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heniareth · 3 years

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I was really curious about what your opinions on the DAO companions are :) I know we have talked about some, but I'd love to hear more and about the others as well :D I hope it's ok to pose this as an ask :)

Sure! That sounds like a ton of fun. This might be a long one tho. Mind you, this is not the finished version of the answer. I'd like to link stuff and add a cut, but rn that's not possible. I'll update it when I can.

Edit: I have updated it ^^

Let's go alphabetically bc why not.

Alistair:

Sweet guy. So sweet. There was a moment when I was hard pressed chosing between him and Zevran (alas, Zevran won). Also, he's weirdly tall according to the wiki? How did I not notice that before?

Let's get a bit more serious now, Alistair is a great guy. The only reason he's not the hero of the story is because he doesn't want to. He has all the qualities of a leader: he's good at dealing with conflict (as evident with the conversation with the mage at the beginning. He gets where he wants to get without antagonizing the mage, but without allowing him to trample all over him). He's a solid tactitian and knows how to make allies (he suggests to use the Grey Warden treaties, after all). I bet if he was in the leadership position, he'd even not bicker with Morrigan. His moral code is pretty tight; some might say too tight, but I think it's less about the moral code and more about learning to judge people by their actions, not by the labels they fit into (Morrigan is a proud apostate and therefore bad. Wynne is a humble circle mage and therefore good). He also has a bit of a black-and-white way of seeing the world. I empathize a lot with Alistair, especially with his experience with the Chantry and his subsequent reluctance to deal with it. I really wish I had gotten to know more about concrete experiences he had during his training as templar, but he seems reluctant to talk about it (gee, I wonder why).

Since I've only played the game once, I haven't really picked up on Arl Eamon's abuse towards him, which apparently exists (Isolde, however... I mean, even if he were Eamon's illegitimate son, he's a kid, ma'am, he didn't exactly get to chose his parents. So that's so not okay). Alistair's way of speaking about them both, however, is either sign that he has not come within a hundred miles of acknowledging how much it hurt him, or that he's already gone through the whole process and has decided to forgive them. The latter shows a very strong character; yes, he relies on the approval and leadership of others, he has his issues, but he's already started working on them.

That being said, irl Alistair would be like a little brother to me. I'd tease him relentlessly (all in good fun and I promise to stop if it makes him uncomfortable, but he's just so teasable). I still wish the videogame gave him the chance to take important decisions for himself. But that, of course, would somewhat defeat the point of the game.

Leliana:

Another sweet, sweet person. Her singing voice is amazing. Her belief in the Maker inspires me (I'm a religious person and seeing religious characters represented in a positive light is Very Cool. It's also sometimes a source of discomfort, because the Church has done a lot of very messed up stuff and positive representation can sometimes veer into apologetics for things that should not be excused, but that's a whole other can of worms. The bottom line is that religious characters sometimes work for me and other times don't and Leliana works for me very much bc she's an outsider inside the Chantry).

Leliana is best friend material, tbh. I'd love to get to know her irl, discuss theology and philosophy and maybe even politics? She makes mistakes and has prejudices, but, tbh, so do I. And I do get the feeling that she tries her best to learn. From the times she intervenes in a conversation between the Warden and an NPC, she shows herself to be compassionate and open to the needs of others. What I get from her character is that she genuinely wants to help, which is something that I adore of her. I suspect that she sometimes has a hard time deciding wether she's a good person or not. She has killed and seduced and worked for a morally dubious person, and she doesn't show the same nonchalance about it as Zevran (though they both do discuss their line of work in very... professional terms). This is, however, more of a headcanon than actual factual canon.

I also very much enjoy her girly side, like her interest in shoes and dresses. She's one badass woman who also looses her cool about the latest fashions in Val Royeaux. I like that. Between her and Alistair, a non human noble Warden has as good a help to navigate the Fereldan court as they're going to get. Leliana is also, I can't forget that, clever and insightful. It'd be easy to write her off as the innocent chantry girl, but she's so much more than that. Her kindness is paired with foresight, I think. She knows that taking on the trouble to help now can go a long way in the future. I just have a lot of respect for her.

Loghain:

This one's gonna be short bc I didn't recruit him. He's an amazing villain and would probably be a great Warden as well. He reminds me of Denerhor from LOTR; once a hero/stewart of his people, ambition and desperation have driven them both down a terrible path. I have also only little idea about his past. People say he lost a lot, and I believe it wholeheartedly; it doesn't excuse the fact that he plunged the country into a civil war in the middle of a Blight. I don't have a lot of sympathy for short-sighted politicians. I wish he hadn't made himself regent. That's what I take away from his character.

Edit: One thing I forgot to mention that really impressed me was his death. I had Alistair duel him (that was a rough duel), and then it kinda just jumped to a cutscene of my Warden nodding and Alistair executing him. That didn't sit well with me. I didn't want to kill Loghain, and less so in front of Anora. But what impressed me was that Loghain just accepted it. That takes a whole lot of guts. Compare that to Howe's death, and how he screams out that he deserved (more, probably, or anything but death) and it's crystal clear who the more noble of the two is. Loghain strikes me as very lawful neutral, and any neutral alignment has the particularity that it can be dragged towards good or bad, sometimes without the characters noticing it (which is interesting from a DnD perspective; neutral is often concieved of as just as stable as good or evil, but that may not be true. But that's a different post). Anyway, Loghain's death was impactful.

Morrigan:

I could kick myself for not maxing out her approval in the first play-through. I got to enjoy a bit of her friendship by the end of it and boy was even that little bit worth it. Friendship with Morrigan is something that is hard-won. It's all the more precious because of that.

Morrigan is full of paradoxes, I think. She's incredibly wise in some ways, yet also very short-sighted (”just kill them, don't solve their problems”. Morrigan, dear, I'm not going to gain a lot of allies if I kill everybody who poses a problem to me). She is so intelligent, but emotionally... not so. She knows so much about some things, and very little about the next. She's incredibly wilful and knows what she wants, but follows Flemeth's orders all the time through. She hungers for power and independence, yet craves closeness, but won't allow herself to have it. She asks you to prove yourself to her and is extremely critical of your actions, I think, because she's afraid. She bites the hand that feeds her because it might hit her next.

Like with Eamon, I haven't managed to catch the undercurrent of abuse that seems to permeate Flemeth's relationship with Morrigan. Except there are signs, because there must be something Morrigan is scared of and who has instilled all that rage in her, and that's Flemeth. Also, she clearly hates/does not care about her and wants her dead (unless killing Flemeth was part of Flemeth's plan as well? Hm.)

Morrigan is that one person who you are nice to, continuously, because nobody else is. And suddenly she becomes less cold. And then friendly. And suddenly you're asking yourself why everybody hates her, because she's a really good friend! I just wish the other companions came to a similar conclusion, especially Alistair and Wynne.

Oghren:

They did this man dirty. He has such great lines and I'm convinced he was a great person before Branka disappeared. He has that dwarven warrior spirit, and while he looks like Gimli, some of his most impactful lines remind me of Dwalin or even Thorin Oakenshield himself. He could be so noble had he gotten some character development, damnit!

Oghren as he is written is somewhat disgusting. I hate the lechering comments and the drunkenness. And still, I don't hate him because of those amazing lines he has when he's actually sober. It's frustrating and I'll give him that character development myself if the game won't. I strongly associate the song Whiskey Lullaby with him, bc that's how he would have ended up if the Warden hadn't taken him along (warning: the song talks about suicide and alcoholism). Like I said, they could have done such cool things with his character. As he is written now... it's just sad. Moments of lucidity drowned in alcohol and creepy jokes. As you can see, I don't blame the character for either. The alcoholism happens all too often irl. The creepy jokes... I put that one on the writers' tab.

I actually think Oghren could have been a great mentor figure (I know, I shock myself as well sometimes). Next to the Grey Wardens, the ones who know most about fighting darkspawn are the dwarves because they have to deal with them constantly. Especially a warrior caste dwarf like Oghren could have brought a lot of that invaluable knowledge to the team, especially since there are no Grey Wardens in Ferelden but two extremely green recruits. Next, you get the chance to give Oghren the command of the teammates you leave behind in the battle of Denerim with the reason that he has lead men into battle before. Where did that suddenly come from? Oghren should have been right up there telling my Warden that they were doing this wrong, that they needed more food (and booze) and a confident leader to keep the armies they've called together going. Oghren should have been able to tell my civilian city elf who got recruited into the Grey Wardens a six months ago how one leads an army. How one presents oneself to inspire confidence, how one doesn't crack under the pressure, how one gets the leaders of said armies (some who hate each others guts i.e. Dalish elves and humans) to work together. And, last but not least, Oghren could have had a great story about grief. This is a man who has lost most of what made him (and what he hasn't lost he's spilling down the drain with every mug of ale). This is a man who, if you take him into the Deep Roads, has to see what his wife did to his family, how his wife got absolutely obsessed, and can be forced to kill said wife or watch her die. All Wardens loose their home and families at the start of the story. It would really have rounded the whole narrative out if the Warden and Oghren could have recognised their grief in each other and hashed it out somehow. Such as it is, Oghren is a depressed drunkard and there is nothing we can do about that. I find that frustrating.

Rascal (a.k.a. Dog):

Best boy. 100/10. I wish we had gotten to see the reaction of the different origins to the mabari (because elves probably have a whole different experience with them from mages or humans. And dwarves just... I think they straight up have none? XD). Other than that, no complaints. The name Rascal was the one I gave my dog because you have to be a right rascal to survive what he did and play the pranks he plays. Smartest breed in the world indeed.

Shale:

Shale is one of those characters that I recruited rather late in the game, so I haven't had the chance to explore their personality and worldview, really. I didn't even get to take them to the Deep Roads (this will be ammended in playthrough nr. 2). As such, I don't have particularly strong opinions on them (or her? The wiki refers to Shale as 'it', but that sounds weird). But, because I know so little about Shale, I have a lot of questions. First, what were they like before they were a golem? Shayle, as she was called then, was the best warrior of her time if I remember correctly. Why did she become a golem? Was it to be able to eternally protect her people? Was the sarcasm the golem Shale exhibits also part of the dwarven warrior Shayle or did that come later (if for thirty years you have nobody to talk to but yourself, you better be entertaining. And I can imagine how it could make somebody terribly jaded as well).

Next, how attached is Shale to their golem form, exactly? According to the banter, they infinitely prefer it to a squishy fleshy form. If that is the case, however, why go to Tevinter to try and become a squishy dwarf again? It's not like that process could be reversed if they wanted to become a golem again; if Shale survives to the end of the game, the Anvil of the Void is destroyed and Caridin is dead. Was the whole spiel about their indestructible form a façade? It might have been, but not because Shale actually disliked their form. I think it would have more to do with the loss of their memories and with the very invasive experiments and alterations of Shale's body made by the mage Wilhelm. The loss of memories means that Shale is unable to remember life as a fleshy creature. They might be deflecting by pretending that they didn't care for that experience anyway because of the superiority of their golem form. The modifications made to their form by Wilhelm would have alienated them from their body. In light of this, it's significant that Shale asks the Warden to decorate their form with crystals.

All of this is, of course, pure speculation. I may have easily missed or forgotten details that would disprove the above thoughts. All in all, I like Shale and I hope we meet them again in DA4 (given that it's mostly set in Tevinter). It's a liking from a respectful distance, because Shale is tall and made out of rock and also way more experienced than I will ever be (they are literally the oldest member of the Warden's little Blight fighting squad).

Sten:

Sten is another person I'd keep a respectful distance from physically. That seems to be the what he would prefer, at least. I've enjoyed his character a lot, especially because he seems pretty clear-cut at first, but slowly lets the nuance of his person show (gruff and stoic, but then he has an eye for art, a sweet tooth and he likes cute animals). It's also very interesting that there's no moment when you learn "the truth" about him the way you do with Zevran or Leliana. There's no big reveal about his life under the Qun before coming to Ferelden. He says he was sent to monitor the Blight, but honestly? If neither Ferelden nor Orlais knew there was a Blight, how could the Qunari know? I think he's lying, and he takes his secrets back with him when he leaves Ferelden. And yet I think I know him enough to say that a Warden who has become friends with him has nothing to fear from Sten.

One thing I find very interesting about Sten is how he thinks. His conversation about how women can't be soldiers has been analysed a lot on this page I think. He seems to be arguing based on a different paradigma than the one the Warden has. He also seems to have a very clear-cut view of the world. What is fascinating to me is that, when arguing with the Warden and learning about their culture, he is not necessarily becoming more lax about his worldview. I think it's more likely that he is expanding his paradigma, the structure of thought through which he understands the world. I don't think that he is now convinced that women can be warriors as well. I think he rather understands that, in Ferelden, the relationship between occupation and gender is different than under the Qun. Which of the two he thinks is more right or more agreeable, I have no idea. I'm also not very interested in that. But I find it fascinating how he always seems to be looking on quietly, gathering data, classifying it and trying to fit it into his understanding of how the world works. I wouldn't be surprised at all if his original party was a scouting party to see how vulnerable Ferelden was at that moment to outside forces. One thing I don't understand with all of this is why he urges the Warden to meet the Blight head on. No smart soldier would suggest that, except if they are foolishly proud (and Sten doesn't seem like that kind of guy tbh). I get that the Warden takes way longer to gather allies than expected because they first have to solve all of their allies' problems. But surely Sten sees the need to have allies? Is he just that impatient? Does he have a death wish (à la, I lost my sword and am without honour, better to die sooner than later and in glorious battle)? Was he his group's previous commander and is he now having trouble following somebody else's orders? Or maybe it's his way to make sure the Warden knows what they are doing? To push them into becoming the self-assured commander their allies will need once they're all gathered? I really don't know. I like the last option best, however.

For me, Sten is my fellow, more experienced soldier. Like Alistair, he can potentially be the Warden's brother in arms, but he's definitely the older brother here. He probably doesn't take kindly to tearful confessions of how hard everything is, but I feel like he's otherwise a solid rock to lean on. I feel like the Warden can trust him to do what is necessary and count on him no matter what, especially after they get his sword back. His devotion from that point on is honestly so powerful.

Wynne:

Wynne was such a support for my Warden (except with the whole conversation about love vs. duty and that she may have to choose between Zevran and ending the Blight and that she should therefore break up with him. Wynne had a point. Astala was so not willing to sacrifice her relationship with Zevran. But the whole conversation came at a point where she was already so disillusioned that she blew up in Wynne's face (”can i please just have one (1) nice thing????”)). But all in all, Wynne is great.

She has a lot of flaws. She was very marked by her life in the Cricle and, for all her age, she has little experience living outside of it. She is also a conformist despite her strong moral core. In a way, her ability to find peace with her lot in life impresses me deeply because it speaks to a lot of strength of character. Sadly, however, strength can be ill applied and used to suppress. I think she has convinced herself that the Chantry is right under (almost) all circumstances to be able to rationalize the life that mages live. She's had her son taken away from her as a baby and an apprentice killed. Her reaction seems to have been to convince herself that this was right, or for the greater good (and now I'm thinking about the Guardian's question at the temple of Andraste's Ashes; are you wise or do you just repeat what others have told you? The answer is not as clear-cut as it might be). This is why she is so irritated by Zevran and Morrigan. By aligning herself with the Chantry, she is, in her eyes, good. Zevran and Morrigan are not; they do not conform to Chantry morality and they defend themselves tooth and nails against somebody who would try and convert them. This is something Wynne never allowed herself to do; she always did the "right" thing and it has cost her so much. I'm not saying she was right (it would probably have done her some good to rebel from time to time, and to trust her own gut instinct more), but in light of this, it hardly surprises me that she's so judgamental. She has to be, or she would be forced to confront all the evil she has not fought against all those years and all the hurt that has been caused to her by the very institution she protects (and thank God she only tries to argue and can appreciate it when people have found a good life outside of her comfort zone. If she tried to convince by force or, for example, drag her former apprentice back to the Circle... boy oh boy that would get ugly). If you think about it, Wynne really is a good example for what happens if you live by a philosophy of always choosing the lesser evil.

Something that I keep forgetting over her grandmotherly and dignified character is how damn powerful she is. She has escaped the carnage at Ostagar; HOW!? She protected those mage apprentices in the Circle tower for God knows how long. In the battle of Denerim, she wades through an army and comes out alive on the other side. The wiki lists her age at 40, I think, but that doesn't make a lick of sense unless 75 years of age are the Fereldan equivalent to 100. This lady, about whom people make grandmother jokes, did all that. It's impressive.

Zevran:

You know, I would really love to know what Wynne thinks about the events at Kirkwall in DA2. It might be a disaster for her, or it might pave the way for one last bit of character development. She certainly didn't want to return to the Circle after fighting the Blight. That may be an indicator of some change in her stance on the Circle of Magi.

Edit: I forgot that she is what the Circle considers a literal abomination! Holy cow, how could I forget that?? Anyway, her conversation about what being an abomination means is so... heartbreaking, actually. It's so tentative. So careful. "Am I an abomination? Am I the same thing that has killed my students? The same thing as Uldred? Am I lost and damned? Did I invite this spirit in? Is this my fault?" Like wow, Wynne is going through something huge right there. I love it. I have to continue playing the game to see what it ends up as, but it's fascinating and such a huge thing that she allows the Warden in on that.

Ah, Zevran, my beloved (he has stolen my heart so much it's not even funny anymore). He's funny, he's charming, he's so so loyal and it breaks my heart. Zevran is the one about whom I've read most meta: these three wonderful posts for instance, as well as this one about his possible lack of scars, and this one about his lack of freedom. All of these have influenced my opinion of him and they are great reads.

I have talked about Zevran with you before, so I'll just skip to the new stuff. I have come to conclusion that Zevran is an artist at heart. This is totally not biased by the fact that I also do art, but hear me out. One of his preferred gifts are bars of silver and gold. While those have the obvious utility of basically functioning as money (they can be sold to any silversmith or goldsmith and their value is pretty stable through time and in different countries), there's also this from his codex: "Zevran shows an affinity for the finer things in life—hardly surprising for an Antivan Crow—but his appreciation can be more poetic than he lets on. A simple bar of refined silver or gold, uncomplicated by a craftsman's hammer, is elegantly valuable." Tell me that is not an artist's eye that sees that gold and sees the beauty in it. Then, there's also the meta about Zevran the Seducer which I linked above and link here again. It talks specifically about how he lets himself enjoy the target and be seen in his enjoyment. Tell me that is not an artist's eye that beholds the beauty of something he is set out to destroy. Even his talk about his assassinations show this. He talks about it as an art, the way somebody would talk about the brutal intervention in stone that produces a sculpture. Yes, it's a rationalization of the act of killing and yes killing is still wrong. But he doesn't go on about it on a moral tangent the way Alistair or Wynne would (”this person was bad, killing them was necessary”) or even through the argument of survival like Morrigan would (”it was either them or me and it sure as Hell wasn't going to be me”). He talks about the pleasure of a job well done, of the satisfaction of striking the precise point and executing a plan to the perfection so as to minimize chances of discovery and to make a clean death possible. And pleasure in seeing and in doing, this I firmly believe, is absolutely fundamental for an artist.

My favourite part about my Warden and Zevran as a pairing is that Zevran precisely brings out that ability to take your pleasures as they come and to really savour them. Fighting the Blight is tough; it's so important to find good things amidst the chaos to stay sane. If Astala saves Zevran from himself by offering him a place to stay and a purpose, Zevran saves Astala from herself by keeping her from running herself into the ground trying to save the world.

There are some things I don't like about Zev. The incessant flirting, for example, sometimes makes me uncomfortable (it becomes enjoyable for me once the Warden and him are in a relationship, but before that? Nah, no thanks). I wish he would also leave the other female characters alone (and there's so many more shameless comments of his aimed at Morrigan, Leliana or Wynne than at Alistair or maybe even Sten).

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And that's my take on the Origins companions (this was rather long. Whew ^^' I hope it was still readable and that you enjoyed it!!) Thank you so much for the ask!! It's been a joy thinking about this. I was worrying at first that the less prominent companions like Sten or Shale wouldn't get as much content but... well XD

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standfortheangels · 4 years

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What song makes you feel better?what’s your favorite candle scent?what flower would you like to be given?say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).what calms you down?what’s your ideal date?how are you?what’s your comfort food?do you still love stuffed animals?what’s something you do to de-stress?hugs or hand-holding?morning, afternoon or night?what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)? [for mun

What song makes you feel better?

Ooo, this really depends on a lot of stuff. But weirdly, one song I go to a lot is Tubthumping by Chumbawumba. The names really tell you the vibe of the song >w>' it's silly- too silly to really take much seriously when you're listening to it, so it gradually cheers me up that way. But it's mostly the chorus bit that does it.

"I get knocked down, but I get up again! You are never gonna keep me down!"

Repeated over and over again with pride and happiness like a football chant.

It's the kind of mood that's just infectious, it's a crowd celebrating something, enjoying where and who they are. Pair that with the message in those lines, and, I dunno. It just really helps me~

what’s your favorite candle scent?

Oh this one is tough. My sense of smell isn't that great, usually I can smell a candle if I pick it up and sniff it, but when it's lit I don't tend to smell anything. There are very few candles I can light and smell in the room. So I tend to just pick candles based on colour tbh x'D

One thing I do love though is oil diffusers. A few drops of violet essential oil in the water, it comes out as steam, makes the place smell really nice.

What flower would you like to be given?

Aww, that's a cute one~ I'd love to be given any flower really, but if I have to pick... I'd say a sunflower. I think it'd be really funny to have someone pull this giant flower from behind their back and hand it over. X')

Say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

That's six! You can't fool me there >w> buuuuut fine.

Physical: I like my eye colour, I've got a general hourglass shape that I like, and I'm told I have very comfortable shoulders to lean on? Haha

Non-physical: I'm fairly intelligent, have a lot of patience when I need it, and I'm pretty weird, which is often funny for other people x')

What calms you down?

If I'm anxious, I have a few apps on my phone I can use that usually help. 'What's Up' is a great one, it has different tools you can use like grounding exercises and retargeting your thoughts and stuff. I also have games on there like Zen Koi and Alto's Odyssey, which I find relaxing. They're not too complicated to manage but they do grab my attention and have chill music on them.

If I'm calming down from being angry.... Dogs. I find if a dog comes up to me for a hug or something, I have to relax my muscles more, I have to be gentle with them and reassure them that it's all okay, it's like a conscious effort I make for their sake. So it puts a stop to my stressing out long enough for me to just start enjoying the fact that I have a dog. ^^

What’s your ideal date?

Ooo good question...

At the minute I can't really date at all with my health being this bad, so I'd probably go for a casual date where we play a low-pressure game together at home. I'm talking battleship, tetris, any Super Mario game that has a multiplayer feature, Snipperclips, Jenga, Wii tennis, anything. Just us chilling, having a little bit of playful rivalry maybe, a few healthy snacks~ that would be awesome. Some of these games we could even play from two separate places with a video call going, which would mean I wouldn't have to push myself to host or leave the house or even force myself to shower in advance; I could even stay in bed and just prop myself up with some pillows if I really needed to, take a laptop and we could go play something online maybe.

In the future though (because I really hope I'll improve eventually and get some of my life back) I'd still love the more casual fun dates, but not stuck inside. I'd love to go minigolfing and be terrible at it so we can both laugh at my awful shots, and I'll do some hopeless ironic trash talk and then lose by a mile~

I'd like to have a dog we can walk together. We could go to a quiet beach, which will probably be cold and muddy because it's England but we'll let the dog loose and smile at how much fun they're having, maybe play fetch or something, and then at the end be so so grateful that we thought to put old towels over the back seats of the car for our very very happy, very very very wet dog~

It'd be fun to go to a theme park together, or walk around a garden centre and plan out a garden we'll probably never get around to. Or a zoo! That'd be a great date place, a zoo, or SeaWorld, both are good.

I'd like to go for ice cream and sit on some random grassy bank to eat it together. To go to an art gallery with a camera and most of my photos would just be of my date seeing something she likes~ maybe I could even take a sketchbook too, and I could draw her in the styles and/or poses of whichever pieces she wants me to, while she poses in ridiculous funny ways and makes me laugh so much that I have to stop and then we move to the next room.

I've been too ill for too long and had so much emotional crap in my life, I wouldn't choose the rigid restaurant dates with all the same rules and the pressure, or strive to try and be the most romantic couple or whatever else.

For me, what I'd value most is being able to get out of the house and enjoy the world, and having a date with a light-hearted atmosphere.

How are you?

Tired as always! X') but for real, today has actually been okay. The last few days have been really rough pain-wise, but it hasn't been quite as bad today, so hopefully it'll ease off back to normal from here~ I've also been pretty productive in the last two days so I'm very happy with myself rn ^^

What’s your comfort food?

I have a couple! Chocolate, of course, is a classic one (chocolate peanuts in particular are something I reach for for comfort). And also, a hot pasta-based meal like lasagna or, heck just pasta in a nice sauce will do. Those meals are more like the comfort of being warm and homely, the kind of thing I might love if I were really tired and feeling sorry for myself, while chocolate peanuts are the "I'm upset so I'm eating my feelings" food. X')

Do you still love stuffed animals?

Of course! I don't have tons all over my bed purely because it's inconvenient, but I do keep two huge ones- a dog and a shark- on top of my wardrobe, and my littlest childhood friend is always in my room somewhere~

His name is Scruffy, and right now he's sleeping in my crystal box (open) on top of all the empty velvet bags. ^^ I used to take him everywhere, cuddle him every night as a slept.. he usually smelled pretty gross because I never wanted to give him up to be washed, haha X) thankfully he doesn't have that problem now~

What’s something you do to de-stress?

This might sound lame but, jigsaw puzzles. It has to be real ones, at the table with some music in my headphones. If I can't do that for whatever reason, I go to the bathroom and run cold water over my wrists for a minute or two, over the veiny side. It's kind of a mini cleansing ritual. I sometimes combine that with some deep breaths and imagine the water is literally washing the stress out of me, and it really does help. It's something I can do quickly and easily, I can just do it while or after washing my hands or something and that's that~

Hugs or hand-holding?

Hmm... prolonged, I'm not a huge fan of either? Eventually if you're holding hands it's like, when do you let go? What if your hand gets warm and clammy, or sweaty? Same with like a cuddle. Once you're in it, how do you say "hey I'm kind of uncomfortable now, this physical contact has gone on too long"? You don't want to be rude, and it might be hard to explain, so you've probably got to blame on being too warm even if you're not, and then that's a lie, and.. it's just awkward.

A regular hug though, that's okay. It can last longer than usual and still not be a problem, because at least, you know, you won't be hugging for half an hour, at some point soon you'll let go. And it feels nice, you know? From someone I care about and trust anyway~ it's like a physical way of saying "I love you" and it's nice to have someone's arms holding you, to wrap yours around them and just hold them tight.. you both feel warm inside and secure and wanted. I wouldn't be keen on a hug from a stranger or an acquaintance, even a new-ish friend. But someone who's close to me? All the hugs. Give me the hugs, let me hug you back, many many hugs. X)

Morning, afternoon or night?

Night! Actually I love those really early mornings, you know when the air still has that kind of... Crispness to it. That is amazing. But I'm never awake for that anymore.

(^▽ ^;)ゞ

What reminds you of home?

Thunderstorms, loud planes overhead, chinook noises, soft hugs when I'm upset, mum's cooking, pictures of our old dog Harvey, little fluffy dogs running about.

Most of this is easy to figure out I'm sure, but I do want to talk about the first couple.

Until the age of 11 my family lived on a military air base, so there were always big planes taking off and landing, and I really do mean always. We learned the difference between some of them by sound. I could be sat at home and we'd hear one and know, that had to be a Herc landing (landing always sounded different to taking off), or a teacher would have to stop talking at school to let one go by, and everyone knew that one was a VC10. (VC10s are the LOUDEST thing I have ever heard to this day. I'd probably still recognise one now~)

We also saw and heard Chinooks a lot. Now for anyone who doesn't know, those are the weird helicopters that have two... Fan parts? I don't actually know what they're called. X') (I looked it up, they're called rotors!) They kinda look like the bit of a retro telephone that you'd pick up and hold to your face.

Now having two rotors means that they can carry a Lot of weight, but it also means they don't sound like normal helicopters do. The two rotors are timed out so that the blades from each side can go through the same middle space without hitting each other, Left blade then right blade then left then right then left, and you can kind of hear it happening. Instead of the kind of 'Wubbubbubbubbubbub' of normal helicopters, a chinook sounds more like 'Wokka wokka wokka wokka'.

Where I am now, we only hear some small jets once a week at most when they take practice flights, and sometimes a normal police or ambulance helicopter. It took me a long time to get used to the quiet of most places, and sometimes I miss all the overhead noise we had back then.

And we got so many thunderstorms! Every single summer, usually at night. Now that I think about it the pollution from all the aircraft might have been involved in this too. >w>" But I loved it. We'd all gather in mum's room and open the curtains wide to watch. My little sister was scared of thunder back then so it was better for her to have people around and to make it fun. I was always just excited! And I still get that way if I hear thunder now~

#wow this is a long post #i actually fell asleep a couple questions from the end #ive just finished it off this morning #haha #ooc #mun stuff #asimplerper

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dominicvail · 4 years

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Hey! Random question for you: How do you decide if/how you're gonna crop the gifs you make when putting together a set? I struggle so bad with the aesthetic elements of building a set it ends up discouraging me from finishing them most of the time.

I get the feeling anon, i struggle a lot with certain types of sets Still, which affects what i end up making A Lot. And i’ve only been making gifs for lol, 6 years, yikes? I tend to stick to what i Have learnt these days. But, anyway.

I mostly think that the aesthetics of what you’re giffing depend heavily on how you should decide to crop it to fit on here.

I don’t know what kind of sets you make? Because I make like, gifs of scenes very differently to something i make just for the sake of it being pretty.

I personally have preferences for what dimensions i think look best for certain types of gif sets on tumblr, i do not Usually ( i make exceptions) stray from these, and the dimensions have an effect on your cropping.

Say like, [This] set, the dimensions i used were 268x180 which is my preferred choice for either 6 gif set or an 8 gif set formatted like this and if i don’t use those dimensions, it’s because i had a good reason not to.

Typically, face close ups in sets like this look Far better than like, a shot in the first gif of that set with half of granger’s body in the shot. This isn’t because head shots look better in gifs, it’s because head shots remove a Lot of the background which is what, 9 times out of 10, is what is messing up the aesthetic of a gifset. Also, an aside, try not to have dialogue cover anybody’s face, sometimes with already close up shots it’s impossible to avoid, but if your text is obscuring somebody’s face, you’ve cropped too much off.

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Backgrounds are often messy, busy, and eye drawing. If you’re making edits just for the sake of being pretty, negative space is your best friend, i really can’t emphasis that enough. I think people think it’s what’s In your gif that will make an aesthetic set look pretty, but i personally think it’s in how you use what it Not there.

'what is not there’ also applies to shadows on negative space backgrounds, you Really need it to look as plain as possible, imo, take this gif for example;

Without edits, the plain wall behind the height chart was heavily shadowed, i used brightening techniques to remove the harshest shadows and also cropped it so the gif was thinner b/c the shadows were darkest at the far corners of the gif. It’s not a major edit, but the effect it had on the set it was in was Massive. It went from ruining the look of what was a ten gif set to fitting in perfectly and it was such a small, simple thing to edit.

Also, for examples of how different a seemingly plain background shot can look with and without editing, This;

and

(the over exaggerated white was for Aesthetic reasons, i wanted it to look weirdly coloured, the bg was empty anyway) but this same shot looks totally different when i remove the small lines from the elevator he’s in that i left there in the top gif. His malevolence levels shoot through the roof. Just simple things like that can entirely alter the look of something.

I don’t have an example of this next technique with that specific G shot, But with some scenes like the above it would be possible to crop it in as close as the second gif has been, then increase the canvas size again and just paint on the same bg colour as the bg behind him and you’d have a panoramic gif with an entirely negative space bg without it even looking like you’ve even edited it.

i did that here, kinda:

I cropped the bottom of the gif off because originally there was a Lot more mountain on it, and added to the canvas at the top of the gif, and just coloured the blank canvas the same colour as the rest of the sky and presto! i have a Ton of more negative space and it took me like a minute. You can use the same technique for width as well as height, this was just the first gif i’d found.

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anyway i went on a tangent, but dimensions;

for 2 gifs in a set, if they’re face close ups i’ll for them side by side and like, rectangle, you can do them square but i just think it looks better if they’re higher than they are wide, i don’t always use the same dimensions for the height of these types of sets, just what i think looks best for the scene.

if it’s more of a view than a close up for 2 gifs, i’ll do one gif on top of the other, Usually if i do it like this it’s specifically to showcase a view, so i probably won’t crop the scene at all for this type, and just resize for tumblr, but if i do it will be to crop out a network logo but i’ll leave the gifs as large as i can do so while taking it off. If possible i will paint over a logo, so if the logo is over a bit of screen that’s just one plain colour it’s easy to obscure, but otherwise its a crop. If i ever leave a logo on, it’s b/c i had no choice because i Hate leaving logos on.

for sets of 4, like, dialogue scene gifs e.g. this one [here] the traditional square 268x286 is best, tbh. However, for that set there, not sure if this counts as cropping but it is aesthetic, in the show the shots were eric, nell, nell, eric. Because, in that format, doing it that way would have had them looking Away from each other in the bottom two gifs, i switched them around in the set and it looked So much better. When possible, always have people physically speaking to each other in gifs actively face each other. Sometimes this involves flipping the whole gif which i Try not to do because our brains are trained to look at these people through a backward lens, so when you flip it over we think it looks weird because very few people Actually have perfectly symmetrical faces so like, they look Wrong to us. But looking a little wrong normally looks less weird than having people insets face the totally wrong direction.

for 10 gifs, displayed 2 by 2, i will not make them as high, 10 gifs of 268x180 is too long, it looks weird, and even shaving 10px off each gif makes it look more aesthetically pleasing.

for gifs displayed one on top of the other with text over, where you have a lot of them, they look better thin, i usually use somewhere between 230-245px for each gif’s height. Like this one.

if you’re making Huge gifs like... 540x440px for Aesthetic reasons, that Can work really well but is Exceptionally difficult imo and i really can’t offer any advice or tricks because i am hopeless at it.

On of my other tricks of the trade is, when i see a scene i think will make great gifs in the caps i’ve taken for something, i will save the caps. Like, that G moment of him looking into the camera, i took caps of the scene for a specific reason, deleted the rest of them when done, but saved those ones away. Scenes with minimal background that Also contain a look into the camera are Rare, exceptionally good looking on edits, and u will never remember where they are in the show if u delete them lol. So if you find shots you love, keep the caps! reuse them! to this day, i’m the one one to ever call myself out over excessive reuse of the same shots over and over.

Also, zig zags and diagonals are more attractive visually. like, this is from my main but i can’t fine one off this blog atm, but [this] You see how i’ve made this so your eyes flow in a seamless diagonal downwards? You eyes don’t flit back and forth in 3 different directions, it has a flow to it. The first shot on that set isn’t actually like that in the show, her face was on the right side of the screen, i cropped off everything on the left, added to the canvas on the right and used the wall she was standing next to to make it less obvious i cropped it so dramatically to achieve that. You can only really tell if you’re looking for it in that one. But like, if you can crop something so the gifset has a decent flow to it, so your eyes slide over it rather than attempt to look in 6 directions in jerky moments, it helps a lot. I did the same thing with this one, [here] every gif on that is cropped into a different angle as it was on the show.

This works specially well when you have a lot of gifs in your sets, which is where the zig zag thing comes into it, like, those 2 i linked two didn’t last long enough to zig back, but if i’d done another 2 gifs on there, i’d have put it back so your eyes slid back to the left side again. Can’t find an example rn, it’s Hard to do the more gifs you have, but pull it off and it looks really good.

however, if you Can make each gif centered perfectly it looks Really cool but it’s really hard to do b/c show content just.. isn’t great sometimes. But it looks so cool.

tldr: Negative space is Super Important!!! backgrounds can be super eye grabbing and you don’t want that, choose your dimensions well, make sure you make peoples eyes flow across your work rather than dart.

idk, i hope this made sense, but making things look aesthetically pleasing is Really hard and takes a lot of work, it just looks like it should be easy, it’s not you finding something hard that other people seem to find super easy, it’s not easy, it involves a lot of tricks and editing that you Have to obscure because if it’s too obvious it doesn’t look attractive. A lot of work goes in, if i had my way i’d make mostly aesthetically pleasing edits but it’s too hard and i don’t have that kind of time. I hope this helped in some way?

#ask #anon #anonymous #editing #idk #i;m not super good at explaining things #Anonymous

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thelifetimechannel · 5 years

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The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

#bonus content

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growthpeacelove · 2 years

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Frustrated and annoyed

Tomorrow I meet with my new manager and I plan on being very honest and open with him. About all my struggles and where I am mentally. He already has a few meetings on the calendar. I used to think I don’t want these kinds of managers. Now I think I need that. To do well in this new role. I need serious scheduling and accountability. Been caring for mom all day today. I have not been able to get much work done today. I took Tuesday and Thursday off basically. I don’t know. I just need a lot more structure. I know I am capable of excelling! Maybe today I’ll stay up and finish a crap ton of work for my side gig lol. Not even after I finish explaining how I can’t focus- I have a plan. Many hours later ** That did not happen - I ended up playing nurse to my little sister who got beat up by the cat and then tended to my parents and now I’m in bed. Tomorrow my first meeting is at 9:30 w my manager. Then I will spend all day making calls. From there I will hopefully have something to share w my team and then meet w side gig manager and try to make some extra money. And then on Saturday we go and see a house at 9 AM - one that we can check out and potentially rent. If it’s good enough I say we submit an application and get approved and move in. I also need to grow some ovaries and send a money related request soon. So that I am not stressed out. Also to know if they are being serious about everything . I hope my time and energy is not being wasted. I don’t think it is. I hope it’s not. I don’t know if I will leave the house tomorrow. I really want to. Ugh I still owe 400 leads worth of work for another side gig. This is tough. Once this week just ends perhaps I can truly focus on everything. Maybe even next week I can escape? Lord have mercy. I know I will blink and Ramadan will be done and I can take a breather. I’ve been thinking about my faith and my connection to it. I feel bad for not being more religious but at the same time - feel like I am already a good person doing what is expected of me. Anything more has to be done when I am ready. Right now I just want to survive. I want to self actualize and find myself. Drop my guard down and just exist and evolve and yet. Lifestyle Muslims is what I call my family. We do not go above and beyond. We are very much centered in the basics and serving others. Others being my parents to my siblings and I - extended family and family friends and overall other people. How is that not enough? Who am I trying to prove myself to? Today my sister called and she and my mother spent the whole call going back and forth on how they felt bad about the other and my mom kept saying things that I’m sure was giving sister so much anxiety. I’m sure Mom was also feeling anxiety from not hearing from my sister in 2 days. Just a Tennis game of “ prove u feel worse and that shows u love me more” and it was upsetting to hear. I got very annoyed. My issue is that I still want to get my mom and her approval. I never will. I want to have my own approval. I want to be someone I approve of! Lots of reflection questions in my radical adhd guide that I can be answering soon. I need to deposit money in the bank soon. I should also prob eat b4 bed bc I get so hungry rn. Famished! Ok I’m feeling weirdly drowsy and sleepy. It b ur own body lmao

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cow5secondchance · 3 years

Text

Episode 2 - Why Did People Flip - Xavier

Format: Sequester

Eliminated: Wyatt (9-3-1-1-1) || Daisy (Battle Match)

BLAKE

so! week 2 and my plan honestly is to just really still focus on my social relationships. so far, i feel very confident in my ability to connect with people on a 1 to 1 level, and at least hopefully skate through these first few weeks. consistently my problem in the game is missing out on a key group or alliance that is running more than I know. without being too chaotic and paranoid, i would really really like to try to sit here and just scope out the relationships. as for my groups! i really want to work with jennet. she's like iconic? her art is so cute and i do feel like i made a genuine connection with her early on, and i think pointing out we're some of the only award winners in the cast could bring us closer together ! plus 4th place legends... beyond jennet, i have a group with isaac and nicole, and honestly, im feeling suprisingly good about both. i think these first 6 people i mention are the ones im going to focus on most, and focus on really forming game connection wheras the rest im just socially going to really force myself into their LIVES and hope they like me! Daisy and Jarod... loves them and swifties who ive played with in the past both in a way that i feel we were unfinished. jarod got taken out in the doubles round just as we kinda connected on a game level, and then daisy and i were working together in bb netflix before it got canceled. this is really the group i want to strategize with and im really putting myself on a limb being loyal to them because i know they have options, but its a risk im willing to take because if i can be the number 1, their connections can just offer more safety and information for myself. and the final people who i kinda want to work with is captain and wiliam xavier s up there, we just havent spoken tons dont really have much of an opinion on the others? if i had to nominate right now it might be mario just because we havent spoken yet.

XAVIER

It's annoying to be nominated, especially by Jennet. Literally two minutes before we were talking and I was explaining how this round is played. And then Jennet nominates me. I feel betrayed. Getting my G4ce together (Greenhouse 4) so we can vote as a team. And well, well, well, I just found out that the Sequester 4 are also voting together. It is weird that they are all nominated during the Sequester round. They are targeting either Wyatt or Kaleigh. Knowing they are a team, I want one of them out, if I can swing it quietly.

NICOLE

HI I’m back and already went through a ton! Last round a misunderstanding / Lanie throwing me under the bus just because I said I hadn’t spoken to Nyx and Captain really set me up in a weird spot so I had to get rid of Lanie and then she said we all suck (imagine being almost 30 and telling someone who is your students age that they suck! I get it really is terrible to be blindsided but it was her fault, she played too fast! Like yell at me for not communicating properly or whatever she believed I did at that point but don’t take it out on everyone especially like the youngest player in the game!) Anyway, this round is sequester so we are all back together! I finally get to play with Daisy! I love her so much so I’m super glad we got to play, I’m very glad I get to reunite with Lindsay, I’m glad William isn’t mad at me for the whole Lanie situation and now I’m safe for the first vote! It is a very good feeling but I also feel like I should be learning from Lanie’s mistake and playing not fast so I’m trying to take a step back from talking in the house chat. I’m just so excited to see everyone but I will try to contain myself so I don’t annoy anyone. Check back in later in the round!!!

BLAKE

I forget the questions omg but I had a call with Jarod where he kinda threw out wyatts name as an option to go, and honestly I’m completely fine with that because even though they seem super sweet, I feel like I’m juggling enough balls and I don’t need to add them into my mix, whereas I feel a lot better about every other nominee other than Kaleigh, who I don’t think anybody would do this early My strategy is to just campaign for myself to stay to everybody and avoid throwing out names. I’m hoping that comes from Jarod or one of the safe people because they literally have the safety to get away with it

XAVIER

I like video confessionals. The only alliance of 4 should be Greenhouse

youtube

CAPTAIN

hello dr.. so i'm glad i got saved by jarod :pleading_face: he rlly said i'm gonna make captain safe no matter what happens. and thats exactly what he did :100: for ppl who are vulnerable, i want autumn, jarod and xavier to be safe the most like idc i just want 3 of them to be safe. xavier might be in a bit of trouble tho since the totem pole ppl are voting together for sure hmmm so i need to try to talk to them to sway them from voting xavier. for the plans to avoid battle match? idk i just want them to feel safe around me no matter what. so that if i end up voting them, they're not gonna be bitter at me that much. and i lowkey saved myself with wyatt since wyatt said they wanted to work with me so prays.

__________

also, i secured an alliance with jarod, autumn and jennet. and a greenhouse alliance with mario, nyx and xavier. the latter hasn't been in the talk like with every greenhouse yet but xavier brought it up to me and i think that it should be great. so fingers crossed!

WILLIAM

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, going into Round 2 im having a really big struggle..... im seeing THAT I DONT DISLIKE A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS CAST, USUALLY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE BUT NOPE Also we are moving into a Sequester sorta semi safety chain with half vulnerable and half safe cast and lucky me I think Lanie either hated me the most or the least from our Survivor team and decided to give me the Karma twist which gave me safety for the round but made me have to pick the first unsafe out of the whole cast. I think my strategy was to pick someone who didn't talk to me yet (so i had a reason) as well as someone who was sorta loved by most if not all and wasn't a target for it, because I'm thinking if I just fade into the background this round no one would have a need or want to pick me for the Battlematch, i think its safe to assume whoever goes home will pick the person who made them unsafe plus like one other person, so i just have to avoid being that other 1/13 people. As for the vote i have no clue at all, I think maybe Isaac cause i haven't said much to him at all, or maybe Jarod cause i know he is hella busy and prob wont pick me to go into battle..... just not Wyatt or Blake or Kaleigh rn. So like yeah, just gonna pray, not talk around too too much, let people come to me so it doesnt seem like im pushing anyones name and hopefully vote someone i dont love out. yeah so much fun xoxo William F

NYX

So, this round is pretty confusing and difficult to navigate cause not only do we have to vote someone out we have to vote someone out and hope they don't drag us into the battleback. I'm very happy to be safe for the vote since at least then i'll have a chance to battleback in a comp. So, for this vote I can't vote Autumn since she gave me safety, I can't vote Jarod since he took one for the team, I can't vote Xavier cause of the gh alliance, I can't vote Blake due to our bonding on tau ceti, so my only real options for this vote are Isaac, Wyatt, and Kaleigh. If I had my way i'd just pile the votes on wyatt and get them out now but it's not that easy because i haven't talked as much and they could see that as incentive to drag me in. Of course all the people I just mentioned I don't wanna vote for I wanna save because that means they'll be willing to work with me to some capacity. To avoid the battle match is the hardest part cause people can be very impulsive with their decisions and heat of the moment always catches people off guard. My best bet is just not to make too many promises and to just tell the truth and hopefully that'll be enough to gain their respect.

CAPTAIN

besties.. i don't know what i'm doing. its between wyatt and kaleigh methinks but wyatt keeps dropping my name everywhere and i don't really like it. idk if they get eliminated, if they would put me in the battle or not. but like if they're this messy, i'm voting them for sure. also sobs kaleigh is so cute.

__________

prays for me DR! sign: captain.

LINDSAY

bro no one wants to throw out a name because of the battle drag twist so it's three hours to tribal and i dont know who the fuck to vote my gut is telling me jarod but i am absolutely not letting jarod drag that shit back to me definitely not autumn i dont know like. i'm working the tightest with william, daisy and wyatt weirdly enough and none of us have heard anything so i just. ?????

MARIO

I AM SAFE!!! I AM NOT SECOND BOOT AGAIN

AUTUMN

youtube

IT WONT LET ME PUT AUDIO FILES IN!!! But when Monty puts them all together later this season I hope yall enjoy haha

XAVIER

Ok this vote is messy. It started out with Jarod and the Sequester group wanting to vote Kaleigh. They got people on board, and it looked good. Until Wyatt made that alliance chat. And of course the vote shifted to Isaac. But the Sequester group won't vote Isaac. Mario voted Autumn. Captain voted Wyatt. I am voting Kaleigh because I haven't spoken to her much. But I want the vote to go Isaac's way - it breaks up Sequester, and he won't think it was me, so safe from the battle. So it may be 5 on Kaleigh, unless the other people in that Alliance chat are not being honest as well. Ha ha. As long as it's not me, right?!

LINDSAY

wyatt made a voting block?? and didn't include me?? the person with no connection to isaac who they kept safe and would have probably voted with them???? wh ok i guess my vote is on wyatt tonight tf

NYX

So, this round is a clusterfuck of scrambling cause no one wants to get pulled into the battleback and potentially lose there. I just don't wanna go home even earlier than last time because my game has just been so much better and to lose it this way would be fucking devastating. i just want to win so badly so im just hoping i can maneuver this right

LINDSAY

"you know that this is anonymous right" DAISY HELP NO I DIDNT FUCK OK I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

XAVIER

WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I know Captain voted for Wyatt. Maybe Captain is more influential than I thought? Why did people flip? Because of the alliance chat? It was too much? And why wasn't I included in the flip vote? Agh. Time to make my own rules here.

__________

I am still shookt

youtube

DAISY

youtube

#cowsecondchance #episodes

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rorykillmore · 6 years

Note

are there any plots you're particularly looking forward to or things you'd like to do with dolores?

okay a few weeks ago i listed some stuff here but i’ll try and come up with something extra for this ask, since a bit of time has passed

tbh picking up dolores has been really nice for me so far?? like. idk i enjoy picking up new characters in general, but - and i’m sure a lot of rpers can relate to this - it’s not every day that you find one character you end up having a TON of consistent muse for, and that’s always a good feeling. in the past like... idk how many months, sara has really been the center of my muse bc of all the plot stuff going on, so it feels really nice (as much as i enjoy sara) when i find a different character i can spread some of that focus to organically, like i ended up being able to do with trish. and with trish, like, i ended up coming up with a lot of plot ideas for her fairly quickly and people were really great about contributing their own ideas to them which was wonderful

anyways the point of this ramble is that i’m definitely itching to get dolores similarly involved, to come up with some bigger plot ideas for her or throw her at other people’s bigger plots, i’m just still trying to feel around for what kind of things might be good for that!

i am still interested in her maybe establishing or helping to establish a different kind of nonhuman group, but right now on denny?? idk if there are a lot of other characters who’d be interested in that kind of thing?? i dunno, maybe eventually i’ll put up some kind of interest check

if she keeps developing ties to tigerclan, that could be really interesting. i think she and mothpaw’ll get along really well and spear and i have already talked about how nice it is for them both to have a more positive, sweet relationship in their lives. but as kind of an extension of that, her relationship with tigerstar could be pretty fun too, because. dolores can go from 0 to pragmatic fuck in record time. so i think she’d recognize that mirrored element of tigerstar’s personality, given enough exposure to him, and be kind of “hmm” about it. because he COULD be a very interesting ally for her, especially since they have kind of similarly :/ views on humans, but at the same time if she starts to perceive him as a threat to mothpaw or the other tigerclan cats she might be kind of hmmmm. it’d be fun to see them engage in a bit of a metaphorical chess game.

and foxfire could probably convince her to help him find a way to make him a viable threat against humans, so that’s a disaster all on its own,

what else.... tbh just some of her individual relationships are promising to be really interesting, and could maybe spawn plot material down the road. i’ve loved her interactions with like, kaworu, damien, ravage so far. if ravage requested her help at any point MAYBE she’d become a temporary ally to anarky’s group, although as i said before i think lonnie would be pretty wary of her and they wouldn’t exactly see eye to eye. her stuff with laurel’s been really good and complicated so far too; i think it’d be interesting to see what dolores thinks of some of the stuff laurel’s been through. initially it might just be kind of “hm :/ so you even dehumanize each OTHER” but on a quieter level it’d still resonate with her, particularly if they’ve had even more complicated interactions by then

actually weirdly, dolores is shaping up to have a lot of connections to... the denny legends?? there’s her stuff with laurel, and she’s TOTALLY going to take an interest in ava even though ava isn’t by technical standards an android, tony and i have been talking about plotting her and amaya (she actually sent me an ask about this i still need to get to), she’s gonna hang with maive once maive is on her soul searching quest, and you and i have talked about her and knock out.... once fate’s back i’m sure it goes without saying that dolores and ratchet would be interesting... idk i didn’t plan it that way but she’s gonna end up knowing a lot of them. i wonder what she’d think of them as a group.

oh and her stuff with cloud!! i don’t think even dolores herself knows what she wants from cloud, atm she’s just carefully passing as human around him but that allows for like... a lot of chill interactions she wouldn’t otherwise have and slightly more intimate exposure to humanity, so that ought to be interesting however it plays out

i also would really love to plot her with handsome jack. they’re due to meet soon anyway but like, the jokes jay and i have made about jack/man in black parallels aside, i think they could be REALLY interesting adversaries. dolores doesn’t have much stake in tracking him down just because he’s a criminal, but he... does not exactly have a ton of respect for robots, ai, etc., and i think the moment he tried to exploit her she’d really start gunning for him. jack has a lot of the legends after him rn but all of them have this like, personal angry stake that might be different than the calculating “i wanna ruin your life” approach dolores might take and anything he might have in store for her, SO. god maybe that’s some form of plot thread for her and maive once maive is hanging a bit in the southwest, idk

hmmm i’m not sure if there’s anything i forgot to mention at this point but... yeah! basically, i’m still deciding what to do with her in the Bigger Picture but there’s a lot of potential for cool stuff just from the dynamics she’s already developing

#me: throws a bunch of stuff at the wall #anyways thanks storm!#if any of this catches your interest you can be sure to let me know...#cuts dennys lvad wire #numinousbones

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tmabutlesbian · 3 years

Text

this is a kinda personal post and I’ll be talking about my own mental health but because of covid i cant see my friends, we all know we talk better to each other when in person, we’re all kinda waiting to spill the tea and dump everything on each other when we next meet, so. I need a place to. Place. My thoughts?? To vent. I’m gonna vent so. This is your warning.

(VERY LONG POST ahead so. Yeah.)

Some time ago, I asked a blog that I won’t tag cause. I feel like, i have to be on my best behavior around this person? But um, basically I asked them about like, adhd and stuff and they decided not to answer (which very much fair, mistake on my part truly) but! They did help me get like a little help to talk about it, because I’ve been learning more n more abt neurodivergency and I just felt like every adhd post just hit way too close to home too regularly to be normal so! I got help and then... because of other very useful developments with my family, I got to see a therapist!!

And i love her to bits!! She’s so fun, sometimes a bit too energetic for me but she’s very cool! Our first session isn’t very useful for this post so let’s skip over to session 2. I wanted to go to therapy for my possible adhd, right? And i told her that and she told me that she has been diagnosed with adhd! Which is so nice!! I was afraid of not being able to explain it? Mind you, our country doesn’t have english as the primary language so i was afraid she wouldnt know about it or something. But she did ofc.

So then we started talking, I tolde her some stuff, she did the same, and her symptoms were very ‘severe’ (i guess its the word? we used that word so im gonna use it). Like stiches and getting hurt all the time and bruises and. I dont have that. She told me it doesnt change anything, adhd is a spectrum so its gonna be different for everyone. So anyways, she ends up saying she can see some things that could be adhd, but she needs more stuff, so she gives me a task of writing down stuff that i think may be weird stuff that i do that may be adhd or smth else.

And. I did it? But it was HARD like so hard to do it, cause so many things repeated themselves (like everyday), i would be like ‘oh ill remenber afterwards!’ and then i wouldnt so it was a mess. Combine that and im inability to fucking explain myslef and youve got a big load of shit.

But i did have some stuff there that i thought could be smth so. I just went with it, was honest with her, and in our session 3 we got to reading my stuff.

And it was. Very unhelpful? Just, useless i guess for a ton of reasons. Like, every single one or the majority of things that others talked about and said they were symptoms or things that ppl with adhd do/have or just other stuff really, she kept debunking them? And lots of shit was said and i get very weird thinking abt it so basically...

She told me that I’m probably not adhd, just hyperactive. And very tense, thats why my chest hurts all the time n stuff. I run around a lot, i move a lot, so im hyperactive. She told me that if i do have adhd, then its so... light? That it doens’t even affect me much and i can just live my life normally with it (we’re still working to see if my chest pains r rly tenseness or smth else but yh).

And it’s. Weird. Because i dont wanna have adhd, if i can help it i prefer to live with any disorders/illnesses/whatever. But i guess i just felt very lost? I kinda just, didnt wanna read anyhting i had anymore because, what was the point? Everything boiled down to me being: hyperactive, tense, and weird. And that’s it. Idk why i feel so bummed out for, what, not having adhd???? like??? thats great! I just feel so lost and confused. Everytime i see a post abt adhd and i relate im like ‘do i rly relate to it? this person suffers everyday with adhd, you probably dont even have it, why are you relating to this person if you can live normally, only with some weird quirks here n there?’. Idk. Its so weird, weirdly discouraging.

I just think that a lot of what i read abt these things i dont rly get!! What if what i thought i related to is nothing like that at all? What if im misreading everyhting?? Do i even relate to this really? Do i truly feel like this, and this, and this???? I’ll read smth and ill get what that person is saying but, like!!! For example: breakdowns, mental breakdowns. I understand what they are. But do i really?? Have i had them before?? Wouldnt i know?? How does it feel like?? And its not like i can just ask these questions like these because theyre so personal!!! I dont understand all the medical stuff, fuck!!

Another thing is that, apparently, i already have ways to help myself?? Like me jumping around and running around my house helps my tenseness (i dont think so but we shall see), which in turn means im helping my hyperactiveness??? I dont understand. If im already helping myself, if im already so good at managing this shit, if im so. ‘stable’. Why do i feel like smths wrong with me?? Just not right. i dont fucking know. I dont know anyhting i feel like, it stresses me out so much.

What if ive been bothering these ppl with my questions when there wasnt anyhting to worry about?? I feel so stupid. Talked to my friends abt if ffs. Fuck.

This genuinely makes me so upset and i cant rly breathe right, right now? my chest’s feeling tight again so i dont fucking now. Im bitter abt it which is so stupid too. She’s helping me ffs. Fuck.

I dont knwo what to do with this post but ill keep it up. I dont care about reblogs, do it dont it, its same shit just dont be a dick in the tags/comments. This is upsetting to me, but im hoping somebody may know. smth??? idk. Im just lost rn.

#tmalesbeen talks #personal #ok to reblog #dont know how i feel abt this yet i just. dont wanna bother anyone with this shit if im not even like. part of the community yknow?#makes me feel like a fucking asshole #its not like 'oh i dont wanna be a normie cause i guess mental disorders r cool n fun' or some dumb shit like that #i just dont feel very. right most of the time. not wrong per say but not right either.#idk idk idk

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borderlynn · 6 years

Note

1-70 I want to know it all in great detail

I see, the key to getting asks is to passive-aggressively tag your friends.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Anyone who has ever known me in real life knows I absolutely do not. I have an alcoholic, compulsive liar for a mother and an absent father, plus some grandparents who are so convinced that they are my actual parents that they would probably kick me out if they learned I refer to them as my grandparents. Fun times.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Either my dog or yours lol. I don’t like telling people I love them. That’s something to be shown through your actions, otherwise the word loses its meaning.

03: Do you regret anything?

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I’ve regretted basically every major decision I’ve made, and I probably shouldn’t be allowed to think for myself. If I had to name a few things that I regret right now, I would say I regret spending my spring break being so bitter. I really did have a good time, but I would have enjoyed myself more if I hadn’t tried to make it about me. My other big regret at the moment is cancelling my campus residence app. I screwed myself out of a guaranteed place and now I’m stuck with a bunch of drama and uncertainty. Also, there’s a friend that I’ve had for years and there were times when I was pretty horrible to her and she stuck with me despite it. I wish I had been mature enough at the time to be the person she needed in her life, instead of causing drama.

04: Are you insecure?

Extremely. I have a lot of insecurities about my body, mostly my face and hair, but a lot of my family in underweight and it was kind of instilled in me, that to be attractive I had to be underweight, like I remember when I started high school I made it a goal to stay below 110lbs until after graduation. I was still growing so that goal was as unrealistic as it was unhealthy. I’ve struggled with disordered eating since I was like 12. Other than that I can be really insecure about asking for the things I want and need. One of my biggest fears is people seeing me as selfish.

05: What is your relationship status?

I’m a single Pringle! I was in a relationship for a few months, but I got dumped because I consistently put my friends before her, which is funny because I’m in the middle of some conflicts with friends over not talking with them enough. I’ve been on a few dates and stuff since then, but I’m in a bad place right now mental health wise, so being single is probably for the best rn.

06: How do you want to die?

This is kind of dark, but I don’t really care how I die as long as I’m in control of how it happens. If there’s a really wild and interesting story involved that would be even better.

07: What did you last eat?

I’m munching on some green chili peanuts with a crap ton of Diet Coke. I’m at home right now so I’ve been eating way more than usual.

08: Played any sports?

I used to do ballet, gymnastics, contemporary and jazz, as well as various ballroom dances. I’ve blocked most of it out and lost a lot of my flexibility, but I would love to return to ballet at some point. I miss gymnastics too, but I’m too tall for it lol.

09: Do you bite your nails?

I’ve always been weirdly prideful of my nails and the thought of biting them has always freaked me out, like my nails are my babies. Keeping them nice is a big deal to me so my chompers can stay the hell away lmao

10: When was your last physical fight?

I’ve never actually been in a physical fight. The closest encounters were last semester, when my old roommate got a concussion from a crazy person that used to live with us, and a few years ago when I let a friend slap me.

11: Do you like someone?

I’m assuming this means like like. I’m not super interested in dating right now, but there have been people that have sparked my interest recently.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

I am smol and weak. My fragile shell of a body would actually start to disintegrate if I tried this. I’ve only made it to 24hrs once and my body like completely shut down.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I don’t like using the word hate for the same reasons I don’t like using the word love. There are people that I will not associate myself with and there are people in my life that I don’t feel any positive emotions towards, but there isn’t anyone that I could comfortably say I hate.

14: Do you miss someone?

There are a lot of people from my life a few years back that I really miss, but I have to remind myself that I was a different person then, and some bonds are meant to be broken. I also really miss a lot of the friends I have at school. I take them for granted until we’re apart and then I feel all hallow, like part of me left too and that really sucks.

15: Have any pets?

I have a Chihuahua-weiner mix. He’s super old and he doesn’t have a tail and his name is Bob. He’s great. My aunt’s dog is basically my dog too, and he’s a pit mix. His name is Chester and he is actually a giant teddy bear. My friends have a doggo too, her name is Gwen and I am her aunt. She is the most talented and amazing fluffer who deserves the world.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

I’m at that weirdly numb point right now where emotions are like a foreign concept to me. I’ve been super stressed and I have a lot of pretty serious decisions at the back of my mind that I can do nothing about at the moment. I’m super behind on my schoolwork and with all this stress, I know I can’t catch up. It’s super frustrating and there’s been a lot of drama amongst my friend group, making me feel like I can’t really trust anyone in my life right now. My age has been preventing me from doing so much recently and since my birthday is around the corner, even the people who claim to understand have been super condescending about my anger over it. There have also been a lot of deaths recently in the city where I go to school, and I’ve learned that death is a bit of a trigger for me, so that hasn’t been fun. I feel like I’m one serious breakdown from being there myself and that’s super scary.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

Somehow, no.

18: Are you scared of spiders?

When I was little I was really afraid of spiders and would go out of my way to have them killed. I had intense breakdowns whenever I thought a web touched me. Now, I regret having hurt innocent creatures and I think spiders are really cool. Leave the land crabs alone!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Yeah, knowing what I know now, I think that it would be cool to try and get myself to the point where I am now, but without a lot of the drama.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

My dorm room lol.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m taking a greyhound back to my college town on Saturday, and Sunday I’m returning to my normal schedule. I’m not looking forward to that eight hour bus ride.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

I’m kind of a lone wolf, and I really want to travel so kinds aren’t really in the picture, at least not until I’ve gotten my doctorate. Even then I would either adopt or use a donor, and I wouldn’t have more than two.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Right now only my ears are pierced, but I plan on getting my septum done in May, followed by a double medusa. I also really want dimples and a brow done. Eventually I’d do my nipples and stomach as well.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’ve always been geared toward the liberal arts. I love all things involving art, history, and languages. I low-key have always enjoyed math too. I’m working on my bachelors in comparative cultural studies with minors in queer studies and museum studies. I want to carry that on to a masters in gender studies and a phd in Buddhist art. After that I’d like to go back to school fo economics and eventually obtain a masters in economic history.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss people from my past when I’m unsatisfied with the people currently in my life. I have to remind myself that they aren’t around anymore for a reason and that it’s more important to work on the relationships that are relevant. Dwelling on the past does more harm than good.

26: What are you craving right now?

Some love and affection? I’m not craving anything really. I could just use some peace and quiet.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Yes. I’ve broken an ex’s heart when I ended the relationship. I was unhappy, to the point where I cheated. This was also the point when I started to question if I was actually a lesbian. I dumped him and never told him why. I broke my friend’s heart when I led her on, but then rejected her because I was in love with someone else (who did something similar to me). I broke my aunt’s heart when I told her I felt like I don’t have a family. I broke my biological mother’s heart when I made it clear that I didn’t want her in my life. I’m pretty good at the whole hurting others thing.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

It’s very possible, but if someone did, they never told me.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

I can’t name a specific time, but I’m sure it’s happened.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

What isn’t irritating me right now? Oh my god.

31: Does somebody love you?

I’ve had a lot of people tell me they do, but I have a hard time feeling it most of the time.

32: What is your favourite color?

I love every color, and I don’t like making colors feel left out, so my favorite changes a lot. Right now it’s yellow, because yellow is a bright, warm, happy color. I also really like pink. The pastels of both of those are 10/10

33: Do you have trust issues?

I legit don’t even trust myself. The only person I honestly trust 100% is my aunt. I have really bad trust issues, but I also overshare a ton. My life is a cycle of sharing my life story and then panicking.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

The other night I went to sleep while drunk and I had this wild dream where I met someone, learned his whole life story, flirted and eventually fell in love with him, came out to him, saying I’m not sexually attracted to guys (he came out as ace too so it was perf), and then he was hit by a car, causing irreparable brain damage. I woke up right after, but that dream will haunt me.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My aunt. I was updating her on my life in college, and it’s been less than ideal.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

I’m a huge believer of forgive but don’t forget. I used to be so bad about grudges that I would be angry even after forgetting what I was upset about. I guess I have the opposite issue here.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgive. Like I said above, I might forgive you, but knowing what someone did before will always leaving me searching for instances of them doing it again. Trust issues who?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

It’s only March and I already know that it will be one of the worst years of my life. Ugh.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I think I was thirteen. I didn’t know how I felt about guys at the time and I almost puked in that poor dude’s mouth.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

I have, and it was terrifying. Midday skinny dipping wasn’t one of my greatest ideas.

51: Favourite food?

Avocado on toast with a poached egg on top, muffuletta, yellow curry, and eggs benedict are my top ones.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Absolutely. I didn’t really believe this until my roommate’s big fight last year. So much happened in one night, that wouldn’t have happened if we had done things even a second later. It was wild, but it was like there was so much pent up negative energy that the universe needed to release, and it found a way to make that happen.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

I put some food away.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

The thing about cheating is that it’s when you go out of your way to do something with someone else when you know it would hurt your current partner. It’s something that happens when you aren’t happy in your relationship, and in a lot of cases it can be a cry for help. It is hurtful and a sign that a relationship isn’t meant to be, but cheaters shouldn’t always be villainized.

55: Are you mean?

I can be, but I try not to.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

None, lol

57: Do you believe in true love?

Not really. There are so many people that we have things in common with or who exist on the same wavelength. We might find someone that makes us happy for a long while, but nothing is permanent.

58: Favourite weather?

I love hot, sunny days when you can leave windows open, wear shorts, and only drink things with ice.

59: Do you like the snow?

I lived in Alaska for over nine years before moving to the Sonoran desert. I moved to Northern Arizona for school, and when I saw snow again, it was as an adult who only saw the negative aspects of it. I hate being cold.

60: Do you wanna get married?

I don’t see myself ever being married. I would have to really love someone if I were to actually settle down and start a life with them. Right now I really only see it as something that would tie me down.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

I honestly hate baby as a pet name. It freaks me out. The only pet names I find cute are the unusual ones, like once when an ex accidentally called me cornbread.

62: What makes you happy?

Getting my nails done, binging my favorite show (Archer), travel, doggos, wandering around in stores with my music blasting so I can feel like I’m somewhere away from my problems, seeing people impressed with food I made, completing a project and being proud of my work, etc.

63: Would you change your name?

I hate my birth name, but I’m also afraid I’ve been conditioned to feel that way by my grandparents as a way to attack my bio mom. Because of that, I’ve been going by my middle name and various nicknames. Most people close to me call me Abby, but my favorite thing is to be called Lynn. I’m pretty hesitant to legally change it though.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yeah, the last person I kissed kinda sexually assaulted me, and I’d like to avoid that.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Reject them as nicely as possible. Dating would be bad for me right now, and I’m pretty sure I’m not sexually attracted to men.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I don’t think I have a best friend, period. I don’t think I’m entirely myself around anyone through. Different people will bring out different parts of my personality.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Not sure tbh.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My aunt. The conversation we had about my life at school was pretty emotional.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

No, for the same reason I don’t believe in true love. Life is too impermanent for there to be someone our soul fits with perfectly. There is too much change for something to be predetermined like that.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

Anyone who has ever been somewhat nice too me. Honestly though I would be willing to die for a lot of people. The thought of anyone else having to suffer really sucks and if I can save them from that, I would.

#long post #thanks shelbs

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paperdoll-hearts · 5 years

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Rehab,

I really can’t go on that long cause I’ve gone on and on in a few different places by now, but here’s a different angle on things: one of the reasons I love talking to you is how many things you can talk about and nerd out to and just have so much to say, and it shows right up thurr in your favorite people ^^ Like yes, they all happen to be pretty. But you have different reasons for loving them all and they all sort of show a different side of you.

If I were trying to really show that and not just show pretty people I’d have included Ryan Tedder, clearly, but Buble has a prettier face, so he can represent that side of you that you know I love. That music nerd side. Legit, I could listen to you go on about music forever and not get tired of it. And you never will! You always think you’re talking too much or whatever, you’re annoying that way. But there’s a reason I beg you for that playlist. Because I love your taste in music, and because I love seeing kind of that side to you, if that makes sense. I think it will to you, because you can tell a lot about people with their taste in music, and also just like what you choose to show me. Idk. I just enjoy hearing about it all, whether it be your own experiences with singing, or how much you love whoever you love, because it gives me this insight into who you are and what makes you tick. And that little poetic soul we talked about the other day. Because honestly, whether you want to admit it or not, it’s there, and it’s awesome, it’s beautiful, it’s special. And I wish you’d show it off more, but SO BE IT.

And then there’s that Chris Pine love, which Chris Pine is sort of at a different level, obviously, but I’ve grown to realize you have this mold of human that you just love and maybe it’s mostly because they’re gorgeous, but you get so impassioned over it. And maybe they have talent or a good personality and stuff too, but yeah, it’s mainly just in that they have a nice face. But you get so invested that you’ll watch 3 dozen crap movies. I’m speaking mostly about Hayden Christenson rn btw. But yeah, basically you’re just a nerd again is what it comes down to, but it’s like a really loyal nerd, which is nice.

Then there’s the side I relate to mostly, which for someone like you who has all of this nerd in their personality, like when you first told me you liked football I was probably like “sure okay” because 90% of tumblr people who like football… you know haha. SO yeah, not that you or anyone like needs my backing, but just from my perspective, it’s really freaking cool that you have so many other interests and passions and yet you’re still this die hard fan who really REALLY cares and really REALLY knows the game and her team. Actually, now that I think of it, kind of annoying. Maybe back off? I need my thing too, you can’t just take it all. But honestly, it’s been fun kind of rooting for the Bears for you, which, I’ve tried many times to root for my friends’ teams and I’ve never been able to… just can’t do it, and with you I can… to a point. But it’s further than I’ve ever gotten, so that speaks to something. I guess I just like you and think the Bears deserve happiness haha. But, honestly, you deserve happiness as a fan, cause you’re a freaking great one.

I went completely out of order of the pics up there, huh? But anyways, this is soooorrt of a new one for me, I guess not that new. But maybe I realized more how deeply you love him somewhat recently? But I love your love of Hugh Jackman. I love it so much. And this one’s a unique one, right? Cause you just love everything he is, cause it sort of embodies most of the things you love. Music, films, adorable personalities, pretty faces. But idk, I never thought much of him or a lot of actors or actresses before you came into my life, it’s sort of cool just to hear you gush about his talent, and I wish you’d do it more. Gush all you want, you know I never hesitate to. But yeah, maybe it’s because it’s how I am with the Patrice Bergeron’s of the world that I relate to it and I love it, but there’s sort of nothing cooler to me than listening to someone (or like, you) try and explain what they love about someone like that and just not even having the words, just listing off things that falls so short of what you feel. And maybe it seems like it’s this small thing, you’re just obsessed with a celebrity, but idk, to me it’s like you have such a passion for so much of who he is. And yeah, it all comes out in this perfect form of him and you love him for that, but it’s your love of all of those things. And you’re way less talented than him, I mean holy crap, that gap is WIDE I mean, really, you really missed the mark on that one, it’s incredible how far short you fell… hahaha, no, but you have all of that in you. Maybe it doesn’t come out as like the talent he has, but the passion he has for what he does; the artistry of it, the acting, the films, the musicals, the actual music. It’s in you, and maybe that seems insignificant, but it’s not to me. It’s part of what makes you the interesting, totally freaking rad person that you are.

I can’t believe I said I wasn’t going to say a lot and then just typed all of that. Sorry for making you read so much of my ramblings on your day of birth. BUT, I just want you to know that when you’re like “I’ve talked too much tonight” or whatever, and I tell you NO YOU IDIOT. I mean it, because all of these things, and other larger life things, that matter to you, they matter to me. And for no reason other than you’re an incredibly interesting, passionate person. And listening to those types of people nerd out on the things they love is what’s great about the world. I don’t call a ton of people nerds, it’s weirdly like a term of endearment in my lexicon (that’s a $5 word), but you’re the biggest nerd I know.

I love ya, you’re wonderful. Congratulations on the aging process. And happy middle of your birthday.

-ro$e.

#if you ever wonder if i have a type just look at this graphic #but ughhhh #what the heck rosetta??#would you please be done writing such kind and thoughtful things??#seriously #you're just too much #i'm ignoring the aging jokes because everything else has been so nice #just the worst #submission #also they all look good but jay looks super great

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killjoy121710 · 7 years

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Fic Questionnaire for Writers and Readers!

Tagged by @sentinelai to do this interesting questionnaire. I love this idea, so thanks for the tag ♥

I’m actually super embarassed they tagged me in this almost two weeks ago, but I’m a hot mess so here I am.

Number your favorite characters from one fandom (in any order you want) 1-12

Fandom Choice: Free!

1) Makoto Tachibana

2) Haruka Nanase

3) Rin Matsuoka

4) Nagisa Hazuki

5) Rei Ryuugazaki

6) Sousuke Yamazaki

7) Kou Matsuoka

8) Momotarou Mikoshiba

9) Aiichiro Nitori

10) Kisumi Shigino

11) Asahi Shiina

12) Ikuya Kirishima

If you wrote a fic about Four, what song would you use to inspire yourself?

Nagisa Hazuki. Hmmmm. Weirdly enough probably It’s Tricky by Run D.M.C. bc I saw a Nagisa vine once with that song. But seriously, I’m not quite sure. It would have to be something fun and uplifting though. I’ve been thinking about it while writing the rest, and the only song I can even think of is Planetary Go by My Chemical Romance. It’s a party jam. Nagisa is a party.

One/Nine and Six/Ten. Which pairing is happier?

Makoto/Nitori v. Sousuke/Kisumi

Strange™ uhh. These would be two COMPLETELY different dynamics. I feel like Makoto/Nitori would be just because of their personalities. They’re both so sweet and caring, I feel like they would both unintentionally being doing the best to one up each other with cute boyfriend things.

Sousuke/Kisumi would probably still be chill tho. Sousuke would probably be very protective of Kisumi and it would probably cause problems. In the form of Makoto.

Have you ever read a fic about Seven/Twelve?

Kou/Ikuya. I have not, but it’s probably out there in some weird au that they share the same story line.

FMK, but with extra options (to finish off the remaining numbers). The choices are: Fuck, Marry, Kill, Adopt, Live With, and Fight. Choose from numbers One, Two, Three, Five, Eight, Eleven.

Makoto, Haru, Rin, Rei, Momo, Asahi

Alright, I’m gonna get this out of the way even though it’s pain.

Kill: Asahi, just because I’m the least attached to him, but I feel like he would put up a fight and make it difficult for me at least.

Marry: MAKOTO obviously

Fuck: Rin oooooo ye

Adopt: Rei. Small child.

Live with: Haru, he would make Makoto and I delicious food. I’d even eat mackerel.

Fight: Momo, again not bc I necessarily want too, but he’d put up a good fight and it would be fun. If he would actually fight me I guess, since I’m a girl. He probably wouldn’t want to. That just means I win easier.

Any favorite fic moments for Four?

Nagisa. Hmmmmmmmmm. I haven’t read any fics with him as the central story line, but he’s usually always in the fics, which always gives him a lot of good one liners and stuff. The two moments that are coming to mind right now are coming from one of my FAVORITE fics ever and a fic that’s a wip that I’m reading rn. The first one: Makoto, Nagisa, and Kisumi work together at an elementary school, and Makoto is new and Nagisa is his friend, so Makoto just met Kisumi. Kisumi is obviously tryna get Makoto. So Nagisa gets Makoto to go to an event but he needs a shirt and Kisumi offers to lend Makoto one. So they go to his office and Makoto tells Kisumi he needs a large and Kisumi is all “dang I only have a medium” and gives the shirt to Makoto, who is awkwardly waiting for Kisumi to leave so that he can change. And kisumi the little shit just standing there smirking, and enter Nagisa, the angel, is like “OH Kisumi it smells really good in here. Like pine trees. There’s a lot of pining.” And its shooting Kisumi daggers. Kisumi has the good sense to leave. It goes over Makotos head.

I swear its funnier in the actual fic.

Other moment omg. Rin and Sousuke are in a band together and Nagisa is their manager. Rin and Sousuke are backstage after the show in a hallway and they start getting nasty and fucking Rin omg calls sousuke daddy and suddenly Nagisa “ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUS” NAGISA WAS STANDING THERE FOR LIKE HALF THE CONVERSATION I WAS SOBBING fuck but nagisa was like get the fuck outta here this is why we give you separate changing rooms and called them out on their daddy kink I was crying I was aughing so hard lmao.

If anyone wants to know what either of these are from message me and I’ll tell you.

What tags/warnings would be included in a One/Twelve fic?

Makoto/Ikuya

Uhhhhhhhhhhh. I literally have no idea. Rarepair.

What would Eight say if they saw Six and Nine kissing?

If Momo saw Sousuke and Nitori kissing. Omgggg. “Nitori-senpai!!” He 10/10 would immediately start screaming. He would be chill with it.

Last Question! Make up a summary for a fic including Two, Three, and Eleven.

Haru, Rin, Asahi.

AU where when Rin meets Haru during break from Australia, Haru was walking with Asahi.

Rin is shocked Haru has a friend besides Makoto, but he has no idea how Asahi came into the picture… What will happen when Rin finds out Haru swam a relay?

Who knows? Not me.

Tag 10+ Followers, (Future) Friends, & Favorite Writers

I’m not going to tag anyone bc I’m shy as fuck. But thank you again @sentinelai for tagging me!! I had a ton of fun doing this and I want to do more stuff like this.

#tag thing #writing #the formatting got all fucked bc my laptop sucks #im sorry

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