before with the help of her family's old friend Gustavo Uvano. Uvano also promised to raise her baby son. It would be better for him to grow up not knowing he was born out of wedlock. When Amangeaux cradled the small grape in her arms before she left for the battle of Pangranos, kissing his forehead for the last time, tears dotted his blanket and her sleeves. In a perfect world, she would never pick up a sword again, and raise her son in peace until the end of her days. This was far from a perfect world though, almost the opposite, and she wanted him to have a chance at a better life. Her starfruit trotted off down the lane towards the final confrontation, towards the unknown, but certain danger. Queen Amangeaux would have been horrified by such a prospect, and while this new Amangeaux still felt fear, she knew she could hold her own against whatever was to come.

Colin- Justice Justice represents balance, integrity, and truth. Reversed, it has to do with denial and guilt. Colin Provolone, or rather, Sir Colin Provolone, had never intended to become a knight of the Bulbian Church. He hadn't even thought he would end up leaving Delissandro's side, but things were getting out of control and he needed to draw a line somewhere. The look in Deli's eyes as they ambushed the Candian delegation on the Glucian Road filled Colin with unease; he seemed much too enthusiastic about killing. Doing what you have to do is one thing, Colin knew that as he agonized over taking out the poor banana who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but Deli didn't have to kill that scared little fungi. So, it was time to part ways. It was war, and he didn't think he was in some kind of place to judge Deli or Karna or anyone else, he was just making his own choices about which way to go while he still could. If Raphaniel was a true believer, Colin would have felt bad about accepting the title of knight only to gain more power with which to maneuver, but it was the now-demoted archdeacon's idea, knowing full well Colin was barely even Bulbian. What kind of insanity-inducing rabbit hole the old man was down in his office filled with old papers and books and pages of scribbled notes Colin couldn't even begin to imagine, but he felt some sense of responsibility for him. Wasn't that the duty of a knight, to protect their patron? As he grew more adjusted to his life in this odd in-between period (the war was in a lull, but he had a feeling that wouldn't last long), his thoughts drifted to Deli less often, but it still happened sometimes. Colin held no ill will towards his old friend, he hoped he was getting things figured out and doing okay. The days mostly passed trying to keep an eye on Raphaniel and wondering what was to come. There was no rush for the FDA to call him and his comrades again, though. Fighting may have been the thing he was best at, but he also hated to do it. After all, there is no true justice in war.

Deli- Strength Strength represents bravery, confidence, and fortitude. Reversed, it can mean anger, fear, or jealousy. Walking away at the end of the war was the strongest thing Delissandro Katzon ever did. As he parted ways with Amangeaux and Colin after the death of their other companions, he criticized himself for having no desire to return to the other Meatlanders, or to anyone. Who did he have? Where would he go? His aggressive political maneuvering in the Meatlands years earlier had caused his own mother, the former chieftess Cleva Katzon, to leave. Karna was dead, Gemelli was dead but had betrayed him so it wouldn't matter either way, and Colin saved his life but they both knew their former separation stood as soon as they left the cave. So, Deli did all he could think to do: walking north with no particular destination in mind. He had been confident in every decision he had made before, and this one was no different. Perhaps he would see his mother again as he traversed some of the same paths, perhaps not; that wasn't why he was doing it. As his mind wandered throughout all the hours of solitude, the anger at Gemelli and Archbishop Cauliflower and the rest of the FDA faded away and was replaced by grief. Not for those he and his friends had killed, Senator Ariana Gemelli deserved it and the others, innocents like Queen Pamellia and Princess Sapphria, were the consequences of war, unfortunate as it was. Karna stayed in his thoughts day after day, though, looking back, Deli couldn't believe he had been so oblivious to how she felt and why she was supporting him. Although he hadn't made false promises to her like Gemelli had, he had broken her heart nonetheless, and she died before he could do anything about it. Yet, as Karna died, in pain both physically and emotionally, his face was the last thing her eyes ever saw. He felt that she was forgiving him, and this mystified him, but it was her last gift, so difficult as it was, it would be selfish to reject it. Karna had forgiven Deli, so Deli was going to forgive himself and try to move on. He would never know where he and Colin stood, but the fact that Colin saved his life escaping from the cave told him enough. Every step forward was a step towards living for himself, finally free from all the tangled concerns of politics and alliances in war.

Karna- Death Death means endings, transformation, and letting go. Reversed, it represents regrets and decay. Karna Solara really died when she made her pact with the Hungry One, or at least sealed her fate for a long death, a little bit every time she made a sacrifice. Her body slowly rotted away and she carved out pieces of it to continue receiving magic powers until there was almost nothing left for the garbage disposal to destroy by the time she fell into it. For her entire life, she was never herself, so to speak. Even when she wasn't undercover as another identity, the one she used for the longest being Ja'Cru Dite, she changed how she presented herself and acted to gain favor and get by. The Karna who traveled with Lady Amangeaux and Bishop Raphaniel was not the same one who would later take the title of Skald from Colin to fight by Deli's side, assassinating Princess Sapphria Rocks. However, all of these people were her friends. She kept some of them at a further distance than others, accepted or rejected their care and trust, but she considered them friends nonetheless. The widowed queen, an elderly bishop who would later be demoted, a warlord from the Meatlands, and a Dairy Islander who seemed like nobody but ended up becoming the warlord's right hand man and later a knight under the deacon: a motley crew if there ever was one. Some of them had known each other in smaller groups before, but on the whole, they were only brought together by circumstance. None of that mattered though, who they were, why they met- Karna was just glad she had once chance in her life to get close to people as herself, not as someone else or with an ulterior motive. When she was torn apart by Camille Cauliflower's cold, alien, metal blades in the cave, she wasn't scared. She had no regrets, which may seem surprising for someone who died so young, but there was nothing else she needed to do. Even the revelation that Deli had loved someone else didn't matter anymore. Of course it felt like her ribs might all break from her heart exploding when he and Senator Gemelli had that exchange, but deep down she knew that she would have done everything exactly the same by his side if there was another chance. Taking her last breath, Karna exhales and smiles. The clang of metal, the shouts and thuds, the heavy footsteps, everything fades away. It's time for her to let go.

Raphaniel- The Hermit The Hermit represents solitude, withdrawal, and seeking knowledge. Reversed, it denotes madness, isolation, and rejection. Newly-demoted Archdeacon Raphaniel Charlock barely left his office these days. He had never been a true believer in the Bulb, but he was more distant from the rest of the church than ever. Lady Amangeaux and Karna had gone their own ways, and Colin had ended up with him. Their dynamic had shifted, Raphaniel had spent the early part of their time together trying to figure out what Colin's deal was, and now he could sense Colin wondering what he spent his hours behind a locked door doing. Colin meant well and did his best to help take care of Raphaniel, which he appreciated, but nobody could reach him now. The paranoia-fueled spiral of frantic attempts to gain more knowledge and put together the pieces so he might finally be worthy to join the Architects constituted its own world. Only terrifying visions of spinning cold steel blades and the resulting viscera interrupted his focus. One night, exhausted and about to fall asleep with his head resting on his desk, the elderly radish thought back to how all this had started. Secrets, blackmail, mercenary assassinations- it was no wonder that everyone had reacted so differently and ended up wherever they were now. Raphaniel wondered if Lady Amangeaux ever suspected that the death of her beloved Cardoon was his doing. Either way, he didn't feel bad about it; he had spent his entire career in the church manipulating people and maneuvering things to his advantage. King Cardoon was just another pawn to him, but Lady Amangeaux was his friend, and he had a strange desire for her to know the truth. This was out of character for him, normally he did everything possible to conceal the truth from people. He wasn't so far gone yet as to want to tell her, but she was a smart woman, and he hoped she'd figure it out. With that thought, he drifted off into another night of fitful sleep and dreams of those cold, cold blades tearing on forever.

#message from mirph #mirph's manuscripts #the ravening war #dimension 20 #lady amangeaux epicee du peche #amangeaux epicee du peche #colin provolone #thane delissandro katzon #delissandro katzon #karna solara #raphaniel charlock #anjali bhimani #zac oyama #lou wilson #aabria iyengar #brennan lee mulligan #d20 fanfic #fanfic

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myloveforhergoeson · 8 months

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That's All She Wrote - Chapter 19

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Show: Big Time Rush

Pairing: James Diamond x Original Female Character

Chapter 19: No Sleep Till Brooklyn ~ 11k

Jo and Camille,

You’ll never believe who took my phone the first day of tour and refuses to give it back because “I have more important things to be focused on right now.”

I KNOW HE CHANGED MY LIFE BUT SOMETIMES I HATE GUSTAVO ROCQUE. And I’d never say I hate Kelly, but I am upset she let him do that… SOS!

Thanks to my expert negotiation skills, I’m allowed one call to my Dad per week - like this is some kind of prison or something - so I’m going to do my best to write letters to both of you in order to keep you updated.

While it took a long time for Gustavo, Kelly, and I to map out this tour path, I didn’t think about what it would mean to be crammed on a handful of buses with both the band and our musical accompaniment. Our lovely producer and talent scout get to take flights and stay in five-star hotels, but I’m okay to travel by bus. I’ve only been to Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California, so I’m excited to see the country this way. First stop - Orlando! In three days!

We booked three buses, one for the musical accompaniment (technically I’m one of them I suppose, but the boys say they hate road trips with Logan, so I just snuck onto the bus he’s on to keep him company), and two for the band. Each one has three tiny bunks, some couches, a full bathroom, most of a kitchen, and plenty of cabinet space for snacks, games, and anything we could possibly need. For now, I’m writing from the couch, sitting next to a napping Logan, and Carlos is up front making friends with the driver, Henrietta. The other bus is currently transporting Kendall and James.

Speaking of, after Gustavo told us the tour was back on after the concert when I came running to you two to tell you what had happened, James practically ran straight to 2-J to pack and hasn’t spoken to me since. I thought I had done everything right but I guess maybe he wasn’t actually into me after all. Maybe just the thrill of surviving a kidnapping?

“I lived through this so now I can kiss Roxy!”

Blegh.

Though, I suppose it might be a good thing… After thinking about it while I was packing I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, if that’s even something he’s interested in. Sure, I like him, but I think I still need some time to get over what Dak did to me. As much as I don’t enjoy thinking about it, they bare many similarities and that scares me a bit more than I’d like to admit.

Pop stars

Can be self-absorbed

‘Cuda extra strength hairspray

Pretty

I should probably quit while I’m ahead, but I guess I’m gonna learn my lesson if I keep playing with fire and then promptly getting burned.

All my love,

Roxy

***

Hey,

It was so humid in Orlando that it took me an extra hour to fix my hair before the show, but other than that, we had a lot of fun! I’m really proud of the show we put together and getting to perform for a new crowd all the way across the country was so surreal. There are people who know all the words to my songs, more than willing to scream them right in my face… If only that pesky boy band wasn’t in the way.

Just kidding!

Today, we’re heading to Mansfield, Massachusetts - one whole day on the bus and a show tomorrow. I’d look up some facts about the town to share but, you know, no phone or whatever. Warden Rocque hasn’t changed his mind even after the combination of pleading from the five of us…

Before the show in Orlando, I got to talk with the guys in the musical accompaniment band a bit more, they were super nice! Mick, the bass player, is pretty quiet and mostly hangs out with Gustavo and Kelly since they’re old friends, but Austin, the drummer, is our age and easy to get along with! He goes to a performance arts high school in Los Angeles called Hollywood Arts (Can you believe that’s a real thing?! A whole school just for acting, singing, and growing musical talent?!)

Austin and I have somewhat similar music taste, and his father taught him how to play the drums, just like my dad taught me how to play the guitar! We’re alike in many ways, and since 1/4 of Big Time Rush wants to ignore me right now, I think I’ll be spending more time with him…

It’s bad that I thought James might kiss me again at the show last night, right? I stood in the same spot side-stage, putting on the same lipstick and everything, but he and the band just ran past me on the way to the other side of the venue. I wonder if he told them what happened; everyone else is being normal to me.

Logan says he misses you so much, Camille! Quickly followed by a panicked statement, “Not that I don’t care about Jo, it’s just different!” Kendall joined us on the bus today, swapping out with Carlos, and said, “Tell Jo I vow to get my phone back so I can call her again,” and when I asked him why he didn’t write you letters too, he claimed that stamps were too expensive. Perhaps your boyfriend is both illiterate and broke, Jo, and for that I’m sorry.

See you soon, even if soon isn’t soon enough,

Roxy

***

Thought of you both today, and it made me so happy,

We just arrived in Agawam, Massachusetts, which is only two hours away from Mansfield, so we had a quick show turnaround for the day.

I never knew going on tour was so exhausting, it’s like I’m constantly running around the venues, checking our equipment, making sure the proper snacks are in the band’s green rooms, or seeing if the stage crew needs any help. We have two big eighteen-wheelers to carry all of our stage equipment… I can’t imagine being in charge of all that stuff - the stage manager is a saint!

This morning, Gustavo dragged us out of the bus around 6 am to get to a local radio station so the band could promote their show tonight live on the air. They even gave a pair of tickets away to a fan, it was so fun to watch and reminded me a bit of my radio days. I might call my old boss and ask her if BTR can get on Project Pop when we finish our tour in Duluth.

While the band was working out with our athletic trainer to keep in shape for the show this evening, I hung out with Austin a bit more. He was nice enough to show me his drum kit and I think I’m going to ask him to teach me how to play if we have some free time. It looks a lot more fun than the piano, plus I get to hit things. Drums are a crucial part of instrumental songwriting, and I could really use the knowledge of a seasoned drummer to help me learn.

James saw us together today when he made his way to the stage to warm up for the show, and I might be overexaggerating but I think he was a bit put off by it. I thought about talking to him about it, not that I need to ask if it's okay or justify who I hang out with, but I actually think he and Austin would get along really well if he could stand to be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes.

I think it should be illegal to kiss someone and then promptly ignore them. What if I wanted to kiss him again? And again? And again?

Anyway, I wish mail traveled fast enough that you two could send me replies and I’d be guaranteed to get them at the next venue. It feels a bit like I’m writing to a brick wall here, but it certainly keeps me occupied during our very rare downtime. The couch on this bus has become my unspoken spot (the bunks are too narrow and small for me to feel comfortable in them) and I need to do more than just sleep here, listen to my iPod, or write/play my guitar.

Until the next letter,

Rox

***

Hello!

Too many things happened today for me to record before the show, I’m writing you two a nice list as we drive away to our next stop.

James rode the bus with Logan and me today (a two-hour ride to Saratoga Springs, New York) and the two of them ignored me almost the entire time and just played their stupid video game on the TV. All I got was a “Hey, Rox, can we use the couch?” and some semblance of a thank you when I told him yes. Ugh. Is “Hey, Rox, remember when I kissed you last week? Wasn’t that so awesome? Wanna do it again?” too much for him now? It feels like I sucked all of his fun, flirty, carefree attitude straight out of his body.

I asked Austin if he could teach me how to play the drums and he said yes, as long as I helped him write a song for a fun summer project. Apparently, a good chunk of the kids at his school are songwriters too, how neat! If they write something like a short scene of a play, a song, or a musical composition and present it in the first few weeks of school, they get extra course credit. I wish the Palm Woods school had something like that - I’d be rocking straight A’s the entire year.

It was finally time for me to call my dad today, as per Warden Rocque’s direction, and he’s doing okay. Nothing ever changes with him, so I’m pretty at ease as we travel. Kelly let me put him on the guest list for the Duluth show, and even though I know he won’t really like our music, I think he’ll admire the production. He always wanted to tour around the country, and I hope showing him some backstage magic can help satisfy the teenage rocker he used to be. Maybe it’ll be a good time for him to meet Kendall, Logan, and Carlos too!

The band was recognized in public for the first time today while we were waiting in line for coffee! I’m not sure if the girl posted the photo I happily took of her and the boys to ScuttleButter, but I hope you two can find it so you can see their dazzling, shocked smiles. They were beyond ecstatic; Carlos spilled most of his drink from how hard his hands were shaking with adrenaline. Good thing he wasn’t wearing his concert outfit or Gustavo would’ve thrown a fit.

I was hoping to sneak away and take a train to New York City since we got here so early in the morning, but that is what happened instead. We’re playing Madison Square Garden near the end of the tour, so I’ll see the city then, but I’m worried I’ll be too tired and burnt out to enjoy it.

Warm wishes,

Roxy

***

Friends,

Sorry for the lack of letters these past few days! We’ve been so busy getting from New York to Oklahoma, we haven’t stopped anywhere with a mailbox I could easily find. You know what would make it easier for me to find a post office? Having my phone.

I’ve probably complained about that enough, right?

Over the course of this particular trip, I’ve been traveling with Logan and Carlos and I’m beginning to understand why the boys claim road trips with Logan are tough. He has a pretty strict expectation for cleanliness, which Carlos and I do not adhere to at all - but in helping clean up and placing things in their bunks to help put a rest to Logan’s anxiety this afternoon, I learned he has a picture of you, Camille, tapped to the top of his bunk. It’s been pretty well hidden by the curtain he keeps drawn, but I caught a glimpse of it this afternoon. So romantic!!! I imagine Kendall has something similar of you, Jo, but I’ll have to wait until he’s back in rotation with us to double-check.

I wonder if it’s exhausting for the other three to keep moving around, or if they prefer it that way. For me, I like knowing that Bus 1 is my bus… Having to haul all my stuff from one bus to another feels like an excellent way to lose some of my things.

Do you think if James and I were together he’d have a picture of me in his bunk? The thought of him falling asleep to dreams of me… Seems impossible. And exhausting to work for. If he’s going to be all hot and cold like this, I’m not sure I’d be able to take it, but on the other hand, it’s not like I’m communicating with him either because whenever I even try to bring up anything related to us at all, I freeze up and all the thoughts exit my brain before I can get a word out. Maybe we are made for each other after all since neither of us seems to want to get a word out… The pretty idiot and his idiot songwriter… Haha….

On a separate note, after the show in Tulsa tonight, the band, our bosses, and the musical accompaniment will be headed straight to the airport to catch a flight to Del Mar, California for our next show there in four days. Due to my flight aversion, I get to stay with the buses and gear and travel on the ground to meet them there. It will be interesting to see how I fare, considering I’ve been around the band 24/7 for the last two weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to work on some music distraction-free. I have a few works in progress, both about guys I really don’t want to think about, but once this tour cycle is over there’s no doubt we’re going to begin the process all over again for album 2.

Just paused writing this to pull out my journal and write “All Over Again” down on a blank page. That sounds like a wonderful song title.

Talk again soon,

Roxy

***

Guess what?

I was right about getting in some quality songwriting time. With the near silence of the bus, besides the intermittent strumming of my guitar and terrible singing of my own lyrics to the musical background track in my head, I think I’ve finally finished Til I Forget About You, even if the title isn’t all that accurate.

In fact, the title isn’t accurate in the slightest. In these last four days, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about Dak more. There’s been lots of frustrated yelling, crying, ripping and crumpling of pages of my journal on the floor… I don’t know how Taylor Swift makes writing break-up songs look so easy. She’s been who I pray to when I get stuck on a line or can’t figure out which chord I like better.

Between Gustavo’s and my affinity for pop music, when I write from the deep recesses of my heart, I find myself bringing out my rock roots. There’s nothing better than the feeling of guitar blasting from the speakers so loud you can feel it rattling around in your rib cage, filling up your ears and leaving them ringing for days on end, and that is the feeling I’ve been coasting on these few days…

It reminds me of my dad and I think that’s why it helps me feel better. Growing up on the heels of his time in the rock scene in Texas, then discovering the punk scene in Minnesota, he was always using his free time to replicate the sounds he’d hear at shows to play for me on his days off. He would tell me all the time that I was such a smiley, giggly kid, as long as his guitar was out - so the minute I was old enough to hold one in my hands he bought me one and taught me to play.

When I was finally old enough to go to shows with him, I always loved the contrast between our looks - my mainstream, bright-colored clothing straight out of TeenVogue and his old, beat-up black band t-shirts blending in with the dark ink on his forearms and even darker jeans and Doc Martins. Was a crowded basement in a random suburb miles away from our house, filled with drunk 20 to 30-somethings and a lineup of 7 different bands in one night really the safest place for a 13-year-old girl? Certainly not, but he always kept me safe and gave me a space to foster my own music taste just like he was afforded as a teenager.

Phew. That was a long-winded way of saying that I’m finally starting to find myself getting over the pain Dak caused me through my music, and I’m really lucky Big Time Rush has given me the space to explore this. Not that Til I Forget About You is an incredible, unmatched rock song - it is still very much a pop song, which I love just as much - but it is, for all intents and purposes, mine.

I miss both of you so much, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Roxy

***

Greetings,

One thing always seems to lead to another. In Del Mar, we finally had an actual, honest-to-God day of rest yesterday and the band asked if I wanted to go to the beach with them. Of course, I agreed, because it felt close to chilling by the Palm Woods pool, but once we got there I quickly learned that the trip everyone took without me brought Austin and the boys closer together. Which is fine, that’s what I wanted in the first place, but now, it feels like I’ve lost my touring buddy.

They spent the entire day surfing (where did these boys learn how to surf?), playing volleyball, and trying to pick up dates, and basically left me to my own devices to watch our stuff. I even wore my best bikini top (purple!) in hopes maybe, just maybe, it would bother James a bit, but I’m not sure he even noticed as he kept trying to play wingman for Carlos and Austin all day. I guess he decided no one on the beach was interesting enough to try and pick up.

Something I did notice, not that it matters at all, but Austin had a bit of trouble in the sun all day. Logan said that he was displaying symptoms of hypoglycemia, and he and I had to help Austin back to our stuff at one point after he nearly toppled over from how shaky his legs were. Eventually, we were able to get a few sodas in him, and he claimed to be right as rain, but it was pretty scary. I know it’s not right of me to ask him what I can do to help if he ever needed it because if he wanted me to share, he would have told me, but it was a bit hard not to take note of the small, off-white pod attached to his deep almond abdomen when he took his shirt off.

Typically, I’d just look it up in private to confirm my own thoughts, but I don’t get my phone for another few days. For now, though, or until he’s comfortable talking about it, I stopped into a corner store on the way back to our buses to grab some snacks that I think would help if his blood sugar were to drop unexpectedly again. Now I just pray nothing punctures the small juice boxes I put in a plastic bag or the hard fruit candies don’t spill out and stick to anything.

And on top of all of that, despite applying copious amounts of sunscreen, I managed to burn my legs. Goodbye shorts and skirts, hello pants I was saving for the colder climates. I tried to take a page out of Hayley Williams’ style book and go for shorts and fitted tees or crop tops as my go-to stage look - adding in jewelry, belts, tights, whatever to switch up my looks day to day, but now I guess I’ll be looking more like Gwen Stefani circa 1995 with my small shirts and big pants.

The show went off without a hitch and we’re off to Central Point, Oregon now, and hopefully once things get back to normal I can get my tour buddy back.

Rox

***

Girls!!!!

I know you’re both from the east coast, and I am obviously so Midwest, but there is just something about the crisp, Oregon air that makes me long for a different hometown. If I grew up here, beautiful Central Point, I think (in addition to being a major league hippie) I might have led a very different life. It’s strange to think about, and I’m incredibly grateful for my current life, but can you imagine if I was the owner of a quaint crystal shop on the edge of the evergreen forests of this state, or if I hand knit sweaters, tye-dying them all crazy, fun colors to sell to tourists. One pretty prominent radio station, Talk Radio Network, is based here, so maybe I’d still be Rockin’ Roxy out here too…

It’s a quiet town, however, not like Duluth or Los Angeles, and it’s pretty far from Portland. My dad always told me he wanted to visit there - apparently, they have a thriving music community in that town.

That’s all I have in the way of updates. After tonight’s show, we’re on our way back to California to the town of Turlock. Kelly, Gustavo, and I could have been a bit more coordinated when booking shows, but we were desperate enough to take whatever we could get, even if it meant extra travel time.

Extra travel time, however, means I have more time to think about the dumpster fire that is my love life as I am now trapped in a bus with James once again. Maybe he and Logan will play that stupid game again and leave me alone as I write.

Speaking of, here’s a few lines I’m working on. What do you think?

I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by,

Can’t even talk, ‘cause words don’t come into my mind,

I’d make a move if I had the guts to,

But I’m paralyzed

Best,

Roxy

***

Good morning, or evening, or whatever the appropriate time may be,

I’m so sorry I skipped out on letters these past few days, our show turnaround time has been insane, and I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my assistant-ly duties to the best of my ability - meaning I’ve had no time to myself in the last four days. Since I last wrote, we’ve been to Turlock, California, Costa Mesa, California, Kansas City, Missouri, and are presently pulling away from Harrington, Delaware.

A list of things of note for you:

In Turlock, Carlos ran over to me during the show and asked me if I wanted to sing. I said absolutely not and he ran off again. Then in Costa Mesa, he ran up to me during City is Ours and asked me to shout “There they are!” into his microphone after the “We pull up, open the door, all the girls scream-” line, while the rest of the band held theirs out to the crowd. They’re really taking this show and making it theirs, and it’s lovely to see. As I write this, Carlos just informed me I’ll be doing that every night with that big, goofy grin of his that makes it impossible for me to even think about saying no.

We did a radio show in each city, and the questions these interviewers come up with in order to be different from one another are just insane. Though, one of the hosts did ask them if they had anyone special waiting for them back home - it gave Logan a chance to stutter his way around the question (Camille… Make it official with him already!) and Kendall the opportunity to monologue about Jo for, like, five minutes. I would’ve recorded it had I had a device on hand capable of doing so (yeah I’m not done complaining). By the time he was done, the interview had nearly ended, so Carlos squeaked out “I have four special people!” and I think he meant the Jennifers and Stephanie (Is Stephanie back yet?). James (blegh!) said “Anyone willing to wait on me is special,” like the true teen idol he is. Any girl willing to wait on him… I pity her.

My drum lessons started in Kansas City after the band managed to rope Austin into a game of pickup while the buses were unloading. Who puts a basketball hoop outside of a music venue and expects anyone to get anything done? Regardless, it was a lot of fun and Austin is a pretty attentive teacher - far better than grouchy Gustavo when he was going over piano basics. There’s a lot I can learn from him! We also started writing his song, a fun, simple summer song about the beach and girls and whatnot… I’m excited to see this project through with him.

Gustavo and Kelly wrote a note on the daily itinerary sheets they give the band and I that we’re currently headed to Denver, Colorado, where we’ll have two days off from performing to do interviews, radio shows, news slots, the whole nine yards. Apparently, news outlets come to us, not the other way around, and they’re very excited to talk to America’s next top boy band. We’ll be doing a few live acoustic performances as well, meaning the guys and I, on camera, filmed for the whole world to see. Let’s hope I don’t mess up.

Miss you endlessly!

Roxy

***

Greetings from the Mile High City,

The press day, the boys claimed, was “hella exciting” and “beyond epic”... I’d describe it more like “waking nightmare” if anyone bothered to ask me. All they had to do was sit there, look pretty, answer some questions or play silly games, and sing. I, on the other hand, was lost in an endless pile of media release forms for every news outlet to approve, combing through the Gustavo pre-approved questions the interviewers were going to ask the boys, keeping their refreshments well stocked so they never ran out of water and choked on a dry throat when they went to answer questions… My work is never-ending!

Definitely one of the worst days on this tour for me, though, I wouldn’t choose it over having to go back and rewrite Til I Forget About You. Speaking of, in my previous letter I forgot to mention a particularly important line that I keep repeating to myself whenever I find my thoughts unpleasantly flickering to Dak… Or at this point, to James.

I found a place where I can lose myself,

And just leave your memory on the shelf,

See? I’m fine, no, I don’t need nobody else.

The punctuation is subject to change, but for now, I’m quite certain I don’t need anyone else in my life. I’m fine just being Roxy for a while… Even if my thoughts often turn into Roxy and James.

Not to toot my own horn, but the song is very good, and I can’t wait to record it once we get back from tour. I think that’ll be a good point to mark my “getting over it” progress.

Something I forgot to mention about these interviews, that I now realize as we pull away from the Denver venue and off to Eureka, Missouri, is I’m actually learning so much about the band by sitting and listening in. They almost never talk about their lives before Hollywood, because the four of them have (as I learned today) known each other since they were four years old. From first meeting at a Pee-Wee hockey league game all the way to playing varsity hockey at MAHS, they’ve been with each other almost their entire lives. Most of the interviewers ask really good, clear questions, that lead the boys down a path that gets them talking and reminiscing on themselves - something they rarely speak about when the others are around. Today (among other things) I also learned Carlos is fluent in Spanish, Logan was really into ventriloquy in middle school, Kendall is allergic to kiwi, and James is the heir to the Brooke Diamond Cosmetics company.

I should have put two and two together on the last one, he’s insanely beautiful and the last name “Diamond” isn’t exactly very common, but remembering what he’s told me about his mom and now knowing she’s Brooke Diamond?? The Este Lauder of the Midwest?? accounts for a lot of his behavior.

A few years ago, there was a big scandal that hit the front page of all the Duluth papers, news stations, radio waves, etc., claiming that BDC’s top model, and Brooke’s husband, Blake Diamond, was caught having an affair with a woman half his wife’s age. On top of that being insanely disgusting, it was in the news for weeks, announcing the Diamond divorce, explaining the court hearings and who got what, all leading up to Blake and his girlfriend eloping to Vegas and getting married the minute he and Brooke were officially split.

What does that do to a budding teenager? Chew them up and spit them out a completely new person. No wonder James never talks about his parents, or his home(s). The only time I learned something about his family was after the dance when he told me his mom made him break up with his boyfriend and when we were back in Minnesota he vaguely told me his parents were separated.

God, I cannot imagine what that must have/still feels like for him. Knowing that he had Kendall, Logan, and Carlos to help him through it makes me feel better, though.

I think, among other reasons, that might have been why he helped get us back to Hollywood a few days before the big concert. Either returning home to his successful mother as a failure or returning home to stay with a cheater and his new wife…

Phew. That was a long one. Every time I send one of these I can feel the two of you mentally cursing me for my wishy-washy gushy James feelings - trust me, it’s just as exhausting for me to think I’m fine alone one day, then want him so badly the next. Please bear with me while I figure this all out.

Wish you were here,

Roxy

***

Eureka!

Somewhere in the middle of Kansas, Kendall woke me up from my lazy couch nap to tell me he wants to learn how to play the guitar.

“That’s great,” I said. “I’d love to teach you, but all my guitars are strung left-handed.”

Bless his heart, he cocked his head and asked, “Why does that matter?”

“Well. I’m left-handed. You’re not. It’s a completely different learning process.”

“Do you know how many hockey players play left-handed, even though they’re right-hand dominant?”

Of course, I don’t. But, in the small second I had to think about it, I realized that there are plenty of famous guitar players that do that too… kind of. Many left-handed guitar players just learn right-handed because left-hand guitar equipment isn’t produced near as much or to the same quality and standards as right-handed equipment!

Thankfully, my dad is left-handed too, so he knew where to get the proper things in order for me to play when I was little, but it was I who took it upon myself to learn how to restring a guitar to fit my own needs. When I was 12, there was this beautiful oak wood acoustic in the local music shop, but it was strung right-handed. The owner didn’t know how to restring it (claiming no one had ever asked him to before, but I just think he was lazy), so I convinced my dad to buy it, a pack of new strings, and a tool kit, and I took it apart, then put everything back everything completely opposite - worked like a charm, until I sold it a few years later to get my electric acoustic.

In all, I’m excited to teach Kendall but I’ll have to find the time in between my assistant duties and my own drum lessons. The request was a bit out of the blue, however, and I wanted to ask him why, but he was too busy buzzing to Logan about it after I told him yes. Maybe he’s trying to learn a skill that will set him apart from the other band members.

After tonight’s show, we’ve got another one tomorrow before another press day, then a stretch of three more shows back to back. It’ll be tiring, but at least we’re having fun. Playing shows is rewarding beyond measure, and hard for me to put into words, but the connection the band has to their audience is unmatched. The way they can make thousands of people get up and dance, sing, let loose… It’s a beautiful sight - one I’m so lucky to be able to witness almost every night.

Maybe you can find some clips on SnoobTube,

Roxy

***

Girls, I’m running out of clever greetings,

I AM SO TIRED.

Columbus, Ohio, along with being a boring city in the world, also happened to be the same place our press day was taking place - meaning we were there for two days too long. Then, we had our three-day tour stint.

On day one, one of our eighteen-wheelers containing half of the stage set up was late. So, guess who, on top of making sure the boys were situated in their green rooms and had everything they requested, had to assist with tech setup I knew nothing about, got to run the soundcheck almost completely alone, and explain to Gustavo the boys had to go on a few minutes later than anticipated :)

On day two, I learned more about the boys. Maybe I’m being dumb and petty, but I think it’s a bit strange that much of my knowledge of them is now coming from these interviews - they’re sharing important things, that I think as their friend I should have the right to have known about beforehand. They know I’ve been struggling to get good at the piano for months now and guess who I learned has been playing all his life? James. Would it have killed him to maybe offer a helping hand? In addition, I found out Logan’s favorite food is toast. Just… plain toasted bread and butter… Kendall’s dream pet, apparently, is a goat because he misses the one we rented at the School of Rocque so much and Carlos doesn’t think Antarctica is real. I wish I could’ve stopped him before he said that during a live interview, but you win some, and you lose some. I was too busy handling all the paperwork and helping the next news outlet set up to get the interviews done as quickly as possible to get in his way.

On day three, we made it to Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a cute town that runs along a beautiful river I discovered on a walk in the morning. Sometimes being cooped up in a bus all night gets old, so when the boys work out in the morning, I wander as far as I think I can before Gustavo and Kelly realize I’m missing. The show that night was great, but Kendall ripped his pants jumping off one of my amps, and everyone in the first few rows got to see his underwear. I’m not sure he’ll be living that one down for a while.

On day four, we rolled into West Allis, Wisconsin around 6 am, where we were promptly escorted off the bus and into a local radio station, who called Gustavo the previous evening and practically begged for a Big Time Rush live acoustic performance. So, Mick and Austin got to sleep in, while I grabbed my acoustic guitar and drowsily followed the boys into the studio, languishing in the familiar smell of Lake Michigan - So close to Lake Superior back in Duluth! We performed three songs, Big Time Rush, Stuck (of course…), and Any Kind of Guy acoustic. Honestly, my stage skills are getting better with each performance, and I think it’s because the guys make me feel so relaxed when we play together. Whenever I performed with Brand New Day, I was always trying too hard to impress Dani, and more importantly, Mag, so playing always took a ton of effort. But with Big Time Rush, I feel so at ease, and I’m able to let loose and have fun. The only thing that caught me off guard today was James derailing the interview before Stuck to dedicate it to “Any girl who feels like they’re invisible… Don’t worry, I see you.”

Dedicating a song you didn’t even write to a person it’s not even about? Barf. Those words keep rattling around in my brain and I wish I could kick them straight out, but I’ve been dwelling on them for days.

On day five, we took a ferry (!!) to Midland, Michigan, while our eighteen-wheelers had to take the long way around, through Illinois and Indiana. Since our stage equipment didn’t arrive until the later part of the day, I pulled out two of my guitars stored away in Bus 1 in order to give Kendall his first lesson at the venue. Since Carlos bunked with Logan and me the night before, the boys decided to switch buses for a few hours, which meant I had to deal with an insane amount of James' side eye as he went about making his breakfast in the small kitchen.

If he’s got a problem with me hanging around my friends, he’s no better than Dak and I’m certainly not going through that again. He kisses me a few times and now thinks he has some weird possessive thing over me? Absolutely not. I’m just so done with him, I don’t understand how just a month and a half ago we shared a journey that literally altered the course of our lives, and now, here he is, acting as though it meant nothing to him.

Maybe I need to get out of the celebrity dating pool - if this tour has taught me anything it certainly is the fact that all my friends are famous and I am not.

Yeah. What a downer of a letter this turned into,

Roxy

***

Send lots of caffeine and my giant stuffy puppy to Fairlea, West Virginia, please!

I’m too exhausted to write out a better greeting, so this letter begins with the truth. There were many times over the last three days I sat down to write this, but every day I ended up falling asleep in the middle. Last night, Logan had to physically remove the pen from my hand while I slept as I was apparently in danger of poking my eye out.

In three days we’ve been to Hamburg, New York, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Peru, Illinois. Another day without seeing the Big Apple, another day in a big city that makes me miss Los Angeles, and another day in a city where if the name and state weren’t written down on our call sheets I might be so tiredly deluded I think we’re in a different country.

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James are natural-born performers. I, on the other hand, am starting to believe that I may not be cut from a similar cloth. Something inside of them keeps them on the go, go, go, and I would love to know just what it is that makes them tick. The only thing keeping me motivated right now is getting to hear the crowd sing along to my songs every single night. It sounds a bit cheesy to write out, but it’s true! To know all of our hard work writing, recording, and rehearsing, is paying off and reaching corners of the U.S. we didn’t even know existed! And that people are buying our album… So I’ll have a nice cushion of a retirement plan when I’m older…

That, and my lessons of course! Austin has been so cool about helping me learn the drums, and I think I’m getting pretty good even though I’ve only had a few moments of practice. That, and we even had enough time to work on our song more, which is surprisingly almost complete… That boy can write! My goal is to write a drum section for one of my songs all by myself. Normally, Gustavo is able to take my lyrics and guitar melodies and write in drums, bass, piano, or whatever else we think is necessary to execute our grand vision, so for once, I’d like to fill in a new instrument and save him some time which would probably also equate to saving him some time yelling at our other band members.

Guitar lessons with Kendall have been going well too, though I’m not sure he’s very fond of me as a teacher. I’ve struggled to put together little exercises for him to practice because I barely remember learning guitar myself. Maybe I can talk to my dad about it on our next call.

Oh! And Carlos and I invented a game today!

We call it Honk Bonk, and you play it exactly how it sounds. Any time a car in traffic honks, you bonk the closest person on the head with something near you. My weapon of choice, of course, is my journal, and the boys are already used to bonking from that, though someone did honk during Kendall’s lesson today… I was tempted but alas, he needs to stay pretty so he can date my best friend. And sell more albums.

I hope you’re both well, I can’t wait to get back home to see you,

Roxy

***

Panicking! I spent all of today panicking!

This morning, Logan and Kendall shook me awake around 3 am to tell me that it was James’ birthday. TODAY.

I had a few thoughts on this. 1. Why didn’t any of the band mention this until we were three hours into the day? 2. Where the hell am I supposed to get party supplies on a moving bus rolling into Fairlea, West Virginia? 3. How am I going to survive an entire day centered around the guy I’m doing my very best not to think about? 4. Is James mature enough to be the first of us to turn seventeen?

Thank God James was on the other bus because if he had heard the ideas Logan, Kendall, and I had in order to surprise James the minute we stopped at the next venue…

Here was what we came up with:

If you cut up little pieces of colored paper, it kinda looks like confetti. The colored paper in question? Three of the front and back covers of books Logan had brought and finished in the first part of the tour. Kendall had to physically restrain him as I did this.

I’m a songwriter - when in a pinch, write a song. The three of us quickly devised a little spin on the traditional happy birthday song to surprise James with on stage later that blends into the traditional song everyone knows. Hopefully, an entire stadium of people singing to him is a good enough gift.

We can take old tour itineraries from the previous towns, a Sharpie, and some of the bungee chords holding our equipment down during travel to make a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES banner.

The bus was stocked with enough items to make Oreo Fluff salad, thanks to the miracle that is pudding cups, but not a real cake… He seemed to enjoy it when he came to tell me we were going back to L.A. after a few hours in Duluth. I don’t have any green food coloring, however, so it was boring black and white.

A sub point - around 6 am I begged the bus driver, Henrietta, to let me use her phone and call a Fairlea local bakery and express order a cake to bring out on stage. I also managed to call the venue and ask them to pick up some cupcakes to be waiting in the green room when we arrived and put up any party supplies they had on hand.

It was exhausting, like most things on this tour I guess, but once we rolled into town everything had been squared away, our efforts were well worth it.

Did you know that when James smiles, like really smiles, he has the most adorable dimples that carve right into his cheeks?

A smile that makes me breathless. A smile that remained on his face all day as we surprised him with our homemade banner, confetti, and treats. A smile plastered on his face the entire show, especially when we surprised him with our song, cake, and the entire crowd sang him happy birthday.

When the show ended, the band freshened up and went to meet some fans out by the front of the venue, and I had to run back into the bus and record my journal entry and write this letter, as I currently am before they came back.

My journal entry contained the word “James” like 40 times.

GOD! He ignores me almost all of the tour, speaking to me only about the essentials or whatever's going on around us on our days off, I finally decide he isn’t into me and I should just chill out for a bit, and now I’m suddenly all about him again. Maybe it’s just because I’m around him literally every day… Maybe it’s because I felt a hint of (healthy! Definitely healthy!) jealousy when he looked at everyone singing to him on stage and in the crowd except for me… Ugh.

We’re on for another multi-day stretch of shows, so please forgive me for fewer letters as the days go on,

Roxy

***

Look I know I said I’d be sending fewer letters but I NEED to tell you guys this.

After arriving in Farmingville, New York, around 9ish in the morning, I was abruptly awoken to the sound of Gustavo yelling at the band about who knows what. Apparently, this pissed them off so much they came storming onto my bus, told me to get ready as fast as I could, and thirty minutes later we were sneaking out of the venue and into a taxi that drove us right into the heart of Manhattan.

We messed around the city for the ENTIRE DAY and Gustavo had no way of finding us since he had our phones. Finally, we got to be the tourists instead of the attraction, before getting back to the venue before the show started.

Once the taxi dropped us off right outside of Time Square, Logan had the brilliant idea for each of us to pick one thing we wanted to do, and do our best to complete them before the end of the day. The list is as follows:

Kendall wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building

Logan wanted to visit the Morgan Library

Carlos wanted to see Spider-Man

James (after loudly complaining we couldn’t see something on Broadway) wanted to take a sightseeing cruise around the bay to see the Statue of Liberty

I wanted to see the musical instrument display at the MET and I convinced everyone to join me for a lunch picnic in Central Park.

Today was literally perfect, though I did feel a bit bad about leaving Austin and Mick back at the venue to run the soundcheck without me.

Besides admiring the thousands of advertisements roving around the Square, the first thing we did was hit the Morgan Library. The architecture was just breathtaking and it was amazing to see the carefully curated collection of historical documents. They even had musical manuscripts and printed forms of music from nearly one hundred years ago… I wonder how a boy band in 1909 would look… Or if my journals will be on display in 2109… Scary!

Not as scary as the top of the Empire State Building, though!

It was so cold and windy up there, even in the middle of the summer. I practically had to cling to Carlos’ arm to feel even a little bit stable, but of course, he wanted to get right up to the very edge of the building and look straight down. Kendall and Logan wanted to join him (one to spit off the edge and the other to try and calculate how far away the second tallest building in NY was) so I got passed off to James. Would it have killed him to put his arm around me and tell me it would be alright? Jesus. He just stood there, silently looking off into the distance while I clutched at his arm. Message received: He isn’t into me.

The rest of the day was fun and I wanted to write more but now I’m a bit sad after writing that. All I really want to do is go to bed now; I’ll tell you about it when we meet again, I guess.

Roxy

***

Daddy,

Tour is hard. So hard. And I feel so stupid for thinking that I was cut out for this kind of thing. Songwriters are for the studio, not the stage. I’ve spent so much time around the guys I’m starting to go crazy. You and I always talked about traveling if we had the money, and let me tell you one day per city is hardly enough to even say that I’ve been here. It’s not cross-country exploration if I haven’t explored five minutes past the closest coffee shop because I can barely keep my eyes open without caffeine.

I’m constantly tired. My back hurts from sleeping on the couch. My fingers are so sore. My eyes are dry from the incessant spotlight lighting us up for thousands of people every night. The next person to ask me for something might get their head bitten off if they don’t say “please?”

Just because I’m an assistant doesn’t mean I get to be walked all over.

The applause is nice though, hearing everyone sing along to my songs even in parts of the country I’ve never even heard of… Maybe that’s enough to get me to Duluth.

I can’t wait to see you. Sorry for the depressing letter, I’m having a hard time being away from both of my homes.

Promise you’ll listen to the setlist before you see us?

I hope I’m making you proud,

Roxanne

***

Hi.

The shows in Lima, Ohio, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota were great. Our friends are just so talented. It was hard being so close to Duluth, and I invited my dad to the show last minute, but he wasn’t able to make it.

We’re driving to Essex, Vermont now - 13 hours into a 20-hour journey.

The weather out here has been awful, it’s been thunder storming nonstop, so we haven’t been making as many stops as we usually have. Just my luck I’m stuck with Logan and James, and I’ve been writing a song all day.

It’s a song for James’ invisible girls… More accurately, a song full of words I wish he would say to me.

Am I out of mind, or just invisible?

Anyway. It’s been extra hard to write because the two of them were sitting less than three feet away from me the entire time. They’re both so nosey, consciously or not and kept looking over at me. I could tell they wanted to ask me about it, but at least they were respectful enough not to.

It’s got a really beautiful guitar melody, but I’d love to get my hands on my keyboard back home because I have a cool idea for a backing track… Never thought I’d be excited to play the piano but here I am, itching to play it thousands of miles from home.

We play Boston, Massachusetts in a few days, and the boys kept talking about wanting to hit up a pizza place in the city that they visited during one of their hockey tournaments a few years ago. At this point, I’m just trying to get through the next 7 hours. That’s when we get to the next venue, though we have to take a day off from the show tomorrow. Not only is it Carlos’ birthday, but it’s the day of Hawk and Rebecca’s trial. Sweet, sweet seventeen spent reminiscing one of the worst moments of our entire lives. Whoo whoo.

In other depressing news, after coming to the realization that I like James, but he doesn’t like me, it’s been extra hard to be around him. Mostly I just hang out with Austin and beat out my frustration on his drum kit… The last 13 hours have been like hell. Every time James smiles, it makes me want to. His laugh rings in my ears, sending a jolt straight through my heart. Whenever he gets up to walk by me, it takes everything in me not to stare as he moves about the bus.

It’s exhausting… Having a crush on someone is supposed to be fun. I’m supposed to feel like I’m walking on air, and glow, and sparkle, and shine. Instead, I feel like shit.

Truly, I guess I don’t really know him like I thought I did. What happened to the always flirty, unserious, loverboy who took me on a date our first month in Los Angeles?

I think I blew my chance with him once I met Dak, and I think I hate myself for it.

Exhausted and missing home,

Roxy

***

Happy birthday, happy trial day,

I hope you’ll be pleased to know that Hawk and Rebecca will be going away for a long time. We tried to celebrate Carlos’ birthday with cupcakes at the venue, but no one had an appetite after our Skype trial. To try and lighten the mood, I played a few songs he showed me at the beginning of the tour on my guitar, but I could tell as he absently sang along it wasn’t really helping.

Though, in other news that I shouldn’t be happy about, James spoke to me today unprompted and asked if I was okay after my testimony. Apparently, I was speaking quite shakily… Which, yeah. I was fucking kidnapped and asked to recount it in front of a room full of people I don’t know, of course, I was shaky. But at least he was thinking about me.

Maybe he needs signs or cues or reasons to act or something… Weirdo.

Anyway, we’ll bring a cake out for Carlos during the show tomorrow and have the crowd sing for him. Hopefully, he’s in better spirits tomorrow.

This was a weird letter, I know. Life’s weird recently, but thanks for reading. Miss you two.

Roxy.

***

Carlos fucking Garcia has been reading my mail. I’m convinced of it! Because tonight, when the band did the little introduction of their musical accompaniment, Carlos introduced me, walked right up to me, planted to sweetest, wettest, loudest kiss onto my cheek, and told me he loved me in front of the whole crowd.

When I told him I loved him back, we got some “awwws” (mostly “boooos” that I’m choosing to ignore) and continued the show.

Then.

When the show ended.

James grabbed my hand, dragged me off towards the back door of the venue, onto some side street alley where we couldn’t hear the crowds of people leaving the show anymore, and asked me if I wanted to make out.

A reason to act! Carlos telling thousands of people he loved me was a reason to act!

So.

We made out in a dirty, smelly alley and I think it was the best night of my entire life… Besides the five seconds I’m pretty sure a rat touched my foot.

There is hope yet,

Roxy

P.S.

When I got back to the bus I was buzzing so bad I told Logan everything. That I liked James, that we kissed, that we kissed some more, that I think about him all the time, that I’ve written one and a half songs about him already.

I’m in so deep at this point… And all Logan did was grin at me - stupid, dumb grin - and say “Finally,” before heading off to his bunk to sleep.

Camille, I hate your almost-boyfriend and I’m drawing all over his face in Sharpie tonight.

***

Oops,

Not to leave you two on a cliffhanger but the last month of tour has been so insane I haven’t even had a minute to myself to write (letters or otherwise), think, or even just take a breather in a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere.

The rockstar lifestyle is hard to get used to… Hopefully, we budget more off days for future tours or I might go crazy.

To answer the question I know is on your minds: No. Nothing else happened with me and James, though he does actually sit down and talk to me now (even if it’s mostly work-related, I’ll take it). We toured all throughout most of the other states in the country, I’d write them all here but I lost track after Boston if I’m being honest. Though I do know that at one point we were in Phoenix, Arizona and Kendall accidentally said “Hello, Las Vegas!” to the entire stadium.

MSG was insane. Best venue I’ve ever been to, the best crowd we’ve ever had, and the second-best night of my life.

As I write to you now, we’re about to play our last show in Duluth, Minnesota, before our three-day journey home. I’ve got a bunch of silly string to prank the boys with on stage during their solo sets… They won’t even know what hit them!

My dad finally got to meet the guys, though I’m not sure he liked any of them but he was kind enough - but what father would like the four boys his daughter is best friends with? I have no idea why he keeps calling James “Jay” but whatever. After the show ended I snuck him out of the venue and showed him our buses, and trucks for stage set up, and let him meet Mick and Austin as well - Austin even performed his song for my dad… His first audience member!

Safe to say, he loved Austin’s number, but how he felt about everything else, he didn’t share on his face like normal. I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering how my father feels at this point in my life, but he kept his expressions at bay as we walked around everything we had waiting for us outside. I hope it didn’t put him off or something, considering I know that being a musician was his dream, too. What he did say was: “You shared this bus with two boys?” and “Which guitars are you using, Honey Bun? You deserve only the best.”

Dads.

I also got to meet Logan and Carlos’ families! (Minus James’... I felt really bad for him that his parents weren’t there…) Logan’s moms were so sweet - overly doting on him, fixing up his outfit, practically smothering him with health facts and tips. I think one of his moms is a realtor, while the other is a doctor, which would explain Logan’s want to be a doctor himself. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s a pediatrician. She gave off the vibe she’d be amazing with kids. It must have been so wonderful to grow up in that household :)

Since I’d already met Carlos’ dad, Mr. Garcia was kind enough to introduce me to his wife and three daughters. Genetics work in mysterious ways, blessing each of the Garcia children with the same dark hair and alluring eyes. It was hard to tell sisters Maria, Lupe, and Alena apart, but after talking to them a bit I was able to find some differences. They all followed me on ScuttleButter, so maybe we’ll talk more in the future. I loved getting to know them! Mrs. Garcia and her son also share a lot of the same mannerisms - they’re both curious, caring, and just a bit ADHD. The two of them spent most of their time together with the girls, pointing out different things about the venue, sharing stories from their time away from each other, and the coolest part was their switching back and forth from English to Spanish depending on if they wanted their conversations to be overheard or not.

At one point I think they were talking about me (and James) but I can’t be sure. Maybe if I’d taken Spanish in school instead of French my freshman year…

I wish Mrs. Knight had been there, but Kendall and James kept themselves occupied by talking sports with my dad. For a bit, Dad and Kendall talked about guitars after mentioning that I was teaching him how to play, leaving James out of the loop, so I went over and struck up a conversation with him.

Normal. That’s what we are - or more accurately what our relationship is - though, I think he looks at me a bit differently now. There’s no evidence to that last statement, I just feel his eyes on me sometimes and it makes my chest flutter. I much prefer being friends (who made out) that are able to be around each other, than whatever his weird, “ignore Roxy” game was.

The show’s in 10, so we need to start walking to the stage!

I loved writing to you two, but I can’t wait to get back to talking face-to-face. I’m in dire need of a girl’s night.

See you soon (for real this time),

Roxy <3

A little change of pace before season two! Thanks for reading :) Support for this story has been overwhelming!

Since school is starting back up, I'm going to be switching back to posting every two weeks instead of every week. <3

Season two starts September 5th, but I'll do my best to post little one-shots and such on my tumblr, so check over there every once and a while :)

#thats all she wrote fic #big time rush #btr #james diamond #james maslow #kendall knight #kendall schmidt #logan mitchell #logan henderson #carlos garcia #carlos penavega

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pull-me-deep · 2 years

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ALLY MET BIG TIME RUSH

it was something my 14-year-old me dreamed of when i created this blog like 10 years ago.

after falling in love with them again and their reunion i was lucky enough to get tickets for the show in new york!!

and i was insane enough to fly from germany to new york on my own for this.

here is how it went:

after meeting my international twitter besties we went to the pop up store they did for their merch on Friday. it was very fucking chaotic and BTR ended up walking down the line to meet everyone instead of sitting inside the store.

That's when this iconic moment happened:

yup that's Logan and me having an intense moment of eye contact. I was wearing his merchandise and he noticed that what lead him to stop a second and touch my shoulder (with the hand tat hand i am obsessed with) and he asked me if I was okay. I somehow managed to tell him I was okay in a very high pitched voice I've never heard myself in but in the whole video you can see me losing my shit right after he walked away lmao. 11/10 experience. Also btw their manager took so many videos of the line and everything and Carlos had his Vlogging Camera with him and filmed us we are waiting for that Vlog!!

On the same day we went to Stephen Glickman's aka Gustavo's show and it was....something. After us losing it over him singing the climb from Miley Cyrus and singing multiple other songs and he dedicated Worldwide to Morgan/our whole table. Victoria took a video of us laughing and singing and posted it on Instagram, later stephen reposted that video to all his socials so we are famous now lmao.

ANYWAYS it was finally Saturday, concert day. Simmi and my hotel room was on the 25th floor right above the back entry/artist entry of the venue BTR would play in so it was fun to see the truck and everything through the whole day. After getting inside for the VIP thing I noticed that there are only 3 stools on stage, a lil later their manager came up and explained to us that Kendall tested positive for Covid but luckily the other 3 guys didn't and Kendall is fine. Was a bummer and I missed Kendall but spoiler: Logan, James, and Carlos KILLED it on stage, I couldn't be any more proud.

After I almost died from excitement in line this finally happened:

they were literally the sweetest human and I had the best experience with them. I was really nervous (still proud of myself that I managed to properly talk to them since english isn't even my first language lol) which they noticed but they tried to comfort me a little. When i said I came from Germany for this they were so happy and James asked me like 3 times which city exactly i am from and trust me I was never happier about someone saying "Osnabruck" lmao. Logan then complimented me once again about the hoodie i wore (his merch, once again lol), he remembered me from the day before which was really cute. For the picture I had to ask Carlos if I could be next to Logan please and of cause he moved but then he was like "you know what I love you James" and then they hugged extra tight LOOK AT THEM. At the end they all told me "i love you" in german and I almost died walking out. I managed to tell Logan that I think his hand tattoo is cool asf so my username on twt "loganhandertat" is well deserved at this point lmao.

After that they made a soundcheck, did some acoustic songs and answered a few questions. We were in the 2nd/3rd row right in the middle and it was such an unreal experience.

My GA ticket was for balcony 2 but after the VIP experience ended no one cared about getting us in the right places so just kept our places lol. For the concert many people from the balconies went to the floor bc no security checked anything and all floors were connected with like 10 stairs so lol.

We experienced the whole concert from the 2nd/3rd row, the boys looked at us multiple times and I'm not lying if I say that I had the time of my life.

I already "spoilered" this at the beginning of this post, but these 3 guys KILLED IT on stage it was such a good show!!

also yes this is my pic it kinda got stolen multiple times so uhh lol.

I made a youtube playlist with all my concert videos in case you're still reading this you might be interested lol

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPZYzgkxQ0JvoSE0CAwBonQj4H6mHfOCf

My personal year 2021 was one of the worst years in my life, that's why I kinda treated myself at the end of this year with this trip to New York. Honestly, it saved my whole fucking year. I met the best people in NY and had a BLAST, I'll def be back in 2022 ♥

It's really crazy that Big Time Rush was my comfort place when I went through hell and back in puberty and in this shitty year for me they came back and cheered me up once again. I'm so happy about their reunion and them basically saying fuck you nickelodeon and doing what they want in a much more mature way. Incredibly thankful for being a part of this and all the friends I met this year.

The best is yet to come!

#ally talks #me #personal #concert #concert experience #new york #big time rush new york #nyc #ny #big time rush reunion #reunion #ally #selfie #pic #my post #btr #btr 2021

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sprinkle-jay · 4 years

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the unfallen

I... may have written another sad thing but for ACoC this time... (also on AO3)

When the war is finally over and won, when everything is over and comes to a halt, the kingdom of Candia mourns for the fallen princesses. Amethar feels numbed by shock and grief, something in his brain is screaming and crying out in pain but he can’t let it show, there’s something stopping the tears. And that same something in his brain starts whispering to him, reminding him that he’s heir now, and something about that stings the most. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

A crown is placed on Amethar’s head as a crowd cheers around him, but only one thought echoes in his mind because his sisters are gone and he was never supposed to rule. He marries Caramelinda of House Meringue, puts his past marriage out of his mind because he needs to rule now, tries to figure out what he’s supposed to do because he’s not cut out for this, not prepared in the slightest. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

He watches his daughters grow up, teaches them tricks and how to sneak out, feels a pang every time because Sapphria was always like that and his sisters would have been so proud. He goes to the statues often, talks to them like their ghosts could hear him, tells them what’s happening in the castle and in his life, treats them as though they were alive. And it hurts him every time when he leaves, when he remembers that they’re cold statues, that they’re all dead and gone. Everytime he sees them, he thinks of how much better they would be at leading than him and he feels a pang of sorrow and guilt. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

Caramelinda lectures Amethar often about the twins’ tricks, Theobald’s frustration with the girls’ exploits are clear, Lapin is always annoyed with them, but he doesn’t want to stop them at all. It makes them happy, reminds him of his own childhood, reminds him how quickly happiness and innocence can be torn away. Payment Day reminds him of everything he’s lost, the things he never wants his daughters to go through. He wants them to be happy, wants them to live a happy life. And he knows that Jet doesn’t want to be queen and he wishes it didn’t resonate so much with him. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

A letter arrives from Gustavo and with it comes the mocking reminder that he never learned how to read. The letter feels even more like a slap in the face. Gustavo is dying and going to pick his successor and Amethar doesn’t want this but he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. It hurts him to know that he’ll be given more power when he doesn’t even want the power he already has. He doesn’t want to be emperor, he doesn’t want the responsibility. He doesn’t deserve it either. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

They’re attacked on the road to Comida, Ruby collapsing with an arrow through her neck as another arrow thuds into her fallen body. And Amethar sees red. Somewhere in the back of his mind is the reminder of finding Rococoa’s body after Pangranos. Somewhere in the back of his mind is the reminder of Lazuli’s uncharacteristic sacrifice, her death. Somewhere in the back of his mind is the reminder of Citrina’s death, her own sacrifice. And somewhere in the back of his mind is the reminder of hearing the news of Sapphria’s death. Amethar cannot go through more loss. And when Theobald takes an arrow for him, when Lapin dedicates so much to healing him, he’s painfully reminded of his status. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

The conversation with Manta Ray Jack at the banquet reminds him of the mistakes he made before the war, the mistakes he was never able to fix. And he doesn’t know if they’ll come back to haunt him, he never thought of the consequences at the time and he certainly doesn’t want to think about them now. Maybe it’s irresponsible of him but he can’t bring himself to care. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

The banquet and tournament bring into perspective just how much status he has. Calroy is there to keep him from making a fool of himself, thankfully, but navigating the political environment is still difficult. And then, in the tournament, he almost dies. It fully hits him that he’s important enough to be assassinated, that he has enough status for someone to attempt to kill him. And the rush of everyone to protect him hits harder. He doesn’t want to be protected, he loves battle. He doesn’t want to be important enough that battle is too dangerous for him to be part of. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

Theobald’s nomination embarasses him. The man pulls out a scroll and reads out his entire title on Gustavo’s death bed and it’s truly insane to see his dedication. But the reminder of the situation, the reminder of his titles, while meant well, does not help how Amethar feels. Being king, being the Unfallen, being nominated to be successor for a second time, makes the whole situation more real. There was some part of him that was living in denial previously, a part of him that has now snapped into reality. And when Gustavo names him successor, there is more sadness, grief, fear, and pain. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

When they come to arrest Liam, Amethar feels shocked and protective. He’s just a kid, he’s a ward, a prisoner in Castle Candy. He’s already spent so much time as a prisoner outside of a jail, something he doesn’t deserve one bit. There’s no way the kid deserves to be a teenager in one. Amethar still feels guilty for Liam’s imprisonment in the castle, even though it seemed fairly necessary. The protectiveness he feels overpowers any other thoughts as fear and shock cover Liam’s face. And Amethar was certainly responsible for so many of the kid’s problems and the thought clouds his mind. He wasn’t supposed to be king.

And when, not a day later, all his past mistakes come to light, it feels like a slap in the face. He can feel the shock and hurt and betrayal coming from everyone as the truth comes out, and he feels numb. The numbness turns to fear and rage as he is excommunicated, as war is declared, as they are charged by guards. He had married a milkmaid in the Dairy Isles when he was a prince, fifth in line for the throne and nothing more. Who could have predicted that the war would have taken so much, forced so much on him? He’d made plenty of mistakes during his rule, but could anyone blame him? He wasn’t supposed to be king.

#dimension 20 #acoc #acoc spoilers #a crown of candy #crown of candy #amethar rocks #jay's fic tag

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emmalovesu · 4 years

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Angelito: Not a Typical Love Story

By Emma Angela Cayton of Grade 11 HUMSS 1

Angel/Angelito Gustavo was a really dedicated person. He can do anything just for the sake of love. He always thinks what he can give rather than what he could probably receive because that's how he conceptualize love.

First POV

I was busy scrolling through my feed. People nowadays spend so much time ranting about their pain. Well in some point it's good that there's something/someone you can rely on. I was too drowned with my thoughts when my phone rang. 'Hel-' the caller did not even let me speak a word

'Baklaaaaa! Where are youu?! Time is running yorrr! The wedding was about to start-'I didn't let him finish his unending speech and hang up the phone. Ghaaad~ I was really nervous that time.

'This is it' I uttered and sighed

I drove myself to the beach where the wedding was held. Everyone was there including my closest friends, cousins and relatives.

'Baklaa! You're 5 mins late! It's your wedding day how could you be late?' Carla shouted

'You're being hysterical Carl' I replied while looking directly into his eyes

'Arghh!' He uttered in annoyance

A gist of flashback

Troy and I were dating for about 4 years now.

It was already late and for the nth time that I called him, he finally answered.

'Babe? Why did you not answer my calls? ' I asked him.

'I'm really busy today babe. I will be home soon I promise.' He reassured

'I love you ' He added

'Ok, I love you too' I replied and hang up

Then suddenly I heard a knock on our door.

'Gosh~ Who is this creep who would dare to knock on my door at 1 am' I uttered in annoyance

'Surprise!'- Troy

'Oh my God babe! You freaked me out!' I glared at him

'Haha I'm sorry babe it's just- haha' And there he was laughing with a hand full of red roses

'You know what if you're not my boyfriend I would probably sent you in a mental facility' I said while crossing my arms

'I love you babe and happy 4th anniversary' he said while hugging me. His warm hug did not just bring warmth unto my body but it brings strange chills into my spine. I just love him unconditionally and I knew he also felt the same way.

2 weeks later

I received a call from my mom.

'Anak, we need to talk' I was confused because mom never talked to me in a really serious tone.

'ok mom what is it? ' I asked.

'Meet me at our house at 7 pm' then she hung up. Attitude ma? Just kidding. After that call I was so frustrated that I didn't even managed to pay attention to my clients at all.

After an hour.

This curiosity had been killing me for awhile, finally I will be able to know what news could it be. I drove myself to our house. Mom, dad and Troy was there. OMG! Is this a proposal?

'Good evening ma, pa, babe' I smiled. Can I ask for a glass of water? Troy was holding a small box. Obviously it was a ring and that was for meeeee. I'M GETTING MARRIED!

'Anak, Troy needs to tell you something' Mom broke the silence.

Back to the reality.

I almost cried- wait I literally just cried a few seconds ago when I saw her walking in the aisle. She looks stunning in her wedding dress.

'I was so lucky to have you Gwen' I uttered spontaneously

'I'm proud of you son. Finally you have found someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and not a milking cow.' dad said.

She was not just my moon and stars. She's my whole damn sky.

You might be wandering what the heck is happening right? Yes I was with Troy and I almost thought that were really getting married but fortunately not. This angel came and get rid of my femininity.

Another flashback

'What is it Troy? ' I smiled. I almost fainted when he show me the ring- wait it was not the ring that he gave me but an envelope. Pranks haha.

'Troy stop pulling out pranks I know you-' I stopped when I finally saw what the envelope has. Pregnancy test.

'Troy? You're pregnant? How?! ' I freaked out but wait How could it be-

'Ofcourse not! ' he yelled at me

'Stop pretending that everything was fine Angelito! You know we have a problem but you never fixed it. You just keep on shrugging it off until I just realized... Maybe it would be better to end everything about US' he explained

'So did that give you all the rights to cheat? Did you even remember how you tend to control everything that I do? You always tell me stop working because of your jealousy. How ironic seeing a cheater scared to be cheated.' I sobbed.

'No I did not cheat! You already knew that you can never give me what I want!' He shouted

'But.... I-I already gave you everything I can. '

Mom hugged me and Troy left. Ever since that day I never saw him again.

'Ma, d-do y-you know anything about this? ' I asked between my sobs

'I'm sorry anak but your sister, Vivian is pregnant' and that's it. Vivian my own sister betrayed me. I never see this coming. Ever since I always look up unto her. She's my role model yet here she was pregnant with my boyfriend. She always tell me that nothing would tear us apart even guys. Ironic right?

Months passed.

I was still at the midst of hell, after that news I never talked to anyone especially Vivian.

'Hey Angel!' an unknown voice woke me up

'Jusko Guinevere! Can you please leave me alone! You're creeping me out!' I shouted

May I rephrase what I just said earlier except with this creep who keeps on sticking herself unto me.

'Yeah whatever your saying man oy. You should thank me, you know~ I just made you breakfast. Actually it's already 1 pm but whatever' she said

Attitude sis? Gosh this girl had been annoying me for months. She's actually one of my friends back then but I don't actually know why is she acting this way.

'You know what Gwen.' I glared at her and stood right next to her

'Why are you making my life as miserable as hell?! ' I yelled at her

'Then why are you blaming me for all the mistakes you've made Angelito?!' she replied

Arrghh! If this human being is not a girl I would probably punch her to death.

'I was here when you need someone to rely on-'

'I never asked anyone to be here with me!'I interrupted her

'Maybe you don't need me at all but' I saw tears rolling down her cheeks. It ached my heart seeing her like that but I just can't stand letting her stay with me.

'Angelito I-I.... need....you' She barely said between her sobs and that's it she left.

Later that day

'Angelito I-I.... need....you'

'EWWWWW! ' OMG I can't believe it! All this time, I didn't even noticed- ewwww! Thinking about her disgust me in every way. So that's it I was left alone. But I think it would be better. I would rather spend my whole life alone, than with someone I love- wait what? Arrghhhh.

A few weeks later

Living my life without her was miser- no what I mean was heaven. I just can't stand being with my first love. Yeah she's my first love but I never had the chance to tell her because she's too perfect for me and later on I just realized that I'm also a lady.

'Baklaaaaa! ' someone yelled at my door

'Stop banging the door you creep! ' I yelled then I found Carla or let me say Carl at my doorstep

'Why the hell are you here? ' I asked

'Baklaaaa, Gwen was in the hospital' he replied

'So what?!'

As if I cared right? I really felt violated for what she did. I mean I'm not that guy just like before who adores her. She was with me and here I am thinking that she was just a caring friend but- Arghhh nevermind!

'Gosh, She needs you bakla but I think you're not the right person she needed. I didn't even know you at all. You just.... changed. BTW in case you would change your mind just call me later' and he left

Ok whatever I...

A few inches later

I just found myself sitting beside her. Yeah whatever I never said I wouldn't come right? Or did I? Argh whatever. I just simply miss her. Gwen and I are really good friends back then. And maybe I was already falling for her, again?

'W-why are y-you here? ' she asked

'We're still friends right, and I just want to-'

*tsup*

OMG! SHE J-JUST K-K-KISSED ME! Arrghh disgusting!

Back to the reality.

So that's it I was here marrying the woman of my dreams. 'Someone needs to have a bad relationship once or twice in his/her life to be thankful for a good one.' Once in my life, I found Troy who was with me at my best. But here I am marrying the woman who loved me at my worst. I once thought that love could mean give until you have nothing left but Gwen made me realize that you should never rip yourself into pieces just to keep others whole.

Yes love can never be defined until you found someone whom you will find the real meaning of it.

#creative writing #short story

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papergardener · 6 years

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Life After Death

Summary:

When Héctor finds himself fading away, he holds onto the one thing that matters… family. An exploration of the tentatively re-joined Rivera family, and how Héctor and Imelda begin to reconcile after so much time.

(chapters 1 & 2 are here, but you don’t really need to read them, you might just be a little confused... but that’s ok, so is Héctor)

(read below or here at Ao3)

Chap 3: Just a dream... wait

Héctor woke up very confused. For one unnerving moment, he thought he had died. But no, he was already dead. That wasn’t the problem. He was just very confused and very, very tired.

It certainly didn’t help that on opening his eyes he found himself in a strange… what? Dressing room? Bedroom? Whoever it belonged to, they apparently really liked Frida Kahlo, based on the décor. Also confusing… Imelda was there. There had been a glint of purple in the corner of his eye that had caught his attention. With an effort he rolled his head to the side, blinking the bleariness away before his vision cleared. It should have been impossible, but there was no question: it was Imelda. She sat asleep in a chair, her chin resting against her collarbone, her mouth faintly open. His mind was hazy as he watched her for a minute or more, barely comprehending what was happening, but only kept reflecting how nice it all was. It had been a long, long time since he had seen her so close and so peaceful, her face not twisted in hate at the sight of him. He thought back to when they had been alive, and he would sometimes find her like this, asleep in a chair, sometimes nodding herself awake and he would tease her for it. Usually, it was after feeding baby Coco or rocking her to sleep, and she would still be holding their daughter as they both slept. One night he had come home late from a gig in the town over and had walked in to see Imelda passed out in an armchair with Coco nestled against her. It was like they had been waiting up for him, and he remembered thinking how lucky he was. She had been so beautiful… she still was, he thought sleepily. And she was right there, he could reach out and touch her if he could have managed the strength to lift his arms. His eyes closed, then he quickly pulled them open again. He didn’t want to give up that moment just yet, that quiet, sweet moment. But he was so tired, and his eyelids so heavy. When he opened them again, she was gone. The surprise of it woke him up more than anything else, and he managed to prop himself up on an arm to better look around, but the small room was empty and quiet. He was alone. With a surprising amount of effort he pulled himself up, still gazing around and wondering what had happened, and why Imelda might have been there. Had he dreamt it? It wouldn’t have been the first time he had dreamed of her. And that was confusing…oh. That was very, very confusing. Had it all been a dream? He sat up with a groan, his legs dangling off the couch as he hunched over, feeling as sick as a skeleton could. He counted on his fingers as he went over each memory… A living boy had arrived in the Land of the Dead and asked for help to find his great-great-grandfather, who was apparently Ernesto. That was weird. And that living boy was actually his great-great-grandson… and Ernesto had poisoned him and stolen his music. Imelda and her family had agreed to help him, which consisted of sneaking into the Sunrise Spectacular show with the help of Frida Kahlo and cross-dressing. There were so many things wrong with that, he just skipped right over it. Then Imelda had gone on stage and sung, in front of hundreds (thousands? It was a big theater, and quite dark), and had smiled at him while he played, just like the old days… Ah… damn. Definitely a dream. He shook his head and laughed, berating himself for actually believing it. It was just one of those kinds of dreams that felt so, so real until one woke up, looked back and could appreciate how ridiculous it was, and it was certainly ridiculous. Why would Ernesto even throw people into a sinkhole? Who does that? He hesitated at the thought of his old partner… could Ernesto really have poisoned him? Just to steal his music? Quickly enough he brushed that thought aside as mere dream logic. Ernesto had been his best friend, they had known each other their entire lives. He was like a brother, he would never have done that. And in any case, why would Ernesto just have poison laying around? No, it was absurd, and Héctor felt guilty for even thinking it. Some friend he was. On the plus side, Imelda had been in his dream… had called him the love of her life. But that too was all wrong, and the realization was like the harsh grating of a knife on stone. She hated him, he knew that. Could never forgive him for leaving their family. Still… he closed his eyes, smiling to think how she had leapt into his arms as if she might have missed him as much as he missed her. It was a wonderful thought. And to think he might have met his own family, someone who was actually proud to be family. If he really did have an ancestor like Miguel out there, that would be incredible. Although the thought of any of his living family being such a die-hard musician was as ludicrous as the rest of it. Going through the events of the dream, he came to the end and his smile faltered at the recollection of his almost Final Death. He could remember the near-constant tremors, his bones shaking until he couldn’t even stand. It wouldn’t be the first time he dreamt of it, far from it, but never had any dream ever felt like that. It had been so real. He leaned forward, resting hard on his knees as he recalled that feeling of his whole body vanishing. It had been so harsh and then so peaceful, a slow drifting away, like going to sleep after a very, very long day. When it was his time to go, would it be that easy? Is that what would happen when Coco forgot him? He shivered… he didn’t want to think about how easy it would be. He wasn’t ready to die yet, he wouldn’t disappear without a fight. Although, he thought absently, that in terms of Final Death it wouldn’t have been so bad. Imelda and her family had been there, and he had been under a wide, open sky, right at sunrise. Usually when he imagined his final moments, he was alone, curled up somewhere dark and cold, and no one would notice or care that he was gone. To think he’d be with Imelda when it happened… he sighed, hanging his head. Well, it was a nice thought. But in the end, it was only a dream. He looked down at his hands, thought to how they had glowed, how thin everything had felt. Clutching them into fists, he reminded himself what he had to focus on. Coco was forgetting him… and he was running out of time. Taking a steadying breath, he hoisted himself off the couch and swayed on the spot, struggling not to fall back because he might not be able to get up again. Ideally, he would have kept sleeping, but at the moment his goal was to get out of here before someone found him. If asked what he was doing there, he didn’t have a good answer. Which was… highly disconcerting. Just what had he done the night before? He found his hat on a desk and clapped it on before cautiously peering out the door, but there wasn’t another soul in sight. Stepping out, he heard voices coming from the right, and so he went left, his bones creaking as he walked. When he got back to his place, he was going to sleep for a week. That is, assuming he lasted that long. But before he could find his way out, he got turned around and soon found himself standing in the middle of a theater, staring around and wondering if he hadn’t quite woken up yet. “Oh, this is very confusing,” he muttered, squinting at the darkened stage. He stood there, hands on hips, and tried to think of a reason why the whole place looked exactly like in his dream. It was deeply unsettling, the only real difference being that the candlelit pathways were dark, and the seats at his back were empty. He shook his head, pushing away the dream, the lingering thought of Imelda. He turned to leave and immediately ran into a mike stand, and for a moment he desperately flailed to catch it as it swung around, before it crashed to the ground with a loud bang. He grimaced as the noise echoed, holding his arms tight to his chest. Maybe no one had heard it… “Someone up there?” a familiar shouted from the orchestra pit. Héctor leaned over, peering into the dark space by his feet. “Eh? Gustavo? That you?” The fellow musician came into view, gaping at him. “Chorizo?” he said incredulously. Héctor sighed at the old nickname and found he was not in the mood to be laughed at. “You know what, I’m just gonna go—“ “Whoah, whoah, not so fast!” Gustavo called out. There was the sound of a chair scraping and then he pulled himself onto the stage. “What the hell, man? Where you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” Héctor stared at him for a long, long moment, a number of questions floating through his hazy mind. Finally he opened his mouth and simply asked, “Why?” “What do you mean, why? We were all worried! Last we saw, you were lying out there before that big alebrije came out and scared the skin off of us. And then you were just up and gone.” Héctor stared, and Gustavo stared back expectantly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Héctor said. “Seriously, man? I mean last night! Or this morning, same thing.” “Last night?” Héctor repeated. It was stunning how stupid he felt. “Yeah, it’s all anyone’s been talking about. And that’s not much of an exaggeration, you know. Everyone wants to know who you are now. I mean, you almost died!” It was a testament to how tired and confused he was, because Héctor actually glanced down through his own empty ribcage, the familiar yellowed bones, and then looked up again. “But, I’m already—“ “I mean you almost died again!” Gustavo said impatiently. “Come on! Don’t you remember? De la Cruz tried to murder that kid, you saved him, and then you were almost Forgotten.” “What?” Héctor said, blinking hard. “No, but… but that was a dream…” He put a hand to his head, suddenly feeling faint. It couldn’t have been real. “Weren’t no dream, amigo.” “But… no.” Héctor shook his head, throwing his hands out. “No, no, no. That was definitely a dream. It had to have been.” Because if it wasn’t… Gustavo chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “It was crazy, all right, but it happened. The whole thing was playing right up there, we all saw it.” He pointed to two huge screens on stage that stood black and empty. “That’s… that can’t be…” He staggered back and Gustavo was at his side, steadying him. “Hey, you ok? Maybe you should be taking it easy. I’ve never seen anyone disappear like that and still be standing. Swore for a moment you were completely gone.” “I disappeared?” “Yeah. You really don’t remember?” “I’m not sure,” he muttered, trying to think, but found it was akin to stumbling around in a dark room and banging into every possible obstacle. “So… it was all real?” He stared around the stage, trying to sort out what exactly that meant. Thinking about Miguel, or Imelda, or his family was too much at the moment, so he settled on something smaller that his mind could actually grasp. “Then… Ernesto really did poison me.” For the second time he felt that emotional punch. His best friend had murdered him. For his music. Because he had wanted to go home. “I… thought you just choked on something,” Gustavo said uncertainly. “No. No, he… he poisoned my drink,” Héctor said, the memory of that night flickering in his mind. “I was supposed to go home. It was a toast to our friendship.” The irony made it hurt all the worse. Neither spoke, and he could almost feel Gustavo growing more uncomfortable beside him. A small part of his mind noted how his infamous nickname of Chorizo was now moot. And that it wasn’t funny anymore; not that it was ever that funny to begin with. Then his mind was able to comprehend something much more important. “Wait… if it was all real, then Miguel must have been real, too. That means I met my great-great-grandson.” “The living kid? Yeah, he was here all right. But you didn’t tell us that he was your family when we met you two during that rehearsal earlier.” “I… didn’t know.” He was hit by the absurd fact he had been running around with his great-great-grandson all night and had no idea. Miguel had thought Ernesto was his ancestor. He needed to sit down. There was a finger snapping in his face, and he blinked to see Gustavo staring worriedly at him. “Hey, hey! Don’t start fading on me now. Maybe you should take it easy. You got family around or something?” “No! No family.” He shook his head, lurching back at the thought. Did he have family again? He had no idea, but in the end, it wasn’t up to him. And the idea of family was far, far too big of a concept for his mind to handle. “What about that woman?” Gustavo went on. “The singer, you know? Llorona? She was with you when it happened. She’s not family?” “I’m uh… not sure.” He recalled Imelda sitting beside him when he first woke and wondered what that meant. Did it mean anything? Was it even real? His head swam, and he had to blink away a sudden wave of dizziness. “I’m just… I’m gonna go…. somewhere,” he muttered, one hand on his head as he staggered away, feeling even worse than before. He wasn’t sure if it was his body, his mind or his heart that ached more. “You gonna be ok, amigo?” Gustavo called out. “Yeah... I’ll be fine.” Probably. He desperately needed to think.

#Coco fanfiction #Coco #Hector #Imelda #imector #life after death #missing scenes #post-movie fic #my fanfiction #hector rivera #I love this chapter #i think it's really funny but actually it's pretty sad #but also sleepy and confused Hector #precious

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minnesotacumdumpster · 3 years

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“Jennifer Knight?”

The effortlessly fabulous single mother turned around to be greeted by an approaching older gentleman.

“It’s nice to finally meet you! Arthur Griffin.” He exclaimed, extending his arm outwards for a handshake with the woman.

It had been three months and four days since Jennifer uprooted her life in Minnesota and moved out to Los Angeles with her children and the other boys. Big Time Rush had just made it past their demo phase, and were now on track to release an album in the near future. It had come as a surprise to everyone. She never would’ve expected her boys to be doing so well. Love them or hate them, she couldn’t lie. They aren’t all that talented. Logan couldn’t dance, Carlos couldn’t sing, and James… well she doesn’t hurt his feelings.

But Arthur Griffin, CEO of RCM CBT Globalnet Sanyoid thought otherwise. From the minute Gustavo slapped the headshots of the boys on his desk, he’d been enamored with them. He was the source of all of the band’s money so far, going as far to pay for all of Jennifer’s expenses in getting the boys across the country and setting them up in the Palmwoods. He was looking forward to meeting the families of his next biggest super stars.

He’d arranged a dinner date in a steak house between the Knights and himself for the evening. He wanted to be formally acquainted with every boy’s family before their careers really took off, and considering Jennifer was already in the city, he figured it only made sense to have her first.

“Hello! It’s great to finally meet you! This place is just… wow!” Jennifer beamed, excitedly shaking the hand of the man who controlled her son’s career and kept a roof over their heads. Griffin brought her hand toward his face, kissing the top of it. “It’s my pleasure.”

Jennifer gasped. “Kendall! You never told me what a gentleman your manager was!” Looking over to her son who was pathetically leaning over that little bench thing they always have near the hostess stand. He looked like he was having difficulties focusing, hardly acknowledging his mother.

Griffin couldn’t help but smirk. “Shall we?” he asked, gesturing towards the VIP longue of the restaurant. Letting Jennifer go first, Griffin waited for Kendall to stand up straight.

“Please… can you let please let up just a… a bit?” the blond pleaded, fire in his eyes as he stared at the older man.

Griffin chuckled. “Now why would I ask you to bring your toy if I didn’t plan on having fun with it?”

Kendall would roll his eyes if he had the strength to do so right now.

“After you.” His manager insisted. Kendall began hobbling over towards the table Griffin had reserved for the three of them tonight. Griffin following suit, eyes locked on the younger male’s ass, proud of what he knew was inside.

Kendall sat down in the booth opposite of his mother, Griffin sliding in next to him, trapping him by the wall.

“Thank you again for taking us out for dinner, Arthur. Can I call you Arthur?” Jennifer smiled. “Of course, we’re basically family now that Big Time Rush is starting to take off.” Griffin replied. “I thought you had a daughter. Could she not make it tonight?”

“Oh! I do. She was supposed to come, but I had to ground her after I discovered she was running an underground towel business in the hotel. She tricked the janitor into giving her access to the custodian’s closet and was charging residents $20 to rent one for the day. Can you believe it?”

“Hahaha, kids.” Griffin chuckled, not really knowing what else to say. “And your husband?” he asked, knowing everything he already needed to know about him. Kendall’s daddy issues came up pretty early in the time he’d spent with the boy. He abandoned his wife and kids shortly after Jennifer became pregnant for the second time. Judging by how Kendall talked about the man, his absence really fucked him up. Something Griffin thanked god for every single morning.

“He uh.. sorta turned out to be a..” she paused, looking around the vicinity to make sure nobody could hear her. “A faggot!” she said in her regular speaking voice.

“Oh!” Griffin acted shocked

“I. Know!” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “I really loved him, and deep down I think he loved me too. But it just wasn’t meant to be, ya’know?”

“Completely.” Griffin responded, smirking as he played with the remote in his pocket. Suddenly, what felt like a jolt of electricity was traveling up Kendall’s spine, making the boy jerk forward and causing his eyes pop out. Had the waitress not just appeared, his mother surely would have taken notice.

It was about to be a long night.

___________________________________________________

“And so I said to Brooke, Listen, bitch! You should be grateful I’m taking this fucker off your hands, like am I right?” Jennifer went on, mouth full of breadstick. She’d been prattling on about her personal life for an embarrassing amount of time. Griffin was more than happy to listen. Being the perfect gentleman to Kendall’s mother while he toyed with the blond’s hole all night was exhilarating. He kept his eyes locked on the woman, letting out a laugh every time she made a reference to her friend’s “secret” botox. He kept Kendall in his peripheries, intentionally upping the power of his plug every time he spotted the younger male trying to take a bit of his shrimp alfredo.

“And, frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is? Be a frigid bitch, lose your husband to a younger woman! It’s basic math! That’s all I’m saying.” Jennifer went on while Kendall tried his hardest to keep it cool. This…. really wasn’t worth it. Griffin had a power over him he was beginning to question. Being plugged and behaving like a good boy during dinner sounded hot at the time, but that feeling was turning out to be torture now that he had to actually do it. He’d been precumming since they got their appetizers, and the blue balls he had as a result of the relentless whir in his butt were clouding his mind. He couldn’t focus on a damn thing. Thankfully his mother could never say no to a free drink. Or, four, at this point. Had Griffin not told her about this place’s legendary zinfandels, she’d surely hear the clacking of the plug hitting against the wooden booth Kendall was trapped in. Every ten seconds he had to reposition himself to ease the discomfort, but it just wouldn’t stop. There’s no way she knew what was going on, right?

“Like I said, don’t come to me when you still have that pill addiction in your 50’s. It was never cute, okay?” Jennifer said in between bites of her chicken parmesan, happy to finally share this gossip with somebody besides Logan. Griffin let out a hearty laugh. “Ah ha, bitches!” He said with a grin. “Right!? And that isn’t even the messiest thing she’s done this year! Has anybody told you about her falling asleep during her turn being Hockey Mom Carpool?”

“Hey, uh, can you get up? I need to use the restroom.” Kendall asked. Or, pleaded, as it felt more like. He knew that Griffin was hyper-focused on him the whole time, and judging by the fun he was having with his remote, changing the intensity on it every few minutes, there was no way he was planning on going easy on the blond tonight. Regardless, Kendall at least hoped that maybe bathroom breaks weren’t off the table.

“And miss out on the rest of your mother’s story? Kendall, don’t be rude.” Griffin deflected.

“He’s right sweetie! I’m gonna need you for this. Shed some light on how terrified you boys were when she swerved into that 18-wheeler’s lane.”

“No, mom. It’s uh, sorta an emergenCYY.” Kendall choked. Griffin turned the dial in his pocket to its max, attempting to get the blond to shut his mouth and behave as expected.

“Nonsense!” Griffin cocked an eyebrow. “What on Earth could be more important than hearing an exhilarating story from your own mother?” Jennifer looked stunned in his direction. “I. Like. You. Kendall, listen to every word this man has to say! He knows what he’s talking about. Arthur, I’m glad my son has a man like you in his life. God knows how long he’s needed a positive male role model, am I right!?”

“Why thank you, Jennifer. I feel as if it’s my responsibility in teaching your son of the do’s and don’ts of the industry’s proper dinner etiq—”

“May I PLEASE use the restroom, Sir.” Kendall cut him off, baring the pain while staring Griffin down. Only a little condescension in that last word.

……

Griffin slid out of the booth, rising to his feet and turning the knob to 0 in the process. Kendall practically flew out of his seat and vanished into the depths of the restaurant, not even sure which way he needed to go in the first place.

“Wonder what’s gotten into him?” Jennifer puzzled.

___________________________________________________

Kendall pushed open the restroom door after finally finding it in the back of this fucking maze of a restaurant, meeting himself in the reflection of the mirror. He could hardly stand still. His lips were red from being bitten all night and his hair was its own travesty. Not to mention the dark wet dot leaking through his pants leg of his jeans. A fellow restroom guest washing his hands couldn’t help but look at the boy as he stood there, wondering what the fuck was going on in his life.

Casting him a glare, Kendall went into the back-most stall, choking down a cry as he bit his fist. This had to stop.

It had all happened so quickly. It’s hard to even remember how it started. He’d been in LA for two weeks. Griffin told Kelly who told him that he wanted to have a proper first meeting with all the boys in the band, but an individual one with Kendall before they met as a group. It didn’t seem odd at the time, and Kendall felt in over his head the realer and realer this boy band dream of James’s came true. He was elated to have Griffin take some of the pressure off after hearing the man planned to school him on how they were going to make this work. It was Griffin who ultimately decided he was to be the face of Big Time Rush and it was him who went on and on about how much potential he saw in him as a star.

What started off one day as a what felt like a mentorship Kendall was grateful to have made with someone that gave this unprecedented period of time in his life structure was now something so much desperate. Every action he made was in some way or another a test to impress Griffin. Their first couple of meetings contained nothing out of the ordinary. Then one day he was getting on his knees behind Griffin’s desk, servicing his boss while the man sung his praises. Kendall had never been one to willingly take orders, especially from someone as pretentious as Griffin. But it was like nothing he’d done before, and he couldn’t get it out of his head the next couple of days. A million thoughts raced around his head, but he was sure Big Time Rush was dead in the water. He was so fucking stupid for hooking up with their god damn BOSS. That’s gotta be illegal right? It felt illegal.

But it didn’t stop there. Griffin wanted to keep going. He would pull him aside during rehearsals for more alone time. They’d have more and more of these “business” meetings that Kendall had to make up lies for each time one of his friends asked. It only made his actual job that much more exhausting. But he loved the time he spent with Griffin. The sessions were always quick, typically leaving the blond wanting more and feeling so much more antsy to impress the older man next time they were to have a “discussion” in his office.

From there, as their meetings became more and more frequent, he soon became completely enamored with Griffin. He’d never fucked somebody so much older than him, given he never really got the chance. Sure, he had crushes on a few NHL players here and there, and he’d be taking his crush on Logan’s dad to the grave, but actually having sex with a man 30 years older? Not something he could have predicted for his future when he was still in Minnesota. It was exciting to say the least. But nothing could have prepared him for how absolutely shredded Griffin was under his business suits. Or how persuasive he could be. When Griffin told Kendall to style his hair different, he listened. When Griffin told him the boys were to arrive at their photoshoot at 7:00, Kendall made sure they were present and ready by 6:45. He begun revolving his life around the man, excited to have someone finally taking an interest in him.

Griffin immediately took notice of the blond’s behavioral issues. He had a disdain for authority, insulting Gustavo’s competence any chance he got. Griffin got the vibe Kendall didn’t even really give a shit about being in a boyband upon their first meeting. And honestly? He wouldn’t have had it any other way. That’s exactly what he wanted. Soon he made sure Kendall knew who was in charge, teaching the boy how he was to behave at Rocque Records if he wanted the perks that came with doing so to continue.

It had been a wild three months, to say the least. From meeting Griffin in the first place, to lying to the band and Gustavo and Kelly about the extent of their relationship. It made him feel disconnected from the band as a whole, given any time they had work to do, Kendall couldn’t take his mind off of Griffin and what he could do to put himself in a positive light for the man. That mindset seemed to be paying off. Kendall was putting in the work for the wrong reasons, but Big Time Rush was doing amazing.

Soon he was keeping track of every ‘good boy’ and other reward he was granted, obsessing over what else he could do to make the man validate him. Briefly dating his daughter was by far the most uncomfortable part of their relationship up until tonight. During the 17 hours she made him date her, Kendall couldn’t help but keep wondering how Mercedes would react if he came clean about the number of times her dad had referred to him as his sissy boy. He couldn’t bare to do so, but he laughed at the thought numerous times.

The dinner with his family was supposed to be a congratulatory one for BTR making it past their demo stage. But Kendall knew there was never anything to worry about. As long as he was with Griffin, the band would be successful. He wasn’t exactly able to disclose that to them though, so he had to go along with the idea of sitting at the same table as his mom and Griffin, celebrating the fact that his boss was fucking him, essentially.

He was still in training, and tonight was a test on how well he could keep it together.

But fuuuck, he wanted to jerk off so bad... Was he morally above making it quick and shooting into the toilet right now? Wait, …. no. Griffin would be mad he touched himself without permission.

….

God! Did he really just think that right now? Has he lost his mind? Letting his boss control his orgasms!? This has gone too far. He’s plugged at dinner with his mom for fuck’s sake! He liked Griffin. He really did. Under the cold exterior was a man Kendall felt safe with. He valued the time they spent together because he felt like the man truly appreciated him. Or maybe he didn’t.. and this was all for nothing. Letting his dick get the best of him. For all he knew, he could be one of Griffin’s hundreds of boys he’d done shit like this with, not even special in the slightest. Whether that may be, that didn’t change how uncomfortable Kendall had suddenly become with this intense dom/sub kink thing. He wanted to put a pause to it for the night, but he can’t exactly go out there and tell him his safe word with his mom at the table.

All he can do now is get himself put together, finish his dinner and talk to Griffin in the morning. But first, he’s got an erection to kill.

___________________________________________________

“This is actually her purse! She wouldn’t shut up about it, so I nabbed it and threw it in my car while she was flirting with the boy running the concession stand……... Bitch!”

“Hahahaha. How ‘petty’!” Griffin said in response. “Say, do you mind if I go check on Kendall? He’s been gone quite a while and I feel compelled to make sure he’s in good health. Don’t want my next super star getting food poisoning and.”

“By all means, please! I can only pray he’s half as polite a man as you one day.” Jennifer beamed, putting down yet another empty glass and smiling as she watched Griffin make his way to the restroom.

___________________________________________________

Kendall nearly fell into the toilet when Griffin suddenly entered the stall. He’d been sitting down, focusing all of his energy on thinking about his grandma, desperate to get rid of his boner by any means necessary.

“Come back out there and enjoy a nice dinner with your mother and I.” Griffin ordered.

Kendall let out a sigh, face falling to his palms. “I don’t know if I can. I’m losing my fucking mind, man.” he choked.

Griffin looked unphased.

“Do you know what my balls feel like now? Not to mention my fucking ass! I know you get off on this kinda stuff, but I might have to draw the line here.” Kendall said, standing up. “I know good boys don’t have to beg, or whatever, but you gotta give me a break! I’m leaking through my jeans!”

Griffin twisted the dial back to the max power, approaching Kendall while doing so. Kendall spasmed. Their bodies met as Griffin pushed his chest up against the younger male’s, keeping him upright and placing his open palm against the bulge of Kendall’s jeans. Kendall’s hands went to Griffin’s chest for support, taking in the pleasure as he felt some relief below.

“Rut against my hand like the degenerate bitch you are.” He ordered.

“B-but my jeans..” Kendall responded sheepishly; eyes cloudy.

“That wasn’t a question. Do as you’re told.” The older man barked.

Typically the one to fight back, Kendall forfeited logic and reason and listened to the man. Letting his dick think, he rocked his hips up, back and forth, moaning as he felt the pressure of the older man’s hand as his constrained bulge rubbed against it. He knew he didn’t have long until he’d explode, something that which Griffin had taken note of as well. His free hand reached behind the blond, index finger pressing against the plug sticking out of his ass, pushing in and out ever so carefully.

Kendall’s eyes welled with tears as he buried his face in the older man’s tie. “Daddy” He groaned, voice muffled by Griffin’s chest.

Within seconds Kendall was shooting ropes, ruining his jeans and making a mess of Griffin’s hand. He sobbed, head still kept tightly against the man’s upper body. Griffin pulled away, holding his hand out to the blond.

“Feed.” He commanded. Kendall did as he was told and licked the older man’s hand clean, lapping up every drop of cum he could find, tongue darting between every finger. After shoving a couple of digits down the boy’s throat, Griffin’s hand made its way to Kendall’s chin, gripping it tightly, stopping the boy from attempting to kiss him.

“Normally I’d say you’ve been a good boy. Getting yourself off so easily when told to. But look at you. Out in public like this.” Kendall’s hair was a mess, eyes were puffy and his left pant leg was dripping with cum. Like. Drenched. “You really disappointed me tonight. I thought you were better than this.”

Kendall’s ears were ringing, his breathing irregular and his legs felt disgustingly sticky. He couldn’t respond to that if he tried. He felt awful. Griffin had never said anything so harsh to him before this.

Before he knew it, Kendall watched as Griffin let go and made his way over to the stall’s sink. Inside the lower cabinet was a shopping bag which he handed to the younger blond. “Here. Put these on.”

Inside of the bag was a clean pair of boxers and an identical set of clothes he had worn tonight. Guess that explains why he had to confirm he outfit with Griffin beforehand. Kendall really didn’t know what to say or think.

“……….Did you plan this?” he asked shyly.

“Did I want you to fail my test and cream your jeans in the restroom like some pre-mature prostitute? No. Was I afraid there was a chance? Yes.”

…….

Kendall stared off into space. He was at a loss for words. What kind of relationship had he gotten himself into? Could this even be considered a relationship? Well, yes, technically. But could he call Griffin his boyfriend? Would Griffin call him his boyfriend? Did he even want to call Griffin his boyfriend?

Griffin just stood there, waiting for his good boy to get changed so they could continue their evening with his mother.

“I uh…. Griffin, I don’t think I can.. do this… anymore.” Kendall said, post-nut clarity helping him make that decision. “I know that might fuck up this whole thing you’re doing for me with the band and everything, but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship like this. It’s all so new to me. I’m only 20.”

Disappointment enveloped Griffin’s face. Ever since he laid eyes on the blond he knew he had to have him. The attitude problems and deadbeat dad thing were the cherry on top of the prospect of making him his sub. Training Kendall to be his obedient, well behaved super star was the most fun Griffin had felt in years. He’d tried this same routine in the past with several other boys who wanted to be famous, none of whom were successful. Everybody either tapped out earlier or didn’t ignite the same fire in Griffin that Kendall did. Sure, it was a symptom of losing his dad at a young age, but Kendall seemed so much more willing to prove to Griffin he could be everything the older male said he could be. But maybe he was wrong.

“……. Get yourself cleaned up. Meet us back at the table. We’ll talk about this later.”

Griffin left the stall, leaving Kendall alone to grapple with the weight of his decision.

“Fuck.”

___________________________________________________

Kendall approached the dinner table, taking note of how cold his plate looked now. His mom was lost in another story about Brooke Diamond’s failed reality show. Griffin looked a million miles away. Shit, he really hoped he made the right call back there. But fuck, was this really worth it? He already felt so shitty about doing that. He didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings, but he hated lying to Carlos, James and Logan about the time they spent together. And he especially didn’t like the feeling of being plugged with his mom across the table from him. That was reasonable, right?

Griffin stood up from the booth, not paying Kendall any attention as he slid back in, taking his seat against the wall.

“Are you alright, honey?” Jennifer asked, breath reeking of wine as she looked at her son concerned.

Kendall took in a breath. “Yeah. Think Carlos undercooked those mini corn dogs we had for lunch. Heh.” He lied. “I’m feeling better now.” He lied again.

“Well good!” she smiled, eyes locked on her wine glass as she watched the waitress pour yet another glass. “Griffin, thank you again for taking us out! You’ve made me such a proud mom!”

The air was tense between the two men at the table. Griffin simply waved his hand away, dismissing Jennifer’s claim. “Please. It’s just standard business procedure. I’m sure Big Time Rush would be doing just as well without me.” Kendall feeling gas lit from that last sentence.

“I mean it! Whatever you’re doing is working! When we’re at home I hear all the boys say such awful things about you, but I don’t care! You’ve truly proved yourself tonight! Do you mind if I give you a hug!?” Jennifer stood up, oblivious to how much drunken rambling she was doing. She leaned in over Griffin, arms splayed out for a hug. He couldn’t help but lean back, cocking an eyebrow as his mind was still stuck on what she had just said.

“Awful things? Like, what, exactly?”

Not realizing her mistake, Jennifer straightened her posture, briefly glancing at Kendall, completely missing his stunned expression. Great. Just when this night couldn’t get worse.

“Well..” she slurred, “they feel overworked! Every night when they come home they’re always exhausted from rehearsals. Logan really hates dancing and everybody who’s forcing him to do so, as a result. And James is ALWAYS throwing some little bitch fit when you don’t put him in the center of the choreography. And as Carlos describes it, the Rocque Records buffet assortments are ‘abysmal’. His words, not mine!”

Kendall’s eyes darted back and forth from his mom to the back of Griffin’s head, worried she’d say something that would further solidify the end of their time in LA.

“And….. Kendall?” Griffin asked.

God. This is it. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Honestly? I can’t think of one bad thing he’s said about you. Which is unlike him….”

Griffin’s head spun around, taking a look at Kendall practically pissing himself in the corner. His face was as red as Griffin’s tie. The plug wasn’t even turned on anymore, but his body felt as on edge as ever.

“What I will say is… Kendall won’t shut up about you! He talks about what a big help you’ve been and how much he values the time you two spend together.”

Both men’s eyes immediately snap back to Jennifer.

“The other night he told me he thinks you understand him better than anyone else! As his mother, I won’t lie, hearing that sorta ripped my heart out. But I’ll let it slide now that I got to meet you and understand exactly why my son loves you so much!” she said, leaning in for another hug.

Griffin held his hand out, halting her once more. Turning around again, he looked at Kendall, this time with a more curious expression. “Is this true?”

Still tense, Kendall felt especially uneasy at the fact his mom used the word ‘love’, given she probably didn’t know the layers to their relationship as it stood. Using that word didn’t exactly make things any less convoluted. Regardless, what she said was in fact real. Never in a million years did he expect her to drunkenly share that, though.

“Uhh…. Yeah…” he replied shyly. Eyes locked on Griffin’s.

….

“Well, thank you, Kendall. I appreciate that. Very much so.” He turned to Jennifer. “Mrs. Knight, let it be known that working with your son and the boys has been a highlight in my career. It’s rare that I’ve seen so much potential in a band this early, especially one comprised of four young men with absolutely no professional experience. Any positive influence I have made on your son or the others matters more to me than anything else they may think of me.”

Kendall was stunned. For like, the 11th time during this dinner. Griffin faced him, smiling more sincerely than the blond had ever seen. They shared a passionate look, only to be undercut by the spontaneous amount of vomit coming from his mother’s mouth and spilling over the floor.

___________________________________________________

Outside of the restaurant, Griffin held Jennifer in his arms, effortless lifting her and carrying her to an awaiting limo. “Ugh. I’m soOoOoOo gross. God, what would Brooke think…” she lamented, not at all upset she was being carried by the man of her dreams though. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, sweetie.” She apologized, looking over Griffin’s shoulder to find Kendall following behind.

“Impossible.” Griffin grinned, gently letting her down and stand in front of her limo door. “Tonight was some of the most fun I’ve had in years. Jennifer, thank you. Kendall, I’ll be seeing you Monday morning to go over some of the final mixes for your upcoming album.”

Jennifer hiccupped. “No way! The night is still young, don’t let me get in between your bonding!” she slurred, hand resting on Kendall’s shoulder. “Griffin, why don’t you take Kendall out for a beer or something? Really spend some quality time with him! Not just focused on work. You’ve earned it.”

“If that’s alright with him.” Griffin postulated, shooting Kendall the dirtiest look of all time from behind Jennifer.

“Uh, yeah, sounds good to me! Are you sure you’re feeling better, mom?” the blond asked, showing concern while stifling his excitement for where the night would go.

“Oh, honey…. No. Part of the reason I don’t want you getting in that limo with me is because I don’t want you to see mommy making a mess of it!” she said with a smile. “Well, I’m off!” Opening the door, the overworked mother let herself fall limp in the white leather upholstered backseats. Griffin got the door for her, signaling the driver to pull off. Jennifer’s face emerged from the window as it rolled won, looking and waving at the two men. “You boys have fun!”

For as long as she was in their sights, Kendall and Griffin waved back. Once the older man’s limousine pulled out of the parking lot, Griffin hastily turned the knob on his remote back to its full power, almost knocking the younger male off of his feet.

“HOLY-”

___________________________________________________

“Shit.” Kendall breathed heavily, stretching his jaw out. “I think I’m getting a lot better at sucking cock!” he beamed, confidently looking over at the older man who just fucked his face. Griffin sat there, back against the headboard, thumb swiping his cum off of the blond’s cheek. “I’ll be the judge of that.” He replied playfully, thumb sinking down in-between Kendall’s lips.

It was far from Kendall’s first time being in this bed, but tonight was special. It was going to be his first time spending the night there. Or with Griffin at all.

“Come here.” he ordered, patting the mattress next to him. Doing as he was told, the blond crawled over, laying so that his back was flush against Griffin’s chest, muscular arms keeping him close. Planting a kiss on the back of Kendall’s head, Griffin held his boy, spooning him in silence for a moment.

“I had a wonderful time tonight. Your mom can’t seem to handle her alcohol, though.” Kendall laughed at the fact. “I had a good time too. I’m happy she liked you so much. And, I feel the need to apologize for my little bathroom freak out. I’ll try harder from now on, sir.”

His words hung in the air. All Griffin could do is hug him tighter.

“No need to worry. I’ll admit, I pushed you a step too far. As you stated, this is moving too fast for you.” The older male swallowed. “Respect is earned, and how am I to expect my boy to have respect for me if I push him past his limits?”

“It’s not just that. I kinda….like you pushing me.” The blond admitted, turning his head to look the man in the eyes. “I mean, I’m gonna remember that orgasm for the rest of my life, hehe. I’m fine experimenting with whatever you want, as long as it’s not around my mom. Or in public. I really doubted myself in there, ya’know? I feel safe, with you now, but that was too much to handle.”

Taking his chin in hand, Griffin met Kendall’s lips with his, the younger male instinctually opening his mouth for ease of access. Griffin didn’t half ass anything. He let Kendall know who was in charge no matter what. Even when cuddling.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take that into consideration. From now on, I’ll be more receptive. You’ve been so good. So good for me.” The older man replied, planting another kiss on the blond’s cheek.

The two lay still for a while, nothing but the sounds of their breathing filling the room. At the end of the day, everything he said was true. Kendall truly did feel safe and sound when in Griffin’s presence. It was refreshing to feel comforted by someone else, for once. Guess that made all the lying and sneaking around not feel as dirty as it should seem. Maybe tonight was a bad experience, but he chose to see it as a catalyst for some real change.

He wondered what Griffin thought of the other boys. His interest and admiration for Kendall was so much greater than the amount of energy he put into acknowledging the other three. It was tough to imagine any of them here in his arms. Was that wishful thinking that he was irreplaceable to Griffin? Or did he genuinely think his friends could never land a silver foc like him? Regardless, the dinners Griffin was to have with their families later this week would never hold a candle to tonight’s.

Griffin shifted, turning off a beside lamp before pulling Kendall in close once again. This time, face to face. They’d have to wake up early and get Kendall home so nobody questioned him, but that was several hours away. He’d rather live in the moment and appreciate the time they had now. Who knows when he’d get to spend the night in this bed again. Griffin’s arms once again wrapped around his body, strong hands making the boy forget about everything else.

After all that, the word ‘love’ was still stuck in his head. While he would never use such a term so early into whatever kind of relationship he wanted to classify this as, he knew that he felt it. Being with Griffin gave him more fulfillment than any boyband could. Sure, it might not be a conventional kind of bond they had, but Kendall knew he never wanted him to let go.

DELETED SCENE:

“You boys have fun!” Jennifer slurred as she struggled to buckle herself up. “I’ll be on the couch for the rest of the night, watching and re-watching the series premiere of the new hit Nickelodeon show, ‘Victorious’!”

Griffin gasped. “You’re right! It is March 27th. I am so sorry for scheduling our dinner tonight and making you miss that. How silly of me…”

“Don’t be!” Jennifer exclaimed. “The show’s gonna be a hit, just you watch! It’ll still be airing new episodes 11 years from now. That Victoria girl’s going places!” she smirked.

#eep! i cant believe this sucks THIS bad! >.<

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madgalina-ristovic-voldaren · 7 years

Text

Madgalina Ristovic of the Voldaren Bloodline: Origins Part 1

Firebelchers spat flames into the faces of those they were there to entertain, and as the victims screamed out in pain, the room erupted into laughter. The entertainees, realizing that they had become the entertainers proceeded to rush at their instigators. A loud crunch marked the beginning of the fight as a victim, his face somehow still bathed in flame, slammed his forehead into the bridge of a firebelcher’s nose. Laughter turned to cheering as blood splattered into the spreading flames.

It took until then for Madgalina to realize it may have been a bit of a mistake coming to a full fledged Rakdos party. In any other environment, she would have claimed that these were good people; she knew a good chunk of the attendees to work as high grade caterers to the still living higher ups of the Orzhov Syndicate. Now they wrestled in fire and blood trying to kill each other both out of spite, and just for the hell of it. At least the fighting was entertaining, she decided as she took a swig of whatever concoction was placed in the punch bowl. She noted a hint of iron and genuinely wondered if someone spiked the alcohol with blood, or if someone happened to spike blood with alcohol.

She was strongly alerted when someone tapped gently on her shoulder in such a way that meant that the tapper had to genuinely try to make the tap a gentle tap. Madgalina turned around with an air of annoyance, fully prepared to fight the intruder on her privacy. “Ristovic?” The intruder asked. He was a rather large man, with an equally sizeable mustache that hid his upper lip enough to make it a genuine question of just how many teeth he was missing. Madgalina was glad that she had enough of a heel on that he wasn’t noticeably taller than her. “I didn’t actually think you would have been able to make it tonight. I mean, you said yes, but your mother has had a tendency to try and over protect you…”

Madgalina knew Gustavo would continue to ramble on about nonsense even if she tried to change the subject. There was a reason he was kept exclusively in the kitchens. She simply smiled back in a way that to anyone actually inclined, they would know she was annoyed, and she remembered back to the one time that they allowed Gustavo to carry food from the kitchens to the clientele. There was a reason he’s missing teeth.

The next series of thoughts that passed through Madgalina’s head were not necessarily thoughts that she was proud of having; chief among these was her wondering if just maybe, Gustavo could go without having any teeth, or maybe even a lower jaw. She was saved from violence, however, as another party entered the conversation. He was old, for a goblin, and at first observance, quite tall, but alas, he stood expertly on stilts, and the checkerboard design on his shirt gave him away as being a circus regular. “So, this is the Ristovic I’ve heard so much about.” The goblin’s voice was broken in such a way that told that he’d taken way too many hits to the voice box.

“I don’t know what you would have heard about me,” Madgalina replied with a sense of aloofness. “I just work in the kitchens.”

“So, you are the Ristovic I was looking for. You see, I’ve heard tell of your skill with knives, and that you don’t cut the meat in the boring usual way. Now, is that true?” The goblin had put her in a corner. On the one hand, Madgalina was very proud of her skill with knives and the playful tricks she would do with them, on the other hand, she didn’t know what the goblin was getting at.

Gustavo saved her from having to make the decision for herself as he blurted, “Oh, you have no idea what she can do, it’s glorious, like, she does so much, and you should see what the meat looks like when she’s done, like, it makes even the poorly cooked stuff at least look decent and…”

Madgalina jabbed her elbow into Gustavo’s gut, which may have been a slight mistake as she forgot she was wearing an outfit that had blades strapped everywhere. “I suppose,” she answered the goblin as she yanked her blade from her coworkers chest, “that you could say I know knives.

The goblin didn’t speak for a good minute as he watched Gustavo’s blood drip from Madgalina’s elbow. “So, uh...how would you feel about joining the circus.”

Madgalina laughed. “How about, no?”

As the goblin backed away in shame upon his stilts he shouted, “The offer is still on the table if you change your mind!” Madgalina scowled and turned away, distracting herself by watching the fiery fight going down not even 20 feet away and considering getting involved.

Around the time she was preparing to actually get involved in anything a couple devils wheeled in a massive cake. They obviously burned the frosting, and the whole thing looked like a wreck. Even Madgalina was wise enough not to cook and bake while inebriated. Things were followed by a pack of goblins running out of the kitchen area with pots of burning oil and throwing it everywhere. Once the flames hit the cake, Madgalina knew things were about to go very wrong as a low hissing sound erupted from the cake just moments before it exploded with enough force to destroy the entire block.

Madgalina watched as the erupting flames rushed at her in what seemed like slow motion, and then she felt a pull and everything faded to black. Her senses told her nothing, and that was a bit much for her as her entire sense of balance was thrown out the window. As tears began to wet her eyes she figured that this was what death was, and she began to apologize. She apologized first to her mother, for having sneaked away from home to go to that party. She apologized to her girlfriend who would probably never see her again. She apologized to Gustavo for stabbing him and generally hating him, but she knew that one was insincere, she didn’t care about Gustavo.

She closed her eyes to hold everything in. Her life was over, “So, this is it,” she muttered to herself; and then her feet landed on solid ground and she felt a drop land on her shoulder. Opening her eyes she found herself standing in a slow drizzling rain on the edge of a forest. Above her a moon shone bright, and she could feel it like a magical essence just oozing with power. Not too far off in the distance was a large castle. Reaching out with her hand, she caught some rain. It was soft, not at all like the dirty rain on Ravnica that was poisoned with Izzet smog.

Approaching the castle, Madgalina realized how threatening she looked with her assortment of blades and other sharp things everywhere, but still she pressed on toward the massive fortification and slammed her fist into the door, and then proceeded to wait. The door opened leading into a massive hall, warmly lit and decorated with very lavish fashion, and filled with people who stood still and stared. Everybody was dressed in a very high fashion and was very pale. Madgalina waved a shy wave with her left hand and started trying to explain her situation. “Hey, so it looks like I’m a bit lost, but you all seem very busy, so I think I’ll just...go,” she spoutted as she began backing her way back into the rain.

A woman’s call stopped her dead in her tracks. “Oh, child. Why don’t you just stay? You look absolutely famished.” The speaker came floating out from the back of the room, her bare feet hovering above the polished floor; red hair spilled from her head. Madgalina felt compelled to listen and trust this woman.

“I suppose I could stay until I figure things out, and yes, famished. Mm hmm,” She felt herself saying as the woman led her in.

“Say,” The woman said with a question in her tone, “I must daresay that I smell a hint of blood on your breath.”

“Uh, yeah. Someone spiked the drink bowl, I think.”

“Fascinating,” The woman replied as she led Madgalina away from the large hall. The duo stopped before what Madgalina assumed may have been a servant, but the mode of dress made her unsure. “Darling, please show our new guest to my quarters. I shall be there soon,” And thus Madgalina was led away.

The woman returned to the main party to find that a new guest had entered. He stood tall and a black coat covered his dark chestplate. His hair was as pale as his skin, and his voice echoed with power and frustration. “Olivia,” He shouted, “what have you done with the visitor?”

Olivia floated over to the newcomer, her red hair trailing behind her. “Sorin, why, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“I’m not in the mood for games.”

“You never are,” Olivia shot back before he could continue.

“Where is the visitor, Olivia? She doesn’t belong here.”

Olivia grabbed a wineglass from a partygoer and began to sip from it. “Now I remember why I didn’t invite you. What’s her importance to you?”

“She could be a potential threat to Innistrad, I must check my suspicions.”

“Hmm,” Olivia hummed, “let’s make a deal then. I continue having to put up with your stupid pet that you won’t let me touch, and you let me play a little bit of fetch with my own dog. Now leave, you’re ruining the atmosphere.”

As Olivia made her way to the room where Madgalina was taken, gears turned in her head. Throwing open the door she shouted out at her visitor, “How would you feel about joining the ageless ruling class of Innistrad?”

Madgalina simply sat on the edge of a bed covered in the finest linen and shrugged. “Sound fun, I guess.”

Tagging people I feel would be interested.

@baldore-of-the-boros @vorthosthewillis @ like, anyone else, I dunno.

#vampire #Olivia Voldaren #fanwalker #storyline #madgalina #voldaren #innistrad #rakdos #cult of rakdos #ravnica #planeswalker

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roslinadama-sinequanon · 7 years

Text

Major Crimes Re-Watch-Long Shot

The crime-

Judge Howard Cully is shot by sniper while swearing in Dr. Massoud as the new superintendent of schools. Looks like a professional hit. Because Dr. Massoud is a Muslim he had been receiving death threats so the assumption is that he had been the target and the sniper missed and hit the judge---or did he? This is another case where Major Crimes is helping the FBI and also vying for control. Sharon seems to be able to handle this dichotomy very well. She follows the letter of the law in her dealings but is not above finding a way to circumvent those laws to keep her case. She’s always had a good professional relationship with Fritz. Even on TC Fritz always seemed to know that Sharon had Brenda’s best interest at heart and he appreciated that even though for a long time Brenda didn’t. Brenda was her own worst enemy.

“Oh, Captain, were you expecting Rusty’s father?

Daniel actually has the nerve to be pissed that neither Sharon nor Rusty has returned his calls of apology. Sharon doesn’t play into that or let him have the upper hand. He interrupted her at work and she tells him to have a seat in her office, her ground. He can wait until she is ready. Daniel isn’t happy but Sharon is the one in control here.

“The idea of taking a kid that has done that kind of stuff and putting him in a normal family, it freaked Annie out.” “I can imagine”.

Dunn is too sure that he is right to get Sharon’s sarcasm here—after all Sharon has done just that, accepted Rusty into her normal family. One thing that didn’t make sense to me is that Annie seems so appalled by Rusty and his background, yet Daniel continues to insist that he needs Rusty because Annie expects to make him a member of their family. Either she wants him around or she doesn’t, gotta make up your mind here.

“Why don’t we make a tentative appointment for you and Rusty to talk tomorrow at 4pm in the conference room here?”

Dunn is surprised that Sharon acquiesced so easily and without incriminations on his behavior. I’m sure he expected her to completely go off on him. He has no idea that she has just neatly set a trap for him.

“We can fix this. We can.” “Fixing this is, uh, a big priority as you can see.”

Sharon is looking out her window at the team as she speaks. Dunn follows her gaze and the first person we see is Andy standing tall and glaring toward Sharon’s office, then the camera pans along and we see the rest of the team, including, surprisingly enough, Taylor, all glaring his way. Rusty’s family is not letting Dunn off the hook for this.

“We wouldn’t want to send the federal government on a wild goose chase now, would we lieutenant?” “Oh, I should hope not Captain.”

Love the amused look Andy has on his face during this exchange between Sharon and Provenza. It reminded me of the season five episode when Andy grins at Sharon and says she can be pretty sneaky. The team is learning that while Sharon follows the rules, she is also cunning enough to know how to make them work for her and is not averse to using the rules to her and her team’s advantage.

“Are you sure about this?” “Honey, I do this for a living.”

Sweet. First time we’ve heard Sharon use a term of endearment like this.

“Mr. Reyes?”

What happens to Gustavo Reyes is truly heartbreaking (and we have another Gustavo, the writers on MC really like certain names) I get why they had to kill him, to make the comparison of the ultimate sacrifice of Reyes, compared to Dunn being a piss poor dad, but it broke my heart when he was killed. He seemed like such a nice hardworking man. It also gave insight into the fear that decent, hardworking, undocumented immigrants live with every day in this country, something that is particularly important to see in today’s horrible climate.

“I thought you were just covering your ass so we could keep our case.” “I was precisely following the law.” God, it’s like working for a hall monitor every… single… day.”

Provenza is still adjusting to working for someone who always follows the rules and always does what she promises she will do.

“Dad must be freaking out.”

Oh, this is killing Sharon—you can see the pain on her face. She knows his dad is dead, that this young boy’s life is going to be forever changed, and yet she has to pretend that he is still alive. Ouch.

“Could I have a name to put on your death certificate?”

I love this line. Sharon does want this guys name but she also wants to make sure he knows he is going to die.

“I’d like to talk to Rusty by myself.” “The people here want to be sure of my safety, Daniel.”

The look on Daniel’s face when he walks into the conference room and sees the whole team there is priceless. He knows right then that he has walked into Sharon’s carefully laid trap and he is screwed.

“And that you should have to ask why we would arrest you after seeing those pictures---“ “Just a very bad sign Danny-boy.”

Again, it’s Andy who is first there to back Sharon up and help dig the knife a little deeper right before the rest of the team jumps in to help too.

“There are two choices in front of you.”

This is very reminiscent of her scene with Jack when she shows him the two choices in front of him, adoption or divorce.

“If it’s any comfort to you Daniel, yesterday I was reminded just how much good fathers are willing to sacrifice for their children. You’re not cut out for the job.”

Daniel didn’t want Rusty because he was his son or because he felt anything for him, it was all about gaining brownie points with his fiancée—which again didn’t make a lot of sense because she seemed pretty oft put by Rusty. I like that Sharon drew the comparison with Mr. Reyes. Reyes was a truly admirable man who gave up everything for his son while Dunn wasn’t willing to give up anything to make a place for Rusty in his life.

“You may just have ruined my life.” “Good.”

Again the selfishness. Daniel never considers what Rusty has been through—is in fact embarrassed by him and his past. It’s all about Daniel and how Rusty is affecting his life.

“Congratulations kid. We should all sign on as witnesses.”

Andy is the first to congratulate Rusty and is genuinely happy for him—and wants to be part of it. Looking back, Andy has been a part of the Rusty/Sharon family from its birth.

“How weird is it that I’m happy to be an orphan?” “You’re not an orphan, Rusty. You may not have a mom and dad but you are family…You are.”

Awww… the sweet proud Andy grin. It’s like the look on the face of a husband who has just watched his wife cradle their newborn for the first time. Okay, that was pretty sappy, but you get my drift. Also, this is the first time Sharon has referred to Rusty as family—just as the first season ends. In one season, he’s gone from a belligerent, reluctant, temporary ward who Sharon originally asked to refer to her as Captain--- to family. He started out the season wanting desperately to find his mother and in the end; he did, only it turned out to be Sharon Raydor, not Sharon Beck.

#sharon raydor #andy flynn #shandy #Major Crimes

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luriashrine · 7 years

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1, 2, 3, 11, 13, 22, 23, 26, 38, 42, 44 and 45 BYEE

LAYZE I LOVE YOU GOD BLESS YOU!!!!! BUT ALSO I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR THIS.

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closet with?

So last night I’ve mentioned that Celia has six elder siblings and now is an excellent time to bring them all up! But before we do that, I’d like to briefly talk about Celia’s foil, Princess Phoebe, and her relationship with her siblings. Actually, I might bring up Phoebe every now and then to highlight their differences. So Phoebe has an elder sister named Ardith, who more or less has the same magical abilities as Phoebe since she’s also a sibyl like Phoebe( talking with the gods, summoning spirits to do their bidding, future vision, and a myriad of different sorts of elemental spells ) however, her powers are not as great as Phoebe’s. This is because Ardith focused on becoming the general of the royal army and decided to hone her skills in the art of combat rather than becoming a full fledge sibyl like Phoebe is training to be. Their relationship is slightly strained due to Ardith’s naturally… uh… well… to put it bluntly, let’s say bitchy demeanor and the fact that Phoebe often spends her time locked away in the library studying and practicing her powers due to the recent pressures her family has placed on her. So the two sisters rarely see each other and when they do run into each other it’s often Ardith placing pressure on Phoebe to control her powers better ( there is an explanation as to why they’re pressuring poor Phoebe but I’ll talk about that when I get the chance) and often talking down to Phoebe which, ok binch thanks because it’s not like Phoebe suffers from low self-esteem issues or anything. Despite their recent strain in their relationship, the two do care and love each other very much and are often looking out for each other. I SHOULD ALSO MENTION, that Phoebe is 19 years old and Ardith is six years older than her… if my math is correct I think Ardith is around 26 or 27 years old.

PHEW NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, LET’S TALK ABOUT CELIA’S UNNECSSARILY LARGE FAMILY! SO LIKE I MENTIONED, she has six elder siblings. An older sister named Agnès who is 23, the second elder sister named Aina who is Agnès’ twin sister so she is also 23, yet another sister named Remei who is around 21, a brother named Izotz and he’s only 20, one other brother named Marcel who was 13 annnd lastly his older twin sister who’s named Olga. Yes, yes I know what you’re thinking… their mother and father did get…. erm, busy a lot but try to understand that the reason why they have so many children is because the queen mostly gave birth to girls, they were desperately trying to get a male baby so that he can take over the throne while they wed off the sisters. Izotz was born with a strange birth defect and they were worried that their citizens wouldn’t take him seriously as king so they tried again and got Marcel as a result. Both Celia and technically Olga are both considered mistakes since they weren’t really planned like the rest of their siblings. Now with that out of the way, Celia’s relationship with her siblings was ok… it wasn’t really good or bad… just…. ok. She actually got along better with only two of her siblings but we’ll get to that when we get to that part. Agnès, the eldest sister, often pushed Celia to her limits despite her weak disposition and Izotz thought that Celia was weak and a disgrace to their family because of the fact that she was born with magic rather than drawing magic from the planet like the rest of the population ( in this world being born with magic is considered unlucky due to the effects it has on the body such as internal bleeding, stiff joints and the fact that if they were to get injured their injuries would take a much longer time to heal. This is because they’re drawing magic from their actual body rather than the earth and humans weren’t really made to carry magic in their bodies like sibyls and espers are, using the magic latent in their body causes a sort of necrosis like effect on their cells). Now, I should mention here that Celia’s family has this mindset where they believe in the strong and often cast out the weak this is because the De Villanueva family were exceptionally good with casting earth spells, considered to have the strongest earth spells in all of the other kingdoms… something that Celia can not do despite the fact that she trained so hard to perform this sort of magic, so the fact that she was always so weak and is born with magic… I’m sure you can see why she wasn’t very popular with her siblings. So aside from Izotz giving her shit for this due to his own inferiority complex, the rest of her siblings just sorta ignored Celia and acted as though she didn’t exist, they only talked with her when it was necessary. In spite of this, Celia does hold some admiration for their strength even if she’s mostly jealous of them. Except for Remei and Marcel consequently, these two perfect angels that can do no wrong are Celia’s favorite siblings. The two just naturally got along with Celia despite the fact that they still value strength and hold the same values as the rest of the family. Where Remei often supported Celia the best she could by giving her all the sisterly love in the world, Marcel he was her partner in crime and they often pulled pranks and did things kids their age would do like climbing trees or playing games etc and etc. Whenever Celia talks about her siblings, she’s mostly referring to Marcel and Remei and the two had a large impact on her life. But in spite of loving them dearly, she still suffers from thoughts of jealousy towards them and does carry some resentment in her heart towards her siblings, not only were they valued far more than Celia but to the two had powerful magics as well.

2. What was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

Florette treated Celia as though she were glass. She was far too dotting and pitying towards Celia. Celia had found her own mother to be far too suffocating at times due to her overbearing nature so she often went acted obediently and meek around Florette so that she can at the very least get off of Celia’s back. Because of this, Celia didn’t really like her own mother too much. As she got older Celia had seen her mother a weak and cowardly fool due to her passive nature, furthering her distaste towards her own mother.

I can’t really say much about Phoebe’s mother here since she died after giving birth to Phoebe. *shrug emoji*

3. What was your character’s relationship with their father like?

King Gustavo was often away from home because he has no chill and is often starting wars. Due to the fact that he firmly believes that royals should fight alongside with the army, he’s often away from home so Celia rarely saw her father. That said, he didn’t really interact with her too much like he does with her other siblings and often gives Celia either looks of pity or disappointment. He wasn’t very proud of the fact that Celia was so weak. Before getting arrested and abdicated, he has considered sending Celia far away to a convent since he believed that she was… erm, pretty much useless and that no one would want to wed her. Celia’s feelings on her father is very mixed, although she wants him to treat her like the rest of her siblings she didn’t really like him all that much and actually found him to be intimidating for the most part.

Phoebe loves her father and sees him as a wise and just ruler. She could never paint her father in a bad light and is too blinded by her admiration towards him. That said, the two do get along very well in spite of his more quiet nature.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

The night of her family’s execution. It’s something that will forever haunt Celia since she saw all of the gory bits that happened to both her family and their loyal servants, she had barely gotten out of the execution alive herself so Celia had a pretty close brush with death. Everyone’s favorite asshole, The Lich, is all too aware of the fact so they often bring up the memory of her family’s execution whenever Celia is acting a little too rebellious towards The Lich.

Phoebe had a very sheltered lifestyle, so she had very little to be afraid of growing up. If I say any more than that I might spoil things so I’m going to stay hush hush on that for now huehuehue.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

YES, VERY MUCH SO! As I’ve said before, Celia had front row seats to watching her family getting brutally murdered by the secret police. She saw everything, from them stabbing the ones that stayed alive to even watching the secret police disfiguring their faces so that no one would recognize the bodies. As you can imagine, she saw a lot of blood that night and the sight has haunted her ever since following her to her later years. She often gets pale at the sight of it and gets pretty lightheaded as well. When she was younger she actually used to faint at the sight of it. Because Celia’s natural reaction is to shut down her feelings whenever she feels that they’re getting out of control she often dissociates whenever she sees blood and often tries to stop her memories of the execution from surfacing.

Phoebe is used to seeing blood since she often helps out healing the soldiers with her magic. So she’s not as squeamish around it like Celia is, that said she doesn’t really like seeing blood all too much.

22. What does your character like in other people?

Celia likes to see loyalty, hard work, and most importantly complete competence in other people since... this helps greatly when leading revolutions against the most powerful and largest kingdom in the lands. She likes to see strength ( in terms of both magical and physical ) and people overcoming the odds. That’s literally it.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

UHM WHERE DO I EVEN START AKDNJANALJND?! She dislikes plenty of things, she dislikes it when people have better family dynamics than she did growing up. She dislikes the fact that everyone and their mother can use the magic of the planet where she can not. If I went on, the post will only go on longer than it needs too so I’ll stop picking at this for now.

Most of all, Celia dislikes kindness and pity. Keep those two things as far away from her as possible.

Side note: Phoebe dislikes mean people :((((((

26. How does your character behave around children?

Celia... is ok with children for the most part. She tends to stay away from them and doesn’t really interact with kids unless she needs too. Though she does sometimes see them as being snot nosed brats.... pft.

PHOEBE LOVES KIDS THOUGH!! She will often spoil the hell out of them and play games or read to them etc, etc. Phoebe firmly believes that children are the hope of the future and thus she often encourages them to do their absolute best. In turn, children tend to like Phoebe very much.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

H A, depends on the situation it’s mostly Celia removing whatever threat or problem it is she may be facing by either herself or manipulating others to do it... again it depends on whatever she may perceive to be a problem. Unless that threat happens to be the lich then Celia will remove herself and try to get as far away from them as possible. Aside from that though, Celia is not at all afraid of confrontation.

PHOEBE on the other hand.... she’s very passive and a bit of a coward as well so Phoebe tends to remove herself from whatever problem they may be.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

Phoebe’s grandmother, she was very close with her growing up and acted as a sort surrogate mother when she grew up. Her grandma was wise and often helped Phoebe with her magical training.

Unfortunately, Celia had a childhood of solitude once she decided to stop running away from the lich and become their student instead so that she can learn how to control her powers better. She doesn’t really see anyone as a parental figure

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

Celia can say “I love you” to a person without meaning it because she’s a manipulative little witch. That said she doesn’t really feel love all too often since she’s a paranoid little shit and doesn’t really like opening up her heart to anyone. That person would have to dig through layers upon layers of thorns that placed around her heart... and even then Celia will still find it difficult to actually say I love you to that person. Thankful her actions speak louder than her words, and considering the fact that the person was able to break through Celia’s rough exterior to actually get her to feel something towards them... I’m sure that person would be able to tell that Celia feels the same way towards them by reading her actions.

Phoebe is a very loving girl so it takes very little for her to say I love you.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Celia already knows what will happen to her once she succeeds with overthrowing Phoebe’s family from the throne. She won’t be able to join her family in the heavens and will instead have her soul bounded to the lich for all eternity. Suffering and never knowing peace after death unless someone were to defeat the lich. As a child, this frightened her so much which is why she often ran away from the lich and disguised herself as “Cecil” during her days living as a peasant (she was also running away from the secret police too so she couldn’t go around saying that she was the lost grand duchess all willy nilly). Eventually, she manages to get over the fear and strikes a contract with them to become strong enough to defeat Phoebe’s family. She... accepted that this would be her fate however she does have her moments of regret as she wishes she could see her siblings once more.

Phoebe on the other hand, is afraid of what will happen to her after death. Since sibyls are like ambassadors to the gods and the people of the planet, if both her and her sister were to die a premature death, then the world will be plunged into eternal darkness unless another sibyl was to come. She’s not really sure what will happen to her but she likes to think that she’ll join her mother in the heavens once she’s done with her duties on the planet.

#layzeal #WHERE'S MY CHILL LAYZE? WHERE?!#THIS.... IS A MESS AND I MIGHT HAVE TO FIX THIS LATER BUT HERE WE ARE YELLS

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