#to just be like. seeking out people to kill. thats so cringe

[writing-frenzy]

Airplane Crossing Over Plots~

Like it says on the tin, these were ideas I had for crossovers involving our fav writer~ (EDIT: Thank you @guiltycorp for inspiring this a bit XD)

Now, I’ve mentioned before, with Airplane choosing the go home option, he ends up still with a golden core in all this mess but he needs to cultivate his body really carefully because of it. (come on, he put in all the time and effort to be an immortal master, he should be able to still have his bad ass skills; not to mention with it being a soul thing, because a golden core is just as spiritual as it is physical, so he will definitely still have it.)

So, sealing his core and having his Nascent Soul outside his body to relieve some of the pressure on it, (having it look like a little chibi SQH that usually hangs out in hoodie pockets or hiding in Airplane’s hair with an aura of disguise around it), Airplane has to go and actually work out, which isn’t too much of a hardship for him at least, seeing as he’s had years to get into a routine and survival instincts kicking in to help him out there.

And, he may have actually started taking school seriously again, actually applying himself, maybe even getting an online accounting job to help supply his income. When he’s steady with that, he finishes PIDW the way he had been leading up to, the ending that makes the most sense and satisfices the writer the most (and if it gives him some closure, he isn’t saying anything about that.) Now that he is finally free from PIDW, and has college and work to worry about, he writes whenever he damn well pleases, and whatever he wants to fuck what anyone says.

(He might or might not write some absolutely filthy porn whenever the mood hits him, and cackles how his fans both greedily read it and cry because his newer works are so tragic, even if they have happy endings at times. Yes, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky is a porn writer, but first and foremost is he an angst writer more~ His fan’s tears and cries just make him stronger kind of writer~)

(I just honestly want Airplane to write what he wants to now, that is one of the biggest motives behind all this honestly)

So, we have the set up :D let’s get to what we can cross over here~

First Up: ~Cutivation Group Chat~

Come on, how can one resist this? Plopping good old Airplane into this wild ride is one of the few things that makes me so happy in life. The thought of it makes me grin, especially since it can go two ways in my opinion~

First way: Airplane replaces Song Shuhang; like, just seeing Airplane, who was an Immortal Master and Teacher in those situations would be so funny, yet intriguing as well to see how he handles it, because you know he’ll be able to, just in ways no one ever expects. (Besides, that werid luck of Shuhang’s would be perfect for him, tho he won’t seek death like the other would~ :D Airplane still has a lovely sense of self-preservation~)

Second way: Airplane is one of Song Shuhang’s roommates. (for this, I’m going to say their Dorm was big enough for five peeps, because I want Airplane to have more friends damn-it.) Just... the imagery of the two neutral disasters getting into so much mayhem and hijinxs together, giving Song Shuhang not only a friend/brother in arms he can always depend and rely on, but also a steady source for learning and cultivation as well :D

(Also, Airplane and Gou Moumou being writer friends, the two of them able to bounce ideas on to each other (oh god, now you have inspired me, how dare you make me write this./hahahaha, you know you want too/ bitch turnabout is fair play/ ah fuck.) also: just the image of Airplane meeting Senior White and being completely unaffected because not only is his survival instincts going in overdrive, but also:

Airplane: ? He’s not my type.

Everyone: *jaws dropped*

:D Anyways~

Second Idea: Card Room (Rebirth)

Now First, for those who don’t know Card Room (Rebirth), this is an action/survival/mystery thriller BL Unlimited Flow type of novel; it follows one Xiao Lou, a medical professor who specializes with examining the dead, and his journeys through multiple rooms after having died in reality, the difficulty of each of these rooms measured with Playing Cards from 2 to K and with different types of rooms being sorted by their suits of Hearts (Mystery), Diamonds (Puzzle), Spade (Survival), Club (Luck/Money). The Goal of the story is to beat all the rooms and return back to the world of the living once more. To aid in this, people can get special cards to help them fight/ take care of their health/ or even just daily life essentials to be able to actually get through places. 

So... this means after getting all used to living once more and getting into his grove in the modern world... Airplane unfortunately kicks the bucket, yet again! Thing is, this time it happened after he played a card game with some of his roommates, I’m going to say poker, and they were betting who would do what chores. Aiplane managed to make out pretty well, and was pleased with it, so was very much bummed when he ended up dying yet again.  He goes through the room, some by the skin of his teeth, but with his cultivation abilities still usable (can’t stop something on a soul level here) he gets by okay. Though, all his cards either deal with writing, supplies, and the rare cultivation one at times.

He gets by at least.

Now, because this series gives me some emotions, here is one thing I will say: Airplane and Liu Ying end up partnering up and break through together, because damn it, Liu Qiao and her sis deserve some damn happiness ;-; Maybe Airplane and Liu Ying meet by chance, Airplane impressed by the young woman’s intelligence and Liu Ying can in turn be grateful for Airplane’s resourcefulness. Maybe even include the original girl that Liu Ying teamed up with, So we have three people already in your team to survive! (because surviving the rooms 2-4 is already damn amazing considering how hellish they get :D ) 

This is a fun crossover for me to imagine honestly, because it would be perfect to showcase Airplane’s skills in logic, reasoning, and pure survival our boy is known for; let that resourceful and logistic riddled mind out to play as he fights to get the fuck out of this world, even if The City of the Moon is beautiful and all.

:D So, those were the ideas I would like to really see, but here is some more for anyone curious:

Honorable Mentions: These are ones I would love to see Airplane accidently going into, and just going yikes, or nope! or even ‘Really?’

Lord of End of World:

... This story, it concerns me greatly; I like the worldbuilding, even has a few really cool girls in it, and I find the protagonist rather curious (to an extent, blackened Gary Stu that he is...) but does it make me cringe at times with the underage theme to it; it’s part of their cultivation and all, but god damn does the way this story push some of it really sqink me out, I had to drop it because it made me so uncomfortable, so just a heads up there. this is one of those stories that makes me want to write spite fiction, but also make me cringe at the thought of remembering it at times.

Anyways, so, how it boils down to it is that this poor guy, known as the Young Master of the Unground Palace, was abused in all the ways one can practically be abused, just so their Master can get stronger themselves by forming the perfect cauldron to absorb, but who manages to kill their master only to die as well. He ends up transmigrating into Gong Lixin, a 16 year old wealthy young master about a year (I believe) before the apocalypse happens... (Like I said, I have so many damn issues with this damn story, I cry.)

Just, on one hand, imagining Airplane in this world also makes me laugh (and maybe hope), because maybe here Gong Lixin could actually learn a cultivation style thats not only suited to him, but also doesn’t need him to dual cultivate all the time and rely on cauldrons (maybe get some needed therapy as well, Airplane knows some peeps; I can dream~), he can have a stable, reliable teacher here who will have no lust or attraction to him, Airplane helping the kid out at first because they look like they’re recovered from a really bad Qi-Devitation and the teacher in him can’t leave that alone. Airplane can also relate with the youth about transmigrating, maybe even telling him about his own time with that. (And Airplane can use his own cultivation to smack around any bitch looking sideways at his student, because fuck that shit, he is only seventeen and traumatized.) Just, turning this story into a cute mentor and discipleship and emotional healing would make me so happy.

Monster Inn Rectification Report

So, this is another Transmigration story~ MC transmigrates as a poor canon fodder son, who would have ended up in a vegetable state after being neglected in favor of the super amazing awesome adopted son. He then goes on to accidently inheriting a supernatural end for Monsters~

Like, this idea makes me grin evilly; though things will change up a bit, since both of Airplane’s parents have already split up and have their own families? Just, the Former An Ding Peak Lord running an Inn? :D Building it from ground up from bascially nothing? :D Oh, man, this man has run worse things, and even a Demon Kingdom, he got you~

Supernatural Movie Actor App

Its a BL about a guy with a split personality who does realistic (as in for real) horror movies through an app, to get his wish to come true.

This actually goes really good with my idea of Airplane wanting to be an actor and all, only to have his dreams crushed :D He doesn’t at first realize what he is getting into when he gets the app, thinking it might be a chance for him to still be able to do his dream, only, surprise, surprise, he ends up entering a real life Horror movie environment~ I’m really curious about what he would dream about~

I Have Medicine

:D Airplane and Gu Zuo interactions make me smile~ these two would be so fun, seeing them bounce off each other would be a treat.

So What if You’re Reborn

.... hahahahahaha, oh, the chaos that could be unleashed in this timeline would be glorious~

Running Away From the Hero

:)

#SVSSS #Scum Villain Self Saving System #Scum Villain Self-Saving System #Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky #Shang Qinghua #Cultivation Group Chat #Card Room (Rebirth)

[burnedbyshoto]

I Hate You - Part Two

Part One

villain!todoroki shouto x reader

word count: 1,100

warning: angst, fluff?, blood

a/n: so my writing has.... changed so much from this request which was like a month ago... and part one makes me cringe so HARD staring at it now LMAO!!!!! but i guess thats what we call growth???

Shouto stares at the group before him.

Their plan had been compromised, because of him. His eyes bore into his followers, and no one was happy.

It was much easier to take your quirk when you had been unaware, but not that you knew, now that he no longer had you... everything was slipping through his fingers. 

“What are we going to do?” His followers ask him, and Shouto sighs. He doesn’t know.

His plan was you. You were now not there, and your blood was no longer viable to use. Followers were stirring, and Shouto couldn’t come to seek you out. He couldn’t bring himself to look at your face after the day in the alley.

That day had been a mistake, after all. He just couldn’t keep himself from messaging you as you had been on repeat on his mind. Shouto didn’t mean to fall for you, but you were mesmerizing. The way you viewed the world and intensely loved things, and then the way you straight up hated villains. It almost made him forget that he was the villain.

Shouto hated the hero world, he hated that they had allowed someone like his father to be hailed for his strength. But he had someone good, and it hurt him grossly in return.

His eyes lock with the eyes of his followers, no one knowing what to do, or what to say.

“I don’t know.”

***** You entered your apartment, it had been a good day.

Letting your purse down on the floor and tossing off your shoes, you walked over to the kitchen. A tune on your lips.

Pouring yourself a glass of water, you froze at a sudden crash in your room. You froze, your eyes locking onto the hallway, and you crept toward your room. Ever since the alleyway encounter, you had been training your quirk to see if what Shouto had said was true. It was... you had been restricting your quirk for so long, and now that you could use your quirk in the way it was required, you felt unstoppable at times.

You opened your bedroom door and saw what you thought must have been a hallucination in your room. There on the floor was Shouto, who had been M.I.A. since the last time you saw him, and he was bleeding. Bleeding, slipping, and panting on your floor.

“Hi...” Shouto greets you, a smile on his face, and your jaw drops as he promptly knocks out.

You scramble to his side and curse his name, what a fucking idiot.

****

Shouto woke up, his body aching, sore, and tender. He recognized the sheets of your bed and the horrible amount of pillows on your bed. He slides his eyes over to you, and you’re by the door, you’re eyes worried yet angry.

“Why the fuck are you here?” You ask, your arms folded.

“I... was attacked by my team.” Shouto groans as he can feel stitches in his puncture wounds. “Apparently, I’m at fault for making you leave.”

“They’re not wrong.”

“Mm, but... they’re the ones who woke you up. You didn’t ever before, it was their fault.”

“You’re an asshole,” You shake your head and Shouto shrugs.

“I may be a villain in your eyes, but the system is broken, and I’m doing something about it.”

Your eyes squint as you glare at him, “So you’re going to cause anarchy? Rip the system out by the root? Implement your own system and then realize that in doing that you’re endangering everyone else? You think no one is going to be affected by your actions? Hello! After Stain was captured all those years ago, look how many people surfaced due to it. You’re an idiot.”

“You told me that last time, but it’s okay...” Shouto quirks an eyebrow, “The people who don’t pass my test won’t have anyone crying for them.”

“That’s a fucking lie.”

“You believe what you want to believe.”

You purse your lips tightly, and you walk up to Shouto as you press your fingers hard against an injury of his. “I’m trying to decide right now what to do with you, turn you in, or keep you... and right now, the odds aren’t in your favor.”

Shouto hisses at the contact, your first aid skills were impressive, but you were no medic. “Turn me in, you won’t...”

You laugh in bitter agreement, but he doesn’t know that “I just need to know one more thing...” Shouto inhales sharply as he feels he knows where you’re taking this. “Did you ever love me?”

Shouto is quiet, is there a point in telling you? But Shouto can’t keep himself from being truthful.

“I am in love with you.”

A sad smile fills your face and Shouto holds his breath as you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, your face clouded with multiple emotions.

It’s not a kiss, but it leaves him breathless, and his hands shoot out to grab your jaw. His lips bringing you back for a bittersweet kiss, emotions running high.

You can’t figure out why you’re kissing him back, only that you know it’s what you want. It’s what you need. You crave it like you need air.

So the two of you sit there, lips molding against each other. Nothing is right about this situation, but neither one of you care.

Shouto watches with hooded eyes as you pull back, your lips swollen and red. Your eyes confused yet knowing.

“I love--”

You shriek and Shouto watches as you fall to the ground convulsing where you lay, and his eyes widen at the sight of his followers at the window. The ones on his council there, waiting, smirking. 

Shouto doesn’t know what to think, he was sure that his group had been killed by him as they battled it out mere hours ago. Shouto tries to get up but is dizzied by the action, your sobs pounding into his head as the council grabs you.

You thrash weakly against their arms, your cries meaningless to them, and Shouto’s broken voice reaches your ears.

“You need to stop... they’re going only going to kill you if you struggle...”

Your eyes lock on the man who undeservedly owned your heart, and your head tilts in mania and unnervingly curiosity, “I thought you needed me alive?””

Shouto can only stare with tears in his eyes as they take you away, and he lies on your bed, empty, cold, and dead inside.

#todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki scenario #todoroki imagine #todoroki angst #bnha writing blog #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha todoroki #mha #mha x reader #mha todoroki

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S3 E2

quarantine diaries: june 20 2020

season 3 episode 2 : “wanheda: part 2″

They got bellamy so fast like these grounders were ready. but also this was like the least hostile i-got-you situation ever. and man did that grounder yeet bellamy out of that sun roof

Monty’s mom?! yes yes yes i accept more on monty’s backstory

This city of light looks like the getty in LA 

Murphy looks even more like the boys at my college and its annoying me

What is this flirting btw murphy and Emori? its kinda cringe but murphy is definitely into it

Lacroix...his parents were hipsters

“your father didn’t make it” what is with all these kids only having one parent each??

i love this little bro moment between Monty and Bellamy.

Indra and pike? with those intense eye contact...Ship?

lol Clarke getting dragged. but oo wait it was just a ploy and now she going princess leia on this guy. oof on her part for not making sure that this guy was actually dead

Wait so that red hair was because of blood?? That is straight up gross. ok yeah it could be argued that it was dye but seeing that how easily the dye was washed out suggests that clarke has not washed her head in days and that is gross.

nyko!! ....When you need medical help but you’re only healer so you have to seek another nation for help lmao 

Jasper and Abby?? Ship? jk that is gross

ok but why jasper is the only one actually reflecting mourning. i get that everyone mourns differently and theres no right way to mourn but come on it seems to me that everyone else is really just shoving it up their asses and compartmentalizing rather than feeling their feels

Burning up..Jonas brothers reference jk it just popped up in my head

Wait why are all the people on the ark universal donors? since when was this a thing?

Ooo you tell abby off Jackson!!! yes!!

I really dont care for this niylah character tho. but ok bellamy back add it with his 6th sense of coming right when people are in danger!!

i laughed when this guy just put a potato sack on clarkes head cuz ngl i wanna do that half the time i watch this show

look at this guy knowing his way with a sword and a bow and arrow

ok but why did these guys bring jasper back to mount weather like that obviously wasnt a good idea

Oooo he sees clarke..Make the shot bellamy make the shot. also what are the actual odds that bellamy and these people are at this field the same time as clarke and the ice guy

again i dont really care about this pov of murphy and jaha. im really just here for bellamy and monty

why did emori think that now was a good time to steal. but that choke hold tho and murphy hitting him like a pinata.  oo another neck death

John murphy is sooo pale right now he looks like he could be in twilight

this guy is right for all the medical knowledge clarke has see really doesnt seem to have anatomy down. she really missed her chance at killing this guy. like when in doubt go for the neck. also that was a weird face to make while cauterizing your flesh

“same as me” look at clarke trying to find common ground with this guy. props.

Fade to bellamy YES this is what i like to see

Snow. Kids. Death. ofc the writers made the kids die first. Why didn’t they show this?? Like a flashback?? cuz that could have been cool. but also i hate when shows are more tell than show.

but also murphy now you feel bad about killing guy?? a bit ooc

stop it emori murphy didnt save you. you saved yourself

That easy to break open a little to easy

I like how emori wiped her face but she still has a lot of blood in it

I really dont like jaha right now. especially with how his goatee is so gray but his hair does not have one speck. 

are they really making murphy and emori into Bonnie and Clyde? never did i think that murphy would end up in this situation

Bon voyage jaha. may we never meet again

Woah Oran is kinda cute without the scar

jasper destroying everything... i relate. ive always wanted to go to one of those place where you can just be destructive

Octavia and jasper ship??? like prefer it to lincoln and octavia

That was a good single tear like damn jaspers actor is a good crier

look at bellamy swagged out in ice nation clothes

i love how that one grounder looked an him was like ‘ehh i guess’ cuz Bellamy be so ethically ambiguous to everyone that he just fits int with everyone

hey this scene with bellamy, clarke, and the ice nation guy is just like disney’s rapunzel

but yeah rushing in like that without searching if anyone else was in there was stupid bellamy but thats ok I still like you

We can’t lose clarke...or you can’t lose clarke??

lexa?!

seriously who is this guy? prince zuko with all this banishment and honor talk??  And yes I use this gif at every opportunity

Ooo yess clarke spit at the salty bitch

but clarke that wasnt a very believable struggle tho. Ngl i Cringed

What tf? Where are they? toto i’ve got a feeling that we’re not in tondc anymore

#the 100 #t100 #the 100 diaries

[mattiemoose]

Oops dropped your heart (5)

Horrortale x reader 

warnings: swearing for this chapter thats it

one two three four (five) six

It took so long to actually get out of the bedroom. Constantly phasing in and out of reality after Paps came in to wake you up. The demons you created just made it hard to keep up sometimes, to keep focused. 

But now that you've had time to come around and finally decided to step out before the tall crooked skeleton could come knocking on your door again. Stepping out into the hall, the distant idle chat of Tori and the boys came to your attention. Cringing slightly this always got you.

"Sans, do you think they'll go today? " Paps voice spoke up yet quieter than its usual boom.

"I'm. .getting hungry too pap, maybe...it's been a few months since we last ate something " Sans deeper voice followed and mothers sigh ended the conversation.

They'll ask, you of course will comply..you'll camp out there..wondering around for anyone stupid enough to follow. Maybe today you're the lost one? Maybe today you will beg someone to follow...to help you. Or someone might need you're help..and they'd just end up being killed in return for your aid... or the person who was willing to help you shrieking curses at you before being found out. Something in you snapped long ago, maybe it was your souls way in telling you that there was no going back. No simply going home. Inhaling slowly to recollect yourself you went your way to the living area, the two skelebros and mother sat around the table, a fire cracked loudly only a few feet away. .breakfast on the table for you. Smiling you plopped down right beside Sans, his fingers lazily tugged into his eye socket something he did often when he felt uneasy or trying to remember something..sometimes it just made him feel a little better, a little connected.

"Mornin Angel" ..yeah angel of death. "Listen...it's bout that time again" He spoke slowly removing his hand from his socket, his bright red orb staring you down.

"I know...fuck I-"

"Language " Tori cut you off.

"I know, I'll figure something out...I'll head off today" another song another dance...yet it was all the same. "I'll try to be quick about it...there might be some one there might not be " You didn't really eat, just picked at the pancakes that Tori managed to make. ...you still ate human food...not human flesh or their souls you ate what a human would eat...you brought food down for yourself so you wouldn't ever have give your fellow human a try.

There was a thought once, finding a way to build a little home for yourself just outside the barrier, maybe the terrible dreams would stop and stay down in this hell hole. Admittedly, however you loved being here..having a family, even though Sans took a chunk outta you once. Right in the shoulder, his sharp teeth tearing through you like you would through a piece of bread, he had no problems he had no struggle he just bit you and that part of you were gone. You had bled and struggled to get away, begged him..tried to bargain with him..pleading...crying... Just like the people they ate now. A skinless hand covered yours, giving you a sense of calm...guess you disappeared again. Sighing you apologized glancing at Pap who gave a crooked smile back,His pin pricks squinting with his smile.. he looked a lot better since you showed up too. Stronger maybe would be the right words? His bones didn't look as cracked, his energy now endless (though to be honest he was always excited and bounding around quickly and ready to go). Never the less you had to get ready, head out and go hunting.

Internally cringing you couldn't seem to call it anything else..Murder? Even though that is what it would be called you couldn't bring yourself to believe it as such..So hunting sounded best. Rising to your feet you thought it would be best to start now rather than wait on it. The look on Paps face made you get up really, he did look hungry and it was the last thing you wanted was for him or anyone to go hungry. His little eye dots squint up with his cheek bones as he continued to just smile at you, excited you were going off again, you wanted to protect him, wanted to make sure all went well for him.. he was so.. precious, so pure. If perhaps in another world, another time he would not have to suffer such a painful fate, you would hope him the best then. If it could change like the flick of a reset switch

Would it be different? Would it be better? Would they be sent to a good place even if under ground? And maybe you could be there too? Would you be allowed to go there with them? If this could be reset, if this could be different and happier could you be able to be there too? It actually hurt to think about it, to think you can't go with your family to a happier world.

Don't be greedy. Something in the back of your mind chimed in.

You smiled at Pappyrus and squeezed his hand before walking off to your room to get ready for the hunt. Someone once told you that it would take seven souls to break the barrier that trapped them down here, You've sent more down here to be eaten they could of used those souls to break out to leave to roam the earth again rather than being under it. But they always ate the brightly lit souls before they got the chance to trap them and use them. Maybe, you can try and collect those souls, could you even grab them? Could you collect them? would they disappear on impact? There were so many ifs and questions. You can touch your soul as long as you are down here surrounded by magical energy you can keep your soul out and about to look at it, to touch it. Swinging your bag over your shoulder you set out into the darker parts of the ruins, going over puzzles that had long been figured out and finished, Sans trailed after you, he was needed for when you first go.. and hell sometimes if lucky there's already a body down by those flowers.

"This place is always so.. puzzling" Sans joked stepping over the spike trap with caution, sometimes it hard to remember what spikes went down on the bridge and what ones will straight up fuck you over.

"That joke was uh, sharp" He chuckled at your attempt to out pun him, glancing back at him your couldn't suppress the grin that took your frowning features, his usual strained grin relaxed.

"Ya look good when ya smile.. you know that?" You just laughed in response, shrugging.

"You give my heart a boner, Sans"

Reaching the large and open area where the flowers are kept you slowed down, sun shone down the cavern up top that managed to be so bright it flooded a little area just down before. Sans shoulders sagged at the sight...the only bit of sunlight he will only be ever to stand in and it's not even directly under it. He drew closer glancing up only seeing bright light and the caves ceiling. His red eye light took in the sight up above, he could see life up there.. no not human life it looked to be a buck, glancing down and sniffing into the darkness and trying to find a way down to get to the charming flowers below. When it noticed movement it decided it was time to leave and walk away. Sans seem to visibly relax, taking in what ever he could from the world above so desperately wanting more than this.

Maybe, he might of held some jealousy against you..able to simply leave this place and seek the world around up above. But even then... you always came back down here unable to go no further than just outside the doors. Sure perhaps you had gotten out once and feed the left overs to them out there but that wasn't enough, it's never enough. Those who were fine with your being always greeted you, knew that there was some news or some food on hand.. Papyrus use to do it, bring out left overs and gifts... there were days you managed more than just ONE person.. and he'd bring those out but it was decided (Mostly by you) that you will do it... hopefully gaining their trust or at least make it so they aren't always trying to eat you.. It worked, so that was a plus... but then there are the few monsters... to far gone... to greedy. Sans knew that so every time you went out he followed, even if he was out of sight he made sure nothing would happen. Coming back from his thoughts he grabbed the rope tied around one of the pillars to keep it from swaying around or getting snagged from someone else from up above... this was the rope you took downwards, Up above was half a rope ladder that tangled effortlessly above. It was Sans idea, he was able to lift you just high enough to reach the broken ladder, it allowed you climb the rest of the way up while the lonely rope (Not attached to the ladder but hidden off to the side..) was your way down. Nice and slow...you learnt the hard way last time you tried sliding down bare handed..

"Ya ready Kid?" He finally turned to you a hand out reached to grab your soul.

"Ready as I always am" Being lifted into the air was always a scary experience.. fun but scary..

He has never once dropped you so you could trust him. Removing a hand from his jacket pocket and holding out towards you, your soul effortless pulled and floating just before your chest..the red of his eye light bright and taking over his whole socket while his other usual black socket held a flickering white dot... slowly he lifted you off the ground, doing his best not to flip you around, reaching the ladder you grabbed on, the force against your soul disappeared and gravity had come to drag you back down. Grunting you held on climbing the rest of the way and disappearing from view for a moment before glancing down... the bright red light below dimming. You always wondered where the barrier started from up here... maybe you could build a longer ladder for them to climb so they could see some of the world just behind the barrier.. Hell..maybe there wasn't one here...It didn't look like it, not like from behind the throne room where it was just black and white a wall they could not pass. That was a thought for another time, turning you faced the path that lead just into the tree's...

#horrortale #spinoff #reader #xreader #sans #papyrus #toriel #horror #gore

[buggerjagger646]

nobody is going to like this and i just dont care at all.

alright.

im gonna rant

because my head hurts and maybe this will make it a little less terrible. 

How very not buddhist of me, but fuck you “fat acceptance” or “mental health acceptance”. fuck. you.

allow me to introduce myself in a way that makes me cringe at my very core, for this is the way that so many talk about themselves these days and i find it fucking deplorable to define yourself not by the content of your character or the achievements which you have brought to yourself, but instead these fucking bullshit words which hold little to no meaning of who YOU are. fuck that. but for the sake of the argument of this rant, ive been seeing a therapist for several months after what i can only think of as a fairly serious break and im being monitored for some variation of depression and suicidal whatever, and also for anorexia, apparently.

to the “accept my mental illness” bullshit - screw off. just screw off. it was suggested at my most recent session that i might need to enter a hospital facility for the apparent severity of my thoughts. i have to go to a long, pain in the ass diagnostic session in a couple of weeks to see if theyre going to medicate me, and that session was very difficult to get because hey apparently very few prescribing mental doctors who take my insurance deal with people who have eating issues. so fuck that first of all. 

“accept my mental illness, i dont need to see a therapist.” go to hell, quite frankly. i force myself to be honest with my therapist. i keep a stupid log of my “emotion states” because she asks me to even though i think is ridiculous. i read and listen to many psychological figures and ideas and force my own self to do everything i can to try to figure out some way to get around all of this. fuck you and your “accept me as i am because i dont want to/am too scared to do any real work for my own wellbeing”. fuck you. get fucking help, do some fucking work, get the hell over yourself for the love of everything. stop moaning and telling ME, ME who is working herself raw to figure out what the hell to do, that you dont have to do the same damn work as me. get off it. get yourself together, damnit. do some damn work. 

moving along, 

“fat acceptance” can fuck. the hell. off. right off. so far off that i never have to see that bullshit again in my life. they weigh me once per month at my doctor. the doctor who i had to sit in front of like a little kid and admit that i was barely eating and watch THAT look. you dont know THAT look unless you know THAT look. the doctor who i was given the (appropriate) ultimatum of ‘go to the doctor to be sure youre not dying or we cannot continue’ by the therapist i already mentioned. i just happened to find and like the one who had a specialization in eating disorders. lucky me. i keep a food journal on and off where i have to describe my feelings around what im eating. and when i hand them off i get to watch her get that little look of repressed concern, going ‘this cant be all that there is’. they primarily consist of the feeling “i hate this” and “im forcing this down my throat and i feel terrible”.

so fuck your fat acceptance. dont give me bullshit about “glandular” this and “hereditary” that. the overwhelming majority of you who are fat are so because your food intake is complete and total shit and entirely more than it should be, and you dont fucking care. or, frankly, youre lazy. and dont sass me, ive had a number of fat people admit to me directly that they are too fucking lazy to learn to cook or to cook for themselves or to eat within healthful bounds.

fuck. you. 

you know what? if you want to destroy your body and your general well being and youre somehow content there, fucking go for it. but dont fucking demand that i accept the fact that youre too stubborn or lazy to do well for yourself. fuck you. if i have to shove food into my mouth and i have to be fucking uncomfortable and i have to fucking deal with this, fuck you, you can fix your diet and stop being an ass. and for the record, anyone who is pushing this shit for children is absolutely, sickeningly, deplorable. children should not be fat. they have every metabolic and physical reason to not be fat unless their jackass parents are too ignorant or arrogant to do something. and yes, thats fucking child abuse. if your kid is fat, its almost certain that you are doing something wrong and you need to either seek assistance or have some kind of repercussion. fuck up your life if you must but dont try to bring kids into this. 

fuck you. if i have to force myself to eat, if i have to make myself be honest with what not eating does to me, then you assholes should be held to the same accountability. you know that the food you eat is shit and/or too plentiful. you KNOW it. dont give me this shit about “fat acceptance”. get your shit together and learn how to accept yourself and you might find that in most cases, youre well aware that youre fucking killing your body and you really dont actually like it. if anorexia is an eating disorder, then most of the overeating is so as well. your relationship with food is just as unhealthy as mine is, stop fucking lying to yourself because youre too lazy to be honest and to find the better solutions. 

fuck your acceptance bullshit. 

almost no one knows whats broken in me right now and im damn well going to fucking keep it that way. because i will be fucking damned if i am going to be defined by this shit as opposed to the things that i have done or will do or the person who i am or my long thought and pondered ideas. and even better, ive been completely betrayed by one person i trusted with this information of me who was so enamored with these labels. and ill tell you, it certainly hasnt helped my view of these label lovers. 

get over yourselves. figure yourselves out, give therapists something to do. if youve got problems, fucking address them. if you want something, fucking go and do the work for it. you dont get things just because you think that you somehow deserve them. work for it. and be someone worthy of what you want. dont be a weak little cowering barely person who demands things from people to try to fulfill something youre not willing to work for. and jesus fucking christ, dont just sit there being broken and insist that we have to take you as you are broken or accept your delusions.

i force myself to eat. i work my mind in circles trying to figure out how to be in a better mind. you “accept me” people are so full of shit i can barely stand it.  

#mental health #depression #anorexia #eating disorder #social justice #fat acceptance #health #rant

[y2kmini]

Mental issues aren't a white people thing!

(Trigger warning. I dont know which triggers are in here but i know there are at least two: possibly crengy phrases concerning mental health and suicide. I’ve tagged everything as well as I can to keep it away from people that don’t want or need to see this post).

I already feel like this phrase is going to make some one cringe and I’m so sorry, I dont know what they call mental issues on tumblr im just using the term because thats what they called it when refering to me growing up.

If your kid is having an oddly hard time with something that kids normally do with ease at a usual age for it, and youre concerned, and theyre frustrated, there is NO HARM in having them checked out or tested to see what’s going on!

I couldn’t tell you how frustrating my childhood was because my family was lead to believe that dyslexia, a.d.d, and anxiety were white people things that they didn’t have to worry about.

Even my step dad goes on about how “the teachers just like to pick on kids, theirs nothing wrong with them they’re just different ”

1 having mental issues doesn’t mean something is wrong with your kid okay. It just means they think or react in ways different than others. It doesn’t mean they can’t live an average life like every other person.

2 the teachers aren’t picking on your kid. They see your kid is having a hard time and they’ve tryed and failed to help sooooo they’re just suggesting that you seek a professional to see what’s going on. Once you know what’s going on (if anything is going on) that knowledge will help you help your kid learn and understand things better.

3 having mental ISSUSE doesn’t mean your kid is inherently dangerous or without morals or possessed by some demon. They just function differently, they’re still human, they’re still kids, and they still need your love so please don’t make things weird for them.

4 “dissapline” won’t train the mental issue out of your child! It’s not a thing that can be done. If you’ve heard stories that it can then you needed to speak less to Google and more to an actual Doctor.

My mom died thinking I was magically cured of my attention deficit disorder and dyslexia, my dad died thinking I’d grown out of it, good old grandma thought non of that stuff existed in black children, and none of them believed I had anxiety because pffft! Kids don’t have anxiety! They play all day and don’t have jobs or bills!

I love my Dad and my grandmother dearly, I’m not trying to bash them or claim that they were awefull because they did do right by me the best they knew how. I’m just saying their views on the subject matter were ignorant.

I never grew out of those things. As I grew I developed my own way of doing things to help me get by, people called it being quirky and thought it was cute (or sometimes vaugly creepy) but it was just my formula for getting the same results as other kids.

Moving into adulthood I started looking up my issuse online AND talking to doctors (even my drill sergeant helped me through some things) the result was me understanding my own weaknesses and making them my strengths.

My a.d.d made it hard for me to focus and re member things so to this day I right everything down, then I rewrite my notes at least 3x’s. Do I remember things better … a little, but the importaint thing is I’m pretty decent and interested in puzzles so when I try to recall something I can write out bits and pieces of my notes and put them together untill I have the whole thing in front of me again. Remembering things that don’t interest me is still really difficult and tear jerking for me even when im dedicated to giving it my full attintion so making it a puzzle, making it a song, making it a picture, “making it fun” is the only way I get by. It’s my tool for conquering the issue and I’m proud to have figured it out for myself.

The dyslexia though. After reading about it I just got into the habit of telling my self things when I started to get upset like:

“Read it over again, it’s okay. We know that of out of aaaallll the characters in Harry Potter that Ron is less likely to speak with numbers in his words unless he’s been cursed”

“No matter how early in the morning, no matter what the year: YOUR clock will always read you the time with NUMBERS not 2s, backwards Es, upside down hs, and S, G, up side down Lake, B …” you get the point.

I still had to tell myself that to get by in college because the number problems would look sooooooooo much like a fucking message to me that one day after class I took a marker and wrote what I saw right beside it and my teacher laughed because he understood and then stopped laughing … because he understood.

The anxiety… I’ve learned on social media and in therapy that there are ALOT of ways to live with it and that it doesn’t typically go away. I tryed to kill my self over it (thank you to the good Samaritan that swam out to get me and didn’t call the police on me). After that experience I became really depressed because the attempt was terrofying and I had lost the nerve to do it again. So as I lived on bitter and irritated that I was only alive because I was afraid of the pain and distress of suicide I found a new friend, then I found a hand full of them, and they made me feel loved and normal, and accepted.

I want to say I was cured but I wasn’t. I had less anxiety but it was still there telling me that:

My friends only hung out with me because they felt bad

You’re so self absorbed and people hate you for it

Why would anyone want to date you? Your ugly and gross and can’t even human properly.

Your hair is disgusting no matter what you do to it it looks ugly on you

Every one knows you hate yourself, they’re just waiting for you to be polite and GOAWAY, no one wants you here!

I still hear anxiety telling me these things and it still hurts, but the difference is:

when I was a kid my anxieties were like a knowledgeable adult looking down at me and stating facts

But after lots of self coaching in the mirror, lucid dreaming, and crappy self insert fanfiction… as an adult I now see my anxieties as a toddler that knows little to nothing about me or the world around them shouting their very first insults and obscenities at me (believe it or not I even laugh about it on occasion because I’m fucking sick). It hurts, but the pain has gone from a ten to a four in roughly 30 years (that’s like giving birth verses stepping on a Lego to me).

Could I have developed these coping habits earlier if my family had acknowledged I needed help? It’s likely, but since they thought it was a white kid problem I didn’t get any real help untill college when I took it upon my self to call the therapy number they gave every one and occasionally the suicide hotline.

In conclusion to this messy rant If your kid is having trouble with things and they don’t seem to be developing at the same rate as the class it’s okay to have them evaluated. Nothing is wrong with them they may just need some tools to keep up in life. Not having the tools they might need could someday me harmful to their mental, emotional, and or physical help so PLEASE don’t gamble with your kids life over pride or disbelief.

#anxiety #a.d.d. #mental health #mental issues #dyslexia #feeling like shit #feelings #feeling lonely #feeling worthless #feeling small #suicde #drowning #trigger warning #triggers #mental evaluation #i'm worthless #i'm not okay #long text #long text post #super long text #super long text post